#dear past self

[seasidewonder]

I went to pride last week with some friends and it was the best time of my life.

Lately I've been realizing that I'm transmasc. I've been realizing that I have ALWAYS identified with masculine things since I was little. It's a part of me that I never really wanted to showcase out of fear of rejection from friends and family.

My family may know in time. They may not. My friends know. They're supportive and that's really all that matters.

I am who I am. That's really all that matters.

#transmasc #pride 2022 #dear past self #self love

[owari-no-suffering]

shoutout to lan wangji and luo binghe for being endlessly tormented by their love interests' mixed signals, reaching their breaking point, and then proceeding to never be normal about their (always reciprocated) crushes (turned husbands) ever again.

#like obviously binghe and wangji are not on the same level. but they're certainly not opposites! #just got to wangxian's first kiss and like. #if my silly gay crush showered me in flowers and pointed out how pretty i was and always hung around me. #but then was like ''wow i love talking to boys don't you love talking to boys S?" #i would also be driven so insane as to just start punching trees #lan wangji epitome of control being pushed past his breaking point and hating himself for it . . . you are so dear to me #luo binghe driven absolutely batshit bonkers by his shizun who cares deeply for him and fears (or used to fear) the idea of him . . . #mm yes i'm connecting the dots. mxtx has a flavour she likes. i see i see #TBD on whether hualian fits into this nonsense at all but from what i've heard: not really #mdzs #rzfzx #svsss #scum villian self saving system #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #wangxian #bingqiu

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#silly hours #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind' #and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life' #toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned' #and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit' #girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!! #Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??' #now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader. #and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play. #You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

[mistypluie]

binghe... ur boobies 😳 part 2

#svsss #lesbingqiu #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #genderbend #misty.art #i just felt like there needed to be a wlw version of this #sqq is lost in the sauce. hasnt replied to the past three things lbh has said #she's having a shoujo manga moment #me 🤝 sqq: distracted by binghe's mommy milkers #sorry dear followers. i am curing my artblock by drawing the most self indulgent fanart possible #lesbianism😎 #also. i Know the fan does not look uhh accurate but i only looked at a reference after finishing the lineart :'') pls dont look too hard

[phillythesillybilly]

HOW AT THE LOWEST POINT OF MY LIFE I WAS READING THE MOST VILE AWFUL NASTY THINGS (IN PUBLIC MAY I ADD) WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME..

#i barley remember any of it but dear god #NAUGHTY #hits my past self with a newspaper like a dog #BAD MENTALLY ILL OUTCAST

[astrangerlately]

julie de graag, farm in the snow (1918) x mitski, because dreaming costs money, my dear (2013)

#mitski lyrics #because dreaming costs money my dear #retired from sad new career in business #mitski #art history lyrics #i can still smell the fire though i know it's long died out #julie de graag #my beloved #black and white #painting #vintage #i #self #past #memory #100 #v4

[maulfucker]

you guys don't understand how much this book is like. ideal maul writing to me. it isn't how he's canonically written (at least in the one book I read), but it's so. the intimate thoughts of a man of questionable sanity, unfiltered and only making sense to himself. introspective and roundabout, trying to make sense of something he refuses to think about. like.

look at this. this is so perfectly maul to me. disillusioned, questioning everything he has been subjected to now that he's been abandoned by his master, so unstable even the most mundane thing can spark an epiphany.

#hm i should make an original post tag #maul #g.h.posting #g.h. is a woman and not a man. and she is not entirely insane she's just having an epiphany about how bland she is #but god. this is how i wish i could write him. #i WISH i had this way with words #i need to write him insane and introspective and roundabout and questioning his entire self - his past‚ his ideals‚ his reality #and yeah i need him constantly talking to a mental kenobi and calling it 'love' and 'my dear' and considering it the anchor of his sanity

[midnightsslut]

taylor really took ‘burn all the files, desert all your past lives’ to heart when making the visuals for a tour that is essentially a celebration of all her past lives

#like onstage she’s being kinder to her past self than she has EVER been #but the visuals are the opposite dsjsj #eras tour #dear reader

[nuggies69]

I often think back to what the hell was going on through Hanzo's head on that unfortunate day with Genji. I remember someone pointing out in the written lore from Blzzrd, it was never clearly stated that the elders gave the order for Hanzo to eliminate Genji. They said "the tension led to a violent confrontation" and "Hanzo was forced to kill him." (I find it annoying sometimes in the English language, separated sentences can cause ambiguous meaning.)

So this led me to think,

Scenario A

If he truly was "forced by the elders", how pressured and broken was Hanzo at that moment that he had no other choice but to do that? How scared does one have to be to not make a decision on their own? Maybe his own life was on the line? I can understand someone choosing their own life over another. And well, they're just brothers I have to remind myself my shipping hc is just fanon lol. I think it's easy enough to choose yourself over a sibling, especially if said sibling is not helping. Dw Genji I love u no matter what If this was what happened, I imagine he would... convince himself it wasn't entirely his own fault at that moment, because it was an order. I imagine it would be easier for current him to forgive himself because Genji would emphasize it wasn't entirely his fault.

Scenario B

But if the "tension grew to a violent confrontation" and Hanzo wasn't ordered by the elders, instead he lost patience at that moment... I imagine it would be infinitely harder for Hanzo to forgive himself. Because I'm pretty sure everyone has experience anger so strong they wanted to hurt someone, even if it was their loved ones especially if it was a loved one, even if they know they don't truly want to hurt them. Because they know the other person won't leave them. And if Hanzo wanted to hurt Genji at the moment, it would be understandable if the self-loathing was infinite.

I imagine he made an impromptu slash to Genji. One cut across his torso, not as brutal and as many as other headcanons, but deep enough to cause multiple failures in Genji's body. After, he'd realize what he has done, leave the crime scene in a hurry, panicked as he was not planning to kill.

The elders would tell him Genji died. Whether or not they saw OW take his body, I don't know, but they probably want Hanzo back in work as soon as possible so they agreed he was dead. And that was that, there was nothing left for Hanzo to do but work until he decided to run away.

In this scenario, what was there for Genji to say to help Hanzo forgive himself? "You were pressured to do that," or "I was a brat at that time and you were mad," okay, external input would be helpful. But Hanzo himself knows he wanted to hurt Genji then. And that will forever haunt him. He may still heal slowly, but that thought would probably come back sometimes and ruin his day.

I wonder if Hanzo would ever tell Genji this, let the burden out of his heart, finally lay everything bare? Genji would still say it's okay, what happened has happened and they can try to be better, and that his forgiveness will never leave Hanzo. But your true enemy will always be yourself. I hope Hanzo finds genuine peace at one point. Hanzo probably didn't wanna repeat the same incident with another human being, so he kept his distance. Make friends, yes, but never too close, never too familiar. So he can remind himself to keep his temper in check. Never too comfortable.

This also cause me tho think about him and Illari. I know I can't compare the both, as everyone has their own burdens and different limitations.

But IF what happened to Hanzo was Scenario B and he somewhat still have control over what the did, his grieving would probably be... easier to process than Illari's. Not any less heavy, but at least it's a more tangible thing to process. Because he still had someone to blame, someone to focus the hatred on.

Illari never intended to hurt her people. The accident was simply the universe being a bicth to her. Who was there to blame? She can't keep blaming herself even if she wanted to, cuz she didn't ask to be born with such strength. It's not fair. And now she's making up for something that happened because the universe decided to fuck around. Hanzo can strangle himself, but who can Illari strangle? The feeling of having no focus for the hatred is what I think would weight heaviest on Illari's shoulder.

#Nuggies ranting #I think about them often cuz blzzrd wont #I like to know every detail of a situation #Tbh the hamno part was smth i went through in the past #With a friend that was dear to me #I now realize maybe that's why i think often about what happened to the bros #The path to redemption is trying #My other friends have told me to let it go do better and move on #I try to do better but if i let it go then how would I learn from my mistakes? #I don't like thinking too hard because this is what happens when I think too hard and make myself sad #So I try to focus on happier things #Sometimes I think it's pointless and cringe to imagine what fictional characters think and feel at the moment cuz they're fkin pixels #But I guess this is a way for humans to process their own feelings in a... prettier way #Self consolidation perchance

[macemage]

Sometimes I think about the possibility of having a mental illness. I'm not diagnosed with anything and I don't want to self-diagnose since lots of symptoms can be overlapped with several illnesses.

I've never thought about having adhd, I don't think I have difficulties focusing and I'm not a hyperactive person. I have friends who are diagnosed with it and all of them don't want meds, are trying to get off of them or to less them as much as possible, meanwhile I see people on the Internet thriving taking meds. Idk if it's just not wanting to take a drug to function?? [That would be kinda funny bc most of them self-medicate (and not just with weed).] Or it's the wrong meds or something else.

I have also lots of friends with depression and I have always related to their experiences but I didn't really thought about having it too until my therapist told me so. I'm not really diagnosed tho? I don't have a piece of paper to confirm it and if I did would that change anything?

Like, maybe I'll be more gentle with myself if I had a confirmation or maybe others will be less harsh with me if they knew but I really doubt that.

I heard that a trait of adhd is procrastinating but like the feeling of being trapped inside your own body trying to scream at yourself to do something and instead doing completely unrelated stuff. It's probably the only adhd thing that smacked me in the face because I'm a big procrastinator and I keep telling myself that I'll do it later or tomorrow until it's too late to do it and does it matter anymore now since is way too late?

I've also always related with most autistic traits but it's the same thing with depression again, does it really matter if I do? Will I be really willing to try meds? Do I really need to take them? Is it just the part of myself still in denial talking?

It's really difficult to recognise that I've been lying to myself, I've been repeating constantly that I'm fine that I don't need help that I can deal with this alone. A part of me is still convinced that I'm making stuff up that I'm just a weirdo trying to fake a really serious mental illness to feel special.

I don't want to self-diagnose myself but maybe I'll try some random stupid quizzes?

Like, what am I going to do about it anyway?

#mental illness #mental health #depression #adhd #autism #vent #vent post #vent blog #screaming to the void #my thoughts #thoughts #dear diary #diary #journal #writing #therapy #psychology #trauma #past trauma #healing #self healing #recovery #i hope at least #procrastination #medication #recreational drug use #tw drugs

[mayxo-hxh]

a lil hisoillu edit i made years ago. Theyre sleepy! 💤🛌

Looking at it now, I feel like I could do much better. I mean heck, I should at least put them in comfy pjs and put hisokas hair down and remove his makeup! But back then, just doing this was an accomplishment for sure!!!

#very shy about sharing this shshhshhshahshsf my old edits... oh dear. #i mean shit im proud of my past self for his accomplishments!! #i also. need a place to archive my shit since twitter sucks now soooooooooo #GOTTA POST IT ALL REGARDLESS!!! #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #hisoka #hisoka morow #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh edit #hunter x hunter edit #my edit

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

Re: the end of your Joever/renegade post, it’s almost like wondering at what point does the “rough patch” cease to be a rough patch and just how the person *is*. As in, this is just how they choose to exist or are most comfortable living as a person.

(Not villainizing him at all, it’s just alluding to what you and others said… at some point it stops being a single issue or issues to fix and starts revealing itself to just be fundamental differences in compatibility and outlook.)

Just got this and I know it was sent pre-TTPD tracklist, but yeah!! Like it makes so much sense to me that a relationship would take over a year to go from Renegade to YLM and then another year to reach breaking up for good. That honestly feels like the most normal progression in the world, and I’m sooo interested to hear how she describes this experience and gives voice to something that I think a lot of people have been through.

I’ve talked about it on here before but my current relationship is 6 years old, and Renegade literally sparked some very VERY serious conversations for us when it came out because it gave voice to things we were dealing with and we were able to address using the language she offered us in the song. That was a definite “rough patch.” We nearly broke up, and had a real epiphany about things that we both needed to change in order to continue, and the types of support we both needed in order to stay safe and healthy. I felt so seen by Renegade and then in midnights as well- labyrinth and The Great War come to mind - the decision to stick it out. When I heard about joever it hit me (and others, from what I’ve heard!) suuuuper hard because it was like wait. Whatever measures they took after Renegade and the Great War actually didn’t fix it; what does that mean for me!? I was soo shaken up because of how strongly I related to the struggle (as it was portrayed to us). But that gets to the point of this ask: the difference between a rough patch and something un-fixable. I’m certain this will come up on TTPD, and it’ll be a deep portal time travel exploration of how she came to that exact conclusion. I can’t wait.

#i also have thoughts about how would’ve could’ve should’ve fits into all this: our rough patch was directly related to my PTSD #Which got significantly worse in 2021 and my partner was having secondary ptsd from watching me have WCS style freak outs #And feeling powerless about it #So would’ve could’ve should’ve feels very related to the processing of wether the relationship is in a rough patch #and dear reader #It’s hard to tell what is Real when you’re Falling Apart. Hence the whole concept of midnights! Exploring the past to understand the presen #And I think Joe likely was happy to attribute all of their problems to Taylor (this was my experience with an ex)- #He coasted on my self hatred and didn’t really object when I had anti hero moments #So then when the same stuff started to come up with my current partner and he showed up and took responsibility for his own stuff… #That really clarified that it was a rough patch that was possible to work through with the right person #And that my history/situation didn’t make me inherently unloveable etc #It’s just so poetic that midnights (an album about choices) led to the choice to end her relationship #And something about autonomy there too #C #would’ve could’ve should’ve hours #Ptsd #trauma #joever

[prosekaipng]

#kaito #VOCALOID #more more jump #Project Sekai #project sekai colorful stage #colorful stage #transparent #png #SR card #2022 #Dear My Past Self #2 stars

[prskcostumes]

Dreaming Fairy

Dreaming Fairy is a costume that can be obtained by pulling in any Standard Gacha past the Dreams come true Gacha! The costume comes with an Exclusive Accessory for Minori and a Standard Accessory! This costume has been used in the 3DMV for DREAM PLACE!

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#project sekai #colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #proseka #prsk #minori hanasato #hanasato minori #minori costumes #card costumes #permanent card costumes #Dear My Past Self

[hellkitepriest]

#you can't send an email into the past but dear god i am trying #googled 'email your past self' as if that would come up with any useful results #i know at least one of you will really get this

[jellyfish-er]

I just want to write to my younger self. She was not okay. If I could go back and tell her everything I know know I would. I would save her from this cruel world. I would tell her how well were doing now and how we are thriving. I would tell her not not kill herself. I would tell her she has so much to live for. I want to give 6th grade me all the boy advice if ever received. It could protect her from so much sexual harassment and body shaming/dysmorphia. I would tell her how our math teacher doesn’t bully us any more and the bullying got a little bit better. I would show her how our friend group loves us so much. I want to show her the difference in our singing and how far we’ve come and how much more confident and comfortable we are with being onstage. She could see how well she does with the costume crew and how much she would love musicals. She would see how she was immediately picked for costume manager. She would know that she was picked out of 300 kids to show a girl from Ukraine around. She would know that she was picked again to show another girl around. She would see how far she has come. She would learn that she will become comfortable with her sexuality. She will discover how much she truly loves books. She will learn to over come the drama but still have an appropriate amount of gossip. She will get over crushes and end up head over heels for her best friend. She would learn that she will attend the eras tour twice and see her life role model in person and less than 100 feet from her. I will teach her to cut toxic people out of her life. I would show her that she is on the best JV color guard team in New England. (Literally) She would see that her sport that she just joined will be her passion and favorite thing. She will become a champion in just that. She will achieve her goal of learning a J toss and she would not only learn to use a riffle (real and equipment) but she would be extremely skilled at it. She will learn how to manage her anxiety, adhd, ptsd and depression. She will learn that the new friends she made would be the ones she will keep for a lifetime. Lastly she will learn that she will ever e happy and not just fake happy.

#younger self #dear reader #to past me #advice #big sister advice #thank you