100 good questions to ask your friends at 4:02 am when you can’t sleep (can also function as an asks list)
Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance?
Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?
Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?
Do you place any value in gender roles?
Do you have to be related to be family?
Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?
Are you in love? Do you want to be?
Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?
Would you be happy with a life without romance?
Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?
Would you change your appearance if you could?
Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Would you want to be reincarnated?
Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?
Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem?
Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?
Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’?
If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?
Do you want a grand adventure?
Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?
How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody?Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?
Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?
Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality?
How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality?
What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?
Are you afraid of growing old?
Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century?
Do you believe in some form of god/s?
Are your choices fated or of your own free will?
Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?
Do you believe in star signs?
How old do you have to be to be considered an adult?
Was your childhood happy?
What are you missing from your life?
Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along?
Do opposites attract?
Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?
Do you know what you want out of life?
What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?
What fundamentally matters do you?
Is freewill an illusion?
Do you create art? How do you define art?
How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful?
Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for?
Is true world peace ever possible?
Do you have to suffer to truly understand the human condition? What is the human condition? How can you really experience it?
Are you free? Will you ever be? Can anyone be truly free?
Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others?
What do you expect from a friend or partner?
What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?
Do you justify all your beliefs or have you just inherited/absorbed some?
Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong?
Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?
Is a conscious what makes someone a person?
What do you think about artificial intelligence?
Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?
Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity?
What do you think the next era of music will be like?
What do you think the next era of fashion will be like?
Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them?
Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them?
How confident are you, really?
How consistent is your perception of time?
What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote?
How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?
What’s the worse thing a person can be?
How do you feel about monogamy?
Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else?
What’s the tragedy of your life?
Would your life make a good play?
Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?
Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?
Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect?
Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent?
Do you crave approval and/or praise?
Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?
Are you ever going to be satisfied?
When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy?
Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time?
Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)?
Are you a deep person?
Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it?
Are you who people think you are?
Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion?
What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it?
Do you anger easily?
Are you a jealous person?
If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality?
Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it?
Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?
Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn?
Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them?
How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?
Is unrequited love real love?
Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?
Are you overly analytical?
Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation?
Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious?
What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?
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Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.
But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.
You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.
You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.
You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.
You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.
And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.
(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)
Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.
If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.
This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.
I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?
So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.
No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.
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one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean's weird little winchester-only dialect
i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean's dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:
a pop culture reference ("you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you're roma downey?")
references to real life phenomenon ("i don't wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice" "try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla")
these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude ("easy there, van damme" "so i’m girl interrupted" furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of "chucklehead" "asshat" and on the nicer/endearments end "buddy" "pal" "sunshine" etc)
an idiom ("a snowball's chance" "if it smells like a duck...")
slang ("drinking the koolaid" "jonesing for some hooch" not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)
a metaphor ("power up your batteries" "fly me back to my page on the calendar")
a euphemism ("cloud seeding" "i'd have given you an hour alone with her first")
sarcasm (his habit of replying "peachy" or "super" when asked how he is)
wordplay (see: the entire "vampirate" and "werepire" debacles)
completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: "it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?")
said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)
slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)
a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc
or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth
the end result of all this being:
dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible.
think about this. there's an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean's pop culture references, because the average viewer won't have seen everything he's talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don't understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that's because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going "what the fuck is WRONG with them?"
enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn't help him understand the following:
pop culture references
references to real life phenomenon
you get the idea.
listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean's mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he's talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester's way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do
go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental "dean winchester dictionary" and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!
what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:
this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he's telling dean that he can't understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)
yes, cas can understand dean's tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean's jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says "it was a witch, not the tet offensive." since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.
but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: "you wanna just walk right into the death star?" cas: "what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?"). whenever he asks dean to clarify it's always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he's too annoyed to care. (dean: "i don't know who's on first, what's on second!" cas: "what IS second???") i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS.
it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it's season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don't remember what season he started using "yeah" instead of "yes" but i do know it took a really damn long time.
and honestly, i don't think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that's something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale.
so what's true romance, fellas? it's falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he's ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk
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