#dee is so lonely i feel bad

[tangledinink]

[ swanatello ] ->

Donnie had found that now, he almost didn’t mind sunrise. He didn’t enjoy it, per se. But he wasn’t sure if he hated it anymore, either. 

At first, it had been awful. 

Every single morning, like clockwork, as soon as sunrise approached, all he could feel was fear seeping through every corner of his body. It pressed in tight until it filled him up and forced him rigid and sharp, searing the backs of his eyes and the curve of his neck. Every morning, the only thing he knew was that something bad was about to happen. He didn’t really remember those moments. All he remembered was feeling, more than anything, that he had to get back to his lake. That he had to get home. 

(He did remember coming to, after the transformation was over and the panic eased off. They never talked about it, but everyone would always be looking at him with these faces that told him plenty. Every time they’d be all teary-eyed and shaky. And he’d wake up pinned in the firm press of Raph’s big hands, careful and gentle but still so tight it was almost painful. Sometimes, some of them would be bloodied, and he knew they’d never say it but he also knew it was his fault.)

The worst part was that he already was home. He knew that. He knew he was with his family. He knew that he, Hamato Donatello, was finally back where he belonged. 

He hated how hollow the victory felt.

No matter how long he looked, he couldn’t quite find any joy in it. He wasn’t happy or relieved. He wasn’t lonely or mournful, either, wasn’t missing the lake or longing for its company. Mostly, he was just… tired.

He just wanted to sleep.

The longer he was here, the more he adjusted, and the easier the routine was. He didn’t panic like that anymore. The fear never quite went away, rising up red hot and swollen in his throat over the horizon each and every morning with the sun, but at least they didn’t have to hold him down anymore. At least he didn’t hurt them.

Either way, they always stayed with him. 

“Leo?”

There were two minutes left. Even if he wasn’t staring down the clock, he’d still know. He’d feel it. 

“Yeah?”

And that was why, really. Why he couldn’t quite find it in himself to mind the sunrise.

“It’s almost time.”

Even if it was fear. At least at sunrise, he felt something. 

“I know,” Leo soothed, shifting slightly across the bed to sit a bit closer to him, nudging Donnie ever-so-softly with his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

But Donnie never worried about that. He knew Leo wouldn’t leave. He knew he’d stay. He knew that nothing bad would happen— that he wouldn’t die. That it wouldn’t even be painful. He knew that at the end of it, whoever was with him with scoop him up and hold him in their lap. He knew they’d pet his feathers and talk to him all quiet and soft, gentle and low until he fell asleep. He knew they’d still be there when he woke up again.

It never stopped the fear. It still couldn’t stop the jump in his heart rate and the hitch to his breath, running off ahead of him as if to scout for trouble. It still never kept all his muscles from coiling up tight, pulled taut across his skeleton, bracing for impact. It had yet to prevent his hands from trembling every morning— so bad that his brothers almost invariably ended up hanging onto him, wrapping his hands up with their own to keep him steady.

“It’s okay,” Leo insisted, squeezing his hands. “You’re fine, Dee. Deep breaths with me, yeah? Nothing is bad is gonna happen. I’m not gonna leave.”

And Donnie knew he wouldn’t. That was never what he was afraid of.

At first, he would panic every morning. His brothers would have to hold him down. He’d black out. He would hurt them. 

It wasn’t like that anymore. It had gotten better. The more time passed, the less horrifying it was, and the better he could bear it.

He thought maybe that was what he was actually afraid of.

That maybe, one day, enough time would pass that even when the sun rose in the mornings, he still wouldn’t be able feel anything at all.

[ @candycoloredzebra wrote a thing for me, and i liked it, so i wrote something, too. ]

[ next episode ]

#this is just me #like #expanding on their thing kinda #coz i just liked it a lot for whatever reason #and it made me think things and feel things or whatever #swanatello #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #donniesona #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt au #fidgetwing

[liesmyth]

the locked tomb holiday exchange rec list

Behold! The good, the magnificent, the sad! The filth and the angst and the feelings! The weird shit that would make TazMuir proud! 💀🎉✨☠️🔥🎊

Here are some favourites from a skim of works posted for @tlt-holiday-exchange, both art and fic. They are MANY and they are JUICY. Find the entire collection HERE, and keep an eye on for authors reveal coming soon!

ART FILLS

A Beautiful Fairy Tale. Wake tells little Bomb a bedtime story but she can't mention a princess without talking about guillotines. Rated T.

Dubious Curiosity. Nona is curious. Nona loves everyone. And Nona wants Cam. (Camilla/Nona) Rated M.

Fingers In Her Mouth. Camilla Hect misses the Warden. Maybe he can lend a helping hand… even in death. (Camilla/hand!Palamedes) Rated M.

just guys being bros. Camilla/Gideon. Gideon touches a boob! A very happy new year to awkward butch lesbians everywhere. Rated T.

Pyrrha Dve Appreciation. Pyrrha & Nona, soft hugs! Rated G.

Stealing Breath. Camilla/Gideon butch-off make-out session. Rated G.

To Shreds, You Say? Pyrrha/Mercymorn/Wake fucking nasty. Rated E.

FIC FILLS

a buried and a burning flame. Coronabeth fucks Gideon's corpse. Rated E.

For all intents and purposes the corpse of the Ninth’s cavalier is a bad lay. That’s all fine, though.

a grave, deep and narrow. Camilla/Palamedes, GtN AU, Character Death, Tape Recorder Conversation Redux. Podfic included! Rated T

Only Lyctors were meant to leave the First House alive. Ianthe insists on bringing Coronabeth; Judith dies of her injuries. Camilla is stranded alone at Canaan House — alone, except for the persistent hallucinations of her necromancer.

affix. Coronabeth/Harrow, humiliation kink, improper use of bones, dom!Harrow, GtN era. rated E.

Cytherea doesn't go to Canaan House AU - Corona overconfidently approaches Harrow in the hopes of exchanging lab keys. Harrow humbles her quickly.

AITA for telling my dad I didn't like my birthday party? Gideon & John, In-Universe Social Media, Character study, Rated T.

I (20F) told my dad (45?M) that I wanted a cool birthday party, but he threw me a terrible birthday party instead. Am I really the asshole for telling him I didn't like it?

and kings shall come out of thy loins. Gideon/Ianthe, crack treated seriously, body horor, SNAKES. Rated M.

Ianthe saves God from the stoma and the River and all she has to show for it are these fucking snubes.

come, dearest heart. Lyctor Palamedes AU, HtN era. Camilla/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Camilla/Palamedes. Rated E.

In Canaan House, Palamedes Sextus unwillingly ascends to Lyctorhood to put an end to Cytherea the First's rampage. He's left heartbroken, grieving, and terribly, terribly lonely.

Don't Care If You Think I'm Dumb (I Don't Care At All). Gideon/Ianthe, Gideon as Kiriona, Unwholesome Tower Princes Bonding ft. bad sex and retail therapy. Rated E.

The newly christened Kiriona Gaia is not having a good time on the Mithraeum. At least she has Ianthe there to make her worse.

Follow Your Dreams, Never Let Them Die. Gideon/Harrow, Pokemon trainers AU! Rated T.

On her Pokemon Journey, Gideon Nav approaches the mysterious Drearburh City Gym - but something feels oddly familiar.

Gaia's Natural Market. modern AU, retail hell, Harrow/Gideon, Harrow/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe. Rated T

RING-A-DING-DING, the Holiday's are here! And nothing says "Give!" like the bounty of the Mother Herself, so come on by to GAIA's Natural Market! Treat your family to a home-cooked meal with only the PUREST of ingredients - all Produce Organic, all Products non-GMO, and all Smiles Authentic and free of Toxins!

Good Girl. Coronabeth/Ianthe, puppyplay, muzzles, rated E.

Coronabeth is Ianthe's big dicked bimbo puppy. Ianthe's into it.

Goodnight, New Rho. Camilla & Nona. Domestic Fluff, Missing Scene. Rated G.

Nona gets a bedtime story. Camilla reminisces about growing up with an older sister. They both sleep well, despite a notable lack of dogs.

In the Empire of the Deeps. Gideon/Nona/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe, Pirate AU, monsterfucking-adjacent, Nona is an eldritch sea creature. Rated E.

A chance encounter on the beach. Ianthe is manipulative, Kiriona is sad, and Nona is not as innocent as she seems. Sometimes, you might yearn for one person and meet another one. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get.

just like normal. Ianthe/Coronabeth, Cytherea is also there. Penis in vagina sex, Exhibitionism, Squirting. Rated E.

Ianthe gives herself a cock, and Corona is increasingly bewildered that she hasn’t been allowed to sit on it yet.

language of its own. Camilla/Palamedes. Worldbuilding, idiots to lovers, pre-canon. Rated T.

Camilla Hect has to do an erotic poetry final.

Masochism Tango. Porn with feelings, knifeplay, vivisection, lyctor-typical everything. Rated E.

Two occasions in which Pyrrha Dve had the pleasure of being under Cytherea's knife, and Mercymorn had the pleasure of Pyrrha Dve.

METHODS OF SUBDUCTION. Judith/Cornabeth, Judith & Varun. Planetary science rizz. Rated M.

Varun the Eater teaches Judith Deuteros how to flirt.

midnight mass. Mercymorn/Cristabel, pre-canon, Character Study. Rated T.

A lifetime before the resurrection and two decades before the apocalypse, a novice nun and a third-year medical student discuss goodness, passion, and salvation at midnight on Christmas morning.

motherhood. Mercymorn uses flesh magic on Wake. Hate sex ensues. Body horror, motherhood as violence, canon compliant. Rated E.

“I will kill you,” you say, with all the placid fervor of a religious convert. When you’re on the edge of real violence, you lose that tense little furrow in your brow—it’s beautiful, really. “Please give me a reason.”

My Love Overflows. Corona/Ianthe, Strap-on, Dirty talk, Impact Play, Hair Pulling, Bladder control. Rated E.

The one in which Corona pisses all over herself at Ianthe's whims.

name and rank. Judith/Coronabeth, Judith & Varun. Judith's failwoman swag! Rated T.

As Judith lies dying, she has nothing but time. Varun the Eater uses it to teach her how to flirt with the Princess. Don’t worry. Varun has got this!

New Rule. Mercymorn/Pyrrha, Ranch AU, stablehand Pyrrha, boss/employee relationship. Rated E.

Never hire stablehands who are too handsome and capable for their own good.

no shade in the shadow of the cross. Cytherea/Mercymorn, angst, fisting, two pillow princesses NOT making it work! Rated E.

Cytherea and Mercymorn have an ill-timed tryst.

per my last email. Camilla/Palamedes. Academia, banter. On peer review and multitasking. Rated M.

“Warden,” she said patiently, “you want me so badly it’s making you stupid."

RISKING OUR LIVES FOR UNIVERSITY HOLE???? 🤯😳 University AU, Team 69. The hole is a basement to be clear! Rated T.

The difficult part of visiting the local haunted house for a feature in the university magazine is not actually the visiting; it’s the writing about it afterwards.

So Messed Up. Ianthe/Coronabeth. Puppy play, collars & leashes, tail plug. Rated E.

Ianthe using her flesh magic to give Corona a big cock for petplay because she loves the idea of her sister being a big dicked bimbo puppy girl who just wants to rut into her.

The Great Gamete Gambit. Camilla & Palamedes, Pre-canon, worldbuilding, sixth house reproductive practices. Rated G.

Palamedes and Camilla have an important package to send, but there's been a heist in the gamete repository! Can the 15-year-old Master Warden and his cavalier crack the case?

The Sextus Scandal. Camilla/Palamedes, Epistolary, Pre-Canon Divergence. Rated E.

Transcripts and documents relating to the disciplinary hearing and subsequent resignation of Master Warden Palamedes Sextus.

Ways to Be Perfect. Babs/Colum Asht, GtN era, Rated M.

When Naberius first glanced across the supper table at Colum Asht, he didn’t immediately get the impression that he was liked.

The end!

Thank you for making it this far. If you enjoyed any of these works, or anything else in the collection, please drop a comment to make our creators feel appreciated <3

[post creators reveal exchange wrap post]

#tlt fic #fic recs #tlt holiday ex 2023 #tlt fanfic #tlt fanart #tlt #the locked tomb #if you enjoyed these pls leave feedback on the collection <3 #and thanks to the mods for putting it all together #114 (!!!!) works now!!!

[revlischarm]

Hydrodynamic AU

uhhh hi so. This has been cooking in my brain for a few months now (6???) and basically it’s a ROTTMNT Separated AU with Donnie as the focus but like, y’know. It’s all of them. I call it Hydrodynamic AU cause a lot of it comes from Donnie being more…water-based I suppose?? Either way. Yeah.

The story (if I ever find the willpower to draw it up) would revolve around Donnie going out and finding their siblings in the various locations; not to try and turn them towards the side of light or whatever. Donnie just wants to hang out. The universe has other plans, however.

More on each character under the cut!!! And lmk if any of you are interested in this!

Donatello Hamato

•Raised by Splinter

•They/them pronouns (Non-binary!!)

•Goes by the usual canon nicknames, but mainly uses “Dee”

•This Dee’s whole thing is being extremely water-based

•Donnie actually knows Repo Mantis before he got mutated! They started sneaking into his junkyard as a kid and got caught and they actually bonded

•When Don got older, they started helping Repo out with repossessing work; the two are even closer after Repo mutated!

•Don usually doesn’t wear their battleshell in this AU! It gets in the way of swimming stuff, so they prefer to be without it most of the time

•All of their stuff is painstakingly designed to the waterproof

•The whole lair has a ton of water slides in it, it’s super fun

•AUTISTIC!!!

•Don is extremely bad at socializing and doesn’t know how to mask (nor do they care for it). Can’t identify social cues well.

•Still friends with April; Don also hangs out with the Purple Dragons regularly (they give them ✨validation✨)

•Athletic only in how they’re an avid swimmer

•Really likes Lou Jitsu movies, and likes hearing their father talk about the films

•Splinter helps them train when they ask, thought Donnie also trains on their own with just. Copious amounts of research and looking up techniques

•Splinter is also extremely overprotective of D due to both their soft shell and the fact that he lost D’s siblings previously.

•More open to active destruction than canon Don?? At least in the way that’s like. More disregarding the well-being of others sometimes. Basically this Donnie doesn’t have their brothers to stop them from doing stuff. Violence and loose morals ensue.

•Builds Shelldon earlier on in life (was lonely and wanted company)

•Don has thoroughly explored the city’s sewers and set up tons of markers so they wouldn’t get lost; they’ve practically memorized the layout underground by now. Don has also installed a filtration system in the sewers to help take care of pollution because they don’t like how icky the waters can get

•Uses more turtle noises than actual words at times

•Fights with tech bō staff, but also knows the basics of other weapons; has the second most proficiency in daggers/knives.

•Doesn’t know anything about mysticism until meeting Mars and Draxum

•Technically, Donnie meets Mars first, then Leo, then Rento. However, we later find out that Don has met one of their siblings beforehand and knew of their existence. But that’s for later.

Marciano Draxum

•Raised by Draxum

•He/they pronouns

•Goes by Mars most commonly, but other nicknames include Marc, Marcie, Mar-Mar, Marky, Marce, and Marcus

•Draxum is actually a good parent okay

•Instead of Doctor Feelings and Doctor Delicate Touch, we get Sir Feelings and Sir Delicate Touch (they’re used as ranks, it’s some class thing idk. It’s ranked below Baron is all I know)

•Feral

•At a certain age Draxum started letting them out more (with supervision) and Mars got super friendly with all the yōkai he came across!! Due to this, Draxum has a much stronger active relationship with the Hidden City yōkai community.

•Mars uses their free time to create art around the Hidden City

•Has never seen the surface; wonders what the sky looks like

•Extremely strong mystic powers that were discovered early on

•Mars knows like, everyone in the city, and by the time they’re older are allowed to go about it from the lab as he pleases.

•Has a secret fascination with humans and their stuff that he keeps from his dad

•Draxum mellows out a tad raising Mars, being fatherly and all that. Still wants to take down humanity, he just wouldn’t do it if it meant endangering his child.

•Mars is an extremely adept fighter, having trained with Draxum since they were able to.

•Secret love for Lou Jitsu movies that he found one day in the yōkai markets

•He and Leo have met before and they have a very intense rivalry. Those two. Do not like one another.

•The reason behind the name “Marciano” is that I doubted Draxum would name his kid after some human artist. “Marciano” has French, Italian, and Latin origins, though I was mainly going for Latin when I chose it. It means little warrior! The name also has a lot of relation to the Roman god of war, Mars, which also happens to be the main nickname I picked! So it fits.

•Doesn’t like to kill; would rather thoroughly incapacitate a person through extreme measures instead.

•Terrible swimmer

•Draxum’s whole place is a lot more…nice looking? It’s got more style and creativity to it. Mars helped decorate.

•Fights with kusari-fundo and hand-to-hand mostly. Also knows the basics of fighting with other weapons.

Leonardo

•Raised by Big Mama

•He/him pronouns

•Trans man

•Goes by Leo most commonly; the other in-canon nicknames still apply too

•Both outfits are colored after Leo’s pride flags

•The paint designs vary a lot, Leo likes to show variety

•After meeting Donnie, he actually starts to incorporate more purple into his color scheme!

•Gay gay gay gay gay gay GAY.

•Fights in the Battle Nexus for fun; really loves the thrill of it.

•Spoiled

•Manipulative as fuck, picked it up from his mother. EXTREMELY good at lying

•Gets bored easily and will act out to negate this feeling

•Talks a whole lot while fighting; always making jokes, trying to throw his opponents off their game. (Think Spider-Man or Deadpool)

•Leo can actually get really violent at times

•Backstory behind Leo’s name is that they had an old name when they were younger and hadn’t come out yet, but upon realizing they were trans, wanted to pick out a new name. Big Mama gave him a ton of resources and books and stuff to help with that process, but it was actually in an old book of Lou’s that had been left behind that Leo found the name “Leonardo” and went with that. It’s a really stupid coincidence, but it is what it is.

•The fact that Leo chose that name from one of Lou’s books is bittersweet for Big Mama. And kinda funny lol

•Mars and Leo have a rivalry that formed because of BM and Draxum.

•Super fond of Lou Jitsu movies, but can only ever watch them in secret

•Leo will sneak out to Hueso’s whenever he can because he feels like it’s the one place where he can relax and not have to hold up appearances

•Leo still knows Spanish in this au

•He’s still a very cocky showboat in this, just dial that up to 11.

•Mainly uses ōdachi or katanas to fight, however, Leo tends to just use whatever’s on hand in matches. Knows how to fight with a wide variety of weapons semi-professionally (and I say that loosely, Leo mostly just wings it)

•Able to use mystic powers and uses them well, but prefers not to when fighting.

•LOVES stage magic with a passion, and actually practices it in his spare time.

Rento Jones

•Raised by the Foot

•She/he pronouns

•Goes by Ren for short

•Backstory for Rento is that little Cassandra was lonely and didn’t have anyone her age in the clan, and the Foot Lieutenant & Brute ended up finding this baby snapping turtle on a whim and gave him to her as a pet. Little did they know Cass just gained a new sister instead of a pet.

•Much more prone to violence than in canon (or at least to anger)

•The name Rento has a few meanings to it, but I mainly chose it because it started with an R and it fit. And was of Japanese origin.

•Cassandra is adamant about the two of them being siblings, and since Ren didn’t have a last name of her own, Cass shared hers

•Rento is still extremely soft on the inside, but is very afraid to show that side to people he doesn’t know.

•The entire Foot Clan will annihilate you if you hurt Rento in any way

•The clan is super fond of its spiky murder reptile!

•Ren doesn’t realize what she’s doing might be seen as “wrong”, he’s just focused on helping the Foot and being proud of that. Only ever hesitates when directly hurting innocent people or animals comes into the picture.

•Rento’s only issue is with hurting innocent people or creatures; she won’t hold back if something gets in his way.

•Cass and Ren have a habit of hyping each other up

•Rento is super proud of looking big and scary cause it means she can better protect the people she cares about!

•Cass and Ren can both speak Japanese to a degree

•She has a huge collection of plushies that have either been gifts to him or were stolen from large businesses; can’t sleep without at least a few plushies around.

•Only turtle of the four who doesn’t know anything about their backstory or having siblings

•Switches between sai and tonfa to fight, but mainly sticks with the sais.

•Second-best fighter of the turtles; also knows how to fight with other weapons in basics. Mainly relies on hand-to-hand combat.

•Doesn’t know anything about mysticism

•Not very good at origami

•Loves watching Lou Jitsu movies, though Cassandra doesn’t share the enthusiasm.

#ROTTMNT #ROTTMNT au #rottmnt separated au #rise of the tmnt #my art #art #Donnie #Leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt Donnie #ROTTMNT Mikey #rottmnt Leo #rottmnt marciano #rottmnt rento #hd au #hydrodynamic au #rise

[starflungwaddledee]

Ok but what if she went to waddle Dee town in the forgotten land and all the waddle Dee’s just accepted her because they are really nice and not rude and they accept her and she has fun and a good time please I really need this for her

i considered drawing something out to this, and making it a happy ending sort of thing, because i think this is extremely sweet as a concept and i understand the desire for it!

that said, i decided that it would be a disservice to the lore i'm building for her, my biology/magic headcanons, and also the waddle dees as a whole. i might still draw it some day, because i could absolutely perceive a way it would work (ie: all waddle dee signatures messed up by Elfilis's portals, or their magic sensitivity nuked by it.) and i think it would be lovely

but for now, i have too many other things on the backburner to get to this promptly, and i wanted to answer this one sooner rather than leaving it for months

i will say, they're not being rude to her! there might be the odd one or two who is a bit snide, but there are some of those in every society. as a general rule the waddle dees not only understand that she is struggling, they want to accept and help her. many of them even know she's lonely, and feel pretty bad about it. but it's hard, and not just because she makes people uneasy!

i draw parallels with starstruck's gummed up magical signature to autism, as i'm autistic and so by merit (as a sona), so is she. but there are some parts that do not line up with the way autism functions in our world, and one of them is that touching or being around her can be genuinely, literally painful for some of the very sensitive waddle dees.

despite that, her waddle dee doctors actually pushed through it while she was in the castle dedede infirmary. because they were determined to treat her (mostly-surface-seeming) injuries and help her feel better. and they apologised for the reactions that they couldn't control anymore than she could control her signature; the various "sorry"s she parrots in this comic are implied to be from waddle dee doctors.

it's a fine line in alien-storytelling, especially with a real world disability parallel, and i'm trying to tread it as carefully as i can. but i don't intend to villainise the waddle dees at all for their reaction to her; they truly can't help it. many of them even do their best to push through it if she comes into their vicinity, especially because she often arrives with Beloved Celebrity, Captain Bandana Waddle Dee. but like a lot of us, she can tell when she's being tolerated, and so as a rule she just sort of tries to avoid it, one way or another

#also; i'm popping this one in the tags but like... she's frankly A Bit Annoying??? especially early on. #you give her rules but she ignores you. this was kind of evident in the oc secret santa piece i did. over enthusiastic #she can be too loud or too quiet. too much or not enough. extremely bad at reading the room. foot fully in mouth. really clingy. #these aren't necessarily “bad traits” but they're just not for everyone. and that's actually okay! #i simply gave her my personality traits and 'tisms. and *i'm* annoying 😅 so she's annoying too. *shrug* #not to mention that her voice and magic mimicry is straight up Unsettling. imagine seeing someone you don't know with your face!!! #imagine being told by your Beloved King and Number One Celebrity that that was a-okay!! weird as hell!! #it's important to me that she's annoying + weird and strangers don't always give her the time of day but her friends love her. #starstruck dee #asks #ps this is just an aside but i want to warn people off being like... idk. projecting on her too much. i'm glad she's resonating with people #but i don't guarantee that her story is totally happy or light-hearted. i don't want people to be 'personally slighted' or upset #when she inevitably gets turned into strawberry jam. i'm so happy you like her but please please keep this in mind.

[sempersirens]

nostos | prologue

nostos (vόστος) [v.] homecoming; to return, to reach someplace; return to light and life; salvation, not death; the [sweetness] of returning and coming back again home. from the sweetness of your homeland, for nothing is sweeter than your fatherland

author's note: hello! welcome to my new series, nostos. this prologue is intended to set the scene slightly, the following chapters will be much more plot/dialogue heavy. i hope you all enjoy, pls let me know your thoughts (good or bad!) love you all. dee x

Sing to me of a woman who, amidst a world's ruin, was expelled to purgatory.

Suspended between the ache of then and the uncertainty of now. Her existence, an enigmatic slow dance between shadows and faded light, bore witness to the collision of dreams and decay. In this suspended realm, time bent and wavered.

She had been an artist, once. Now, she painted scenes in her mind of days when laughter echoed and hearts beat without the constant burden of the unknown. A world upturned, a love once nurtured now suspended in the gossamer threads of what could have been.

/

Her breath fogs the window when she screams. She pleads with the gods who never answer, for it to be his frame emerging from the snow this time. The cold glass she claws at takes pity on her, unmoving beneath her fingertips to remind her how permanence feels. Time stretches its sinewy fingers, each crack of its weary joints a mocking tick of the clock in the corner with a broken face.

Their son stirs in her arms, but he does not wake. In those moments of waiting, she bites down so hard on her lower lip that she can taste the desperation bleeding on her tongue.

When the end of the world came, he decided to become a hero. She, in turn, was to become a housewife. He'd forever whispered promises to her, vowing to carry her away to any corner of existence; but this was a corner she had been backed into.

Their son was three when he left, still testing the capacity of his lungs each night and day.

She loved him, a love that burned fierce and unyielding, a beacon of warmth in a world grown cold. With every fibre of her being, she loved him. Her devotion ran deeper than the ravines left by the cataclysm. And she loved her child, a precious life born into a landscape of desolation, a fragile bud that had never struggled to bloom amidst the chaos. Each night, she held what was left of them tightly against her chest.

But time, relentless and unapologetic, was too heavy for her to hold on her shoulders alone. He had promised they were a team, a unit bound by their love. Yet, with the passage of days and nights, the weight of survival had frayed the edges of his promise. The notion seemed quaint, a distant memory from a time when his words could heal all of her fears. And now, he was gone.

So, she waits. Her heart's rhythm entwined with his across the vast expanse of time. Time heeds its intricate tapestry, revelling in his trials and her persistent clutch of hope, she longs for the return of her beloved. A lone wanderer, navigating the territories of a world that does not belong, that never belongs, to any of us.

#my fic #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel tlou #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x original character #dee writes

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] Clover no Kuni no Alice Light Novel ~Promise Red~ - Chapter 3

Writer: Sana Shirakawa Artist: 文月ナナ

ACT3 – Heartbeat that calls for a singular red

No matter where she went in Clover Tower it was hectic.

Which wasn’t surprising, considering that during the Assembly period all role holders from each of the territories were gathered there. Even if there was a pact between those with power to not fight, whether or not this was a group of people that could really remain peaceful…..was a foolish question.

‘What happened with those documents?’

‘I handed them to Gray just a moment ago. After that it all depends on Lord Nightmare’s approval.’

As the suit-wearing men moved around they hurriedly conversed. For the employees of the Tower, the current event period was likely the time when they were most busy. Seeing them look so frantic made her feel bad about herself, who was merely walking around without any particular goal in mind.

However, whether she was temporarily staying at Heart Castle or at Hatter Mansion, their way of doing things was still different. Not having anything better to do wouldn’t be a reason for her to try her hand at the work they were doing at the Tower.

Dressed in Assembly formal wear, Alice was walking around the Tower of Clover. A few hours had passed since the beginning of her second Assembly. About two hours ago, another discussion had commenced, similar to the ones they’d had before.

The event holder Nightmare had of course been coughing up blood, but had somehow still managed to hold it together. Maybe Gray really had brought him to the hospital, just as he had talked about at the last Assembly. The discussion had gone along that well, without any major troubles—coming to an end without anything left unfinished.

‘Nightmare looked as ill as ever…..I feel bad for him.’

When she had arrived at the Assembly room, for a moment Alice had hesitated as to where to sit. Her current place of residence was Hatter Mansion, but right now she was staying temporarily at Heart Castle. As she was thinking about what to do, she saw a number of people waving their hands at her from the direction of the Hatter Mansion section. 

‘Alice! You’re lookin’ well, over here!’

‘It’s big sis-! It’s been really boring without you, Sis. We even thought about coming over to Heart Castle to play during our breaks, didn’t we Brother?’

‘That’s right, Brother. We’ve been lonely without you, Sis…..you’re so mean leaving us all on our own.’

Making their lively appearance, was a large rabbit and two twin gatekeepers.

‘Elliot, Dee and Dum.’

‘Whatcha spacing out for? You’re one of us, come sit over here.’

The spot the large hand was pointing towards was a seat nearby to them. The place Alice had sat at the previous discussion.

Behind him, the Twins who at the moment were in adult form, were waiting, their faces brimming with smiles. Their expressions clearly said that they did not doubt she would take up their invitation.

‘Ah…..then, I’ll head on over-‘

As they had said, she was unmistakably a member of the Hatter territory group. If the seating was determined based on territory, then she should follow the rules. 

 Nonetheless, as Alice made to leave, someone took her hand and stopped her.

‘No.’

‘Peter?’

Having watched their interaction up until now with a frown on his face, Peter had all of a sudden tugged at her hand.

‘Why? After all, my place of residence is…..’

‘No matter where you were before, this is where you should be sitting right now. Please don’t sit anywhere else.’

The seat he indicated was in the front row of the section allocated to Heart Castle.

They were the seats where those called role holders sat. When she had been at Hatter Mansion, Alice had never sat at the front. Before she could even try to refuse, not giving her the time to say yes or no, the White Rabbit made her sit down.

‘Eh? I-Isn’t this kind of bad-…..!?’

However, after sitting down next to her, Peter stayed where he was, and didn’t move.

Usually this would have been about the point where Vivaldi or Ace butted in with some kind of teasing remark, but he hadn’t allowed them the time to speak.

‘Peter?’

She wasn’t even a role holder or anyone special at all, so was it really alright for her to put herself forward like this? That was the kind of anxiety she had, but Peter didn’t appear to be concerned at all.

‘Aw-, Big Sis. Don’t sit next to that rabbit, come over here…we behaved ourselves and came to the Assembly just so we could see you.’

‘Yeah, and we don’t even get paid extra for it…..Let’s drag her over to our side, Brother.’

No sooner had the blue and red eyed youths finished saying whatever they pleased one after the other, they began to walk over to Alice.

In their hands, as per usual…..were axes as tall as they were.

‘……….’

As the twins approached, Peter said nothing. He simply glared at them, a sharp look in his red gaze.

Judging from the hand placed on his golden pocket watch, it did not appear that he was planning on obediently giving in either.

‘W-Wait a moment, you guys have a pact don’t you-?!’ 

‘That is correct, however-‘

There were no signs of disquiet visible on Peter’s face as he answered her. Nonetheless, within the rimless glasses a deep crimson was glittering icily.

‘I have no intention of returning you to that place.’

‘Ohh, looks like the rabbit’s raring to go. Even though he normally never plays with us at all, Brother.’

‘Nothing wrong with that. If we carve up the White Rabbit, the Boss might even pay us a bonus.’

The glaring light that filled the room glanced off their axes, making them stand out ominously.

The only one who appeared apprehensive at the sight was Alice.

‘Peter, what are you doing!? Elliot, don’t just watch, stop them!’

‘So you say but…..I want you to sit over here too, Alice.’

‘That’s not the issue here!’

Even though it was against the rules to break the pact, it didn’t appear Elliot had any strong will to stop them. Just as Alice, who had sensed that it would likely be difficult to persuade them, turned her eyes towards the Queen behind her-

‘Cut it out, you two.’

A quiet voice brushed aside the murderous atmosphere that had begun to build.

The low voice had echoed from further behind Elliot. At the moment the sound of heavy footsteps echoed against the hard floor, a tall man wearing black made his appearance.

‘If you want to play, it doesn’t have to be here. Play all you like elsewhere. Going on a rampage in a tiny place like this will cause trouble for me too.’

‘Oh it’s you, Boss. You’re here already?’

‘We thought you were still in the middle of drinking tea…..’

The two who had seemed about to start swinging their axes even as their employer made his appearance immediately pulled back. Though they looked reluctant, it appeared their desire to run rampant was not quite enough to go against their master’s wishes.

‘Elliot…..you too. Didn’t I entrust supervising the children to you? You know how I dislike unnecessary noise.’

‘M-My bad, Blood.’

After shrugging his shoulders at the rabbit’s drooping ears, he continued on to sit down in his seat.

From where she was sitting in the front row, Alice could see his face clearly.

‘Blood…..’

She’d looked at him as if to say thank you, but for some reason Blood had only nodded a little at Alice’s gaze, then immediately looked away. It didn’t appear he had any intention of returning her smile either.

She was puzzled by his reaction, but at that moment Nightmare and Gray made their appearance—she no longer had the time to try and figure out what Blood’s true intentions were.

After the discussion had ended, even the room Alice returned to was a different one from before. In order to avoid unnecessary trouble, rooms had also been decided based on territory. At the point where she had sat down where she had at the discussion, it appeared she would now be treated as a person of Heart Castle. Since she was staying there temporarily, she had no cause for complaint, but a stab of loathing at the half-heartedness of her current situation hit her yet again.

The setup of the room itself was the same as before, but being told that this was her room somehow didn’t feel quite right. Still feeling restless, she had stayed there quietly for about two hours, but in the end couldn’t sit still. If she went out into the town, it wasn’t impossible that she would be targeted as before. If she was in the Tower, even though she might come across some of the role holders, she likely wouldn’t be attacked by a Mafia organization.

Aimless, and with nowhere to go, she was walking around the interior of Clover Tower. Inside her unsettled heart, it wasn’t just the place she was supposed to be that felt unstable.

‘…..As I thought, things still feel weird with Peter.’

Just before the Assembly she had finally caught the White Rabbit. He had nodded when she had said that she didn’t want him to avoid her, but their relationship still hadn’t returned to how it had been before.

At least he wasn’t running away anymore every time he saw her face. All the same, he still didn’t speak to her as he used to.

‘……….’

Alice. I love you.

You are the only one I love.

Please stay with me forever. That’s all I need.

Words he had repeated again and again. Words of love that, even if she didn’t hear them directly, had already become deeply ingrained in her body and her heart.

Emotions so abundant they were too much for Alice had been directed towards her. So much kindness that she was unable to completely respond to it had been poured into her.

Was that why, when he had grown distant…..she had become so anxious?

Even though it had always sounded too good to be true.

When he’d said those words to her, she’d pushed him away saying, ‘Cut it out already,’ but to think that him putting a little distance between them would have her wanting to be sure of how he felt—she was no different from a petulant child.

‘I’m the worst.’

Alice thought that she wouldn’t ask for too much, just for things to go back to how they used to be. Because even if he went back to being persistently clingy like before, right now she’d be able to let it go with a laugh.

‘…..Hm?’

Perhaps because she had been lost in thought, Alice had already ascended the staircase to the level above before she had noticed the ruckus.

As she came out from the landing and peeked out, a large black shadow carrying someone was quickly drawing closer.

However, the condition of the person they were carrying was not normal. After all, the entire front of their clothing was dyed a bright red. Alice wasn’t so optimistic a person as to be able to think that the stains were just paint or ink.

If this had been one of the other territories, she might have thought that one of the people called the role-less had been injured for some nonsensical reason, but this was Clover Tower. That kind of violence was unlikely to occur within the territory controlled by Nightmare and Gray.

Having noticed Alice as she fully came out into the hallway, the man who had been walking lifted up his head. Even Alice could see that his narrowed eyes had widened as if surprised.

The distinctive golden eyes looked right at her.

‘It’s you…..Alice, what’s wrong, has something happened?…..’

‘Gray? Right back at you…..W-Wait- Nightmare!?’

Looking at the face of the young man propped up against his shoulder, Alice had unintentionally spoken louder than she had meant to. His complexion always looked sickly enough that it wouldn’t be surprising for him to collapse at any time, but right now it was paler than she’d ever seen it before.

‘H-He didn’t end up collapsing back at the discussion just before, did he?’

‘No. He did manage hold it together, but the moment he entered the anteroom he vomited up a large amount of blood. I panicked and called for a doctor but…..’

‘?’

As she looked up at the man as he trailed off, he lowered his eyes as if not quite sure how to continue.

‘The instant he heard the doctor had arrived he woke up and escaped. He made it all the way to the Tower’s entrance doors before I was able to catch him.’

‘……….’

Ever since she had been in the Country of Hearts she’d heard over and over again that he hated hospitals and doctors, but Alice hadn’t thought that it was quite that bad.

It was no wonder then that he looked worse than normal. She had no choice but to accept the reason for it had been something that trivial.

‘My apologies, but I still need to tend to Lord Nightmare. I shall take my leave of you here.’

‘Tend to him?’

‘Despite how he looks, he is the leader of Clover Tower. Stains eventually disappear, but I cannot allow him to remain in clothes covered with blood.’

To be sure, as his subordinate, it wouldn’t feel right to just toss him into bed as he was. Of course his right-hand man would feel that way, if even Alice, who didn’t live at Clover Tower, was thinking the same thing too.

‘Is Nightmare’s room nearby?’

‘Yes, if you turn about two corners, it’s not far from here.’

‘Alright, then I’ll help too. I don’t think I’ll be able to do all that much but…..at the very least I can watch over him while you’re away, Gray.’

He probably hadn’t expected Alice to make such a suggestion. His almond shaped eyes widening with surprise, he soon schooled his expression and began to shake his head.

‘No, I could not allow you to do such a thing…..’

‘I’ve been walking around the Tower just now because I got bored staying in my room. I like working to begin with, and being busy helps me relax. If you don’t mind, Gray, won’t you let me help? You must be busy, being in the middle of an Assembly and all.’

If she’d been a maid of Heart Castle, she would have had duties as one of the Queen’s personal attendants. But right now, Alice wasn’t one of them, and had too much time on her hands.

And that wasn’t the only reason—if she had something to do, she wouldn’t have the time to overthink things.

‘Alice…..’

The fact that she had another ulterior motive went unnoticed by the Lizard. Seeing his face soften as if impressed, Alice’s chest ached a little. She didn’t deserve to have him look at her as if she were some kind of goodie two shoes…..so that he wouldn’t notice her feelings, she jauntily turned around to start walking down the hallway.

‘We’d better hurry or the blood will dry, they’ll be difficult to remove then. Let’s go, Gray.’

‘…..My apologies. Allow me to take you up on your kind offer.’

‘You don’t need to worry so much about it.’

Considering his position, there were probably any number of subordinates he could have called over to help. However, the fact that he didn’t meant he was considerately taking what Alice had said into account. They hadn’t interacted all that often since the move to the Country of Clover, so she wondered if he really had no objections at all to listening to what some little girl had to say. If he did, since this was Gray, he probably wouldn’t let her see it.

‘I’ve known Nightmare for a long time now. At least at a time like this, I’d better be a bit nice to him.’

Looking at the girl who purposely spoke a little brusquely, the golden eyes softened as he smiled.

***

The room of Clover Tower’s territory leader was just as neat and tidy as when she had visited it after the move. That said, the large mountain of documents that one would certainly never see in the room of the Hatter territory’s leader was probably a clear reflection of the difference between the leaders’ personalities.

‘……….’

Although to begin with, if this had been Blood, he likely never would have allowed anyone in his room with it looking like this. 

Those thoughts in her mind, she placed a wrung-out towel onto the dream demon’s forehead. His complexion was still as pallid as ever, but he at least looked a lot better than when he had been covered in blood.

Perhaps feeling more comfortable now that he was wearing fresh clothes, Nightmare’s face, which was already good-looking to begin with, stood out against the high-quality sheets. His breathing was calm, and his sleeping face looked peaceful…..at the very least, he seemed well enough that calling for a doctor seemed unnecessary.

‘I must apologise, Alice. I ended up having you help me after all.’

‘I haven’t really done all that much. Another Tower employee changed his clothes too.’

Gray, perhaps having noticed Alice had of course some objections when it came to helping Nightmare get changed, had quickly called a subordinate to help finish the job in no time at all. She wasn’t sure whether to praise him for his competence, or feel sympathetic that this was a part of his job he had ended up becoming well accustomed to.

‘No, with you here, it seems that Lord Nightmare is able to rest at ease.’

‘…..I don’t think that’s true.’

‘No, when I tend to him, he often mutters and groans in his sleep, it’s rare to see him sleep as soundly as this. He shouldn’t be able to read my mind, but it appears he has some dissatisfaction with the way I look after him.’

Alice couldn’t help but laugh a little, hearing Gray’s impassioned words.

Even though he was a dream demon, perhaps he felt like he was being chased down by his subordinate even in his dreams. What an odd territory leader.

‘Nightmare seems like he’s calmed down, so if it’s alright with you, shall I keep watch over him a bit longer?’

‘No, I couldn’t allow you to do so much…..’

‘It’s fine. Right now, I really don’t have anything else to do.’

As she said it, she worried thinking perhaps she had ended up sounding sarcastic, but Gray was smiling amicably. It was a strange thing, with the knife holder he had strapped to him, he couldn’t help but appear forbidding, but the moment his face looked like this he seemed gentle.

‘Then, let me at least get you something to drink. Or, so I say, but unlike Hatter Mansion and Heart Castle, we’ve only got coffee here, would that be alright?’

‘It’s fine, really.’

Alice felt bad taking up even more of Gray’s time when he was already so busy. She stood up to refuse, but he politely stopped her.

 ‘It wouldn’t be as thanks. Truth be told, Lord Nightmare bought coffee in such a large quantity, I’m at my wit’s end as to what to do with it since we can’t drink it all ourselves. I sometimes share it with the subordinates, but even that’s not enough. It would help me out too, if you’d have some.’

It was hard to turn him down after this explanation. Nor was it really the kind of situation that called for being stubborn either. She decided to gratefully accept.

‘Thank you. I’ll take you up on it then. It’s been a while since I’ve had coffee.’

When she thought of coffee, the first thing that came to mind was the man continuously fixing clocks in a tall tower. Dark-coloured eyes and long hair. The sound of metal and the scent of mechanical oil.

At Hatter Mansion, because of its leader’s obsession with tea, coffee was an extremely rare sight. The anecdote she’d heard about Pierce being shot at by Blood for drinking coffee was undoubtedly true.

‘Glad to hear it. I’ll prepare it right away, so please wait a moment.’

‘Sorry for taking up your time, Gray.’

‘Don’t let it bother you. Spending time with you…allows me to forget about work for a while.’

So saying with a gentle smile, Gray temporarily left the room.

Alice sat down on a chair placed next to the bed and looked at the sleeping dream demon.

‘Speaking of which, I wonder what that dream I had back then was?’

The mysterious dream she’d had before the Assembly.

She recalled the conversation between the White Rabbit and the somehow eerie feeling dream demon.

Nightmare had said that there was someone whose heart Peter desired to know. However, she wondered what kind of person it could be that he wanted to know about.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about asking Peter before the Assembly, but Alice hadn’t been certain if the feeling she’d had of peeking in at someone else’s dream had been real or not. If she had dreamt of the real dream demon and White Rabbit, if that really had been his true wish—she wasn’t sure how to bring it up.

Just as Alice felt troubled at not knowing Peter’s heart, so too must Peter be feeling lost at not knowing the heart of that other person.

‘……….’

As soon as that thought came into her mind, she felt that murky feeling in her chest again.

Although it should have been none of Alice’s business, whoever Peter was to fall in love with. Maybe she felt this way because it was like an important friend was being taken away from her.

Not knowing the reason it bothered her so much, she was still unable to put her emotions into order.

‘…..Alice?’

‘Ah, Gray…..you’re back!’

Whenever she thought of Peter recently, something odd happened. Even though, up until now, concentrating so hard she lost sight of what was occurring around her had only ever happened when she was reading books.

Having noticed the man carrying two cups in his hands glancing askance at her, Alice hurriedly got up. From an outsider’s point of view, it must have looked like she was staring intently at Nightmare. It would be a problem if he misunderstood.

‘I-It’s not what you’re thinking-! I wasn’t watching him sleep or anything, I just had a weird dream recently and thought Nightmare might be able to tell me about it if he woke up…..’

‘A dream?’

Guiding Alice to the sofa put there for visitors, Gray placed the cups onto the table. The sound of the porcelain made a small clattering sound as white steam rose from the wide brims.

‘Thanks.’

‘Ah, no problem.’

As the golden eyes returned her smile, she took the cup and placed it to her lips. The slightly bitter flavour and aroma tickled her nose.

Alice liked tea, but by no means disliked coffee either. She’d often drank it when visiting Julius at the Clock Tower in the Country of Hearts. Even if her household head had grimaced whenever she returned from there, it had now become a nostalgic memory to her.

Julius, who had a true craftsman’s spirit, cut no corners when it came to coffee making. From the way the beans were ground, to the temperature of the hot water, he was always completely thorough.

Although the coffee Alice had just been served was different from the kind she’d had back then.

‘It feels nostalgic somehow.’

Those were her honest thoughts.

Alice’s whisper was small, so it had probably sounded like nothing more than a sigh to Gray.

He’d glanced at her as if puzzled, but said nothing.

Holding the large cup in his hands, the man quietly opened his mouth to speak.

‘Alice.’

‘Hm? What is it?’

‘If you don’t mind my asking, would you be able to tell me…..I had heard your place of residence was Hatter Mansion, so why are you now at Heart Castle?’

‘…..Ah.’

‘I’d thought that maybe you and the Hatter Mansion group had had a disagreement of some kind, but from what I saw at the discussion that appears to not be the case…..If there is something troubling you, let me know if I can be of any help.’

‘Gray, you’re overthinking things.’

Alice had been surprised, not expecting him to say what he had, but began to give Gray a quick account of the events that had led to her stay at Heart Castle.

‘During the Assembly period, apparently fights are pretty common…..right now the Hatter Family is in the middle of a feud. At the previous Assembly I was attacked twice not far from the Tower.’

‘What?’

At the words ‘not far from the Tower’ Gray’s golden eyes had flashed.

He placed his cup on the table, a grim look on his face.

‘I had thought there’d been no particularly unusual news regarding safety in the town, but I didn’t know that you’d gotten caught up in something. My apologies, it was an oversight on our part.’

‘Don’t let it bother you. It’s something related to Blood and the others’ work to begin with after all. Not something for you to be worry about.’

As she took a sip of coffee, Alice smiled a little.

It was strange. At the place where the Clock Tower had been, she was drinking the exact same thing while talking to someone completely different.

Even though back then—her relationship with Peter hadn’t been quite the troubling thing it was now. That she was now at the point of finding it nostalgic, truly made her feel that the current state of things was just too different, a complete reverse from before.

‘And so, I’m temporarily staying at Heart Castle until things settle down at Hatter Mansion. That’s all it is. It’s not because something happened with the people there, or anything like that.’

She would keep quiet about the fact that it was also because Peter was worried about her susceptibility to the doors. It wouldn’t solve anything even if she did talk to Gray about it, and likely would only cause him to worry unnecessarily instead.

That had been what she had thought, but the golden eyes still looked doubtfully at her.

‘But…..didn’t something happen at the previous Assembly?’

‘What?’

‘If I have misinterpreted, I beg your pardon. But during the discussion, you appeared to be unsettled.’

‘Can you read hearts too, Gray?’

His gaze as he looked at her intently was calm.

Unlike Nightmare, she hadn’t necessarily talked with Gray all that often before. Not to mention that unlike the mind reading dream demon, he shouldn’t have been able to do such a thing.

As she had expected he might, he shook his head from left to right, smiling wryly.

‘No, I don’t have any such power. However, I did feel as if something was off with you. I apologise if I’ve made you uncomfortable.’

‘You haven’t, it’s just that-…..’

Drinking down some of the coffee which had now cooled to a comfortable temperature, Alice took a breath.

While in the Country of Hearts, the person she had had conversations with while drinking coffee had been the master of the Clock Tower. He hadn’t been nearly as direct with his words as Gray was.

All the same, that quiet friend of hers had always considerately waited for Alice to start talking whenever something had happened.

‘I wonder if it’s only normal to feel anxious…..when a friend’s got someone they like.’

The reason she ended up saying such a thing might have been because the aroma of the coffee gave her an encouraging push.

‘A friend?’

‘Yeah. Even though up until now, they’ve been so annoying following me around all the time, never leaving me alone…..recently their behaviour changed all of a sudden.’

Even thought it was strange to talk to someone she wasn’t necessarily that close with about something like this.

Perhaps she wanted to talk to him about it precisely because they weren’t that close.

‘Their behaviour changed?’

‘Yeah. Apparently, there’s someone they’ve become interested in. Maybe because of that, they’ve been acting distant towards me recently. When I asked them why, they said it’s because they can’t calm down when I’m around…..I mean, what kind of ridiculous reasoning is that?’

‘…..…..Hah?’

‘When I got mad because it was so obvious he was avoiding me, I told him not to ignore me, but he’s still acting all polite and aloof. I think he should do whatever he wants, but he’s being so different, it makes me unsettled too. Although, I do get that it’s because I’m feeling lonely since a friend’s drifting away.’

‘…..…..’

Gray had remained motionless as he listened to what Alice had said. No, perhaps more precisely speaking, he appeared to be dumbfounded.

What on earth is this girl talking about, is what his face seemed to say.

‘Gray? Did I say something weird?’

‘Ah-…..no, not necessarily…..’

Looking away as if put on the spot, Gray reached towards his breast pocket and took out a cigarette case, but just as he was taking one out, appeared to come to his senses.

Flustered, he put the case on top of the table, then crossed his arms as if not quite sure what to do with himself.

‘You don’t understand how the other person feels. And you feel troubled because of it, is what you’re saying.’

‘It’s not that I’m troubled…..I just don’t know what to do, and can’t seem to sort out how I feel. Although, I do get the feeling if I just leave things be, they’ll settle down on their own eventually.’

As Alice tilted her head, feeling unsure, Gray remained silent as he shook his head.

‘Perhaps it’s not for me to say but…..I don’t think you should let things be.’

‘Huh?’

‘It makes me want the person concerned to hear the words you just said.’

‘Gray?’

Seeing Alice look so wide-eyed and confused, Gray’s shoulders dropped once, but immediately after he reformed the expression on his face.

With a wry smile, he stretched out his hand.

‘You are young…..so perhaps you cannot help but feel confused.’

‘…..…..’

‘I have never had emotions as honest as yours, so I cannot tell you what to do. Still, Alice-‘

The golden eyes that could at times be either piercing or gentle now had a soft expression in them.

‘You worry all the more because you are young. If you can make a face like that, that is by no means a bad thing for you.’

‘To have such selfish emotions as these…..and for them not to be a bad thing, that can’t be right, can it?’

Being able to congratulate your friend once they’d found someone to love was what being good friends meant. However, Alice did not feel as if she would ever want to do something like that.

A connection that couldn’t be expressed in words had always existed between Alice and Peter.

In a different world where she had known no one, he had known Alice from the start.

Because although he had a side to him that resembled the insane residents of this world, his gaze had always seemed happy when he looked at Alice.

For some reason, she really hated the thought of that smile being directed towards anyone but her.

Alice could understand why she would feel lonely. However, she didn’t know whether loneliness alone would be enough to cause her emotions to become disordered to this extent.

‘I see. As the person concerned, it might be something more bitter than this coffee.’

His large hand patted her on the head. It felt as if she’d become a small child.

She wasn’t used to the sensation, but for some reason didn’t mind it when it was Gray.

‘All the same, that youthfulness will someday fade. Of course it isn’t a bad thing to have such a good expression on your face. To someone as worn down as I, your purity of emotion seems beautiful.’

‘-‘

She shivered.

For a moment, Alice’s heart rate had jumped hearing him whisper in his low and velvety sounding voice. She’d heard lines that were borderline sexual harassment many times at Hatter Mansion, but wasn’t used to being spoken to like this.

‘Ah, the coffee’s gone cold. I’ll go make some more, so please wait a moment.’

Noticing Alice had gone red, Gray made an excuse and left his seat. While feeling relieved at his consideration, Alice couldn’t hide her sigh.

‘”A good expression on my face”, that can’t-…..’

She knew that a person’s smile could bring comfort to someone else. She was also fully aware that such a thing was far beyond her.

Just as she stood up, attempting to cool her heated face-

‘Are you leaving already?—Alice.’

‘!’

Hearing a man’s voice echo out from a place she hadn’t expected it to, Alice involuntarily shrank in on herself.

As she turned around towards the voice, the man who had been lying down on the bed was facing towards the girl.

Within the pale face, in the single eye that wasn’t covered by an eyepatch Alice could see her reflection.

‘Nightmare, you were awake?’

‘No…..I wasn’t conscious until just a moment ago. Ah—, my head’s still spinning…..it’s just the usual anemia. I feel awful.’

The man spoke nonchalantly, completely used to his own poor health, but she was unable to be so indifferent.

As she quietly drew near to the bed and stretched out her hand to him, the dream demon accepted it, showing no signs of resisting.

‘Nightmare, um…..’

Alice hadn’t understood what Gray had meant by what he’d said earlier. Still, at least she would be able to ask him about what had happened in her dream.

What had that dream she’d had of him and the White Rabbit been? He could surely give her an answer that was more reliable than any dream fortune-telling.

— You can read hearts. You can be sure. You are able to obtain a certainty that is more than words.—

It was just as Peter had said in that mysterious dream.

‘Oh…..so you saw it as well?’

‘!!’

She had planned on working up to the topic, but that kind of thing didn’t work on him. When he came straight to the point like that, it was like she was being outpaced even when it came to her own thoughts.

Even though he knew Alice was surprised, Nightmare was smiling faintly. It wasn’t the face of the pathetic territory leader who had been in deep distress during the earlier discussion, but a mysterious smile befitting of one who ruled over dreams.

‘So that…..wasn’t just a dream after all?’

A vague space. An ambiguous world where it was difficult to tell whether one was up or down, left or right.

In the Country of Hearts, she had always met this dream demon in that space.

However, no one else had ever entered it. Dreams were things one saw on one’s own. Apart from the dream demon, no one else should be able to enter them.

‘No, that was a dream as well. It just wasn’t one that you were dreaming.’

The pallid faced territory leader nodded and continued.

‘That was the White Rabbit’s dream. Not yours.’

‘But I saw it too.’

She could clearly remember even their voices as they repeatedly said that they were jealous.

It had felt too vivid to just be a dream. Peter’s cold gaze and Nightmare’s smile, they had both felt as real as if they had been right before her eyes.

The only person who could enter another’s dream was the man beside her right now. There was no way Alice the Outsider would have such an ability.

‘That’s right, it is as you say. The only one who could enter another person’s dream would be a dream demon like myself.’

‘Then…..’

‘Do they not have stories such as these in your world?’

A smile on his pale face, he took a small breath.

The silver hair shone against the sheets. Strange hair that, while the same metallic colour as the hard substance, never gave the impression of coldness.

‘For example, if you think of a person you want to meet in a dream, write their name on a piece of paper, twist it up, or put it under your pillow before you sleep…..you’ll be able to dream of them. Have you not heard of such a thing before?’

‘Those are just stories for children. There’s no guarantee you’d be able to dream what you want doing something like that.’

And, it’s not as if I necessarily wanted to see Peter in a dream.

He did not fail to pick up the words that had naturally come into being in her heart.

Silver hair swaying, the dream demon moved his face away from Alice and looked up at the ceiling. 

Pausing for a moment and closing his eyes—Nightmare nodded in agreement.

‘That is correct. You seem to have wanted to talk to him more in reality, not in a dream.’

‘-!!’

‘Dreams are greatly influenced by the unconscious mind. That said, it’s not guaranteed one will meet the person one wants to see as you did. They are dreams in the end, and are not like reality.’

His white arms stretched out atop the sheets.

The hands that had taken out a pipe from the empty air inside the dream right now held nothing.

Nightmare shook his head as his eyes slowly traced the ceiling he was looking up at.

‘However, rarely…..you are able to meet someone you want to see in a dream. At times it happens by chance, but those who are strongly drawn to each other can also sometimes dream the same dream. Even without the interference of a third party, such as myself.’

‘Drawn…..to each other?’

Alice was no longer able to say that she hadn’t thought of that possibility.

What she had felt when his behaviour towards her suddenly changed had been without a doubt anxiety. She wanted to know what his true feelings were. The reason Peter had thought what he had, that was what she strongly wished to know more than anything.

‘That’s right. And it’s the same for Peter White too.’

‘…..? Peter too?’

‘Yes. He’s been thinking that he wants to know more about you. Even though he knows more about you than anyone else in this world, he’s come to strongly desire to know even more. I’m sure you must have noticed?’

‘But, Peter’s been…..’

He wanted certainty, he envied the power to read hearts.

That had been what the White Rabbit had said in the dream as he glared at the dream demon.

She hadn’t thought that the person he had come to want to know about was Alice herself.

Likely having read her mind, the dream demon’s eyes widened as if astonished. The expression on his face was very similar to the one Gray had had earlier.

‘You know it’s impossible he would have eyes for anyone else but you.’

‘…..But…..’

It had been after Alice had come to Heart Castle that Peter had changed. Even after the move to the Country of Clover, and even when the Assemblies had begun, he hadn't been that different.

Every time they met he would confess his love for her, clinging on to her with a fervency that Alice could not understand.

She wondered why the White Rabbit, who had said he had been so happy just living in the same place that he hadn’t known what do, wanted to know more about her.

‘I don’t really get what Peter means when he says he “loves” me.’

She hated romance. To have her childish selfishness laid bare, to be grown tired of…..those were things that frightened her.

Becoming one-sidedly infatuated, and only realizing later how foolish she had been, she never wanted to feel that way again.

‘…..Alice.’

‘Ah.’

The hand that had fallen onto the sheets now touched Alice.

As he stroked the flowing chestnut coloured hair on the other side of him, the dream demon was smiling gently.

‘It’s alright for you to be a bit more selfish. To want to know more about someone is by no means a bad thing.’

‘But, Nightmare-‘

‘You heard as well, didn’t you? That the White Rabbit has always rejected people up until now. And that he hates himself for only being able to maintain his sense of self by doing so.’

His face half hidden by the eyepatch he wore, the dream demon’s voice had a gentle warmth to it, just as it had in dreams.

‘It’s just you, the person he wants to know about more than himself. It is a monumental change for Peter White to have thought to want to know someone, when he never had a mind to accept anyone else before.’

‘Even though…..I haven’t even done anything?’

It wasn’t as if Alice had come to this world of her own volition.

If Peter hadn’t pulled her in, she would probably still be with her big sister even now. With a premonition of a parting that would someday come.

Even when he had told her to come to the Castle, worried that she would be deceived by the doors, she had bluntly turned down Peter’s invitations. If Blood hadn’t given her the final push, she would no doubt have hesitated to come to the Castle.

She was always just going with the flow. Without the strong will to do something of her own initiative, even while thinking that she wanted to, she was unable to take action.

‘What can change a person isn’t always effort visible to the eye. There are times when change can occur because of a few seemingly insignificant words…..no, even without words, it isn’t unusual for change to be brought about just by spending time together.’

Alice, he called her name in a low voice.

Just as he often did in dreams, with a smile that seemed both gentle and uncanny.

The dream demon quietly, yet plainly told Alice.

‘The White Rabbit has changed. Since meeting you, even in the midst of his worries…..he is drawing nearer to happiness. Just as you are.’

‘……….-‘

She didn’t have the words to respond to the certainty in that voice.

Alice had no idea what these nebulous emotions were. It was frustrating, like there was something almost within her grasp that she couldn’t quite reach, feelings that she couldn’t neatly tidy away whirling round and round in her chest.

She was unable to think of emotions such as these as anything like happiness.

‘…..G-Gray’s late coming back. Something might have happened, I better go take a look.’

‘Alice.’

Her hair slipped away from the grasp of his white hand as Alice stood up faster than he could stop her. She didn’t look back.

‘……….‘

She didn’t want those silver eyes to read her jumbled up emotions.

***

As she walked through Clover Tower looking for Gray, one of his subordinates let her know where she might find him.

‘If you’re looking for Lord Gray, he was in the kitchen over there not long ago.’

It appeared he had gone to make a new batch of coffee, just as he had told Alice he would. Thanking the man who had helped her, she walked down the hallway at a fast pace.

However, as she drew closer to the kitchen where the Tower’s second in command was supposed to have been making coffee, she gradually became aware that there was something dangerous happening nearby.

Clang clang, high-pitched metallic sounds shook the air in the normally quiet hallway.

‘Sounds like…..somebody’s causing a commotion.’

According to the rules, role holders were not to openly fight each other during the Assembly period, but Alice was well aware of their personalities. Just like Blood and Peter at the previous Assembly, it was unclear just how strictly they intended to keep to them.

Turning the corner, as she reached the source of the sounds, her eyes widened at an unexpected sight.

‘Gray! …..-And Ace!?’

Clang, the two men in the middle of a sword fight didn’t appear to have any intention of stopping at the sound of the girl’s voice.

A longsword. And two knives.

Each carrying their weapons, they were exchanging blows.

‘Hahaha, you’re just as tough as always, Lizard. Really, why are you so strong?’

‘…..The likes of you would never be able to understand, for all eternity. Especially as you are now, without your master around.’

Grrang-!

With a loud grating noise, silver lights faced off against each other. Glaring at each other from a close distance, the pairs of red and gold eyes both showed no signs of backing down.

When she looked more closely at the feet of the men as they stopped moving, she could see mug cups lying shattered on the ground. From the faint scent of coffee, she could guess what had happened.

As he was on his way back to Nightmare’s room after brewing the coffee, he had probably run into Ace.

‘There aren’t many people as skilled as you after all, Lizard. I was just curious how you ended up getting so strong…..Woah!‘

Having turned aside the opposing sword, Gray’s knife glinted as he went to strike a return blow.

‘Hahaha, that was close, too close. You’re so scary, Lizard.’

‘If you’re looking to vent your anger from the Clockmaker’s not being here, do it somewhere else. Don’t get me wrapped up in this, you XXXX-!’

Closing all at once the distance that had temporarily been put between them, Ace swung his sword once more, but with a speed that seemed unsuited to his tall height, Gray sidestepped it.

 ‘Knight.’

Faster than Ace could turn around, the knife cut apart his red sleeve.

‘I believe I told you that I’ve had enough.’

‘…..…..-‘

His cold aura sent a chill down Alice’s spine, making her shiver as she shrank back. Seeing the black shadow lurch forward, readjusting the knife in his hand for another strike, she instinctively screamed out.

‘Gray! Ace!’

Her yell was incomparably louder than the one from just before. As one would expect, their faces turned towards a voice that had been close to a shriek.

‘Alice.’

‘Oh, it’s you, Alice. What’s up?’

Both of them were people who were perceptive to the presence of others. They had surely noticed her there, but it didn’t appear they had expected her to try and stop them in this kind of way.

‘You were taking so long, Gray, I came to check up on you. Nightmare’s awake now.’

‘I see…..If only he’d stayed asleep, I would have been able to put him on an IV drip for a while.’

Murmuring as if a little disappointed, he looked so crestfallen one wouldn’t think he had been swinging a knife around just a moment ago. It was the familiar motherly look he had on his face when worrying for Nightmare that Alice knew well.

Relieved at the change, she continued to speak fast.

‘I’m going back to my room now. I’d feel bad staying for too long in a sick person’s room…..so go see him quickly if you can.’

‘My apologies. I will have to return my thanks to you at a later date. I’ll prepare some coffee for you then.’

‘Sure. I’ll be looking forward to it.’

Bidding her a small farewell, Gray at last put his knives away into their holder. He was probably concerned for his sickly boss who habitually coughed up blood…..and also for all the work he was missing.

‘Aw-, you’re leaving already? And here I was hoping you’d be my training partner just a little while longer.’

‘I don’t have the time for you.’

With a blunt reply that was the complete opposite of when he had been speaking with Alice, Gray continued on and left, walking at a rapid pace.

Just as she was feeling relieved as the tall figure grew further away-

‘Alice.’

‘-!’

A voice had suddenly called out from right behind her, and as she turned around, a bright red man stood there before her.

Beside the face grinning broadly and pleasantly, his yet unsheathed sword was glinting in the light.

‘You’re so cold, only paying attention to the Lizard like that. Ignoring me even though I’ve known you way longer than he has, that hurts.’

‘You were probably the one that attacked him to begin with anyway. You reap what you sow.’

Even Alice, who didn’t live in the same territory, could see that Gray was an extremely busy man. It wasn’t possible he would willingly get mixed up with Ace when it was likely to invite trouble.

This nuisance of a lord knight was the kind of problematic person that couldn’t help causing strife wherever he went.

‘It’s not true that I attacked him. I was just having the Lizard help me out with training, that’s all.’

‘It doesn’t seem like Gray thought of it that way though? Well, whatever. Why are you in a place like this anyway?’

This was the top floor of Clover Tower. There wasn’t necessarily visible security personnel positioned throughout the way there was at Heart Castle, but it was still a place where he might attract attention.

She didn’t understand why Ace would purposely come here, but he gave a bright laugh as he nodded.

‘Hahaha. Well, you know, since the discussion was over, thought I’d go on a bit of a trip around the inside of the Tower but…..for some reason, before I realized it, I ended up here.’

‘In other words, you got lost again.’

It appeared his tendency to get lost no matter where he went was still going strong.

While speaking as if fed up, Alice gently tugged at the sleeve of Ace’s overcoat.

‘For now, let’s get back to the rooms they’ve prepared for the Castle’s residents. There’s still time until the next discussion, but you might not make it if I just leave you to your own sense of direction.’

No, it wasn’t just that, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to end up outside of the Tower itself before she knew it.

The journey loving Ace didn’t like being led by others. She had thought he might object, but unexpectedly Ace didn’t try to stop her.

Feeling him begin to walk as she pulled him forward, Alice only looked ahead as she advanced.

‘You and the Lizard get along pretty well, don’t you?’

‘Hah?’

As they descended a number of staircases, arriving at the room allocated for Ace before long— he suddenly spoke.

When Alice, who had kept on walking, turned around, she could see herself reflected in the red gaze as he continued to smile as he usually did.

‘…..Ace?’

No, it wasn’t his usual smile.

She had a feeling there was something different about him.

His unclouded red eyes resembled Peter’s. However, Peter’s eyes weren’t this frightening.

When she looked into the White Rabbit’s eyes, they were always so pure that she hesitated to touch him. But when she looked into Ace’s eyes, it felt as if she might be sucked up into them and not be able to return.

As if they were a red, bottomless swamp. For some reason that image came into her mind, and then  disappeared.

‘I’d heard that the doors were leading you astray after the move but…..that doesn’t appear to be the case.’

‘What are you, talking about?’

Even though there was no sword in his hand.

She felt as if her breath would stop as she felt him stroke her cheek.

It was an emotion that was different from fear. It was the bottomless feeling one felt when faced with the unknown.

‘Hey, Alice. Since you’re so kind to the Lizard and all, be kind to me.’

‘…..Huh? Kyah-‘

Conversely grabbing the hand that had been holding onto his sleeve, he all at once pulled her arms upwards.

Her two hands put together above her head as if she were being strung up, she was unable to move.

‘Ow-…..Stop it, Ace.’

‘But if I don’t do this, you might run away. It’d be so uncool to have a woman run away on me, don’t you think?’

The man who had taken away Alice’s freedom with just one hand looked unbothered as he spoke. Although it didn’t hurt so long as she didn’t struggle, the red knight’s aura of intimidation remained the same.

It wasn’t like the charismatic aura of the night that Blood possessed. Ace’s eyes were still as empty and unclouded as ever, as if she were staring down a vacant hole…..she felt as if she could shiver at the unfathomableness of them.

‘You’re always chasing after Peter these days. You haven’t paid any attention to me at all, so I’ve been bored, you know?’

‘-!‘

A low voice that almost made her tremble just hearing it echoed directly inside her head.

Bringing his body closer to hers, to a position where their faces were just about touching, Ace seemed somehow cold.

There had been times before now where his fathomlessness had made her feel anxious. As she grew to know him better through meeting him in the Country of Hearts, she’d become well aware that he wasn’t just the friendly youth he appeared to be.

Still—Alice didn’t know this version of Ace.

There had been many times when she had thought he might kill her. However, it had been in a way that she could easily understand. He had even held her at sword point.

She’d never had this feeling before, as if once she fell into his voice, she’d be pulled in and no longer able to return.

‘Look only at me, not Peter.’

‘Ace….-.’

Red eyes. Bright red clothes.

Despite his face coming close enough to hers she seemed about to be kissed any moment now, for some reason it was only those parts of him that entered her vision.

Even though, no matter how she looked at them, his eyes wouldn’t overlap with those of the White Rabbit.

‘Alice.’

‘No-‘

She shuttered her eyes at the feel of his breath close by. He kissed her. Even if she were to try and fight back, her chin was being held in place by his gloved hand and she couldn’t escape him.

‘-!’

She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the next coming moment.

Before now, there had never been anyone who would do this kind of thing to Alice. Even Blood, though there had been times when he’d acted as if he were going to do something in order to mess with her, was the kind of man that was unexpectedly proper when it came to maintaining those boundaries. When Peter had tried to kiss her, she had been able to stop him with a punch.

However, right now, Alice didn’t have any way to stop Ace as he went to touch her.

And for Ace, there was no reason why he should stop.

‘…..Pe-…’

Realising the name she’d been about to call out, Alice’s body went stiff.

Even though there shouldn’t have been anyone whose name she could call out in a time like this.

But, if she were to say what came into her vision on the other side of her tightly closed eyelids, it would only have been—the vividly red eyes of a Rabbit as white as snow.

‘…..…..-‘

Why had she been about to say Peter’s name!?

Before the eyes of the girl, unable to be believe the name she’d just been about to call out-

‘Don’t you go changing on me, too.’

Just hearing his voice made her heart stop.

-Was a strong knight, broken and alone.

#heart no kuni no alice #hnkna #translation #otome game #alice in the country of clover #gray ringmarc #alice liddell

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork, onstage circa May 1969.

A fan named Dee Dee (from Decatur, Illinois) wrote to Peter via Fave Magazine, circa 1969. In her letter, she explained, “[Y]ou seem to be such a ‘free’ person. I mean that you do your own thing, from growing a beard to leaving the Monkees to leading the type of life that makes you happy without worrying what everybody thinks. It’s always been different with me. I was fairly popular with my friends because I was a follower, not a leader. I was content, more or less, to tag along and do what the ‘in’ crowd did just so I would belong. But since I turned 16, a few months ago, I have been more and more unhappy with myself. I really didn’t want to look like everybody else, so I cut off my long hair. I think it’s cute, but my friends don’t like it. I also changed the way I dressed. […] Nobody wants to talk to anymore at school, and I haven’t been invited to the last three big parties the crowd gave. I really feels just awful about it! Do you think I should change back and stop trying to be myself? I’m so lonely and hurt I could die, but somehow I think trying to be like everybody else isn’t right either! Please help me, Peter, I know you can!” Here’s Peter’s reply:

“Dear Dee Dee, I feel a very big responsibility in giving you an answer and I’ve turned it over and over in my mind. Many things you say in your letter bring back memories of my high school days! I felt much the same way you do. You aren’t alone in your idea that there has to be something else besides trying to be a carbon copy of everybody else around you. But as you now realize, during your teens you are bucking the system when you try for individuality. I don’t mean this to sound hard on your friends — or rather the people you thought were your friends. Let me try to explain how I feel about it to you, and maybe it’ll help. The whole idea of peace and love as I see it is to let everybody do their thing, as long as it’s not harmful to anyone else. There’s nothing that says you have to agree with someone’s opinion on dress, hair, politics, or the way the country is being run. If you prefer to listen to classical music instead of rock, then by all means do! Everyone feels differently about certain things. That’s what makes us all individuals, and life would certainly be dull if people agreed on everything. But to go back to what I said about ‘bucking the system,’ it is a lot harder to be entirely your own self when you are just developing your own ideas. When you are in high school, your social life becomes very important to you. How many parties you get invited to, how many phone calls and dates you have, the number of people you can call your friends are the things which make you feel like a worthwhile person, or a dropout from the human race. You’ll have to accept the fact that any deviation from the current fads of dress or conversation will place you in the category of being just a little different. It’s not a bad thing to be — but it’s not easy either! Your friends will not accept this from you readily, because they remember you as you were. Also, in doing our own thing you are giving them some doubts about themselves. You see, everyone knows deep down that there are some things they don’t like about running with the crowd! But how easy it is to just sit back and accept, instead of branching out on their own! As the years go by and people mature, most of them do find that they are entirely different than they were in high school. They look back, as I do, and say, ‘How could I have gone along with that!’ It takes years and experience for people to find just exactly what they want and who they are. Unfortunately, too many never do! That’s why you should consider yourself lucky. You aren’t really an outcast, you know. The most important person you have to please is you! And obviously you are trying to find the right road that brings out the self you are most comfortable with. You have to realize, Dee Dee, that you are maturing more rapidly than some of the others in your age group. It is a very important thing that is happening inside of you. You’re questioning the ‘taken for granted’ things and beginning to think for yourself. All this takes a great deal of courage and faith. You’ll find yourself asking a hundred times a day, ‘Do I really want this? Do I believe in this?…’ and little by little you will be happier within yourself. If you keep an open mind about things, and this means not putting down the people you think have square ideas, you will find attitudes changing toward you. Remember that everybody, even those you know are wrong, do have just as much right to the ideas and way of life as you have! You can be absolutely certain that the way you feel is right — FOR YOU! What is right for someone else is their own decision. You can argue a point of disagreement with someone by offering your views in a calm, friendly way. Don’t fight about it! Don’t try to force your beliefs on others, because this only antagonizes them. Everybody has to come along at his or her own pace and trying to prod or push them only makes them angry with you! Think about what I’ve told you and try your very best to be open, cheerful and friendly with everyone. That includes people who have or will try to point you in one way or another. If someone puts you down, letting it roll off your back is not accepting it so much as recognizing the fact that it’s their hangup, not yours! There are going to be people who will become your friends. Some of them you’ll get to know, and others will find you. Your social life will pick up again, but this time you’ll be doing it on your own terms! This much I know is true, because it happened to me! The transition from being one of the crowd to being your own individual self is painful, but the way you feel about yourself is the most important thing that will ever happen to you! Peace and Love, Peter Tork”

#Peter Tork #1960s #60s Tork #Tork letters #Tork quotes #Monkees fans #The Monkees #Monkees #1969 #<3 #long read #this is excellent advice for any age really #anyway #<3 <3 <3 #he had the best heart of anyone I can think of #so much respect for PT #bearded Peter #more for the solid Tork advice files #Tork performances #Tork banjo #Tork fan recollections #love his mind #Fave Magazine #can you queue it

[moonmacabre01]

Last night I wrote a fanfic for the first time, figured I might as well post it here (fanfic under cut)

Midnight Pie

Bandee sat on his bed, staring out the window at the night sky beyond. “Another  sleepless night . . .” He mumbled to himself. They’d become more frequent lately, ever since the Jambadrans defeat. It’s been weeks now, but there was one thing he still couldn’t get out of his mind: the grinning, hollow face of void, a mockery of Kirby, his dearest friend. Speaking of . . . Bandee glanced at the phone sitting on his side table. ”Maybe talking to him would clear my mind” he thought as he started to reach for the phone before stopping. “No, he’s probably asleep” he let his nub fall back to his side, and turned his gaze back to the sky outside. His thoughts swirled round in long worn paths, trying already used keys on a locked door, before a sudden recollection stopped them. “Wasn’t there still apple pie leftover from dinner?” A smile flitted across the young dee’s face at the thought of his favorite food. “Might as well” he said to himself as he hopped off his bed and headed to the door.

“The castle always feels lonely at night”, the dee thought as he walked down the dim corridors down to the kitchen. He far preferred it at day, with all the other dees bustling about. The dark made him anxious, bringing up bad memories. He shuddered, and tried to push those thoughts away. “No need to think about that” he told himself, before coming to a stop as he noticed someone walking down the hallway ahead. “It can’t be his majesty, it’s too small,” Bandee thought as he observed the figure “and it’s the wrong shape for a dee. Could it be . . .” “Sir Meta Knight?” he called down the corridor. The figure stopped, and the glowing yellow eyes as he turned to face the dee confirmed his identity. “What are you doing here so late?” The dee said, hurriedly walking to join the knight. “I could say the same for you” Meta Knight replied “I’d expect you to be sleeping”. “I was just getting a snack” Bandee said, not wanting to mention the real reason he was awake, “Do you want to come with?” The swordsman seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then nodded. “I don’t see the harm.” The dee gave a small smile as way of reply, then started again on to the kitchen, Meta Knight following close.

Bandee squinted against the light as he opened the refrigerator door. His eyes searched the shelves, before coming to rest on the pie tin he was looking for. “Do you want some?” he asked the knight sitting at the nearby table “there’s enough for both of us”. Meta Knight paused for a moment, as if considering the offer. “Don’t tell anyone” He told the dee “but yes”. Bandee held back a giggle as he pulled a pair of plates out of a cupboard “Why would I want to tell anyone? It’s not like I’d get anything from it”. “Can’t be too careful” the knight replied stiffly as he watched the dee cut two slices of the pie and carefully place them on the plates. “I’ll go get some forks” Bandee said as he started toward a drawer. “No” Meta Knight replied, “I’ll get them. You go ahead and take a seat”. He fished out two forks at random and walked back to the table. Passing one to the dee, the knight pulled up his mask and started to eat. Bandee followed suit, enjoying the sweet taste of each bite. But . . . “Sir Meta Knight?” the swordsman paused mid bite, and turned to look at him. “I . . wasn’t entirely honest about why I was up earlier” Bandee whispered, staring at his plate. “Oh?” the knight blinked. Bandee wasn’t prone to discretion. “I’ve . . . I’ve been having a lot of sleepless nights recently. Ever since what happened . . .  in there. Inside Void Termina” the young dee’s voice started to waver, “I can’t seem to get it’s face out of my head”. “Oh . . . I see” Meta Knight whispered. Why was he taken back? It had been unsettling for everyone, seeing that . .  . thing mimicking Kirby’s face. “I understand,” he told the dee, extending a wing comfortingly around him, “It shook me too”. “Really?” Bandee looked at the swordsman in surprise. “Really” Meta Knight nodded, “But while I can’t tell you why it chose to mimick Kirby, I do know it’s gone now”. “Let’s hope” Bandee replied quietly, and took another bite of pie. Meta Knight gave a small smile, and turned his attention back to his piece.

“You know you don’t have to walk me back to my room, sir Meta Knight” Bandee whispered as the two walked again down the castle’s quiet corridors. “Perhaps,” the swordsman replied, face once again covered by his mask “But I’ll do so anyways”. The dee began to reply, but whatever it was was interrupted by a yawn. “Excuse me,” he laughed, rubbing at an eye “I guess my exhaustion’s catching up to me”. Meta Knight nodded in agreement “Try and get some sleep tonight”. “I’ll try.” Bandee said, before stopping outside of his door. The knight started to turn back, but then “Sir Meta Knight?” “Hmm?” the swordsman turned back to the dee standing in the doorway. “Thank you for keeping me company” Bandee whispered, before turning and stepping back into his room. The knight stood there as the door closed, before smiling under his mask, “It was my pleasure, Bandee”. Then he turned and walked back down the dark corridor, hoping that maybe now, Bandee will sleep a little more peacefully.

______________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading <3

#feel free to give constructive criticism #'it fucking sucks' is not constructive criticism #kirby #kirby of the stars #bandee #bandana dee #bandana dee kirby #meta knight #meta knight kirby #kirby fanfic #fanfic #fluff #oneshot #kinda sorta metadad

[shychick-52]

Thoughts about Gandra Dee and Fenton? (Pt. 2)

So, in this post I raised a bunch of questions that always confused me about Gandra and Fenton's relationship and her being in F.O.W.L. In that last post of mine, I invited others to chime in with their own ideas. I'm just listing some of my own headcanons for them, which I've used in my fanfics. Please feel free to add your own two cents. (And I'm only listing my thoughts on the questions I actually have headcanons for).

How and when did they reconnect after 'The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee' (which took place in the middle of season 2, while 'Beaks In the Shell' happened near the end of season 3)?

How did that conversation go and what was said? How exactly did Gandra earn Fenton's trust after hurting him so badly? That is, how could he be absolutely sure he could trust her (even after she presumably told him- off-screen, anyway- her backstory leading to making a lot of bad choices in her desperation to get her science projects funded?

How did it not compromise Fenton's morals (because he's such a morally upright person, a total goody-goody) to be in a relationship with somebody with such a shady past, who was currently part of an evil spy organization? It's obvious he wanted to give her a chance after hearing her backstory, and understood that she's not really a bad person, but I just don't understand how he still didn't feel conflicted.

I like to think maybe a few days to a week after their so-called date, Fenton- who had Gandra's contact info, as it showed in 'Dangerous Chemistry'- couldn't stop thinking about Gandra, and reached out to her to talk about everything that happened. She was just so intriguing and he'd never met anyone he so strongly connected with, somebody who shared his passion for science (not counting Gyro) and who he shared such chemistry with (science humor, ya'll XD). He knew there was a real spark between them (and not just when she shocked his hand with her electric nanites when she demonstrated them to him XD). And he also felt really conflicted, because she was a crook who did take advantage of him and totally betrayed his trust (and although she helped him defeat Beaks and left him with the correct equation to help him complete his experiment, which he was undoubtedly very grateful for, I imagine he still felt conflicted).

They reconnected and talked about everything, and she earnestly apologized for everything she did- including just taking off without a word in the end, which I think she did because she felt too ashamed to stay and face him- and explained her backstory (about how she was always misunderstood for her passion for super-science, which was always rejected for being too dangerous and unorthodox, leading her to experiment on herself and allowing herself to be hired by bad guys- the only ones who would fund her work, because they didn't care how much destruction it caused- and become this hardened, tough-as-nails, lone-wolf scientist who did what she did from desperation). And that led her to admitting she was in F.O.W.L. and explaining about them, knowing she owed him the truth. She hated being unable to truly be her own scientist like she originally bragged to Fenton, and she felt so trapped in this lifestyle and disgusted with herself, but always felt she had no choice- and she tried to look at it like she was the one using them for her funding, even tho she knew they were just using her too and didn't care about her brilliance.

(Gandra explaining her past and reasons for being in F.O.W.L. to Huey in 'Beaks in the Shell')

Fenton was shocked, but filled with sympathy and compassion for her, even if he strongly disapproved of her lifestyle choices (but couldn't really judge her for them). He wanted to give her a chance and be the source of support she never got, and realized she wasn't fundamentally a bad person. And that led them to confessing their feelings for each other and developing their secret relationship (to keep the people in Fenton's life from finding out he was involved with an 'enemy' and branding him a traitor, and to keep F.O.W.L. from finding out she was a traitor involved with Gizmoduck and an ally of the Ducks- which was even more serious in her case, because they could do a lot more than just fire her for her treachery...). And ofc they eventually developed their top-secret VR space for the science community to conduct super-science in a safe, controlled environment, which she used her funding from F.O.W.L. and their resources to build, and planned to finally quit F.O.W.L. for good once the project was finished.

How long Gandra had been in F.O.W.L.? Did she join before or after meeting Fenton?

I like to think she was already in F.O.W.L. when Mark Beaks hired her, because it wouldn't make sense for her to join F.O.W.L. after reconnecting with Fenton, apologizing, and confessing everything, him giving her a chance, and them becoming a couple; that would look very bad, and I just don't see how Fenton could have trusted her if she did that afterwards.

What was the extent of Gandra's knowledge of Bradford's plans? Other than retrieving the Missing Mysteries as part of F.O.W.L.'s ultimate goal to destroy all adventure, chaos, and unpredictability and take over the world (which she already knew), what else did she know?

What was the extent of Fenton's knowledge of F.O.W.L.'s plans from Gandra? (Did he know everything she knew? Did she fill him in on anything? Or did she withhold certain information from him for his own protection?)

I think she knew the basics- that F.O.W.L.'s main objective was to ransom the world and take it over, to remake the world in Bradford's perfect image by eliminating all adventure and anything chaotic and unpredictable. She knew about the Missing Mysteries of Isabella Finch (she was the one who informed Bradford the Ducks found her journal they planted at the end of 'Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks') and that Bradford wanted the Ducks to find the artifacts so they could steal them all from the family.

However... I don't think she knew just how truly evil or insane Bradford was. I don't think she- or any of the other agents, until much later- knew about his plan for the Papyrus of Binding or his plan to clone Webby (which was all related to his convoluted plan to get Scrooge to give up on adventuring forever). Gandra was with the other agents at the end of 'The Sword of Swanstantine' when Heron contacted Bradford and held up the feather they managed to secretly get from Webby, saying "Mission accomplished"- and the other agents obviously knew about May and June by the time of the finale (not counting Gandra, because she'd been captured three episodes away from the finale before they were created)- but I don't think any of the agents knew about Bradford's plan to clone Webby until much closer to the end of the series. If Gandra had known, which she would have if she didn't get captured at the end of 'Beaks In the Shell', I think that's something she definitely would've tipped Fenton off about so he could warn the Ducks! So, I don't think any of the F.O.W.L. agents knew why their real objective was to obtain a feather from Webby on that mission- they just were following orders. It's my headcanon the information the agents got from Bradford and Heron was strictly on a need-to-know basis, only telling them what they deemed appropriate when they deemed it appropriate (Bradford obviously didn't trust his people with too much information at once).

Proof of this is at the end of 'Beaks In the Shell' when Bradford caught onto Gandra's treachery before she could quit, and ordered her to be captured and brought to the Lost Library. Gandra cried out, "What?! What library?!" Bradford replied, "You have your secrets, Agent Dee. I have mine." And obviously Bradford finally told the other agents about the Lost Library by 'The Last Adventure' because F.O.W.L. relocated there on Bradford's orders early on in that episode.

And she obviously also didn't know about Bradford's plan to capture and destroy everyone even remotely associated with the Ducks (family, friends, allies, enemies) along with all the Missing Mysteries- which she warned Huey about when he found her in the final episode- until she herself was imprisoned in the Lost Library with everyone else. Again, that's something HUGE that she definitely would've alerted Fenton to if she knew!

And she was just as shocked as everyone else when Ludwig Von Drake dropped the big reveal that Webby was cloned from Scrooge (even more proof she didn't know anything about the whole plan to clone Webby):

And I absolutely headcanon that Gandra and Fenton agreed that Gandra wouldn't/couldn't tell him most of what she did know about Bradford's goals and plans, for fear of putting them both at risk (including the secret location of F.O.W.L.'s headquarters underneath Funso's Fun Zone), as well as to avoid making their relationship awkward and reduce conflict in it.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts for those questions that never got addressed in the show. There are the other questions and plot-holes (again, see the other post I linked to at the top of this one) that have me scratching my head, but I wouldn't mind your thoughts.

#fenton crackshell cabrera #gandra dee #fendra #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #headcanon #character analysis

[tblsomedoodles]

Dee carrying one of his plushies around would be helpful in letting his family know what kind of mood he's in.

Red lets them know that Dee either had a bad dream or something scared him.

Blue is for when he's lonely or starting to feel sick; that second one is most helpful.

Orange is a little tricky, since Dee talks to Orange about his experiments and such, but he has been heard venting or asking for advice, especially when it was something related to feelings.

Definitely! B/c Dee's not exactly vocal about his feelings, even when he's small (feelings confuse him.) so him having some sort of outlet/sign to 1) help himself deal with those feelings, and 2) show that he is, in fact, feeling a certain way, would be exceptionally helpful when he was younger (and even going into his teenage years. Like a teenage Dee walking around with Blue plush would be an almost sure sign he was sick.)

Thank yoU!

Now all i can see is Leo holding a lollypop out to Dee going "i will give you this if we can share this sofa without you biting or hissing at me." and Dee having to seriously think about it lol.

Thank you!

#asks #tmnt #rottmnt #adopted donnie au

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

I feel like despite what we've said about Huntsmen in the past, that the series is actually steadily skewering the Huntsmen system and what it represents in the overarching narrative.

Volume 1 to 3 presents us with an idealized image of what a huntsman is: A protector of the people and guardian.

But Volume 4 - 8 shows us the serious flaws of that system, and how it can be argued that Atlas is one of the logical conclusions of that system if it were co-opted by the right (or in this case, wrong) powers or state.

The series shows Amity Colosseum being dedicated to the "unity" of the four (human) kingdoms, where everyone is fighting for the glory of the kingdom. Meanwhile it's revealed that the huntsmen's true purpose (outside of fighting Grimm) is to basically be Ozma and his secret society's soldiers in a forever war against a nebulous enemy, with specific self-sacrificing types like Ruby, Pyrrha, Penny being essentially groomed to fulfill certain roles that Ozma and those he works with because of their willingness to put everything on the line in the name of a greater good.

We also get the revelation of the fact that people like Cinder, Hazel, Ren, the Faunus, etc. fell through the cracks of that system, or who knew people who were negatively impacted because Huntsmen were simply not there. And this doesn't even cover the numerous examples of huntsmen who are shown to be wholly inadequate and who failed people through extortion or negligence, like Dee, Dudley, and Rhodes, never mind those who end up using their skills as huntsmen for selfish means like Raven.

And then there's Atlas.

It's easy to try to separate Atlas' co-opting of the huntsmen system into the military as being proof that the military and cops are bad, and that it's better for them to go back to being huntsmen, like what people suggested for Marrow to do. But the story explicitly highlights that there is a lot of overlap between how huntsmen function and how Atlas' military huntsmen work, like in how they're both unaccountable except only to specific types of powerful figures, with only the morality of the huntsmen in question being the deciding factor as to whether things work out or not. And we've seen what happens when immoral huntsmen get too much power, or regular people are stacked up against huntsmen who decide to be immoral, like Raven or Ironwood.

It's easy to see this as just an example of bad apples, and that there just needs to be "better" huntsmen, but we've seen just how much that sort of thing isn't really the case. Ruby and Team Remnant try so hard to be better huntsmen, but the sheer weight and pressure of what they're dealing with is shown to be too much for them to bear. Hell, even in the best scenarios small groups of huntsmen can only do so much.

Even when it works as intended, it has dire consequences. We've seen with Ren's backstory, everything that happened in Mantle and Atlas, how not only are the people wholly defenseless without a consistent huntsmen system to protect them, but that they seem to be set up in a way that shows them to be utterly dependent on protection. The huntsmen system may very well be intended to protect the people, but it's more akin to a patronizing "we are here to protect you, so you don't have to try to protect yourself".

And a lot of it boils down to how seriously flawed the system really is, because it was a system predicated and created on the biases and perspectives of the single-most self-sacrificing and chronically lone hero person in the series: Ozpin.

Ozma's early incarnation is portrayed as the ideal hero, and his role in the story is that of the Chosen One by the God of Light. And I think the failings of the huntsmen system are a narrative deconstruction of these facets. What happens when a single man with a death wish, a near religious fervor to upholding his mission from his God, and a healthy dose of being morally eroded over the course of millennia creates a system meant to help him fight against a being he deems the ultimate evil.

A system that fundamentally ends up being easily corrupted, twisted and cannibalizes itself because it was never a feasible system of protection to begin with. A system that renders the people who it's trying to protect dependent and defenseless, thus ironically ensuring that if the huntsmen fail, then they can't fend for themselves.

Ironically enough, there ARE examples of societies that HAS managed to succeed without the huntsmen system: namely, Menagerie. The FAUNUS society.

Their part of the world is supposedly set in the most hostile and dangerous part of the world, with 2/3rds desert and wildlife even more hostile than Vacuo. The place is a dumping ground intended by human societies to basically genocide the Faunus and get them out of the way.

And yet, they've managed to thrive. There's no indication of them suffering from Grimm the same way other societies have, and while it takes some doing, their solution to the Adam incident was to raise their own militia and take the fight to him.

And this is all done WITHOUT huntsmen, or the system.

I don't agree with everything here, but yeah, you raise some good points. Pretty much all of the ways the kingdoms handle Huntsmen have glaring flaws in them and while the four part group they're taught in schools does help, there's still a lot of work left to do.

#rwby analysis #rwby hunters #rwby menagerie

[technicianuprisingau]

Meet the Cast - Meta Knight

Alright, simpers, get ready. Here's your blueberry borb. Writing his weakness is... finicky. I honestly don't know how, unlike Team Starstruck that has glaring weaknesses (ex. Robobot Armor sucks at fighting speed-based opponents, Bandana Dee risks himself more when getting hit by a particularly strong attack, Kirby can face problems if you use another gimmicky fighter), this guy is just. Fast. Like, faster than Bandee, so yeah. Real hard to hit. Help. Feel free to hand over feedbacks, if you wish!

--------------------

"...why are people interested in me... oh well. I shall answer your questions then."

Basic Information

Name: Meta Alecta

Age: 43 [by the start of Planet Robobot]

Gender: Male

Orientation: Asexual

Hometown: [REDACTED] ("...I would rather not recall.")

Species: Puffball

Ability: Wing + Sword

Job: Star Warrior, mentor to Kirby Team Starstruck

Other names: Meta Knight ("This is my knighted title. Please refer me as such formally."), The Lone Swordsman ("...why do people gave me such fancy titles...?"), Batman ("...Galacta..." *sigh*)

Alignment: Lawful Neutral, leaning Good

A veteran star warrior who keeps track of Dreamland's defenses with a mysterious past and years of experience behind him. As Kirby's mentor, he acts as the uptight 'father' when it comes to handling Team Starstruck. His fears of getting his student into danger had only risen since he was brainwashed in The Technological War. He was even skeptical of the Technician ability at first but its first outing of successfully defeating several mysterious attackers convinced him it was for the best Kirby kept that helmet. Stern and logical, he fights with the legendary sword Galaxia, with the permanent Wing ability he has had since birth, and the Sword ability he learned along the way.

Detailed Information

Goals/Motivation: "I simply wish to do what I was meant to do as a member of the Galactic Soldier Army. It is true I am a Star Warrior, and thus my supposed job was to travel, but I have requested for extended stays due to my student, Kirby."

Hobby: "Reading. And baking, occasionally - but do not count on me doing so often..."

Favorite Food: "...grapes. If we were to go beyond that, I think we are getting personal here that-" {Kirby: "Hey, Mety, do you want me to buy you some sweets? Or the parfait from-} "Kirby! Not now!"

Least Favorite Food: "...licorice."

Favorite Game Type: "I don't play games." {Robobot Armor: "What are you, a f^cking boomer?"} "Would you please be silent for 5 minutes Robobot Armor, and cease that dirty mouth of yours..."

Habits: Rarely ever swears, tries to cook by himself [unfortunately they all taste bad], secretly hides sweets ("What is that you are writing?")

Other Liked Things: "I have not much to tell in this case."

Secret: All his hidden sweet tooth aside, The Nightmare War gave him scars he didn't want to remember much on, and he has been dealing with the pain he has for a long time. The existence of his crewmates, the Core Four of Dreamland, and Team Starstruck has helped him to lighten up things, even if he can't or won't admit it. He may have no incentive to love anymore, a part of him wants to feel such, but he couldn't. The people he actually loved either married someone else, died, or both, so he is afraid of that happening again. All he has now is platonic love.

Relationships

Best Friends: "...I have... a few. His Majesty King Dedede... my crewmates who operate the Halberd alongside me. And my... students." {Bandana Dee: "...students? I thought it's just Kir-"} "...I can't believe I have to say this in front of... Fine. Couldn't you appreciate yourself, Bandana? I have three students, that includes you and Robobot Armor. Now go back to your duties..." {Bandana Dee: "...s-sir, you are-"} "I said return to your duties... at once."

Rivals: "...I do not acknowledge any-" {Galacta: "Sup, batman!"} "Oh great... Can't you just leave me? For now? I am not interested in-" {Galacta: "Anyways, do you know that he wants to whoop my butt because I was-" *gets a book thrown to his face* "HEY-"} "LEAVE."

Enemies: "Any enemy to this planet and the Galactic Soldier Army is an enemy, as well."

Family: "...I have none. Not any longer. Except the people I know."

Crush/Love Interest: "I have none, as well."

Skills and Abilities

Overview:

Meta Knight is a very experienced swordsman. Due to his rough training in the GSA, he has learned several techniques, and the things he bring, including the Galaxia and his Dimensional Cape, helps him to combat efficiently. His speed is also amazing, able to outrun a lot of combatants, which he combines with his swordfighting to dispatch opponents much faster. He also has several minor skills that is nothing to laugh at, including being able to operate battleships as well as general knowledge regarding his own kind, such as copy abilities.

Apparently, he also knows some types of magic and while he usually doesn't use it on fair fights, if he has to, he WILL use them, especially in decisive battles.

Strength: Fast and accurate would be a good way to describe Meta Knight's battle style. The legendary sword he holds helps out inflicting damage both short and medium ranged, which can hit hard, especially the Sword Beam technique, one which has been horned for hit far opponents. Once he gets the chance, he can follow up with quick hits, making it difficult to find a breathing room at times. His knowledge on magic also helps him to find weaknesses, and there are times he does use spells of his own, which can complicate things. It doesn't help that he can fly too.

Weakness: Much like any speed-related fighter, if he is not careful, it tends to be that one mistake could mean fatal. Fortunately, he is actually very careful, and thus, this problem is easily mitigated - he has a great stamina and persistence to back this up. Problem is, attacks that have huge range can still trip him at times. Opponents that can outlast him is also a problem.

"I suppose that wraps up this talk. As of you... is there anything else? If not, the door is over there to your right - I shall return to my duties, as well."

#kirby #kirby au #technician uprising au #technicianuprisingcharacterbio #character bio #meta knight #look at this man #i feel sorry for him

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Sorry if I cant send more then one but Id love your thoughts on the three-in-one bundle andriod family fuckshow

FIRST OF ALL, OBSESSED WITH THE PHASE "THREE-IN-ONE BUNDLE ANDROID FAMILY FUCKSHOW." THEY SURE FUCKIN ARE!!!!!! my fucked up Italians!!! second of all, cannot believe i am saying this but I actually already did one for Jakob/Jose, you can find my thoughts on him over here!!

So for now I will do just tweedle dee and tweedle dipshit over here

LESTERLUCCIANO:

First impression: "ok so this Primo guy is associated with two other guys and one of them is like??? really short??? ok. wait what the fuck do you mean theyre all the same guy hello--"

Impression now: LITTLE FUCKER OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god i love lester so much I love when a yugioh character is just some tiny bastard he's a PERMANENT 12 YEAR OLD he wears ROLLER SKATES FULL TIME he SKATEBOARDS he's RUDE AND MEAN TO EVERYONE his little cackle in his sub voice is DELIGHTFUL. top favorites forever. He is also agonizingly sad and if I think too hard about him I feel unwell.

Favorite moment: Thinking about when Primo loses in the WRGP and Lester starts shrieking at him about how he fucked up the plan and Primo just tells him to stop complaining/stop being petulant and Lester starts LITERALLY SHAKING WITH ABSOLUTE RAGE. THEY WERE HAVING A SHOVING MATCH IMMEDIATELY OFF SCREEN I JUST KNOW IT.

Idea for a story: something about Lester when he was first brought online. What that could have felt like. What would have happened if the implied Mental Blocks That Seal Off the Emperor's Memories weren't active when he first got turned on. Many potential for let's Be Kind of Emo About Lester moments.

Favorite relationship: Lester and Primo's dynamic is genuinely one of my favorite platonic yugioh character relationships, I need to talk more on it sometime. They really brotherpilled those two androids as hard as they possibly could and it makes me explode. Primo stole his card so Lester really just rips his whole deck out of his beat to shit torso. Unhinged Middle Schooler vs. Unhinged 19 Year Old.

Favorite headcanon: bird autism, can do So Many Skateboard Tricks, would pick up bugs and garbage and other shit off the ground and throw them at Primo. Very protective of his hair and knows a bunch of braids and styles. Is absolutely Fucking Terrified of Jakob but will not admit this. Bites. Hard.

PRIMOPLACIDO:

First impression: during his DL event back in 2021 I really was just like "idrk what's going on here with this like. weird 5Ds villain overlord guy. He's got a robot army I guess??? ok. is he like... 30? what is this shit about bees what the hell."

Impression now: that is my BOY my SON my FAILBOT9000 he is PERMANENTLY UNDER 20 he is a gijinka of just how much it sucks to be 19 and angry at everything and I LOVE HIM SO. SO MUCH. DID NOT EXPECT HIM TO BECOME ONE OF MY TOP FAVORITE YGO CHARACTERS BUT HERE WE ARE. he just sucks so bad and nobody likes him and if i also think too hard about him and how agonizingly lonely and fucked up he is I start getting BIG SAD. HE TURNED INTO A FUCKING MOTORCYCLE. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIM. HE DIED BADLY AND CAME BACK BADLY. LOVE THIS ANIMAL. THE PEEM.

Favorite moment: they really gave this poor bastard one of the most 'gruesome' ygo duel loss moments huh. Like he's a robot so it's fine to show it but he did still get RIPPED IN HALF. AND HIS STUPID SWORD SKIDDED ACROSS THE PAVEMENT SOUNDING LIKE A SILVERWARE DRAWER. it makes me bananas. I also rly love the bit when he's working on his secret Ghost Army and Jakob videocalls to yell at him and Primo just looks away like a dog that got caught eating out of the trash.

Idea for a story: oooouughhhh none of yall are ready for the AU simmering in the back of my brain where Leo tries to save a chunk of Aporia's inner robotic hardware to try and bring him back to life, but it's corrupted and incomplete and only brings back Primo. So now you have this miserable postcanon Primo with no deck no sword no NOTHING being shown kindness from Yusei & co and having to live with all of Aporia's memories and knowledge of What He Did. it's so special to me. i need to brew some more on it.

Unpopular opinion: every day. i see this weird idea that Primo is like.... uwu so suave and dainty and delicate??? and it's like....HUH???? this 6 foot tall WEIRD GUY is PART MOTORCYCLE and MEAN AS HELL and UNPLEASANT TO BE AROUND and FUMBLES EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS PLANS. let him suck ass!! he's at his best when he sucks!! ALSO THE LIKE. FANDOM IDEA THAT HE LOVES BEES??!? literally every time he talks about insects it's in a derogatory manner for the love of god i am begging for media literacy. im on my hands and knees here.

Favorite relationship: I do love his stupid one-sided rivalry with Yusei it's so fucking funny. But also, again, he and Lester....god. Love them so fucking much. If Primo hated Lester as much as he acts and claims he would not have gone along with his little rich kid's butler bit I just know it (without complaining either!!). You can argue he just tolerates Lester's company but I genuinely think he does like it. even if it's just a little. Based and Big Brother'd. Wahhhh

Favorite headcanon: god where do I start. Autism Beast. Constantly on the verge of an being overstimulated meltdown. Zero volume control. If someone had introduced him to wolves that would have been it, he would have been a complete wolfaboo. Avid watcher of Cool Sword Videos. Built like a pit bull.

#LONG POST SORRY. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THEM AND I DIDNT EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE HERE #YGO POSTING #asks #anonymous #iliasterliker9000

[kerink]

dundeelemonade

I KNOOOWWWW i am just like. you know. sending vibes across time and space. hoping that he gets a clue and he can start figuring shit out sooner than later. au where he gets an inkling of how this place works a little bit faster and he gets over himself and he. and martin, martin he’s. he’s happy. keri, au where martin finds a niche for himself without all the pain and heartbreak and miscommunication. now i know that one of the tenets of the wtse au is that martin doesn’t get what he wants but i just think he could have fun running a thrift shop or smth, and being passive aggressively polite at people who dare try to shop there. britishly bitchy, in a way that brings him satisfaction, and he can come home at the end of the day feeling like he’s got a full life, instead of being dependent on jon & co to be the structure he builds his life around. idk i just love him and i am depraved enough to want to give him nice things, even just theoretically.

dee i am going to 🅱️ite you

between martin and jon, martins the one who ends up with a satisfying life. he's the one who heals and grows and changes the most. he's the one who controls his own destiny.

martin gets a job first, sure it's at carlos' lab, but he gets that job because of his knowledge and expertise. he becomes an adjunct scientist and is able to understand night vale's strangeness in ways that the other scientists can't because they have no foundation or frame of reference to work off of. to them, night vale is Strange and that's it. but martin knows this strangeness, he's familiar with this strangeness. and he is missed after he leaves because he is valuable, immensely valuable. and it's so corrective for him, to have a job where he's important and respected and he gets to tell people much more qualified than him that they're wrong and then he gets to quit

martin makes friends first. real actual friends, not the weird thing jon and cecil have going on where they connect through the hallways of the beholding's library and think each other's thoughts and feel each other's feelings. he makes friends the awkward and stilted and excited and anxious way real people do. he has his own calendar and does things the other's don't know about and has stories to tell at dinner.

martin understands night vale first. he refuses to be an unwitting victim again, he refuses to be a pawn again, he refuses to blindly trust jon again. he knows now that jon is the archivist before he's anything else. he's omniscient and thinks he knows best and will try to control everyone and everything. and he's not a bad person martin knows that, but, well. he needs to have a handle on his own shit. he needs to have independence. he can't just sit around the office filing paper and fetching tea. hes the man who walked through hell and murdered god. he wants to carry that power with him forever, cultivate it, nurture it. he wants that to be true. so he walks night vales streets and literally maps everything out. he tries to leave, over and over and over. he listens to NVCR until cecil's cryptic doublespeak makes sense.

martin grows first. he has to brave night vale and tolerate his interloper status. he walks the side walk, smoking but visible, corporal, there, because he won't be shut away again. part of being truly seen is risking being rejected and he knows he has to become okay with that. he knows that if he doesn't risk the mortifying ordeal of being known then he will end up being Lonely again. so he goes out and shows up over and over and over. he visits every shop, he (desperately) tries every tea, he goes to the grocery just to try to figure out what here is actually food. he brute forces his way into the community, hammering against his own desire to disappear and his need to make this new life work until he finally breaks through as a pillar of the community.

martin who formed his own bowling league, martin who's an active member of the PTA, martin who gets an authorship credit on the research papers coming out of carlos' lab, martin who has boys nights at big rico's speak easy, martin who gets car sick so he has to learn to drive

whenever benny and i talk about jon traveling through the doors, whether its the old oak ones to desert bluffs too or helen's, martin's always the door stop.

martin's not just a pillar of the community but he's the pillar of the family. he's jon's anchor, as he explores what it means to be a person, even if he's no longer human. he's cecil support person, as he begins to gain comfort in stories about his childhood, and how what his mother did to him changed him so irreversibly. he's carlos light house, keeping him firmly grounded in humanity as he keeps running away with night vale's madness.

and martin can be all of these things for them because in the first few months of them being here, martin took a good long look at himself and said "what is the life you want to have" and he did everything in his power to become the man he wants to be

#wtse

[pixiestickers]

I was tagged by @theangrypomeranian Thanks!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3: 52

2. What's your total word count? 813,389

3. What fandoms do you write for?

atm it's Hunter x Hunter with wips in Over the Garden Wall, Futurama, and Lord of the Rings. I got my start writing Twilight fanfic on fanfiction.net and occasionally write for Star Wars when the mood is right. There are past fandoms, but I don't feel like naming them all.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

Okay, there is a problem. Two of my fics that are in my top 5 are also like ptsd for me from a bad fandom, so I am leaving them off this list despite their high kudo count. Right now I have them viewable only to AO3 users and you can't comment on them bc I just don't want to be reminded of them, but also am not strong enough to take them down. So anyway ... here's my edited top 5.

Blame it on the Nargles (Harry Potter)

If You're Lonely, Press Play (Over the Garden Wall)

The One With The Slaps (Friends)

Change Heartache Into Courage (Twilight)

The L Word (Twilight)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to unless the comment is kinda unhinged. I once had a really nice comment that switched gears midway thru to start in on a campaign to save the show my fic was based on getting nasty abt the network that canceled it and it just went off the rails, so in my head I was like thank u for that nice beginning but I'm just gonna walk slowly backwards away from this.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Even my saddest fics have some sort of silver lining. I don't like leaving my characters suffering w/o any hope. So probably the AU I wrote to my own otgw canon where I kill Beatrice off (Not) A Happy Story is the angstiest, but there's some hope by the end.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

idk I'm kind of partial to the ending of my iasip fic My Fair Charlie bc these are two characters who have been thru a lot in their lives and the scene in Charlie's room where he shows Dee his memory box is just sorta cute and innocent and gives me feelings.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

In the fandom that shall not be named, I got some. I never got any hate when I originally wrote for Twilight on ff.net but when I updated my fic from there to AO3 I got some.

9. Do you write smut?

Not really no. A handful of times and it's just sorta okay. I'm more of a write an intense lead-up and then fade to black writer. I'll leave the smut to ppl who can actually write it well (ie not me).

10. Do you write crossovers?

No

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! It was so weird. There was another Twilight fic that I was writing that I had let sit for a few years and then someone messaged me that it had been stolen, the names changed and put on some anime fanfic website. The person knew bc the name Jasper kept popping up in that person's fic when there was no character named Jasper. They thought that was weird so they googled a portion of the fic and mine came up. Anways, I messaged the site, but who knows if they did anything abt it and anyway, I took that particular fic down since I'm not in the fandom anymore and won't ever finish it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

My Twilight fic 'Change Heartache Into Courage' has been translated a few times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. I'm a lone wolf.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I mean it changes all the time, but I suppose if you want to know the couple that has the highest word count from me since this is a fanfic meme then that would be Wirt and Beatrice.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have a 38k 'Dragon Prince' fic that's been sitting since 2021. I'm not in the fandom anymore and got rid of Netflix, so even if I wanted to write my ability to watch the show is hindered. Still, I like the character development I wrote and maybe one day in the future I'll work on it again, but as of now, it's probably going to sit collecting dust for a v long time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Long inner monologues and flirty, fluffy banter

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action, smut, and moving plot forward. I just want these characters to talk, not actually get anything done.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Haven't done it

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Created a gender-swapped Aladdin AU when I was 13. Wrote 'Hey Arnold' fic in a HA forum in my teens. Posted my first "official" fanfic (Twilight) to livejournal when I was 28 then moved it over the ff.net midway thru the year and a half it took me to write it.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

A Perfect Sonnet bc even tho it's like 8 fics deep into my iylpp universe, I worked really hard to world-build and make it more high fantasy than fluffy slice-of-life stuff like I usually did for them. I'm not sure if I succeeded but I am proud of the effort I made.

I am trying to remember my mutuals who also write fic. Most are barely on tumblr anymore, but I'll tag who I can remember: @justme--emily @trashangel-dee @221bdisneystreet @america-oreosandkitkats @spectraling

#about me #fanfic #meme #this took way too long to do lol

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Okay, turns out I'm low-key obsessed with the sex scene in Work From Heart.

*This is literally just going to be me overanalyzing 90 seconds of heavy makeouts and grinding (and pretending I'm not going to write a fic about it), feel free to skip this post if that doesn't interest you. But if it does, go watch the scene 👀*

Like, this is one thing that I think they did perfectly, actually, and I was trying to figure out why no one was talking about this show, and why there was no fandom presence to speak of, despite the underdeveloped story being Prime Fic Material, and I found people complaining in reviews about everything, but even about the sex scene, and that confused the shit out of me.

Some of the complaints were from people who have obviously never had sex, but some actually complained that they seemed desperate. (And that the desperation was somehow out of character)

Yes. That is the whole fucking point, you cucumber! It's about the desperation!

Dee's entire characterization is that he is desperate for love and affection. He has very few people in his life, and at this point it's been years since he's had any kind of romantic partner. He's in love with Knight, and he almost lost him, and now they're together and alone and all he wants is everything.

He needs reassurance and confirmation and to cement their togetherness. He needs to celebrate that they're together. He needs a goddamn orgasm.

Knight just wants to give him what he needs.

So when they make it to the bed, Dee is desperate, and frantic with it. His movements get uncoordinated and messy, and he gets noisy, and he can't keep his hips still.

These two want each other so bad, they can't be bothered to get their shirts unbuttoned all the way, and Dee gets overwhelmed and gives up on anything but grinding against Knight with increasing desperation, and Knight finally catches on through his awe, and lets himself be pulled up and Dee practically shoves his nipple into Knight's mouth, and then Knight gets it.

Then, Knight flips them over and gives Dee what he needs (and I swear I am not writing this scene out, I am not going to do it), because he understands. Because Knight has been desperate, too. He's been longing for Dee for months, and the way he looks at him all the time is incredible, but when they're kissing, he looks like he can't believe he has Dee in his arms, under his hands. But he knows that Dee's desperation is a different thing, that it comes from a different place. So, he gives Dee what he needs, and takes control, and gives him the reassurance and the connection that he needs, staring at him full of love the whole time.

It's about the desperation, y'all. It's about Dee who is so lonely giving into his own desire and chasing it. It's about Knight letting himself love again and letting himself revel in having Dee in his arms. It's about getting what you want, and having it be everything you dreamed it could be.

This scene was maybe the most honestly horny scene I've ever seen, and it was great for these two characters.

Dry humping is a highly underrated sex act, and I don't think I've ever seen it in a show, honestly? It was perfect, and hot af here, and I'm so mad that no one else has written this because I am not writing this scene.

(fuck)

Anyway, I wish there was an active fandom for this show, because there is so much potential in the story and the characters. But seriously, this scene was so fucking good it's making me feel crazy, actually.

#work from heart #deeknight #Thai bl #underrated scenes