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highlifeboat · 3 years

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A concept: Bela overhears her sisters talking to her mother about how clingy she is.

Cassandra and Daniela really don’t mean it personally, but their words sound so harsh in Bela’s sensitive ears. Her sisters are just discussing the things they’ve seen with Bela’s neediness, expressing that it’s concerning, and when Alcina reluctantly agrees that, yes, it can be a bit much at times, Bela shatters. Her sisters were one thing, but her mother...

Realizing she had to do something, Bela starts to pull herself away. She doesn’t eat or sleep; she only showers or bathes in frigid water, leaving her skin sore, ashy, and riddled with blisters; she barely leaves her room; and worst of all: she starts talking back to Alcina.

That last thing is what REALLY concerns everyone. And Bela hates doing it, but she feels the need to distance herself from her mother, and this is the only way. It’s better for everyone if she loosened her ties with them.

Eventually, Bela’s attitude gets so bad that Alcina finally snaps at her, and it hurts Bela more than she was expecting. She had been trying to prepare herself for the pain, but it still came to her like a knife in her stomach.

(Hurt no comfort)

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. It wasn’t something she would normally do. After all, she’d never want her sisters to listen in on one of her private conversations, especially with their mother, and in truth she hadn’t planned to stick around. But when she heard her name mentioned it seemed to make her pause. They were talking about her. Why? What had she done? Was she in trouble? Bela’s mind raced with possibilities, and pressed her ear against the door so she could hear a little better.

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Cassandra’s voice asked. “How… clingy she is?” Bela swallowed. Clingy? She wasn’t clingy. Well, maybe she could be. A little. “How she always wants to be around you? How much she seems to care what you think about her?”

“Yeah, and the lengths she goes just for a pat on the head.” Daniela’s voice agreed. “I’ve seen her go days without sleep trying to impress you with something. It’s not normal.” Not normal? Bela shifted. “And she’s been like this forever! It’s really weird.”

“And a little creepy.” Cassandra added. “Like, I know we were all attention seekers at first but even you have to think this is out of control, right? We aren’t crazy for thinking that.”

Bela heard her mother sigh, her teeth starting to grind together. “Bela can be… overbearing at times, yes….” The blonde sunk her claws into the door as her heart seemed to stop. “And it is a little odd.” Odd? “If I knew how to help her I would.” Help? Mama thinks you need help? That you’re odd? Overbearing? Not normal?

Bela felt tears in her eyes and rushed as quietly as she could away from the door and the conversation on the other side. Her sisters were one thing. Their complaints still tugged at her heart, of course, but they had been teasing her for years. But her mother? Her own mother thought she was overbearing? She didn’t understand, she thought she was doing everything right. Did Mother not like when she went the extra mile for her? Did she not like that she followed everything she said? Bela pulled her hair. No, she had to do something. She would gain her mother’s love back, and show her sisters she wasn’t “clingy”. She could change. Or, at the very least, try to.

That was probably where the downward spiral started.

She started off small. Putting no more into her work than necessary, and slowly lessening the time she spent around her mother and sisters. At first they had seemed a little impressed with her new found ability to say “no” to them, even if it was eating away at her internally. But her sisters were happy with her, and even their mother seemed content with her new attitude. That was all she wanted. But it was keeping her up at night.

When she sat alone in her room, the wind howling outside her window, it felt like torture. Her mind raced, some parts telling her how useless she was becoming, and others reminding her this was for the best. It was nothing but a constant whirlwind of conflicting ideals that rang in her ears no matter how hard she tried to make them stop. She’d even started losing her appetite, the stress of it all twisting her stomach into a terrible knot that refused to keep food anymore. She did eat in front of her family when they were gathered at the dinner table, if just to act like everything was fine, but she always purged it afterwards as if her body was rejecting it. Every part of her body was blistered, and ashen, and terribly raw from freezing showers, even the usually soft fabric of her dress was beginning to feel like sandpaper. Headaches came often, and felt like they lasted for days, and in private she would writhe and cry on her bed from the bouts of pain that were plaguing her being. It was becoming unbearable. But her sisters were happy, and her mother was happy. And that was all that mattered, wasn’t it?

Or, they had seemed happy up until Bela started back talking to her mother.

She didn’t know if it was the constant pain, the hunger, or the fact she always felt on edge, but her mother’s voice was starting to grate on her ears. It had gone from simply saying “No” to certain requests, to sarcastic comments she’d picked up from Cassandra, to down right snapping back at her mother for making comments to her. And it was killing her more than any of the pain she put on herself. The way her mother looked at her. The sadness that turned to concern. It twisted her heart with guilt. But this is what they wanted right? No more clinging to mommy? Bela wanted nothing more than to apologize and hug her mother, but she kept holding herself back. You don’t want to be overbearing. Mother wouldn’t like that. Walk away. Walk away. There didn’t seem to be any way for her to win this internal battle with herself.

And then they had a fight.

She couldn’t remember what had started it. If her mother had simply asked her something, or if she’d made another comment on her recent behaviour, or if she had just looked at her the wrong way. All she knew was that she’d stood from her seat and sparked the argument. She told her mother to stop trying to pry into her life. That she didn’t want her help. That she just wanted to be left alone. That they were all stressing her out. That she hated her sisters. That she hated her.

Bela said she hated her mother. To her face.

Her sisters froze, having come to see what the yelling was about, and the look on their mother’s face made Bela want to dissolve into the floor.

“I-I didn’t-” She jumped when her mother interrupted her.

“That is enough!” She snapped, and Bela’s entire body went rigid. “Young lady, I don’t know what has gotten into you these past weeks, but the way you have been acting is completely unacceptable! I have had enough of your attitude, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner by my own child!” She raised her hand to make a gesture, and Bela thought she was going to be struck. And you would deserve it, wouldn’t you? “I would expect this from Cassandra, maybe even Daniela, but not you!” She crossed her arms. “I’m very disappointed in you, Bela!”

The words cut into her so much worse than she thought they would. Bela had prepared herself for this, knowing her mother wouldn’t put up with her act forever, but to have it actually happen made it feel like her guts were getting ripped out. To be called a disappointment, it took the air from her lungs and strangled her with it. She couldn’t breathe properly, her heart was pounding in her ears. She hates you. Doesn’t want you here. She hates you! HATES YOU! HATE HATE HATE! Bela’s vision started to blur with tears, and, at a loss for what to do, she did the only thing she could think of.

She ran.

"BELA!"

Her mother called for her to come back, but she only ran faster. Through the castle halls, down the stairs, past a group of surprised and frightened maidens, and finally out of the castle’s main entrance and into the cool night air. It burned her skin, but she just kept going, out past the Duke’s cart and into the Vineyard, until her foot caught on loose rock and she fell face first into the hard ground. After that she couldn’t push herself up. Too sore, too tired, too hungry, too cold. So she did the only thing left she could do. She cried.

She cried, and screamed, and pulled at her hair. She curled in on herself, claws sunk into her scalp as if she were trying to rip out her brain. Her mother hated her. Her sisters probably hated her, too. She hated herself. Everything hurt. She just wanted it to stop.

She wanted her mother.

“MAMAA!” The wail tore from her throat before she had a chance to stop it. She certainly had the audacity, didn’t she? Mother wouldn’t rescue her. Not after that horrid display. “Mama….” It felt like her skull was splitting open. She didn’t deserve to see mother. To be held in her arms and cradled. Not after the way she’d acted. “I’m s-sorry….” It was far too late for apologies wasn’t it? Bela choked on her tears as her vision blurred and distorted. She felt terribly light headed. “M-M-Mommy, please… Please help me….”

#bela gets angst and only angst from me for this one #i struggled with a feel good ending so i just didn't give it one T~T #i'm sorry #asks #deepestfathomss #alcina dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #drabbles

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highlifeboat · 3 years

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Another concept: imagine a very ill or just hurting Bela doing desperate grabby hands to Alcina while whimpering, “mommy” because she’s in so much pain and discomfort and just wants her mama

“M-Mommy...”

Alcina’s head shot up from the work on her desk at the small whimper. She turned her head, looking at the door to see her eldest daughter standing there, arms tightly holding her midsection, and seemingly shaking. “Bela?” She stood, making her way across the hardwood floor. “What’s wrong, little bug?”

The blonde looked up at her through a curtain of hair with watery eyes. “Hurts….” She whined, squeezing herself. She seemed so infantile, and Alcina supposed that should have been expected. The girls were only weeks old, after all, and Alcina had learned quickly that their fractured memories had left all of them rather… codependent. “Mommy….” Bela repeated, raising her arms to Alcina, then sniffled. “M-M… Mommy….” She flexed her hands in a grabbing motion.

“Come here, sweetheart.” Alcina knelt down, allowing Bela to grab her shoulders while she scooped the girl into her arms. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” She asked as her daughter hid her face in her shoulder. Bela only whined in response, and Alcina hummed. “A stomach ache, perhaps?” Did they even have stomachs? Their internal anatomy was still a mystery to Alcina, but she supposed that mattered little right now.

“Hurts, M-Mommy….”

Alcina pressed a kiss to the top of Bela’s head, taking a seat in one of the comfier chairs. “I know, little one…” She stroked the girl's hair as she curled into her, arms moving over her stomach once again. “It’s okay, Mama’s here.” A small sniffle escaped her eldest child, her shaking slowly coming to a stop. “You’ll be okay…. I promise.”

Alcina had a feeling she’d be taking an extended break from her work today.

#a lil ficlet if you will #asks #deepestfathomss #bela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #drabbles

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highlifeboat · 3 years

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your honor, consider: an incredibly sickly Bela. she’s feverish, nauseous, her body hurts, her stomach hurts, her head hurts, she can feel her heartbeat in her eyes... she isn’t feeling good at all. but Bela being Bela, she pretends she’s completely fine.

like, she’ll be talking to her mother and then will then casually walk to the bathroom, close the door behind her, lock it…

…and then proceed to throw up in the toilet, shaking from violent spasms in her stomach, her face and neck absolutely drenched in sweat from the sparks of a raging fever, clutching the bowl for dear life until her fingers turn white, focusing on wrapping things up quickly so her mother doesn’t worry or worse: think she’s weak, despite the agony searing through her entire body, begging her to lie down and stop moving, to just get help. she gets up, flushes the toilet, washes her hands, dries her face with the rag and straightens her form despite the quivers in her posture, and staggers to the doorknob…

…coming back out completely casual, acting as though nothing had happened.

The problem with a fever like that is you can only hide it for so long. Before your body betrays you. Before you can feel the stomach acid sliding up your throat as you try to force it back down like some disgusting game of tug-o-war. Before you realize you can't run to the bathroom because your mother is giving you and your sisters your daily chores that you haven't even been paying attention to because you're starting to become delirious. Before everything feels like it's slowing to a stop, and you're hot, and everything is sore.

Before you suddenly lose control of yourself and lurch forward, purging all over the floor, and yourself, right in front of them all.

"Jesus Christ, Bela!" Cassandra yelled at her, stepping back from her older sister. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Ew, it's everywhere." Daniela hissed, sounding more disgusted than annoyed. "You couldn't have waited until we left to puke your guts out?"

Bela groaned, trying to stop from curling in on herself. "I'm sorry...." She wheezed out, forcing herself to stand straight despite her body screaming otherwise. "'M sorry...." Her stomach twisted with pain, and for once she wasn't sure if it was the sickness or the anxiety. Perhaps both. "Sorry...."

"I feel like I need a shower." Cassandra shook her hands, wrinkling her nose. "Smells like Dani when she comes home from one of her swamp hunts at Uncle Moreau's." The middle child smirked.

Daniela laughed for a moment, then paused. "Wait-TAKE THAT BACK!" Cassandra simply stuck out her tongue, and a split second later she was tackled by her younger sister. Bela whined at their fight, covering her ears.

"Girls!" The sound of their mother's voice made them all pause. "Enough! Cassandra, Daniela, go do your tasks. And find a maiden to clean this mess while you're at it." She stated, waving her hand, and the two scurried out of the room, silently agreeing that their fight was not over. Her gaze turned back to her eldest daughter, who was trying very hard to keep herself steady on shaky legs. "Bela-"

"'M sorry." The blonde repeated for the fourth time. She wiped her face on her sleeve, and looked at her mother with unfocused eyes. "Mother. Sorry, Mo-ther...." She sounded like she would be sick again, but she wasn't sure there was anything left to come up.

Her mother made her way around the puddle of sick, and Bela didn't protest as she felt herself lifted off the ground. Her body was just thankful she wasn't standing anymore. She tried to mutter another apology, but cut herself off when she nearly dry-heaved, and instead she whined.

Alcina carried her daughter to the bathroom, taking note of how hot she felt before gently sitting her on the floor near the toilet, propping her against the wall. Bela seemed to appreciate the cold floor on her hands as her mother began to run a bath for her. Not cold enough to do any kind of damage, but enough it would sooth the fever. She turned back to her daughter, who looked to be falling asleep against the wall. It would have been cute, if she wasn't in such a disheveled state.

"I need you to stand for me, sweetheart."

Bela looked at her, a little more focused than before. "'M too sore, Mama...."

"I can't bathe you fully clothed, little one...." Alcina gently took Bela's hands. "Up, up." Bela whine, and reluctantly stood, swaying slightly in place. "Good girl." She praised, earning a weak smile as she undid the ties at the back of the girl's black gown. Bela leg it slip off her without much protest.

Once the tub had filled with water, Alcina lifted her sick daughter into it. The blonde shivered in the cool water at first, but eventually relaxing into it. Alcina pushed her sleeves up and took a wash cloth from the counter, dunking it into the water before working on cleaning Bela's face and neck.

She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed this sooner. She had thought Bela seemed a little more sluggish the past few days, but that wasn't necessarily a concern. In truth, she figured the girl was simply getting burnout again. What kind of mother was she that she couldn't tell something was terribly off? That her own child was sick? And so severely at that. She looked down at Bela, who had since closed her eyes and seemed to be falling asleep once again. Alcina couldn't blame her, she must have been exhausted after pushing herself.

The worst part was she knew her eldest would only do it again next time she was sick. She let out a sigh.

Wash, rise, repeat.

#it's 'bela suffering hour'#i hope it's to your liking my friend #asks #deepestfathomss #bela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitreacu

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highlifeboat · 3 years

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an angst concept for you: Bela having some rather...self-destructive habits. she didn’t mean for it to become a normal thing, but she started and now she can’t stop and it’s stressing her out so bad because what if Mother finds out? she would be so disappointed in her. disgusted, even. but it’s so hard for her to stop because her skin starts to itch and she doesn’t know how else to blow off all this stress and self-hatred and depression.

A hiss escaped Bela as she leaned over the bathroom counter, sleeves rolled up to her elbows as she ran cool water over her burning forearms. She watched the clear stream turn a bright red, taking a sniff through her nose. It still wasn’t entirely clear to her when this had become part of her daily regimen, locking herself in the bathroom and dragging the sharp end of her sickle along her skin, but she knew it wasn’t good. Of course she knew, even the simplest of people could realize this was incredibly unhealthy, but she couldn’t seem to make herself stop. It was the only thing in her life giving her any sort of relief, and it felt disturbingly like picking up an old habit.

The worst part was it seemed to be getting harder to hide. Her arms were constantly sore and itchy, and she had to discard some of her lighter coloured clothing after the sleeves had been stained a deep red. When her mother had questioned her about it, she simply told her they were worn out. If her mother didn’t believe her she didn’t say anything, and Bela later found herself, once again, in the bathroom, punishing herself for lying. It was all building a huge knot of anxiety in her stomach. It was becoming a vicious cycle. The more she kept it up the more she had to lie, and the more she had to lie the more stressed she became, and she had no other way to relieve the stress but the cutting. She had even begun losing sleep over it, in fact her entire appearance seemed to be starting to reflect her horrid mental state.

Perhaps she deserved it? She had brought it on herself, after all. Bela swallowed. What would Mother think if she saw her? She would be very angry with her. Disgusted, even. Maybe throw her into the freezing winter air and watch her turn to dust. That fear alone scared her more than the stress and anxiety from lying. And it wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried to stop, but her attempts only lasted a few days at best before she found herself at it again. Bela pulled her hair as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She looked pathetic. She was a disgrace. Nothing but a wasted experiment. A blemish on the Dimitrescu family name-

“Bela!” The handle for the bathroom door shook as Cassandra’s voice cut through her thoughts. “Will you hurry the hell up?!” Her younger sister barked, and Bela pursed her lips.

“J-Just a minute.” She responded, hearing an annoyed huff.

The blonde shut off the water, quickly rolling her sleeves back over still damp arms. She looked at herself once again, and frowned deeply, stuffing her sickle under the sweater she was wearing so her sister wouldn’t see. Not that Cassandra ever cared about her in the first place. She let out a sigh, pulling her hood over her head and unlocking the door.

Cassandra tapped her foot impatiently, arms crossed as she waited for her older sister to leave the bathroom. Why does she take so fucking long… The brunette growled quietly as she thought. Bela had been spending a lot of time in the bathroom it seemed, and while her and Daniela had made jokes that she was sick again at the start, it was actually getting rather… concerning. If their mother had noticed this as well, she’d yet to say anything, but Cassandra could help the feeling something was off. Bela had started to smell of blood far more frequently than normal, but there was never a drop of the sweet substance on her. It was very strange, especially since Bela almost never smelled of blood.

The lock clicking made Cassandra’s ear twitch, and she looked up at her lanky sister, who was trying to hide her face under her hood. “About damn time-” She started, but stopped when the smell hit her. Bela said nothing but a muttered apology, and rushed past Cassandra, most likely going back to her own bedroom.

The middle child shook her head, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. The scent only increased inside the small room, and Cassandra wrinkled her nose, momentarily glancing around. It wasn’t until her hand touched the counter did she feel the oh-so familiar thick, warm, liquid. Not much, but enough to stain her finger tips. The sister narrowed her eyes.

What the hell is Bela doing?

#a very short thing for this #but i do like the concept #im sorry if it's not the best #cassandra being concerned #asks #deepestfathomss #tw: self harm #tw: blood #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu

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highlifeboat · 3 years

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since the daughters have pointy ears, consider: their ears droop when they’re sad. or they turn red when they’re embarrassed. or they wiggle/flutter when they’re happy!

I did not consider the ear droop.

Very good but also... ear twitching. Like sometimes they'll just... idly flick their ear for seemingly no reason. Usually when they're busy staring at ghosts.

#cassandra covers her ears with her hair because she thinks the way they emote with her his less intimidating #asks #deepestfathomss #cassandra dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu

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highlifeboat · 3 years

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Bro.... bro I got the darkest fucking headcanon.....

What if Bela has attempted suicide before? A few times, actually. And even time she becomes more and more frustrated and more desperate because nothing works.

She tried her slit her wrists in the bathtub, but after two hours of bleeding, she realized she wasn’t going to bleed out.

So she tried to jump off the highest point of the castle. But that didn’t work, either. She turned into a bunch of flies before she couldn’t hit the ground.

So she tried to drown herself, which also didn’t work. She kept coming up for air every time she was about to drift off. It seemed to be some survival instinct or something.

So she tried to hang herself. But her stupid flies swarmed her and got her free.

So she tried to drink poison. That one ALMOST worked, but she just got really sick and FELT like dying.

She’s had enough. She’s starting to consider just going out into the snow. She didn’t want to because she knew how painful it would be, but she’s so tired and she doesn’t want to waste Mother’s time anymore. The longer she’s around, the more problems she causes. It’ll be better for everyone if she wasn’t around anymore.

Fuck, I like this a lot honestly. I might... I may have to implement this into a story at some point.

For right now I'm gonna let it fester.

But I also just imagine the poison thing actually working like an OD situation and one of her sisters (Probably Cass. I just really want Cass to be a caring sister I dunno) finds Bela laying on the floor half dead and she's just yelling for their mom trying to keep her big sister alive. And when Bela inevitably lives through it she shuts down completely because "Well, my family knows I'm trying to kill myself. Guess I'll die-OH WAIT I CAN'T CAUSE THEY WATCH ME LIKE HAWKS NOW-"

#i got stuck on the poison thing #i dunno why #asks #deepestfathomss #bela dimitrescu

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