#definitely open for a dialogue re this even if we might have to agree to disagree heh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

felassan · 3 years

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Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source]

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok. What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important. They're like sets in a play. (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source] Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source] There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

#dragon age #bioware #video games #fenris #the Fenaissance #long post #longpost #cassandra pentaghast #my lady paladin #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #mass effect

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jennana501 · 4 years

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A Case for Rexsoka

I’ve been around the block when it comes to ships. I’ve seen people obsess over them, and I too have been driven mad by obsession. I was a hardcore original avatar fan and I was OBSESSED with shipping Toph and Sokka together. Any time they so much as made an interaction I over analyzed it and picked it apart looking for clues that somehow would prove that my hunches were correct. It was because I related with both characters, and I loved their chemistry. I wanted them to have a romantic relationship because it would feel like some sort of personal validation.

I’m an adult now and nothing has changed. But it has been a while since I’ve desperately shipped two characters together that are not obviously romantically involved with one another, or who could be romantic behind the scenes or beyond the story shown.

Until Rex and Ahsoka.

And I’ve seen people be adamantly against it.

“No no no it’s just a brother/sister relationship.”

“No it’s gross she is a child”.

And of course being disagreed with on the internet can drive a person crazy, and instead of individually arguing with dozens of people online, I’m making this post once and for all to explain why I think Rex and Ahsoka have romantic feelings for each other. Especially Rex.

The argument I’ve seen, that their deep passion, commitment, love, admiration, and respect for one another (which are all so obvious you’d have to be...silly to not see it) are felt in a platonic fashion. Which, for the first 6 seasons and 8 episodes, I would totally agree.

But then Ahsoka comes back. And let’s face it. She is a woman. Age wise, she’s around 17, but everything from the maturity of her Lekku (which weirdly don’t get all that longer, especially compared to other Tagrutan women) to her poise and confidence, to her prowess as a warrior, a user of the force, and her ability to command soldiers as well as control her emotions points to her being an adult woman. She’s no Snips anymore; she’s no child. She’s grown up. And how her peers react to her illustrates how they now view her as an adult.

First there is Obi-wan. Obi-wan has always been a mentor to her, a sort of second Master. Obi-wan never hesitated to guide and Ahsoka or offer his council. He is proud of her when she succeeds, and will admonish her when she makes mistakes. When she returns and he sees her as a woman, he changes the way he treats her. He acknowledges her maturity by addressing her as an equal. He doesn’t admonish her. Instead he discusses with her, challenging her ideas and letting her offer an argument for them instead of putting them down and telling her how she should think or act. He also comes to her in his time of need, trusting her to help him with Anakin.

Then there is Anakin. We all know of Anisoka shippers, and they are perfectly able to ship and enjoy said ship, but we can all acknowledge that it is a crack pairing with no basis in the canon. Anakin portrays the perfect kind of brotherly love. He is excited to see Ahsoka, and is stunned by her unexpected reappearance. Things are harder for Anakin because he is used to their fun banter and sibling-like companionship. He’s constantly shut down with her business like manner and he struggles with coming to terms with the fact that she isn’t a little kid sister anymore. She is an adult with a mission and a plan. When he looks at her, he is endearing. He loves her. Admires her. And he can’t wait to pick up where they left off. There’s joy and adoration in his face. He is proud of her and what she has become, but he also feels alienated and even hurt because of how her adulthood has changed their dynamic.

Then there is Rex. When he first sees her, he wants nothing more than to reassure her that she still belongs. The clones had accepted her into their family. As far as they were concerned, she was one of them. When he looks at her for the first time, he’s beaming with the same adoration as he had had for her before, but also with a solemn awe at what she has become and what she has grown into. He welcomes her back into his life without hesitation.

But then there is a moment things shift so drastically that I paused the show and re-watched it half a dozen times. We all know it and love it. This face he gives Ahsoka. The Look.

What we see here is something we have never, EVER seen in Rex for 7 whole seasons. And it is my opinion that this is the first time Rex has been able to feel and express that he is attracted to Ahsoka. In other words, Rex has a sexual awakening.

Up until this point, Rex has been a sexless character. Nothing he does is flirtatious, sexy, or at all suggestive that he has those feelings inside him at all. Every sexual being has a moment where they are first animalistically drawn to another being. Characters who have already had this moment are easy to pick out. Obi wan. Anakin. Ventress. These characters have already experienced their sexual awakening. Ahsoka has too. Lux was her first object of attraction.

But Rex has never had this moment. Until this reaction.

I know some of you might be thinking “but Ahsoka gives a very similar look to Anakin, does that mean she is sexually attracted to HIM?” It’s a very good point. Ahsoka and Anakin share some cheeky playful looks during “Old Friends Not Forgotten”. We see many characters give similar looks to other characters, but does this mean it means the same thing as when Rex does it? The short answer is no.

When animators design a character, they establish the “range of emotion” for that character. You can easily see this when you look back at how many times you see Rex break from his stoic, captain’s face. He rarely laughs, smiles, or emotes in any way. This is why when we see him emote it is exciting to us as an audience. A character like Ahsoka or Anakin commonly show a wide variety of expressions. Ahsoka is much more likely to give a cheeky look than Rex is. So “the look” for Rex, means a lot more when he is doing than it does when another character does it, say Fives or even Obi-Wan.

Which means the writers are trying to tell us something about this moment.

This moment has changed Rex’s and Ahsoka’s relationship.

Now does this mean that they are going to go bang each other immediately? Does this mean the second they are alone after “Victory and Death” they start an intense, sexual relationship? Of course not. That’s not what this ship is about at this time. But the reason many of us ship it is because suddenly they don’t feel like brother and sister anymore. It isn’t entirely platonic. And the show does a good job to further emphasize this as they come closer and closer both emotionally, and physically during the finale.

Blocking is a huge factor in visual storytelling. During the finale, Rex and Ahsoka are blocked in a way that makes them as close as physically possible on the screen. This communicates to the audience that they are closer now than they have ever been. As Jedi and Clone Trooper. As friends, and as companions, their bond forged in the fires of war, struggling to find meaning in life as soldiers.

In contrast, look how Ahsoka and Anakin are blocked in their scenes. There is nearly always a gap between them, illustrating that they are distanced from each other emotionally. Rex is even visually inserted into the gap between them in several instances. Anakin and Ahsoka are growing apart, but she and Rex are growing closer.

We get to experience Rex and Ahsoka engaging in actions and conversations that we had rarely seen before. From casual banter, to moments of intense intimacy, to emotional peaks, Rex and Ahsoka interact more in these four episodes than in the previous six seasons. Part of this is because their maturity gap has closed. Ahsoka is finally Rex’s equal in experience and maturity. It is also in part because it is a unique dynamic. No Obi-wan. No Anakin. Rex and Ahsoka are equal leaders of the 332nd. There’s also the fact that they are put into life threatening situations and have no one else but each other.

But there is that “look” that is given at the beginning of all this that suggests something else, that as their bond undoubtedly becomes strong as beskar, there is an element of it that takes their relationship from the platonic to the romantic.

I feel every detail, moment, and piece of dialogue in the finale tells the story of this bond.

Many instances of their strong emotional bond have been spread throughout the internet, with most ready to acknowledge that they have a connection unlike any other, one that may even be described as a “force” connection. These last four episodes are so exciting because we see two friends reunited, but then we get to watch as their relationship transforms.

Even disregarding their implied attraction to each other physically, they dive into each other and hold on tight. Ahsoka shares deep personal worries with Rex, and Rex and her are shown opening up to each other in ways they have never opened up before.

We were all floored and dumbfounded at scenes such as these that show these characters at their most vulnerable. But they decide to be vulnerable together. Is it because they are all that is left of their 501st family? It part, this is definitely true. But by being this vulnerable they transform their relationship into something very different from what they had before. It will never be the same again, and it will be near impossible to back out of the emotional intimacy that these two have participated in. Once you have formed that kind of an attachment with someone, there is no going back, and as is seen in rebels, these two maintain that strong connection even after years of being apart.

This goes beyond their sexual desires or needs. They’ve forged a bond that cannot be broken. They have shared minds, shared pain and agony that only the other can understand. They’ve been isolated from the world, and all they have left is each other.

And at the end of the series, when we have Rex and Ahsoka broken, their world flip upside down and everything they ever valued or cared about lies in ruins before them, the idea that they still have each other is that beautiful seed of hope Star Wars is so good at preserving. Those of us who believe that their relationship could be romantic want good things for Rex and Ahsoka. We want them to have that love and share it with each other. Maybe only for a few moments, but having known it would be better than both of them living and dying without having that experience.

When we see the two in Rebels, for me it confirms that these two love each other deeply. But their lives can never be lived in a normal fashion. They cannot even be together as partners in life. The Empire has stolen this from them. The tragedy of this ship is that it can never be the way we want it to be. Rex will age and die long before Ahsoka is even halfway through her own life. They cannot live with one another. They cannot wake each morning with each other, at least not at the point we see them in rebels.

But they continue to love each other. Even over distance, even knowing that mortality will claim them with only a fraction of the memories that they deserve with one another.

So please, the next time you see some art or a fic, or a post like this, think of what I had to say. Rexsoka is about two adults, their lives destroyed at the hands of Sidious, but in defiance they still forge a bond that he could never break or take from them. And that to me is beautiful and something to celebrate.

Side note: I spent a ton of time making gifs but they never would work and so I had to use screenshots instead :(

EDIT: At the request of the OG poster of a few gifs, I have replaced them have also made some grammatical changes.

#ahsoka #captain rex #rexsoka #rexsoka week #the clone wars #star wars

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ktinastrikesback · 3 years

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Agree 100% on your answer that Buddie is going canon this season. Now I'm wondering what the mid-season finale will entail? 911 generally doesn't do big cliffhangers mid-season (or even end of the season really, now that I think about it). They usually reach culmination points for a set of arcs and end with big "what's next" type questions for the next half or season. So, I'm thinking it wouldn't really be their style to have an in media res cliffhanger, like we get Eddie's love confession and have to wait for Buck's answer or something like that. (My ramblings are honestly so pointless because I genuinely do trust that they are going to DELIVER and we are going to be surprised and delighted.)

So, any thoughts on where we might be with Buck and Eddie this Christmas (because covid season aside, ep 10 is always christmas...)?

@yramesoruniverse isn’t it so exciting that we are thinking about how they’re going to do this (because it’s so obvious now)?? I’m definitely looking forward to the midseason finale, and I have an idea of what may happen. But of course this may change as we get more episodes.

I’m still sticking with my original guess that Taylor is a) still going to be around and b) gets a job offer that requires her to move. She tells Buck in either the episode before or at the start of the midseason finale about it, and Buck is struggling with what to do about it.

Meanwhile, Eddie will hopefully have had the time to work through a lot by the time Christmas comes around, and he’s seriously considering finally opening up to Buck about his feelings for him.

Now, I highly doubt they’ll do this, but the way I am envisioning it….

Buck confides in Eddie about his situation with Taylor, his uncertainty about whether or not they should stay together, if he should consider going with her, if the relationship is worth doing long distance, etc. Eddie takes this as a sign to tell Buck how he feels, but of course it’s Eddie, so he does it in a roundabout way and tells Buck that maybe this change is a sign from the universe that Taylor isn’t the one for him (also this would just be hilarious to see Eddie throw “signs” and “the universe” back at Buck). Maybe says something along the lines of “you have everything you need right here.”

Now, in my mind, Taylor is kind of aware of Eddie being in love with Buck. Her dialogue in Treasure Hunt leans towards having that double-meaning (“that selfish bastard ruined everything”). When Buck breaks things off with her, it’ll be amicable, and I could maybe see her making a quip like “I’m sure Eddie will be glad to hear about this.” “What do you mean?” “You haven’t noticed that he’s in love with you?”

Cut to 118 family Christmas party, someone asks Buck where Taylor is, he shares the news of her move and their breakup. Hen or Bobby say “well, I’m sorry to hear that, I know you really liked her.” Buck just shrugs, makes eye contact with Eddie and says, “I have everything I need right here.”

And scene, end of 5a 😂 The likelihood of this particular scenario is close to zero, but it’s how I would like to see things go, or at least how I would write it🤷🏻‍♀️ This went way beyond your question, but I couldn’t help but jot all this down to try and manifest it (or provide the writers something to plagiarize lmao)!

#yramesoruniverse #911 speculation #911onfox #buddie #ah the wonderful midseason finale #what a ride til then #buddie canon s5 idc

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stellocchia · 3 years

Text

Here’s an analysis of the “Tommy’s Plan To Kill Dream” stream (part 2)

Continuation of this here (though it really isn’t needed to read that one to read this as I will be recapping a bit as I go): https://stellocchia.tumblr.com/post/645995202162671616/heres-an-analysis-of-the-tommys-plan-to-kill

This is the less intense part of the stream. They already talked about their plans to kill Dream (well, Tommy’s plan that Tubbo is VERY reluctant about and Ranboo agrees with). We’re moving into the gathering resources for the surveilance post part now.

As always moving forward I’ll be soley talking about the characters and, for the dialogue, this are the respective colors: Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Ghostbur.

Analysis under the cut as always

So let’s start off with the obvious: I absolutely love how protective Tubbo and Ranboo are of Tommy, I’m glad he has people who actually care in his life right now. We have various examples of this throughout the stream, but the first one is Tommy seeing a creeper, backing off immediatly (because of his hightened fear of pain, aslo known as algophobia apparently) and them immediately destroying the threat. Of course this is also because they don’t want Snowchester blown up, but it’s still sweet nonetheless.

He also opens up about his algophobia right after to them and asks for some armour, which Tubbo actually provides.

“You’re wearing Dream’s armour, aren’t you Tubbo?” “Yeah” “Okay, I wouldn’t- I genuinely would advice not. Anything that that man’s fucking been too near you don’t wanna be using” Tommy’s fear of Dream by now is just all encompassing. It is also quite peculiar that he would say this while still using Dream’s trident (right? It’s still his right?), though that could simply be because he puts himself in the category of “things that have been too near Dream” by now and really can’t be affected more then he already has been, though this is just a theory.

Same thing as with the creeper happens with a skeleton a couple minutes later.

“What happened? Holy crap” “Tubbo he beat me to death, he punched me to death” Bee duo starting to realize how serious Tommy’s situation is right after the scheleton encounter because Tommy was just genuinely panicking.

“Pain it feels so much more real now, ‘cause I know what’s on the other side” “Surely doesn’t that give closure?” “No... no it gives quite the opposite Tubbo” And what a good choice that was narratively speaking! If death did give closure as us and the characters in the story themselves expected, with resurrection it would be meaningless. This way though, death has just as much narrative weight as if resurrection wasn’t there, which is what you want in a story.

“On a side note for you two: Sam Nook great guy! Really lovely guy! Awesamdude is a bastard and does not deserve to be running that prison. If he let me die he failed his job” We can see that Tommy’s perception of the warden’s duty is strickingly different from Sam’s. To Tommy the top priority should be protecting others from Dream (even if it means compromising the security of the prison), while to Sam the top priority is keeping Dream locked up.

“My therapy update!” We all knew I had to include this one. It’s actually really great because:

1) Him actually reacheing out to Puffy to get therapy means that he actually recognises that he needs help and is willing to ask for it, which is the first step towards healing

2) Him acting so happy about it is actually such a good message for the younger viewers to see that therapy is nothing to be afraid of and it’s not taboo

One more thing we had him wanting to remove his own statues as they’re a grim reminder of his death in a scene that is very similar to Tubbo on the 16th asking to remove the decorations of the day of his execution.

“I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea to... try and kill Dream. I don’t know how canon lives work for you anymore, but I only got one left” As I pointed out in the other post the 2 main reasons why Tubbo is reluctant about the plan are that he’s on his last life and that he managed to build a life for himself with Snowchester and Ranboo that he doesn’t wanna loose.

“Listen guys, I’ve experienced death now, it doesn’t matter how many lives I have left now, I’m NOT willing to go through that again” “Yeah that makes sense actually, that makes sense” This is an interesting question though of how many lives he re-acquired. We know Jack came back with 3 when he did it, but then again, normal rules don’t seem to apply to Jack Manifold. Also I wanted to include Ranboo’s quote there just because he’s literally been nothing but supportive and I love him for it.

Also all 3 teens decide at once that ignoring the Egg will most definitely make the problem go away, because that has always worked in the past of course! (Also, honestly, good for them. Let the adults take care of something for once!)

“I’m not very god at smal- that’s not true” “Mhmm” “So eh... you guys heard The News?” “The news about what?” “The news about...?” “You know... what-what’s been happening...” “What’s been happening?” “About- about umm... George” “About George? What happened with the Gogmeinster?” “Oh yeah, he got banned! Twice” “No no, he... he grew a third ear” “Really? Oh man!” “Oh yeah! I’ve seen a photo of that on instagram!” So, aside from this being so funny, the reason I’m highlighting it is because if there is one thing Tommy never struggled with in the past it was small talk. He could literally start blabbering with anyone about anything, no matter how dumb, with absolute confidence. Now he’s struggling with everything (both here and later in the Nether we have similar scenes for it). He is insecure about everything he says and socializing seems much harder for him. Regardless both Tubbo and Ranboo still go along with everything he says with absolute confidence, which seems to help him quite a bit. Considering that his biggest desire seems to be to be treated the same as he was before having them not pointing out his obvious insecurity (while still very obviously noticing it) is probably quite a big thing for him.

“Why are Punz’s eyes red?” “Why? Oh- Where is Punz?” “Oh, that might mean we have to kill him, he might kill us on sight” “Yeah, he might try to kill you. Where are you Tommy by any me- where are you?” “Yeah, stay away from him” “No I can fucking take him man!” “No because you get scared of damage...” “Tommy... yeah” “I don’t get scared of damage!” “That’s not true” “Tommy where are you?” I loved this scene so much! Tommy didn’t actually even see Punz here, he only saw his face on the players tab, but the other two were immediately on the defensive. Also this is what I mean when I say that it’s not that they don’t acknowledge Tommy’s situation, they’re just trying to give him some normalcy, because, as soon as he is in any actual or perceived danger they’re immediately in high alert.

“You’re like a living ghost” “I think that’s just called a human Tubbo” “You’re like a human” “That’s just called someone who is alive” “You’re treating me differently” So two things here:

1) Tubbo still has a lot of confusion towards the whole revival process an that’s what he was trying to express. Ranboo was not particularly happy with his choice of words though and kinda got the defensive tone again

2) Tommy shuts down very fast any time any kind of change is mentioned. In this case the change being Tubbo’s perception of him.

That said they manage to recover the situation really fast with Ranboo making a comparison between Tommy and Jesus (they’re teenagers, what can I say?)

“Tubbo I feel like we’ve grown less close while I’ve been in prison and dead” “That’s ‘cause you’ve been gone for such a long time...” “Do you like me less?” “Nope!” “Well it feels like you do” “Well, that’s all in your head then!” “No” “Maybe you superpower is immagination” “Maybe my superpower is anxiety” Well Tommy, do my job for me, will you? But yes, these kind of thoughts (fretting about what others, especially your friends or family think of you) is extremely common for individuals suffering from anxiety disorders. Also what Tubbo did here was really important, even if it is the bare minimum, he still provided the ressurance his friend needed and that’s good of him. Also, while Tommy’s dependence on Tubbo does shine through quite a bit during this stream Tubbo does continuosly set up healthy boundaries for them (introducing and keeping firm on his relationship with Ranboo and admitting that they did grow apart a bit and he is still confused about Tommy for example), which is extremely good. Ranboo is also presenting himself as a viable option for emotional support, which will actually be good for Tommy in the future as this would mean breaking out of the habit that was ingrained in him of relying on one single person every time.

“I’m not afraid of anything! The only thing I’m afraid of is, you know, waking up in the morning and...” “The- the thing your afraid of is waking up in the- are you alright? Are you- are you alright man? Are you good?” That’s concerning! But, again, very fitting with his newfound extreme anxiety he seems to be experiencing. Also ConcernedBoo, he just care about his friends and is worried. Pretty sure Tommy fits together with Michael and Tubbo in the circle of people he’s willing to protect.

Also, in case people were wondering, Ghostbur wasn’t handing out sugar because he was a fake Ghostbur, but just because Ranboo gave it to him and it was the only thing he had. Same goes for Tommy calling Ghostbur “Wilbur” and acting as if he was Alivebur and Ghostbur only correcting him after quite a while: it’s not because he’s fake, it’s because he gave permission to Tommy specifically to do so before. As I mentioned in the other post their relationship is complicated, but Ghostbur very much cares for Tommy a whole lot and he came back specifically because he heard Tommy needed help again, it’s not so weird he’d allow him to do stuff he doesn’t allow for others.

“Last time I spoke to you was like a few days ago...” Now, as some people pointed out this could simply be Ghostbur memory being sort of foggy and him not realizing how much time passed. But the OTHER theory is that he remembers talking to Phantommy (which we know happened thanks to Quackity’s lore, as they visited Glatt’s gym together). Honestly both are plausible (if the first one was true then meeting Phantommy may have simply made him upset and he could have forgotten about it, or perhaps he could have just forgotten that Tommy was dead).

“Ghostbur do you want him (Wilbur) to come back? Because I- I don’t. I don’t think that I do ever” “It’s... I... umm, hm. The-the world needs structure and order and he- he was good at that. He did that-” “No. The world needs less villains and he was a villain if I’ve ever seen one” “But a- a villain is just- is- sometimes the line’s a little blurry. You could say a little blurry, a tiny bit, it’s like a- a villain it’s just a hero you haven’t convinced yet” Now, as much as I love Ghostbur he’s half wrong here. Let me explain:

Simply put not all bad people can be redeemed for one thing (for example someone like Dream could never be redeemed because he hurt so many people in such horrible ways without ever regretting it), and secondly describing a villain as a “hero YOU HAVEN’T CONVINCED yet” puts the responsability of that persnon’s actions on their victims. As a matter of fact it’s most definitely NOT up to the ones who’ve been hurt to reabilitate the ones who hurt them (which is why Sam managing the prison now is considerable a conflict of interests). They shouldn’t even be forced to forgive that person if the person DOES change for the better. And here’s the crux of the issue: Wilbur hurt a LOT of people. He hurt Tubbo, he hurt Niki, he hurt Fundy, he hurt everyone who joined Pogtopia. And more then anything else he hurt Tommy. He was abusive and manipulative towards him and Tommy has every right to never forgive him. He has every right to be scared of him and regard him purely as a villain, because that’s what he was for him towards the end of his life.

Ghostbur bringing him back in the hopes that he’s changed at all just means that, once again, the responsability of his possible reabilitation will be left entirely on the shoulders of the teens of the server and the same goes for if there is NO reabilitation. The destruction will, once more, be left for them to deal with. Tommy specifically will have one more person who abused him to deal with. Wether Wilbur will or will not ally himself with Dream doesn’t matter, because he was still a destructive individual on his own (despite of course being that way because of his own mental spiral, but that just makes him more sympathetic, it doesn’t justify his actions nor make them any less hurtful for those around him).

Also Wilbur’s been dead for 10-12 years in Limbo time, I can’t imagine that doing wonders for his mental state...

There is a scene after that conversation where Tommy was talking about how being dead was, Tubbo asked a question about it and Tommy got upset. Of course the others got confused about his reactions since ha was already talking about, so, to clarify: the probable reason why anyone (aside from Ghostbur apparently) asking him questions about it upsets him is probably because of Dream. He mentioned multiple times now that Dream treating his death as a science experiment when he revived him was extremely traumatic for him. He hates the idea of being “just science” to the people around him. Ghostbur seem to be an exception to this, but that may be because Tommy seems predisposed to just trust Ghostbur more from an emotonal stand-point (perhaps because he reminds him of how Wilbur used to be before he spiraled).

“I love monster energy” “Monster energy is kind of scary...” “Mhm, it’s for monsters...” Man the very low-key constant self-deprecation sure it’s kinda worrying... I really do hope that someone will help him with his very obvious sef-esteem issues at some point.

“He (Wilbur) spent a lot of time around a bad guy. He spent around a decade, you said, around Schlatt and Schlatt- Schlatt’s the bed guy, Right?” “I don’t think Schlatt’s the only bad guy” “Him and Eret are the bad guys, right?” Once again Ghostbur’s view of things is very naive and still very much stuck in the past. It’s been so long now since Eret betrayal, and they tried to redeem themselves since. Meanwhile it’s also been months since Schlatt died, and, even back when he was alive, he was far from being the only arguably bad person, Wilbur being right there along with him if we consider what his actions caused. And now we have Dream and the Egg, we have Quackity indulging in torture, we have the syndacate having a gestapo arc, we have Jack back on his goal of killing a teen. We can be sympathetic toward many of this people, but this doesn’t change the fact that they hurt others a lot or that their objectives or actions are objectively morally wrong in some cases. By now it’s honestly pretty hard to draw the line of who IS and ISN’T a bad guy.

“Cobble is GOOD, people don’t like it when I use cobble though...” Again, the usual self confidence is completely lacking. This is worse then post exile: back then he still had the full confidence to build an ugly cbblestone tower on Techno’s front lawn, now even using a bit of cobblestone makes him self-concious.

Also apparently Sam instructed Sam Nook to keep Tommy specifically away from the prison for his own safety. Man’s still looking after him even if he probably won’t manage to do it directly for a while (at least until Tommy forgives him, if he does).

That’s pretty much it! It’s everything I’d consider important that I could find in the stream!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

#tommyinnit #tubbo #wilbur soot #ranboo #ghostbur #tw abuse #tw manipulation #c!wilbur critical #I guess?#analysis #dream smp #/rp #my post #long post #though long ass post would fit better #I seriously just made a two parter on a block man roleplay huh?#god what is my life...

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something-very-special · 3 years

Text

Call Her Back

Probably already a post with this title from the Let’s Play but it’s appropriate.

Thoughts on Replicant up to Ending A (and change):

This game is pretty. I guess it didn’t really hit me because I’ve always thought that the original NIER was pretty, but this game can be very pretty.

This in particular just kind of struck me as I was going across the Northern Plains. It had been dominantly gray, overcast skies up to that point because Part II of the game is meant to be. You know. Bleak. But I walked out onto a bright, sunny day with an expanse of blues skies, the mountains in the backgrounds, the ivy a burst of green growing up the rusted sides of the train tracks and it just kind of hit me that the game can be very pretty.

(Then I got punched out by a Shade.)

It’s definitely not a matter of massive graphical overhaul. The models look much better (getting a good look at the Twins during the finale, they really are beautiful) and I’m sure the environmental poly count is much higher and just overall smoother, and there are little touches here and there and just the capacity for better atmospheric lighting... I mean it all helps. But NIER is a game that’s always had fantastic art direction, making the most out of its budget through atmospheric tuning. There’s something uniquely beautiful about its muted palette and the way it uses its spaces that elevates it beyond the its actual technical limitations. It doesn’t look like an end-of-generation PS4 game, but that’s not an insult; it looks very much like itself from ten years ago, with its solid art direction, but touched up where it matters.

Does the sidequest grind seem... better...? I haven’t really dug into the BEST part of the game (spending 30 hours grinding out weapon upgrades) but I mentioned before my theory about how the sidequest grind is supposed to be carried out across multiple playthroughs and that’s why it sucks. To my surprise I finished Ending A missing only one sidequest (your friend and mine, Life in the Sands), with all of the other ones being more or less... pretty natural? The only thing I really needed to go out of my way for was Memory Alloy but all the other components didn’t really give me the kind of grief I remember from my playthroughs of the original. ‘Grief’ of course being relative to getting the platinum trophy, but my first time through the game I gave up finishing a few outstanding sidequests (specifically, fixing the lighthouse broke me-- I could not find 10 Mysterious Switches!)

Maybe I just got lucky, especially with the Machine Oils. Maybe some weird muscle memory kicked in. I feel like there were a few purchasing options that weren’t open originally, too, to ameliorate some of the grind, but it might also be a case of those options being cost-prohibitive so I just didn’t really acknowledge them... whatever the case the sidequest grind felt overall pretty painless. I dunno!

I really need to know how to manipulate events. For literally seven playthroughs straight of the latter half of the game I always did the keystone quest as Junk Heap (start) - Forest of Myth - Junk Heap (end) - Facade - Aerie. It wasn’t until I did a run with my college roommates and Popola gave me the Aerie letter before the Facade in invite that I realized the Aerie wasn’t actually programmed to be the last event.

Absolutely blew my mind, and ever since I became aware of it, it feels like the game goes out of its way to make sure the Aerie always comes before Facade. When I did my Let’s Play of NIER I kept a save file from the start of the kystone collection so I could re-do the events in case they went ‘out of order’ (according to my headcanon)... which they did. I replayed the latter half of the game again in order to get things the way I wanted them to be, same order, and fortunately it cooperated the second time, but I still don’t understand what the trigger is, if there’s a way to manipulate it, or when the determination is even made.

And then they throw the Little Mermaid into the mix, which I wasn’t expecting (that is, I knew it was added, but I’ve been mostly avoiding spoilers -- and happily, the changes have largely been a delight, I’m so excited for the subsequent playthroughs -- but the way it was posted about made it seem like it would happen after and apart from the keystone quest. Not so, my friends).

The reason for this is just the emotional escalation of each factor of the quest. The Forest of Myth is weird and little else (at this juncture, of course). The Junk Heap is a personal tragedy, but the actual tragedy has already occurred and you’re just experiencing the fallout. Facade is a powerful and personal tragedy that deserves to be experienced later on. The Aerie is a terrible place and nobody misses it it’s an enormous loss and profoundly traumatic for the party, and it feels like the appropriate apex to basically force them to go to the Castle and finish the fight, having already lost far too much.

Also it’s just super weird to me that they see that devastation, they literally wipe an entire settlement off the map, and then the next day everybody’s super excited to go to a wedding.

It also becomes even weirder that you go to Popola post-Aerie and nobody mentions ‘yeah that didn’t go so well’ but coming out of Seafront they have a legitimate conversation about the loss of the ferryman and the people they’re never getting back. I guess that guy had a personality but I still think maybe somebody should mention the smoking crater where people used to be.

Then again it’s legitimately funny to me how basically everybody is just agreed the world is better off without it.

This might also just be an issue of familiarity. Maybe if I’d always ended on Facade, or actually known that they could be swapped out as they are, it wouldn’t feel so weird. I definitely got used to the pacing with the Aerie at the end and I feel like I got into a debate with somebody about how it’s more appropriate for Facade to come last so this might just be a personal thing. But it’s still a personal thing and I’m still vaguely irritated I can’t figure out how it works.

Anyway I blew up the Aerie So that’s that problem taken care of.

I feel like the ambiance surrounding Wendy was a little creepier this time. I swear I heard that good stock creepy child laughter in the background.

Then the ferryman left This was a nice bit of foreshadowing; following the Aerie events I wanted to hop over to Seafront to take care of an extant sidequest only to find the ferry dock in the Northern Plains empty. I thought that maybe this was just a weird way of railroading you to make sure you went through the Village first, even though there were no scenes that would trigger just by being in the Village.

Alas.

Not gonna lie, when the couple was first introduced I thought for SURE it was going to be the wife who wound up dead. I guess it’s because the guy had a purpose as an NPC so yeah, I was tricked. Good design decision; the ferryman is talkative and bright and definitely difficult to forget and even though he was kinda obnoxious there’s a definite void where his dialogue was. It’s clever too that you’re forced to use the ferry at least once so you can’t escape the dialogue that you’re presented with, meaning that even if you don’t really make use of the ferry you’ll always have that contrast between him at the start of Part II and the other guy (his brother, maybe?) taking over the job and just not really talking to you afterward.

Episode Mermaid First of all, to be clear, I’ve not done the Route B playthrough yet. All I know about the Little Mermaid is what’s presented on the surface, what can be gleaned from there, what I remember reading in the Grimoire NieR short story. This is very much just an impression and reaction to the first encounter and it’s pretty cool.

I like that they managed to go into yet another genre style aping a point-and-click adventure.

I like the atmosphere of the wrecked ship. It really brought me back to the ‘ghost ship’ level archetype with its little hints of spookiness.

I appreciate that it ties subtly in to the Haunted Manor (technically the Part I Seafront dungeon) with Weiss’ utterly irrational fear of ghosts.

I love every excuse they find to get Kaine and Emil (and especially Kaine) out of a situation. It’s almost a running gag that Kaine keeps getting knocked out of dungeons and boss fights. None of them are quite as great as her getting Rules Lawyer’d in the Barren Temple, but there’s something delightful about “Let’s get you some fresh air, we’ll be right outside, be careful!” and then bookending it with Kaine and Emil just chilling at the end like “Well yeah there are a lot of holes in the hull we just popped in.”

(I forgot to go backward to see what happens if you try to take them into Seafront proper, gotta remember that next time.)

Interesting thing when you find some of the dropped apples is that Nier and Weiss talk about the dinner they had with the couple. This was actually a really sweet and oddly emotional conclusion to the added sidequest between the bickering couple-- entirely missable. I would assume the dialogue just doesn’t trigger if you didn’t do the quest but it was a nice touch.

I appreciate the use of dead bodies in the hold.

(That’s a sentence.)

But for the game’s focus on violence and excess of blood it’s very selective in how it uses actual corpses. Any time you see a dead body it really emphasizes the seriousness of the situation. The corpses in the hold and the blood spatter -- especially compared to how bright and clean Seafront as a whole is -- was surprisingly effective. Again, just good atmospheric buildup.

Bit of an anticlimax as a boss, though. It is a really cool boss, between the environmental buildup to the fight and then actually unveiling her, but for how big and scary she is the fight itself went by fairly quick, and the actual finale (the postman whacking her hand telling her to go away she’s groooooss) felt a bit weird in comparison to the way the boss fights in the rest of the game usually play out. Of course, I don’t have context of her dialogue (I can take my guesses, her holding out her hand to Hans as he freaks out and attacks her is already a palpable tragedy) and by the way the scene was framed I suspect the Route B reveal is where the most important part of the scenario lies.

And the seals came back! It’s the little things.

“I wish I was Fyra.” So in the original Replicant the conversation between Emil and Nier before Sech’s wedding was apparently an implication that Emil had a crush on Nier and wanted to marry him. It was ambiguous enough that people had to ask for clarification and some players interpreted it as a weird, childish expression of looking up to and respecting Brother Nier. It was clarified in the Grimoire NieR that Emil is gay and crushing hard on Brother Nier, and this line of dialogue here seems to have been... not made explicit, but changed even between RepliCant and ver. 1.22 to make the implication a little clearer, at least insofar as he isn’t interested in girls. (It winds up missing the implication that he’s into Nier specifically, though.)

...which is funny, because it colors his introduction to the King of Facade somewhat differently. These two meeting is honestly really sweet on a few levels (Sechs recognizing him from Nier’s descriptions, which implies that Nier’s been visiting Sechs regularly and so proud of his interactions with Emil he told the king of another nation all about him, and the King is legit excited to meet him) but then a couple of minutes later Emil is all ‘I’m so jealous of Fyra’. He isn’t crushing on Nier, but he is totally crushing on Sechs.

Endgame At this point in the game the distinction between Brother and Father has become mostly lost and the final charge is pretty much the same as

wait what’s up with the music in the Lost Shrine? This is Snow in Summer.

Or an arrangement thereof. That particular track level from Snow in Summer winds up getting used in a few new places and it has this kind of weird, vague sense of dread that makes it work pretty well. Utterly threw me off in the Lost Shrine, though (I think it’s appropriate given its connection to the Shadowlord/Gestalt Nier so slowly re-introducing it in the climb is pretty cool). It also builds insanely as you climb, which is a very cool effect but, um, I’m just here to pick up some sidequest items right now this feels like a little much.

There isn’t much to say regarding any impact or differences in the large part of this area of the game. It’s a good final dungeon, it carries good momentum, it works as well as it ever did (that is to say, rather well). The emotional beats are great and translate equally well between the protagonists, although I have to give the nod to Papa Nier during a lot of this just for the imagery of such a big, powerful man becoming so broken the further he goes in (and Kaine being strong enough to toss him around like a rag doll anyway).

The final flashback with Nier and Yonah also feels better with Papa Nier. I always read it as, of course, Papa Nier having his moment with Yonah, giving her the flower, and as he lays back down Yonah does the same big sigh like she’s trying to emulate her dad and it’s really sweet. This is another one of those moments where it’s not something that feels wrong in Replicant, but just having that comparison in the back of my head is something that I just can’t help.

Is Papa Nier still Best Neir? Yes.

But there’s room in my heart for Brother. I’m glad the bizarre marketing decision happened and both of these characters can exist.

...and then we reload the save. Okay, okay, so-- so here’s the thing-- I figured that’s a good place to conclude a session, right? Get to the ending, prepare for the next run. But I also know that Route B starts with Kaine’s unskippable novel segments. I’ve read them, of course, so I figure I’ll just reload into Route B so I can make a save after the novel sections, really get into the meat of Route B when I’m fresh.

So skim through those--

Beat up the Knave--

Skim through the rest--

Educated Warrior... didn’t pop...?--

Wait what’s this camera angle--

Why am I outs--

oh my god

KAINE AND EMIL HAVING GIGGLY GIRL TALK AROUND THE CAMPFIRE OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

THERE’S MORE.

THERE’S. MORE.

I legit short-circuited. Going in I knew they added the Little Mermaid. I knew they added Ending E. Those were things I suspected would be added and went out to specifically confirm; beyond that I’ve been keeping myself completely spoiler free.

I had no idea there was more. I had no idea this was happening.

I’m so excited.

And a goofy thought for the road

“I polished you with a special cloth, I poured warm water on you--”

“Wait, you poured water on me?”

/imagines Emil running blindfolded eight hours across the Southern Plains with an 8oz plastic water cup, getting to the library, splashing it on Kaine, waiting expectantly

/nothing happens

/walks dejectedly eight hours all the way back to the Manor

#NieR #NieR Replicant #Musings #Ramblings #OH MY GOD WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS #I AM SO GLAD NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

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rinisbowen · 2 years

Note

Both You and your anons have such good analysis!

Re: Showing and not telling, you’re so right! I think the short run time of episodes contributes, but so does the mockumentry style story telling. I think one of the most telling talking heads of the whole series is Ricky’s in the S1 finale once he talks to Gina for the first time that night (“maybe I changed… or maybe I’m back to who I always was”) because it’s so telling of where Ricky is at in that moment.

I think for a lot of people it’s hard to let Rina go because as of this point we have no idea how Ricky feels about anything after Gina’s confession in the flashback. In a show that doesn’t shy away from just ~telling instead of showing ~ I think that means it’ll come back up in someway? Or at the very least intentional.

It also makes me wonder how making the cameraman an actually character in S3 will change or use this!

ah why thank you! tbh i'm genuinely enjoying all this conversation from the past day or so so much right now. i've got three VERY long anons in my ask box still that i need to answer, but i want to be able to give solid answers to them, so i'm glad for these less lengthy ones to be sure.

i kind of love that i'm sorta getting both sides right now in my inbox to some extent, because i really do think there's a good dialogue to be had. i'm just acting as the messenger i suppose haha.

i would honestly agree about the mockumentary storytelling adding to the diegesis for the show for sure. it's more that i consider it a tool so it didn't come to mind immediately. they don't always use the talking heads to accomplish this, but they do a good bit.

i 100% get what you mean about finding it hard to let go when ricky's side of things just wasn't explored. and honestly, the fact they left it open-ended means that particularly with rini now entirely off the table as his endgame pretty much, they can easily decide to use it and pick it right back up again. we don’t know what it was planned to be when season 1 was taping, but on some levels, original intent doesn't even matter, because they can have it mean whatever they want it to mean, so long as it doesn't contradict anything we've seen, and it doesn't have to in this case, because nothing was said.

i know i've seen at least one person mention the idea that seeing so much of gina's side of rina in season 2 was perhaps in part to give sofia wylie more to do, because tim saw how talented she was, but again, it doesn't matter so much what they meant, so much as what they have it mean.

we don't know what ricky understood, or what he felt, because he never said anything to indicate that. so yeah- i definitely see how it's easy to take that as an open invitation to have him feel something still that can be picked back up again later. ricky had a lot on his plate last season, so i think it makes sense that gina wasn't his priority in a certain sense, but that doesn't mean she never can be necessarily.

if things go the way i've previously considered, lily's going to prime him to potentially finally be able to move on from nini in a way that matters. gina might be the person who reaps the benefits of that, even if she decidedly couldn't in season 1.

i think the camera man character is going to be a lot of fun tbh because of what he can add to the mockumentary aspect of this show. the actor who plays channing posted a thing on his instagram story today saying he'd just wrapped one job and now was in costume fittings for another. so my best guess, personally, is that he's going to come around for the latter portion of the show, when the camp gets closer to putting up frozen.

the potential for other people to see the content of what would normally be a talking head, or honestly more just background stuff that other characters may not otherwise catch is super cool. i'm very excited to see his inclusion and what it means!

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts: speculation #ship: ricky x gina ( hsmtmts )#answered #anonymous

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a-forgotten-spirit · 4 years

Text

Love Isn’t An Illusion (8)

Pairing: Todoroki x Bakugou, Todoroki X Reader x Bakugou, VERY SLOW BUILD

Summary: First day of training camp, chilling with Todoroki and falshing Bakugou

Words: +-6900

Warnings: fear of forgetting something, parents with tone, anxiety, showering, wet hair, sitting with Todoroki, skirts, nervousness, quirk getting taken away, fighting dirt monsters, flashing Bakugou, lack of eating, tiredness, swearing, yelling at Aizawa, angy, bath / hot spring, scars, nudity, Mineta (nothing happens it’s what he did in the show).

Tagged: @kittycatspervertedheart @lemorrite @gwendlynn @marleps @thicctati2 @saitamastamaticsoup @succulent-momma @aurorahoneybuns @imjusttireddudes @misconceptualised @ochabby @katsukisuwus @gayverlinq @star-witchs-blog @icyhotpie @kyrah-williams

A/N: I wrote this for the fans. I do not own My Hero academia or the characters, I don’t own most of the plot for this story, I had watched the show and re-written the dialogue and plot as if the reader was the main character. Everything is centred around the reader. Please comment, makes me happy. Ask if you wish to be tagged.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 8

Waking up to the blaring sound of an alarm wasn’t the best but I could have woken up worse. Throwing my arm out of the warm soft covers I turned off the alarm and closed my eyes for a second sighing then throwing myself from the bed. I wasn’t a morning person, I never was and I never will be. I walked to my bathroom letting out another sigh as I removed my clothes placing them in the hamper before moving into the shower. It was warm and my muscles instantly began to relax, a week with my class non-stop. A whole week, this was going to be long but I knew I was going to have a lot of fun.

Washing my body and hair, I left the shower making sure to step on the rug and not the tiled floor having fallen far too many times to not be careful. I placed my hair in a towel cage. Flipping my head down, placing the towel over my head and twirling the fabric before flipping it back over my head. Hair drying and out of my face it’s was a win-win. I stretched and looked over my bag one last time making sure to pack the extra, extra charger for Todoroki.

I knew I had to get dressed but I just didn’t want to, I didn’t want to get dressed or move. I was tired and needed more sleep even though I had gotten more than the recommended amount. Shaking my head and slapping my face lightly I nodded and began to get ready.

I got dressed and was thankful for button shirts as my hair could stay in the towel and dry for a little while longer waiting until I took the towel off to throw on the jumper. I made sure to look at my bag again, I had everything I knew I had everything but the fear of forgetting something was a lot to take. I shook my head. I’m sure someone would let me borrow something if I desperately needed it. I wasn’t worried. I was excited. I moved to take my headphones off charge placing the charger in and then rolling my eyes making my way back into the bathroom and placing all my toiletries in the travel bag than in my bag. Now I was sure I was ready. I was confused about why we had to wear our uniforms but I didn’t question it.

I walked downstairs with my suitcase and then looked to my mum saying I was ready. It took more effort then I would ever admit to putting my suitcase in the car but that was for another time. Finally sitting down we began the drive to school.

“Message me on your way back, hopefully, we will be home but if not you can call Lacy” Lacy who was mums butler per se. I had never asked her for a thing but I might ask for a lift home after the camp. I nodded. “Do you have everything or do I need to stop” there was the tone I had been missing for the past couple days.

“I have everything” I nodded and then the car ride was silent. Driving in the parking lot I could see a bunch of my friends and the other class, I forgot they were coming. Getting out I moved to the boot and grabbed my suitcase. “Bye Mum” I called out from the boot and got a quick reply and then she was off. I walked over to the group and Aizawa began to talk, I made it just in time.

“Now that you are finished up your first semester at UA high. It’s time for summer vacation to finally begin” I was pulling at my hair still slightly damp from the shower I had taken that morning. It wasn’t dripping onto the jumper so I was happy with it. “However, don’t think these will be months of rest for you heroes in the making” why was he always so serious, it made me on edge and scared for whenever he spoke. “This camp will be to push you beyond your limits” I wanted to but in saying he already had with my exam but a swift bite of my lip and I was silenced. “You’re aiming to become plus ultra” then we were waiting to leave.

I sighed and felt my hair again, I hoped it would dry but I knew it was only bothering me because I was thinking about it. I stood with a few other people talking about my suitcase having been put on the bus by someone I had never seen before. I was excited and nervous all at once. I watched as Kaminari and Mina left the conversation to dance with a red-faced Uraraka clapping for camp. They all looked so excited.

“I heard some of class A has to take extra courses. Does that mean they failed the final exams, that would be so embarrassing? Especially because you are meant to be so much better than my class. All of you must be waddling in shame” the blonde boy from 1-B shouted his eyes wide and voice loud. I seriously didn’t like him, he really had a problem but he fell to the ground with one hit upside the head from Kendo and he was out. He didn’t like my class but...there was no but, he was just rude.

She picked him up with ease by his collar “Don’t mind him” he was then dragged towards the bus and I wondered how many hours a day he was knocked out on average I would be quite interested in the outcome.

“Oh the rest of class B” Midoriya smiled and I turned to see some familiar faces looking back at me. I couldn’t see any distaste or anger when I met their eyes so I didn’t look away but I was nervous.

“It’s nice to see you outside the sports festival” her eyes were so wide and she had this smirk on her face but from no one batting an eye I figured that was just her personality "I guess now we’re not technically rivals” I don’t think Monoma got that memo. I saw a few nods and I smiled to the class.

“Time to get on the bus” Kendo called out from the door, I wasn’t sure if she was the class Rep but I knew whatever she said everyone listened too. Like a big sister, though I liked it. The class had someone they trusted and always looked too. Everyone in class B began to board and I looked to my class if we were meant to follow.

Though my thoughts were short-lived “Attention Class A our bus is here” Iidas’ arms were moving frantically his face stern and serious. “Line up in seating order” we all boarded and I moved to where I was meant to be sitting down and then looking out the window.

“I am seated with you, I think” I turned to see Todoroki and then sat down with me next to him. The lords are blessing me once again. He was so graceful as he sat down, not even making a sound.

“I brought the charger” I smiled and he spoke a quick ‘thank you’ as he proceeded to explain he lost track of time with his Mum “Don’t mention it, I stress so I would have had a spare even if you didn’t ask me beforehand” I laughed and he smiled, it was so small but I caught it, or did I imagine it.

We began to drive off, I wondered how long a trip it would be to the destination “Listen up, you’ll be on this bus about an hour before our first stop” it seemed all my questions were having immediate responses today. “Make sure you stay focused” Aizawa was one of the most serious people I had ever met.

“Why aren’t we blasting some music” of course it was Kaminari to say something like that. I was laughing lightly at the comment. I looked behind Todoroki and I and saw Bakugou and Tokoyami then in front was Tsu and Uraraka.

“No one should be standing that is a safety hazard, please remain seated” A definitely standing and angry or more so worried Iida yelled. I don’t think one person cared for what Aizawa had said or they just chose to ignore it. “Do not open that window” I laughed again quietly.

The journey may have only been an hour but it was far too long for my back on the uncomfortable seats. I had filled the time talking to Todoroki, just about anything and everything. Showing him things on my phone and him doing the same. We talked and it felt so natural and easy to talk to him. We talked until we were told to get off where he moved to let me out first, I made sure to thank him. When getting off I held my skirt jumping down off the rather high last step of the bus and sighed out walking forward into the group then moving to stand with Todoroki again.

“Finally, I needed to get off that bus” I agreed with Kaminari, it was an hour but a long hour. I didn’t regret it though, I got to talk to Todoroki for an hour which was by far a bonus in my books. Mineta cried about having to go to the bathroom though from what I could see we were just on the side of the road.

“You didn’t think we stopped here so you could stretch your legs did you” I turned seeing Aizawa, hands in his pockets and leaning back in a lazy stance like he was built to just standstill. Mineta stood in front of him begging to be able to go to the bathroom.

Then the door to the mysterious random car opened “Hey Eraser” so they knew Aizawa and judging by his lack of care, we weren’t in danger. Aizawa bowed and commented that it had been quite a while since he had seen the person still in the car. Then two girls jumped out one wearing pink and the other blue. Dressed in cat costumes. “You’re feline fantasies are here”

“Purfectly cute and cat-like girls” I mean they weren’t wrong they did have the whole look going for them. I was confused, this is why we had stopped for a few girls to just jump around in front of us.

“You can call us the wild, wild pussy cats” they finished their little routine and posed with a smaller boy standing next to them. They sure were confident and loud, I’m sure Mic would get along with them quite well. Though the class stood in silence.

“These are the Pro heroes you’ll be working with for summer training camp” I didn’t doubt they were heroes but they did scare me. I wasn’t a fan of overly loud people… I was a fan of one overly loud person. They, on the other hand, were a bit too much for my liking.

“They are a four-person hero team that specialises in mountain rescues. The pussy cats were founded when we were kids” I saw the two women stumble at his words, they didn’t like their age being mentioned. “Like forever ago” another hit to the ego. “This marks their twelfth year working as-” Midoriya was fanboying again, eyes wide with a matching smile though he was cut off by a hand, paw, to the face.

“I’m pretty sure your mouth must be off” I was right, they were sensitive about their age. It was the blue one who had a problem and I stepped slightly closer to Todoroki being a little scared of the women. “I’m eighteen at heart” of course she was.

We all collectively bowed and said our Hellos as of Aizawa's request. I was confused about why we had stopped if they were going to be our guides for the next week. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t meet them at camp. Though I didn’t voice my questions opting for just standing with Todoroki.

“We own this whole stretch of land, everything you can see” I was impressed, to say the least, it was a lot of land they owned not to mention how dense the forest was. It was the pink one talking, she seemed kind and loving “The camp you're staying at is there, at the base of the mountain” her voice was so calm as she simply pointed out into the area she owned.

It was quite far, I tilted my head in confusion. Why were we here then? “Uh, why did we stop all the way up here instead?” Uraraka asked Tsu to turn to face her friend. She voiced all our thoughts and I was grateful not even wanting to speak with the blue cat still on a rampage.

“I’m afraid we both know the answer to that” was I missing something? Had I not read something or was I not listening? I looked around and saw a few people shaking their heads in disbelief.

“That can’t be right,” Sato said slowly his head shaking, what was I missing. I looked out, we were on the side of a mountain. What were we going to do from here? Like sure it was nice to see where we would be staying but weren’t we just wasting time.

“Ok, back on the bus” Sero whispered his voice shaky and nervous. “Let’s go” wait, no they couldn’t be serious. I was reading this wrong, I had to be. Sero slowly turned to the bus as did a few others as we all agreed.

“The current time is nine-thirty in the morning” why was she mentioning the time. I was losing my mind, this couldn’t be real right? I felt my heart speed, why was time mentioned. “If you’re fast about it, you might make it there by noon” she smiled her tail slowly waving behind her. They weren’t going to make us walk there, were they?

I watched as everyone began to run to the bus in a panic, I just stayed still. If they wanted this to happen, we weren’t getting a choice about it. Sure I was angry but a simple bridge to the camp, we’d be there within the hour. It was easy, annoying but easy nonetheless.

“Kitties that don’t make it there by twelve don’t get any lunch” she called out and I sighed looking to my fellow peers running, or at least making a break for the bus. I walked over a little more so I could see them.

“You should have guessed students” Aizawa began his voice monotone and easy to read, he didn’t care. He was changing his mind. “The training camp” the blue one dropped in front of the group a collective yell being heard. “Has already begun” just before anything happened I felt something clasp to my wrist. “You need to work on not having a quirk” I was confused and then I was being thrown off a mountain.

“I swear I’m going to kill you Aizawa” I screamed my body going flying through the air as I held my skirt down trying to have some form of decency why of course I wasn’t allowed my quirk, why would I? The teachers loved making my life difficult.

We were all falling, dirt coming with us, the blue one. The blue one could control dirt? Or at least something like that. I held down my skirt as I was falling, I couldn’t believe we had been thrown off a cliff. We all landed with a shout and some groans.

“Good news” I looked up at the pink cat, her smile genuine and wide as she leaned over the rails to view us. “This is private land so you can use your quirks as much as you want too” I stood quickly feeling rage boil inside me. “You have three full hours, you should be able to make it to the facility in that time” was she joking, was this some kind of sick joke? “That is if you can get through the beast forest” I walked over.

“What quirk” I yelled and held up my arm showing the bracelet “I don’t get my quirk, what kind of absolute bullshit is this'” I was furious. I didn’t like not having my quirk or at least being equal with my classmates. “Aizawa” I yelled and saw his face lean over, I dangled my arm in the air “Hello” I screamed.

“Your quirk would allow everyone to easily get through without so much as a thought. So I take the quirk you work on your physical abilities and the class gets to learn” he was smiling, I could hear the smirk in his voice as I steamed. Rage and anger boiling in my veins.

“No” I shook my head, “First the exam and now this. This isn’t fair” I yelled out, I knew my class was behind me. I knew they could see me losing my mind. I was so angry, why could I not just be treated like the rest of them.

“Your quirk is unfair” he shrugged...shrugged. He just shrugged it off! My hands were shaking as I had so many thoughts running through my head. I was so mad as I gripped my head in anger.

I didn’t answer turning and watched as Mineta ran into the woods, he needed a bathroom. Though with the sound of a growl I looked up seeing a forest monster of sorts, big root teeth and arms as thick as logs. I heard a few screams but I was running.

I was so angry that my quirk had been taken I jumped high into the air and growled as I came crashing down onto the creatures head my foot landing and splitting the wood and dirt. I landed and looked back up the teachers “Fuck your forest” I screamed and then I was off again walking deeper into the woods with the class following.

“Y/N are you ok” I turned to see Midoriya and I knew everyone was watching me as I continued to walk, my footfalls loud and deep. Anyone could see I was angry, I was so angry.

“Do I look ok” I glared at the green-headed teen and he shook his head “There’s your answer” I grit my teeth and clenched my fists. “I am going to destroy each and every one of these pathetic little monsters and then when I get to camp I am going to lose my shit” I finished. “These monsters are just dirt, the blues quirk” I added.

We walked through the woods and slowly more and more began to appear, the next one was flying. Of course, this was going to be difficult. Why wouldn’t it be? We were working together to kill as many as possible.

“Seven in total, they’re coming” Jiro called out as I jumped from tree to tree. I jumped onto a flying one, digging my hand into the wing and pulling back, breaking it. The beast began to fall as I jumped not being crushed with it. I walked over and slammed my foot down into the creature it didn’t get back up.

Sato and Kirishima beat one while Dark Shadow and Ojiro took down another one. Mineta was running as well but Kaminari had used far too much electricity and his brain short-circuiting due to the intensity. I ran and picked him up before he was hit again. Iida kicked one, how many of these things were there? I was running with Kaminari, he was quite light. Toru was good at luring the monsters to set locations so the others could attack. Mina throwing acid on the legs making them fall. I could have ended this fight so quickly but no I wasn’t allowed my quirk. I placed down Kaminari with Shoji and I was off again trying to pull off the bracelet, it didn’t work.

I was fighting one, my mind clear and body fast as I ran through the legs and jumped on it’s back running up the back “Bakugou” I called out and kicked the creatures head forward making the weak spot on top of the head seeable. A yell and an explosion the creature was pieces. I fell through the air holding my skirt as I landed. “No quirk no fucking pants” I cursed.

Momo had made a canon and was blasting the creature while Tsu and Uraraka were working together by just throwing them in the air with zero gravity and then making them crash into the ground harshly. I watched as Bakugou continued to explode things. He seemed very happy. I continued to run as one followed me. There were more than seven now, there had to be.

“Ojiro, Tokoyami '' I called out and then ducked skidding along with my knees beneath a large branch as the creature got caught and then was destroyed by the two of them. “Thanks,” I called out.

“No problem” I heard in response and I was off again, running and jumping through the tree and ground. Dodging the creatures moved and their domino effect in the forest. I had to not get hurt. My knees were covered in dirt and I was sure my clothes were too.

Todoroki and Bakugou were working together. Ice slid along the ground rising and covering the legs and torsos of the monster then while they were stopped Bakugou came in with devastating blows. Exploding the dirt and smoke being created. They were flawless, I ran past jumping up to land the final blow, a kick to the top of the head as my leg fell all the way through as I landed on the ground crouching. Then Todoroki and Bakugou were running with me.

There were so many of them. She could make them quickly I could at least give her that but by the time we thought we were almost to the camp the sun was setting. Anger was boiling through my body. I was covered in dirt. I was flung into the air with my ass on full display as I went to cover myself I was going to be hit but was caught by none other than Bakugou. Who had given me quite a bit of a tongue lashing with flushed cheeks?

When we saw the ‘clearing’ I was on a march. Half the people could barely stand, we were holding each other up. What kind of bullshit was this, on the first day? We hadn’t even made it to the camp! Todoroki was shivering, Bakugou holding his arm, Iida not even able to use one of his legs, Kaminari was out of power. Everyone was like this, I was tired, exhausted. I hadn’t been able to use my quirk which could have helped my friends.

“I hope you are happy” I called out anger dripping from my lips as I walked out of the treeline my peers following “Do you have any idea how hard that was with no quirk” I threw my hands out in anger. “But no, who cares about Y/N she’s so strong and can do it” I made a digging motion with one hand. “Take this stupid bracelet off me this second” I was in front of Aizawa now.

“You said that would only take like three hours” Sero gasped out. He was right, they had said that. Aizawa moved forward to unlock the bracelet, he was smirking at me. I was so mad.

“I guessed we based it on how long it would take us, sorry” that’s all we got. A weak apology and a smile. We had fought our guts out and all we got was a sorry. I was shaking as Aizawa finally managed to get the bracelet off me.

“You were too strong for this exercise. Your peers need to catch up” I understood why he did it but it was unfair to throw me into a beast infested forest with no quirk and no heads up. I walked away back to the group rubbing my wrist.

“I thought it would take you kids even longer” it was the blue one, her paws over her mouth. It was her quirk we were fighting, a good quirk but I wanted to throw her off a cliff. “But you did a lot better against my dirt monsters then I thought you would” she smiled her voice light and high pitched, she had to be kidding? Was she doing this now, while we were all on the verge of collapsing? “You guys were seriously great, especially the five of you” she pointed to Iida, Mirdoriya, Todoroki, Bakugou and I. “It seems like you’ve had quite a bit of experience and the girl. Even without a quirk you still did some damage” Some? I did quite a bit of damage, I had my quirk back. I could do a lot more. "I call dibs on these kittens. I’ll groom them myself"

She came lunging at us and I simply put her in a box “I’m fine, thank you” I whispered out and raised my hand into the sky as the box began to float. I could feel her trying to get out “Much better” I sighed.

Midoriya pointed out the little boy that had been with the two women all day, I had noticed him but didn’t care for children. I hated children, disgusting little things. “Oh he’s my cousin's son, he just lives with us now. Don’t be shy Kota, say hi to everyone. You’re going to be around them for the next week”

“Y/N let her go” I sighed and dropped her from the sky, her tail spiked and she landed looking back to me with a scowl I glared back uninterested. Midoriya walked over to the small boy who seemed rather angry at the world.

“Hi, my name is Midoriya.” Why was he trying to make friends with the child? I grimaced and a shiver ran through my body at the mere thought of talking to a child. “I’m from the UA highschool hero course, it’s nice to meet you” his hand was outstretched but Midoriya wasn’t met with a light or gentle handshake but a hard and powerful punch to his lower regions. He fell. I think I saw his soul leave him.

Iida was running over within a second “What a low blow” I laughed silently, he wasn’t wrong. The blow was quite low. Iida managed to catch the falling boy in his arms “You fiend of a child” just another thing to add to the list of why I hated children. “A punch to the scrotum is unforgivable” I could imagine.

“The last thing I want is to hang with some wannabe heroes” my face fell, he seemed to be angry. Teeth grit and eyes flared. Something had happened, no one hated with so much passion for no reason.

“I can put him in a box” I swirled my hand mist falling from my skin like ink onto the ground. I had no shame just locking him inside a little endless prison for a few hours, days.

“No” I heard Aizawa and let my quirk fade “We are not doing that” I could hear Iida still yelling as I sighed and looked away shrugged. “He’s just a kid” I didn’t care if he was eighty or eight he was being rude.

“That brats got spunk” Bakugou smiled to the little human as I shook my head. He seems too proud of the little boy, I looked to the fallen Midoriya and realised this little kid was probably his favourite person right now.

“He’s like a mini version of you” I turned to hear Todoroki, he had a point though. The kid did act like Bakugou in a way, a more immature Bakugou. I wondered what the two of them were like as kids. Would we have gotten along? They were the only children I would have been able to handle.

“What are you talking about” Todoroki has made him mad again, Bakugou was storming over to the duel haired hero in training with a bounce in his step, a bounce ready to crush the other's skull. “Shut your mouth before I blast you all the way to hell” he was offended but if he liked the child I didn’t see why he was acting this way, I thought it could have been a compliment.

“Yeah sure” Todoroki had simply stated as I walked over and pushed them away from each other with a shake of my head. It wasn’t worth it, not while we were all so tired. Also, I didn’t care for their little conversation about the kid, he was a rude little shit. I only had room for one in my life and that position was filled.

“Enough playing around, get your stuff off the bus” they hadn’t even done us the courtesy of taking our things in. They had plenty of time to do it. “Once your bags are in your rooms, we will have dinner in the cafeteria. After that, you can bathe and sleep” the last two options were looking appealing right now. I would happily skip dinner to bathe now and sleep. “Tomorrow your training starts in earnest, better get a move on”

We all walked towards the bus and I could see everyone struggling. I did love my class and they had helped me out all day. I walked in front of them all bending down to open the hatch. “Thank you for helping me today” I whispered and I made a little illusion for everyone. Getting all their bags “You just have to get the copy to your rooms”

“Thank you” I was engulfed in a hug by Mina who was crying and rubbing her face into my shoulder in thanks. I pet her hand as an illusion walked over and helped her in ‘my’ arms as she cried.

“Y/N you are honestly a goddess” Kirishima bowed and I flushed waving my hand in dismissal. I was just doing something nice, they deserved it after today and these illusions took next to no effort for me. They were easy, I had been making them since I was a young one.

“It’s thanks for dealing with me being in a bad mood all day” I looked up and could see the thankful looks from everyone as a copy followed them holding their things as we walked into the building. I saw the boys sigh in defeat as we got to the crossroads “The illusion will stay, no need to worry” then the sighs of relief.

Placing everyone's things in the room the illusion would bow and then fall into mist as I helped the girls move their things into their rooms and places they wanted them. I was thanked the whole time and waved it off. Making our way to the cafeteria we all sat down and said our thanks and began to eat. It was good, more than good. It was perfect.

I ate slowly not having much of an appetite from the exams, I sat next to Bakugou or more so Bakugou had taken the seat next to me. I smiled that he wanted to sit with me. My other side was then occupied by Todoroki who was more than interested in the food. I saw Kirishima just shovelling rice into his mouth, he wasn’t chewing, I watched more. Not chewing, there was no way.

Bakugou was doing the same and Todoroki was following, slower but just as eager. I ate slowly not eating too much, just enough to fill me. I knew I was getting a few looks but I didn’t care. The beef was nice and had a nice seasoning. I grabbed another piece of a plate and within one bite I moved to pick up the little plate and put it in front of Bakugou who took a piece and then took the plate. It was spicy.

“This is amazing” he nodded and added it into his rice, no one else was eating it so I’m sure he could eat the rest of it with no issues. I turned and saw Todoroki looking for the water with his glass in hand and a jug was placed in front of him the illusion falling from stealing it from another table.

“Thank you” he whispered and drank down his water, sighing out happily in contempt. I had finished eating and offered my leftover rice to the still eating Bakugou who didn’t hesitate to take the bowl and continue eating.

Once everyone was done it was time for the bath, I was more than excited to sit and soak in a nice hot bath. I was walking slowly my head lolling to the side as I walked with the girls. Once in the room I grabbed anything I would or could need and I was off to the bath. I walked in happily my head beginning to clear with all the steam.

Everyone was getting undressed as I looked down, I had never been one to get nude in front of people, sure I had been in changing rooms but never fully naked, I took to the stalls most of the time. I set up an illusion to cover myself as I walked out of the bath. I could see the confused faces but no one said anything. Stepping into the bath, so hot and sending a nice shiver up my body. I dropped into the water, it came up to my waist, I walked forward and let the water slowly rise to my chest. The rest of the girls came in and we all sat around a rock. I lowered myself so only my head was out of the water and let the illusion fade the water full of different healing properties making it not clear.

“This feels amazing” Mina called out her voice happy as she moved to sit on the rock we were all crowded around. I nodded in agreement, the hot spring was lovely and just what my muscles desired after the day I had had.

“You are to stop this at once Mineta. What you are doing is demeaning for both the girls and yourself” we all went silent at the loud voice of our class Rep and the seemingly hurried aquatic steps. What was going on over there? “It’s shameful behaviour” then it registered, Mineta was being a pervert as per usual. Why was he allowed within a hundred metres of any female I wasn’t sure.

I wasn’t sure what Mineta had responded but judging by the loud bangs slowly going up the wall, he was climbing. How in the fuck was he climbing a straight wall? His quirk, I shivered. They were getting closer and none of the girls seemed to be able to move.

“Get down here this instant” Iida once more, so he was climbing. I stood from the bath and sighed. I was tired, putting up my hands slowly I rose a wall around us. Mineta couldn’t look in.

“He needs to find a hobby” I whispered and dropped back into the water as the rest of the girls looked over. I could see a few of them eyeing my shoulder. I froze and then an illusion went over the scar, it was fine. They’d think it was a mistake.

“Before you become a hero, you should learn how to be a good human” I looked up and saw Kota at the top of the wall separating the girls and boys bathing areas. I let the illusion of us fall, as he pushed Mineta off the wall with a slap of his hand.

“I’ll get you for this” Mineta yelled and then there was a scream, I think he landed on someone. I sighed and sunk lower into the pool. This was a lot for my mental capacity to take right now. Why was he in the hero course?

“Mineta is the worst isn’t he” Tsu croaked out in a quick reply. I nodded into the water not wanting to verbally respond like a few other of the girls did. I still wasn’t a fan of the child but I inwardly thanked him for being there.

“Thanks so much, Kota-babe” Mina called out her arms rising to put thumbs up at the kid as she sat on the rock. We were all standing together and I watched as Mina smiled in thanks. “We owe you one” I didn’t owe him anything but I was thankful for him.

He turned and looked at us and within a split second, he was falling off the top of the wall. I sighed, I was sure one of the boys was going to catch him. Perhaps he had a quirk of his own.

“Lookout” I could hear the child being caught, I was right and it was none other than the green-headed Midoriya. See, the child was fine without my help. I just wanted to soak and then go to sleep.

We soaked for a while longer and then it was time to leave and head to bed. As I walked out of the bath I covered myself in mist and made my way into the building to grab my full body towel. Covering myself I sighed out and grabbed my things as I made my way back to the room. I could have gotten dressed there but I wanted to change in the comfort of my room or at least the shared room.

I walked down the hall and then into the room, opening my suitcase to grab my clothes and walked into the bathroom. I dried myself and got dressed, I was running on instinct and willpower at this point. Grabbing I pulled down the jumper over my pants and looked in the mirror. I wished I grabbed Bakugous, his jumper was a lot warmer than this one. I left the bathroom and got my bed ready for the night. The other girls were talking and having fun as I brought out all my chargers moving over to the wall to plug them in and remembered I hadn’t given Todoroki his charger.

“Hey guys” I called out and the conversation stopped as I bent down to retrieve the charger I had packed for him “I’m just going to give Todoroki a charger he asked me to bring for him” I stood my eyes falling and tired “If I’m not back in twenty” I paused and shook my head “Come save me from Mineta”

“You got it” Mina replied and a few others nodded with smiles as I did too. “We will come and find you” she put up her thumbs and bounced on her bed happily.

I bent down and got the PowerPoint I had bought and walked over handing it to the girls “Also I bought a PowerPoint so all of us could charge our phones. I didn’t expect there to be a lot of power points” I could see the love blossom in their eyes as I smiled and then left as I heard a chorus of thanks.

I walked through the building making my way to the boys' rooms. It wasn’t too late but I was on the verge of passing out as I'm sure many of them were too. It was an easy find and I could hear some chatter. I walked up to the door and knocked lightly thrice all conversation stopped.

“I’ll get it” Kirishima, he was always first to volunteer. I loved that we got along and that he was my friend. I heard quickened footfalls as the door was open and his face fell into one of confusion “Oh hey Y/N” he grew awkward “I thought you were Aizawa” I laughed as he moved from the doorway “Come in, how can we help you”

Everyone was looking at me in my large jumper, short shorts and shin-high dinosaur socks I flushed and looked away shaking my hands “Oh no, I’m just here for Todoroki” that sounded weird. I looked over and now all the boys were looking to the duel haired male who was rolling out his bed. “I brought the charger you texted about” I held up the cord and he was walking over.

“Oh, I forgot, thank you” his voice was smooth as I held out the cord “I could have gotten it in the morning” he answered, I shrugged and tilted my head with a light shake my head. “Thank you again Y/N”

“No issues but I’m going to go before I pass out” I heard a few laughs as I turned to leave “Night boys” I called over my shoulder to the room full of my class.

“Goodnight” It was all over the place and different voices chirping in all at once but I closed the door and began the walk back to my room. I loved my class with all my heart, they were so amazing and I couldn't’ ask for anything better.

The walk was short and once I was back in my room I smiled at the jokes the girls were making that I arrived safely. Not too long after were we heading to bed. Lights out and chargers on we all laid down and I was out within seconds.

________________________________________________________________Chapter 9

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commander-rahrah · 4 years

Text

RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART TWENTY - THE FINALE

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: M (Swearing, and just to be safe honestly!)

Word Count: 4200+

Description: Jordynne’s Ethics Hearing is finally here. But what does this mean for all of them? (Majority in Bryce’s POV!)

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: Welp at least I did my goal of releasing the final chapter before OH Book 2! This fic did take me a lot longer then I thought it would -- but I did it!! YAY! This is the first time I have ever actually completed a fic! I most definitely will be continuing the story of Jordynne, Bryce and Ethan for Residency 2.0 (is that what I’ll call it?). Thank you so so so much for everyone who has read the series along the way, and for all the comments, likes and reblogs! It means so much! I hope everyone enjoys and is excited for OH2 to come out on Saturday!!!!!

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes374 @lahelable @mayar-mahdy @paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal @paulfwesley @ccolz88-blog @mindlessdreaminxo @jooous @lapisreviewsstuff @choicesarehard @themingdynasty @omgjasminesimone @hopelessly-shipper @binny1985 @perriewinklenerdie @jens-diamondchoices @indiacater @chasingrobbie @writingsbymissy @dimitriwife @tacohead13 @amy-choices @violinet

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen

Previous Update

PART TWENTY

Bryce jiggled his knee nervously — it was hidden under the table, out of anyone’s eyesight. He was picking at the food in front of him — his fork lazily spinning around the take out Chinese food.

The roommates had ordered it — and invited him over. He had accepted, as he really had started to feel like he was becoming one of them — but with everything going on he just couldn’t enjoy himself.

He still hadn’t heard from Jordynne — the last he had seen of her was her whirling around the library like a tornado. And even then it was all medicine and science.

“So, has any heard from Jordynne? Is Doctor Banerji okay?” He asked, trying to sound casual.

“No, not yet. Maybe she won’t come home again.” Jackie shrugged as she chewed lazily.

“What you mean?” His eyebrows furrowed, setting his fork down.

Sienna flashed Jackie a look.

She kept chewing, before opening her mouth again, “I mean she didn’t come home last night either. Maybe she won’t tonight.” She shrugged.

“Oh.”

Bryce felt his heart go up into his throat — he did his best to keep it down. She hadn’t come home last night — the night she went to see Ethan.

He didn’t want to jump to conclusions. And he didn’t have any right to. He had been through this. Over and over and over and over. Hell, he had told the guy to stop fucking it up with her already. To do something about it.

So why did he still feel this way?

A couple hours later he was wedged onto the sectional — his coffee-colored eyes glazed over as they huddled around the television. Elijah was talking animatedly about Battlestar Galactica but only Sienna was really showing an interest.

The rattle of keys in the front door caused his ears to perk up, and he watched as Jordynne slid in through the front door. He was like a dog waiting for his owner to come home — Bryce practically jumped up off of the couch.

She gave them a tired smile and a quiet “hey” as she pulled her messenger bag over her head. Using her toes, she kicked off her shoes.

“Hey,” The group called back in unison. Sienna grabbed the remote from Elijah’s lap and paused the show.

“How’s Dr. Banerji?!” Elijah asked — his brown eyes wide.

Right — Dr. Banerji. God, how selfish was he being? A man was on his death bed and he was consumed in his own thoughts of him and Jordynne and her with Ethan.

“It’s hard to tell. Ethan did the phage therapy. Now we just wait.” She shrugged — she looked exhausted.

“You didn’t stay?” Jackie asked — the question seemed double-edged.

Jordynne bit down on her bottom lip, “They needed some time. And I still haven’t prepared for the hearing.”

Her blue eyes found Bryce’s dark ones — he hesitated as she stared at him. They studied each other for a moment, before he coughed, “Well, I can help you prep for it.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

Bryce shook his head, “Then make sure you get to stay at Edenbrook? No way.”

She smiled — but it looked forced. The edges of it faltered before she turned towards the kitchen. “Chinese food? Yum! Can I have some?” Her voice sounded a little higher than usual.

“Yeah, help yourself, Jordy.” Elijah waved, craning his neck to look back at her. He and Sienna shared a look — they were just as concerned as he was.

“Well, I’m dipping out. No more Number Six for me guys. Do you need help with the prep Holland?” Jackie asked, her arms crossed over her torso.

Jordynne finished swallowing a mouthful of noodles, “No that’s okay. Those old cases you sent me are more than enough. Thanks.”

“Cool. See you tomorrow.” She turned on her heel and headed to her bedroom. Bryce watched Jordynne’s face fall again before she dipped her face to continue to eat.

“We can watch the rest of the show in E’s room — so you can study out here.” Sienna reached for the remote — but Jordynne cut her off.

“Oh my gosh, no, please. I’ve ruined enough evenings for you guys as is. I will study in my room.” She placed her bowl in the sink, padding towards her room. “Seriously, I love you guys.” She smiled back at them before slipping into her bedroom.

She left the door ajar.

“Thanks for the Chinese food guys. I’ll transfer you money tomorrow.” Bryce said, still standing in the middle of the living room.

“Sure man, no worries.” Elijah nodded — a kind but sad smile on his face.

Taking a breath, Bryce headed over to her bedroom — knocking on the open door.

“Hey,” Jordynne turned around from her dresser — a binder in her hands. “Thanks for offering to help — you don’t have to you know.”

“I know.” He said, carefully stepping into the room. “I want to.”

She shuffled through a large stack of papers — they were highlighted and flagged in organized chaos. “So I’ve reviewed all these previous ethics hearing and I thought maybe you could listen to what I have prepared and —,”

“Jordy?” He tried to get her attention but she kept mumbling on.

“And then maybe you can just help me sound more confident? You’re good at that so if —“

“Jordynne.” He stepped forward, putting his hands on either shoulder. “Breathe.”

She let out a breathy laugh, “Right, yeah.”

The pair sat on the edge of her bed — the mattress sinking at the weight.

“How are you?”

“Well, Naveen is stable so that’s better and as long as I—“

But he interrupted, “No, Jordynne. How are you?”

“I’m alright.” She sighed, “Tired. And nervous. You?”

“I’m okay,” He whispered, putting on a smile. “How’s Ethan?” Her face twisted with surprise at the mention of his name. “I’m sure this has been just as hard for him. Especially with Dr. Banerji.”

“Right — yeah, he’s come to terms with a lot of things. But he’s okay.”

“I saw him — a couple nights ago,” He admitted. “He was a mess, honestly. I’m glad it sounds like he’s doing better.”

“Me too.” She agreed, but her voice was quiet.

They sat in silence for a moment — side by side, legs just barely touching.

“Are you sure you want me here?” Bryce asked — his brown eyes big as he looked over to her.

She met his eyes — searching them, “Yeah. Yeah — I do.”

“Then this is where I’ll be.” He settled into the mattress, folding his hands onto his stomach, “Let's hear this speech, Jordy.”

She nodded with a small smile, “Okay.” She grabbed onto one of the pieces of paper and settled in next to him. _______________________________________________________________________

Bryce sat in the tight auditorium chair — his green scrubs riding up uncomfortably. Most of the hospital staff had packed themselves into the space — nobody had wanted to miss this.

Jordynne was standing up front — her face and demeanor calm as she listened to the panelists. She looked amazing — wearing a crisp, white suit that accentuated her long legs and tan skin. Her hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail.

They had just returned from the recess — after Mrs. Martinez’s son showed up and surprised everyone by thanking Jordynne for what she had done.

“Dr. Holland, you stand accused of not just breaking Edenbrook’s policies, but the Hippocratic Oath.”

“First, ‘do no harm’. You broke your vow as a doctor.” Dr. Cyrus chimed in.

“I don’t believe I did,” Jordynne stated.

“I see. Might I ask, what you think it means to be a doctor then?” Bryce’s surgical attending asked.

“What it means to be a doctor? It means fighting the inevitable,” Her green eyes searched the crowd as she said it. Bryce couldn’t see who -- but he didn’t need to see in order to know who she was looking for. “They say that as doctors, we’re just buying time. We all die eventually. But time isn’t always what we need. Mrs. Martinez would’ve rather spent 10 days doing what she loved than 10 years cooped up here. Since we all lose that fight eventually... I’m gonna fight to make sure my patients fight on their own terms.”

The crowd burst into applause. That was the speech that they had practiced all night. And that was the best version yet.

“I have one last question, Dr. Holland? Do you regret what you have done?”

“I regret the pain I’ve caused.” She turned to Mr. Martinez, sitting next to Ethan Ramsey — apparently, that was his doing. “I regret all the pain I caused Mrs. Martinez’s family. I regret causing problems for my colleagues and mentors.” She looked over to their group, meeting their eyes. “But I do not regret what I was able to do for Mrs. Martinez. To me, it’s worth everything. Maybe even my career.” She shrugged, pursing her lips into a serious line.

“And there we have it! Dr. Holland knowingly broke the rules and would do it again! I move that we stop wasting time and call a vote!” Dr. Cyrus slammed his hand onto the table.

“Seconded. The seven panelists will now vote whether to revoke Dr. Holland’s privileges at Edenbrook.” Chief emery said.

“Here we go...” Kyra whispered into Bryce’s ear, holding onto his forearm tightly.

“You weren’t going to start without me, were you?”

Shock buzzed throughout the room as Dr. Banerji walked slowly into the room — aided by both a cane and Landry. Gasps and whispers filled the room.

“Dr— Dr. Banerji?!” Jordynne looked as confused as the rest of them, and she rushed over to him walking down the stairs.

“Sorry for the wait! Once he woke up, I got him here as fast as I could.” Landry’s curls were disheveled and his scrubs wrinkly.

Bryce craned his neck to find Ethan — Naveen had paused beside him — shaking his hand vigorously. Ethan‘s mouth was spread into a tight-lipped smile.

“Naveen, what are you doing here?” Chief Emery stood you from her spot in confusion, “You said you were retiring.”

The old man barked a laugh as he took the stairs one at a time, “What I should have said was expiring. Until yesterday, I was on the verge of death. Sepsis of unknown origin. Unknown, that is, until Dr. Holland gave up her last day to prepare for this hearing by solving my case.” Letting out a loud breath, he smiled as he reached the panelists. “Now then, I believe that seat still has my name on it.”

“Cyrus! Stop this!” Declan spat, his eyes ablaze.

“That’s uh, fantastic news, Dr. Banerji, but I’m afraid it’s too late for you to vote. Procedure and all…” The man didn’t sound very sure of himself.

“You were never a good liar, Cyrus.” Naveen patted him on the back before taking his seat. Letting out a happy sigh, he spoke again, “Now then. Given the circumstances of my resurrection, I think we all know what I’m about to say. That’s going to be a ‘nay’ from me.” He said, winking up at Jordynne.

Three more panelists continued to vote ‘nay’ — including Bryce’s surgical attending. It made his heart leap with pride at his department.

The voting paused on Chief Emery — who looked around the room trying to find someone. Then she focused back on Jordynne. “Dr. Holland, you’ve proven you’re someone who focuses as much on what a patient wants as what their body needs…But we’re not here to save bodies. We are here to save lives. I vote nay.”

Jordynne’s mouth opens in surprise, her green eyes wide as she stared back at the panel. “Oh my god. I get to stay?!”

As the crowd began to buzz with excitement, the other panelists voted ‘nay’ — following those before them no matter what they have originally felt.

“Hell yeah! Unanimous MVP!” Bryce cupped his hands around his mouth, shouting in the auditorium. His shout broke the crowd and everyone broke into applause. A smile broke out across Jordynne’s face as she watched everyone celebrate. He watched as her eyes searched the room — he knew who she was trying to find. It didn’t matter — she did it. That’s all that mattered.

Everyone around them began to stand up — chatting excitedly with each other about the outcome. The crowd became suddenly thick — and Bryce and his friends had to try and fight their way throughout it in order to get to Jordynne.

But he stopped when he saw her — smiling up at Ethan, who was holding onto her elbow gently. Probably the most they could get away with considering their setting. Bryce gulped, grabbing onto the back of Elijah’s chair, “Come on. We’ll meet her outside guys.” _______________________________________________________________________

Bryce sat on the metal bench outside of the sandwich shop next to Donahue’s — his skin blushing red from the cold wind. He had just needed a break.

He loved a celebration as much as the next guy. Hell, probably way more than the next guy. All of them had needed this — needed a win.

But it was all becoming too intoxicating — and he wasn’t talking about the liquor. Dancing with Jordynne and laughing with her and singing with her. All he had wanted to do was to reach down and kiss her — but he wasn’t supposed to do that. Was he? They had never said.

Lost in his own thoughts, Bryce blinked himself back to reality at the sound of a car door closing. He froze all over as he watched Ethan step over the curb. He watched as the well-dressed man locked his car over his shoulder without even looking.

Please don’t see me. Please don’t see me.

He let out a breath as the ex-Attending glided by the bench without a second glance. Ramsey was fiddling with the strap of his watch as he walked by — he seemed nervous.

Craning his head to continue watching, Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed as the man stopped in his tracks.

“Dr. Olsen.” He had stopped to greet Landry as he exited the bar. Bryce had noticed him slinking around the bar, chancing glances around the room trying to get their attention. He must’ve finally given up.

“I — uh, Dr. Ramsey. Sir, good evening.” God, he was such a kiss ass.

“Save it, Snake.”

Bryce’s ears perked up as Ethan’s voice turned into a growl.

“Wh—what?” Landry asked in confusion until suddenly there was a scuffle of movement. Ethan had grabbed Landry by his collar — shuffling him into the little alley next to the bar.

Ethan pressed him up against the brick wall, his voice low and rough, “I’ll start things off pleasantly. You were apart of saving Dr. Banerji — I can’t deny that. But that is the only reason you don’t have a broken nose right now.”

Landry’s blue eyes were wide, his face completely pale, “I don’t underst—“

“You think I don’t know? The role you played in all of this? The lives you put at risk you petty shit.” He spat his words like venom.

“I — I did what I had to! For the competition! To be the best doctor I could be. To be like —to be like you.”

“That is not the kind of Doctor that I am.” Ethan snarled. “You wanted me to know your name, Olsen? Oh, I know it now kid. It’s blacklisted now.”

“I’m— I’m,” He stammered, “I’m transferring to Mass Kenmore. I won’t be—“

“I know you are. Who do you think got you in? You think Dr. Simmons would take you if I hadn’t have called her?”

Bryce could still see Landry gulp — even from his bench.

“If I see you anywhere near Dr. Holland again, you will be answering to me. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.” Landry nodded profusely.

Ethan finally let go of his collar — stepping away and wiping his hand on his trousers. Like he didn’t want any essence of Dr. Olsen lingering on him.

“You’ll never be a doctor like her, Olsen.” Ethan’s jaw set in a hard line before he shoved his hands in his pockets and marched into Donahue’s without a backward glance.

Bryce watched as Landry attempted to collect himself in the alley. A part of him wished it was him instead of Ethan telling him exactly what he deserved to hear — but he was just glad it happened regardless.

He waited a moment — not wanting to follow either of those two men. Before he could move though a figure walked towards him.

Jackie slid into the spot next to him — still clutching her drink. Bryce’s mouth turned into a frown as she pulled out a cigarette from the pocket of her leather jacket.

She rolled her eyes, “What? I do it like once a year, okay?”

“Some doctor...” He coughed, shaking his head.

“Look I know I shouldn’t I just —“

He put his hands up, “Do whatever you want. But when I see you in 5 years on the OR table because your lungs have tumors don’t complain.”

“Like I’d let you put me under the knife Lahela.” She scoffed with a smile.

“Gimme some of that,” He pointed at her drink. She put it out for him to grab.

Just as he took a swig he watched as a pair stumbled out of the bar — the music from inside getting louder as the sound poured out of the building. He swallowed the liquid down hard — the straight vodka burning down his throat.

“Dr. Holland and I are just dropping by the hospital for some paperwork, that’s all.” He heard the familiar voice — the one he has just heard threatening Landry in the alley. But it was softer now.

Then he heard her laugh — Jordynne’s laugh. It was music to his ears — but it twisted his stomach that it wasn’t because of him. “You are so bad at being subtle.” She squeezed Ethan’s arm, as they walked away from the bar.

“What are you talking about? I played that extremely well.” He smirked at her, grabbing her hand from his shoulder and holding it with his— pulling her further down the sidewalk and away from the bar. Bryce and Jackie sat in silence — watching the scene unfold.

Ethan stepped out off the curb, waving down a cab for the pair of them. With mixed feelings, Bryce watched as he opened the yellow door for her — his hand on her waist as he helped her inside.

Bryce took a large gulp of the drink as Jordynne reached up from sitting in the cab — straining her neck as she kissed the well-dressed, scruffy Attending. Averting his eyes, he looked down into the glass and into the clear liquid.

Once he heard the cab pull away he looked up. Jackie was watching him carefully — studying him as she took the final drags of her cigarette.

“Well looks like Holland’s off for a good time.”

He let out a quiet sigh, “I guess so.”

“Sorry, Lahela.”

He gulped, “Why?”

“‘Cause — ‘cause I know how you feel.”

He waited for her to speak again.

“How you feel watching Jordynne and Dr. Ramsey... That’s how I feel when I watch her with you. And Dr. Terminator now too.” She put her cigarette out on the metal bench — playing with it in her fingers.

“I — I had no idea.”

“Yeah, well — it’s hard to not wanna be with her. She’s —“

“Something else.” He finished for her.

Jackie nodded in agreement— her eyes falling down to the sidewalk. “ I fucked it up. I felt jealous and intimidated and then the competition...”

“That was hard for both of you. I know — I know Jordynne had a hard time with all of that,” He remembered the many venting sessions they had at the coffee machine, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not telling you this for sympathy. I’m telling you this because — Just don’t give up on it. Not yet.”

“I wasn’t—“

“It’s you, Lahela. It’s always been you. Since day one.” She finally looked up and met his eyes, “Just don’t give up.”

“Okay.” He nodded, “Okay.”

_______________________________________________________________________

“Thank you all for coming. I just have a few short announcements.”

Jordynne quickened her pace as she stepped into the atrium, not wanting to miss the first announcement. But her steps faltered as she passed Ethan.

“Dr. Holland,” He nodded — avoiding her eyes.

“Dr. Ramsey,” She replied politely — waiting for him to move first. She watched as he moved to the side of the crowd — staying near the back and out of the way.

Weaving her way through the crowd, Jordynne looked for her friends. She sidled up next to them, bumping her hip into Bryce’s as a greeting. He looked down at her and gave her his classic megawatt smile.

"Are you seriously late on your first day again?” Jackie asked, rolling her eyes.

“Sorry, had to resuscitate a guy in the waiting room.” She smirked, shrugging her shoulders.

“You get to have all the fun.” Bryce winked at her. Jordynne gulped at the action.

Harper waited for the crowd to settle down before speaking up once more, “I’d like to thank you for all your support and service during my year as hospital chief… But after much deliberation, I have decided to step down, to return to my previous post as head of neurosurgery.”

The crowd of hospital staff immediately began whispering to each other in shock.

“Are you kidding me?! I get to do surgeries with Harper Emery all the time now. I am blessed. ˆ” Bryce whispered into Jordynne’s ear — the sensation made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Was he wearing new cologne too? He smelled different.

“Thank you all, “ Harper continued, “I’m eager to get back in my scrubs, and I couldn’t do it without someone very qualified to hand the reins to. Please welcome to our new chief of medicine, Naveen Banerji.”

The crowd cheered and applauded as the old man approached stood beside Emery. His cane was still clutched in his hand. Jordynne craned her neck to look behind her — searching for Ethan. Did he know about this? Gauging from the stunned look on her face, she would say no.

Naveen smiled out at the crowd, “As many of you now know, my health has taken a recent turn. It has required me to step away from the busy caseload of my diagnostics team. But I am leaving it in the very capable hands of Dr. Ramsey.”

The crowd redirected their attention to Dr. Ramsey, hiding at the back of the crowd. His arms uncrossed from his body, his shoulder raising up, “Wait, what? What the hell is happening?”

“Have a good day everybody!” Naveen said cheerfully, dismissing the crowd before he could say anything else.

Ethan marched towards the pair, causing Jordynne to pause. She watched him for a moment, hearing his words echo throughout the atrium. “Administration. Naveen? Really? You hate administrators.”

“Hey, I’ll be right back okay?” Jordynne whispered, heading over to the trio — leaving her friends who were walking towards the elevators. “I’ll meet you upstairs,” She said reassuringly at Bryce who had hesitated.

Naveen barked out a laugh, “No, my friend. You do. But now that I am one, I’m sure you and I can strike a balance.”

“Ha! Good luck with that one, Naveen.” Harper remarked, turning on her heel and strutting away.

The new chief turned to go with her, before pausing and looking over his shoulder, “Oh, and Ethan! This will leave an open spot on the team after all. And I think I know who I want to take it.” Naveen raised his eyebrow for a moment, before gesturing to Jordynne who was standing close by.

Jordynne moved closer, pointing at herself, “Me? Wow, it’s such an honor.”

Naveen’s smile grew as he looked at her, holding out his hand as he patted her on the shoulder, “It’s not an honor, Dr. Holland. It’s an opportunity. One I think you’ll shine in.”

She looked at Ethan next to her — his mouth was hanging open in surprise.

“Holland? But… she… I…” He stammered, unable to get any words out.

“You don’t think she’s proven herself worthy to train on the team?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

“Of course she has. But we —“

Naveen interrupted him, “Excellent. It's settled then. Dr. Holland will spend her second year as the junior fellow on the diagnostics team… with you as her direct supervisor.” His eyes moved from Ethan’s shellshocked face to the newly promoted intern, “Congratulations, Jordynne. You earned it.”

Jordynne swallowed, offering a smile to Naveen before turning to face Ethan. He was standing with his arms dangling at his sides. She could almost hear the gears turning in his head. This is what a lot more complicated than anything they could have imagined.

“So, um… how do we deal with this?” Jordynne pulled on her ponytail nervously.

His blue eyes studied her face, stopping momentarily on her lips, “We make it work. What matters is the patients. Right?”

“Right.” She nodded. It sounded like they were trying to convince themselves more than anything.

Ethan stared at her for a moment longer, before scratching his head. “Well then. Get to work, Rookie.” His voice returning to the cold, Attending she had met on her first day.

“Yes, Doctor.” She nodded, adjusting her ponytail one more time before turning on her heel. She licked her lips as she headed towards the elevator, trying to contain the thousands of thoughts whirling through her head.

But she was brought back to reality as she heard her name called. Looking up she saw Bryce standing in front of the elevators, his smile still plastered on his face. “You good, Jordy?”

He had waited for her. Of course, he had.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” She lied, stepping onto the elevator with him. “It’s all good.” She gulped, holding onto the railing.

Residency: Second Chances

#open heart #open heart fanfic #open heart fanfiction #choices oh #choices open heart #choices fanfiction #choices fanfic #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #mc x ethan ramsey #mc x ethan #ethan ramsey fanfiction #bryce lahela #mc x bryce lahela #mc x bryce #bryce x mc #bryce lahela fanfic

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vvivacious101 · 4 years

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Re-rewatching S06E12 - Like a Virgin

Like my daddy always said - Just ‘cause it kills your liver don't mean it ain’t medicine.

Sam’s back, baby!

Okay, this guy is so soulful you can tell it from a mile away. So, Sam comes back and he is missing all the memories for the past year and a half - topside and down under. Okay, can we just agree it’s weird Sam has two sets of memories for the past year and a half.

While, Dean isn’t willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, Bobby isn’t feeling so generous which considering Sam was trying to kill him a couple of days ago is understandable. He’s definitely having a hard time looking Sam in the eye, I can tell and so can Sam.

Sam: What was that?

Dean: One part age, three parts liquor?

Okay, so before Sam and Dean take off to tackle a case, we see Bobby and Dean talking about Sam. Bobby straight up says that he has trouble even looking him in the eye and something about this situation just pulled me to S15E01 - “Back and to the Future” when Cas says this about Belphegor when he is posessing Jack’s body and it was just such a nice and unexpected mirror nine years in the making. Of course, in Cas’ case his son is gone and a demon’s taken up residence and in Bobby’s case the “demon’s” is and his son is back. They are exactly opposite situations which are linked together by this neat little piece of dialogue.

Bobby might be having trouble but Dean’s really glad Sam’s back. They start working on a case involving a girl named Penny who disappeared from a plane in flight. They think she’s part of a string of disappearances and the only thing connecting these girls is the fact that they are all virgins.

There are two times in this episode that Sam says something that is seen to be hitting Dean a little differently. We have Penny’s sister who talks about the fact that they don’t even have a body to bury and this is what happens -

Dean looks at Sam and you are instantly reminded of the fact that Dean grieved Sam for a year and even he didn’t have a body to bury.

As they work the case they find a girl who was attacked by what seems to be a giant bat and the girl instantly goes on the defensive, you don’t believe me, the other man didn’t. To which Sam replies, I’m not the other man. And Dean well he has a very visible reaction to that.

Near as they can figure it out they are hunting dragons and they have to go find a dragon sword to kill one. Thankfully, Bobby has an acquaintance who just happens to have one in her basement. Sam kills one dragon while another escapes but they rescue the girls. While in the sewer that the dragons were using as their cave they come across an instruction manual that’s basically a step-by-step guide to opening a door to Purgatory and bringing the mother back.

As the episode ends we see the dragon who escaped meeting up with another dragon who managed to nab enough virgins and they sacrifice one of them and she comes back as “Eve”, mother of all.

I really don’t have a lot to say about this but I feel like it’s worth mentioning. Sam wakes up without remembering anything that happens after him falling in Stull Cemetery. Dean doesn’t want Sam remembering his time as soulless Sam because he’s afraid of what it will do to the wall. While Bobby feels like they should tell him because they already know he will eventually figure it out and it will not be pretty when that happens. Sam, of course, starts realising something’s wrong and he prays to Cas and well, Cas doesn’t know anything about the discussion between Bobby and Dean or even the fact that Sam doesn’t remember being soulless and Sam manages to get Cas to spill the beans.

So basically Sam prays and Cas appears and he moves in for a hug but Sam sits down, followed by this exchange.

Sam: Sorry, I would hug you, but...

Cas: It would be awkward.

I don’t understand this part why was there such a lot emphasis put on the fact that Sam won’t hug Cas. I mean, Cas could have just not moved in for the hug. Cas hasn’t hugged anyone on the show, YET so it wouldn’t be weird if he just didn’t move forward for a hug but he does. That means the emphasis is on the fact that Sam chooses not to hug him but why?

He comes back and he immediately hugs Bobby and Dean, so why not hug Cas. As far as Sam remembers the last time he spoke to Cas he was telling him to look after Dean and Bobby in 5x22 - “Swan Song”, he clearly doesn’t remember the fact that Cas didn’t answer his prayers for about a year so, why doesn’t he hug him? Well the only answer I can think of is that this show for whatever reason believes that Cas’ first hug shouldn’t be Sam because if it had happened this is exactly what it would have been or they want as to think that Cas and Sam’s relationship isn’t on the same level as somebody else’s relationship with Cas. More importantly why would it be awkward? It would just be a hug between friends, right. The only thing that comes to mind is that Sam and Cas’ relation has always played out in direct contrast to Dean and Cas’ and people noticed that Sam was often protrayed as seemingly not caring about Cas just to make Dean caring for Cas that much more prominent. So, if season 6′s narrative is Dean and Cas are just friends then Cas and Sam have to be something less than that which all basically translates to no hug. How is it that supernatural has worked so hard at making sure we never think of Cas and Sam in the same way we do Cas and Dean? Like why, unless of course they are trying to tell us something.

#supernatural season 6 #spn rewatch #spn #sam #dean #bobby #cas #supernatural #spn 6x12 #like a virgin #myposts

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mariosomething · 5 years

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MISTAKES I MADE AS A COMIC OR NOTICED AS A BOOKER...

(NOTE: Never say never, but I can’t imagine getting back on stage again. However, now that comedy is returning to clubs--and potentially booming here in Austin--I think this is worth repeating. Especially #15. Enjoy!)

So, I might be hopping on stage again for my own, personal reasons. Number one being distraction from the crushing loneliness that comes with self-employment. Woo! On the first page of my newly-purchased comedy notebook, I started making a list of things I don’t want to do this time around. The comic I don’t want to be, should I continue performing. Getting in my own way with unfounded beliefs about my abilities or lack thereof. I will—NO DOUBT—repeat some of the following blunders out of muscle memory, and if you catch me doing so, by all means, call me out! In no particular order:

1- Worrying about who’s heard this bit before. One cure for this is to never stop writing new stuff. Also, it’s the JOB of a comedian to repeat the same shit with the same zeal and sincerity for different crowds…crowds that probably don’t attend comedy shows as often as we perform on them.

2- Worrying about making the comics laugh. This is still the hallmark of a great comic to me…the person we’ve all seen before but stop the chit-chat when they get on stage. It’s the opposite of a “crowd-pleaser.” In a perfect world, I can please both—as some do—but ultimately, we don’t get paid to make the back of the room laugh. If I’m building a half-hour, those comics may ‘check out’ during my set, and that’s to be expected. If I concern myself with their approval, I’m ignoring the audience, and by extension, disrespecting them. THEY bought a ticket. They deserve my best attempt.

3- Starting your act with a risky joke. Are there exceptions for these “rules” of mine? Absolutely. But they are just that…exceptions. This one always drove me nuts when I ran the Velv. Especially when the rest of one’s act is relatively benign! Would you lead with your “crazy” on a first date? Talk about all of your flaws on a job interview? Or with music you like…if I wanted to get you into Tom Waits, I’m not gonna recommend The Black Rider—an album only die-hard fans might appreciate. I’d start with something accessible, like Small Change or Rain Dogs. Get them on your side first with your palatable stuff, then give ‘em what you want. (Now go listen to Tom Waits’ Small Change and Rain Dogs.)

4- Worrying about looking stupid. This is the big one for me. Even though I KNOW the audience WANTS us to look foolish; even while I KNOW they want us to be both vulnerable and confident about it, I have a crippling fear of embarrassment. And this is NOT a good quality for any comedian. I learned that words account for only 7% of communication. The rest is body language, facial expressions and tone. I’ve always hidden behind my words, and have given up on bits that require me to be more animated. So dumb. Which leads me to…

5- Not doing enough ‘act-outs’ in bits. When I watch amazing comedians, they all have this in common. They perform or act-out dialogue. More show than tell. They don’t just recite jokes or one-liners. Even Steven & Mitch & Todd do/did act-outs in their own, low-energy styles. When you start looking for them, they’re everywhere. So much rolling, sustained laughter derives from act-outs. They don’t have to be BIG, they just have to be well-delivered.

6- Writing what I think they might like, not what I like. Another big ‘duh’ but worth repeating. I fell in this trap on the road. I was lovingly told to “write a dick joke already!” when I was a new, quasi-clever comic. And man alive, did I ever make up for it! Some may have had a fake nose and mustache, but they were dick jokes nonetheless, and I wasn’t proud. But they got laughs, and more laughs meant better comment cards, which meant return visits. Awesome way to remain a road comic…shitty way to evolve or get industry to pay attention. It’s also a fast track to burnout. If you’re not doing stuff you like, resentment builds and ambition wanes.

7- Not having goals. A new, tight 10 minutes is my goal today. If that goes well, a new 30. Then maybe an album. When I DID have things to strive for, they “magically” happened. I kept comedy goal lists on my wall, and most came to fruition. Then I got in my head and stopped making those lists. The more I was learning about the biz, the more inadequate I felt. I stopped writing, stopped going to mics and eventually stopped touring. With no new goals, I lost steam and confidence. I was a competent middle, but a spotty headliner…THAT is my ceiling for now. I’d love to be a rock-solid, reliable closer with at least one killer album to show for it. It’s feasible, but I need to start with that initial aim of a new, polished, consistent 10 minutes that I like.

8- Not watching more pros. Something that baffles me about so many new comics. You have the option to catch A-list comedians for FREE at Cap City, your home club, etc…why would you not take advantage? You learn by watching pros, even if it’s what NOT to do. Or what’s being done to death. You can learn structure, pacing, opening and closing. I used to watch comics I knew I wouldn’t like, but came away with respect for how they did things. People forget or don’t know that the late, great Bill Hicks used to be a clean-ish, set-up/punch kinda comedian. He learned the rules so he can break them effectively. Even at his viscous best, he was still super-polished. It’s respect for the craft, dammit. All of your heroes have it.

9- Getting jealous of your friends’ progress. There is sooo much leap-frogging in this business, there’s no need to denigrate yourself for not keeping pace with a peer. “Comedy is the closest thing there is to justice,” according to Colin Quinn, and I 100% agree. If you’re funny, consistently funny, you will get work. Period. When producers run and book shows, they want reliability more than anything. There is no island of misfit-but-actually-brillant comedians out there, waiting to be discovered. Funny gets noticed by EVERYbody. If you’re not getting booked, start looking inward. Seriously. When Cap City demoted me from headliner, I didn’t fight it. I thought they were right to do so because I knew my 50 minutes was about 15 shy of reliable material. Challenge your beliefs about your own act. Maybe you’re better than you think, but maybe it’s just the opposite. It’s worth asking, “What am I doing wrong?” if you’re having trouble getting past open mics. Maybe you are indeed funny, but still too green or inconsistent. Maybe you had a bad showcase set and your friend killed. Your friend may get Montreal before you, but you might get a manager first. You just don’t know! Keep plugging away, because there’s too much out of your control.

10- Not being humble. Jeezus H. Christmas, where did all of this unearned confidence come from?? Not only will I never relate to this, I will continue to chastise and scoff at it. Don’t assume your shit is crushed fruit, especially when you’re new. Don’t trash talk other comics, it WILL bite you in the ass eventually. Or immediately in some cases. Don’t think you’re immediately entitled to the same things that other comics took years to obtain or achieve. There is always something to learn, even from people you disagree with…it’s the definition of being open-minded. There are comics I detest personally, but goddamn if they aren’t great performers/writers. And I’ll probably get push-back for this, but I never called myself a “comedian” until I was able to quit my day job. Until that happened, I was just a dude who “did comedy.” I wanted to earn that title, don’t you?? Skip the business cards and build your act.

11- Not taking chances on stage. I’ve heard from too many comedians that if you’re always killing up there, you’re not taking chances. When I booked a room, I wanted to reward comics who tried new stuff every open mic, or was tweaking it. If a comic kept going up with well-worn bits, I ignored them for a few weeks or longer, even if they got laughs. It’s open mic, the point is to experiment! When I worked the road, I stopped doing mics when I was back in town. Big mistake. I was afraid to try untested jokes in clubs on the road, and too lazy or complacent to take chances at open mics. I stunted my own growth.

12- All agenda, no punchlines. I remember watching a well-known comic in NY struggle with Jesus jokes. He could NOT have been in a more welcoming arena for such, but he wasn’t funny, just angry. So he said, “Oh, I guess you guys don’t like religious jokes,” To which my friend replied, “We do! We keep waiting for one.” I think comedians can be the most insightful people on the planet, and the great ones don’t berate, they put funny first. It just makes sense! If you really really really want your message to be heard, then it’s in your best interest to make it funny. Funny cuts through. Or maybe you just wanna use the stage as a soapbox, in which case, quit comedy.

13- Not presenting both sides. I once told an established headliner he couldn’t return to the Velv, despite the numbers. In fairness to us, it was Valentine’s Day weekend, we were packed anyway. He never gave me a chance to explain why, but here’s why: he was too angry about women and wasn’t self-deprecating enough to balance it out. Conversely, I had a female comedian come through a couple of times, and the bulk of her act is male-bashing, BUT, it’s tight and well-crafted and funny as shit…AND she sprinkles in enough self-effacing humor so as not to divide the crowd. If the guy I banned was her parallel, I would’ve re-booked him. But I’m a freak about balance. While I don’t believe ANY person or group of people is above criticism, you can’t just point fingers at others while patting yourself on the back.

14 - Not putting more of ‘me’ in my act. Trends are fun as a reference, but full bits built around them have a tiny shelf life. It’s fluff and filler at best. Relationships will never be hacky. Aging will never get old. Folks! We all have specific quirks or approaches to life in general, why not explore those approaches? That’s when a ‘comic’ graduates to ‘comedian.’ When they stop saying funny things and start saying things funny. Not my line, but damn accurate.**

15- Knee-jerk hating and never asking WHY? Okay, this one’s a personal lament. When I found comedy, I found harmony. Anyone funny was welcome. I didn’t see us as men or women or gay or straight or black or white, we were comics, and I fucking loved it. We were equals from every walk of life, and no jerks allowed! I found a circle of curious, liberal-minded pals who were always asking why. Friends who would call out each other’s bullshit or hypocrisy or bad bits, then laugh about it at Mugshots. Friends who preferred brutal truth over blowing smoke. It was bliss for someone who values sincere feedback and funny, earnest people. Comedians we respect and adore are always challenging norms of behavior and tradition. Pryor, Chapelle, Carlin, Rock, of course, but even Larry David, who’s the king of offending people by rejecting small, societal niceties.

I’m starting to see too much division and moral cowardice in comedy--on and off stage--and this is antithesis to its value, in my opinion. Everything I hated about high school. Cliques and whispers and spiteful exclusion. I will echo what I wrote earlier: NOBODY IS ABOVE CRITICISM. This is the salty to the sweet of “Everyone welcome.” Comedy is a LOT of failing, tons of real-time rejection, and that SUCKS. But if you think it has anything to do with anything but your act, you’re not asking Why. It’s easier to say, “Well, it’s clearly ‘cos I’m ________.” Really? Maybe it’s ‘cos you’re not funny, or not funny YET. Maybe it’s because you haven’t written a new joke in months, or refuse to change the ones that never work. Maybe you think there are no rules to comedy, and you can just get up there and people will love you because so-and-so does it that way. Maybe you don’t have so-and-so’s natural talent or likability. Or work ethic. Or self-awareness. If your first response is to blame a crowd, a booker, society, or whatever, ask yourself: are there successful comics who look like me? Why them and not me? What are they doing differently? My first guess is: they’re addicted to the craft so they keep their head down and write and tweak and fail and ask why and learn from mistakes. Stop complaining and start paying attention. At the end of the day, you and you alone are responsible for your career. If you believe women aren’t funny, I pity your ignorance and sheltered life. If you think men have it easier, tell that to the thousands of male comics who go nowhere in this business.

Maybe I’m an idealist hippy dippy doofus, but I believe that what we admire about others is pretty universal stuff. Regarding comedy, we all like someone who’s fearless on stage. Confident but not cocky. Capable. Quick. Genuine. Someone who keeps writing and honing their act. Someone who connects with people. Someone who comes back once a year with 30 new minutes. Someone who plows forward, not consumed with the opinions of others. Are these gender or race-specific qualities?? Hardly. And when you’re a top shelf, A-list comedian who’s paid their dues, it’s all preference at that level. It’s Gin vs. Vodka vs. Bourbon vs. Tequila, no one is “better” than the next. Maria Bamford is Bill Burr is Dave Chapelle is Carrot Top. They’re all pros who never stop working.

I’ll leave you with this…Comedy is a powerful and special thing, and I’ve always been crazy-grateful to be part of this tiny, uniquely rewarding world. Even if this experiment crumbles after a few months, even if I can’t vanquish some personal demons, it’s been a pursuit I’ve yet to regret. If you’re just starting out, or five years in, or going on the road, relish every minute. Meet all the people. Make all the friends. Get over your fears, get over yourself and get better. xoxo mario

**This is how I first heard it. Comic/comedian or vice versa. You get it. Though I personally feel that “comedian” sounds more like an official title, while you can’t spell “comic” without “mic.” Just sayin’ is all.

#standupcomedy #comedy

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yellowmechanicalcat · 5 years

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emotionally colorblind: plance in season 8

(part one of three)

In the series finale of The I.T. Crowd, one of the techs has started dating a girl from another department. (Yes, this is VLD meta, just stick with me.) He feels the relationship is going well and is very happy, and brags to his coworkers that his girlfriend recently told him he was “emotionally artistic” - which he interprets to mean he’s on the “artistic” emotional spectrum because he’s so in touch with her wants and needs. (At this point, it’s become clear to the viewer that his girlfriend has actually accused him of being “emotionally autistic” and believes him to be on the autistic spectrum.)

Later that day, his girlfriend calls again to tearfully ask if he’d accompany her to her grandfather’s funeral and abruptly hangs up on him when he cheerfully agrees. He’s baffled by her reaction until his manager rightly points out that his girlfriend was upset because the way he responded was completely off base from the subject matter, as his chipper tone of voice made him sound as if he’d just been invited to a music festival rather than having any sympathy for his girlfriend’s loss. Only then does it occur to him that his response was inappropriate because funerals are sad.

“‘Emotionally artistic’? You’re emotionally colorblind,” his manager mutters in disbelief.

Old news, but Season 8 isn’t what anyone expected

‘Emotionally colorblind’ - e.g., giving inappropriate responses to a topic because of an inability to perceive the nuances of a situation - feels like a pretty good description of Season 8, in which excellent animation is overwhelmed by moments in which characterization feels off, dialogue doesn’t seem to fit, or the plot clashes with what’s actually being shown on screen. Those moments - along with the conspicuous lack of reaction from the cast and EPs in the month since its release and cryptic criticism from crew members - have led many fans to conclude that the version of Season 8 released took the cast/crew by surprise. Posts by Aria C., a former DW intern while Season 8 was in production, suggest that the overall plot hadn’t changed dramatically since the scripts were being drafted, but that doesn’t mean that individual character arcs weren’t subtly adjusted along the way.

While it’s not clear exactly how much actually changed about Season 8 during production, we do know that many of the changes were made at the last minute. The most noticeable changes seem to have been in response to the backlash against how LGBT characters were portrayed, although this article covers many of the other pacing issues in Season 8 while some of the discrepancies between the audio description and what’s actually seen on screen are listed here. The single biggest last-minute change seems to be the epilogue (including the final few stills) which was approved extremely late in the production process and underwent additional changes after being leaked just weeks before the season’s release.

I strongly suspect that Pidge and Lance had an arc in Season 8 that was another casualty of the last-minute changes.

The End is the Beginning

Let’s take a look at the ending of the series’ final episode. One year after the final battle with Honerva, Pidge and Matt are working on building a humanoid robot that Pidge dubs Chip. Colleen interrupts to tell Pidge she should be heading out; Pidge looks serious and doesn’t respond, then recovers a moment later and makes Matt promise to wait for her to get back to finish. She leaves her glasses with Chip before heading off in the Green Lion, as Sam and Colleen both watch her leave.

Colleen: “Your father’s got the teludav all warmed up for you. Better get going, you don’t want to be late.”  Sam: (cheerful) “Have a good time, honey!” Pidge: (laughingly) “I will, Dad.”

The way they’re talking to her is the way parents would talk to a teenager who’s about to go to a party or on a date, peppy and almost teasing. Pidge’s serious expression suggests that wherever she’s going is somewhere she’s not entirely ready to be - she isn’t upset about needing to be somewhere, but she isn’t rushing out the door to get there, either. Maybe she’s nervous - we can’t tell.

We cut to Coran and Merla on Altea as they discuss preparations for “the first Celebration of Allura”, then over to Lance as he recounts the story of Allura’s sacrifice to a group of schoolchildren sitting by her statue, telling them that while he misses her, he knows she’s still with all of them. The Altean teacher, in a chipper tone similar to Pidge’s parents, informs the kids that “Paladin Lance has somewhere to be in a few doboshes.” Just then, a wormhole opens and Lance looks up as the Green Lion flies through. He turns away from the statue to watch Pidge land, a smile on his face.

The scene fades to the Paladins having dinner by the statue of Allura. Within moments, it’s obvious that their reunion is the feast Coran and Merla had been discussing earlier. The Celebration of Allura is the one year anniversary of her death. The paladins’ reunion is a memorial.

We’ve seen memorials in VLD before. In Season 7, Shiro visits the Garrison’s memorial wall for those KIA. Later, Earth has a giant memorial service for the victims of just one battle, as Shiro addresses the crowd: “There isn’t one of us here today who hasn’t experienced the tragedy of losing someone close. It truly feels like a light has gone out in our lives and the sun itself couldn’t reignite it. But that light, that fire, hasn’t gone out completely. It’s fueled within each of us by the memories and the love of those we’ve lost. …”

After the one year timeskip, we see Keith persuading the Galra to join the Galactic Coalition with Shiro and Hunk leading diplomatic negotiations on the Atlas; all three invoke Allura’s example as they work towards peace. Hunk even mentions the significance of that day being when they commemorate Allura’s sacrifice. What she did and why she did it aren’t secret. It stands to reason that the anniversary of her death - the anniversary of when Allura saved their reality and countless others - wouldn’t be a ‘celebration’ only for six people. Everyone, everywhere, should be taking a moment to remember her - especially those who fought at her side, like the Holts.

Instead, Sam and Colleen’s reactions in Pidge’s scene are jarring. While things may be different in Voltron’s future world, I doubt any parent would tell their child “Have a good time, honey!” as they go to a memorial dinner for their dead friend. Because as The I.T. Crowd pointed out, funerals are sad - and so is any reminder of someone’s death. You don’t have to be constantly moping and sobbing because you miss someone, you can still celebrate their life, but that kind of event still has a somber, bittersweet element to it. Telling someone ‘Have fun, don’t be late!’ as they head off to a memorial would definitely qualify as emotionally colorblind. It’s hard to believe the actors and voice director would have agreed to record the scene within the context we got onscreen.

Lance’s scene makes it even more complicated. Showing Lance turn to watch only Pidge land is a bizarre choice if the purpose of his scene is to emphasize how much Lance still cares for Allura before showing the other Paladins arriving on Altea. It only makes sense for Lance to turn away from looking at Allura’s statue and towards Pidge if Pidge and Lance are supposed to have a deeper connection.

If the focus is actually meant to be on Allura and this event - and on her family coming together to remember her - it would have made sense for Lance to look past Allura’s statue to see the Blue Lion in the distance, Red parked next to it, as Green, Yellow, and Black emerge from the wormhole to land beside them. If the animation had to be rushed for a last-minute change or the budget was stretched too far, they could have just used the same shot of the Lions sitting together at the end of dinner with daytime lighting instead of night, fading into dinner instead of fading out.

Pidge and Lance’s scenes would also have benefited from being re-recorded with slightly different dialogue and delivery. For example:

Colleen: (serious, but gentle) “Your father’s got the teludav ready to go. You don’t want to be late, Katie.” Sam: “Tell ’em hello for me.” Pidge: (a little reserved) “I will, Dad.”

Teacher: “I think Paladin Lance has some visitors to go meet, and you all have class…”  

VLD’s had to work around making the dialogue fit changes to the animation/plot before. Take The Feud, in which Keith sounds bizarrely calm compared to the others, which the EPs later explained was because Steven Yeun recorded his lines before the storyboards and script had finalized what the paladins’ reactions would be and he was too busy to re-record before the deadline, so they kept his first take. (I suspect that’s also the reason for Keith’s annoyed-sounding “Don’t miss” comment to Lance in Know Your Enemy, which doesn’t mesh with their otherwise more positive relationship at that point, although I have absolutely no proof) But Yeun’s situation isn’t the norm - in cases where the actor was genuinely too busy to re-record, the show either used soundalikes or wrote out a character where possible, replaced dialogue, etc. Any of those tactics could have been valid workarounds…. unless the change was made relatively last-minute and there just wasn’t enough time.

So if the ending is missing the context of an additional scene between Pidge and Lance, what else might have been cut? And why?

I’ll explain in part two.

#sarah forms voltron opinions #plance #flirtyrobot #pidgance #vld s8 #voltron critical #plance meta #been on a bit of a hiatus for the holidays #not much time for tumblr meant lots of time for theories #my non-fandom friends watched s8 over the holidays and i got swarmed with questions #which was a little validating because it's one thing for fandom to be nitpicky but if casual viewers are also watching and going 'uhhhh what #was THAT?' then maybe something really is off #i've been thinking a lot about cultural differences while writing this #obviously funerals are the biggest event but the first year usually has a memorial of some kind whether with a religious service or just as #a gathering of family/friends... if it's a family member the first few years usually involve doing something #just because it's hard to be alone #PSA: the i.t. crowd is a good show #long meta is long thank you for reading??

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otterthewasted · 5 years

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[SNIPPET] ACOMAF - Rhysand's Perspective - Part 5

WARNING: If you have not read A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas I strongly suggest you go read it first - it’s undoubtedly better written and what I have written will spoil the book for you.

I am re-writing all of ACOMAF from Rhysand’s perspective, using all of the original characters/scenes/dialogue, and adding in new bits and bobs to flesh his story out more.

This is Chapter 1 of Part 5 - click HERE to read the rest of the chapters in this part.

I hope you all enjoy!

*Disclaimer - I do not take credit for the any of the characters or the world created by Sarah J. Maas.

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I stayed at the Night Court for several hours by myself, until I felt like I might not shatter. I wasn’t ready to face Feyre again though, not yet – if I saw that sympathy in her eyes again…

I cleaned myself up and changed out of my leathers into my normal town garb, dismissed the bubble around myself, and then winnowed above the House of Wind, snapping out my wings to catch the current, and glided into the war room once again. Amren was gone now, and it was Cassian and Mor standing around the black stone table, looking over reports.

Landing on the polished stone floor I walked over to join them while they flashed me welcoming smiles.

“Cassian told me that Feyre beat the crap out of the Weaver,” Mor announced before I had even reached the table.

I arched a brow at Cassian, “Well, she smashed a brick into her face, I’m not sure that constitutes kicking her ass, but she definitely had a unique approach to escaping her. At least now she knows that she can fight back and escape.”

Cassian grinned at me “She’s got some spunk; I’ll give you that. You should have seen her, Mor, she looked ready to kick his ass when they got back.”

Mor laughed and I shook my head, “Well she’ll fit right in with the rest of you then.”

I walked around the table to a chair designed for Illyrian wings and sank back into it with a sigh.

“Has there been any word from Summer Court?” I asked them as I leaned back.

Mor shook her head, “No, though you know it can take time for those requests to get processed, so it’s not unsurprising.”

I let out a sigh and nodded, “I know, that’s why I sent it off as early as I did. Well, then we need to attack the other front in regard to the Book, we need to head to the mortal lands.”

Mor crossed her arms and Cassian perked up with interest, and I arched a brow at him.

He shrugged and grinned, “Hey, it will be something different, don’t fault me for being excited.”

I rolled my eyes, “Getting bored in the job as General?”

He smirked, “No, just bored with seeing the same damn, pig-headed Illyrian camp leader faces all sneering at me every damn time I show up.”

The Illyrian’s were a proud, stubborn and steadfast group of fae – they did not take to change well at all - but one would think that even if Cassian was a bastard, he was still full blooded Illyrian and the best warrior that had come out of the camps in a millenia or two, and as such they might not resort to being such colossal assholes. No such luck – and I knew that while he had no intention of throwing in the towel on the whole lot of them, there was a part of him that did get worn down at their consistent behavior towards him. Truthfully, I would love to go and throttle the whole lot of them, but with war approaching we had to make some concessions – a reality I had not approved of with my father, but now as High Lord I understood better.

They were still assholes.

I managed a vague smile at Cassian, “Well then consider this trip to the mortal land a mini-vacation, you know, while still working, just in a new environment.”

Cassian gave me a rude gesture while Mor laughed.

I actually grinned this time while I glanced at Mor, “I would like you to go with us, you had more experience with humans, it might go a long way towards Feyre’s sisters agreeing to work with us.”

Mor studied my eyes for a moment, then shook her head, “No. I don’t think I should go. Maybe… not yet.” She hesitated then continued, “Maybe when the Queens arrive.”

I frowned a little, my brows furrowing, “Why?”

“Are you ordering me to go, Rhysand?” She asked me suddenly, sharply.

I blinked, shocked. “No… I just want to understand why, Mor.”

Shrugging, she looked away, “I have my reasons, and I would prefer not to have to explain them.”

I studied her for a moment, then glanced at Cassian, the question written on my face – do you know why?

He just shrugged at me – which was really not a useful answer.

I wasn’t entirely ready to drop the subject – but I would address her about it in private later.

“Alright. In any case, I would like you,” I nodded towards Cassian, “and Azriel to join us. I don’t expect there to be any problems, but with Feyre joining us I would prefer to be cautious. We will be passing near the Spring Court – I doubt he will be able to sense her, but I want to have options in defense and escape just in case.”

Cassian nodded, “Makes sense to me, Az is off checking the Summer Court fleet again – he says it hasn’t made any movement north, but he is still keeping an eye on it. I’ll let him know when he gets back.”

“Good. I didn’t get a chance to talk to Amren before, does she have any updates for me?”

Cassian glanced down at the paperwork on the table, “Not really, she has been spending a lot of time in the library, hunting down any information - even children’s stories - about the Cauldron, anything that might give us an edge.” He glanced up at me and smirked, “I think she might be going a little stir crazy, either you need to get her a bigger library or a new shiny piece of jewelry.”

I barked a laugh and reached up, rubbing my eyes. “I would give her the libraries at the Day Court if I could, but I will have to settle with the jewelry I’m afraid.” I glanced to Mor, “Anything I need to know about with the Hewn City? Or Velaris for that matter?”

Mor’s shoulders had relaxed again after I didn’t pursue her about going with us to the Mortal lands. She shrugged a little, “Status quo in both, though I think you should make a trip to the Hewn City and hold court soon, they’re starting to act up again – petty stuff. They seem bolder about it since… Under the Mountain,” her eyes darkened a little. “Velaris is doing well, the trade changes you made a month or so ago have been working well – no major complaints.”

I reached up, running a hand through my hair – if Mor was suggesting that I go to Hewn City to hold court, then it was likely that my court was doing a bit more than acting up. She wouldn’t suggest that until their behavior was truly beginning to become a concern – she would instead try diplomatic means and blackmail to force them to behave first. I wasn’t up for going right now though, I felt raw inside after… after the memories.

“Alright, I’ll go after we get back from the Mortal lands.” I glanced out towards the sky, gauging the time, then back at Mor, “Want to go shopping with me cousin? I want to pick something up for Amren before we leave tomorrow.” I grinned at her playfully, “I’ll buy you something pretty too.”

Cassian rolled his eyes, but Mor smiled brightly.

“Why don’t we make it an evening? We haven’t all gone out together in a while… please, Rhys?”

I raised a brow, but Cassian butted in, “I’ll go to dinner or out for a drink, but I’m passing on the shopping. How about you two go, and I’ll wait for Azriel and we’ll meet you somewhere.”

Well… this was turning into more of a night than I had intended, but… it might be nice.

“We should invite Feyre-“ Mor began, but I shook my head suddenly, sharply – shocking them.

“No. Feyre… she needs to rest. I’ve pushed her hard the last two days, and tomorrow I am taking her to see her family, and that won’t be easy on her. She hasn’t seen them since… since she was changed.” I glanced at them, at the shock on their face, and the concern, then glanced away. “And I’m not up for being out long tonight, it’s been a rough few days for me as well.”

They were both quiet for a few minutes, then Mor nodded, “Shopping and a few drinks,” and she smiled at me, “sounds like fun.”

I stood up, “Alright. Are you ready to go now, or do you want to go change Mor?”

Cassian let out a sigh of disgust and Mor reached over to slap his arm, “Comb your hair before you join us tonight, bastard.”

He smirked, “You could comb it for me.”

Mor rolled her eyes, “I’ll shave you bald, you giant bat.”

Chuckling a little, I made my way to the window, “If you two are going to be a while…”

Mor waved a hand, cutting off the retort Cassian was about to say, and walked over to me. “I’m ready, I’m ready, you’re so impatient sometimes Rhys.”

I shrugged, still grinning a little as Mor stepped up onto the window with me..

“Where should we meet for drinks?” Cassian asked as we both began to leap into open air.

“Rita’s!” Mor yelled as we began free falling through the air until we were past the wards, then we both winnowed to the streets of Velaris, just outside of the Palace of Thread and Jewels. Once we were on the paved stones, I tucked my hands into my pockets and we began to stroll towards the throng of crowds.

Mor remained quiet for a while, but it didn’t take her too long before she asked, “Did something happen with Feyre? Is she alright?”

I glanced at her, then away, examining a display of fabrics through a shop window. “She’s fine. Why?”

Mor arched a brow at me, “You didn’t want her to come tonight – you have been adamant about including her in everything, but tonight you don’t want to? Why?”

Because, I wanted to say, she saw something good in me, and the relief is too painful to face again tonight.

I shrugged instead, “She’s tired Mor, you’ve seen her – she’s still not sleeping well, and she’s struggling to keep food down at night. We’ll bring her out one night soon, I promised to show her Velaris at night, just give her time. Crowds still upset her; they make her anxious. Just give her time.”

Mor reached over and grabbed my arm, stopping me while she stepped around to meet my gaze, studying my face. Her eyes narrowed, reading something there that she didn’t entirely understand… but she decided not to push me about. Instead, she released my arm and nodded, managing a teasing smile, “Alright. But you should buy her something pretty too – she’s been working as hard as Amren.”

I stared at her for a moment and felt my heart race at the idea – I wasn’t sure why. I had bought things for Feyre, well… Nuala and Cerridwen had bought them for her, but out of my funds. This… would be different though. Picking something out myself, just for her, maybe… maybe something she could wear tomorrow.

Immediately I knew what I wanted to buy her, and it made me jittery with excitement.

I grinned at her, “That is a wonderful idea cousin – I should give you a raise.”

She laughed and I led her to my favorite jewelry shop.

Neve’s shop was my preferred shop of choice when it came to buying jewelry for Amren – it tended to boast flashier pieces, those with larger stones. Being Tartera – a species of fae that dwelled in the deep mountain caves – her own family were the ones that supplied her shop with their marvelously crafted pieces.

Mor browsed around while Neve pulled out a few trays, displaying several different selections, from rings to necklaces to brooches. Considering my options, my gaze kept returning to a piece, braided gold as thick as my thumb, with a large emerald draping from it, the top of it capped with gold, and diamonds set around the edge. It was stunning, and bold – just the way Amren liked it. Perhaps a bit much for a random gift and not a holiday, but I knew that very shortly she would be faced with an extremely difficult task. I might as well go bold with the gift - pay it forward as it were.

“That necklace would be perfect.” I gestured to it as Mor came up beside me to see what I picked.

She laughed, “Oh yes, Amren will love that.”

Neve smiled, though you couldn’t tell by her lips as her entire body was wreathed in permanent shadow, rather just the vague crinkle around her black glowing eyes let me know she was amused, and pleased.

“Excellent choice High Lord. Shall I have it wrapped? Would you like us to deliver it for you?” She asked quietly, her voice almost gravely.

“Please wrap it, but I will deliver it myself.”

A nod while she removed the necklace from its display and began to wrap it. I turned to look at Mor and arched a brow, “What about you, hmm? Anything here you want?” She glanced at around, “Mm… no, I don’t think so. Honestly, just getting you to go to Rita’s with us tonight is gift enough.”

That shocked me, but then I realized that I hadn’t gone out with them – not in the three months since my return. We had dined together at my house often enough, but I hadn’t agreed to spend the night out on the town. I frowned a little and wondered why I had resisted…

Mor interrupted my thoughts, “What about Feyre? What are you going to get her?”

Always happy to think about Feyre instead of my own troubles, I smiled. “You’ll see, I have one more stop to make.”

I saw Neve closing the lid on the black box containing the necklace and turned to thank her, “Thank you Neve, please just send the bill to the House.”

She bowed and handed me the box, “Of course High Lord, thank you for your patronage.”

I accept the box and sent it to my pocket realm for safe keeping, nodding another thanks to Neve, then led Mor out of the shop.

We walked through the streets, still busy despite the lateness of the hour, and turned around a corner. A few shops down, I stopped in front of a tiny little store, and opened the door, gesturing for Mor to step ahead of me.

There were fewer displays of jewelry, and all of the designs were simpler, not as bold as the last shop – but every piece boasted one thing similar - the most prominent gemstone used was lapis lazuli. While not as sought after as diamond or sapphire, it was still a treasured gemstone in the Night Court, as it often resembled the night sky. The shop owner, a tall slender male fae, with gray-green skin and dark brown eyes, reminding me of richly tilled soil, looked up as we entered and froze in shock.

“H-High Lord!” He exclaimed and quickly bowed.

I smiled warmly, “Hello Gantry, it’s good to see you again.”

I had visited this shop before, buying gifts for Mor and Amren in the past. The quality was good, excellent even, and I was fond of how the simple designs seemed to enhance the beauty of the gemstone.

He quickly crossed the room and bowed to me.

I gestured to Mor beside me, “This is Morrigan, she has been the recipient of one of your pieces before.”

Mor grinned at him brightly, “It was truly lovely, you do fine work.”

He flushed with pleasure and bowed his head to her, “Thank you my Lady.” Turning his attention to me again he gestured broadly and asked, “How may I help you my Lord?”

The jittery excitement bubbled in me again, but I kept my voice calm, “I’m looking for a diadem.”

Mor looked at me, a knowing smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Of course, of course, I have several available currently. This way my Lord.” Gantry gestured, and I followed after him to a counter where he removed a tray and sat it in front of me.

Mor joined us, standing at my side as I looked them over – most were made with silver, but two were made with gold. I thought about the gold, twisting in amongst her brown-gold hair, and knew it would be lovely.

Of the two designs, the one that caught my eye was a simple gold band, with pieces of the lapis lazuli set around the entire perimeter of it. I glanced at Mor and gestured, “What do you think of that one?”

She examined it, then looked at me and smiled, “She will look lovely wearing it, Rhys.”

My heart tightened and I nodded, “I think this one will be perfect Gantry.” I paused then added, “Do you have a set of earrings that would go well with it?”

He did of course, setting the selected diadem on a black velvet tray, and then led me to a display of earrings. I chose a pair of dangling earrings, hanging low and heavy with the lapis lazuli, accented with matching gold.

“Excellent choice my Lord,” he said as he placed the earrings on the tray beside the diadem. I saw him hesitate, then ask, “May I ask who these are for?”

Mor looked at me, curious if I would answer, but I smiled and said quietly, “Feyre Cursebreaker.”

His eyes widened.

- - - ~*~ - - -

On the way to Rita’s I broached the topic to Mor again.

“Mor… why don’t you want to go with us tomorrow? It will only be Feyre’s family this time.”

Her eyes flashed to mine, then away, “Exactly.”

I frowned at her, confused.

She let out a sigh and shrugged, “Rhys, I’m not sure I could behave myself.”

Now I was extremely confused.

“I don’t-“ I began.

She cut me off with an agitated jerk of her hand, “Rhys, her family failed her. They did not protect her, they let her go into danger to ensure their own survival – and in the end, they benefited wildly from it, at the cost of her sacrifice.”

I stopped dead in the street and stared at Mor, who stopped and turned to look at me.

It was her story, Mor’s story, all except for one detail – no one had saved Feyre. Not until… it was too late. She had died, and we had brought her back – but her family had failed to save her, had in fact let her go into danger and death. Anger burned inside of me as I considered what Feyre’s family had done, or rather, had not done to protect her.

Mor watched my eyes, and nodded, agreeing.

I let out a breath, and started walking again, and she fell into step beside me.

“I understand,” I said quietly, “I still wish you could come. If for no other reason than to be there for Feyre. She likes you and trusts you – if she had one person there that she believed stood behind her, in her favor, it might go a long way to helping her not shatter tomorrow.”

Mor was quiet for several minutes, but I could hear the smile in her voice, “Feyre doesn’t need me tomorrow for that. She has you.”

I just shook my head, “She barely trusts me, and doesn’t particularly like me at all. I’m happy that she at least tolerates me – and that’s when I’m not pissing her off.”

Mor tossed her head back as she laughed, “Oh Rhys, sometimes we all only tolerate you, especially when you’re pissing us off.” She paused then said, “And she does like you, whether or not you want to admit it, it’s not hard to realize. Stop looking for all the ways you think she should hate you and take some time to look at the ways she might like you.” She glanced at me, “Try it tomorrow – it might surprise you.”

I swallowed, quiet for several long moments, then said, “I’ll try.”

Mor didn’t answer, except to wave enthusiastically at Cassian and Azriel, who were walking up to Rita’s from the opposite direction of us. Cassian grinned, and Azriel smiled briefly, his eyes drinking in the sight of Mor. I realized, that must be me with Feyre, and realized that the brief flash of pain I felt for my brother, because Mor had never reciprocated the love he had for her, must be how my family felt for me. I let out a sigh and followed them all inside.

The music was loud, and the floor was crowded with fae dancing and laughing, and Mor’s face lit up with happiness.

Cassian just shook his head at the dance floor and made his way to the bar. I followed behind him, with Azriel hovering near Mor who had taken off to talk to a group of fae who waved at her.

We ordered drinks for the everyone and waited for them to be served before weaving our way through the crowd, finding an empty booth tucked to the side and settled into it.

I sipped at my drink, watching the fae around us, their faces bright and happy, and smiled briefly. This was what being High Lord was all about – ensuring the safety of my lands so that my people could gather, and celebrate, dance and laugh and live, freely. To see it happen, to see this joy…

Cassian leaned forward on the table, glancing at me, “You try to convince her to go again?”

It took me a moment, but I slipped out of my thoughts and looked at Cassian, nodding, “Yes, but she is still adamant about not going.” I hesitated a moment for I said, “She explained why though…” I fell silent again, the anger simmering in me once more.

He took a long drink before setting the glass back down between his hands, looking down at it, “I’m going to struggle with it as well, I’ll do my best not to say anything, but Rhys…” He trailed off, letting out a sigh.

I understood and knew it would be a trial for me as well.

“It’s no different than the situation with Mor and her family, it’s Feyre’s family and she gets to decide how they will be handled, and we must abide that decision.” I met his eyes for a moment, and he nodded, agreeing.

We both took a drink and looked up as Mor and Azriel joined us.

Azriel slid into the booth beside Cassian and picked up his drink, sipping at it. Mor stood, leaning against the table and grinned at us, “Don’t tell me you three are just going to sit here drinking and brooding all night long.”

Azriel smiled a little, “Brooding is what some of us do best.”

Mor huffed a laugh and picked up her drink, downed it and then put it back on the table. “Well I’m going to dance, if any of you grouches decide brooding is too tiresome, come find me.” She winked at us and twirled off to the dance floor, melding effortlessly with the other fae there.

We all watched her, before glancing at each other and laughed.

“How many nights a week does she spend here?” I asked.

Cassian smirked, “She tries to drag me here all the time, nearly every night it seems like. The drinks are good, but the music is too damn loud.”

Azriel chuckled, “That’s not what really gets to you brother, it’s that she gets you drunk enough to dance, and you pay for it the next day.”

Cassian glared at Azriel and I laughed.

Azriel smirked slightly at Cassian, then looked at me, his face going serious, “I checked the fleet, all ships accounted for and still no troop movement in the seasonal courts.”

All humor wiped clean I nodded, leaning back into the booth with a sigh. “I can’t believe Tamlin is doing nothing, but if there is no troop movement then it is being done in stealth.” I frowned a little, thinking, “Before, when Feyre was still a part of the Spring Court, there was rumor that Tamlin was looking to make a bargain with Hybern.”

I glanced at Azriel, who nodded slowly, “You said it had to do with breaking your bargain.”

I nodded and crossed my arms, “Yes… but what if the terms were changed, retrieval... and breaking the bargain.”

Cassian hissed and leaned forward, his eyes flashing, “You think he would be that stupid?”

I laughed, humorlessly, “Oh, I think he is that stupid, and that possessive; and he has a solid bargaining chip.”

Azriel’s eyes darkened, “The Wall.”

I nodded and Cassian let out a growl, “You can’t think… He would betray his people, all of Prythian, for her?”

Leaning my head back, I looked up at the ceiling above, swathed in shadows with flickers of light dancing over it – reminding me of the night sky. “Why not?” I said, “He did it before. He had fifty years to break the curse, and he squandered that time – only trying at the very end, and he failed.” Granted, I was the reason he failed, but he could have ignored my attempts and chose not to. I looked back at them, “It took a human girl with a brave, selfless heart to face horror and torture and death to save us.”

Azriel frowned, twisting the glass between his hands, his Siphons flashing in the light. “If that’s the case, they will be looking for her. There may even be eyes around her family’s home. Perhaps… she should not go.”

I let out a breath, “She has to go – they won’t trust us. Besides… if I suggested she shouldn’t go, she would only get stubborn about going.” I smirked a little at that, “However… we might be able to use this to our advantage – a way to send a message to Hybern.”

Cassian frowned at me, “I’m not going to like the sound of this.”

“Probably not, I don’t like it either, but it would be decisive.” I looked at Azriel, “I would need your help.”

He nodded, without hesitation. “How will you get her to go out alone? Will you tell her?”

Cassian blinked and then growled, “You’re going to set her out as bait for someone to grab her? Damnit Rhys!”

I looked at Cassian calmly, “She is likely being hunted already, I would rather they make an attempt on my terms than theirs. We will be waiting for it and will capture whoever comes after her. It will give us a chance at valuable information, and we can send them a message – come after her at your own peril.”

He continued to glare at me but didn’t argue with me further. He knew it was a solid idea, but he didn’t like it – and ultimately neither did I, but sometimes hard decisions had to be made, and this would be for her benefit in the end.

I looked back at Azriel, “No, I’m not going to tell her. She needs to be unaware to make the attacker feel comfortable enough to make an attempt.” I unfolded my arms and reached up with one hand to rub my eyes, “I’m not sure how I will get her time by herself, but I’ll figure that out once we’re there.”

Azriel nodded and leaned back, the shadows swirling thickly around him.

I glanced around, and suddenly I had a strong desire to be alone, somewhere quiet. Home. Taking one last drink, I sat my glass down and slid out of the booth. “I’m heading home.” I smiled at them briefly, “Come for breakfast tomorrow, Feyre hasn’t had a lot of time around you, and I would like her to get more comfortable with you.”

They both nodded their agreement, and I made my way out, pausing for a moment at the door to watch Mor dancing, and Azriel leaving the booth to join her while Cassian headed to the bar again.

I chuckled a little, I had a feeling that the two of them would be the worse for wear tomorrow.

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lovelykhaleesiii · 6 years

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I understand...(Part 9)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Stark!Reader

Words: 1179

Summary: You’re the daughter of Tony Stark, and after meeting the Avengers for the first time, you begin to fall for the one who your father despises most…Bucky Barnes. Story takes place after Civil War, but the Avengers remain intact all of them reside in the Avengers Tower, but Tony still holds a grudge against Bucky.

Warning: fluff, angst, angry!Tony, protective!Tony,

(so sorry for the cheesy dialogue!)

Tags:

@fandom–0verdose , @m4shtyx, @impalatobakerstreet , @dreams-in-blxck, @irondadandspidersoncute, @basicmarvelbitch, @tonyystarkle , @woman-of-letters-legacy , @seabasstiantrash , @can-you-actuallynot , @conflictedintima , @wtfholland

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Having woken up early in the morning, wrapped around Bucky’s muscular flesh arm felt heavenly. Your arm stretched out over his bare chest, you dreaded the thought of having to leave, though you were given no choice. You’d thought best to wake up before Tony did, to sneak back into your room, to pretend that the pure sex, the both of you had treated yourselves to was unheard of. You’d raised your head from Bucky’s chest and peered over to admire the sleeping beauty that he was.

He was exhausted...Of course he’d be you thought. Having encountered him at his peak last night, with the amount of passion he had given you, he had definitely deserved the rest. Soon enough, you cautiously got up from the bed, attempting to avoid waking Bucky. God, he looked so precious asleep, you’d contemplated as you had quickly dressed yourself. Before leaving his room, you brushed a piece of his ruffled hair off the side of his face, around his ear and planted a gentle kiss, along his lips.

“I’ll see you soon, my love” you whisper as you departed.

Nothing had ever made you feel this giddy in your life. You genuinely couldn’t stop yourself from abruptly smiling, having thoughts of Bucky constantly running past your mind. It was becoming imperative that you stop before the possibility would come, of Tony catching you in the act to question your motives, as he always would whenever he was the slightest bit suspicious of any of your unusual behaviour.

Having walked into your tidy room, you’d thought to quickly change into some casual clothing, deceiving the idea as though you were incredibly prepared for the day.

Having just finished your daily routine for preparing in the morning, to changing attire, firm knocks pounded against your wooden door frame.

“Yes?” You reply.

“It’s me... Can we just talk for a second, Y/n?” Tony uttered, his stern voice trailing with anticipation.

“Sure” you reply, as you had hesitantly opened the door to your father: you still remained unsettled about his whole ‘scheme’ of attempting to reignite your previous relationship none other than the incompetent, Dany.

“So I’m hoping you’d enjoyed yourself last night?” Tony retorted, as he steadily walked towards your organised desk, observing your precious photos, books and belongings spread across.

“You’re kidding, right?” You chuckle, questioning whether his concerns over your enjoyment was genuine or a failure of a joke.

“Oh I’m being very serious Y/n” Tony replied, as he directed his discouraging gaze upon you now, as he leant against the desk-table.

You couldn’t reply. You were completely perplexed by Tony’s recent behaviour and outbursts, you were left completely speechless. Was Tony really this ignorant?

“I get that you and Dany had your issues in the past, but you learn to overcome that. You’re an adult now. Most importantly you’re a Stark... Starks always find a way.”

“So my genuine happiness and overall freedom should just be ignored? Is that what you want, Tony?” You exclaim, tension evident within the firmness of your tone.

“Honey trust me... I know you too damn well. I’m your father, I raised you myself throughout all these years, so I’d agree and say I have a better indication of what you deserve, more than you’re willing to admit.” He retorted, straining yourself to remain calm as ever which irritated you even more.

“You’re fucking kidding me? You wince.

“Be a little optimistic, will ya kid? I’m trying to do what’s best!” Tony sardonically shouted.

Shaking your head in utter disbelief, you had felt to exhausted to argue…

“Leav-”

“Where were you last night?” Tony intervened…

“After we’d gone our separate ways, I couldn’t sleep… I felt I needed to discuss things with you, you know, clear stuff up as a father and daughter should, but when I arrived to your room, you weren’t there?”

Fuck… You predicted that this was how the end would unfold between your romance with Bucky. You had no choice but to lie; not that it was the first time, you’d just felt Tony was nowhere near the mindset that you and Bucky had envisioned when wishing to reveal to him your discrete yet righteous relationship.

“I headed out… Felt that I need some personal space, some time to comprehend exactly what my own father has been putting me through, since my arrival.” You retort, in an attempt to divert the blame unto him.

“Don’t bullshit me, Y/n!”

The shouts of Tony, his growing rage, his arising suspicions made you increasingly more anxious… But you needed to be adamat with the lie, for Bucky’s sake.

“Quite frankly Tony, this whole plan of yours to re-ignite Dany and I is bullshit!” You obtrusively interjected.

“Damn it Y/n, I’m trying to suit you with someone you deserve… Someone I know will take care of you, if I’m not lucky enough to stick around. Hate to break it, to ya kid, but being an Avenger and all isn’t as glorious as it seems! Immunity isn’t a thing for all superheroes.” He retaliated.

“How could you ever say that? How could you possibly even think that? I’m very much aware of the risks you take every single day, I’m very much capable of looking out for myself, and so much more capable of finding someone for myself!” You reply, the both you drowned in complete frustration.

Before feeling the need to retaliate once more, Tony had prevented himself from having a complete yet another outburst. Having quickly calmed himself down, he’d answered “Dany will regularly be around, whether you like it or not, he’s still an employee of mine...But I’ll tell you this, Y/n, your pure existence is what motivates me each and every single day to come back home, everytime I step out of this tower, to risk my life for the betterment of them-” he firmly utters, as he points in the direction of your open sky-view window.

“Does not compare to the sacrifices I’m willing to take for you. So the sheer inevitability that I might not be able to return home, to die with the final thought of you being alone in this world, scares me even more than having to face half the shit out there... So you tell me if I’m the one to blame, huh?”

Having intensely stared at Tony throughout his entire revelation, you somewhat felt ashamed…

Tilting your gaze downwards towards the floor, you felt convinced that Tony was just trying to do what father’s do… Protect their children. But you knew deep down, his resentment towards Bucky was still an underlying presence… You had to lie.

Before you knew it, Tony had stormed himself out of your room, the room in which he’d relished his many years of fatherhood in. Fuck, you thought… Both father and daughter stubborn and misunderstood, you were still convinced that being with Bucky was the right thing… And so standing by this, you knew that the time would have to come for Tony to uncover that you’d already figured who your source of security would be…

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fuckyeahevanrwood · 6 years

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How Evan Rachel Wood Helped Bring the Bright, Queer Fantasy of Across the Universe to Life

It’s something of a miracle that a film like Across The Universe exists in the first place. Set to 34 classic Beatles compositions with limited dialogue, it tells the story of the blossoming romance between an American girl and a Liverpudlian artist, set against the backdrop of the Vietnam War and other counterculture movements of the ‘60s. Featuring trippy set pieces, a largely unknown cast, and Bono in a handlebar mustache, Across The Universe is something of a Trojan horse: an audacious arthouse musical disguised as a glossy blockbuster.

That might explain why the $70 million production opened to a polarized response, and made back only $29 million when it was finally released in 2007, after numerous delays and battles between the studio and director Julie Taymor over its final cut. The film was derided as a box office dud and career setback for its cast of up-and-comers, which included Evan Rachel Wood as an all-American college girl who dreams of changing the world. But in the 11 years since its release, it has grown to become a beloved cult classic — especially among millennials, who have come to discover the Beatles’ music through Taymor’s technicolor fantasy world of 1960s New York.

This Sunday, Fathom Events is re-releasing Across The Universe in theaters across the country. And if the film felt of-the-moment in 2007, its focus on activism, protests, queer identity, and art as a means of dismantling government corruption feel particularly resonant in 2018. Wood certainly agrees; since the film’s release, she’s gone on to become one of Hollywood’s most outspoken superstars. Fresh off her recent Emmy nomination for the second season of Westworld, Wood chatted with them. about the legacy of Across The Universe, the rise of #MeToo, and the need for more bi visibility in Hollywood.

Across The Universe has cultivated such a devoted fanbase over the years, but it’s fair to say that its initial reception wasn’t too positive. Do you think the film was misunderstood upon its original release?

I think it didn't get the power behind it that it needed. There was some turmoil because the studio wanted to make a lot of changes and we all felt like it wasn't the movie that we made. I think the trade-off is that we got the movie we wanted released, but we didn’t get the backing, and it suffered because of that. And I think it was ahead of its time. Even while making it we knew it was something that was gonna build over time and become a cult classic. It had that potential, so I don't think we were worried. But we were disappointed that other people couldn't see that. I think we all knew that this fanbase would find its way and stick with the film the way it did us.

Do you think the reception to the film would’ve been different if it’d been released in 2018?

I think so, yeah. I think people were afraid of the politics in it as it came out right when we had gone to war. When we were filming the Fifth Avenue protest scenes, it was so relevant to the point that we had posters up saying "War Is Over" and "Peace Now" and everyone wanted us to leave them up. A lot of people thought it was a real protest. It was when I feel like the country started to change, at least in my eyes, and the future was still very unknown. Right now we're all embracing this revolution and it's undeniable that there's this shift happening. Things are still unknown but I feel like people are more energized and involved.

Julie Taymor’s battle against the studio for final cut on the film was made pretty public. Did you ever see that back-and-forth struggle?

I didn't, but I heard about it, and from what I heard it was a bit horrifying. I mean, they didn't wanna make Prudence gay, they wanted to take the riot out of "Let It Be," and take some of the politics out of it. They wanted to play it safe and keep it in “fluffy musical land” as a pill that's easy to swallow. But that's not what The Beatles were about. This film was made by Beatles fans and that's not the Beatles musical I wanted to see. We wanted to deliver what we felt was right. People were like "You don't even wanna see this cut…” Just hearing about it was enough for us to go "Oh no..." That's the reason we all put our foot down in that way, because that's just what we believed in.

Was Prudence’s storyline, which focused on her coming into her queer identity, important for you to see through in the finished film?

Absolutely. I thought it was an amazing idea that Julie had to make "I Want To Hold Your Hand" a girl singing it to another girl. I thought it was an amazing reveal when you're watching the scene and think she's singing to the football player and realize she's singing to the cheerleader. I thought it was brilliant! And it's a testament to Julie and her ideas and how she'll go off the beaten path, which I think we all appreciated.

The film’s found a particularly passionate audience within the queer community. Prudence’s storyline aside, what do you think it is about the film that LGBTQ+ audiences find so comforting?

I think because it’s about youth and free love and finding yourself and pushing boundaries and revolution and fighting for what you believe in. It's about this group of outcasts who move to New York and find each other and form their own kind of family and community during a really tumultuous time. It's a fight for love in a time of war. It seems like those themes are something that the queer community could relate to in some way.

In a lot of ways it’s a sort of miracle that a film like Across The Universe was made in the first place.

I agree! It's a big-budget arthouse movie basically, and Julie is one of the only people who can really pull that off. It's what happens when arthouse films get the budget, which never happens.

Why do you think movies like that aren’t being made today?

Because there's this constant battle between creatives and people with money, and both need each other to get the job done. At the end of the day, the people with the money are in control of what gets made and what doesn't. Arthouse movies are a bit more off-the-wall and for people who are non-creatives, a weird idea seems like a risky idea. But I think they're not giving weirdos enough credit. We've started to play it really safe. I mean, that's why you're just seeing kind of franchises and remakes with a built-in audience instead of coming up with new ideas that are gonna ignite something in somebody. Make films for the hipsters, the alternatives, the weirdos, the black sheeps. They're there, they love movies, and they wanna see them but we've been neglecting that and we're not seeing these movies getting made.

You were only 18 when Across The Universe was made. How do you look back on that particular moment in your life?

I really related to Lucy and her journey and that's something Julie saw in me. I moved out of my mother's house while we were filming. I turned 18 and moved to New York, so I consider Across The Universe my college experience because I didn't go to college. That was the first time I was on my own living with this group of artists and creatives doing this Beatles musical for almost a year and it was completely transformative and life-changing and beautiful. I look back at that time as one of the most special times in my life as something that was completely transformative that I carry with me all the time.

You recently tweeted about a directing project you’ve been trying to pitch for two years and the sexism you faced in business meetings among other struggles. Have there been any developments since you made those struggles public?

What's funny is after I announced on Twitter that I was trying to make this and having trouble, a lot of great people reached out. The point of that wasn't to be like 'It's been two years and why isn't my movie being made!' It wasn't an entitlement kind of thing. I know it can take much, much longer to get a movie made. It takes time. But I've heard people say 'why aren't there more female directors, why aren't there more female-driven movies, why aren't these being made?' I wanted to show 'Look, we are trying, just so you know. I've been trying to get this movie made for two years.' And I'm established and it's difficult, so imagine how hard it is for someone just stepping into this with an amazing idea who can't even get in the door. But I am still plugging away at it and there's definitely progress. It's a female-driven film with queer characters and women of color. I tried to make it a diverse and inclusive story and cast. I'm planning on directing it, it's written by me and another woman, and I'm gonna be in it as well. I basically wrote a character I've always wanted to play that girls don't normally get asked to play. I started writing it three years ago, so it was before a lot of what we're seeing in the entertainment industry now, which tells me I'm not the only one feeling that way and that it's a perfect time for this movie. But I don't know, we'll see what happens.

You’ve been acting for over two decades and constantly outspoken about the rampant sexism and homophobia in the entertainment industry. Post-#MeToo, have you noticed a positive shift in the industry at all?

I think we're definitely seeing a shift. People are listening in a different way, but just like when they abolished slavery, racism didn't go away. Now we're aware of the issues, and now we have to actually put things into action and change things. The fight has just begun and now it's gonna take a lot of people backing it up and really doing the footwork to move things. Now the door's open and we have to go in and start shifting things around.

You’ve spoken about how important it was for your development as a young queer woman to hear an actress tell you what “bisexuality” was. In the context of LGBTQ+ youth, how important do you think it is for queer public figures to be open about their sexuality?

I think everyone's gotta do it on their own time because it’s a very personal process and you can't force or guilt anybody into doing it. I think when you're ready it's important because it helps normalize things. If you're carrying shame or frustration, those are feelings that are really damaging to someone's psyche and self-esteem. It's unnecessary pain. I can only speak from my experience, but it still means a lot to me when someone comes out. Bisexuality really gets the shaft a lot and is something that isn't really taken seriously so people don't know enough about struggles that come with it. I mean it's hard for me to even think of bisexual film characters. I just watched Call Me By Your Name and I freaked out, like, ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me this was a bisexual movie? Why did I hear nothing about this?’ That could've been a great opportunity.

Do you ever get sick of feeling like you have to be the one to educate others about these kinds of issues, though?

I don't get like annoyed or sick but I do get tired. But especially just being a woman in any kind of position of power, I feel a massive responsibility to say things and get out and fight, because that's just where we are. But there's a lot of emotion and pressure that comes with that and while I am out doing things and fighting for things I believe in, it does take an emotional toll and sometimes I do have to take a step back to recharge because it can be really upsetting. It's also something that I feel is kind of involuntary that I have to do or I can't rest.

Some performers have said that they don’t like being referred to as a “bi actor” and having their sexuality hashed out in interviews. In the face of mainstream Hollywood, do you ever worry about being boxed in a “bi actress”?

I mean if it's for fodder like "bisexual actress does blah blah blah," it's like you're just using that for a story, which is just exploiting it. But otherwise I don’t mind. I always kind of felt that whatever I did would stand on its own and I wouldn't be defined by that. And even if I was it's like, well, whatever. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing. It’s more annoying when it's exploited or only used when it's convenient to make a story juicier or used as an excuse like ‘well obviously this person has crazy behavior or is slutty and is bisexual.’ I don't use that word but I'm saying other people do. And it's like ‘no no no that person's going through whatever they're going through, it has nothing to do with them being bisexual. Don't use that as an excuse for someone's behavior.’ I see that sometimes where I'm like ‘you never talk about this person being bisexual but now that's it's a story you're using it to perpetuate this idea that they're somehow off the wall’ and that's not cool.

When LGBTQ+ youth don’t have a supportive environment in their everyday lives, artists they admire often take the role of emotional support. Did you experience this as a youth becoming more aware of their identity?

Absolutely. Musicians and artists and actors would become these sort of beacons of hope. The more I heard about their journeys and what goes on in their heads and their flaws, it carried me through a lot of those experiences. So 100 percent, I believe that to be true. I grew up with an open-minded, artistic family but I still had shame and was scared to tell my family. I still feel elements of shame and things that are hard-wired into your brain, that's how we're programmed. It's a process of de-learning. Even when you intellectually know something, sometimes the feeling remains because it's just imprinted on you. That's why I’d have Bowie or Kurt Cobain over my wall, these that I feel stood for something that I couldn't quite put my finger on at the time! There were so many women that I remember being like "Oh man I wanna be them!" and in retrospect I'm like "Hmm did you wanna be them or did you love them?" Like man I loved Melissa Etheridge and KD Lang, I couldn’t have been more cliche as a child.

That’s the way I feel about Across The Universe, and I’m assuming so many others who connected to it so deeply at a young age without maybe understanding why.

Exactly! Sometimes those people and things are in your life and you don't know why until later.

#evan rachel wood #Interviews #across the universe #them.#lgbt

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