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#delusions

If you ever feel the need to talk to someone I’m here.

If you feel like a burden,I’m here.

If you feel anxious/useless, I’m here.

I’m always here,just go ahead and send a message.

I’m always in constant pain and I do not wish this pain for anyone,so let’s ease each others road in life with our burdens and problems.

Let’s talk.

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Man those STPD feels where you’re just fucking depressed that you won’t ever live in a world you can feel content in. Not even sure if thats STPD or just depression but I feel since finding out about it i’ve been having mental breakdowns and seeing shadows more often. Sometimes having more auditory hallucinations too. Like banging and footsteps.

Has anyone else found that thinking about it more makes you experience more distortions, other symptoms, etc?

It really scares me even if I know its not real. I’m worried that it’ll turn into schizophrenia one day too.

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“I’m so cold. I need socks.”

“They’re in the closet. You have to get out from the blanket.”

“Okay.”

“Wait.”

I froze on my spot. Through the thin white blanket, I can see the nightlight glow it’s indigo color. Then a huge shadow ambled with an eerie sound.

“Something is out there.”

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Does anyone else with mental illness have involuntary vocalizations when they’re stressed out? My brain is constantly trolling me and plays heinous and humiliating memories for me all day long and when a particularly bad one happens I’ll say “stop”, “fuck off”, “no”, or a variety of other things out loud. If I try to hold it back I’ll usually make an involuntary sound or gesture instead. I can’t really suppress it entirely. Does anyone else have this?

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delusion.

such a funny word, it feels contradictory sometimes. a delusion is something one believes in even when it’s widely proven to be false. people with delusions believe deeply in whatever they believe in, but in order to identify that they have a delusion to begin with, they must recognize its false. do you understand?

I am aware I have delusions. I am aware that what I believe to be true isn’t the truth. but there is an important distinction that I have come to learn the hard way: what I know is not the same to what I believe.

my delusions work in a similar way that my insecurities do. I know that strangers don’t hate me, it’s believing that that is the hard step. I know my delusions are just that: delusions. But believing that they are not real seems just about impossible.

I believe that I am some sort of god. That I am better than others. That I have some hidden powers, some that I have already unleashed. That I am everyone’s priority. That I am the center of the universe.

I know this isn’t true, I promise I’m not a selfish person. But these are my constant lingering thoughts. I never voice them, for I know what manners are expected of me from society. My friends and family know I’m not rude, I know I’m not rude, but my god am I just better than them.

I have other delusions, but I have a rule: don’t voice your thoughts unless you understand them first.

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