Me, Sherlock Holmes, The Bules brothers, the mane 7 and Hercule Poirot were hanging out at Denny's.
Outside, reality would warp, and a nearby building would get damaged. Also a giant monster would come by or a supervillain would fight a hero.
But Denny's managed to avoid getting damaged and we weren't aware of anything. It was because the crazy would move or settle down.
The dream ended when we all went outside, seeing only the aftermath of the events. (@one-time-i-dreamt)
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My centaur brother told my transphobic father I was probably trans while I was trying to come out to him. In a middle school cafeteria which was actually a Denny's? I was put on puberty blockers and my centaur brother galloped away.
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Denny's parking lots are where you go to sword fight your ex with pool noodles.
Waffle House parking lots are where you go to have a conversation with the Actual Devil about the merits of biodynamic farming techniques.
Denny's: A Domain of Surreal yet Intensely Human Phenomenon
Waffle House: The Nexus Point Where the Fae Realm Bleeds into Ours
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk
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To this day, I cannot forgive Denny's for making a Thing Burger as a promotion for the 2015 Fantastic Four film, not because the movie is bad, but because the burger itself is non-kosher. That's right, Ben Grimm can't eat his own burger!!
What kind of sick twisted diner makes a burger based on a famously Jewish comic book character that violates not one, but two dietary restrictions in the Jewish faith. Not even Yancy Street would pull a stunt this dirty!
Firstly, the burger includes bacon. Kashrut only permits the consumption of animals with divided hooves that chew their chud. As pigs do not chew their chud, they cannot be eaten.
Secondly, eating meat alongside dairy is not kosher. This is because of a Torah passage that states "Do not cook a kid in its mother's milk."
So how do we fix this revoltin' development? Removing the bacon is easy. You could even substitute it with turkey bacon if you so wish, but choosing between meat and cheese is tricky. Removing the meat takes away the... well... meat of the meal, but taking away the cheese removes the bun's Thing-like appearance, removing its identity as a Thing Burger and making it just another hearty meal.
There are two ways to go about this, which I shall dub the pro-meat method and the pro-cheese method. The ingredients in the official Denny's Thing Burger include burger buns, a beef patty, pork bacon, hash browns, cheese (inside and on the bun itself), egg, and Thing Sauce (spicy mayo). By sampling from this list, we can make a kosher thing burger.
My recipe for the Pro-Cheese burger is to cook your dough in the oven with shredded cheese on the top to create that rocky look. For the interior, I thought perhaps I could lean into the Thing's aesthetics by emphasizing the hash browns. In fact, if the potato slices are mixed with egg and flour and cooked on a pan, you just created a Hanukkah staple: Latkes! The fact Denny's thought to include hash browns but somehow didn't make it intentionally Jewish is an astounding missed opportunity. Slide some Latkes in-between the cheese bun, maybe drizzle some dill sauce, grind some pepper for extra kick, and you got yourself a weird variant of a Hanukkah dish. I wonder if Aunt Petunia would approve.
For the Pro-Meat burger, I thought maybe the Latkes themselves might be stable enough to use as a substitute for the buns, but in case you feel different, you can always have them inside the buns. If you choose to have standard buns, I recommend scoring the top before baking so that it looks all rocky. You could also do this for the pro cheese method if you so wish. As for the inside, go ham... literally! Get a nice beef patty, throw on some (turkey) bacon, a nice sunny side up egg, that spicy mayo, some ground up pepper, and you got yourself a hearty burger that Benjy is sure to enjoy. You could even substitute the patty for breaded chicken if you think it looks more Thing-like.
No matter what option you prefer, I hope that this reconciles the mistake Denny's made in constructing a burger Ben Grimm, let alone the jewish people wouldn't be able to eat. Maybe someday the Kosher Thing Burgers will outlive the half-assed film tie-in that inspired it.
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Daily Plush - 3.1.2024
(Source: sonicthehedgeblog)
This plush is of Knuckles, and was made by Strottman International in 2000. He was made, alongside Sonic, for the Sonic Underground Denny's promotion.
Here are both plushes together:
(Source: Denny's Ad - uploaded by 89cgill)
The full promotion included these plushes, and an activity book:
(Source: TreasureHuntingSonic)
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