#depressing life of traumatized clones

[fanfic-obsessed]

Duty

Here I try a hand at Emperor Obi Wan. It just feels right. 

It starts after Order 66, after the march on the temple. When Obi Wan says that he cannot go after Anakin, Yoda believes him. Instead of Yoda going for Sidious and Obi Wan for Anakin, they reverse it.  Yoda heads for Mustafar. 

Obi Wan goes for Sidious.He’s so done, traumatized and tired. He is also somewhere between passively suicidal and actively suicidal.  He attacks Sidious in front of the newly formed Imperial Senate and no one is more surprised than him when he takes Sidious’s head off cleanly (Sidious did not consider this one tired, hurting Jedi to be a threat and Obi Wan went in full throttle, hoping to do some damage before his death). Even though the Empire is only a few days old at this point, there are some old rules that are already in place, backed by the Force (which is why no one really questions what happens next). One of those rules is the right of conquest. 

To the winner goes the Empire. 

Now Obi Wan is the recognized Emperor, including to the chips in the Clones.   Obi Wan does not want to be the Emperor. Obi Wan wants to go sit in a depression cave and contemplate his infinite sadness in peace, please. 

Bail Organa manages to convince Obi Wan that being the Emperor and helping to unfuck everything is his duty (Bail is both semi reluctant-he knows that duty is Obi Wan’s buzzword and hates that he needs to take advantage of that-, and not, as he is pretty sure that is all that is keeping Obi Wan alive right now). 

So Obi Wan agrees to be Emperor until they can figure out how to undo the Sith’s great plan (while all 1000 years was not spent creating a web of fucked up laws that slowly built the trap they all fell into, a good portion of that time was).  He manages to rescind the Order that the Jedi are traitors, but is not able to deactivate the chips (this is another where the chips turn the clones into Automatons, with no independent thoughts). There is some code phrase that will shut the chips off, but only Palpatine knew it. The Kaminoans are sure that, now that the chips are active, removing the chips will cause brain damage and death to the clones (this is not true, but we are still several months away from Ahsoka and Rex-as the only two who have proof this is patently false- coming back into Obi Wan’s life).  Obi Wan has recalled the 212th, unable to stop himself from wanting them around him, even as they are. Yoda successfully captured Anakin, who is currently being held in a medically induced coma until they figure out what to do with him (he is decidedly fallen, but also is coming off as being in middle of a clinically psychotic episode-also both Yoda and Obi Wan are not so secretly hoping there is something that makes his actions…not Anakin of his own free will slaughtering children). Now Yoda is off in the galaxy trying to find Jedi survivors. Mace Windu was found and is Bacta and would be there for a minimum of a year. 

Padme is on bedrest for her own safety, and the safety of her children. She is also subject to frequent lectures on seeing an actual medical professional while pregnant. It turns out that she had an uncommon, but not rare, condition that meant that a natural birth would kill her. This condition can only be diagnosed in the third trimester (also notably that this condition could not be fixed with the Force, Light or Dark). Obi Wan cannot bring himself to visit her, if asked he would have the excuse of ‘too busy’ ready to go but the truth was he couldn’t face Padme, whom he had considered a friend, after she had spent so much time lying to him about her relationship with Anakin (Also he now has access to all the instances that Palpatine knew about where both of his dear friends abused their power for the sake of the other).  Even after the children are born, Obi Wan keeps his distance. 

So we have Obi Wan, holding himself by a thread as he simultaneously tries to: figure out how to undo hundreds of years of damage against democracy, run an empire (if he has to do this, he will do it right), deactivate the chips (this means going through every single Palpatine has ever recorded in hopes of discovering the code- no matter how horrific), figure out a place that the remaining Jedi can live (the temple is out of the question with the death that clings to the walls like a slime).  There is no one he can truly trust, not even Bail (For all that Bail entreaty to remain emperor was 100% necessary, it did damage Obi Wan and his friendship in a way that it would take a decade to recover).

It will eventually get better. Other Jedi will come from hiding, giving Obi Wan people he can fully rely on. But right now, about a year into the Empire, Obi Wan is running on the barest fumes, heart sick. He is surrounded by the Senate, whom he does not trust, and the puppeted bodies of the clones, whom he forces himself to treat just the same, to never forget that these are people. He has had to order the clones to ignore any order that contradicts his (in order to prevent abuse by senators) and make an explicit order for the clones to defend themselves and to see to their own needs. He is facing the prospect that there may be no way to undo this damage.  

However there is something that no one knows about the chips. Like in cannon, they do eventually break down, as the clones are forced to go against their own morals and fight the chip, it wears it down.  The irony is that Obi Wan treating them as sentients causes less wear than Palptine’s treatment. 

The 212 love their general, none more so than Cody.  As part of that, each one made a point to memorize the signs that Obi Wan was overworking himself.  Now Obi Wan is, to the clones trapped by the chips, overworking himself beyond anything they had seen. The chips do not allow for this kind of care, which starts to cause the same kind of wear that cannon saw. While most of the clones do not fight the chips with Obi Wan in charge, the 212th begins to fight even harder. 

Their general needs them. 

It starts around the 1 year mark, and is so small that Obi Wan thinks he is imagining it.  It starts with Cody frowning faintly at a senator bringing another unnecessary problem to the Emperor to solve (something that they should have been able to solve themselves).  Then Obi Wan realizes his cup of tea keeps getting refilled (Boil does it when Obi Wan isn’t looking-it both is and is not a breakthrough, the chip means that if Obi Wan had asked for the tea Boil would have provided it, but it is Boil himself that is able to anticipate the need and choose Obi Wan’s favorite tea). Several of his guards (all members of the 212th) subtly herd him down lesser known hallways and paths to his destination, causing him to avoid other senators trying, badly, to curry favor. All the while not able to say anything but “Yes, Sir” or answer direct questions with the least amount of words in a monotone.

Something shatters, just a little, in Obi Wan’s heart at those responses. He continues to talk to any of the clones,including promises that he will find a way to fix this, but does not ask as many questions. 

The first substantial sign that the chips were wearing out on their own came from Cody. It was late, Obi Wan had not slept in days, had not eaten in even longer. Cody's voice was raspy, and his words were slow, deliberate (if you have ever spoken to someone with mild aphasia, think of that with long pauses between words). He looked right at Obi Wan and said “You…have…not…eaten.”

Obi Wan found himself whipping around so fast he nearly tripped on the pretentious robes he had been forced into to stare at Cody, whose face was twisted into this incredibly focused look. 

“Cody?” Obi Wan asks, breathless. 

“You…need…to…eat” 

Obi Wan takes another step closer, almost close enough to touch “Cody?”

Cody’s jaw tightens,  “We…are..still…here…we…we…we...can…hear…you.”

Then all at once Cody’s face smoothed out again, responding to Obi Wan with a monotonous ‘yes sir’, back under the chips' control.  

It is both better and worse for Obi Wan. He now knows for sure that the clones are in there, but he still does not know how to free them.  His mindset and self care is bad enough that he actually cannot make the connection between what seems to bring members of the 212th forward in spite of the chips (and Cody is only the first, the spark is usually Obi Wan taking particularly bad care of himself, and that definition is variable for each clone-Helix the head medic is almost himself more than he is controlled within a few weeks).

It is a few weeks after this that Rex and Ahsoka finally arrive. They had been found by Yoda, who convinced them that it was safe to return to Coruscant.  Part of the reason they had not believed it before hand was that it was clear that the Clone were still controlled by the chips. 

They are the ones to break the news to Obi Wan that the Kaminoans were wrong (and it was they were wrong, not they were lying, they truly did believe that the chips could not be removed after they had been activated), the chips could be removed. 

Obi Wan takes that news in, asks a few questions on what is needed to remove the chips, then makes arrangements for the medics to have their chips removed (with the idea that they can then supervise the surgery of everyone else-Obi Wan currently has trust issues and cannot think of letting anyone who is not a clone operate on the 212th, in particular). At that point he sits on the floor of the room they were in and has a small breakdown (Disturbing both Rex and Ahsoka, and bringing his current guard, Wooley, to the point of breaking the chip entirely). 

There is still so much to do. Obi Wan still knows that. He still has a duty to keep the Empire together and undo enough damage that it can become a republic again.  He still has to live with the horrific things that Palpatine had recorded (experiments, thoughts, his plans for Anakin) and figure out what to do with Anakin (who is still being held in a medically induced coma). The knife’s edge of the politics he has been balancing on has not grown any easier (in fact Ahsoka and Rex, having internalized Anakin's beliefs more than they realized are going to make it more difficult not less). 

But Obi Wan has hope, hearing that the clones would soon be free. Through he does not make any kind of suggestion or let himself have an opinion on who goes when for choir removing (save that all of the medics needed to go first so they could sort out who was going next), the medics in charge prioritize the 212th, because Obi Wan desperately needs his battalion back. Also because no one is completely sure that they won’t all give themselves brain damage fighting against the chip. 

There are enough medics that Ghost Company is dechipped at the same time, with minimal recovery.  Boil and Wooley immediately take charge, while the others lock Cody and Obi Wan into Obi Wan’s ‘temporary’ apartment (What had been Palpatine’s living space- the senate insisted) opening the door only for to provide food while Obi Wan is made to take an enforced ‘vacation’ or at least a ten day (They accept no criticisms, or questions from the Senate. The first senator to protest was shot with a stunner and told to be glad for it-the others decide that they will accept Wooley and Boil as a substitute Emperor).

Cody cuddling Obi Wan produces the first true sleep he had since Utapau.  Obi Wan sleeps for a full 24 hours.

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #obi wan kenobi #star wars au #fanfiction prompt #codywan #sheev palpatine #bamf obi wan

[501st-rexster]

So, there's just something I can't get out of my head. Something that depresses me to no end. An idea.

After the Battle of Umbara and the 501st reunited with the Commander and their General, Ahsoka finds out what happened to them. Anakin finds out what happened to them.

The two Jedi discover that while Anakin was gone and Ahsoka was flying blissfully ignorant above the planet, their men were being slaughtered, manipulated, used to kill each other.

Ahsoka, who has a sibling relationship with a lot of the clones, who cares about them so much, discovers the atrocities they had to endure.

Anakin, who trusts his men with his life, who would do anything for Rex, discovers he left them in the hands of a murderer.

They discover what the men were forced to do, that Fives and Jesse were nearly executed and their brothers were the ones who were forced to do it, they discover what Rex had to do, the calls he was forced to make.

They discover that their men suddenly have an intense distrust of him. He left them, after all. He left them with the General with more casualties than anyone else.

Ahsoka and Anakin discover that the men are trying to hide their anger, their pain, and they discover the clones all together in the barracks, crying and shuddering.

They discover Rex crying.

They try to comfort them, they try to offer their kindness, but even Rex pushes them away. They could swear they even hear one of the men mutter "I fekking hate Jedi..."

They realize that it's likely the 501st won't entirely be the same. They realize that the men have been through one of the most traumatic events of their lives.

They realize nothing is okay.

#the clone wars #captain rex #ahsoka tano #anakin skywalker #501st battalion #umbara arc #clone trauma is real in the 501st #these boys deserve everything #they deserve BETTER

[wannab-urs]

Outtakes - Long ass fics

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist

Howdy folks!

Here's a list of fics I've read that are either over 100k words or have 20+ chapters.

Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.

Pedro boys currently included are: Din Djarin, Frankie Morales, Javier Peña, Joel Miller, Dave York, Dieter Bravo, Oberyn Martell, Jack Daniels, and Pedro Across the Street + a Din x Joel fic (no reader insert)

updated 3/27/2024

Din Djarin

Starlight by LovelessDagger | 300k

Summary: Nothing ever truly dies. Not the Empire, not the dark, not her. The Mandalorian should know this, and somewhere deep down he does. Whether he cares is a different story. Consequences and the whole of them be damned.

Tags: Assassins & Hitmen, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Blood and Violence, Explicit Language. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Morally Ambiguous Character, OFC, Trauma, Found Family, Betrayal, Secrets, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Filled with existential dread, Sexual Tension, Heavy symbolism, two idiots with family issues form a family, Past Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Angst, Eventual Smut, Clones, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sith, Imperial Inquisitors, Secret Past, No one tells the truth, Metaphorical Addiction

I Only See Daylight by @millersdjarin | 141.6k

Summary: You’ve stayed in one place all this time, knowing that any move to leave could lead them to find you. When a Mandalorian and his child crash land on your home planet, you can't turn them away for help.

Tags: Smut, slow burn, post-canon, trauma, past emotional/physical abuse, relgious trauma, scars, negative self-image, found family, injury, heavy angst, fluff and love

A Fresh Start by @theidiotwhowritesthings | 140k

Summary: When you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child. However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous night, you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community turned out to be exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you fall more and more in love with your new life, but when your past rears its ugly head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant for everyone.

Tags: use of fake name, reader is hiding from a shady past, depressive symptoms, jealousy, pining, angst, hurt/comfort, medical trauma, nightmares, blood, injury, traumatic past, scars, slow burn, shooting training, sick child, fear and panic, canon typical violence, blackmailing, anxiety, self doubt, sexual tension, heavy petting, panic attack, male masturbation, arguing, mentions of alcohol and a bit of binge drinking, angst, people getting drunk, non descriptive torture, murder, fluff, mentions of death, non consensual groping of reader by a stranger, smut, oral f receiving

Stitches by @djarinsbeskar | 190k

Summary: What is a former combat medic to do when an injured Mandalorian stumbles upon her clinic one night on Klatooine?

Tags: Smut, action, fluff, angst, canon-typical violence

Beskar Doll by @justagalwhowrites | 232.4k

Summary: You have a knack for finding trouble, be it in the midst of Galactic Civil War or when trying to live the quiet life after getting out of the game. So when you're stuck fleeing your new home planet after pissing off the wrong people - again - there's only one person willing to take you: the Mandalorian. But after years of fighting faceless men, you're not the trusting type toward someone always wearing a helmet and the Mandalorian quickly suspects there's more to you than he knows.

Tags: Slow Burn, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Canon-Typical Violence, Pre-Canon, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Dry Humping, Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Mando'a Language (Star Wars), Protective Din Djarin, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Din Djarin Removes the Helmet, Past Domestic Violence, Brat Tamer Din Djarin, Vaginal Fingering, Soft Din Djarin, POV Din Djarin, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst, Mandalorian Culture (Star Wars), Mutual Masturbation, Masturbation, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, PIV, Unsafe Sex, Consent King Din Djarin, Din Djarin's Helmet Stays on During Sex, Vaginal Sex, Din Djarin talks you through it, Making Love, Pregnancy

Best Kept Secret by @lincolndjarin | 188k

Summary: Married off to a prince on a planet that you hate? New husband doesn't know you, and doesn't want to know you? New husband gifts you a personal Mandalorian body guard as a wedding present? Mandalorian is a wiseass who won't leave you alone? Lucky you.

Tags: no y/n, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Princess!Reader, Arranged Marriage, bodyguard!din, Smut, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Glove Kink, Light Dom/sub, Switch Din Djarin, Switch Reader, Body Worship, Din Djarin Has a Breeding Kink, Hate Sex, Creampie, Sex Toys, Anal Play, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, eventual pregnancy (right at the end)

Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare | 400k

Summary: Languishing in a dull and lonely existence on the forest moon of Endor after travelling there to help salvage Death Star wreckage, a nearly fatal encounter with a mysterious bounty hunter out in the forest heralds an opportunity to utilise long-forgotten skills and develop something more profound than you ever thought possible.

Tags: Slow Burn, Slow Build, Romance, Love, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Smut, Sex, Sexual Content, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Relationships, Healthy Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Dark Past, Additional Warnings In Author's Notes, Bounty Hunter Din Djarin, Soft Din Djarin, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Din Djarin Needs a Hug, Smart Din Djarin, Soft Dominant Din Djarin, Ewok Species, Mandalorian Culture, Mando'a Language, New Razor Crest, Thoroughly Researched, Worldbuilding, No use of y/n.

A Place of Safety by The_InvisibleWoman (AO3) | 178k

Summary: Persuaded into picking up one last quarry on his way home, an exhausted Mandalorian is in no mood for you, but he slowly begins to think that things are not as they should be. You’ve been on the run for so long and you don’t even know who from, but when you are captured by the bounty hunter, you think it’s all over.

Tags: Smut, slow burn, protective!Din, touch starvation, Din Djarin's point of view, fluff, angst, mutual pining, enemies to friends to lovers, rescue, falling in love, flirting, close proximity, gentle kissing, gentle sex, cuddling, threats of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, self harm, tickling, noncon

Wrest Pin by BalletOrchard (AO3) | 366k

Summary: “I can help you escape the planet,” Mando said sharply, “But I want information in return.” She looked up at him through the small hairs on her face and she whispered, sounding almost lost…As if she didn’t know what else to say… “I have no information.” Something Mando did not believe.

Tags: panic attacks, force sensitive!reader, unprotected PinV sex, smut, mando is a dick, angst, slow burn (romantically), touch starved!din, bickering, arguing, post season 1, fluff, ofc!evangeline, she like doesn’t get off the first time they fuck which i feel like is worth noting, feelings of regret, minor character death (evangeline’s whole fam), follows canon, mando lowkey keeping evangeline against her will but like she’s hiding from the empire so, near death experience(s), the helmet comes off, oral f receiving, blindfolding, shower sex

Somewhere Beautiful by @peetiespetals | 235k

Summary: You have been working as a slave since the demise of your people and destruction of your planet. A stranger passes through your life and you make a bid for freedom, thwarted by the very man who inspired you to reach for it. In a twist of fate, the two of you are thrown together and must learn how to live with each other as the lines between slave and master begin to blur. Can you really tell the difference between duty and devtion?

Tags: smut, fluff and smut, angst, rough sex, bdsm, abandonment, neglect, physical abuse, love stories, shower sex, mutual masturbation, dom/sub undertones, oral sex, shameless smut, praise kink, bondage, biting, slow burn, spanking, orgasm control, orgasm delay/denial, cock warming, master/slave, vaginal fingering, deep throating, breast worship, pussy spanking, ball play, public creampie, edging, anal sex, foot jobs, handcuffs, cock bondage, panties in mouth, aftercare, jealous din djarin, hurt/comfort, overstimulation, strong female characters, hurt no comfort, porn with plot, sexual tension, porn with feelings, canon typical violence, slow romance, fluff and angst, anxiety, manhandling, pov second person, vaginal sex, nipple play, dirty talk, hair pulling

I Think of You by @prolix-yuy | 107k

Summary: A Mandalorian and a woman spend a night together, neither expecting the other to return. But the galaxy works in mysterious ways and many years later, despite a mission and a Creed and the cruelty of their lives, they find each other again and begin a journey of their own.

Tags: graphic smut, drinking, smoking, dirty talk, The Helmet Stays On, safe PiV sex, drinking, suggestive language, canonical-typical violence. mentions of past sexual experiences, angst and yearning, female masturbation, grinding, descriptions of male and female bodies, illness (not graphic), fingering (f receiving), male masturbation, sexy massage, hand kink, mutual masturbation, fingers in mouths, semi-unprotected PiV sex, descriptions of injuries, blood, and medical-ish procedures, allusions to sexual acts, hurt/comfort

Tied by @radiowallet | 26 chapters

Summary: Dr. Din Djarin is the top cardiothoracic surgeon in his field. His work is meticulous, his judgment unquestionable. And then he get’s a new first assist, who couldn’t give two shits about anyone’s reputation.

Tags: Smut, Cursing, Graphic violence, some questionable power dynamics.

Take Me to Church by @frannyzooey | 31 chapters

Summary: Set in a brothel in the late 1800’s in the Wild West, you’ve only been working there for a month when Din Djarin shows up. A bounty hunter who makes stops into town between jobs, he is known at the inn for his generous appetite and demanding preferences. Asking for you one night, he is pleased to learn you are well suited for him: your sweet nature soothing to his gruff temperament and surprising him with your ability to handle his rougher tastes. Demanding that you be made available to him every time he is in town, neither one of you is ready for where this request leads.

Tags: MFF, oral sex (female/male receiving), vaginal sex, dirty talk, mentions of murder, rope play, mutual masturbation, idk man lots of smut

Losing My Religion by @oonajaeadira | 108k

Summary: A Mandalorian comes looking for you with an assignment from an old friend, sending you on a mission and a union that you both need.

Tags: Smut, canon-typical violence, post-season two canon, reader is force sensitive, alternating point of view, angst, fluff, yearning, mind control, injuries, mourning a lost spouse, alcohol, feelings of betrayal, touch starvation, implied masturbation, kissing, bounty hunter kink, grinding and fingering, Mando'a language

A Shade That's New by FallenFern (AO3) | 111k

Summary: After Mando and Grogu part he goes back to bounty hunting. But its not enough. Desperate to feel again Mando accepts a more dangerous line of work. He joins your small crew on a new job, putting you in close proximity wether you like it or not. Wary of anyone, especially Mandalorians, you try to keep him at arms length. After all, anyone and everyone could be an enemy and you were going to treat him like one.Yeah, thats lasts long…

Tags: OFC!Shade, described as smaller than Mando, curly or wavy hair, able bodied, can blush/flush, Alternating 2nd Person POV. Smut, making shit up, not canon, after grogu and AU, emotional pain, plot with porn, enemies to lovers, slow burn, trauma, sexual tension, action and romance, blood and injury, blood kink, the helmet stays on, but it also comes off, blindfold, light bondage, sexual assualt, threats of rape (not by Mando), praise kink, begging, semi public sex, blaster kink, cock warming, daddy mando, oral sex (f and m receiving), smut marathon, I’ll kill anyone that touches you trope, demanding mando, comfort sex, minor character death, betrayal, mando to the rescue, revenge, reunion sex, say my name trope, edge play, rough sex, throat grabbing but not exactly choking

Frankie Morales

Between the Raindrops by Jazzelsaur (AO3) | 148k

Summary: Two lives fall apart, then together. A journey told in parts and pieces. Frankie’s life is coming apart at the seams, when Ellie, a widow facing her own share of struggles, moves in next door. Together they find friendship, healing, and something more.

Tags: Widowed reader, divorced frankie, neighbors to friends to lovers, grief, mourning, angst, masturbation, pining, allusions to sex, eventual smut, slow burn, past drug use, alcohol, infertility, miscarriage mention, ptsd, handjobs, oral sex, smut, food, strained friendships, healing, allusions to verbal abuse, angst with a happy ending, idiots in lovedivorced!Frankie, widow!OC/reader, no one has kids, slow burn with great spicy scenes, smut! with plot

Sex Worker!Frankie AU by @prolix-yuy | 21 chapters

Summary: You’d never thought you’d be sitting on a hotel room bed, phone to your ear as you waited for someone on the other end to pick up. After a messy divorce you wanted something to ease the pain of loneliness. That something just happens to be the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, even if you had to pay for him.

Tags: Sex Worker!Frankie, implied other Triple Frontier Boys!Sex Workers, watch me make up shit about sex work, descriptions of male and female bodies, oral sex (F receiving), like super descriptive oral (there might be over 2500 words dedicated to Frankie’s talents), female masturbation, fingering (f receiving), safe PiV sex, a touch of Feral Frankie, one ass slap, fingers in mouths, some angst and feelings sprinkled in there for flavor.

Frankie Morales Box Set by @frannyzooey | 20 chapters

Summary: A series of one shots in which Frankie Morales shows you just how much he likes movie night.

Tags: oral, PIV, cum eating, hand job, cockwarming, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, thigh riding, dry humping, lots of other shit

Javier Peña

Lie to Me by @iamskyereads | 151.8k

Summary: A recent transfer to the DEA from the FBI makes you a target of hazing from your co-workers. Choosing to forget your bad first day at a bar puts you on a path towards meeting a new acquaintance. An expert on deception and psychological profiling, you are adept at catching liars. What happens when an increasingly stressful work environment begins to test the limits of your personal life and the one man at the center of it all, Javier Peña? Afterall, everybody lies about something. But how many are you keeping from yourself?

Tags: An AU of Season 3 of Narcos.Language, Alcohol/Drinking, Smoking, POV Switches, assholery, office pranks/hazing, hatin on the FBI and the DEA too, but we all hate on the CIA the most, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, thigh grinding, PIV sex, soft Javi, Pining, Sexual Frustration, Use of A Sex Toy, Edging, Oral Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Guns, police raids, Parallel plots to the show, Smut, sloppy blowjobs, Shower Sex, Social Anxiety, Nightmares, Rough Sex, spitting, Semi-Public Sex, Office Sex, Love in an Elevator, death of background characters, kidnapping of background characters, Shootouts, Masturbation, Breeding Kink, discussions of fertility, kink negotiations, Spanking, Brat behavior, Mild D/s vibes, Creampie, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sex in a Church, Unprotected Sex, TacVest!Javi, Orgasm Denial, Angst with a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Sexism, Hospital, scar, accident of background characters, historical classism/sexism/racism, Grief/Mourning, Body Insecurities, Cockwarming, threats of kidnapping reader, light teasing, Flirting

Learning to Live by @wheresarizona | 382k

Summary: While grocery shopping, you happen across a handsome man confused by some produce. Coming to his aid leads to an invitation for drinks, and next thing you know, you’re falling head over heels for Javier Peña—a good man who has trouble believing he is. Sparks fly when you meet and ignite an insatiable need that you both try to fight for the sake of taking things slow; Javi determined to do things right by you. The problem is, the two of you only have so much self-control.

Tags: Post-Colombia and Narcos S3, Story Starts in June 1998.POV Alternating, Soft Javier Peña, Meet-Cute, First Dates, Javier Peña Needs a Hug, Whirlwind Romance, Javier Getting the Love and Happiness He Deserves, Javier Is Stubborn At First, Javier Peña in Love, Javier Being a Consent King, Multiple Orgasms, Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Hand Jobs, Come Eating, Phone Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Vaginal Sex, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Blow Jobs, Edgeplay, Body Worship, Shower Sex, Biting Javis Butt, Deepthroating, Biting, Javier Coming So Hard His Soul Leaves His Body, Spanking, Car Sex, Dry Humping, Public Thigh Riding, Face-Sitting, Dirty Dancing, Post-Sex Smoking, Aftercare, Feelings, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Dancing, Protective Javier Peña, Jealous Javier Peña, Getting Tipsy With Javier, Javier In Grey Sweatpants, Alcohol, Small Towns, Food, Road Trips, Post-Canon, Face-Fucking, Breeding, Rimming, Anal Play, Romantic Comedy, Cockwarming, Grief/Mourning, past relationship trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Horseback Riding, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Arguing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Sexism, Canon Typical Drug Talk, Nude Photos, Overstimulation, Dysfunctional Family

Just Dumb Enough to Try by @whatsnewalycat | 108k

Summary: In 1993, you met Javier Peña in San Antonio. You made an emotional and physical connection with him. Now it’s 1998 and you’re starting a new chapter of life in Laredo with your fiancé. And who else walks back into the picture, but the man who left you high and dry five years ago.

Tags: alcohol use, Binge Drinking, Swearing, Recreational Drug Use, Cigarettes, Voyeurism, Smut, Bisexual main character, Touch-Starved, Female Masturbation, Vaginal Sex, Unprotected Sex, Dirty Talk, Teasing, Flirting, Mutual Pining, Cheating, Infidelity, Sexual Tension, Attempt at Humor, Soft Javier Peña, Movie Nerd Shit, use of daddy in a sexual context, Vulnerable Javier Peña, Angst and Feels, Family Issues, Mostly Post Season 3, Existential Crisis, Banter, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, friends to lovers to friends to lovers, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Humor, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, No beta idk I just got here, Fluff and Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Impact Play, Pain Kink, Domestic Violence, Praise Kink, Unplanned Pregnancy, Breeding Kink, Blood and Violence, Mild Gore, Kidnapping

Joel Miller

Feelings on Fire by @joelscruff | 110k

Summary: Back from school for the summer and staying with your devout Catholic parents, you ask Joel Miller to teach you guitar as an act of rebellion. Turns out, there's a lot more that he wants to teach you too...

Tags: Smut, age gap (reader is in her 20s, Joel is in his mid 50s), inexperienced/virgin reader, loss of virginity, corruption, mentions of religion/Catholicism, praise kink, pet names (babygirl, sweetheart, darling), dirty talk, masturbation, unprotected penetrative vaginal sex, creampies, cumplay, oral sex (female and male receiving), exhibitionism, size kink

Lavender by @justagalwhowrites | 253k

Summary: You're a college student in Austin, Texas, who gets a summer job nannying Sarah Miller. It's not long before her dad sees you as more than a babysitter - or more than a friend. But life - and an apocalypse - have other plans.

Tags: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Pre-Canon, Friends to Lovers, Protective Joel, Parent Joel, Joel is Bad at Feelings, Soft Joel, Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Loss of Virginity, Miscarriage, Sexual Coercion

Closer by @beardedjoel | 193k

Summary: you are staying with your parents, helping them move into their new house in austin. what happens when joel miller, the attractive neighbor you've been eyeing obsessively starts to show you some much wanted attention?

Tags: smut, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), porn with some plot, inexperienced reader, soft!dom joel, boyfriend! joel, possessive! joel, mutual masturbation, rough sex, spanking, creampie, unprotected piv, oral (m + f receiving), dirty talk, overstimulation kink, praise kink, so many pet names it’s not even funny, consensual somnophilia, cockwarming

Yearling by @justagalwhowrites | 186k (as of ch 27)

Summary: After years of surviving in the wilds of Wyoming after the cordyceps outbreak, you find yourself in Jackson. It's a town filled with friendly faces and the kind of world you hardly remember, let alone can connect with or understand. But one man - Joel Miller, another loner, like you - makes you think that trying to find your place in society again might be worth it.

Tags: Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Joel, Parent Joel, Angst, Soft Joel, Smut, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Past Sexual Abuse, Friends to Lovers

Hot and Heavy by @tieronecrush | 130k

Summary: Over the course of three summers, Joel Miller has become woven into the fabric of your life. You nanny his daughter, sneaking around in an illicit love affair. You keep coming home, and he keeps coming back to you. The last summer, you're home with no plans of leaving—and Joel seeks you out again. What chances do you have?

Tags: Neighbor!Joel, age gap, canon-divergence, no outbreak, alcohol consumption, mentions of food, pet names (sweetheart), familial and self pressure, reader is in college, nanny!reader, smut

Dave York

Notes on Tutoring by @honestly-shite | 189.9k

Summary: Mr. York becomes your new classical guitar tutor in your final year at music college. A dark, mysterious man, you struggle to get a read on him but that doesn’t stop you from finding many ways to push his buttons.

Tags: Smut, alternate universe, music college, age gap, teacher/student relationship, slow burn, PiV sex, power dynamics, angst, pining, alcohol and drinking

Dieter Bravo

Recovery Road by @chronically-ghosted | 108k

Summary: Dieter Bravo is on his last chance. Six months out of a two year stint in rehab, his marriage on the rocks, and his starlight fading, he reunites with an old director friend on a project that might save his career and his personal life in a single go. Enter Natalie Lorraine, his new enigmatic co-star. Together, they go on to lead a film that comes to define a generation – and are both mysteriously absent the night the film receives an Oscar for Best Picture. Their reasons for missing such a landmark event are their own.

Tags: Smut, age gap (Dieter is 35, reader is 22), drug usage, alcohol, smoking, infidelity, discussions of addiction and withdrawal, toxic relationships, masturbation, pining, angst, anxiety and anxiety attacks, mental illness, bad coping mechanisms, named reader, descriptions of reader's hair, bi!Dieter

Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat | 132.7k

Summary: You’ve recently taken on the customer-facing responsibilities of the small-scale cannabis bakery you and your late husband ran out of your apartment, which introduces you to occasional customer, Dieter Bravo. A friendship is sparked when you realize you have something in common: you’ve both died. What Dieter doesn’t tell you about his near-death experience, though, is that it foretold his life with you.

Tags: Smut (including - alternating power dynamics, consensual unprotected sex, penetrative vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex), gried, alternating point of view, physical descriptions of OFC (including - tattoos, scars, being lifted by Dieter), drug use (including - smoking cannabis and consuming edibles, dropping acid, drinking alcohol, cocaine and morphine use), substance abuse, addiction, fame & paparazzi, canon divergent, suicidal thoughts and planning, divorce, near-death experiences, Bi4Bi romance, supernatural elements, ghosts and psychomanteums, spirituality, drag performance, long-distance relationship, friends to lovers dynamic, OFC is infertile, familial and relationship trauma - please refer to chapters for all warnings.

For the Love of Horror by @coulsons-fullmetal-cellist | 80 chapters

Summary: Dieter meets and falls in love with someone who absolutely loves horror films. The problem is, he's a big scaredy cat!

Tags: loose fit series, series of one shots and drabbles, tags on each chapter

Oberyn Martell

In Name Only by @forever-rogue | 21 chapters

Summary: Reader, the only daughter of late Lord and Lady Beesbury, is sent off to be married to Prince Oberyn Martell. After having been parted from her first love by her horrid mother, she refuses to marry a man she does not know or love and be pushed into a life of misery. But after threat of being cut off from everything she knew and loved, she finds herself leaving her home in Honeyholt and arriving in Sunspear, married to the Prince. Being the charming and kind Prince he is, Oberyn promises her that it does not have to be a true marriage, it can be a marriage in name only. Little does the newly anointed Lady Martell know, that being married to the Prince is so much more than she bargained for.

Tags: Smut, language, fluff, kissing, period-typical misogyny, angst, sensual touching, mentions of violence and injury, discussions of pregnancy, mentions of death

Jack "Whiskey" Daniels

Down the Rabbit-Hole by @absurdthirst, @wardenparker | 208k

Summary: When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.

Tags: mentions of deceased spouse, a lot of food and alcohol consumption, family recipes, age gap, cursing, Canon typical violence, Death, gun use, angst, Jack has a temper and Tequila has a dumb first name, Making Out, a bit of groping, heavy flirting, sexy shower time, a whole truck load of anger, Fisticuffs, a bunch of angry people being upset with each other, Kidnapping, Torture, burning victim with cigarettes, Broken Bones, a whole lot of gun pointing and talk about murder, medicine by injection, oral sex (f and m receiving), Outdoor Sex, Public Sex, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex, Cream Pie, Cum Play, Anxiety, Accidental Hurt, panic attack (symptoms based on my own personal experiences), intrusive/racing thoughts, physical symptoms of anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Guilt, Possible Unwanted Pregnancy, Lies, Nausea/Illness, Talk of Abortion, canon typical injuries, Family Planning, Mentions of Sex Toys, Lingerie, Spanking, rough sex, Flirty and somewhat explicit banter, Pregnancy, Discussion of symptoms, Mood Swings, cemetery/deceased loved ones, speaking to deceased loved ones

Pedro Across The Street (Calls)

Good. Things. Take. Time. by @oonajaeadira | 22 chapters

Summary: PATS is a massage therapist with special services. Or so he claims. He gives you a three-hour session you’re both going to enjoy.

Tags: Explicit marathon wall to wall smut, masseuse!PATS, sex worker!PATS.

Din Djarin x Joel Miller

Cosmic Oddities by fromthewhales (AO3) | 106k

Summary: Turning a clan of two into a clan of four and asking the very important, albeit unhinged question: What if space dad and apocalypse dad were Weird About Each Other?

Tags: parental bonding, parallels, angst, everyone has issues, everyone needs a hug, touch starved din djarin, injuries, strangers to ??? to lovers, smashing the space western and the zombie western together like 2 ken dolls, trauma, crack-fic adjacent at times, hurt/comfort, soft not super explicit smut, self harm, found family, din djarin eventually removes the helmet, blindfold, long distance relationship, survivors guilt, angst with a happy ending, non sexual intimacy, it gets worse before it gets better, alcohol mention, game II canon divergent — but boy does it come close, canon typical violence, minor character death, major character injury, bi!din djarin, bi!joel miller

Various

The Infinity Cube by @littlemisspascal | 20 chapters

Summary: When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?

Tags: language, fluff, angst

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction #ppcu fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #the spreadsheet outtakes #outtakes

[soupthatistohot]

Soukoku is a bit fucked up... but that's why they work

Dazai and Chuuya do not have a normal relationship, however you want to define that (platonic or romantic). Without the context of their backgrounds, it reads as like... really fucked up. And that's true, to an extent, but to eliminate their circumstances is to do them a great disservice, in my opinion

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that I'm fully cognisant of the fact that skk were not written to be a romantic pairing— Asagiri simply does not intend for them to be perceived as such. That being said, this does not mean that audience interpretations of a media are invalid. I ship skk, and as such this analysis may include my romantic interpretations of them as a pair and i acknowledge this bias at the same time that I acknowledge the validity of my interpretation.

Let's look at Chuuya's background first. He has little to no memory of his life prior to 7 years old, when he was separated from his family and treated as a government experiment. After his escape, he was an orphan on the streets taken in by a group of fellow orphans. He quickly rose to be the leader and protector of this group, who would eventually literally stab him in the back when he was manipulated into working with and eventually joining the Port Mafia. He spent his teen years with a suicidal maniac as a partner, watched countless friends and a clone of himself die, and found out a literal god was living in him, forcing him to question his humanity.

Dazai's past is much less clear. We don't know what his family was like, but we know that Mori recruited him after discovering him after a suicide attempt and began grooming him as the Demon Prodigy. He was forced to be an accomplice to a murder, and was constantly manipulated by and possibly physically abused by Mori. He was known for his coldness and was feared by many as a monster for the majority of his teenage years, and was expected to eventually become the boss of the Port Mafia through assassinating Mori, which the latter was paranoid about. Finally, one of his best friends betrayed him and the other died in his arms when he was eighteen years old, something plotted out by Mori, which resulted in his defection from the organization.

As teens, skk had a weird relationship (and that's putting it lightly). There was a certain level of contempt they held for one another. Chuuya resented Dazai's pessimism and lack of regard for others, and Dazai resented Chuuya's emotional and aggressive nature. Yet, they both had a deep understanding of one another that no one else really seemed to have at the time. They recognized one another as human when the individual himself did not. They had full faith and trust in each other, not allowing each other to die despite their disdain. It was complicated, and it wasn't quite healthy... but it was pretty damn good considering they were traumatized children in the Port Mafia.

There's a certain level of abusive behavior between them as teens, and I won't ignore that. Dazai played a large part in manipulating Chuuya into entering the mafia, and Chuuya insulted Dazai's suicidal and depressive nature a lot. Dazai found pleasure in causing Chuuya pain, both physically and emotionally. Chuuya literally has a list of torture techniques to use against Dazai. This is why I often stray from portraying an established romantic relationship at this point in their lives. I don't think they understood who they were fully yet, and sometimes projected their issues onto each other. Even if they were in love at that time, neither of them would have been ready for that type of commitment. I also just think they were too emotionally constipated to get to that point, anyway.

Something that I do love about their relationship as teens, though, is how they let each other be kids. Their bickering and arguments were childish and dumb, but that's the closest thing they had at the time to being normal teenagers. Amongst all the doom and gloom that surrounded them in the mafia, they knew that they could always go to each other and have a mindless argument or competition. In a way, this is how they reclaimed their stolen childhoods.

We see this when they're adults, too. In their first encounter in four years they tease each other about the same things as before, slipping right back into their childish banter. It's silly and immature, but that's how they operate. They allow each other to have that, and I really love this aspect of their relationship.

I think there's something to be said for how their time apart was good for them. Dazai is most clearly in a better place than before. Sure, he's masking a lot of the time, and he's still clearly suicidal, but I think the work he does with the agency is more fulfilling than at the mafia. He has more of a purpose, even if it's just to stay true to his promise to Oda (though I do believe it's more than that now). At his core, he's still a suicidal pessimist who finds humanity utterly disgusting and doesn't quite consider himself to be human, but I think there's a level of contentment of what he's doing with his life.

It's less obvious how Chuuya has changed, but I think that he has. He exhibits more self-confidence and maturity than in his teen years. He's more capable and well-rounded as an executive, and it's a personal headcanon of mine that in Dazai's absence, he was forced to pick up some of his skills of perceptibility and deduction. I think he is in a better place than before, as well, especially because he was able to establish himself independent of Double Black. He has also settled within Port Mafia, recognizing them as his family, which means he, too, is likely more content.

So as adults, they display less of the abusive behaviors than they did previously. Of course, there's still a certain level to which they're abnormal. Their jokes and quips about one another are sometimes quite dark, and there's a certain level to which Dazai still exhibits power over him when it comes to deciding to use Corruption. But that trust is still there, despite their time apart, and so too is that understanding of each other. They're not perfect by any means, but given their traumatic upbringings... they're kind of perfect for each other.

There is the fact that they want to kill each other. I'll admit that I struggle to explain this aspect, but I'll try my best, because I think it's not as bad as it sounds. I just think it makes sense for them. They're both sorta unkillable, so this aspect of their rivalry denotes a certain respect for each other. It's also a matter of likely knowing that they actually won't ever kill each other (and no, this isn't me being in denial about ch. 101, I fully believe that Chuuya is not dead, there is no way he's going out like that). This is one of the more complex aspects of their relationship, but when you add it to everything else we know about them, it just sorta works. I mean... thinking of ways to kill your partner for 7 years? That's kinda gay.

At the end of the day, skk keep each other in check and allow each other to have fun. They trust, know and respect each other, and though they claim to hate each other, I really don't think this is true. It's much more than that. They're rivals, they're partners, they're soulmates! And honestly, that's what makes them so goddamn interesting.

#skk #soukoku #dazai x chuuya #chuuya x dazai #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #character analysis #relationship analysis #soup rants #fellas is it gay to be thinking of ways to kill your partner for 7 years?

[goodwhump-temp]

William Riker Whump | Star Trek: The Next Generation

His rizz is too good for his own good

SEASON 1 1x01 Encounter at Farpoint pt2 - Briefly unconscious, evaporated 1x02 The Naked Now - Knees buckle, becoming infected with the silly virus 1x04 The Last Outpost - Stunned, electrocuted unconscious, punched, threatened 1x06 Lonely AMONGUS - Betrayed, stunned/blinded 1x08 The Battle - Worried for Picard 1x09 Hide and Q - Forced to play Qs game, tempted, makes Picard worry 1x14 11001001 - Seduced/distracted, heartbroken 1x18 Coming of Age - Interrogated 1x20 The Arsenal of Freedom - Trapped in stasis, weak 1x21 Symbiosis - Electrocuted hostage, collapses 1x22 The Skin of Evil - Dragged, drowning 1x24 Conspiracy - Restrained, pain, pushed, kicked to the ground, punched multiple times, falls on glass table, unconscious, held, mind controlled, nerve pinched

SEASON 2 2x02 Where Silence Has Lease - Being hunted, trapped, aggravated 2x08 A Matter of Honor - Bullied by Klingon crewmates, bitch slapped/trips 2x12 The Royale - Trapped 2x13 Time Squared - Talks about depressing childhood 2x14 The Icarus Factor - Sees dad for the first time in 15 years, depressed, avoiding, fighting his dad, knocked down multiple times 2x18 Up the Long Ladder - Injected, memory loss, missing cells, cloned 2x21 Peak Performance - Badass, battle simulation turned into a real attack 2x22 Shades of Gray - Calf punctured, nervous system being attacked, passes out, brain stabbed/stimulated, induced sadness and pain (all in one whump episode)

SEASON 3 3x01 Evolution - Inhales toxic nitrogen oxide 3x03 The Survivors - Caught in a trap, hanging upside-down 3x09 The Vengeance Factor - Rizzler, heartbroken/sad 3x14 A Matter of Perspective - Thought dead, acting strange, arrested, guilty until proved innocent, punched multiple times 3x16 The Offspring - Sexually harassed/flustered 3x17 Sins of the Father - Confrontation, annoyed 3x18 Allegiance - Worried, confrontation, gaslighted 3x20 Tin Man - Annoyed 3x21 Hollow Pursuits - Confronts Mad Murdock (🤓), choked, feels insulted 3x23 Sarek - Punched, intense argument 3x24 Menage a Troi - Captured, unconscious, imprisoned, held at gunpoint 3x26 The Best of Both Worlds pt.1 - Annoyed (same), undermined/insulted, knocked down, unconscious

SEASON 4 4x01 The Best of Both Worlds Pt.2 - Sad the whole episode 4x03 Brothers - Trapped 4x08 Future Imperfect - Inhaling toxic fumes, coughing/choking, passes out, wakes from coma, aggravated, captured, imprisoned 4x10 The Loss - Worried 4x14 Clues - Stunned unconscious twice 4x15 First Contact - Hospitalized, severely injured, unconscious, punched multiple times/beaten unconscious, internal bleeding, injected dangerous drugs, weak, forced to kill, passes out, dying 4x17 Night Terrors - Aggravated, paranoid, tired/insomnia, scary hallucination 4x23 The Host - Shuttle shot at, awake during symbiote implantation surgery, erratic vital signs/blood pressure, slowly passing out, dizzy/stumbles/caught, weak, lightheaded, overwhelming pain, symbiote being rejected, sickness/pain worsening, collapses

SEASON 5 5x04 Silicon Avatar - Caught in storm, watches friend die, glum 5x06 The Game - Mind controlled 5x10 New Ground - Smoke inhalation, coughing 5x12 Violations - Paralyzed, traumatic flashback, passes out, noticed missing, comatose 5x14 Conundrum - Amnesia/identity erased, rizzler at maximum potential 5x15 Power Play - Shuttle crash landed, struck by lightning, unconscious, pain, broken arm, punched, shot/stunned 5x16 Ethics - Emotional 5x17 The Outcast - RIZZ ALL DAY ALL NIGHT BROTHER, emotional, brutally heartbroken 5x18 Cause and Effect - Falls to the ground, dies multiple times 5x20 Cost of Living - Life support failing, difficulty breathing, sweating profusely, passes out 5x21 The Perfect Mate - Rizz noticed, victim of rizz 5x24 The Next Phase - Thinks friends are dead 5x25 The Inner Light - Worried

SEASON 6 6x01 Time's Arrow Pt.2 - Worried 6x03 Man of the people - Forced on, scratched/pain, bleeding, worried 6x05 Schisms - Insomnia, agitated, dazed, felt trapped, abducted, restrained 6x07 Rascals - Held at fazerpoint, held hostage, threatened 6x09 The Quality of Life - Beard insulted 6x10 Chain of Command, Pt.1 - Stressed 6x11 Chain of Command, Pt.2 - Angry, confronts commanding officer twice 6x15 Tapestry - Forehead laceration 6x18 Starship Mine - Hostage, punched to the ground, almost passes out, mouth and nose bleeding, knocked out from loud noise 6x19 Lessons - Weak 6x21 Frame of Mind - Forehead sliced, (some of these are repeated multiple times), shaking, anxious, reoccuring head pain, paranoid, hallucinating, memory loss, stitutionalized, injection, increasingly agitated, intense stress/fatigue, scared, captured, parietal lobe damaged, 'neuroshock,' reoccuring bleeding, 'shoots' himself, surgery 6x24 Second Chances - Nervous, copied, twin heartbroken, hanging 6x25 Timescape - Clawed forehead, knocked down, frozen 6x26 Descent - Shot at

SEASON 7 7x03 Interface - Talks about mothers death 7x04 Gambit Pt.1 - Close friend dies, denial/avoidant, angry, emotional pain, physically aggressive, knocked down, captured, nervous system painfully electrocuted multiple times, slapped, kicked 7x05 Gambit Pt.2 - Shot unconscious, presumed dead 7x06 Phantasms - Tube sticking out of head (datas nightmare), attacked, infected 7x12 The Pegasus - Worsening guilt, stressed, broken rib, badly bruised, past revealed, confronted, part of large conspiracy, job threatened, confrontation, arrested 7x15 Lower Decks - Tired 7x18 Eye of the Beholder - Watches somebody die, guilt 7x19 Genesis - Spikes stabbed on his back, pain, worsening memory loss, transformed to beast, agitated, shot unconscious 7x24 Preemptive Strike - Held at fazerpoint, betrayed

#star trek #star trek whump #star trek the next generation #star trek tng #star trek tng whump #star trek the next generation whump #william riker #whump #emotional whump #whump list #whumplist #jonathan frakes #jonathan frakes whump #william riker whump

[destinygoldenstar]

As a kid watching Ninjago, I was just interested in the flashy powers, and the heroics of the main characters, like any kid would. Like, 'Aw these guys are so heroic and selfless and awesome'

But now as an adult, when I recommended my GF the show, I specifically said "This is Family Issues: The Lego Cartoon"

Honestly, Jay likes to complain and hide his upbringing, but he's probably the ONLY ninja with any resemblance of a normal happy childhood and backstory. He has two loving parents who supported him, and was an aspiring inventor.

You could argue Fritz Donegan rectified it, but Jay didn't know this, so how would this affect how is childhood turned out?

At worst, he was dirt poor, living in a junkyard and all, but compared to what the rest of his team went through, I think they'd WANT what Jay had.

Nah, instead most of Jay's trauma and emotional baggage is in the present.

And who else do we have?

We have a robot who didn't even know he was a robot, or had any idea of his identity or memory, so much so that he was just... wandering around the land with amnesia. (Then, you know, everyone thought he was weird)

We have Cole, who grew up in a harsh family background where his dad forced/pressured his kid to be a musician, and canonically suffered depression and bad violence habits after the loss of his mother/during her illness. (Idk about those other Royal Blacksmiths if they are in the family or not, but either way they didn't seem supportive)

Kai and Nya's parents up and vanished from their lives at ages five and three, and they had to raise each other all by themselves with just a blacksmith shop. Basically means they were forced to end their childhoods right there, especially Kai, because older sibling. And there's no indication they had any friends or anyone to help them in their town, at most there was that one lady that they hated, so... ouch.

And... Lloyd.

Just Lloyd.

Half of the show is just Lloyd suffering.

Born as the son of a man forced into an evil oni maniac, said father ditched his entire family.

Mom decided it was a good idea to abandon her kid in a boarding school about villainy. (That's like, the ONE thing I genuinely think the movie did better than the show.)

And that school heavily bullied Lloyd and even exiled him, forcing him on the streets, basically

Everyone hates him and doesn't help him (until Pythor)

Gets tricked by Pythor

Gets kidnapped by Serphantine

Nearly dies in lava

Is given a destiny as the savior of all of Ninjago where he's forced to be on opposite sides of his father, and part of said destiny involves him needing to kill him

AGAINST HIS WILL MIND YOU

Was LITERALLY forced to give up his childhood for this destiny

Was tortured by the Overlord for his golden power

Ice Ninja died

He got his father back, and then he died.

Was possessed by an evil ghost tyrant and was forced to do horrible stuff with no control over himself

Was also physically strained to his limit with that possession

Lost his uncle

Fell in love, and then said crush turns out to be a twist villain who wants to TORTURE him, resurrect his father and steal that fatherly love from him, and have said father try to KILL HIM

Which he was very close to succeeding at

Has to live in hiding for a week thinking all his friends are dead

Twist villain crush dies in a building collapse

That traumatizes him and haunts his trust and empathy towards people for A LONG TIME

Gets cubed in a video game (idk if that counts as trauma)

He's also a dragon oni hybrid, and his oni hide haunts his mind for his entire life, and is terrified to even think of a part of himself

Merge. For weeks he thought all his friends were dead. (Again)

And you know, physical beatdowns from being the Green Ninja, one of the most responsible jobs as the savior of all of Ninjago.

And that is not even everything, I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I didn't mention.

This poor, poor Emo Child.

If this wasn't a Lego show, this would have a Clone Wars tone, I'm convinced.

So yeah, 'Family Issues: The cartoon'.

At least they all have each other. They're a happy found family, and the light in each other's lives. They're here for each other. Their dynamics are precious to me.

#ninjago #childhood trauma #found family #family issues #ninjago lloyd #ninjago kai #ninjago nya #ninjago cole #ninjago zane #ninjago jay #lloyd garmadon #kai jiang #kai smith #jiang kai smith #nya jiang #nya smith #jiang nya smith #cole brookstone #zane julien #jay walker

[flower-boi16]

The Duality of Luz and Hunter's Mental States in Thanks to Them

Hollow Mind is a pretty big turning point for both Luz and Hunter's characters, as they are both faced with traumatizing revelations that follow them for the rest of the series. But something that I find interesting is how both characters go in exact opposite directions in terms of their mental health after Hollow Mind.

It's no secret that, prior to Hollow Mind, Hunter was stuck in an abusive environment, never being able to make any friends or have much of a social life due to being isolated from kids his age by Belos as a way to keep Hunter close to him, so Belos could keep on manipulated and lying to Hunter, making him think he's doing the right thing.

In Hollow Mind, Hunter is faced with the truth that, Belos, the person he looked up to his whole life, was secretly a terrible person who was just using him all along, an never truly cared for him, that he's only just a clone intended to be a "better" version of his brother, Caleb, one that wouldn't betray Belos and stay loyal to him. Oh, and that he also cloned and killed his own brother over and over again. Hunter is obviously traumatized by this, having his whole worldview flip on his head and having to come to terms with the fact that his whole life and everything he knew was a lie.

But...after this, Hunter's well-being and mental health actually change for the better. Obviously, he's still traumatized by these revelations, but he's also now officially out of the abusive environment that he was stuck in for his whole life, now surrounded by people who support him fully. He has real friends now that he can rely on too now, no longer being isolated for his whole life.

And, while he hasn't fully healed from his trauma, and still has to keep his secret about being a grimwalker, Thanks to Them shows him healing from it due to being in a much more supportive environment. He's allowed to actually...be a kid for once, obsessing over sci-fi books with Gus and having fun with his friends during the summer. Thanks to Them shows that Hunter, while still traumatized and not fully healed, is on a road to recovery due to him escaping the abusive environment he was trapped in for years.

Luz, meanwhile, is the exact opposite. Luz's was doing well mentally up until Hollow Mind, where, she's faced with her traumatizing revelation that she helped Belos meet the collector, meaning she had some part in Belos' plan for the day of unity. After being hit with this, Luz's mental health slowly begins to go on a downward spiral, as she blames herself for the day of unity happening, believing it's her fault due to helping Belos. It begins her depression arc where she falls into a pit of self-loathing.

Her mental health only gets worse from this point onward, as in King's Tide, Luz fails to save the Boiling Isles and is separated from King and Eda, not knowing if they are even alive or not while there's god child running around causing chaos.

Thanks to Them shows Luz at her lowest point. She's now completely gone into a depressive state, no longer being the happy-go-lucky, bubbly Luz she was before. She still feels immense guilt over helping Belos and her self-loathing only seems to have gotten worse. She thinks that she'll lose all of her friends if she tells them what she did, believing that they'll never forgive her, showing how much guilt Luz feels over helping Belos and how much she believes it's her fault.

Luz even thinks that, throughout her whole time in the demon realm, she did nothing but make mistakes that ended up hurting others she cared about, and that her friends are all better off without her because she thinks she does nothing except make things worse for the people around her. The episode even goes as far as to give Luz flat out suicidal thoughts, as she says that it would be better if she never existed at all.

Thanks to Them shows Luz and Hunter's contrasting mental states after Hollow Mind, one closing off and becoming more depressed while the other gets in a more supportive environment and is healing from his trauma.

Just an interesting thing I noticed.

#luz noceda #toh hunter #toh analysis #toh #the owl house

[thunderstorm-skald]

back on my star wars bullshit and agnes by glass animals is such an obi-wan (and dare i say obikin?) coded song

"agnes just stop and think a minute" "go back to the very beginning" is all obi-wan talking to anakin and their time not only in the jedi order but their turbulent origins before becoming padawans

"that nervous breath you try to hide" both anakin's Fall and obi-wan's struggle in living up to qui-gon's legacy and the expectations the two of them carry

"i want to hold you like you're mine" there is no attachment, there is the force

"a genius of love and loneliness" this is both of them, anakin struggling with the restrictions of the jedi, and obi-wan struggling with trying to be the perfect jedi

"this time you pulled the fucking trigger" "so low you keep getting high" screaming. again, both anakin's Fall and the trauma of the clone wars, trying to find the good in what is objectively an incredibly fucked up situation

"where went that cheeky friend of mine" oh sweet obi-wan, he's gone, he's gone and Fallen and you're a horrible traumatized depressed desert womprat

"guess life is long when soaked in sadness on borrowed time" again, the clone wars, but even more so, obi-wan living on tattooine just for the hope of trying to hide luke, and anakin in the clutches of sidious, all the while imprisoned not only by the dark side but his armor that even as it keeps him alive is causing him pain. their only choices are killed or be killed, and they both know what (or who) will be their downfall

"to be reborn" we all saw obi-wan's death and anakin's redemption. there is no death, there is the Force

"you're gone but you're on my mind, i'm lost but i don't know why" yes the losses of the clone wars and what parts of themselves they had to give up to become generals, and then the fact that obi-wan had to give up everything that was himself to go into hiding and the fact that anakin had to give up everything that was himself to become the slave he was to the emperor. and yet they were eachother's downfalls. obi-wan because he couldn't and wouldn't kill anakin, even as vader, and anakin because despite everything, he killed the emperor for his son. for a glimpse of the Light

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #glass animals #personal #obikin #fuckkkkk #star wars meta #obikin meta #fan theory #someone make this a fanvid #anakin skywalker #obi wan and anakin #obi wan x anakin

[equarretedddd]

oh shit im so obsessed here’s some more clone high night thoughts

at the very beginning, I didn't really like the new clones, but now I feel that they have become much more interesting to me than the old characters from the first season. especially strongly in the new characters, I like how the experience of their existence as clones is reflected through them and how they experience it morally.

as I remember, the old characters were and still are pretty indifferent to their DNA. they behave just the way they behave and they don't much care about their origins as clones of the greatest people. they allow themselves to behave like ordinary teenagers and not feel any excitement for their origin.

despite the fact that Frida and Confucius are also quite indifferent to their DNA, among the new characters, as I think, there are quite bright ones in terms of a special attitude to their ancestry — Harriet and Topher. they are both completely opposite to each other in this regard, but they are equally concerned about the fact of involvement in their clone parents.

Harriet, as a clone of the abolitionist mother and a fighter for rights, is extremely worried and dependent on her ancestry. she considers herself obliged to completely and perfectly follow the same life path as her mother and goes crazy if something in her actions does not correspond to this. she is afraid of disappointing others and herself, she is mired in her proper routine and this is very exhausting for her.

Topher is absolutely the opposite in his attitude — he tries not to MATCH his father as much as possible and not to be like him. he is very little shown as a character who does NOT try to annoy and troll others, so my words may be too fanon, like….im trying to create a tragic character out of a comical idiot dude ok fine.

he probably knows that Columbus is despised for his misdeeds and terrible cruelty. Topher is terribly traumatized by the realization that he has even an indirect relation to this. Topher hates his existence as a clone of Columbus and tries to be a completely different person so much that he probably feels disgusted if his name is pronounced completely as Christopher, preferring instead to respond to an shortless version that at least does not connect him with his father directly. Topher is not interested in anything and does not have any hobbies — perhaps he has so renounced himself from his origin that in search of other interests he completely lost himself and stopped understanding what he is. he was mired in a crisis of personality and depression and forgot himself in his outcastness and renunciation of society (damn why i feel sorry for him…. well i kinda love him okay)

#clone high #clone high reboot #clone high season 2 #clone high topher bus #clone high topher #topher bus #clone high harriet tubman #harriet tubman #how to stop prescribing dramatic moments to silly characters and feeling sorry for them because of it idk

[din-djarins-riduur]

The Bad Batch Episode III : Solitary Clone & Republic Commando Parallels

*Spoilers for the books*

—————————————————

I really loved this episode, not only because it revolves around Crosshair, but because it parallels so much with the clone trooper Darman from The Republic Commando Series.

First, not only was this memorial striking and also a replica of the Vietnam War Memorial, but for those who read the RP books, this can also be a homage to the Mandalorian tradition of saying a dead loved one’s name every day in order to keep their existence alive even after death. In the books, Darman does this for two brothers that he had accidentally killed in self defense. It tortured him, but he knew saying their names everyday was the right thing to do. There is also a scene in the books where Walon Vau and Kal Skirata say the names of every dead trooper that they had trained. If I remember correctly, the list takes them about two hours to say, but for Mandalorians it is worth it.

Now, I can’t say this was the creators’ intention when designing this memorial, but the mood and the list of names that go on and on really reminded me of that.

Next, I wanted to talk about the similarities between Crosshair and Cody and that of Darman and Niner. In the books, Darman wants to stay with the Empire and kill every Jedi that he can in order to avenge his dead wife. This scares Niner and without needed time, Niner quickly realizes that the Empire is not what it seems. Like Niner, Cody also sees the true intent of the Empire and wants to go AWOL.

In the RP series, Niner and Darman even attempt to escape Coruscant, but right before they can board the ship, Darman chooses to stay, believing that his duty is to rid the galaxy of all remaining Jedi. Like Darman, Crosshair also feels compelled to stay, feeling that his only purpose in life is to finish his missions and prove himself to his superiors.

Also the freaking depression that both Crosshair and Darman go through literally rips at my heart. When I was reading the books, I felt so devastated for Darman. The poor man literally watched his wife die right in front of him and he was so traumatized by it that he would mentally tell himself that it didn’t happen to him but to someone else. He would act like a completely different person, referring to himself in his mind as “Not-Darman” all while wanting to die, unable to stand the thought of living his life without Etain. He even forgets that he has a son for while, knowing that if he acknowledged the fact that it would only cause him more pain because it reminded him of the life that got ripped out of his hands.

Like Darman, Crosshair is also going through depression. He looks as if he barely sleeps, stares up at the ceiling, mind racing with thought and reflection. His room is dark and small. He eats his meals alone, but chooses to sit with others because subconsciously he’s desperate for brotherhood. He feels as through everything has been ripped from him and therefore acts like a complete shell of himself to try and get rid of his feelings of regret, anger, and betrayal.

The truth is though, is that neither Darman or Crosshair are able to fool themselves. Eventually, they realize what has happened to them and soon enough start to doubt the Empire that they’re serving and the meanings of their lives.

In the RC books, this revelation comes to Darman when a squad brother of his shoots himself in the bathroom. The suicide shocks him so much that he starts to realize that he can’t continue life the way he had been. And for Crosshair, his revelation comes from Cody’s words, being told that unlike the droids, they’re able to think and make choices, and as consequence have to live with said choices.

Anyways, that’s what I was thinking and feeling while watching this episode and I hope that for the fans of The Republic Commando books that this satisfies your quench and niche thoughts and parallels.

#star wars #the bad batch #crosshair #echo #tech #omega #wrecker #hunter #clone troopers #star wars the clone wars #clone force 99 #clonetroopers #mandalore #mandalorians #Mando’a #mando’ade #Darman Skirata #Niner Skirata #Omega Squad #republic commando #karen traviss #Walon Vau #Kal Skirata #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch season 2

[brown-little-robin]

⚡ I've changed the title of my fanfiction document several times since I've started it. This overview may give you an idea of the major arcs in my longfic, Strange Redemption! It's also full of (somewhat vague, somewhat not) spoilers, though, so proceed with caution if spoilers matter to you!

"The Strange Redemption of Thaddeus Thawne": chapters 1-16. (Thaddeus "Thad" Thawne, a little evil clone, is spat out physically unchanged seven years after he chose to run away instead of killing the hero he was cloned from. The family he used to hate is... very nervous, but Thad doesn't want to kill anyone anymore. He is also very very traumatized and doesn't know how to function. This first part deals with his initial depression and paranoia.)

"Max's House": chapters 17-34. (By this point, Thad has settled in a bit, but things are still rocky. He's slowly looking into getting himself out of the family, somewhere he feels safe, away from all these heroes he was created to kill or be killed by. Simultaneously, though, he's learning to trust Max, the closest thing to a father figure that he has, and to slowly accept and work around his limitations.)

"Butterfly Boy": chapters 35-42. (Thad's lack of a sense of safety comes to a head, and he desperately demands to be let go. At this point, the family (Max in particular) has recognized that he needs to feel safe and it can't be with them. Thad works on goodbyes and relationships and just... sheer survival, emotions-wise.) I named this arc Butterfly Boy because in chapter 35, Thad likened himself to a caterpillar in a chrysalis, liquefying itself in order to transform, in danger of remaining a sad little pile of bug goop forever.

"Safety...? Really...?": chapters 43-??? (Thad is in a new place with a new guardian, and his superpowers have... changed. Things are overwhelming and new. He's never felt so happy in his life. He's never cried so much in his life. These things are not mutually exclusive.)

#Strange Redemption spoilers #About The Strange Redemption of Thaddeus Thawne

[ftpverse]

FtPverse Daily Signup Sheet

interested in having aproximately 2000 words of my KH fic FtPverse delivered to your email inbox every other day or so, so you can book club it along with me and a handful of other people??

- - > sign up here!! < - -

starting: February 1st, 2023!

~more info below~

what even is ftpverse??

FtPvese is my KH fic that’s primarily about Repliku getting a second chance at life and learning how to be loved, but also about a lot of other things; traumatized teens learning how to heal, kh’s clone narative turned to the max, replicas, and a totally unique clone of Sora coping with wanting to be his own person. you know, normal kingdom hearts stuff.

you can read the whole promo post I made about it here

.

logistics notes

- we’re doing a manual email list because it’s the best option for getting the actual prose in your email exactly like dracula daily did, rather than having to click on links

- this will probably take about 2 years to do, becuase 1million words is... a lot of words... I could only manage it in one year if I sent out an email Every Single Day, and I had enough people tell me that’s too frequent for them that I’m not gonna do it! we’re doing every other day instead, and maybe even take holidays off.

- 3000 words might be a more accurate average, but very rarely are there chapters over 5000 words, and most 3000 word emails are going to be because i combined two 1.5k chapters into one email (trying to get this done in 2 years, not 4!). chapters do get progressively longer over time.

- I’ll probably be sending out short little intro thoughts on each email (like, three sentences, max,) just for ~connection~ (and bc I like babbling) instead of me just. tossing you the prose uncommentated. author’s notes....

- because of this, I think I’ll probably be sending a copy of each email to ftpverse.dreamwidth.org as well for archival purposes.... so if you really really don’t want to give me your email, you can just subscribe to this journal. (I might not actually do this, but if I change my mind, i WILL tell you!)

- since ftpverse.dreamwidth.org is ALSO a community, it’s open to members joining and posting entries about current events as of [wherever we are in the ftpdaily posting] . like, AO3 comments are a perfectly valid place to have disccusions as well, but. fun bonus option.....

.

ftpverse general content warnings

> ftpverse is a story about abuse / trauma recovery. physical and emotional abuse are both shown in flashback, and repliku is regularly put in situations that trigger him. (sexual abuse does not happen anywhere, so it is free of that.)

> three of the main characters are suicidal; they work through it and come out better at the end, but dead inside is a rough one until that point.

> there is an attempted suicide on screen; the character lives, but the details are spoilers. it and another spoilery content warning will be linked below.

> several characters struggle with depression / a lack of self worth. they get better, but dead inside is a rough one, because there isn’t a light at the end of the tunnel for most of those characters until all that remains.

> nothing’s fair is a terminal illness analogue; this is the other one that i have spoiler elaboration for

> becuase i thought i was cishet when i started writing it, it’s a little heteronormative at the start. it’ll get better.

> i started writing ftpverse in 2010, when i was 13, and finished it 8 years later. do with that information what you will, but mostly i’m saying the technical writing quality WILL improve, you just have to give it time.

> spoiler content warnings are here

#ftpverse daily

[condensedpigeonmilk]

Continuing with Strangeview

Beta simmers be like: "The Grunts are terrible! There's no hope for them at all, ever! There's no such thing as redemption! Screw them, put them in the pool and take away the ladder!"

Meanwhile, literally Tank Grunt who came home with Dustin as an NPC:

Nothing else really happened with the Brokes, Beau learned all of his skills except for the nursery rhyme because he was whiny, Brandi passed out a few times, ate an obscene amount of pizza and then gave birth to her unborn son, Robert. His genetics are fixed so he's not a clone and actually is one of Skip's children and has his eyes. Ironically Dustin's LTW is to become the law and he rolled the want to quit his job in the criminal career so he did. Brandi got a job in the culinary career before she started showing and she's very happy with her job since she's a great cook. Brandi's even been able to make some friends outside of her household. Dustin took Angela on a date and they kissed under the willow in Woodland Park which was cute.

Darren is having a hard time.

The man is not well. He constantly impales his legs on his dining room chair trying to talk to Professor Von Ball, and that can't be healthy. Luckily all it took was a mental breakdown to make him roll the want to become a teacher! I think it fits him.

Meanwhile, the welcome wagon is mostly the Strangetown folks. Pascal, Nervous, Bella and Don showed up. Nervous is a good guy.

Don wastes no time 'reconnecting with' a woman who turns out to be Bella Goth. Engagement who? Never heard of her. He also managed to get Nina Caliente pregnant as well... What a winner. You can bet I'm gonna get a child support mod just because of him.

Bella's... not much better. In fact, she's no better. I don't even need to play the gender-swapped Pleasantview because she's pretty much Don with boobs already. I'm setting her up in Strangetown because of @celestialspritz's fanon of her running away to Strangetown after getting pregnant with Don's baby, which she totally spontaneously did of course...In Darren's bed. Class act- might wanna burn those sheets later. Hopefully this is the catalyst she needs for self improvement. Poor Cassandra and Alex, though. </3

During all this absolute lunacy, Dirk comes home from school so I take this as an opportunity for his first date with Lilith. He's been traumatized enough, literally no need at all to add Don's speedo to that equation.

Dirk takes Lilith to @chrisnewbie's recreation of The Pink Flamingo and I realize that I never turned the bars the right way around, lol whoops.

The waiter (who I need to makeover) drops their food all over Dirk and Lilith cannot be bothered to give a heck, I guess.

Lilith: "Wow, if I just don't make eye contact then everything will be fine."

You can't put blinders on all of your life, Lilith.

Lilith: "I'm not putting on blinders, disembodied voice that I should definitely be more concerned about! I'm disassociating, like before my dad fired the maid. There's a difference."

sighs in bewilderment

Dirk: "Lil! What're you so spacey for? It was funny! See, I got some mashed potatoes on my shirt. I bet they're still good, want a taste?"

Lilith: "Urk! Dirk, you got in my eye dude. They were salted! Why were they salted!?" *blinks furiously*

Dirk: "They're about as salty as you can be sometimes, I guess."

Lilith: "Okay, okay. I'll lighten up. You have a point. How can I be depressed with mashed potatoes in my eyeball? There's no room for tears."

#TS2 #The Sims 2 #pockethamster #gameplay #strangeview

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn make their first appearances!

Script below the break

Hello and welcome back to the Rewatch Rewind, the podcast where I count down my top 40 most rewatched movies. My name is Jane and today I will be talking about number 33 on my list: Columbia Pictures’ 1938 romantic comedy Holiday, directed by George Cukor, written by Donald Ogden Stewart and Sidney Buchman adapted from the play by Philip Barry, and starring Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn.

Johnny Case (Cary Grant) has just returned home to New York City from a trip to Lake Placid where he met, fell in love with, and got engaged to Julia Seton (Doris Nolan). When he shows up at the address she gave him, he is surprised to find that it’s a giant mansion, and that she lives there with her family, whom she previously neglected to mention is extremely wealthy. Both her lively sister Linda (Katharine Hepburn) and her depressed alcoholic brother Ned (Lew Ayers) immediately approve of Johnny. Her father, banker Edward Seton (Henry Kolker), is initially shocked that his daughter is engaged to someone he’s never heard of, but he is ultimately won over by Johnny’s impressive work history. However, when Johnny reveals his plans to quit working for a while to seek the meaning of life, both Edward and Julia are appalled, while Linda enthusiastically approves, and it becomes apparent that Johnny is engaged to the wrong sister.

There are many things I love about this movie, but the main reason it’s on this list is because of who stars in it. If you’ve listened to the Mary Poppins episode, you may recall me saying that Julie Andrews is one of four actors to appear in at least four of my top 40 movies. Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn are two of the others. Katharine Hepburn will be making a total of five appearances, and Cary Grant will be making ten, so if you really hate him, you’re probably not going to like much of the rest of this podcast. I don’t exactly remember why or how he became my number one fave, and it’s kind of a chicken-or-egg situation – do I love so many of his films because he’s in them, or do I love him because he’s in so many of my favorite films? I have no idea, and at this point it doesn’t really matter. I just know that I love watching him on screen, somehow both suave and goofy simultaneously, and listening to that unique voice that truly mastered the fake transatlantic accent like none other. And I also know that he was a very convenient explanation for why I had no interest in dating anyone in my teens or 20s. “There just aren’t any men out there like Cary Grant,” I’d lament, which was true, but the implication that I wanted there to be was misleading, though even I didn’t understand that for a very long time. There were a few other Old Hollywood actors I would sometimes also claim to find attractive, using the same excuse that nobody in real life was like them. I was aware that it was weird to only have “crushes” on movie stars who were old enough to be my great-grandparents, but that still felt less weird than admitting the truth – I didn’t understand what a crush was and I was too scared to ask, since everyone else seemed to instinctively know. It wasn’t until I was around 30 that I finally asked myself, if I met a Cary Grant clone who was my age, with his exact appearance and mannerisms and voice, without his traumatic childhood, would I want to date him? Or sleep with him? And I had to admit that the answer was no. What I feel for Cary Grant is appreciation for his work, and perhaps some aesthetic attraction, but nothing romantic or sexual. He’s still my number one fave, and I still celebrate his birthday every year with a multi-day marathon of his work, which explains why so many of his movies made it into my top 40. Since Katharine Hepburn is another actor whose birthday I celebrate every year (although not quite as enthusiastically), and Holiday is also a perfect New Year’s Eve movie, I have many occasions to revisit this one. I can’t remember if I’d seen it before I started keeping track, but I watched it once in 2003, once in 2006, once in 2008, once in 2009, once in 2011, twice in 2012, once in 2014, once in 2016, twice in 2018, twice in 2019, and once in each year since.

One viewing in particular stands out to me. It was January of 2012. I was in college and I had a lot of intense family stuff going on, and then a snowstorm hit on a Tuesday night, which happened to be the night before Cary Grant’s birthday. Classes ended up getting cancelled for the rest of the week, and I used that time almost exclusively to consume Cary Grant movies. On his actual birthday, I managed to convince some friends to watch one with me, so I went to one of their dorm rooms and we ended up watching Holiday. I want to say that overall it was a good time and most of them really enjoyed it, but I honestly don’t remember for sure. What I do remember is that there was one person in that group of friends who didn’t want to join us, declaring that she refused to watch any movie made before 1990, but then kept coming into the room after we started the movie to make comments like, “Ugh, I can’t believe you’re watching this!” “Ew, it’s in black and white!” and such. I should have just let it go – after all, it was her loss to miss out on great movies due to some arbitrary date cutoff – but I got very upset about it. The disrespect! On Cary Grant’s birthday of all days! I didn’t really know that person very well, and we haven’t kept in touch, but I hope she has forgiven and long forgotten any angry comments I may have directed toward her that day.

To a certain extent, I understand her attitude. Old movies portray outdated ideas and ways of living that can feel strange and even offensive to watch. But they also tell us a lot about the history of our society. Holiday in particular still feels extremely relevant. It’s set during the Great Depression, a time when there were a few very rich people and many very poor people, which sounds a lot like today. It’s about a wealthy family with one child who takes their privilege for granted, one child who is dissatisfied and abuses substances to cope, and one child who actively tries to rebel against the idea that money makes their family inherently superior. And when the entitled head of the family and the child who is most like him hear about a working-class person who has saved up enough money to spend some time enjoying himself instead of working, they scoff at that idea. Doesn’t that sound like it could take place right now?

Modern audiences might find the lack of action in this movie a bit tedious – it’s very apparent that it was based on a play, as it’s dialogue-heavy and almost the entire movie takes place in a few areas of the Seton house. But the wittiness of the lines and the punch of their delivery more than make up for the lack of action, at least in my opinion. I do wish the movie started a little earlier in the story, so that we got to see Johnny and Julia at Lake Placid. Apparently scenes were actually filmed for this, but George Cukor, the director, didn’t like the footage and decided to cut it all. Julia just seems so completely wrong for Johnny in every way that I really want to see how she behaved when they first met to convince him otherwise. From the very first scene when Johnny goes to their house, it is clear that Julia neither shares nor appreciates Johnny’s sense of humor, while Linda is swapping jokes with him as soon as they meet. I don’t necessarily think that means Johnny and Linda need to get together (although of course they will, because it’s a rom com and they’re the stars), but I do feel like it demonstrates that Johnny and Julia would not have had a functional marriage. I’ve never been able to understand what he saw in her, although a possible explanation is vaguely addressed by her brother Ned’s perceptive line, spoken to their sister Linda: “You know, most people, including Johnny and yourself, make a big mistake about Julia. They're taken in by her looks. At bottom, she's a very dull girl and the life she pictures for herself is the life she belongs in.” In other words, Johnny saw a beautiful woman and imposed his ideals onto her. When he finally learns that the woman he’s attracted to – and believes he’s in love with – neither shares nor supports his point of view on life, he has to decide how much of himself he’s willing to compromise.

It would have been so easy to let this story deteriorate into a two-sisters-fighting-over-the-same-man love triangle scenario, but it doesn’t. Linda has no desire to interfere with Johnny and Julia’s relationship, even when she is finally able to admit to herself and Ned that she’s fallen for Johnny. Linda actively tries to repair the rift that forms between Johnny and Julia when they discover they have different values. It’s only after Julia tells her that she doesn’t care about Johnny and is relieved that he’s decided to leave on his holiday without her that Linda decides to go with him. As Ned observed, Linda, like Johnny, has always imposed her own values on Julia, so it takes her just as long as it takes Johnny to realize that he and Julia are completely unsuited for each other. And I love the way that’s portrayed. Too often, sacrificing other relationships for the sake of romantic love is glorified. But Linda is willing to sacrifice romance when she thinks pursuing it would hurt her sister, which I appreciate. There is a part of me that would like to see a version where Linda and Johnny realize that their love is actually platonic and decide to go on an adventure as friends – and who knows? That could happen. The movie ends with them kissing, but afterwards they might decide they don’t feel those kind of feelings for each other and it was just amatonormativity convincing them they did. But that feels like a major stretch. It does seem clear that if they do get married, theirs would not be a particularly conventional marriage, especially for the time, so they’re definitely still rebelling against some societal norms.

That’s really what this movie is about: questioning the things that society tells you should be important. American capitalist society says pile up as much money as you can, and if it’s not much, you’re doing something wrong. Johnny Case says, “Wait a minute. That can’t be all there is” and decides to find different goals for himself. But the movie also portrays how difficult it is to break away from the norms. Ned desperately wants to get away, but his father has a very tight hold on him and won’t let him out of the banking business that Ned despises, so he drinks excessively because he sees no other way out. Linda finds it a little easier to question and rebel against things, but is rarely taken seriously by her father and sister, who patronizingly dismiss her ideas as silly little trifles and assume that she, along with everyone else who is being “difficult” in their eyes, will come around eventually. We get the impression that this is a frequent source of tension in the household, but the main example in the movie is when Linda desperately wants to throw a fun, intimate little New Year’s Eve party to celebrate Johnny and Julia’s engagement, but Mr. Seton insists on throwing an enormous fancy gala instead. Linda protests by staying in the small playroom, where she is joined by Ned along with Johnny’s friends, Nick and Susan Potter, played by the wonderful character actors Edward Everett Horton and Jean Dixon, who feel incredibly out of place at the main party. It’s a delightful scene that contrasts the coziness and warmth of the playroom with the stiffness and formality of the rest of the house. At this point, Johnny has started to conform to the “proper” life Julia wants for him, and he initially enters the playroom to convince Linda to be reasonable and join the big party to keep from embarrassing the family. But he soon realizes that the smaller party is much more his style. And it’s soon after that when he learns that an important deal has come through which has made him enough money to quit his job (why an important business deal would be going through at 11:45 pm on New Year’s Eve has never made sense to me, but oh well), and that’s when he tells Julia and Mr. Seton about his holiday plans and they flip out because he’s challenging the status quo. Eventually, after taking some time to clear his head, Johnny tells them he’s willing to compromise and try the life Julia wants, agreeing to work for Mr. Seton’s company for a year or so and then go on holiday if he still wants to. Julia and Mr. Seton are delighted, making it clear that they believe that once he starts this life, he’ll change his mind completely and give up on what they view as his foolish fancy. But traveling to find the meaning of life is even more important to Johnny than the party was to Linda, and he decides he can’t compromise. He has to live his life the way he chooses, even if most people think it’s foolish. And that message still feels incredibly profound and necessary today.

I think that’s the main reason this movie has resonated with me so much. As someone who has always felt like the things I find important are often dismissed as trivial by mainstream society, while the things mainstream society deems important have never made much sense to me, it feels incredibly validating and encouraging for a Cary Grant character to confidently declare that he doesn’t want the life he’s “supposed�� to want, and ultimately decide not to back down even when people he cares about just as confidently scoff and tell him he’s wrong. Not that I would ever have the courage or self-assurance to just drop everything and leave on a trip with no plan other than “find the meaning of life” – that sounds terrifying. But when you’re aroace – and I imagine this is similar for other queer identities as well – you’re constantly bombarded with the message that the “correct” life path is something that doesn’t feel right, and that the life you do want is not only incorrect, but shameful. Of course, a movie made in 1938 would never have dreamed of addressing LGBTQIA+ issues directly, but somehow, even with its straight romances, Holiday almost feels queer. That might be taking things too far, but the film is certainly about living as your true and authentic self and not letting anyone convince you to be someone you’re not for the sake of “respectability,” which feels like basically the same thing as saying “queer rights,” at least to me.

Much as I love the message of the story, I do want to emphasize that ultimately this is a comedy, and a big part of its appeal is just getting to see Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn being silly together. The way their characters meet and instantly establish an easy rapport feels so natural and authentic. Whether they’re disagreeing about the difference between goat and sheep noises, trying to invent a fancy pedigree for Johnny, or actually being real with each other, they are such a delight to watch. Nick and Susan Potter are also very fun characters, and their friendship with Johnny – and later Linda – is beautifully portrayed. I would love to see a sequel of the four of them traveling the world together. However, that was not to be, partly because despite receiving critical acclaim, this movie was a box office failure. It’s been speculated that perhaps Great Depression audiences who would have done anything to find jobs did not sympathize with Johnny’s plans to quit his. At the time, Katharine Hepburn was deemed “box office poison” because audiences thought she was past her prime, so that didn’t help either. After this movie, Hepburn left Hollywood for Broadway, where she starred in a new play that Philip Barry – who also wrote the play this movie was based on – had written specifically for her, which she then took back to Hollywood and used to turn her career around…but more on that in a future episode.

A few more fun facts about Holiday that I need to share: in the original Broadway production of the play, Katharine Hepburn understudied the role of Linda, and she performed a scene from the play in her first screen test, which led to her first film. The role of Nick Potter was originally played on Broadway by Donald Ogden Stewart, who co-wrote this screenplay, and then was played by Edward Everett Horton in both a 1930 film adaptation and this 1938 remake. This was the final feature film appearance of Jean Dixon, who played Susan Potter, although she continued to act on stage and television, and she will be making another appearance on this podcast for an earlier film. And finally, this movie provided Cary Grant an opportunity to show off the tumbling skills he learned while touring with an acrobatic troupe as a teenager, as Johnny likes to use acrobatics to calm himself when he’s nervous. It kind of looks to me like at one point they may have used a stunt double, but for most of the flips you can clearly see his face, and I think it's so cool that he was able to do at least most of his own stunts. What a performer.

Thank you for listening to me chat about another of my most-rewatched movies. Be sure to subscribe or follow for more, and leave a rating or review to let me know how you’re enjoying this project. Next week I will be joined by another guest, and as always, I will leave you with a quote from the movie we’ll be discussing then: “Yeah, he was here, but he put an egg in his shoe and beat it.”

#holiday #the rewatch rewind #cary grant #katharine hepburn

[ispent5hrscreatingavalidblogname]

Do you know who I am,do riddle me this

Ive been hit by a bus and oh I've done that too,Ive strangled my wife so am homicidal and I've been convicted and sentenced death for what might be the hundreth time and I've saved lives too I've saved alot of them and no am not Omni man,more clues?.....lol okay okay let's cut this bull crap I have absolute no idea what am talking about but am just fresh out of watching The Amazon Original series Invisible and don't give me shit about why me just watching it now I've already given myself enough chastising to remind me not to miss something this awesome ever again,so this is me about to provide a sick ass review of this 8part thrilling series ('Floreis....... mind your language!") For those of you who haven't watched it don't worry this is a spoiler free review,I think,maybe...

Okayy I might have as well just pursued potential readers,just stick around please 🥺?

So Mark Grayson's life changes when he finally gets the powers he's always been waiting for, dreaming for,things suddenly starts moving quickly his dad Nolan Grayson (Omni man)the absolutely strongest hero on earth! Begins training him immediately on the ways to use his newly found powers,he starts dating this really hot girl at school everything seemed to be looking up for him but he soon realises the hero life isn't as romantic as it seems (like he literally gets beaten to resemble pulp and nearly died a few times so he learnt pretty quickly plus then he was given some extra beaten to remind him never to forget it 🤕🥴) ,balancing his personal life with his heroic life soon began to get really impossible-his mom feeling left out and seperated from her son because "she's become the only one between the two who can't fly"(that is Mark and Nolan) with all this happening around the same time a very shocking event occurs which threatens to reshape the meaning of everything he's ever known and belief.

Needless to say am proud how am able to suger coat this series and make it look like a normal hero and his everyday problems sort of story but this series is very traumatic and heart breaking and it does have some scenes that'd leave you depressed and speechless that would have yah mind going "what that fuck" I absolutely do not recommend if you are already going through issues in yah life or having negative thoughts...pfft don't listen to me what do I know,am sure you'd be fine..over all it's a really great show and it does get fucking funny sometimes especially with those two clone brothers lol they are my favorite.

Lol anyways see I did make a clean review no spoilers or anything although I would have had more fun if i was crazily revealing all the fucking ("Floreis watCH YOUR F***'in language!")Ali you really spoil the fun in everything! Oh well it was a pretty awesome 😎 series to follow so go give it a watch quickly and tell me what yah think cause I just might do a spoiler post soon and I would start it so innocently like "these are some of the unseen effects of climate changes and what we can do to stop it.." .then bam! I would throw the spoiler right at your face and you would be like "oh Noooo!" And I would be like "Oh yeaaah I told you so" . Who am I fucking talking to Anyways? See yah soon X ❤️

#Invisible #omni man #amazon series #Anime #Anime review #no spoilers really #no spoilers #Fiction #invincible oc #mark grayson #nolan grayson #Invisible review #Best anime #anime #may 20th #excited

[riinoaheartilly]

TW: discussion of death and/or death in general, suicidal ideation.

Feeling very morbid and thinking about how my boys and Axil deal with death and their thoughts on it

Axil: Though she lives in the lower levels of Coruscant, she's not afraid of death should it come for her. She's in the "safest" place to be. After all, death is a part of life.

Hope: More scared of those around him dying before he can get to them or them dying while he's trying his hardest to keep them alive than his own life/health.

Rain: Resigned at the knowledge that he's been created to die for those who don't see him more than cannon fodder, for Jedi who lead them. If his death comes, so be it. However, there is a inkling of fear of dying and leaving Hope on his own to deal with it.

Laughter: Escaped the clutches of death once, doesn't care if he dies anymore. Even if his life is a little brighter with Axil and his brother's in it and he's no longer fighting under the command of the Jedi.

Bruiser: Despite fighting under the command and care of General Plo Koon and seen as this obnoxious, wild brat, he's fucking terrified of dying, dying alone and the thought no one will come for him should he get trapped or captured by Separatists.

Edit: 30/8/23

Ten-Four: After a traumatic event involving a senator, that had left the captain temporarily mute, Ten-Four is self-destructive. Welcoming anything that hurts them to do so. If it hurts them, good. If it kills them, even better. After all, in their mind, its what they deserve.

Edit: 13/9/23

Lock: It's something he shies away from. Knows it's part of being a clone trooper and even on Coruscant, the chances of him dying are just as likely as those who are off world. He'd rather not discuss such depressing topics and keep the mood upbeat if he can. Sadly, he ends up experiencing death itself as he is betrayed by his own commander by being thrown off the roof of a tower block.

Mal: Knows it exists. Knows he has not been able to save every trooper who he gets to and he deals with each loss poorly - keeps the emotions inside until they burst out in full-rage when he's in fights against Bruiser. He doesn't want to think about death. Doesn't want to even talk about it. If it's not talk about him doing him job, then flat out refuses to discuss the topic.

#oc: axil taarki #oc: hope #oc: rain #oc: laughter #oc: bruiser #death tw #ocs galore #suicidal ideation tw #so much whump oof #oc: ten-four #oc: lock #oc: mal