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phoebepheebsphibs · 4 months

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I will never actually write this because it was too sad (even for me and my angsty skills...)

A while ago, I came up with the idea to write a really sad fic about the turtles. Duh.

A goal with all my fics is to have a moment where I make the audience cry, or at the very least get emotional. And this was no exception. It’s a personal challenge for me, to see if I can get my audience truly invested. But, I also need my fics to have a PURPOSE. So, if I was gonna write a sad and angsty fic, I needed a way to bring it to a moral or happy ending, to show a reason why the characters went through what they did, rather than just have a story for story's sake. So, I went about coming up with a synopsis for a story that showed how to deal with grief and guilt and hopelessness. But after several months of writing and ideas, I realized that it simply wasn't working out. The story wasn't just sad or angsty, it was utterly depressing. The message of hope even after death wasn't pulling through... and in addition, I got worried that the massive amounts of despair in the story were going to be detrimental to my mental health, if not also for the readers. Thusly, I scrapped the plot.

So fair warning, the stuff you're about to read is very emotional and kinda dark...

Naw I ain’t playing, turn back now while you have the chance.

CW: LOTS. OF. DEATH. Major illness, disintegration, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, even a suicide attempt.

I was even in the process of making cover art for it (which I do for all my fics lol)

The fic literally starts out with a note from April (the narrator), explaining that she documented everything and warns the reader that this story does not have a happy ending. It takes place about a week after the invasion, and the family was having a rough time. Mikey's hands were absolutely scorched, Donnie's immune system was shot and he seemed to be getting ill, Raph was having constant panic attacks, and Leo wasn't getting better from his injuries. To top it all off, a new government branch was setting up camp in NYC and interrogating people about the events of the Krang attack. April had narrowly escaped but figured the Earth Protection Force would come back for her. Meanwhile, Leo’s injuries weren’t healing like they should have and he was getting worse… Eventually the family caved and asked for help from Agent Bishop and the EPF, but after some doctors and scientists took a look at Leo… they realized there was nothing anyone could do. They’d waited too long. Leo was not going to make it, and all they could do was make him comfortable for a few hours before he... yeah. So everyone said their goodbyes, and I actually have some snippets of dialogue written down and it makes me cry every time. Donnie had the worst reaction, upset by Leo's peace with the situation and devastated by his loss, believing that he never showed his appreciation and love for his twin as much as he should have. Leo attempts to comfort Donnie, but eventually tells him to "get over it". A few hours later, Leo dies in his sleep, and the room erupts into grief and panic and chaos until Donnie, in his pure anger, punches a hole through the heart monitor and leaves. Leo is given a viking send-off in the Hidden City, and afterwards, April asks what they are supposed to do now. Donnie angrily repeats Leo's last insight: get over it. April goes home, and after her parents ask her how her day was… she bursts into tears.

Several weeks later, Mikey tries to get Donnie and Raph to talk about their feelings, but they both refuse. Mikey himself is having issues, his hands not healing quickly and he wonders if he will ever be able to make a work of art again. He manages to get Donnie to admit his guilt of not being there for Leo and still holding anger and resentment towards his twin for sacrificing himself and dying. Mikey suggests that he speak with Raph, but Donatello refuses. Later, during an attack, Raph was knocked out and Donnie collapsed from his illness, which he had been hiding. Mikey realizes that it's left to him and uses his mystic powers to portal his brothers to safety, at the cost of his own life. Mikey comes to terms with this, believing that what he did was his mangum opus, and he feels no pain as he vanishes, greeted by Leo in the afterlife.

Donatello and Raphael mourn the loss of two brothers, and Donnie finally talks with Raph about his grief over Leo’s death (in honour of Dr. Feelings’ memory). However, his declining health is brought to light and Donnie is placed in quarantine. Casey Jr. identifies his illness as a common Krang disease, one his mother died of, and the group work overtime to create the cure. Raph stays with his last sibling and keeps him company. Donnie gets more and more sick, and one night while April and Casey are working with Agent Bishop to finalize the antidote, Donnie's fever worsens and he sleepwalks, hallucinating Mikey and Leo's return and them comforting Donnie and telling him that the others will be alright in his absence. Donnie senses that his time is almost up. Raph finds him but doesn't understand what Donnie is seeing or who he is talking to, and takes him back to bed. April and Casey finally finish the cure and rush home, hoping to make it back in time, but find Raph asleep by Donnie's bedside… Donnie having just succumbed to his illness a few hours prior.

Raph is left as the last one alive, dealing with extreme survivors' guilt for outliving his brothers and blames himself for their deaths. April tries to comfort him, Splinter, and Casey. (Casey notes that history seems to be repeating itself in reverse order— that while in the alternate timeline Raph died first and Leo last, the opposite has been happening here, and Casey fears that Raph might actually die somehow very soon.) Meanwhile, Raphael tries to atone for his guilt by overdoing the vigilante work on his own. Eventually he decides that it isn't enough, he can never atone, and he misses his brothers too much… so he writes a note to April and emails it to her, then goes to the Hidden City to pick a fight with Heinous Green... and let him win. April receives the email and she and the others rush to save Raph, who at this point has already found Heinous Green and is letting him beat the ever-loving life out of him. Halfway through, however, he realizes what he is doing and that his brothers would not want this for him, but it's too late... April and Casey find Raph near death and attempt to save him, but he goes unconscious from his injuries.

While April, Casey, Splinter and Draxum work to heal Raph's wounds and revive him, Raphael dreams of the afterlife, meeting up with his brothers and apologizing for everything. They comfort him, yet also explain that he has to wake up soon; and how April, Casey, and Splinter still need him. Raphael asks if he can stay, to which they promise that he will be okay without them and someday they will see each other again; that they aren’t mad at him for their deaths, but that he cannot speed up their meeting. Raph agrees to go home, to which they all say how proud they are of him. Raphael wakes up with his family around him, relieved that he survived. Later that night, he and April have a discussion where she scolds and berates him for trying to leave them, saying that she had no one left. He admits his actions and apologizes and promises to get better.

In an epilogue, April explains that it has been a full year since Raph’s injuries, and he is doing much better. The Hidden City made a memorial for the three lost brothers in honour of their sacrifices. Casey Jones Jr. has been doing better as well, though he will often have nights of panic and moments of grief that only Raph can get him through. Agent Bishop works with Raphael and Casey to keep the city safe from mutant attacks, and they work to create a new team, hinting to characters like Mona Lisa, Venus De Milo/Frida Kahlo, Leatherhead, and other characters from the comic series. April ends by stating that at the beginning, she said the story did not have a happy ending. She stands by this, stating that the story has not ended and will continue for as long as they live, and that she does her best to remember her friends and keep going on, not for their sake, but for her own. And that one day, she will see them again.

And as if THAT wasn't heart-wrenching enough, I also planned a short after-story of how something like 80 years later, The Hamato ghosts get ready to welcome Raph into the afterlife, showing Leo preparing a house for him and Mikey decorating and Donnie gardening.

So yeah this is the most depressing and heartbreaking thing I've ever written, and I ACTUALLY SPARED YOU FROM THE DIALOGUE I HAD WRITTEN TOO

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #tutant meenage neetle teetles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph #rottmnt fic #rottmnt writing #depressing stuff #angst #i made it get really dark there for a bit #yeah so i don't think i'm gonna finish this one...#pain #rottmnt angst

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igakc · 1 year

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Take It Easy - Chapter 2

Spider plopped down at his desk with a heavy sigh. He didn't mean to snap at Kiri and Lo'ak, or maybe he did. Nonetheless, it was still mean and he'd have to apologize to them the next time they visited. Well- That is talking in the sense that they will visit again. After his little outburst he was sure that they'd given up on him. Although he was used to it, 'it' being the abandonment, it didn't stop the pain that lingered in his chest.

But like he said, he was used to it. So he'd do what he always did. He'd move on with his life.

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The sun hadn't risen yet, which meant that no one on base was awake. Except for the few who strayed a bit too far from their beds, like Spider Socorro. The kid never slept through the night, it was almost like he was some sort of nocturnal species. He'd go to sleep at a late hour and be awake by 4:00AM, perched on top of his rock wall or scrubbing his hair in the showers. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't sit still.

No one had asked him why, and he wasn't even sure he had an answer for whoever would. Maybe he'd say that being active kept him happy, or it felt good to be doing something. But the real truth was that if he sat still for too long, he would be opening himself up to the thoughts that darkened whatever horizons he found himself facing. The thoughts that haunted him every night, the thoughts that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't belong anywhere. Ever.

Not the labs, not airlock, not Room, not Earth, and definitely not Pandora.

And those were scary thoughts for a sixteen-year-old to go through, especially one who hadn't received an ounce of affection in his life. Especially one who-

Crap. He'd been sitting too long.

Spider rubbed away the sorry excuses for tears that had been forming in his eyes. He let his hands wander back down to rest on his desk, the windows at the top of Room casting beams of moonlight around him. It made for a pretty melancholic scene, it could've been an album cover. The song would probably be called 'come pick up your depressed and lonely child please'.

Spider cracked a smile at that one.

He shook his head before standing up, the legs of his chair scraping along the wooden floor noisily. Luckily there were no Na'Vi on base. Otherwise, he would've been caught. Advanced hearing and all.

His fingers skimmed over one of the many bookshelves, lightly tracing each and every cover. Spider had no intention of reading them, he had outgrown his reading a long time ago. Back on Earth, he wouldn't need to know about the stars, since according to Norm, he wouldn't have been able to see them anymore anyways.

Norm was a pretty smart guy, according to Jake. The man possessed the personality perfectly suited for a scientist, but something was missing in him. A gaping hole.

Spider knew that hole all too well. Hell- He lived in it.

But unlike Norm's habit of trying to fill up the hole with healthy things like studying or cooking, Spider filled the hole with junk. Porn magazines that he stole from Jake's old room, expired beer that made him feel more nauseous than drunk, the occasional wallow in self-pity with sad music playing in the background. Sometimes Spider would try to do something worth while, maybe clean up the lab one day or cook everyone a nice dinner, but it always ended up ruined. He couldn't even blame anyone, because every time it was his mistake.

He'd knocked over a beaker of acid over important paper-work one time, and almost burnt down half of Hell's Gate the other time.

But at least he tried.

That Spider was long gone now, though. That was the Spider who tried to get the scientists to like him, that was the Spider who wanted the scientists to like him.

All that was left now was an empty shell of a human being.

An empty shell that kept zoning out when he needed to focus.

"Focus." He whispered to himself, snapping out of his daze. He looked down to check his watch. "Only two more hours until 7AM. That's time for one book."

Or one beer.

Spider bit his tongue as if deep in thought, before letting his shoulders curl inwards. Beer it is.

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"What the fuck happened, Norm? You said he was fine here!"

"How was I supposed to know he was getting drunk every night, Jake? Did you want me to check all of the security cameras before going to sleep? We thought we could trust him."

"I can't believe this. Spider could've died. I expected you to be more vigilant!"

"You expected me to be more vigilant? I didn't even want to look after Quaritch's kid, Jake! I've tried my best, he's impossible to communicate with. I'd like to see you try to talk with him."

"You know how Neytiri feels about him-"

"Neytiri isn't here though, is she?"

"What's that supposed to mean-"

"It means that Neytiri isn't a factor in this. This is between me and you. Who's going to take care of Spider until he turns eighteen, because we're sure as hell not going to do it?"

Take care of Spider?

He could take care of himself, thank you very much! He'd been doing it for the past sixteen years. Jake never tried to be his father or stay longer than necessary. The Na'Vi kept Spider just out of reach, just close enough for him to get attached and then thrust aside once again. It sucked balls.

"Norm. You said you could handle this, you promised. Neytiri and I have Tuk now, we can't be raising another kid." Jake Sully sighed, one hand perched on his hip, the other on his forehead.

Norm peered up at him with a scowl on his face, the sight reminded Jake of when he first joined the Avatar program, when Norm despised him. "Well what if I don't want to handle it anymore, Jake? Max and I have studies to do, we have jobs! Spider is old enough to live in the forest with your family, we have Exo-Packs that will last long enough."

Spider listened to the conversation in his curled-up state, not bothering to move an inch to let his presence known. He wanted to hear this conversation, he knew it was a turning point in his life.

Norm had never admitted his dislike for Spider, and that's what kept Spider there. Alive. Long story short, Norm's tolerance of Spider kept him from placing his life in the hands of Eywa.

So what did Spider really have to live for if not for Norm?

He knew it sounded stupid, he knew it sounded absolutely ridiculous to put an important aspect at such risk. But Norm was the only one who looked out for him, in a very basic sense, but still.

Spider's eyelids fluttered as he tried to contain the tears shoving mercilessly at them. Jake's response was long-awaited, and Spider knew it would just be another punch to his already bruised gut.

"I-.."

"I don't want Spider with my family. Lo'ak and Kiri are preparing for their Iknimaya, and Tuk is still growing up. Not to mention how Neytiri would feel about it.."

"I don't think it's a good idea for him to be with us anymore."

Well there you have it then.

I don't think it's a good idea for him to be with us anymore.

Jake couldn't have been clearer.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, heavy like the fog that clouded Spider's mind. Oh, how he wished he could've been anywhere else. In Room painting on his wall, reading a book about the newest constellation he'd discovered, swimming in the training pools.

It's funny how he never realized how much he missed Room until he wasn't in it anymore.

It was beginning to feel like he wouldn't get to see Room again, his closest friend, and it was a fucking room.

That's all Room was. A room.

A room that he had convinced himself was living. A room where he felt safe and content, and sometimes lonely. But Room kept him warm when Norm couldn't, and Room never turned him away.

And. It. Was. A. Fucking. Room.

Maybe Spider would be happy if his only friend wasn't a room inside an old military base. Maybe that's what he needed, a friend. A friend on Earth.

Norm let out a string of incomprehensible curses before storming out of the room, leaving Jake and Spider alone.

"Fuck this shit." Jake turned and walked off in the opposite direction, and Spider wasn't sure it was the right one. Oh well, at least now he could wallow in his own filth.

Only then did he open his eyes. And boy, was it horrible.

His vision was hazy, and it just wouldn't focus on anything. His stomach was coiled tight and cramping painfully, a dull ache crawling its way up his chest and throat. He realized what was happening a little too late as he sat up, thick streams of vomit pouring out from his mouth as he gagged and wretched.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." Spider muttered, wiping his mouth weakly with the back of his hand. He slid off the table, a sigh leaving his lips. As he walked in the same direction as Jake, he created a checklist in his head.

Shower and get this disgusting vomit off.

Pack up his things.

Say goodbye to Room.

Leave.

It would be easier said than done.

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*me giving the most traumatized characters more trauma*

Anyways- ONE OF MY FAVOURITE AVATAR WRITERS REPOSTED THE FIRST CHAPTER!?!?!? WHAT? I'm sobbing.

Also Spider is so Merida from Brave and Rapunzel from Tangled idc if they're princesses :) The wall of stars is heavily based off of Rapunzel's paintings of the lanterns because why not?

Oh also- Does anyone know how to add a link to a chapter on Tumblr? I'm so lost :')

#Miles “Spider” Socorro #Avatar #ATWOW #Jake Sully #Norm Spellman #Max Patel #Sad #Depressing Stuff #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #kiri te suli kìreysì'ite #tuktirey te suli neytiri'ite #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite #Spider Socorro #Spider Avatar #James Cameron #Avatar 2009 #Drunk #Alcohol

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