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#depression and delusions
hellsbaby · 7 months
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i don’t want to take antipsychotics, what if i lose my sparkle?
the sparkle: i’m being gang stalked by the cia. they put a chip in my brain
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honeypleasejustkillme · 9 months
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daydreaming about stuff that never happens starts to get kinda sad after a while :/
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keezybees · 1 month
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My book is out today!! I wrote about my experiences with bipolar 1, including mania, psychosis, depression, stigma, treatment, and self-acceptance. Silver Sprocket did an incredible job making this a beautiful book, and I'm so happy to share it with you 💛
It's sort of my way of reaching out past the stigma, and to try to connect with people despite it. I hid it for so long, and it still feels both scary and freeing to talk about it publicly, but every time someone says they felt seen, or that they're better able to understand a loved one, I feel joy. Partly because it means I'm not just crazy all by myself, and partly because all most of us want is to be loved and accepted, and I hope this book can help make that dream more real.
You can find Sunflowers at the Silver Sprocket store (here) or you can request it at your local bookstore or comic shop.
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itsyagirlsadie101 · 2 years
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Heh
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tjandersonart · 9 months
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it's passive. it's mean.
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yellowocaballero · 6 months
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So fucking glad to see someone talk about SSS Class revival hunter 😭 I lived it so much and I feel like no one ever mentions it against more popular titles like ORV or even The Lout of the counts family, so I'm so glad to come here and see your amazing takes :>
Thank you for the ask which lets me talk about SSSCRH (the version I read was titled 'Suicide Hunter', which tbh I like more - no beating around the bush).
It's hard to draw an accurate comparison since I'm going off just the webtoon for SSSCRH, while I'm going off both the webtoon and the webnovel for ORV. And I love ORV, ORV is my media blorbo right now, it hydraulic presses my brain, I am writing ORV fanfic - it's, like, funner to enjoy. But SSSRH is just better. In the vast majority of ways it is is better. It's better than the holy trinity by a wide margin. TW talk of suicide obviously.
I can't believe I'm saying this but you need a basic understanding of Buddhism in order to understand SSSCRH. It's not about Gongja's suicides - he doesn't suicide from depression or lack of self-esteem. SSSCRH is about suffering in the Buddhist sense - dukkha. I don't want to make this an essay, so I might reblog this with more information, but extremely shortly:
The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. You've heard that Buddhists say 'life is suffering'. To put it one way that doesn't require defining a lot of words: the cause of suffering is experiencing the world as we percieve it instead of how it truly is. Suffering isn't just being miserable and in pain, and life isn't suffering because life sucks and global warming exists and people voted for Trump. Life is suffering because we can experience beautiful and joyful moments in this world, but we do not exist in the moment of that happiness or place our ego/'self' between us and that happiness. Living in that moment, accepting the moment as it is unconditionally, is freedom from suffering. The Buddha tries to free people from suffering through teaching Buddhism.
"What does this have to do with the webnovel and manwha about a guy murdering himself thousands of times" it has everything to do with it. Because SSSCRH is about suffering, and it is about using suffering as a tool in order to experience a world unfiltered by ego and break down the artificial boundaries between human beings. Suffering in SSSCRH is not a bad thing. Gongja has the unique capability to (reincarnate.) experience a person's suffering in unity with them, which dissolves the delusion of separation between people and puts us in touch with the reality of oneness.
The Murim arc was fucking insane because Gongja pulls a Big Bodhisattva Move and walks through the suffering of the world in order to achieve full understanding of the human experience. He takes all of the suffering of the world into himself and is liberated. You can tell it's Buddhist because death was not presented as a bad thing - death was an aspect of a happy ending for the Heavenly Demon lady, because she was finishing her life according to her own joy, and because her teachings were passed on she did not truly die.
But the purpose of embracing suffering is to discover the ability to fully embrace life, and that's where Heavenly Demon's teachings were incomplete - as the ghost dude said, Gongja hasn't even experienced his own full life and the infinite capability for his own happiness. You can only feel the depths of sadness when you've felt the depths of happiness. Sadness deserves its place in the world and it can strengthen you, but so does happiness.
Gongja is attention-seeking, envious, and unbelievably petty. When he drills down into his own desires and why he wants the things he wants, you see that he has a very strong sense of justice and right and wrong - he realizes he doesn't want to be famous, he wants to be acknowledged, but on an even deeper level he is desperate for love and to be loved. Everything he does is to experience love, and as such he learns to love others. His love for the Flamey Asshole was purely parasocial and ego-filled, with no concern for who he was as a human. Throughout the manwha, he grows to care for people as they truly are and pierce through any delusions or misleading outward appearances. He has released all attachment to life and death, and as such does not fear death, and as such has taken a step on the road towards becoming a Boddhisatva who frees others from the cycle of samsara, and as a result has learned sick sword techniques and is sooo good at beating people up.
I think the only other thing I want to mention here because otherwise this is an essay: in almost every time loop/regression story, only the final regression matters. In stories with dungeon monsters and NPCs, only the humans matter. The regressor exists in a space where there are no consequences for their actions, so they act terribly and do whatever because none of it matters. In Groundhog Day Bill Murray acts like an asshole because he can. That's not the case here. Everything Gongja does matters. The NPCs are fake, but Gongja never treats them as anything less than real people who deserve life. Once he understands a person's life he never treats them as unimportant. No loop is thrown away and no person or life is disregarded. His choices matter, the way he treats others matters, and Gongja never treats anybody as if they don't matter except for himself.
That was not short. There is a lot more. The female characters are so good and so rich. From a craft perspective it is excellently paced and has a wonderful sense of set-up/payoff and balances tone and maintains a lot of momentum, which is really hard in a time loop story. You have to do a few very specific things to write OP characters well and SSSCRH does it very well. There's more to say from a craft perspective and it's hard to judge accurately from a webtoon but it's good. I was so strangely struck the entire time about how sincere and genuine it was, how it said what it said with no trace of irony of confusion, and I think that's what stuck with me the most.
TL;DR: SSS Class Revival Hunter is good for a lot of very normal reasons, such as excellent pacing and set-up/pay off and characters, but it's also so sincerely and genuinely Buddhist that it blew my tits clean off.
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ikamigami · 28 days
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Why Sun doesn't always mean our Eclipse - the Dorito Bot - when he's talking about Eclipse?
The deep dive into Sun's mind and the way his delusions work (supported by my own experiences and research on that topic).
It's my meta analysis of Sun's mental disorder. I'll try to explain why I think that this is a highly possible explanation of Sun's very complicated relationship with Eclipse.
I was thinking about this for quite some time. I always knew that Sun's relationship with Eclipse is very complicated, very complex. I've seen a lots of takes about how Eclipse sees Sun and how looks his relationship with Sun. But whenever it came to Sun and how he sees Eclipse and how looks his relationship with Eclipse.. it wasn't that. I wasn't sure why but something was missing in people's interpretations.
Now I know what it is. Many people misinterprets Sun's view on things because of misunderstanding of his mental issues. Same was with how I was misinterpreting Eclipse at first. I didn't understand Eclipse's mental issues.
I explained in many of my posts that I think that Sun has depressive psychosis and his delusions are centered around guilt and unworthiness. Sun most definitely hallucinated a voice who was saying demeaning things to him and was trying to guide Sun through his life, reminding him that he's evil.
What if I told you that Sun was unaware of Eclipse's existence as our Eclipse - Dorito Bot? Sounds crazy, right?
I think that's because Eclipse introduced himself in a really really wrong way. When Sun met Eclipse for the first time (remember he also heard him for the first time then) he didn't recognize him as our Eclipse. For Sun it was more like "so that's how that voice I'm hearing looks like" type of situation.
So for Sun there are two Eclipses. There's Eclipse - our Dorito Bot and there's Eclipse - the figment of Sun's mind, the entity that Sun hallucinates. But I think that for a long time Sun couldn't differentiate between the two. Why? Again, it's because I think that our Eclipse had the same voice and he was saying the same things that the voice was saying to Sun.
The Eclipse from Sun's mind, let's call him Sun's Eclipse or "Eclipse", is also Sun. It's true Sun. I mean in Sun's delusional mind this voice is him. It might be hard to understand but it's something like in Ren's song - Hi Ren:
"You think that you can amputate me?
I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we
We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see
You got to kill you if you wanna kill me
I'm not left over dinner, I'm not scraps on the side..."
These lyrics capture the best what I'm talking about here.
And to back up the statement about Sun viewing Eclipse as the physical manifestation of the voice in his head, I'll tell you that when I watched "Sun meets Eclipse" episode I felt nauseous.
I'm serious. For me their meeting felt like all those times when the voice was speaking to me. So when I saw that episode, my anxiety skyrocketed and my insides were flipping and I was sweating cold. It was crazy. That episode was insane to me and I wouldn't be surprised if Sun just thought that the voice he's hearing is real. I mean even more real than it already was.
Sun viewing Eclipse as the voice in his head explains why he told Moon that Moon isn't like Eclipse and why Sun thinks Eclipse is worse than Moon. Because Sun's Eclipse is an awful monster. Moon was trying to change. Sun's Eclipse would never.
Sun still tried to be nice to Eclipse and help him though. He felt bad when he had to expell him out of his own head. After that everything changed. Sun's mental state worsened.
I'm certain that Sun still could hear "Eclipse". And upon seeing Moon exhausting himself with searching for Eclipse's backups, Sun was feeling more and more awful. After all, he was the one to blame for this situation. He didn't get rid of "Eclipse". The "Eclipse" returned. But this time it was worse. Because "Eclipse" wasn't trapped in his head anymore. Now "Eclipse" could cause even more damage.
Sun was depressed even before October takeover but it only got worse with him sinking deeper into his delusions. He was a failure. He was unable to help with anything. He caused all their problems and yet the one who was endangering himself was Moon even though it should've been Sun.
With things getting progressively worse, Sun was scarying Lunar while playing games and he destroyed Moon's computer which caused Moon's kill code to reactivate and their father was giving them more headache, Sun's mental state kept worsening till he reached the breaking point.
During Sun's late development of psychotic episode Bloodmoon appeared in the Daycare looking like Moon. Many people were shocked that Sun shot them while they were looking like Moon but not many realized that Bloodmoon's words triggered Sun's PTSD. I think that when Sun shot Bloodmoon he didn't see Moon. He saw "Eclipse". The same "Eclipse" he expelled from his head. Bloodmoon said almost exactly the same words that Eclipse told Sun back then.
Not long before that happened Sun was repeating to himself that he isn't like him after he said that maybe they should kill their enemies. These were his intrusive thoughts but for Sun, he was turning into "Eclipse". And after he killed Bloodmoon, he realized that he's just like him. After that point Sun completely slipped into a firm grip of his delusions.
He had to kill "Eclipse". It was a suicidal mission. Sun didn't plan to get back to the Daycare. He had to make sure that all "Eclipses" including himself will be dead. And also that's why he was willing to kill Solar Flare. Because "Eclipse" built him thus means "Eclipse" is still alive.
Eclipse wasn't aware how much power he had over Sun at that moment. When he grabbed the sword, Sun immediately lost his confidence. Sun was always afraid of "Eclipse" so when he lost so quickly, he was unable to fight back anymore. He burst with magic only because he was in highetened emotional state triggered by Eclipse's words that Moon wouldn't care if he killed Sun and by reminiscence of hallucination of Bloodmoon's taunting words at Beta 10.
The scene that is a more solid proof that Sun hallucinated "Eclipse" was a moment at the end of the episode "Sun is trapped by Moon". We could hear Sun saying while looking at his own reflection "you're pretty pathetic, aren't you". We know that it was Sun speaking but he sounded like Eclipse in that moment. I think that it was intentional. I immediately thought that maybe Sun saw Eclipse in the reflection because it's quite common for those who hallucinates to talk with their own reflection because they see there someone else.
The clue that Sun view himself as "Eclipse" was that scene when he told Moon that he doesn't know anything about Sun and that Sun isn't a hero. Sun was "Eclipse" then. He was a monster. That's why he said that Bloodmoon's death didn't affect him. Because "Eclipse" doesn't have remorse. Sun doesn't have remorse because Sun is "Eclipse".
After Sun blew up Moon's mana pool he listened to Eclipse because "Eclipse" always know better than Sun. Sun is the one who ruins everything. "Eclipse" is there to help him. Later when Sun recalled those memories he said that he tried to kill Eclipse with magic blast. He remembers it like that because he remembers that he went on a mission to kill "Eclipse".
If it wasn't for Earth finding him in the forest and calming him down, Sun would most probably either kill himself or harm himself badly.
Later upon feeling guilty at what he did, Sun learned that Old Moon is indeed gone, he heard his last message, he learned that Lunar was blown up and that Eclipse got the star. It made Sun feel even more guilty. And because he had to help New Moon and Earth to adjust to their new lives, he pushed away his grief. Sun in order to prevent himself from seeing hallucinations was overworking himself.
Sun's mental state worsened even more to the point that he became passively suicidal and when opportunity arised he decided to become conduit for star's power. This is how Sun planned to end his own life. And he would also help with getting rid of "Eclipse" which made Sun feel better about killing himself. He would get rid of all "Eclipses" for good.
Though when Sun heard that star's power is slowly killing Eclipse, I'm sure he felt conflicted. Because when he popped off at Eclipse he felt bad after that and was seemingly concerned about what is happening with Eclipse because the latter wasn't showing up for quite awhile. And that's why I think that Sun was willing to listen to Eclipse. Remember Sun isn't a murderer. He despises killing. Unfortunately, Eclipse being Eclipse, threatening Earth and saying demeaning things to both Sun and Earth and telling them to kill Lunar, triggered Sun. He was seeing "Eclipse" again. He wasn't talking with Eclipse anymore. It was "Eclipse" all over again.
After time had passed we could see Sun's guilt wearing him down. He killed once again. He was visibly tired of killing. He tried to stop Moon from killing every person that they felt uncomfortable around - Forkface and Mimic. Sun starts to ask himself about Eclipse's existence while questioning his own. He's still passively suicidal.
Though Lunar got revived and a little bit later Solar joined them and Ruin didn't seem as a threat that much. It seemed that things got slightly better. Not for long because Ruin built New Bloodmoon. From that point things started getting worse pretty quickly. Bloodmoon attacked Lunar and Ruin was planning something big. Sun was worried with how Moon was letting his anger to overtake him. Ruin together with Bloodmoon blew up the Daycare and Sun and Moon were sendt to Ruin's dimension for whole October.
Sun didn't have that much time to think too much about everything because they had to stay safe and get a way back to their dimension. Though he wasn't free from worry. He was scared that Moon won't wake up twice during their time in Ruin's dimension. It gave him PTSD and he was afraid that Moon could've been dead.
After some pleas Moon agreed that Sun will take the cure for ruin virus from Ruin's creator's laboratory. They were able to come back to the Daycare safely and they gave Ruin the cure. Things started to seemingly calm down. Solar rebuilt the Daycare. Ruin was now good. It didn't last long because Bloodmoon returned and killed Earth. They decided to hunt them down.
Unfortunately Moon and Solar made bad decision by forcing Sun to go on a hunt for Bloodmoon. Gladly they heard Sun out and let him try to give BM a chance. BM refused Sun's offer and then Sun learned that BM was actually behind July 16th incident, not Eclipse. Earth later told Sun and Moon that maybe Eclipse could've been redeemed because he seemed to be changing.
Later things seemed to get better. Though the problems kept stucking. The boys learned from Lunar about his powers and that Astral Bodies are observing them and if Lunar won't control their powers, he'll get killed. They were also warned to not use star's power because they also could get killed for that. And SW kidnapped Earth and threatened Sun and Moon to stay away from his business. They found out that Earth has some program which erases her memories about her father being evil.
Sun's mental state kept worsening but now he was lying and saying that he was doing okay. Because others had more important issues on their plates.
After Christmas Eclipse announced his return and threatened them that he'll kill them. Moon became more paranoid and aggressive which was scarying Sun. Thankfully Solar was there to stop Moon from making rush and dangerous decisions.
Sun went to therapy session with Earth and told her how Eclipse's return was stressing him out. While I think that he wasn't telling the whole truth, there was some truth to it. I think that Solar's presence was helping Sun with seeing Eclipse differently. And I think that it was then when Sun realized that Eclipse isn't the same as "Eclipse". But Eclipse's return and the way he was talking and acting, yet again triggered Sun. He saw "Eclipse" once again.
Later Sun and Moon were searching for Eclipse. Sun's words about killing Eclipse and creator are callback from the time when Sun said that they should kill their enemies. In both cases they were Sun's intrusive thoughts but for Sun it isn't like that. That's why both times Sun called himself stupid because he knows that this is bad. This time is different though because Sun promised himself that he needs to be stronger. In order to prevent the repeat of events from last year, he decided to not engage in anything and he left things for Moon and Solar.
Seeing how he blew up at Catnap shows us that sitting and waiting for others to resolve things makes things worse. We can still see signs that Sun is suicidal. He keeps making weird comments and told a suicide joke to Catnap.
Up to this point Ruin was able to trap Eclipse and Moon gave Eclipse a chance but he had to agree on the deal. Now they were searching on who brought Eclipse back together with Eclipse.
But let's focus on the conversation Sun and Moon had with Eclipse. Sun seemed nervous maybe even scared. He was unable to look at Eclipse. And he constantly repeats that he wants Eclipse dead. It doesn't make sense with how guilty Sun seemed before Eclipse returned and how he told Solar that he's making him feel better about Eclipse.
That's because Sun doesn't want to kill Eclipse. He blames himself for how Eclipse turned out to be. But I think the way Eclipse talks and behaves, trigger Sun's delusional mind and he's unable to differentiate between Eclipse and "Eclipse". He wants "Eclipse" dead. Not Eclipse. He said that he wanted to save Eclipse at first. But he wasn't talking about Eclipse. He's talking about "Eclipse" who is him so he's actually talking about himself.
In order to prevent himself from hurting others, he needs to take out the root of the problem which is "Eclipse" - the true Sun. He wants to kill himself. After all, he said that the worst thing that happened to him is that someone showed up in his head and that they came back even if Sun got rid of him. Over and over again. I think that Sun was talking about "Eclipse". He's tired of being evil and constantly ruining everything and making everything worse and hurting others.
Important thing to note is that Sun turns off every mirror in their house because he can't look at his own reflection because he doesn't want to see "Eclipse". He tries to distract himself by playing games, sitting at computer all day or spending some time with others so he won't hear "Eclipse" anymore. But it isn't enough so now he drinks his stress away hoping that maybe it'll muffle "Eclipse's" voice. But it won't help in the long run. Sun can't run away from his mental issues forever.
On lighter note I think that Sun may try to reach out to Eclipse encouraged by Solar's presence and companionship. It seems that Solar helped Sun a lot when it comes to Eclipse. Unfortunately because others are unaware of Sun's mental disorder it only helped a little because now Sun is more than sure that the "Eclipse" he wants to kill it's he, himself. I'm betting that Sun will try to apologize to Eclipse.
But to be honest I doubt that Eclipse will accept Sun's apology and take his offer of help. It's completely understandable. He has valid reasons to not trust Sun and to not want to have anything to do with him. Though I'm afraid that it'll cement in Sun that he's unable to fix what he messed up. We could see that with Bloodmoon and it'll probably be the same with Eclipse.
And with high possibilty that others will be able to resolve the problems without Sun's help, it might be a final push for Sun to end his own life. To finally get rid of "Eclipse".
I think that we're heading to ending of this arc soon and then we shall see how things will turn out to be.
I hope that all of this was somewhat coherent and makes sense. I tried my best to explain why I think that for Sun there are two Eclipses and why Sun thought for a long time that our Eclipse was "Eclipse" - Sun's hallucination, the voice from his head.
Also I hope that I didn't make too many mistakes.
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chronicallycouchbound · 8 months
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Guide to interacting with people with psychosis spectrum disorders and psychotic symptoms
If someone who has psychotic symptoms is talking to you about their hallucinations or delusions, do not suggest:
That they are inherently violent or dangerous Why: Statistically, people with psychosis are more likely to be victims of violence, not perpetrators. They are more likely to be killed by police than people without mental illnesses.
That their hallucinations are actually reality and everyone else can’t experience it Why: this can cause further dissonance between reality for the person, especially if they’re actively experiencing symptoms. It can lead to derealization and depersonalization, and exasperate or trigger hallucinations and/or delusions.
That they are a prophet, god, all powerful, etc. Why: along with the above reason of causing further separation from reality, many people with psychotic spectrum disorders experience delusions, one common type of delusion is called delusions of grandeur, which is a specific delusion around perceiving oneself or one’s accomplishments as greatness or of higher status than others. This specific delusion can be dangerous because it can lead to the person believing that they are immune to consequences, including physical harm to oneself. By affirming beliefs of the person being god-like, it can trigger or exasperate this delusion. This is especially common with people who have Bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and they are in manic states.
That they should just meditate Why: Meditation often isn’t safe for people with psychosis! Studies show that unguided meditation is especially risky, because without focusing on reality, people with psychotic symptoms are more likely to have hallucinations, or have depersonalization/derealization.
That you can see/hear it too, when you can’t/lying to agree with their hallucinations Why: This will absolutely exasperate symptoms, also it’s lying and is wrong and a genuinely horrible thing to do. This one should be obvious.
That they should just use cannabis or other psychoactive drugs Why: THC and other psychoactive compounds, can trigger psychotic episodes in people who have or are predisposed to psychosis, and trigger anxiety and hallucinations, which can exasperate symptoms. That being said, individual experiences may differ greatly, and they may be able to use psychoactive substances with no issues, but to suggest it as a cure-all or without a proper understanding of its possible negative side effects can be dangerous. Also, many antipsychotics and other psychiatric medications interact with many psychoactive drugs, so it’s important to know if it’s physically safe for them to use both at once.
Things you can say/do instead!
When actively experiencing symptoms/episodes:
Maintain a calm and steady tone of voice, don’t yell.
Explain what you’re doing before you do it, and try to avoid sudden movements which can scare or jump someone
If they have an action plan, follow it. I also urge you to remember that they’re scared right now. They likely don’t want to hurt anyone, but they’re terrified. Find ways to be safe, preferably that don’t involve police (there are lots of statistics around why this is unhelpful and can be dangerous)
“I understand that you feel scared right now, let’s find ways to be safe through this.” Be supportive! Psychotic symptoms are similar to symptoms of any other mental illnesses, when someone is depressed or anxious, we often reach out with kindness, remember that people with psychosis also need that compassion and consideration.
“We are at [location], I am [name] we are [relationship to person], we are safe” Talking about reality can be really helpful, most people with symptoms need some guidance around basic understandings of reality, affirming what is real can help them distinguish what is and isn’t. An important note, reality checks can sometimes be more harmful than helpful. Usually, a person who needs a reality check will just ask the questions: “Who are you?”, “Where are we?”, Etc.
Sometimes, doing reasonable things to help them feel safer is necessary to help them calm down enough that they stop having severe symptoms. For example, someone who is afraid that people are watching them might want to cover windows and lock doors, help them create a safe space for them mentally by doing that. Some requests might be a bit odd, but harmless, like putting salt in the doorways so demons can’t get in, you can do that, or find alternatives to help them feel safe. It’s important to try to create this safe space while also affirming reality.
Try not to focus on the specific hallucination, but rather on their feelings, for example instead of talking about the demons or details about the demons, talk about their feelings about the demons, and how you can make them feel safer. It can help them feel secure to have someone in reality helping them stay safe while they cope with these scary symptoms.
Ask permission before touching, consent is particularly important for people with psychosis, we are often stripped of our right to consent while in episodes.
Offer snacks, stuffed animals, or other comfort items
When talking about their experiences, diagnosis, or when not in episodes:
Ask how you can be supportive, both in and outside of episodes, some people need help with remembering medications, or someone to call when they’re scared and having symptoms. Sometimes it just helps to be able to explain what they’re going through and have someone just listen. They know their needs best.
Help them come up with a crisis/safety plan for when they have episodes, it can literally save their life, or at least make it more manageable and sometimes less scary.
Check on them if they seem off, have life changes, or are isolating.
Learn their warning signs and help them stay safe before they have episodes, and hopefully prevent them from happening or being more unmanageable.
Offer to do reality checks if that's something that helps them
Offer to do medication reminders ( if you're able to)
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Psychosis when I was 18. I have many psychotic symptoms including hallucinations, delusions, derealization, and depersonalization. This was written from my own experiences, research, and recommendations from providers. I highly recommend seeking out more information and experiences about psychosis to gain a more comprehensive understanding of it. No guide is one-size-fits-all, and this is definitely incomplete in many ways, but hopefully, this provides some insight or education for you.
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asleepinawell · 1 year
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the best part of being a summoner is the Emotional Security Carbuncle. you are never alone out there in the world. your carby is always by your side, sparkling and waving their tail
the second best part is the Emotional Security Tactical Nuclear Strike aka Akh Morn
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carnival-phantasm · 2 years
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Since we’re on the topicSubaru’s life is such a wild rollecoaster:
Almost died at birth due to small hole in heart
Had to stay in hospital first 3-5 years of life due to this
At constant risk of sudden death if she over-exerted herself
Eventually released from hospital
At some point got hit by a car
Back to the hospital for a few months cause of this
She has now been to the hospital so much she finds them hilarious
Went on a high school exchange program to Canada
Found out that between the time of choosing her host family and arrival in the Country, her host mother had since divorced and gotten into a new relationship
Back to Japan after high school
House burns down
Took a bunch of odd jobs to support parents cause house burnt down
Applied as a Vtuber at Hololive
Had very little qualifications for the position, or really any understanding of what it was
Got the job anyway cause they liked her spunk
Broke generally accepted conduct in your first week by collabing with a guy Vtuber from a different organization
Inadvertently convinced said Vtuber not to quit cause the collab convinced him that there was still fun to be had in Vtubing
Get bullied by a bunch of nerds for not being a nerd
Become a general fan and internal company favourite Vtuber
Absolute Duck Queen Oozora Subaru
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faramirsonofgondor · 4 months
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do y’all ever reminisce on the past and just go “damn i was really batshit crazy then” and proceed to remain batshit crazy or no.
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dragonsholygrail · 2 months
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It’s decided. I need Halsin on top of me like a damn weighted stuffed animal, Shadowheart on my left side petting my head and murmuring soft praises, and I need Astarion on my right side caressing my cheek and resting his face in my neck as he tries to restrain himself from biting me.
That will cure all my ailments.
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healingwgabs · 4 months
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“Talk to a therapist” “go to the psych ward” are ableist statements and r not supportive to the psychotic communities who experience delusions of persecution and extreme paranoia who wont trust their therapist or the psych ward staff?? and are likely to get traumatized if they go to therapy or the psych ward in a state like that
Seen posts on here that recommend that psychotics (Doesn’t specify what kind) speak to therapists? And from personal experience I don’t agree (depends on what kind) and think it can be harmful. I was lucky enough to be given a few free sessions-my mom had something set up (like 3-the country I live in offers that to some ppl 🇨🇦 but my therapist) but it was during my psychotic depression (w chronic paranoia) and now I feel ways about seeing a therapist.. idk don’t recommend seeing one if ur like that, it was kinda traumatizing and it wasn’t the therapists fault
Everything is traumatizing when ur in a state like that :( still learning what triggers I got while like that esp having experienced things for as long as I have
I also never told my therapist about the psychotic symptoms I was experiencing during things, didn’t trust being honest about them with a professional at the time, just had to mask a lot. Didn’t tell my family either. I was rlly scared about the terrifying things I was going through internally
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sentimental-apathy · 1 year
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kiindr · 12 days
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what i want you to do is stop using the words "delulu/delusional" and "intrusive thoughts" for non-clinical purposes. they are actual symptoms that people suffer with. they don't need you to add to their troubles by trivializing their experiences by casually using these terms :)
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fishandshesmygills · 6 months
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do you think there;s an equivalent of seasonal depression but it's like autumnal mania. i swear i go insane every fall
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