#depression story

[mclovin-my-fleeting-dreams]

Part 1

Opening the door, the room has one night light emitting bright yellow but the rest is clutter and in total darkness. The room was a messy bedroom. Clothes were thrown on the floor, bottles/cans of soda on the tops of tables, items misplace. Finding anything in this mess is like finding gold in a mine. Every item I loved disappears in the pile of mess. Falling on to the bed in the room, I ponder over doing something productive for the rest of the day. Instead, I fall victim to bed comfort embrace and drift towards the land of dreams. I awoken again, the room is still a mess. Getting up, ready to start the day, there’s an eerie feeling in the air. It’s cold and almost surreal. It then start to feel painful. I feel sick for some reason but I just got up? I then roll back under the covers and slowly I revisit the dream realm. Awakening again, I ponder over the things I need to get done for today. There’s so much to do and so little time when their due. However, I just feel so tired and so unmotivated. I wanted to get up and do the things I need to get done but some unsee able force was drawing me back to comfort of my bed. I close my eyes yet again and hope that the next day won’t be like this.

#writers and poets #my writing #mental illness #depression story #my story #writing #my blog #writers on tumblr #my poem

[tayyyyyty]

Pressure

“Please leave me alone.” I buried my head in my hands. “I really can’t deal with this right now.”

“Okay, I will. But please, just tell me what the problem is first,” you reply, the slight quiver of your voice exposing your worry - for me.

I hated that worry, and I lived off that worry. The worry repulsed me, and made me want to hug you. The worry made me guilty, because I could never be enough to deserve that worry. Because there were days like this where I felt completely worthless, and it was embarrassing that you had to see it when I tried so hard - so fucking hard - to hide this side of me.

“Please,” I said again. “I just get like this sometimes. I’m better alone when this stuff happens.” I felt involuntary tears slide down my face and I made sure to rub them back into my skin.

I don’t look up, but I know you’re staring at me. I wonder what you’re thinking. How troublesome, how problematic. How pitiful, how embarrassing.

Of course you wouldn’t be thinking that, though, because those are the thoughts in my head, and the thoughts in yours seem so beautiful and hopeful. I wish I could live in your head just for a second, and show my brain the other side - what it means to be okay, to be sane. But what if you’re also not sane? What if you hurt the same as I do, and if I go into your brain you’d feel not only your sadness, but mine as well. What if we didn’t share pain, but burdened each other with it?

Finally, I hear your footsteps move towards the door. I keep my head in my hands. As you approach the door frame, the steps pause. “I’ll check up on you later, okay? I know you need your alone time, but for my sake I’ll be coming back.” And then you leave, and, finally alone, I begin to cry.

#mentally drained #friends #original story #story #depression story #crying

[maranull]

anyway, Elden Ring is about love and hope

Marika burns everything she has build out of sorrow

Ranni banishes the Outer Gods and also fucks off the Lands, giving agency back to the normal beings of the Lands

Fortissax endlessly fights Death for his friend/lover

Melina burns herself and Erdtree in hopes of a better world in the hands of the Tarnished

Blaidd fights against the very reason he was created out of love for his sister

Ranni and Rykard always keep an eye on their mother, protecting her

Radahn evokes so much love from his troops that they organise a whole festival to give him a honorable death even in his madness

Radahn learns an entire new school of magic in order to still ride his favourite horse

Boc's love for his mother, his mother's love for him

How all but two endings are build on the hope that this new era (whatever it might be) will be good

Miquella attempting to create an whole new world-tree to host the forsaken and the damned

Miquella turning on the faith he was raised and even believed in to an extent, when it was unable to cure his sister's curse

The Cleanrot's loyalty to Malenia and their endurance of the Rot, only to stay in her service

Malenia marching through the entire continent in search of her brother

Finlay traveling all the way back on her own, carrying the incapacitated demigod on her back

Tanith's love for Rya

Dialos' entire questline

Edgar being driven mad after his daughter dies

Vyke embracing, to a point, the Frenzied Flame in order to save his finger maiden

or you know, that's just how I see it

#elden ring #i'm simplifying a lot in this #but that's the story #to me #it follows the pattern of the ds series too #where the world was miserable and depressing #yet the main theme was hope and perseverance #with elden ring we got so many more characters and as such love began playing a bigger part too #and you can't really have interesting characters without their actions being driven by love and hope #or lack thereof #even power-hungry characters are driven by the hope of reaching the power “level” they want #and hateful ones are driven by lack of love #or so i think

[saccharinerose]

Furina: Anyone I've ever worked with probably couldn't wait to get rid of me... Since I'm just an ordinary person now. They'll probably just laugh in my face if I go asking them for help... :(

Neuvillette, the second Furina asks him about booking the Opera Epiclese, the process for which is notably cumbersome and complex: Yes, I will take care of it immediately. Btw does this mean you will allow audiences (myself included) to enjoy your outstanding acting talents once more? 🥺

#furina #neuvillette #genshin 4.2 spoilers #genshin spoilers #genshin 4.2 #genshin impact #he is so horrendously pathetically down bad for her #i want to put clown make-up on him and beat him up in a parking lot #MY MAN #YOU ARE ONE STEP AWAY FROM SERENADING AT HER WINDOW #so yeah i played furina's story quest #her 1st story quest was kinda depressing #but also hopeful #we still have her presumed 2nd story quest for the 2nd weekly boss of Fontaine #maybe this one will have an all-around happier note #building on the hopeful end of her 1st one #i just want furina to be happy :') #focallette #neuvifuri

[desultory-suggestions]

The things you create don’t have to make sense! They can be messy and wild! They can be confusing and strange! They can be ugly and weird! Stop tethering your sense of creativity to what other people will accept. You deserve to create without inhibition.

#suggestions #reminders #creativity #art #mental health #self love #anxiety #depression #ed recovery #story telling #writing #writer #spilled ink #author #poem #poet #spilled poetry #journaling #studyblr

[panthermouthh]

And I said, “Hello, Satan

I believe it’s time to go.”

#my art #southern gothic #been too depressed to create anything but I’ve made this today #the little rhyme has been in my head for a few weeks #spilled ink #I guess do people still use that tag for poetry or am I old lol #I’ve been writing in my journal pretty much daily and sometimes spitting out little poems like this #not much energy for art #so I’m not gonna pressure myself to keep it up #I’m just gonna enjoy the fact that I made this #I hope ur all well <33 #the devil #by the way this isn’t meant to be fan art of Robert Johnson #but it’s inspired by him and the stories of musicians who sell their souls to the devil #I am still thinking very hard and have mostly drafted a cornstalk fiddle comic #god knows how long it’ll stay in a notebook haha #my comic #comics

[rjmxrell]

I wasn't good enough, but I tried to be.

#heartbreak #deep feelings #heartbroken #depressing poem #you broke my heart #sad poems #sad stories #ten word poem #breakup

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[serenityatnight]

Math tells us the saddest love stories

"Parallel lines were never meant to meet"

"Tangent lines only meet once and grow apart forever"

"Asymptotes get closer and closer but will never be together "

#desiblr #indian aesthetic #desi #desi academia #desi tumblr #desi girl #love #desi tag #desi teen #tw depressing thoughts #mathblr #mathematics #calculus #graph #sad life #heartbreak #sad love story #math

[chibigaia-art]

btw quick reminder that if you're a terf you're not welcome here

#chibiblabbing #the whole thing going on rn. man. #scrolling the dash today has just been depressing with all the international news and internal tmblr shit #also tired of seeing h*rry p*tter stuff on my friends insta stories i love her but hhh #seeing her share a thing and then go on to find the asshole donated tons of money for her terfy crusade #yikes

[thatswhatsushesaid]

psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌 #editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously) #but he is just. /clenches my fists!!! #THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!! #who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war? #who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life? #who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession? #no one!!! that's who!! #ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

[mercifullymad]

i feel passionately about the need to enfold people experiencing (or diagnosed) with "just" depression or anxiety into the mad pride project. the more people who view themselves as mad, the better. much as the rhetorical move from "neurotypical" to "neuroconforming" emphasizes the artifice & social construction of "neurotypicality," so too will expanding identification as "mad" expose the sane/mad dichotomy as a false one.

it's true that (some) people with "just" depression and/or anxiety have an easier time navigating the psych system than people who have more stigmatized diagnoses. but this is not to say that they necessarily have an easy time — the carceral psych system is hostile to everyone subsumed by it, even the most "privileged" patients. we should of course critique & examine how our experiences are shaped by various intersections of privilege, but we cannot forget or ignore how someone with "just" a depression/anxiety diagnosis can still experience the full force of the carceral psych system brought down upon them (including but not limited to involuntary institutionalization, police intervention, & forced medication or other forced treatment).

we must encourage, if not insist, that those with the least-stigmatized diagnoses view their difficult experiences navigating the psych system as bound up with the liberation of people who have more stigmatized diagnoses &, often, a more violent experience of the psych system. we need more people to drop the "i have anxiety/depression but i'm not crazy" line and say loudly, "i have anxiety/depression & i am crazy. my access to just treatment is linked to the conditions of all other crazy people, who are my allies, peers, & friends. we are united in our cause & we all deserve a more liberating system of care."

#mad pride #mad liberation #disability justice #the way that one IG influencer who called depression & anxiety “vanilla” diagnoses has lived rent-free in my mind for the past five years.. #i was soooo upset by that for like three years & now i'm like. okay. it is a little funny. #but also i do think that somewhere in the 'destigmatization'/commodification of anxiety/depression (treatment) #we have lost the plot & forgotten that 'just' these experiences on their own can still be deeply distressing & chronic & endangering #& can make people (be viewed as) just as 'crazy' as someone with a more stigmatized diagnosis #& for me personally my experiences of anxiety & depression have been far more disabling than anything else #sorry i keep editing this post to correct typos...story of my life

[caostalgia]

Quisiera decirle a mi yo de niño que no tuvo la culpa de todo lo que pasó.

Ni por lo que tuvo que vivir, Lex.

#notas #frases #citas #escritos #caostalgia #sad stories #sad #quotes #sad poem #desahogo #trauma #recuerdos #depressing quotes #abuso emocional #abuso infantil #alexanderalay #alay

[overwhelming-thoughtss]

there is something so comforting about sadness. about throwing things on your bedroom floor and not picking them up. about binging reality tv in the dark for 14 hours straight. about lying in your bed and not moving while the world continues to turn around you. overwhelming and heavy depression is comforting because it’s familiar. it allows you to sink into yourself and rot there for as long as you want. thats the vicious cycle with depression, it takes everything to not give into the comfort and familiarity that comes with it.

#sad stories #sad aesthetic #sad thoughts #sad poem #depressing shit #depressing quotes #depressing life #depressing poem #im sorry #im so tired #alone with my thoughts #overthinking #Thoughts #heartbroken #self help

[1im-perfect1]

I love how the interview with the vampire trailer is sexy and mysterious and then the show is a borderline dark comedy about the retelling of vampire history's most cringe fail marriage between the worst case of catholic guilt and eldest daughter syndrome being romanced by a dumpster fire gremlin that thinks more with his heart and dick than his non-existent brain and the coolest character in the whole story is their murderous daughter

#and the interviewer is an almost old flame of the vampire #that spends half of his screentime making snarky comments about the vampire and his ex-husband #to adapt it to a modern audience they could have gone extremely dark and nihilistic or embrace the camp and weirdness #I'm glad they went with the latter bc it gives them more room to explore the story and themes #Instead of just going for dark and gloomy and depressing #iwtv #iwtv amc #iwtv spoilers #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #claudia de lioncourt #daniel molloy #Interview with the vampire

[angee1011]

So, like. Had more time to ruminate on it. And Across the Spiderverse is what a story about a super-powered kid should be. It’s a story about this kid who wants to be a hero more than anything. He is a hero. But he’s a kid too. And he says, “Why can’t I save everyone?” Why can’t he? What is the point of being a hero if you don’t try to save everyone. And then movie sits you (the audience) down and spells it out: you see all these kids? Yeah, they’ve LOST the people they love. It’s a sacrifice for being this way. *shrugs* That’s just how it is, kid. And we can’t change it because we lost that fight already.

And Miles. Oh man, this kid. He’s says, “Fuck that. I write MY story and no one else.” And then he’s an anomaly and he wasn’t even supposed to BE the hero.

And you stop. And you think. That’s the point. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re supposed to be the hero. You choose it. It’s not destiny. It doesn’t matter if the spider bit you or someone else. What matters is that you’re a kid and you’re gonna save the people you love no matter what because that’s what you choose to believe in.

Idk, man. Maybe stories about heroes should be more about hope and love and defying expectation and less about the tragedy of giving up everything for the sake of the world. Maybe some times you DO save everyone. You know, as a treat.

#across the spiderverse #spiderman #miles morales #I am in love with this movie #there’s a doctor who reference at the end #but I loved the narrative of this movie #like we should question why are these stories always so depressing when it’s meant to be about saving the people we love #these stories are about love #across the Spiderverse spoilers #spoilers #so many thoughts