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Why do you hate yourself?

Summery: The reason why Aaron is in therapy.

A/N: I have never experienced a PTSD episode. I just based this off from Lexie Grey’s episode from Grey’s Anatomy.

Taglist: @ellyhotchner @unionjackpillow @eleanorbloom

Warnings: PTSD episode, fire, murder, death

“Why do you hate yourself?”

Aaron stares at her. He hates himself because he’s weak. He couldn’t save his wife and he put his son in danger. Aaron hates himself because his team hates him. He is a narcissist, drill sergeant and a bully. Aaron hates himself because he can’t save anyone. Who wouldn’t hate him?

“Ok, do you hate yourself because of the fire?”

“What fire”, Aaron asks, confused. Suddenly it hits him. The fire.

“Hotch! We have to go!” Morgan says.

“No, he can still make it”, Aaron says as he continues to do compressions. He’s thirteen years old, he’s too young to die. Aaron can feel his ribs breaking but he doesn’t care.

“Hotch, come on!”, Morgan says as he pulls Hotch away from the kid’s dead body. Aaron tries to get him off.

“Aaron, we need to go. Now!” Morgan says. Aaron looks at him and let’s go of the kid’s body. Morgan rarely calls Hotch by his first name. He only said it when he needs to say it.

Aaron and Morgan quickly escape the abandoned building. Aaron looks back and sees fire burning down the walls slowly.

“I couldn’t save him”, Aaron says.

“You blame yourself for his death. Especially after you told his parents”

“H-h-he’s dead?” The mother asks Aaron.

“I’m so sorry”, Aaron says. Aaron tries to put his hand in her shoulder for comfort but she quickly pulls away.

“You monster”, she says.

“What?” Aaron asks.

“H-he’s dead because of you. You should’ve saved him. You should’ve tried harder. Why didn’t you tried harder!’ The boy’s mother asks who is now screaming.

“I-“, Aaron tries to say something but was pulled back by Rossi. Why didn’t he tried harder? Why didn’t he saved him? He watches as the mother drops to ground and cries.

“You blame yourself for so many deaths. This one finally broke you”

“I think he wants his son to die”, Aaron says.

“What?” Rossi asks, concerned.

“H-he doesn’t even know what his son was wearing the day he was missing. He also doesn’t know what toy he brought to the park. I mean does he want his son to die?” Aaron asks Rossi. Before Rossi can say anything, Hotch goes up to the father.

“Do you want your son to die? You know you could’ve just left your son in his room and burn your house down. That way you can insurance money from your son and the house”, Aaron says to the man. He can feel his chest tightening.

“Aaron!” Rossi says pulling him away from the father.

“Excuse me?” The father asks.

“Burning him would be easier because it gets rid of the body too-“ Aaron says before he bumps over a box of case files. He pushes the files out of the way. Aaron pulls his tie lose, it’s getting hard for him to breathe. He looks through his pockets for a lighter. He always keeps a lighter just in case he wants to go for a smoke. Aaron places the lighter in front of the father.

“Here, now you can burn down this whole damn place. Then you can find your son and-“ Aaron says as he gets pulled away. Rossi quickly brings him and Aaron into another room while JJ apologizes to the father.

“What the hell was that?!” Rossi asks. Aaron tries to say something but he can’t breathe. He suddenly faints and drops to the ground.

“You had a PTSD episode. It’s also why you’re here”

Aaron doesn’t say anything. Instead he looks at his hands.

“Do you know what I think? You’ve been bottling up so many emotions. And that fire was the last straw. You broke and you let all of you emotions out. Your wife died and one of your mentors died. Not to mention all of the other cases you probably have blamed yourself on”

Aaron continues looking at his hands. He can feel tears forming in eyes.

“I think that’s enough for today”

Before she can say anything else, Aaron quickly got up and left.

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