#despite all the issues i had like not seeing Hyunjin at all and what not I actually really enjoyed this first episode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pyramid-of-starrs · 7 months

Text

Don't be Mean to Sannie

Pt 2 of stay with me

Pairing: Clingy San x Black/Poc Fem reader

Genre: Fluffy, angst, Smut

Warnings: Jealousy, clingy boyfriend, cheating, kinda?, cursing, arguing, possessiveness, San is kinda Toxic idk lol, mentions of other idols (Wooyoung, Hyunjin and Ryujin)

Smut warning: Kissing, licking, rubbing, public sexual acts, oral sex (F and M receiving), mentions of asshole??, Hard sex, breeding (tbh it was bound to happen I love breeding lol), mentions of pregnancy, Switch San, Switch reader, uh- if im missing something lemme know

A/N: Pt 2 is finally here lol, San has been driving me fucking mad with his selfies they look so fucking good fuck.

Bad smut under the cut

Minors dni

It was around 4pm Friday afternoon, you had the day off today due to some random holiday and you were determined to go out with your friends this time because your besties laid into you last time about ditching them. Not this time, you needed to go out and experience life again, and you were going to, but the only issue? The blood sucking leech that was laying on your bed wet and covered in a towel from the waist down. San was off as well so he came over early this morning to bring you breakfast and he stayed the entire day, you let him know your plans and he agreed to back off, you got into the shower, and he of course started to feel lonely and go in with you. You were still on track to go out despite him fucking you in the shower until the water turned cold, even then when you got out, he felt the need to fuck you on top of the bathroom counter, you felt tired but grabbed a red bull from the kitchen to keep yourself awake. You got dressed in plain grey jogging pants with a cropped jacket to match it, you dried your hair and kept put on your favorite Von Dutch hat (Sans Von Dutch that you stole), and a pair of socks. Then you started to pack up an outfit and your make-up and hair supplies, your plan was simple, the more time you spent around San the more of an opportunity he had to seduce you into staying with him that night.

“Woah, woah where are you going? I thought you were going out tonight?” he said as he leaned up on his elbows.

You continued to gather all the items you needed as you replied. “I am, I’m getting dressed at Erica’s house.”

He tilted his head. “Why? What about our tradition of you letting me watch you get dress?”

“You mean the tradition of you watching me get dressed until you get horny and jealous then fuck me until I’m too tired to leave?” You turned to him and folded your arms.

“Well, yeah? It’s the best part of my Friday night.” He said smiling with his sneaky little grin.

“Well, it’s not the best part of mine, I want to actually go and experience my youth for once San. I can’t keep spending every day and night with you, I’ll go stir crazy.”

“I go stir crazy when I DON’T spend every day and night with you.” He sat all the way up at this point.

“You’ll live, I promise you will, it’s not fair that I can’t see my friends because you want me all to yourself, they want time with me just like you do. I’m sure your friends miss you too.” You said as you placed your bag next to him on the bed to zip it up.

“I don’t give a damn about that; I only care about you.” He said giving you a duh face.

“That’s not good San, you should care! Even if you don’t I do and so do they. I’m not sure what you’re going to do tonight but I’m going, you should call your friends and see what they are doing. Wooyoung texted me earlier saying he wanted to invite you out anyways.”

“Why are you texting my best friend?” He said with a bit of irritation in his voice.

“First of all, you can’t be clingy AND jealous it’s not good, second of all, we text because you never answer the damn phone when you’re with me.”

“I can be as jealous as I want when my girlfriend looks like you, either way why are you even going out, what does a club have that I don’t? Besides your friends.” He got up to take off his towel and start getting dressed.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head “Don’t do that, don’t make this something it’s not.”

“I’m not making it anything, I’m just saying why are you getting all dressed to go to some sweaty club and be drooled over by people when you could be home with me getting drooled over.” He said as he looked at you while he buttoned his pants, he hadn’t put on a shirt yet because he knew you had a weakness for his broad shoulders and chiseled abs, even now he was still trying to seduce you.

“Maybe because there is more to life than sitting in my boyfriends face all damn day, I really shouldn’t have to explain this to you.” You had a bit of an attitude in your voice that he immediately picked up on.

“Don’t get an attitude with me.” He said with a serious look.

“I can get whatever I want with you.” You rolled your neck and bit and folded your arms, you shot daggers directly at him and he did the same.

“So, you’re really starting an argument because I want to spend time with you?”

“You know damn well it’s not about that.”

“Then please tell me what’s it about?”

“It’s about the fact that you are suffocating me, all I want is a day out with my friends and you can’t put aside your weird ass insecurities to let me enjoy my night if it’s not spent with you. You always manipulate me into staying with you everyday and night and the shit is getting old as hell, I had a life before you, and I damn sure am going to have one with or without you.” You said, anger filling your voice.

“What do you mean without me?”

“Exactly what I just said, if I can’t go out and enjoy my life without you doing too much then…well...” you paused, trying to avoid saying something you would regret.

“Well what? Say it Y/N, say what the fuck is really on your mind. I get it, I can be clingy, but you knew I was clingy going into this relationship, even when we were talking, I was clingy and told you that. I understand that I can be a lot but don’t sit here and act like I’m oh so manipulative all of a sudden. If you want to go out and get felt up on by some sweaty guy at the club then go do that, but don’t be mad if I go do the same thing.” He put on his shirt and started to gather his items so he could leave as well.

“Fuck you San, you know I’m not going out to be a hoe, but you’re right 2 can play that game, if you wanna go and find another bitch good fucking luck. I hope she deals with all your goofy ass bullshit and when she doesn’t don’t fucking call me.”

“Whatever Y/N” he started to ignore you and walked out the room, you followed behind him.

“Whatever nothin’! If you walk out that door right now, I hope you know I’m going to do exactly what you said and act single as hell tonight.” He froze in front of the door as you stood behind him.

“What the fuck did you say?” he said in a monotoned voice. The air seemed like it got thin, and your heart started to pound, you could feel the anger radiating off of him.

“I-I said if you walk out that door, I’m going to act single as hell tonight.”

He nodded his head and licked his lips; he didn’t say another word just put on his shoes and walked out the door.

“FUCK!” you yelled as you sat down on your couch, this whole situation spiraled so far out of control for no real reason.

…

You decided to not let you and Sans argument ruin your night and still went out with your friends, Ericka got a section so luckily you didn’t have to be bothered. Of course, you wouldn’t want any guys talking to you, you were just saying that for argument sake. You were sitting babysitting your one drink and looking like a sad puppy.

“Come on girl get up and dance, stop being sad I’m sure San will get over it.” Your friend Katrina said as she pulled you out of your seat. You sadly danced along with her as she swayed your body back and forth. You looked off in the distance, all you could think about was-

“San?” you heard Ericka say, Katrina released you from her grasp and everyone stared in one direction, and you looked over to do the same. That’s when you saw it, the worse site ever, your boyfriend with his friends across the club sitting and giggling with a group of women, they were sitting so close, and one even had the audacity to out her hand on his thigh. You started to see red and wanted to march over there but then you felt your friends hand touch your shoulder.

“Don’t do it girl, it’s not worth it.”

She was right, and the best way to get back at him was to get even and even do a bit more.

“You’re right, lets go dance, Fuck him.” You said with a vengeful smile that your friends shared with you.

Your friend group entered the dance floor and started to dance, you attracted a lot of attention and it felt like the entire room was staring.

A group of guys walked up and offered to buy you and your friends a bottle for your section. You all gladly accepted and sat back down to mingle, one of the men specifically came over to talk to you while you were sipping your drink.

“Hello beautiful.” He said flashing a gorgeous smile.

“Hi” you smiled back.

“May I ask your name beautiful?” now that you were looking at the man, he had longer black hair wit a half pulled back ponytail and half down, he was very handsome his self.

“Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You reached your hand out to offer him a handshake.

He grabbed your hand and kissed it instead then looked into your eyes.

“Hyunjin, and the pleasure is all mine.”

He was a taller man, maybe an inch or two taller than San and had a slender and long build. He took at seat next to you.

“So, Y/N, are you seeing someone?” he asked, you looked over to the other side of the club and saw San still giggling and laughing with the woman, they seemed to be having a great time, he was giving her all the attention he usually gave you and it burned you up on the inside. You were never the jealous type but to see someone else touching all over what was yours really set a fire inside of you. There wasn’t anything you could do though, but you were single for the night, and you made sure to not let that go to waste.

“No, well not really, he’s an idiot so now I’m here.” A little more honest than you wanted to be but that was your truth.

“Well, if he lets a beautiful woman like you out of his site then you are absolutely right, he is an idiot.”

You giggled at him, you two talked for about 15 minutes, your friends and Hyunjins friends went back to the dance floor while you two hung back. San and the girl he was talking to could also be seen still getting chummy, at this point she was damn near in his lap, as if things couldn’t possibly heat up more you saw her lean into his neck, and it took all the strength in your body not to go drag her off of him.

“You know, if you want, I can help you forget about that guy.” Hyunjin said, you focused back on the conversation.

“Huh, what ?”

“That idiot guy, I can help you forget all about him, a sexy woman like you shouldn’t be stuck feeling lonely and excuse me if I’m overstepping but a body like yours shouldn’t go a day without being taken care of.” He said as he glided his long fingers up your thigh, naturally you would have told him to fuck off at this point, but you were pissed, you were hurt and just wanted to take your mind off of San.

“How so?” you replied in a seductive voice.

He smiled and placed his hand on your other thigh to grip it and pull you closer, he was actually pretty strong for such a smaller man. He placed his hand on the side of your jaw and brought his lips to your ear.

“Let me treat you like how you deserve beautiful; I can take you back to my place and fuck you so good the only thing you would be able to think about is me.” He whispered into the shell of your ear, his smooth voice sent chills down your spine, damn maybe San was right to be worried about the guys in the club.

“And how do I know you can do that?” you gave him a flirty little smile and took your hand and placed it over his crotch , it didn’t take long for you to feel his almost fully erect length, you started to breathe a bit heavier and bit your bottom lip.

“Does that feel like something you need baby?” he said into your ear, he started to drag his soft lips down your neck, you put your neck back a bit to give him more access and closed your eyes. The feeling was new and eased the hurt you were going through, you wanted to focus on the sensation but the only thing on your mind was San, you just wanted him to be touching you like this. You started to imagine it was him starting to slowly kiss down your neck. Imagining it was Sans fingers sliding up your dress and gripping your ass, it was San not Hyunjin telling you “Let me treat you right baby.”

“Y/N!”

You shot your eyes open and jumped a bit. Hyunjin stopped and looked over to who was calling your name, it was your friend Katrina.

“Excuse me, your friends are looking for you sir I think they said they were ready to go.” She said.

He smiled at her.

“Thank you for letting me know, Y/N make sure you use my number, okay?” Hyunjin said as he got up and waved both of you goodbye before he left.

“Girl what the hell was that?” Katrina said replacing Hyunjins place next to you.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Y/N, you need to fix whatever the fuck you got going on with your dude, you can’t be in here letting randoms kiss and touch on you.”

“I know…”

“Well bitch act like it, go to the bathroom and get yourself together we are about to go.”

You nodded your head slowly and go up to walk to the bathroom.

You opted out of going to the large bathroom instead you chose to go into the single unisex bathroom. You walked in and walked up to the sink and looked into the mirror. You stood looking at yourself in silence before tears started to sit at the corner of your eyes. You fought the urge to cry at the downfall of your relationship and just sighed, you hated to admit it, but you just wished you were at home cuddling with San watching TV while he gave you little kisses. A knock interrupted your thoughts.

“Someone’s in here.” You grabbed the towel and started to rub your eyes; you must not have locked the door because you heard the door open while you had your eyes closed to wipe them. The person walked in and walked up behind you.

“Katrina?”

They did respond then pressed their crotch to your butt and hugged you from behind.

“…Hyunjin?” you said as your eyes got wide, and you looked up to the mirror to see who it was.

“Is that what his name was? I’ll remember that when I try to find him to kill him.”

Yeah, that was definitely San.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you said. He chose not to reply, he immediately started to kiss your neck, dropping his weight down on you so you had no choice but to start to bend over the sink, you butt pushing against his crotch even more.

"S-San what are-"

"Shut up."

His hands slid up your thigh and immediately went into your panties, his fingers caressed your fold roughly, you let out small moans while trying to stay quiet.

"So that little bastard out there made your slutty little pussy wet or were you just imagining it was me touching you?"

"San!"

"Answer me!" he yelled and with no warning he drove his two fingers into your hole, and you covered your mouth to keep yourself from being too loud, you used your other hand to grip the side of the sink. He drilled his fingers in and out of you like you weren't in public, San has always been the jealous type so honestly his acts of possessiveness shouldn't come as a shock, he hated when someone touches what’s his.

Let's look at this from San's point of view.

After he left your apartment, he decided to call Wooyoung and take him up on his offer to go out tonight just so he could take his mind off of the fight. Once they were there for 15 minutes San was already over it and ready to get back home and apologize to you so you two could cuddle the night away with his face shoved right between your boobs and your thighs wrapped around his waist. A few girls invited San, Wooyoung and the rest of their friends over to their section and Wooyoung accepted the invite telling San it would be a great distraction. Once in the section San had one drink and a girl sat beside him.

"Can you pour me a drink?" She said smiling at him.

"Sure." San said with an expressionless voice, sure this lady was probably flirting but she wasn't you, so he didn't really care. He poured her a drink and another for himself because alcohol was the only things that would help get him through tonight. San passed the woman the drink and took the other cup for himself.

"Cheers to being young and single?" she said as she held her glass up and waited for San to meet her halfway.

San sighed because the thought of him being single made him cringe but technically you two were being single tonight, so he clinked the woman’s glass, they both tapped their glasses on the table before downing what was in the cup.

"I'm San, it's nice to meet you." He nodded at her.

"Ryujin." she said while putting the cup back down, San decided to pour himself another.

"Woah you're getting fucked up tonight what’s the occasion?" she said as she watched San drink from his cup.

"I got into a fight with my girlfriend." he said then took another drink of his cup.

"Daaaamn and here I was about to flirt with you." she said with a slight giggle.

"I guess you still can because according to her we are "acting single tonight", whatever the fuck that means."

"Oh fuck what did you do? Bitches don't just say that to say it, you had to do something."

San looked over at her and decided to say fuck it and vent to her, he told her about the fight, and she was honestly intrigued.

"Yeah, it's just like I thought, you're the problem." She said as she finished her cup that San poured her while he was talking, meanwhile he was on his 4th and feeling the effects.

"What the fuck how?" he said, genuinely confused.

"Let that girl loose a bit, you can't keep her locked in a cage and get mad when she wants to break out."

San rolled his eyes.

"Lemme see her."

San quickly pulled out his phone to go to your Instagram, he loved showing you off every chance he got. Ryujin took the phone and scrolled through the various photos you had posted, some of you, your life and of course you and San.

"Oh, wait never mind you're right keep her ass locked up she’s hot asf."

"See!!" he said looking at her with a red face, she laughed and passed the phone back to him, San started to stalk your page as well, he didn't notice Ryujin scoot closer.

"Honestly San, you two make a sexy ass couple so I hope you work it out."

"Thanks, I do too."

She flashed a devious smile leaned into his neck to whisper in his ear.

" Cause honestly I would love to fuck you both." Sans eyes got wide, and he looked up, he was going to respond but that's when he saw you and Hyunjin and he just froze. Ryujin got up and giggled and walked back to her friends. San was stuck watching Hyunjin kiss and rub on you, just like you, San saw red, he was going to kill that man that dared to touch his precious angel. Who did he think he was? He watched the entire moment up until Katrina stopped it and you walked to the bathroom. When he realized where you were going, he let Wooyoung know that he "had to pee" and followed you. Now your here with his two digits being pushed into you erratically.

"You fucking little slut, how dare you let that peasant touch what's mine. I don't give a fuck about what little fight we got into, I don't ever want to see another man’s hands or lips or anything near you. Do you hear me?" he said while his fingers fucked you so deep and fast that you had to fully behind over almost with your head in the sink, you were a moaning mess at this point.

"You can't talk now whore? Okay that's fine." he took his fingers out of your core as it unclenched and clenched around nothing, like it was begging San to enter you again. He squatted down and pushed your dress up to your waist. He immediately shoved his face into your wet pussy and licked a few stripes from your hole to your clit. You yelp at the feeling of his cold tongue on your hot pussy as he ate it from the back. San stuck his tongue in your hole and started to fuck you with his while his big nose little brushed your asshole. You started to pant and whimper trying to keep yourself together.

A sudden knock on the door scared you but San was unmoved, he continued to fuck you with his tongue.

"Y/N you in there sis?" You heard your friend say on the other side of the door.

San gripped the front of your hips and pulled you down on to his face, he didn't give a single fuck if someone caught you two, if anything he would love it, then you couldn't deny who you belonged to.

"Y-yeah, I'll be out soon." you stuttered.

"Oh, okay then I'll wait here for you."

"NO! I mean...no just wa-ahh~ wait for me at the seeeection please."

Your friend raised an eyebrow behind the door.

"Uh- okay girl." you could hear footsteps walking away from the door and your mind focused back on San silk tongue deep inside your walls. Your knees were weak, and your mind was blanking as you gripped both sides of the wet porcelain sink and leaned into it.

"S-San p-please I can't..."

His hands made their home on both your ass cheeks as he spread them apart to bury his face deep in your dripping pussy, you reached your hand back to push him back, yet your efforts were wasted because San didn't budge.

You could feel yourself reaching your peak, your eyes were rolling to the back of your head as you tightly bit your lip to fight back the moans that threatened to fall from your mouth. Just as you started to feel yourself fall apart San pulled back, he silently breathed heavily and stood up not saying a word, you whined from being denied.

"San please- I need to cum please-" you started to beg.

"No, sounds like something a boyfriend would do, you're single remember?" he walked over to the paper towel dispenser and waved his hand to grab a paper towel from the automatic dispenser and wipe your slick from his mouth and chin. You watched him move about in the bathroom with your eyebrows arched and your pussy still pulsing, waiting for someone to finish the job.

"Call the one guy, what was his name again? Hyun-?"

"Fuck you San." you said pulling your panties back up with an aggressive attitude.

"Nope." He said before walking out the door like nothing ever happened.

You exited the bathroom to rejoin your friends and leave the club, the next morning you woke up with a throbbing hangover headache and an empty bed. Usually San would be here, especially on weekends, sleeping under you while you woke up with his strong arms wrapped around you and his plush lips kissing the shell of your ear to wake you up, but not today. You grabbed your phone from your nightstand and see no text from San but one from Hyunjin, guess you must have given him your number last night, when you opened the message, it read:

"Good morning beautiful, would love to take you out to breakfast, or have you for breakfast 😉"

you rolled your eyes, you forgot how much guys sucked, you were so used to being treated with the utmost respect by San that regular men disgusted you. You needed your man back and you needed him back now. Later in that day you decided to put your pride aside after not hearing from San and called him, the phone rang a few times before he answered, his background was noisy, and he was obviously with others.

"Hello?" you said first.

"What's up, I'm busy." He said speaking over the noise.

"I...I wanted to talk to you..." you said softly.

"Talk? What?"

"Can we talk, I wanna talk about what happ-"

"San get off the phone and come back." you could hear a female voice say, it made your stomach drop.

"Listen I gotta go, talk to you when ever bro." he said then silence, he hung up on you and called you bro? This shit was sick, you needed to do something. You texted San asking him to stop by that night if he was free so you could talk, your friends invited you out as well, but you decided to stay in since San texted you back saying he would try to stop by later. Unfortunately, later never came, you waited for hours for him to come by until you passed out curled up in your bed. You woke up feeling sad that you were on the second day without making up with San, this wasn't normal, this wasn't San. Fuck it though! If this was how he was going to act then fine, two can play that game!

And you would be the loser, a fully work week had passed and it was Friday night once again. You and San hadn't spoken since the last text, and you could put your pride aside again to reach out first, but damn was it killing you. You missed him so much and it was driving you crazy, between the overall sadness of him not being around and your horniness. You even decided to say fuck it and text back Hyunjin to pass the time, but no one could compare to San. You laid in your robe, fresh out the shower sprawled out on your bed just staring at the ceiling. Your phone started to ring next to you and you grabbed it to see who it was, your eyes got wide as you saw the 3 lettered name with a purple heart emoji flashed across the screen. You could feel your heart start to beat faster, you breathed in and out a few times before answering.

"What do you need San?" you said trying to play it cool.

"My biker jacket, I left it at your house, and I need it for tonight I'm at your door."

You got somewhat excited but tried to keep up your front.

"You got a key sir."

"I didn't want to just walk into your apartment, plus I don't know where I put it."

"Neither do I." oh but you did but let’s act coy for now.

"Look, are you going to open the door or not?"

"Fine, here I come." you hung up and speedily ran to the door as you pulled your bonnet off and fixed your hair a bit in the mirror by your door, you didn't have time to change but at least your robe was nice and short and showed a good amount of cleavage. you made it to the front door and calmed yourself before you opened it, when you opened it, you saw San standing there in a dark blue jean set with a black tank top.

"I thought you came over for your jacket you look pretty dressed to me."

"It's for tomorrow..." he said slightly annoyed.

"You're going out today and tomorrow?"

"Y/N why does that matter can I come in to look?"

You rolled your eyes and walked back toward your bedroom while San shut the door and started to shut the door behind him.

"Uh uhn, take your shoes off, you know better."

"Are you being serious? I'm only going to be here for a second."

"I don't care you're not about to be walking on my bedroom carpet with shoes on." Yes, it was only a small fluffy area rug but who cares.

He shook his head and went back to the door to remove his shoes and you both walked to the bedroom. You took a seat at your vanity, and he started to look through your closet. You started to brush your hair out to get ready for your night, you were invited out by your friends but since you and San were "single" you wanted to act just as bad as San and Hyunjin invited you over and you accepted. As San was digging through your closet, he noticed you getting ready.

"Plans with your friends tonight?” he said as he continued to look.

"No... someone else." you said as you also continued your task.

"oh... who?" he questioned

"That's not really any of your concern now is it?" you said quickly

"I guess not, must be a date then."

"Maybe."

"Well good for you, hope he isn't clingy and annoying like I was."

"San I never said you were annoying."

"Right, you just treated me like I was."

"Oh my fucking god for someone with so much to say you sure have been ignoring my existence all week." You said as irritation started to leaked into your voice.

"Why would I contact someone that just broke up with me?" He said, knowing it was pressing your buttons.

"I never broke up with you San, you're just over fucking dramatic."

"Sorry I give a fuck about you."

"Whatever San hurry up and find your shit so I can go."

"Well get up and help me since you want me gone so bad."

You rolled your eyes once again and walked over to meet him at the closet and pushed him out the way.

"I put all your stuff in a box move so I can get it."

He moved out your way to sit on the bed and watch you, you stood on your tippy toes to reach to the top of the closet shelf to get the box, San was going to get up to help you instead of watching you struggle but your short silk robe was rising and revealing a bit of the bottom of your ass so he chose to sit back and watch instead.

"Where are you going on your little date?"

"No where, he just invited me to his house to watch movies and hang out."

"Netflix and chill? What is this guy 16?"

"Haha so funny." You said as you finally reached the box and brought it down, you walked over to the bed and placed it down next to him, you were about to walk back over to finish getting ready, but you felt a strong set of hands yank you back by your hips and pull you onto his lap.

"You're really going to go out to get some dick from some random."

You felt your face heat up, you missed the feeling of Sans touch and being able to sit in his lap, but you couldn't fold just yet.

"He's not random, it's the guy I met at the club the other day."

"Oh so you're going to go fuck him while some random movie is playing right?"

"N-no one is fucking me San, and you're one to talk, you had a girl all over you in the club and when I called you, I heard some girl in the background, how do I know you aren't fucking someone?" said while wrapping your arms around his neck and looking into his eyes, your big doe eyes could melt him right now.

"Because no one will ever be you."

"And no one can ever replace you San..."

You two gave each other a longing gaze before you both threw your pride out the window and your lips connected for a slow and passionate kiss, Sans hands still gripping your hips while one of them glided up the side of your body to rub your back and pull you in closer. The kiss progressed and you switched your position to straddle him, his other hand returned to your hips as he began to rock your hip against his crotch, a light moan came out of your mouth and entered his.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry for what I said and saying you're too clingy... this whole week all I wanted was for you to be here." you said as you cupped his sharp jaw.

"I'm sorry too, I need to learn to give you space sometimes." you both smile at each other then he pecked you on your lips one again.

"Well... does this mean we are back together?"

"Boy we never broke up." You said giggling at him.

"The way you were acting in the club I couldn't tell."

"... right... I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay Angel, but you gotta make it up to me now."

"And how would you like me to do that?"

"I don't know, he's been so lonely without you keeping him warm, so how about you say sorry to him too."

You already knew exactly who "He" was, you got off the bed and sunk down to your knees in front of San, he laid back while sitting up using his elbows and giving you full control. You unbuttoned his jeans to and shimmed them down his hips to the middle of his thigh, Sans dick was already so hard that you could see the print of if through his boxers. You cupped his length and started to rub it up and down then looked up at him with a lustful gaze.

"Did I make you this hard baby?"

"Yes, ma'am." He said as he hissed from the sensitivity.

"I need you so bad Y/N you don't understand how much I've missed you."

You pulled his underwear down as his beautiful rock-hard dick sprung out, you wrapped your fingers around his girth and pumped a few times as he continued to hiss and watch you.

"Mm, tell me how much you've missed me, Sannie."

The mix of the nickname and your hand jacking his dick was killing him but then you started to kiss up his shaft and he swore he could cum right then and there but chose to wait.

"So much baby, I couldn't even go one night without wanting to eat your sweet pussy or fuck you into this bed." You kissed your way up to his red tip that had precum drooling out of it, you cleaned it up with one long and slow stripe from the bottom to the top of his dick.

"Oh really? Why didn't you come and fuck me then Sannie? You always say this pussy is yours."

He gulped as you finally stopped teasing him and took him into your wet and hot mouth. Bobbing your head slowly as you made it to the middle of his dick and then coming back up to the tip just too slowly go back down. San whimpered a bit at the feeling, this was somewhat foreign for him. He rarely ever let you suck his dick because he loved to worship you, constantly wanting to kiss and drag his tongue across every inch of your body. When you did get the chance to suck him off it was always such an experience because San was rarely so submissive and whiny.

"Sannie, I asked you a question baby." You said to a very dazed San. "Why didn't you come and fuck me like the slut I am and put me in my place." you continued to tease him, returning your mouth to his length, and going even deeper on it, Sans incredibly adorable whimpering was music to your ears, he started to breathe heavy while his ears and face felt hot with a red blush taking over.

"I-I wanted to make you wait, s-so I could make you beg." He said biting back his moans.

You once again removed your mouth from his dick and used your hand to pump it, coating his dick in your saliva.

"And how did that work out for you? It looks like I'm about to have you begging me to cum."

Before he could reply your mouth was back on him, going deeper, his tip scraping the back of your throat, he couldn't hold back anymore, and pretty moans feel out of his soft lips. His hand flew to the back of your head to help you keep a steady motion up and down his rod.

"Fuck Y/N if you keep going, I'm going to cum down your throat." He groaned; you could feel his grip getting tighter on your hair while he rolled his hips for him to go deeper into your mouth. You looked up at him to see him falling apart, his mouth was agape as sighs and whimpers fell out, you could tell he was at his breaking point already, your eyes met and the next thing you know he said a drug out "Fuuuuuck" then hot liquid shot directly down your throat and you swallowed as it dripped out, but it started to become too much and you pulled back as you started to choke. The rest of the cum dripped down onto his underwear and down his shaft. You finished swallowing what was in your mouth then licked the remainder from off his dick.

"I guess you haven't been seeing anyone else, that was a lot." you said as you stood up. San didn't reply, he was too busy catching his breath. "Tired already baby? We aren't done yet." you undid the knot in on your robe to reveal your fully nude body underneath, it was like a cartoon the way Sans dick immediately started to get hard again. He removed his shirt and jacket and finished taking off his pants, he laid back down on his back and you straddled him, you hovered you soaking core over his hard dick as Sans hands sat on your hips, you leaned down to give him a quick peck before easing down his length, wincing a bit when you felt him enter you. San's head flew back onto the bed, and he moved back and forth between putting his head back and watching your pussy swallow him. Moans could be heard from both of you as you reached the base of his dick, even just fully sitting on San made you feel full, riding him was always a challenge.

"You're so fucking beautiful my love, but please move you're driving me crazy." He said trying to focus on anything but cumming again.

You placed your hands on both of Sans broad shoulders and started to move your body up and down his length.

"You're so fucking big San I can't take it." you said between your moans, his grip on your hips became tighter, you could even start to feel his nails.

"Yes you can beautiful, you take me so well, this pussy was made just for me right?"

You continued bouncing on him as you sped up the pace, your walls pulsing around him.

"Yes, only for you baby."

"I need more baby, I need more." San said, you were already stuffed full of him so what else could he possibly want. Suddenly you felt San lift you off of him and place you on your back next to him as he got on top of you. He place himself between your legs and placed your legs on his shoulders. Before you could even question it, he slid back into your velvet walls and started to thrust into you at a fast pace. You cried out then he leaned forward to muffle your moans with a kiss, he swallowed every cry into his mouth.

"I'm sorry baby I've missed you so much I just need to fuck into you so bad."

San was like a dog in heat the way that his strokes were fast and sloppy, he just needed to feel you, he felt crazy not having you wrapped around him for a week, he doesn't even wait that long when it's your time of the month. He placed his head into the crook of your neck as he continued to pound into you, you could hear his heavy breathing.

"You feel so fucking good baby, I want to cum in you so bad, feel you up nice and full." as the words finished leaving Sans lips your moans got louder and your pussy started to squeeze him, San being San of course noticed your reaction and decided to see how far he could go.

"Do you want that pretty? Do you want me to fill this pussy up?"

"Mm, San... please..." You said not wanting to admit to wanting it because you knew that would unleash a whole other demon you weren't sure you were ready for.

"Please what baby? You want me to cum in you and put a baby in your belly? Then everyone would for sure know you're mine, right?"

His thrusting became relentless, all you could do was moan and call his name, tears started to form in your eyes because of the amazing sensation you were feeling, you started to see the light at the end of the tunnel and Sans words only made it worse.

"Would you like that baby? Want me to make you a mommy?" he said, you tried to fight replying but you couldn't even think straight anymore, words just began to fly out.

"Fuck, yes please San, please cum in me! I want to have all your babies please Sannie, please."

San smiled and on command you started to feel his hot cum shoot into you, you swore you could feel him filling up your womb, San continued to fuck you while you felt his dick jumping inside of you, you started to cum as well. Covering every each of him in your slick, once San was done, he kept himself plugged into you and wrapped his arms around you.

"I love you so much Y/N."

You giggled at how cute he can be after rearranging your insides and hugged him back "I love you too San."

Your phone started to ring, and you reached over to grab it, you noticed it was now almost 2 hours after your meet up time for your date and he was calling. San took the phone and answered it for you.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Who is this?"

"This is Y/N's husband, sorry she won't be talking to you anymore." San simply said as he hung up and laid his head back on your chest.

"San that was mean!"

"I don't care."

You rolled your eyes because why did you expect him to care?

Bonus:

After getting cleaned up and after a bath and some decompressing and Sans friends also calling happy that you two made up you and San got dressed for bed. He cuddled his head into your bosom while you played in his hair.

"Y/n, were you being serious earlier?"

"About what?"

"Do you really want to have my baby?"

"...Well... yeah"

"Like now?"

"I mean, if it was to happen now, I wouldn't be upset about it."

San popped his head up like a puppy when his owner seeing his owner come home.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean I love you and I do see myself being with you for the rest of my life so... why not?"

"Oh my God Y/N that's all you had to say! Come on let's go to the store and buy some pregnancy test and some ovulation and fertility test and-"

you interrupted his excited rambling by placing your hand on his shoulder.

"San... it's 1 am, calm down, we’ll prep everything in the next few days."

"...You're right...I'll calm down."

"Good-"

"But we gotta make sure you're good and pregnant, that means we have to go a few more times." he said with the cutest little smile.

"I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight." You whispered to yourself

The answer was no, no you weren’t.

#ateez smut #ateez fanfic #atz smut #san smut #choi san smut #choi san x reader #san x black reader #ateez san smut #san x reader #choi san x black reader #choi san fluff #ateez x reader #ateez x black reader

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ss-skyearn · 1 year

Text

Walk With Me

❝In love with the idea of loving you.❞

PAIRING : Lee Minho x female!reader.

WORD COUNT : 4k.

GENRE : Smut, Fluff (wow no angst for once.)

WARNINGS/CONTENT : Past angst, established relationship, feelings and emotions, they're in love (to no one's surprise), Minho with long hair, mentioned Soobin.

SMUT WARNINGS : First time together, hair pulling (not the rough kind; minho realises he enjoys his roots being tugged at oops-, this bit inspired by this post by @tasteracha), voyeurism, public sex (late at night, so one witnesses it), unprotected intercourse, sweet lovemaking, so much love and feelings *sob*

A/N : Writting fluff is nowhere near what I'm good at, so feedback is really appreciated. Enjoy, lovelies. ♡

"Everyone can see."

It's a little too late for that now.

But it's not a complaint, not a protest, an objection. It's a simple statement, divulgence of facts, a declaration made by your brain that has long since lost the ability to conjure lucid postulations.

"Let them. Let them see," quickening of thrusts, desperation rearing its head in the most sinful of ways.

"Let me show them how much I love you."

"Meet me outside?"

The laughter of your girlfriends drowns out behind you as you weave your way out of the single room you've all gathered in, despite having been allotted seperate ones.

"Outside?"

"Yeah, outside," you don't need to be next to him to know that he's anxiously bouncing off the balls of his feet, rocking back and forth with his bottom lip caught between bunny teeth you flick your tongue across everytime you kiss him, without fail.

You'd have to make it a point to let him know of your adoration for them the next time he decides to take your breath away with his hot mouth.

And make no mistake, that's what kissing him is like, like losing your breath, like gaining your breath all over again; like being locked in an airtight, evacuated room, like being put on the ventilator with nothing but pure oxygen being pumped straight to your lungs.

It's dizzying either way. Whether it's being deprived of the gush of wind through your airways, or being forced to choke up on all the withheld supply of air all at once, it hurts.

It hurts to be with him. But you'll choose to be hurt, to be on the receiving end of the pain, if it means he's the inflictor, the hand on the trigger.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, if that's okay," he's nervous, something you both are a lot around each other from time to time.

"Uh, okay. Okay, yeah, I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay, good. That's good," you hear shuffling, and imagine him moving from one foot to the other, "I'll be waiting outside the dorms."

"Outside the— what if someone sees you?"

"They know anyway."

Which is the truth. Inherently the private person, you'd asked Minho to keep your newly budding relationship a secret from your peers, a request he'd agreed to almost immediately. Ever the understanding and gentle soul, he'd not once asked to go public with you, even though Hyunjin told you how he sometimes drunkenly mumbles about wanting to hold your hand when Soobin gets a little too close, about wanting to get you coffee on 7 A.M. Tuesday lectures when he knows you haven't slept for more than two hours, about kissing you under the lights on prom night when all couples got their fancy on and indulged in each other after a tough semester.

He wants, yearns, craves.

But you'd been cruel enough to deny him that. Trust issues and fear of commitment aside, you'd been afraid to tell people, to introduce him as your boyfriend, because saying that aloud would make it all the more real, and you'd no longer be able to control the flutter to your heart every time he appeared in your peripheral vision, you'd no longer been able to hold back the intensity of your feelings that seeming only grow with each passing hour, minute, second you spend looking at him.

It had scared you. Understandably so.

Caught up in over your head, you hadn't stopped to consider what it all meant for him, what he might perceive this as. He had no way of knowing what you actually felt, not unless you told him.

It all happened a week ago, when your phone dinged with a notification from Hyunjin. Instead of telling you, he sent you a video this time, a video of Minho slumped back against the wall of the speakeasy you both frequent, eyes shut with his head resting on the concrete.

dumplin [2:57 A.M.]

VID_3653833_219389.mp4

he's been like this for half hr

"I love this place," his intoxicated form had rasped in the video.

Hyunjin who was behind the camera had snorted, asking the reason for the sudden confession.

Minho had grinned, all toothy, bunny smile on display, "I come here all the time with my girlf—" only to stop dead in his tracks, eyes snapping open, neck suddenly ramrod straight with panic all over his drowsy features.

"Your girl..?" Hyunjin had prompted from behind the camera, barely stifling his chortle.

"Uh, my, my. Oh god, I don't know. I don't know what I was saying."

He always was a bad liar. Even in his hazy eyes, even through the shaky video, you could see the hurt, the pain behind his actions as he rubbed the heel of his palms against his eyes, chugged a bottle of water to sober himself up.

"It's okay, Minho. I know. We all know."

"Know what?" he had asked, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth.

"We know you're dating the dance society president."

His eyes had widened, a fresh surge of agitation creeping its way onto his otherwise relaxed face.

"No. No, that's not true. Who told you that?"

Hyunjin had chuckled and told him he was the one who introduced you guys, and the other six seated on the table were among the very few people who did know of your apparently secret relationship.

"I don't know what you're talking about. She and I are just frei—"

The video had cut off there and half an hour later, you found yourself asking the local security guard for directions to 'The Late Bite'.

The bejewelled smile he cast your way as you entered the dining space lasted only a fraction of a second, him going back to pretending you were mere acquaintances and your heart had all but given up.

Marching to him, you had gotten him up on his feet. Ignoring the confused, almost frightened look to his face, you had for once asked your brain to shut the fuck up, and finally given in.

You kissed him. You kissed him on the mouth, swallowing the gasp he let out, ignoring the gasps the people in the diner let out, cradling his face with care befitting a porcelain doll, for truly, he was. As fragile as fine china, as delicate as the first rays of sun hitting the horizon.

Not the tough guy he pretends to be, the hard exterior, the unbreakable shell. You know him to be none of those things.

The dazed smile, the look of blatant relief he'd given you before collapsing on you, mumbling a small breathy, "thank you," was all you needed to know that you'd made no mistake. This was how it was supposed to be, always.

And so it had began.

He held your hand when Soobin got a little too close, he got you coffee on 7 A.M. Tuesday lectures when you were running on two hours of sleep, he held your nape and kissed you under the nightlights, because prom had passed by then but it didn't matter to him, he had kissed you, kissed you, and kissed you some more, till your head got fuzzy from the lack of air supply, till it was physically impossible to stay connected for even another second.

And that's how you find yourself here, making your way out of the girls' dorm in the quiet of the night, it being well past midnight by now— not before checking your reflection in the common bathroom once, fluffing out your hair, splashing some cold water onto your face.

He's standing under a street lamp with his hands into the pockets of his fleece jacket, unmatching with the track set he wears underneath.

He's the single most picky person you know when it comes to styling outfits, deciding what goes well with what, which colour compliments the undertones of another one. Well, besides you of course. Your friends teased you both about how you were practically cut from the same cloth, the same material but different textures, so alike in all the places that mattered, so different in all the places that didn't so much.

So the beige jacket atop the cherry red track set stands out a little too much, and your heart thumps a little too fast at the possibility of his eagerness to see you outweighing his need to look presentable at all times.

You shuffle forward, heart picking up its erratic staccato, the same way it does every time he's within a mile's radius, threatening to jump out of the confines of your ribcage, trying to lunge for what was once so out of reach, for far too long.

He's reclined against the street lamp, eyes closed, head thrown back against the cool metal pole, allowing the ombre light to fall straight onto his fluffy mop of hair. It's unstyled, freshly washed. The caramel tone compliments the muted yellow light streaming down his face, painting him, drowning him.

Your heart aches from running a mile a minute.

Or from feeling so full. You aren't exactly sure.

"Hi," you squeak tentatively, not wanting to disturb him when he looks so peaceful. And beautiful. God, he looks beautiful.

His eyes flutter open. Your heart breaks open with them.

He forgoes pleasantries in favour of wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you flush against his chest, and you hold him back, hug him back, squeeze him like you never want to let go. Because really, you don't. Not now, not ever.

"Where's your jacket?" he mumbles into your shoulder, stroking his face back and forth against it, much like the stray cat that visits your dorm room at nights does.

"Mm?"

He chuckles, "It's cold out. Why didn't you put on a jacket?"

"Oh," you pull back, there's pink dusting your cheeks, and you really hope it passes as the consequence of the chilly night, "I guess I forgot."

He smiles wide, affectionate and all kinds of pretty, and the tear in the front of your heart deepens, curling a little to the back, threatening to split it into two.

It's not so impossible a situation, you suppose. Lee Minho is very much capable of shattering your heart into a million pieces with a single smile, then healing it back with a kiss to your temple, breaking it along new cracks, then moulding it back together with the same blowtorch he uses to melt sugar atop his Crème Brûlée, the blue flame made all the more hot with searing kisses, aimed at trapping you into this cycle where he plays with your heart, keeping it with him to do as he pleases.

And you'd let him. Let him have his way with you, to make you, unmake you, only to make you again.

You're his clay, and he's your artist.

You're brought back to the present as a sudden warmth engulfs you, and when you look over your shoulder to see the beige fleece jacket dropped around you, it warms you from the inside too.

"Hey, you'll catch the cold, you have an assessment tomorrow too—"

He shrugs, "I'll live."

"Minho, seriously I'm fine, here take it back—"

"It doesn't match my fit anyway," he entwines your fingers together and begins slowly walking, guiding you along.

It's then that it clicks. Glancing down, you take note that the jacket actually goes with your outfit, and you refuse to pick up on the reason for this coincidence, for certainly, it's not one. It's planned, thought out.

You'll ignore it all the same. For the well being of your poor heart that's working overtime, your senses that are on high alert, your hand, so so warm engulfed in his large one.

"Where are we going?" you ask instead.

"Just a night walk," he begins, and you've spent enough time with him by now to know that his voice sounds bashful, the little shy lilt to it endlessly endearing, "wanted to spend some time with you."

You clutch at your chest with the other hand, exhaling a deep sigh, and squeeze his hand, praying that it's appreciation enough, that it compensates for your inability to verbally acknowledge his thoughtfulness.

But if there's one thing that he's, without a doubt, mastered about you, is your tells.

He knows when you're too abashed to outright admit it out loud that you appreciate him.

He knows when you're too overwhelmed to downright confess you're having trouble staying focussed.

He knows when you're too exhausted to unequivocally divulge your reluctance to anything social.

He just knows. But you don't; you don't know what you did to deserve this, to deserve him.

You still don't think you do, truth be told.

When you snap out of your daze, you both are no longer on campus grounds, walking along a lone street you don't recognise, lit by flickering lights threatening to give out any moment, but in a moment of vulnerability that surprises even yourself, you find you're not scared. Because Minho is with you, and as long as that stands, as long as you're lucky enough for that to stand, you know you're safe.

"Where are we going?" you echo your previous question.

But this time, he grins with a mischievous glint to his eye, looks you over and his pupils dilate, as if merely looking at you is enough to kickstart his heart into overdrive, "You'll see."

And see you do. Twenty minutes later, here you stand, bare feet pressed into the wet sand by the shore, both arms wrapped around his bicep, head resting on the trusty shoulder, humming along to the sound the breeze makes as it whisks past you.

"Are you cold?" he whispers, despite there being no one except the two of you on the beach at this time of day, taking your hands in his and swiping his thumb over your knuckles, assessing the answer for himself, lest you lie to not worry him. "Mm. No, you're not," he hums to himself, guiding your head back where it rested against the crook of his neck, only this time wrapping his own arms around, engulfing you in an embrace that speaks of warmth, of comfort, of love.

But for some reason you aren't sure of yourself, you resist, not taking his lead in going back to your previous stance, instead just staring into his eyes with something you don't know, but it seems he does, for his facial expression turns from surprised to lovestruck in the matter of a second.

He leans in, granting your silent request. Really, you don't know how he does it, almost like you don't have to say anything at all, for he hears you loud and clear without you having to utter a single word.

If what people say about having a soul person is true, he is yours.

And as your lips slot together, the waves behind you crash the loudest they have today, as if the nature is rejoicing, the elements exuberating, witnessing the collision of two beautiful souls, their stitching together into a single bracelet in the form of two bright pearls.

He is the black one, burning passion and quiet peace.

You are the white one, inherent perfectionist and loud existence.

You compliment each other, matching almost every piece of clothing in the wardrobe, neutralising when the other gets too much, burning along when the other gets dim.

"I love you."

You don't know what love means, what it stands for, what it entails.

But you're in love with the idea of loving him.

"I love you," you echo into his mouth, forgoing the "too" at the end because it makes it sounds like a passive confession, a favour returned, when it's easily the truest statement you have had to utter in all the time you've spent thinking about him, him, him.

"I love you, I love you," and alas, once you say it, you can't seem to stop, you want him to know, you want the whole world to know. You want to write it on the stars for the universe to read, that you are his, and he yours.

"I love you so goddamn much."

It hurts, it hurts so much, more than it did an hour ago when you caught sight of him standing outside your dorms. Now that your heart is aware of the gravity of what it feels for him, it just hurts.

When he pulls back, it's to hold your chin in the care of his palm, making you look at him, his eyes glittering with the beginnings of perspiration.

"I love you," he says simply.

To any onlooker, it might have seemed tame, insane maybe, for you two haven't been saying anything except the same three words in the last ten minutes.

But you know, only you know that they aren't the same words.

The first time he said it was to test the waters, to see if you would run away.

The first time you said was to check for yourself, did you love him?

The second and third time you said it was to tell your heart that yes, yes you did, you loved him more than you did anyone before, and it's a wonder how it took him saying it first for you to realise that.

The final time you said it, it was to him, to let him know that you did.

The final time he said it was to say yes, he knows, he knows that you do, that he knows the first two confessions were for your heart more than they were for him, that he's proud you've let down your walls enough to let him in, that he's grateful you've chosen him.

You suddenly find yourself descended on the shore, your back pressed into the cool sand that tickles your nape, Minho hovering over you with a look that can only be described with three words.

I love you.

"Be mine?" he says with wet kisses trailing up your jaw, stopping after every one to take in a deep inhale.

It's silly maybe, to say that when you're already dating but you know what he means, for you feel the same.

"I already am," you say as your body cants upwards, up, up, up, towards him, towards safety.

His hands trail down your body to where the waistband of your sweats sits, tracing along the diameter it transcends, looping his arm to the back to lift you up a tad more.

"Can I?"

You don't know what he's asking for, your motor and sensory neurons having stopped working, still chanting the same words over and over, 'iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou'.

So you nod, letting him undo the knot that rests on your lower stomach, letting him expose you in a manner most intimate, letting him have you for him, surrendering to the onslaught of pleasure.

When he sinks down on you, stretching you open for the very first time, it's with a groan you wish you could record, paste onto your eardrum, for every time a sound reaches the tympanic membrane, it would vibrate, carrying with it the symphony of the voice you want to hear every second of everyday.

As the initial euphoria of letting him in wears off, with him buried to the hilt, you look up at him, his soft brown hair falling down like curtains on either side of his temple, spilling over his nape that's suddenly too narrow to contain all the strands. And it's then that you remember saying you loved it whenever he was too busy and pushed back going to the salon, his long locks a guilty pleasure, your indulgence.

You reach your hand forward, entwining it with his silken strands, just holding, feeling, "Did you grow them out for me?"

"Yes," he whispers without a beat, as though waiting for you to take note of it without him having to say it first.

This time, the tears do trickle down your eyes, staring up at what you only appreciated from a distance.

"I can't believe t-this—" you choke out the last word when he begins moving, ever so slightly pulling back, pushing forward with a little more force, a little more ardour, the veins in his neck all the more prominent with the strain it takes to hold himself back from going faster.

You tug at his roots, a sharp hiss emanating from somewhere deep in his throat, the roll to his eyes evidence enough of how there's now another reason for him to keep his locks long enough to pull at.

He presses his body closer to yours, coming down on his elbows, kissing down the trail of your hot tears on even hotter skin underneath. It's his way of saying he's listening, an unspoken encouragement for you to continue, but also that it's okay if you don't.

But today is the day you've decided to bare it all to him, to not coware back, to let him know what only you have for what seems like forever.

"I s-saw you on the day of the orientation," you barely get out, coherence slipping past your fingertips much like the fine sand particles you're currently making love atop.

He stills, looking into your eyes, searching for something, "The very first day of college?"

You nod, stretch your lips into what you hope is a smile for your tears are cascading down with a current, sweeping anything and everything that dares come in the way of your route to him.

"That was like, five months ago," he seems incredulous, unbelieving that you were, in fact, the first to notice him and not the other way around.

Entangling your other hand into his hair, fingers brushing the one already slotted in there, you chuckle, "Yeah, it was like, five months ago. I had my eye on you for quite a while, pretty boy."

He doesn't buy the distraction you only half hoped he would, tenting his eyebrows into an upside down V, "And?" he prompts, yet again knowing that there's more to what you're saying.

"It's silly," you mumble, turning away from his gaze that puts your well being at risk.

A gentle finger to your chin, a swift sway of your face to pin you under the same gaze.

"Tell me." Simple as that, with no way out.

Maybe you don't want one.

"I-I saw you on the first day, a-and… I just, god you were so pretty, I thought— I wanted you already, but I thought you were a little too pretty, you know? And, and that eveyone would want you too, and you'd have so many options, ones better than me, and I'd have to get in line, and then—"

A firm press of lips, locked together in love and lust, in lieu of reassurance that you know is still coming.

"It was you for me, always," he says when he pulls back, "there's no line, no one else, just you. And me. Just us, hm?"

"Mm," you hum, losing yourself in the rhythm of his hips that have begun moving once again, small whimpers escaping right into his ear that is pressed against your cheek. Whether it's deliberate or not, you don't know.

He grasps onto one of your ankles, winding it around behind him, the space thus created allowing him to push in all the deeper.

"Oh god, Minho—"

His pace picks up when you pull his hair enough to cause a faint sting on his scalp, in addition to being a direct result of the way his name keeps overflowing past your lips.

You gasp, fighting for air, clutching onto his shoulders, afraid he'd slip away if you let go, "Everyone can see."

It's a little too late for that now.

"Let them. Let them see," quickening of thrusts, desperation rearing its head in the most sinful of ways.

"Let me show them how much I love you."

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hwajin · 1 year

Text

#! — 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧

genre: angst, smut

pairing: hyunjin x fem!chubby!reader

wc: 2.3k

warnings/ note: self destructive thinking, talk of insecurities, struggle with self worth / weight issues! || super in my feels and insecure lately and needed to self indulge so here you go! interpret strawberry skin however you like — i heard it as a term for acne which this fic is inspired by! but whatever you might see it as, this fic is a reminder that you are beautiful and worthy of love no matter what <33

The touch of fingertips on your chin, and you looked up involuntarily, face pulled upward by an exterior force. You would have loved to convert your gaze onto anything other than the reflection of your self in the mirror you were met with, yet Hyunjin didn't possibly give you the chance to back away. The fingers he had placed on your chin steadied you, gave you no other choice than to look back at your own saddened eyes, your own as though defeated posture, at your own reflection that showed such minimum amounts of confidence and love that it scared you, almost.

And for a second you questioned just who made you look like this, who the reason was for those tired bags below your eyes and the tears behind them, who possibly sucked all this life, all this joy out of you? — though questioning was of little use, your passion and urge to self destructiveness nothing easy to overlook.

"You're absolutely gorgeous."

It wasn't a whisper, yet it wasn't a sound of volume, either — Hyunjin rather thought out loud, the words rolling off his toungue and past his lips so easily, so naturally you nearly believed them without second guessing.

"I hope you know that."

His lips found the left side of your head, a gentle kiss planted atop, and your heart squeezed at the gesture. He has always been so soft, so delicate with you — so patient. Another kiss to your side, and then, in the mirror, you saw a frown adorning his features whilst his eyes didn't leave your figure. The frown you hated because you knew what it meant, knew a lecture stood before you.

"You know that, right?"

His voice a whisper now, laced with worry, his hands and fingers never ending to caress your body in the subtlest of ways while awaiting an answer. You hummed, indicating awarness, agreement, yet Hyunjin was visibly not satisfied with that. He locked eyes with you, directly, not through reflections, not through the mirror, and didn't dare to let your gaze go, the look in his eyes an expactant one.

You sighed a heavy breath, the urge to hide and avoid Hyunjins seemingly simple question overtaking your limbs, your body fleeing his touch despite his firm hold on you. He wanted you to say it, you knew of it, he wouldn't be letting go of you until he's heard the word roll past your lip, and in a believing manner, too. There was no use in lying to him, no use to speak words you didn't mean, because he'd look right through you. So you sighed again, rolling your eyes not in annoyance at him but in anger, frustration at yourself. The absurdity of this exact situation repeating every other month called for your patience to run out, made you chuckle out loud. Which earned you another frown of your boyfriend.

"I do know that. I do know that you see me like that. But I can't see it myself. I've told you."

Honest, but not an answer that would satisfy him, you were sure. Because Hyunjin wants you to see yourself the way he does, the way that any other person does and you fail to do. He wants and needs you to believe the words he keeps telling you on repeat, yet not from a superficial point of view but within your heart. He needs to get those affirmations so deeply within you that you can simply never let go of them anymore, ever.

His eyes saddened, minimally, yet they did, and it never failed to ache right at your heart. In those moments, when your body felt a prison you wanted to escape and your mind was a wild chaos you couldn't win control over, you didn't know what you wished for more; for you to simply stop the whining and see yourself with your boyfriend's eyes, or for Hyunjin to simply care less. Because you knew it'd be easier on his own heart, if the sight of you in tears didn't break him as much as it did.

He stood in front of you now, large palms against the flesh of your cheeks, slightly squishing the plush skin of it, protruding your lips. You knew Hyunjin loved the sight of it, loved pinching absolutely every pinchable part of your body, nothing but adoring the softness, the way his finger can poke so deep into plushness — yet that moment, with your mind running leaps and your heart racing in ugly self doubt, you didn't enjoy it. Though you didn't see yourself in the mirror, you hated how you must be looking to Hyunjin, hated that there was plush skin he could pinch, that there was softness he could squeeze. Yet then again, the rational part of you reminded you that it was him who started those antics, Hyunjin who first told you how impossibly adorable he found your cheeks and how much he loved your tummy, proving his words by begging to nap on your stomach more often than not.

And the confusion made you cry. The confusion of knowing you were good enough for your lover, seeing it in his every day actions and words, yet failing to feel good enough for yourself, not understanding what Hyunjin saw every morning he awoke beside you in bed, what possibly made him reach his arms over and hug you close, what caused his hands to roam all over your body and his lips to attach to your own ones or your neck hungrily. Big, heavy tears that have stored themselves behind your eyes for days, droplets of wet that now spilled over and onto Hyunjin's hands that were still holding your face in place. But he didn't mention it, didn't tell you not to cry. Hyunjin's thumbs wiped across your cheeks, drying you off your tears silently. His face was so close to yours you could feel hot breath against your heated skin, could see your reflection in his eyes. You truly looked miserable. Though maybe your eyes were fooling you once again.

"Let me prove it to you then. Until you believe it yourself."

You expected those words, heard them an uncountable amount of times — yet every time he spoke them they left you weak. The tone, the urge that laid within his words, the absolute and pure honesty, impatience almost. It shot right to your core, how utterly serious Hyunjin was about it, how he's genuinenly and truly never understood your struggle with yourself. Because the reassurances, the compliments in the most innocent and unexpected moments and the sinful and needy praises in intimate ones were real to him, didn't hold an ounce of dishonesty in them. He meant every word and never grew tired of saying each of them — that thought alone was bound to weaken you, to already forget a portion of your initial worries. You looked up to Hyunjin through your lashes, wet and glassy, your vision blurred. Though clear enough to see the faint smile on your boyfriends lips, to see, feel him inching closer to you, ridding the two of you off space, and connecting your lips to melt into one. The kiss was watery, your tears mixing in between your mouths, the kiss messier by the second, though neither you nor Hyunjin seemed to mind it. Absentmindetly you were pushed towards the bed, Hyunjin's hands never leaving your body for a second, kneading at your hips and waist, at places he knew you picked on most. You never knew if it was a technique of his, if targeting you at your weaknesses was his way to prove your beauty, or if those parts of you, the ones you hated most often, were simply his favourite ones on you. If there was no technique needed because he was simply fully honest, blunt about you.

You felt the softness of the matress beneath you, felt the cushion sink below your weight before you were pushed until you laid back flat against the bed. Hyunjin did it so swiftly, never breaking the kiss and yet managing to direct you so precisely, so carelessly as if this was all he was ever meant to do. His figure hovering above your own, his body all over yours, caging you in, seemingly never planning to let you go. And then he broke the kiss, for a second only, in which his eyes locked with yours, and it took you by surprise, so much so that a gasp left your lips. He smiled, whispering the softest, quietest 'i love you' before his kiss bitten mouth attached to yours in a peck, wandering down to the plushness of your neck moments after. You made room for him, stretched your head back to give Hyunjin more access, to make him nibble and graze his teeth against spots he knew you adored to bits.

Hyunjin kissed his way down your strawberry skin, as he so lovingly called it, not missing a spot, a mark or scar in the midst. He made sure to pour undying love into each and every time his mouth came in contact with your skin — skin you'd call damaged, ugly, skin he called beautiful, fragile, heavenly, on every occassion possible. When you as far as looked at yourself the wrong way, in the mirror or a passing reflection, Hyunjin as though made it his lifework, his seemingly one and only passion to prove you wrong, to make an attempt, at least, and trying to get you to see yourself through his eyes. He noticed it all, momentarily, when your arduously built wall of seeming confidence began to crumble, began to grow cracks and leaks, daring to break any moment. You could never hide it from him, as much as you tried to have it a problem you wanted to fix yourself — Hyunjin was always faster, more sensible and instictive towards you than you initially thought, and treating you with his highest amounts of patience. It was admireable, truly, loveable, in every sense of the word.

In moments like these, he never needed to say a word. When your whole body was already covered in his traces, wet lips not have missed a spot, when the both of you were nude and so warm against each other already. In moments like these no words were worthy enough to be spoken, Hyunjin's actions showing more than a thousand single letters could ever even begin to fathom. And yet.

"You are so- so damn pretty. So- beautiful."

And yet he did speak, short reassurances, praisings between every heavy breath, between every occassional kiss you shared. Because he couldn't not to, couldn't help to word out what his heart desired to make you feel. His hands on your hips, squeezing at the plush flesh, a heat of what you'd call embarrassment running through your body. Your boyfriend did make a goof job, the best one, at making you feel like the only for him, like he truly belonged with you and no one else. And yet your self doubting never as simply as vanished into thin air. It still lingered in the way you made love to Hyunjin, in the way you kissed and touched him, behaved around him right after. As though a bit unsure, slowly and not as selflessly as you normally did. And Hyunjin sensed it all, knew without you telling him. But he never went as far as to word it out. He kept his perennial patience, waiting for you to rebuild, to mend the cracking wall, to slowly fix the leaks in it; And until you've came that far he wouldn't stop loving you, wouldn't stop telling you, for even a moment.

Your bodies were sweaty, one of Hyunjin's hand on your tummy, a part of you you've always been weary about, and the part Hyunjin adored most. Calling it cute when you were cuddling and sleeping in each others arms, tracing the deep stretch marks that have settled into the skin long ago, and telling you how seductive and alluring it is whenever his hips met yours in rough action, the flesh shaking and jumping a bit with each movement. It drove him crazy, the sight of your bodily softness moving any time you got intimate, always so addicting to watch. And come to think you were most insecure about it, begged him to keep the lights off and a shirt on prior, way earlier in your relationship — it was laughable almost, if it wasn't your hurtful truth.

Desperate moans rolled past your mouth, lips bitten and prone to draw blood if you weren't any more careful. Hyunjin's hands were grabbing, onto anything and everything he could possibly grab. Your thighs that his own one clashed so beautifully against, holding them down, poking his fingers deep into the thickness, eyes glued onto the sight. And his hair was wet as was yours, and on his face a sheet of sweat just like yours, a single droplet falling onto your chest, mixing with your own dampness. Yet, it wasn't fucking. It wasn't even sex, in the sense of it. It was love, purely and entirely, only adoration whole heartedly. From your side as much as from his. And it surely didn't take long for neither of you to tip over the edge, almost simultaneously, to breath in each others exclamations of pleasure and satisfaction, before your bodies collapsed onto each other. Hyunjin laid atop of you, not mustering up the strength to pull out yet, simply relishing to feel you beneath him, to feel every curve and every dip of your body against his so flush, impossibly near and close as if you've melted into one. If he could he'd capture this moment forever, the things he felt and all the words he wanted to tell you, the thoughts that ran through his mind right the moment. Each and every of them about you, and your undying beauty in moments when you were most oblivious to it. Maybe to prove you wrong, or to simply keep this moment as a treasured memory, locked away in his heart and only meant to revisit in the most vulernable times. Yet he couldn't, his abilities, as much as he despised it, only got that far. So he went with the words he could say, though they'd surely never do you justice.

"You're the most beautiful. I love you, forever."

@etherealeeknow @linoskitty @unexceptional-h @rseanne @diue @es-kay-zee @urcracksisx @jeyelleohe @yunkiwii @meloohmel @nyrasneedy @seochhj @spidercomics @chans-starlight @angelwonie @lix-ables @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @sstarryreads @svintsandghosts

#hyunjin imagines #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin scenarios #skz scenarios #skz smut #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines

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dollediary · 1 year

Text

He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen smut #kpop smut #jake x reader #jake x fem reader #enhypen jake #enhypen jake smut #jake smut #jake scenarios #jake angst #jake imagines #enhypen angst

805 notes · View notes

subskz · 2 years

Text

mine - h.hj

note: this is a reupload from my old blog

content: sub hyunjin, dom reader, mommy kink, petplay, degradation, name-calling, dry humping, breeding kink, overstimulation, slight choking, multiple orgasms, jealousy/possessiveness, female reader

word count: 4.1k

“Chan-hyung was really friendly with you today, wasn’t he?”

You lifted your head to look at Hyunjin, raising an eyebrow at the odd question. He was seated on the other end of the couch, leaning against the armrest and scrolling through his phone.

Though he was clearly trying to appear nonchalant, his tone of voice was enough for you to sense that what he’d said was more than just a casual comment.

“Isn’t he always?” you answered with a question of your own, trying to catch a glimpse of his expression.

Hyunjin lowered his phone a bit, allowing his eyes to peek up at you from over the device. “I guess,” he replied, sounding unsatisfied with your answer. There was a pause, then he straightened himself up against the cushions, letting out a tiny huff in the process.

You eyed him, curious as to what the reason for his sudden shift in mood could be. You didn’t have to wonder for long, however, as his next words told you everything you needed to know.

“It’s annoying,” he announced.

Realization quickly dawned on you, and you found yourself suppressing an amused smile. “Why? Chan’s friendly with everyone.”

Hyunjin put his phone down to look at you properly, a pout forming on his face. “Especially with you,” he muttered.

“Hyunjin,” you kept your voice light. “What are you saying? You know it’s not like that.”

He looked off to the side, picking at the skin around his nails. “Still,” he grumbled. “I don’t like it. He should know better.”

You blinked, thoroughly confused by his childishness. As far as you were concerned, nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day. You’d just been chatting with Chan casually, the same way you always did when you were around him. Sure, he’d been friendly, but that was hardly anything strange given his sociable nature.

You’d learned early on in your relationship with Hyunjin that jealousy was a feeling he was no stranger to, and you might’ve considered that a problem if you hadn’t learned just as quickly that it didn’t come from a place of ill-intent. He was simply very attached to you, so ready to give you his all that it almost frightened him. Sometimes he needed reassurance that he was just as important to you as you were to him.

It was for that reason that you were always patient with the boy, soothing him gently and quelling any doubts he might have about where he stood with you. That being said, Hyunjin having an issue with one of his friends was something entirely new to you, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit put-off by it.

“I don’t like how much he laughs around you,” Hyunjin continued, a hint of bitterness seeping into his voice. “He’s always trying too hard to please you.”

“Chan’s just a nice person,” you reasoned, hoping you could get him to see how irrational he was being. “Maybe he comes off as flirty sometimes, but we both know that’s not his intention. There’s no need to get upset, baby boy.”

He visibly softened at your use of the pet name, but nevertheless, his lips stayed curved in that childish pout of his. You pushed back a sigh, sensing that you weren’t getting through to him. Once negative thoughts found their way into Hyunjin’s mind, it was a difficult task to get rid of them.

Fortunately, you were more than willing to take it on.

You scooted closer in an attempt to better comfort him, and despite his attitude, he instinctively reached out to touch you as soon as you were within reach.

“What’s gotten into you today?” you murmured.

Hyunjin ducked his head to avoid your stare, sucking his lower lip into his mouth for a moment before answering.

“Nothing, just…” he trailed off, and your interest piqued when you noticed his cheeks turning pink. “Please, don’t forget that you're mine.”

He tugged subtly at the hem of your shirt as he spoke, and something about the gesture paired with the longing in his voice made your spine tingle.

Your concern instantly fizzled back out into amusement, your lips curving into a small, knowing smile.

“Hmm. Those are some bold words,” your shift in tone caught Hyunjin’s attention right away, making his shoulders tense just slightly. “Jinnie thinks he owns me?”

Hyunjin squirmed in his spot, finally lifting his head to look at you. His eyes had grown wide, and the way they glimmered with anticipation told you that you’d hit the nail on the head.

“If you’re worried about being replaced, I’ll be glad to remind you of who you belong to.”

You reached up to grab his chin, and an almost relieved sound escaped Hyunjin, any remnants of stubbornness melting away under your touch. “Mama,” he breathed.

“So this is what you really wanted,” you hummed, sliding your hand down to his neck. His breath hitched as you wrapped your fingers delicately around it, giving the sides of his throat a feather-light squeeze. “I should’ve known. Nothing else fills your empty little head, does it?”

Hyunjin let out a shaky breath, his face reddening fully. “Just want you to p-pay attention to me, Mama. No one else.”

“Cute.” A small whimper slipped out of him as you tightened your hold on his throat. “Go wait for me in the bedroom and I’ll give my puppy all the attention he needs.”

He swallowed hard before nodding, obediently rising from the couch. Just as he took his first eager step, you called out another order.

“On all fours.”

Hyunjin stiffened, scanning your face for some semblance of mercy, only to find none. He let out a miserable whine, but complied nonetheless.

You felt a tinge of satisfaction watching him sink to his knees and crawl sheepishly to the other room. Once he’d disappeared down the hall, you stood up yourself to retrieve his collar, taking your time with the intent of riling him up further.

When you joined Hyunjin in the bedroom, you found him sitting anxiously on the floor, his legs crossed with his hands tucked in the space between them. He straightened his posture when he saw you, his eyes lighting up hopefully as you settled on the bed across from him and beckoned him closer. Hyunjin immediately obeyed, and you slid your index finger down his throat delicately, marveling at the way your touch made him shiver. “Jinnie can’t even stand his Mama talking to anyone else, hm?” You shook your head in mock disappointment. “Are you really that selfish?”

Hyunjin mewled softly, his pulse racing beneath your fingertips. “I’m sorry, Mama,” he whispered. “I know ‘m selfish, but please, just look at me. Only me.”

You snickered at that, finally snaking the collar around his neck and fastening it securely. “Needy little puppy.” You tugged lightly at the accessory as you spoke, ensuring that it wasn’t too tight. “What am I gonna do with you?”

Hyunjin’s breathing grew rapid as you leaned back on the mattress to stare down at him scornfully. Without warning, you used your foot to nudge his hands away from where they covered his crotch, revealing just how hard he’d become in the time he’d been waiting.

“Pathetic,” you clicked your tongue, applying pressure to his half-hard length with your foot. Hyunjin groaned in response, pushing his hips up when you pulled away before he could feel any real relief. “A mutt like you doesn’t even deserve my foot.”

The boy gazed up at you, his eyes wide and glossed over with lust. “Please, Mama,” he begged. “I’ll take anything you give me, please.”

You contemplated what he’d said for a moment, tapping your finger thoughtfully on your chin. Hyunjin stayed perfectly still, waiting for your command with a look of pure need on his face.

Finally, an idea came to mind, and you stuck out your leg, locking your gaze with his.

“Here. Rut yourself against it since you’re so desperate.”

Hyunjin inhaled sharply, not wasting a single moment before scrambling forward to latch onto your leg. “Thank you, Mama, thank you,” he rasped, snaking his arms around your thigh.

You rested your hand on his head, giving it an encouraging scratch to signal that it was okay to move. With your approval, Hyunjin adjusted his position and began to grind his clothed length against your leg. The tag of his collar jingled as he bucked his hips, and the sound of his moans quickly joined it, echoing throughout the room.

“You’re so easy to please, hm?” you purred. “Just a dirty puppy who will fuck anything.”

Hyunjin whined pitifully, cheeks quickly going red again. “Not anything. Only want you,” he protested, his voice turning up in pitch.

“Are you sure about that, baby?” You ran your fingers through his hair to brush the stray locks out of his eyes, a gentle movement that contrasted the harsh words that followed. “Seems like all you care about is getting your filthy cock off.”

Hyunjin gripped your thigh tighter, nails digging helplessly into your clothes. “Please, Mama,” Hyunjin whimpered, voice thick with shame. “That’s not—ngh—true. I’m a good boy. Your g-good boy.” His hips surged forward especially hard, eliciting a shaky, drawn-out moan.

He squeezed his eyes shut, focusing all his senses on the pleasure growing in his abdomen as he thrusted against you. His hair fell delicately back into his face, and a light sheen of sweat began to form on his forehead from all his efforts. He bit down on his plump lower lip, trying and failing to suppress the gasp that escaped him when you pressed your leg forward just barely, meeting the rocking of his hips.

You drank in the sight of him falling apart at your feet, your uninterested expression masking how aroused you truly were. Even in such a desperate, primal state, he managed to look effortlessly beautiful.

You watched him for a few more moments before tapping the crown of his head to get his attention. Hyunjin hardly noticed, too lost in the delicious tension building up in his core.

“Jinnie,” you called. The hint of warning in your voice made him grow alert, reluctantly halting his near-frantic movements.

His eyes fluttered open, and he couldn’t help a low whine as his pleasure was lost. Despite that, he looked up at you eagerly, waiting for any orders you might give.

“Get undressed for me,” you hummed, brushing your thumb along the mole beneath his eye. “I wanna see how hard it makes you to do something so humiliating.”

Hyunjin let out a mortified squeak, pushing his face into your thigh. “Hurry up,” you commanded. “Before I decide to leave you like this.”

Your threat sent a wave of panic through the boy, and he instantly unwrapped himself from your leg to comply. His unsteady fingers slipped under the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head with haste.

You licked your lips as his bare chest was revealed to you, and despite his embarrassment, the feeling of your hungry stare on his body urged him to keep going. He swallowed hard before moving down to the button of his pants, fumbling slightly before managing to undo it. You watched intently as he lifted his hips, pulling his pants and boxers down in one go.

Hyunjin’s length sprung free, standing up against his stomach to give you the perfect view of it. It was painfully hard, and beads of precum had already gathered on the tip of his flushed head.

He squirmed awkwardly as your eyes raked over his body, taking your time to observe every inch of it.

“My baby’s so beautiful,” you cooed. “It’s a shame you’re such a slut.”

Hyunjin ducked his head with a whine, but the way his dick twitched at your words wasn’t lost on you. “What’s the matter?” you faked a pout, hooking two fingers under his collar to pull him closer. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

He nodded miserably, still refusing to meet your eyes. “Mhm,” he breathed. “Please, Mama.”

“Please, what?”

Hyunjin hesitated, lower lip trembling as he tried to brace himself before speaking up again.

“Lemme use your leg, please,” he begged. “Can’t wait any longer. Wanna c-cum against Mama’s leg.”

His quick surrender came as a surprise, and you couldn’t help but laugh a little, delighted with how easily his arousal had overcome his shame.

“You sound so pathetic,” you giggled. “Okay, puppy. Make a mess of yourself for me.”

Hyunjin wasted no time before attaching himself back to your leg, and the sensation of his bare length brushing against you sent sparks of pleasure through his body. “Thank you, Mama,” he gasped out.

His heightened sensitivity had him reduced to whimpers in no time. He bucked his hips against your leg, gripping onto your thigh with even more urgency than before. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and his mouth hung open as moan after moan spilled out of him.

“You like this Jinnie?” you asked sweetly. “Getting off on my leg like a mutt in heat?”

Hyunjin groaned sinfully before giving a strained nod. “Hah...yes,” he managed to answer, his length twitching wildly against you as he began to move with more urgency. “F-feels good, Mama.”

The room was filled with the sound of his mewls and the jingling of his collar, and you felt yourself grow more aroused with every noise that escaped him. Your hands found his hair again, tugging at it roughly as he slid his cock against your leg.

A particularly loud cry caught your attention, and you gave Hyunjin a curious look. Sweat had begun to trickle down his face, and he bit down on his swollen lower lip as if to stop himself from saying something.

“Everything okay?” you asked, voice softening a bit. Another desperate sound rose in his throat and you felt a tinge of worry, wondering if he’d overwhelmed himself beyond words.

Hyunjin slowed his grinding to a more gentle pace before answering. “M-more…” he panted. “Mama, more, p-please.”

Your worry was quickly replaced with amusement as understanding washed over you. “More?” you echoed. “Did I hear you right, puppy?”

Hyunjin nodded frantically, and you used your hold in his hair to pull his head back, forcing him to look at you. His wide eyes met yours, full of lust and guilt.

“Wanna be inside you, Mama. Need it.”

The breathless plea sent a shiver down your spine, and you steeled yourself to keep your expression firm. “That’s not what we agreed to,” you pointed out, tightening your grip on his hair. “What was it you told me? I’ll take anything?”

Hyunjin’s face flushed a deep red as you mimicked his earlier promise. “I’m sorry, Mama. It’s not enough,” he whined, voice shaking. “Need you. Please, please let me inside you. I need you so bad.”

You continued to eye him sternly, trying to ignore how wet the sound of his begging was making you. When you didn’t respond, his tone grew more frantic, and he pushed his length against your leg for good measure. “I can make you feel good, too. I can be a good puppy. Please, let me.”

He trailed off feebly, unable to hold your gaze any longer when he knew just how humiliating the view of him was beneath you.

“Hmm. I guess it can’t be helped,” you finally gave in. “You’re such a greedy slut, I don’t know why I expected any different.”

You tapped Hyunjin’s hands, and he obediently released his near death-grip on your thighs before detaching himself from your leg altogether. “Alright, baby,” you drawled, pulling your leg away. “Mama’s gonna let you inside, let’s see if you can keep your promise this time.”

Hyunjin’s eyes gleamed, his cock twitching uncontrollably at the thought of sliding into your wet heat. “Th-thank you, Mama.”

You shifted back on the bed and began to undress, not missing the way he swallowed hard, completely mesmerized as you slipped off your underwear.

Once you were done, you crooked your index finger, silently commanding Hyunjin to come join you on the bed. He scrambled onto the mattress and wasted no time before settling between your spread legs. You felt his length pressing against your folds, making your breath hitch.

Hyunjin was practically trembling with arousal, and he licked his plush lips in anticipation as he eyed the spot your bodies met. “Can I put it in, Mama?” he asked softly.

You reached up to give his head an affectionate scratch. “Go ahead, baby boy.”

As soon as the words were out of your mouth, Hyunjin lined himself up with your entrance, sliding in with ease. Your toes curled at the feeling of his cock filling you up, reaching the deepest parts of your core.

A long, shaky groan spilled out of him as he bottomed out inside you. “It’s s-so wet, Mama,” He gasped out, his eyes squeezing shut. “Feels—ngh—so good. Can I move? P-please can I move?”

You silenced Hyunjin’s babbling with a kiss, pulling him down by his collar to crash his lips into yours. They were soft and slick, and he let out an adorable mewl when you grazed your teeth along them. His length twitched inside of you, and you reluctantly broke the kiss to give him proper permission. “Fuck me like a good boy, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin moaned pathetically, pulling himself out halfway before snapping his hips forward again. He repeated the action immediately, slamming into you over and over as cries of pleasure tumbled out of him.

“Is this what you were begging for baby?” you purred. “Is this what had my puppy so territorial in front of his Channie-hyung?”

“A-ah! Yes!” Hyunjin sobbed, his head falling against your chest. “Love being inside you...hah...you’re s-so soft and warm.”

He brought a hand up to paw at your chest, squeezing the soft flesh with increasing urgency. His pace began to quicken, making your own pleasure spike, and you slipped your legs around his waist to pull him closer.

Hyunjin’s mouth roamed your chest until he found your nipple, earning a soft moan from you as he wrapped his lips around it and began to suck almost obsessively.

His needy whimpers grew muffled as nursed, thrusting into you with more and more vigor. The slick warmth of his mouth on your sensitive bud invaded your senses until he pulled away suddenly with a sharp cry.

“C-close!” he gasped. “Close, Mama!”

You moved your hand up to cradle his head, trying to catch your breath. “Is it too much already, puppy?”

Hyunjin’s expression was utterly sinful above you as he struggled to muster a response. “Y-yes,” he breathed, a trail of drool beginning to dribble out of his wet lips. “Wanna cum inside. Wanna fuck a baby into you.”

His filthy words sent sparks of electricity straight to your core, and you clenched around him involuntarily. “Yeah? You really think you deserve to? Only good boys get to finish inside.”

He gave a helpless nod, too far gone to handle your teasing properly. “P-please, let me. ‘M your good boy. Wanna fill Mama with my pups,” his voice turned up in a whine as his thrusts grew sloppier and more frantic. “Wanna show everyone you’re mine. C-can I? Please, Mama, please...”

A wave of arousal overtook you, so strong that you felt the last of your resolve crumble. “So filthy,” you murmured. “You can let go, puppy. Don’t stop until I’m full.”

Hyunjin mewled weakly in response, chanting his thanks over and over. With just a few more jerks of his hips, the muscles in his abdomen contracted rapidly, and he was spilling into you.

He let out a choked sob, biting down on his abused lower lip in a futile attempt to suppress the sound. You moaned lowly at the feeling of his seed filling you up, hot and thick. Incoherent whimpers spilled from his mouth into your skin, his length pulsing inside you as he emptied his load with no signs of stopping. You relished in the warm feeling of his cum coating your walls, suddenly overcome with the desire for more.

Just as Hyunjin’s breathing began to slow, you pulled roughly on his hair, raising his head from your chest. “Keep going, Jinnie,” you directed.

“Hah...w-what?” he panted, his disoriented mind barely registering the command.

“You said you were going to be good for me, yeah? Now’s your chance to prove it.”

Panic flooded Hyunjin’s eyes, quickly washing away the bliss of his orgasm. His lips trembled slightly, but he nodded nonetheless, knowing he didn’t deserve to be shown any mercy. “Y-yes, Mama,” he whispered.

He pulled out of you again with a wince, a sharp, uncomfortable sensation replacing any remnants of pleasure from his orgasm. Sucking in a deep breath, he began to thrust in and out of you obediently, grabbing onto your chest for some sort of comfort as the overstimulation fully set in.

The feeling of your walls sucking in his hypersensitive length quickly became too much for him, and his tiny grunts morphed into pained whines. “M-Mama,” he cried. “It hurts.”

“Mm, you can take it, can’t you?” you encouraged, sliding a soothing hand up and down his back. “You were so eager before, fucking into me like that. Don’t hold back now.”

Your words contrasted the gentleness of your touch, and with a sob, Hyunjin nuzzled his face into your neck. “It’s t-too much,” he hiccuped. “Please, Mama...forgive me.”

His begging echoed throughout the room, along with the lewd squelching of his length pushing in and out of you. His hips stuttered in exhaustion, and he cut off his apologies with a low groan.

“Almost there,” you breathed, tightening around his cock as you felt the pressure in your lower abdomen build up. “Keep it up.”

Hyunjin let out a relieved sigh as pleasure began to gradually creep up on him once more. The blood rushed back to his length, and he increased his pace, now chasing his own high along with yours.

His cock stirred up the seed he’d already emptied inside you, and the added stickiness of it nearly sent him over the edge right then and there. “G-gonna cum again soon,” he slurred. “Wanna fill you up again, Mama.”

You slid your hand up to his neck, wrapping your fingers right around his collar. Hyunjin whimpered sinfully as you squeezed the sides of his throat. “Yeah? Gonna fill me with more of your cum, puppy? Gonna make sure you breed me right?”

“Oh, God, please.” Hyunjin groaned, barely able to get the words out due to your hold on his neck.

You drank in his fucked out state through hazy eyes. His face was dripping with sweat by now, and small droplets hung on the ends of his hair, splattering onto your skin with each thrust. He shut his eyes tight as he focused on holding himself together, and his plump lips were borderline bruised from how much he’d bitten down on them.

Your breath hitched as the head of his cock hit your sweet spot, pushing against it in just the right way. Hyunjin seemed to notice as well, and he repeated the motion, angling his sloppy thrusts as best he could.

“That’s it,” you gasped, your hands moving from his throat to grip his shoulders. “Just like that.”

With just a few more thrusts, you came undone. Your nails dug into Hyunjin’s skin as your orgasm washed over you, sending jolts of pleasure through your entire body. Your walls clenched around Hyunjin’s length, making him cry out sharply, and within seconds, his climax hit him as well.

A wave of bliss overtook you as his seed poured into you for the second time, warming up your insides in the most addictive way. He babbled incoherently into your skin, his stomach clenching and his cock twitching wildly.

It took several moments for the two of you to come down from your shared highs. Hyunjin flopped heavily against you as the last of his energy fizzled out, his sweaty body melting into yours. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him securely as he panted against you.

When Hyunjin’s breathing finally began to slow, he lifted his head to look up at you, relieved to find that all signs of sternness had been replaced with a fond, loving gaze.

“Th-thank you, Mama,” he murmured, looking completely and utterly spent. “And...‘m sorry for being so selfish today.”

You pushed back his wet bangs to place a kiss on his forehead. “You’re not selfish,” you reassured him gently. “But please, don’t ever doubt how much you mean to me, okay? You’re my one and only.”

Hyunjin buried his face in your chest, suddenly overcome with shyness. “I know,” he mumbled, fully relaxing to the sound of your heartbeat. “I’m yours…” There was a pause, then he let out a blissful sigh. “And you’re mine.”

#skz smut #sub!skz #sub!hyunjin #dom!reader #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader

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snowyquokka · 28 days

Text

SECRET SECRET

chapter 2

cw: swearing, angst, mutual pining, rejection, mentions of sex, rejection, lowkey obsession, college!au, afab reader

wc: 1.3k

a.n - this took wayyyy too long for me to write 😭

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

You’ve been standing at Seungmin’s door for almost ten minutes now, contemplating if you should knock. Before you can second guess yourself into spontaneous combustion, the door swings open and reveals a nervous looking Seungmin. He has a blush painted on his cheeks and his deep boba eyes have a little extra sparkle to them.

“Did you get lost or something? You took forever,” And there goes the moment. You roll your eyes and walk right past him into his house. You’re immediately met with a fragrance you know all too well.

“Do you want anything? Food? Drink?” Seungmin smiles. He looks like a puppy and it is ridiculous. How are you supposed to stay mad at him?

“No thanks.” You can hear the nervousness in your voice and pray that he doesn’t.

“So uh- fuck,” Seungmin sits on the couch next to you and blows out a frustrated breath. A twinge of relief courses through your veins at the sound of his shaky syllables and your mouth threatens to twitch into a smile.

“Your place is really nice,” You say sincerely. This is one of the first times you’ve stepped into a clean house inhabited by just a man.

“Oh,” Seungmin’s blush intensifies, “Thanks.” You nod and look around, waiting for him to say something. “Thank you for coming.” He wonders why you’re having this effect on him. You’re making him embarrassed of himself and he hates it.

“What did you want to talk about?” Now is his chance, Seungmin thinks to himself. You are quite literally giving him the opening he so desperately needs to shoot his shot.

“I wanted to see if you would help me with this project,”

He fumbled the bag, as per usual. Seungmin has to fight the physical urge to hit himself right there.

You, on the other hand, are ecstatic. Or, atleast, you would like to be. You should be. The guy you’ve done everything in your power to make like you is now asking for your help. But then your trust issues come to light. Right now you need to think about your mental stability. If whatever he’s trying to do ends poorly, you have no idea how you’d recover from it. The familiar twinkle is back in his eyes, the same twinkle that got you into this situation. But as soon as you open your mouth, his sparkle diminishes.

“So let me get this straight. Feel free to stop and correct me at any moment.” Hyunjin sighs dramatically on the other end of the phone, “You told him that you had more important things to do than help him? You little fucking sado-masochist.”

You wince, “Okay, yeah, I suppose I deserve that.”

“You’re damn right you do. I don’t think in my 21 years of living- or hell even in our 6 years of friendship- that I’ve seen someone be so stupid. And you are far from stupid.” You frown. “No offense, I love you and all but damn.”

You cover up your flustered face with your hands, thankful that he can’t see you. “I know-” You whine, “I panicked. Like- what the hell was I supposed to say?”

Hyunjin snorts “Hmm. How about Sure Seungmin, of course I’d love to help you. Maybe now we can bond and I can jump your bones like I’ve always wanted to.” You choke on air and your face turns such a deep red that you’d might as well cosplay as a tomato.

“I don’t want to jump his bones, nor have I ever wanted to.” You lie straight through your teeth. Who are you kidding? The amount of attention he gives you is much more than any past boyfriend has ever shown you. Despite it being negative, you’re constantly finding yourself craving it- craving him.

“You’re a fucking liar. Are you planning your own demise?” Your best friend scoffs. You sink into your bed and pray for it to swallow you whole. You’d never get that lucky, though. “Here’s what you’re gonna do: first you’re going to shut up and let me speak without groaning and or scoffing every five seconds. Then I’m going to hang up on you and you’re gonna call Seungm- what did I say about voicing your grievances.” You can’t help it. You don’t think you have the confidence to speak to Seungmin again after today. Like ever.

“What do you think I should say?”

“This might come as a shock to you so be prepared,” You scowl immediately, “A normal person would apologize,” Hyunjin goes silent, as if he’s waiting for you to go off on him.

“Why the fuck would I have to apologize? And what do you mean by a normal person? Are you insinuating that I’m not normal?” You’re teetering on the line between bawling your eyes out and screaming until your lungs give out. You decide on the latter and put your phone on speaker, tossing it to your side before grabbing the nearest pillow and screaming into it.

“I appreciate you subjecting me to the ear piercing screech that sounds like it emerged straight from hell.”

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?” You pick your phone back up.

“Because I’m Hwang Hyunjin. Who doesn’t want to be friends with me?”

“Dick,” you mutter. He laughs and scolds you again before hanging up.

A few hours - and two glasses of wine - later, you’re sitting on your kitchen counter with your phone balancing on your thigh while you nurse your third glass. You know you should’ve stopped at one. You know yourself well enough to realize that you get a little chaotic when tipsy. Which is exactly the reason that Seungmin’s contact is

[You] - im sorry… delete

[You] - im actually in love with you and have been for the past 2 years… delete

You have to fight the physical urge to beat your head off the wall. What was wrong with you? It shouldn’t be that difficult to apologize- or at least explain yourself. You groan into your hands, using your palms to muffle the sound. You swear that your neighbors must hate you by now; the walls in your apartment complex are too thin for them not to.

The options presented to you, you think, are either a) you apologize, which is the most unlikely scenario, b) you wait for Seungmin to apologize, actually that might be the least likely possibility, c) you ask Hyunjin to talk to Seungmin for you, or d) you move on with your life and pray that he gives up on you.

Is that the smartest answer? Absolutely not. Is it the safest? Most definitely. At this point you’re debating just staying in bed forever or moving to a different country.

What you didn’t realize, however, was that you’d underestimate just how much you affect him.

Every waking moment, it seems, he’s thinking about you. How you smile. Your outfit. Maybe he likes the way you did your hair. Seungmin notices everything about you. If you’ve changed anything, your mood, body language. He sees everything.

He’s straight up fixated on you lately. Seungmin’s been thinking: maybe it’s for the best that you indirectly rejected you. Maybe he dodged a bullet and saved himself from becoming borderline obsessed,

But then Seungmin opens Instagram, a picture of you in a dress that he wishes he was the only one seeing you in, and he changes his mind.

He’s not going to stop until you’re his, come hell or high water.

tags: @godslino @skzstarnet @myseungsunglove @seungseung-minmin

#snowyquokka #stray kids #skz #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz scenarios #skz reader insert #kim seungmin x reader #kim seungmin fanfiction #kim seungmin #seungmin fanfic #seungmin #seungmin stray kids #seungmin scenarios #skzstarnet

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gamerwoo · 1 year

Text

Hyunjin: Age-Restricted (Part Three)

Characters: Hyunjin x female reader (ft other skz members)

Genre/warnings: nanny!reader, boy next door/neighbor!hyunjin, generally inexperienced and painfully shy virgin!reader, fluff, humor, there’s a little angst if you count reader panicking lmao, chan does onlyfans lmao, reader almost walks in on something she shouldn’t (but nothing spicy happens), mentions that reader and chan madeout once while they were a little intoxicated and she had a panic attack, reader has anxiety, implied that reader has issues w her mom, reader and co get drunk (if i missed anything lmk!!), minors dni!!!

Word count: 5,890

Summary: You think it’s luck when the new family you nanny for is so stupid rich that they rent you a fancy new apartment just so you can live closer to them. You think it’s luck when the guy across the hall is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your entire life and makes an effort to talk to you. But that’s just about where your luck runs out, because Hyunjin is more out of your league than you could ever imagine, and you’re just some hopeless virgin who never had good luck in the first place.

tag list: @hyuneyeon @ack-aashi @rindomo @fridayamirah [be added to the taglist by filling out this form!]

permanent tag list (italics are unable to tag): @minluvly @awkwardnesshabitat @woozarts @septicrebel @4kwp @thepencilkorner @shmooooo @bubblelixie @byunhoebaek @dejavernon @ahandfulofkeys @slut-for-dabi @avyskai @pussymode @sunoosult @moonlightcandy00 @missrobyn81

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Mrs. Park texted you that morning, saying you wouldn’t be needed. Apparently Hajoon was sick and she wanted to stay home with him, which you didn’t mind. It meant you had a free day to yourself, and after what happened with Hyunjin the previous day, you really wanted to see your friends and get their take on everything. As much as you wanted to gush about everything to Chan last night while playing Smash, you found yourself listening to how his day had gone and getting off-track a lot, so you didn’t really have the time or space to say anything. So you got ready to go out for the day and make your way to your old apartment to see your friends.

Seungmin and Minho might’ve been busy, but you knew Chan was always home. Plus, he let you keep the spare key that Minho illegally copied, so you could get in even if Chan was for some reason not home.

“Yo, _____!” Jeongin waved at you from the front desk as you walked through the lobby.

Your eyebrows knitted together, “I thought you worked nights.”

“Had to switch shifts,” he shrugged. “Where’re you off to today? You’re leaving later than usual.”

“No work today,” you sighed as you strolled up to the desk and rested an elbow on it. “Gonna go visit my friends and hope they’re around.”

“Do they live far?”

“Couple hours away or something like that.”

“Oh, well have a safe trip,” he grinned.

“Thanks!” you chirped and waved goodbye, starting to walk away.

“Oh, hang on!” Jeongin suddenly gasped, making you stop and take the few steps back toward the desk as he fished around for something on the desk by the computers that you couldn’t see. “Before you go… This is for you.”

He held out a folded piece of paper with a knowing smirk, though you didn’t know why.

“Oh,” was all you said, taking the paper with a slightly confused expression.

You continued to stand there as you unfolded the paper, and then you felt butterflies in your stomach as you read the short note, a smile creeping onto your face despite not wanting it to with Jeongin standing right there.

I forgot to give you my number. Text me sometime

-Hyunjin

P.s. I’m holding you to this too

“Have a good daaaay, _____,” Jeongin sang.

‘He definitely read the note,’ you realized, folding the note and waving to Jeongin again before swiftly leaving the building.

Chan’s car was parked in the usual spot, so you knew he was home. But knocking on the door left you with no answer. Chan was probably asleep since it was before noon. So you let yourself in.

You left your bag by the door as if you still lived there, kicking off your shoes and hanging up your coat in the usual spot you used to. Then you went straight to the bedroom you used to share with Chan, busting open the door and mouth open, ready to yell at him to wake the hell up because you had a situation.

Except there was a new situation in front of you that made you stop dead in your tracks, inhaled breath held, and mouth still open.

Chan stood in front of you, facing the door with his phone on a tripod between him and the door, the screen facing him. He was dressed in a nice white button-up and some black slacks. His shirt was unbuttoned, exposing his toned abs that you’d seen far too many times, and his hands were frozen, in the middle of unbuckling the belt around his slacks.

He stared at you silently, as you did the same to him.

Finally you let out a sigh, “I thought that this would stop happening now that we don’t live together.”

“Well maybe if you’d knock,” he stated, dropping the buckle.

“I knocked on the front door, how did you not hear?”

“I figured you were like, a delivery person or something and you’d just leave it out there!”

“Well I figured you were asleep!”

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair, “You realize I have to do this commission all over now, right?”

“Well, do it later,” you told him. “I need your help.”

Chan’s eyebrows furrowed as he gave you a concerned look, “Help? You doing okay?”

“Love life help,” you confessed with a sigh, knowing that would absolutely pique your friend’s interest.

And it did, as gasp leaving his lips as his eyes went wide, “Really? Aw, _____!”

“No, it’s… I don’t know what it is. Just get changed and I’ll wait in the living room.”

“Why can’t I just wear this?”

“Chan, you’re almost half-naked.”

“Yeah, and? _____, we slept in the same room forever and you’ve definitely seen me wear less,” he scoffed.

You shrugged with a slight nod, “Yeah, touché.”

Curled up on one side of the couch with your back to the arm rest, one knee to your chest with your other leg curled under you, Chan almost mimicked you as he sat on the other side, only one of his legs was stretched out in front of him, almost reaching your leg. He folded his hands on his stomach as he kept his full attention on you.

“So you know Hyunjin?” you asked.

He narrowed his eyes, quirking a brow as he thought, “That’s…the front desk guy?”

You shook your head, “Hot neighbor. Front desk guy is Felix the Austrailian.”

“Right, hot neighbor!” he nodded, wagging a finger at you. “Still think you should go for front desk guy, but I’m just biased.”

You rolled your eyes, “Anyway, he like…hit on me, I think?”

“You think?”

“I mean, like… Okay, so he asked me to help him bleach his hair so I went over, and we watched a movie in between him processing, and then he told me he actually knew how to dye his own hair and he just wanted an excuse to invite me over because he wanted ‘a pretty girl to play with his hair’.”

Chan kept his eyes on you through your entire babbled recap. Honestly, he was surprised that he even kept up with how fast you were talking, but he seemed to understand everything, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Aw, _____! That’s good!” he grinned. But he saw the way you were biting the inside of your cheek despite the small smile on your face, and how you were fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. “What’s wrong?”

You let out a groan as if it were obvious, bursting, “Chan, I’m a virgin!”

“Okay, didn’t realize we were jumping to sex so quickly,” he commented.

“No! He didn’t jump to anything – I mean, I think he almost kissed me but then you called.”

Chan seemed upset with himself, giving you puppy-dog eyes as his jaw dropped slightly, “I cockblocked? I didn’t mean t– Oh, wait, is that a good thing?”

Chan knew how you got when people kissed you. He may or may not have discovered your issue himself when the two of you were kind of drunk during a night at home without Seungmin and Minho where you both admitted to finding the other cute – you still thought Chan was good-looking, but you definitely did not see him as someone you wanted to date. You still weren’t sure who kissed who first, but Chan’s tongue was in your mouth and suddenly, you shut down. Eyes squeezed closed, body tensed, and your breathing was jagged and uneven.

You were having a panic attack. And it happened every single time somebody new kissed you, and it usually took you a few times to actually warm up to them enough to makeout with them comfortably. You still didn’t know why you were like this – maybe it was just the anxiety of knowing you were inexperienced and you feared you were a bad kisser or whatever awful thing that could go wrong – but you were embarrassed every single time it happened nonetheless.

But Chan was now fully aware of your fears. He was there to hold you and promise you that you were okay in between your breathy apologies. You opened up to him about what might have caused you to do that, and told him it happened with your last two – and only two – boyfriends, so you were pretty sure this was just…a thing.

A thing that you hated so, so much.

You frowned and looked down at your lap, feeling defeated, “I don’t know, dude… I wanted him to kiss me, but I also didn’t want to, y’know, hyperventilate and freak him out. But also, I don’t even know if he only wants to kiss me. Like, what if he’s just looking for a hook-up? Or even if he does want a relationship, how am I supposed to explain that I have no clue what I’m doing in regards to basically anything?”

Chan just shrugged, his lips pressing into a thin line, “You just be honest. If he’s worth your time, he won’t care. No decent person will think less of you, _____; I’ve told you that so many times.”

“I know, but I care!” you shot back.

“You care too much,” he stated.

“I know!”

“Look,” Chan sighed, letting his head tilt to the left and rest against the back of the couch, looking at you softly – if it were anyone else, you’d think it was pity, but because it was Chan, it was more like…a weird sense of understanding; like he could see your point of view, “I know you’ve said your anxiety is manageable, and I do think it is. But when it comes to more…physical relationships, I think that’s when it really stops you. You care too much because you're anxious, and you need to figure out where that stems from and work on it.”

You scoffed, “I think we both know where it stems from.”

“You can’t blame everything on your mom, _____.”

“She made me a people pleaser!”

“Sweetie, you’re far passed people pleaser,” he chuckled, even though he found no humor in your mental state. “You’re more like a…”

As Chan stopped to think of a word, you let out an annoyed huff, “This isn’t even about any of that. Can we get back to the Hyunjin thing?”

“Right,” Chan cleared his throat as he readjusted himself on the couch to get a bit more comfortable. “Well, my dear, I think… I think you need to just see what his intentions are. Go from there and just explain your boundaries.”

“But it’s embarrassing having to tell people I’m in my 20’s and have only had two one-month-long relationships, and I’ve never done more than makeout with someone,” you whined, looking at Chan with desperation like he could make all your problems go away if you begged him hard enough.

“If he thinks it’s embarrassing, you call me and I’ll bring Minho and Seungmin over to embarrass him,” Chan promised with a laugh. “They don’t hold back.”

You let out a sigh, eyes staring off as you recalled the many times the pair had made a virgin joke to you, “As much as I sometimes wish they would. Even they were shocked when they found out I’m still a virgin!”

He cocked his head to one side, eyebrows creasing together in confusion.

“When we played that drinking game, I had to confess how many people I’ve slept with,” you explained. “I said I was a virgin and both of their jaws dropped.”

Chan’s eyes widened when he recalled the memory, “Oh! Oh, _____, no! They weren’t shocked because of your age, it’s because they didn’t think like… Like someone like you could be a virgin.”

It was your turn to be confused, “Someone like me?”

“Well, you don’t exactly look like an incel, y’know?” he stated, gesturing to you across the couch. “You’re good-looking, _____, and you don’t act like…weird. I mean, you’re weird, but in a likable way. You don’t have the appearance or personality of someone you’d think would still be a virgin. Think, like: sweaty guy who lives in his mom’s basement.”

“Oh…” you figured that made you feel a little bit better that your roommates were never judging you that hard. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Anytime,” he grinned, his eyes crinkling in the outer corners. “So, did you wanna go do something, or what? Maybe get your mind off things for a while.”

“Kinda was hoping we could just play video games or something,” you told him. “When are Seungmin and Minho coming back?”

“Seungmin should be back any minute, and Min’ll be a couple hours,” he said, checking his watch that he really only used for ‘daddy’ commissions for his Onlyfans, so you laughed a little seeing that he still had it on despite being changed into basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He looked back up at you and narrowed his eyes. “You shut your mouth.”

“Didn’t even open it,” you replied.

Changbin eyed Hyunjin from across the table, watching as the younger boy kept his eyes on his phone as he nervously curled a strand of blonde hair around his index finger, biting at his bottom lip and bouncing his leg. To his left, his girlfriend, Kit looked over the menu, oblivious to whatever was going on between the two friends – or she didn’t care.

“Are you going to like, be here anytime soon?” Changbin asked.

His voice made Hyunjin jump slightly, looking up with wide eyes, “Huh?”

“You’ve been staring at your phone for like, ten minutes,” Changbin told him. “And judging from your nervous ticks, I don’t think you’re just scrolling social media. Honestly, I haven’t seen you nervous in a long time. What’s up?”

Hyunjin sighed, dropping his phone on the table and running both hands through his hair, “She hasn’t texted me.”

Changbin’s eyebrows dropped as he deadpanned, “This about about apartment girl, isn’t it?”

“Can you stop judging me?”

“A girl?” Kit asked, eyes widened as her interest in the conversation piqued, her menu being lowered to look between her boyfriend and his best friend. “There’s a girl involved? Jinnie, you like a girl?”

“He hardly knows a girl,” Changbin corrected. “Remember, the girl who moved in across from his apartment?”

“Oh,” she nodded, recalling Changbin briefly mentioning the situation to her – well, he ranted about it but she picked out what was important. “She made you blonde. Y’know, Jinnie, I’ve pegged you for a lot of things but never a hopeless romantic.”

At least her stupid joke could make Hyunjin laugh, looking down at the table as he seemed to relax slightly in his seat.

“Did you give her your number?” Changbin asked.

“I left it with one of the guys at the desk – Jeongin, remember him?”

“Maybe he just didn’t see her today.”

“She always works weekdays,” Hyunjin insisted.

“Maybe she didn’t like your ‘move’ as much as you thought,” Kit chuckled, mostly just trying to tease him a little and lighten the mood a bit more.

If anything, it made him more tense as he said, “No, she did, I know it! I’m so good at reading people, Kitty -- you know! She was blushing and hiding her face and everything. It was honestly really cute…”

Though, it more so sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than them.

“Maybe she’s busy,” Changbin suggested with a shrug. “If she’s working, that’s probably what it is. I mean, what does she even do?”

Hyunjin scoffed, picking up his phone again and sliding a little bit down against the seat of the booth, “I’m not asking. Then she’ll ask what I do and I’m not getting myself wrapped up in any lies before I can…explain.”

“I mean, if she’s as shy as you said, maybe she’s afraid to text you first,” Kit said as she went back to looking over the menu. “Bet you didn’t think of that one, loverboy.”

Hyunjin looked at her absolutely dumbfounded. He looked like she just casually told him the meaning of life. Honestly, why didn’t he think of that? He obviously knew how shy you were.

While Changbin just smirked at her and gently nudged her side, “Good call, babe.”

“I know everything,” she nodded. “The only way that girl could ever possibly have the courage to text you is if she’s drunk – and that’s still a solid maybe.”

And almost on cue, Hyunjin’s phone buzzed against the table. Kit set her menu down and Changbin glanced at the glowing screen as Hyunjin picked up his phone slowly, eyeing Kit before his eyes flickered down to the screen to see a text from an unknown number.

Two slices of pizza and two rounds of Beerio Kart later, you were considering just spending the night at your old apartment. Despite loving your own space, you missed having people around. You missed the good moments of being drunk and laughing about nothing and everything because they could somehow make anything a joke – including the one time the four of you heard a thud from the apartment above you and Minho suggested that the old man who lived there finally kicked the bucket and instead of calling someone, all of you were laughing until you were crying.

Except Jisung basically lived there now, sleeping on their couch more often than not.

And boy, was explaining the situation to him fun.

“I don’t get why this guy maybe wanting to date her is a big deal,” he had said when you were recapping the situation to Seungmin and Minho.

“She’s nervous because she’s scared he’ll think she’s like, weird or undateable if she’s still a virgin,” Minho deadpanned, eyes still on the screen.

Jisung’s jaw dropped, “You’re still a virgin?!”

Needless to say, you finished your drink first and won the first round.

Now, you were two whole drinks deep, you were feeling pretty tipsy – like, tipsy to the point that you were about to confidently tell Jisung your whole life story for fun – and you were contemplating just not going home at all since you were having so much fun. But you also knew it was the alcohol talking because, god, you loved your bed.

“One more?” Minho asked, setting the controller down on the coffee table.

All five of you crammed onto the couch, with Jisung perched on the back, one foot planted on the right armrest while the other was behind Minho. Chan sat beside him on the back of the couch with you sitting comfortably between his legs, leaning back into the cushions as your legs stretched out in front of you. Minho made damn sure to manspread enough to get his own space, while Seungmin leaned into the left arm of the couch. But Seungmin at least seemed content having to lean into the arm of the couch. It could be worse – he could be sitting by Jisung.

“I don’t think _____ should keep drinking,” Chan spoke up, always the voice of reason. “She’s gotta get home, remember?”

“She can crash with you, it’s fine,” Seungmin told him, waiving the worry away.

“The bed is gone, remember?”

Minho and Seungmin looked up at Chan, then at each other, like they forgot you were really gone.

“You guys had a fourth bed?” Jisung exclaimed.

“Yeah, it’s in the dumpster now,” Minho told him as he got up from his seat. “Why don’t you go sleep in it?”

“What if we make sure _____ gets home safe?” Seungmin asked as Minho went to the kitchen for another beer, and Jisung swung his legs around the back of the couch to go follow him. “Then can we play one more?”

“Yeah, dad,” you leaned forward and turned your head to look up at Chan with pleading eyes, “can we?”

Chan gave you a stern look, “How will we know you made it home? We can’t go on the train with you.”

And that was when you remembered something. Something that made butterflies erupt in your stomach before, but now only brought you drunken delight.

“I have Hyunjin’s number!” you squealed. “I forgot! I can text him and I can see if he’ll pick me up from the train station and–”

“And you can blow him in his car!” Minho teased with fake-enthusiasm, though the shit-eating grin he gave you when you glared at him was very much real.

But then you raised your eyebrows and said, “Unless…”

“You won’t,” Chan stated, but it wasn’t like he was telling you that he didn’t want you to. He was telling you that they all knew you wouldn’t.

“How did you forget to tell us you have his number?” Seungmin wondered, leaning toward you as you fished the note from your pocket and began typing the number into your phone.

“It’s _____ we’re talking about,” Minho scoffed.

“Are you sure you wanna text him right now?” Chan asked warily.

“I’m not that drunk,” you promised. “Only enough to have a little more confidence and courage.”

“You go, bestie,” Jisung chimed in before taking a drink of his beer.

Minho groaned, looking at him in annoyance, “Now you need a new beer to play!”

You drowned out their bickering as you typed Hyunjin’s name into your phone before starting a new message.

?????: hey, it’s _____! sorry i didn’t text you earlier!!

“That’s so dry,” Seungmin commented beside you before adding with a shrug, “I mean, you are a virgin.”

You lifted your head to glare at him, meeting his innocent gaze, “Do you want me to announce that I’m drunk?”

“It would make things more interesting, yeah.”

Before you could quip a reply, your phone buzzed in your hand.

Hyunjin 😳💌: no worries! how was work today?

_____ 😌🥰: i didn’t. i hung out with friends all day

Hyunjin 😳💌: oh, that’s fun!

Hyunjin 😳💌: what did you do?

_____ 😌🥰: beerio kart lmao

Hyunjin 😳💌: im a PRO at beerio kart lmao

Hyunjin 😳💌: did you make it home alright after that or are you staying over there?

_____ 😌🥰: ummmmmm

“He’s also unbearably dry,” Minho commented, disgust in his tone as he watched you text from over your shoulder.

You shoved him away from you, his face landing in the cushions.

_____ 😌🥰: I still have to take the train home

Hyunjin 😳💌: you’re not still drunk, are you?

_____ 😌🥰: i mean…..i’ve been drunker

Hyunjin 😳💌: do you need me to pick you up from the station? will you be able to get on the train okay? i can pick you up wherever you are

Jisung clicked his tongue, “He sounds desperate.”

You turned your head around to give him a confused look, “I hardly even know you.”

Hyunjin 😳💌: sorry if i’m being a lot lol i just want you to get back okay

“Does he even know where you are?” Seungmin asked. “I don’t think he’s that committed to driving all the way here. It’s kinda long.”

“How much do you trust this guy?” Chan wondered, looking a little concerned. “You’d be in a car alone with him for about two hours.”

“That also means even more Beerior Kart than just one more round,” you pointed out, a grin spreading across your face.

“Yeah!” Minho cheered, holding his beer in the air. “We love Hyunjae!”

“Hyunjin,” you corrected.

“Whatever-the-fuck!” he said in the same tone with the same smile plastered on his face.

“I don’t know if I would want you in a car with him for two hours if you’re gonna be even more intoxicated,” Chan admitted, placing a hand on your upper back.

Your phone buzzed again in your hand, but it continued to buzz after the first one. You looked down to see Hyunjin’s name illuminated on your screen.

“He’s calling!” Seungmin gasped with wide eyes.

“Go take it in my room,” Chan told you, helping you to your feet and gesturing to his bedroom door. “I already know these freaks will start moaning in the background and shit.”

“Can you be like, a little more fun, grandpa?” Minho frowned.

You went into Chan’s bedroom and shut the door, feeling nervousness wash over you despite having liquid courage in your system. Maybe that was just the overall anxiety of taking phone calls. Still, you forced yourself to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, _____,” Hyunjin breathed. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m at my old apartment with my friends,” you explained. “They’re trying to figure out the whole ‘me leaving’ situation.”

“Like I said, I can come get you,” he offered again. “Where are you?”

“It’s almost two hours away,” you chuckled.

“That’s okay. I’d rather you be safe than worry about a long drive.”

“Weeeeeeell…” you began slowly, wondering if you should even admit this to Hyunjin or not but your mouth was talking before your brain could consider anything else, “one of my friends is kinda concerned about me being drunk and alone in someone else’s car for two hours.”

Thankfully, Hyunjin laughed, “Understandably so. I can pick you up from the train station if you need. Do you need money for a ticket?”

“No, I’m okay. I think maybe Chan just wants me to get a taxi from the station or something.”

“I can call one for you and have it there by the time you get there.��

Feeling maybe too bold from the alcohol, you blurted the question that suddenly came to your mind: “Hyunjin, why are you being so nice to me?”

Your boldness seemed to catch him off-guard for a minute considering his silence, but you heard somebody chuckle in the background, along with a feminine-sounding laugh. It made your heart sink a little bit. Was he with another girl?

‘Are you seriously getting jealous already?’

But in your tipsy state, you’d basically forgotten about it when Hyunjin started talking.

“I’d be like this with any of my friends,” he told you. “If you’re drunk, I want to make sure you make it back safely. So if I can’t personally make sure, I’ll call a taxi at the very least.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to pick me up,” you babbled, unable to control your mouth because about 50% of your brain was just spilling whatever it thought up, “I just want Chan to not worry about me, either.”

He chuckled, “Sweetheart, I get it. I’m not offended.”

Your face was already feeling flushed from the alcohol, but it somehow got hotter hearing him call you that. You were kind of glad you weren’t around him because you didn’t want him to see how big your smile was at the name.

“‘Kay, just making sure,” you told him, still giggling from the way your heart fluttered from the use of ‘sweetheart’. You were probably going to think about that all night.

“Let me know when you leave and I’ll have the taxi ready for you,” he promised. “Let me or your friends know if anything happens, alright?”

“I will.”

“Have a good night, _____.”

“Thanks, Hyunjin!”

The bedroom door creaked open just as you ended the call. You looked up from the phone to see Seungmin’s head poking in, a devilish grin on his face.

“One more?” he asked.

You nodded eagerly, “One more.”

The train ride went smooth despite you having the spins, and you were pretty sure you were almost fully-sober by the time you were in the taxi. But when you got out of the car and went to walk toward your building, you stumbled slightly.

Okay, so maybe you did play more than one more round.

It was almost 2am as you entered the lobby, and you expected to hear Felix’s deep voice greet you. But instead, you heard one that made your heart skip a beat.

“_____,” Hyunjin stood from one of the chairs in the lobby and strolled over to you, a casual smile on his face. “You made it back okay.”

Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, absolutely shocked that he waited up for you and stayed in the lobby to make sure you showed up. Nobody had ever done that for you – well, except for your grandmother when you would spend the nights at her house when you were in high school and she wanted to make sure you made it home safely, and sometimes Chan did.

“Are you still drunk?” he asked, seeming a little concerned as he slightly tilted his head to one side, eyes studying you.

He mostly asked because you were just standing there staring at him and not saying anything. In fact, you were staring at him like he was some famous person that had strolled in and taken you off-guard.

“Maybe a little,” you admitted in a mumble.

“Do you want some help to your room?” he offered.

A yawn escaped your lips as you nodded, and it hit you just how tired you really were. You kept yourself occupied with your phone on the train and in the taxi, yawning a little here and there since you weren’t surrounded by the excitement of your friends anymore. But knowing your bed was only a few floors away now, you were ready to pass out immediately.

“Need a hand, Hyunjin?” the familiar deep voice commented from by the counter.

“I think I’ve got her,” he replied, carefully sliding an arm around your waist and putting your arm around his shoulders, keeping his hand in yours. “Thanks, though, Lix.”

“‘Course! Have a good night, guys. _____, call down if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Felix,” you slurred slightly, glancing over at the counter to give him a lazy smile. “You’re the best.”

He grinned brightly with a wave as Hyunjin helped you to the elevators.

All you could think of was how good he smelled. Would it be weird to try to subtly nuzzle into him or would he notice? Could you even be sneaky like this?

Being drunk typically gave you some sort of god-complex, but all of a sudden, you were basically back to being your shy, anxious self.

‘I sobered up at least a little bit,’ you reminded yourself, ‘I’m just not drunk enough. ...I should’ve gotten drunker.’

Had Hyunjin been around you at your peak drunkenness, you probably would’ve been throwing him pickup lines left and right.

“Was your trip home okay?” he asked as he pressed the button on the elevator with a slender finger.

“Yeah,” you yawned, trying to not let your head drop onto his shoulder. “Pretty boring, honestly.”

“How was hanging out with your friends?” he continued as the elevator doors slid open.

Honestly, you were fine to walk on your own – it might not have been in a perfect straight line, but you knew you wouldn’t fall on your face – but you continued to let Hyunjin think you couldn’t just because it was nice feeling a strong hand on your waist and his warm fingers wrapped around your hand. And also just leaning into him was nice. Everything about Hyunjin thinking you were far too drunk to function was nice.

And then if you did decide to be bold, you could pretend like you didn’t remember it tomorrow. It was a win/win!

“I didn’t win,” you pouted as you entered the elevator and Hyunjin pressed the button for the 8th floor. “I’m not the best at chugging my drinks…or at driving…”

“Remind me to not get into a car with you, then,” he smirked, glancing at you with a teasing look.

You huffed back in his face, “Okay, real-life driving is not using a fucking controller and trying to drift on Rainbow Road.”

“It could be,” he shrugged, “if you try hard enough.”

“I think you’re the drunk one,” you stated, going so far as to reach up and press the tip of your index finger against the button of his nose.

His eyes closed as your finger touched him, and then he blinked a few times before laughing at you. And you stared at him in a way that clearly said ‘why the hell did I do that’, trying to process exactly why in the hell you did do that.

Then you stared straight forward, whispering to yourself but very much out loud, “What the fuck am I doing?”

“So, who’s the drunk one again?” he continued to laugh, and you could feel teasing eyes on you but you couldn’t look at him.

Maybe you wouldn’t look at him ever again after this.

“Oh, now you’re gonna be shy?” he chuckled, releasing your hand to put his fingers under your chin and guide you to look at him.

Doe eyes met his slender ones. You couldn’t tell what kind of emotion he was looking at you with. There were hints of a smirk on his face but there was still softness in his eyes.

‘Oh god, it’s happening.’

Your heart was hammering in your chest, bracing for whatever was going to happen next. If he was going to kiss you while you were drunk in an elevator, you at least hoped you didn’t also get trapped in the small space because that wouldn’t help you at all.

The elevator dinged softly.

His features broke into a sweet smile as he said, “You’re cute.”

As the doors slid open, Hyunjin dropped his hand to hold yours that you now realized was fisting the shoulder of his shirt because of your nerves. He guided you out of the elevator and walked you halfway down the hall to where your doors faced each other.

“Keys?” he asked.

“Ummm,” you hummed as you fished around in your bag with your free hand, your mind still reeling from whatever Hyunjin was doing to you in the elevator.

You finally found your keys with shaky hands, handing them to Hyunjin. He made sure you weren’t going to fall over if he let you go – you wouldn’t have before but now because of him, your knees felt like jelly – before he unlocked your door and pushed it open slightly for you. Then he handed you your keys back with a smile.

“I’m glad you made it home okay,” he told you.

“Thanks for making sure,” you mumbled, still finding it difficult to look him in the eye.

So all you saw was one foot step forward toward you. You didn’t see his hand come up to cup your cheek, or his head lean forward to press plush lips to your hairline, making your eyes squeeze closed as you felt your heart implode, erupting butterflies in your stomach.

“Have a good night, _____,” he murmured softly. Then he gently took your shoulders, turned you toward your door, and lightly pushed you inside because he knew you wouldn’t move your feet on your own. You could hear him chuckling at you as he added, “Don’t forget to drink lots of water.”

And then he closed the door.

And you stood in your kitchen/living area in the dark, feeling somehow more drunk than when you even left Chan’s.

#k-labels #hyunjin #stray kids #stray kids smut #hyunjin smut #stray kids au #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids fic #stray kids series #stray kids x reader #hyunjin au #hyunjin imagine #hyunjin scenario #hyunjin fic #hyunjin x reader

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emilyssky · 1 year

Text

Chapter 1: 3:45am

PAIRING: Lee Know! x Fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au,smut,angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."

[the GIF is not mine]

1 year ago.

Tonight the night breeze feels more gentle than ever, even though it's freezing outside. Maybe it was too hot inside the frat house or maybe I'm still numb from everything that happened to feel the cold. My hands are still shaking from anger, my eyeliner is probably messed up and the world is still spinning. Tonight wasn't the night to drink so much but it was the only thing that numbed the pain, even for a few moments. The realization hasn't quite hit me yet. The tears have dried, but my heart still hurts. 1 year. 1 whole year of my life I dedicated to him. I cried over him, we fought, we laughed, we talked, and we made love. I opened up to him more than anyone. I trusted him and I fell for him. I thought Jackson would never hurt me. Everyone was warning me, telling me to stay away, reminding me of his 'fuckboy' reputation but I didn't listen. I was stupid enough to believe that with me he would be different like I'm some main character in a fucking movie. He was, in a way but he was also going through a lot but regardless I was there every single time. He had so many issues, so many demons, and such pain from his past that he hadn't and couldn't deal with, and I stayed despite everything. Despite the fighting and the yelling. Despite his cruel words and despite his inability to control his anger. I stayed even after the nights I forced myself to bury deep in my memories where his anger would take over completely. I understood him in a way and I loved him despite everything. But it was all a lie and finding out I was a joke to him made my world crash. That I was just some chick he wanted to fuck and make fun of with his friends. He tried to explain by saying that at some point he started to feel more and couldn't stop thinking about me. Bullshit. I slapped him for the first time that day, the day I went by his apartment, unexpected, and found all of his friends there that had no clue I was even his girlfriend. For a week straight he wouldn't leave me alone, He was calling me none stop, banging at my door, and showing up to my classes. I was thankful to Hyunjin and Felix for never leaving me alone when he was around. I hadn't left my bedroom for a week and Emma was begging me to come with her to this Frat party tonight. I showered for the first time in days, put on make-up, and got dressed up. The alcohol made me forget for a while. I was dancing and drinking and I was having fun. Accidentally opening a bedroom door instead of the bathroom door and seeing Jackson half-naked on top of some blonde girl was when everything came back, crashing down. I left, I left and I've been walking in the cold for the past half an hour. My thigh-high boots and the leather jacket I stole from Chan are doing a decent job at protecting my legs from the cold but I still wrap my arms around my body tighter as I go up the familiar flight of stairs. When I reach the top, I notice that the door that leads to the rooftop is slightly open. I walk outside and when the air hits me, I feel like I can breathe again. I closed my eyes and take a deep breath. I take a few steps, aimlessly toward the center of the roof until a male figure comes into view. All I can is his back, that's rising and falling, almost as if he's trying to breathe. His head is down and he's only a few feet from the railing.

"Excuse- " I try to say in a quiet voice.

"Shit!" His body jerks backward, his hand searching behind him for the wall beside the door. "You scared the shit out of me" His eyes snap to mine when he reaches it.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Fuckin hell" He curses under his breath and turns back around, this time with his head up, facing the sky. I found out about the secret door that leads to the rooftop of the dance building only a few months after I first started college and I've been coming here ever since whenever I needed to clear my head. It's the clear view of the whole campus, along with the height, the complete silence, and the occasional, calming breeze that makes me feel at peace and makes all of my problems disappear, even for a few moments. Tonight's the first time I see someone else here. I was kinda hoping that I was the only one that had figured out how to get up here, making it my special place but I guess I was wrong.

"Are you okay?" I dare to ask after a few seconds of silence.

"I came here for some peace and quiet, can you leave? I wanna be alone" He harshly says without even looking my way.

I'm a bit taken back by his response but I choose to ignore it, he seems like he's had a rough night. I bet I look the same.

"Yeah, same." I cross my hands. I can only see his side profile from where I'm standing. His hair is dark and slightly falling into his eyes, his lips big and full and his nose almost perfect. "Do you own this roof?"

He rolls his eyes, not amused by my attempt to joke. "I came here first"

"That's a really mature answer" I laugh and move forward to sit on the small bench that's in the middle of the roof. We're now on the same level but he continues to look straight ahead. His jaw suddenly tightens, and the hand that isn't touching the wall turns into a fist. He looks genually upset and my drunken mind is suddenly curious about the reason.

"If something's on your mind, just spit it out. There's nothing better than talking to a complete tranger about your problems. The fact that we probably won't ever see each other again makes it a lot easier." I say, trying to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

"Is your life going that great that you don't have any problems of your own or is just boring?" He starts pacing back and forth.

Excuse me, what?

"Just because I asked you a simple, human question when I saw that you're obviously upset about something, you think that I don't have my own problems?" I snap at him, getting annoyed. "Not all people are fucking rude out of nowhere."

He brings his hands behind his head, then back down to rub his face. "I'm not rude out of nowhere, I came here to be alone. I'm sorry if I don't wanna deal with some chick that probably wants to avoid her own issues and thinks that solving a stranger's will make her feel somewhat special" His voice rises with each word and his hands are everywhere, from his face to his hair the back to his side, clenching, unclenching. I'm trying really hard to control my temper. Oh, how I despise rude people. I rise to my feet, taking a step toward him.

"You're obviously going through something right now and you want to be alone but you don't have to be a dick about it . I was just trying to be polite." I spit through my clenched teeth.

" I don't want your kindness." He finally stops pacing and turns to face me. His hair is a bit wild from running his hands through it so many times, and his jaw is still tensed but what I notice more is his eyes. They're slightly red. Calm and wary as they stare at me. I study his face for a second. I definetly would remember him if I had seen him around here before, he's gorgeous.

"Have people not been kind to you?" I decide to ask. "Is that it? You're not used to it?"

His eyes shift and a small smile of satisfaction makes it's way to my lips, knowing I hit a nerve. "The world is cruel and people are crueler. There are no 'kind people' , only people that play nice because they want something for you or just wanna use you to feel better about themselves." His face is expressionless.

I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what could have possibly happened in this man's life to make him believe something like that. I smile at him, shaking my head.

"What's so funny?" He raises a brow at me.

"You have such a wrong idea about the world. Yes, people can be cruel, and use you at times but not everyone is like that. Everyone has problems, some bigger than others but at the end of the day, we're all struggling. Being kind to someone costs nothing to you but it may mean the world to someone. You don't know what someone is going through, they might be fighting to stay alive. You don't know what I'm going through, but you were so quick to judge me."

He blinks. His eyes seem just slightly softer than before. He parts his lips as if he's about to speak and then closes them again, almost as if I caught him off guard. He takes a deep breath and rests his back on the wall.

"Why are you so mad at the world?" I break the silence once again. At that, he smiles. His face completely transforms. He's even prettier when he smiles, I think to myself. I walk towards him but stumble on my feet, almost losing my balance. The world is still spinning and I mentally curse myself for drinking so much.

My actions draw his attention "Are you drunk?" He asks slightly amused.

"Well, I wouldn't say it like that" I walk back towards the railing "but I've had a couple of drinks"

He straightens his back and his face hardens in a second. "Hey stop." I stop walking. "You're drunk, don't move to close to the railing."

"I'm not drunk" I roll my eyes. "And stop changing the subject"

"Why do you care?" He groans.

"It's like 3 am, we're 2 strangers on a college rooftop, I'm tipsy and you're for some reason mad. Why not ask questions?" I shrug. "Come on, entertain me and maybe I'll entertain you with my problems." I offer with a smile.

He takes a deep breath and looks at the night sky. I spot the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. "Why wouldn't I be mad at the world?" He says mostly to himself. "The world's unfair. A cruel place where none gets what they deserve. Life hasn't been kind to me, and people have definitely not been kind to me, why would I be kind to them?" He laughs. It's not a happy laugh.

"People always get what they deserve," My eyes focus on the sky, as I speak, mostly to myself as well. "it's not your fault that you've had shitty people in your life but being like them doesn't make you any better."

"Please spear me the 'treat people with kindness' talk". He slides down to the floor.

"You listen to harry styles?" I say surprised.

He freezes only for a split second. "That's beside the point-"

"What's the point?" I giggle. "Huh? Mysterious stranger, who hates everything?" I question, throwing my hands in the air "No actually let me tell you," I speak again before he has any chance to say anything." The point is that; there's no point" I smile. "The world is coming to an end, and we're all going to die eventually," I walk back and forth, my hands all over the place, my mind still a fuzzy mess. "So just live your life. Stop hating everything and stop giving a shit about other people. Life is unfair, deal with it." I'm now standing in front of him, looking at him like I've just figured out the most amazing theory. His eyes are fixed on me, searching, analyzing. His lips frown, hands resting on his knees. His mouth opens and then closes again. His eyes move to his hands and then back to my face.

His lips fall to small smile. "You're drunk. And annoying, and-"

"Right?" I tilt my head to the left, A laugh escapes him, and he shakes his head. After a few seconds, his face falls a bit, eyes focused back on the night sky.

"I don't really see the point"

"Then change it". I fall to the ground beside him.

He looks at me confused. "Change what?"

"Your life. If you don't like it, change it"

He bursts into a laugh. His whole face changes. His eyes are almost closed, little wrinkles appearing on each side from laughing. His lips tug to create a smile, that takes almost half of his face. I stare at him in awe.

"What?" I ask with a smile on my lips as well.

"You make life sound so easy. You present everything about life so simple as if you actually have a saying in everything." He turns his head to me. "News flash kid, there are a lot of things that have happened or will happen in your life that are beyond your control."

"Maybe" I shrug "You're probably right, but giving up on trying to be the happiest you can be is definitely not the answer to your problems."

"And what is?" He half smiles, challenging me.

"Don't you have any dreams? Things you want to do? Places you wanna go?"

He takes a few moments to think before answering. "I used to, yeah. I wanted a lot of things but every time I wanted something, it was taken away from me. So I stopped wanting things. If you don't want anything, you can't be disappointed for getting nothing."

"Yeah, I get it . That's hard but," I pause, and he looks at me from the side of his eyes. "You have to appreciate the little things in life and be grateful for everything." I finally say, repeating the words my mother used to say to me whenever I would think that everything was going to shit.

"You don't know shit about my life" He sifts his body to face mine. His eyes are somewhat harder than before, cold almost. "Stop talking like you do"

I wanna laugh at how defensive he's getting but I don't wanna appear heartless just because I'm drunk and everything seems a little funnier than usual. So instead I sigh, choosing a different approach. "Look, I'm not some optimistic chick who always smiles and only sees the best in every situation."

"You sure act like it" He glares at me.

I wish. I wish I was all the things I present myself to be. I wish I could take my own advice.

"Everyone is fucked up in a way. I just don't need anyone to know how fucked up I actually am. I'm more than all of my problems and mistakes. I'm also my dreams and everything that I've gone through and accomplished. All of us as are." I rest my head on my knees. My words draw his attention. He chooses to mirror my position, resting his own head on his knees. I smile, finding it cute. "Everyone has their own story, and maybe yours is sadder than others's but it's your own story and you're the writer. Scratch people out. Feel free to fuck everything up with a plot twist." I giggle. "Write something better."

His eyes haven't left my face, they bore into mine and for a moment I swear they sparkled. "What are your problems? It's you turn to entertain me."

"There are plenty." I nod my head,smiling.

"Tell me the biggest on right now."

I feel the words in my throat, the words that never actually left my mouth. The words that I've never said out loud let along to another person. I look into the stragner's eyes. "I've been in an abusive relationship for almost a year and I finally found the courage to leave him. " The weight begins to lift of my shoulders. "I've kept that part of my relationship hidden for all of my friends, among other things cause I'm too ashamed to admit that I was so stupid and weak for so long." I break into a laugh but tears begin to fill my eyes, as the realization of the whole situation now that I'm saying it out loud feel more real than ever. It makes me feel kinda free to finally share this with someone nevertheless.

For the first time tonight his face visibly holds emotion. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth and then he takes a breath, getting ready to speak.

My phone starts ringing. interrupting whatever he was going to say. Chan's name flashes across the screen.

"Hi-"

"Where the fuck are you?" Chan's angry voice comes louder than I was expecting, making me pull my phone away from my ear.

"I'm walking back home" I lie.

"Why would you leave without telling us? And why are walking back home alone at 3 am? Are you stupid or are you stupid?" He sounds a bit out of breath. "Send me your location, we're leaving now. I'll come and get you" He says sternly.

"Okay" I choose not to anger him further and hang up.

I look back at the guy. His eyes are not on me, instead, they're glued to the sky, almost as if he's searching for something.

"I have to go," I quietly say. He doesn't say anything instead he closes his eyes and rests his head against the wall once again. "Next time you'll meet a stranger on a rooftop, don't be an ass." I joke as I lift myself off the ground.

He stays quiet.

"You know a few years back, I saw a quote somewhere, I don't remember where exactly." I giggle as I stumble towards the door. "But it was something like; Always leave people a little better than you found them." I turn to him.

He opens his eyes, keeping his face stays unreadable. I simply stare at him, and he stares back. His eyes sparkle under the dim light of the moon for the second time tonight, gazing towards me In the saddest way I've ever seen, and my heart tightens. Something in his eyes pulls me to him, forces my legs to move forward, and before my mind can catch up, I'm standing right in front of him. He's up to his feet by the time I reach him, lifting his hand to tug a stray piece of hair behind me ear. His touch is so light, that I don't even feel it when his thumb brushes my cheek before lowering his head back down. He exhales a short breath and I'm so close that I inhale it right back. I silently ask for his permission and instead of answering, he wets his lips and tilts his head downwards. A tiny smile makes its way to my lips as I reach forwards and wrap my arms around his neck. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes and I bring my face closer to the curve of his neck. I feel him freeze, probably not expecting me to hug him instead but I stay still, tightening my grip around him. I slowly feel his hands leaving his sides and a few seconds later they wrap around my waist pulling me closer to his chest. He releases a breath I didn't know he was holding and my smile grows. We stay like this for almost a minute, silently holding each other. Just two strangers comforting one another without knowing anything about each other's pain or problems. Moments like these are golden for a person like me.

I pull away, unwrapping my arms from his body and taking a step back.

" I hope you feel a little better. See you around, stranger" This Is the last thing I say to him before walking out the door.

#starykids #straykidsfanfic #leeknowfanfic #bangchan #kpop #kpopfanfic #kpop smut #leefelix #hwang hyunjin #stray kids x reader #skz smut #lee know #lee know x reader #skz fanfic #skz imagines

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rebelscaped · 2 months

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kim jaejoong. nonbinary. he/him. bisexual. ⇝ hey, isn’t that kael kang ( nickname: imugi )? i think that the thirty-one year old from london, england works as the bassist for vain rogues and the ghost orchestra & the tail gunner for the bastards (ex-mercenary for the scarlet nightmare), but outside of that people describe them as bruised skin, scraped knuckles and bleeding lips; super distressed denim and torn fabric held together with paperclips and chains; blurred and dazed city lights; chipped black nail polish and smudged eyeliner . i hear they are irritable & standoffish, but they are also known to be dedicated & unconventional. consider giving them a visit at their home in the kingpin trailer park and get to know why they’re called the rebel.

IMPORTANT LINKS: stats. pinterest.

TW:

NOTE: please do not refer to kael as a man! most other masculine terms are okay & he does refer to himself as hana's father/dad. kael himself doesn't really care if he's referred to as a man but he isn't one so please keep this in mind! he's nonbinary with a sort of neutral/androgynous presentation that just happens to lean a little more masc.

BASICS.

Although he doesn't go by it very often at all, Kael's Korean name is Kang Hyunjin. (btw any similarity to a certain kpop idol's name, even the fact the surname reminds, is pure coincidence asdfgh I settled on this as Kael's name not long after I first made him in 2014)

Despite working as tail gunner for the Bastards, Kael isn't actually that passionate about vehicles in general; he does the work because he's good at it and he likes taking shit apart to see how they work. He does like motorbikes specifically and knows quite a lot about them but he has no interest in cars.

Kael has ADHD. Due to his upbringing, this was never diagnosed and it remains unmedicated. He also has pretty severe anxiety and PTSD as a result of his history. These are, again, undiagnosed. He suffers from regular nightmares and has experienced his fair share of panic attacks. He's also had his struggles with depression over the years and deals with a lot survivor's guilt after his best friend's sacrificial death. (note: i don't personally have adhd or ptsd but please trust I've done a lot of research on these things! c': also, i'm autistic & adhd definitely runs in my family so pls know if would never deliberately misrepresent any neurodivergence!)

In general, Kael's health probably leaves a lot to be desired. He smokes, he doesn't sleep properly, he doesn't eat right; overall he doesn't really do much to look out for himself. The only thing that's really improved since Hana came into his care is that he's less inclined to do things that might get him killed. Sort of. He is still a Bastard.

He has a way of coming off very aloof and standoffish and is often written off a nastier person than he actually is. The truth is that he just has a lot of walls built up, as truth does NOT come easily to him, and he has a pretty sarcastic sense of humour. Also, he has kind of a short fuse but this is usually directed towards pretty trivial upsets and, honestly, it's hard to describe him as aggressive. He can be a little volatile but it's more of a quirk than an out-and-out problem. Once you get to know him better, you'll probably figure out that he just has a lot of trust issues AND more energy than he knows what to do with. It explains a lot.

Kael is not just in a punk band for the aesthetics; although his fashion sense is largely just punk-inspired without really fully committing (although he does absolutely dress like he should be in a band), his outlook on life is punk in itself. He's extremely anti-establishment and is very open about his distaste of the rich and powerful; he has been known to use posh as an insult (please know he's not going to dislike someone on a personal level just for being rich, although if someone wealthy does befriend him then there is a good chance he'll make fun of them for it). Ultimately, Kael's politics are driven by empathy and a respect for other humans. Despite his cold and distant exterior, Kael does genuinely care about people.

Kael has a distinct London accent, leaning more towards the East End. It's not especially strong or thick but it's still very much a London accent. (And I mean that it's not especially strong by London standards; he still sounds extremely English.) He's fluent in English and Korean, and conversational in Japanese.

He loves spicy food. Like, really loves it. And he has a high tolerance for it. It's not a problem, even when it makes his eyes water and his nose run. He also has a high tolerance for alcohol. And he's really not afraid of heights. Or danger. It all makes for a pretty reckless person. He is scared of bugs though, ESPECIALLY spiders. And he has very mixed feelings about horses (he doesn't think they should be that big; don't ask).

Kael has a bunch of piercings, mostly ear piercings. He has several in each year and one navel piercing. He has no interest in getting any more. He also has some tattoos, five in total. He hasn't added any for a good few years but he's not against getting more. They're all black ink tattoos without colour and any further tattoos would be in the same vein. Specific locations are; right below his collarbone, his left wrist, above his right hipbone (but below his ribs), between his shoulder blades and down his spine.

THE SCARLET NIGHTMARE

For Kael, life under the Scarlet Nightmare had been all-encompassing. Even at his most subservient, he had a strong need to cling to a sense of personal identity and this meant distancing himself as much as he could from the sorry bastard whose DNA he shared. He's very aware of his status as a clone and has deliberately tried to block out any memories that aren't his own.

Growing up in the facility he'd been sort of a loner, a quiet kid with a knack for getting into fights he never started, but there was one kid just a year older than him who reached out and stuck up for him; he'd always be there to pull Kael up off the cold hard floor of the facility dorm rooms after a fight, always there to help patch up his cuts and scrapes. He'd help Kael lift chin up high any times he started to doubt his place in the world and his role in the Scarlet Nightmare system. They were best friends, inseparable and as close as brothers.

This friend was everything Kael was not. He was bright and open and friendly. He was good at following orders and never felt any urge to bite the hand that fed him and he didn't seem to piss the other kids off the way Kael always did.

Eventually, it was decided that his friend would train to become a Hitman and, shortly after, Kael was assigned the role of Mercenary so, as luck would have it, they were paired together. It was a partnership that would require deep trust and the pair had already demonstrated how well they could work together. They made a perfectly devastating team.

Yet, as time stretched on, Kael's doubts only grew; although this was the only life had ever known, he could feel himself breaking under the weight of it, under the impossible-to-bury guilt of what he'd done. He could have sworn the stench of death clung to him. And, so, he wondered, was he really alive if he was only born to kill? The partnership between the Hitman and Mercenary was beginning to show cracks and, after enough missions had gone awry due to Kael's dwindling confidence, the Mercenary was deemed a liability. Something to be rid of.

The Shadow assigned to take him out failed. They had aimed perfectly, hit their intended target, but they had failed to even touch Kael. Despite his desperate attempts to defend Kael to their handlers and to help Kael pull himself together, his partner had sensed this moment might come. He'd seen the faintest hint of movement in the distance and thrown himself in front of Kael without a moment's hesitation, driving away the spooked Shadow. The bullet pierced his throat and he died, choking on his own blood in Kael's arms.

Kael's world shattered and he lived in a haze for the next while; all those strong feelings of doubt and rebellion had been numbed, and he returned to the Scarlet Nightmare as normal. After he'd switched off his emotions, he was able to return to his previous heights and the higher-ups lost interest in him. But he'd grown clumsy too. He suffered a near-fatal injury during a mission and was put on bed rest. A week of good rest and some time to himself where he could just think was all it took for Kael to come back for himself. There was no other choice. He needed to escape the Scarlet Nightmare, even if it put a target on his back for the rest of his life.

THE REAL WORLD

The transition to normal life was not easy for Kael. No longer having an outlet for his excess energy and recklessness, he did stupid things, illegal things. He got into fights. Almost got arrested a few times. He the first year in particular isolating himself but, as time passed, he was able to find a shitty job and a shitty apartment to live in, even make a few friends. The nightmares never faded. He'd wake in the night, drenched in a cold sweat and haunted by all the awful things he'd done in the name of following orders.

Despite everything, he was able to rekindle a once discouraged love of music. The piano and the guitar were borrowed talents, something the original Kael must have nurtured but he was so enamoured with it that he taught himself more. Learned to play the bass as well. He started writing his own music as an emotional release and began to work the streets as a busker, armed with nothing but a guitar and his voice. At some point along the way, he wound up the bassist for the band, Vain Rogues and the Ghost Orchestra, with whom he'd travel from place to place.

Eventually, he'd meet someone in Busan, South Korea. It had started as a one night stand. By this point, Kael was more than used to these encounters. He'd found a casual comfort in the intimacy of sex with strangers. It wasn't supposed to matter. Except that, this time, it did. They were different. Hyeong Eunji was different. The infatuation brought him back to her again and again, and before long it had changed shape and grown into love instead. He decided to put the band aside for a while, settling in Seoul while he figured himself out and, although he was reluctant to admit it, because he didn't want to leave Eunji behind, even if she always kept him just at arm's length.

Eventually, Eunji leaves. The only notice he receives of this is a letter and a child, Eunji's beloved daughter, Hana. The letter reveals to him the truth that Hana is also his child and that Eunji has left her safety in his hands.He'd known Hana from before and been fond of her but he'd always assumed she was the daughter of some other man. He'd never questioned it. It had never mattered. But it mattered now. All of a sudden, Kael was a father. And he was going to do everything is power to keep his daughter safe while Eunji was on the run.

The fear of being found by Eunji's gang sent Kael back to London for a short time. Hana would begin to attend school there and she picked up on English quickly with Kael's help. Although he didn't have a lot of money and he didn't feel like a particularly good father, Kael loved Hana. Her presence filled a deep void in his life and washed away the loneliness. He still woke up terrified in the night but sometimes she'd appear by his bedside and try to comfort him in the same way he would when she had bad dreams. Soon they would move across the world once more; when Cyrek calls him in for a favour, Kael ups and moves to Anchorage, Alaska with Hana in tow.

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA

Nowadays, Kael lives in a caravan with Hana. He's probably not the most well-equipped father in the world but he's a good and loving father who tries his best to do well by his daughter. He has rejoined the band, taking up the mantle of bassist once more, but that was not what brought him to Anchorage. He'd come all this way to fill a role in the biker gang, the Bastards, where he now works as the Tail Gunner. He's pretty broke, with most of what money he does receive going straight to Hana's care, but he's scraping by and, if nothing else, he's free. The nightmares and the need to keep looking over his shoulder don't sting so bad when you're surrounded by allies.

Kael moved to the town just before the murder of Willow Cho-Iverson and, thanks to the Bastards' implication in that incident, he has not known a day's peace since getting here.

#« 𝐤𝐚𝐞𝐥 » / 「 intro. 」#this is LONG overdue...like over six months overdue....whoops #btw the graphic is just a repurposed promo graphic i made for an old blog YEARS ago but this took so long to finally write up #that i decided to just reuse it instead of delaying this any longer by making smth new <3 (that's why the colour scheme doesn't match the #theme; i tried recolouring but i didn't like it)#i still like it anyway #also i ran out of time to fully proof read this so @ admins pls lmk if anything here doesn't work or breaks lore!!

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dudadragneel · 1 year

Text

Hello guys and my dear 🧶 anon!

Your request is finally completed! I hope you'll enjoy it!

Come back any time!

*requests are open*

Okay so this is my second time requesting and I wanted to ask for one where Hyunjin gets sick in public, like at a fansign event or the airport and he’s with y/n and the boys and he gets really nervous because of all the cameras and y/n has to calm him down. Stays get worried but he just brushes it off, but then remembers he has to do a vlive and he throws up while live with the boys too and y/n was watching and comes over to take care of him. (I hope this isn’t too oddly specific lol)

PUBLIC LIFE

Being surrounded by cameras, unfortunately, was part of an idol's daily life. Whether they were from the staff or fans, they couldn't escape the lenses. And that on top of having extremely packed schedules could drive anyone crazy.

You would accompany Hyunjin in official schedules whenever you could, and every single time you were surprised by the number of flashes that appeared when the boys showed up. And, even though you would come disguised as a staff member, you couldn't help but feel a little bit of the pressure the group felt. They would always smile, despite being tired, but you knew sometimes they wish they could just run away.

Comeback era was usually one of the busiest times of the year for them, with MV and song recording, performances in music shows, fan sign events, variety shows, vlive, etc.

You worried for Hyunjin and the boys, as you witnessed them sleeping whenever and wherever they could, getting sick, and still completing schedules. But throughout all the hardships you were there for Hyunjin as well as the boys.

Today was no different. Since they were in come back season, they would jump from a music show straight to a fansign event.

Hyunjin woke up feeling a little off that day, he didn't know why but he had this eerie feeling in the pit of his stomach. Maybe the hectic schedule was taking its toll on him, he wasn't sure.

He knew he could count on his members for anything in this world, but at the same time, whenever he felt strange, he needed you by his side, you were his safe place. You weren't planning on going with them today but a sudden call made you decide otherwise.

- good morning, babe

- Oh! Hyunjin! Good morning, my love! How are you?

- I'm okay, and you?

- Great! I was making breakfast. So, how's the day today? You've got a fansign today, right?

- Yeah...about that... Do you think you can come with us today?

- Hmm...Sure, no problem. Babe, are you okay? You seem a little off...

- I don't know how to explain it... I just need you there...

- Okay, don't worry. I'll be there.

- Thanks, babe.

- No problem. See you there, my love.

If he could, he would've stayed home, but unless he actually had a health issue, he had to take part in schedules. He just sat down on his bed, took deep breaths, and got ready to leave. He stayed in the living room waiting for his hyungs to get ready as well, and Chan noticed his dongsaeng was way too quiet.

Nothing escaped Chan's radar, no matter how much the boys wanted to hide it, he would always discover what was happening.

- Hey, Hyunjin-ah, are you okay?

- Hyung! Yes, I was just spaced out.

- You sure? You look a little off, are you feeling unwell?

- Not really...I don't what it is... I just feel...strange

- are you feeling something specific? Headaches? Something else?

- I have this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach.

- nausea?

- I'm not really sure what it is...

- Want to take any medicine?

- Yes...

- I'll get it for you. I'll talk with the staff and see if you can sit this one out.

- Thank you. There's no need to, I'll be okay.

- I'm not gonna force you, but I'll keep an eye on you.

- Okay...

After 40 minutes, everyone was ready to leave and you were going to meet them at the site of the event.

Getting there, the boys went to a small dressing room to get ready and met you.

- Oh! Y/n! Good to see you here.

- Hi guys!

- Hey babe!

Hyunjin ran to your side and gave you a tight hug and a kiss, making the boys tease both of you and Minho put on a disgusted face. They just loved to tease you both, since you were a cute couple.

You sat with him while he waited for his turn to get his hair ready.

- Tell me, babe, how are you feeling?

- A little strange... I don't really know how to explain it...

- Are you nervous?

- I don't know...maybe? But it doesn't make any sense...

- Not everything needs to make sense, Hyunjin.

- I mean, we do this all the time, so why am I feeling like this?

- You're human, love. Just because you do something all the time, it doesn't mean it won't bother you sometimes. There's nothing wrong with being nervous.

- will you stay here?

You noticed how his hands were shaking a little so you grabbed them and kissed them, reassuring him you wouldn't leave him alone.

- I can't stay on stage but I'll be back here, alright? I'll be watching you all the time.

- Thanks.

You gave him a kiss and hugged him tight as he buried his head on your shoulder. You could feel his nervousness through the way he hugged you.

Eventually, it was time for them to go out and start the event.

The moment they were on stage, you noticed Hyunjin flinch when the camera started to flash, and that told you things weren't going to go as smoothly as you thought.

They started interacting with the fans, and you loved to see how they were so considerate and polite with their fans, it felt like they were chatting with friends instead of fans.

Hyunjin talked with them, wore the gifts they gave him and smiled brightly, and every so often Chan would look at him to make sure he was okay, but both he and you knew that that smile was hiding how he was really feeling.

After signing the albums and answering some of their questions, the fans got back to their seats and then the boys just started talking, dancing, and whatnot.

Hyunjin posed for the photos and made cute faces but what he felt earlier was growing stronger inside him, what was before a mere eerie feeling, was turning into a rather discomforting nausea. He tried to ignore the obvious feeling and keep the facade, but the more he tried to ignore it, the more he acknowledged that he was feeling nauseous, and therefore it just grew stronger and stronger.

He started to sweat and instinctively he turned to Chan since the older said he would keep an eye on him.

They scooted closer to each other and Hyunjin whispered in Chan's ear.

- Hyung, I don't feel very well...

- what are you feeling?

- My stomach feels weird...

- Nausea?

- Maybe. It's not that strong, but it's annoying.

He was lying, it was strong, but he didn't want to admit it, he didn't want to leave early. Despite how tired he was, he loved interacting with STAYs.

- Do you want to leave? I can talk to the staff.

- No, I want to stay.

- Okay. If it gets worse, tell me, alright?

Chan wished he could try to convince Hyunjin to leave, but he knew that insisting sometimes could make things worse.

The young boy kept trying to distract himself by playing with the gifts the fans gave him, making cute poses for the cameras and giving them the brightest smile he could pull off in that situation. But it wasn't working, the nausea just kept growing stronger, and eventually, his vision blurred for a brief moment and it felt like he was in a boat with rocking waves. He felt a burning sensation on his chest and felt hot liquid in the back of his throat, and saliva pooling inside his mouth, so he kept his mouth shut and started to swallow convulsively and take deep breaths. He kept on doing that until his eyes were watery and his mouth red and numb.

STAYs were trying to call him to pose for the cameras, but he was too busy trying to keep himself from throwing up.

After what felt like an eternity, he managed to control the nausea and it faded away, so he relaxed. But that moment of peace didn't last for long. He tried to move on his chair to reach for one of the gifts on the table and that movement sent his stomach over the edge.

He felt hot liquid coming up and hitting the back of his throat and this time he knew he wouldn't be able to control it.

Before he could react his stomach contracted aggressively making him gag into his hand, he barely managed to turn away from the crowd before vomit escaped his mouth hitting the ground with a sickening sound.

Chan quickly went to the young boy's side and put a hand on his back. He started to rub it as Hyunjin continued to vomit.

By now, the place was extremely noisy, from STAYs and the cameras that just wouldn't stop clicking and flashing.

Hyunjin started to get nervous, he had just gotten sick before STAYs and every camera was on him, and he started to hyperventilate.

- Hey, Hyunjin-ah, are you okay?

The boy didn't dare open his mouth to answer Chan's question so he just nodded no.

Chan kept rubbing his back as the boy vomited one more time.

The more agitated the place became, Hyunjin was starting to feel suffocated.

- H-Hyung, I can't breathe...

Hyunjin said grabbing his hyung's hand as he lunched forward vomiting one more time. Chan tightened his grip on Hyunjin's hand and kept rubbing his back.

He noticed you standing backstage assessing the situation, and clearly worried about Hyunjin. So he discretely montioned you to come up the stage.

You were quick on your feet to get by Hyunjin's side.

- Hey, hey hey. Babe, I'm right here. You're okay. Just take a deep breath with me.

- Minho, y/n, take him backstage. I'll try to control the situation here.

- Yes, hyung.

Minho went to Hyunjin's side and wrapped his arms around the younger's waist, and you did the same.

- We've got you, don't worry. Let's go.

Minho helped Hyunjin up with you supporting them on the other side and the boy felt like his legs had become jelly in the last minutes.

He leaned his whole weight on both of you, as you guided him backstage.

It looked like Hyunjin was about to faint, so you wanted to get him somewhere safe as quickly as possible.

- Let's go there.

- S-Stop- I'm gonna be sick-

He bent over as vomit escaped his lips without much warning, it was so strong he swayed forward.

Both you and Minho tightened your grip around his waist and guided him to his knees.

He shut his eyes as he felt more vomit coming up his throat, it made him choke before it spilled out of his mouth, hitting the ground with a sickening sound. You kept rubbing his back as Minho held his hair back.

After a few more minutes, his body was just making him suffer, leaving him dry heaving, and gagging unproductively.

- Babe, you don't have anything else to throw up.

To Hyunjin, it felt like he was in a parallel dimension, he knew both you and Minho were there, but everything else seemed to have shut down during the time he got sick. And now it felt as if he was coming back to his senses, and eventually, reality hit him. He had just gotten sick in front of hundreds of STAYs, he could hear them talking non-stop and he remembered how all the cameras were clicking and flashing toward him. He started to shake and felt his chest tightening as if someone was clenching his heart.

He reached out his hand to grab yours and he was shaking so much and it was stone cold. You grabbed it and held it tightly, assuring him you were there for him.

- Y/n...I-I can't breathe-

- Shh, shh. I'm right here. Look at me. Take a deep breath in.

- I c-cant-

- Yes, you can. Here.

You guided his hand towards your chest and placed it close to your heart as you held it tightly.

- Can you feel my heartbeat?

- Y-yes...

- Good. Now tell me, is it beating fast or slow?

- Slow...

- Good. Focus on it, and take deep breaths. With me, come on. Breathe in 1 2 3 4, hold it 1 2 3 4, exhale 1 2 3 4.

He did as you instructed him and paid close attention to how your heart was beating so steadily, and that made him feel grounded and safe. While you guided him through it, you asked Minho to keep rubbing Hyunjin's chest to provide him some comfort.

- You're doing good, Hyunjin-ah. Keep going.

Minho said in a reassuring tone, while still rubbing the young boy's chest.

After what felt like hours, Hyunjin's breathing was back to normal and he was starting to feel calmer.

- How are you feeling, babe?

- A bit calmer now...

- And the nausea?

- Seems settled for now...

Hyunjin felt as if all his energy had been drained from his body.

- Can I lie down for a bit? I feel weak...

- Of course.

You guided him to lay on your chest while Minho went to get the young boy some water.

- Here. Think you can keep this down?

- Yes...

Hyunjin took small sips of the water Minho gave him, and the cold sensation felt heavenly in his throat and stomach.

- Hyung, how long until the fansign ends?

- I think 1h30.

- Do you have anything for nausea?

- I think I do. Do you want to continue with the fansign?

- Yes. My stomach feels okay now. I just want to make sure...

- I'll check my bag, hold on.

Minho left to get his bag, while you stayed with Hyunjin, as he was still on your lap.

- Babe, are you sure you want to continue?

- Yes. I think I can handle it.

- Hyunjin, you almost had a panic attack right now because of it.

- I know, but I feel okay now. You helped me ground myself again.

- I think you should just stay here and wait, but you know your body better than I do.

Minho got back with a pill in his hand and handed it to Hyunjin.

- Here. It should help with the nausea.

- Thank you, hyung.

Hyunjin took the pill and waited about 20 minutes for it to take effect before he felt safe to return to the stage.

While you, Minho, and Hyunjin were backstage, Chan managed to control the situation with STAYs. Since he couldn't hide the obvious, he just explained that Hyunjin wasn't feeling well.

When Hyunjin got back to the stage, he talked with STAYs and explained he just felt a little bit under the weather and that he was feeling better now. He and everyone else knew no one in that room bought that excuse, but the rest of the fansign went on without any other incident.

When they were finished, they headed to the van and you went with them to stay with Hyunjin. The members were clearly worried for their brother but they decided not to swarm him with questions.

- Hyunjin, are you okay?

- Yes, Felix. I'm okay now.

- What happened?

- I guess I was feeling nervous today... I don't know... I just felt overwhelmed.

Felix just pat Hyunjin's hair and went back to his seat.

Chan turned to the boys to remember them off the remaining thing on their schedule, a vlive.

- Hyunjin-ah, are you going to participate?

- Yes, hyung.

- Are you sure, babe? After what happened earlier?

- Yeah. My stomach feels settled. I'm just a little tired...

- Hyunjin, you don't need to participate. STAYs will understand.

- I want to, hyung. I promise I'll tell you if I start feeling sick again.

Neither you nor Chan, or any of the boys, liked this idea, but they knew that it was a decision up to him and not them.

Since the poor boy was drained from what happened at the fansign, he slept the entire ride with his head on your shoulder. You kept massaging his hand and wishing you could convince him, but you knew how stubborn he could be and he would manage to convince you somehow. All you could do was hope that nothing goes wrong during the live.

After arriving at the company, they all went to a reserved area at the cafeteria so you could join them to eat something before the vlive.

Surprisingly enough, Hyunjin ate quite well, which made you happy, since he had gotten sick earlier, you thought his stomach wouldn't agree with food right away. You felt relieved, but deep down, you knew he wasn't 100% yet.

After a few minutes of chatting, it was finally time to go live.

- Okay, kids. Let's go. Hyunjin-ah, you okay?

- Yes, hyung.

- sure?

- Yes.

Before he left to go to the room where they would do the live, you pulled him back to you.

- Babe, are you sure about this?

- Yeah, honey. I'm okay.

- Okay. I won't try to convince you. But I'll be in the other room monitoring the vlive, okay? I'll be watching you. If anything happens, I'll be there in no time, okay?

- Thank you, my love. I love you.

- I love you too.

You gave him a kiss and a tight hug before leaving for the other room with the staff.

In the room where they were going to do the vlive, Chan sat next to Hyunjin, as well as Lee Know.

- Hey, if you start feeling unwell again, tell us, okay? We're here with you.

- Understood, hyung.

Before starting the live, Chan asked Changbin to keep an eye on Felix, since the boy had a sensitive gag reflex, if anything happened to Hyunjin during the vlive, at least they could prevent a catastrophe.

The vlive started and they talked about recent performances, what they've been up to during their free time among other things.

Hyunjin took part in most of the conversation and even laughed but deep down he was starting to feel strange again.

He felt what seemed like butterflies in his stomach and within seconds his eyes just focused somewhere else, so that he could try to distract himself from the uneasy feeling.

And just like before, the more he tried to ignore it and distract himself from it, the more his brain acknowledged that he was feeling unwell and the sensation just grew worse.

Chan and Lee Know both noticed the sudden change in behavior from Hyunjin and discreetly came closer to him.

- Hyunjin-ah, are you okay?

- Hyung, I feel weird...

Chan grabbed Hyunjin's hand and started to rub his lower back, trying to provide some comfort for the young boy.

Hyunjin tried his best to pay attention to what Chan was doing, but it was in vain. The sensation in his stomach was getting way too strong for him to just try to ignore it.

The uneasy sensation turned into rather strong nausea. He could feel something revolting inside his stomach as if he had eaten more than he should, which he didn't. He brought his free hand to his stomach and gently rubbed it, trying to get any kind of comfort from that. But it also didn't work.

He was starting to feel restless, he kept on remembering what happened earlier and how he was still feeling sick and was on camera again. And now on top of the obvious nausea, he was starting to panic as well, his anxiety was reaching its peak.

He started to sweat and felt as if he was on a rocking boat, his vision couldn't focus properly and he felt something creeping up his chest. His mouth started pooling with saliva and it had a foul taste, instinctively he started to swallow convulsively, but his anxiety was making everything worse.

He leaned towards Chan, not only seeking comfort and help but also because he was starting to feel too weak.

- Hey, hey, hey, what's going on? You're pale, Hyunjin-ah.

He was trying his best, it was taking everything on him to not throw up again. He kept swallowing conclusively until his mouth was red, but the urge just wasn't going away.

He brought a hand to his mouth trying to suppress a gag, which caught Chan by surprise. Hyunjin was completely panicked now as he felt hot liquid hitting the back of his throat. There was nothing he could do anymore, his body was determined to get that out of his system. He wanted to leave, but he was feeling too weak, he didn't trust his body to take him to the bathroom.

- Hey, Hyunjin-ah what's wrong?

- H-Hyung, I'm-

The boy couldn't finish his sentence as his stomach contracted, sending everything up and making him cover his mouth with a wet gag. He barely managed to turn his back to the camera before lurching forward, with vomit escaping between his fingers.

- Shit! Turn off the live!

Chan quickly ordered as he helped the young boy.

Hyunjin felt so bad he instinctively tightened his grip on Chan's hand as his stomach contacted one more time, making his back arch as a violent stream of vomit came out, hitting the ground with a sickening sound.

Chan got closer to Hyunjin and started to rub his back up and down, while still holding Hyunjin's hand reassuring him he was there.

- Hey, I'm right here. You're okay. Just let everything out.

Chan didn't need to say this, Hyunjin's body was determined to get everything out. The boy coughed and gagged harshly and straightened his back, trying to control his body. He tried to take a deep breath but it didn't help, as his stomach once more sent its contents up his throat making the boy lurch forward as a violent stream made him almost fall from his chair.

Chan guided him down so there wouldn't be a chance for the sick boy to fall, and kept rubbing his back while Lee Know tied Hyunjin's hair into a bun.

- Someone, get the trashcan.

You were watching the vlive with the staff as you promised Hyunjin.

And when you noticed he started to feel unwell again, you got nervous.

You knew this was a bad idea and you wish you could lecture him about how stubborn he could be sometimes, it almost drove you mad.

But the boys were with him, so you knew he was safe. You saw Chan notice that Hyunjin was feeling unwell, and you felt a little relaxed and a little amazed as well. You knew Chan had a fatherly aura in the group and he would take care of the boys as if they were his own kids, but you couldn't help but be surprised.

You glued your eyes on Hyunjin and all you could do was hope that nothing more than that would happen. But you were wrong.

Eventually, Hyunjin ended up vomiting again and that made your heart sink.

You ran out of the room faster than the staff and quickly went to the room the boys were doing the vlive.

You opened the door to their room and ran to his side.

- Babe! I'm right here. You're okay.

He barely managed to look at you before throwing up again, this time inside the trashcan.

You started rubbing his back as well and held his hand, and squeezed it a little to ground him.

His stomach decided to give him a break, and he was now left gagging unproductively.

- Love, I don't think you have anything left to throw up. Come on, straighten your back.

He wanted to do what you told him but his stomach had given him a break, not his mind.

It was spiraling over the fact that he got sick in front of the cameras, not once, but twice. He could only think about how everyone saw that and how that would spread online in the blink of an eye. His mind became a complete mess, remembering what happened earlier as well.

He began to feel lightheaded and as if someone was grabbing his neck and trying to choke him, he started to hyperventilate. He ducked his head down and brought a hand to his chest and squeezed the fabric of his shirt, while his other hand squeezed yours until his knuckles turned white.

- Hyunjin? Hey, Hyunjin! What's going on!?

- I-I can't breathe-

- Shit. Hey, hey, hey, look at me, look at me. Calm down.

- Can't-

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't catch his breath properly and he was starting to feel faint as well.

- Yes, you can. Come on. I'm right here with you. Focus on me.

He looked at you, teary-eyed. You could see he was begging for help, just by the way he looked at you.

You held his face in your hands and brought him closer to you and kissed him.

After a few seconds, his breathing was slowly going back to normal.

He just looked at you surprised.

- I read somewhere that if you hold your breath for a few seconds, it can help with hyperventilation. Since you were too out of it to do it alone, I helped you.

- Thanks...

You hugged him tight as he buried his head on your shoulder, hugging you back.

- How are you feeling now?

- Calmer...just...let me stay like this for a while...

He stayed in your embrace and focused to match his breathing with yours, while you pat his head. After a few minutes like this, he was finally calm.

- I'm okay now...

- Can you stand up?

- if you help me...

You put your hands under his arms and helped him up with Chan's help.

- Come on, let's get you cleaned up.

You exited the room with Hyunjin and Chan and made your way to the bathroom.

Arriving there you sat him down on a bench and grabbed a wet towel.

- Take off your shirt, I'll help you.

You helped him out of his shirt and carefully wiped his sweat off with the wet towel. It was cold but the cold sensation relaxed him. While you helped him clean up, Chan left to get some spare shirts and pants for the young boy.

- Here, I've got a clean hoodie and some jogger pants for you. Those tight jeans are only gonna make you feel worse.

- Thanks, hyung.

Before you finished whipping his sweat off, he felt lingering nausea insisting on staying there.

- Babe, can you help me to the sink? I think I'm gonna throw up again.

- Yeah, come on.

You and Chan helped him up and guided him to the sink. The boy bent over and gagged a few times before throwing up a little amount of bile.

- Oh babe, you have nothing in your stomach to throw up...

- I know...it just wanted to come out. I feel better now, relieved...

- That's good. Now, rinse your mouth and sit down again.

You continued to whip his sweat and then let him change into the clothes Chan brought him.

- Hyunjin-ah, y/n, let's go to the waiting room. You two stay there while we gather our things so we can leave.

- Okay.

You two held Hyunjin by the waist and went to the waiting room and then Chan left to get the kids and their stuff so you could finally go home.

- Babe, why did that happen? Why was I feeling like that?

- Nervous?

- Yeah. I mean, it happened before but never to this extent.

- My love, our minds work in mysterious ways. We're never fully in control of our emotions or actions.

- I know...it just felt so strange. I felt suffocated, like, all those cameras clicking and flashing... I don't know how to explain it.

- You don't need to explain it to me, I understand you.

- But we're always surrounded by cameras and fans, and I've never felt this suffocated before.

- Hyunjin, our minds can betray us at any time. Just because you do something every day or something happens to you every day, it doesn't mean it won't bother you sometimes. Anxiety is like that. It hits you when you least expect it and it can be triggered by anything. Most of the time we're not able to find the source or why it even began in the first place. What's important is that you acknowledge what happened and try to link the events that caused it, so you can better understand how you can deal with it.

- Thanks, y/n.

- No worries.

You gave him a kiss and then Chan entered the room with the rest of the kids. They were happy to see Hyunjin was doing a lot better and were dying to go back home so they could finally rest and called this day off.

Arriving at the dorm, Hyunjin went straight to the bathroom to take a well-deserved shower and wear some comfy clean clothes you picked up for him.

He walked out of the bathroom and made his way to his bedroom where you were waiting for him in a matching set of comfy clothes.

Your heart couldn't help but skip a beat when you looked at the boy in front of you, with wet long hair and comfy clothes.

- Come here. Sit down.

You said motioning for him to sit on the ground in front of you and you blow-dried his hair.

- Thanks, honey.

- There, you're all done. Now you won't catch a cold.

When he turned to you, he was met with open arms awaiting him to give the boy a big warm hug.

He hugged you and you both laid down on the bed, with him settling on your chest. You kept patting his hair as he played with your hand.

- Honey, I don't know what I would do without you. You're my lifeline. Thank you so much, I love you.

- I love you too, my love. I'll always be here for you. You can count on me for anything.

You placed a soft kiss on his forehead and kept stroking his hair. And within minutes you were both fast asleep, embracing each other.

Chan carefully opened the door to Hyunjin's room to see both of you were already asleep, and so did the other kids. They couldn't help but let out a little laugh, seeing you two all snuggled up, typical brother behavior.

Lee Know also peeked inside the room and noticed you two wearing couple clothes.

- Oh, aigoo. Can they get any more lovey-dovey than this?

He said that while grimacing and making a disgusted sound, making the kids laugh even more. He loved teasing you both since you were too cute together.

The other kids also went to their rooms and fell asleep in record time and that tiring day was finally over.

#emeto #sickfic #whump #kpop sickfic #kpop emeto #stray kids emeto #stray kids sickfic #hyunjin emeto #hyunjin sickfic

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capricornwriter5 · 2 years

Text

You are the one - Chapter 20

Pairing: Bang Chan x female OC; Lee Know x female OC

Genre: au (high shool, college), love triangle, fluff, angst, smut, from friends to lovers. ⚠️Warning: soft drugs

Words: 7k

Summary: Bang Chan and Jasmine have been best friends for as long as they can remember. With little time to finish high school, they both begin to develop romantic feelings. However, family situations and communication issues force them to move away. Once in college, they decide to try to regain the friendship they had. As Bang Chan sees the opportunity to finally be with the girl he has always loved, his friend Lee Know, who had been studying in England, returns home and the connection he develops with Jasmine is undeniable. Can the chemistry and attraction with Lee Know outweigh a tender first love and memories of years of friendship between Bang Chan and Jasmine?

Disclaimer: I named the character Jasmine (Minnie for Chan 🥰) because I love that name. Besides, it’s easier if we want to see Chan saying cute names (it’s better than just Y/N, I think) but you can totally picture yourselves in the story, that’s the idea. <3

Chapter 20 - Perfection does not fit

Now that everyone knew that Jaz and Lee Know were dating, the reactions were varied. Firstly, Hyunjin thought it was something extremely unexpected, for he never saw it coming, he could bet his life that Jaz was still in love with Chan. Without a doubt what stroked him the most was the fact that she didn't tell him anything. They have a close friendship but even so, Jaz did not say a word about Minho. As a consequence, Jaz needed to call him a thousand times before Hyunjin decided to put aside his resentment and be able to listen to her. Regarding Felix, even though he already knew about Jaz and Lee Know, Chan's decision to kiss her was the most toxic thing to do according to him, so he preferred not to talk about it. Changbin, on the other hand, was the one who most clearly expressed what he felt, because for him, everything was a mistake. For Changbin, Jaz and Chan must have been together, there was no other way to see them, so seeing the girl go out with Lee Know was alarming for him, and he kept thinking that Lee Know had acted disloyally. Despite Chan talked to him, Changbin's dissatisfaction with how things were changing in the group continued for a while.

Meanwhile, Han was quite open to his friends' new relationship and, to tell the truth, was the first to make it clear that he supported them, after all, Chan himself had asked him to do so. Seungmin had already suspected it from all the times he saw Lee Know and Jaz together in the cafeteria, plus since he hadn't been part of the group while Chan and Jaz were together, it didn't seem like a big reveal. For her part, Romy supported and defended her friend tooth and nail and any decision she made, especially if they were decisions that would help her heal all the traumas she had been carrying.

What EVERYONE in the group shared was that they each spoke separately to Chan and Jaz to make sure everything was okay, the last thing they wanted was for their mother and father figures to suffer in any way.

At the end of September, Jasmine was determined to talk to Changbin so that everything would return to normal. That was how they agreed to have a coffee together in the usual place. Upon entering, Romy greeted them, or at least Jasmine, as she had argued with Changbin again and they were not on good terms. Romy hadn't wanted to tell Jaz why they had fought, but it had basically been because Romy wasn't afraid to tell Changbin that he had to be happy for her friend, and that she had, in fact, introduced Jaz and Lee Know.

"So, did you choose to fight everyone around you?" Jaz asked after a few minutes in which Changbin didn't say anything, he had his gaze fixed on the coffee.

"You're making a mistake."

"Bin, things change, Chris and I..."

"Chan and you are wasting valuable time being apart." He dared to say. "How come you don't realize that?"

"Because we both decided to move on with our lives, but that doesn't mean the dynamic in the group has to change, if that's what you're worried about."

"You can't even be in the same room anymore, everything has changed. Lee Know had to know that..."

"Minho didn't know anything, he found out the night at your house."

"Well, you should've told him, we'd have been spared all this drama!"

"Muscles, the only one making drama here's you. Minho, Chris, and I already cleared everything up. You're being very headstrong, relationships change, what's more, you could also find someone, or start feeling something for someone you never imagine, like.... humm... like Romy! One day you guys are fine, another day you hate each other. Who knows? Maybe one of those days you even start to feel something for her! Life's like that, things change."

The only reaction Changbin could have to what Jaz told him was to make the biggest idiot face of life, accompanied by his grumbling.

"I was hoping you'd have my back a bit more, you've always been a really good friend, Bin." Said the girl smiling wistfully.

"Precisely because I'm your friend and I want you to be happy I'm telling you this, Jaz. You and Chan have loved each other since you were children, I don't understand why it's so hard to forget what happened and go back to being the same as before. I know you don't want to hear this, and I'm sorry if I'm the only one who dares to do it, but..."

"Bin, I really need you to stop this, please."

"Are you really happy with Lee Know? Because if that asshole does anything to you, or if he thinks of disrespecting you, I swear I'll smack him." Changbin had sounded so much like Romy that Jaz had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Yes, I'm happy with him, we're getting to know each other and things are going well."

"See what I'm trying to say? You don't deserve 'well', you deserve something flawless, something that touches your heart, as Chan did." He sighed, but the gaze on Jaz's face made him stop and try to be more tolerant.

Some minutes passed in which anyone would have thought that Changbin had nothing more to say, since it seemed that he only cared about finishing his drink, but Jaz knew that there were words still missing. He was possibly having a whole debate with himself, so she waited patiently for him to speak.

"Have you already told him that he has to respect you and give you your place? Have you already told him that he can't play with you and that you're not going to be one of those casual dates?Did you already tell him he HAS to talk to me first if he wants to keep seeing you?"

"Okay, no, I never got the memo that I was a damsel and that Minho was my knight, I've been finding out that now you're my father." She said laughing.

"Jasmine, this is something serious! If I find out that he makes you feel bad, he'll know what I'm capable of."

"Bin, the last time Minho gave you a dirty look you literally disappeared from the room in SECONDS, I think he already knows what you're capable of." She joked patting his head. "We'll be fine, just be the supportive and cute friend that I know you are."

"The truth is, I didn't want to see you continue to suffer for Chan anymore..." He reluctantly admitted. "Even though you could've fixed this a long time ago..."

"It doesn't matter anymore, now drink your coffee, and please stop fighting about everything. If you behave like a normal person, we can smoke later in my apartment. But you are strictly forbidden to come near my kitchen. Remember that's why you've been grounded for almost two months." Jaz warned, for the last time Changbin smoked at her house, he left her without food for the rest of the week.

**********

October arrived, a month practically inaugurated with Chan's birthday, and concluded with Lee Know's. Chan celebrated with his friends and no one was surprised to see him drinking since it was his birthday. Moreover, the fact that Jaz wasn't there for the first time allowed Chan to drink until almost lose control.

Whenever memories of his previous birthdays came to mind, Chan drowned them out with alcohol. He had openly asked his friends not to make him a cake, not to bring him anything like that to the party, the last thing he wanted was to remember Jaz arriving at his house with the cake a year ago. However, it was not something he could ask to someone as special and sweet as Felix, who ended up bringing him some brownies that he had made himself. That was enough for Chan to finish drinking everything left at the bar that night.

Chan seized the following weeks to party with other groups of friends he had, some older than him and with whom he could have a little more freedom.

One Monday when he was working on a sketch, his cell phone rang and without first checking who it was, he answered. Jasmine's father had never lost contact with Chan since they had entered university and it had hurt him that he couldn't see Chan for his birthday, after all, Chan had celebrated his birthdays at Jaz's house with his parents since he was a child.

Sentimentality and homesickness led Chan to agree to meet his former father-in-law on Sunday. That day, after a rather cold greeting from the boy, they both sat down in an old restaurant where they used to eat often together. The man was leading the conversation, as Chan seemed to respond out of politeness.

"I know you don't want to be here, that's why I thank you for agreeing to come." The man said smiling sadly at him, and as he did, Chan glimpsed how the wrinkles around his eyes had deepened. And it wasn't precisely because of his age, since he was a young man, the sadness in him had demanded its toll. "Last year I couldn't see you and the truth is that I felt terrible, I was so used to having you at home waiting for your cake that it hurt me a lot not being able to celebrate with you. I didn't want the same thing to happen this year."

"Don't worry, sir, I had a good time." He said with a forced smile. "How are you, how's your family?" That question caused the man to sigh and remain silent for a few moments.

"My daughter's better now, she had a bit of a bad time in the hospital. Jaz visited her several times, but I imagine you already knew that. She always tried to be stealthy, I guess she didn't want me to know it, but I found her more than once watching the baby from the window." He took another breath and drank some of the water in front of him.

"Did she go?" Chan asked in disbelief, he had no idea. That had been over a year ago, when he'd thought things were better between them, but even during that time, Jaz hadn't had the confidence to tell him that.

"I thought you knew."

"Sir, things between us have changed."

"I don't know if I have any right to ask you this, but how much have they changed?"

"It's okay, I mean... it's not like it's a secret." Chan answered shrugging his shoulders. "Things were never really the same, we both tried, especially during the first year, and I think we were getting it, but we were just burying our heads in the sand. The last time we saw each other we decided that it'd be best to walk away, we were just hurting each other. We don't talk anymore."

"What? You don't talk?" In response, Chan denied it with his head. "Boy, listen to me, please." He asked touching her shoulder. "What I did to them, what I did to YOU has no forgiveness, and even if I apologize to you all my life, it wouldn't be enough. I behaved like an asshole, like the worst father ever, and not only with Jaz, but with you too. I... I didn't ask you not to tell her because I was worried about your relationship, I did it because I was fucking selfish." He confessed making Chan close his eyes remembering Han's words. "Everything that happened between you guys was my fault, I was the one who made you break up and it wasn't fair."

"Sir, there's no point in talking about this, maybe everything happens for some reason, who knows? Perhaps Jasmine and I weren't meant to be together, at least not like that..."

"No, don't talk nonsense, you know that's not true. I know that's not true, I raised you both."

"I don't want to talk about my relationship with Jasmine, what I had to talk about I already did with her, it's beside the point."

The abrupt way in which Chan ended the conversation plus his tear-filled eyes made the man nod and understand that that was not the time.

"I know this is too much to ask, but please, Chan, forgive me." He said trying to get Chan to look him in the eye but he didn't want to.

"You were my role model. Not only that, after Jasmine, you were the first person I looked up to for everything, I always heard and accept every suggestion you made, and now I can't stop thinking if you did it honestly or if everything was fake. I don't know, maybe I looked for love where I shouldn't. Possibly all the times you told me that I was your son were also a lie, as well as your excuses for not coming home."

The man let him speak, for he knew that the Bang Chan had to let everything out, the boy had held that poison for too long. Chan had tried to be polite and understanding, but after definitively ending Jasmine, the truth was that few things mattered to him. "You did too much harm, sir. I hope that everything has been worth it and now you're happy because the rest of us are not."

"I'm not either, I see my baby when her mother allows me. By the time I realized all the damage I made, it was too late. My wife was in therapy, my daughter hated me, and my son had lost the person he loved. I couldn't be happy with everything I left behind. I guess now I have to live facing the havoc I did, but I need to do everything in my power so that the people I hurt recover. I was a coward and I took advantage of the good heart you have, I knew you wouldn't be able to hurt Jaz by telling her the truth. Son, I'm so sorry, possibly asking this is too much, but let me be there for you again when you need it."

Hearing that apology and finally understanding how hard it was to forgive someone who had hurt you so much allowed Chan to appreciate when Jasmine let him get close to her again. He was in front of the person who raised him and Chan barely could look him in the eye? How had Jaz done it with him?

"She really loved me..." Chan thought closing his eyes for a moment. He was SICK of feeling like that, it had already been two years in which he couldn't get out of that hole he had fallen into, it was becoming harder and harder for him to see a happy ending to all that.

"Chan." The man called. "Son..." He said passing by his side and risking Chan taking him away, he hugged him. However, it did not happen, Chan did not move a bit; on the contrary, he broke right there. He hadn't been able to do it before with his mother because that trust had never existed between them, but now Chan could let out a little of what he had kept.

His shoulders and back shook hard as he cried. "I'm so done..." He said trying to dry his face. "I don't want to feel like this anymore, I'm tired of this."

Seeing Chan like this opened the man's eyes, if the boy was like this, he couldn't even imagine the things that his daughter had to be keeping to herself, more so now that she had even pushed Bang Chan away, the ONLY person in the world who could actually touch the girl's heart. Two years had passed in which he had been absent, but that had to change now, both Chan and his daughter needed him back to fix just a little of everything he had caused.

"Stay away from Minnie, sir." He begged. "I don't mean it with bad intentions, if what you want is to get her back, give her time, she's trying to heal, but she won't be able to do it if you and I are close."

"But..."

"I understand you, trust me, I understand how much you want to write to her, call her, talk to her, I know you want to apologize to her, but it's not the way. Minnie needs space, she asked for it herself, and there's nothing more I can do for her than walk away. You need to do the same." The man ended up listening to Chan, after all, it was the least he could do, trust what the boy told him.

**********

For Lee Know's birthday, the boy's grandparents surprised him at home, they spoiled him exactly the same as when he was a child and talked about those times. That was how the photographer remembered a place that he loved to visit when he was a kid. It was located on the outskirts of the city, it was a beautiful national park on the slopes of a mountain where people could peacefully enjoy the view. Being so big, it was easy to find a place to be alone, and be able to have a picnic with his girlfriend.

"Min, we're so lucky! Did you see how beautiful is everything today? Even the weather is amazing." Jaz's voice reflected how excited she felt.

As Jaz sat admiring the scenery and enjoying the weather, Lee Know had already lain down with his head resting on his girl's lap. Hearing what she said, he nodded with his eyes closed.

"Yeah, it's not hot nor cold, I think it's perfect this way."

"You complain a lot, cat boy, you're very difficult to please."

"What are you talking about? You know how to do it perfectly." He said winking at her and causing Jaz to blush.

"Idiot..." Jaz said pulling his hair a little harder.

"Hey, it's my birthday! Today you're not allowed to treat me badly or act cold towards me. Today you have to behave differently."

"Let's see... your birthday was on TUESDAY and today is Sunday, so technically you ran out of time to claim those benefits."

"Until today we celebrate it properly, so today is really my birthday and you have to do what I tell you."

"So bossy..." She said laughing and seeing how handsome he looked that day.

Minho had lost one of his contact lenses, so he had no choice but to wear his glasses. He tried not to do it because he used to leave them lost, he also said that they bothered him, but the truth was that they looked great on him. "Just because you look handsome today I'll accept," Jaz said before kissing his lips. "So, tell me, what do you want?"

"I want to know more about when you were a child."

"Do you really want to listen to boring stories?" Lee Know nodded and shifted so that he could pay more attention to her.

"Well, what exactly do you want to know?"

"What did you do on your birthdays?"

"Hmmm... since my birthday is precisely during vacations, I never celebrated it with my classmates, but the truth was that it didn't bother me because I could spend the whole day with my parents. In fact... dad always woke me up with breakfast in bed and while I ate with him, mom got everything ready so that when she went down to the living room I'd find it decorated. They made a good team, you know?" She asked sighing and remembering how happy those days were, she wouldn't tell Lee Know because she didn't want to ruin the moment, but when she went down to the living room not only was her mother waiting for her, Chan was there too. Many times he showed up in his pajamas because it was too early, but he didn't care, he never failed, he was always there.

"That sounds cute. And is there any special gift that you remember?"

"Two" Jaz answered. "First, my little jasmines parasol, mom got it for me and I still have it."

"An umbrella?"

"I know it could sound insignificant, but I really liked it and have had it for many, many years. Also, mom asked to embroider a very small drawing of our family."

"And what about the second gift?" The girl took off several of the bracelets she was wearing, leaving a very thin gold one that Lee Know had not even realized existed, and that is because his girlfriend used many accessories, so that thin bracelet was easily lost among all the rest. "That same year dad had this bracelet made for me, they are tiny jasmines. Do you see that they were truly a good team?" She asked with a sad smile. "And what about you, any special present?"

"My first camera, even though my photos sucked, almost all of them had my fingers sticking out."

"Do you still have it?"

"No, it stopped working a long time ago."

"Why didn't you keep it? You had good memories with it."

"I can keep those memories with me without the object, kitten" Jasmine couldn't help but think that response had been a bit cold, but when she was about to ignore it, Lee Know continued speaking. "That's why I asked you not to give me anything, I preferred this." He said taking a strawberry and without letting her answer, he had already placed it in Jaz's mouth.

"Anyway, I have something for you."

"Ahh... Jaz, there was no need."

"Don't be so ridiculous! You did want a gift, but you're too shy and stubborn to accept it."

"Don't start with that, please..."

"Handsome, relax." She said bringing her hand to his cheek once Lee Know had straightened up and sat in front of her. "You've told me, you don't have to feel ashamed with me, what's more, I promise never to use it against you. Come on, accept that you like gifts." Jaz squeezed Lee Know's cheeks and made him laugh resignedly.

"Okay, they're not that bad..."

"Cool! So will you let me give it to you?"

Minho accepted and seeing Jaz's excitement taking out the gift was more than adorable. What he found was something he didn't expect at all. Actually, once he opened the first gift, a giggle escaped from his lips. It was a sweater that had the faces of his three cats embroidered on it. Actually, Jaz had given it to him to wear at home, but the level of enthusiasm of Lee Know lead him to put the sweater on right there and repeat over and over how much he liked it. For someone who had said a few minutes earlier that he wasn't attached to material things and that he didn't like gifts, he was really enjoying himself.

"Wait, something's missing. You've been complaining about the cell phone cases you see in the stores and how boring they are, so I thought maybe you might like this a little more."

Taking the new case, Jaz asked him to turn it so he could see the design it was on the back. "Are those my cats' paws?" He asked recognizing them without any problem. "Kitten! Did you draw them? You're amazing! But I'm never going to use it." He said putting it away and making Jasmine push him in such a way that she ended up laying him down while she was on top of him.

"Why do you have to be like this, huh?"

"You didn't let me explain, I'm not going to use it because I don't want something to happen to it."

"Minho!"

"Okay, okay, just because I imagine you spent a lot of time on those drawings I'm going to use it. But I want you to know that if anything happens to it, I'm going to be mad at you, Jasmine. Now, come here..." He said about to lose himself in her lips.

**********

While Jasmine was slowly working on herself and opening up to someone else, Chan was also trying to make progress in other ways that didn't involve partying. With the passing of time, he had already accepted that it cost him too much not being fully sincere due to the concern of hurting someone; however, now he knew that it was preferable to be honest than to hide the truth. That was something he needed to improve if he wanted to communicate better at some point.

That was precisely why he forced himself to talk things over with Gia when the girl asked him if they could have a future as a couple, at least become something serious. Chan was more outspoken than ever, and even though he felt bad seeing the girl get sad, he stood his ground, as he had sworn to himself that he would never hurt anyone again for not being honest on time. And more importantly, he no longer wanted to live with regrets. It was thus that October easily became the only month that Chan had no memories of other than studying and getting drunk. The only times he was sober was because he was in class or meeting Lee Know for gallery stuff. When his mother or Jaz's father called him, he found a way to sound normal so that no one suspected what was going on.

Chan turned out to be worryingly talented at hiding his true feelings, as even Han and Changbin didn't suspect anything was wrong, they just thought he was finally letting loose and enjoying himself. Lee Know didn't suspect anything either, for his friend hadn't changed at all after having the conversation about Jasmine, Chan continued to treat him with the same familiarity as always, so Chan even got to convince Minho that everything was going great.

"Did you imagine that we were going to do this well in such a short time?" Lee Know asked looking at the bank statements, they had been meeting at his grandparents' cafeteria and had been working for hours. "A lot of new artists have contacted us. We even got an invitation from a museum's director to an event, he'll open a new section, look." He said showing Chan the mail. "They want us to go, and best of all, it's not one of the senile old man's museums, we might meet more people."

"Sounds great, when is it?"

"December 4th."Chan nodded and just as he was reserving the date on his cell phone, Jasmine was entering the cafeteria.

She had gotten out of class and had promised Romy she would visit her, she didn't even know that Lee Know would be there, so when Jaz walked in and saw him sitting with Chan, she was quite surprised.

Unfortunately for Jaz, Romy was busy going over some bills with Seungmin, so she wasn't ready to go yet.

"You can sit here while you wait for her." Lee Know said moving a few things. "Have you eaten yet, or did you spend the whole day in class or drawing again? I don't even know why I'm asking you, I'm going to bring you something to eat." The photographer got up and left her with Chan.

Something Chan and Jasmine had never known was awkward silence, and Jaz could have sworn they would know it right then, but Chan looked at her and smiled casually. "Lee Know's right, you need to eat, you'll end up falling on one of your drawings and getting paint on your face." He said without losing his smile, which seemed strange to Jaz.

"He's overreacting, I even bought some snacks. In fact..." Jaz's mind brought back a wistful memory, but she never expected the reaction her best friend would show. "I found the tangerines that you like on sale, and you know what was even funnier? They had them next to the spicy ramen you ate that day..." Jaz recalled how funny it had been to see Chan burning due to how spicy that ramen was.

"Really?" Chan asked laughing. "I hope you've bought enough, you don't always find offers that good." He said surprised by what she told him about the offer, not the memory.

The girl nodded silently as Lee Know returned with something for her. "I brought you something hot because it's freezing out there. By the way, Romy asked me to tell you that she'll be ready soon."

"Thank you, but continue in your meeting, I don't want to interrupt."

That was how Jaz ate while listening to them work, they both seemed relaxed, focused on what they had to do, and there was no tension in the room. Everything seemed so natural, so normal, so mature that something didn't fit the girl. While the photographer could be quite indifferent in his day-to-day, that was not Chan's nature. Her best friend looked good, it seemed that the distance they had taken had done him good; to tell the truth, Chan looked even better than her. Had she meant so much toxicity to him?

"I'm ready!" Romy said coming to her side. "Come on, I need to eat something that's not in this place, I want something different."

"Hey what's wrong with you? The food here is delicious." Lee Know said defensively. "You're a very rude employee, you know that?"

"Lee Know, I eat this EVERY day, you can't be mad that I want to try something different."

That was all Minho needed to, according to him, scold her. As he spoke, Romy could only sigh as Seungmin laughed listening to everything from the counter. Another who also laughed a lot was Chan. But not Jaz, the girl just forced a smile, and soon she was asking Romy to leave.

"Let me know where you'll be with Romy after you've eaten and talked about your stuff, okay?"

"No, no, today you don't show up, today Jaz will be WITH ME!" Romy said taking her friend's arm.

"Come on, Lee Know, let them have fun, relax a bit, besides, we still have work," Chan said causing Jaz to look at him like he was a total stranger. "Go, get out of here before he continues bothering you," Chan said goodbye to them with a smile.

"Freedom! Let's go eat fried chicken and drink soju right now, we deserve it!" Romy said to her friend.

**********

On the day of the activity in the museum, Jaz had received a call from her mother that had not turned out well from the moment the woman said she had stopped going to therapy. All kinds of red flags were raised when Jaz heard that, she knew how strongly her mother needed that help. "Mom, are you sure is a good idea to stop going? I mean, I don't think you're fine, I don't hear you well..." The concern in Jaz's voice was more than evident.

"Yeah, don't worry. Probably it's just that I miss our old house. When I accepted this job I didn't think I'd miss it so much. I also miss you, baby, I haven't seen you in a long time. You didn't come before because you said you didn't want to come back there, but now that I live somewhere else you don't come either."

"Mom, you're far away, but I promise I'll go soon. About your job, don't let that make you feel sad, you told me that this contract ends in February. Just hang on in there a little bit, soon you'll be at home."

"Have you talked to your father?" The woman asked without being able to avoid it any longer.

"Mom..." Jaz sat next to the window where she always designed, but at that time there was no illusion, only concern about her mother. "Mom, you know what the psychologist said, it's not good for you to ask about him."

"She also asked you not to use me as an intermediary either..." The girl thought shaking her head negatively but without being able to say it.

"I know, and I haven't asked anything for months. I just want to know if he's okay."

"I don't know anything about him." The girl said feeling a pang in her heart, it was true, since October she hadn't heard from him, not more than two or three texts. "He must be fine," Jaz assured shrugging her shoulders.

The conversation with her mother went on for a while longer, but it ended up being one of those talks that left Jaz without any trace of happiness. However, December was already hard enough to inaugurate it like that. She had promised herself to try to stay positive, and she had also told Lee Know that she would go to his apartment. That way, Jaz forced herself to continue with her plans without overthinking.

**********

As usual, the three cats came out to greet her, but there was something in that greeting that took out Jaz's smile, and it was looking at them wearing Christmas sweaters. And not only that, seeing Minho approaching her with several boxes of Christmas decorations made her sight.

"Hi, handsome." The girl hugged him and kissed him while Lee Know invited her to enter.

"Hi, Kitten, you came just in time! I went to buy these lights, but I don't want to put them up by myself, can you help me?"Jaz immediately broke the hug.

"Min..."

"Come on, it'll be fun! If we finish early, we can have a hot chocolate before I have to go to the museum."

"What if we better watch a movie? Or if we go for a walk?"

"I don't feel like watching TV and it's too cold to go for a walk. Help me." He asked opening one of the boxes.

"Min, I'd rather not."

"Jaz, it's not that much work, I promise you!"

The girl even gulped when she saw that the first ornament the photographer took out was a nutcracker, and before she could even say a word, Lee Know had already put it in her hands as he continued to take out ornaments. The more things she saw, a new sensation was appearing. Jasmine felt all her stomach churning, headache and discomfort. She supposed she hadn't eaten well, or maybe her period was coming up. However, as time passed, Jaz felt hot, sometimes cold, she even swore that she was having a hard time breathing, and she had no idea, but she was nothing from an anxiety attack among so many Christmas decorations.

"Lee Know, I need to stop."

When Lee Know saw her getting down from a ladder, he smoothly pushed her up again. "We're about to finish."

"I said I have to stop," Jaz answered seriously.

"Are you okay?" He asked seeing that her forehead was drenched in sweat. "Kitten, are you sick?"

"I don't feel well, I've been trying to tell you for a while."

"It must be the heights, okay, no more stairs. We better change the plates for these." He said taking out another box.

"No, Lee Know, no! I don't want to decorate anymore, I hate these dates, I don't like them, I DON'T want to celebrate them!"

"Kitten, relax." He said with a frown. "Gorgeous, chill, you came very stressed." He said trying to get closer to her.

"I don't need to relax, I need to get out of here, I don't like being in places with so much Christmas stuff."

"Jaz, it's just decorations, calm down."

"I've been telling you for a long time that I don't want to do this and you don't listen to me."

"Can you calm down a bit? We're just decorating, kitten, get over the past. Leave it where it belongs and stop bringing it into the present."

"What?" She asked barely audible. The past was far from being forgotten, the greatest proof of that was her mother, who was far away, who she could not accompany, and who possibly needed more than ever the help of a psychologist.

"I'm just telling you to move on with your life, you had a bad Christmas, I get it, but it's over, you can't change what happened then, and taking it out on the decorations won't help you either. I mean, are you going to have this attitude every year? You can't be so bitter."

Bitter... that word definitely didn't fit Jaz, much less that day when her main concern was her mother, it wasn't even about whether or not she was still upset with her father. Lee Know's lack of empathy and the indifference with which he spoke made the girl feel such a repudiation that she ended up leaving the apartment.

**********

Hours later, Lee Know and Chan were already at the museum activity, which turned out to be more formal than expected; fortunately, they had dressed appropriately, as they met some truly influential people in the art world. That day, the boys talked with artists, curators, photographers, investors, collectors, and others. It was the perfect night to network in Korea, they had done wonderfully in England thanks to Lee Know, and tonight it was Chan who stood up for the deal.

Finally, when they managed to be alone for a few minutes, Chan offered a glass of wine to his friend, who accepted it and immediately put his cell phone away. "Everything alright?"

"Yes"

"You can talk to me. What's up, something with the coffee shops?"

"No, it's actually kind of stupid." He assured taking a sip of the wine. "I had an argument with Jaz, she was upset with me, but I don't think you want to talk about it."

For a few seconds Chan didn't respond and just continued to drink. He really didn't want to know what had happened, he didn't want to hear Minho talking about his relationship, but he couldn't help but think about the girl; besides... Lee Know was his friend. In the end, Chan decided that he would try his best to be a good friend, although deep down, what he really wanted most was to make sure that Jaz was okay and that it hadn't been anything serious.

"If you want to tell me, I have no problem."

"Honestly, I don't know why she reacted like that, I was just trying to tell her to relax and get over what happened over Christmas. She can't be that spiteful, she's behaving immaturely."

"Did you tell her that?" Chan asked trying to stay calm.

"Well...almost."

"Lee Know, her parents got divorced around Christmas time."

"I know, and I know that's a shitty thing, but that's already gone."

"Bro... I guess Jasmine hasn't told you what these days meant to her, has she?"

"It's just another holiday, Chan. Yeah, the normal thing is to spend it with the family, but..."

"It's not that simple. You weren't close to your family, nor have I ever been, and maybe we can't understand why it was so important to her, but it was. Jasmine used to talk about Christmas pretty much all year, she saved money to buy gifts, she planned activities to be with her parents throughout December. It was a big deal to hear."

"But if her parents are no longer together, it's time to start making new memories."

"The past is part of who you are, you can't just rip it out of yourself and throw it away, much less if it's about your family, HER family. I suppose that her mother must not be well, that must also worry her."

"Her mother?" Lee Know asked paying even more attention.

Chan couldn't keep saying more because some people were approaching to talk to them, but the last thing he said, he said it so seriously that Minho could not even answer back. "It's not something stupid, nor is it a simple topic. Empathize with other people from time to time."

**********

Once the activity was over, the boys went straight to their apartments. They were both tired and didn't feel like drinking anymore.

Han and Changbin were watching a movie when Chan arrived. They invited him to stay with them, they still had some beers and weed, but Chan refused the invitation and locked himself in his room.

"Damn it" The boy thought as he fell on the bed and covered his face with a pillow.

That was precisely why he drank, that was why he clouded his mind with work and parties, so as not to think about her. But there were really hard days, like that one, when Chan could swear with his life that Jaz must be having a really hard time.

Almost like instinct, Chan took his cell phone and opened the conversation with Jaz. The last message had been sent by her in August, the night of Seungmin's concert.

3:00 p.m. Minnie 🐰. Hi there! Just passing by to see if my best friend's still alive."

3:02 p.m. Minnie 🐰. "Do you want me to pick you up so we can get to the concert together? We haven't talked for a long time, I'd like to see you."

4:17 p.m. Minnie 🐰. "Come on Chris, stop ignoring me, or I swear you're about to see the worst spam EVER."

The following were at least twenty funny images where the girl tried to get the attention of her best friend, but it didn't work, Chan hadn't even opened the chat. He read all those messages much later, when he had gotten home from the concert.

6:05 p.m. Minnie 🐰. "Okay, you win, I won't spam you anymore, but so you can see that I'm a good friend and I don't hold a grudge against you, I'll save you a seat next to me, see you later."

Reading those messages again caused Chan to think about too many things at once, the first one was the time: four months. Four long months since the last time his cell phone had rung with a notification from Jaz. Now the girl appeared online, she was possibly talking to Lee Know about what had happened, and while he wanted to at least talk to her to make sure she was okay, Chan control himself. He had to respect the decision they had both made. They couldn't see again in that vicious circle. If Jaz was wrong, he couldn't do anything, it wasn't his business anymore.

That was how he left his room and ended up accepting the beers and weed his friends had offered him.

"Well, what are we watching?" he asked with a forced smile.

To be continued... 🐺

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