#dhsjfhs god my mom mentioned the other day 'but you'll still come back for christmas and thanksgiving and holidays right

[bbeelzemon]

there's really something to mourn about the fact that i can't, like, follow the same dating rituals wrt my family that all my straight brothers could. letting your partner meet your parents, your parents showing interest in your relationship, or being unapologetically supportive of it without any hesitation... like, my mom cries if she thinks about it too much, because she thinks im going to Not Go To Heaven (read: go to hell) because im gay. like. thanks

#literally even if net lived literally next door we still couldnt do these things the same way my brothers could #because the whole time my parents will be hung up on 'oh but its Gay' and everything #honestly its probably kind of a good thing I'll be moving so far away from my parents to be with them #if we stayed in florida (which . no thanks regardless) my parents would want me to visit A Lot More #while likely simultaneously being Weird about it every single time... #at least this way i can limit it to just a couple times a year lol #dhsjfhs god my mom mentioned the other day 'but you'll still come back for christmas and thanksgiving and holidays right?' #and like. i was caught off guard because that was genuinely not on my radar in the slightest LOL #like.. id.. rather.. spend christmas with net and my friends? or nets family if thats a thing we'll do? #holidays are such a non-event at my house it seems pointless to show up for 20 minutes of gifts and a breakfast for dinner #and even if net could come with me. like.. like i said in the post my parents are just gonna be weird the whole time! #we'd probably have to get a hotel instead of staying here. and then at that point it just becomes a regular florida vacation and i wont wan #to stay with my parents the whole time LOL #anywaayyy. im definitely rambling if tumblr made me split up my thoughts over two sets of tags LOL #i just wish they could be more supportive yknow.. even if i know Oh They Always Love Me <3 it still feels so hollow #but this is my lot in life as an nb lesbian i guess dhsjfhsjf #i was gonna say 'at least they didnt kick me out over it' but actually my dad doesnt Know yet. he still might HFJSHFJS #isnt it fucked up that i genuinely cannot tell if my dad will kick me out / cut me off or not over something like that. #very very bad idea but a very small part of me is like 'fucking kick me out so i can go to washington Now i fucking dare you' LOL