1:37pm 4/17/21

I got a bunch of books at the sidewalk sale this morning including two vegan cookbooks and I took a walk with my boyfriend. We took the same route my roommate and I take when we have enough time but instead of me having to slow down for my roommate it was me trying to keep up with my boyfriends long legs.

Afterwards I prepped some overnight oats, ate one that was ready, and snagged a few rice cakes for lunch.

I have to get ready for work soon but I just really don’t want to go even though I work with good people.

17.04.21

Day 3 ✅

Calorie assunte: 269

Calorie assunte con la frutta e la verdura: 344

Calorie bruciate: 345

Sono abbastanza contenta per come è andata oggi anche se potevo trattenermi di più, però sono andata a correre.

Now that I'm a bit older and a bit more aware of my feelings, I often realise behaviours in the moment and realise they're habits that I've been doing for years.

One of the things that has consistently plagued me is delaying prayer because of a fallout at home – even if I haven't done anything bad. It's the bitterness and anxiety in my heart and the reluctance to speak generally or say anything until *they* (could be anyone really) are pleased with me or at least we've had a good interaction since the bad one. This was initially just me and my parent, but it's extended now to basically everyone from sibling to friends... I'm basically messed up whenever I have a bad interaction with someone and the closer they are to me the worse.

I think it's a form of co-dependence. And it's particularly acute when the prayer i have to offer is one of the night ones that I have to recite out loud. I feel like i'm suffocating but I have to do it aloud...

going on imvu!

This IPA tastes like bread flavored hand sanitizer...

Honestly hope BL2 never comes out. It looked bad and I don’t just mean play-wise or anything. I’m very forgiving about game jank, just like in the original. I mean like it didn’t capture the original games atmosphere. It was set in Seattle but like, actual Seattle??? There there was nothing gothy about it.

Lately I feel weird saying someone that she's pretty. I feel like it's not actually a compliment, It's even worse. Like you are appreciating something she has from nature, not something she is trying to be. But at the same time I feel like she is so beautiful and I wanna say it, but it feels kinda unrespectful. Is it weird?

And at the same time I dont really care when someone says I'm pretty. I dont really feel anything.

I was scared that the storm will uproot my life. But after those heavy pelts of winds died and gathered clouds departed to let the Sun give some warmth, I found myself right where I was, still rooted on the ground, still alive.

-dkg

every time i think i’ve committed to writing one fic my brain says no<3, i start another and that’s the story of how i have 25 wips rn!!

My dog Rodney doesn’t understand why I keep dirt inside my home, nor why I dutifully pour water on it.

Sometimes you meet people on Tumblr that make you go 'wow.....wow are you even real? You can't possibly be like this right? No, forreal are you messing with me? Are you taking the piss?'

It's 2am, I know it's late. When one decides to change and build better habits, it is not done in an instant. You can't change your body clock overnight. You can't change your life overnight just because that's what you decided to do. I still don't know why it is so easy to fall back on bad habits rather than to just do the right ones. Maybe this is my default setting? Nope. I refuse to believe that. I know better, and I want to do better. Today was good. I've managed to do some errands and household chores. Washed the dishes, did my laundry, watered the plants, let my bb doggo play in the water, captured photos of my "for sale" plants and posted it on my page, arranged my clothes, and exercised. It's just basic chores, but I am really proud of myself right now for doing all of that. It is not everyday that I have that energy to move or accomplish something, even if that small. Though my day went kind of busy, I still didn't feel productive because I didn't woke up early, by early I mean morning. I woke up at noon. And after I exercised at night, I was distracted by social media gossip and live selling of luxury bags. That's how my evening went basically. Anyhow, I am typing this because I am trying to turn things around, at least before I sleep. And I will do better when the sun rises. Thank you, Lord.

This house is sending me

Such a cool fucking house I have been invited to

At the beginning of the week, my superiors asked me to take a photo for my work profile. This is mandatory. I gave them three photos to choose from. They chose the one where I look as tired as possible (in my opinion). Whatever. My brain isn't working anymore. I should be asleep, but the neighbors are drilling. I must be patient. It'll all be over soon. I'm so tired, I don't want anything at all. The only thing I need is you.

Day by day, the sun sets on the west ☀️

17/4/21

Woke up from a dream where I had love and success and happiness and tried not to cry

Brushed my teeth

Had a banana for breakfast

Ate two meals

Took all my meds

Did my skincare routine

Limped everywhere coz I’ve pulled my calf muscles

Watched bones

Worried about getting a job and scratched every inch of skin I could find

submitting financial aid applications for university today while simultaneously finalising my final choice for where i’m going is stressful and i’m losing my mind a bit