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#dick grayson
fantastic-nonsense · 11 days ago
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I really want to emphasize the slightly ridiculous timeline of Bruce taking in children and how funny this has the potential to be re:Dick being the eldest, because I think it's really important that people understand that Bruce basically only has Dick around for like...11-12 years. Dick formally moves out when he's around 19 or 20, and roughly six months to a year later, Bruce picks Jason up. Dick and Jason never live in the same house at the same time, and three years later, Jason dies. So he gets 2 kids over a 15 (ish) year period, which doesn't sound too ridiculous, right?
Except then his adoption tendencies accelerate, because he picks up Tim and Cass within 2 years of each other (and Steph came as a package deal with both of them) and then finds out about Damian 2-3 years after that. Then we've got Duke, who (when you vaguely fit together timelines) enters stage left about 2-3 years after Damian.
So after a 15-year period with two kids, Bruce manages to pick up 4 1/2 others (counting Steph) within the 7-8 years afterwards. The sheer missed comedic potential of Dick being a grown-ass adult and then his dad decides to adopt a pack of kids within 5 years of him moving out is incredible. Dick went from being essentially an only child for his entire life to being eldest of 6, only one of which he's ever actually lived in the same house with, all because Bruce got Empty Nest Syndrome and went "well I raised one child to adulthood successfully. What's another 5 or 6 at the same time?"
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imjusthereforbatfam · a month ago
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The only reason Poison Ivy isn't on that list is cuz she's Harley's right hand, supporting her wife 1000%
edit: I FORGOT TO CREDIT @asilentguardian !! THIS POST INSPIRED THE QUOTE AT THE END!!
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almabel · 2 months ago
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“Wayne heirs behind the galas: are they really as perfect as they seem? An article by Vicki Vale”
Some bats and birds being paparazzed 
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doc-squash · a month ago
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“...Wait. C-can we go back to Nightwing electrocuting me?”
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madams-art-station · a month ago
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DC refuses to give us good Batfam Bros content so dangit I guess I will
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frostbittenbucky · a month ago
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Brucie Wayne during an interview
Interviewer: “mr. Wayne, it’s not a secret that you adore your children, but you’re don’t speak about them too often. Do you mind if you can give us a little comment?”
Brucie:: “of course! I’d love too” *magnificent smile*
Interviewer: “let’s start with your oldest, Dick”
*flashback to Dick doing a somersault off an 8 story building just because*
Brucie: “Dick’s very spontaneous and adventurous. Life in the circus made him a hand full as a child, as an adult I think he likes to stay connected to his roots, hence his online performances”
Interviewer: *nods* “Jason? I know that might be one you’d want to skip, Mr. Wayne”
*flash back to that morning, Jason and Bruce having a screaming match*
Bruce: “Hamlets mai- listen! Hamlets main theme is revenge itself is deadly. You of all people- Stop talking over me!”
Jason: “‘you must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute, and now and then stab, as occasion serves!’”
Bruce: “don’t you dare quote Marlowe in this house, you know how Alfred feels about his works”
Jason: “fine, ‘When the bad bleeds, then is the tragedy good’”
Bruce: “listen here, you li-“
Brucie: *grimaces* “Jay loved literature, when I hear one of his favorite quotes I can almost hear him saying it himself. There are times I feel his presence when I look at the things he loved, it’s almost enough to forget he’s gone.”
Interviewer: *understanding* “your son Tim has recently made some big changes for your company, Mr.Wayne. You must have a lot of faith in his decision making”
*flashback to Tim and Kon coming into the manor late*
Tim: “hey B, Kon and I were thinking of using a shopping cart to go down that hill around the end of the street”
Bruce: “absolutely not. Why would you consider that?”
Tim and Kon: *share a look*
Bruce: “you already did it.”
Tim: “my wrist is definitely broken.”
Brucie: *loosing the light behind his eyes* “he’s never made a wrong choice yet”
Interviewer: “there’s been some speculation that your son Damian is your biological son, would you like to address that?”
*flashback to every time Damian said he was the blood son in public, his username is literally bloodson on all platforms*
Brucie: *losing smile getting a pained look* “ah, we don’t don’t say biological or adopted in our household, we don’t believe it makes a difference. Nobody is better than anyone, blood or not they’re all my children.”
Interviewer: “beautifully put, how’s your newest addition, Duke, handling the change?”
Bruce: *thousand yard stare*
*flashbacks. Just varying flashbacks*
*duke and the potato gun*
*duke signal beating the riddlers face in during broad daylight*
*duke filling the hot tub with an entire bottle of bubble bath soap*
*duke helping Damian bring home a 300lbs pig*
*duke tripping at a gala and destroying a $6,000 ice sculpture*
*duke wearing sequence shorts*
*Duke taking Bruce’s Ray-Bans and replacing them with Barbie sunglasses*
*Duke tasing himself so he could win a dare*
Bruce: “he’s a very confident young man.”
Interviewer: “and your daughter, Cassandra, has been making headlines recently, I didn’t know she could fight”
*flashback to Cassandra at a gala that was being crashed*
Cass: “dad, tired.”
Bruce: “I know, as soon as they’re done we can go”
Cas: “no. They will leave now”
Bruce: “Cas- oh god”
Bruce: *swallowing* “yea- uh, those... those self defense classes really paid off...”
Interviewer: “they definitely did. Now what is Stephanie’s role in your family? Has she been adopted?”
Bruce: “Stephanie is a plague that will not be removed. The only roll she fulfills is telling me all my outfits look awful and occasionally helping me apply eyeliner”
Interviewer: “oh I-“
Bruce: “I love her dearly”
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dinah-lance · 2 months ago
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“What’s the nature of your relationship?”  “I've been wondering that myself, but an interrogation is not how I wanted to broach the subject.”
Nightwing #080 (2021)
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frostbittenbucky · 2 months ago
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13-year old Bruce Wayne attempting to grab all the grocery bags at once, around 55lbs. He’s hanging bags his small arms, and a small bag around his neck
Alfred: “Master Bruce, this isn’t necessary”
Bruce: *grunting and struggling* “all or nothing”
Alfred: *small smile* “please don’t drop the eggs”
Bruce: “Alfred, could you-“ *deep breath* “-open the door, please”
Alfred: “of course, master B”
17-year-old Bruce Wayne attempting to grab all the bags at once, a much larger load then normal, around 80lbs
Bruce: *speed walking*
Alfred: “Bruce, you don’t have to do this every time”
Bruce: *chuckles* “I must! All or nothing!” *small grunt*
24 year old Bruce Wayne, attempting to get all the groceries at once, around 85lbs. All bags on one arm
Bruce: *smiling to himself in victory*
Alfred: “would your like me to get the door?”
Bruce: “no, I think I can handle it”
45-year-old Bruce Wayne attempting to get all the groceries inside at once. Loud screaming and the sound of thundering footsteps disturb all tranquility
Dick: MOVE IT *shoves Jason down*
Damian: *Naruto running* “I can carry more than you, Todd!”
Cassandra: *already loading herself up with bags*
Bruce: “one trip everyone! One trip! Come on, we’ve trained for this!” *makes eye contact with Duke* “get the dog food too!”
More loud screaming all they all pack groceries on their bodies. Bags hanging from shoulders, arms, necks, anywhere possible
Stephanie is literally just a wall of groceries, she can’t see, she doesn’t care. She only wants victory
Damian’s face is bright red, he’s carrying half his weight, his legs are barley moving
Jason, the buff undead boy he is, picks up Damian on top of his load
Dick has his back bent at an unnatural angle as he tries to balance items on his chest and neck
Duke is literally screaming while he walks. He won’t quit, but he can feel his skeleton collapsing
Cassandra, looks graceful as she carries an enormous load. Not even a glimmer of sweat, not the smallest indication of a grimace
Tim is light headed, he can’t tell if his legs are moving anymore, but like Duke he won’t quit. One trip or nothing
Bruce is following Jason’s lead, he’s piled high with groceries. His knees are clicking as he walks, his back and neck give loud pops when he leans too far to one side. He can taste victory.
Alfred is smiling fondly as he watches his family carry on a tradition that a broken little boy started so he could feel strong and accomplished
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