Becoming aware that you're part of a system is like having lived in the same flat/house forever & then suddenly realising there are rooms in there you didn't even know EXISTED & also wait for it...
There are OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH YOU FOR YEARS.
(P.S : You were the only headmate unaware of the situation 🙃)
— Kita, host/caretaker
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ITS DID AWARENESS DAY!!!!
BE AWARE OF US!!!! >:3c
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Dropping "out of front" as a P-DID host (and, I imagine, a lot of non-disordered systems too, but I wouldn't know) feels less like disappearing or leaving for headspace or something, and more like... stepping back and falling half-asleep while the other person does things using the body. We have extremely bad adhd, so it's the only way I can rest and escape the constant barrage of my own thoughts. I don't lose consciousness completely, but instead of their awareness being filtered through me, it's the other way around, and by giving them control of the wheel, the brain focuses on their influence and sets mine "in the back". Being able to switch like this is the closest I'll likely ever get to being completely out front, due to the way our trauma manifests. It's taken a long time of practice to even get this far, and it's one of the most important things we've learnt for our internal privacy and teamwork.
This is why it's even more important to establish that it's generally considered rude to constantly ask for the host when interacting with other system members. Many systems aren't able to switch on command, but there are also systems that struggle to switch and are barely holding onto front, or systems that can switch on command but desire privacy and rest, or systems that could technically switch but it would cause their host great distress. A system does not need to switch for others to be comfortable. Yes, sometimes you had prior plans to attend to, but it's better to talk about what to do about this with whomever is in front at the time instead of just immediately asking for the host.
Being allowed to Not Front by others socially is a matter of privacy and respect, and the idea that the host should always be available plays into the host-centricism much of societal perception holds. If someone you're not used to is in front, there's a reason, no matter how small, so please consider both the feelings of the current fronter and the host before asking. Is the fronter comfortable with leaving front? Is the host comfortable with being in front? Is this really a circumstance where you'd need the host specifically, or are you just used to having them around? Treating all system members as equals goes a long way.
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I relined and cleaned up a crusty jpeg of the DID awareness ribbon bc I couldn’t find a higher resolution one. I figured I’d share it for anyone who also happens to need one.
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Gotta love the whiplash of "I hate everything about myself" to "I have inherent worth as a human." That's not two sides of the same coin, that's not even the same fuckin currency.
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It’s DID awareness day apparently lol!
So…be aware…of us?
Jkjk
The only thing I feel I need to add is EMDR is not always helpful if you have CPTSD comorbid with DID
Stay safe and stay lovely systems 💜
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Me 3 months ago : 'I couldn't possibly have DID, I don't have any amnesia !'
Also me then : *can't remember anything that happened prior to the year 2010 (the body was born in 2001) & have always normalised it thinking 'nobody remembers their childhood years !' :D*
Me now : *professionally diagnosed with traumagenic DID & dissociative amnesia, fully conscious that I am part of a system of 7 alters identified to this day.*
— Kita, host/caretaker
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you mention sometimes not noticing the change of alters, so i wanted to ask
does it ever happen where someone else notices the change before the DID person does? i imagine it'd be rather comical
oh my god yes -- our fiance and our best friend have both noticed switches before we have, and said "hello (different alter name)" to confusion and surprise before we're like "oh! i suppose we are them right now"
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Did my first EMDR session it made chaos happen in the system like bruh I’m just tryna heal DAMN
(Randy)
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