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all-my-love-for-harry · 4 years

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Delicate. — Part 1.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: Here we are fam, i gotta be honest with y’all, this is heavily inspired in the fact that i watched Miss Americana twice this month, what resulted in me going through my taylor swfit phase again. Pls bare with me, i haven’t written anything like this before.

catch up here!

They said artists become what they are because deep down they are as insecure if not more than normal people. Because they craved constant validation in what they do.

At least it was the case for Y/n.

A girl who has built an entire system around being accepted by the public, someone who their major source of happiness is provided by strangers all around the world. When you are living from the approval of strangers and that is where you drive all your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to go down. Y/n has spent her whole life trying to please the world so they would like her, so what she has achieved over the years would last.

When the world turned their back on her, Y/n had no choice but to disappear, because she thought that was what everyone wanted. Even then, she made her choices around what she thought would make them happy.

Y/n knew she could not hide forever, but for now, it was a necessary evil she had to take. Deciding to take a break from everything was the healthiest decision she has ever made, shutting down her social media, getting out of the city and going back home with her family was exactly what she needed.

"Mom was sad she couldn't pick you up from the airport."

Seventeen-year-old Jensen, whose driving license was still new and fresh, was the one who picked Y/n up when her flight landed. In complete honesty, she did not like using a private plane, but she could not risk someone seeing where she was going. Jensen was good at driving, well, he has not crashed into a tree yet, so they were safe.

"She would've brought Chase and scare Pandora and Lizzie."

Jensen chuckled. "She's obsessed with him. I haven't started college yet and she's already thinking about turning my room into Chase's."

Her parents’ house was a gated property away from others since it was safer that way. Y/n would not stay there the whole time since she had her own apartment a little closer to town. Her luggage, as well as her cats, were picked up separately and taken to her home, she would go there after lunch with her family. Jensen parked next to a black range rover that belonged to their dad, meaning both of their parents were home.

Y/n threw her backpack over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, eager to finally reunite with her family, especially her mother. She is in desperate need of a tight hug, a mug of hot chocolate and a shoulder to cry on. Y/n did not realize how mentally drained she was until she saw her mother open the front door.

"My baby!" Louise exclaimed, embracing her daughter in a tight hug. "How was the flight?"

"It was fine. I'm starving though."

They walked into the living room and Louise closed the door behind them. Y/n dropped her backpack on one of the couches and sighed in relief. “Where’s dad?” Jensen went straight to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Get the white wine.” Y/n told him.

“It’s too early to drink that.” Louise took the bottle from Jensen’s hands and put it back in the fridge. “Dad’s outside. We bought some roses that will look beautiful by the pool.”

“You’re buying a lot of plants lately.” Y/n pointed a big vase full of daisies, her mom’s favorites, on the kitchen’s island.

“I like supporting local business.” She shrugged.

“That and she’s obsessed with the owner of the flower shop.” Jensen chuckled, cracking open a water bottle.

“Hey! That’s not true.”

“Mom, you there like… every day. Who needs new flowers every day?”

“Shush.” The elder woman faked offense then gigged. “Handsome young man, he is. I’ll take you tomorrow.” She turned to Y/n.

“Oh, no, mom. I’m going to lock myself in my apartment and try to write.” She said, making Louise scoff. “I’m serious!”

“I know you are. But living like a hermit is not going to do you any good.”

“I agree, sis.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, knowing they were right as always but did not want to admit it. The truth was, she wanted to write some songs, so badly, but could not find the right words. She was hoping to get some peace and quiet to get her ideas and emotions in order again. Before any of them could say anything else, David entered the kitchen while taking off his gardening gloves and smiled widely when he spotted Y/n.

“And who do we have here?”

“Hi, dad.” Y/n smiled at him brightly before wrapping her arms around her dad, who hugged her back just as tight.

“Good to have you home, darling.”

The family of four sat on the kitchen island and started to catch up. Jensen talked about his different college options and how he was considering getting a summer job this year. Louise kept talking about how nice the owner of this flower shop was, making emphasis on how he was also single. Y/n didn’t know what she was trying to do, but she didn’t pay much attention either.

Overall it was nice for Y/n to get out of her head for a little bit, and her family was always a great help for that. She knew she still had a lot to deal with, and she would probably get a call from her publicist and a lot of other people soon, but for now, she just wanted to think about anything else that wasn't the whole world hating on her.

"How are you doing, Y/n? Be honest." Her mom asked after they stayed alone in the kitchen.

"Been better." She sighed. "I don't want to think about it, mom."

"You have to talk to someone, sweetie. I know your team cares for you and is trying to handle the situation, but you can still talk to me."

"I know, thank you. I'm just trying to figure it what I'm going to do."

Louise sighed. "You sure you don't want to stay here? You have your room and everything."

"Thanks for the offer, mom. But I sort of want to be on my own." She said. "But I'll come for lunch every day, I promise."

Although Louise wasn't convinced by her daughter's words, she chose to not push it. She knew Y/n had her own ways to express her feelings, and she'd talk whenever she felt like it. So she let her go, making her promise she'd come to visit soon.

"Do you need a ride? I'm going to town anyway." Jensen offered, taking the keys of his car from the little plate they kept on the table beside the front door.

"Yes, please."

The drive to her apartment wasn't a long one, and in less than ten minutes she was opening her front door and being greeted by her two beautiful cats rubbing themselves on her legs. Y/n sighed, thinking about how much she needed to unpack now that she was here. The truth was, she didn't know for how long she'd be staying here, but she figured it'd be a long time so she packed a lot. Now she kind of regretted it because she would probably be in her pajamas all day anyway.

After cleaning Pandora and Lizzie's sandbox, Y/n decided to grab an acoustic guitar and try to come up with some melodies. She wasn't quite sure about any lyrics yet, but it was always good to have a little something to start a song.

She went from playing the guitar to play the piano, hoping she'd get more inspirations somewhere. But she had nothing. Not even one decent note. She was empty.

"Don't pretend is... mhmm. Think about the... No." She groaned and slammed the palm of her hands on the keyboard, growing frustrated. Why all of a sudden she couldn't even rhyme? Maybe she needed a break, or perhaps she was tired from her flight and tomorrow she'd be able to write something.

Turns out her writer's block was here to stay. A week has passed since her arrival and Y/n hasn't been able to finish one single song. Everything she started ended up being erased or in the middle of her living room after the ripped the page off her journal.

"I told you, you shouldn't hurry. Inspiration will come eventually, it always does."

"I guess. I just have nothing else to do other than play scrabble with you and write songs, or at least try to."

"Let me take out then." Louise started and Y/n shakes her head. "C'mon, let's eat somewhere or buy groceries and I'll cock at your place." Y/n looked at her mom and realized she wouldn't stop until she accepted, so Y/n offered Louise a nod. "Marvelous. There's this little café that I absolutely love. You'll love the owner."

"What is it with you and the owners of local shops?"

"They're my friends. Oh! We could drop by Blossom House. You could use some flowers around your house so it would look like somebody actually lives there."

"Stop dragging me, woman."

Louise drove them to this café called Furry Cakes, which turned out to be a cat café. Y/n obviously lost it as soon as they walked in, and nearly cried when she saw all the kittens, and absolutely shed a tear when the girl behind the register said every kitty except for one named Chaster was up for adoption. She felt like a little girl all over again when her mom told her she couldn't take every single kitty home.

Y/n was wearing a hoodie that was twice her size, plus some big sunglasses she refused to take off, even inside of the café. She was praying she wouldn't get recognized as she knew people were dying for a picture of her, see how she was after the entire world canceled her.

"We'll leave the car parked here, the flower shop is just around the corner." Louise pulled from Y/n's hand to make her walk faster. There weren't a lot of people on the streets and she was grateful for that, she hasn't gotten a proper walk in what felt like ages.

They stopped outside a modern-looking building with a big, bright sign that read 'The Blossom House'. It was simple yet cute. The pair stepped in and a little bell ringed. Y/n looked around, admiring how everything looked like it was straight out of a fairytale. There were little pots hanging from the ceiling and she looked up, she saw the ceiling was pure glass, which made the whole place brighter. Flowers weren't really her thing as she could barely keep them alive, but seeing this amount of flowers all in the same place... made her somewhat happy and warm inside.

She was so deep in thought she didn't even realize her mom left her and was nowhere to be found. It doesn't look like it from outside, but the shop was actually big and very spacious. It was also empty right now, not even an employee was around, so she decided to have a look on her own. It looked like they had all kinds of flowers in here, which made her even more excited because that meant they had-

"Azaleas? They're also my favorites." A deep voice interrupted her thoughts. She jumped on her place as she wasn't expecting it, which made the person behind her chuckle. "I didn't mean to scare you, sorry."

"It's okay..." She turned around and it was fair to say that was she saw stunned her right away.

In front of her, a gorgeous looking man was standing there with a bright smile on his face. She noticed the two dimples poking at each side of his face, making his smile even more beautiful. His emerald green eyes were the greenest eyes she has ever seen in her life, she believed. He had crinkles by his eyes due to his smile being wide. But to her, the icing of the cake was the beautiful mop of chocolate curls he had on the top of his head. She suddenly felt the insane urge to run her hands through it just to see if they were as soft as they looked.

"Harry, darling!" Louise appeared out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around the man, who only chuckled while reciprocating the greeting.

"Hello, Louise. What's it gonna be today? Tulips? More daisies?" Oh God, he's British. Y/n thought to herself.

"Gosh, you know me so well. I'm actually here just to look around, I see you found my daughter though." She smirked.

"I surely did. I'm Harry, nice to meet you, love." He offered her a hand for her to shake.

Y/n was a little surprised by the pet name but took his hand nonetheless. "I'm Y/n, nice to meet you too."

"I want her to get some plants for her house." Louise spoke again.

"Well, you're in the right place then." He said. "Do you want them for your garden?"

"No, uhm... I don't have one. I live in an apartment."

"Personally, my favorite to keep indoors are Begonias." Harry guided the two women to a different section of the flower shop and pointed to some pretty ones in pink color. "But I also enjoy Daylilies, although they're a little harder to maintain."

"Yeah, maybe not those then. I'm not very good at keeping plants alive."

"She killed a cactus once." Louise mentioned.

"No way."

"I didn't know they'd drown if I watered them more than once a week!" Y/n defended herself.

"Amateur mistake." He joked.

The truth was Y/n was too busy to have a garden, she was always traveling and didn't stay too long in one place so even if she tries to have one, it'd be dead by the end of the month.

"What plants are cat friendly? I have two at home."

"Bromeliads are cat friendly, they're easy to maintain too."

They looked around for a little bit. Harry said a fun fact about every type of flower Y/n pointed out, never failing to make her laugh. The funny thing was, it didn't look like Harry knew who she was. Either he hasn't recognized her, or he didn't know about her. Which by the way, not to be a narcissist, would be highly unlikely.

She ended up taking a couple of new plants home, starting to grow excited about them. It was true, her apartment could use a little more life to it, and now she was sure her new plants would do that for her. Harry was wrapping everything for them while he stood behind the counter.

"Oh, here. This one's on the house." Harry handed her a pot with some beautiful blue Azaleas. She took them with a growing blush on her face, a blush that went deeper when their hands brushed with each other. "Try to not kill them though." He teased.

Y/n rolled her eyes as her mom chuckled behind her. "I'll report their aliveness back to you, you'll see."

"You better. Have a nice day, ladies. I'm guessing I'll see you around, Y/n?"

"Sure, I'm uh... I'm living here right now."

Harry smiled at them one last time before they exited the shop. After the door closed behind them, Louise turned to Y/n. "He likes you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What do you say if we invite him for dinner sometime?"

"Like, at your house?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, why not?"

"I have to keep a low profile, mother. For all I know he could be tweeting about I just exited his shop."

"Don't let the paranoia ruin the possibility of forming new friendships... or more." Louise sent her a wink.

"Okay, that's enough."

Y/n brushed her off, trying not to think much about it. A new friendship sounded impossible at this point of her life, let alone pursuing a new relationship with someone. She had made up her mind, she was better off being alone.

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lilacdorkie · 3 years

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unnoticed | newt x reader

title:unnoticed

pairing: newt x reader

words:

type: fluff/kinda angst

warnings: mentions of blood, suicide, guns

prompt: everyone around you notice your affection and feelings towards newt, exept said boy.

songs recommendetions: miss americana & heartbreak prince by taylor swift, i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys, if i could fly by one direction, fine line by harry styles, i love you by billie eillish, mirrors by justin timberlake, sweater weather by james harris

a/n my first newt imagine, i tried my hardest! sleep well, have a good day and drink water!

***

NEWT didn’t notice. He never noticed the glances you’d give him, longing stares or how sparkles formed in your eyes, whenever you saw him. But Frypan did. He always watched your person in front of blonde boy, thinking how he could be so blind, when it was so obvious.

“He’s such a slinthead” said Fry one day at the bonfire. You furrowed your eyebrows looking at your friend. “ I mean, you give him those eyes and he still reminds blind”. You didn’t say anything. Just glanced at Newt, again.

HE didn’t notice. He never saw how you managed to fix your hair or shirt, when someone said he’s coming towards your way. But Winston did. And never lost a chance to laugh at you or tease, because he knew what was going on.

“You literally look the same everyday. He’s seen you like this million times. It’s like your hands have magic inside of them, that will make you look like a princess, suddenly.” said Winston as Newt went back to work.

“Slim it, Win” you said embarrased knowing, that it was riddiculous. But you couldn’t help it. Newt had that effect on you.

CHUCK got used to your talk, eventually. After two years, he got used to be greeted in the morning with little morning and question if he saw Newt. When it was dinner, he got used to your drooling over second-in-command. Or when you were pranking Gladers, he knew you will immadietly say to not doing anything to Newt. And, of course, he knew at the bed time, you would say how much you liked him.

“I’m telling you (Y/N), one day you will get married and have seven children” said chubby boy resting next to you.” Why so much? Having to take care of sixty boys it’s enough” you said and both of you laughed. He really did wish you a good life with blonde boy.

BOY found himself watching you, closely. He saw your panicked eyes, your shaking hands. Your faster breathe and how you were practically running from one place to another. Alby didn’t want you to see Newt, like that. He also knew the said boy didn’t want either.

“You’ll be okay Newt, everything will be alright. We will fix you. I will fix you. I promise, just don’t leave me, please. I can’t...I can’t loose you. Not you.” you keep saying as you and Minho tried to bear boy’s wounds. His leg was broken in three places and blood streamed down his face.

“It was an accident. Please, don’t worry” Alby said after you treated Newt. You shaked your head, tears kept coming down from your eyes.

“I perfectly know, Alby. I know, what would get him to be injured like that. It’s not nothing. We have to take care of him. Be there for him. I swear on my life, he will survive and he will live happy life” you said with determination. Alby knew since then, that you would give up your own life for blonde boy. You almost did.

BROWN-HAIRED BOY thought it must feel amazing. To love someone this much. To feel pure happiness and love to one person. Thomas was fascinated by your feelings. He always caught himself thinking, how is it, that his best friend doesn’t feel this energy coming from you.

“How does it feel like?” he asked one night, when it was your guys turn to watch the surrodings at the Scorch. You looked at him confused. “To feel so strong emotions and yet, never saying anything” he added. You were silent for a moment. You didn’t know either.”There wasn’t really time to acknowledge it. That’s all.”

YOU were terrified. First you were running from Grievers, then WICKED and now, the Cranks. You asked yourself, when will it stop? But whatever happened, you always were able to hold Newt’s hand. Or his arm. Or part of his shirt. Even when there was some peace, you still had the urge to touch him, somehow. You needed to feel him. To know, he is right beside you. He is safe.

MINHO noticed it. Every time. At first, he thought it’s odd. But then, he realized how you felt. Wondered, what was on his best friend mind.

“ It’s kinda cute, you know” he said, while you all were sitting at the Cliff watching Aris and the girls. ”You hold hands so often, I’d think you are dating”. Newt laughed it off and let go of your hand, just to elbow you with a smirk.

“We got these shunks to think we’re a think, (Y/N). The best irony in my life” blonde boy said shaking his head. You didn’t say anything, just smiled at all of them. They looked at you sympatrically. What could you say?

THE GIRL was smirking, whenever she looked at you two. You were blindly in love with the boy, standing next to you. There wasn’t a moment where you weren’t next to him. Either it was your group discussing rescue plan for Minho or working or eating, your place was next to him.

“Sometimes, I think it’s creepy.” said your best friend sitting along with you at the sand. “What is?” you asked with a smile. She smirked.”How you always are by Newt’s side. It’s probably nothing weird to both of you, but from ours perspective, it really looks amusing, even” she answered, looking straight at you. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you laughed.

“Yeah well, I can’t help it. It’s something that feels right, you know? Like, it should be like that.” you said. Your gaze went to find blonde boy talking with Thomas. Brenda followed you, couldn’t help but smile. She really, really prayed you would confess your feelings finally. From what you and others have been saying, among Minho, Thomas and Fry, you’ve been in love with Newt what it seems, for three years. It pained her to know, how deep you had to hide it. She also felt furious. Not at you, of course. At the boy, who was painfully obvious to your feelings. He didn’t notice small details, that showed how much you loved him.

“I CAN’T SHUCKING BELIEVE IT” said Gally when you walked side by side through the tunnel. He wouldn’t admit it, but felt disappointed and kind of surprised. He knew you and Newt for so long, saw your eyes, your smile, your body language. The way you acted around blonde boy. You had to be goddamn stupid, to not know that you were in love. And yet, you didn’t say a single word. And Newt didn’t see any of that.

“You really want to tell me, that you and him are still friends?” boy looked at you with disbelief. You turned behind to see, if Thomas and Newt don’t hear you.

“I guess. I mean, we always were friends.” you said quietly. Gally rolled his eyes.

“ It doesn’t mean you have to remain like this forever.” he commented with cheesy smile. You laughed and shook your head. “I’m not sure if this is a moment and place to confessions.” you said after a while.

“You’ve been saying it for a years now. It’s been cute at the beginning, seriously. But now, it hurts doesn’t it? What I am saying is, you shouldn’t waste any time. You might not have it a lot.” said Gally with symphaty and worry in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you asked not knowing how to proces his words. He didn’t say anything. Part of you didn’t need him to.

SHE looked sadly at her old friend. They didn’t have to tell her. She knew. Newt was infected. She glanced at you. You were looking at him with teary, worried eyes, clinging onto his arm, like always.When she was in WICKED, she couldn’t help but wonder, if she didn’t betray Thomas like that, would two of them be like you and Newt?

“He’s the love of your life, isn’t he?” she asked, getting your chip out of your neck. You didn’t say anyting. There was nothing to say.

“The serum you have….It won’t save him. You know that” you remained silent. Tears came to your eyes but you didn’t say anything. Thomas noticed the change in your facial expression. “I think that’s enough.” he said getting you away from her. He knew exactly what was that about. Of course he noticed. But him? He was to busy with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him, slowly.

“PLEASE (Y/N) JUST LISTEN TO ME” raven-haired girl practically yelled at you. “You know he doesn’t have much time. But I can help him. We can save him. I just need to test Thomas’ blood.” said Teresa pleading with her eyes towards you. Normally, you would laughed at her face. But this time, it was different. It was about Newt. You looked at him, almost crying. He was already looking at you, shaking his head. Without breaking stare, you asked a question:

“Will you save him?” your voice was shaking, you saw how Newt looked at you not confused. You felt Thomas sharp voice; “You can’t be serious, (Y/N)”. You still were looking at Newt. You hoped your eyes would tell him something, your lips weren’t able to.

“I know together, we will”

***

AND that’s how you were running again. But this time, with needle in your hand and Teresa by your side. Corridors were almost empty, just doctors evacuating. Every guard was now just were The Ivy Trio was. That’s why you found them without any trouble. They noticed you straight away but obviously, guards did too. You reached the boys and started running together, as bullets were flying to your side. You were so determineted, so thankful for Teresa’s resarch that you didn’t feel bullet which was now lower your ribs.

“Newt I got it, I got the cure.” you half-shouted when you all were in the room. They all looked at you like you were crazy.”Me and Teresa got it, you just have…” then you felt pain all over your body. Your legs were wobbly, head dizzy and you dropped to the floor.

“Bloody hell, (Y/N)! You’re bleeding!” said Newt kneeling next to you. You looked at him confuesd. “So what? Newt, didn’t you hear what I said? We have te cure. You’ll be okay”

“You literally was shot and even then, you still worry abiut this shuckface.” said Minho with disbelief. You just looked at blonde boy with the biggest smile despite the pain, killing you inside.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” said Newt taking the needle from your hand and putting it to the pocket. You didn’t look happy like few seconds before.

“What the hell? You have to take it, now.” you said completely ignoring Thomas and Minho who were now, breaking the big glass in front of them.

“(Y/N), are you insane? Your life is on an edge and you are asking me, to take the needle? Shouldn’t you worry about yourself first?” he said trying to stop the bleeding. Teresa slowly put you on your legs, as you had to jump.

“When you love someone more than yourself, you care more about him than you.” you mumbled. He just looked at you. Still, you thought, he didn’t notice..”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Minho looking at Thomas worried.

“Not really.” said boy. Newt frowned.”Great. We’re all bloody inspired”

As he said that, door opened. The four of you looked behind, you too tired to well, actually care. Then you felt youself falling down and then, into the unconsciousness.

AS YOU OPENED YOUR EYES, you were convinced that you died and are in some kind of after life. You stand and went outside. The first thing you noticed, was ocean. You smiled and walked towards it. Your mind was so mesmerized, that you didn’t notice Newt’s big smile when he saw you are awake. This time you didn’t notice. As he walked as fast as he could, to be by your side. How he ignored Minho’s snarky comment “about time, shank”. How he shoved everyone from his path, just to get to you. How his eyes were ony on you. How he sat by your side, not saying anything. How the minute he looked at you, he remembered your words about love. How he mentally punched himself in the face for not noticing your signs. Finally realizing why Gally was so pissed at him. Why Thomas smiled at him like that. Why Minho gave him speech about being slinthead. Why Frypan laughed at him. Why Brenda was smirking when she saw him heading to you.

“I know it now, love. I noticed.” he said looking at you. You were already looking at him. With those eyes. This smile. You reached his hand and interwined your fingers together.

“Thank you for saving me. For all these years.” Newt said kissing your knuckles. You chuckled.”Of course, Newt. You know I will always do that.”

He was by your side. All was well.

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grislyglow · 3 years

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Top 5 Songs From Taylor Swift’s Folklore and Why Everyone Should Listen to Them at least Once

By Prachi Bhatia

On June 24, 2020 Taylor Swift released her eighth studio album, Folklore. This sudden announcement made across all her social media accounts shocked the fans, mostly because it hadn’t even been a whole year since Swift’s seventh studio album Lover. And well, Miss Americana’s quarantine project paid off which was expected, but this was something extremely different than anything the 30 year old had ever put out. Folklore isn’t just about Swift (as we know her) and the various complexities of love and her experience with it, this time she played with made up fictional characters. We go on this journey and get to explore how their stories progress throughout the 16 tracks. Following are the top 5 tracks from what is considered to be Swift’s maturest work so far:

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5. Peace

The fifteenth track, Peace, produced by Aaron Dessner, is a song about not being able to give your all to a relationship despite your love for that person. Swift sings repeatedly throughout the track “would it be enough if I could never give you peace” which reflects upon her fame, what’s it like to be someone close to her and how she’s always being watched, from what she wears to who she’s with, this is evident further in the track where she sings “I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me” According to Swift and Dessner, this track also touches on the subject of mental illness and how it impacts an individual’s relationships (romantic or platonic). Swift talks about how in spite of the song being called “Peace” it’s not so much about that and that irony makes it even more amusing in a way.

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4. Mad Woman

Why is a woman only ever considered “mad” or “crazy” when she’s standing up for herself? The message of Folklore’s twelfth track is clear as day. This song is a direct reference to Swift’s feud with Scooter Braun regarding the ownership of her music. She described the production to be something that sounded a lot like “female rage” to her. From the beginning of the first verse itself she does not hold back, “does a scorpion sting when fighting back? they strike to kill and you know I will” And well she did not lie. She has been rerecording all her albums and Fearless (Taylor’s version) is out now everywhere.

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3. Betty

Young love is something so thrilling but also brings about so much pain especially because we hadn’t experienced any of it ever before. Betty is a song about young love and all its aspects from a perspective of a 17 year old boy, James. He seemed to have been unfaithful towards Betty and is realising and accepting his mistakes. “I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything but I know I miss you” has so much innocence to it, it’s hard to not feel sorry for the culprit himself. Swift goes back to her roots with this track, the production is very evocative of her older albums when she herself was quite young. This upbeat song is going to well up a tear or two whether you like it or not.

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2. This is Me Trying

Another track about Swift not being able to give a relationship her all but also just an individual’s failures and struggles caused by depression or some other mental illness. The lyricism on this track is so brilliant that no one should be allowed to skip it. If “and it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound” doesn’t make you roll up in ball and cry your eyes out have you truly struggled? Not being able to take part in everyday activities or even be in a room full of people just because you’re not in a good state of mind is something each and everyone of us can relate to.

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1. Seven

This track is reminiscent of Swift’s childhood in Pennsylvania and a friend who had a troubled home life. “And though I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you” She seemed to have forgotten her face but she remembers what her company made her feel like. Swift talked about how this track reminded her of a little kid throwing a tantrum at a supermarket. “Passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long” Just like folklores and folk songs, Swift’s love for this friend has not been lost and will last forever.

#taylor swift folklore #taylor swift #folklore #folklore album #writers on tumblr #article #top 5

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taylorswiftandx · 3 years

Text

Taylor Swift and Home

'Taylor Swift'

Teardrops On My Guitar: So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light

Stay Beautiful: They watch him as he's walking home saying, "Does he know?"

Should've Said No: You should've said, "No," you should've gone home

Mary's Song (Oh My My My): Take me home where we met so many years before

Our Song: And when I got home, 'fore I said, "Amen," asking God if he could play it again

'Fearless (Taylor’s Version)'

The Best Day: I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

The Best Day: I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

The Best Day: I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Bye Bye Baby: ‘Cause you took me home, but you just couldn’t keep me

Bye Bye Baby: Oh, you took me home, I thought you were gonna keep me

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Dear John: The girl in the dress cried the whole way home

Never Grow Up: Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Enchanted: I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

Timeless: And prayed to god you’d be coming home all right

'Red (Taylor’s Version)'

Treacherous: And I would follow you, follow you home, I'd follow you, follow you home

All Too Well: The air was cold, but something about it felt like home somehow

All Too Well: Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

The Last Time: I imagine you are home in your room, all alone

Everything Has Changed: And your eyes look like coming home

Girl At Home: Don't look at me, you've got a girl at home and everybody knows that

Girl At Home: Wanna see you pick up your phone and tell her you're coming home

Ronan: I remember the drive home, when the blind hope turned to crying and screaming, "Why?"

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Style: Takes me home, lights are off, he's taking off his coat

Style: Take me home, just take me home, yeah, just take me home

Wonderland: I reached for you but you were gone, I knew I had to go back home

You Are In Love: You can feel it on the way home

Now That We Don’t Talk: Did you get anxious though on the way home?

'reputation'

Delicate: Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Gorgeous: Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats alone

New Year's Day: I'l be there if you're the toast of the town, babe, or if you strike out and you're crawling home

'Lover'

Cruel Summer: And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar

Lover: Take me out and take me home

I Think He Knows: I'll make myself at home and he'll want me to stay

Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: Waving homecoming queens, marching band playing

Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: I think you should come home

Paper Rings: Went home and tried to stalk you on the Internet

Cornelia Street: As if the streetlights pointed in an arrowhead leading us home

Death By A Thousand Cuts: I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home

London Boy: I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal

London Boy: They say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives

London Boy: They say home is where the heart is, but God, I love the English

It's Nice To Have A Friend: School bell rings, walk me home

It's Nice To Have A Friend: Church bells ring, carry me home

It's Nice To Have A Friend: Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend

'folklore'

The 1: You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home

The Last Great American Dynasty: They picked out a home and called it "Holiday House"

Exile: You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now?

My Tears Ricochet: And I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home

Mirrorball: When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns

Mad Woman: What do you sing on your drive home?

Betty: Betty, I won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but I think it's 'cause of me

Betty: I was walking home on broken cobblestones just thinking of you

'evermore'

Willow: You know that my train could take you home

Champagne Problems: Your hometown skeptics called it, champagne problems

'Tis The Damn Season: And it always leads to you and my hometown

Long Story Short: And he feels like home, if the shoe fits, walk in it everywhere you go

'Midnights'

Maroon: The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

You’re On Your Own, Kid: My friends from home don’t know what to say

Karma: Karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me

Sweet Nothing: I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

Sweet Nothing: On the way home, I wrote a poem

Dear Reader: To a house, not a home, all alone, ‘cause nobody’s there

Other Songs written by Taylor

All Of The Girls You Loved Before: Secret jokes all alone, no one’s home, sixteen and wild

Beautiful Ghosts: Follow me home if you dare to

Beautiful Ghosts: And so maybe my home isn't what I had known, what I thought it would be

Christmas Tree Farm: And when I'm feeling alone, you remind me of home

I Don't Wanna Live Forever: I just wanna keep calling your name until you come back home

I Heart ?: But I can't believe you made me sit at home, cry like a baby

I Heart ?: And when your home all alone at night, you'll still wonder why

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can say goodby and you can say hello but you'll always find your way back home

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can laugh and cry but everybody knows you'll always find your way back home

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home: Your best friends, your little hometown

Official Alternate Releases

(no home)

#taylor swift #lyrics #taylorswiftandx #lyric parallels #home #hometown

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xoluvx · 4 years

Text

miss americana & the heartbreak prince

“You’re-”

“Spider-Man.” He finished your thoughts. He always seemed to do that. You usually found it endearing, but right now was not the time. His hands were clutching the limp mask. His eyes were begging you to understand or maybe begging for forgiveness.

“Oh my-” your voice cracked. The overwhelming feeling of betrayal and realization infiltrated your body. The wheels in your head were turning as you pieced everything together. All the times he’d disappeared. All the times he couldn’t explain the little oddities.

The bodice of your prom dress was suffocating you. It was like the air had been knocked out of your lungs; your lungs were shrinking and no matter how much you breathed, you simply couldn’t inhale.

“I’m sorry,” Peter approached, his covered arm reaching towards you. You backed away. You lip quivered; your mind was flooded with all the times you’d praised Spider-Man and all the times you wondered why Peter cancelled plans. The answer was there all along and he didn’t even value you enough to tell you the truth.

“Don’t,” you said through gritted teeth still backing away. One hand clung to your belly. You felt sick to your stomach. Sick with disappointment. There was a vile taste in your mouth.

You shuddered at the memory. Your hand traveling to your belly once again like you’d done that night. It still stung. It’d been years and somehow the wound felt fresh. The knife dug deeper this time.

The memories continued to flood back as you held the white envelope in your hand. Your name was boldly written across the center and your old high school crest and address were printed on the center. Your five year reunion. Why was that a thing?

Surely, no one wanted to reunite with their high school classmates. If they hadn’t done so by now then some doors were just meant to remain closed. There’s no way this could be good. It’d been five years since graduation. Five years since you last spoke to Peter. Five years of your life where you learned to live without him. Detached from those around you in fear that you’d be betrayed once again.

You sighed making your way towards the trash. The envelope fell into it with ease as you turned around not looking back. Just like that night.

“So you’re not going?” The woman across from you asked raising her eyebrows taking a sip of her dark coffee. You could see the poorly washed paint on her delicate fingers which were tightly wrapped around her coffee mug.

“No, MJ. Don’t tell me you are,” you teased taking a bite of the puffy pastry. It’d become a routine with MJ. One that seamlessly happened being that you went to the same college. You hadn’t been the best of friends in high school. She was the lone wolf, you were a cheerleader. But right now, at this point in your life, it seemed like that part of you never existed and you wished you had been invisible back then. Maybe then, Peter wouldn’t have been in your life.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” she replied nonchalantly placing her cup down while leaning back on her chair.

“Good,” you gave her an okay hand symbol. Her posture shifted as she leaned on the table intrigued by your response. You had been the most popular girl at school and you didn’t want to relive the glory days? MJ was confused.

“Though you’re awfully eager not to go so maybe we should,” she joked with a lack of expression though deep down she was dying to watch you squirm.

It didn’t take an intelligent person, though MJ was very intelligent, to notice how much you’d changed after high school. You strayed from parties. Cringed when any sort of attention was on you. You never dated. You were a completely differently person. Unrecognizable except everything about your outer appearance was as it’d been five years ago.

“So what’s the deal?” MJ asked curiously picking at the left overs on your plate. Yes, you were that comfortable with each other.

“Nothing. I just think five years isn’t worthy of a reunion,” you stated shaking off the topic or so you hoped.

“I agree, but I’d expect you out of all people would want to return. Being popular and all,” she shrugged folding her arms and leaning on the chair once again. So maybe you’d become closer these past years, but there was a part of you that you kept locked away. A part of your heart that was full of ache. That was so fragile even the smallest movement might send it shattering. A part that was shut off even from your best friend.

“I just don’t want to. I have to get to work,” you said excusing yourself. It was Saturday. You didn’t work. MJ knew that as she watched you rush out of the cafe, your hands deep in your coat pocket. Guess one thing that hadn’t changed was running away from your problems.

“You know I’d never hurt you,” Peter whispered. He was sitting so close to you the air you were breathing was his. You could smell the fresh fabric softener bouncing off his high school crewneck mixed with the sweet smell of his shampoo. Probably his aunt’s.

“I know you wouldn’t, Peter.” Your head fell forward touching his forehead in the slightest. His hands were at his side, you felt his pinky finger brushing against your hand. The familiar rush of electricity coursed through your body.

It’d started off innocent. He was tutoring you in math and somehow, before you knew, your heart had started falling for him. Your heart memorized the way his lips turned into a tight line when he was focusing or how his brows furrowed when he was curious. Especially the way his heart thumped when he came near like your hearts were talking in a language only they knew.

“I’m afraid I will,” you whispered finally letting his pinky finger wrap around yours until your hands were intertwined. His other hand was now cupping your cheek.

You and Peter seemed to be a match made in heaven. He complimented every part of your soul, but high school was vicious. You were popular. He was - well, Peter. You didn’t care, but it was way deeper than just flaunting your relationship down the hall as if it was normal.

“I want to be with you,” he breathed against your lips which were absentmindedly pursed expecting the warmth of his lips. His candy coated lips. So sweet and reassuring. Lips that were capable of making everything around you fade.

Your heart palpitated. The memories were flooding back. You hadn’t realized you were crying until a salty tear grazed your top lip. Sniffling you wiped the tears from your eyes. You stood from the couch closing the curtains; the sun was gone and so was the day. You hoped the memories would vanish like the sun did every night.

But they didn’t. Just like the sun, they were only temporarily hidden by a blanket of darkness. You tossed in bed; your sheets felt cold and uncomfortable. The ghosts of your past were haunting you. You shivered pulling the covers closer to your face. The proximity of the covers to your mouth were creating a comforting warmth, but so were the tears that were starting to form once again. Tears that quickly started streaming down your cheeks.

Reaching for your phone, you found the familiar contact. Your fingers moved swiftly. You clutched your phone until you heard a soft knock on your bedroom door. You shuffled to your feet opening the door weakly.

“Hi,” MJ breathed watching you through hooded lids.

“Can you stay with me tonight?” you asked opening the door to your bedroom wider.

“I’m just a few feet away. We live in the same house,” MJ pointed out as a matter of fact.

“No, I meant here.” You motioned to your room unable to hold yourself together. Your arms wrapped around your body which was shivering. MJ sighed comprehending. She placed a hand on your back pushing past you closing the door behind her. You crawled into bed opening the covers for her.

She slid next to you under the covers. Her hands curled under the pillow as she closed her eyes. You shifted your body which was still shivering. You wanted warmth. You wanted comfort. You scooted closer to her. MJ opened her eyes briefly. She noticed the tears that coated your cheeks, but she didn’t want to push. One of her hands draped around you delicately.

“I miss him,” you chocked no longer able to hold yourself together. You didn’t mind breaking down in front of her. Was MJ judgmental? Sometimes. But you knew she’d never judge you.

“Who?” she asked staring at the side of your face with confusion.

“Peter,” you swallowed the pain. You tried swallowing your tears, but they were past controllable.

“Peter?” she asked moving her body as if that would help her process the information. She was expecting answers, but you couldn’t talk. You were too chocked up with tears. Ugly crying. Your tears spilt on your pillow and your body was shaking as you gasped for air. That part of your heart you’d been protecting was shattering again.

“Hey, it’s okay.” MJ scooted closer to you. Her arms wrapped around you securely. One hand cradled your head and the other was securely wrapped around your back. She was trying to hold you together, but you’d already fallen apart.

- -

“You look great,” MJ cheered as the two of you stepped out of the car. She’d convinced you. She was going and she’d guilted you into tagging along. Besides, you couldn’t let her go by herself. She barely had friends in high school and if she was going, you might’ve as well accompany her.

“Stop being a kiss ass,” you joked adjusting your dainty purse on your shoulder. MJ chuckled and scoffed as you both walked towards the entrance of the school. A huge banner hung from the top of the school; they were really going all out for this, huh?

“Yes, I agree it’s excessive,” MJ replied. You snapped your head towards her, you didn’t realize you’d said that aloud.

“Just thirty minutes, right?” you asked to confirm.

“Yeah, sure.” MJ replied as the two of you stood at a table waiting to receive your name tags. You stuck the small rectangle on your dress looking around to see if you recognized any faces. None, so far.

“He’s probably not even coming,” MJ said watching you nervously cling to the chain strap of your purse as you scanned the hallway on your way towards the gym.

“Yeah. Probably too busy,” being Spider-Man you wanted to add. But even if you’d been disappointed by Peter, you weren’t going to tell him secret without his permission.

“There were so many students in our class, what are the odds you even bump into him?” MJ stated as you entered the gym.

Large. The odds were large because you’d been so enthralled in your panic that you didn’t notice the person whose back was towards you as you entered the gym. Your shoulder knocked into the person slightly and he turned to apologize. His voice rang in your eyes infiltrating every ounce of your body.

“Sorry,” it was him.

“I guess high, huh?” MJ whispered behind you watching him with probably a horrified look on your face.

Upon seeing you his lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out. The drink in his hand was shaking slightly. Sensing the immediate tension, MJ came forth waving.

“Long time no see,” she said as if nothing was wrong. Ned, who was enthralled in a conversation near Peter heard MJ’s voice and turned giving her a wave with a big smile on his face.

“MJ!” he echoed joining Peter’s side. He wasn’t shy, going in for a hug. He embraced both you and MJ, your eyes still glued to Peter. Uncomfortably, but you couldn’t look away. He looked so different, yet the Peter you remembered from high school was still there.

In the midst of the conversation you managed to slip away. Excusing yourself with the excuse that you needed the bathroom, really you just needed some air. Your chest felt tight as you walked out of the school feeling the cold air on your face. Though it was cold, your nerves were on edge and you hadn’t realized you’d forgotten your jacket in the car.

Looking up at the sky, the sun was gone and you wished you could see the stars, but you were still in the city. You focused on the one star you could spot, your arms subconsciously wrapping around your body. Not from the cold, but more as a defense mechanism.

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t live in the city,” his voice creeped up next to you. You flinched slightly, you hadn’t heard him. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t know what to say. You weren’t expecting this moment. But maybe you’d been hoping for it.

“I’m sorry,” Peter’s voice had matured somewhat. It suited present him. You were still looking at the sky, but you could feel his eyes on you. And you could almost imagine his pants tucked into the pockets of his pants.

“I wanted to tell you,” he continued. His voice slightly lower than previously.

“I’m not upset that you didn’t tell me,” you whispered finally looking at him. You didn’t know what else would come out of your mouth. It’s not like you anticipated to ever be confronted with him again.

“I hurt you,” he whispered stepping closer. You moved away the same distance he had come closer. He sighed biting his lip nervously.

“I’m upset that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me,” your voice was shaky, scared that you’d start crying. After all, you’d been the one who was scared you were going to hurt him all those years ago and boy how the tables turned.

“Please-” Peter said softly.

“Please what, Peter? What do you want from me? I’ve moved on. You’ve moved on,” you gulped feeling the sudden braveness dwindling as you started moving towards the entrance determined to find MJ. But you felt Peter’s hand on your arm stopping you.

“I haven’t moved on,” Peter’s voice was firm but soft; his eyes big and almost pleading as you finally met his gaze. You were holding your breath. His hand on your arm felt like fire and so did your throat.

Your eyes held his gaze. You could feel them swelling with tears. All the raw emotions from prom night returning. But this time it was mixed with the passing of time as you looked at just how much Peter had changed. You could see a small scar near his eyebrow that wasn’t there before. He had a few wrinkles near his eyes and the circles under his eyes were prominent. The freckles on his face had somehow became more apparent, visible even through the dimness of the night.

Your heart was thumping as his grip loosened; you instantly missed his touch, the warmth.

“I miss you,” he whispered. “I know I don’t deserve it, but please let me try-”

“One chance. Coffee. Tomorrow,” you couldn’t believe that was coming out of your mouth. But your heart was working faster than your brain and that face you loved was making you weak.

What was the point of holding a grudge when you’d already done so for five years and it hadn’t mend your heart?

“It’s a date,” his familiar goofy smile shone as he looked at you notifying just how much your facial features had matured.

“Mm we’re not there yet, Parker.” You titled your head finally cracking a smile allowing yourself to open up. His smile was so contagious, you couldn’t help yourself. Your heart almost felt whole again. Almost.

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfic #peter parker fic #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #miss americana and the heartbreak prince

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klossykaylorswift · 4 years

Photo

My version of what I think went down with Kaylor.

I’m a long time OG Kaylor from 2013-14. I would love it if they were still together. It would make my little lesbian heart so happy! But, there are a few songs on this album that make me thing they broke up. I just want to throw some things I’ve noticed out here. Some are facts and others are hypothesis. I’ve gone back-n-forth on whether I think they’re still together or not. I think her last couple albums have had some songs that made me think... well, maybe they’re not.

The 1

We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

The above lyrics say to me that Karlie choose Josh’s family and the Rosé is about her wedding to him. Then, the grave reference reminds me of the “I TRIED” pin with the daisy growing out of it. “For digging up the grave another time”. I think that means Taylor tried many times to get her back. There’s another lyric, “never leaving well enough alone”. That one also makes me think Taylor really did try. I think when she says “You wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me”. Means, Karlie married him any way, even knowing that Taylor’s heart was broken beyond any pain she will ever feel again.

Cardigan

Chase two girls, lose the one

I’m going a different direction than some of you because I think the person who chased two girls and lost “the one’ (being Karlie) is Taylor. These two songs are linked in my opinion because they are both about ‘the 1’ I think maybe Taylor made a mistake, she confessed to her (make confessions and were begging for forgiveness) but because of it, she lost Karlie: The 1

I think after they broke up, Karlie chose to go back to Josh and because he lost her the first time, he quickly put a ring on it. She took his family not Taylor’s.

Then, here’s where I get back on the Kaylor Train. I just think Josh is really gay with Mikey and that it very well could be a long time bearding situation. But, if it isn't just bearding then maybe she really did marry him. It would make sense of why Karlie would continue bearding even after finding happiness with Taylor.

Exile

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body

Laughin’ but the jokes not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I again get the feeling this is Karlie marrying Josh. And, right after that comes:

My Tears Ricochet

I know some of you think this is about losing her masters to SB2. I do not think a song with this much lost love emotion would be about that, Mad Woman is about that, definitely. Again, I think Taylor tried very hard to get Karlie back but it was too late. Probably why Taylor has a lot of regrets about it. However, I think what Karlie did to Taylor on multiple occasions (in my opinion) was so awful.

This song rips my heart out. How much pain Taylor felt watching Karlie being with Josh, her working under Scooter, the person who said he ‘owns’ Taylor. If you recall, Karlie was hanging out with that uber rich group including Scooter and his wretched wife on Geffen’s yacht. The worst people, the very ones that caused Taylor so much pain. I think Karlie burned her bad. Like they were all enjoying themselves, laughin’ (just like the above lyric, but the joke was not funny). It was in Taylor’s face. Like how could Karlie do that to her? I know some of you think ‘contract’, but I don’t think so. Karlie doesn’t need money. And, If she’s in a relationship (or was in one ) with Taylor, she certainly did not need the money! I just know Taylor would not want her girlfriend (or wife, whatever you want to believe) to be with the same assholes that behind her back bought her masters and forever took away her music. These are the people who fucked up her life, took her life’s work and basically tore it from her grasp. You want me to believe that Taylor was okay with her woman doing that because she was bearding for Josh? I mean really, just think about it.

It must have emotionally destroyed Taylor. I think she must have been so angry and cried a lot over this scenario going down. Watching Karlie laughing with those assholes must have ripped her heart out. I think Taylor may have went off screaming and crying, trying to get her back. That’s why she didn’t have it in herself to go with grace because maybe she went off on Karlie, Maybe, this song is about how things went down when they ended it.

Okay, that’s my hypothesis. I then, recall the home video of CIWYW and when Taylor is singing, playing the guitar, she puts her foot up so the camera cant see her mouth and then its clear as day: Karlie sings the next part. Taylor smiles! If that happened before or after the yacht thing, I don’t know. But for me, that’s the biggest piece of Kaylor proof that they’re together. Taylor says “I love you” to the person who filmed it ( I know for a fact it was Karlie) when you watch that clip on Miss Americana. That, along with many, many, many, other pieces of proof.

As you can see, I go back and forth as to if they’re still together or not!

Here’s a couple things people probably already know:

Peter Losing Wendy is a Peter Pan reference. Peter Pan’s part was mostly (or always) played by a women. Interesting she picked that couple.

Rebekah West Harkness is also known as Betty Harkness.

Rebekah had a group of female friends she called the “bitch pack”. It was not used by Taylor as a 2014 “squad” reference.

Okay, thanks for coming to my Ted talk... good talk! Happy 2020!

#mydelusionalramblings #taylorswift #taylorswift13 #karlie kloss #kaylor

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pattswriting · 3 years

Text

unnoticed | newt x reader

title:unnoticed

pairing: newt x reader

type: fluff/kinda angst

warnings: mentions of blood, suicide, guns

prompt: everyone around you notice your affection and feelings towards newt, exept said boy.

a/n my first newt imagine, i tried my hardest! sleep well, have a good day and drink water!

edit: i posted it on my main blog before, thought it might be better on here.

***

“Slim it, Win” you said embarrased knowing, that it was riddiculous. But you couldn’t help it. Newt had that effect on you.

“It was an accident. Please, don’t worry” Alby said after you treated Newt. You shaked your head, tears kept coming down from your eyes.

MINHO noticed it. Every time. At first, he thought it’s odd. But then, he realized how you felt. Wondered, what was on his best friend mind.

“You really want to tell me, that you and him are still friends?” boy looked at you with disbelief. You turned behind to see, if Thomas and Newt don’t hear you.

“I guess. I mean, we always were friends.” you said quietly. Gally rolled his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” you asked not knowing how to proces his words. He didn’t say anything. Part of you didn’t need him to.

“He’s the love of your life, isn’t he?” she asked, getting your chip out of your neck. You didn’t say anyting. There was nothing to say.

“Will you save him?” your voice was shaking, you saw how Newt looked at you confused. You felt Thomas sharp voice; “You can’t be serious, (Y/N)”. You still were looking at Newt. You hoped your eyes would tell him something, your lips weren’t able to.

“I know together, we will”

***

“Bloody hell, (Y/N)! You’re bleeding!” said Newt kneeling next to you. You looked at him confuesd. “So what? Newt, didn’t you hear what I said? We have te cure. You’ll be okay”

“You literally was shot and even then, you still worry about this shuckface.” said Minho with disbelief. You just looked at blonde boy with the biggest smile despite the pain, killing you inside.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” said Newt taking the needle from your hand and putting it to the pocket. You didn’t look happy like few seconds before.

“What the hell? You have to take it, now.” you said completely ignoring Thomas and Minho who were now, breaking the big glass in front of them.

“When you love someone more than yourself, you care about them more.” you mumbled. He just looked at you. Still, you thought, he didn’t notice..”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Minho looking at Thomas worried.

“Not really.” said boy. Newt frowned.”Great. We’re all bloody inspired”

As he said that, door opened. The four of you looked behind, you too tired to well, actually care. Then you felt youself falling down and then, into the unconsciousness.

“I know it now, love. I noticed.” he said looking at you. You were already looking at him. With those eyes. This smile. You reached his hand and interwined your fingers together.

“Thank you for saving me. For all these years.” Newt said kissing your knuckles. You chuckled.”Of course, Newt. You know I will always do that.”

He was by your side. All was well.

#tmr newt #tmr thomas #tmr minho #tmr gally #tmr teresa #tmr brenda #the maze runner #the scorch trials #the death cure #the maze runner imagine #tmr imagine #tmr newt imagine #newt x reader #newt x y/n #newt x you

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lilywoood · 4 years

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You’ve got a mail 4/15

Hi guys I’m back, it’s been a long time and I missed y’all, things have been crazy on here so I had to step back, it came to a point where I truly hated writing, I was panicked and anxious every time I tried to get back at it, but it’s been take care of and I’m feeling better, I’m still anxious and trust me I’m super scared of posting that new part today, but I didn’t want to make you wait any longer so I hope you’ll like it and I’m sorry for being away for so long ♥️♥️

Tag list : @cherishingstydia @diazbuckleysworld @translucent-bisexual @impossiblealice @hardychick89 @felicitous-one @justsmilestuffhappens @comablog2 @gxtop @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor @leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serenabuckley @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Word count : 1533

Song : Miss Americana & the Heartbreak prince - Taylor Swift

From TK: I don’t know how to be happy, it’s like when Alex left me, when he told me about the other guy, it felt as if he sucked all the good things, all the happiness out of me and now…now I feel like an empty shell, like there is a void that I have to fill…

From Buck: How do you fill it?

From TK: By ruining others people happiness, by breaking, hurting and deceiving them, by giving them reasons to give up on me…

From Buck: Well I’m not giving up and neither should you.

He’d remember his last conversation with Buck, remember how they talked for hours about happiness, about whether they deserved it, should chase it, or just hope for it...

He could feel the icy liquid running through his veins, could feel its poison penetrating every cells, every parts of his body, taking possession of his soul, of his being, he could feel each of his limits, each of his barriers giving way as it gained ground, spreading into his system, taking over his brain, his sense, his mind.

He didn’t try to fight it, didn’t try to snap, to take over, after all what was the point of fighting a battle bound to be lost.

Instead he passively watched how his body slowly started to disobey him, how his head was getting foggier by the minute, how strangers laughs faded in the background...

It took him less than five glasses to notice how he had miserably relapsed, spiraled, failed, it took three glasses for him to get more and more drunk, and four glasses to forget his name, his identity, his essence....

He didn’t really remember the why and how he ended up in such a shady place, he just remembered how he’d laughed shaking softly his head as he recalled that it was there that everything changed.

He couldn’t help but see the irony of the situation, of how the only way he could find comfort, relief and solace was in a shady, overcrowded downtown pub, the exact same he’d swore never to set foot again.

Yet here he was once again on a Thursday night four months later slumped over the bar, not caring one bit about the bikers and drunks laughing and slurring around him, too busy contemplating the bottom of his umpteenth whisky glass, admiring its amber color, anticipating its taste and the disastrous effect one swill of it would have.

His eyes were fixed on the golden liquid in his hand, his glass was almost empty but it didn’t fill the void in his heart no matter how many glasses he drank he couldn’t forget the devastated expression Carlos had when he stepped back, when he choose to let him go...

Memories started to cripple their way through his broken mind, his teary face, tossed hair, the feel of his hands gripping his shoulders tightly and the sound of his hoarded voice begging him to think about it...

-Can we talk about it, he’d pleaded grabbing his hand, please, he croaked.

-There’s nothing much to say, TK answered threading a hand through his hair, just give up already, he fidgeted.

-I have the right to know why TK, he demanded his voice quivering, you forced me out of this relationship, out of your life without giving me a real reason, he pursued fighting his tears, was I not enough.

-Truth is I tried loving you and I couldn’t, he lied turning away, I didn’t feel the same, he added squeezing his eyes shut, I’m sorry but there is nothing else to say, he articulated tears silently running down his cheeks.

His chest was aching, he felt his heart breaking even more, regret and remorse tearing it down, he needed the drinks, he needed to forget, needed to erase Carlos crestfallen expression from his mind, needed to forget how his touch lightened him in fire, how his kisses were like a breath of life, how the way he would scream his name was the most perfect melody he’d ever heard.

He needed to remind himself that he did the right things by letting him go, even if it hurt, even if it felt like some part of his soul had been torn away from him, he had to get over their relationship, however short it was, he had to erase Carlos from his skin, had to chase away the ghosts of his kisses, the memories of his caresses, of his touch, and quench the fiery burn of his love, of his devotion.

That was one of the main reason he found himself sharing filthy kisses in a shabby restroom with a total stranger on a Thursday night, any sane person knew how despair and alcohol weren’t a good mix, but TK wasn’t sane and the constant reminder of his recent break up, added to the far echo of Carlos’ voice in his head didn’t help either, and if accepting to be groped by a smelly drunk biker could make the memories go away so be it, if letting a closeted macho male have his way with him could temporarily erase Carlos from his mind, then to hell with it.

He would let any stranger, any blurry faces kiss him, touch him, caress him, screw him if it could for a brief moment, a mere second delete the one he truly wanted, the one he truly needed, and as he felt the burn of the biker beard against his skin, as he smelled his beer imbibed breath he found himself closing his eyes, clenching his fist in a pathetic attempt to keep himself from comparing them both, from letting his brain trick him into remembering how he was repulsed by the fact that someone else was touching him, how someone else was grunting in his ears, how someone else was ordering him to beg for his release, how someone else’s name was slipping from his lips.

He felt dirty, empty, ashamed even, he never thought in all his 26 years that he’ll one day feel this way, felt as if his core was rotten, corrupted, tainted, ruined beyond repair, he never felt that way, never felt so insignificant, so irredeemable, not even when he was hooked on the pills, it was as if the remaining of his soul, the last piece Alex left, had been destroyed, he was an empty shell, a living carcass, the world wasn’t gray anymore, alcohol and sex didn’t make it technicolor, the combination only darkened everything , it was all black and he needed some light, he needed to feel clean again…

From TK: Did you meant it when you said you won’t give up, please tell me you meant it…

From Buck: Of course I meant it, I’ll be there.

From TK: I…I had a slip up, I drank today for the first time in three months, and I never…I feel like such a failure, a disappointment, I feel so empty.

From Buck: You’re human TK, and with all the crap that happened I would have been surprised if you didn’t… what made you slip up thought?

From TK: I made Him cry, I ruined the only good thing that happened to me.

From Buck: You broke up with Carlos

From TK: Yes but trust me it’s better that way.

From Buck: For who you or him, didn’t you told me he was a good guy, that he understood and knew where you came from.

From TK: of course he’s a good guy, he’s everything Alex has ever been, it’s just…I guess I was afraid.

From Buck: Afraid of what, that he would love you?

From TK: No…I was afraid that one day he would wake up and realize that he could do so much better than me, that I’m a screw up, that I’m too much too handle, Alex left me and I nearly died because of it; I guess that letting Carlos go was the less hurtful option.

From Buck: I see where you’re coming from, but it wasn’t your decision to make, Carlos is a big guy, he knows what’s good for him, and he decided you were it, by leaving him without giving him a proper reason… TK by leaving him like this you became Carlos’ Alex…

He sighed glancing at his phone, he knew Buck’s was right, he knew deep down that he tried to take his revenge on Alex by hurting someone else, but Carlos, sweet and caring Carlos wasn’t responsible of the downfall of his relationship, he’d hurt him on purpose hopping that it would’ve reestablished the world natural balance when instead it hurt and destroyed them both, and as his glanced at his disheveled reflection he couldn’t help but wish, foolishly pray the godly force up there to grant him one more chance, one more try.

From TK: Man, sometime I really want you to be physically there, you’re the only one who get me.

From Buck: Seems like your wish has been granted this time…

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dancingintheafterglow13 · 3 years

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1/5: Hey, I'm new to this part of the Taylor fandom, and I went through the entire presentation you made, and I really love it, you made it very well-rounded, and I wanted to tell you I really enjoyed it! One thing I gotta say is, as a new member here - and I've tried talking about this to friends, even shared this theory on lchat, but I had to reach out to you now because you touched on something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

2/5: You mentioned tolerate it could be about a relationship with one of her parents, and I agree, given what we know from Miss Americana. But that got me thinking to her other track 5s, because tolerate it is the newest 5th one. But looking back on all her other tracks, they all have very similar topics - being rejected by someone that means a lot, broken hopes and dreams and wishes, sadness, a dash of manipulation, hoping someone loves you for who you are - but sadly they can't accept it

3/5: With the exception of the second verse of Delicate, all these tracks have similar themes. And we know her dad's bday is March 5 - which can be another pointer to him. And what also got me thinking was when I first heard my tears ricochet, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it sounded like another song I knew. I watched a bunch of reviews about folklore and I saw comments about how her last two albums sound a lot like Lana Del Rey

4/5: And then I researched a bit and found that Jack Antonoff has worked with both of them on different songs, but that wasn't too weird, but when I started looking into his work, I found the song that mtr reminded me of - Heaven by Troye Sivan. They have a similar intro! And wouldn't you know it, Jack has worked on that song too! And guess what else - just like these track 5s, it's about the same themes - it's just Heaven is explicitly about being LGBTQ+ and coming out to family.

5/5: So when I saw your presentation, I had to share this with you, because this realization about these songs feels like an itch that can't go away and I keep trying to find people to talk to about this who might have interesting ideas too.

__________

Wow! I’m glad you enjoyed my presentation. After reading through your ask, I’m finding that I really agree with you (I did a bit of my own analysis but it’s long so I put it under the cut).

mtr is a bit similar, musically wise to Heaven (btw, THANK YOU for reminding me of this song. It’s one of my favourites). I wouldn’t have noticed it otherwise but now that you’ve mentioned it I can see the connection. The oohs, for one and even though the drums are a quieter in mtr they still have that pulsing feel like in Heaven (especially in the bridge).

Generally, I’m not sure if Taylor’s track fives are all related (especially the earlier ones because she didn’t plan track fives until either Speak Now or Red), but I think that many of Taylor’s songs have more than one meaning to them so there could be the meaning that people have figured out and then there could be a deeper one that is more of a thread that connects them all.

Let’s take a look at Taylor’s track fives, especially the more recent ones. tolerate it, is definitely about her dad, and it makes a lot of sense for it to be about her trying to come out but not wanting to disappoint him. Taylor has essentially said that mtr is about the master’s heist (and Karlie) in the long pond sessions, but it also has the “hero” line that matches up with tolerate it. It also seems to have similar themes to tolerate it, where it’s killing her to stay quiet but it would kill their relationship if she said anything.

I already thought that The Archer was about wanting to come out but being scared to so it could also make sense in terms of family, not just about her fans (and it connects a bit to tolerate it with “who could ever leave me… but who could stay”). I’m not sure that Delicate really fit in here as it feels a lot like an actual relationship, but I can see the “is it too soon to do this yet” possibly being about coming out.

Surprisingly, AYHTDWS fits, at least a bit. Taylor wants her dad to be there for her and when he is, it’s not like she wanted, where she could be open about who she is. All Too Well doesn’t really fit this theory (scarf line and innocence maybe), BUT I’ve seen some theories about The Moment I Knew and tolerate it. I can’t find it right now (someone let me know if you find it) but it just goes back to the theme from track fives of Taylor wanting someone to be there who doesn’t realize how much it hurts her that he’s not.

I’m not the biggest Dear John fan but it’s interesting to think about in this way, where Taylor is trying desperately to be who her dad wants her to be but she can’t because it’s not her. White Horse too. It’s another one about Taylor feeling alone after being left by someone she cares about.

I actually started crying when I looked at Cold As You. I’ve always loved that song but it hits different if you think about it not being about a romantic relationship but about parental one. With someone the singer cares about and wants to be loved by but are only tolerated…. wow it makes a lot more sense than I thought.

These are all just surface level but I’d be happy to do more in depth analyses if people are interested (not sure when but this is really fascinating to me).

Thank you so much for sharing (bit of advice, I’ve heard the lchat isn’t really a good place for theories or anything; gaylor tumblr is a bit of a better place). If you have a blog, you’re welcome to private message me if you want to talk more about all this!

#anon #gaylor #track five

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reputallison13 · 4 years

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13 things I learned after watching Miss Americana💙

1. Taylor is the cutest person in the world and I will always love and protect her no matter what😍🥺

2. Just because it looks like your life is perfect aka you’re Taylor Alison Swift she is still human and goes through heartbreaking and terrible things in life.

3. Stop living for approval from others. I’m such a people pleaser and always try to live for people’s approval and that is not a healthy way of living. We just need to live for ourselves and what makes us happy. We also shouldn’t care about impressing or proving ourselves to anyone but the people who mean the most to us.

4. You always have to stand up for your beliefs and what you believe is right. Seeing Taylor speak up about politics makes me so happy, she’s using her fame for good. She had people telling her to stay out of it but just by watching the film and seeing how emotional she got you can tell this is very important to her. No matter what you just need to focus on your beliefs and continue fighting. I love Only The Young because the young is the future of our country and we can stand up and fight for our beliefs💙

5. Taylor my role model and friend has suffered and been through some of the same things I’ve been through. Taylor talking about how fucking impossible the standards of beauty are is very relatable. Everyone is beautiful no matter what size they are. I’m so proud of her.

6. Seeing Taylor cry broke my heart. Hearing the person who I’ve spent half of my life loving and supporting crying because she says people have fallen out of love with her killed me. I will never stop loving and cheering her on.😭💔

7. Watching that moment when the man who should not be named ruined my baby’s moment just brought me back to watching it the first time on tv and tears filled my eyes. I still don’t understand what kind of sick person would do that to a 17 year old girl! Hearing her say she thought people were booing me KILLED me! I never want Taylor to feel anything but love and happiness.

8. Taylor being brave and raw and talking about her sexual assault case was very moving and powerful. No one will ever understand what she went through. I’m so fucking proud of her.

9. Taylor saying she’s so happy makes my heart so happy! Seeing her so in love and genuinely happy is the best thing ever, because she deserves all of the happiness in the world. The CIWYW video melted my heart she’s so in love and it’s what she deserves. She found her one true love and Prince Charming who loves her for her. Seeing her run off stage and straight into his arms was so sweet! She feels safe and at home with him. I love them together and wish them all of the love and happiness.

10. CATS- seeing Benjamin, Olivia, and Meredith be the stars of the show was the best thing ever. The itty bitty kitty committee is purrfect. My favorite cat pat was either Olivia in the backpack just wondering around or her sitting at the table eating dinner with Abigail and Taylor like she owns the place, because we all know she does.😹😻

11. One of my favorite parts of the documentary is seeing Taylor do what she loves best and creating music. I loved seeing behind the scenes in the studio. You just see how talented she is. She really comes up with the lyrics on the spot. I‘ve said it before and I’ll say it forever Taylor Alison Swift is a lyrical genius! Seeing the songs start out how they did and then seeing them come together and listen to them now is incredible! I will never get over seeing ME! come to life👏🏼🎉🥰🦄

12. Andrea Swift is the star of the show! This woman is the sweetest and most genuine woman I have ever met as well as her daughter. Seeing her in this film made me so happy. You can tell that she is Taylor’s number one fan! I remember meeting her at the secret session and her being the sweetest lady ever and giving me the biggest hug and saying she was glad to see me. Also fun fact I fed Kitty a chicken nugget at the secret session, she’s such a sweetheart. The part where they talked about her cancer hit me hard. My dad passed away from cancer 3 years ago and it was the worst thing I have ever had to go through and don’t wish that on anyone. Hearing Taylor day the “c word” and imagining what their family is going through breaks my heart. Andrea and her family are so strong and I hate that they are going through this terrible and difficult time. I’m sending good thoughts, positive vibes, and prayers to the Swift family🙏🏼💗✨

13. I have a few favorite quotes from this film but my favorite and the one I probably relate to the most is “I want to have a sharp pen, and a thin skin, and an open heart” this quote is so relatable because you CAN have all of those things. I just love this woman more than she will ever know and cannot be more proud of her!😘

this documentary is a masterpiece and I LOVE it! Thank you for being so real and open and sharing your life with us. You and Lana did a phenomenal job so thank you for this and just for being a part of my life for so many years. I honestly don’t know where I would be without you and your music. I’m so proud of you and I love and miss you so much @taylorswift 💘

*plays Miss Americana again*

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danyka-fendyr · 4 years

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Absence of Good - 7

Chapter Seven: Naked

For once in my damn life I actually got inspired and this is what became of it. Basically I was thinking about Taylor Swift and rewatched the Miss Americana trailer (I’m waiting to rewatch the movie so I can do it with my aunt) and I just like...ended up in my feels? So I actually kind of really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too. Also shout-out to that one anon who binged the last six chapters and sent me an ask about it! I live for moments like that, truly.

Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli

AoG Taglist: @pancakefancake @prettyboyspenerrr @youreasnack @alioop3818

Wordcount: 3290

Warnings: Dark themes throughout. Death. Murder. Some body horror. PTSD. Flashbacks. Trauma. Discussion of torture and kidnapping. Brief mentions of sexual assault.

“I often don’t say things out loud, even when I should. I contain and compartmentalize to a disturbing degree: In my belly-basement are hundreds of bottles of rage, despair, fear, but you’d never guess from looking at me.”

-Gillian Flynn

It was official. You were cleared for active duty again. You had passed every test they had thrown at you, and by every empirical measure you were fine. It was like nothing had ever happened. And so that’s how you decided this was going to play out. You were just going to act like nothing had ever happened.

You were going to bluff like your life depended on it.

Your first day back at work had to be perfection. You envisioned it in your head the night before, you built it, like building up a shield or a wall. Pristine, beautiful, strong. You got up extra early just to execute it, just to put on the pencil skirt, the red heels, the crisp blazer and the flawless makeup. All of it planned out, right down to the skinny vanilla latte with oatmilk. Just like a costume.

You were prepared for the barrage when you stepped back into the BAU. Penelope Garcia never let anyone come back from a long absence without at least an absurd amount of enthusiasm. Usually there was a surprise party involved. You prayed there was not a surprise party involved in your return today.

In fact, you were hoping there wouldn’t even be a case. That, just this once, the bad guys would see fit to give you a break. That maybe they wouldn’t kick a woman while she was down.

Your hopes were too high though.

Penelope’s squeals of delight and everyone’s sickeningly pitiful looks were cut short by Hotch.

“It’s good to have you back, Y/L/N.” Even stone-cold professional Aaron Hotchner looked softer, if that was at all possible. “That being said, I’m afraid we have a case.”

He didn’t patronize you by asking if you were up to it. He knew that you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. In a way, you were glad for the work. It would be distracting.

You were glad for it until the second you walked into the briefing room and saw the photos Penelope pulled up on the board. Then you were holding back vomit and taking careful, even breaths because nobody could know you were panicking. Three different women, all of whom had been tortured, then dumped. Sure, they hadn’t been tortured the same way you had been, or even by the same guy. That didn’t stop every last one of their faces from turning into your own.

You were under a magnifying glass here though, and you couldn’t break composure even for a second. They couldn’t know. So you practiced your breathing techniques, took careful, measured blinks, and listened the best you could. You swallowed perhaps a little too rapidly, relying on your latte to hide that you were just stopping yourself from crying. In a room full of profilers, the stakes had never been higher.

“Alright team. All of these women were found in the last month in North Dakota. As you can see, there are clear signs of torture, and there is also evidence of sexual assault. It appears the assault was ante-mortem, but there are no signs of remorse in the way the bodies were dumped. All of these women were in different, clean clothes, and their bodies themselves had been cleaned up. You can see that injuries were stitched back together, and the only blood on the body appears as stains from where it sat on the skin too long and couldn’t be properly removed.”

“So we’re dealing with a doctor?” Morgan asked.

“I don’t know about that. These don’t look surgical. They seem pretty messy to me,” Rossi said.

“The coroner’s report from the first victim would indicate that this isn’t professional work.” Hotch folded his hands in front of him.

“It’s entirely possible this guy’s a germaphobe though.” You made an easy contribution, something to satisfy everyone without drawing suspicion.

“You know, it’s not unlikely.” Spencer leaned forward, pressing his fingertips together thoughtfully. “Approximately 9.1% of American citizens do have phobias. It wouldn’t be too radical to suggest that maybe our unsub does as well.”

“Okay, so we’re dealing with a germaphobe who can’t sew. Doesn’t narrow it down much. I’d say we need to get out there and see what’s going on ourselves,” Prentiss said.

“Wheels up in 20.”

The plane ride was long enough that you were able to sleep through most of it after tossing around ideas. You found your own quiet little corner of the plane and promptly pretended to sleep so that no one would bother you. In reality you hadn’t slept well in weeks and couldn’t risk sleeping now in case you woke up out of a nightmare, but as far as the team was concerned, you were to be left alone. 10 minutes before landing you “woke up” to listen to Hotch giving out assignments.

“Morgan and JJ, I want you checking out the dumpsites. Prentiss and Y/L/N, go talk to the M.E.”

“Hotch, I really think I should go with Y/N.” Your entire body tensed at Spencer’s words. “We tend to work really well together and especially with a case like this I think my medical knowledge could come in handy. I might be able to figure something out from looking at the bodies and examining the stitches.”

Hotch paused for a moment. “Alright then. Reid, you’re with Y/L/N, and Prentiss you can stick with Rossi and I.”

“That works for me.” Prentiss shrugged. “I have an old buddy who used to work for the Bismarck police department. I’d like to see if he still does, see what I can find out from him.”

“Good. Then it’s decided.”

Hotch could not have picked a more awkward person for you to be trapped in a car with. Of course, you supposed Hotch hadn’t picked him, he had volunteered. You wondered if he could tell something was up with you, or if it was just instinct. If sharks could smell blood in the water, Spencer had a nose for you being in any kind of emotional distress. Right now you wished that he didn’t.

5 minutes into the drive he spoke up.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

“Yeah. Just tired.” You lean your head back further into the nook between the seat and the window frame.

“You sleeping okay?” Spencer’s brow furrowed as he glanced over at you.

“Yeah, fine.” Lies, lies, lies. “I was uh…out late last night.”

“Oh.”

You stared out the window, watching the scenery. This time of year there wasn’t much to see in North Dakota. Just frigid, icy wasteland. You dreaded getting out of the drowsy comfort of the nice warm car.

“On a date?” Spencer’s voice sounded off somehow.

“What? No.”

Maybe too quick an answer, but it was a ridiculous suggestion. You? On a date? In your dreams.

“Some friends of mine from college were in town. We went out and got a few drinks before they had to head back.” Always make sure the witnesses are conveniently unavailable.

“That must have been nice.” Spencer smiled.

“Yeah. It was good.”

“So other than that, how have you been?”

“Good. Great, really. Itching to get back to work though.”

“Really? Wasn’t the break nice?”

“Nice, but boring.” You pulled your sleeves over your hands.

“I guess.”

Spencer pulled into the parking lot, safely sliding into one of the available spaces before coming around to open your door. You frowned slightly. He had never done that before. If he was babying you now just because of what had happened you were going to kill him.

Mad. Mad was new. Mad was good. You decided to pursue that.

“Why open the door? I can do it myself, you know.” Your voice carried more hostility than was warranted.

“I know,” Spencer said, blushing. Blushing? “I just thought it might be nice. Plus with all of this ice you could get hurt. Did you know that 1 million Americans are injured slipping on ice annually?”

Ah. So he was babying you.

“I’m fine. I can handle a little cold, Spencer. Now come on, we have bodies to look at.”

You stormed ahead, determined to leave him standing there alone in the cold. What happened instead was far less triumphant and dignified. You slipped. On ice. And Spencer caught you. And then subsequently did not slip.

“See?” A smile played on his mouth as you looked up at him through your snow-coated lashes. “Dangerous weather conditions. But you’re right, we should get inside.”

He righted you, unfortunately causing you to leave his warm embrace, and looped his arm through yours as you two headed into the coroners.

Seeing the bodies in person was worse than you thought it would be. The smell of the formaldehyde felt like it was seeping into your pores, like it would never leave you. The gleam of the metal tables seemed to whisper, “This could have been you.” The icy cold Bismarck air turned your skin to something lifeless, something that belonged underneath one of the sheets hanging over the victims. After all, what was one more dead girl?

It took everything you had to keep it together. Even then you let Spence do most of the talking.

“So these stitches, they’re not surgical,” he established.

“Well see, that’s what’s interesting about this. The first ones certainly don’t seem surgical. They’re far too messy. The technique is good, but the execution is falling apart. But the second body is far more orderly, and the third is nearly perfect.”

“So our unsub has been practicing.” The horror in your voice shone through.

“It would seem so. But here’s what else is interesting. The chemicals used to clean these girls up? They make the same progression. At first, household cleaners, hence all the staining. But then they move to medical grade stuff.”

“Wait…could we be dealing with a medical student here?” You asked.

“It’s entirely likely. However, I would bet that whoever did this is looking less to be a surgeon and more to be a coroner themselves. Look at the cut patterns.”

You froze. You didn’t want to look. You couldn’t look. You could feel your scars burning in your sides, white hot, the metal slicing through you, tearing you to ribbons.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

“As the victims progress, the pattern becomes more and more organized, until it almost looks like…”

“An autopsy,” Spencer finished.

The coroner nodded. “So I certainly wouldn’t rule out medical students, but if I had to take a guess…”

“We’re not looking for a candy striper,” You supplied.

“We have to get this to Hotch. Thank you so much for your help.” Spencer took the folders offered before following you back out to the parking lot and into the car.

As it turned out, your suspicions were correct. The unsub had been studying to work as an M.E., until they discovered that cadavers just weren’t enough. Sublimation can only take you so far.

They began seeking out more lively victims, their psychopathy making them seem no different than a cadaver. To this unsub, people were just meat to be used and then hacked up. He would never be seeing his medical license though.

You should have felt good. Should have felt on top of the world about solving a case, especially being able to do it so quickly. Instead, you just felt a cold sense of dread about having to go home to your nightmares. On the plane, you once again feigned sleep, with the goal of slipping away from the others when you touched down. No such luck.

“Good, you’re all back! I have a surprise for our favorite returned agent. That’s right, it’s tequila time! We’re all going out for drinks, totally non-optional. And when I say all of us, I mean all of us.” She glared pointedly at Reid. “Even the good doctor.”

“Penelope, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.” Spence looked over to you.

For the first time that day, you allowed yourself a moment of weakness. You had gone through a lot, you had sat through that briefing, you had looked at those bodies. You could have a little bit of emotional vulnerability. As a treat.

You looked at Spencer hopelessly, practically begging him to save you from your surprise party fate and somehow get Garcia to call the whole thing off. You couldn’t do this. All you wanted was to go home and take a nice hot shower and curl up alone.

“Okay,” Spencer said. “I’ll go.”

Penelope cheered, overwhelmingly excited about the development.

Morgan chuckled. “Baby girl, we better go before he changes his mind.”

“Oh! Right!” And with that she was off.

The very last thing you could have possibly needed right now was a bar. It was loud and noisy and crowded and all together far too much for you to handle. You supposed you should be thankful it wasn’t a club, but you couldn’t find it in yourself. You didn’t want this right now.

You didn’t want glowing neon lights or the wine cooler you were pretending to drink to make Garcia happy. You didn’t want music that was slightly too loud or a football game playing in the background. Most of all, you didn’t want all of these people touching you. Every graze was like someone was running nails down a chalkboard. You would have rather had a cheese grater on your skin, would have rather peeled it off and torn it to pieces. You had to get out of there.

Your salvation came from the source of your doom.

“Well guys, I think I’m going to head out,” Spencer said. “It’s getting kind of late and I have a documentary I was hoping to catch.”

“Alright, well, we’ll see you soon okay boy wonder?” Morgan raised his glass in salute.

“Actually, perfect timing Spencer. I was wondering, do you think you could drive me home?” You had originally carpooled with JJ, having taken public transportation to work that day. Oddly enough, you knew Spencer had brought his car. “I’m totally wiped out after last night.”

“Oh, right, you had your thing with friends!” He remembered. “Um, sure, yeah. I guess your place is on the way to mine. The more the merrier!”

Garcia tried to convince you to stay, but Spencer maintained the role of a beautiful, beautiful excuse. With your combined efforts you were able to navigate your way out of the clutches of Penelope Garcia and into the cool, quiet car, where mercifully no one was touching you.

Your apartment wasn’t far from the bar, but you were irritated to find that Spencer insisted on seeing you up. You were tired of this patronizing behavior. You didn’t need to be coddled, you needed to be respected. You thought he of all people would be the one to always respect you, but apparently not.

You stopped outside of your door, keys in hand as you looked up at him. “Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“Why are you treating me like I can’t be left alone for 5 seconds? You’re babying me. Stop it.”

“I’m not babying you,” Spencer said. “I’m concerned about you. You just came back from a traumatic experience, and I just…don’t think you should be left alone right now.”

“So what, you don’t think I can handle myself?” You turned to face him, livid under the glow of the overhead light. “Because I have plenty of scars now to prove I can. I’m a survivor, Reid. I think I can walk myself up a few stupid stairs and unlock my apartment door without supervision. Did Hotch put you up to this? Wanted to make sure I was ready to be back in the field?”

“What? No! Of course Hotch didn’t put me up to this. He would never do that. He respects you and believes you’re more than capable of doing this job.”

“Then what? Who’s telling you to do this?” You took a step closer, getting in his face.

“No one! I’m doing this because I care about you, Y/N, and when you were taken it was one of the worst moments in my life. I’d never been that afraid of anything before, not even when I was kidnapped. And I just kept thinking how scared you must have been, how alone you must have felt, and I…I don’t want you to feel that way now. I don’t want you to feel alone. No one is making me do this. No one is watching you, waiting for you to breakdown. It’s just me, Y/N. It’s just us.”

You wanted to melt into the way he said us. Wanted to tell him everything, wanted to let him count your scars and tell him you were afraid, you were alone. You wished that you could.

“Well thank you for your concern, but I don’t need it. Everything is fine. I’m fine. We’re…we’re fine.”

It was the last words that gave you away. The tremble in we, the unsureness.

“Why won’t you let me in? Why can’t you let your guard down. Take all of this composure and just…lose it a little?” Sweet brown eyes snuck their way in, securing themselves around your heart.

All day, you had been trying so hard to keep it together. To put on a mask and pretend that everything was fine, because that was what you needed everyone to think. You needed all of them to see you as competent and capable and someone they could look up to and respect and love, but it was just…it was just so much pressure, all the time, and normally you could handle it but now? Now it was too much, all of it all too much.

“Do you know why I can’t just lose it? I can’t fall apart because people are watching and it doesn’t matter to them what happened to me. Nobody cares about anything but right now and right now what I know is that they take your pain and they turn it into a joke. Because that’s what people do Spencer. That’s what people do when they don’t like you. When you get hurt, that’s funny. When something terrible happens to you, it doesn’t matter how bad it is, you deserved it. Gosh, can’t you understand that? Don’t you get it? It’s not just that I don’t want people seeing me hurt, it’s that I can’t let them. Because you know what hunters do when they see a wounded animal? They kill it. And I’m…I’m…” You choked.

You choked on all of it. Not just the words, but the fear, the horror, the overwhelming gut-wrenching spiraling episode you were falling into. You didn’t understand what was happening to you anymore. You just knew it hurt. It hurt so bad.

“Look at me.” Spencer spoke softly, not daring to touch you. “It’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel it. You don’t have to stop.”

“I can’t…I can’t…”

You couldn’t stop the tears from coming down your face, the tight ache in your chest, all of these feelings catching up to you like you never could have imagined before this.

“He hurt you. He hurt you very badly. Nobody expects you to just bounce back from that. Nobody needs you to be okay right now. It is not your job to be okay.”

You fell into him. Collapsed into his body that caught you like he had been waiting, like he knew this would happen, like he knew you better than you knew yourself. Knew your body, knew your pain, knew your heart, and was holding it all together, even raw and bleeding and naked as it was.

And you let go.

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

-Lois Lowry

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koala-smiles · 4 years

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Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince, Chapter 2

A Jily Au where Lily transfers from America in the Marauder’s Seventh Year

Read Chapter 1

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Lily woke up with blurred vision and a pounding head. As she got ready, she thought back to the previous night, trying to remember what actually happened.

She knew she went out to hang out with Sirius, and he brought a bottle of firewhiskey. After that, it’s just flashes. Laughter, sneaking out, a town, some stinging on her back. What had they done?

Just then she heard her roommates whispering behind her. Something about a wing? Her head was beating too loud to make it out. She turned and saw that they had been pointing at her. She shrugged it off and walked to the bathroom.

She started brushing her teeth, but then saw a movement near her neck. Confused, she lifted off her shirt and saw that there was a butterfly flying around on her torso. That explained the stinging on her back, at least. She would have to ask Sirius about it later to see if he remembered what happened and how she got a magical tattoo.

When she walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, she heard whispering around her. Why was everyone always whispering as she walked by? She didn’t think she was interesting enough to warrant it, especially after three weeks had passed. Well, she supposed it didn’t matter. They should talk to her if they wanted to know more.

“Hi, Lily,” James greeted as she sat down next to Sirius. She smiled in return, then leaned closer to Sirius.

“What did we do last night?” she whispered, trying to make sure the others didn’t hear.

“From what I can recall, we each got a tattoo on a dare. I think we stole some brooms and went over to Hogsmeade to do it, but I’m not really sure.”

She nodded and sat up straight, putting some jam on toast.

“What are you two whispering about?” asked Remus.

“How James could use a haircut.” Lily replied quickly.

James looked offended, and ran his hand through his hair. “You just wish you had locks as luscious as mine.”

Lily snorted and took a bite of her toast.

---

Lily found it strange how only the first years seemed comfortable around her. At Ilvermorny, at least, younger students tended to avoid the older students.

She supposed that it must have started the week before, when she heard a young student struggling to figure out what a spell did in the library. She turned the corner of the bookcase and asked if the student needed some help. The student and her friend next to her looked utterly petrified. She sat down and pointed to the written out version, and explained what the roots of the word meant. At that point, the two students became too intrigued as to what she was referring to to continue being scared.

It was then that Lily realized that Hogwarts didn’t teach either Latin or Greek. She pulled out her translation guides and began explaining the roots of spells and where they originate from. More and more first years started gathering around. By the end of her lecture, there must have been at least twenty surrounding the small table.

One particularly brave one asked her how they could learn Latin and Greek to figure the spells out. She smiled, stood up, and told them to follow her.

They passed James, and she gave a small smile as a greeting. He gave her a confused look as a reply. She must have been quite the spectacle, a seventh year with dozens of first years following her through the library.

It was all worth it when she watched hoards of kids swarm the language section of the library.

---

Lily found herself in Transfiguration, writing notes in her book as McGonagall lectured the class on the finer points of animal-to-animal transfiguration. It was a far cry from the animal-to-inanimate object transfiguration that they taught the younger students.

She had her Latin book open in her lap. She was trying to come up with a spell that would make her broom block the rain or snow from her without slowing it down. All her previous attempts had ended with the broom going at a fraction of the speed she was used to.

“Miss Evans”

Her head jerked up.

“I was asking what the problem with amphibian to mammal transfiguration is. Perhaps you will be able to help, since you are so far ahead that you can afford to not pay attention.”

Lily smiled. “The main drawback is that the amphibian brain will take the first opportunity to drown the mammal. That’s why most animal-to-animal transfigurations fail when going between different main classifications of animals.”

McGonagall looked pleased with this. “Correct. Please pay more attention in the future.” She continued with her lecture, and Lily continued flipping through her book.

When class was over, everyone started gathering their things. Lily was rushing to try out her new version of the spell, when McGonagall called out to her.

“Miss Evans. The headmaster has requested that you go to his office so that he might speak to you. Please do so directly after class.”

Whispers broke out across the room, and James looked over to her with a raised eyebrow, to which she shrugged. Remus chuckled beside him. She heard the girl next to her mumble something about being a player. Was she talking about James? She shook her head quickly, knowing she had bigger things to do than worry about rumors.

She made her way to the gargoyles, and realized that McGonagall had forgotten to give her the password. But, to her surprise, they jumped aside as soon as she stopped in front of them. Making her way up the stairs, she thought back to the past week, trying to figure out what she could have done wrong.

“Ah, Miss Evans. Thank you for joining me today.” Lily sat down across from Dumbledore, and gave him a small smile. He didn’t seem particularly angry, but then again, he never did. “As you may have heard, yesterday we found a group of first years surrounding a destroyed painting. From what we understood of their explanation, they were trying to make a new spell to change the hairstyle of the resident of the painting.”

Lily cringed, thinking back to her first attempts at spells. “I’m guessing they tried to mix Greek and Latin. They should—” He put his hand up to stop her.

“I brought you here to talk to you not about what goes wrong in making spells, but to talk about the phenomenon of first years attempting to create spells in the first place. Would you happen to know where they got the idea of making new spells?”

Lily crinkled her eyebrows. “I showed them where to look to find out what spells do, but I didn’t try to put any ideas about making spells in their heads. I always found it important to find the roots of spells when learning them.”

Dumbledore nodded his head and reached out to pet his phoenix. “Yes, that is one approach to teaching students. Unfortunately, that is not the one we subscribe to here at Hogwarts. We prefer the one that does not result in smouldering paintings. So, I’m only asking you to not teach that to younger students anymore, and to gently lead them in the safer direction when they come to you with questions.”

Lily nodded, and stood to leave.

“Oh, and one more thing. If you plan to continue to make your own spells, I recommend looking for a room on the seventh floor to test them. I usually find the one across from Barnabas the Barmy quite helpful.”

Lily smiled, and nodded as a thank you. She quickly left his office to find her notebook of spells that she hadn’t been able to test yet. The last place she remembered putting it was in her wardrobe…

---

Several people looked up as she entered the common room. Sirius looked up from the guitar that he appeared to be trying to learn.

“Evans! What did you get in trouble for, and should I be concerned?”

Lily smiled. “Just got told off for leading first years astray. Apparently I’m a bad influence and all that.”

Sirius shook his head, and went back to strumming.

After grabbing her notebook and replacing her robes with her leather jacket, she went back down determined to find Barnabus, and the room Dumbledore mentioned.

Reaching the common room, she was relieved to see that James had joined Sirius. She walked up to him and grabbed his arm.

“James! Doing anything? No? Perfect!” She started to drag him to the portrait hole before he could respond.

Once they were alone in the hall, she turned to him.

“Would you happen to know where Barnabus the Barmy is?”

His look of confusion cleared, and he smiled mischievously. “I know exactly what you need.”

Not long after, they were staring Barnabus in the face. Lily turned around, and her face immediately fell. James noticed this, and took her by the arm, a mirror of what she did earlier.

He began walking back and forth with her. She was starting to think that he might actually be crazy.

“Think of what you need, and keep thinking about it.”

Confused but intrigued, she followed his instructions. Looking up, she found a door that she could have sworn wasn’t there before. Mystified, she barely registered James following her in. The high-ceiling room had dummies, mats, and even a fire extinguisher.

“I have got to ask, what is this room for?”

Lily smiled and pulled out her wand. Opening her notebook to a random page, she began casting.

---

Lying awake in her bed that night, she began thinking about all the things she heard. She weighed what she knew of James against what she heard of him.

He couldn’t possibly have dated every girl in their year like she heard people saying, right? He seemed like such a nice boy.

The James everyone talked about, suave, cool, and a heartbreaker, just didn’t line up with the one who watched her cast her spells, nice, sweet, and a bit of a dork.

But is that just the persona he shows girls to get them to fall in love with him? Was she just another person for him to date and dump? She had no way of knowing which was the real James.

She didn’t sleep well that night.

#Jily #James Potter #Lily Evans #fanfiction #fanfic #jily fanfiction #Harry Potter #lily evans is a badass #jily fic #mauraders #mauraders era #hp marauders #hp fanfic #transfer au #based on a taylor swift song

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path-of-my-childhood · 4 years

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Don’t judge me, but I did shed a tear watching the Taylor Swift's documentary Miss Americana. I obviously had no idea the ordeal she had been through over the last few years in her personal life, even people with millions of people who love them suffer in silence without the world knowing. The scene where Taylor opened up about her eating disorder is where I couldn’t help but cry. Well worth a watch!

Capital FM’s Will Manning about the last show to make him cry (Metro, April 25th 2020)

#Capital FM #Will Manning #quote #about taylor #taylor swift #metro #Taylor Swift: Miss Americana

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discovisiondreams · 3 years

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Top 15 First Watches of 2020

I’ve never been good at staying current on pop culture, and that became especially pronounced in 2020. A year where most of the anticipated theatrical releases were pushed to VOD (and the price nearly tripled) meant that a lot of flicks I was excited for got added to the end of the “Maybe Someday” watchlist.

But in this strange year, I did manage to watch 245 movies- and 195 of those were first-time watches. Some were new, only available on the (virtual) festival circuit. Some were Criterion mainstays, films I’m horrified to admit I hadn’t seen before. But this year, when movies cemented themself as my biggest joy, I began to really track what I watched- including a “top 5 first watches of the month” roundup for every month. These top 5s weren’t ranked, and weren’t even based on technical ability, strength of dialogue, or critical acclaim. They were just the 5 I loved the best.

So without further ado, here are my top 15 of the year- one selected from the top 5 of each month, with some bonus entries thrown in as well. As a general rule, I only included features on this list- I was fortunate enough to catch shorts that streamed at Chattanooga Film Fest, Celebration of Fantastic Fest, and more, but to add them to the running would have made writing this listicle absolutely impossible.

HONORABLE Honorable Mention: The Holiday. Inspired by the fine folks at Super Yaki, I finally watched this Nancy Meyers classic. Why is it two and a half hours long?! Why is that two and a half hours so significantly lacking in Jack Black?! The scenes that Black is in, though, really shine. This one is going to be a Christmas mainstay in the Disco household (and not just because I spent money on the DVD).

15: The Love Witch (Honorable Mention, April). This one came highly recommended to me by friends of all sorts, and like most of my 2020 first watches, I’m deeply embarrassed that it took me this long to get to it. Upon finally watching it, on a rainy Sunday, I described the movie in general (and the color palette, specifically) as “sumptuous,” which is one of the most complimentary visual descriptors I can bestow upon a movie. The plot felt a little convoluted at times, but I still found The Love Witch incredibly enjoyable and am hoping to explore more of writer-director Anna Biller’s filmography in 2021.

14: The Guest (Honorable Mention, October). The Guest is one of the few movies I watched multiple times this year- and the only one I watched twice in one week. From the sultry industrial soundtrack selections to the numerous visual nods to Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The guest was Extremely My Shit. The casting here is truly tremendous- especially Maika Monroe, who was similarly brilliant in It Follows. Also of note: Lance Reddick, one of my current favourite character actors.

13: The Fast and The Furious (Honorable Mention, May). 2 Fast 2 Furious (and its bespoke theme song, Act A Fool, by Ludacris) came out when I was in the 6th grade. Do you remember the music and movies that entered the world when you were in 6th grade? Do you have an inexplicable zealous love for them? 2F2F was the only film in the Fast Cinematic Universe I had seen for a long, long time. Then I saw Fate of the Furious. Then I bought the series box set, as a joke?? And then, slowly but then also all at once, I genuinely started to love this franchise. Some of them are truly ridiculous. Some of them are genuinely bad. But the first one? The Fast and The Furious (2001)? Timeless. Point Break updated and adapted for the early-aughts, The Fast and the Furious walked so The Italian Job (2003) could run. Without The Fast and The Furious, Paul Walker would just be “the guy from Tammy and The T-Rex” to millions of casual cinemagoers. The cultural impact of The Fast and The Furious simply cannot be denied!!

12: Come to Daddy (Top 5, July). Honestly, this is the exact flavor of bonkers bullshit I’ve grown to expect from Elijah Wood, and that is not an indictment. Wood’s genuine love for genre film is evident here, in what can only be described as an uncomfortable film of family, reunion, and redemption. The tense and abrasive first half gives way to a surprisingly relieving wave of violence and exposition in this critically-acclaimed flick.

11: The Stylist (Top 5, September). The feature-length debut of writer-director Jill Gevargizian, based off her short of the same name, is female-led horror that pays homage to genre mainstays like Maniac and Psycho while still being decidedly singular. Not only shot in Kansas City, but set in Kansas City, The Stylist made my midwestern heart happy. This is one that I really, really would have loved to see in a crowded theater auditorium, were this year a different one.

10: In The Mouth of Madness (Top 5, March). Despite being the beginning of pandemic awareness, March was a slow month for me, movie-wise (even though it’s not like I had anything else going on??). But I finally made time for this Carpenter classic, and I’m so happy I did. I’ve long been fascinated by stories about stories, and the people who find themselves trapped within those stories, and this one is truly, in the most basic sense of the word, horrifying. Sam Neill proves that he belongs in horror here, making his role in Event Horizon seem like a natural fit. Also a highlight: noted character actor David Warner, best known (to me) as “Billy Zane’s bodyguard guy in Titanic,” who never ever fails to be unsettling.

9: Profondo Rosso (Top 5, April). Before this year, my only Argento exposure was Suspiria (which is phenomenal), but Deep Red goes off the deep end in all the best ways. The score (by frequent Argento collaborators Goblin) is truly groovy. The number of twists and turns the plot takes is kind of mind-boggling, but also delightful. Daria Nicolodi (RIP) is at the top of her acting game here. This quickly became one of my beloved background movies- if I opened Shudder and Profondo Rosso was playing on one of their live-streaming channels, it stayed on while I was cleaning or cooking or paying bills. Profondo Rosso is a must-watch for those hoping to get into giallo.

8: Crimson Peak (Top 5, November). This one was definitely not what I was expecting, but it was GORGEOUS. I loved the world immediately (a Del Toro trademark, to be honest). As a longtime Pacific Rim stan, it made my heart happy to see Charlie Hunnam and Burn Gorman reunited under Guillermo Del Toro’s vision.

7: Palm Springs (Top 5, August). I am not typically a time-travel movie enthusiast- but I am a sucker for witty repartee and Andy Samberg. This one made me ugly-cry, which I should probably be a bit more ashamed to admit. August had a lot of really great first watches, but the Hulu exclusive takes the cake due to its novel premise, some truly heart-wrenching reveals, and the amazing casting (is there anything JK Simmons cant do?).

6: Scare Package (Top 5, May). Is there any format I love more than the horror anthology? While there have been so many over the years (Creepshow, All the Creatures Were Stirring), Scare Package might be my favourite of them all. A variety of fun and inventive stories combined with a genre-lovers dream of an overarching narrative make this one a must-see- in fact, it was the whole reason I bought a pass to this year’s online version of Chattanooga Film Fest. There’s a cameo here that absolutely knocked my socks off (and continued to do so even on repeat viewings). While the scares here are honestly minimal, Scare Package is a great love letter to the genre at large.

5: Do The Right Thing (Top 5, June). Yes, it took me until 2020 to watch Do The Right Thing for the first time. The palpable tension, the interwoven stories of Bed-Stuy’s residents, all seem timeless. Giancarlo Esposito is, as always, a joy to watch.

4: Knives Out (Top 5, February). “It’s a Rian Johnson whodunnit, duh,” states the SuperYaki! T-shirt famously worn by Jamie Lee Curtis, star of Knives Out (2019). This one has received worlds of critical acclaim, I truly do not know what I could even hope to add to the conversation. I want more old-school murder mystery cinema.

3: The VelociPastor (Top 5, January). It should be testimonial enough that The VelociPastor beat out Miss Americana, Netflix’s Taylor Swift documentary, as the top pick for January- but in case it isn’t, let me end 2020 the way I began it; by evangelizing the HECK out of this movie. Written and directed by up-and-coming triple-threat (Director/songwriter/prolific cat-photo-poster) Brendan Steere, The VelociPastor is a true love letter to genre cinema, complete with a big wink to the criminally underloved Miami Connection. Alyssa Kempinski shines as Carol, a doctor/lawyer/hooker with a heart of gold. The VelociPastor premiered in 2019 but gained tons of attention in 2020 (thanks in part to YouTube sensation Cody Ko)- attention that it truly deserves. A sequel is rumored to be in the works, but mark my words, anything to come from the imagination of Brendan Steere will be worth a watch.

2: Dinner in America (Top 5, October). I genuinely feel sorry for the other movies I watched in October (there were a lot) (they were all SO GOOD). Dinner in America, which I caught during the Nightstream hybrid festival, was not at all what I was expecting. While the other features were all very solidly genre flicks, this was…. A comedy? A modern love story?? I’mn honestly still not exactly sure, but I do know I loved every second of it. I laughed. I cried. I threw my hands up in the air exuberantly (in front of my laptop, looking like a true fool). I did not shut up about this movie online for weeks. I told anyone and everyone that Kyle Gallner is the most underrated actor of my generation and I still believe it! Dinner in America, the story of a punk band frontman who unwittingly takes refuge from the police in the home of his biggest fan, was an unexpectedly heartwarming tale of family, young love, and arson. Watch it as soon as you can.

1: Promising Young Woman (Top 5, December). This last-minute debut from Emerald Fennell, originally scheduled to hit theaters in April of this year, finally made its way to the big screen on Christmas Day, and became the 2020 entry on my annual “Christmas Day Trip to the Theater” list.* Carey Mulligan is an icon and deserves all of the awards for this. The soundtrack is sublime. The casting choices are truly incredible. While I have no doubt that the general themes of the movie will be polarizing, I absolutely loved this one- I sat in my car in the theater parking lot for a WHILE, considering just buying a ticket for the next showtime- that’s how badly I felt like I needed to see it again immediately. I look forward to writing its inevitable Criterion essay.

*Nobody else in rural iowa was interested in seeing this movie at noon on Christmas Day. I’m shocked.

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