#did i post this already or am I fucking stupid for not posting this

[ihateornithologists]

someone needs therapy ig

#elisabeth das musical #kronprinz rudolf #actually it's another dumb personal drama post IM SORRYY #i just feel like if i don't whine at least somewhere my head will fucking explode . #of course it's not exactly Like That irl i just really don't want to hurt any of uhmm people involved #and as a result keep doing more and more stupid shit instead. great job. #..and having random suicidal thoughts ofc #<:) #fun fact at some point when this. idk something. was happening i literally just started talking about rudolf I AM SO NORMAL. #well that's still slightly better than retelling half of wagner's biography WHICH I ALSO DID once. #Maybe i'm waiting for [...] to admit that actually i'm just annoying as fuck (again.) #as far as i can tell she already hates rudolf. as was intended

[tinynebula]

death to insufferable hetero people in relationships

#this is to my roommate who sends whatsapp audio messages drunk to her boyfriend at 3 AM #who unprompted told him now on video call “do you want to watch me shower?” #girl the wall that divides us is PAPER THIN #i can hear EVERYTHING #i'm already pissed you woke me at 3 am with your stupid drunken rant #I don't need the details of your fucking sex life #i also don't want to hear you fighting with him regularly #god sometimes i want a bf but no if it's like this #like why do you need to video call him every fucking day even if it's 1 am #go to sleep!!!!!! #why do you fight every day but when you say everything is fine #why did you have a fight about what you post on Instagram like i can't imagine a man trying to control my stupid posts #absolutely insufferable

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

.

#personal #ask to tag #I posted on a subreddit asking for opinions/input for something I’m thinking of doing soon #and the mods removed the post without clear explanation #when I messaged them asking why it was removed they were like #did you read our links? #and in fact I did #so they’re like #what would you do if xyz happened? #so I answer honestly #and now they go okay go back read the links and tell us why that plan would be awful #like???? #am I crazy or is this just. kinda wild?? #idk I feel like they’re being very patronizing to me 😅 #I’m genuinely asking a question and it feels like they’re telling me to go fuck myself basically #idk am I crazy?? is feeling disrespected a fair response bc that’s how I feel?? #me: communicates clearly what I’m thinking and asking #them: vague answer #also them: solve my riddle— wrong answer reread the things you’ve already read and tell me why you’re stupid and wrong #and like. I asked ‘was it bc of how what I said (x) could be interpreted as y? bc I didn’t mean y #I meant x #and they just. don’t answer #idk I’m kind of buggin tbh

[marioyuri]

Trying to buy a backwards compatible ps3 and its high time i commit suicide or get a job

#im so poor lately. and im trying to save for the inevitable switch 2 drop in 2025. too #im so. fucked #i am NOT selling anything i own ever again i want to kill myself judt thinking about all the games i sold as a kid and got taken advantage #I WAS 10 WHY DID MOM LET ME BARGAIN WITH A BIG CHAIN STORE #FUCKING HATE THESE PARENTS #whyd you tell him ur game was second hand 😡 GIRL IM 10 IM 10 IM FUCKING 10 AND I JUST WANTED THE NEW POKEMON GAME THAT WASNT WORTH IT !!!!!! #WHY DID THEY HAVE ME PLAYING ECONOMIST SINCE I WAS 7 NOW I HAVE ISSUES #always praising me for being the best at money but i had no fun ever #lately ive decided i can do whatever i want with my moneu #ive been buying so many plushies and useless waste of time pins and games i could just pirate #and im poor now. im poor. im so poor its suicidal #i should stop eating so much bruh SAVE SOEM KONEY #its like i wanted to give my youngerself everything i couldnt as a kid and now i beat myself up about it bc its such . a waste of money #idiot baka money #I HOPE THE SYSTEM COLAPSES #fuckkkk but the joys of owning physical copies. yay #I HAVE TO OWN THOSE METAL GEAR SOLID EDITION COPIES I SAW AT THE STOREEE #DUDE THE FUCKING HD COLLECTION #THE STUPID COLLECTION W THE BOOK AND EVERYTIHNG #I ALMOST GUT MYSELF #I HAVE TO OWN IT. I HAVE TO OWN IT. #i cant afford it #my birthday was in January and i wasted all of that money already #holy fuck im so suicidal #im such a waste of money #kilking myseld JOW #NOW #fufkffffffffff #hitting my own head ​STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID #my posts

[appreciatingtokrev]

the thing abt the pain my scoliosis/kyphosis causes me (mostly left side of my ribcage, then left side of my back, then left shoulder, then it slowly starts spreading to the right side + my hip, the more physical anything apart from lying i do the worse it gets) is that it started and worsened so slowly that i just. didn’t realise it. now it’s been a normal part of my life for a few years and. i hardly notice it. i hardly notice that half of my body aches. it’s normal. now that my knees hurt i’m truly aware of it for the first time in months, and— that’s not normal. it shouldn’t be normal that my ribcage & back hurt every day just because i go to school. what the hell. what the fucking hell.

#sorry for the chronic pain posting i am going through a realisation #i had zero motivation for physio plus it didn’t do shit so i quit after 2 years n told everyone it doesn’t hurt anyway #which was already a lie back then but it’s been getting worse. #fuuuuckk #this is Not Normal #why didn’t i realise that’s so stupid #i’m walking around hiding my foot pain bc ingrown toenail okay makes sense. i’ve got a doctor’s appointment. i can deal with it until then #THAT is normal. it is however NOT normal that my ribcage and my back hurt every day and have been hurting every day for like. 5 years #and i have not done anything ??? #but like what am i supposed to do #i only stopped physio 2 years ago and it never did shit. doctors say it’s not bad enough for a corset or surgery. imo it’s not bad enough+ #for pain meds. so what the fuck do i even do #especially bc ik physio is useless #also funny thing sometimes the pain in my ribcage gets so bad that breathing literally feels like getting stabbed for like a minute #then everything’s fine again. no clue why that happens but yeah it. does like once every few weeks to months idk #.....that is so not normal WHAT why is this normal to me ????? #scoliosis #kyphosis #chronic pain #☆—`elys rambles

[yooniesim]

Collective and final post should've just been an apology and a promise to do better. But I guess that's just too much to hope for.

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #delete later #definitely shouldnt have had more lies and easily disproven claims in it tsk tsk #and continuing to insult the people triggered #shows absolutely 0 remorse not that i expected any better #you didnt say one damn thing you did wrong not one #you couldnt even admit or say sorry for ONE thing #i said sorry for my stupid ass meme reference joke which was dumb of me and was the only leg u had to stand on #which ur tryin to spin as me being anti asian with covid which is fucking stupid considering #i am asian too u stupid fuck and i had patients calling me corona and ch**nk and not wanting me to tend to them before they fucking died #i know about covid racism against us very fucking well #i dont need a statistic to tell me about it bc i was knee deep in ppe trying to get blood from ppl that blamed me for it existing #i watched people die from covid for three years straight i know it all fucking well #and yet i still apologized bc the joke was in poor taste and i feel bad it was misconstrued and hurt others #you cant even apologize to the people you hurt bc youre too focused on not being wrong about anything #you can delete the posts if u wanna theyre already there #in screenshots #i tried to get you to stop for over a week and you wouldnt leave me alone #i refused to mention your name for days and you kept insulting me and mentioning me over and over again #and you had the nerve to call other ppl stalkers just because they shared ur cc in a cc finds channel #now you're trying to talk nice #or nice enough that someone might feel sorry for you after you showed your entire ass for a week #i dont feel sorry for you one bit #not after all the bullshit you said that youre trying to delete now that ppl found it #too late #eat shit #negative #im done for the night goodnight and sorry everyone

[strwbrymlkshake]

ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid

#mine #🎸 #why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck #me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once #crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!! #i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either. #bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating #me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know #ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions #why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why #im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate #me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we #be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou #maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and #my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant #we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts #my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know #i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good #the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!! #my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post #is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably #this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while #it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them

[shopcat]

i am the only one who even cares like as in about whatever it is i'm talking about IM SICK LET ME BE SICK anyway... basically everybody difference i'll put the sick stream of consciousness in the tags this time

#🐾 #as gay steve i feel i must have a certain love for gay steve which i do and i also think he's bisexual and it's not that they even coexist #or different worlds where one is gay and one is bisexual But that he is both i enjoy both. i think he's bi i mostly think he's gay bc i've #done the thinking there ALL MY CRAZY POSTINGS and i do think gay steve is like . peoooe are mean abojt it so i get defensive too like #FUCKING. HEY. just Fuck of... but hes the most beautiful bisexual for me and my mutuals and the people who get it #but when people don't get it well that makes me mad bc IM BISEXUAL >:( you are making it stupid and i hate you #the original reason i was even talking abt it yesterday was that crazy person who was like #when i joked about him being gay they were like no... he's not gay... He's drowning in pussy #like shut the fuck up you freak oh my god #i think soooo hard about things it's almost like i've got some sort of spectrum based Thing.... #i also do think diff situations calls for different THANGS like i love different concepts much like everyone i just don't have a pinned #down like. interpretation of him and i do find it a BIT odd when people DO if they do it in a certain way. also what i was talking about ☝️ #like ages ago i did a poll on what ppl interpret him as gender and sexuality wise and i do think it's fun to like go hard for a particular #hc but i also like most. if not all. i am most partial to transbi simply because that's what i am #partial to mean. but also bc i am transbi too actually like that's true ☝️ If you think about it ☝️ #that's the beautiful thing ..... Everybody difference for real #i think him being like genderfluid/bigender/nonbinary of some kind is the most popular gender hc. well i know it is #CIS DOESNT COUNT YOU CSNT HEADCANON SOMEONE CIS IDIOT HE IS CIS ALREADY DIE #anyway. and i love that too i love it so mch. transgender th world #so yeah if he's gay i love it if he's bi and it's GOOD i love it and it's always good when it's my own mind and my friends. and mutuals #etc. when he's a trans guy i love it the most but honestly it's pretty equal atp #i did get the feeling slash thought yesterday though that one time i saw someone refer to a guy with top scars as she/her like in that #joking way that even i do and i wanted to blow my own head up #like i think it's common cents 💰 to not apply your own hcs to someone's already formed work .. #i do also think the trans but not transmasc hc is bc it's ... not EASIEST but it's les complicated is why it's so popular #just like it's less complicatef for him to be bi for some ppl who aren't as connected to it but still do it and that's when it gets weird #cuz like i've already had people be like oh he can't be trans he had sex with nancy SO. yeah... people are insane actually #sts

[buginateacup]

I am going to pour vodka in my ear and set my brain on fire

#its NOT WORKING #i am going fucking mental! #i want to write #cant #i have a whole fucking chapter ready to go #and brain wont let me post it because REASONS?!?!?!?! #shit is nowhere near as long as i want it to be #i can barely scrape 4000 words per chapter #i was averaging 7! #i ate the green leafy thing #i did the huff and puff #i even went to bed early #so WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING WORK ALREADY! #why is so much of this feeling like a slog? #why did i leave all the plot bits for now #i don't WANT to try and balance all these threads #i have an emotional plot i am so excited for #but i cant fucking GET THERE #because of this stupid external plot i fucking HATE #its boring #its so fucking boring #that plot is a threat! #its not a story i want to tell #i cant even write banter any more #I'm done #I'm just fucking done

[mediapen]

.

#tbh im sick of being made to feel. not working class. because i am. but poor. like as though i am ACTUALLY poor (im not! i have Enough) #by the income metrics of EVERY university I’ve attended. like that’s how little you’re exposed to normal people? that you class me as #financially struggling? ME? and i don’t mean it in a shame way it’s so hard to articulate this because I’m just surrounded by people who #really would not be able to live on my family’s very normal income. but im sick of middle class students pleading poverty because their #parents aren’t throwing money at them and im sick of institutions recognising there’s a very real class inequality but doing nothing aside #from low income grants if we’re lucky or ‘widening participation’ grants that are so narrow and contribute so little as to effectively be #worthless. not to MENTION the way middle class students AND academics talk about the working class like we’re a stupid monolith #next person to talk about the way they need to support post-92 unis because education is a universal good and the working class need a plac #to go ❤️ gets shot. honestly. like i actually can’t do it any more. im sick of you fucking people #IM ALREADY IN YOUR WORLD. SURPRISE!!!!!!! stop pricing me out or microaggressing me into giving up. #this is also not about cost of living crisis this absolutely predates it like it is Hurting right now. anyway. #didn’t get the widening participation grant. 👍 so whoever the fuck did. Well im calling bullshit on it honestly. i commute 4 hours each way #because it’s the only way i can afford my ma at redacted prestigious institution please tell me more about how you can afford to rent in #london and have an income below x. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 #dl

[johndonneswife]

I just wanted to tell you that your post about families and wedding stuff was relatable and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of that. I can’t relate 100% since I am not getting married, but I’ve also never thought about it too much, since I have this fear that people who accept me now won’t accept me if I tell them I’m marrying a woman one day. I dunno, I think straight people are weird when it comes to weddings, like they didn’t think you were serious before that? Like it was a phase? (cont.)

#thank you 🥺🥺🥺🥺 #i also never thought about getting married until somewhere along my relationship with ayesha lol #i mean gay marriage was legalized in the usa when i was almost done with college so like! never occurred to me that it could happen for me #i def never had any wedding fantasizes and did not see myself settling down #i was actually like - marriage is so fucking heteronormative i will DIE before getting married!!! #the government does not own my love!!!! fuck the wedding industry!!!! etc #and i think i still have some hangups about that and feel like a sellout EVEN THO i want to marry aish more than anything #just making that clear lol #i think that’s also why they’re annoying me so much more than usual bc again they know how important ayesha is to me #but it’s okay 🫂 i was feeling my feelings the other day when i posted that #and now i’m just like. honestly if i was marrying a man my family still sucks so much i don’t think it would make a difference lolol #but i do agree re: straight ppl show their true colors when gay people try to get married. for sure #the main reason i am getting annoyed and frustrated is bc i have had multiple people #rsvp and un-rsvp and rsvp again. and then tell me oh they don’t actually know if they can make it #like girl u gotta actually lemme know this is not a house party it is a wedding. LIKE. aaaaargh #i also know i will neeeeever fucking hear the end of it from my mother and i think that’s what i’m dreading the most #‘i do so much for xyz and showed up for xyz’s wedding and did xyz for my brother and now he won’t even be going to my daughter’s WEDDING??!’ #like. she’s already started that nonsense. and idk how to make it even more clear that i do not even care about her stupid brother 💀 #anyway thank you for being understanding and for being so nice to me :’) ILY

[heartxdecay]

WHY do bad things always have to happen to me so close together like I did not NEED the combo of an acquaintance I was attempting to befriend blowing up at me and threatening to kill themselves over them deciding I said something I didn't (fuck being autistic why does everyone assume I'm inferring things when I'm actually NOT) and then my stalker who I haven't seen in about a year suddenly decides to show up at my place of work and ask MY BOYFRIEND if I was there (he lied and said I wasn't but I still caught a glimpse of him so he might have seen me) which lead to me finding out he never actually moved like he said he was going to which means realistically he could go right back to stalking and harassing me any time he wants. In the span of like 3 days. And of course right now we're like 3 weeks away from the big traumaversary time from when I left the cult + this is the midst of when I was reporting aforementioned stalker last year so I'm already constantly on high alert anyway. So now I'm constantly struggling just to stay awake let alone work and I already had to drop out of school and lie to my parents about it because the condition of me living here is remaining in school which means since I'm not they're going to kick me out if they know. So I can't NOT go to school AND not work especially because I'm trying to save as much money as possible in order to move out of this stupid hellhole of a "family" home where I'm constantly used as a third parent for my younger siblings. But I'm so tired all the time from stress keeping me awake at all hours and being completely unable to leave fight or flight mode when awake that I can barely find the energy to move, and my work is extremely tiring. I work retail as a supervisor and I have to deal with my coworkers not doing as much of the workload despite all being full time while I'm part time, none of the people I'm in charge of taking me seriously because I'm either younger than them or the same age as them, regular stress that comes with working retail and dealing with customers, and a management change that is leading to us getting a notoriously rude + perfectionist manager who I have personally seen throw an actual tantrum over having to do his JOB. Which means I can't afford to be tired and grumpy because I have to remain professional and productive. But every time something slightly off happens I want to burst into tears. Nobody there respects me and it's hard enough to handle when I'm NOT dealing with all of this. And of course because God hates me all of this happened when I decided to try to cut back on constantly vaping so after incident #2 I immediately gave up on that and I honestly think I've been going through cartridges FASTER. It's genuinely such a struggle every day to not relapse on self harm or turn to alcoholism and I'm not sure how much longer I can last. Especially because my literal only IRL support system is my boyfriend, because my parents are worth jack shit, my siblings are children, and my only "friend" in person is an objectively terrible human that I only still have around because they were my FP for a really long time and I have a hard time letting go of that relationship (every time I try I end up running back) and I just KNOW that if I even TRY to breach any of this with them they're either going to hit me with an "oof/yikes" and nothing else or spread my PERSONAL shit to everyone they know INCLUDING my extremely abusive ex that they refuse to totally cut contact with because it's "mean". which means I actually have nobody to turn to except the internet friends in my phone who for one aren't online all the time and have lives but two since they're my ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM I cannot keep dumping everything on them constantly or I'll overwhelm them. Not to mention they have also had to deal with the acquaintance I mentioned at the start because they're actually THEIR friend, not mine, so if anything it's an even bigger deal to them. This leaves me with only my boyfriend who I already feel shitty enough about given the raging BPD.

#i cant keep turning to him he's dealing with enough from my constant reassurance and fear he's going to suddenly thrn into a horrible person #like my other relationships and past fp did #he's so wonderful and supportive and i already put him through enough #i cant keep doing this i actually cannot live like this #i have work but here i am on tumblr breaking post lengths complaining about my life at 4am #like this will fuxking help anything at all because nobody will ever see this or if they do they'll ve a STRANGER who cannot help me at all #so im just yelling into the void so at least i can say i talked about it and maybe itll make everythibg feel just a little bit lighter #because im tired of everything weighing on me so heavily all the time i #i didnt even get into the physical problems or the increase in fatigue making me fucking sleep 10-12 hours at any given moment and sleeo #through all my alarms and make me late to work twice in just the ladt WEEK #which means I only have one more tome before my final warning #BUT HERE I AM. AWAKE. because for some reason my stupid fucking brain wont let me sleep #no matter how physically exhausted I am #I'm just fed up and tired and i want all of this to go away #but i cant end it because i actually have people who will miss me and i cant fucking burden them with the fact that their friend/partner #killed themself because i KNOW they'll blame themselves like they're bot the only reason i didnt do it 3 years ago #vent

[gothamcityneedsme]

my sister called me for directions and then asked me if i was okay. how tone deaf can you fucking be.

#ive had this conversation with her. i spent every holiday mourning. she knows this and tries to get in on it #and i have to reject her every time #and yet shes like. calling me DAY OF and has the nerve to ask 'if im okay' like. what the hell do you think #i am the exact same ive been for four years. don't fucking ask me #i don't think ive posted about this before but im just. baffled because she's supposed to know this shit #shes so focused on herself rn she can't even entertain the thought that i may not be okay and NO im not going to fucking talk about it. #i already DID. FOUR YEARS AGO. #dont reply to this or anything im posting on my tumblr public diary because otherwise i'll have to vent at a friend and i dont want to #i dont want to vent at anyone but i'd explode because this phone call pissed me off. #i was like. oh soemthing must be WRONG if she's calling me today. she's not that fucking stupid #no actually she is that fucking stupid.

[feykingfrumpkin]

feeling feral and unhinged. i’ve been unfollowing everybody on insta because there’s no mass off toggle for the stupid broadcast channel, so i get a notification every time someone INVITES ME TO THEIR STUPID CHANNEL STOP TALKING TO ME STOP MESSAGING ME STOP SETTING UP A MASS GROUP CHAT WITH YOUR MILLION FOLLOWERS LIKE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS STOP BYPASSING MY REQUEST TO HAVE ZERO NOTIFICATIONS!!!

#HISS #biting every stupid influencer please just let me watch the occasional video of your cat or something in PEACE #i have notifications for literally everything turned OFF but whenever someone makes a broadcast channel it BYPASSES THE MUTE #im sorry for bitching im just sick of it #fuckin tumblr live fuckin insta broadcast channels fuckin whatever the fuck muskrat is doing #i am on insta to follow my favorite dicemakers and animal accounts that is ALL #already deleted my fb app and got rid of my twatter/x entirely #my teenage sister texted me to bitch about the fact that my insta account is on private so she can’t see what i’m doing at all times #i told her i post pics of dice and pets once every couple months ONLY why does she care so much #and how did she FIND my account #tumblr is nicer bc no one has this all-consuming need to know everything about me or get in my business #pls im so sick of everything i am TIRED #mosschat

[swagging-back-to]

also the people who keep telling me to go to collge are miserably obnoxious. according to my GED tests im already college level in every single subject. in reading and science i had the highest score possible. everything else was one point below the maximum score. going to college is a waste of my time, literally.

#this isnt a brag post this is a rant post #why the fuck would i torture myself with college when im already comparable to a college graduate #i dont need a stupid piece of paper #like seriously even in math im comparable to college students. i got 5 less than the maximum score in math. my absolute weakest subjuct #is 5 points below maximum scores. I LITERALLY DO NOT NEED COLLEGE. the people who work there and conduct the tests #DID go to college and they all told me they scored considerably less than me. a few of them said they barely scored passing scores. #So the people who graduate could possibly and are literally worse off than i am. #why. why would i waste 4+ years of my life and potentially hundres of thousands of dollars and make myself miserably #miserable**** #just shut up #every single time you fuckers tell me to go to college i am more and more convinced it's a waste of my time #and no i dont need to have a specific occupation title in mind for me to be successful. it's called being flexible #if i dont take up the jobs available i will starve. taking whatever job i can is better than waiting around for the world to give you every #thing on a silver platter. like seriously shut up you sound so entilted and ignorant to the realities of REALITY. #my entire fucking life it has been nothfing but people hounding me over college. LITERALLY since i was 5 fucking years old. #they had us write college essays for scholarships in second grade. #every field trip was to a college. we went to easily every single college in the state at least once. #every single fucking time i hated it more and more and i wanted to go less and less. #it enrages me. it makes me shake with hatred. it is such a fucking scam and yet everyone does free fucking advertising for it #why the FUCK do you give a SINGLE SHIT about what i choose to do or not to do in terms of collge. why the FUCK do you assume #that college is feasible for everyone in any way. (finacially emotionally physically etc etc) just fuck off serious fucking ly #rant #college is a scam #anti college

[luvjunie]

heyyy, idk if your request or open atm but could you write about miles (e-42) sneaking into the readers house at night, to hangout 🤗 nothing nasty LMFAOOO but like a cute lil moment

— 2:00 AM

pairing: e-42!miles x fem!reader

contains: fluff, miles being a big baby because yes

summary: miles has a hard time falling asleep when you’re not next to him. wc: 1,205

a/n: i loveee soft 42!miles omfg 😭 also i realized i changed up the plot a little after i’d already written it and came back to find the request, so i hope you still like it <3

Tossing and turning instead of getting a full night’s rest seemed to be the norm for Miles as of late.

He laid on his back with an irked sigh, hands scrubbing down his face as he lightly groaned into them. There was no need for him to check the time, he already had a pretty accurate guess seeing as he’d been checking his phone every twenty minutes when his eyes would spring back open after another failed attempt to fall asleep.

He missed you. That he couldn’t deny. He’d made the mistake of falling asleep with you one night, and he’s found himself suffering through the same old routine ever since. He’d never slept as peacefully as he did than when he was next to you, and his mind craved your presence more than it craved sleep apparently. The both of you could’ve slept on concrete and he still would‘ve sworn it was more comfortable than his own bed.

It was a stupid idea, and had he not been desperate for a solution he would’ve realized that. But there was no one to talk him out of it as he got up from his bed and fished around in his dimly lit room for his jacket and a pair of nike slides, so it looked like he’d be going through with it anyway.

He scribbled a quick note for his mom onto a post-it note, stuck it to the fridge for her to find after her shift and left their apartment without another thought, making sure to lock the door behind him.

Night walks through Brooklyn didn’t scare him, in fact they calmed him. Everything was quieter at this time, slower— and he knew these streets like the back of his hand. And even if he didn’t, he was pretty good with the switchblade he kept in his pocket at all times. Your place was only a few blocks away, and even through the slight haze casted over him from his lack of rest, he was still vigilant as ever.

He climbed the fire escape just three stories up until he got to your window, using both his hands to hoist him over the steel railing, his feet landing on the old metal as quiet as he could make them.

He hoped that you still kept it unlocked for him, that your offer stood firm when you told him he was welcome anytime. He whispered a plea before he curled his fingers under the edge, sighing in relief when the window lifted open, though the unpleasant squealing due to the age of the pane made him wince.

The last thing he wanted to do was wake you, so he only lifted it halfway, ducking down and stepping into your room and out of the cold. He glanced over to see your cheek still smushed against your pillow, your legs probably tucked into the fetal position with the way your blankets were swaddled around you.

He managed to close the window without making a sound, but on his way over to your bed he accidentally bumped into your dresser, causing a bottle of perfume to clatter into the other objects you had up there.

“Fuck—“ he hissed quietly, twin braids following the act of his head whipping in your direction when you stirred.

You weren’t the lightest sleeper, but the noise had been enough to startle you awake. Lifting your head from the pillow, you sat up quickly, eyes adjusting to make out who the hunched figure was. The two of you had said goodnight just a few hours ago, and now here he was, in your room.

”Miles?” There was a slight rasp to your voice.

“Hey, ma…” he responded, hands nervously hovering over the mess he’d unintentionally created. He fixed it to the best of his ability, but it definitely wasn’t the way you had it before.

You reached over and turned your clock towards you, the bright white numbers making you screw an eye shut.

“Miles, baby, it’s two am in the morning,” you grumbled sleepily, rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hands and yawning. “What are you doing here? Did something happen?”

Blinking the sleep from your sight, you took in his slightly slouched disposition. He looked exhausted, annoyance from his sleepless night evident in the way he sighed.

”Nah, nah,” he shifted from foot to foot, hand hesitantly raising to scratch his head. His idea seemed sensible at first. He was willing to do anything to get some shut eye, and to see you again, but now he just felt silly for waking you up for no good reason.

“Nothing happened, but I—I couldn’t sleep for shit. So I just thought—“ he rubbed his brow and gave a halfhearted shrug. “I don’t know, it’s stupid. I wasn’t thinkin’ straight and I just wanna be laid up with you. I really didn’t mean to wake you up and I can leave if—“

“It’s okay! It’s okay,” you cut his rambling short and opened up your blankets, scooting over to make room for him. “Come on.” Even in your drowsy state you could tell he was getting flustered trying to explain himself.

“Oh thank God,” he said beneath a breath as he shuffled his jacket and shoes off, eagerly slipping into your bed beside you.

You shifted back onto your side like you were before and pulled the blankets over the both of you, his arm instantly slinking around your waist to pull your body into his, your back against his chest.

“I love you so much.” he sighed tiredly.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath in through his nose just as your hand came up behind you to caress the top of his head. His behavior made it seem as if he hadn’t seen you in weeks; like he was trying to refresh his mind of every aspect of you.

“I love you too… Miles, are you sure you’re alright?” you asked, not yet all the way convinced.

“Mhm. Just needed to be with you.” he hummed, his words muffled as he pulled you closer.

“What about your mom? I don’t want her to be worried.”

He grunted at that, his response slurred and barely audible. “She know where I’m at.”

His fingers slipped under the waistband of your cotton sleep-shorts, hand traveling to the round of your lower stomach and resting over it. Why guys were so obsessed with the extra weight girls held there was still an anomaly to you. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it, but he always threw a fit if you didn’t let him hold you like that so you allowed it.

“Goodnight, Miles.” You murmured into the stillness of your room.

Your eyes opened after receiving no response from him, and you were barely able to turn your head to look over your shoulder since his own was occupying the space there.

“Miles?” you questioned gently.

Your answer came in the form of faint snores and slowed breathing from the boy who was knocked out behind you, a smile inching onto your lips at how quickly he dozed off. You let your eyes flutter to a close, ready to fall asleep again, but this time in the arms of your favorite person.

#junie’s works ᥫ᭡ #across the spiderverse fanfiction #earth 42 miles x reader #earth 42 miles fluff #earth 42 miles morales x reader #earth 42 miles morales x black!reader #miles morales x reader #miles morales fanfiction #miles 42 x reader #atsv fanfiction #atsv fluff #miles g morales x reader