#did this for someone I'm very gay for

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Do you think Wei wuxian listens to weezer?

I don't know...I don't know...I really don't know.....

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan sizhui #blood #I mean this in the most sincerest way possible: This ask has become my 'does bruno mars is gay' to me and anyone in close enough proximity #I first read this after having just woken up and it rattled me so intensely #would he???? I don't know??? It's dad music but it also sort of works for someone a little bit out of step with time? #I'm a bit of a wwx kinnie and I love music but I don't really have any headcanons for what modern music he'd like #other than 'unironically classical music and its one of the first things he bonds with lwj over as teens' #(they get into very heated arguments about composers and arrangements) #but also. the concept of wwx really liking wheezer to the point its the first thing he's gotta check in on after 13 years dead? #*that* did me in real good #I hope people enjoy this one as much as I did #'Does wwx listen to wheezer' Please oh god wheezer and mdzs fans please come together to tell me what songs wwx would like #my money is on 'lost in the woods' its so campy #EDIT: just been informed weezer doesnt have an H in it..this is how much i know. thank u everyone who left weezer recs in comments and tags

[chirpsythismorning]

Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.

In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.

Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.

I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.

This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.

And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.

See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.

And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?

I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.

I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.

I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).

Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.

Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.

We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.

Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.

Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?

Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??

Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!

So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?

#byler #no but most of the gay subtext is just so like... you really didn't have to do all that? #gay subtext at the expense of realism? check #mike thinks he's helping el by not breaking her heart and just being with her despite feelings for will he can't deny #very reminiscent of mike's 'maybe you thought you were helping but you weren't. you hurt me! what you did sucks!' #i do think it would be epic too see that moment come full circle but with el saying it to mike this time #bc i'm sure el would much rather have her heartbroken finding out that mike is incapable of loving her romantically #than to find out he was with her bc he didn't want to hurt her even at the expense of his own happiness #like no one wants to have someone be with them out of pity or obligation #we want someone to love us truly and deeply and genuinely! #we see how much el struggles in s4 bc of all the hints she's getting from mike that he doesn't genuinely love her #bc that's the most important part of a romantic relationship #it being equal #and it didn't feel that way #sure she's gonna be pissed #but she's gonna be more pissed he wasn't just honest #friends don't lie obvs

[beanghostprincess]

okay so for the people in the comments of this post and the other one i wrote about this: i am aware that this is something oda said (i actually don't know lmao i just saw people saying it ngl i doubt he said this and if he did y'all are misinterpreting the shit out of what he said). however, i personally think he meant it in a very specific context of "one of the mugiwaras betraying them in such a horrific way that luffy would have to force himself to say this".

the thing is, there are A LOT of things to have in mind when it comes to this statement. yeah. zoro would kill a mugiwara if luffy asked, but there's a lot going on before that even crosses his mind:

1. luffy would need a valid reason to want to kill a mugiwara (teach level of betrayal). and even then, i doubt he would ask zoro to kill them. but yeah, let's suppose hypothetically that he says that.

2. zoro would instantly assume something's wrong because luffy would NEVER say something like this. some of you act like he would act without hesitation when his devotion to luffy isn't irrational, but unconditional. he would stop, think about it, ask luffy why and if he's sure. and he would even try to stop him.

3. if stopping him doesn't work and the betrayal is bad enough, zoro would kill a mugiwara for luffy.

y'all make it seem like he would do it and kill nami (for example. he would never, tho) without hesitation when he would be the very first one to be against that idea and question luffy's irrationality. the whole thing about these two is that they trust each other bc they believe in each other, not bc they're blinded by love. it's such a deep understanding and trust that they would do anything for each other, and that also includes grounding the other and stopping them if they're wrong.

zoro's trust and loyalty is on luffy, of course, but assuming that it makes him unable to care for the other members of the crew and that it blinds him enough to kill them is just wrong.

answering the question y'all refuse to answer without thinking first: yes, zoro would kill a mugiwara if luffy asked under the right circumstances and after a long time thinking about it, but it wouldn't happen just because.

#anyway i'm tired of this discourse but i needed to say this #i did not just have the longest day at work for people to keep telling me that i'm reading zolu wrong #also what the hell with the devotion thing?? are y'all aware that zoro doesn't need to kill someone to prove he trusts luffy #like he's devoted to luffy in a very gay religious way but damn #dude is an ISTP stop making him act out of character #also tagging this as zolu bc somebody said i was trashtalking zolu and it's literally my fav ship #so this is just out of spite ngl #zolu #roronoa zoro #monkey d luffy #one piece

[cowgirleddiediaz]

Buck & Eddie in 6x13 +  ↳ some very interesting lighting choices

#i waited a week for someone else to make this but they didn't #rip to anyone following me who doesn't watch the gay weewoo show #911 fox #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buck buckely #this has lived rent free in my head all week #I've been through frame by frame #buck is the only character the gym lights go all bisexual for #and the little rainbow stripes behind eddie are only behind him #they aren't in buck's half of the frame #if they're really going nowhere with this then someone needs to let the lighting guy & cinematographer know #i'm not even sure what the lights behind eddie are supposed to be? #did they just slap a rainbow behind him for fun? #not a shred of narrative justification #just homosexuality #i think i might be fully in the clown car now #that is a little repressed gay man and his very confused bi boyfriend

[amariemelody]

Today I went on my first-ever date with another lady!

We met on the dating site H.E.R after chatting for over a month and though I was terrified of my 1st date as a bisexual woman, I'm also so, so very proud of myself for going thru with it.

Overall, my date was so very kind, attentive, funny, and pretty! She gave me a warm, tight hug when we met outside the burger joint; we chatted casually as we waited in line (she thought I was shy at first...and I was!!); she insisted I order first; she likes her iced tea sweet like I do.

She likes vanilla milkshakes with whipped cream and I like cheer-wine floats; she shared chicken wings with me and I shared french fries with her; when I teased her that she's nasty for liking bleu cheese dip, she unironically bought me hot pleasantly mild sauce for my fries and insisted it was mine; we both made each other burst out laughing with personal stories and anecdotes; we shared some minor pain with respect; she likes red and sportswear and I like pink and Barbie; she gave me an even bigger, tighter hug at the end of the date...the kind that makes my ribs hurt a little and makes my back feel squished.

Just the kind of hug I like.

She thinks I'm adorable as anything.

I'm not too sure where it's all going to go yet, but I cannot wait for our 2nd date to a movie next week! Gah!

-swoons-

@alexseanchai, @bittylildragon.

#I'm cry #So much cry #Like...I did it...I actually DID it... #Holy SHIT I am bisexual and it's fun and it's awesome and it's SAFE to be gay #The only thing is...we have VERY different...shopping/spending habits... #I think I went out with someone who has waaaaaaay more $$$$$ than I thought...certainly way more than me even while at my new job... #But we talked and we'll cross that bridge as it comes... #She's also gonna have to leave the country again for her job within the month...waaahhh... #But I'm overall feeling warm and fuzzy and VERY excited to see where all this goes!!! #Amarie talks #Amarie is a romance sap #Amarie is bisexual

[xeilon]

My hot take(?) of this update's going to be that Albrechts laments of how he doesn't deserve Loid are completely justified because he actually really doesn't, but at the same time this is (thank god) not about what he deserves but what Loid is willing to give, and we already know that that is more than likely everything, so shut up grandpa and if you're so bothered by you being unworthy than try to change That.

#i support gay wrongs but he already admitted that he didn't treat loid how he deserved and i agree #servant and master longing for each other is very fine but hurting your loved one to protect them and not explaining anything is not #and i hope someone will say that in the future #noticing some parallels between Tagfers 'my mate died and there's only me left of our kind' #and Loids 'my Albrecht left and I'm the one who has to bring him back/keep his work and legacy alive while doing so' #I think these two should have a talk about this actually #also that note where he admits he didn't have the COURAGE to go to loid for help but he was so disgusted of himself that he did it anyway?? #if whispers in the walls is tagfer loid grief counseling i hope 1999 will be albrecht guilt managment and communication with your partner #going full circle with Deimos family counseling #warframe #warframe spoilers #warframe loid #albrecht entrati #whispers in the walls

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

#ARE THEY STUPID! #dr who #this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao #m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle #until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head #bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such' #cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad. #i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but #first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE #two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her #or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine #Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this #went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING #THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.????? #you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce #ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues' #funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this #absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that #flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system #bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol #tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving #martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2 #if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime #together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth #as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character #shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons #why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings) #if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation #ten and martha #aspec doc tag

[clowndensation]

do think it's funny that the current roman theories all have to do with him literally fucking people. like i'm not saying it's not possible, the show can do whatever it wants and i trust it'll make sense. but. while there is something oedipally intriguing about the idea of roman replacing his father with another man and then literally fucking him, that doesn't... sound all that likely?

in the wake of "smart people know what they are" it makes significantly more sense to me that he's going to fuck over matsson (who's attempting to buy his father's legacy, and so, his corpse (the company + atn)) and get in deep with mencken as an ally (because the last good conversation he had with his dad was him telling roman that atn and mencken are where roman belongs), and the show is going to continue on it's very consistent path of making all relationships psychologically entangled to a fucked up degree, with no true physical release for anybody.

like. in a show where fucking someone has almost never been literal, i genuinely don't see why they'd stray from the metaphorical now.

#like a lot of people DO seem to be talking about metaphorical romencken fucking but good god #some of you very much are team 'but i don't WANT to watch roman suck mencken's literal actual dick in a real gay way' #which like. i mean 1. some people suck off fascists to cope so. um. that's ableist or whatever. #2. you won't have to? when has fucking someone ever meant Actually Fucking Them to roman roy. #like. i guess his dad dying could make him spiral in a 'start acting on all his repressed impulses' way #but. i will be honest. seems significantly more likely he's going to do his best to be The Best Son He's Ever Been out of reverence #and his dad very much did not want a f****t for a son. so. i think his impulse is going to be NOT to bend for people #literally or figuratively #like i'm kinda classifying some of you in the same category as the 'what if roman dies in the end' people like. i mean he could i guess #but why is that at the forefront of your mind as a Likely Possibility ajlafkjal? #this isn't spn. death isn't really on the table for most people. although it IS like spn in that gay sex is probably not going to happen #it's also like spn in the way that logan is in superhell now. btw. #succession

[moregraceful]

actually one thing causing severe sunday scaries is my former coworker said she'd front the cost of me submitting my writing to a pretty prestigious contest that includes mentorship and publication, and while i'm not afraid of being judged, because i know the value of my poetry and i know what it means to ME, i am deeply afraid of winning and someone being like do you have chapbook material, and me having to be like. well i have a pantoum about nathan mackinnon, some blackout poetry about being transgender from an article about the new jersey devils, and a really good poem-comic about grief and love and queer found family but it's also about witches and also it's kind of distantly fanfiction about the baltimore orioles but i don't have the art skill to pull it off. like hello? no. i don't fear anonymous judges disliking my poetry because ultimately i do not care about their opinion, i fear being asked to seriously consider publication of my nonsense poetry

#someone SHOULD publish the gay witches baltimore orioles death comic though. i will tell you that for free #the poem about sorrel and m is gonna hit tho. i just know it #my biggest thing abt my poetry is like i have a lot of raw talent imho but only college-level training so there's like. huge holes #i did consider an mfa in poetry at one point and then i was like. god i'd have to interact with other poets. i can't do that #so now i just write my little poems abt my friends for my friends and sometimes a pantoum about sports when i am motivated #actually post cancelled i just remembered i wrote a haiga abt california's fire season and william eklund last year #and now i'm furious bc i don't know what i did with the paper (my sister's master thesis is my poetry notebook except it's all loose leaf #so i never really know where my poetry drafts are)(this is also why i cannot get an mfa they'd tell me to try drafting in a slightly less #insane way. but i CAN'T.) #fresno oilers.txt #if i were smart i'd at the very least bookbind my sister's thesis so i'd have a notebook so i stop losing drafts. but i'm not smart :(

[spaghett-onaplate]

sixth day at my new school and i didn't sit alone at lunch today 🥳🥳

#woohoo!! #some girls invited me to sit with them so i did and chatted to them and this other guy #some of them are in my classes!! they were all very nice #honestly i was aiming to just try and fit in with the cishet boys and last week when i heard the rumour i was gay i was kinda freaked out #but i've scoped out the situation and it's not unsafe to be out (as bi. not anyone's business i'm trans) #so i realise it's better to just be open and have better chances of finding the right people than living in fear and squashing myself to-- #--fit in with the wrong people. bc if i can't be fully myself around someone then why would i want to be good friends with them?? #so yar i'll stick with other queer guys and supportive girls. gay guy/straight girl friendships are stereotypical but it's an ecosystem tha #works in a situation like high school tbh #ooo and i guess he was away today but the guy from a couple of my classes who i think is cute is in that group so added bonus #o and actually unrelated but at recess i went to this queer group thing i was invited to by a teacher last week #(recess is first and lunch is sceond) #i wasn't sure if i was going to go (mostly bc of my 'blend in' mindset) but i'm glad i did!! it was pretty nice #mostly just nice to get an idea of 'safe' people and teachers yaknow #'people and teachers' -- those aren't two mutually exclusive categories of being ajdsgjf but ykwim #and if i didn't go then i probably wouldn't have been in the better mindset for being just myself with everyone at lunch #so wahoo yippee :D #now i just needa keep talking to everyone and putting myself out there a bit more and i'll find the right people :)

[altruistic-meme]

if you could... describe aftg in 5 words

oh this is not as easy a question to answer as it should be akfhsdkf bc like. i could describe its plot, or my thoughts on it as a fan, or how it makes me feel, or just make a joke, or or or and bc idk why you're asking it makes it harder :'))

but let's see...

plot: gay sports mafia found family.

fan: drama, familiarity, trauma, comedy, home

feelings: love, understanding, chaos, joy, comfort

joke: you know, i get it-

(as you can see, i couldn't pick which one to go with, so choose whichever 5 words you want lmao)

#anyway the hard part is cus like. if you're already a fan then you KNOW it's plot #and i would go with either feelings or joke probably #if you aren't a fan you won't understand joke and maybe want the plot to see if you'd want to read it #in which case getting my feelings or thoughts on it could also help you decide #especially bc 'gay sports mafia' is something it has been described as OFTEN #and thus you wouldn't necessarily need ME to tell you that #anywya #i spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME thinking about this so ya know. i do hope you see this kshdfhsd #i know how it can be sending anon asks #especially if you don't follow the person you sent it to like MAN rememebring to check in and then scrolling the blog to find it???? #so sorry i never shut up here #anyway if you ARE someone who hasn't read it yet and are interested; please feel free to reach out to me with any questions!!! #aftg contains a lot of potentially triggering material so it's good to have some understanding of what you're walking into! #(i did not but thankfully i'm not easily triggered by most things lmao but it still is nice to have that warning) #aftg #askers #anon #shh ac #also if you HAVE read it please appreciate my joke. i think im very funny.

[chirpsythismorning]

As a gay Mike truther, this is my favorite bi-Mike evidence

#byler #don't like piling on the discourse #but again #as much as i am a gay mike truther #bi mike is something very special to me #one way -> #'it doesn't have to be one-way.' #oh... so what you're saying is mike's probably been trying to convince himself he can't be gay bc he's attracted to women too...? #but mike.. #did you know you can like both? #that it doesn't have to be one way...? #mike in the shot alone right in front of jonathan as he says this #then panning over to reveal will and el paralleling each other #it's whatever #technically me saying i'm a gay mike truther bc the evidence supports it could be seen as invalidating to bi-mike truthers and vise-versa #but healthy discourse needs to be encouraged #just because you don't like someone's interpretation/it goes against yours that doesn't make it inherently homophobic/biphobic #it means you're feeling challenged and that's okay! #bask in it and move on #and if ppl are harassing you #just know they probably have a humiliation kink and you're just feeding it by giving them attention #it's likely they don't care that they've hurt your feelings and nothing is going to change that #not worth the energy

[pearldefiance]

The difference isn't "people write fanfiction now and it's fundamentally unserious and unworthy to be Culture." People who break out the smelling salts and head to the fainting couch when they hear "Dante's Divine Comedy was fanfiction" are ignoring the point that cultural production is the same as it ever was: Any foundational cultural myth has hundreds to thousands of different versions that each reflect the experiences of contributors from different times and places. Look at Robin Hood. Look at King Arthur. (I'm picking those because they're the easy ones most Westerners know. What I'm saying is broadly applicable.)

What has changed is that corporations now own the majority of foundational cultural myths and leverage them as capital. That gives them carte blanche to claim that derived works are fundamentally lesser and subject to their authority, a claim most people accept uncritically. "Fanfiction" has always been going on as long as you recognize that "fans" are the folk in folklore. They receive something from a storyteller, they change it, and their versions drastically outnumber the so-called official version. For most of history, the folk have defined the grounding myths that underpin their social consensus. It was very difficult to nearly impossible to point back into history and say "this was the first, canonical version from the real author." In many cases, we still can't figure it out. And it's probable we never will, because narratives weren't (that kind of) capital for most of history.

This is just another way fences are being placed around the commons and we are all being robbed of something intrinsically human, the right to shape and share the collective semiotic space.

#non-pearl #self #text #I'm finally in my new home in Portland #I'll soon be blogging again #but there's somebody else doing this job faster and better than I ever did it #so I no longer worry that Pearl stuff won't be preserved unless I work on it myself ^.^ #HOWEVER #I'm soon going to be starting a second blog #which will have me eating very very very very well #for many years to come #watch closely for someone even more controversial #misunderstood #and gay (arguably) #than Pearl #I have discovered no human is worthy of my service #but I can still derive the nutrients I need to grow #from the right kind of fiction

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i have developed the habit of just saying "i'm gay" whenever i can tell someone is about to speak to me so i gain the high ground in any conversation which leads to me saying it sometimes when i hear a noise and sometimes i'll be in the kitchen cooking or whatever and a cat will jump down from somewhere and i'll hear it and immediately immediately stop whatever i'm doing to spin around and go "i'm gay" and stare them down before i realize that it was a cat all along

#i only really do this w family but once i accidentally did it when someone was complimenting my socks and i blanked so they said #i like your socks and i was just like. i'm gay. she actually was very excited bc she is also gay she was very happy i was too which is nice #they were knee-high pastel rainbow socks btw so it wasn't really a non-sequitur but it was not purposeful

[magentagalaxies]

one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)

but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:

"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"

and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"

to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.

anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this

it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week

so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?

another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number

#i just love old gay men so much lmao #and they seem to love me (or at least the ones in the second example did lmao) #also one of the other indicators that the first guys only knew about scott's personal life from his wikipedia page #is that they assumed the last boyfriend mentioned on there was someone scott was still dating to this day #and they were like ''oh i'm so happy to hear you have (boyfriend's name)'' meanwhile scott is like ''uh sorry we broke up 21 years ago'' #meanwhile i'm like SAME NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ALIVE SCOTT!! #to be fair scott hasn't had a serious long-term relationship since then so we have joked about my birth somehow being the antichrist #but just for scott thompson's romantic life. like there's some curse that scott can't be in a serious relationship until i am #which is very funny bc both of us did in fact have a date we were looking forward to when we got back from the tour #in my case mine is with a hot nonbinary person who works at the venue where scott did his boston show and that's how we met lmao #this is also why i was pissed off that my instagram locked me out bc i have hot nonbinary person's instagram but not their phone number #and i said i'd message them when i got back from the tour. which i cannot do #tempted to just message them as mouth congress (the one account i can still get into) and send them my phone number #maybe i'll do that if i don't get my instagram back by buddy's birthday #anyway maybe this is oversharing about both my love life and scott's love life but i just find it very funny #like i was never someone in high school who went on dates and gossiped about it with my friends #and now i get to have some bizarre version of that where my peer group is goddamn scott thompson???? #between this and me pulling up the lowest show pic in like 2 seconds yeah maybe we are weirdly close lmao #but i wouldn't have it any other way