au where diego exclusively fights with kebab skewers and rapiers
♡ Yandere Headcanons: The Umbrella Academy || Beloved With a Fear of Intimacy Due to Trauma ♡
♡ 00.01 || Luther Hargreeves
- Luther has a hard time trying to accommodate his intimacy-repulsed Beloved. He knows it’s from past trauma but he can’t help projecting his own fears and insecurities. What if his Beloved secretly doesn’t like him? And can’t his love heal their lingering trauma? It’s definitely a strain on the relationship but it’s not a complete deal breaker for Luther; he can learn to adapt.
♡ 00.02 || Diego Hargreeves
- Diego’s own childhood trauma has manifested in a similar way so he completely understands. He knows there are other ways of expressing love, other ways of being intimate outside of traditional touch. He’ll do things like cook or clean, play his Beloved’s favorite show/movie/music, buy them a small gift, and other little actions that shows he cares and is thinking of his Beloved.
♡ 00.03 || Allison Hargreeves
- It’s a little disheartening for Allison to not be as intimate as she’s like to be with her Beloved, but she doesn’t mind too much. She loves her Beloved dearly, this is something they can work around together. She knows her Beloved loves her even if they show it in a different way and that’s what is most important to her.
♡ 00.04 || Klaus Hargreeves
this is just Horrance
- Klaus thrives on intimacy in all its forms, it’s how he operates as a yandere: manipulation of emotions through intimacy via imitation and denial. Having a Beloved who is intimacy repulsed stripes Klaus of his tactics as a yandere, so he has to work it from another angle. While Klaus never demands his Beloved give something unwillingly he will guilt trip and threaten to leave his Beloved in arguments knowing the lack of intimacy is an Achilles’ Heel for his Beloved. Like with Luther, the lack of intimacy brings up Klaus’ own insecurities, but Klaus numbs them, like everything else.
♡ 00.05 || Five Hargreeves
- Five knows communication is key, that what his Beloved may be comfortable with one moment may not be okay the next. He keeps an open dialogue with his Beloved, and not just about boundaries and comfort, but the trauma and abuse too. He wants his Beloved to know they can reply on him fully for safety of all kind.
♡ 00.06 || Ben Hargreeves
- Ben understands in his own way, he has interseminsional beings that can tear apart the human body in a matter of seconds hidden away in his chest… he has his own fears about intimacy. Can he control the beasts should they ever get a will of their own? Where do the monsters end and Ben begins? Is he even worthy of love when he’s hurt so many people? He doesn’t talk about it with his Beloved. It’s just sort of this thing between them, unaddressed and ignored, worked around. It doesn’t hurt the relationship, but it doesn’t help it either.
♡ 00.07 || Vanya Hargreeves
- Vanya never wants to make her Beloved uncomfortable, or inflict more trauma, but her fears get in the way. Is she too ordinary? Is she not enough for her Beloved? Still she loves and supports them, and tries to create a healing environment while keeping her own insecurities at bay.
Luther would go to jail for tax evasion. Then again, you can’t pay taxes if you’re on the moon.
As he has before, Diego would definitely go to jail for obstruction of justice. Let’s say one day, he gets on the wrong officer’s side, and Patch isn’t there to bail him out. Tough luck, Diego.
In a world in which Allison would have to face consequences (and didn’t have use of her powers), she would go to jail for bribery. Without her “I heard a rumor”, it turns out that getting Diego off that obstruction of justice charge proved to be a whole lot harder than she thought, and that the officer she was trying to bribe was NOT having it.
Klaus would probably go to jail for illegal drug possession. We know Klaus. He’d probably try to sweet talk his way out of it, not that it’d do much good. Oh well, at least he tried.
This one was a bit tricky, but Five would most likely go to jail for assault. Say somebody got on his nerves on the worst day. He wouldn’t hesitate to threaten or possibly smack the hell out of whoever is vexing him. The “kid” is pretty threatening, though, so it would take a cop that’s either really stupid or really brave to stop him.
Ben is capable of going to jail for getting roped into whatever Klaus was doing. Klaus told him he wanted to go get waffles, so Ben decided to drive them to the diner. Of course, it was just Klaus’ cheap excuse to meet up with the dealer in the parking lot, completely unaware of the patrol car sitting a few feet away.
And I personally don’t think Vanya would ever step foot in a jail. Unless we’re counting that whole “ending the world” thing. What would the charge even be for that? Involuntary humanity slaughter? And she DID kill that guy that one time… Okay, if the whole apocalypse business hadn’t happened, I think Vanya would be too careful to get herself locked up.
diegos wearing this in season two
The same empathy you show for Vanya, Klaus, 5 and Ben needs to be shown for Allison and Luther too. They were all abused as growing up (physically and emotionally) and that abuse effected all of them differently, the double standard needs to stop.
Vanya: [ends the world]
Vanya: April Fool’s guys!!
The Umbrella Academy:
Diego: Vanya, I typed your symptoms into this computer here,
Diego: And it says you have [reads screen] Network Connectivity problems.
This it so cute, thank you for the prompt!
It was nice having Five back, Diego thought. After he had disappeared, their hope that he would return slowly diminished until it was non-existent. And then he was just, back. Same as the day he left, only he wasn’t. Despite the fact that he acted like the crotchety old man he insisted he was, Diego still saw him as his kid brother, and he wanted nothing more than to give him the rest of the childhood he missed out on. Not that the one the rest of them were left with was any good, but he knew it was much better than living in an isolated wasteland. So he went out of his way to catch up with Five, share stories and do things that he knew the other liked. He had forgotten just how alike they were, especially when it came to their fascination with sharp objects.
They stood in Diego’s room, going over his knife collection. Five admired each one, holding them in his hand and feeling the heft of its weight.
“Hey, watch this,” Diego nudged his shoulder to gain his attention.
“Hm?” he asked, barely tearing his gaze away from the blade.
Diego balanced a knife on his finger, the point just barely digging into his skin. “Pretty cool huh?” he asked. Five pressed his lips together in a thin line and nodded curtly. Diego rolled his eyes, letting the handle fall into his palm. “Okay, fine. Watch this then,” he said, readying another trick. This time, humoring him and watched.
Little did they know, they were not alone. Klaus sat on the other side of the door, his ear pressed to the wood. His hands had the faintest blue glow, making Ben tangible enough to be able to touch and interact, but remain unseen. He stood behind Diego, a wide grin on his face as his hands moved ever closer to his sides. He was just about to try his new trick now that he had Five’s attention when Ben struck. He wormed his fingers into Diego’s sides, making him flinch and squirm. He looked over his shoulder, but only saw his empty room. Five stood there, brows furrowed.
Diego shook it off, and began balancing the edge of the blade on top of the other. Ben suppressed his giggles, not sure if they would be able to hear him or not. Diego smiled, seeing the vaguely amused expression on his brother’s face. Then he felt that damn fluttering at his sides again. And it didn’t stop. He squirmed around, quickly grabbing the balancing knife before it could fall. A few chuckles slipped out, despite his best efforts. His arms clamped down on his sides as he thrashed about.
Five watched in amusement, not quite sure what was going on but thought it was entertaining all the same. He rested his chin in his palm, hand pressed against his mouth to hide his smile. In spit of himself, he started to laugh at the funny sight before him.
Ben has mercy on him and backed off, leaving Diego confused and giggly. He squinted at Five, who was still muffling his chuckles.
“Are you laughing at me?” he asked, stepping forward. Five stopped, eyes going wide, as he knew what was coming. Memories from years passed flashed before his eyes and before he knew it, Diego wrapped his arms around him.
“No! Get away!” His legs kicked out as Diego lifted him off the ground, fingers digging into his stomach. Bubbly giggles filled the room, and a fond smile lit up both Diego and Ben’s features. On the other side of the door, Klaus was smiling brightly.
“You think I’m so funny? I’ll give you something to really laugh about!” Diego teased. He walked his fingers up his ribs, making his laughter increase in pitch.
“Fuck ohohoff!” Five yelled. He thrashed in his hold, managing to elbow him in the chest hard enough that he let him go. He teleported away; the last thing Diego saw was a wide grin and evil glare sent his way. He bolted out of his room in search of his younger older brother, not quite finished with their fun.
The door slammed into Klaus’s face, sending his flying back with a yelp. He clutched his bleeding nose, moaning in pain. Ben appeared at his side, patting his shoulder. Klaus smiles up at him, a few tracks of red running down his face. There was a bit of blood between his teeth as he spoke. “Totally worth it.”
Thanks for playing! And yes, I ship it, it’s nice to do one of the rarer ones for a change! *^*
- …werewolf/hunter: Obviously, Diego and his knife-throwing offers for a great hunter and Klaus would make for a cute wolfy?
- …mermaid/fisherman: Tough one. Because like for some unfathomable reason is Diego’s UA nickname Kraken (why just why. He THROWS KNIFE. And they literally have someone on the team whose actual superpower are tentacles, just… someone EXPLAIN) so I guess octopus-merman!Diego who would actually deserve that nickname would be fun, but on the other hand can I really see merman!Klaus just flopping onto that ship and refusing to leave and grumpy annoyed fisherman!Diego just wants to be out with his boat in peace and quiet…
- …witch/familiar: mmmmmmmh warlock!Klaus who gives seances to earn his money and growly, protective wolf-dog familiar!Diego??
- … barista/coffee addict: Klaus as a barista and Diego, who stumbled in there to get a coffee after a rough case (cop!Diego) kind of starts frequenting the place for the barista
- …professor/teaching assistant: Afghsefkesef the thought of either of them as a professor, or as a student who would actually work as a ta, is ridiculous oh my gods… I genuinely… gah… Mh, professor!Diego and ta!Klaus who really only signed up to get it on with the prof…?
- …knight/prince(ss): Diego would be such a nice knight! And a very exasperated knight, because he has to protect prince!Klaus who keeps sneaking out to parties and such!
- …teacher/single parent: loool dad!Klaus who raises Five on his own and teacher!Diego who has to put up with Five in his class and honestly, there are a lot of reasons to call his dad into school :D”““
- …writer/editor: Okay hear me out here; Diego who secretly writes really trashy romance novels and editor!Klaus?
Diego: I think I know what’s going on in your head.
Klaus: Well then, welcome to the Terror Dome.
JUST RMEMEBERD I HAD A DREAM WHERE ALL THE HARGREEVES WERE SHOUTING “GO DIEGO GO” TO HELP ENCOURAGE DIEGO
Happy Apocalypse Day, my guys
Is this why the Commission wanted to end the world? So humanity wouldn’t have to face this hellhole of a year?
Today is my birthday.
It is also apocalypse day.
I want a trailer.
k thanks umbrella acad ✌🏼
Netflix Luther: Murder is wrong
Comic Luther, holding a gun to Diego’s head after throwing him out a window: you’re talking a lot of shit for someone in murdering distance
THE HARGREEVES SIBLINGS AS CANDLES/CANDLE HOLDERS
diego hargreeves should be protected at all costs.