#dilemma ...
ahrasliaayahanambar · 41 minutes ago
And I will write about music because there is something that is bothering me. Namely, in a few days I'm going with a close friend to a concert (this time not metal) and I'm really happy, I can't wait and so on, but here is a "but" ... because my friend (he is a very good friend in fact the one of my best friends), in my opinion, he became a bit too attached to one musical genre, and this music genre (bands) provides fans with more content than others (this is my impression), I, in turn, have ceased to be so interested in this music genre (sure, I'm listening it still but my interests have really diminished significantly). Well, now there is a serious problem because I would like to tell him somehow (of course in such a way as not to fly out of the fastest train in the country on Saturday xd) although recently something happened that really influenced him (regarding this musical genre) and I have a dilemma whether ''hit'' him with this message, pretend that everything is ok or tell him it earlier or wait for what he will say (because he might as well have guessed).
I honestly don't know what to do because in my life I would never have thought that such a situation would happen one day...damn
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mellow-oh · 2 days ago
Sometimes... sometimes I think referring to myself as aroace spec is a good idea.
'Cause like... I don't have almost any experience in terms of romance.
My "experience" literally consists of one lesbian developing a crush on me after we were talking for like... a week?
And a questioning friend who developed feelings for me while I had none for her?
And hanging around on dating sites, annoyed with the idea of swiping profiles based on pictures.... I just want to talk to people, hello? I don't care THAT much about looks as creatiors of these kind of apps might think (jokeon them!)
I always find myself preferring talking to girls while resisting talking to guys, because somehow in my head I worry a guy would like me romantically and... I don't like that as an idea already? While girls, I'm not worried about them to this degree I guess...? Unless they start to treat me in ways that makes me go "hmm" and which may or may not trigger my p*aro*noia 😅 (although I try not to let it get I to my head too much)
Most of all, I've never been romantically attracted to anyone. I think I experience aesthetic attraction, probably sensual one as well... both towards girls. Guys.... just don't really exist for me for most of the time. Nothing personal, I just don't find myself interested or drawn to them in any way... jot even platonically.
On the other hand, no one I knew irl would ever ask me out or say they liked me romantically. I'm lowkey not existing on a dating scene 🤣 I don't even know if it's a good thing or bad. I'm mostly neutral, tho to be frank I would like to be viewed like that by someone I know in person just to figure out how that would make me feel... would I like it or not.
But yeah, my point is I don't know 100% WHERE on the spectrum I am exactly. So far I think I am.... SOMEWHERE on it 😂
For a long time (8 years!) I went with aro ace.
But I do think me being demi still might be an option, especially since I haven't really get a chance to get close to anyone to see if maybe romantic feelings or sth like that would appear after all.
And in all honesty, if I were to be demi... I think it is more likely that I would be demi lesbian & ace than straight demi & ace.
Because I get along with girls better than with guys. Guys are like... people from different planets 😂 I just can't see myself being involved with one in other way as being friends.
(I do have a guy friend so I can tell that with some a friendship can work. But a romantic relationship? Nope)
So anyways, the main reason why I think aroace spec label is "safer" is because well... it is an umbrella term do wherever i am ok the spectrum, aroace spec covers that. And heck, if I were to find a micro label someday that better defines who I am then I'd just claim that microlabel rather than going "okay, so I'm not aroace after all... I am XY" and confuse those few people in my life whom I already told I am aromantic 🤭
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passingdaysthings · 2 days ago
8.09.2022 - Complicated Feelings
Today is Tuesday. 
I am writing this super early in the morning because I just couldn’t fall to sleep. I woke up after sleeping for about 2 hours, but it seems like I have a lot on my mind. Before I address those complicated feelings, I would like to give a quick update: 
1. I am now a student at the University of Denver, and I will be pursuing a Masters of Science in Data Science. Classes will be starting Sept. 12.
2. I have a job, but it’s more of a for fun one and allows me to have extra spending money. 
Back to what this post is really about. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5.5 years at the beginning of May this year because I felt like our relationship had become very one-sided, and I was putting in all the effort to maintain it. I also felt that he didn’t “love” me the way he use to, and that realization came with a new friend I had made online. My ex and I met in college when I was 20 and he was 21, and we were both relatively new to dating. I really enjoyed our relationship, and I have no regrets dating my ex. I broke up with him, but we did it on amicable terms. I think that he just didn’t know that he was losing interest in our relationship. Another big factor that contribute to our break-up was the fact that we were in a long distance relationship between the US and Hong Kong so COVID really lessened the time that we saw each other and talked. There was also the fact that I was focused on getting higher education, and he had a demanding full-time job. There were other cracks too like he wouldn’t call or message me, he wouldn’t tell me what he was up to, and he would spend time playing games rather than talking to me, but tell me he is busy. He was also saying things that made it clear he was done with our relationship, but he just didn’t know it. We also had a lot of arguments about his inattentiveness, and it just didn’t change so I chose to end it. 
Now that I have added some context, I will circle back to how my online friend helped me realize that it was time to end my relationship and move on. This is the start of my complicated feelings. I met this friend around Oct of 2021 through a video game, and we were just gaming friends. I’ve never met him in real life, and we did not talk much one on one until around April of 2022. We spent a lot of time talking about a lot of random things outside of gaming once we started talking, but it was all friendly. We even talked about our romantic relationships, but I did not tell him about all the issues I was having in my own relationship at the time. He made me realize simply that if someone wanted to talk to me then they would. I have never met this online friend in real life, but he would talk to me everyday about the most random things which I really enjoyed. I think it was really enjoyable because we had a lot in common, and this realization really put a nail in the coffin for my relationship with my ex. I did not enjoy talking to my ex nearly as much as this friend, and I felt like I only wanted attention from him because he had the title of “my boyfriend”. That’s when I decided I should just end it because I was only holding onto our 5 years together and memories, but it wasn’t the same anymore. 
On to the next order of business, and why I am probably awake after only 2 hours of sleep. My online friend for the first time since April has ignored me for a whole day, and yes, it is weird. We have talked everyday since April, but we barely exchanged 10 words today. This isn’t exactly something that happened suddenly though. Last night, I had called him after gaming because he had been a dick to me randomly for the past few days, and I wasn’t really happy about it. He told me that he had a lot going on since he had gotten COVID and his brother got shot in the face during a road rage incident. He apologized and told me that he didn’t really know how to process everything and that he didn’t mean to make me upset or take it out on me. I knew about the incident with his brother prior to me calling him out though, and we had spent all his COVID quarantine together playing games and watching anime and Korean dramas together. I enjoyed our time so much that I actually hadn’t played many games with my irl friends. He also told me that he would most likely distance himself from me simply beacuse that’s how he is. He didn’t know how to handle everything and just kept apologizing to me even though I reaasured him that I was only trying to understand why he was lashing out randomly. 
Here is more background information on my relationship with my online friend and things that we do together that will make the complication more understandable. We both acknowledge each other as best friends, and I believe that I was the one who started this because I wanted to make it clear I was not interested in a relationship after my break-up. He also stated that he was not interested in a relationship after this previous ex had cheated on him so I felt like we were on the same page at the beginning. As our relationship deepened, we began to flirt (?) more, and we did more things that made us seem like a couple, and this was to the point where my little sister had asked me if something was going on between us because we spelt so much time together. Some things that made my sister question our friendship, our messages (flirty ones), staying on the phone all night, sleeping on the phone together, staying up all night watching anime and dramas togethe, and the fact that we both acknowldged that talking to each other had become such a big part of our daily routines that it felt really weird and unusual if we didn’t talk. Note: he didn’t say much to me today after our altercation. First off, I am fucking sad that he didn’t even message me back today, but he did say some words to me while we played games. I would like to confidently say that I have a crush on him, but we have never met in-person (I know what he looks like, and we have face-called). Some issues I have with him though is that he tends to bottle issues and problems up as much as possible and push people way which he acknowledges that he does due to childhood truama, but I am someone who values all of my friendship and like to get to the bottom of things so now I am not sure what I should do. I don’t want to push him too hard. Do I give him time to process what happened to his brother? Do I continue to message him in support? Do I not send messages because he isn’t responding? Am I being over-bearing? I am just not sure what I can do, but I know for a fact that I am an important person to him. I think the biggest thing that really pushed me to acknowledge my feelings was a trip we had planned. I called him one night recently to just have our usual late night talk, but then we started planning a trip together because I am going to see my sorority sister soon. He was being cute and whining about how our time together would be limited due to my trip, but he was excited for me. In response to this and his suggestion for a friendship sleepover, I suggested that I just take another trip to see him for a week during my winter break, and we could hangout in-person for the first time. I did this not expecting much because he had become super anxious after getting cheated on, and he wasn’t very fond of seeing me irl or so I thought. He started by making jokes about how I should just stay for a day or half a day or even just fly over this house which I responded with “okay, maybe I just go for 3 days instead of a week”. This is where I was shocked with his response. He responded to me with a “you hate me” which he does anytime I do something he doesn’t want, and I think it’s pretty funny. I told him fine, I would stay for a full week, and he said he would take the whole week off of work and house me as well. Quick fucking change LOL. I was shocked because my offer was just another senseless cute thing to add to our conversation. I thought it would just end there, but then we talked about places to eat and hike (we both like hiking). He even suggested we take a smaller trip within this trip to go hiking and eat at a really nice restaurant. This was a place he had previously gone to with his ex so I initially rejected the idea because I’m jealous. It legit sounded so fun, BUT he did it with his ex. I told him “No, I don’t wanna go if you went with your ex”, but he responded with “No, we should go and re-write those memories”. That really got me. I did my best to act cool and accepted the idea. Like.. that is so cute.. and it sounded so fun.. 
To end this post, my question is now... are we just friends or does he have feelings for me too? I just don’t know what he considers things he would do with a “friend” vs a “girlfriend”. I do my best not to think too much into what he says and take them as face value, but there are some things that are hard not to read into. 
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thenewslytical · 3 days ago
The M.M.A. Physician’s Dilemma: To Cease or To not Cease the Struggle
The M.M.A. Physician’s Dilemma: To Cease or To not Cease the Struggle
To listen to extra audio tales from publications like The New York Occasions, obtain Audm for iPhone or Android. CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Late one Saturday night in June, two males of their 20s stood throughout from one another, shirtless and swaying, in a combined martial arts cage in Exhibit Corridor B of the Chattanooga Conference Middle. The mat was sticky, a darkish canvas of blood and foot…
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दुविधा से बाहर निकलिए
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nishabila · 9 days ago
Proposal Ta'aruf
Halo semua pembaca tumblr setiaku~ Aku kembali lagi dan ingin berbagi cerita seputar kehidupan sebelum dan sesudah menikah, yah mungkin karena hal ini yang sering kali berada di sekitarku, tentang keraguan maupun keresahanku. Semua cerita yang aku tulis disini adalah caraku untuk mengambil hikmah dibalik sebuah kejadian dan juga jalan untuk berdamai dengan keadaan.
Singkat cerita, ada seorang teman perempuan dari saudara sepupuku. Sebut saja namanya Mawar. Ia seorang ASN yang sudah mulai menata karirnya dengan baik dan kini sedang menempuh kuliah Magister. Usia Mawar bisa dibilang mendekati angka 30. Sebenarnya dari pihak keluarga sudah sering kali menanyakan pertanyaan "kapan menikah?" karena memang Mawar adalah anak perempuan pertama dari dua bersaudara. Sehingga mungkin lagi lagi banyak sekali harapan harapan yang ia tanggung. Sempat beberapa kali gagal dalam urusan asmara membuatnya jengah dan juga bingung harus bagaimana. Kemudian tiba-tiba datanglah proposal ta'aruf ala akhi akhi ini. Di dalam pernyaratan atau kriteria tertulis dengan sangat jelas dan gamblang bahwa si laki-laki ini hanya menyebutkan kriteria fisik saja. Seperti berat badan kurang dari 70kg, hidung mancung, dan satu lagi ia juga menuliskan tidak berasal dari keluarga broken home. Harus bisa naik motor, nyetir mobil bonus ~ wadidawwww setampan rupawan apakah si akhi akhi ini ? (mohon maaf ini mau nyari calon istri apa kurir mas pfffttttt wkwkw)
Dalam proposal ta'arufnya ia menyebutkan bahwa kriteria fisik sangat penting karena ia ingin membangun keluarga yang sehat jasmani dan rohani. Asek nggak tuh. Mana mbak Mawar berasal dairi keluarga yang bisa dibilang cukup berada apalagi punya mobil pribadi buat dia plus bisa nyetir nah lo kurang apalagi coba. Berasal dari keluarga cemara lagi. Lengkap sudah, eh tapi ternyata ada satu yang tidak bisa terpenuhi yaitu berat badan. Sungguh amat disayangkan. Kemudian Mawar memutuskan untuk tidak melanjutkan proses ta'aruf ini ke tahap berikutnya.
Menurutku, sebenarnya ta'aruf sendiri juga bukan hal yang berbahaya atau semengerikan itu apabila dilakukan dengan cara yang baik dan benar. Melalui perantara yang memang sudah mengenal baik kedua belah pihak bukan hanya salah satu saja apalagi tidak mengenal keduanya. Karena bagaimanapun juga tanggungjawabnya besar guys. Satu lagi, untuk masalah tidak ingin mendapat pasangan dari broken home, hmmm mungkin bisa di definisikan lagi terkait "broken home" yang seperti apa nih yang dimaksud. Karena ada loh keluarga yang utuh, masih berada dalam satu KK namun apa yang ada di dalam keluarga itu saling terpecah belah, ada juga yang seperti keluarga cemara namun tidak saling tahu satu sama lain, ada juga keluarga yang utuh namun semua terdiam membisu tidak ada kehangatan di dalamnya. Sedangkan yang "broken home" sendiri masih menerima kehangatan dan juga kasih sayang dan perhatian dengan baik dari keduanya, yah meskipun semua kembali kepada kondisi keluarga masing-masing. Jadi ya lebih baik dikomunikasikan lagi aja ya mas bagaimananya hahah.
Berbicara tentang ta'aruf aku sedikit ada pengalaman yang yah belum sampai ke arah serius untungnya hahaha. Semoga bisa ada hikmah yang diambil.
Jadi beberapa waktu lalu ada seorang teman ingin mengenalkankku dengan seseorang. Awalnya aku menolak karena yah aku belum ada pikiran sama sekali untuk ke arah serius dan menikah, ya karena dia bilang yang mau dikenalin ke aku seorang hafid dan juga sudah berkeinginan untuk menikah cuma ya belum ada calon aja, jadi dia menawarkan untuk dikenalkan. Berhubung ini juga kali pertama untuk aku jadi aku sampaikan kabar ini ke ibuku untuk melihat keputusan selanjutnya bagaimana. Ternyata mak jreng ibuku bilang yaudah coba dulu aja kita nggak pernah tau jodoh apa nggak kan tapi inget jangan berharap dulu ya sekedar kenalan aja gapapa.
Udah nih ya aku narik ulang perkataanku dan ya aku mau mencoba untuk membuka diri dengan orang yang belum aku kenal sama sekali. Sampai akhirnya temanku memberikan akun instagramku ke mas mas ini. Sebenernya aku juga nggak mau yang terlalu formal juga si kayak tukeran CV atau apalah ya karena aku belum mau aja kali ya. Akhirnya aku cari tau banyak tentang mas mas ini lewat perantara teman yang kebetulan berkuliah di dekat kota yang mas mas ini kuliah. Ya dia belum lulus dan katanya si akan lulus akhir tahun ini.
Setelah mencari tahu informasi dari beberapa informan tentang kepribadian mas ini, bahkan nontonin hampir semua seminar onlinenya dan juga podcast yang ngundang dia buat jadi pemateri. Kalau secara tampilan mmm mungkin ya tidak begitu charming ehe namun secara kepribadian ya semoa masyaAllah tabarakallah ya hahaha walaupun nggak tau juga gimana-gimananya. Namun semakin kesini kok semakin nggak ada kepastian atau kabar. Dan kenapa keadaannya jadi terbalik seakan-akan aku yang mencari kepastian. Ditambah lagi temanku yang mau mengenalkan seolah ingin tak ingin bzzz. Baru kali ini juga aku melakukan shalat istikharah untuk kali pertama. Aku berdoa :
Ya Allah jika Engkau ketahui hal ini tidak baik baguku, bagi agamaku dan bagi penghidupanku dan tidak baik akibatnya bagiku di dunia dan akhirat maka jauhkanlah hal ini bagiku. Pertemukankanlah hamba dengan jodoh dengan takdir yang baik, tampakkan kebaikan dan keshalihan jasmani dan rohaninya. Bila ada keburukan darinya mohon tampakkan pula bagi kami, bagi ayah ibu kami, karena kemampuan kami sangat terbatas mengetahui hal itu"
Jujur, sebenarnya setelah satu kali melakukan sholat istikharah, ada sebuah kabar tentang mas ini yang sedikit membuatku kaget dan takut, yah namun semoga permasalahan itu segera usai ya mas. Setelah satu bulan lebih berlalu dari tawaran awal di bulan Maret tepatnya. Kemudian tiba-tiba saja temanku mengirimkan pesan singkat melalui whatsapp
"Eh nis kamu sebagai cewek nggak perlu nunggu mas ***** . Dia masih diem aja soale. Kalau ada yang mau datang duluan kamu buka hati aja"
Bulan Mei pesan ini sampai dan ya aku sedikit lega karena aku udah nggak perlu lagi jadi agen FBI buat cari informasi seputar orang yang belum aku kenal betul ini. Fyuh ~ jujur lega banget. Cuma satu yang bikin aku agak hih, kenapa nggak di fix in aja nih iya iya enggak enggak sekalian ya masak nggantung gak jelas gini. Setelah itu aku akhirnya memutuskan untuk memutus semuanya. Aku bilang ke temenku ini yang agak menggemaskan buat mencukupkan semuanya. So nggak bakal ada tindak lanjut lagi. Case closed!!! dan dia mengiyakan tapi malah ngira aku ada yang ndeketin lagi hadeh koe ki jan jane dong ra si brrrr. Mari beristighfar bersama~
Huft, oke jadi sekian cerita dan juga pengalaman pertama saya dalam hal perkenalan yang ujung ujungnya gak jelas hahaha tapi lucu juga si kwkwkw. Okedeh semoga kedepannya aku bisa lebih bijak lagi dalam mengambil keputusan dan juga berhati-hati perihal jodoh. Mungki saat ini waktunya untuk menabung doa secara perlahan agar terkabulkan dikemudian hari di watku yang tepat.
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april-showers86 · 9 days ago
Thinking of starting a separate blog for Eddissy/Chreddie content, but I’m too lazy to put in the effort of starting a new blog.
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I am in the middle of a terrible dilemma. I've fallen in love with someone outside of my religion, outside of my culture, who's years older than me. Yet I want to be with him. But I can't. My parents are religious and cultured. And it's looked down upon for women to marry outside or the religion/culture. In fact, my mom is in the process of finding me a guy to marry. Well more like she's already found someone. But lucky me, Muharram just happens to come in between it all. And I've got a pit in my stomach trying to imagine coming out to my mom. To tell her that I'm in love with someone else. Someone that she doesn't like or thinks is a problem. That I don't want to marry the person that she has "chosen". That is in the religion. What am I supposed to do? Am I wrong? Should I abandon my love, my relationship and sacrifice my life to make my parents happy? How do I tell her that I want to live my life with someone else?
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mars-ipan · 10 days ago
i think my dad accidentally made fae food
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