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#dilf jk
venusiangguk · 3 months ago
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the art of doubting | jjk (m)
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>>pairing: jungkook x reader / dilf!jk x grocery store clerk!oc
>>genre: friends with benefits, smut, a lil bit of fluff, angst
>>word count: 17k -.-
>>warnings: dom jk, sub oc, age gap, dilf jk stuff: asking for permission, saying thank you, sexual tension, gross domestic flirting 🙄, push up kisses, orgasms, oc getting overwhelmed bc jock is too gewd <3, oral (m), rimming !!, mirror sex, one (1) spank, jreampie <3, tummy bulging (kinda? he presses on her tum to feel it?), praise, dirty talk, encouragement, showering together, kisses 😚, ex wife has arrived, mentions of divorce, a lil bit of sad talk about nari :(, nari is two now!!, misunderstandings, arguments, jk lowkey got some issues he needs to work thru lol, he thinks in extremes, oc is in love </3, a very drastic 180 occurs
>>notes: ex wife arrives and literally makes everything explode lmao
this is part of my dilf jk series that can be found on my masterlist
>>summary: seeds of doubt are planted and unfortunately they grow faster than love. things with jk fall apart.
Soft grunting groans filter through the air as you slowly make your way down the stairs to the lower floor. Not really a basement, more of an indoor workout cave.
Jeongguk’s shirtless on the bench, pulling weighted arms down on the machine, the muscles in his back rippling and straining with every pull down. He sees you in the mirror as soon as you walk in, his eyes lighting up and a small winded laugh puffs from his chest.
“Hey— hang on… almost— done…”
You shift on your feet a little, watching him through the reflection. The sight you see is a little too obscene to just be a work out, you feel like. He’s not sweaty yet, probably just started, but his face is a little red from the excretion, and his lats are on display as he does the repetitive workout over and over with clenched teeth and breathy grunts until his body gives out. He catches his breath for a moment, shakes his arms out.
“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” you say, tiptoeing over to him and stepping over the plastic baby weight on the mat. “Also why do you do so many at once… looks miserable.”
Jeongguk laughs softly, looks up at you with his doe-eyes when you’re close enough to rest a hand on his shoulder. He’s warm to the touch.
“I usually don’t but I’m the only one here, and I knew it was you coming. Also my phone is charging upstairs so if you texted when you got here like normally, I would not have known.” he explains. “I tend to focus more on longer sets with lighter weights, than shorter sets with heavier weights because it helps keep muscles lean… I’m not trying to bulk up right now.”
You tell him that that makes sense even though you really have no clue. Just know that whatever he does to stay fit works. “Nari at her mom’s?” you ask.
He nods, standing up to go over to the pull up bar on the side of the machine. Wiping his hands on the tiny workout shorts he’s wearing, he jumps a little, and then wiggles his fingers on the bar to get a good grip. “All yours till Friday,” he says, cutely.
Rolling your eyes playfully, you correct him. “Till tomorrow afternoon. I have work… might get a raise soon.”
You wander around a little as Jeongguk goes on about how you should already be getting paid more considering you have a college degree, but you tune him out, knowing he’s trying to be on your side and make you feel better. A marketing degree won't get you far in a grocery aisle, and you both know that, but it’s sweet of him to try.
Instead, you opt to take in your surroundings. You’ve been all around his house of course, but you’ve not spent much time in the workout dungeon.
It’s fully equipped, and fully mirrored, with the flooring being that of wrestling mats to cushion dropped weights or baby stumbles.
On one side of the room there’s an elliptical, a treadmill, a rowing machine, a bench press, basically one of everything that you would normally see in a gym. But on the other side, blocked off by a baby safety gate, is a mini little workout zone filled with mini weights, those foam blocks that you normally find in a child’s gymnastics zone, and a little dance bar along the mirrored wall.
You smile, thinking about Nari holding onto the bar and doing that funny little squatting move of hers. “Are you going to put her in dance?”
He looks at you through the mirror, no longer doing pull ups, but just watching it seems. Seated on one of the benches with a water bottle in his hand, resting between his spread legs. “Ballet I think,” he says, “Me and her mom were talking about it. She thinks it’ll be good for Nari’s coordination…” He gives you a humorously exasperated look, “I just think she’ll look cute in a tutu. Though I suppose coordination would be helpful… she’s a bit clumsy.”
“She is only 2,” you point out, walking over to his side of the room again. “Was the party fun?”
It was on Saturday, just a few days ago. Jeongguk said it was fairy themed much like most of the baby’s things. You saw the pictures that he sent you, Nari adorned in a pair of tiny pink wings, her cake in the shape of a mushroom. The kids all got tiny bottles of ‘pixie dust’ to play with, shimmery bubbles floating through the air.
There was a woman in one of the pictures, blowing a bubble into Nari’s delighted face, her own smile matching that of the baby. She obviously wasn’t the focus of the photo, and you doubt that Jeongguk even realized when he sent it. But you already knew who the woman was anyway. The pictures around Jeongguk’s house were enough to tell you, even if he never explicitly stated it. And you know it makes sense and that it’s normal for her to be there, with Jeongguk at their daughter's birthday, but something settled into the pit of your belly when you looked at that picture. You haven’t been able to shake it yet.
Jeongguk’s voice brings you back. “Yeah it was fun, you got the pictures right?” He seems excited. You laugh a little, reminding that yes, you did see. You responded to them after all. He grins sheepishly as he goes to another machine, “Don’t be sassy, or I’ll eat the piece of cake we saved you.”
His sentence warms your heart. The fact that he was thinking about you, keeping you in mind. Reminds you of the bittersweet message you received from him on Saturday while he was at the party.
Wish you could have come
It took some effort, and you’ve done your best to not think about the fact that you could have, if he had asked you to. Saturday was your day off.
“What flavor is it?”
“Funfetti, obviously.” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, grunts quietly as he does another rep.
“Obviously,” you mime, with a small chuckle.
Conversation flows smoothly, just like always, everything seamless between you both. While most people wouldn’t probably get annoyed at someone hovering, Jeongguk seems happy to be near you, glad for the company. You sit beside him as he gets to the ground for some push ups.
He gets about three in before you’re laying flat on your back, boredom making a thought pop into your head.
“Do them over me.”
Jeongguk falters mid-way up, glancing at you with a suspicious look. “Why?”
“I wanna help,” you reason.
“Not sure being on top of you will be helpful,” he murmurs, but appeases you nonetheless, side walking on his hands and the balls of his feet until he’s over you.
You both give each other closed lip smiles as you try not to laugh. Jeongguk lowers himself, and you sneakily place a sweet kiss on his cheek.
“I knew you didn’t want to be helpful,” he says, his voice laced with faux annoyance. He does another one and receives another kiss. “You want to be distracting.”
“I’m not being distracting, I’m providing incentive.”
“I can’t even go all the way down, your tits are in the way.”
“You are so ungrateful.”
He smiles with his eyes as he goes down again, his nose brushing yours as he nuzzles into your cheek briefly. “And how are you providing incentive?”
You hum at the feel of his warm breath on your ear. “The longer you hold your plank, the longer you get to kiss me.”
“Who says I wanna kiss you?” he teases, voice soft as a feather as he does another push up.
“You always want to kiss me,” you tell him, just as quiet, tension radiating off of you as you readjust yourself, your legs opening so that the next time he drops down, he’s not just over you, but between your thighs as well. “And you haven’t yet…” you remind him as you drag your acrylics over his bare back, smiling at the way he shudders and at the way his arms buckle.
He grins, looking at you like you’re unbelievable, yet everything he wants right now. “Between you and Nari, I can never get anything done.”
You hum, “I just think you need to reevaluate your priorities, maybe.”
“And what do you think my priorities should be, __?” he whispers, eyes searching your face, lingering on your lips, a fond look coloring his features.
“Well, right now,” you start, looping your arms around his neck, “I think you should really focus on that plank, and on that kiss you’re dying to give me.”
Your teeth click before your lips lock because of how much you both are smiling.
But once lips lock, it doesn’t take much for Jeongguk to collapse onto you. Doesn’t even try to hold the plank, instead just melding his body to yours, the inside of your legs clamping around his waist. He goes from having his hands flat on the mat to bracing himself on his forearms, his knees hitting the mat between your legs. You use some of your weight to bring him closer, the slowly swelling front of his work out shorts pressing into the crotch of your leggings.
You work your hips, rolling them slowly up into him, in time with the slow, molten kisses he licks into your mouth.
Jeongguk’s always easy for you, but today he seems to be fighting himself, playfully fighting how bad he wants you. It’s the principle of the thing. To prove a point. The point being that you’re distracting, his weakness. His hips rolling into yours, only to pull back. He lips pressing hard against yours, only to pull back. Just for him to do it over again, just for him to give in like you both know he wants to and will. It's after a particularly hard rut against you that he peels his lips from yours, panting softly, how worked up he is so apparent in the way he can’t stop his hips.
“You’re going to kill me,” he whispers, his nose brushing against your cheek before he sinks his teeth into the apple of it like he just can’t help it, can’t get enough of you.
Your manicured hands cup his cheeks, as you nod and guide him back into a wet kiss. “Want you in my mouth,” you moan against his lips.
Jeongguk pulls back with a light blush on his cheeks. “Are you sure? I was just working out–”
A kiss cuts him off as you slowly start to sit up, him going with you. “Barely broke a sweat, and I don’t care,” you tell him, hands gripping at the elastic of his waistband, “just want you.”
Jeongguk laughs softly, grabs your eager hands, maneuvering to his feet and pulling you with him. It’s then that he strips you of your shirt, your bra. His hands come to cup your bare tits, rolling them in his palms as he brings his lips back to you, all while he toes off his shoes, as well as his socks with a little difficulty and stumbling, but not without sweet laughter filtering in through the kisses.
He makes his way down as he pushes your pants down, his lips latching to a nipple, making you mewl under the light flicks and the soft sucks, hands coming to his hair to keep your balance as you rid yourself from the stretchy material. His hair gets pulled when you’re free, and he’s biting his lip at the tugging when he blinks his eyes open to look at you again.
“Sit on the bench,” you tell him, hand slipping from his locks, and down to his flushed chest. You press lightly, backing him up to the benchpress machine that’s not too far behind him.
The bench is propped up, a reclined sitting position under the secured bar above, resembling more of a chair than the typical flat board of most bench presses.
He gingerly sits down, keeps his eyes on you the whole time, watching as you lower yourself to your knees, settling between his open ones. His cock is hard and pink, up and laying flat on his lower tummy. It pulses when you place your hand on his thighs, long nails running down.
You both smile a little because its funny in a stupid way, but your pussy pulses too, getting slick between you legs at the way Jeongguk responds to you. How eager he is for you, how the mere feel of your hands on his thighs is enough to make him throb in anticipation of what else is going to come, of how good you’re going to make him feel.
“Wanna make you feel good,” you say quietly. Your gaze flicking between his face and the flushed, shiny head of his cock in your hand.
He bites his lip when you slowly start to work your hand on him, his foreskin sliding over the wet tip of his cock, and when you rub the pad of your thumb on the under part of the head, you watch as his head tilts back, his eyes slipping shut, and his mouth exhaling a soft sigh. You squeeze your thighs together at the sight. Jeongguk is so responsive, pliant as he settles into the bench, hot and heavy in your hand.
“Put your mouth on it,” Jeongguk requests, eyes lazily shut.
When you oblige, Jeongguk sucks in a sharp breath, his back arching a little off of the bench behind him, his hips pulling back like the feel of your lips suckling on him is too much, too good.
You pull off with a little pop, holding his cock close smiling against his length. “Why are you trying to get away from me?”
Jeongguk gives you a crooked grin, looking down his nose at you with hazy eyes. “Keep going,” he says softly.
Humming against his length you begin to place heavy, wet kisses down his cock all the way to his balls. The kind where your tongue licks him before your lips suction softly. Then you lick all the way back up with the flat of your tongue, your lips wrapping around him, your head bobbing a few shallow times. Jeongguk keeps breathing those sweet, soft moans. So relaxed and relishing in the way you suck him off. He’s not pulling away anymore, instead trying to keep from bucking into your mouth, you can tell by the way his lower belly tenses.
When you go down a little farther, sucking his balls into your mouth, you moan at the way he whines, at the way his legs subconsciously open wider as you alternate between lapping at him, and teasing him with light circles from the tip of your tongue. He breathes praise, telling you how good it feels. It makes you want to make him feel even better.
His legs spreading wide for you gives you the idea to trail a little farther down, stray off the path of your usual blowjobs. You start with your fingers, something he’s used to and loves. Massaging that spot behind his balls with deliberate little pets, you moan softly when he pulls his legs back just slightly, barely lifting his feet off the ground so you can touch him better.
His brows are pinched, and his mouth is open in a silent moan, his expression one of pleasure and arousal as he brings his hand down to his cock. He slowly tugs at himself, watching as you bring your mouth back to his balls. He’s nodding, eager and encouraging, his hand speeding up.
“You’re–,” he moans, his head rolling back along with his eyes, “My baby.”
Laughing a little you pull back, focusing on just massaging him. He seems extra responsive today, his praise and sentences jumbled and hardly coherent.
“Keep licking,” he moans.
You hum, going to appease him but right before you suck his balls into your mouth you pause. He notices, brings his eyes to you with a questioning, needy gaze, his hand still working over his cock.
You place a chaste kiss to his balls and then one a little lower. Jeongguk jolts, and questions you with a gaze, but he doesn't stop you.
In all honesty, you don't know what you’re doing, have no clue why you even want to, but the desire to make Jeongguk feel good and curiosity spurs you on. He likes your fingers, maybe he’ll like your mouth there too.
Your eyes hold a question in them as you gently, wordlessly push his legs back some more, more of him on display than you’ve ever seen before. Jeongguk grows a little red, but his hand hasn’t stopped, and he just pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, watching you as you kiss on the backs of his thighs.
He’s tense, like he’s just waiting for you to do it. With your breath hot on his taint, you look at him once more, and he gives the slightest nod, permission to continue. His eyes are heavy and he licks over his red bitten lips, and when you press another one of your chaste kisses against him, his brows furrow and his mouth parts and he cranes forward, like he wants it so bad, is so eager that he can't contain it.
The first lick over him makes him gasp, and he breathes the most salacious, “Yeah–” as his legs get pulled back even more.
You smile at him with your tongue out, giving tentative licks to that spot he loves. Your hands are on his cheeks and you pull back some, looking at him with a grin.
Jeongguk groans, a laugh coloring it as his head falls back to the bench kind of like he’s a little bashful about being so worked up. His free hand pushes through his hair before rubbing over his face, eyes finally meeting yours again. “You’re so hot down there,” he tells you.
You purr, pressing your thumbs into his cheeks opening him up a little more. A quick wet lick is placed over his hole and he breathes out a harsh sigh, craning his neck so he can look at you, his tummy tensed.
“Is this what you want?” you murmur against him, getting a little more confident, the tip of your tongue flicking over the cinched muscle.
“Yeah, fuck…” he whispers.
The hand he has on his cock squeezes at the base for a second before he makes a ring with his thumb and index finger focusing on the tip of his cock with quick little strokes. The hand he doesn’t have busy pulls his thigh back a bit more.
As your tongue works over him, he chants over and over again, tells you how hot you look, how good your mouth feels, how wants you to keep going. It’s when you point your tongue a little, just barely pressing into his rim that his hand goes to the back of your head.
He holds your face to his ass, pushes you into him as he melts into the chair, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths that lilt up at the end.
“Good girl,” Jeongguk moans, his eyes blinking open hazily as he looks down at you again.
Your eyes smiles at him as you continue to work your tongue, little wet noises willing the air as you eat him out. When he removes his hand, you lick from his hole to his balls, repeating the action a few times, making Jeongguk almost tremble.
“Your dirty girl?” you ask him quietly in response to the praise he just gave you, giving him tiny little kitten licks over his hole.
He gives you a lustdrunk smile, licking over his lips. “Yeah, all mine.”
“What do you want?” you kiss into his taint, eyes big as you look up at him.
“Just a little more,” he whispers, his thumb spreading the precum leaking from his tip.
You get a hold of the hand on his pulled back thighs, guide it back to the back of your head once again. “Take it then,” you tell him, “take more from me.”
Jeongguk lets out a shaky breath, biting his lip as he pushes your mouth back to his hole. “Look so hot licking my ass,” he breathes, barely audible over the wet licks you’re giving him. He kinda shakes your head, his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched as he sucks a breath through his teeth. “Oh my god–”
When you point your tongue and press past the little resistance, Jeongguk’s mouth drops open and his brows arch upwards, and his eyes roll a little before he squeezes them shut, pushing and pulling on your head just barely, making your tongue fuck him.
It's kind of abrupt when he pulls you back by the hair, his legs coming down again. It’s abrupt when he kisses you. Deep, his tongue licking into your mouth like he doesn't care that you were just licking into him, making him pant, making his cock leak. It’s abrupt when he breaks the kiss. He’s still close, breathing you in, giving you one last soft little peck before he leans back again, his demeanor expectant.
Both of his hands are on your head, and he’s guiding you down, taking what he wants from you just like you told him to. His cock is so hard, flushed and angry looking as it stands, just waiting for your mouth.
It's a swift and quick motion when he pushes your head down, the tip hitting the back of your throat almost immediately. He whines softly, and rocks his hips up while pulling you down onto him, glucking noises filling the air as he fills your mouth.
His length and girth are a lot to take, your eyes prickling with tears as he holds your head down, but when you hear him whisper, so desperately, “Love when you choke on my cock,” it’s so worth it.
He sounds so unabashedly fucked out, like your mouth is the best thing he’s ever felt, like it's the only thing he ever wants to feel for the rest of his life. He’s being a little rougher with you, a little more crude with his words like he’s losing himself in you, losing his control. It makes you moan around him, wanton and needy.
His hips start to fuck up into you mouth again, his hands holding your head in place, keeping you from pulling away. He knows you wouldn’t have, always so well behaved, almost obedient in the way that you please him. But, even so, he just likes having his hands on you, likes feeling the way you struggle to take him.
“That’s a good girl…” he groans, soft and focused, his hips snapping up again. “You’re such a good girl…”
He holds you down once more, shakes your head by the hair so that his tip rubs against your throat, and then he’s pulling you up, kissing you filthily again, not even giving you time to properly catch your breath.
“Get against the mirror,” he says against your lips.
The heat from your hands makes the glass under your hands fog up, and the heat from Jeongguk behind you makes you flush, the heaviness of his cock rutting against the swell of your ass as he wastes no time getting into position.
At the first feel of his tip rubbing between your folds, grazing over your clit, you gasp and your arms buckle. Your legs spread naturally, but Jeongguk makes a tutting noise, and rests one palm on the outside of your hips, the other between your shoulder blades applying light pressure.
“Keep them together, but bend a little– yeah, perfect,” he breathes.
He takes a step back, looks at your ass pushed out for him, your puffy pussy peeking out from between your legs with your clit tucked inside. You’re drippy, shiny and smooth, your slick leaking out, making it sound lewd and wet when he pushes inside.
Your head hangs at the first thrust, Jeongguk pushing in slow but with a steady motion, and you exhale a soft puff.
He keeps his hips against your ass, his cock sheathed by your pussy. His hands grabbing and squeezing, roaming over your body while he waits just a bit for you to get used to him inside of you. Then he’s pulling out, just the tip of his cock still tucked inside, before he fucks into you hard and fast. It knocks the breath out of you, makes your hands on the mirror slip a little.
“F-fuck,” you whisper, your head still hanging, eyes squeezed shut as he fills you up.
Jeongguk’s eyes go from watching his cock slide into you, to the mirror. He moans, the contrast of his tattooed arm on your bare back as he rocks his hips into you is so pretty, just like the way that your shoulder blades push out, how your tiny waist feathers out to the swell of your hips. The fatty part of your hips ripples and pillows against him everytime he thrusts, dull slaps echoing with the whiny moans he punches out of you with his cock.
“Look baby,” he tells you.
It takes a little bit of effort, but when you lift your head, you’re met with a disheveled, messy version of yourself. There’s tears in your eyes, the feel of Jeongguk’s fat cock pushing and pulling in and out of you is overwhelmingly good, his girth rubbing against the sensitive walls of your cunt. Your makeup is messy, your under eyes dark with smudged mascara, the coverage around your mouth and on your nose completely gone, your lips kissed swollen and red.
Eyes moving to Jeongguk behind you through the mirror, you see the way he’s watching you watch him. Watching as your expression changes, how your eyes flutter when he hits that spot inside of you that makes your knees lock, makes your breath stutter and your brows furrow in pleasure.
“There,” you breathe, “God, you make me feel so good, baby.” Your hands slip down the mirror again, the force of his thrusts and the pleasure that’s curling in your belly already making it hard to hold yourself up. You squeeze your eyes shut to keep the tears from spilling over.
Jeongguk picks up the pace of his hips, his hands gripping yours, his thumbs digging into the little dimples at the bottom of your back, a perfect match, like they were placed there just for him. It’s almost like your body was meant for him, crafted with him in mind, fitting together so flawlessly that it’s hard for him to remember there were people before you, people that made him feel good before you did. Because when he’s inside of you, when he’s with you, it’s like that’s all there is. Just an endless loop of you and him, you and him, no beginning or end, no past or future, like the world is only as big as the room you’re in.
“Faster– getting close...”
Your voice echoes in his ears, and he realizes that his thrusts slowed while he got lost in thought. He clears his throat, gets back to work, back to fucking you like he means it, it’s the last time he ever will.
“You always cum so fast when I fuck you like this,” Jeongguk muses, biting his lip when he sees the way your tits jiggle in the mirror.
He expects you to be snarky, make a comment about how he’s smug, too cocky, but instead you nod your head, hands forming fists against the mirror. It’s airy and sexy when you say, “Yeah, you fuck me the best, love your cock… wanna cum for you…”
And it reminds him of the first time he fucked you. How you said more or less the same thing.
“Yeah, wanna fuck you all the time. Love your fat cock…”
That was 6 months ago. It’s not that long but it is at the same time. It feels like only a few seconds and a lifetime in the same breath. Jeongguk feels something stir in his belly, something mix with the steady build up.
“Yeah?” he asks, his voice soft and dreamy– almost fond, juxtaposing the way he’s fucking you. “What do you say?”
You wait a few moments for your body to get there, your head falling again like it's getting hard to support yourself. You’re chanting softly; pornographic ‘yeah’s’ and lewd mewls spilling from your lips nonstop.
“Fuck…” you start, “can I… can I cum?”
It sounds like it's hard for you to form words, so it's a little mean of Jeongguk to spring something new on you. But he can’t help himself.
“Who are you asking?”
A confused sound that turns to a moan at the tailend colors the air.
“I…”
“Who am I, baby? What should you call me when I’m fucking you like this?” Jeongguk asks, patient and gentle.
You say the first thing that pops into your head.
“Daddy?”
A sharp slap echoes in the room, and you’re sure there’s a red palm print on your ass. You cry out, whiny as Jeongguk leans over you, his voice in your ear.
“You know better than that,” he says, a little out of breath, but still stern. “Try again. Be polite.”
At this point you’re so close that you’re crying softly, your knees turning inward as you squeeze your legs together as if that will keep your orgasm at bay until he says you can cum. You try to listen to his words, connect the dots and finally it comes to you.
“Sir–” you gasp, “Sir, can I cum?”
Jeongguk groans a little, feels his cock jerk inside of you, the title making that hot feeling burn within him.
“Yes,” he moans, “Look at yourself while you do, want you to see how pretty you look when you cum just from my cock.”
Hardly able to keep yourself up at all, even with the help of the mirror, you tell him in a whiny voice that you can’t, that it’s too hard.
You hear him coo before your world spins a little bit, Jeongguk wrapping an arm around your tummy, pulling you to his chest. His body is burning behind you, and his breath is hot in your ear as he pants, his hips punching into you from behind. The arm that he doesn't have wrapped around your torso comes up, forearm resting between your tits, fingers getting a hold of your jaw making you look straight ahead.
The sight looking back at you is indecent. So filthy that you and Jeongguk both falter, a soft moan echoing in unison.
“Look at you,” Jeongguk purrs.
“Please,” you cry, simply because you don't know what else to say, overtaken with pleasure.
“I already said you could cum, baby,” he reminds you.
And it's like it's all too much and not enough at the same time. Like the push and pull of his cock into your cunt is too good yet exactly what you need, like his hands on you are overstimulating but without them you wouldn’t feel that safety, that feeling of being adored and taken care of. Like his voice in your ear encouraging you is too nice but if he stopped talking to you you wouldn’t know wouldn’t know what to do, that it’s okay.
“Jeongguk,” you cry. Like actually cry. No longer able to hold in the tiny, overwhelmed sobs.
He presses into the side of your head, kisses you as well as he can when he’s jackhammering his hips into your cunt. He shushes you, and his hold on your jaw softens, his other hand petting over your front soothingly. “I know, baby, I know,” he coos.
And it just makes you cry harder. “I can’t– It’s– it’s too much–”
“Yes you can,” he whispers hotly, his eyes on you in the mirror. “You can do it, be good, cum for me…”
He uses the hand he has on your front to press you back into him, closer if that were even possible, but with the slight pressure on your lower belly he feels something.
The moan that falls from his lips is so shameless and lewd. It’s not loud, but more of a soft, wondrous keen.
His cock thrusting into you can be felt with the light push into your belly, and it unlocks something in him. He grabs one of your hands that’s clutching at his forearm and brings it down, his own hand on top of yours pushing so you can feel his cock inside of you too.
“Feel that?” he asks, nipping at your ear lightly, “So hard for you, so deep that you can feel me through your belly... Let go for me, baby, wanna feel you cum on my cock while I can feel myself inside you from the outside.”
Maybe it’s feeling him from the outside, or maybe it's the way he always manages to keep that soft, gentle way with you no matter what. Even if he gets worked up, losing himself a bit– he never leaves you, never becomes too harsh or rough. He’s always the perfect mix of both, and that’s what makes the pleasure that’s been ebbing in you wash over your body.
You tremble in his arms and soft, desperate whimpers get exhaled as you cum. No warning, but Jeongguk knows, feels the way you contract around him as he slows his hips a little, giving you longer, unhurried thrusts. He lets you bathe in it, the dreamy, dizzying high that makes you delirious as you thank him with teary words.
“That’s my girl, so good for me all the time… knew you could do it,” he says, his hips gradually starting to pick up again, his thrusts sloppy.
Vision is a little blurry when you blink your eyes, but the sight of Jeongguk wrapped around you, his face in your neck biting and moaning into your skin–
“Please cum inside of me,” you beg.
“Yeah, gonna–” he tells you, his teeth sinking into that spot between your shoulder and neck. You gasp when he sucks, knowing that there will be a mark, and you bring your hand up to his hair, keeping him close.
Jeongguk switches from those harsh sucks and bites to sweet kisses up your neck to your jaw. His fingers on your face urge you to look over your shoulder, and the distance between your lips and his is too small, too tempting for him to not take it.
He kisses you, desperate just like his thrusts are becoming until he's right at the crest.
“Gonna cum,” he pants against your lips, his hand on your tummy still pushing to feel himself.
You nod, still looking at him behind you, placing soft kisses on his lips at first and then wherever you can reach until he succumbs to the pleasure, his eyes closing and his head lulling back a little before he’s pressing into your sweaty hair, like he wants to hide yet stay close to you. He cums with a gasp, cock buried deep, throbbing with every shot of white that paints you from the inside.
As soon as he catches his breath, he kisses you.
He kisses you again and again and again.
~~~
There’s something so intimate… so vulnerable about letting someone wash you.
When there’s no ulterior motives laced with sex or lust. Just gentle touches, pure in the way they take their time with lathering up even the simple, boring parts of your body. Paying special mind to your hands, your calves. Behind your ears, your shoulders.
Jeongguk’s touching you like you’re sunshine.
Like he’s savoring the warmth of your body under his fingertips even though it's too hot in the shower.
He’s touching you like you’re the perfect day, one so perfect that he’s scared it will pass by before he can enjoy it.
He’s touching you with so much care and attention and it feels so good that it’s blissful. It feels so– it feels like when you’re a little kid and you return to the comfort of your home after a long day, to the familiarness of your bed, to everything that makes you feel safe.
It feels like your favorite memory. The one you keep adding onto because the details have gotten fuzzy, but you clutch onto it because it's too precious to let go of.
It feels like a–
It feels like–
Jeongguk takes his time with you.
It feels so good that it’s almost overwhelming in a way that you’ve never experienced before. It feels so good that tears sting behind your eyelids, so different from the tears you shed earlier.
He delicately untangles your hair, gets out all the knots he put in it. He cups your face, gently rubbing the pads of his thumbs under your eyes, getting the makeup off as best he can. He’s careful when he’s suds up your body, mindful of the light blossoms that he planted into your skin. The violet on your neck pulses under the care, a bloom that’s pretty, a bloom that aches, a bloom that feels good.
He’s adoring, he’s soft, he’s bliss.
When his lips kiss your cheek, it's almost platonic, simply because it lacks desire. It sounds bad, embarrassing maybe, that he’s not desiring your naked body in front of him, but it’s not– it’s something new and it's so incredibly wholesome. His kisses are so sweet, so pure, so innocent and just an expression of caring rather than wanting that it makes you want him in a way that scares you.
After the final rinse, you kiss his cheek. Hope and yearn that he can feel half of what he made you feel. You hope he knows what you mean when you say quietly, “Thank you.”
~~~
“Wear this one, you look good in white.”
Jeongguk has a fluffy grey towel tied around his hips, lingering water droplets disappearing when they trek far enough down his torso. And you’re scrunching your hair in a matching towel, warm from the heated towel rack. The atmosphere in his bedroom is warm too, soft and comfortable, sweet like a cup of hot tea.
He’s got one of his white shirts scrunched in his hands, ready to dress you. Quiet laughter putters from your lips as you reach your hands up and into the arm holes as he pulls the neck hole over your head. When you pop out Jeongguk is close enough for you to kiss him, so you do.
“We’ve kissed so much today,” he says thoughtfully, turning and digging in his drawers. Instead of taking care of himself, he finds a pair of your lounge shorts that you left here.
“I know, how gross,” you say with playful disgust in your tone, as you take that and step into the shorts. Panties are unnecessary apparently, since he doesn’t hand you one of the stray pairs you know are in his dresser.
He hums walking into the bathroom. “It’s nice, I like kissing you.”
You roll your eyes following him. Hopping onto the counter you watch as he does his skincare. “We already had sex, no need to butter me up, sir.”
The corners of his mouth turn up just barely as he tries not to smile, hardly glancing at you as he dabs his moisturizer in.
“I like it when you’re around,” he says simply.
Heat rushes to your face, and your heart beats loud in your ears and something feels so different.  
So of course you just change the subject.
“I’m so glad we ordered food before the shower.” You place a hand on your belly, “I’m so hungry.”
“Hopefully you clicked the right stuff, since you were, you know, a little distracted… seeing as we were kissing… so much… because I like to kiss you...”
“Do you want a kiss right now? Is that why you’re being annoying?”
He makes an offended expression before immediately going back to his normal face, tinted with faux nonchalance. He shrugs his tattooed shoulder, tapping the cream in. “I wouldn’t object to a kiss or two…”
And so he gets a kiss or two or three, soft, giddy little pecks.
He pulls away, and just looks at you for a few seconds, doe-eyes dancing across your features before falling and lingering on the lovebite he left that’s peeking out. The neck of his shirt is too big, hanging loose. His hand comes up and he fingers at the material like he’s thinking of straightening the shirt out for you.
He doesn’t, instead bringing the hand to your jaw, making you tilt your head, looking up at him.
“You’re so pretty,” he says, his thumb gliding on the apple of your cheek.
Your eyes fall shut, content. A lazy smile laces your words when you say, “Thanks.”
Cute kissy noises ring in your ears until they don’t, the doorbell taking their place.
You pull away so fast that Jeongguk is almost insulted. Jumping from the counter you squeal about the food, tapping his toweled butt on the way out of the bathroom, telling him to hurry up and get dressed as you rummage through your purse for your wallet.
“Wait I’ll pay,” he says, finally dropping his towel and snagging a pair of briefs.
“It’s okay!” you call over your shoulder, speed walking to his front door.
The walk from Jeongguk’s bedroom isn’t too long, but your thoughts are fast, running a mile a minute. The thought of how good today has been, how easy it is to be with him. How whenever you’re with him you find that your cheeks hurt when you go home, laughter constant, and smiles ever present. You think about how warm his home is, how warm he is, how being with him is a comfort that you’ve come to crave.
The smile that is on your face is unconscious, the remnants of the soft emotions swirling in your chest, feeling like you’ve finally pinpointed what's so different about today.
When you open the door, that lingering smile falls and that hazy feeling evaporates.
In front of you is not a delivery guy.
It’s the woman from the pictures. The framed one in the hallway, the one on top of Nari’s dresser, the one in the photo albums Jeongguk let you browse through when you wanted to see his daughter as a newborn. It’s the same woman that was in the picture he sent you.
And your heart drops when you take her in. You knew she was pretty, but the pictures don’t even scratch the surface. Even when her features are pulled in perturbed confusion, she’s beautiful. She’s put together, long dark hair styled and sleek, make up done minimally but elegantly, her parted lips a sheer coral. Her straight, dark brows are furrowed causing a slight wrinkle between them. It looks out of place, an imperfection that doesn’t belong.
Her sharp eyes scan you, both of you just kind of standing there in the doorway, taking the other in. They go from your wet hair, to your face, down to where Jeongguk’s shirt hangs loosely off your shoulder. Her gaze hardens as she lingers there for just a moment, before directing dark eyes back at you.
It feels like it’s been hours, that you both have been there, but in reality it's not even a minute. She looks like she’s going to say something, but the impatient baby in the woman’s arms makes herself known.
At the high pitched squeal that Nari lets out, you snap out of it, plastering a smile on your face. The little one is smiling, clearly excited to see you, her doe-eyes curling and getting mini puffs under them. When she leans away from her mom, arms reaching out towards you, it’s instinct when you go to take her from her mom.
“Hi! Sorry Gguk’s in–” You falter, arms raised halfway, when Nari gets pulled out of reach.
The woman doesn’t go as far as taking a step away from you, but she turns at the waist kind of putting herself and some distance between you and her baby. As you let your hands fall in timid, jerky movements, you look between the two in front of you, and Nari’s doing the same, a cute confused expression on her face like she doesn’t know why she wasn’t allowed to play with you.
And it’s not like you blame Nari’s mom. It’s very apparent that she has no clue who you are. If anything you think it’s good that her mom is protective enough to not just hand Nari over to someone she doesn’t know. It makes sense, but it stings.
“Ba?” Nari babbles, to her mom.
The woman’s cold gaze breaks at the sound of her daughter's voice, and morphs into one of quiet love as she directs her eyes to the baby, giving her a soft smile. She bounces Nari a little on her hip, and Nari giggles. When they are looking at each other, their profile resemblance is striking. Of course Nari’s features are still baby soft, but it's obvious that they have the same nose. Small, slightly upturned. The same lips too; plump with the upper lip almost rounded.
“Who is this, Riri?” she asks her baby playfully, her eyes finding you again at the tailend of her sentence.
She’s smiling, but her eyes are stony, guarded, as she looks at you expectantly.
“I’m __– I’m a uh… a friend of Jeongguk’s?”
Her eyes narrow for a fraction of a second when you say ‘friend’ and the coolness she’s emitting is enough for you to call for Jeongguk for your shoulder, needing the comfort of him. The woman in front of you is intimidating in a way you don’t think you could ever achieve. It’s something about the way she carries herself, so collected and aloof, like she’s mastered the art of keeping it together.
And you’re not scared of her, not really. But what are you supposed to do in this situation other than call for Jeongguk?
At the thought of him, you hear his voice come from behind you and when you turn, you see him walking out of his room, bottom half clothed in dark joggers, his top half bare as he clumsily pulls a shirt over his head.
“Do you need cash for the ti–” When his wet head of hair pops out of the neck hole, and he sees not one girl in front of him, but three, his voice cuts out, and he slows as he takes in the scene before him. You see how his chest expands as he takes a deep breath, like he’s preparing himself before quickening his pace.
Nari starts to kick in her mom’s hold when she sees her dad approaching, excited little gasps puffing out of her.
“Hi, little flower,” Jeongguk coos, smiling wide as he brings his hand up, tickling Nari’s neck, making the baby squirm and curl in on herself as she bubbles out a giggle. “Dasom,” he says as a greeting to his ex-wife, as takes his place next to you, his hand settling on your lower back for just a moment, like he’s letting you know he’s there.
Dasom lets the corners of her lips turn up slightly as she says, “Jeongguk.”
“What are you doing here?” he asks. You can tell he’s trying to keep his voice neutral.
“Something came up at work. I have to go to the headquarters a few cities over for a few days,” Nari grabs at the dainty necklace she’s wearing, and Dasom gently untangles her little fingers, offering her her wrist instead. A heavier, more sturdy piece of jewelry keeps Nari busy. “I texted you hours ago letting you know I was on my way.”
“I was busy. I didn’t have my phone on me,” he explains.
Dasom looks between you both. The freshly washed hair on both your heads, the mark on your neck. The too-big, white shirt you have on that’s clearly not yours. “I can see that,” she replies coolly.
And suddenly you feel so out of place, so uncomfortable. Standing between two people who used to share the home you’re surrounded by. Two people who share the sweet baby girl that’s content babbling to herself. Two people who were married, who were in love, who have so much history together. You know it’s mildly absurd, because they’re divorced, but you feel like you’re intruding, like you’re doing something wrong.
You’re just about to excuse yourself when Jeongguk sighs, runs a frustrated hand through his hair, reaching out and taking Nari from her mom. “__, can you take Nari and wait for me in the playroom?”
“Daaa,” she peeps happily in her dad’s big arms, as he hands her off to you.
“Kook–” Dasom says, uneasiness lacing her tone.
“She’s fine Dasom, she’s been with __ many times,” Jeongguk says with a finality to his tone.
Dasom says her goodbyes to Nari, a tense silence falling over the house as you walk away with the baby. It’s not till Dasom thinks you’re far enough away that she speaks up.
“Who is that, Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk shuts his eyes roughly when he hears a hint of confused hurt in her voice. He can tell she’s trying to mask it, but he’s known her for a long time. Remembers clearly what it sounds like, memories of all the painful talks preceding the divorce edging on his conscience.
“She’s a friend,” he sighs.
“How old are your friends these days?” Dasom questions, confusion turning to judgement– obvious in her tone and her stance, her arms crossing over her torso.
Jeongguk hangs his head and scrubs his hands over his face. “How was Nari?” he asks, trying to change the subject.
His ex has different plans. “How old is she?”
He looks up at her sharp tone, a surprised color to his features. He looks over his shoulder towards the playroom before he turns back to her, a soft incredulous scoff leaving his lips. “She’s old enough, and I’m not doing this with you. So if you don’t have any updates–” His hand is on the door in the process of inching it closed when Dasom interrupts him.
“You know,” she starts, “I never thought I’d have to worry about this with you. Thought you’d be able to keep your personal and parenting lives separate.”
And she knows exactly which buttons of his to push; of course she does. She was married to him for years, knew him better than anyone else at one point in time. She knows that insinuating that he is a lacking parent, that he doesn’t always put their daughter first, will irk him enough to pull a reaction out of him.
It’s purposefully done– vindictiveness an ugly side of his ex that doesn’t come out of her often, only when she’s hurt and wants to hurt back. Or at least it didn’t happen often. It’s been over a year, and people change.
“Are you sure you want to debate which of us has trouble separating and balancing things when you’re the one dropping our daughter off in the middle of your week with her, to go to work?” he asks, his tone icy. He knows her well too. Knows it’s the same insinuations that hurt him, that cut her as well.
Anger colors Dasom’s features as she takes a step closer to Jeongguk, her head tilted a little as she looks up at him. “I do it for her. To provide for her. You know that,” she spits, “And I keep my lovers away from her while I’m at it.”
Jeongguk laughs, like he can’t believe he’s having this conversation. “I’m sure you do, Dasom,” he pauses, debating on whether to add what he’s thinking. “And for the record, I don’t have ‘lovers’. I’m only seeing one person.”
“And are you planning on committing to her? Making it long term?”
Caught off guard doesn’t even really begin to cover the whiplash-like feeling that Jeongguk experiences when he hears the question.
He hesitates, flounders a little. He cares about you, likes you so, so much. And he’s not stupid– he knows that he feels something for you that’s vastly different from what he’s felt for the others before you but– you’re young. So young, with your whole life ahead of you. Meanwhile, he has his life already booked for the next 16 years, at least. He’s never really let himself think about things long term, because it just doesn’t seem realistic. Asking you to commit to not only him, but a two year old as well? It seems selfish to ask that of you, like an unintentional trap that steals your freedom. He can’t ask for that. He won’t.
“I…”
Dasom looks disillusioned, like she really did expect better from Jeongguk. “I didn’t think so. You’re not even dating her... She’s your ‘friend’?” she asks.
Jeongguk just looks at her with pursed lips and pinched brows.
“And when you’re not ‘friends’ anymore, Kook?” she asks again, “Are you just going to bring another ‘friend’into Nari’s life for her to get attached to just for them to leave again? And what about when she’s older? Do you want her thinking that’s what women do? Come and go?”
Dasom’s words are exaggerated and extreme– she doesn't know the circumstances between you and him, doesn’t know that it was Nari that introduced you to one another, so waiting to introduce you and his daughter wasn’t an option. And it’s not like Jeongguk is ever going to have a legion of women filtering through his home.
But the point is made all the same.
“No, of course I don’t want that,” he says defeated, as he tilts his head back for a moment, letting his eyes shut.
“Yeah, me either,” she says. Her voice lacks the judgment it held at the beginning of the conversion, being replaced by blasé melancholy. “So I hope she gets it out of your system. Please drop Nari off next Friday, just like always.”
Turning on her heel, Dasom makes to leave before she stops abruptly. She takes a deep breath with her head tilted back, before she’s looking down, like she’s tired. Like the fight with Jeongguk took a lot of her. She pulls a folder from her bag, turning back around and presenting it to Jeongguk.
“For Ri’s speech…” she says softly, “I took her to another speech pathologist yesterday. This one said try doing signs during meals. ‘All done’. ‘More’...” Dasom does the signs haphazardly waving her hands about. “Doctor said it...” She takes a deep breath, and laughs halfheartedly, and Jeongguk can see how she’s tearing up. “Well, like all the other doctor’s we’ve taken her to, they said it may help.”
Her eyes are glassy when she looks at him, and Jeongguk’s heart aches because he knows exactly how she feels.
The anxiety and constant worry you feel over your child’s well-being is one of the hardest things to navigate because you have to keep it together and not let yourself get defeated. You have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes there’s things that, as a parent, you can’t fix, and that sometimes you can do everything right and still have things go wrong– things that may never be able to go right.
He knows that there is an unexplainable guilt, that there’s always that little voice in the back of your head that tells you that maybe if you had done this, then that wouldn’t have happened. It’s a horribly helpless feeling, wanting nothing more than to make things better for your child, and not being able to.
“She’s fine you know,” he says softly, “she’s just taking her time.”
Dasom tries to nod, but she breaks. Her hands come up to cover her quivering chin and quiet her soft cries. She buries her face in her palms as her shoulders tremble.
“Hey, hey,” Jeongguk whispers, reaching out and pulling her to his chest. Her hands are still covering her face, so his arms circle around her as a whole and he rests his chin on her head and lets her cry, his own eyes stinging.
It’s only a minute or two that Dasom weeps against his chest. She’s then pulling away with a deep breath, blowing it out in that soothing way trying to calm herself, trying to regulate her breathing. She laughs, airy like she’s embarrassed, as she taps under her eyes, trying to save her makeup as best she can.
“Ah… sorry about that,” she says, “Haven’t cried in a while so that was bound to happen sometime soon.”
Jeongguk laughs quietly before he muses, “She can say juice now.”
Dasom rolls her eyes playfully. “Yeah… Joofs.”
They both laugh together, for a moment, a few moments, until it tapers off naturally. Leaving soft wistful smiles on their faces.
“Drive safe, Som-ie.”
~~~
“Yeah… Joofs.”
The laughter that echoes from Jeongguk’s foyer feels like a punch in the gut after everything that you’ve heard. All the things you felt earlier seem stupid and childish in hindsight.  
And yeah, you don’t blame Jeongguk for staying quiet when Dasom asked if he wanted to commit to you because that’s not something you guys have even touched on, but when he stayed silent as she went on about you just being his ‘friend’? Alluding to you just being a lay for him, just something he needs to ‘get out of his system’? Something disposable and unimportant?
You had at least expected him to defend you.
To tell her that while you may not be his girlfriend, you are important to him. More than a quick lay, more than just a young girl he needs to fuck out of his system. Because you know that’s exactly what she thinks you are. And what she thinks doesn't matter, not really, but if that’s what Jeongguk thinks?
Part of you knows that there’s no way that Jeongguk thinks that. That if he did, this thing between you both would have fizzled out by now or at least been harder to deal with. But that’s never been the case. It’s always been good with him, easy.
If he thought that way, he wouldn’t have been so worried in the beginning and would have instead jumped at the chance to get into your pants. You weren’t exactly subtle back then– there were plenty of opportunities for him to come onto you. But it literally took you throwing yourself at him for him to give in.
So like you know. You know, you know, you know in your heart that it’s not true, that he doesn’t think that little of you.
But his silence was enough to plant a seed of doubt, enough to break a little bit of trust. More than enough to hurt you.
“Naaa.”
You look down at Nari, and she reaches her hands up wanting to be held. A soft, pitiful laugh falls from your lips and you bend to pick her up.
“Sorry, wasn’t playing with you was I?”
Nari looks at you, studies you with those big eyes of hers. She pats at your cheek, a little roughly, but you can tell she’s trying to be gentle. Her little hand goes from patting to petting, almost like she’s trying to soothe you, like she can tell you’re upset.
“Buu?” she asks.
In reality you have no idea what she’s saying. But it feels like she’s asking if you’re okay, and just like if an adult were to ask you that when you’re close to losing it, close to breaking– it makes you cry.
Not the embarrassing type of cry, but just a tiny cry in front of the sweetest, tiny human. Your eyes just tear up, and your chin trembles a little bit as you try to muster up a small smile, but when you blink a couple tears spill over.
Nari gasps. “Nuuu!” she tells you, before she’s wrapping her tiny bread arms around your neck, clutching onto you like she’s trying to squeeze out all of the sad.
It makes you let out a watery laugh, and you squeeze back, enough so that she croaks a little like a frog. When you pull back she’s giggling in that pure baby way that probably has healing powers or something.
“You are so smart,” you tell her, sniffing a little, trying to get yourself together. You’re not sure if Dasom left yet, or how much longer it will be before Jeongguk comes back, and you don’t want him to know you were crying, or eavesdropping.
She tilts her head at you, then leans in with her lips pulled between her teeth making them pop out when they are against your cheek, a tiny ‘maa’ sounding with her smooch.
“That’s a new type of kiss,” you tell her.
“Sol-mi, Yoongi and Jimin’s daughter, taught her at the party.”
Whipping around at the sound of his voice, you turn and see Jeongguk leaning against the doorway with two glasses of wine in his hands and a sippy cup tucked into his arm. He gives you a soft smile, and you smile back because that’s the only thing you know how to do when you’re with him. Instinctive.
“Hi,” you say.
“Hi,” he says back.
“DAAADAAA!” Nari screeches.
You pull back, wincing for your ear drum, as you let Nari down with an endeared laugh. She toddles over to her dad, tugging on his joggers.
“Hi my babygirl,” he says. Then laughs when she tugs particularly hard, “Hey– you’re gonna pull Daddy’s pants down, quit it.”
“Joofs,” she says, grabby hands reaching for the sippy cup she spotted.
“I see how it is,” he says, handing you your glass and then grabbing the juice, “Didn’t even miss me?”
He manages to sit down without his hands and without squishing his daughter, and you follow suit, watching the daddy-daughter moment unfold, quietly sipping on your wine. Trying your best to push everything else out of your mind, trying to get that almost... safe, warm feeling back. The one that you always get when you’re with Jeongguk. It’s been missing since he came into the room.
“Give Daddy a kiss and then you can have your juice,” he angles his cheek to her and then adds on, “Also say please.” like it’s an afterthought.
You shake your head, smiling, and Jeongguk flicks his eyes to you, mirroring your expression.
“Peeb,” she spouts before she gives him a very quick, rather half-assed kiss. She doesn’t even do the ‘maa’. Her hands open out in front of her, expectant and ready for her drink.
Jeongguk tuts at her, but hands the juice over. “You’re rotten, missy.”
Nari says nothing, just waddles so she's standing in front of him with her back to his face. She plops herself right in his lap, his criss-crossed legs making a perfect Nari-shaped seat. Sipping away with her drink in one hand, her other comes down to Jeongguk’s tattooed arm that he wrapped around her belly. Tracing them with her pudgy little fingers, she tries her best to look down while simultaneously keeping her drink in the proper position.
It’s quiet for a bit, just Nari’s soft drinking noises. You take the moment to get up and grab something from your stuff in Jeongguk’s room, before returning. As you’re walking past Jeongguk back to your spot across from him, you feel his hand tug at the one you have dangling by your side.
You look at him, a small questioning noise sounding.
He pulls, making you bend at the waist getting closer to his level, and when he tilts his head back to look up at you, his eyes flicker to your lips and then he licks his and then he’s craning his neck and then he’s kissing you softly.
It’s fleeting but it's sweet. It makes the warm feeling settle in your heart again, just for a moment before it hides away, somewhere within you. Your eyes dart to Nari. Kisses usually being reserved for alone time.
He shakes his head. “It’s alright… Sorry that happened while you were here… Me and Dasom usually communicate better than that.”
You take a seat next to him and Nari, careful of his wine glass. “It’s okay…”
Gazes meet for a few seconds looking over the other like you’re both trying to figure something out. Things different from the ‘different’ you felt earlier. This different feels like something is off; the first one felt like a dream. Maybe it was.
“Okay,” he replies lightly, but he sounds unsure, like he doesn't know if it actually is ‘okay’. His eyes drop to the small bag that you brought into the room. “Whatcha got?”
You tell him you got Nari something for her birthday, nothing big but just something that reminded you of her. You ask him if it’s okay to give it to her.
He says of course, why wouldn’t it be?
For some reason the tiny exchange hurts.
Lacking an answer, you pinch at the little fat roll on Nari’s thigh, her tiny jean shorts putting all the chub on display. She looks up at you, and you raise the bag and shake it a little. Her smile grows as she realizes it's for her. Jeongguk is abandoned, your lap now occupied.
“She has no loyalty at all,” Jeongguk says.
“She’s just making as many allies as she can, and I think that is very smart of her,” you defend, watching as Nari plucks tissue paper after tissue paper out of the bag (with only one small hand, the other still holding her juice), until she’s squealing. Your face lights up at her enthusiasm, and hers lights up at the toy, and you don’t see it, but Jeongguk’s lights up at you both.
You’ve been good with her since that day you found her at your work, and Jeongguk notices when you go out of your way to ask about her, to be kind to her, patient with her... to take care of her. Never once have you treated her like she was a burden, or an inconvenience.
He sees the way that Nari is with you, too.
Sees how happy she gets when you walk in his front door, how she always shares her things with you in that sweet way that babies do when they like someone. She even asks about you when you don't come around for a few days. A babbled version of your name peeping from her little lips.
It’s no secret that his baby has grown attached to you, come to love you. Dasom’s words ring in his ears. The thing she said about Nari getting used to someone he brings into her life, just for them to not be permanent.  
A medium sized, pink, stuffed Narwhal is pulled from the bag by the horn, and Nari swings it to the side to show her dad, just for a moment, before she’s squeezing it to her chest. She’s cooing, kinda nuzzling into it.
“Ba buuu,” she says softly, eyes still on the gift like it's something wondrous, rather than just a small plush. Jeongguk grows soft and your heart squeezes in your chest. The warmth comes back, flickers before going out again.
“What is it?” Jeongguk asks around a sip of his wine.
“A narwhal. You know, Nar-i, Nar-whal.”
His mouth twitches, fighting a smile, but he just nods. Until he can’t hold his laughter in anymore, making you laugh too by consequence. Easy.
The little crows feet at the corners of his eyes make an appearance and he scrunches his nose at you as he quiets. His hair is still just a little bit damp. “It’s cute,” he amends. “You didn’t have to get her anything, but thank you for thinking about her.”
The smile on his lips is tiny, but you can tell it’s genuine. Without laughter lightning up his face, you realize how tired he looks, warn out.
“Are you okay?” you say, arms raising so Nari is able to get up, making her way to her other toys, the narwhal tucked into her side. She grabs a babydoll, holds it to the narwhal and makes them move around like she’s introducing her toys.
Jeongguk sighs, and leans back on his hands. “Just wasn’t expecting that, is all… I get stressed when things don’t go as planned.”
“That’s why you broke out the wine in the middle of the day?” you ask with a teasing tone.
He rolls his eyes playfully. “One glass won’t hurt…”
The doorbell cuts off your reply. The food’s here.
~~~
The headboard behind Jeongguk’s back is hard, just like he is under you.
But his touches are soft, just like his kisses.
You’re straddling him, your hips just barely rocking over him as you lick into his mouth. Mewl against his lips. Hands in his hair, not pulling, but just twining your fingers in his locks, keeping him close.
It’s slow, unhurried and gentle. When he brings his palms to your chest over his shirt, he feels how your nipples pebble through the material as he squeezes, rolls them in his hands. So responsive to his touch, you pull away for just a moment to breathe out a pleased sigh before giving him a few cute pecks. Pushing into your lips, he deepens the kisses, his tongue teasing the seam of your lips until you open up for him.
He feels young again, like he’s making out with his crush, heavy petting because they are too scared to go all the way, but too into each other to not give in just a little. He hasn’t felt this way in so long. You gasp into his mouth when he pinches your nipple between his fingertips. His cock pulses, but his heart clenches.
It’s like reality is finally catching up to him. Reminding him that you and him were never supposed to get in so deep, were never supposed to get so entangled in each other’s lives. Fun and casual. That’s what it’s supposed to be. But it’s so much more than that now. At least for him it is.
His heart clenches because he’s not young anymore, but you still are.
The baby monitor that goes off with hiccuping cries just confirms his feelings.
“Sorry,” he says against your lips, his hands moving to your hips, squeezing before he helps maneuver you off of him.
“Bring her back in here,” you suggest.
Jeongguk pauses, twisting to crack his back. “You sure?”
You hum, “Yeah, wanna hang out with you both.”
And again his heart pulls, but he nods with a soft smile and a quick kiss before he’s hurrying out of the room.
Hands scrub over your face as you wait for him, your head knocking against the headboard. You purposefully focus on playing a game on your phone while you wait, refusing to let your thoughts loop incessantly around your brain.
It's a little while when Jeongguk walks back in with Nari on his hip. The sight makes you coo.
Nari’s looking around like she’s still a little out of it, her tiny round body in a light pink nightie covered in little bunnies sleeping on clouds and moons. Instead of her hair being in her trademark little ponies, it’s down, falling in messy little wisps around her face. The narwhal is clutched in her tiny hand by the horn and when she sees you, she blinks a few times before she smiles around the paci in her mouth.
“Hi sweet girl,” you say, when Jeongguk places her on the bed.
She tries to walk over to you, but the bed is soft and she’s very much still tired so she stumbles, hits the mattress with a small oof and an airy little giggle. Crawling the rest of the way she sits herself next to you, puts her plush in her lap.
“Think someone had a bad dream,” Jeongguk says around a yawn, taking his spot on the bed. “Also sorry it took a second, had to change her pull up.”
You hum, your hand coming up to pet at her hair, dark, silky, and baby scented.
“Wanna watch something, boba?” Jeongguk asks, laying himself on his side, one hand propped under his head, the other on the remote.
Nari nods, hunkers down in the fluffy pillow behind her. She looks at you and pats the sheets, as if telling you to lay down like her and her Daddy. Of course you listen.
It’s calm and quiet, just the children’s show playing in the background that you all are watching. You and Jeongguk half heartedly, Nari with round eyes. She lets out little laughs every now and then, her blinks slow and heavy. Jeongguk’s got a hand resting on Nari’s tummy and her little hand holds onto his thumb.
The scene is domestic.
“She doesn’t have nightmares often, does she?” you ask quietly.
Jeongguk glances at you, shakes his head. “Not here at least.”
“Has she always been a co sleeper?”
Jeongguk shakes his head again. “Not till after the divorce,” he says. “And I wouldn’t say she still co sleeps… most nights she sleeps on well on her own. I just don’t tell her no if she wants to come into my room.”
At the mention of the divorce your brain begins to whirl.
It’s not something he brings up often, and it’s never really bothered you. But after today, after you saw and heard how he and his ex interacted… It makes you curious. They seem to get along decently well, and they both clearly love Nari.
You sound a bit timid when you ask, “Why did you guys split up?”
Jeongguk’s quiet, doesn’t acknowledge that he heard you even though you know that he did. You worry that you’ve said something wrong, and you’re about to apologize but he speaks up.
“I’ll tell you… just getting my thoughts in order.”
~~~
Jeongguk stares down at the teeny, tiny baby in the bassinet. The light pink of the skirt at the bottom matches the accents on the walls of her nursery.
Her big eyes are watching the fairy mobile, big felt flowers dangling above her, the softest baby coos leaving her mouth every once in a while. She was already up when he got home from work.
When he puts his hand inside the baby bed and extends one of his fingers petting at her small hand, the baby jumps a little like she didn’t know he was there, but recognition is instant and she smiles up at him, her tiny fingers clutching around his.
“Hi miss Nari,” he says quietly, “How long have you been up, hmm? Bout time for some milk isn’t it?”
She blows a bubble up at him.
His heart swells as he picks her up, a big hand supporting her head as he pulls her to his chest. A detour to the changing table precedes his walk to the living room, where his wife is sat cross legged on the floor, papers and her laptop scattered in front of her on the coffee table. The video baby monitor is propped up as well.
“Hi honey,” Jeongguk says.
Dasom looks over her shoulder, sees the two of them and smiles. “Hey, how was work? And how’s our baby?” She types something on her laptop.
“Baby is good and work was work. Remember how I said we are thinking of setting up another branch?” Jeongguk asks, swaying a little with his cheek resting on Nari’s head. She smells like baby and Dasom hums in acknowledgement. “My brother finally got me a list of locations, so just a lot of assigning scouts to scope them out and budgeting for the cost of their travel.”
“That’s great, babe,” Dasom says.
Jeongguk watches her for a few more moments, as she flips through the papers like she’s looking for something. He walks around, so that he can sit in the loveseat off to the side, adjusts Nari so that she’s cradled in the bend of his arm. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“Just reviewing everything that’s happened at the office over the last few months…” She flicks her eyes to him.
Jeongguk frowns. “You still have two and a half weeks before you have to go back, don’t you?”
“Yeah, wanna be prepared though.”
Nari starts to wiggle in his arms, fussy. “Did you ever see if you could get a few more weeks since you guys were in the hospital for so long? That’s hardly a leave, if you ask me.”
She laughs lightly. “That’s true. But I don’t think it’s necessary? She’s doing really well, and I think that that Montessori nursery will be good for her.”
Tension fills Jeongguk’s body. “I thought we talked about letting Yeoreum watch her when you go back to work.”
“Well yes. We talked about it– but we didn’t commit to–”
“We didn’t commit to Montessori either–”
“What benefits is Nari getting if we do that?” Dasom says, finally giving Jeongguk her full attention. “No offense to Jin’s wife, but it’s not like she’s certified to care for newborns.”
“She’s a mother, Som. A very good one, she knows how to care for a baby. And Nari would be the only baby she’s taking care of so it’s one on one attention and it’s someone we know and trust so–”
“Montessori has curriculum, and it teaches children to be independent–”
“She’s a baby! She doesn’t need to be independent. She needs to be–”
Nari’s fussiness has escalated, her tiny cries filling the living room. Jeongguk starts rocking her, shushing her with soft coos. He tries the pacifier attached to her onesie, but she just pushes it out, crying louder.
“She’s hungry,” Jeongguk says, getting to his feet so he can hand her to her mom.
“I pre-pumped when she was napping earlier. There’s a bottle with 6.5 ounces in the fridge.”
Picking his battles and barely suppressing a frustrated sigh, he walks to the kitchen and places the bottle in the warmer. Nari’s cries continue to sound as he waits, bouncing her a little, rubbing her back.
Back in the loveseat, he tries to give Nari her dinner but she’s grumpy, turning her head or pushing the nipple out of her mouth, growing angrier by the minute, her tiny body turning red from how hard she’s crying.
“She’s not taking the bottle, I think she–”
“Is it warm enough?”
“Yes, I think she wants you.”
Nari’s mom looks over the top of her laptop and nods. “I’m just about done–”
“Dasom, please,” Jeongguk says, “She’s hungry and she wants her mom.”
Almost like a fog clears, Dasom’s face falls before she’s nodding hastily. “Yeah, yeah… I’m sorry I– bring her to me.”
As soon as Nari’s in her mom’s arms she quiets some, and once Dasom holds her close and starts to feed her it’s serene again. Nari’s little hand opens and closes rhythmically, until her mom gives her her finger, like Jeongguk did early. Ever since she came home from the hospital, she’s liked to hold hands.
“I’m sorry,” Dasom whispers again, without looking at Jeongguk. He can hear the guilt in her voice.
He tells her it's okay and that he’s going to shower.
Later when Nari’s down for the night and he and his wife are laying in bed, Dasom apologizes again. Tells Jeongguk that she was just stressed with preparing for work and juggling the baby.
“Som-ie, that reminds me, I was thinking…”
She turns to look at him from his side of the bed, smiling. “Not too hard, hopefully.”
“Ha-ha,” he says, unamused. He continues nervously, like he’s walking on eggshells. “But I was thinking– what if you took off for the first year or so?”
The shift in atmosphere is instant. Dasom goes stiff in her spot next to him, and she says silent.
“I only say it because we would be fine, you know?” He tries to explain, “My job brings in more than enough for us to be okay, and if you just stayed home with her, you could teach her the way that you want and I would get the peace of mind knowing that she’s safe with someone I love and trust. We would solve the daycare dilemma…”
Still, his wife says nothing, her brows furrowed.
“And you wouldn’t be so stressed…” Jeongguk continues, “you wouldn’t have to worry about work on top of being a mom… You would never miss any of her firsts and–”
“When we talked about having a baby, I told you I didn’t want to be one of those moms.”
Dasom’s voice is upset, her tone hard.
“I know, I know,” Jeongguk says softly, “But it wouldn’t be for forever. Just until she’s older… I read that companies will give extended leaves sometimes, kind of like a sabbatical.”
She laughs in disbelief, “How long have you been thinking about this? I’m not taking an extended leave, or a sabbatical, or a hiatus or whatever it is you’ve been researching, Jeongguk. I worked so hard to get to where I am,” she closes her eyes like she’s trying to stay calm, “You can’t ask me to throw that away.”
“That’s not what I’m asking–”
“But it is!” she exclaims, “Even being gone for 3 months has already put me back. My position isn’t one that can stay open for extended periods of time. And that means if I take off for even just a year– it’ll be given to someone else. Someone else will come into what I built and either reap the benefits or ruin it.”
Jeongguk stays quiet, looking at the pattern of the duvet over his lap.
It’s softer when Dasom speaks up again. “If that’s the kind of mother you want me to be– the kind that has no substance, or passions, or goals outside of being a mom– then… you may as well get the papers.”
Jeongguk’s head snaps up, his expression shocked and confused. “Divorce? Why is that the first thing your mind goes to?”
Dasom runs her hands through her hair, pressing the heels of her palms against her temples. “I’m not gonna bend on this, Kook.”
And it was almost like when the idea of divorce was spoken into existence, it was something that hung over them, like a curse that took only 7 months to come true.
~~~
“Dasom is a good mom,” Jeongguk says slowly, “We just parent very differently.”
You stay quiet, waiting for him to continue, adjusting yourself so that you’re looking at him.
“That’s the root of it, really. We couldn’t agree on anything when it came to Nari. And obviously we talked about things before she was born, and had a loose idea of how we wanted to raise her…” He stops for a moment to think.
“It’s just so different when they are born, like you think you know what it means to be a parent but you really don’t. Not until it’s already happened and they are in your arms and you’re searching for a daycare and coming across horror stories about the workers abusing the kids. Or thinking about how it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she doesn’t talk but also knowing how much harder her life will be if she doesn’t.”
You can feel a heaviness cloud the room. Jeongguk is so good at keeping this part of himself tucked away, good at putting on a brave face that when you look at him and see him looking down at his baby with worried, furrowed brows, your heart aches.
“And it led to a lot of really bad fights and it just got to a point where one day I decided I wouldn’t raise a baby in a home that was tumultuous.”
“What did you guys argue about?” you ask softly.
Jeongguk gives you a sad smile. “More like what didn’t we argue about. Daycare… But I’ll admit I agreed to it before she was born and then changed my mind... Her speech, how to deal with tantrums, where she slept, what she ate. I think Dasom’s too tough, she thinks I’m too soft…” he taps his fingers on Nari’s belly, “She thinks I’m part of the reason why she doesn’t talk. That because I dote on her, Nari thinks that she doesn’t need to use words so she just doesn’t.”
Your brows furrow. “Babies hit milestones at different rates, my cousin didn’t talk at all until he was three… Taking care of her isn’t hindering her development.”
“Thank you,” he says, quietly. “I think she’s starting to understand that too, as we keep getting outside opinions…”
He falls silent and you can tell he’s sad, his hand coming up to push Nari’s hair off of her forehead, the baby now sleeping, her round tummy expanding as she takes deep breaths. You feel bad, having brought the tense atmosphere on with your questions.
“Nari’s so smart, Gguk,” you say, kind of hasty, eager to make him feel better. “Like earlier I was upset, and she just knew… she’s so emotionally intelligent and has such a pure heart–”
“You were upset earlier?” Jeongguk asks, his gaze questioning as he looks at you.
Your mouth opens and closes like you’re trying to find the right words, but none will come out.
“Why were you upset?” he asks again, genuine worry on his face.
And just like a few hours ago, when you felt like Nari was asking you if you were okay; when Jeongguk asks you why you were upset, tears begin to well in your eyes.
At the sight of tearing up, Jeongguk sits up gingerly trying to not wake Nari, but also be attentive at the same time. “Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me…”
You sit up too, looking at Jeongguk for a moment before looking down at your hands in your lap. A tear lands on your skin when you blink, and you take a deep breath before you say, “I… I heard you earlier…”
His face pulls into one of confusion. “Me and Dasom?”
Your head tilts back, and you sound exasperated when you say, “Who else?”
Jeongguk thinks for a moment, goes over what he and his ex talked about, remembers her being a bit touchy about your age, and then he thinks he gets it. His features soften as he says, “Don’t listen to her… seeing you just caught her off guard, she–”
You give a hopeless watery laugh, turning to look at him with sad eyes. “It’s not what she said, it’s what you didn’t say.”
And once again confusion takes over his features, his mind trying to comprehend how and why something he never even said could hurt you to the point of you sniffling in his bed, your eyes begging him to get it. He feels bad when he says, “I don’t understand?”
It was never in the plan for you to be the girl that’s crying about why a man did or didn’t do something– that’s never been who you are. You’ve never really cared enough to get upset, you’ve always been independent, just cutting your losses and moving on.
But with Jeongguk, cutting your losses feels a lot like cutting out part of your heart, and you don’t think you’ll make it if you do that. One can live with half their lungs, only one of their kidneys… but no one ever lasts long when part of their heart goes missing. Jeongguk has become vital to you.
“Jeongguk,” you whisper, “What are we doing?”
Maybe it’s unfair of you to ask him something like that, when you both agreed to something carefree, no strings attached. But you think that falling in love with someone is a lot like how Jeongguk described being a parent: You think you know what it means, but you really don’t. Not until it’s already happened.
Because that’s what felt different prior to opening that door and letting doubt in with the breeze. Everything felt warmer, easier, safer, better because it was laced with the realization that you love Jeongguk.
His face has fallen when you look at him, waiting for his reply. The corners of his lips are down turned, and his brows are turned up. He begins to shake his head softly, his mouth parting a few times before he’s raising his shoulders in a hopeless way.
“I– I don’t know anymore,” he whispers back.
That’s the answer you expected, but it still makes you exhale pain, like his words knock the wind out of you. It’s shaky when you catch your breath, but you nod.
“I think I should leave for tonight,” you tell him, starting to push his comforter to the side.
Jeongguk feels his heart start to race, and he reaches out for you, his hand landing on your shoulder. “What? Right now? It’s the middle of the night– don’t– it’s–”
“If you don’t want me to leave,” you interrupt him, “then we need to talk.”
His mouth snaps shut and he rolls his lips between his teeth like he’s thinking. He glances at the baby sleeping between you, and gives you a quick nod. “Yeah, okay… Just not here, I don’t want her waking up again… let me get the monitor from her room. I’ll meet you in the living room.”
Nodding wordlessly, you slip out of the room.
You’re pacing lightly, in nothing but his shirt that hits high on your thigh and a pair of panties, when Jeongguk comes out. He’s still shirtless, but he pulled on some joggers before leaving the room. One hand is pushing his hair back like he’s stressed, and the other is holding the baby monitor. He places it on the counter, and turns to you. A sad smile is offered, and you give him one back because it’s instinct.
It seems like neither of you know where to begin, both just breathing heavy in the artificial light. You take a deep breath.
“I wanted you to defend me,” you admit.
Jeongguk stays quiet, but his brows pinch.
“Or maybe like… defend us…” Embarrassment creeps into your bones.
“Defend us over what?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like he’s being dense, but like he actually doesn’t know.
Sighing, you say, “The way she talked about me, Gguk… She said I was something you needed to ‘get out of your system’... just a friend you fuck that’s disposable and unimportant and–”
“You know that’s not true,” he interjects.
“Yeah I do. Why didn’t you tell her that?” You can feel the first licks of anger in your chest, your voice coming out harsher than you intend. “Why did you let her talk about me like I’m just some stupid kid that doesn’t know what she wants? Like you don’t know what you want?”
Jeongguk thinks about it, realizes the answer is quite simple.
“Because I don’t know what I want, and I don’t think that you know what you want either.”
You look taken aback, and anger colors your features. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that this turned into something it was never supposed to and now we don’t know how to navigate it or what we want from each other anymore,” Jeongguk explains, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.
It’s true and it’s not at the same time. Because Jeongguk knows what he wants, at least to some extent, but he knows he can’t have it. Meaning that if he can’t have what he wants, he doesn’t know what he wants instead of that. And he supposes he can’t speak for you, but he doesn’t correct himself, instead says, “We’re in too deep, __… I care about you.”
It doesn’t sound like much, but you know what he means… know that it’s a confession of some sort.
Tentative hope bubbles in your chest at his words, and you take a few steps closer to him. “That’s not a bad thing, I care too. We both care so we can–” you pause, and look up at him. “We can just take the next step or something, right?”
Jeongguk smiles softly, and his hands come up to cup your face and it’s warm again, and it’s safe when you’re in his palms and when he’s kissing you. Your hands come up to just hold at his wrists, eyes shutting, and it’s sweet again and–
“It’s not that simple, baby…”
–and it’s over.
“There’s something that Dasom said that’s true.”
And you know it’s childish but you shake your head in his hands and tears begin to brim. She ruined everything. She planted that seed of doubt in both your heads, and she’s the reason why Jeongguk doesn’t feel safe anymore and why his hands aren’t warm and why everything is falling apart. You squeeze your eyes shut and scrunch your brows together, a few tears spilling over. “I don’t want to talk about her,” you whisper.
He smiles, a sad curve to his lips. “I know, you don’t... But we both need to hear it… We don’t agree on a lot when it comes to Nari, but she was right when she said that thing about people coming into Nari’s life and then leaving after she gets attached. That’s not fair to Nari and it was selfish of me to let it happen.”
“How do you know I’m just going to leave?” you ask.
“Because I’m not going to let you stay,” Jeongguk whispers, his thumb wiping away the tears that have already started to flow.
Words don’t even come to you, because of how badly it hurts. And you’re doing your best to keep it as together as you can because you aren’t pathetic. You’re not going to beg him to let you stay but you want to understand why. Your voice cracks when you ask him.
“You’re too young, __. And I’m not saying that’s why I don’t think you know what you want… But I don’t think you know what being with me long term means, and what you would be missing out on… I’m not going to trap you, it’ll just lead to you resenting me,” he says gently. His hands have left your face, and he walks around a little like he’s trying to gather his thoughts. “And there’s just so much that I have to balance. I don’t know if I have room or the time–”
It feels like a slap in the face. How did everything change so quickly from this morning?
“There was room in your bed for me,” you interrupt him, bitter pain lacing your words. “You had time to fuck me.”
He winces. “You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he tells you gently, “I just meant… I think I need to think about things, reevaluate my priorities–”
It sounds a lot like what you said earlier, when you were under him, taunting him with kisses.
You hum, “I just think you need to reevaluate your priorities, maybe.”
“And what do you think my priorities should be, __?” he whispers, eyes searching your face, lingering on your lips, a fond look coloring his features.
“Well, right now,” you start, looping your arms around his neck, “I think you should really focus on that plank, and on that kiss you’re dying to give me.”
And god, you wish you could go back. Wish you could rewind and just replay everything up until the doorbell rang. But you can’t because the reality of the situation is that this was always going to end.
Jeongguk has his mind made up. The fear of you leaving him and Nari and the fear of you resenting him if you stayed are inevitable feelings that he would have realized eventually. He has priorities and if he doesn’t change the way he thinks, it won’t ever work because–
“Because I’m not one of them…” you realize quietly. He cares, but not enough.
Jeongguk’s composure breaks and it’s written all over his face, how much it hurts him to hurt you, even if it’s not intentional. “I’m sorry,” he says, and it sounds desperate like he’s yearning for you to know that he means it. “But it’s always going to be her, Nari will always be the most important thing to me.”
And you won’t beg for a place in his life, but you want him to understand.
“I’m not asking to be the most important thing in your life, that’s not what I want,” you tell him.
“What do you want?” he asks.
“I want you to understand that I just want to be with you,” you tell him.
He’s by the couch now, sitting on the armrest. His lips are pressed in a tight line, and you can see redness around his eyes from fighting tears of his own. You’re still by the counter where he left you.
“It doesn’t have to be so extreme, Gguk… It’s not like we’re getting married, we would just be taking a next step–”
“But we might, __!” he yells, before shutting his eyes roughly and taking a deep breath. His tone is softer when he continues. “Obviously I wouldn’t spring that on you, but being with me means that you have to be okay with a lot of things,” he says.  
When you ask him what kinds of things he says, “You would have to be okay with never coming first, with me cancelling on you whenever something comes up with Nari. You would have to be okay with me still having a relationship with my ex because I refuse to let my baby have parents that hate each other.”
You try to keep your face straight but he must be able to see how he’s getting into your head because he continues, almost like he’s trying to convince you it’s not worth it being with him.
“At 22 you have to be okay with potentially getting married, with being a stepmom… I know you care about Nari, but if you were to commit to me, you would have to commit to her too. There would be boundaries that me and Dasom make, and you would have to respect them. You and her would have to learn to get along.”
“You’re only 22, __,” he continues, his voice borders on whining, like he just wants you to get it. “You don’t want that. You would lose your freedom… while your friends are travelling or doing whatever, you’ll be in a relationship, tied down… I won’t do that to you, __.” He looks at you for a moment. “Maybe you want a relationship,” he amends, trying to acknowledge your feelings. “But you don’t want an instant family, it’s too much for someone so young. It’s even a lot for people my age.”
“Why does it have to be so… all or nothing?” you ask, a little desperate because it's hard to understand the way he thinks.
“I can’t think short term when I have a baby who depends on me long term,” he replies.
“Then what have we been doing this whole time?”
Jeongguk opens his hands, turns his palms up like he’s giving up. “I was selfish and I got caught up… I made a mistake.”
A mistake. Your heart breaks a little but it beats loud in your ears as you let his words sink in. It's a lot to take in, especially when you two haven’t spoken about being in a committed relationship even once before. And it's confusing because he said he cared.
“I thought you cared about me… Why does it feel like you’re trying to scare me away?” you ask him, voice hurt.
Jeongguk looks at his hands, like he can’t face you. “I do care about you, and I’m not trying to scare you,” he says quietly. “I’m just telling you a fraction of the things that you really need to think about.”
And think you do.
Do you really want all that? Was he right when he alluded to you losing more than you gain? Are you ready to get into a relationship with someone who has marriage as the end goal when you don’t even have your life figured out? Are you really mature enough to handle his relationship with his ex, when you can’t even maturely handle things with your roommates sometimes?
Would being with you be a good thing for him and Nari? Or would they be better off with someone else? Someone with goals and passions, and their life a little more figured out. Maybe someone who has a kid of her own, because she knows what it’s like already. Someone older and more mature with a good job. Someone who is nothing like you.
You didn’t even notice that you started crying, but when you come back, your eyes are blurry and your cheeks are sticky with old and new tears.
“Okay,” you say. You try to smile, but your chin is quivering. “I’ll let you know when I’ve thought through everything.”
When you go back to his room to get you things, you give Nari a tiny kiss, and you tell her that you’ll miss her. As you walk past Jeongguk to his front door, he doesn’t try to stop you this time.
You love Jeongguk, you’re sure that you do, but maybe being with him isn’t what's best. Doubt has made a home in your heart, that warmth you long for nowhere to be seen or felt.
~~~~
AYOOOOO don’t scream at me too much, that's not the end lmao but whoa... how’d they go from kissing to crying just like that hmm... also, opinions on the ex wife?? genuinely curious bc i actually dont hate her ?? 🤔 anyway, i hope you liked it, if you did please do all the things~~ please reblog, like, comment, send an ask... very curious about how we feel about this one 🙇🏻‍♀️ thanks for reading and as always i love u, sorry im posting late lol byeeee <3
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oureuphoria · 4 months ago
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Not Like You || JJK Oneshot
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⟿ Synopsis: God had favourites. Jungkook figured that out early in his childhood, when every waking moment was spent trying to impress his parents at the expense of you. He ran away at 19 to escape the immeasurable pressure to succeed but he couldn't escape you. Six years and a daughter later, Jungkook met his childhood enemy again, except this time he didn't want to run.
⟿ Genre: fluff & angst & slow-burn so slow you question if there is even a burn.
⟿ Pairing: dilf!jungkook x boxer!jungkook x childhood enemy!reader
⟿ Word count: 28K whoops, I went a little overboard
⟿ Warnings: Mentions of depression and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death (very brief, very minor character) some profanity.
⟿ Note: Oh boy okay so I merged boxer JK with father JK with enemies 2 lovers with friends 2 lovers so it's just a MESS okay bare with me. I'm sorry she's so chonky, also the ending was spontaneous so um sorry <3.
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God had favourites. Jungkook figured that out early in his childhood, when every waking moment was spent trying to impress his parents at the expense of your effortless flaunting. Your parents had known each other from high school, they built their businesses together from the ground up and while the story is outdated and tacky, there was no other way to explain it. Their friendship was admirable, truly one of the strongest you’d ever witnessed. You yearned for a friendship like theirs, everyone did, but you weren’t quite as lucky.
Jungkook, who was older than you by four years, was supposed to be your unconditional best friend. The person you could turn to at any given moment because you both practically grew up together. Sure it was a little too convenient to be true but you hadn’t expected him to hate you. In fact, Jungkook had grown a distaste for everything Y/N. At first, his hatred was irrational and petty. He felt like you were everyone’s new object of attention, people doted on you and your cute pig tails before they ever spared him a glance. And of course, as a 9 year old everything seemed to be dramatised ten-fold but soon enough, you had given him plenty of hate fuel.
Jungkook was a fan of music and sport. Those were pretty much the only subjects he paid attention to at school. He wasn’t the brightest kid but he had passion and humour. You, were his polar opposite. You had no musical talent, not a single athletic bone in your body but academics came easy to you, so did impressing adults. You even skipped two grades and Jungkook couldn’t even escape you. You were the textbook example of everything his parents wanted him to be and he hated you for it.
Jungkook’s parents were loving, kind and well-rounded people. They had a lot of compassion and empathy, they grew up in the lower-middle class and knew how intricate money was and how detrimental it was not to waste it. They also knew that wasted potential, was the worst disease that plagued society. They wanted Jungkook to reach his full potential even if, in their eyes, that meant academic success.
Tutoring wasn’t a necessarily bad thing, initially, Jungkook welcomed the extra help. However, hiring top class tutors for an 11 year old was not a smart decision. Jungkook wasn’t thick-skinned, he didn’t take criticism well, especially not when it was delivered harshly. He cried a lot, struggled even more with the newly established pressure to do well. He broke under the weight of unrealistic expectations just like any delicate glass would and when he put himself back together piece by piece, he was never quite the same.
Forced to grow thick skin, Jungkook had lost his compassion, his soft smile and his innocent eyes. Tainted by the burden of disappointment, Jungkook knew he couldn’t fail to meet expectations if there simply weren’t any. And just like that, a child no different to the countless others who enjoyed class and the safe haven it used to be, had become a nightmare.
Middle school wasn’t the worst. He created trouble but it was petty, small and usually harmless. This was also the time period where you grew to hate him too. Where his disdain towards you had become mutual. You tried to keep the bickering to a minimum. Mainly because you liked to avoid trouble but also because you didn’t want to disappoint your parents. Since, after all Jungkook had done, you were never allowed to reciprocate, you always had to be the bigger person.
It was ironic really, Jungkook was two grades above you and still managed to act half your age. Nonetheless, you tried to treat your negative emotions towards him like papers you could file away and come back to when it really mattered. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work, no one could compartmentalise their feelings and surely not a 12-year-old but you tried anyway because anything was better than fighting with Jungkook.
High school was when it got personal. It wasn’t just petty arguments over coloured markers or throwing paint at each other. Suddenly, the hatred had deepened, seeped into your blood like poison. It consumed you, enough so to make you forget that you had no reason to hate each other in the first place. The fighting became planned and vindictive until eventually, tearing each other down had gone too far. You picked at each other’s insecurities because it was easy to destroy someone you knew well. In a way, behind the toxicity of your indescribable relationship, you had been the only constant in each others lives. You found comfort in that.
One day in your sophomore year, it went too far. You couldn’t recall the exact details if you tried but it had something to do with your parents divorce. Nevertheless, words were said, insults exchanged like daggers dragged through skin and if you could take it all back you would, because the very next day, Jungkook didn’t show up to school. He didn’t show up the following day, or the day after that until you had been informed that he’d run away.
You wondered where the missing person posters were, or his extravagant search party. You wondered why nobody seemed to care.
With a reputation that had been carefully constructed for years before Jungkook’s existence, it seemed unworthy to damage it all for him and as shallow as that sounded, the Jeons had been too hurt by his decision to see the error in their actions. And thus, no report was filed and Jungkook had disappeared from your life into thin air; his name had become forbidden in your house. Like a blemish wiped away from history, Jungkook ceased to exist and you couldn’t handle it, not when you saw him everywhere. They told his school he’d transferred, which was a blatant lie, Jungkook never finished high school but you were forced to play along.
Jungkook stayed with an older friend in Seoul where he refused to reply to any of your messages. With the burden of the heavy guilt on your shoulders, you trudged through junior year on your own, fearing that he was gone forever. Everyday for 2 years, you messaged him. It was initially just ‘please come home’ every morning but eventually, under the impression that he wasn’t receiving the messages, you vented. Sometimes it was about how depleted his house had become, how Jungkook’s older brother was spiralling into a pit of depression or how your classes didn’t feel the same. Sometimes it was about how much you hated him for leaving you to deal with two broken families.
Jungkook was nowhere for a while. No longer holding a monopoly over your mind although never completely gone. College was easier, the memory of him wasn’t there at every turn. You didn’t think much of trying to find him, not when he so clearly didn’t want to be found. You told yourself that he was alive, well and much happier than he ever was with his family. You begged that it was true every second of every day.
It wasn’t until your fourth year of college that you had confirmed your theory. You almost missed it, in a rush to make it to your morning lecture in time but your eyes unconsciously did a double take. And indeed, there he was, not-so-small Jungkook on a billboard with the title, ‘Season’s hottest contender’. A professional boxer. You were frozen in your place with your jaw slack for far too long to be normal but nobody really cared. Everyone far too busy with their own burdens.
This, you were not expecting.
Needless to say, you had gotten to your morning lecture around 15-minutes late. Why? Well, because after viewing that fleeting billboard, you spent 10 minutes googling your long-lost arch nemesis and the other 5 running to class after realising you were late. Your ethics professor didn’t mind, which you did not find the least bit ironic in the moment, and thankfully you didn’t draw too much attention. However, it probably would’ve been best if you didn’t attend at all because you had not retained a single word uttered during that 115 minute lecture.
When you had gotten back to your apartment, you began to spiral. It had been 6 years since you last saw Jungkook, 6 years since you last heard of him and your blood boiled at the fact that he was thriving. Of course you were happy for him but he had put your family and his through misery for evidently no reason. A simple text message would have sufficed.
In a spur of the moment decision, you haphazardly spent $120 on two tickets to his match that weekend, one that would take place around 40 minutes from your apartment. You just hoped that your roommate would agree to go with you because there was no other way for you to get there without spending a fortune of course.
“Please!! I promise all you have to do is come.” You pleaded for the umpteenth time that night. “Y/N, neither of us have ever given a shit about boxing, why would we go now?” You were rather close with your roommate, in fact you’d consider him your closest friend, however, you never really discussed your childhood with anyone, much less the petty feud that drove Jungkook out of his home. So, you told a small white lie to cover up the real reason behind your random spike of interest in the violent sport. “I told you, I won the tickets online and I don’t want to waste them.” “You can always sell them?” Seokjin had a valid point, there was no denying that but you weren’t one to back down easily. Jin knew that all too well. “Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ll treat you to dinner after?” “Panda Express?” You rolled your eyes at his evidently expensive taste, he was going to milk it for what it was worth. Despite being the child of a millionaire, you were trying to be financially independent and Jin was not making that easy. “I was thinking McDonalds but that works too I guess…” And with a final handshake you had sealed the deal. Jin would accompany you on your journey.
There were many details you hadn’t foreseen. Like, for example, the fact that opting for the cheapest tickets put you at a substantial distance from the ring and that Jungkook was practically untouchable. You never knew when boxing had gotten so popular but Jungkook had a large and diverse fanbase which ultimately meant tough security and no way to speak to him, not unless he noticed you first. You were sure that even with 20/20 vision, there was no way Jungkook could see you from that distance, not to mention the fact that he had to dodge and throw punches at his opponent who you had done absolutely no research on.
“Y/N, this sucks, lets bail and go to panda express.” You glared at your roommate beside you. It had been less than 10 minutes and he was already complaining. “Wait, they’re selling hot dogs I take back what I said. Go buy two.” “No! Stadium food is expensive and besides, I’m not even hungry.” “Who said they were for you? You said you’d buy me food, go, get me two hot dogs.” “Alright Jin, it’s the hot dogs or panda express.” “Nope, if you want me to sit through watching two sweaty men battle it out like medieval gladiators for an hour than you owe me two, two meals.” You rolled your eyes, shoving the money in his hand nonetheless.
The match wasn’t starting for another 15 minutes and you decided you’d take a shot in the dark. Jungkook had probably changed his number, but on the off chance he didn’t, you sent a message anyway. One that was ambiguous enough not to alarm anyone who was not in fact Jungkook but still contained enough information to ensure him that you were not a psycho stalker fan.
Hey, it’s me Y/N. I’m at your match tonight and I was wondering if we could talk?
You deleted your old messages to him, mostly because it hurt to recount what it was like back then but also partly because you wanted to move on. However, what you’d never forget was the fact that in your 2 years of messaging him, the messages had never, ever been read. So, when the read receipt had shown up onto the screen, you could feel your heart beat in your chest, the sensation becoming overpowering to the point where it left you nauseous. However, it didn’t take long for your heart to settle once again.
Sorry, wrong number.
You weren’t sure what you were expecting but you still felt the disappointment all the same. “So, I got a snow cone too but I’m not a complete monster so I got watermelon because I know it’s your favourite.” “Blueberry. Blueberry is my favourite, Jin.” You deadpanned in a monotonous tone, you were lying, watermelon was your favourite but Jin deserved the discomfort so you maintained the facade anyway. “Wow, who would’ve thought?”
Eventually, the 15-minutes had breezed through and Jin had obliterated the two hot dogs which thankfully gave you time to consume about 90% of the snow cone. “Here, you can have the rest.” Jin looked at you skeptical before realising you had already almost finished the snow cone. “You left me the flavourless, bottom part! I don’t want it.” “Well, that’s what you get for exploiting my kindness. Besides, I’m getting cold you take the rest.” You stretched out your hand towards him, holding the ice cone in place. “I don’t want it." “Just take it.” You taunted further, however, in an attempt to further dramatise his theatrics, Jin had wailed his arms around while complaining, accidentally hitting the snow cone out of your hands and onto your white top.
He winced silently, looking at you, infinitely colder with a large pink stain on your shirt. “I have no regrets.” He tried to hide his giggle but you took off your jacket, throwing at him while standing up to go to the bathroom. “You’re insufferable.” you muttered angrily but you failed at keeping a straight face, after all the situation was rather comical. However, on your way to the bathroom, you passed by the ring and while you were too invested in surveying the severity of the stain, Jungkook’s eyes had landed right on you.
Jungkook often looked back towards the exit because that was where his coach would stand, however, what was supposed to be a quick glance at his surroundings had completely thrown him off his game. Your face was one he could never forget, no matter how much he wanted to.
“Jungkook! Focus!” The command from his coach and a fist to his face had regained Jungkook’s consciousness and he hit back five times harder. In fact, seeing you had brewed a pot of hatred deep inside him, one that he had hoped to keep idle till the day he died. On your way back from the bathroom, your eyes locked with Jungkook’s and from the fury in his eyes and the ferocity of his expression, you knew he was well aware that you were there and evidently still wanted nothing to do with you.
“You look like you had a nose bleed.” You rolled your eyes at Jin who had almost forgotten about your entire existence in the 3 minutes you were gone. “You didn’t tell me the boxer was so fine. Now I know why you wanted to go.” Jin smirked at his comment, raising his eyebrows at you wickedly. However, instead of your comically irritated face, all Jin saw was uneasiness. “Hey are you okay? I’m sorry about the snow cone I didn’t mean to-” You snorted at his antics, your friendship with Jin was rarely sentimental which was why his heartfelt apology had felt so out of place. “I don’t care about the cone, moron and yes, I agree, he is very fine.” There was not a hint of insincerity in your statement but it did come out awkward, mainly because it was true but a part of you knew very well that you’d have to explain to Jin eventually. Especially if you were really planning on getting Jungkook to forgive you.
You spent the rest of the match seated watching quietly. You had to be honest, it left you uneasy. Every punch Jungkook took made you jump a little, every time he threw a punch you held your breath. To say that the entire experience was just pure discomfort would’ve been a severe understatement. You never wanted to attend one of these ever again.
“That wasn’t half bad, Y/N. Dare I say fun, even?” You elbowed him jokingly on your way out of the stadium. “Sure it was fun for you!! I am sticky and I smell like a watermelon starburst.” “You know what, that doesn’t sound half bad either.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Where did you even park the car Jin?” Jin dropped you off at the entrance promising to meet you once he found a place to park his precious car. “It’s a little far…” “Seriously? There are loads of perfectly good parking spots nearby!” “But, Y/N, Popo (yes, Jin named his car, its a Porsche) doesn’t appreciate being among commoners so I parked him at a restaurant nearby, just give me 5 minutes and I’ll bring him here, okay?” You nodded, still sporting a frown provoked by your best friend’s immature antics.
You leaned your shoulder against a wall on the side of the main building which had seemed like a good idea at the time. You were rather tired, even though you didn’t do much. Unfortunately, you hadn’t thought about why turning your back towards the dark abyss might have been problematic. To be frank, you never did think of potential risks in situations, so, when an arm touched your shoulder you were quick to assume the worst and elbow the person behind you.
“Ow! What the fuck, Y/N?” You winced at the familiar voice, of course this would be your first interaction with Jungkook in 6 years. “Oh shit. You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that!” You tried to defend yourself, tone still laced with guilt. There was a heavy pause that followed, one that allowed the tension to grow thicker. “What do you want?” A silence fell after his question to which you responded with a snicker. “What do I want? You approached me, Jeon.” It was a habit, calling him by his last name, one that seemed to only remind him of exactly why he hated you. “I know you’re only here for me so I’ll ask again, what do you want?” “That’s not very fair. What if I was actually a fan of boxing?” “Name one fighter from the season.” It was quiet, you used the awkward pause to properly focus on his face. He’d really grown into his features, arch nemesis or not, he still made you nervous. “Y-” “Don’t say me.” You sighed, defeated. “I said ‘what if’…” You trailed off into yet another awkward silence.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing,” you mumbled quietly, almost to the point where it was incoherent. It was true, though and you didn’t have any ill intentions. Jungkook didn’t buy it and you didn’t blame him. “Did you tell anyone?” “No, not yet at least. Jungkook your mother she-” “Not a word of this to anyone. It’s none of your business.” Your jaw dropped in astonishment, Jungkook was never nice to you but he had definitely changed. He was cold and harsh, things that you’d never associate with the sweet, Bambi-eyed boy from your childhood. “It’s not like you’re keeping a low profile. You’re on billboards, they’re going to find out.” “Yeah, well it won’t be from you.”
“Hey, Y/N!” You turned your neck around quickly at the sound of Jin’s voice, he was seated in his car waiting for you to join him. “I have to go but I’m telling your parents, they deserve to know that you’re alive.” He had his tongue poking through the inside of his cheek and looked at you with a burning ferocity. He cocked his head as if to tell you to go, and that you did. You began to walk away, his look of disappointment perpetually burned into your brain. The interaction left goosebumps on your skin and a look of discomfort that didn’t go unnoticed by Jin. “Who was that?” You mentally shook off all thoughts of Jungkook before shooting Jin a genuine smile. “Just some guy asking for directions, I am almost sure I led him the wrong way.”
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The next time you saw Jungkook was unplanned, at least on your part. You were at work which was a more glamorous way of saying the campus library. It wasn’t fun but you needed the money and it paid well for a relatively low demand on labour. “Hey sexy.” You glared at the source of the irritating voice, Jensen, a guy from your ethics class who had an unruly goal to sleep with every girl in your cohort. “Jensen, lovely to see you.” You feigned a smile, sarcasm obvious in your tone but you didn’t care. He knew well enough that you weren’t his biggest fan.
You didn’t hate Jensen because of his promiscuous sex life, that was his business and you knew better than to make judgements on people based on something that superficial. No, you hated Jensen because of a group project during your first year where he had, unsurprisingly, done absolutely nothing. He went even further to harass your fellow group mate into doing his part for him.
A lot of people hated Jensen but he was disgustingly rich and therefore powerful. You were lucky you could afford to hate him, a lot of people weren’t allowed that luxury. So, you made it your life goal to ensure that Jensen would never, ever, get his way around you.
“I need a book.” “Thought so, you are at a library after all.” He rolled his eyes at your backhanded insults but didn’t move from his position on the bench. Leaning far too close for your comfort. “Picture books are over there.” You gestured when he hadn’t moved from the bench. “Funny, Y/N.” You gave him a sincere smile in response, his discomfort brought genuine joy to your heart. “Great Expectations, Dickens.” You cocked an eyebrow at him and his audacity. Your job was to scan library cards and shelve books, not help a grown ass man locate a book in a library. “It’s the book I need. Go get it.” You sighed in an attempt to calm the volcano of rage that was dangerously close to erupting. “It’s in the classics section, look for the letter D, you must be familiar with it considering your grades.” And with a swift middle finger to your face, Jensen had made his way to the classics section and away from you.
“He’s just so annoying! Who doesn’t know how to locate a book in a library? It’s not even that big.” Jin let out a hum in response which was a telltale sign that he was not listening whatsoever. You hit the back of his head lightly to which he gave you an offended look. “He’s pretty good looking you know.” You gave Jin a look of sheer disgust. There wasn’t much that could make you find someone truly disgusting but Jensen ticked all the boxes which therefore meant that no matter how conventionally attractive he may be, he was entirely hideous to you, inside and out.
“Anyways, while you were not so graciously ranting about your boring life, I got us both invited to the after party.” Jin’s proposal was met with a look of confusion. “What after party?” Your tone, now accusatory and skeptical had Jin feeling nervous. “Well, while you were trying to ring snow cone flavouring out of your shirt, I met this lovely guy named Namjoon who just so happens to be best friends with the boxer and he invited us both to the after party to celebrate Jungkook’s win.” You felt your heart jump to your throat. Suddenly feeling extremely nauseous. You excused yourself to the bathroom where you washed your face in a weak attempt to regain composure. Just the mention of his name was throwing you off. He had disappeared from your life for almost a third of it and it was difficult to accept that he was back.
Jin was perplexed, ever since the day you had asked him to attend the match with you, he would often catch you looking distracted at random times. You always played it off but he knew something was up, he just didn’t feel like forcing it out of you. “Sorry, I think there was something weird in that burrito.” You shivered at the thought of the food which had been tasty then but a genuine regret later. “It’s fine, anyways, I already RSVPd and these events are super hard to get into so we’re going, okay?” You nodded absentmindedly, as mentioned before, Jin was stubborn and there was no way to dig yourself out of this one unless you were willing to tell him the truth.
When in the comfort of your room, you spent an abnormal amount of time with your finger hovering above her contact awkwardly.
‘Mrs Jeon :D’
You couldn’t bring yourself to ring it and despite your better judgement, you decided not to. Something about Jungkook’s dejected expression told you that he needed his space and you owed him at least that much. However, in the solitude of your room, you were finally able to truly reflect on what had happened and what you were planning to do about it. You never admitted it out loud but you relied on Jungkook and despite the anger he’d put you through daily and his senseless pranks, you grew a soft spot for him, you grew fond of someone who hated you through and through under the premise that it was just a guise.
You’d deny it the moment it comes up but at one point, in fact during your sophomore year, before Jungkook ran away, you harboured stupid, pre-teen feelings for him. Sure they were menial and childish but he was your first real crush, dare you say your first love even. But this feeling which you had apprehensively allowed into your life had left you broken. It hurt that much more when he left. The feelings were forced to subside in his absence, although, in the comfort of your bed, it became harder to confirm whether they had ever subsided at all or just remained dormant in the corner of your heart, waiting for the chance to reignite again.
The next day Jin barged into your room at noon. “Get up loser, we’re going shopping.” You sat up from your starfish position on the bed to look at Jin as he leaned against your doorframe dramatically. “Why? We went shopping last week.” You groaned before flopping backwards onto your comfortable bed again. Jin wasn’t having it and therefore he yanked you out of bed and onto the floor. “I need a new outfit for the party and you do too. If I have to see you wear one of your outdated dresses or that stupid mini-skirt-” “That skirt has been through a lot with me, Jin! It holds sentimental value, not that you’d know anything about that, you sociopath.” You got up nonetheless and Jin knew he’d won the battle. You opened your closet, feeling a little insecure about your entire wardrobe thanks to Jin and decided you deserved some new clothes. Which was an entirely personal revelation, not in any way related to your brutally honest roommate.
You weren’t sure why Jin was so on edge about this party. You knew well enough that Jin liked to shop often but he had been nervously raking through his closet and trying different hair styles the entire week. “So, you like this Namjoon guy don’t you?” you teased with a quirk of your eyebrows. Jin scoffed in response letting out mumbles of astonishment. “You think I’m that easy?” “I think you’re a strong believer of love at first sight.” He shook his head instantly, opting not to say anything else. Ironically, the silence confirmed your suspicions; Jin was never speechless.
“Pinstripes or plain?” Jin was holding two ties up to his neck, alternating between the two. “I don’t think anyone wears ties to a house party, Jin.” He mocked you silently but put down the ties anyway. “How about this shirt?” You held up a white silk blouse that had a rather deep v-neck. “I’ll try it on.” You clapped giddily before continuing to peruse the racks of clothing. “So, what are you thinking of wearing?” You shrugged, a sound response which encapsulated the turmoil you were feeling inside, you had absolutely no idea what to wear. “Nothing? You always have opinions.” That was true, you’ve always liked clothing. Ever since you were a kid you always liked to experiment (which led to some rather horrendous family pictures) and you liked to think you grew into your hobby quite well. “Nope, I’ve got nothing.”
“What about this dress?” You glanced at the floral cocktail dress Jin was holding up, it was pretty but your severe allergy to flowers gave you shivers when you looked at it. “Maybe not…” After about 3 hours of inconspicuous shopping (trying to be financially responsible and all), you decided to head home. You ended up buying a rather simple black body con dress that you thought was appropriate, after all the last thing you needed was to attract attention. Jin went with the elegant silk blouse you picked out (you’re always right) and a pair of slacks. He looked great and if you were whoever the hell it was he was trying to impress, you’d be smitten.
On the night of the party, Jin screamed, “Y/N, you ready?” You scoffed at his shrill voice from your shared living room, where you had been (im)patiently waiting for him for the past 25 minutes. “I have been ready for the better part of an hour. Hurry up!” Jin rolled his eyes at your outburst because frankly, he didn’t care, he had a million other things to worry about like how he was going to keep up a conversation with Namjoon while knowing absolutely nothing about boxing. “Where’s the party anyway?” “Jungkook’s house, it’s huge by the way, I checked some places out in that neighbourhood last year.” You nodded absentmindedly, too occupied trying to calculate just how much being a boxer could possibly make you to pay attention to the fact that Jin was planning on moving out.
“That was the wrong turn, idiot! I said take the second left that was the third, no wonder you failed math.” Jin waved off your complaints, peaking at your phone which told him to make a U-turn. “I’m driving next time.” You were still on your learners but felt as though you could surely navigate better. “So you can drive 40 in a 60 zone and make us even later? No thanks.” You let out a huff of astonishment, maybe you were a little too careful sometimes but at least your driving record was clean. Jin couldn’t say the same. “Okay, where the hell do I park Popo? It’s packed!” You shrugged, unconcerned with Jin and his car. “I don’t know, there’s space down the street.” “Down the street?! Behind the Toyota are you insane?” “Whatever, I’m leaving.” You left the car with a shrug to which Jin groaned in annoyance.
“Name and ID.” Jungkook hired bouncers for his house party, bouncers, this man had to be insane. “Y/N L/N,” you replied with a smile that was not returned in any way whatsoever but you could guess that the man was tired so you tried not to take it to heart. You realised, when you had entered the extravagant house that you probably should’ve waited for Jin. You didn’t know a single person there and half of them looked like they bench pressed semi-trucks for a living. You weren’t sure how long you were standing near the entrance with a panicked gaze but it must’ve been a while because Jin had entered looking pissed. “Y/N, you will not believe how far I had to walk I- oh, there’s Namjoon, bye loser!”
Your mouth opened and closed like a fish for a bit, hand outstretched to in a failed attempt to stop him from abandoning you. “Asshat,” you cursed under your breath.
You spent the rest of the night alone, you grabbed a cup full of orange juice and a drop of alcohol because you wanted to pretend you could handle your alcohol by drinking a ‘mimosa’. You were bored out of your mind but you didn’t want to disturb Jin, by the looks of it, he had been hitting things off with that Namjoon guy he was interested in. You were genuinely happy for him.
Sipping 5 cups of orange juice for the better part of your night was not a good idea. You needed to pee.
Jungkook had made it very clear (not personally, you hadn’t seen him all night) that the second floor of his house was off limits. There were security standing at the entrance of the staircase. However, you never made it near the staircase until you felt an impending need to relieve your bladder which was unfortunately met with 4 occupied bathrooms. When you had reached the base of the stairs leading to the second floor, the security, who had been there for every second previous to your arrival, were busy helping an extremely drunk person to a seat and you had gone up in search of a bathroom.
All the doors were shut but that didn’t discourage you. You knocked and peered inside in desperation, careful because you knew what closed doors at a party meant. Eventually, after going past his study, (why did he even need a study?) his home gym and a bedroom, you found a children’s room. You were a major advocate for respect and privacy when in other people’s homes, however, this was Jungkook. Your extreme curiosity got the better of you. The room was empty, thankfully, that party was no environment for a child, however, it was the only room that was full of life. There were toys overflowing from a chest, a pink blanket on a messy bed (the one with the princess net at the top that every child wanted) and a picture framed on the wall with Jungkook and a little girl.
Your heart plummeted to your feet faster than the speed of light and suddenly, the need to evacuate your bladder was gone. The only urge you could register was the one to scream. Jungkook had a child. A child. Was he married? What else was he hiding? “What the fuck are you doing? second-floor’s off limits get- Y/N?” You turned around to see the man of the hour, both shocked and livid at his discovery. “You have a daughter?” Jungkook didn’t say anything in response, he grabbed your arm tightly and dragged you out of the room. His vice-like grip hurt, but you didn’t hold it against him. This was his kid, you’d be mad too.
“You need to stay the fuck away from me. Understood?” He seethed through gritted teeth but you could feel an anger of your own begin to simmer. “Jungkook, why are you pushing us away? Why are you pushing me away? I never did anything to you!” He scoffed, now letting go of your arm which was visibly red, he’d feel guilty about it later. “I don’t owe you shit, let alone an explanation so-” “You don’t know what it was like when you were gone. The least you could do is explain.” You cut him off and he was surprised at your confidence, you were definitely older.
“You really are clueless, huh?” The tension in the hallway had risen to an all time high but you weren’t budging. You crossed your hands across your chest and leaned against the wall to prove that you weren’t going anywhere. He was really about to unpack 9 years worth of emotional trauma. “Did you ever look at the family pictures, Y/N?” You nodded slowly, unsure what he was insinuating. “You were in the middle of all of them, hell even my family albums were full of you.” You didn’t really know what to say, Jungkook might have been right but you were a child, how could you have known better? “You can’t hold that against me I was like 10!”
“In middle school my parents never attended my football games but they were always at your orchestra recitals.” “I-” You tried to apologise but Jungkook wasn’t done. “In high school, I joined the dance team and won a state title, but that didn’t matter because you won a chess tournament. My entire childhood was spent trying to escape your shadow. Forgive me if I don’t want that kind of life for my kid.” You didn’t reply, there were tears in your eyes but you refused to let them fall. Jungkook always had a sharp tongue, the sarcasm dripped from his every word.
While the shock of the fact that Jungkook was a father began settling in, he took the opportunity to walk away but you were quick to stop him. Same grip on his arm, but much softer. “I’m sorry, Jungkook, I really am. It was never my intention to make you feel that way.” Jungkook heard the break in your voice and the quiet sniffles, he assumed you were crying but turning around could have risked the last of his self-control. “I’m trying to make this right, I promise.” Jungkook slipped out of your grasp and continued on his way, not sparing you a second glance.
The drive back home with Jin was silent.
To say you were shocked would have been a severe understatement and everyone around you noticed. Jin had picked up on your quietness around the apartment, Jensen had noticed your lack of snarky comebacks; even the lady who sells the most delicious cinnamon rolls across the street picked up on your absence. You weren’t necessarily doing a good job at hiding your inability to cope with the news and Jin had found your change in demeanour extremely concerning. He’d complained about it to Namjoon who, while completely aware about the situation, relayed the information onto an uncaring Jungkook. Namjoon felt bad lying to Jin, but it wasn’t his business.
You stayed true to your word and didn’t tell anyone about his, predicament, for lack of a better word. You did a lot of snooping but Jungkook had done an insanely great job of hiding his child from the media, you assumed that was for the best. The picture of her was engraved in your head, you could vividly recall her smile because it was so much like his. You hoped she was happy and that he was well, it wasn’t like he had much familial support.
After two weeks, when your mind was just starting to evict its unwanted resident, a phone call from an unsaved number had startled you. “Hello?” You questioned suspiciously, people rarely ever called you so your hesitance was justified. However, no matter how cautiously you approached the phone call, nothing could’ve prepared you for the question on the other side. “Are you serious about wanting to make things right?”
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“She’s not allergic to anything but she’s not a fan of spicy food. Bedtime’s 7pm, 8pm latest otherwise she won’t sleep all night. Her bath time is usually around 6pm but I’ll hopefully be home by then. Oh and one more thing, if I’m back really late, feel free to take one of the guest rooms. All clear?” You nodded dutifully, after all you were literally taking notes.
Jungkook had called you in a spur of the moment decision to ask you to babysit his daughter. It went against all of his better judgement but his second qualifying match had been pushed forward due to a change in the semi-finals dates and his usual babysitter couldn’t help on such short notice. His closest friend was his manager (Namjoon) and everyone else he trusted had lives of their own to tend to. You seemed like the best viable option (not that there were many options to begin with, Jungkook kept his circle close) so Jungkook called you with a proposal of peace in exchange of a favour. You agreed a little too quickly over the phone with an excited tone that almost made Jungkook smile. Almost.
“You got it.” You added a playful salute for comedic relief but Jungkook didn’t seem impressed. He gave his daughter a long kiss on the cheek and a hug, falling to his knees to properly hold the toddler. For the first time in a long time, that old Jungkook with the Bambi eyes overflowing with compassion had made an appearance, it was fleeting, but it was nice to know that he was still in there. “Bye baby, I’ll be home soon, okay?” She smiled and waved at him, giving him a thumbs up for good measure. You could already tell she was extremely mature for a 4-year-old. “Bye bye, daddy! Be safe.” Hesitantly, Jungkook left his house, still apprehensive about his choice to leave his daughter with you.
But, you had been together longer than you had been apart, and while Jungkook hated you, you technically never did anything wrong (partially the reason why he couldn’t stand you). He wanted to genuinely give you a chance. Jungkook tried to physically shake away his thoughts, after all, this was the least prepared he ever was for a match and it was detrimental to his career. He needed to focus. “Don’t stress, Jeon. You’ve got this in the bag.” Namjoon reassured him at the sight of his visible discomfort. He wanted the best for his daughter and if that meant doing the only thing he was good at, he would do it.
“So, your name’s Kyomi, right? My name is Y/N.” You outstretched a hand to the toddler, she eyed it skeptically which you couldn’t help but find unusually adorable. Eventually, she took your comparatively giant hand in hers, shaking it with all her might. “My name means pure and beautiful, what does yours mean?” You looked at her with a blank gaze, blinking absently. Your name didn’t have a meaning. Were 4 year olds supposed to talk this much? “Oh um, I don’t think my name has a meaning…” You trailed off, weirdly embarrassed over something you had never even thought about. “That’s okay, I can give you one later!” She beamed and you could have sworn that your heart skipped a beat.
“Can we have McDonald’s?” She questioned sheepishly, stumbling over the franchise name. While you definitely wanted to agree with her and invest in some nuggets, you really needed this to go well so you raided Jungkook’s fridge for the leftovers he told you to feed her instead. “Sorry ‘Mi, you’re having kimbap, father’s orders.” She shrugged, seemingly unfazed by the rejection. She seriously had more self-control than most of the adults you knew. You expected no less from Jungkook’s child. “Do you want some?” She questioned, holding out a piece to you. You shook your head declining her offer as politely as possible.
“Are you sure you want to watch Tangled, Spongebob movie’s right there-” She nodded confidently and you sighed in defeat. She was too adorable to disappoint, you could see why Jungkook had given her that name, it suited her well. “Why does the horse chase him?” “Because he stole the crown?” “Why did he steal the crown?” “Because he wanted money.” “So he won’t even wear it? What a waste.” You giggled, however the girl had been entirely serious so you stifled the laugh in hopes of not offending her.
Eventually, it had hit 7pm and while you had hoped Jungkook would’ve been home, he wasn’t. You helped her change into pyjamas and brush her teeth deciding that Jungkook could give her a bath the next day. “Kind and silly,” she whispered as she began drifting to sleep in her bed, you next to her. “Sorry?” you replied unsure what those words were supposed to mean. “That’s what your name means.” You couldn’t contain your smile and while you wanted her to humour your ego longer, she needed sleep and once she was finally deep in slumber, you left her room. You decided to wait downstairs for Jungkook, he had to be home soon and you desperately wanted to go home. You didn’t think you could handle an awkward morning with him.
When Jungkook had finally returned, it had been almost 11pm and he hadn’t expected to see you passed out on the couch, Peppa pig playing on the TV. He laughed at the scene quietly, so as not to wake you but his efforts were futile. You always were a light sleeper. “Oh, you’re home!” You said excitedly, well, as excitedly as someone could be while rubbing the sleepiness away from their eyes. “Yeah, sorry I was late. Interviews ran over schedule.” “I take it you won?” He nodded, making his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. “You want me to take you home?” The question was void of emotion which made it sound like a burden and it probably was, which was totally fine. You checked your phone for the time, it was far too late to catch the bus. “It’s fine, I’ll call a cab.” “Okay, goodnight.” And with that Jungkook made his ascent up the stairs.
You watched him for a bit before standing up, stretching for the laborious task of calling a cab. “Oh and Y/N?” “Hmm?” You turned back around to face him and he gave you a small but genuine smile. “Thank you.” You gave him a smile back that was far wider than his. “Anytime.” And you meant it, you genuinely enjoyed spending time with Kyomi.
Unfortunately, Jungkook had taken your offer at the worst possible time. About a week after your spontaneous babysitting, you had caught a cold. With the seasons changing and the weather getting colder, you knew it was probably inevitable but you still hated it all the same. While you did your best to complete your course work through the burden of sickness, eventually you realised it was a bottomless pit of assignments and you’d much rather fail than conform to the unrealistic goals of college professors. Jin offered to take care of you like any good friend would but you foolishly rejected thinking you could handle yourself. You couldn’t. Even making coffee was a struggle.
Your nap was rudely disrupted by a phone call. You awoke from your slumber sluggishly, patting around your bed for the phone. “Jensen, for the last time I can’t help you if you lost a library book just pay the damn fee!” You angrily exclaimed into the phone, almost positive that the man on the other side was the guy who had called at least 3 times in the last hour. “Uhhh, it’s Jungkook.” The line felt silent as you checked the contact to see a private number and not Jensen. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” He hummed in response.
“So, I need you to watch Kyomi again, please.” “Another match this fast?” “No, I’m meeting someone.” “Oh…” It was in that very moment that you had realised that your feelings for Jungkook never entirely dissipated because you felt the familiar sting of jealousy in your chest, the one you'd learned to grow accustomed to all those years ago. You weren’t even sure if he was meeting that kind of someone, but it affected you all the same. “I’m really sorry but I’m sick.” Jungkook could hear it in your voice before you admitted it and he would’ve been lying if he had said he wasn’t concerned. “You alright?” You nodded, before foolishly realising that he couldn’t see you, rookie mistake. “Yeah I’m fine, it’s just a cold.” “Is anyone home with you?” He asked and you scoffed, followed by a loud coughing fit which definitely didn’t assist you in proving your point. “Jungkook, I’m 20-years-old. I don’t need someone to take care of me.” “I’m coming over.” And before you could even protest, the line was dead and you were in a state of frenzy.
You did your best to clean whatever you could, thankfully, being meticulous about your living area was useful in the off chance of spontaneous visitors. You couldn’t say the same about Jin’s room but that was why doors existed. Just when you had finished folding the designated couch blanket, a knock had startled you. You’d assumed he’d gotten your address the same way he got your number; through Namjoon who often visited for his boyfriend, Jin. You opened the door, uncaring about your sickly appearance. This man had seen you at your worst (pre-puberty) and there was no coming back from that. “You look horrible.” You rolled your eyes at his bluntness but moved away to let him in nonetheless. “Well, hello to you too!” You sarcastically whispered under your breath, but he caught it anyway. Of course he had superhuman hearing. “What was that?” he quirked playfully, raising his eyebrow in response. You didn’t bother to repeat it.
“I brought soup and medicine, wasn’t sure if you had any.” To be completely frank, you weren’t even aware there were medicines for colds. Was the normal procedure not to just let them pass? “Thanks. Where’s Kyomi, is she okay?” Jungkook found your genuine concern for his daughter heart-warming, he had seen a lot of people pretend to care about her to get closer to him and it hurt to say the least. He was still learning how to filter out the insincerity but that was a step in the right direction. “She’s hanging out with Namjoon and your roommate, I crashed their date before coming here.” You nodded understandingly before reaching for the container of soup. Fuck modesty, you were starving.
“You know, Jungkook…this doesn’t taste that bad?” Jungkook gave you an all-knowing look, as if what you had told him was a fact written in stone. “Big improvement from when you set a chicken on fire in the microwave.” Jungkook’s jaw dropped in offence but he was quick to jump to his defence. “Alright, no one told me aluminium was flammable.” “It’s a metal, Jeon. What did you think it would do?” Jungkook flicked your forehead lightly over the counter and for a second, you felt as if you were 8 again, fighting over toy cars for the sake of it. “You should probably keep a distance, Namjoon might kill me if you get sick.” He nodded in agreement and you felt your heartbeat slow at that. If you could keep him at a distance, you’d be fine. That weird philosopher that muttered ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ would have to suck it because you needed to be right.
Falling for Jungkook all over again may be a fall you can’t recover from.
“Your fridge is filled with mineral water and flavoured milk. This can’t be sustainable.” You groaned, from your seat on the kitchen island, you just wanted to enjoy the soup guilt free. “If I wanted a nutritionist, I would’ve asked for one.” Jungkook didn’t reply, merely grabbed a bottle of mineral water and chugged half the thing in one gulp. “So, who were you meeting today?” You knew exactly how you sounded. Jealous, desperate, lonely. But you didn’t care, a huge part of who you were was being far too curious for your own good, you were infamous for that. “A woman.” You didn’t prod further. Getting Jungkook to let you into his home and meet his daughter (even if it was just as a makeshift babysitter) was more than enough for you and pushing your luck wouldn’t be a smart decision.
“What about you?” He questioned warily, tone apprehensive as if he was dipping his toes into icy water. “Hmm?” You were too invested in consuming the last of the soup to find an answer for his question. “You seeing anyone?” The spoon slipped from your hand onto the metal bowl with an uncomfortable clank. “No, I haven’t had the time and all the men I’ve met suck.” That was half true, you tried to date but something always went wrong before things could become official. You didn’t put out in a ‘reasonable’ time frame, you couldn’t allocate enough time to spend with them, you were too young, too inexperienced, too focused on school, not focused enough. There was always fault on your part and it encouraged you to simply give up. You’d have been a fool not to take the signs the universe was hurling at you.
“Even Jensen?” You laughed obnoxiously at the mention of the man you purchased an entire death note for. “Especially Jensen.”
When you were finally in the comfort of your bed again, you couldn’t sleep. Not when Jungkook was seated on a chair next to you with his hand on your head. “You have a bit of a fever.” He spoke softly, noticing the way your eyelids were heavy on your eyes. You made an effort to respond to him. “I’ll be fine. I ate, I took medicine, this is already more than I’ve ever done to treat a cold. My immune system’s probably throwing a party.” Jungkook chuckled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He couldn’t help but worry. It might’ve been because Jungkook was used to being a worried caregiver, or maybe it was because he always felt responsible for you when you were younger. “I’ll stay till your fever goes down and then I’ll get out of your hair, I promise.” You hummed in approval, too tired to do much else and from that point forward things began to deescalate.
Your fever went down and your breathing was smoother, there was nothing more that Jungkook could wait for and yet he did. He stayed in the uncomfortable chair for far longer than he should’ve, as if your sickly pale, sleeping face was the most interesting thing in the cosmos. “I’m sorry.” He muttered under his breath to no-one in particular though unconsciously he knew it was for you. You grew into your features well and maybe it was just the sickness but you seemed so tired, too tired for your age.
Every time Jungkook purchased a new phone, he made sure to use the same sim card so that he could keep his number. He never told you but he read all of your tangents, even when you stopped thinking he received them. Jungkook’s guilt, that had accumulated with every message had been masked by his misplaced anger, began to subside the night after you watched his daughter. Eventually, it all came crashing down onto him like a roof no longer supported by the pillars of his poor judgement. Jungkook shattered his phone during practice a year ago and couldn’t recover the SIM card and the guilt which was now at the forefront of his mind had him feeling responsible for ruining your childhood, even though he deemed you the sole conspirator for the tragedy that was his.
“Jungkook?” Your groggy voice pulled him out of his misery and he was quick to react. “I’m here.” He took your hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze although he realised soon enough that it was not what you were hoping for. "Go home, loser! I can take care of myself.” You swatted him away with no real intention of harming him though in your weak state he doubted you could if you wanted to. Jungkook knew you didn't need him because you didn’t just take care of yourself, you took care of his brother when he was on the grim edge of suicide, you took care of his parents when his absence was too powerful for them to cope with and you took care of your broken home, shuffling between two estates like a care package. Jungkook knew you could take care of yourself, he just wanted to make up for making you take care of his mess too. “Okay, okay, I’m going.” And with that he stood, feeling a small ache in his muscles from being seated for so long.
“Wait!” He was barely outside of your room before you called him again. “If it’s not too much trouble, you should come back with more soup.” Jungkook continued on his way, shaking his head in disappointment but chuckling nonetheless. You sighed when he left, weirdly enough you felt like you were on eggshells with him, as if he was always one mistake away from disappearing again. Disturbing your 15-minutes of solitude, Jin had returned from his date which you had unintentionally crashed, you would never hear the end of it. “You bitch. I had to share my date with a four-year-old because of you. And I’m cute okay but not cute enough to top a child, Y/N. You’re such a fucking cock-blocker, I'm never forgetting this.” And just like that, your piercing headache was back.
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“I don’t get it, Kyomi. You were fine with Y/N last week?” Jungkook felt like tearing his hair out of his scalp, despite his four years of experience, parenting wasn’t getting any easier. There were new hurdles hiding in the corner of every milestone, new triumphs came interlaced with new battles that hid behind the fleeting glory. “I miss Suzy!” Suzy was Kyomi’s old babysitter who Jungkook decided to forego because you offered to babysit his daughter for free and money didn't grown on trees. However, it felt like a mistake when he was on the receiving end of his daughter’s temper tantrum. She was normally level-headed but she was a child after all and it wasn’t her fault Jungkook barely knew what he was doing. “I know, baby, but she was going to have to leave eventually.” It was weird, trying to explain the issues with attachment to a four-year-old when he didn’t quite understand them himself. Jungkook had never been on the side of those left behind, after all he was a master at running away. “I. Want. Suzy!” Kyomi began to scream and stomp her feet they way four-year-olds do when they don't get their way and Jungkook needed to get to training so he caved, even though he knew he shouldn’t have. “Fine, I’ll call Suzy but this is your last day with her, understood?” She nodded with a tear-stained face and Jungkook knew very well he’d have to fix this mess later but he couldn’t afford not to humor her in that moment.
Thankfully, Suzy was free and understanding, despite being a college student, she tried her best to make time for Kyomi and Jungkook truly appreciated it which he thought he conveyed well through her hefty pay check. “I’ll be back before 8. Sorry, again.” Jungkook began to explain the second he opened the door but she was quick to wave him off. “It’s no biggie, I love watching her. She’s such an angel.” Jungkook scoffed at the irony but had no time to explain, hauling his ass out of the building with his gym bag hanging from his shoulder.
Something he’d forgotten to do in the midst of the chaos was call you and let you know that he’d no longer be needing your assistance which left you with quite a shock when a girl, barely older than you, had opened the door to his house. “Sorry I’m late I- Oh…is Jungkook here?” She shook her head, her beautifully styled curtain bangs framed her perfectly symmetrical face elegantly. “He said he’d be back around 8, I’m Suzy, his babysitter, would you like me to let him know you stopped by?” She gave you a warm, genuine smile which you found hard to reciprocate. Jungkook just had to find the most beautiful and seemingly kind babysitter there was to replace you without notice. “No, it’s fine but thanks for letting me know.” You left with whatever fraction of dignity you had left and a promise to have some words with Jungkook.
You did something wrong. You must have. Why else would Jungkook hire someone else when you were willing to watch his adorably sassy daughter for no charge? You kicked a stone on your way out of his driveway which was heavier than it looked. You winced, hopping to relieve the stress on the toe you had unintentionally stubbed. It only soured your mood even more, pushing you to send a strongly worded text message on your way to the bus stop because you had ordered an uber there and could not afford to splurge on one back. Being financially independent was harder when you didn’t have a car.
To: Jungkook
I don’t know why you felt the need to replace me but you could have at least said something instead of making me go all the way to your house only to humiliate myself because you already had someone watching Kyomi. That was a dick move. 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡
Delivered 17:43
You hoped the angry faces didn’t undermine your argument because immediately after sending, you realised they made your message look rather childish. But, there was no time to dwell on your texting mannerisms. You had dark brooding to do in the comfort of your home where you would rant Jin’s ears off.
Jungkook read your message during his water break and felt his levels of frustration reach an all-time high as he tried to inhale an entire litre of water in one gulp. “Jeon, get back here let’s work on your hooks!” His coach was also mad at him, but that he could deal with by following his rigid instructions, which meant putting down his phone without formulating a response to your angry proclamation which, to no surprise, only made you angrier.
Read 19:02
After checking your phone and realising he had read the message without responding you decided it was official. You hated him. After allowing the anger (and jealousy) to fester, you had officially decided you despised Jungkook. Not only did he read your message and not respond but Jin was not home to receive your venting, leaving you alone to handle your emotions alone without a figurative punching bag (or even a literal one, you weren't picky). While you had breezed through academics like a race car driver who’s rent was due, emotional intelligence was not something you could streamline but most of the time you could handle things maturely.
This was not one of those times.
Jungkook had called you around 8:30pm, but you didn’t bother answering. The silent treatment was both a petty and effective way to convey your discontentment. On the other hand, Jungkook was about one push away from a meltdown and really needed you to pick up. “Thanks for helping me get her into bed, Suzy. You’re an angel.” Jungkook may have been exaggerating but he meant every word, there was exhaustion seeping from every crevice in his body. “I don’t mind, I like her. You look really tired, let me make you some tea.” Suzy was a natural caretaker, when someone needed help she offered it and Jungkook was in no position to deny any help.
“She threw a tantrum for you, you know. I’m gonna need you to start sucking at your job a little before she forces me into making you my wife.” Jungkook was joking, he knew that, Suzy knew that and yet she still let her mind dwell, heat rushing to her cheeks at the comment. “Would that be so bad?” Jungkook didn’t answer. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t find him attractive, and if this really was the last time she’d be babysitting Kyomi, then making a move wouldn’t be unprofessional, right? “Here you go.” She set the mug on the coffee table in front of the couch where Jungkook was sitting, or slumping, more accurately. When she walked around to the back of the couch, Jungkook assumed she was getting ready to leave but he hadn't seen her walk towards the door. She stood behind Jungkook's couch, feet moving back and forth as she pondered whether or not she should confess. She decided against it in the very last minute, too afraid of being rejected. "Good luck, Mr Jeon. Thank you for everything." She left with a self-indulgent peck to his cheek and Jungkook had unknowingly upset yet another woman in his life.
“You should call him back.” Jin, being the ever-so wise man he was had been pestering you about the phone call you ignored. “What if he needs you?” You continued to focus on your paper for ethics, it was a bad idea to write about philosophy when angry but you needed it done and the hate fuel was pushing out 30 words per minute. “He has Suzy.” You mumbled under your breath in a spiteful tone, Jin held back the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re jealous of his babysitter? You’re down bad, Y/N. Real bad.” You scoffed in astonishment at his insinuation. “Am not.” “Are to.” “Am not.” “Are to.” “Am not.” “Then call him back.” You walked right into that one. “Fine.” You grabbed your phone with a brute force unparalleled by anything else on this earth. You were livid about being strong-armed into calling him back and even madder that Jin had been absolutely right. You were down bad.
You held the phone to your ear, essay long since forgotten and Jin out of the room in hopes that giving you privacy would calm you down. It did. “Hello, Y/N?” You were quiet on the other line. Every ounce of rage you had accumulated over the evening had evaporated at the sound of his soft, tired voice. You felt bad, even. “Hi.” Your voice was small, breathing even smaller but still audible and Jungkook could almost sense the hostility dissipate with every exhale. “I’m sorry for not calling you it just slipped my mind, honestly. Kyomi threw a tantrum about how she wanted to see her old babysitter again and I just couldn’t handle it. I’m really sorry, Y/N.” God, you felt like such an asshole for immediately assuming the worst. Jungkook was a grown man with genuine problems that you couldn’t even fathom having. You needed to be more considerate.
“I’m sorry too. I reacted immaturely, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt next time.” Jungkook felt the corners of his mouth move into a smile at the sound of a ‘next time’. Weirdly enough, spending time with you didn’t seem like the worst possible thing anymore. “I’m free tomorrow, how about I take you out to lunch to make up for the strenuous journey from your place to mine.” He was mocking you, but with such a kind preposition you couldn’t bring yourself to care. With a radiant smile that you were so glad he couldn’t see, you responded as monotonously as you possibly could. “Yeah, sure I guess.” Macho, real smooth. “Oh! Please bring Kyomi!” And with that shrill request, your tough exterior came crumbling down faster than your brain could process it. “I’m sure she’d love that.”
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Jungkook wasn’t sure if he could call that lunch a date but he was unconsciously treating it like one. He spent far too long picking out an outfit and even longer on his hair. He thought about tying it up but felt it was too intimidating and yet having it down felt too informal. In a true dilemma, he had entirely forgotten about getting his daughter ready too. In a rush, Jungkook haphazardly threw together a cohesive outfit and almost symmetrical pigtails but Kyomi was cute no matter what, she wasn’t the one with the problem. “Bub, do you think daddy looks better with his hair up or down?” Asking for advice from his 4-year-old daughter was about as low as Jungkook was willing to stoop, but if anyone knew him well, it was her. “Down. I can pull on it then!” She giggled, her advice entirely unhelpful in the long run, although the visual of you pulling his hair in an entirely different context had seemed enticing. Focus, Jeon. This is not a date. But it sure as hell felt like one.
And you weren’t doing much better, in fact, one could say that you were doing worse. “Jin, is this dress too much? I think it’s too much? Oh god, you think it's too much too!” A hot mess would be a severe understatement, Jin hadn’t seen you this rattled since your first ever mock trial and those were grim, grim, times. “Y/N, calm down. How about that cute white skirt you have? I think it’ll pair nicely with your pink crop top.” Jin did a good job at guiding you through the first crisis, but hair and makeup was an entirely different battlefield. “Go natural.” “What if I’m ugly natural?” Jin groaned, you weren’t even trying to be modest, this was a genuine concern. “You’re beautiful okay, stop overthinking you’re making us both stressed.” “You’re right, this probably isn’t even a date.” Jin sighed in frustration, he couldn’t win with you. “He asked you out to lunch. It would’ve been the perfect date if you didn’t drag his daughter along. Are you sabotaging this, do you still think you’re undeserving of love?” There was a lot to unpack in that sentence and Jin realised he went too far when you began to spiral. “Bad joke, I’m sorry. Look, you’ve spent time with him before without short-circuiting. You can do it again.” You just needed to remember that.
“I’m so sorry for being late!” You crashed into the booth Jungkook was in, barely missing the corner of the table as you tried to catch your breath. “It’s fine.” His lighthearted chuckle supported his statement but you still felt bad, even if it was just 10 minutes, it was not a very good impression. “Y/N!” Kyomi exclaimed from her seat next to her dad, she was cute and despite her betrayal (choosing Suzy over you </3 ), you couldn’t even hold it against her. “Hey cutie! I love your pigtails.” She giggled as you reached over to play with them. “Daddy did them for me.” Jungkook had a smug smile, shrugging to emphasise his apparent finesse. “I can tell.” Your sarcasm was met with an offended gasp but Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to feign offence when you were laughing so ecstatically. You always had a beautiful smile, he was glad he didn’t ruin that.
It was quiet for a while until Jungkook spoke up. “So, um- how’s Junghyun?” You lowered the menu to look at Jungkook who was deflecting eye contact by keeping his eyes trained on the list of specials. This was the first time he ever brought his family up, you tried to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “He’s doing well actually, trying to start his own graphic design business. He’s engaged too, I haven’t met her yet though.” Jungkook tried not to let his relief show, but there was a weight on his shoulders ever since you told him Junghyun wasn’t doing well emotionally 4 years ago. He felt 200 pounds lighter. “Has he- Uh, When’s the wedding?” It wasn’t hard to see that Jungkook was struggling, after all not seeing your family for 6 years only to hear about them thriving without you was a hard pill to swallow. He was happy for his older brother, truly, but he kind of wished you had said that he missed him miserably. It was selfish, but he couldn’t help it. “Hasn’t set a date yet but you’re on the guest list, you know?” Your voice was soft, you were testing the waters, afraid to say something wrong. Jungkook’s knuckles were turning white from his iron grip on the menu. Evidently, even Kyomi could sense the tension. “I want ice cream.”
After a substantial amount of convincing and a promise for ice cream in the near future, Kyomi caved into getting an actual lunch instead of dessert. She had settled on a kids meal which consisted of a mini burger, fries and a juice pop. Frankly, you were quite jealous, you wanted a juice pop too. “Schnitzel for the lady. Steak for dad. How’s the meal kiddo?” Your waiter had been quite perky, he was probably your age, maybe younger but had a contagious smile and a likeable personality. Kyomi responded with a cute smile and a thumbs up, she knew not to speak while she was eating. Jungkook should write a parenting book.
“So, how have you been?” You were two bites into your schnitzel when you choked. “Shit, Y/N, chew.” You glared at him while drinking the water he’d thrusted into your hand. “Bad word, daddy!” You watched as Kyomi gave Jungkook’s bicep a playful punch. Your attempt not to laugh was a feeble one. “Should I learn the heimlich before I ask the next question?” “Funny, Jeon. Actually, I’ve been okay. I’m trying to be financially independent so I got a job at the campus library but my parents still pay my rent so its kind of counterproductive.” Jungkook gave you a skeptical look, one that ensued judgement. “Okay before you judge!! Rent is expensive and with a blackhole of a roommate like Jin, groceries literally take up half my pay cheque.” He held his hands up in defeat as he chewed through a mouthful of his medium-rare steak.
“Trust me, I know how expensive living alone can cost.” Jungkook didn’t mean to bring up his past or make you feel guilty for relying on your parents but he had done just that in one mere sentence and the tension thickened to the point of borderline tangibility. “I really am sorry you had to do that, Jungkook. But look at how well you’re doing.” You took his hand into yours and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You’re like carbon, you’re the strongest under pressure.” “You just had to slip a chemistry analogy in didn’t you? Nerd.” You snatched your hand away with an angry huff and Jungkook couldn’t say he didn’t miss your soft grip. “Way to ruin the moment.” You bitterly began to cut at your schnitzel again while Jungkook’s devious laughter filled the silence. It wasn’t until Kyomi innocently joined in that you felt true offence.
After you had finished your satisfying meals (although you did have to force Jungkook to help you finish your fries) Kyomi, who seemed immune to the exhaustion of eating, had demanded to be taken to the nearby park and who were you to deny her? Seated on a nice patch of grass under a tree, you watched as Kyomi played on the playground. Jungkook let you sit on his jacket because you were worried about your skirt getting dirty, perhaps chivalry wasn’t dead? “I regret wearing a skirt. I’m sorry about your jacket.” You were staring up at the sky through the breaks in the tree’s canopy as you spoke, Jungkook had his eyes trained on his daughter.
“Skirt’s cute.” When you turned to look at Jungkook, you weren’t surprised to see a stoic expression but you felt the blush creep up at his compliment anyway. “Thanks, I like your ripped jeans, they scream ‘millennial desperate to relate to the youngsters’” Jungkook’s scoff at your brutal backhanded compliment was loud and aggressive, he even broke concentration on his daughter for a split second to send a fierce glare your way. “Never complimenting you again.” You pouted jokingly, batting your eyelashes at him for comedic effect. “Oh, come on, I said I liked the jeans!” Jungkook’s hand moved to squeeze your face on impulse, by the time he thought to stop it, it was too late. “You’re trouble, Y/N, what happened to the good girl I knew 6 years ago?” The butterflies that had been dormant in your stomach for far too long had suddenly began flying with newly established speed. You stuck your tongue out at him after he let go of your cheeks to distract yourself from your newfound urge to jump him. Was he always that alluring?
“Daddy!” Kyomi had bombarded Jungkook’s lap with a force only a 4-year-old could possess. “Oof- what’s wrong, sweetheart?” She pointed to a small poodle who was walking through the park on a leash next to an old woman. “I want to pet it but I’m too scared to ask.” Jungkook groaned, head lulling backwards tiredly, the poodle was pretty far and he really didn’t want to get up. “I’ll take her?” Kyomi looked at you with hopeful eyes and Jungkook quickly nodded, the dog looked harmless anyway. “Come on, let’s go.” You held your hand out for Kyomi to take but she was far too excited to merely hold your hand, she dragged you forwards quickly, breaking out into a sprint towards the white fluff ball.
Jungkook watched you from a distance, glad he had someone to help when he was too prideful to ask. You had a weird intuition, some kind of radar for when Jungkook needed assistance. Like a spidey-sense, for a lack of better a word. Seeing Kyomi happy, genuinely happy, with you made his heart clench in his chest painfully. He knew whatever you both had was temporary, you’d eventually leave. At the end of the day it was just Kyomi and him. They only had each other and Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t enough. “Daddy, daddy! She was so soft and her name was Miri and she was 4 years old! Just like me!” Jungkook made room in-between his legs for his bubbling daughter, like this he was at eye-level with her and could see the way her dimples grew when she smiled up close. Jungkook never thought he could love someone as much as he loved her but then again there were a lot of things in Jungkook’s life that he never knew were possible. Like reconciling with you, for example, or the spontaneous urge to kiss you in that very moment.
When Kyomi had returned to the playground, Jungkook couldn’t help but look at you gratefully, conveying the ‘thank you’ on the tip of his tongue. He was surprised when you moved to lay down, head on his leg which had been stretched out as he leaned back against a tree. When Jungkook hadn’t pushed you away, you took it as a sign to alleviate the awkward tension. “You should trim your nose hairs.” He looked down at you, hand grazing against his nose. “I already do? You know what let me see yours.” In attempt at being playful, Jungkook unconsciously positioned his face far too close to yours and you felt your heart rate soar exponentially as you giggled, trying to hide your nose from his prying eyes. Eventually he stopped to look at you and it felt like time stopped too, but before he could even think about inching closer, you pushed him away. You had to keep him at a distance if you didn’t want to get attached. “My nose hairs have nothing to do with your’s old man.” Jungkook couldn’t fight the smile plastered on his face.
“You’re fucked.” Namjoon stated, holding up pads that Jungkook was punching into for warm-ups. “I’m not, it was probably just the fact that I haven’t gotten laid in a few months.” Jungkook regretted telling Namjoon about the weird feeling in his chest because the wise man had immediately assumed the worst. Love. “Then get laid, I assure you, you’ll still wanna kiss her.” Namjoon was joking, he knew that, but he couldn’t help but feel as if there was some truth to his words. All he needed was a one night stand to rid himself of the intrusive thoughts. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Every sexual experience after her had been hard, he had a constant fear in his mind that something would fail and he’d end up like he did 4 years ago; alone, confused and too young to be a father.
“Head in the game, Jeon. Your punches are distracted.” Jungkook didn’t even hear his coach come in which only solidified the man’s concerns. “You okay? You’ve been off lately and if something’s wrong we need to fix it before the semis.” In all honesty, a lot was wrong. Jungkook hated boxing, he liked the adrenalin but the fear that one day he may not come back to his daughter had him panicking every time he put the gloves on. Jungkook hated being alone too, but he grew accustomed to it and somehow the idea of you changing that made him sick to his stomach. Jungkook hated his family. Or at least that was what he told himself when he found himself thinking about his brother or his parents. So yeah, a lot was wrong but all Jungkook could fathom was a bleak ‘I’m fine’ as he stepped down to get ready for his actual training.
“You’re improving, and you have a real shot at winning this, Jungkook, I’d hate to see you throw it all away for whatever bullshit’s bothering you.” Jungkook couldn’t blame his coach for his word choice, the man was 38 and single and with Jungkook being 24, the idea of him having a kid had never slipped his mind. He couldn’t blame him for not considering things he didn’t know about but he sure as hell wanted to. “I don’t want to box anymore.” It was quiet, hushed and apprehensive. The words felt heavy on his tongue and for a second, he thought his coach didn’t hear them. “I know, I’ve known for a while actually, you’re not as happy when you win anymore and look, I get it, it’s scary, it’s hard and it’s demanding but if you win the title, you’ll be set for life. Then you can retire and never lift a finger again.”
Jungkook had put his blood, sweat and tears into giving Kyomi a good life. He bought a large house with more room then he could ever know what to do with, he set up a savings account that put more to her 4-year-old name than most adults he knew and he didn’t cheap out on insurance; property, car, contents, life, health, optical. You name it, he’s probably got it. But the thought of doing something better, having more to give her, was enough for Jungkook to push his doubts behind and accept another match. He would do anything for his daughter, and if that meant risking his life a few more times he could handle it.
“Okay, but after this season’s over I’m out. I mean it.” Jungkook’s coach merely smiled at him, gave him a strong pat on the back and muttered ‘good lad’ under his breath. Weirdly enough, he considered him the father figure he never had. After all, he gave him a job when no one else would and if it wasn’t for him, he’d still be grovelling for work on Namjoon’s couch.
After practice, Jungkook had decided to follow through on Namjoon’s premise, to test whether or not he really had feelings for you or was sexually constipated. It was dumb, and he had taken it way too literally but before he could even begin to stop himself he was messaging you.
Jungkook
You mind staying overnight? Have something I need to do.
Read 21:39
Jungkook wasn’t surprised to see you read the message instantly, you were always near your phone.
You
No biggie n are you sure it’s something and not someone? ;)
Read 21:40
You sent the message in hopes of getting a specific reply. ‘Nope, I’m just off to do some overnight yoga’ or something else that was equally as lame. You may have seemed uncaring in the message, but there was no way you were going to truly reveal the fact that you were jealous. That would mean you would have to acknowledge your feelings, and that could have been seriously damaging.
Jungkook
Thanks
Read 21:47
Jungkook’s late reply and the fact that he dodged your question like a predictable bullet had said more than he wanted to. You told yourself you didn’t care, but it was hard to lie to yourself when you were convinced you had no reason to. You tried not to dwell on it and tucked your phone away. Kyomi was excited to hear about a sleepover.
Jungkook felt out of place. The bar was loud and far too busy for a Thursday night but he persevered, sucked it up and took an open seat. His predetermined fears of losing his game were abruptly disproven when a girl had approached him before he could get his first drink. He didn’t really remember her name, doubted she remembered his but the night didn’t go as well as he would’ve planned, despite it’s almost perfect start. When Jungkook had prepared to leave the bar with her, he failed to feel that sense of luck or enthusiasm. Frankly, he didn’t feel much at all and even if it was just a one night stand, he knew she deserved better. Jungkook faked a phone call and told her he had to leave, she seemed a little disappointed, but it was nothing she wouldn’t get over.
Jungkook liked you, as more than just a friend and he needed to deal with those feelings before they’d metastasise in his chest and suffocate his heart.
It was almost midnight and Jungkook didn’t want to return home on the off chance that you were awake and ready to bombard him with questions. Your curiosity was simultaneously the worst and best quality you possessed. He walked around, the city a lot quieter in the middle of a weekday night, it was peaceful despite the harsh lights. He kept going, walking down the relatively empty street with very little direction. Everything was tranquil, for a little while at least.
A drunk middle-aged man had stumbled into Jungkook, grumbling something about how he should watch out. Even though it was in no way his fault, Jungkook didn’t humour him and continued on his way, a mistake evident in the fact that the grumbling didn’t stop there. “Oi! You’re not even gonna apologise, you ass?” The man grabbed Jungkook’s shoulder harshly and forced him to face him, he attempted to throw a punch but Jungkook moved faster. He yanked his arm off his shoulder and pushed him away. “Oh, you think you’re tough, huh?” Jungkook merely sighed in exasperation. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, he tried to walk again but it was not received well. With a newfound sense of anger and feigned sobriety, the man kicked Jungkook, causing him to fall forwards and scrape his cheek on the concrete path.
At his limit, Jungkook chuckled before dusting himself off, he stood up, face to face with the man a few inches shorter than him. “I’m going to give you one last chance to walk away.” Instead of taking Jungkook’s peace offering (and he really should’ve) he tried to throw another punch but this time Jungkook did more than just block. Losing the semblance of self-control he had left, he punched back, hard enough to send the man to the floor. Before he left, he called a cab for the clearly intoxicated man and continued on his way; he was angry, not a monster.
Frustrated and exhausted, he decided to go home. To hell with your questions, he wanted to take a shower and sleep. When he had made it back to his car, he took a moment to collect himself and clean the cut on his face. He really hoped it wouldn’t scar, he couldn’t imagine having to explain the story behind it.
When he had finally made it back to his home, Jungkook wasn’t surprised to see all the lights off. He didn’t expect to see you splayed out on the couch, though. Jungkook’s eyes panned over to the television, you were watching Ppongebob this time, he’d have to thank you for ensuring you were child-friendly at all times in his home later. Jungkook slowly made his way up the stairs so not to wake you and just when he thought he was out of the woods, he dropped his car keys and watched as they tumbled loudly down the glass staircase. There was no way you’d sleep through that.
You woke up panicked and sat up quickly in a haze. A bit like a meerkat but Jungkook could laugh about that later. Your eyes darted around to find the source of the noise and Jungkook could visibly see your shoulders slump in relief when you saw his figure at the top of the stairs. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” He was apologising sheepishly, hand on his neck as he deflected eye contact. You were more concerned about the cut on his cheek. “What happened to your cheek? Why are you home so early? Wait what time is it?” Jungkook didn’t know which question to tackle first, in fact he had really hoped you’d skip out on the interrogation. “It’s 12:48am, just sleep here, it’s too late to go anywhere. I’m guessing you know where the guest room is?” You nodded in response as you rubbed the sleepiness from your eyes. Jungkook felt guilty for waking you up, especially when you looked up at him with glossy eyes and puffy cheeks.
You definitely knew where the guest room was but there was a reason you never used it. First and foremost, it had a really big window that just so happened to showcase the trees surrounding Jungkook’s property. It was terrifying at night and there was no lamp. You could deal with the dark, but not when there was a scary window and far too much empty space. That’s why you preferred to sleep on the couch but there was no denying that you would not survive overnight on the uncomfortable leather. Just a nap was enough to make your shoulders hurt. Why are expensive couches always so uncomfortable? You took a deep breath and made your way to the guest room. You could do this, you were a grown woman, it was just a room.
It took you approximately 45 minutes of laying so incredibly still you may have petrified yourself for you to realise that you could not, in fact, do this.
The quiet patter of your feet could be heard in the halls, amplified by the empty space. When you finally reached what you assumed to be Jungkook’s room, your hands stopped tentatively on the handle. “Jungkook…” You whispered quietly, peaking your head through the door you had opened slightly so not to wake him abruptly. “I’m awake, what’s up?” You let out a sound of relief. “Thank god, do you mind if I sleep here with you?” Jungkook choked on thin air. You were startled by his coughing fit but moved closer to pat him on the back nonetheless. “What’s wrong with the guest room?” He spoke through huffs as he regained his breath. You prepared yourself for the embarrassment of having to explain your irrational fear of the room. “It’s scary.”
Jungkook tried not to laugh at your turmoil it wasn't hard to notice that you weren't kidding. "Seriously? " he tried in hopes that it would somehow make you realise just how ridiculous you sounded. However, he did not compensate for your previously established stubbornness or the severity of your fears. "Just let me sleep here, I can sleep on the floor if you want?" Jungkook didn't want you to sleep on the floor, but the idea of sleeping next to you terrified him. You felt the same, in fact, this went against your significant rule to stay as far away from him as possible. But, sleep was a necessity you couldn't compromise no mater how many heart palpitations being close to him gave you.
“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll take the guest room.” That option also ran through your head, however, seeing Jungkook’s room and it’s parallel windows you realised it was not much better. “Why do you not have curtains?” The question caught Jungkook off-guard, he was half-sitting, ready to evacuate the bed so you could take over. “I wake up early and my house is surrounded by trees so no peeping neighbours. Never needed them.” He shrugged after his simple explanation and surveyed the way you bit your lip in concentration while staring at the two large windows in his room. “Not a fan of the windows?” You looked back at him and felt guilty. He looked tired and you were the one thing stopping him from rest. You could handle one sleepless night, or maybe you would take your chances with the couch. “You know what, I changed my mind I’m being ridiculous. I’ll sleep in the guest room, okay?” You scrambled out of the room before Jungkook could even protest but there was no way he would be able to rest easy knowing you were uncomfortable at his expense.
So, a good 15-minutes after you had sprinted out of Jungkook’s room like it was lit on fire, he had made his way to the guest room downstairs. “Still can’t sleep?” Jungkook’s house was so dark at night that you could barely even make out his silhouette which made his spontaneous voice all the more terrifying. Jungkook heard a small yelp, a crash and then a muffled groan of pain. He switched on the light only to see you cradling your elbow which had presumably collided with the bedside table. “I’ll be fine, I’m just dramatic.” Jungkook clearly wasn’t buying it and you felt your throat constrict, growing tighter with each step he took towards you. “Scoot over, I like sleeping on the side closest to the door.” Huh? Who would’ve thought Jungkook wanted to be the first dead in a house invasion? “Suit yourself.” You made room for him next to you because the fear of whatever the hell you felt for Jungkook was slightly smaller than your fear of those goddamn trees.
“Should we make a pillow wall?” Jungkook was glad he had switched off the lights so you couldn’t see the amused smile on his face. “I can keep my hands to myself, how about you?” You gulped, almost positive Jungkook could hear how fast your heart was hammering against your ribcage, or maybe he could feel the heat radiating off of you as if you were a piece of molten rock. “I’m good.” You tried to reply but it ended up sounding more like a squeak. Thankfully the words were coherent because all Jungkook did was turn over.
With his back towards you, a weight was lifted off your shoulders but you couldn’t quite sleep yet. You had a habit, a stupid, overgrown habit of cuddling your almost infinite supply of stuffed animals to sleep. It started when you were young, to fill the void that your broken family left you and stuck well into adulthood because you were just as lonely, if not even lonelier. You should really see a therapist. However, what truly troubled you was the possibly precarious fact that at any given moment, your need for something to hug would manifest itself into your subconscious and force you to hug Jungkook despite the inappropriateness of the action. The embarrassment of a situation that hadn’t even occurred yet was already beginning to daunt on you.
So you turned your back to face the windows (which didn’t seem all that scary anymore) in hopes of minimising your risk of unsolicited cuddling. Sleep came easy after you had focused on synchronising your breathing with Jungkook’s out of pure convenience and once you had slipped into unconsciousness, you could slowly feel your anxiety slip away.
When you had woken up the next morning to a body close to yours, you began to feel panic swallow you almost immediately but once you had finally blinked the blurriness away from your vision, you realised you were in the exact same position you had fallen asleep in, except this time a little bit closer to the centre of the bed. One look downwards made you aware of the fact that Jungkook was the one cuddling you and he had somehow pulled you closer to him throughout the night. ‘I can keep my hands to myself.’ He said. What a liar.
You couldn’t say it didn’t feel nice and you selfishly tried to fall back asleep in hopes of making the moment last just a bit longer. When you turned your head to face Jungkook, he had been deep in slumber and it was the most peaceful you had seen him since - well, did you ever really see him at peace? Jungkook must have somehow sensed your gaze because he was blinking the sleep away from his eyes moments later. “Morning.” His morning voice was warmer, less sharp and yet all the more comforting. You were too busy being stressed about being caught admiring his sleeping face to truly appreciate his voice. “Morning.” You replied apprehensively, as if you could somehow postpone your humiliation.
“You were about to fall off the bed so I pulled you away from the edge, guess I feel asleep like that, sorry.” Jungkook was pulling his arm away before you could beg him not to and suddenly, the sound of small feet and ragged sniffles had engulfed the room. “Daddy! Thank god!” Kyomi jumped onto the bed, in-between your bodies, with a brute force, no mercy for Jungkook’s organs which had definitely experienced some internal repositioning. “I thought you were dead. I woke up and you weren’t in your room. You’re always in your room, daddy!” You tried not to laugh at Jungkook’s glazed expression, his perception of reality was just beginning to form.
“Sorry, baby, won’t happen again.” Jungkook’s groggy, deep morning voice may have been the very reason you were having unnecessary intrusive thoughts at 8:49am on a Friday but you wouldn’t dare stop it. Wait, 8:49am?
“Shit, I’m gonna be late to class.” You rushed out of the bed, barely untangling yourself from the mess of limbs between Jungkook’s legs and yours. “That’s a bad word, Y/N!” “Sorry!” You screamed back from the living room as you searched frantically for your bag. Any other class you wouldn’t mind being late to but your torts professor was pure, unadulterated evil. Satan’s incarnate if there ever was one and you did not want to be stuck helping her grade first-year papers on Saturday. “You look like you could use a ride.” There it was again, that sexy, stupid voice that made you want to scream into the void without ever stopping. “Yes please.” Once you had finally found your bag, you were rushing to shove your feet into your sneakers. Thankfully you didn’t wear converse, that could’ve been a disaster.
Jungkook grabbed his wallet, keys and daughter before meeting you at the door. You were much too stressed to wait for him to put on a pair of shoes so you snatched the keys from his hand and ran down his driveway. “Wait, Y/N, you’re not driving!” There were many reasons you shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. One, you were still on your learner's permit. Two, there was a 4-year-old child in the vehicle. Three, you were very likely to end up speeding to get to class and finally, Jungkook’s Mercedes was far too expensive to risk third-party damage, even if he had every kind of insurance. “I know, I’m just turning the engine on so you can floor it the second you get in.”
He did not floor it.
Alternatively, Jungkook was just about the safest driver you had ever seen. His driving style in stark contrast to the tattoos that littered the hand he had on the wheel, stretching all the way up to his shoulder. You couldn’t help but wonder if he had any tattoos underneath his shirt. Snap out of it. “So, when’s your class?” Jungkook looked at you through the rear view mirror and could faintly see the top-half of your head as you combed through your hair and applied makeup. Jungkook could feel the corners of his lip upturn at the way your tongue peeked out the corner of your mouth while you concentrated on your mascara. You just woke up and you still found a way to make his heart stop.
“9:30, but my professors a real b- bad person.” You corrected yourself before Kyomi could in her booster seat next to you. You told Jungkook sitting at the back gave you more room to get ready, really you just wanted to see more of Kyomi before your inevitable death. “You’ll make it on time, don’t worry.” You hoped he was right, the university was a 15-minute drive at it’s fastest and Jungkook, in spite of his gorgeously intimidating looks, was not hurled out of a Fast and Furious movie.
Jungkook was right, you made it to class at 9:20, a little disheveled and in yesterday’s clothes (you really hoped that the sweatshirt you fished out of Jungkook’s trunk per his instruction would cover that up) but otherwise fine, and early. You would live to see another day. However, you could not say that you were able to stay awake for the entire duration of the lecture, thankfully, nobody seemed to notice and when the class was finally over, all you could think about was sleep.
Two days later, you had woken up early in the morning with a heavy groan. You had a shift at the campus library. 7-12. You stretched out the exhaustion in your bones but it did little to help, you were far too young to feel this much back pain. “Hey, I’m going grocery shopping today so make sure to update the list before you leave.” You threw a meagre thumbs up towards Jin in response, but your roommate didn’t care for your disgruntled demeanour. You were always like this before your shifts.
Not even 2 hours into your shift, you saw the devil’s incarnate before your very eyes. “Hey, cutie, whatcha doin’?” You ignored the urge to gag as he threw finger guns your way, Jensen definitely had it out for you. “Working but you already knew that. Why else would you be in a library? You don’t read.” It was true, Jensen rarely ever stepped into this place before you started working there. His commitment to annoying you was admirable even if he lived on campus. “I’m here to see your adorable face.” Jensen pinched your nose playfully and you flinched at the impact, he was so goddamn irritating you were very literally considering homicide.
“Look, I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I really want to try to make amends and you’re not helping.” If this had been anyone else, your harsh resolve may have faltered, you may have felt sympathy even. But Jensen was one stone cold mother fucker, making amends would not benefit him in anyway and was therefore not on his agenda. He wanted something from you. “What do you want? Did you really lose that Dickens book? Because I can’t help y-” “Hang out with me.” Flirtatious comments weren’t outside of his norm, he employed them often for extra annoying affect™ but Jensen never asked you to hang out or hinted that he may have been the slightest bit interested in you, even platonically. “No.” You deadpanned, you genuinely believed that he had some sort of ulterior motive, he must have if he was coming to you for friendship.
“Come on, just one time. One time, and if you don’t realise that I’m not the asshole you think I am I’ll never speak to you ever again, I promise.” The idea of a Jensen-free life was extremely intriguing, after all you were confident that you would still find Jensen an insufferable asshole after whatever kind of hell he’d put you through. He clearly thought he could use some of his outdated boyish charm and win you over. You were more than happy to crush his ego and get rid of him in one night. Two birds with one stone. “Why, you never found me interesting before?” “Wrong, I always found you interesting not my fault you hate my guts. Look, in all honesty I’m sick of sleeping around and partying with people who secretly hate me. I want to spend time with a genuine person for once and even though you despise me with every fibre of your being, you’ve been upfront and sincere with your feelings since day one. I need that.”
What was that? Were you feeling remorse? For Jensen? Really? This wasn’t going to end well.
“Fine, but how do I know you won’t just keep annoying me?” Jensen froze for a moment, almost as if he was in thought, too bad he was not capable of thinking. Suddenly, Jensen surged forward to place his mouth next to your year. He whispered something very despicable that he had done to his father’s car and pulled away. “If you want nothing to do with me and I don’t leave you alone then you can tell my father what I just told you.” Blackmail, bold of him to assume you wouldn’t hold this over his head for the rest of his life, if it was even true of course. In the case that he was lying, you’d just end up in the same position you were in and if he was telling the truth, then you would live a very peaceful life for the semester and a half you had left. It seemed like a worthy bargain. “Deal.” Before you and Jensen could shake on it, your phone rang.
You weren’t technically supposed to answer but the library was dead and the librarian was on her tea break so what was the harm in a quick phone call? “Hello?” You learnt from your mistakes and read the caller ID that time, after realising it was Jungkook who probably wanted you to babysit Kyomi again, you answered quickly. Jensen noticed the smile that immediately overtook your face. “Hey, Y/N.” “What’s up? Need me to watch Kyomi?” Jensen was trying to deduce from the snippets of the conversation, who could make you smile that brightly. On the other side of the phone, Jungkook was bitting his lip, cautiously questioning whether or not he was making the right decision; acting on his emotions had never ended well for him.
“No, I just dropped her off she’s at a playdate with a friend she met at the park a while back. Her mom’s amazing, helped me a lot with parenting tips.” Jungkook overshared and deflected, he did that often when he was nervous but there was no way to stop the word vomit from flowing out. “Oh, that’s so cute!” You were grinning and Jensen was appalled at the sight, he even mocked your tone ‘oh, that’s so cute!!!’ and you flicked his forehead with a scowl, mouthing ‘shut up’ in response.
“I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch today, we could watch a movie after too? If you’re not busy.” If Jungkook was nervous, you couldn’t tell. He spoke with a tone so confident you wondered if you had actually hung out like this a million times already. “I would love to, I get off work at 12!” You agreed on impulse, before your brain could catch up with your racing heart. Jensen spared you from the mocking, but he couldn’t deny the way his chest tightened at your beaming acceptance, if only you could respond to his proposals that way. After the words had left your mouth and Jungkook promised to pick you up after your shift, you were left with your thoughts which had to make room for a new revelation. You liked Jungkook, borderline loved him and no amount of physical distance could change that.
Deep in thought, you began to think that perhaps, you weren’t destined for solidarity. Perhaps, you were as deserving of love as everyone else. Perhaps, and this was merely hypothetical, there was hope. You were being dramatic, blowing things out of proportion but how could you not when Jungkook had suggested something that sounded a lot like a date. However, considering how the last almost-but-not-quite-there ‘date’ had gone, this could have very well been just another platonic invitation to do platonic things.
“Y/N, hello? Earth to Y/N?” You broke out of your trance after Jensen had started snapping at you like a puppy. “Oh my god, what do you want?” There it was, annoyed Y/N was back and Jensen felt a sense of accomplishment every time you glared at him “Who was that?” “No one.” Your defensiveness definitely alluded to something. “Is it a boy? Is he cute?” “I already agreed to your stupid scheme, you can go now.” “You like him, don’t you?” You whined at his incessant prodding and Jensen knew he struck gold. Was it upsetting that you were already interested in someone? Yes. That didn’t matter though, especially when Jensen promised you he was looking for nothing more than friendship. He could set his entirely unexpected feelings aside.
When you had gotten back to your apartment, you had 40 minutes before Jungkook would pick you up which was objectively enough time to get ready for a casual lunch. However, that justification would not stop you from stressing over what to wear, nothing on god’s green Earth could. Jin was busy grovelling through all of his achievements to apply for a TA position in hopes of easing the fees from his masters and you weren’t in the mood to deal with his wrath (which was inevitable every time you distracted him).
You settled on a white velvet white sweater and a pair of leggings. You looked comfortable and not quite like you had rolled out of bed on a bad day. You decided to forego any makeup because overdoing it would have been much more embarrassing than underdressing. Before you could decide to completely change everything about yourself for the umpteenth time that day, Jungkook had called your phone, letting you know he was outside your building.
With a final look in the mirror and a cliche ‘you’ve got this, Y/N’, you were on your way.
Jungkook made some sort of creamy pasta, you couldn’t remember the name for the life of you because your mind had been flooded with thoughts of how gorgeous Jungkook had looked. You’d seen him in workout attire, in a suit and yet his homely look was hands down your favourite. You clearly were not doing a good job at hiding that. “You okay? You look like you saw a ghost.” You might as well have because you were just as, if not more, afraid then you would’ve been in the case of a supernatural interaction. At least a ghost was clear with their intentions. You had no idea why Jungkook had invited you over looking like sex on legs and the curiosity was killing you.
“You want something to drink, wine? Or are you still adamant on keeping your liver intact?” You briefly remembered when you had found Jungkook 17 and drunk, you could vaguely recall the lecture you had given him, something about your liver evidently thrown in there. “Water’s fine- wait, do you have apple juice?” Jungkook surveyed the contents of his fridge and reached in only to grab a kids pop top. He looked at you sheepishly, almost disappointed that this was the only thing he had to offer. “I can pour it into a-”
“And prevent me from the joy of the satisfying pop? Hand it over, daddy.” You didn’t mean it that way, you definitely didn’t mean it that way and if it wasn’t obvious from your tone, than the way you had merely focused on opening the seal on the juice rather than panicking like Jungkook was had done the job of conveying your very innocent intentions. That didn’t stop Jungkook’s mind from going there and you had picked up on your mistake when the room had fallen into an awkward silence. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You offered a genuine apology, cheeks flushed with the realisation of what your actions had insinuated. Jungkook waved you off, stuffing his mouth with pasta to justify his speechlessness.
“This is really good. Did you buy it?” You gave Jungkook a skeptical look that he countered with a pointed glare while taking a swig from his wine. You were being entirely serious, before Jungkook had run away he was an abomination in the kitchen. “How many times do I have to cook for you to realise that I just became a culinary god?” You took the rhetorical question too seriously and Jungkook braced for the snarky comment you were going to inevitably make. “If you can make macarons, then you will officially be a culinary god.” Jungkook wasn’t big on baking, he made cupcakes with Kyomi for her fourth birthday but cupcakes were significantly easier than macarons. He made no comment and lunch continued on peacefully.
“You done?” You looked down at the almost empty plate that you hadn’t touched in a good few minutes and nodded. When Jungkook moved to clear the table, you offered to help but he shut you down so confidently there was no room for protest. You watched his broad shoulders clear the plates and rinse them. He grew up to be such an incredible man, he defied every one of his parents stereotypes triumphantly. He was successful, happy and had a beautiful daughter. All of that without a single ‘A’ in his life. “What are you smiling about?” He joked, hand coming up to flick the bottom of your chin playfully. You snapped out of your trance with a timid smile that pushed Jungkook to wonder if he had done something wrong.
In all honesty, you were trying hard not to focus on the way your heart would expand three times its size every time his eyes met yours. You were trying to ignore the way your hands would get clammy when he was near you and you definitely didn’t want to think about the jealousy that consumed you every time he spoke about a girl that wasn’t you. But you did and the question slipped off of your lips before you could stop it, like an avalanche against the crisp winter wind, you didn’t stand a chance. “Remember when you told me you were meeting someone a while ago…what um- what happened with that?” There was no way to stage the question cooly, no way to protect your pride and quench your curiosity. “Oh! I was meeting a sponsor.”
You stared at him flabbergasted.
“A sponsor? But you- you even asked me if I was seeing anyone!” Jungkook had the audacity to chuckle, chuckle, at your turmoil. You had been thinking about who Jungkook was meant to meet that night for far too long for it to just be a sponsor. “Wanted you to think I had my shit together. I haven’t dated anyone in a while.” You tried not to let your ego inflate at the notion that Jungkook wanted to impress you and hyper-focused on the last sentence which brought you an embarrassing amount of relief. “And Thursday night?” You watched as his gaze hardened at the mention of that horrible night, the cut on his cheek was still healing from the altercation. “Thursday night was a bust. I tried but I just couldn’t. All I could think about was Kyomi.” And you, but Jungkook knew better than to say that part aloud. You took his hand in yours, you were both standing in his kitchen and it was possibly the least romantic place of all but that didn’t stop you from staring at him with the softest, most loving eyes you could possibly muster. “Someone will come, and they’ll love you and Kyomi with their entire heart.” And it could be me, but you didn’t say that aloud either. Before the tension could get thicken, Jungkook diffused. “Movie?” You let go of his hand and nodded.
Choosing a movie was harder than you thought it would be.
“What?! Are you insane? I cannot believe you just said that. I can’t believe I let you into my house!” If a bystander had been listening, they would’ve assumed that you insulted Jungkook’s entire lineage but no, all you did was suggest that ‘Fast & Furious’ had too many sequels. “I’m sorry, okay. I just think 9 movies is pushing it.” “How many Harry Potter movies are there, like 50? You used to be obsessed with that shit.” You tried not to be offended at his choice of words, you took a deep breath before attempting to reason with him. “8 films actually and I’m not obsessed anymore okay… Let’s just watch the avengers or something.” His irritated gaze had softened at the mention of the MCU which was something you could both agree was worth your time. “Which movie is your favourite?” “Infinity war.” “You’re wrong, it’s Age of Ultron.” “That’s subjective.” “Not if you have good taste.” Well, the mere 15 seconds of peace were great while they lasted. You didn’t want to argue anymore so you merely nodded in defeat and Jungkook moved quickly to find the film on Disney plus.
However, for Jungkook’s favourite Avenger’s film, he had paid little attention to the movie. His eyes barely diverted from you for most of the opening of the film, it wasn’t until you faced him to laugh about some comedic foreshadowing that you had noticed his hazed stare. “Hmm, what’s wrong? Do I have something on my face?” He shook his head quickly before retracting back into thought until he eventually decided to voice his concerns.
“Do you remember when I was 14 and you chased me all the way to the beach because I was upset and wouldn’t tell you why? And I told you some assholes were making fun of my name and you told me that only you could make fun of me so you waltzed over to them the next day, a good foot shorter and yelled at them in front of my entire grade.” How could you forget when Jungkook had so vividly explained it. It was an embarrassing memory you tried to suppress but Jungkook had singlehandedly destroyed your efforts. “Yeah?”
“I was mad at you because you made me look weak in front of everyone in my grade but those boys never bothered me ever again and I never said thanks… So, thank you.” You looked at Jungkook who was entirely serious, not a single part of his face wavered under your astonished expression. Your mouth dropped in disbelief. “You’re welcome, I guess? Where’s this coming from?” You tried to pry into Jungkook’s brain and weirdly enough, he was willing to let you which was a peculiar thing he had done that quite a bit that day. “There’s a lot of thanking I have to catch up on, felt right to start from the beginning, no?” Movie long forgotten, you and Jungkook peered into each other’s eyes as if something behind those orbs was the key to existence. As if the answers to every significant philosophical question were woven into the streaks of your eyes.
Jungkook rarely acted on his hedonistic urges, an unexpected kid taught him not to, but he couldn’t help the way his lips gravitated towards yours. He wondered if you felt the same way, if you were thinking of some weird chemical explanation like electromagnetic radiation, whatever the hell that was. On Jungkook’s slightly uncomfortable couch, under a fluffy blanket with Disney princesses on it and watching a movie neither of you had been paying full attention to, you felt the most at peace you had been ever since your parents divorce. It scared you to think that Jungkook could make you that happy, especially when he so plainly not yours.
“Can I kiss you?” Jungkook whispered and you didn’t notice how close you had gotten until you could feel his breath on your skin, your body answered for you as you pushed to close the distance between your lips. If you were magnets, you would definitely be oppositely charged because you never wanted to pull away. Eventually, because oxygen was an innate part of life, you pulled away. You, far too eager, quickly chased his lips and in spite of every temptation that was stacked against him, Jungkook pushed himself away, still close enough so that your noses were touching. “I need to know that we’re on the same page here. I like you, Y/N and I want to give this a shot.” You couldn’t even begin to explain the relief that rushed over you and the excitement that coursed through your veins, interlaced with misplaced adrenaline that made you agree a little too quickly. “We are definitely on the same page.” And this time, when you had moved to kiss him, he didn’t push you away. Instead, your lips found purchase against his and as cliche as it sounds, it felt like home, being in his arms again despite the fact that you failed to get along in the ancient beginning. You depended on Jungkook for a long time once upon a time and you were elated to have him by your side again.
Before things could escalate - although with Jungkook’s heavy distrust in protection you doubted they ever would - Jungkook’s phone rang. The default Apple ring tone resonated in his apartment and you let him answer begrudgingly, already missing his lips against yours which were definitely swollen from all the biting. Jungkook was a good kisser, that was a fact written in stone. “Hello, everything okay?” His fingers moved to answer the call quickly, it was Jen, the woman who’s daughter Kyomi was hanging out with. “Everything’s fine, Jeon.” She chuckled into the phone at his worried tone, he was always worried when it came to his daughter even more so than her but she never blamed him. He was running a two-person ship alone. “The girls are both pretty tired, you mind picking her up before they start a fight over legos?” Jungkook laughed and you perked up at the mellifluous sound, trying to figure out who Jungkook was on the phone with that was more important than you. >:c
“I’ll be there soon, thank you so much for having her over. I’ll have to invite Sam over sometime too.” A few empty promises about future playdates later and Jungkook was finally off the phone. “Are you going to pick Kyomi up?” You asked, having deducted that much from the snippets of the conversation you had heard, Jungkook made a sound of agreement in response, stretching in front of the couch. “Can I come?” Your question painted a smile on his face, one he couldn’t put away even when he leaned down to give you a peck. “Of course, want me to drop you off?” You shook your head quickly, response far too quick which Jungkook couldn’t help but find endearing. Your cheeks flushed as you tried to find an explanation that didn’t make you sound like an absolute perv. “We um, haven’t finished the movie…” You pointed to the screen that was undoubtedly still playing the movie you had stopped paying attention to. Jungkook quirked an eyebrow at your obvious lie but made no move to debunk it, he just grabbed his wallet and keys off of the counter and cocked his head towards the door, gesturing for you to get up.
Kyomi knocked out in her booster seat, much too exhausted from the fun she had at her friend’s house. Your head was pretty much permanently turned to the backseat to coo at her. Jungkook kept trying to stop you, afraid you’d wake her up and he’d end up with a grumpy Kyomi. “Calm down, I’m just looking at her. She’s so cute.” Jungkook pinched your side when the car had stopped at a red light. “You’ll have all the time in the world to stare at her when she’s awake, okay? Once she wakes up it’s impossible to get her to sleep again.” You listened to Jungkook’s pleading and returned your focus to the road, his hand slipped from where he had playfully pinched you to rest on your thigh. In an attempt to hide the blush on your cheeks, you complained that the car felt suffocating and opened the window. Jungkook didn’t question it, at least not out loud.
Once Kyomi was safe in her room, sleeping away in the comfort of her bed that was probably worth more than your kidney, Jungkook returned to find you on the couch playing a cat game on your phone. It was really simple, but it seemed to occupy all of your attention enough for you to miss Jungkook entirely until his head was next to yours. You smiled when his lips pecked your cheek, his hand coming up to turn your head to face him. You kissed him distractedly, eyes still pinned to your game. With an annoyed groan Jungkook snatched the phone from your hand, discarding it behind him onto the couch. You whined into the kiss but paid full attention to him nonetheless, when he pulled away you were frowning.
“I was about to unlock a new cat, you know?” And it was a genuine issue, those cats were hard to unlock! Jungkook feigned sympathy which only seemed to piss you off even more so Jungkook pulled away, raising his hands in defence as he mumbled an apology. Wanting to get up, you moved to raid his kitchen for a snack. And yes, you understood that the man was a boxer who needed to stay fit but was it necessary to be so painstakingly healthy? His pantry was filled with wholegrain cereals, oats, nature valley bars and what you assumed was some sort of protein shake container. Even Kyomi’s snacks were healthy; raisins, popcorn, corn chips. No wonder he judged your food supply so harshly, this man was a living health commercial. You returned to the couch empty handed, hungry and annoyed. Were you exaggerating about the cat game thing? Sure, but the hunger had certainly played a part in your annoyance.
“You hungry? You didn’t finish your pasta.” God, he sounded like a dad more and more every time he spoke. “I’m okay.” You lied and drew your knees up to your chest to support your brooding face. You were being a little dramatic but you both knew well enough that it was all in jest, at least for the most part, that cat really did matter to you. “Mmm, I don’t believe you. I can make you something?” You shook your head and moved to grab the remote to his TV so you could finish the damn movie that he fought so hard to watch but doesn’t even care about, but, Jungkook wasn’t convinced. The way you snatched the remote told him you were far from fine even though you were not trying to send any subliminal messaging. He left the couch but you paid little attention to where he went, you probably should’ve because then you could’ve prepared your poker face for when he had returned with a plate of your favourite fruit. Consequently, you felt your frown begin to alleviate, and were your eyes softening? Over watermelon? You’re so whipped it’s disgusting. You stared at the plate of cut up watermelon like it was a marriage proposal. He remembered. Or maybe it was just a lucky guess.
“Ah ha! I knew this would work.” Jungkook had a proud smile on his face, mirroring your small one as he handed you a fork. You barely mumbled out a ‘thank you’ before you raided the plate, careful not to drop anything because you did not want to be perceived as a slob and you’d had enough of watermelon stains (thank you, Jin) for a lifetime. Jungkook sat back and paid attention to the movie he initially suggested, but he still had no interest in the film, not when you were next to him with red lips and focused eyes.
Jungkook had a lot to ask you and he had a lot of issues he needed to sort through but those were difficult things to navigate and Jungkook was sick of difficulty. He was lucky you were so understanding about the radio silence from your family and his but he knew that he’d eventually have to speak to them again, it was inevitable and that alarmed him. To think that at any given moment, 6 years worth of baggage could tear you both apart. “You should get seedless watermelons.” Jungkook turned away from his TV to give you a quizzical look. “They make those?” You almost choked on the last piece with a laugh. “Genetic modification, they can make anything. You know there’s apples with red flesh? They’re red inside and out, Jungkook, it’s so cool!” You could almost sense the ‘nerd’ sitting on his tongue but he didn’t say it, he merely smiled at you in disbelief. “You know what, Y/N, entirely red apples are cool!” Jungkook wasn’t trying to be sarcastic but he couldn’t skilfully feign interest in whatever the hell you were talking about. “Don’t patronise me.”
When you got up to put the plate away and wash your hands, Jungkook had come up behind you and wrapped his hands around your waist. You heard him coming, he wasn’t necessarily the quietest person ever but you could deal with a little noise if it always came in such a cute package. “Jungkook you’ve watched like 2% of your favourite movie. I’m starting to think you’re a liar.” Before you could continue your mischievous criticism, Jungkook’s lips began making their way down your neck, starting at the crevice between your ear and neck, all the way down to your clavicle. You were going to protest, push him away and declare that you were moving too fast but his lips were addictive, like morphine if the opioid made you feel like you were on cloud nine.
However, your cloud was temporary because the second the soft patter of small feet resonated off of the kitchen counter Jungkook had flinched away from you like a hand on a burning stove.
“Daddy?” Kyomi, still rubbing her eyes and far too young to understand the tension she had created had gestured grabby hands at her father who quickly moved to pick her up. “Hey cupcake, you still tired?” She shook her head despite the way her eyelids heavily rested on her eyes or the way her head kept nuzzling into his neck. He knew better than let her sleep any longer though, she’d keep him up all night. Speaking of things that kept him up at night, where did you go? The kitchen was now void of any presence other than him and his daughter and he couldn’t see you on the couch.
“Y/N?” He yelled out, a little concerned but more perplexed at the way you disappeared into thin air. “I’m in the hallway!” Jungkook, daughter still perched on his hip, made his way to his hallway only to see you shoving your feet into your shoes. “You’re leaving already?” Jungkook had a feeling, a burning intuition that you were upset about the way he reacted when his daughter had run in but you had to understand that introducing a girlfriend to a child was difficult. Wait, were you even his girlfriend? Did he manage to screw that up too? “I realised I have homework due in like an hour and I haven’t even started. I’ll take the bus it’s coming soon, anyway. Thank you for dinner and the watermelon! Bye bye, Kyomi.” You waved exaggeratedly to the little girl who matched your energy despite her tired state, you gave her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.
Jungkook believed you, your smile was genuine and you were mature enough to understand why he couldn’t exactly tell his daughter about you yet. Besides, it had been the very first time you had both perceived each other in a setting other than platonic friends. He wasn’t wrong, you were telling the truth but that didn’t change the fact that his actions left a bitter taste on your tongue.
“Daddy, I wanted to play with Y/N…” Kyomi was pouting, upset at the fact that you had to go right when she woke up and all Jungkook could muster was a sigh and a quiet, “me too.” And he was genuine, he wanted to spend more time with you but his daughter and increasingly tight schedule made that difficult. “Well, you’re stuck with daddy so I’m gonna count to twenty and if you’re not hiding, the tickle monster’s gonna get you!” Jungkook set his daughter down with intentions of distracting her (and himself) from your unexpected flight and she immediately began running away, loud giggles bursting through her cheery lips.
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“Are you sure it wasn’t a homie kiss?” You looked at Jin from your side of the coach with a glare so ferocious it might have very well killed the man. “I hope you don’t kiss your homies with tongue, Jin.” Despite your venomous tone, Jin appeared unfazed, smirking at your comment and hollering as loudly as one could in an apartment complex with neighbours who sent noise complaints about heavy breathers. “Damn! I can’t believe your first real boyfriend is a dilf.” You furrowed your eyebrows at his comment. “What do you mean ‘first real boyfriend’, what about Jimin?” “Lasted 2 weeks and you barely even kissed so it doesn’t count.” “Mark? We dated for 2 months!” “You barely even talked to each other and he was seeing another girl, so it doesn’t count.” Ouch. But okay. “What about Zen?” “The kid you told me you ‘married’ in elementary? Really?” You were out of options and Jin was right, Jungkook would be the first man you actually had genuine intentions of staying with for longer than a few months and that horrified you because if you were being honest, you knew that firsts were always destined for failure.
“I’m doomed.” You said the words with a heavy weight, as if you were speaking your damnation into existence. Jin flicked your forehead harshly, no mercy for the poor skin. “Ouch. Screw you, first you give me an existential crisis and then a bruise?” He was about to flick your forehead again but you were quick to defend. Before a petty flicking battle could ensue, Jin spoke again. “You’re such a baby, you won’t get a bruise. And you are not doomed, this is going to work out just fine, I can feel it in my left kneecap.” Jin often said weird things and you had gotten quite used to his absurd comments. Taking his claim at face value, you replied with a sincere concern, “the same one you dislocated last Summer? I’m definitely doomed.”
And you were indeed doomed but not in the way you had initially assumed you would be. It had been well over a month since your spontaneous movie date at Jungkook’s house and yet you still felt like his dirty little secret. He asked to be his girlfriend a little after your first date and he still hadn’t mentioned you to any of his friends nor did he let you meet them, even Namjoon had to find out about his best friend’s relationship from Jin. And his daughter? Jungkook wouldn’t even hold your hand when she was within a 100 foot radius and you while you tried to be understanding, anyone would have felt horrible in your position. You felt like you were unworthy, as if you didn’t fit Jungkook’s pre-conceptualised image of a perfect family. As if he didn’t see a future with you.
He treated you as if you were something he was ashamed of and with your complicated past, the insecurities that had begun to erode away persevered, becoming stronger than ever. But you couldn’t bring yourself to talk him about them; you were afraid you’d push too hard, be too dramatic and end up hurting him in the process. Jungkook was kind and extremely empathetic but that didn’t stop the haunting thoughts of your self-worth or the prying eyes of unknown on-lookers (who knew well enough that he was way out of your league) from making you feel like he wouldn’t understand.
Every second you spent with him felt beatific, blissful, because he made you feel like the most important person in the world, right up until you weren’t anymore and he’d push you away you like you were nothing more than his daughter's babysitter, or on good days, a friend. It was frustrating because he was so insanely addicting, more than any narcotic and yet you couldn’t have him when you wanted to. He made you happy and yet in moments when you were upset, you couldn’t reach out to him, at least not with the expectation of a timely response. Your dates with him (which were few and far between) felt like they were on a constant timer. Eventually, whether it was Kyomi or his job, something impenetrable intruded your only alone time together.
And while these feelings continued to slowly fester inside of you, rearing their ugly heads as they occasionally made you unconsciously bitter, they reached an all time high when you were watching Kyomi at your apartment one eventful Friday night. Jungkook was having a party the weekend before his semi-finals on Wednesday, a party he didn’t invite you to. But you didn’t take it to heart, or at least you thought you didn’t.
It was almost 1 am when Jungkook returned and Kyomi was fast asleep in your room. Sleep didn’t come to you as effortlessly as you wanted it to, not when your mind was hyper-fixated on the party Jungkook was at. He told you earlier this day that he didn’t want to throw another party but it was a tradition for the contenders and breaking that tradition would be ‘sacrilegious’. You didn’t feel like interfering with a realm you were very unfamiliar with and so you took Kyomi with open arms. But his discontentment with the nature of the party didn’t change the fact that no one knew you existed and there were going to be girls much prettier than you who would probably be interested in your objectively handsome boyfriend. No one ever told you that a major con of dating a a man that sexy would be the constant feeling of insecurity.
It was selfish and something you needed to work on alone so you never thought to bring it up to Jungkook; your jealousy was something you would have to learn to handle. But before you could imagine yet another scenario that would crush your weak, feeble heart, keys rattled at your door. You knew it was most likely Jungkook since Jin had assured you he was probably going to spend the night at his boyfriend’s. You gave Jungkook your spare key so he wouldn’t accidentally wake Kyomi up with the knocking, or you on the off chance that you actually got a semblance of sleep.
“Oh, you’re awake?” Jungkook looked tired, and it was evident in the ways his eyes were drooping. He could have been asleep if he had simply trusted you, a person he had known for almost his entire life, to take care of his daughter for just one night but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep if he wasn’t near Kyomi. You understood because it was reasonable to want to be near your child at all times but that day, those ugly heads were rearing, amplifying your frustration about every little thing that peeved you that night exponentially.
Withholding his trust was another thing you told yourself you’d have to understand but it didn’t make it any easier for your overactive mind to wrap your head around. Why couldn’t he trust you? “Couldn’t sleep.” you said curtly, and Jungkook picked up on your annoyed tone but made no move to address it. That was a problem he could deal with later when his head didn’t weigh 100 pounds. You were on the floor, back against the couch as you messed around with your chess board, playing different openings. Jensen had come over earlier in the day and you played a few games. Believe it or not, you were kind-of friends now.
“I see you’re still into chess.” Jungkook tried to spark conversation and you nodded absentmindedly in response before remembering something that would probably cheer the both of you up. You sat up quickly and turned to him with an excited smile. “I taught Kyomi a bit, she already knows the Sicilian! I’m sure she’ll forget it tomorrow, though.” You joked but Jungkook didn’t laugh; he didn’t even smile. In fact, it seemed as if he was scowling? “You taught my 4-year-old daughter chess?” Jungkook made it sound like it was a crime, as if you had singlehandedly ruined her childhood by teaching her how a few wooden pieces moved across a 8x8 board. “Calm down, It’s no biggie, I started learning when I was 3.” “How did this even happen? She told you she was bored and you thought to bring out the most boring game in existence?” You weren’t sure where his hostility was coming from but you were beginning to grow even more annoyed. A hostility of your own forming.
“It was out already when you dropped her off, without notice by the way, and she was curious. What’s the issue? You may think it’s boring but I like chess a-” “Kyomi isn’t fucking like you!” Jungkook cut you off with a stern yell, not loud enough to cause a scene in your apartment building but loud enough to risk Kyomi waking up. You both hadn’t thought of that in the heat of the moment. All you could think about was how his words cut right through you; a familiar sting you hadn’t felt in six years began to develop in your chest. Before you could even begin to respond, Jungkook kept going and sunk his proverbial dagger deeper into your heart. “And I don’t want her to be.” The room feel silent, no more were the clattering pieces of wood against the chess board or the chime of Jungkook’s chain bracelets as he moved his hands around. You finally realised what a deafening silence felt like because despite the tranquility, your heart had never been so loud in your ears. Drumming like the bass in a loud parade except there was no joy or laughter, just migraines and heartache.
You didn’t even know you were crying until Kyomi had emerged from your room, startled by the noise and your solemn face. “Daddy?” She shuffled closer to her father’s figure and his eyes widened when he realised she was awake, he really hoped she hadn’t heard what he said. “Daddy, why is Y/N sad?” Jungkook knew the answer quite well; because I’m an asshole who says all the wrong things when he doesn’t even mean them, but he bit his tongue as the familiar beginnings of a profusion of guilt began to accumulate in his chest. He thought he was over his issues with the past, evidently not.
“She’s just tired sweetheart, let’s go home, hmm?” Jungkook held his hand out for his daughter to take but she stayed frozen near him. Her large eyes that Jungkook was convinced held the galaxy were fixated on you who had been trying to wipe the perpetual waterfall of tears that wouldn’t stop escaping your bloodshot eyes. Like a splintering water dam, Jungkook’s words had been the final push needed to collapse the walls you spent your entire life building. Essentially, he’d opened the floodgates to your insecurities.
Were you really that horrible to the point where Jungkook couldn’t stomach the idea of his daughter liking the same things as you? How on earth were you supposed to move past this, stay together for as long as your life would allow if he couldn’t even handle the idea of his daughter being anything like you. Children were impressionable.
“Kyomi, we need to go, now.” Kyomi was intuitive enough to know that Jungkook only ever called on her by her real name when he was mad or upset. She knew from his stern tone that she should have listened and in spite of that, she ran over to you and offered a hug. Kyomi was well aware her dad would never hurt her and that assurance was enough to conquer her fears of being berated so that she could blatantly disobey him. The sight threw him for a loop. For four years of his life Jungkook and Kyomi had been loyal to each other, had each others backs whenever times were tough because they were all they had and yet there she was, showing you that same loyalty because you needed it and it was all his fault. He told himself that hiding you from his daughter would stop her from getting attached in a way that meant more to her than just a babysitter. Clearly he was too late.
Jungkook stood there as if he had anchors attaching his feet to your tiled floors. The sight of you holding his daughter in your arms as you choked on your tears brought a different kind of hurt into his life despite the fact that Jungkook was well versed with pain. From the punches he received or the degrading looks from the people who were meant to love him unconditionally or even the painful fear of staring a newborn baby alone and afraid; Jungkook knew pain like the back of his hand and yet he’d never felt it quite like this. “Kyomi, we really need to go. Dad’s tired.” You pulled her out of your hold and ushered her to her father, assuring the worried girl that you were fine, only emotional because you watched a sad movie. She believed you, mostly because she saw the way you balled your eyes out when you, Jungkook and her had watched ‘Hachi’. Kyomi thought you were one of the strongest people she knew and would therefore be okay. So, she left with her father feeling a little less worried than she was before.
Kyomi was wrong. You were definitely not strong and you were far from okay.
The next morning your eyes were swollen and your mouth was dry from the incessant crying that had to have drained you of at least half of your water content. You didn’t sleep, not even for a second and even though the headache pounding against your head was begging for relief you couldn’t bring yourself to eat so you could take any medicine. Jeon Jungkook was a mean man and while you knew that lie was not even remotely true, you repeated it in your head to make yourself feel better. Blaming him meant that you wouldn’t have to think about where you went wrong even though you knew that you should’ve talked to him about how you felt, maybe then you would be in his arms and not your messy, cold bed.
Jungkook had been punching the boxing bag in his home gym since 3am and the sun had fully settled into the room by the time he finally stopped. He hoped the exertion would make the agony in his chest alleviate but it only made things worse. No matter how many punches he threw or how much his legs ached he still thought of you. The image of your beautiful, tear-stricken face and the sounds of your broken sniffles were all he could think about every time he blinked. Jungkook was willing to let his eyes dry out if it would guarantee him peace.
Kyomi slept in that day, tired from her late endeavour where she had to comfort two adults. Despite Jungkook’s assurance, she did not believe he was fine. And he definitely wasn’t, so, when she insisted on sleeping on his bed with him he couldn’t bring himself to disagree. Jungkook realised well into the night that he couldn’t sleep so he spent the time training for what was undoubtedly going to be the second-most important match of his career. The first being the finals that were already set for the following Friday, he felt the weight of the unparalleled pressure that rested on his exhausted shoulders. This was Jungkook’s first national match and if Jungkook he were to win the next two rounds he would be the next national heavyweight champion. He would finally be able to spend every second with the daughter he loved more than anything else in his life.
Jungkook thought about messaging you, it crossed his mind more often than not but he didn't know what to say and spent an abnormal amount of time rewriting the same message over and over. "I miss you, I'm sorry." And despite Kyomi's urge to complain about her boring new babysitters or how much she missed you, she was well aware that her father needed peace so she kept her tiny mouth shut. She was right to do so, with the semi-finals steadily approaching Jungkook needed all the help he could get. Jungkook didn't like the idea of relying on his four-year-old daughter for emotional support so Jungkook pretended he was fine whenever she was around. Every other minute Jungkook coped by doing what he always did in times of doubt; continued training until his lungs gave out.
The day of the semi-finals had you seated at the edge of your bed with your phone tightly clasped in your hands. You waited, anxiously, for Jin's message that Jungkook was okay because even if he hurt you, you couldn't handle the thought of anything happening to him. Your leg vibrated with nervousness but the only vibration you truly paid attention to was your the one from your phone. With every notification that wasn't Jin, you could feel the worry laced with well-intended frustration seep into your bloodstream faster, making it difficult to breathe at a reasonable pace.
It was safe to say that you did not take Jungkook's criticism very well. You spent two days crying whenever you felt the slightest urge to, a day of working through misplaced anger, cursing men, chess, watermelon and everything that reminded you of the brown-eyed brunette which brought you to Wednesday, when all you could feel was the remnants of loss. You missed Kyomi and Jungkook and ironically, distance did make the heart grow fonder.
Philosophy: 1, Y/N: 0.
You were violently ripped out of your trance when your phone had vibrated in your hand's tight grip.
"He won and he's okay. Poor guy couldn't even get a good punch in."
You didn't fight the proud smile on your face or the sigh of relief that escaped from your lips. In the comfort of your room, you were your worst critic and you could argue the unethical-ness of watching people fight for sport any other time but that day you were solely glad that Jungkook was safe. When your phone vibrated a second time within 10 minutes of Jin’s message, you were expecting more updates from your roommate but you were pleasantly (that’s debatable) surprised to see Jungkook's contact light up your phone instead. While you were flattered that he immediately thought of you after winning the biggest match of his career, the message was a bleak "can we talk?" And you couldn’t say you were shocked, Jungkook was never a good texter but you agreed anyway. You knew ‘can we talk’ usually preceded a horrible break-up but it wasn’t like there was much room for the situation to get worse.
The night following Jungkook’s extremely anticipated win, he was wiping his clammy hands on the material of his jeans while waiting for you on his couch. Jungkook thought about what he was going to say over and over, perfecting everything to a tee with a figurative list burned into the side of his brain. He even looked at the small cardboard box of macarons he’d spent hours baking for you earlier that day. He was determined to win you back and if that meant being vulnerable (something he very much hated) then so be it. Jungkook would lay himself bare for your judgement. Before Jungkook could recite his apology one last time, his train of thought had been disrupted the second he heard the doorbell ring. When he opened the door, his eyes landed on your form, depleted and void of any joy, he had to swallow the lump that formed in his throat.
“Hey, come in.” He moved out of the way to make room for you and while you normally jumped into his arms straight away, you stuck to the far end of the hall, as far away from Jungkook as physically possible while you slipped off your shoes. Converse. He was glad to know you weren’t planning on making a quick escape. “Do you- uh, do you want anything to drink?” You shook your head, standing awkwardly in the open area between his kitchen and living room. Jungkook moved first, sitting down and patting the space next to him, gesturing for you to take a seat. He couldn’t say it didn’t hurt when you sat on the single chair to the right of his couch instead.
As Jungkook raked through his brain in hopes of finding the list he had so confidently confided in just a few minutes ago, you decided to speak first. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries with your daughter.” Your voice was soft as always but it wavered, unsure, afraid and all he could do was hope that you weren’t afraid of him. “You don’t have to apologise for teaching her a game, Y/N.” Jungkook didn’t mean to come off condescending but he winced at the sentence the second it left his mouth. You looked a little taken aback and Jungkook wanted the ground to simply swallow him whole. God, he was notoriously bad at apologies. “Right…” Following your feeble attempt at filling the silent void was yet another silence that was not only awkward but uncomfortable. You were waiting for an apology, an explanation, an excuse, anything, you weren’t picky. You just wanted your boyfriend back.
“You know, when I first met Kyomi I had no idea she existed until I was in the hospital. Her mother was a one night stand I had at Namjoon’s friends party when I was 19. Isn’t that funny?” Jungkook laughed despondently at the mention of his bleak past. It hurt you to see him so pained so you tried to stop him. "You don't have to do this." "I do." Following his dour statement, you retracted, deciding to listen to what he wanted to tell you. “I didn’t even know she was pregnant but apparently she had some complications during the late stages of her pregnancy and the doctors told her she’d die if she went through with it. She had to deal with that alone, the fear of a situation that dire while I fucked around on Namjoon’s playstation. I was pathetic and she still put me down as her father.” Tears were beginning to well up in Jungkook’s eyes that grew increasingly glassy every time he blinked. You weren’t sure why Jungkook was telling you about Kyomi’s mother when he had been so adamant not to speak about her but you were glad he was opening up to you, even if it clearly hurt him to reopen the wounds of his past that only barely began to heal. “She went through with it anyway and I thought she was an idiot for it. God, she was only 22, who the fuck gives up their life for a baby they haven’t even met at 22?” Jungkook wiped a tear off of his face the second it fell and some of your own were beginning to sting your sensitive eyes which had grown rather sick of crying that week. But you couldn’t help it, not when Jungkook was so visibly upset about something that incredibly difficult, not when all you could think about was how hard it would be to recover.
“I got a call from the hospital a few hours after she was born; they told me I had a daughter over the phone and hung up, just like that. I brought an entire person into this world and found out about it the same way I order pizza. I felt sick and I didn’t know what to do so I ran to Namjoon all the way from my tiny ass apartment and he booked a flight with me, went to Japan with nothing more than a duffle bag he messily packed in the midst of the chaos. He stuck with me through the most difficult time of my life even when all I'd done for him is screw things up.” Jungkook was smiling with pride through the blur of his tears at the mention of the man he admired with every inch of his body. Namjoon truly was a saint and you were completely crying by the time he had confirmed that; trying to stay as quite as possible as Jungkook revealed out the darkest parts of himself to you. You could never tell he’d been through so much, how he kept such an agonising memory hidden from the world was beyond you.
“I didn’t know her well, barely knew her name but she sacrificed herself to bring Kyomi in the world. She trusted me, a stranger who was piss drunk at some college party to take care of the child she laid her life down for. I wanted- no, I want to make her proud. To let her know that what she did was worth it. She saw potential in me when no one else did, she gave me my miracle. Kyomi is the only reason I turned my life around and a lot of people tell me that I saved her, that I was so courageous for taking her into my care and not leaving her to the system, but she saved me. She’s the reason I am where I am today.” He paused for a second, and moved forward, reaching out to take your hand in his and coaxing you to sit next to him. It wasn't leering, you couldn't sense any ill intent if you'd looked for it so you complied, far too sympathetic to keep up your angry facade. When you were seated next to him, knees barely touching, he took both your hands in his, engulfing them to not only convey his emotions but to calm down his shivering hands. He looked at you with those same round Bambi-eyes that you remembered so well, the ones you thought he'd lost.
“Kyomi is exactly like you, Y/N. She’s smart, kind and picks up my slack whenever I screw up. She’s sassy when she wants to be and she always critiques every little thing in movies just like you used to do. I don’t know how, but I projected the parts of you that I loved the most onto her. I was afraid of being a horrible father, of doing what my parents did to me and putting too much pressure on her to succeed. I mistakingly associated you with that lifestyle. But, Y/N,” He moved his hands up to wipe away your tears and you continued to shy away from his haunted gaze, you were never good with eye contact and he knew that more than anyone else. Nonetheless, he held your chin softly and moved your face directly in front of his. “Look at me, baby. Your success had nothing to do with your parents, or mine or anyone else but you. You are not a product of the things I hated about my childhood and it was my mistake for thinking that for even a split second. I love you and I would love for you to stay in my life and Kyomi’s.”
That was the very first time either of you had said that you loved one another and even though you felt it for quite a while, you were always too afraid to speak it into existence. Even in that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop sniffling enough to tell him you loved him and Kyomi with every nanometre of your heart. Jungkook forced your head onto his shoulder, nestling your face into the crook of his neck where your sobs began to settle. Thankfully, Namjoon had volunteered to take Kyomi out for ice cream while he settled the mess he'd made. He wouldn’t know how to explain making you cry again to her. “I love you too and Kyomi, so much.” Jungkook could barely decipher your words which were almost incoherent, muffled by his shoulder and your subsiding tears. “I know and I’m so sorry. I promise I'll do better.” You believed him.
You weren’t sure how long you spent in that position but by the time you pulled away you were sure you looked like a mess. Jungkook’s shirt was damp but his face was dry, you couldn’t say the same about yours with your eyes that had swollen up the slightest bit. You exerted them a lot that week, they definitely deserved a break. “You soaked through my shirt.” “I think that's the least you deserve.” You joked with a smile and he chuckled, glad that the joy he had sucked out of you began to trickle back in again. You yawned and stretched your limbs which had been contorted into a weird position while you were crying your heart out earlier. Suddenly, a deep sense of exhaustion had consumed you and all you could think about was sleep.
You didn’t need to tell Jungkook that you were tired, he saw right through you all the time, which would definitely end up being problematic. “Are you seriously falling asleep on me, Y/N?” You could tell he wasn’t serious, but you definitely were; your eyes were far too tired to stay open. “Just let me sleep here for a bit.” Jungkook laughed at your negotiating but he genuinely couldn’t let you sleep over that night, even though he really wanted you to. “I’m sorry babe, but I have to fly out tomorrow morning for the last match.” You groaned through his explanation while he weaselled his hands around your waist to bring you up right against his chest and out of your sleepy state. You caved, sitting up on your own to put distance between you and looking at him with a worried gaze. “You better be careful, okay? I mean it Jungkook, even if you have to forfeit mid round and look like the biggest pussy in the world, you better do it.” Jungkook would have snickered at your demands if you weren’t completely serious which, you were. “Yes ma’am.” Jungkook playfully saluted in response reminding you of the very day you met Kyomi. He was definitely lying, there was no way he would risk being the laughing stock of the season but he'd say anything to satiate your pleading expression. “Before you go, you should take this.” Jungkook handed you the box of macarons from his coffee table and you took it apprehensively, unsure of what was inside. You didn't want to seem cheap. “What is this?” Jungkook didn’t clear up much after your question, just said “proof that I’m a culinary god” and sent you on your way. Or more accurately, he dropped you off at your home.
That night, when you had returned to your apartment with a heart that was just beginning to heal, the poor muscle had received yet another blow. When you opened the door to enter the place that had been your safe haven for the past four years, Seokjin had been waiting for you in the living room. “Why are you just sitting there in silence, aren’t you bored?” Before you could hurtle another joke at the man, you noticed the papers on your coffee table and your smile fell instantaneously. Jin looked vacant, as if he had no idea how to feel. Read the room, Y/N.
“Jin, what is that?” Your mind tired not to jump straight to the worst case scenario but there wasn’t much else the papers could mean. Still, a part of you hoped he’d jump up and say ‘get punked!’ with the promise of never pulling a horrible prank like that ever again. He didn't, and you knew he never would. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. Your parents they-” He didn’t even need to finish, not that he could bring himself to. You collapsed onto the floor on the other side of the table, hands struggling to grab at the papers as your world had not only caved in on you but flipped in on itself and shaken you mercilessly. The universe had a weird way of working, trading one heartbreak for another. And to top it all off you had to find out about your parents' simultaneous deaths through death certificates mailed with express post.
Whatever deity there was in the heavens that controlled your life must have been playing a sick, sick, game. The worst part of it all (outside of your parents dying, of course) was that you couldn’t even call Jungkook, the man you grew up with, for comfort. Not when his final match was right around the corner and the topic of your family made him retract into his shell like a terrified hermit crab. Jin didn’t know what to say, you were clearly upset but he knew very little about your family, you never really mentioned them outside of what they did for a living. There was more that he needed to tell you but he didn’t know how.
“Also, the letter was sent by uh- by Jeon Jungyun… Y/N, does Jungkook have a brother?”
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Tag list: @ggukkieland @barbikatherine @yzkyzkuniverse @kookxin @namjeonii @euphoriagguks @/anon r :,) @simpforbangtan
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hansolmates · 3 months ago
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day by day | masterpost
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banner done by the iconic @dnrequests​/ @dee-ehn​
[하루 하루, haru haru] is the Korean word for 'day by day’ summary; a series of drabbles about two best friends raising a child together pairing; dilf!jungkook x best friend!reader (f) genre/warnings; angst, longing, pining, mc is a homebody, unrequited love (or is it?), potential idiots 2 lovers, best friends 2 lovers, but there’s a poopy ex-girlfriend, potential toxic relationship, alcohol use, explicit language, eventual fluff, eventual smut [taglist is OPEN]
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part 1; year one
01. the m-word jungkook’s baby calls you the m-word just as he and his ex-girlfriend return from a night out 
02. dr. feel good  you and the doctor in-house have a conversation about life 
03. my bestie jungkook feels guilty for holding you back 
04. awkward ohs you don’t understand why jungkook is suddenly so pissy
05. one year, my love  celebrating the first of many of haru’s birthday with jungkook (and sena)
06. champagne lane you and jungkook have your own little celebration by the lake
part 2; year 3 
07. common law marriage you and jungkook finally do the thing you’ve been talking about since haru’s first birthday
08. so this is love you and jungkook get the full disney experience, cliche love story included
09. back to reality  all you and haru want to do is go back home and take a nice long rest
10. silent night while you wait, unexpected closure finds their way to you
11. day by day jungkook makes a decision for his family
final; and many more — aka, your family wraps up a decade of love
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taesinferno · 5 months ago
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>> DILF!JK
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summary daddy's not blonde anymore, they're on family vacation, and he wears obnoxious shirts and gets matching ones for the whole family
pairing -> dilf!jk × mom!reader
genre -> domestic, family, mentions of smut (18+)
a/n -> couple people had requested this bricks ago but muster jk finally made it happen. enjoy 😚
series m.list
<- prev
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"Everybody say 'cheese!'" A chorus followed as the photographer clicked the picture. You were stood in front of a photowall, name of the resort behind you, with Jungkook and your kids. Oh, and you were all wearing obnoxiously matching patterns, courtesy of your overexcited vacation husband.
"Alright, where to next?" He was practically buzzing, bouncing with excitement. "Do we wanna go play with the dolphins in the aquatic tank? Or hit the beach and build sandcastles? Oh! They have an indoor water park too!"
Seungwan, who was being held by daddy, was unimpressed with the list he just teetered off, and was more engaged in the chain daddy was wearing, mouthing on it.
Ji-ah, on the other hand, got her vacation enthusiasm from him, screaming "ALL THREE!!" before looping hands with Jungkook and tugging him towards the aquatic tank first.
Seungwan was passed to you as you followed, who suddenly put up a fit when he was detached from Jungkook's necklace. He prepared himself for a nice big scream, but as soon as he saw you waving his teether in his face, he settled back down, grabbing the toy with his grubby hands.
Seungwan was much too preoccupied to be dazzled by the dolphins, unlike his father and sister, who clapped obnoxiously every time they did a trick. Jungkook even took Ji-Ah down by the tank after the show, working his charm on the dolpin trainor to get Ji-Ah a closer look.
By the time you all had reached the beach, you could tell your plans for the indoor water park would have to be pushed until tomorrow. Ji-Ah had a lot of energy, running into the water with Jungkook and engaging in a splash battle, and running back and forth to make a mega-sandcastle (as Jungkook called it).
But that was an hour ago. Now, she was lounging peacefully by your side, eyes closed on the verge of falling asleep. "Im tanning, mom," she'd told you with a roll of her eyes when you'd asked her if she wanted to take a nap. A phrase she'd probably heard on some television show, which she didn't really know the meaning of, because her natural complexion... didn't exactly need tanning.
"I don't think we can do the water park today," Jungkook plopped down beside you with a pout. "I know, sweetie, we'll do it tomorrow." You patted his cheek while keeping your eyes on Seungwan playing in the sand.
"You look hot," he blurted out bluntly, smirk growing on his face as he ran his eyes down your bikini-clad body. You rolled your eyes. "Let me help cool you down."
You felt a sudden cold sensation pressed against the side of your neck, paired with Jungkook's tongue. You yelped and pushed him away, "Why is your mouth so cold??"
He grinned and stuck his tongue out to reveal its red color from the strawberry daiquiri he was drinking. Of course.
"Let me cool you down, baby," he leaned in close to your ear, "My baby mama. So sexy. Everyone here can see it."
"I'm not your baby mama, I'm your wife," you snorted, shoving him away. But that didn't deter him.
"Remember when you wore red like this on our honeymoon? Spent the entire day in bed," he recounted, tugging at your bikini straps, "Neighbors got so tired of us. But how could I stop, when you kept moaning my name and scratching me up like that? Had the marks for bricks after."
You remembered. You remembered very well. Not only were you newly married, but you had also finished law school, and Jungkook had recieved a fat check that would be recurrent for a while after. It was a cause for celebration. And if you're celebration came in the form of raw animal sex, well then so be it!
"Keep it in your pants, Jeon. We've got company." You nodded over to Ji-Ah, who was nodding awake from her mini-nap, Seungwan's babbling waking her up.
"Ready to go kiddo?" You asked her as you scooped up Seungwan while Jungkook started to pack things up. She gave you a sleepy nod, having changed her mind about a nap now after getting a taste of the benefits. Seungwan's babble continued loudly, animatedly cheering on his father as Jungkook lifted the beach umbrella up onto his shoulders.
"Daddy looks good, doesn't he?" You said to Seungwan, oogling at your man. You and Jungkook thought Seungwan was close to speaking soon, and your parenting books had told you that speaking to him directly in full words rather than baby talk would help him get there. So you tried to speak to your baby as much as possible. What you didn't expect was him to pick up words you'd never said in his earshot. At least, you thought you hadn't said in his earshot.
"Se-zzy," Seungwan blurted out, pointing to Jungkook. Your eyes shot wide open as Jungkook whipped his head around, almost dropping the carefully curated items in his arms.
"What did you say, Seungwan?" You asked, shocked beyond comprehension.
"Se-zzy!!" He repeated nonchalantly, not knowing what all the fuss was about as he returned his attention to his teether.
"Our baby's first words—" you sputtered as Jungkook clapped at his son's first time speaking.
"I didn't catch it on camera! Say it again, Seungwan!" Jungkook encouraged, dropping his things to pull out his phone excitedly. You didn't know whether to celebrate or scold him. But it wasn't your poor baby's fault. We all know who's vocabulary that word was a part of. And Jungkook was a bit careless with the way he talked to you in front of the kids. But despite all that, nothing could wipe the smile off your face at your baby's first words.
"That's only for mommy and daddy to say," Ji-Ah did the scolding for you, opting to teaching Seungwan other words instead. "Say Ji-Ah. C'mon, say Ji-Ah."
Ji-Ah was right. But Seungwan was his father's son, alright.
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"Se-zzy!"
next
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darkestcorners · 13 days ago
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Guys I have a new Jk fic coming out soon.( it’s the last new Jk fic for the remaining year I promise lol) I’m not sure how I feel about it yet but do you think you guys would enjoy a dilf yandere Jk? 👀
I already have half of it written but I’m not sure if I’m uploading it this upcoming week or until next month.
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bts-ship-bloggg · 29 days ago
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“So he’s a literal D-I-L-F.”
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds kinky.”
OR
When Jimin's favorite first grade student lands in the principal's office after a fight, she's giddy at the prospect of her father showing up to the discipline meeting. When her father walks into the office and fist-bumps his daughter, Jimin immediately understands why.
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ahundredtimesover · 9 months ago
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hi! so you have any dikf!jk recommendations? thank you!
Hi, anon! I haven’t read that many dilf!jk ones (more like, ‘dad I want to make sweet loving to,’ if that makes sense haha but here are the ones I’ve read that mayhaps describe jk as dilf (I didn’t include anymore the domestic, fluffy, family ones):
- dilf!jk drabbles by @himbojk
- Blue Spring by @adonis-koo
- Rattled by @gukslut
- Tattoos and Tutus by @fresh-outta-jams
- The art of wanting by @venusiangguk
- Inevitable series by me
Anyone else with dilf!jk recs, feel free to share! Would love to read more 🙂
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1kook · a year ago
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personasintro · 14 days ago
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knock for me | jjk
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↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; jeon jungkook, the man you're hooking up with on a daily basis and conveniently is your neighbor, happens to bring news with him one day – one you'd never expect unless you see it with your own eyes
⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dilf!jungkook x reader, (mentions of jimin x reader)
⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, fluff, smut, neighbors au, enemies to lovers (?) 
⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, angst: jk is a mess in this one.. don't get mad at him :(, mentions of adoption, thoughts of abandonment, mentions of sex, “friends” with benefits; they're not exclusive, protected sex
⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.7k+ m.list | ☕️
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Jungkook is freaking exhausted.
So exhausted that he wants to fall back into his bed and wake up to realize, all of this has been a dream and it's just a prank his mind put on him. However, reality is tough and hits him like a ton of bricks, the little extra weight in his right hand is the perfect proof of it.
As if it wasn't enough, he hoped he wouldn't have to face anyone – at least not today but the universe is really coming at him in this mockingly sunny, nice and warm weather. Couldn't it be one of those old neighbors though? He would be much more welcome for it to be one of those old hags that gossip around. Does it have to be you of all people?
It's too late for him to turn around and quickly disappear, it's not possible and with the little extra attention he has to put somewhere else, even more impossible.
The first thing when you lock your front door and look up, you find Jungkook standing there with an unreadable face and he looks almost unpleasant to be facing you, which makes kind of sense because you tend to get on his nerves. Unfortunately for him, you face him quite often since you usually meet up at one another's apartments and go straight into the bedroom to relieve any stress one of you might be feeling, before you go back to live your own lives separately.
The time he fucked you in your kitchen, not being able to wait until you washed your dishes, was one of the best sex the two of you had. Scratch that, one of the best sex you've ever had with anyone. Jungkook has seemed to be stressed lately, letting out his frustration on you and your body but it's not like you could complain. You've loved it, letting him do whatever he wants as long as the mind-blowing orgasm is the result of it.
You've been fucking Jungkook back in your college days where your paths have parted, until a few months later you moved it in a nice apartment building in Busan and comically enough, Jungkook lives across the hall not only in the same building but on the same floor. Believing everything happens for a reason, the two of you seemed not to take long to go back to your old ways of hooking up.
Even though a part of you thought it's a good thing your paths have parted after college. Jungkook used to be the typical fuck-boy and you hated him, the man could irritate you like no one else ever could but the sex with him was worth it. Somehow, you got into that mess again but, is it really a mess?
The two of you fuck from time to time, living just across each other is actually pretty convenient. You want to fuck? You text him or knock on his door. The same thing works for him. At least you don't have to wait for Jimin to actually make the time for you to fuck you, your friend you can't stop yourself from seeing – or can't stop yourself from fucking. But you're not guilty. You and Jungkook aren't exclusive and so aren't you and Jimin.
Besides, you've been fucking Jimin after the college fiasco with Jungkook and it's only a mere coincidence Jungkook came back to your life. You haven't planned to start “friends” with benefits with him. He is not really your friend. He is a nuisance and you're sure he feels the same way about you. But he's good at sex and with his dick.
Ready to comment on his unusual appearance of an exhausted man that looks like death is crawling on his back, your eyes shift to the object in his hand just in time to stop you. And you can't believe what you're seeing.
You almost choke on your spit, the sight leaving you completely breathless because Jeon Jungkook, the ultimate fuck boy and cocky bastard holds a car seat for newborns in his right tattooed hand, with an actual newborn in it.
The baby looks almost unreal, sleeping soundlessly as your eyes bulge out at the puffed cheeks and soft pink hat the baby is wearing, with a matching onesie.
“What the hell?” you breathe out, staring right back at Jungkook completely shocked as he gives you a defeated sigh. “What is this?”
“A baby, can't you see?” Jungkook barks, looking down at the car seat before he has a pained look decorating his exhausted face.
“I can see that,” you tell him, “Is it yours?”
Jungkook looks at you, hating that he sees you of all people and that you're so bluntly integoriating him when he just came from the hospital, still being shocked himself by the sudden turn and new event happening in his life.
“Yes,” he answers, but it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. It's like he can't still process it and saying it out loud makes this even more real.
“You knocked someone up?” you gasp, “God, Jeon, don't tell me you've an actual girlfriend I thought--”
“Calm down,” he cuts you off, scoffing lightly, “I don't have a girlfriend. The girl I was hooking up before you, before we started this, got pregnant and she didn't  tell me at first. She told me just two months ago.”
You expect him to get angry but all you see is an exhausted man and it actually makes you feel bad for him. You pity him because all of this is even hard for you to digest. You can't possibly imagine how he feels about this.
“Holy shit,” you mutter, “Is she around?”
Will they be together? Will she move in with him – is what you're asking.
“No,” The answer hurts even you. “She doesn't want to be around. It's just me and… her.”
It causes you to glance at the sleeping baby in pity and sadness.
“Why didn't you tell me?” you ask, “I mean… that you're about to be a dad.”
“Why? So you wouldn't want to fuck a dad?” he scoffs immediately, causing you to frown because that's not why you've asked that.
You know you don't talk about your lives, it being one of the rules of not getting attached because your relationship is strictly physical. But if he told you, at least it would explain his weird behavior lately. Not even once you'd have thought he was going through this this whole time.
“No, it's not about that,” you tell him slowly, “I just… it doesn't matter. Are you okay?”
Jungkook scoffs, sniffling a little. “Do I seem okay?”
You don't bark back at him, trying to still process the news and most importantly, trying to sympathize with what he's going through.
“I became a dad in a span of twenty four hours.”
“I thought you knew about it for two months.”
“Yeah,” he scoffs, “She wanted to put her up for adoption when she told me she's pregnant and I've been thinking about it ever since and I--I couldn't do it, Y/N, I couldn't allow that to happen. So I told her I'm gonna take care of her.”
He got a phone call this morning, being told the baby is about to be born and something just urged him to be there, even though he has made the decision already. Still, some part of him left the tiny door open and he knows it's selfish but maybe if he just looked at the baby, maybe he'd realize he can't do it. Maybe she'd be better in someone else's hands, someone who asked for a baby, someone who actually feels like they can take care of one.
Your features soften and you step closer towards him. “Jungkook, that's a big thing you've done for her,” you tell him softly, glancing at the baby again. “Not many men would do that.”
“I ruined my life, Y/N,” he almost barks but his face drops as soon as he says it, glancing down at the baby almost apologetically before he looks back at you, guilt all over his face. “I didn't mean that.”
“I know, it's okay,” you assure him. He looks like ten seconds from crying. You've never seen him looking like this, but that's maybe because only one thing ever connected you. He has never made you see another version of him, vulnerable one, and so have you.
You're still in shock and your brain is trying to function what is happening. But despite your frisky and tempered relationship, you feel bad for him.
“Do you need help?” you ask, the words sounding almost foreign coming from you and in fact, that they're aimed at Jungkook. He looks at you, not even surprised but looking so desperate and sad that it makes your heart drop. “Come on, I'll help you.” you assure him, not even waiting for his reaction as you take the hospital bag off his shoulder and start walking towards the apartment which you know very well.
Jungkook follows you defeatedly, opening the front door and carefully settling the car seat on the floor as soon as it's closed to take off his shoes.
If you thought you knew Jungkook's apartment well, you might've been wrong because you haven't been here for a month and you understand why. A new black stroller is in the living room, boxes full of baby stuff such as bottles, pacifiers, bibs and clothes causing you to be even more speechless.
Jungkook embarrassingly puts the car seat on the couch, looking down at the baby avoiding your eyes.
And then he breaks.
“I can't even put a diaper on. The nurses in the hospital showed me and I did it, but I can't even fucking remember how I did it in the first place.” His voice shaky and frustrated.
“I could show you,” you tell him, walking up to him as you slowly sit next to him, ignoring the way his big doe and teary eyes look at you. “My sister just had a baby and I've been helping her. I know this stuff, it's not rock science, I will show you.”
Jungkook is too tired to even feel embarrassed. His mom is supposed to come tomorrow and help him, but after that, he is fucking clueless and desperate.
“I just opened a tattoo shop three months ago,” he almost cries out, his own dreams crushing down like a house of cards.
And even you, a woman he fucked for his own pleasure, know that the tattoo shop means a lot to him and that says a lot.
“And now I am a fucking dad. I don't know how to take care of her, I'm already the worst dad. I will ruin her life.” he scoffs.
“Jeon, you chose this and as she grows up, she'll be so grateful that you haven't  abandoned her,” you tell him softly, “And you're not the worst dad. Look at you, you've bought her all of this stuff and made sure she has it when she comes home,” you tell him, stretching your arms around you to point at the stroller and the car seat the baby is still sleeping in.
“Yeah, that doesn't mean I know how to raise a kid.”
“And you will figure it out,” you assure him, “You just have to keep trying.”
“Her crib isn't even fucking done yet,” he groans, rubbing his eyes frusratedly. “She can't sleep in the car seat--”
You smile. He already worries about his baby and he doesn't even realize it. It's not going to be easy, but he will get the hang of it.
“She can sleep in her stroller in the meantime,” you offer, “Come on, let's build the crib before she wakes up.”
You squeeze his shoulder as you stand up, ushering Jungkook to do the same and he does.
His hands work quickly and your only job is to hand him the needed skewers, seeing completely another side of him that you haven't seen yet. In the meantime, you text Jimin telling him something came up and you can't meet today. He responds with a crying emoji but gives you an understanding thumbs up.
In the end, Jungkook manages to build the crib before the baby wakes up. Although, it's not fully done yet and the only thing missing is the mattress, plus it needs to be moved to Jungkook's bedroom but it doesn't matter at the moment.
The baby wakes up and Jungkook is ready to cry along with her, but you tell him to snap out of it and take her out of the car seat, giving Jungkook orders in preparing the formula that he has bought for her while you hold her as he has passed her to you. He does it successfully, not even realizing how good he is at all of this.
Jungkook takes her from your arms, listening to your instructions quietly and attentively as he feeds her from the bottle, eyes not disappearing off her for one second. You enjoy the very rare view because Jungkook has always been hot, but with a newborn in his arms and even in his obvious tired state, he looks even hotter.
Deep down, Jungkook wishes he could turn back time and not get totally drunk to the point he can't remember not putting the condom on. It's sad and awful to think about, but his life would be completely different now if he hadn't made that mistake.
In the midst of him losing it, he admits it to you and you listen to him attentively, met with the same guilty look he gives you.
“I-I didn't mean that,” he stutters, “She's not a mistake--that's not what I meant.”
“I know,” you tell him softly, reaching for the baby's hair that is no longer covered by her hat. It's black just like her dad's and her nose is round and definitely the biggest feature on her face at the moment. “She's cute. Does she have a name?”
“Ruda,” he whispers, “I didn't have any name prepared and I… I googled names and I was so shocked I just blurted out this name to the nurse.”
“It's a nice name.” you compliment his choice, smiling at the baby as she sucks on the bottle's nipple with her eyes slightly open. Her little hands are still wrinkled but look so cute.
“You don't think it sounds harsh?” he murmurs, glancing at you as you chuckle and shake your head.
“No,” you tell him, “It's beautiful. She is beautiful.”
He nods his head, not sure what to say and he feels awkward for a moment, but that is interrupted because Ruda starts vomiting. Jungkook panics all over again and you scold him, assuring him that it happens and you take her from his hands, telling him to change his shirt and that you'll take care of it.
By the time Jungkook takes off the shirt and puts it into the laundry basket, he finds your own shirt with vomit on it when he joins you, a fresh shirt in his hands. Distracted by his holy body, you actually tell him it's good if he sometimes tries to do skin on skin contact with her, so he doesn't put it on.
It feels a little bit off when Jungkook leads you to his bedroom with a baby on his chest, not to fuck you like usual but to borrow you one of his shirts. You change your clothes in front of him, his own eyes ranking your chest. It's not the first time he has witnessed you putting some clothes on. Smirking, you find the sight amusing while he's holding the baby in his hands.
Ruda falls asleep on Jungkook's chest, the sight freaking cute and he puts her into her stroller like you advised him. He joins you on the couch completely exhausted, even more than ever.
“Relax, you can do it.” you tell him quietly, Jungkook's legs pushing the stroller's wheel to slightly rock Ruda when she starts to whine a little.
Soon enough there's a silence causing Jungkook to groan silently. “I can't relax, there's nothing I can do to relax.”
“Go take a shower, eat something, I will watch her. I'm not gonna hurt her.”
“I know you wouldn't,” Jungkook whispers, goraning into his palms. “I--I can't eat and I showered before picking her up. Somehow, I knew I wouldn't be able to once I have her.”
“You will have to take showers, Jeon,” you laugh a little, “I saw you've bought her one of those baby bouncers. You can put her in it and take her with you to the bathroom while you take a quick shower.” you suggest.
Fuck, how do you come up with all of this? Jungkook can't even think straight. He's so stressed that he feels like fainting any second. Or vomiting but in much bigger amounts like Ruda did.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, glancing at you for a second.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” you ask quietly, a hint of something in your voice that causes Jungkook to look back at you to make sure he recognizes it.
And then his eyes drop to your lips, mouth not saying anything but his eyes tell everything you need to lean down and kiss him. It's slow and intimate, not the usual rushed and heated make out you have but it's a more unsure kiss because things are different and weird, both of you still shocked from the biggest event of today.
Three minutes later and you're bouncing on Jungkook's cock, with his baby close and sleeping soundlessly while Jungkook finally allows himself to relax even if it lasts for a couple of minutes. You're in control, making sure he feels good and is able to relax what he needs the most right now.
It's funny that you've been his only way, well one of the ways for him to relax ever since he found out about Fen's pregnancy. One knock or text message was what it took for him to feel you around him again, even though a part of him felt bad how clueless you were. But you've never talked about personal things in your lives, at least nothing too personal and you still slept with another man. An important part that has been bothering him because apart from you, he hasn't been sleeping with anyone else even though you don't know that.
You weren't exclusive, he has no right to feel mad that you allow another man to touch you, to feel you like this. He doesn't have the time to look for someone else to fuck, or another woman and considering his current life, he's not even sure if you'll want to sleep with him. Maybe not after this. Finding someone else while being a full-time dad doesn't sound too appealing to him.
As soon as he cums into the condom, it takes only ten seconds for reality to hit him again and he allows to bask in his post-orgasm for another ten by leaning his forehead against you. Giggling, your hands brush against his toned and slightly sweaty chest. You're not going to lie, fucking Jungkook this way hits differently.
But soon enough, your moment is interrupted by Ruda's soft cries, finding her arms and legs kicking furiously as she wakes up. Jungkook groans and all he can think about is…
At least she waited until her daddy cums.
With you going back to home after Ruda falls asleep again and it's time for Jungkook to properly take a shower, he almost dozes off while the warm water hits his aching body. He was too scared to move Ruda to her bouncer and to be honest, he is still kind of scared to have her in his arms and moving her around. So he has clumsily taken the stroller into the bathroom, praying she doesn't wake up at the sound of water.
Jungkook sleeps seventy-two minutes exactly when he is woken up by Ruda's cries of hunger all over again. His usual self would just distance the noise and turn around, preferably put the other pillow over his head. But he cannot do that. He takes her out of her crib that he has managed to finish and puts it next to his bed, he prepares the formula for her, almost crying when she wouldn't stop showing her hunger by loud cries. Luckily, as soon as he places the bottle's nipple into her little mouth, she stops and starts eating.
A very huge change from shoving his cock into women's throat, your throat preferably, to feeding his baby in the middle of the night.
Ruda dozes off in the middle of her feeding and Jungkook is too tired and scared to move her. Carefully placing her next to him, he lets her sleep in his bed while his inner self is panicking; he's going to crush her once he falls asleep. He doesn't, although is awake more than usual to check on her.
Next morning there's a knock on his door. And it's you.
It's not the usual scenario because you've brought him fresh pastries and a new toy for Ruda, saying it makes a white noise and helps babies to fall asleep. Shit, you must've heard her crying during the day.
But you never mention that.
Instead, you let Jungkook bend you over his kitchen counter while Ruda takes another nap.
“We have like, ten minutes before she wakes up,” Jungkook reminds you in the mid thrust, voice strained as his cock stretches your walls deliciously.
“Then you better fuck me faster, Jeon,” you manage to tell him, amusement and teasing heard in your voice and Jungkook takes you on that challenge.
He makes you cum even faster, but so does Ruda wake up earlier than usual.
Jungkook groans, barely having enough time to dispose of the condom.
“Hurry up, daddy, go take her,” you smirk at him, pulling up your dress upwards to cover your breasts that Jungkook has taken off in a desperate need to suck on your nipples. “I'll heat up the formula.”
You push yourself off the counter but not before pulling up your panties as well. Giving Jungkook one last smirk, he smirks back and shakes his head at you with a smile on his lips.
He's okay with this as long as you knock on his door and it looks like this.
2K notes · View notes
xiaokoo · 6 months ago
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missed you
dilf!jungkook x f!reader
genre ~ parents au, fluff, smut, establlished relationship, we have dilf!jk i repeat dilf!jk, 
word count ~ 1K
rating ~ 18+
warnings ~ profanity, explicit sexual content, fingering, unprotected sex, praise, soft dom!jungkook, sub!reader, breast play, will make you combust big fat uwus
a/n ~ i have been dying to write a dilf drabble/fic for ages and today my urges have taken over. this was the most sweetest thing and i just love dilf fics because 🥺🥺🥺
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It takes you by surprise when you someone spins you around, crashing their lips onto yours. You're about to scream until you notice it was Jungkook. He moves his lips needily against yours, large hands massaging the flesh of your ass. You didn't hear him open the door and you were in the middle of washing the dishes. Your husband continues to kiss you, letting small moans slip past his lips. 
“Kook, you’re going to wake Jihwa.” You mumble against your husband's lips. He groans, bucking his hips against yours desperately. Your two year old daughter was fast asleep on the couch and Jungkook doesn't have the care in the world, in fact he kisses you harshly, horny as fuck. One look at you in the kitchen had his dick twitching in his pants. You could feel how hard he was in the right confines of his trousers and you can't say it didn't arouse you.
“Baby, she’s a deep sleeper, she won’t wake up.” He whines noticing the disapproving look you gave him. “Just a quickie?”
It’s no use now. You were already wet, feeling your panties sticking to your folds. Jungkook grins when you give him a quick nod, picking you up with his strong arms and you admire the way his muscles flex. You wrap your legs around his waist. He slides his hand under your shirt, cupping your breasts with one hand as he caresses your thigh with the other. You moan softly with delight when he twists your nub between his fingers. 
“How are you so fucking beautiful?” His fingers dip into your folds with ease at the wetness. Your velvet walls clamp down on him and he lets out a string of curses. He curls his fingers, pressing down on your sensitive bundle of nerves. You let out a breathy gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck, tugging him closer. Jungkook kisses you passionately, his tongue swiping over your bottom lip. The two of you stay like that as he adds another digit inside you. He pumps in and out at a steady rhythm. 
"Kook, honey, please…" You breath our shakily. Even if your daughter was a deep sleeper she was still a toddler with a very curious mind. You let your fingers unbuckle his belt and they have a mind of their own when they stroke your husband's cock. "Missed you so much." 
With the priority of being first time parents and trying to manage the money income both you and Jungkook had barely enough time together. Sometimes at night you would be surprised with Jihwa coming into your room, pleading to sleep with her mommy and daddy. Of course the both of you accepted, cuddling her to sleep but that meant no sex.
“Did you miss me or my cock?" He chuckles, fingers probing you deeper.
"Both." You grin cheekily. 
He groans, removing his fingers and you whimper at the loss. You allow yourself to let loose, tugging him closer by the collar of his shirt, attaching your lips onto his neck. There's no doubt that he's as impatient as you are because he only lets you suck hickies on his neck for a while before he's positioning his cock by your pussy. He sinks down and you moan at the way his length fills you up. 
You bask in the feeling of your husband slowly thrusting in and out of you. It had been too long and you missed the way his cock stretched you out. Jungkook's pants and grunts could be heard as he gripped your hips, plunging into you, gradually getting faster and faster. You're thankful that Jihwa hadn't woken up yet otherwise she'd probably see her parents fucking like rabbits in the kitchen.
"Been so long since I've fucked you." He watches as his dick disappears into your puffy pussy. The lewd sounds bouncing off the walls. "Been so long since I've gotten to cum."
Jungkook pounds in and out of you, leaving light feathery kisses across your skin. There's a tingling sensation that whizzes through your body when you squeeze his cock. You run your fingers through his hair, straightening the curls out. A bead of sweat rolls down your forehead and you desperately claw at his back, bringing him closer, flush to your body.
The tight muscles of his biceps hold you still as he drills his hips, trying to please you both. Your thighs quiver and you feel your heated core pulse. He kneads the flesh of your ass before giving it a spank. You glare at your husband and he does nothing but let out a little giggle. There's a knot in your abdomen begging to be released and Jungkook knows you're close by the way your walls clench around him.
"You can cum baby." He whispers in your ear and you let your orgasm wash over your body. The blissful feeling overtaking your senses as you collapse against his chest. Jungkook's thrusts slow down and you feel his cock twitch before he releases inside of you, warm cum flooding your walls. The two of you lie in post-orgasmic euphoria, panting to catch breath.
You push yourself up, brushing a lock of his hair back. "I love you Kook." 
He smiles, giving you a chaste kiss in the forehead. "I love you too Y/n." 
It's perfect timing because the soft sounds of Jihwa waking up separates the both of you and you dash over to your daughter. She blinks her big eyes as you carry her in your arms.
"Jihwa look at who's home." You coo, taking her little hand in your palm. Her eyes light up when she sees Jungkook, making grabby hands at him. Jungkook approaches, taking his daughter into his arms.
"Daddy!" She babbles, wrapping her chubby arms around his neck, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Missed you."
He laughs, bouncing her in his arms. You watch as he peppers her with kisses and hugs her close. "I'm going to take a shower." You tell him not before giving both him and Jihwa a kiss. Jungkook waits till you disappear and he can hear the water running, then he turns to his daughter, eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Now, why don't we go get some chocolate."
//
taglist; @kookie-chimchim​, @bishuthot​, @hoebii​
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venusiangguk · 4 months ago
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dilf jk: series masterlist
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>>pairing: jungkook x reader / dilf jk x grocery store clerk oc
>>genre: strangers to lovers, friends with benefits, smut, fluff
>>status: on going
** snacks are drabbles that can be read as stand alones. they are not relevant to the plot. they are not written chronologically, but i order them as such as i go **
most recent work will be labeled: !! NEW !!
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you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you
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‎❥⁞ part one: the art of wanting - 10.3k words, (m)
‎you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you.
❥⁞ snack: the art of caring  - 4.7k words, (m)
‎jk picks you up after a fight with your roommates... he and nari are better company anyway!!
‎❥⁞ snack: gardening/pool day drabble - 1.2k words, (pg)
nari plays in the dirt while jk gardens and you make a bet
‎❥⁞ part two: the art of playing - 6.3k words, (m)
costumes are a must for jk’s work party... they come with the cutest heart-shaped cuffs... now what could they be used for?
❥⁞ part three: the art of craving - 6.9k words, (m)
‎jk takes you to a bbq at his friend’s house. the tri-tip is good but the creampie is even better.
❥⁞ snack: the art of waiting - 3.9k words, (m)‎ ‎ 
jk comes back from his business trip and he’s wearing new pjs... you must get his face between your legs.‎
❥⁞ part four: the art of doubting - 17k words, (m)‎ ‎ ‎!! NEW !!
seeds of doubt are planted and unfortunately they grow faster than love. things with jk fall apart. 
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oureuphoria · 4 months ago
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Not Like You || JJK oneshot Teaser
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UPLOAD DATE: 8PM EST Sunday 18th
NOW UP!!!
⟿ Synopsis: God had favourites. Jungkook figured that out early in his childhood, when every waking moment was spent trying to impress his parents at the expense of you. He ran away at 19 to escape the immeasurable pressure to succeed but he couldn't escape you. Six years and a daughter later, Jungkook met his childhood enemy again, except this time he didn't want to run.
⟿ Genre: fluff & angst & slow-burn so slow you question if there is even a burn.
⟿ Pairing: dilf!jungkook x boxer!jungkook x childhood enemy!reader
⟿ Word count: 27K hehe, I went a little overboard
⟿ Warnings: Mentions of depression and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death (very brief, very minor character) some profanity.
⟿ Note: Oh boy okay so I merged boxer JK with father JK with enemies 2 lovers with friends 2 lovers so it's just a MESS okay bare with me. I'm sorry she's so chonky.
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“I see you’re still into chess.” You nodded absentmindedly before remembering something that would probably cheer the both of you up. You sat up quickly and turned to him with an excited smile. “I taught Kyomi a bit, she already knows the Sicilian!! I’m sure she’ll forget it tomorrow though.” You joked but Jungkook didn’t laugh; he didn’t even smile. In fact, it seemed as if he was scowling? “You taught my 4-year-old daughter chess?” Jungkook made it sound like it was a crime, as if you had singlehandedly ruined her childhood by teaching her how a few wooden pieces moved around on an 8x8 board. “Calm down, I started learning when I was 3.” “How did this even happen? She told you she was bored and you thought to bring the most boring game in existence?” You weren’t sure where his hostility was coming from but you were beginning to grow even more annoyed. A hostility of your own forming.
“It was out already when you dropped her off, without notice by the way, and she was curious. What’s the issue? You may think it’s boring but I like chess a-” “Kyomi isn’t fucking like you!” Jungkook cut you off with a stern yell, not loud enough to cause a scene in your apartment building but loud enough to risk Kyomi waking up. You both hadn’t thought of that in the heat of the moment. All you could think about was how his words cut right through you; a familiar sting you hadn’t felt in six years began to develop in your chest. Before you could even begin to respond, Jungkook kept going and sunk his proverbial dagger deeper into your heart. “And I don’t want her to be.” The room feel silent, no more were the clattering pieces of wood against the chess board or the chime of Jungkook’s chain bracelets as he moved his hands around. You finally realised what a deafening silence felt like because despite the tranquility, your heart had never been so loud in your ears. Drumming like the bass in a loud parade except there was no joy or laughter, just migraines and heartache.
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taesinferno · 7 months ago
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>>...DADDY JK MASTERLIST
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a series of drabbles surrounding dilf! jungkook
# grocery store
# stairs sex
# smile
# recital
# jealous
# spoiled
# parent-teacher conference
# conception
# vacation
# blow dryer
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> want more dilf content? click here!
| main m.list |
Copyright © 2021, taesinferno | tumblr | no reposts, translations, copies, etc.
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darkestcorners · 10 days ago
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DILF YANDERE JUNGKOOK
OH MY LOOORDDDDDDDDDD
Please please please please
It’s coming soon ❤️🥰 Hopefully you guys enjoy it.
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mysugarkoo · 2 months ago
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Have a safe flight || JJK
Hello! This is the first fic I've ever written that just popped to my head and decided to give it a try.. I'd really appreciate all kinds of responses and reviews so I could get better :) ALSO, I have more parts for this one-shot so please let me know if you're interested in that pls :)
Summary: Jungkook's flying to NY after not going abroad for almost two years, in which in those you welcomed your first baby. So you're sad, worried, and a tiny bit jealous. Pairing: dilf!Jungkook x reader Genre: FLUFF -------------- Currently sitting on the floor of your walk-in closet, wearing pajamas and watching Jungkook moving around the room and pulling out clothes, laying them down neatly over the suitcase that was open on the floor. Your stare then got cut by the blabbering and the funny noises your almost 2-years old was making. Glancing over to Eunwoo, who was currently trying to put anything that came in reach into his mouth or waving it around in his tiny hands, and you let out a soft giggle at the sight. Before he could notice, you reached for him across the floor and wrapped your arms around him, making him squeal, "Come here you little peanut, what are we going to do all by ourselves when Daddy's gone huh?" You mumbled while squeezing and tickling him. Jungkook glanced at the two of you before chuckling and continuing his packing, when you spoke again "You know, daddy gets to fly on a plane and go to New York while you and mommy are stuck here" You said now teasingly, knowing Jungkook was listening.
Eunwoo was mumbling words and blabbering the whole time you were holding him on your lap as he just began to learn a few words recently, when you mumbled the last part "They don't give mommies and babies diplomatic passports you know, only daddies" now glancing to see Jungkook's reaction - which of course was rolling his eyes at you for bringing it up for the who knows what time this past few weeks since he's got the announcement the whole band was getting their passports. "You know this is just for this UN thing, and not some shopping spree... If I could I would've taken both of you along..." he sighs at the end of that. He knew you were just teasing him but at the same time, he still felt quite bad about leaving for a week and leaving you two back home. Eunwoo was born a couple months before the pandemic has started, and ever since it was always just the three of you together since the boys were not traveling anywhere. He's not used to leaving you for more than a day or two, let alone fly across the world for a week.
Eunwoo was then fussing around, wanting to get away from your grip and continue his tour around the room and you let him go "I know ... I'm just sad you're gonna be away Koo.... also a tiny bit jealous" you said softly, peering up to look at him with a tiny smirk on your face. truth be told you were mostly scared of staying by yourself now that you have a baby. You and Jungkook's relationship was going on for the past 4 years, so him traveling was nothing new for you. But now with a 2-year-old and a pandemic, you're kinda stressing over it. He then kneel in front of you and smiled while moving a piece of hair from your face "I'll be back before you know it, baby" kissing your forehead just after. "But not without some gifts from, New York" you said that last part with a dreamy sigh and sparks in your eyes, before pointing your tiny finger at him and glaring obviously very jealous.
Jungkook then stood up laughing at you, mumbling "I know, I know", then glancing over to Eunwoo who was just done playing with the fabrics of the dangling clothes around the room, and now signaling he's hungry "Nanas!" which clearly meant he was craving his favorite these days, bananas. Jungkook picked him up and planted kisses all over his face, soon both laughing and squealing together, while you were watching these two best pals enjoying each other, "What about you peanut? You're gonna take care of mommy when I'm gone huh? Are you going to be a good boy?" Jungkook now walking out of the closet and disappearing inside the room, while Jungwoo wrapped his tiny chubby hands around his father's neck asking for bananas again "Nanas dada!!".
The rest of the day was filled with just the three of you at home, packing and spending your day together. When evening came Jungkook was soon leaving for the airport and was getting ready and pulling his bags towards the entrance door. You were sitting on top of the kitchen island watching his every move when he finally walked towards you with a small smile. "You look so good in this Louis Vuitton," you said in a whine while wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer so he stood between your legs, when he smirked. While you sighed again with a pout "It's just a week baby" he said wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you two as close as he could and caressing your skin. "I know baby, it's just been so long since you went aboard.." you glanced for a second towards Eunwoo how was playing with his toys around the living room "what if I need you? Or if something happens or if I can't handle Eunwoo alone, and you're not here, and you're busy and can't answer you phone.." you said now panicking when he pulled your face towards his now mumbling against your lips "You're gonna be fine Y/N. You've got this. Just a week baby, then I'm back and we'll go somewhere special" kissing you softly now. "Plus I'm sure all the girls are not really happy staying home while we leave, so you'll have each other as well" knowing you were all so close with the rest of the boys' families and wives. "And if I'm not picking up and you need something urgent, you can always just call one of the staff.. But nothing's gonna go wrong baby. I promise". Kissing you again. you played with his hair, knowing he was probably right "I'm gonna miss you so much" still pouting but pulling him in for another sweet kiss while he kissed you back and mumbled as well "I know baby me too" pulling away now "But you'll be fine. You'll have fun together".
Suddenly a knock on the door was heard, his security signaling that it was his time to leave, he pulled away from you and went to grab Eunwoo from the floor and kissing his cheek softly. Setting Eunwoo on your lap so he was facing Jungkook, you wrapped your arms around his tiny body while he smiled at the both of you, before squeezing the three of you into a hug with Eunwoo in the middle and all of you giggling at the act. He pulled away and looked at the two of you with loving eyes "I love you guys so much" he said caressing Eunwoo's little face before leaving a few kisses along his face and Eunwoo was giggling again. Looking up at you, he caressed your face as well before pulling you into another sweet kiss, this time lingering a little bit longer. "Have a safe flight. Call me as soon as you get to your hotel, you hear me?" you said when he pulled away and he smiled before pecking your lips one last time and planting a kiss on top of Enwoo's head before pulling away from you guys "I will. I promise" he said while grabbing his backpack and adjusting it on. Some staff were then stepping in as he unlocked your house door for them, smiling slightly towards you while you smiled back at them. You slide off the kitchen island with your baby in hands just as his bags were being taken away "Say, bye daddy have a safe flight" you told Eunwoo and he waved his hand towards Jungkook "dada", "bye baby I love you two, be a good boy to mommy remember?" he kissed his small hand and pecked your lips one last time before stepping out with his security.
You sighed again with Eunwoo in your hands, the house now empty, the two of you looking at each other. "Well baby, you're stuck with mommy for a whole week" you squeezed his cheeks together, then he suddenly sneezed right at your face. "Aww baby thanks for that" you laughed "Now let's go take a bath before mommy starts crying because daddy's gone," you said realizing now that Jungkook's really gone now and it's just you two.
Later that night after putting Eunwoo to bed, while you were watching some TV in your living room, you started texting the other girls in your little group chat, all of you tearing up and laughing at the situation you're all in before going to bed.
copyright © 2021 mysugarkoo do not repost, and thank you for reading
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angelguk · 4 months ago
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based of this tweet :) dilf!jk (but a different one lol) and his adorable baby. basically girl!dad jk who will let his daughter do anything she wants if it makes her happy. listen to little blue by birdy.
titled — honey 
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Jeongguk doesn’t like how fast Aeri is growing. A couple months ago she was just toddling about, unsurely balancing her round weight on the bread rolls that made her legs. But soon she was striding, confident steps as her curiosity propelled her forward, doe eyes eager to consume the world. It makes his heart ache, swelling with the pride of fatherhood but also the fear of her wandering too far out of his reach. He can still recall with a clarity that burns the memory of holding her tiny body against his under blinding white lights, the sterile stench of the hospital wafting around them and her minute features scrunched up in a false smile. He cried—unabashedly so—because she was so beautiful and he could see both hues of you and him colouring her face. He thinks about it now as he watches his daughter roughly rake a comb through his curls. When Aeri peers at him to assess her work her nose crinkles up the way yours does and his heart erupts.
“Still! Stay still,” Aeri commands, yanking his head back hard, the act shattering the delicate fondness spreading through his chest. She got that from you too, her assertiveness.
He hums, allowing it because Aeri had seemed irritated today and this was the first activity that had somewhat calmed her down. But when the comb scraps against his tender scalp he has to speak up.
“Relax, my love. Daddy’s got a sensitive head, remember?” He adds a grimace for emphasis, gingerly trailing his fingers through his hair. Aeri freezes, her eyes wide as she recalls that information, a new consideration to put in place filling her head. You say she got that from him, how she blanks out when thinking, like her head needs a moment to absorb everything before it can decide the right course of action. 
Jeongguk just thinks it’s adorable. But then again, everything Aeri does is adorable to him.
She returns back to earth with a pout, grabbing a tiny portion of his hair up before slowly and gently sending the teeth of the comb through the strands. Jeongguk nearly laughs, the sound tickling up his throat. But Aeri gives the hair in her small hand a quick tug, frowning again.
“Still, daddy,” she mumbles. “It’s gonna be ugly if you move.”
“Okay, okay. Staying still.” Jeongguk resigns, accepting the will of his beloved daughter with a low hum. Which, judging by the look on your face when you float into the living room a handful of minutes later, was a grave mistake. 
You stifle a laugh (and fail) when your eyes land on the two of them; Aeri with her face screwed in concentration and Jeongguk looking borderline besotted.
“Looking handsome,” you comment, nudging his foot with yours as your stride into the kitchen—still giggling. Aeri beams, smile as blinding as the sun, while Jeongguk blinks dazedly at your towering figure. 
“Missy wanted a salon,” he offers. You hear her whine of protest as you yank open the fridge.
“Noooo! I wanted to make you look pwetty!” 
“And she’s succeeded,” you tack on, seizing some fruit from the fridge, grabbing a copious amount of strawberries in specific. Aeri has grown very fond of them since Taehyung started bringing them right from his farm for her. 
Jeongguk does not comment when you return, plates of cut fruit in hand. You nearly laugh again but Aeri is now standing before him, surveying her work with a satisfied smile tugging at her petal lips. The work in question is a beautiful chaotic mess of Jeongguk’s dark waves. They stand to attention in a manner that almost unnerves you, considering Aeri definitely did not have access to hairspray. Until your gaze stretches further back and you note the odd tangle of hair and hair ties coaxing your husband’s strands up. 
“He’s pretty, right?” Aeri turns to you, expectant. Jeongguk’s eyes follow softly, the whisper of a smile spreading through his face. He flourishes his hand around his head, displaying Aeri’s handiwork with adulation. You smile back, picking up a strawberry slice. 
“Very pretty,” you say, before leaning forward and pressing a bright red strawberry past Jeongguk’s lips. He accepts it with a happy hum, honey falling from his eyes when Aeri jovially squeals beside you. You feed her the next strawberry, your gaze flickering between the two of them, wondering how you got so lucky.
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ggukkiereads · 9 months ago
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do u have ang dilf!jk recs? thank you!
🌷 Hello anon! I just assumed that any fic with dad!jk is dilf material 😂. Like some say Rattled Jungkook is dilf but I just remember the angst sad Koo. 
So, please check these lists and decide which JK is the most DILF 😉:
Fic List | Established Relationship - check “Dad” segment;  listed dilf!jk by himbojk, interruption by untaemedqueen, etc
Fic List | Single Dad AUs *just posted*
Additional fics I couldn’t put in the lists before (some are 🌞newly posted by the author🌞)
Sprout @vhope - drabble 
Hickeys 101 @lavishedinjimin - stepfather (PLEASE ⚠ check the tags, it’s not for everyone); check all of their thirst-quenching drabbles and fics 😍
Dilf!JK drabbles @taesinferno 🌞
Daddy Day Care @anbojjk - just a drabble but so adorable 🌞
The Special Nine @mercurygguk - sweet Jungkook from pregnancy until baby 
Sacrifices @jiminiethot - on camera s*x 
@jungnoir drabbles/headcanon (they have other themes too, not all available on AO3) -  Isn’t She Lovely  + Milkshake 
@angelguk’s dad!jk drabbles 
drabble #1 - just like daddy (f) 
drabble #2 - petunia? petunia. (f)
drabble #3 - art sessions ft daddy’s tattoos (f)
drabble #4 - late night rewards (semi-m)
Almost dilf!koo:
babysitting / playing parent  @gwoongi ​  -  jeongguk and Y/N play Mom and Dad for a little bit. From the Lovely drabble series
of memes and moodswings @koosgrl ​ - boyfriend!koo preparing to be a daddy
Please check @ephemeralkookie jungkook fics too (Before You, etc) because I find them all dilf material 👀💦🥵. 
Enjoy!
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personasintro · 10 days ago
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jealous for me | jjk
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↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; while adapting to being a new dad, he doesn't forget what an asshole he can be – and it all starts from one bitter feeling
⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dilf!jungkook x reader, (mentions of jimin x reader)
⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, fluff, smut, neighbors au, enemies to lovers (?)
⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language, angst, jk is a real dick in this one, protected sex, mentions of oral sex [man receiving], he's still trying to learn how to be a dad
⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.9k+
m.list | ☕️ knock for me (part 1)
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Ruda is two months old.
Jungkook is still freaking out, slowly getting used to the new role of being dad and occasionally loses it again, causing you to cuss him out to snap him out of it. Sometimes you get a feeling you're too stern with him but it's the only way that actually helps.
He's too vulnerable, frustrated and confused at the same time, trying to manage his life with a baby in it to argue back with you. To tell you to fuck off which he'd usually say, they you'd tell him the same thing and maybe you'd have one of the best sex – but things would have to be different.
Still, he's doing much better than the first days. He is completely fine with preparing the formula by himself, can change diapers without freaking out what the color of poop is and how to even put the diaper on. That's a success in your book.
You're more often at his place, so often that you don't even realize it while you're at his place – well, until you're back home or laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling while replaying the whole day. You're not coming there to have sex and slowly, you're starting to freak out. You've to remind yourself what an asshole Jungkook really is. It's the guy you despised, clearly not enough to start a strictly physical relationship with him. If it even can be called that.
But you see him in another light. Ever since that day when he brought Ruda home with him, you couldn't help yourself but feel bad for him.
Despite your hate relationship, Jungkook has been thankful for your constant visits and you haven't completely cut him off. It's not even important that you didn't cut the only way for him to have sex at the moment. He appreciates when you come over and watch Ruda for him while he takes a shower that doesn't last barely five minutes. He's still trying to be quick, not really liking you're the only person that helps him the most but he's thankful for it nevertheless.
You also live right across the hall which makes things easier. Embarrassingly enough, the amount of times Jungkook has knocked on your door in the middle of night when Ruda wouldn't stop crying or had diarrhea, or whatever he couldn't understand and help himself, you had always been the one where he seeked help.
It's only because you know your way around babies and you live very close, that's what he told himself many times where things start to feel weird. Weird in sense that he realized he sees you almost every day, instead of your one a week sex apoitments where he'd fuck your brains out.
Don't get him wrong, he still does that but not as often.
Freshly, you had started to take Ruda for a stroll around the building while Jungkook cleans the place and washes some of her clothes that have vomit on it – his clothes included, of course.
Jungkook has also been visiting his tattoo shop, doing one or two clients here and there to keep himself sane. His family and parents live far away, not being able to stay and watch the baby so he can work, and even though he has many friends, he wouldn't let any of his guy friends to watch Ruda. So again, you're the only person he comes to and surprisingly, you don't tease him about it.
You just nod and agree, making your schedule free so you can look after his baby.
You must be pitying him so much, but Jungkook for once doesn't care. He really is trying to keep himself sane while not abandoning his daughter, finding fatherhood even harder each day.
And he knows it's just a matter of time before you leave. Before you'll stop helping him and Jungkook hates how that thought scares the shit out of him. Only because you're a huge help and he can't imagine doing this completely on his own. You're good with kids, he sees the way you act around Ruda – and he is the one who sees the new side of you now.
Still, he hates you.
He hates you and can't help but feel something burn in the pit of his stomach when he sees you, bidding goodbye to none other than Jimin. He's not stupid, he knows he's the guy you're sleeping with too – not that you ever told him but he has seen him leaving your place even before you and him started hooking up again.
Jungkook slowly pushes the stroller to his front door, your eyes briefly meeting as Jimin asks you about hanging out next week and you've the audacity to agree, the two of you hugging as he leaves but not before sparing Jungkook a glance. Does he know who he is? Does Jimin know Jungkook fucked you in his shower three days ago?
“Hey daddy,” you tease him, a grin settled on your lips which irritates the hell out of Jungkook and he sends you an impressed glare. “Is she sleeping?” you ask, striding towards them as you lean closer to the stroller to take a look at Ruda.
She's sleeping, pacifier in her little mouth as she eagerly sucks on it and you coo softly, not wanting to wake her up.
“She is clearly,” Jungkook mutters, ignoring the look you give him as you finally notice his weird behavior.
“What's up your ass?” you frown, straightening yourself as Jungkook huffs but doesn't give you any response.
He must be tired, or it's one of those days he's about to lose it or on the verge of tears. However, he doesn't sport the usual little pout he has on his lips and his features aren't scrunched in that pained look.
“Did I do something?” you ask confusingly, staring as Jungkook unlocks his front door and starts pushing the stroller inside carefully to not wake Ruda up.
“No,” he answers curtly, giving you one last glance, “Bye.”
And then his door is closed. You gape at him like a fish out of water, or more like gape at the wooden door and the fact Jungkook has just closed the door right in your face.
“Asshole,” you mutter, turning around to go back home.
You hate how his behavior doesn't leave your mind for the rest of the day and night.
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Jungkook is selfish.
He knows he acted like an asshole the other day. It makes him feel even worse when you knock on his door the next day, bringing him the package of diapers you bought a few days ago and forgot to give it to him.
He is so fucking selfish because he never apologizes, even when you don't bring it up and coo at his daughter with heart eyes, lulling her to sleep while Jungkook takes care of the dishes.
He is selfish because not even his inner thoughts and slightest guilt doesn't keep him from fucking you on his couch. And the worst part? You didn't even ask for it!
He was the one who bluntly asked “You wanna fuck?” and surprisingly, you agreed.
He wonders if you can tell the way he thrusts deeper and harsher than usual, even slaps your ass way more often and leaves red hand prints on your soft flesh. If you know, you don't comment because you have to love it, trying to keep your loud moans to yourself and muffling them with your hand.
You even sucked him off for fucks sake! He didn't ask but you still told him to sit down and let you suck him. He agreed. Every time his tip hit the back of your throat, he wondered if you had Jimin the same way you're having him right now. But he had to prohibit himself from even thinking about it, because the same bitter feeling was robbing him off from a good orgasm.
You cum first, gasping Jungkook's name and he soon follows you, emptying himself into the condom as usual. His recent fear of knocking someone else up makes him think he's never going to be able to have sex raw. It's yet another reminder that you're also sleeping with him, someone else that isn't Jungkook. He never liked that.
He likes women to himself. He doesn't like to share.
But of course, you're free to do whatever you want. It's your choice and he has to respect that.
But still, he's mad.
He's removing the condom and pulling up his pants in a record time, barely sparing you a glance as you're still recovering from your orgasm.
“Okay, what's the problem?” you ask when you come back from the bathroom, fully freshened but with the new ache between your thighs.
“What makes you think there is one?” Jungkook mutters, ignoring the raise of your brows as you join him on the couch once more.
“Oh come on,” you roll your eyes. “You're acting weird.”
“Oh, so you suddenly know me?” he lashes out, your mouth falling open in disbelief as you stare at him and the dark look he has in his eyes.
“I do, at least good enough to know you're acting like a dick,” you frown.
“That shouldn't be news to you,” he says bitterly, turning to look at his phone which irritates you even more.
“Okay, well, you don't have to be a dick seconds after you had your dick in me.”
He really feels like an asshole.
“Yeah, well I probably ever won't so you don't have to worry.”
What is he talking about? You're getting more and more confused with each second. Is this one of the crises he's starting to feel? Well, shit, you don't want to be a part of it. It's already enough that you have to deal with his different stages.
“What?” you ask confusingly, “Probably ever won't, what?”
“To have sex with you,”
You freeze for a second. Out of all possible things you had in mind, this wasn't one of them.
“I--okay?” you say unsurely, not really sure how to take the news.
You're too shocked to even think about what you could be possibly feeling.
Jungkook chuckles bitterly, confusing you to the fullest as you groan in annoyance.
“Of course, you're okay with that.” he mutters bitterly.
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Oh please,” he exclaims, “Like you wouldn't know!”
“Don't raise your voice at me, you dick,” you spit, defending yourself the only way you know when it comes to him.
You hate to admit how hurt his behavior makes you feel. It shouldn't matter. He has always been a dick, you knew that. But you also always had just sex and a few bickering before you left and didn't have to see him for another few days. Things are different now.
Maybe that's why you feel hurt. You've been helping him, despite finding him annoying but there is still a part of you that felt too bad for him to just leave everything to him for him to handle by himself.
And this is how he repays you?
“What's the problem, again? It's your decision and I respect it.”
Maybe he's doing it because of Ruda. Maybe he doesn't want to fool around with you while his daughter is sleeping in the next room, or sometimes in the same (depends if you have sex in his bedroom where Ruda's crib is). He doesn't want her to see this part of his life, thinking it's okay for him to bring a woman in their lives who won't stick around and is there just for her dad's dick. You understand all of that and it makes perfect sense.
Jungkook is a bigger dad than he thinks of himself. He doesn't see it yet but he thinks about Ruda a lot.
You're not going to lie. Jungkook is perfect at sex, and you'll miss him (his dick) for sure but you're going to live. Sex isn't the most important thing in your life, no matter what Jungkook might think.
Your sister's arrival of a new baby, a new addition to your family, has been raising questions from your family members about you and your future. Despite their usual patronizing, you've had a thick skin for those kinds of conversations but lately, you've been thinking about it. Not because of them, officially.
You've never been opposed to dating, quite the opposite. But every guy you've met is either a total prick or it's just someone you don't see yourself having a relationship with. That's why hooking up with Jungkook has become a thing in the first place. And then Jimin, who replaced Jungkook for a moment before the mentioned guy came into your life again.
“Are you sure it's the only reason why you are okay with my decision?”
Is he serious?
“Yes!” you exclaim, silencing yourself when you remind yourself there's a baby in the bedroom.
“Well, you have one more person for sex, don't you?”
Mouth agape, you freeze in your spot as you suddenly stand up and give Jungkook a glare of annoyance, anger and confusion. “Are you talking about Jimin?”
“Who else?” he mutters, “Or you have other guys too?”
And it's like a pang in your chest, almost knocking you down as if Jungkook physically punched you. You don't understand that. No matter what bullshit Jungkook has spit your way, even if it wasn't anything like this, you were able to bounce right back and not think much about it.
But now, you're hurt and you hate him for that. Because out of all people, he has hurt you.
“What's it to you?” you spit, “We're not exclusive, Jeon.”
“No, shit,”
“I assume you fuck other people too, don't you? You're a fucking hypocrit when you think only you can do that, just because I'm woman--”
“I don't fuck other people,” he cuts you off, almost exclaiming. It shuts you out for a second.
No – Jeon Jungkook not fucking other people? That surely must be a lie. Although, you know he's a fuck boy but you're trying to remember if you ever seen him fool around with more than one person.
“So? That's your problem, doesn't mean I can't.”
“Well, do whatever you want,” he spits back, “Jimin will surely be happy.”
It feels as if time got frozen, a few moments from yesterday where Jungkook has been acting weirdly ever since come to your mind. The sudden mention of your possible other partners, when there aren't any, and Jimin's name resounding from Jungkook's mouth catches your attention.
“This is about Jimin, isn't it?” you ask, not really expecting him to truthfully answer. You don't have that kind of trust.
But it all makes sense. Ever since he saw Jimin leaving your place, he's been cold towards you and even though the sex was good, you're not stupid to not see it felt different.
And shockingly, Jungkook doesn't respond but clenches his jaw instead which is all the answer you need.
“You aren't jealous, are you?”
Jungkook scoffs, denying the thought right away but your eyes stay attached to his face and the sudden loss of words.
“Not that it's any of your business or you have a reason to be,”
“I'm not!”
“Sure,” you roll your eyes, “Me and Jimin haven't had sex for weeks.”
That finally causes Jungkook to look at you, he frowns right away even more deeply than he has for the past twenty four hours.
“So? I don't care.”
“Jungkook, stop bullshiting yourself,” you sigh, rubbing your forehead frustratedly.
You weren't expecting to even have this conversation with him, nor you were planning to share your privacy with him – out of all people. You and Jimin have ended, no longer friends with benefits or whatever people call it. It was you, deep down you knew the reason. Something has shifted. Your free time started to get around Jungkook, well Ruda but Jungkook as well because you've been helping him. In a desperate excuse of wanting to have a good sex, but deep down you know it's not all. It hasn't been all for a month or so.
“Me and Jimin ended things.”
“So?”
“So nothing, you idiot,” you scoff, grabbing your flannel that's been abandoned on his couch – the ridiculous piece of clothing you were at home only and has random oil stains that can't be washed. “You know what? It's good that you've ended this too,”
Jungkook looks at you, anger and frustration evident on his sharp features as he seems to not fully understand what you're saying.
“Thank you for doing me a favor. I no longer want to just sleep around, not with you or anyone else for that matter.”
“Good for you,” he scoffs and now you're the one lost for words. He's fucking unbelievable. “Whatever that means.”
“You know what it means?” you ask, tightening your hold on the flannel in your hand as you inch closer to him, making sure he's staring right back at you.
Your eyes are just as cold but heated at the same time.
“I'm gonna find someone who isn't complete asshole, someone who treats me right,”
You know deep down he has to be laughing about this, but all you see is face scrunching in anger.
“I am gonna find someone to date me and worth my time.” Those are your last words as you spin on your heel and leave, a whoosh of air brushing against Jungkook's face while he feels his heart somewhere in his throat.
Jungkook hates how the last sentence you've spit into his face sounds like a promise.
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xiaokoo · 5 months ago
Text
adore you
dilf!jungkook x f!reader
genre ~ parents au, fluff, smut, established relationship, pwp
word count ~ 927
rating ~ 18+
warnings ~ unprotected sex, praising, soft dom!kook, sub!reader, 
a/n ~ don’t even get me started. i love his look so much and i just had to. you can read ‘missed you’ the first part here but you don’t have to. enjoyyy gif credit to maggie @/kimtaehyunq
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“Shh, be quiet Y/n.” Jungkook places a finger to your lips, using his other hand to rub on your clit. You’ve been teased recklessly for what felt like hours by your husband and all you wanted was to cum. “We don’t wanna wake our little baby next door.”
He dips a finger through your wet folds, sliding it down and curling it to press on your nub. You stifle a moan, biting your lip. Even if the walls weren’t paper thin you don’t want to risk anything. 
Jungkook admires the way your reactions spill out of you. A simple scrunch of your nose, the arching of your back. He adores it. He adores you. You mewl when he adds another finger, stretching you open. You feel your pussy growing wetter, juices pooling. 
“Feels so good.” You whisper breathily. “You feel so good.” 
The sensation has you feeling all sorts of things and you desperately buck your hips upwards. He covers your neck with little soft kisses, making sure to not miss a spot. It’s something that you love and you let your fingers absentmindedly brush through his hair as he pleasures you. He makes you feel so good but you want more and you tell him exactly that.
“Want all of you.” You whine. “Want your cock.”
Jungkook curls his fingers inside of you making you suppress a moan. “You’ve been amazing baby.” He kisses your neck. “Been amazing for me.”
It’s always a surprise when you feel your husband’s cock at your entrance but it’s just as exciting as the first time. Despite the fact that you’ve had a baby, you’re still as tight as Jungkook remembers and he loves it.
“Holy shit-” Jungkook gasps, feeling you around his cock. “Shit, baby, how’re you so fucking perfect? My beautiful wife.” He grips at your hips, leaning down to place kisses on your face. 
You whimper, throwing your head back. Everything just feels so right and you pant, out of breath. Words don’t seem to come out of your mouth, only lewd noises and murmurs of his name. You make sure not to be too loud, knowing that Jihwa was next door and you didn’t want your daughter barging in to find her parents fucking.
Jungkook starts to thrust into you quicker and you knot your hands in his dark hair. He groans when you pull at the delicate strands and captures your lips in a passionate kiss. You move your lips just as ferociously against his, revelling in the feeling of this euphoria. 
“I-I…” You gasp when his cock hits something inside of you, your words getting caught off by a mona that bubbles up from your throat. There’s a feeling that fills you up and it’s completely overwhelming. Your husband presses his forehead against yours, muttering yoru anime over and over again. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you. “I-I love you.”
Jungkook’s hips stutter and he’s caught off guard by your sudden statement. He recovers quickly though, pounding into you harder. You look up at him with such love-filled eyes that he can’t help but let out a primitive growl. “I love you more Y/n.” He kisses every inch of your skin. Every inch of your beautiful body.  “Love you so fucking much.”
It’s at that moment when he delivers a harsh thrust into you that you unwind. Moans slipping out of your parted lips, your orgasm shaking your body. Jungkook’s cum fills your walls and you love the warm feeling of him releasing inside of you. He lays on top of you for a while, breathing ragged. 
It’s nice to spend time with your husband and you enjoy every moment with him. 
Jungkook props himself up, getting ready to pull his softening cock out of you but your arms stop him. “Let’s just…” You hug him closer. “Let’s just stay like this for a while.”
Your husband smiles, nuzzling his head into your neck. “Okay sweetheart, I’ll stay.”
//
The sun shines in from outside and you shield your eyes from the bright light. Jungkook runs his hand through your hair, giving you a light kiss on your forehead. You turn around, a bright grin on your face.
“Good morning.” He murmurs, hugging you close, tattooed arm over your body. Your daughter is fast asleep in the room next to both of you and you look at the clock on your bedside table. 7am it reads.
“Baby.” You whine, tugging your husband closer. “Missed you.” 
Jungkook chuckles. “I slept beside you for the whole night sweetheart.” His hands came to your waist, thumb brushing over your skin gently. You faintly realise that Jungkook had slipped on a pair of sweatpants on himself and a T-shirt over you, probably when you had fallen asleep last night, and you’re grateful because a noise from the door makes both your heads turn and you see your daughter’s messy bed hair peek through. 
“Jihwa.” You coo as she runs and jumps onto your bed. She snuggles in between the both of you. “What are you doing so early in the morning, hm?”
“Wanted to see mama and dada!” She latches her chubby fingers on Jungkook’s arm and you feel your heart melt when he picks her up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. It’s nice and sweet to see your own family thriving and it makes you wonder what the future can hold. For now though, you’re happy as it is. Happy with you and your perfect family of three.
// 
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