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justmeinadaze · 9 months

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We're A Family Part 17 (Steddie X You)

A/N: Thank you for your patience with me. I'm still moving a bit slow but I've been living in my comfort fics while writing a new comfort fic so yeah <3

Warnings: Dads Steddie and Mama Fem Reader, SMUT, mostly near the end with a lot of passion between da boys. FLUFF , we have an adorable addition to the Munson-Harrington crew <3 as well as Ro's birthday. ANGST because I'm me, Steve does something stupid with the best intentions, Him and Eddie get into a fight, Eddie's dad makes a cameo, Eddie talks about first moving in with Wayne, Dylan talks about divorce (dont panic! Its fine. We're all fine. Im not that angsty.) and I think that's it.

Word Count: 5369

“Ok, ladies and gentlemen, what are the bets this time around?” The doctor grins as he looks at your little family.

“We’re at 3 to 2 with girl being in the lead.”, Steve beams.

“I love it. Let’s take a look.”

It had been about four months since you found out you were pregnant again and this time around was rough. The first few months were spent throwing up pretty much everything you ate and your cravings had been stronger than they had been before. You found yourself getting grumpier and more irritable which the boys didn’t seem to mind, doing everything they could to make things easier.

You got the house by the lake and everyone (especially Wayne) was excited for the move. Aurora’s birthday was coming up soon which, while still happy, always made you and Eddie nervous. That first year his mom showed up at your door and the two birthdays after she called his phone begging him to come speak at his father’s appeal.

Steve finally told his mom that you were pregnant with his biological child and she was over the moon. He begged her not to tell his dad and so far she seemed to honor his request.

“Alright, Munson-Harrington gang. Congratulations, it looks like we have a healthy baby boy!”

***

“Ok, we have to think of a name.”, Eddie mused as he took a bite from the burger on his plate. “What do you think, kid?” Dylan shrugs causing the metalhead to playfully role his eyes. “You’re no help. What about you, my angel?”

“Han.”, Aurora smiles as she chews on her fries.

“I wouldn’t hate that. Harrison Ford in those earlier movies was so sexy.”

Your son makes a face as both men laugh. “You don’t have any special memories with a name? Like I did with Ro?”

Eddie thought for a moment before a smirk crept across his lips. “James.”, he nods, shifting his gaze towards you two. “When my mother left me with Wayne, I was confused. I genuinely thought she would be coming back so I sat on his couch by the door and just waited. Every now and then he would ask if I was ok or if I needed something and I always told him no. Right before dinner that night, he sat at his little table in the trailer with this rickety, old acoustic guitar and started playing Dio’s Rock n’ Roll Children.”, he chuckles.

Dylan leaned against his side and Eddie lifts his arm to wrap around his shoulders.

“Now my uncle is a god-awful singer but man could he play. I was so fascinated by how his fingers moved that I got up to sit with him. He smiled, placing a sandwich in front of me and I ate as I watch him. From that moment on, I knew I wanted to play the guitar. It took me a few days to realize Lynn wasn’t back but Wayne was always there with a new song. Anyway…”, he sighs as his voice becomes lighter. “The lead singers name is Ronnie James.”

You and Steve smile at him as you caress his leg under the table with your foot.

“I like James.”

“Me to.”, the other man agrees. “James Wayne Munson-Harrington.”

#########

“Oh, Y/N, you guys don’t have to do that.”, Wayne bashfully grins.

“We know but we’re going to because we want to.” Winking at him, you stick your fork into the cake on the counter.

“Honey, we have plates.”

“Yes, baby, we do. It’s this thing UNDER the cake.” Steve playfully narrows his eyes in your direction. “Look everyone else said they were full and I’m eating cake for two!”

He holds up his hands defensively as Eddie rounds the corner with Ro who reaches for her grandpa, demanding he hold her.

“Listen here you. No more birthdays. We’re stopping today at four, understand?”

“No, granpa! I…be…a big girl.”, she declares tossing her hands in the air.

The phone rings and Steve chuckles as he reaches over to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hello. This is a collect call from Hawkins Penitentiary from inmate: Al Munson. Will you accept the call and charges?”

The man glances at Eddie who now has a big smile on his face as he tickles Aurora who in turn hides in Wayne’s neck hoping her father can’t reach her. After a few seconds, he hangs up.

“Who was it, baby?”, you ask.

“Wrong number.”

****

Steve’s foot bounces as he waits behind the glass, eyes constantly searching his surroundings. A guard on the other side, opens a door and brings over the prisoner placing him front of the awaiting man. He had never met Eddie’s dad but he had seen a few pictures. The inmate looking at him now was much older and worn by prison life. He did have a lot of his husband’s features especially in the face but his eyes weren’t as soft as Eddies.

“You’re not my son.”

“No…no I’m not and neither is Eddie.” Allen squinted at his guest in confusion. “Look, I just came down here to tell you and Lynn to leave him alone. Every time we change our number, you guys always find it again and bother him on what is supposed to be a day about his daughter, not you. He spent so much time worried about you both and paying for the sins of everything you guys did to him. It’s time for him to be happy.”

“I see. And what are you going to do if I don’t, Mr. Harrington? Call the cops?”, he snickered. “I have done more than enough time to pay for my own sins. Edward could really help me out here and as my son he should want to.”

“What he wanted was a father and he found that in Wayne when your wife abandoned him. He gave up on you a long time ago.”

“Why are YOU here? Do you speak for him now since you fuck him?” Steve’s eyes narrowed in annoyance at the man’s comment. “Oh yeah. I know about you, him, and that girl…what’s her name. Honestly, I don’t give a shit about any of that. If my son wants to bend over and—”

“Don’t. Don’t fucking finish that sentence, Allen, or I swear God.”, he growled. “Listen, leave him alone and I can help you in here.”

“How can you help me?”

“I have some money set aside. I can give you some to make things a bit easier.”

Eddie’s dad’s jaw clenches as he weighs his options. “$500 a month and we have a deal.”

###########

A few months had passed and your little family had moved into your new home. Right on time to because about a month after James decided he was ready to join the Munson-Harrington clan.

Aurora was completely fascinated by the new baby.

“Dada, bra-der tiny.”

“He’s going to be tiny right now, honey. You have to be very careful with him.”

Her eyes widen as she gently pets the top of his head before leaning down to kiss his nose.

One night while he was crying, she watched as Eddie heated up a bottle and rocked him in his arms as he fed him.

“Daddy, what’s wrong wit James?”

“He’s just hungry, princess. Babies eat EVERYTHING.” He widened his eyes making her laugh. “Do you want to help me?”

She nods, following him to the couch and takes a seat in his lap. Placing her little hand on the bottle, he allows her to hold it up as the baby continues to suck at its contents eagerly.

Where Ro was a daddy’s girl, James was a mama’s boy. He loved being in your arms the most and the first time he smiled it was because you were kissing his chubby cheeks.

Dylan, as always, was a wonderful big brother. He helped out where he could and even offered to babysit his siblings every now and then so you and the guys could spend some time alone.

“Hey mom. I need some money for baseball. They said that we need $100 for boosters and some equipment.”

“Geez, isn’t that what boosters is for? To raise money for you people?” Dylan beams at you as he gives you a hug making you smile. “Steve? Little man needs $100 of baseball.”

“Jesus, why so much?”

You glanced in his direction taken a bit off guard. Usually when it came to the kids, if they needed anything financially, he didn’t think twice. Between the three of you, money wasn’t as tight but with the new baby and house things weren’t as easy as before so you let it go. Dylan answered his question and he dug in his wallet to give his son what he needed.

“Everything alright, babe?”

“Huh? Yeah, you know me. I just want to make sure we have everything, you know?”

Your head tilted to the side as your wife and mother senses started tingling again. He was hiding something but what could it be? If it was something involving a surprise for you or the kids his face and body language would normally radiate excitement. Something was wrong.

“Hey, Dylan, do you mind keeping an eye on the other weirdos while I talk to Steve for a minute?”

He nods as you grab the man’s hand and tug him out towards the back porch.

############

When Eddie got home from work, he found you sitting on the couch gnawing on your thumb as Steve paced in the living room. His eyes found yours as you motioned for him to come sit beside you.

“Is everything ok? Where are the kids?”

“I asked my sister to watch them so the three of us could talk.” You softly smile as you kiss his cheek. “Steve has something he needs to tell you.”

“Okay? What’s going on, Stevie?”

The way Eddie looked up at him with concerned eyes made him feel so much worse at what he was about to tell him.

“Um, so, remember how on Aurora’s birthday, you were ecstatic because your mom hadn’t called? Well, uh, your father actually called from prison that day. I answered and hung up on him.”

As the man spoke, you kept your eyes on the metalhead’s face as it slowly fell.

“I-I-I went down there to see him, Ed, and I warned him to leave you alone. He said he needed you and was tired of being in jail, that he and Lynn wouldn’t stop until you showed up at an appeal. So…” Steve’s panicked gaze shifted your way before he looked directly at the man he loved. “For the past few months, I’ve been paying Allen $500 to leave you alone.”

Eddie’s jaw tightened as he tilted his head subtly towards you.

“Did you know about this?”, he whispered.

“No. I just found out everything today.”

He nodded as he rose to his feet, placing himself in front of Steve.

“Eddie, I swear, I was trying to make things easier for you. I hated—”

The metalhead’s fist flew knocking the man backwards before climbing on top of him and swinging his arms.

“Eddie, baby! Stop!” You tried to break them apart but he was too strong. Quickly, prepared for anything, you pushed a few buttons on your phone, sending a text to the one person you knew could get through to him. Three minutes later, Wayne flew in and pried his nephew off the man beneath him.

“Hey! That is enough! I need you calm down, son.”

“How dare you fucking go behind my back like that, Steven! I told you both NOT to go down there!”

“I was trying to help!”

“By giving him money that can be used for our family, you fucking asshole! You think this is going to stop him?!” He tried to charge at the man again but his uncle held him back. “You have no idea what he’s like. I do!”

“Steve, maybe, you should go for a drive or something. Let him cool down.” He glanced your way and you softly nodded in agreement causing the man to hang his head as he quietly left the house. “Now you look at me, Ed.” Wayne grabbed the metalhead’s face forcing him to focus as he murmured low enough so only he could hear.

“Eddie, I know you’re angry. I completely understand that but I need you breathe, ok? Your kids may not be here but Y/N is and she’s worried.” His chocolate eyes glanced at your concerned face as you hugged your arms around your body. “There you go. Can you sit on the couch calmly?”

He nods as he moves to take a seat. Without looking your way, his ringed fingers gesture for you to come closer and he pulls you onto his lap, hugging you to his chest.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You didn’t. When he told me what he did, I was angry to. Not just because of what he did but because I knew it would hurt you. Eddie, you know how Steve is. He genuinely thought he was protecting you.”

“No. No, Y/N. This is serious. This isn’t like when you went to his mom for money so he could go to school. My father isn’t someone who can be trusted. So many things can go wrong that can get Steve in real trouble. I…”, he shakes his head as he feels his anger rise again.

“Baby, I’m not excusing what he did but, maybe, if you explain to him more about your father and how this could backfire—”

“Which I could have done if he came to me first.”

“I know, honey. I know.”, you coo as you rub his chest. “Wayne, would you like to stay here? You’re more than welcome. Plus, I’m sure the kids would love to see you when they come back tomorrow.”

***

Eddie’s uncle did spend the night while Steve ended up sleeping a hotel. He texted you letting you know where he was and that he thought it was best to give his husband some space.

The two youngest kids were excited to see their grandpa when they got home but Dylan sensed something was wrong especially when he walked in and noticed his dad wasn’t there.

“Is it because I asked for money?”

“No, baby. No.”, you whispered as you kissed his forehead. “He’ll be home later.”

Your answer didn’t seem to sooth him as he sat next to Wayne and watched him try to make James smile.

“Sir, you have the fattest little belly I have ever seen. I could just…”, he made munching noises in his stomach making the baby giggle as he scrunched his head into his shoulders.

“Beep beep.”, Aurora parroted as the front door opened and Steve cautiously entered the home. “Dada!” She ran to his arms and he scooped her up giving her a big hug. “Dada, you have an ouch.” When she pointed to the light swelling where Eddie had hit him, he flinched slightly.

“Yeah, dada is dumb.”

“No.”, she giggled before pointing at Wayne. “Granpa is here. He…he’s making…bra-der happy.”

Dylan’s eyes scanned Steve carefully as he sat across from him in one of the chairs. “You alright, dad?”

“I’m fine, dude. I just missed you guys.”, he smiles.

You come around the corner and playfully swat at Ro’s curls before tickling her neck with your finger. “You. Scoot so I can say hi to dada.”

“Mama! Stop.”, she laughs as she slides down and sticks her tongue out at you. “You’re mean!”

You laugh along with her as you climb onto Steve’s lap and wrap your arms around his neck.

“Are you okay?”

“No. I hurt someone I love. He should have hit me harder.”

“Baby…”, you sigh as you press your forehead to his cheek. “We’re going to talk again later after the kids go to bed especially since he’s had time to calm down and process everything.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys. I know I should have—” You fingers cut him off as you place them on his lips.

“We have eyes on us. Later, ok?”

Steve’s own orbs scan the room finding Dylan watching you both as well as Aurora before she smiles and waves in your direction.

###########

One benefit of having three parents in the house is everyone can focus on one of the kids at any given time. After coming in to check on Ro and kiss her, Eddie stayed behind to tuck her in. As you passed Dylan on the couch downstairs, you poked your head into James’s room to find Steve with a sleeping infant in his arms.

“Alright, my love.”, you exhaled as you dramatically plopped your body down next to your son. “Time for you to go upstairs and get ready for bed.” Silently, he turns off the tv and begins to stand but you tug on the back of his shirt, bringing him down into your arms. “I know you and I know your big, beautiful brain. You’re a worrier like me. You didn’t do anything wrong, ok? You know we don’t mind giving you money for something you enjoy.”

“Everything got weird after I asked.”

“And that has nothing to do with you. Believe it or not, adults have issues sometimes that don’t involve their kids.” Dylan chuckled at your sarcasm as you kissed his cheek.

“I just don’t want to be the reason you guys get divorced or something.”

As he began to stand, you quickly yank him back again. “Baby, they aren’t Charlie. Just because Steve wasn’t here this morning doesn’t mean that we’re going to break up. The three of us have been together too long and been through too much. And…”, you sigh hating the thoughts that fill your mind as you continue. “Playing the devil’s advocate here, if for some reason we ever did break up, I assure you no matter what, that reason would never be because of you guys or anything you did.”

Dylan smiles as he hugs you before getting to his feet and pulling you up with him. As Eddie comes down the stairs, he meets him half and tugs him into a hug.

“I love you, kid.”

“I love you to.”

The moment he hears his footsteps bang up to his room, Steve appears and softly smiles in your direction.

“Counseling degree at work again?”

“No, that would be my mom degree. I saw it on his face when you came home. Even though he knows you guys aren’t like Charlie, I think there’s still a part of him that feels like he could lose you at if one thing goes wrong.”

“I know the feeling.”, Eddie mumbles as he shuffles his feet. “Sometimes I was afraid Wayne would give up on me to. Obviously, that never happened.”

Your hand gently rubs his back and you gesture with your head for you three to head for the bedroom.

***

The silence was deafening as you sat on the bed near the headboard as Eddie placed himself on the edge with his chin near his chest. Steve pulled one of the chairs from the living room so he could sit in front of you both, fidgeting with his fingers as he waited for someone to speak.

“Did he ask you for money or did you offer?”, the metalhead asked.

“I offered. He came up with the amount.”

“Steven, what do you know about prison? In general, I mean.”

“Uh…”

“Did you know that things are snuck in all the time? Drugs, weapons, food, etc.” Steve shook his head. “Did you know he can use your money to get shit like that or give to other inmates to do that? Did you know that people could find out where he’s getting so much money from and send people to harass you for the same treatment?”

When the man shook his head again, his eyes downcast towards the floor in shame.

“Do you know how I know that? The first time my father went in Wayne tried to help him by sending him $100 a month. A couple months later he asked for more and my uncle told him no. The next day someone broke into his trailer and stole half his shit. We learned later Allen owed some people inside money and when they found out he would be getting out soon they wanted it all upfront. When Wayne told him no, my dad told them where he had been getting the cash from so they sent people to get the rest however they could. Thankfully, he was at work that night.”

“Eddie, I…”

“You’d think prison would reform him but it doesn’t. That’s why he’s there, Steve. He does the same shit in there that he did when he was out. He cons people or steals from them and every time he always loses.”, he sighs angerly. “And that’s just one of the many reasons I’m pissed. We just had a fucking baby, Steven! $500 barely covers half of what he needs, plus Aurora and Dylan’s essentials. That’s for the kids. The three of us need things to including this house!”

You scoot closer and wrap your arms around him as you lean against his shoulder. You had never seen him like this. When he had gotten angry with his mom at Ro’s first birthday that was one thing. Right now, this was fury out of fear for you five and something that could have been avoided if—

“But I think what pisses me off the most is you didn’t fucking talk to me. I have always been up front with you when it came to your parents and especially your dad. Your dad isn’t like mine Steve. He could get someone fucking killed and I’ll be damned if it’s someone in my family. I don’t just ignore him and Lynn for me. I do it to protect you guys. It’s a simple thing and you made it way more complicated.”

A tear escaped down Steve’s cheek that he quickly wiped away as he sat up straighter and cleared his throat.

“I’m, um…I’m sorry, Eddie. You’re right. I should have talked to you, both of you. No matter what my intentions were. I—”

“Don’t do that.”, you cut him off. “Don’t do that authoritative, businessman style voice and dialogue you do because you think it’s what people want to hear.” His eyes roll as his leans forward and his leg bounces. “Be honest, Steve. Be yourself.”

“When he called you were making Aurora laugh, Ed, while Wayne was holding her. Y/N, you were eating cake out of the pan with a fork because you were pregnant and you and Dylan were leaning against each other smiling…it was perfect. A perfect fucking day without Charlie causing problems or Lynn calling to trigger his pain. My dad wasn’t appearing out of nowhere to fuck shit up or you mom to remind you that you’re still the town whore!” Steve’s beautiful brown irises looked at anything but you two as he tried to control his emotions.

“For this one moment, everything was exactly as it should be. Then your dad called, Eddie, reminding me something was always waiting…looming in the background to fuck everything up. So, yeah, I went down there to protect us; to protect you. Motherfucker is lucky there was glass between us.”, he growled. “With Lynn and Allen, I don’t know how you turned out so fucking amazing. I can understand why you would want them out of your life for good.” Steve shrugs as he leans back again. “Since I couldn’t hit him and I couldn’t convince him, I did the only other thing I could think of.”

“Well thank God you didn’t become a businessman like your dad wanted or he would have lost a ton of money.” Their eyes meet for the first time since they entered the room as they both let a breathy chuckle. “Steve, when will you realize that you don’t have to protect us and be the hero alone?”

The baby monitor starts to light up and you hastily get up before they can to check on James.

“I’m sorry I hit you.”

Steve got up from his chair to sit beside Eddie and wrapped his arms around him like you had.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m so fucking sorry, babe.”

The metalhead sighs using his fingers to lift his chin and bring his lips to his.

“Even though I’m mad at you, I still love you. I hope you know that.”

The boy nods as he kisses his lips again before trailing them down his cheek to his shoulder.

##############

Allen glances at the three Munson-Harrington adults, sitting on the other side of the glass before really taking in his son in front of him.

Eddie knew he’d have to go down to the prison to fix what Steve had done but you were surprised when he asked you two to join him. On the drive there, he inhaled one cigarette after the other until you reached over and stole his pack so he wouldn’t overdo it. While you waited, his eyes darted around as he occasionally babbled to block out his internal panic.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here. The last time was when I was 10, I think. My mom brought me and I remember them arguing about him being stuck in here. She said she couldn’t handle me alone.”, he shakily laughed. “Actually, it was more ‘what am I supposed to do with him.’”

“Eddie…” Turning his head, you kiss his lips as you caress his cheek with your thumb. “Everything is going to be ok. We’re right here with you.”

He nodded before gazing at Steve who was glaring into the void as Eddie reached to hold his hand before leaning to whisper in his ear. “Come back to me, sweetheart. I need you.”

“Well shit.”, Allen sarcastically smiled. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Your boyfriend and I already came up with an arrangement so you didn’t need to come down here.”

“Husband. Not boyfriend. Always glad to know you’re just happy to see me, Allen.”

“Allen? Really? You call Wayne daddy now?”

“More or less for the last about 18 years.” They glare at each other before Eddie snickers. “You’re not even going to pretend to be nice to win me over, are you? I have no idea why you or Lynn would ask me to lie for you if you can’t even say something civil like ‘Hey Ed. Nice to see you.’”

You intertwine your fingers with his as your heart breaks. This was probably just a taste of what little Edward Munson experienced and it killed you.

“Look, we weren’t planning on staying for long. I just wanted to tell you the money Steve has been sending stops now and if you tell anyone that my family gave you that, I swear to God, I will make it my personal mission to make your life a living hell in here. You think things are bad now…”

You’d be lying if you didn’t say his dominance turned you on. There was nothing sexier to you than seeing them both be protective over you and the kids. Usually, it was Steve acting as protector and when he did it with Mr. Osbourne it drove you crazy. Hearing Eddie do it now was not only making you proud of him but excited to jump him later.

“Fine but in return I want you to go the appeal for me.”

“No, that won’t be happening either and let me tell you why. If you keep calling me, sending letters, or any other bullshit like that, I will come to your appeal but it won’t be on your behalf. I’ll remind the judge that you’re a scam artist and a fucking car thief but I’ll also enlighten them on what a great father you were to me between the black eyes and verbal assaults.”

Eddie leans closer to the glass as his eyes burn into the man on the other side.

“I am not a kid anymore. You two think you can still bully me but you’re wrong. You both need me way more than I need you.”

With that, he rises from the chair to leave before pausing and gesturing towards his father to wait with his index finger. Abruptly, he grabs Steve’s collar and tugs his lips to his for a passionate kiss. When he finally lets him go, the other man smirks, drunk off Eddie’s taste alone as the metalhead flips off his dad and turns to leave him behind.

****

About a mile down the road from the prison, Eddie swerved his van into an empty area, hurling off his seatbelt and shoving Steve into the back where you had been sitting. You stayed out of the way, allowing the metalhead to take control. There was a sense of urgency in their kisses, both needing each other in that moment. Eddie needed to convey to him that he could take care of him to and Steve showing him that he could willing give up that urge to control for his husband to take be there for him.

As they shoved down their pants, you slid your fingers down your own, rubbing your clit as you watched Eddie spit in his hand and stroke his cock before breaching Steve’s entrance.

“Fuck, yes. I love you so much, baby. Let-Let me take care of you.”

All Steve could do was nod as he wrapped his arms around him and clung to him as Eddie pumped into him harder. His ring lined hand reached out into the air and it took you a moment to realize he was trying to find you. As you leaned into his touch he yanked the back of your neck, bringing your lips to his.

When he dipped his fingers into your jeans and between your legs, he couldn’t help but smile against your lips.

“You’re so wet, princess. You like watching us together?”

Your own palm held the back of his from the outside of your pants as you rested your forehead on his.

“I like watching you—mmm—take care of us. I love you, Eddie. I’m so proud of you.”

He heavily sighed as he thrust into you both faster. Hearing Steve loudly grunt, you two watch him as his face scrunches and he releases his spend near the bottom of his tummy. Eddie grins as you push against his hand, guiding his pace until he feels you shutter and cum on his fingers. As you collapse next to Steve, he leans over the boy’s face as he chases his high.

“You’re both so—f-fuck—fucking pretty when you cum.”

Watching with half lidded eyes, you softly smile as Steve reaches up to caress his face, listening as he whispers sweetly to him.

“I love you to, honey. So fucking much. Cum, Eddie, please. We want to see it. I want to feel you fill me up. You…you deserve to…fuck…” He struggled to get the last few words out as the metalhead pumped into him so hard you imagined the van was shaking from the outside. They both grunted at the feeling as the boy came inside of him and like you collapsed on his other side.

The three of you panted as you starred at the ceiling.

“I am sorry I put you in this position, Munson.”

“I mean… I put you in this position but you know me…I’m open to any and all positions as long as it feels good for everyone.”

They smile when you giggle as Steve shakes his head playfully. “You’re so stupid.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing. I forgive you, Harrington.” He leans up on his elbow to kiss him before dramatically leaning across him to do the same with you. “Alright, you two recharge and I’ll drive us home.”

@dad-steddie @manda-panda-monium @alligator-person

#############

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interlagosed · 2 years

Text

NOTE: Explicit reference to drug use.

"Ay, mierda! Por dios!"

Lando lazily glanced over at Carlos, who had just slammed his too-big book shut. His face was red even though they'd been sitting directly in front of their AC for the better part of an hour. Lando had long since taken to lying down on the cool, tiled floor; the very thought of carpet, like the kind that furnished most of his family's house in Anglosax, made him want to shrivel up and die.

And Jesus, was it bloody hot.

"Did your brain melt too?" Lando asked Carlos.

Carlos groaned and laid down beside Lando. Lando'd stripped down to his underpants, but Carlos was, for some reason, trying to be a hero. He was in shorts though otherwise shirtless (yum). For a moment, Carlos' shorts touched Lando's thigh, and Lando hissed with displeasure.

"Brain, eyes, ears, tongue," Carlos listed off, his voice uncharacteristically agitated.

"Some Navari you are."

Carlos clicked his tongue and rolled onto his stomach to glare at Lando. "Unprecedented heat wave, they said, eh? That means never before. So how do you expect me to be good at never-before heat?"

"Aw, are you grumpy?" Lando said, reaching over to pinch Carlos' cheek. Carlos yelped and swatted Lando's hand away. "Are you a grumpy-wumpy because it's so hottie-wottie?"

"Hottie-wottie?"

"Technical term."

"Of course. And yes, I am grumpy because I have to start working on my syllabus and-"

"And you can't do successfully that if you haven't read all the new books that have come out in the last year," Lando finished for Carlos. He really did look very pretty, as warm as Carlos was. Part of his hair was plastered to his forehead, the rest tufted up as a result of tousling from the AC. Lando reached forward and Carlos instinctively flinched away, but Lando persisted; he swept Carlos' hair back from his forehead, and Carlos sighed with relief. He really needed a haircut. But Lando wasn't about to tell his husband that. "I know."

"Exactly," Carlos said, closing his eyes. He was already stressed, and the heat wasn't helping. He was taking over for his father's famous Law and Political Economy of Hiberia course, the same one that Lando had taken his first year. Of course he was stressed. Not only was he taking over for angel guardian, President Carlos Sainz Cenamor, but he was taking over, more importantly, for his dad.

If the reviews weren't great, he'd never hear the end of it. But hey, at least he wasn't teaching the constitutional law class. Considering Lando's father-in-law had literally written the Hiberian constitution.

Thank God Lando's dad just did. Well. Whatever he did.

Normally, Lando would try to take the edge off of Carlos' stress with sex, but the idea of any part of his body touching Carlos' for long periods of time, let alone during any exertion-based activity, was- again, enough to make him want to shrivel up and die. But he had another idea.

"Baby," Lando said, "I'm going to make us some sundaes. Want to split a joint?"

Carlos looked over at Lando with an eyebrow raised. Lando shrugged and kissed Carlos' bare shoulder lightly, nuzzling at a particularly hairy patch on his upper arm. He was quite fond of Carlos' bear bits, even if Carlos didn't always enjoy the moniker.

"You're stressed. It's hot. Ice cream is good. Brain's not working anyway. Might as well double down, yeah?"

"I will not open a window for this," Carlos said, but he didn't sound dismissive of the idea.

"So we hot-box ourselves. Even better."

Carlos laughed and shrugged. "That does sound nice. Okay. I will roll. You get ice cream."

"Deal," Lando said, and made to get up with a loud, preemptive groan. But then Carlos gently took his arm and kept him where he was for a moment. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Lando's, soft, long, wonderful. Lando made a happy noise, deepening the kiss just slightly. He sucked on Carlos' lower lip, plush and lovely between his teeth, and Carlos ran his nails lightly down Lando's arm, making him shiver. When they pulled away from the kiss, Lando almost reconsidered his previous disdain for sticky sex.

Almost.

"I love you," Carlos said, like it was something he'd never said before. Like they hadn't been exchanging I-love-yous for nearly three years now. Like they hadn't been married for most of that. Like Lando wouldn't say it back every single time.

So Lando cupped Carlos' cheek, kissed him again, just as soft and long, and said, "I love you too. Now help me help you get fucked up."

Carlos laughed and released Lando. As Lando got up to go to the kitchen, he found he couldn't stop smiling. An unprecedented heat wave didn't seem quite so insurmountable anymore.

#¡revolución!#hibi writes #carlando #carlando ficlet #tw drugs

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myaquariusheart · 1 year

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15/11

I am feeling extremely low right now, not even right now for the past few days actually. The last time I felt pure joy was when I was watching the previous few episodes of Ghost that got leaked. I wrote a review on it but saved it in drafts, it needs some work done honestly. I haven't felt that excited or happy in a long time and I just wonder why. I'm rewatching JoJo so I can understand it better, I'm always watching it and not paying attention, and then I'm about 50 episodes in and I don't know anyone's name, or what's even happening in the plot. I started from episode 3, as I've watched 1 and 2 so many times, and after that, everything becomes a blur. After Dio has the stone mask and kills Jonathan's dad my concentration just flutters away like a butterfly someplace else. Jonathan and his dad are such lovely and forgiving people, even after Dio stabbed his dad, George, he forgave Dio on his deathbed, only God and the writers know why because he doesn't even deserve it because he doesn't even care. Battle after battle Jonathan still forgives Dio and even grieves him, maybe because he does see him as his brother, but he killed your dad, what's the worth of forgiving him. Even in death, Dio doesn't want peace for you. Still to this day, I don't understand Dio's problem, they took you in after your dad died and you just want to do them dirty for what reason? If I also hear Hamon one more time I'm going to go crazy but at least that's done with after a few seasons. Anyway, today I had work around 11:30 and I don't know I how still managed to be late? I'm so awful and don't know how to fix this, I've always been at least 10 mins late to every single job, Hibagon, Well Being, even Cabana I was always there after the time I'm supposed to be, I don't know what's wrong with me or if I'm actually cursed with the late curse, even though I made that up. Even when I try to wake up early and do everything right something else happens to stop me. I remember during Jury Service I was always so late and the day I woke up extra early to be there on time, the bus was canceled and I had to get an Uber there which cost me so much and I never even got to get that money back. I even got scammed today but thankfully the bank gave me all my money back. I opened a Depop account to help out A, and some girl was interested in buying the glasses, I have no idea how to use Depop and stupidly gave her my details and she managed to scam me £400!!! I was sitting with A and he knew something was wrong, thankfully the bank saw it as something unusual and contacted me straight away, so I managed to report them, block my card and order a new one and get my money back. It was scary and so embarrassing I couldn't believe it. It's all dealt with and I managed to make a Paypal account that's connected to the Depop, just need to educate myself on online selling. I went to the gym after with Cake, it was a good session and we are trying our best to push each other, she has better resilience than me and I'm really proud of her progress. I just hope we can see more in the next few months, it's only been 1 month and the progress can properly be seen in about 6 months. So we need to keep pushing ourselves and go as much as possible. I'm planning to go to Oxford this weekend and spend some time with Boyn, literally got off the phone with her now and my tickets are all booked and I'm so excited to go!!!

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samissosexyyy · 3 years

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Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').

YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-

And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.

Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-

Dio, Part 1

Vampire form of course.

First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.

Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.

Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.

So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.

Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!

Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.

The Pillarmen

And satannnaaaaa

First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.

So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.

You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.

Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.

Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.

"No. No."

[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]

"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"

"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"

or something like that :')

Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-

They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby

Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.

Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.

But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.

They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.

And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.

Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.

Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.

Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!

Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,, did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young

Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!

Yoshikage kira.

Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.

Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.

Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.

Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.

Doppio/Diavolo

Oh dear. You poor child.

Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.

"Where's big sister?"

"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."

Smh quit LIEING you jERK!

But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.

"My kid is fine!"

The kid they kidnapped/raised:

Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛

Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.

Pucci

Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.

So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!

Jotaro would probably scare you, so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!

Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?

Diego

Oh wow- dino dad :)

Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!

He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.

Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.

And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!

Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.

Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-

Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.

Funny Valentine

Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?

No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.

Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.

"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."

"but mommys lips didn't-"

"Your face will melt off."

Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!

Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-

AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???

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isbus · 3 years

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The House Of Villains Chapter 1

Tags: (insert the prologue tags), slice of life, Walmart, card games, Kars doesn’t know things, not so subtle foreshadowing, references to later chapters, card games, board games,

Chapter 1: Game Night

They were all doing their thing- Diavolo and Doppio chatted together, Dio sat on the couch watching an animal documentary with Kars, Santana was still in the attic, Esidisi and Wamuu talked at the table, and Pucci dusted. They didn't do much else until Kira opened the door when coming home from work.

Dio turned off the TV, bringing Kars back to reality. Everyone turned to Kira when they heard the television shut off. "Kars, could you get Santana?" Dio asked politely. Kars immediately went up to the attic.

...

"Put me down!" Santana shouted. Kars went down the stairs, holding Santana on his shoulder. Kars put the younger of the four pillar men on the couch, then sat on his bean bag.

"Now that Kira is home, I have an idea to share." Dio began. Kira had an idea about what Dio was going to say. It was going to be something outrageous. "We are not normal, and if we continue our ways, our neighbors are going to see it. What we need to do is act normal, and what better way than a family tradition? We are going to try something called 'Family Game Night'."

Silence... Was it from awe? Or disgust? Or even-

"Okay. It's simple, all you have to do is play board games." Kira stepped towards the stairs before being stopped by Pucci's question.

"Do we even have board games? The closest thing we have to a game is tarot cards but we don't have a full deck." Enrico asked simply.

Kira didn't think about that. He wasn't the type to play games, he was the type to do work, so he sold his board games. "Well, we can always get some. It's not like we're too poor for it. Let's go to the store. Besides, I have things to pick up for me and my girlfriend."

"Ooh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend!" Dio exclaimed.

"Congratulations, you finally got one!" Doppio smiled from ear to ear.

"Don't tell me it's the cat." Wamuu closed his eyes disapprovingly.

Kira scoffed. "You all are so rude." Yoshikage began to put his work stuff back in his room then stopped. "She's human by the way."

- Time Skip brought to you By: Disrespecting Businessmen -

Getting dressed like normal people, which they obviously were not, and a few getting their parasols, led them out the door. Kira began to lead before Dio rushed to the front. "Let me." He smiled. As the leader of this group, Dio just HAD to lead. Dio started to walk in front of the Joestar house before he stopped.

"Why'd you stop?" Kira spoken quietly, partially glaring at the captain.

Dio smirked sweetly, as if he was in front of a lover of his. He appeared bold to the others, but to the cat lover, he looked like his title was "Super Stupid". "Where's the store?" The blonde vampire fluttered his eyelashes, holding the parasol between his jaw and shoulder while his hands held his knees as he crouched to be at eye level.

Kira sighed. "Just follow me." They continued, this time with Kira in the lead and Dio right behind. The villainous cast spoke to each other as they walked behind Kira. Dio started to strike up a conversation with Pucci, but Pucci immediately dismissed him.

They looked around at their neighborhood, several houses and people were around the area. The homes on one side of the street had a bunch of friendly people- like that kid in a baseball player outfit around house number 1506, or the teen with a mostly shaved head and pompadour with the older blonde boy that has the braid.

All that friendliness was enough to make some of the villains question this neighborhood. With those happy faces, it was hard to be in a bad mood. It's like the happiness was rubbing off on them while rubbing them the wrong way. Dio thought about it then shrugged. Kars was glancing around for squirrels that he saw on TV. Kira stayed serious, and continued leading. Doppio and Diavolo spoke back and forth with each other. Pucci strutted as if he wasn't a sucker for God.

It was taking five-ever. Everyone, excluding Kira, wished it was right around the corner. Past the "For Sale!" homes, and past the other blocks, it took at least three minutes. Well, it would've taken three minutes but Kars found a squirrel and a hawk started following Dio. The hawk presumably got the chain holding it broke and flew away, looking for a new owner since it had a collar and purple scarf. What a fancy bird.

But the bird may or may not be important. The hawk followed them all the way to the store, then waited by the door. The villain group stepped inside, Kars and the two older pillar men struggled a bit (especially Kars) Santana fit through perfectly though.

The part of the group that was foreign to this place (that is totally not Wal-Mart) looked around in awe. They put away their parasols and held them by their sides. "Hi welcome to Wal-Mart!" A lady at the front said with a smile.

As if the woman smashed a bottle and yelled "scatter!", they began walking around. Dio read the sign that said "woman's" and just HAD to see the panty section. Pucci joined him, hoping he wasn't doing what he thought he was doing. Diavolo and Doppio went to the technology section. Kars and Wamuu gone to the pet area. Esidisi and Santana went to the toy section. Leaving Kira alone. Yoshikage looked behind him and saw nobody.

"This is just great. Everyone left faster than me saying 'Bite the Dust'." Kira spoke to himself. "Come on darling. Let's find them." He looked in his jacket pocket to speak to his girlfriend.

- Time Skip Brought to you By: Bite Za Dusto

Since Kira was going to the game area and it was right next to the toy section, Kira grabbed a few games and put it in the cart that he grabbed off screen. He heard the angsty teen's voice. "I don't want dolls, I want- wait that one is actually kinda cute... Can I have him?" Santana nearly shouted at first but his voice died down after he found the most handsome doll.

Kira gone to the doll isle and saw the two- Esidisi was explaining how Kira would get it for him as Santana held a doll with blonde hair and blue eyes. The blonde cat lover coughed. "Come on you two, let's find the others." Santana slightly pouted like he REALLY wanted the doll. "Put it in the cart." The redhead thanked Yoshikage and put the doll in there.

The three gone past the technology section but paused when seeing the pink haired boys looking at phones. They seemed to be agreeing on something, when Kira got closer, the men saw a figure of a manga character in Doppio's hands.

"I could always get it for you. But I forgot my wallet." Diavolo explained before Doppio started looking glum.

"How much is it?" Yoshikage's serious voice cut through to their ears. Doppio's face lit up from the darkness of the other's words.

Doppio checked the price on the bottom and read it aloud. "Twenty dollars." Kira nodded to the cart, signaling him to put the figure in the cart. The pink haired boy done as he was "told", and set the manga character in the cart.

"Now, where are those last few?" Kira asked himself. Suddenly, he remembered Kars' love for animals. To the pet section!

The pink haired boys joined the party!

They all moved forward to the pet section. Moving in different walks, past the fabric and sewing area, to that isle with supplies for small animals, reptiles, and fish. To their avail, they saw the long purple hair and short blonde hair of Kars and Wamuu. The isle also had Jolyne and Jotaro, looking at fish.

Wamuu and Kars looked at the group, holding a play pen for small animals. "Put it in." Kira sighed. They done just that. "Now, where's the last two?"

"No! I refuse to wear female underwear!" The group heard none other than Pucci, shouting about panties. "I am clearly a man!"

"Why is a man shouting about underwear, dad?" Jolyne tried to contain her laughter.

Jotaro smirked. "Good grief."

Oh no. The villains thought and rushed to the feminine area. Once they got there, Esidisi covered Santana's eyes so that he couldn't see the- um- interesting area. But everyone else there could see, clear as day, Dio grinning while holding a thong and bra and Enrico blushing with wide eyes.

"It would look great on you..." Dio spoke in a sing-song voice.

"No it would not! Besides, that kind of underwear is so sinful!"

"Would you prefer cheeky?" Pucci's blush darkened at the words that spilled from the blonde's mouth.

Kira groaned. "Shut it. If he doesn't want it, leave it be. We have to buy this stuff, so let's go to check out."

"Alright~" Dio sang. Enrico moved towards the check out. "Let's get it anyway." He whispered.

"Fine but if I wake up to screams of terror, I'm throwing you out." Yoshikage threatened. Dio shrugged and followed Enrico after putting the underwear in the cart. Esidisi removed his hand from over Santana's eyes, and walked with the group.

- Time Skip brought to you By: I can see your panties... (SICK JOJO REFERENCE) -

As the cashier scanned items, Kira couldn't keep his eyes off of her hands. The lady tried handing the bags to him, but he was too focused on her lovely, dainty hands. "Sir?" She asked, snapping him back to the real world. "Your bags."

"Oh, thanks." He felt awkward but took the bags and paid up. "Have a nice day, Adrian." He took back his card then speed-walked to the door.

"Ugh, Kira wait up!" Dio nearly stood for to long until realizing Kira was nearly out the door. The cashier giggled and smiled.

Kars and the other pillar men followed. Enrico was close behind. "Thank you so much!" Doppio blushed.

"Here's our number." Diavolo held out a piece of paper with numbers written on it for the lady to take. Before she could take it, Doppio snatched it away, then ran away. "Doppio, don't try to leave me!" He shouted and ran to the exit.

The cashier sighed. "Cute, aren't they?" A Burger King worker spoke to the cashier.

"Yeah, Aimi. They sure are." She responded.

"Miss? Do you know where this address is? I'm not from around here."

- Time skip Brought to you by: An Unnamed Man asking a cashier for directions! -

Once they got home, they immediately looked at the games Yoshikage got. Monopoly, Uno, The Game Of Life, etc. But one definitely caught their eyes. A game called Villainous. But (to avoid copyright) they played Uno.

"Ok. We are not allowed to use our stands to cheat. That's the only rule I have." Kira set up the game by handing out seven cards to those who were playing. Santana played video games in the attic, Esidisi watched Santana play those games, Wamuu and Doppio cheered on their leaders, as the other five played Uno. "And to make sure we aren't cheating, they will be watching us play."

Dio already knew what he would do. "The World!" The World came out of the card and stopped time. "Will you help me? All you have to do is stop time when I give you a signal."

The World stared, then shook his head. "I refuse."

"What?! No! I have to win!" The World resumes time after Dio exclaims.

Kira put the collar on the pink housecat and Killer Queen appears. "Let's win this Kira!"

Diavolo rubbed the gem and King Crimson stands behind him. "We got this." Diavolo and King Crimson both say in unison.

Pucci puts the disc in the portable DVD player and crawling out of the screen was Whitesnake. Once he gets out, he sighs. "It sure was cramped in there..."

Everyone looked at the cards that were handed out and the game was decided. A green nine. Dio was first, and he played a green seven. "Easy as that." He said cockily.

"So, we have to match colors?" Kars asked.

"You can match colors, or numbers. If you don't have a cards that match the number or color, then you draw from the deck until you get something to play or until you reach four cards." Kira explained.

Kars nodded. "What does this card do?" He pulled out a plus four. Kira's eyes widened, knowing he was next.

Dio burst out laughing. "If you play that card then the next person gets four cards and you change the color." He tried to stop the laughter by talking but he nearly coughed when doing so. "So, what are you going to do?"

Kars hummed in thought, then he took a card. Before placing it down, or even where the others could see, he looked at Wamuu. "Of course, sir." Dio felt he knew what card he was going to place, so he smirked and crossed his arms. He would have the upper hand against the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira.

Kars soon placed the card after Wamuu gave the signal of approval. Or what I, the Narrator, like to call "The F*ck Yes Do it!" signal. Only be- oh sh*t.

Dio, I'm sorry, but your prediction was incorrect.

A blue seven.

Dio looked at the card Kars placed, then at Kars, then back at the card, Kars, card- this could go on.

But before you continue...

Try saying "Kars Card" ten times fast.

Ready? Cool.

Dio saw what was going on. Kars was trying to get the turns reversed so he could play the plus four on Dio. But Kars didn't understand much about human culture, right? He only really understood animals. Dio thought to himself about how HE'S the ultimate being and how Kars shouldn't be called that.

When he smirked, Kira knew what was going through the vampire's mind. I don't need to repeat.

Kira's turn was a simple blue three. Killer Queen pouted. I know. I could've done worse. Kira thought to him and the Queen.

"Oh! That one!" The younger pink haired boy pointed at a card and the older of the two placed it. The game continued and rage ensued until a winner was decided. The winner was Kira. Who wouldn't have guessed that the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira would win?

#comedy #slice of life #villain house #human stands #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #original story #story time #jojo fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

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cassthecringe · 3 years

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Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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bluenet13 · 3 years

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Brothers

Second prompt for @badthingshappenbingo

Fandom: 9-1-1.

Characters: Evan Buckley, Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz.

Prompt: Big Brother Instinct.

Summary: Continuation to "Buck Begins." Revelations about his past and the actions of friends from the present teach Buck the real meaning of family and brotherly love. Or, after Buck has a bad day, Eddie and Christopher save the day.

Links: ff.net - AO3

Maddie and Chimney had insisted he stayed at their house for the night, but Buck had politely declined. He wanted to be alone, whether to wallow in his own misery or to try to gain some new perspective about the revelations about his life, he didn't know. He wasn’t even sure the two were mutually exclusive. But he just couldn’t see himself spending the night with anyone but himself. Coming face to face with Maddie was one thing, but spending the night at her house as if nothing had changed was above his current level of forgiveness.

So he had hugged his sister, asked if he could take the bag of mementos home, and walked out of the apartment as soon as she nodded. Not even waiting to wish Chimney a good night.

Now sitting alone in his car, in the parking lot of his apartment complex, his fingers trembled as he fumbled with the zipper of the bag. Drawing in a long breath, then blowing it out slowly, Buck decided this could wait until tomorrow. He told himself the parking lot around him was dark, the only light coming from a nearby street lamp, so he wouldn't be able to see anything anyway. But in reality, he just wanted to spend the night alone with a cold beer to stop his thoughts from wandering. So, with a grunt he got out of his car and gingerly walked to his building.

His simple plan however, came crashing down as soon as he reached the front steps. Sighing, Buck closed his eyes and wished he hadn’t gotten out of the car.

"Uncle Buck!" Christopher practically bounced off the steps as soon as he saw him, his little body crashing with Buck's legs a second later. "I missed you."

Barely able to suppress a whimper, Buck stumbled before he was able to gain his footing and kneel down in front of the boy. "Hi Chris,” he said, half-forcing a smile on his face, while he also did his best to ignore the adult now standing next to his son. This unexpected visit wasn't Christopher's fault. "I missed you too, buddy. Sorry work's been keeping me busy." He didn’t like to lie to Chris, but he couldn’t as well say what had really been keeping him busy.

"It’s okay, Buck. Daddy told me your parents came to visit. And my dad is always busy too when my abuela comes from Texas," Chris said simply.

Drawing back away from Christopher, Buck turned to look at Eddie. A shadow crossed Buck's eyes and Eddie just slightly shook his head as a response. He hadn’t shared anything else with Chris.

"What brings you guys here?" Buck wondered after the silence around them had become oppressive. "Isn't it a little late for a visit on a school night?" He hoped he wasn't sounding rude, for Chris' sake that is, with Eddie he would need to have a few choice words next time they were alone.

"There's an errand I need to run before work tomorrow, so I was hoping Chris could spend the night here before you drop him at school in the morning?" Eddie asked quickly, his eyes looking at anything but Buck.

Silence seemed to stretch around the three men. Christopher waited expectantly, his hand still on Buck's leg, even as the man rose to his feet and stared at Eddie with raised eyebrows.

For his part, Eddie did his best to look as innocent as possible, offering no additional words until the silence stretched for too long and he saw his son's smile turn into an uncertain frown. "If you're still busy with your guests, I can just call Hen or Chimney. Chris always says you're his favorite and must fun uncle, but I'm sure he understands. Right, Chris?" Eddie added eventually, the ex-Army Medic not missing a beat.

"Sure, Chris. You can stay with me," Buck said at the same time as Christopher nodded his agreement with his father. The boy's frown had turned into a sad smile, and just as quickly into a full on grin.

"Thanks, uncle Buck." Chris practically shouted, his bright, grey eyes shining even more than usual. "Daddy, can I have the keys to get my backpack?"

Buck hadn’t missed how Eddie was trying to avoid his gaze and he had to stop himself from asking what type of errand was so sudden. Eddie usually gave him a few days warning when he needed him to babysit Chris, unless it was some sort of emergency. Buck wouldn’t argue that most often than not he was a dumbass, but not as much as to not be able to read his best friend’s intentions. But Chris had already lost his mother and Buck didn't want him to think he wasn't wanted here, so he didn't say anything else and just bid his time. Turned out luck was on his side and he would be able to rip Eddie a new one right here and now.

But Edmundo Diaz was always a step ahead, so he put an innocent smile on his face and turned towards his car. "I can do it for you, Chris. You can stay here with uncle Buck. I will be right back."

Buck glared at his teammate, but Eddie still wasn't looking directly at him. So instead he grabbed Chris' hand and led him to the front steps. Sitting down as he asked Chris how school was going.

Eddie came back in the middle of Christopher's very excited and detailed explanation of the upcoming science fair. And how he was working on a presentation about climate change and natural disasters. Not like most kids who wanted something easy and chose a volcano, instead talking all about how his daddy had fought tsunamis, and mudslides, and even traveled back home to Texas to fight a real wildfire. If Buck hadn’t been there, he would have thought Eddie had grown wings and the magical ability to bend the elements, cause Chris' voice was full of awe and admiration, as if he was talking about Iron Man himself. But Buck guessed Christopher was right and they were all superheroes in their own way.

"Here you go, Chris. I will leave you to Buck so you can continue telling him all about your project." Eddie kneeled down, hugging his son after helping him with the straps of his backpack. "I will see you after shift tomorrow."

"Bendicion, daddy," Chris said in practiced ease.

"Dios te bendiga." Eddie kissed his son's disheveled locks and turned back towards his car.

Buck had been around the Diaz men enough to understand they were sharing both a blessing and a farewell. A wishful smile escaped his lips as he silently wondered what it would have been to share that type of relationship with his parents. And if maybe Daniel had, before everything had gone to hell.

Fingers wrapping around his own drew Buck back to the present and he looked down to find an expectant Chris staring back at him. His eyes settled on the boy for a minute, and not for the first time he marveled at Christopher's strength and cheerfulness, considering all he had been through in his short life. And again, not for the first time, he wished he could be more like him.

Looking back to the parking lot around him, Buck sighed as he saw that Eddie's car was gone. So he turned back to Chris and smiled. "Ready, buddy? Maybe we can play some rounds before we go to bed. How does that sound?"

Christopher nodded repeatedly, his hand tugging at Buck's as he pulled them both towards the door.

-x-x-x-

"Buck, can I have a cookie?" Christopher's voice came from beside him and Buck jumped slightly as if suddenly being woken up from a dream. Another grunt escaping his lips as the movement jarred his tender side. The doctors had given him a clean bill of health, but the fire had still caused a minor burn and his side was bruised from his hard landing during the explosion.

Turning his eyes to the tv, Buck grimaced seeing the score. He wished he could blame it on being distracted but Chris was just that good. Turning to the boy in question, Christopher's hopeful look reminded Buck of his question. Shaking his head to clear more unwanted thoughts, Buck set his controller down and raised from the couch. "Of course, Chris. But only one," Buck said easily, a faint smile gracing his lips as he remembered the one time he had ignored Eddie's warnings, giving Chris half a box of cookies, then regretting his decision with a passion as the boy had been on a sugar rush until three in the morning.

Walking into the kitchen, Buck went to the cupboard he had prepared for Chris once it had become a common occurrence for the boy to spend the night at his house. Peanut butter, grape jelly, Cheez-It crackers, and other snacks occupying every available inch of the small space. And at the back, the box of cookies he had come searching for.

Last Christmas, Chris had spent a Saturday at his house while Eddie secretly went shopping for presents. After dinner, Buck had offered Chris a white fudge covered Oreo and the boy had loved it. The previous morning, Buck had rushed to three grocery stores trying to find more boxes of the Holiday Edition cookies. Now he made a point to only eat them with Chris and it had become their special treat.

Tonight as he opened the box to grab two cookies and then walked back to his living room, Buck absentmindedly wondered if Daniel had been an Oreo guy, or if maybe he had preferred Chips Ahoy!, or something else entirely.

"Here you go," Buck said, moving closer to Chris and setting the cookie and a glass of milk in front of him. He then sat back down on his side of the couch and sadly stared at his own Oreo.

"Thank you, uncle Buck," Chris said cheerfully, instantly reaching for the fudge covered delicacy. "One more round?" He asked innocently.

"Yeah…" Buck knew he should have said no, but selfishly, he welcomed the distraction and dreaded the moment he would again be alone with his thoughts. He hated to admit Eddie’s instincts had been spot-on and Christopher had been the right kind of distraction he needed that night. A 6 pack would have been less of a compromise but also a lot more destructive.

One round then turned into three, Chris' eyes beginning to close by the end of it, before a barely suppressed sniff woke him up. Pausing the game, he turned to his right with inquisitive eyes. "Are you okay, Evan? Why are you crying?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His small hand moving to rest on Buck's knee.

Buck had been playing video games for years so the motion had become automatic even as his mind was a million miles away. Upon hearing Chris’ question, he shook his head, and for the first time noticed the blur of tears on his eyes. His fingers had continued to press the bottoms on the controller, following the game, but his mind had drifted back to Daniel as Buck wondered what it could have been like growing up with an older brother. One that introduced him to new games and fought the hard boss battles for him. Maddie had been great, but circumstances had turned her into more of a mother figure than a sister, and at that moment, Buck considered that he hadn’t just missed out on growing up with a big brother, but a real sister as well.

"Evan?" Christopher asked again, his eyes looking worried as the boy wondered if he should call his father.

Closing his eyes, and taking in a deep breath, Buck released it slowly as his eyes opened again. "Sorry, Chris. I'm alright. Didn't mean to worry you." Using the sleeve of his LAFD hoodie, Buck wiped the tears from his face and willed them to stop coming. "I just got some bad news recently."

Christopher nodded and moved to hug Buck, a steady hand drawing comforting circles on the firefighter's back, his head resting on his shoulder.

The pair stayed like that for a few minutes, until Buck pulled back, and just stared at Christopher. With a smile, Buck fixed Chris' glasses which had become crooked after the impromptu hug, then moved his hand to the boy's disheveled curls. "Thank you, Chris."

"You're welcome, Evan. When I got bad news about my mommy, all I wanted was a hug…” Chris began to explain awkwardly, his feet shuffling on the spot. “Just thought it could help you too." He finished matter-of-factly, even though no explanation was ever really necessary for such a declaration of affection.

Buck smiled and ruffled Chris' hair. "You're a very smart boy, do you know that?"

"My daddy says I'm too smart for my own good," Chris said simply, then scrunched his face. "I’m not sure I understand what that means, but daddy says it a lot."

Buck couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. "You will know soon enough, buddy. Don't worry about it. Now time to go to bed."

"Okay, Evan." Chris agreed easily, turning the game off as he stood to follow Buck. Then something came to him and he lifted his hand to stop Buck’s progress. “Wait here,” he said before he moved to the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later with an ice pack in his hand. Without saying anything else he carefully pressed it to Buck’s injured side and used his other hand to move Buck’s to hold it in place.

Buck sighed as soon as the cold began to alleviate the throbbing on his side, then raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

Chris shrugged. “Daddy never wants to use it, but I have learned to notice when he needs one.” He explained shily, looking up at Buck from under his glasses.

Buck smiled sheepishly, wondering who needed the other more, Christopher or Eddie. But who was he kidding, he needed the both of them even more. “Thanks bud. Now let's go.”

Fifteen minutes later, teeth brushed and pajamas on, Christopher was lying comfortably in Buck's guest room. "Good night, Evan. Thank you for letting me stay tonight."

"Thank you, Chris," Buck said emotionally, before a sudden thought occurred to him. "You never really call me Evan. Why now?"

"When my daddy and I have a serious conversation, he always calls me Christopher, and often when I overhear him talking to abuela, she calls him Edmundo. So Evan made sense for our serious talk. I..." Chris explained simply, the rest of his sentence ending in a yawn as his eyes finally closed and his breathing evened out.

Too smart for his own good, indeed. Buck thought to himself as he turned off the lights and walked out of the room with a sincere smile on his face. Chris’ ice pack still tightly pressed to his side.

Maybe life had taken a brother away, but fate had gifted him a teammate that had turned into an older brother and it had only taken a night with his nephew to remember. Eddie would never replace what Daniel could have been but Buck was still infinitely grateful to have him in his life.

-x-x-x-

The next morning Buck woke up feeling lighter than the days before.

After taking a quick shower, he went to his guest bedroom and woke Chris up, then made his way to the kitchen. By the time the boy sat down at the kitchen table, showered, dressed and ready for school, Buck already had two plates of eggs and toast ready for them. The two then ate in comfortable silence until Chris reached down to his pocket and slid his hand towards Buck. Setting two pills on the table and a tube of antibiotic cream. A determined and proud smile on his face.

Buck returned the smile and downed the two pills, but waited until he was alone to apply the cream. Chris didn’t need to see his wound, as minor as the burn had been, and worry about the same thing, or worse, happening to his dad.

When Chris went back to his room to pick up his school supplies, Buck did quick work of rubbing the cream and redressing the wound, then took it to his bathroom cabinet, where Chris had most likely taken it from. Or at least that’s what he thought. If he was being honest with himself, it had been quite a while since he last used it. Not that there hadn’t been injuries in between…

During the drive to school Chris resumed his conversation about the science fair, and Buck offered to help him finish his presentation this weekend. Chris gladly agreed and offered Buck to be a part of the stories he would share. After all, every superhero needed a sidekick.

Buck had to bite his lip not to argue that last statement, feeling lucky just to be included.

“Goodbye, uncle Buck.” Chris then said when Buck parked in front of his school. “I will see you this weekend.”

“Bye, buddy. Have a good day.” Buck replied with a smile, and, only when Chris had closed the door and was walking to the school’s front doors, he added to himself, And thank you. As it turned out, it wasn’t only Eddie who had good instincts.

-x-x-x-

Parking in his usual spot and walking towards LAFD Station 118, Buck could see Eddie standing at the front of the apparatus bay. His feet shuffling nervously, much like Christopher did when he was nervous.

“Morning,” Buck said as he came to stand next to his best friend.

“About last night, I can explain.” The words began rushing out of Eddie as soon as he parted his lips. “I didn’t mean to ambush you. Or well, I did. But...”

Lifting his hand in a placating gesture, Buck shook his head, then moved his arm over Eddie’s shoulder, engulfing him in an awkward side hug. “No need to explain. Thank you.”

“So it went well?” Eddie asked, feigning surprise.

“Better than well,” Buck admitted. “You’re one lucky dad, Christopher is a great kid.”

“We’re both lucky. And not only because we have each other,” Eddie said in a rare display of affection, his arm going over the shoulder of the best friend that had become his little brother.

Side-by-side Buck and Eddie then walked home.

Evan Buckley had been born a savior sibling, and even if life had made it that he couldn't save Daniel, that didn't mean he hadn’t saved many others along the way. And however broken his past was, it had led him here.

It also meant that now he had a big brother looking down on him from heaven, and one standing right by his side.

#911 #911 fanfiction #buck begins #bad things happen bingo #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #9-1-1

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feverinfeveroutfic · 3 years

Text

chapter ten: adrenaline rush

Careful not to make her head spin any more, Sam sat upright next to Joey on the flat surface. The bottle of water lay on its side right next to her hip and the trail mix rested right under her hand. She still felt unsettled in her stomach, but given the short bit of rest she had had, it had backed off enough to where she could yearn for something to eat for herself. She glanced back at Joey, who was still sound asleep with the bag of chips on his stomach.

She set a hand on his arm and she shook him.

“Hm?”

“Hey—do you know what time it is?” she asked him with a break in her voice; she cleared her throat and she let her tongue hang out of her mouth like that of a dog.

“Dunno...” He, too, cleared his throat, and then he rubbed his eyes, and he raised his wrist for a look down at his watch. “Quarter to five.”

“We only slept for two hours?” She was stunned by that.

“Apparently so.” She shifted her body about a bit for a better look at him. “How's your stomach feeling, by the way?” he asked her.

“Better,” she answered with a bow of her head. “Kinda hungry now, too. And thirsty. And I'm ready for a walk, too, I dunno 'bout you.”

Sam shifted her body about the other way and she slung her legs over the edge of the bed. She stood to her feet and stretched her arms over her head. She thought about Rosita and those long acrylic nails, and she realized she was alone with Joey there in that back room there in the venue. She wondered if the Cherry Suicides had already left for the next stop or if they awaited them outside of the building there.

Joey groaned and grunted, and she turned for a look at him, and his arms extended before him. It looked as though he struggled to do a crunch, but his legs were still straight out before him.

“What's wrong? Need help?”

“Nah,” he assured her; several locks of his black hair sprawled down his shoulders towards his chest as he finally managed to sit upright. The bag of chips landed right into his lap and then right in between his legs.

“That was lucky, wow,” he pointed out.

“I'll say. Wanna just leave our stuff here and then we'll come back to it?”

“I don't see why not,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Sam offered to help him off of the bed, but he insisted that he had it under control and yet he still fell off of the side of the bed on the floor. She gasped at him, but he raised an arm over his head.

“I'm okay!” he insisted. He scrambled to his feet and he straightened out his shirt before he joined her there at the doorway. They stepped out to the backstage area, now silent and deserted. A few cables had been strewn about the floor to the left and Sam flashed back to when Stormtroopers of Death toured that summer. Every so often, she swore a pain in her leg came back up again, but that wound had long healed.

That riff that Alex had played the few hours before stayed with her. It swirled and picked up again, almost like that of a spiral, and one that drilled its way into her mind. It was a fine wire to walk upon with these two men, especially since they both had their moments, and their flaws and foibles. Alex had shown her a little nugget outside of the restaurant in Syracuse, and she wished to see more of it. She knew it was there, but the question lingered over her.

Joey ran his fingers through his black curls and gave them a slight toss back over his shoulder. Sam caught a whiff of sweat from under his arm and she hoped he would shower later that day, whenever they reached their next stop and checked into the hotel there; at least he didn't smell of a beer bottle or an ashtray, or something worse.

“Hate when my head sweats,” he griped as he lifted his curls off of his back and shoulders, and revealed the back of his slender neck.

“Me, too—because your head itches every few seconds.”

He chuckled at that and he led Sam towards the side door in front of them. The sun hadn't risen as of yet, but the deep violet of the night sky began to wane away with the new shade of milky white over the ocean behind them. The crisp sea breeze sent a chill down her spine: even after two years, there were times in which the feeling of living on the West Coast still hadn't shaken off of her yet. Joey lingered close to her as they began down the alleyway towards the street.

Providence was a good sized city, but nothing like New York or even Syracuse: the deserted street greeted them with a series of pale yellow street lamps and a storm drain coated in a morning dew. There had to be a music shop or an art shop near there: it was close to the artistic side of town after all.

“So what's your next stop?” she asked him as they began towards the corner.

“Boston. I think? Two dates in Boston. We'll have to hustle back to the venue before the sun rises so Marla can come and get us 'cause I'm the one with directions.”

“Unless Danny's with her,” Sam pointed out.

“Unless Danny's with her, of course. But still. I'm the one with the directions.”

“She and I also walked here, too, so Danny might be with her for all we know. Also, not to change the subject, but did you happen to see a music shop or an art shop around here or anything like that?”

“Nah, I haven't. I also doubt we'll see anything like that on this walk here, either—it's still early after all.”

She nodded at that, and then she thought about what Alex had said to her the night before. She didn't want to think of Joey as lazy, especially after he said that to her. But then she thought of his drumming. He still had yet to show her his drumming, either with Anthrax or one of the bands he played in.

“Joey, I have a question,” she started again.

“I'm listenin'.” And he ran his fingers through his black curls once more.

“How come I've never seen you play the drums?”

“Well, like I said—I haven't really had the chance to do it lately. I also just haven't had the motivation to do it yet, either. It's almost like a sudden thing with me.”

“What do you mean?” she asked him with her eyebrows knitted together.

“I just kind of had to forfeit the drums for a bit in order to sing. Once I started singing more, the doors opened for me and I focused more on that.” He then stopped for a second, and Sam stopped right next to him.

“Maybe that's why my father is a little terse with me,” he said in a soft voice.

“Did your dad help you out with the drums?”

“He loaned me a bit of money for my kit, but I never got the chance to pay him back, though.” His brown eyes gazed down at her and a thoughtful expression appeared on his face.

“And what if you do?” she asked him. “Would that help things with him?”

“It'd definitely help things out, for sure. But I don't really know, though, to be perfectly honest. Like I said earlier before we fell asleep, my parents are ultra conservative with a lot of things. Not really musical in any way, either.”

He turned his head a bit and he gazed out to the street behind her.

“I have a question for you now,” he started in an absent tone.

“Go ahead.”

“Are your parents artistic at all?”

“Somewhat. They both took an art class when they were younger but that's where it starts and ends, though.”

He brought his gaze back to her again.

“That's it,” he breathed out.

“What's it?”

“That's why I feel so close to you. We both have conservative parents.”

She shrugged. “I think that's one reason, anyways,” she corrected him.

“I ought to introduce you to Ronnie James Dio at some point,” he suggested. “The current singer for Black Sabbath and a good friend of mine. He would like you because he was kind of the same background as me. Of Italian descent and from upstate New York—Cortland, to be exact. Just due south of me.”

“I like his name,” Sam remarked.

“Like—oh, mios dio! Or something like that.”

“Right!” she laughed.

“Well, the band I played in before I joined in Anthrax, Bible Black, consisted of guys from Rainbow and Elf, two bands Ronnie played in before Sabbath picked him up after Ozzy. I sang in Bible Black for a bit and then I went to Anthrax and they split.”

“Aw—I was just gonna say, I'd love to see a Bible Black show with Joey Belladonna at the helm.”

“It was back when I went strictly by Joey Bellardini, too, so be careful with that deadly nightshade bastardizing.” That brought another laugh out of her, and then Joey led her to the street corner up ahead.

They reached the gutter and the pavement, and Sam spotted a tailor shop across the street. Even though the big front windows were both dark with the remnants of nightfall, the mannequins in the front window made her think of those wooden mannequins for poses in drawing. It was a tailor shop, too, as in “Marla Taylor.” Joey glanced either way over the street, and then he looked down at her.

“Which you wanna go?” he asked her.

“Let's go down this way,” she pointed down the sidewalk to his left. “It's towards the water.”

He ran his fingers through his black curls once again and he scratched his head as the two of them walked side by side along the edge of the street. She kept her eye fixed on the tailor shop across the pavement, and she thought about all the possible poses she could do with them. There was that painting she made of him before, and then there was that old idea she had had upon the first day of school: a stained glass piece of Joey himself. She never realized that there was so much that she wanted to do for herself until that very glance into the shop windows.

“I need to draw you again,” she confessed to him in a low voice, which took him aback.

“What medium this time around?” he asked her.

“What would you like?”

“Well, what do you charge?”

She stopped right in her tracks.

“What do you mean?” she asked him.

“What do you charge? I wanna pay you.”

“What for?”

“'Cause you're a damn well and good artist, Sam. I feel like you should get paid to do this.”

“Joey—”

“No, I mean it,” he insisted. “I wanna charge you for a drawing of you. It's only fair to you. You're an art student, for god's sake.”

“I'm aware of that, y'know,” she teased him.

“But I'm serious, though. I don't wanna see a piece of art from you that's about me unless I can give you your money's worth.”

And then she realized he was being completely serious.

“You know, I have the very first penny I made taped to my bedroom wall,” he continued.

“Do you really?”

“Oh, yeah. I was proud of that penny so I put a piece'a clear tape over it to keep it right in its place. That's my penny and there ain't no one getting it. The other reason why I have it there is 'cause it was minted in 1960, the year I was born. I made a promise to myself that I would keep it up there 'til I was sixty.”

“You really think you're going to keep that penny in its place until 2020?”

“I know for sure I will,” he promised her. “Things you're personally proud of last forever.” He flashed her a wink and then he kept on walking down the sidewalk towards the waters up ahead. Sam shook her head about and she rubbed her eyes. If only she had a little more time to think about things, but that time was all she had.

“You know that song that we—Anthrax—do called 'Medusa'?” he piped up again.

“Vaguely, yeah.”

“Another band I played in was called Medusa, and there was another one called Megaforce, and before you ask, it was some time before the label came to be. Those two bands, I drummed in. In fact, I'll tell you what.”

“What's that?”

“When we get back to upstate after this tour—whenever that'll be, I'll have to ask Danny if and when we see him later on—I'll show you some drum grooves. But under one condition.”

“And what would that be?”

“You give me a price for a piece of art. Some time between now and the last date of the tour, whenever that is.”

“I'll do it—” Sam extended her pinky finger, and he turned towards her with his pinky finger extended as well. Not just her friend anymore but her business partner and her first real customer as well. The thought of making a bit of money off of a piece of art made her heart flutter a bit.

Soon they reached the end of the street and they were met with the sight of a stretch of grass before them as well as a dark patch and a slight wall of white noise. The ocean hung right there before them under the milky pink sunrise.

“Red sun at night, sailor's delight,” Joey declared. “Red sun at morning, sailors take warning. I think that's how it goes.” “I think you're right,” Sam assured him. “Little soon for hurricanes, don't you think?”

“No way,” he said. “Wait 'til you experience your first Nor'easter in the winter time. We get hurricanes just like how the South does, except ours are freezing and a lot more merciless.”

The two of them stopped at the corner once more and they glanced both ways about the deserted street. Joey then put his arm around her, even though she lingered a bit away from his otherwise sweaty body. She was a little sweaty herself but not as intense as him.

They reached the patch of grass on the other side of the street, and Sam could smell the salt and the seaweed even from there. Joey took a step forward and he peeled off his shirt: his brown skin had a bit of a sheen to it, which the milky light from the sunrise only added to. Sam stood still as he slung his shirt over his shoulder and rubbed his hands together.

“I ought to run like hell right now and really show you what I'm made of,” he suggested.

“You sure you want to do that?” She raised an eyebrow and tucked her thumbs into her shorts pockets. He had just woken up from a night full of drinking and thus she was wary of his knees as they quivered a bit in the morning breeze. Add to this, he had barely eaten anything except for a couple of potato chips before he fell asleep there in the dressing room.

“Positive,” he told her. “You even said it yourself—you want to protect me from the bad things in life, so I better help out.”

He tossed the shirt off to the side, right next to her feet, and he darted towards the other side of the grass. It was just like how things were at the hockey rink, except he had broken into a full rain over the dewy grass towards a line of low trees there on the far side. His black curls sailed behind his head and he kept his body low to the ground. In the dim light, she saw him reach the trees, and then he pirouetted before one and he sprinted right back to her.

He skidded to a stop right in front of her: his chest heaved from the feeling of adrenaline throughout his little body, but he showed her a grin in response.

“Wish I had a stop watch,” she said.

“Hang on—here—” He stuck his fingers underneath the band of his watch and he slid it off of his wrist. He handed it to her right as his breathing calmed down.

She held the watch closer to her face so she could better read the second hand. Joey crouched down to the grass next to her with his hands pressed down: he held one knee closer to his chest.

“Hang on a second,” he spoke out of the blue.

“What?”

“Sump'n's missin'.” He stood up and he gazed on at her.

“What?”

“Seeing as it's just us here...”

She shook her head at the sight of the twinkle in his brown eyes. “No, Joey. Not outside.”

“What? I just want you to take your shirt off.”

“Why do you want me to take my shirt off?”

“First off, you got to see me without my shirt on—shit, you saw me naked. Twice! So I wanna see you now. Plus it'd make things more sporty here. You bein' down to your bra and whatnot. Yeah, you're not wearin' a sports bra, but we gotta make do with what we've got.”

“But you want me to be comfortable, though,” she recalled with a wag of her finger.

“Of course. But don't you wanna get out of that shirt, though? Remember the Stormtroopers of Death tour? Remember how miserable you were?”

“How could I forget? And yeah, I am a little hot.”

“I want you comfortable, but I also realize how you feel about yourself, too—why I pointed out that it's just us right now.”

Sam sighed through her nose, and then with one hand, she peeled off her top and showed off her bare skin and her beige brassiere to him. Joey nodded his head at her as she slung her top over her shoulder. She held the watch closer up to her face once again and she raised a finger. He crouched down onto the grass once again.

“Alright, Joey, you ready?” she announced to him.

“Ready when you are.”

“Go!”

He darted towards the trees again: even in the darkness, and with every occasional glance up from the watch's ivory white face, she could make sight of his legs pumping hard. He was indeed a fast runner: all those years of playing hockey and sporadic drumming gave him strong astute legs, even if they were rather thin and sleek in build. His black curls were the only things that made him resemble to a ghost as he ran along the grass. He flashed her a devilish grin as he pirouetted once more in front of her and sprinted back towards the trees.

By the fourth lap, his breathing quickened up and his chest heaved more, but he persisted. He ran four more laps before he finally staggered to a halt right in front of her.

“Okay—” he stammered as he almost lost his balance right next to her. “Okay, that's—that's enough—time?”

“Four and a half minutes exactly!” she proclaimed.

“Shit, that's a record for me!” he panted: his voice broke to where he coughed. He patted his chest and then he rested his hands on his knees. His black curls dangled all about his head, and his chest and his back heaved from the intense amount of running.

“You okay?” she asked him as she stooped down next to him.

“Yeah—it's just—” he choked out in between breaths. “—it's just—like I said—that's a record. The last time I ran like hell like that—it was almost—five minutes.”

“Wow! And how long ago was that?”

He stopped, and then he swallowed.

“'Bout five years ago, I think?” he sputtered.

She gaped at him. And he lifted himself upright and let out a loud groan. He then set his hands upon the crown of his head. In the first rays of rosy light from the sunrise, she noticed the slight sheen of sweat about his forehead, his neck, and his shoulders. He barely broke a sweat!

“I have an idea now,” he said, still out of breath.

“What's that?” She handed the watch back to him.

“If I ever do get to play drums again, I want to do it for as long as I can. And I mean for as long as I possibly can. I mean like a few hours rather than for thirty minutes like what Anthrax and Testament do. So to play like the length of an orchestra basically.”

“I imagine that being kind of tough, to be honest,” she confessed.

“Doesn't have to be,” he pointed out as he slung the watch onto his fingers but he never put it back onto his wrist. He continued to huff and puff from the sprints. She thought about Alex right then: maybe Joey was lazy with the whole music business, but the Joey she just saw there was anything but lazy. She wanted him to see that Joey for himself.

“Wanna head on back up there?” he offered her as he picked up his shirt from the grass: the dew had left some wet spots on it and thus he slung it over his shoulder.

“Sure.”

“It's still early, so I'd keep that top off if I were you.”

“I dunno, Joey.”

“What? You're a doll and a half, Sam I am. Look at you! All curvy and womanly. I like it, you know.”

He patted her on the shoulder and then he walked on to the street.

“You ever work out real hard like that,” he started again, “and you get this weird, almost hollow feeling in your chest?”

“Not in a long time, but yeah, like something kicked up in your lungs a bit?” she followed along.

“Yeah—got that feelin' right now.” He cleared his throat once they reached the dark pavement. The street lamps began to switch off for the new round of daylight, which meant they in fact needed to hustle along back to the venue to meet up with Marla once again.

“So where's your hotel?” he asked her at one point, and she caught up with him so they walked side by side back up to the corner. She stopped right there so he could see where she pointed up to.

“It's actually right up the block here. Given it's just us, if we see them, we'll know it's them—”

Indeed, once the words left her lips, a small beige car up the block turned out from the hotel driveway. Joey raised his hand and waved at the car, which flashed its lights at them.

“Yeah, that's totally them,” he remarked. “Suddenly I'm hungry.”

“I am, too. Boston you said?”

“Two dates in Boston, yes!”

The car behind them turned the corner and rolled up to the curb ahead. They walked on a bit more until she recognized that alleyway: she also recognized Marla's head of shiny hair in the passenger seat, still iridescent after a few months. She rolled down the window for a good morning.

“There they are!” she declared.

“Didn't know Rocky Horror was playing this early in the year,” Dan called from the driver's seat next to her, and the three of them burst out laughing at that.

“Sam would be in fishnets and Joey would be wearing lace, though,” Marla pointed out. She then returned to them.

“Just did a bit of early morning running,” Sam gestured to Joey.

“That'll wake you up,” Marla declared with a raise of her eyebrows. “You guys wanna grab a cup of coffee, though? What's the next stop again, Boston?”

“Two dates in Boston,” Joey corrected her.

“Yeah, two days,” Dan chimed in. “It's gonna be just a little bit of a trip, but it's gonna be something, though, so you guys better hold onto your butts.”

“Well, at least let Joey and me grab our snacks from last night, though,” said Sam.

“Of course,” Marla encouraged her. “I have to catch the next bus ride back to the Big Apple in a few minutes, though, so make it quick.”

“You're not coming with us, Marla?” Sam inquiringly asked.

“I'll be at the New York City show with Bel and Aurora, but you know—I have to find a place, though. And Bel isn't home, either, and Genie gets lonely, too. Anyways—chop chop.”

Sam and Joey retreated back down the alleyway for their things, and then they headed back to the car that awaited them at the curb. The two of them took to the back seat: it was only for a couple of blocks to the bus stop, but Sam and Marla still embraced each other once they got out together.

“I'll call you when we get there,” Sam vowed with her chin upon her shoulder.

“I'll be waiting for you, too,” Marla whispered to her.

To think it wasn't that long ago in which Sam actually didn't like Marla. She hoped that Joey would have the same change of heart towards Alex at some point, and vice versa.

#fanfic #fanfiction #chapter 10 #fever in fever out #fever in fever out fanfic #a skeleton in the closet #book three #anthrax #anthrax fanfic #joey belladonna #dan spitz #ocs #oc tag #also on ao3 #also on wattpad #writing #text

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years

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ahhhh!! good evening my darling~!! it's nice to be back 💘✨🌹 as always i hope you are well my dear, and thank you all for being so kind and understanding!! (as much as i hate missing days, my days don't end as brightly if i can't check in 😅) (1/9?)

"i appreciate it so much, it means a lot to me,, i'm absolutely thrilled to know that i'm able to brighten your days up, to the point of them being dull when i'm absent, amore that means the world to me! it's my main goal after all 💖 i should probably address that previous situation that quinn brought up, no? she's a saint for notifying you all about this, since the last thing i want is to appear as though i disappear suddenly 😖 (2/9)

but about 15 minutes later, she showed up in a car with one of my other friends in the back! she ushered me in as my other friend climbed out,, he punched one of them actually?? next thing i knew we were speeding off!! i'm still in shock about the whole affair since we don't even have our driver's learning permits yet,, it was something out of a movie, i swear!! (4/9)

ah, it was such a scary experience, and i sadly fell ill the next day,, it was miserable, but luckily the sickness has past and i feel good! 💫 i must say, everyone's asks helped get me through the night of the the incident and my sick day, it kept me entertained and smiling, that's for sure!! and, morgy dear, your writings?? they helped cheer me up a lot!! ❤ (5/9)

speaking of writing, i am in awe of that vegas au writing,, oh mio dio... it amazes me how talented you all are!! i loved everything about it, especially the intense part where you won the roulette game morgy! ahhh, and it seems that anon really did do their research!! (6/9)

it's actually a dream of mine to visit the Bellagio! maybe you can even come with me caro~ 😘 in all seriousness, thank you all so much for all of your creative efforts, it shocks me that people truly want to spend their time creating such amazing things related to us!! 🌺 (7/9)

and to the anon who said i remind them of the girl from ipanema,, you have no idea how happy i was to hear that!! it's one of my all time favorite songs! i actually learned it when i was little, because my dad would actually sing it to me every now and then,, it truly does bring back good memories!! 💕 today wasn't as interesting as the other two, all i did was bake some tarts and play a little bit of minecraft,, (8/9)

i put on gloves to nake sure i didn't get my scent on it, so the mother can find him easier!! the cutest part was that he nuzzled my hand before i set him down,, che bello~!! 🌻 oh mie stelle,, it is quite late for me now! i can't wait to check in tomorrow 💞 until then, goodnight love!! rest well for me! - lots and lots of love, your waifu xoxo 💌💋 ps: honestly, i like to think that you are my lucky charm morgy,, after all you do manage to make my daily life sweeter! 💗 (9/9)"

Im glad to see ur better and that u have returned darling 👁️👀 what happened really does sound like it came straight outta an action movie (still surprised at how intense and unpredictable ur life is compared to mine lol) and trust me i would have finna punched that fucker who messed w u if i were there iS thIs gUy bOtHerIng u qUeEn-

On another note i myself adored that gambling au thing and as i said it gave me major kakegurui vibes and i love it djdjs also can we talk abt that killer one liner "dont come to work tomorrow" like i hate how i'd acc say smth as cryptical as that🤡🤡🤡 anons really do b having overwhelming amounts of talent and dedication n g l

And even if ur day was kinda dull (thats the daily grind for me tbh🗿) dw bc just v i b i n g is enough sometimes yknow? I too didn't do much last day and just marathoned haykiuu again after trying to bake some cringe ass fail cookies dhxhxh i hated how i didnt really do anything productive but nowadays im trying to find balance between fandoms since jojo isnt the only thing i gave a shot at writing for👁️

ANywAYs i have some wacky luck dear i wouldnt say im a lucky charm, quite the opposite acc ehdjdj but say...what if we went to las vegas then got our gambling freak on together haha jk unless🤔🤔🤔😳😳😳😳

#hopefully u will get even better soon darling so we can talk more👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️#im looking forward to sharing the major brainrot😩😩#the confessional

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madllamamomma · 4 years

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I Think I Have a Problem.... (A personal true story).

So as the title suggests, I have a strange problem…. Just as a warning, this is about my view of my younger self. It is about religion, and gender identity. This is not how I see the world anymore. It was how I told how the world should look. If you are offended in any way, please know this is a vent post and nothing to hurt anyone else. This is just what happened to me as a child. Shit….. This is about to get very long winded, so buckle up and here we go… *takes deep breath*

So a little backstory on your Mother Llama: I was raised in a weird backward ass “Independent” Baptist church most of my young life. If you guys don’t know what those are, be thankful…. But I guess I should explain it the best way I can…. they are a borderline cult. Yes. I said it. I’m not sorry. It may sound like an extreme accusation, but hold on. Just listen to me.

Now, I have no problem with Christians, or religion. You should believe whatever you want to believe in…. I do however, have a problem when religion is used as an excuse to not educate minds about the real world, force them to not let them think for themselves, and when someone questions any of it, they are punished or shamed for it instead of thinking about an answer. If you can’t tell, I am still a little angry about that shit. Imma try to keep on topic here….

I wasn’t taught science (real science anyways, it was all about ‘creation’ bs—OH! And being anything but a cis straight person was compleltly unexceptable. Woman were the weaker sex and were made to raise babies and take care of the husband. Men were superior and should be taken care of.) nor about World history or about other cultures, other than biblical of course. And when they were mentioned, they made them look evil and behave like heathens because they didn’t believe the same as they did. Everything changed when I went to public school half of fourth grade when my family moved to a different state and there wasn’t any church school like I went to. I learned a lot those years, that ‘The World’ wasn’t as bad of a place as they said it was. It was vast and had many things to offer. (No, not the World, Dio’s stan power from Jojo’s bizarre adventures—that is what our pastors called anything outside of the Baptist approved realm. Something ‘Worldly’ was basically something sinful and ungodly and therefor was bad and wrong).

So this may seem like a strange Segway in to what I am actually getting at, but I had a huge crush on this boy back when I was young and it started when I was about 12 or 13 years old and ended when I was 16. He was the same age as me, and he was the son of a pastor of a small church of about 20 people, mostly military families— we will call him.... D.... for dick...

I thought for a long time that I ‘loved’ D. I thought that ‘God made him for me’ (yes I really said that and it hurt to even write it). I really thought I knew what love was back then, but I was very wrong.

D was homeschooled, he didn’t have many friends and was also a navy brat like I was. So, naturally, we got along very well, and I would hang out with him at his house sometimes. We mainly played video games I was terrible at and he would always bet me. But I liked hanging out with him, so I didn’t care if I won or not. My heart for some reason was totally head over heels over D. And he liked me too for a while… or at least I thought he did… He however never made a move. I always thought D was just too shy, and didn’t know how to ask me. Any time I tried holding his hand, I’d chicken out. It was a stalemate. But this particular church did a thing where people had to court. Yes... COURT someone, not DATE (Courting is where you had adult chaperones keeping an eye on you two, you were never really alone. Ever, because apparently you can’t be trusted?). When we both turned 15 yo, D started a private Christian school. Being the awkward girl I was, I never told him how I felt, I just waiting for him to say something. Time passed, and I still waited and waited for him to ask me out.

But here’s the thing! He didn’t know the real me.

I was in public school, in middle school, and I started to become a weeb. Like a super cringy weeb that didn’t like anything else but anime—I was also kinda emo/punk kid thought I was edgy. (Yeah rock music was bad too, it was ‘Worldly’).Not a very good mix for Baptist I know. At school, I was one person, and at church I was another.

Well, being an anime fan meant I was exposed to a lot of things like the LGTB+ community for the first time. A lot of my friends at the time started to come out other than straight and that was very new to me.

During that time, I soon was starting to secretly question my faith, my understanding of my own sexuality and gender. Like, maybe people liking the same sex or both is actually not a bad thing after all (if you haven’t seen any of my works, hopefully you guys know that I know better that what I was taught—I am a proud fuckin’ ally! I still consider myself cis-straight, but some days I feel like I’m bi-curious, and that’s ok! It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m here now. Gender roles are dead and stupid.)

So here is the kicker~ One faithful day we had a guest pastor join us for a few weeks from another church. This mother fuckin’ nasty ass old white man from Alabama came with his ‘perfect quiet godly’ wife. Who badly ever spoke a damn word. She always just sat in the corner all ‘ladylike’.

—Oh!!! Another fun fact, I didn’t wear pants for a year when I was 10 yo becasue that was considered “cross dressing”— I’m dead fucking serious. My parents then decided after attending sporting events and stuff like that to drop that ludicrous lifestyle, becasue it was stupid. So, Outside of church, my family and I still wore pants and shorts and whatever, but in church we pretended that we didn’t wear anything but modest skirts, dresses, and long culottes. (That’s a little damaging…. don’t you think? Telling people your one thing, when in reality you're not like that at all??)

Anyways— I hated skirts, especially wearing them in the state we lived in, it was way too hot and I’d get chafed (these had to be knee length or longer btw). And of course that guest preacher would preach about the sins of women wearing pants, but I didn’t care. I wore them for so long, it just made me angry anytime someone would bring that up. I liked my jeans and I was starting to become a rebel teen who gave less than a fuck and started to speak my mind. Which was dangerous to that community…. Also I had a bad tendency of not keeping my legs together when I bent down, and one time I accidently showed my underwear (that’s really embarrassing btw, it’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s awful when you're 14 yo-- really any age actually).

So, one day I wore a long jean skirt for a youth outing with the church. I was required to wear it, but I always wore leggings underneath so I wouldn’t accidentally show my undies if I fell down or the wind blew it. This fucker had to say something about it. The old man turned to me with a wrinkled smirk as I was passing by him and dared to utter, “Now, don’t you feel most femine and ladylike in that skirt? I’m sure Jesus would like seeing you like that.”

My shoulders clench up tight, my brow furrows. All I can remember seeing is fucking red and actually trembling with fury. (This was happening in my pastor, D’s father’s, own living room mind you.) D was there watching as I blanched about ten shades of red in anger and embarrassed because that prick of an old man called me out in front of everyone. I turned to him and half shouted, “NO! I don’t!” I could see my pastor’s mouth drop to the floor as I began to completely obliterate this old man. But I couldn't stop myself as I started to further cut into him. “—I hate wearing skirts! I don’t feel ladylike! In fact, they make me feel vulnerable! What if some guy tries to rape me! They won’t have any problem getting to me!—Why is something with a whole on the bottom more ladylike than something that actually covers me?! I like pants! They are comfortable and they make me feel safe! Why is that a sin to wear something that is more covering?!?! I’m not cross dressing, my mom bought them in the girl’s session!! [Keep in mind that was a long time ago, I don’t feel like people should care about what section they get their clothes from, wear what you want] And what do you know about wearing a skirt?! You’re a man! You try wearing them! They suck! You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t wear! I’m not dressing like a whore for wearing something with a crotch!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Everyone in the living room was just stunned at my audacity to dare speak to this pastor like I did. But he was so fucking quiet after that. And I stormed out of the house and the guest pastor never spoke to me again about it. Luckily my mom came and picked me shortly after that. She was angry too after I told her what happened. That old fuck singled me out and I was pissed off. I was a teenager and that shit was embarrassing!

But I made the mistake of showing my true self. I think after that moment, D stopped liking me after that.

Some shit went down south with my parents behind closed doors of my household, and eventually they got divorced. They left the small church because the pastor didn’t approve of it. Pastor said that my parents just needed more counseling but he didn't understand that they just needed to not be together. Sometimes you can’t make things work. Especially when your dad is a toxic piece of shit that only cares about himself.

Anyways, everyone in my family left the church, but I stuck around that shit-hole just to see if D would ask me out. I was so desperate, I felt like I waited forever, but really it was like 2-3 years, and I felt like I couldn’t give up. Eventually D and I turned 16. He started to become distant and a little mean towards me and I became confused and started to realize the worst. Finally, I was tired of waiting so I asked his older sister if he liked me on the way back taking me home. I could see it in her face, that she didn’t want to have my heart broken, but reluctantly she told me no. He actually liked another girl at his new private school and was going to ask her parents to court her instead.

I was so devastated.... It hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep that night, and most of that week I was very sad.

Obviously, after that, I stopped going to church entirely, I couldn't show my face anymore. Finally let myself question my faith, sexuality, gender roles, and humanity all together. And realized that religion was stupid (in my opinion at the time) and I came u with the conclusion that people can be sheep. I was a sheep for a long time. And I refuse to be one ever again.

High school was very enjoyable after that, and I let myself grow and started to love other religions and world history, and tried to stop being so judgmental of others and what they felt like. I even got into a relationship with a sweet boy around my age.

Eventually in college, after a break-up with my high school sweetheart, I reconnected with D via FB. Apparently, the church went under and his parents moved away to Greece to be missionaries or something. D still lives in the same town I’m in, but graduated from a “Christian academy”—not Catholic, Christian. Catholic colleges are accredited at least. But he basically told me he was a secret “bad boy” now. He lost his virginity in highschool, (like I did) and he was totally trying to booty call me. Not even hiding it either! He was like, “Hey, Llama, you wanna fuck?”.

And I was like, “D! You broke my fucking heart when we were young! Don’t you remember that???”

And he was like, “Oh no! I had no idea! (the fuckin’ liar). Well, we can fuck now!~ *wink, wink*”

🤨

This is where I was a jerk.... Because he broke my heart. I led him on, told him I would meet up with him at his house to sleep with him, and just didn’t show up—ghosted him ever since. The worst part about that, is I still don’t regret doing that to him. I hope I hurt his feelings and felt like an ass like I did.

So years have passed, I consider myself as a rather successful woman now. I’m 27, I consider myself Buddhist (I am a terrible Buddhist I know), I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I have a great husband (I married the guy I was with in high school). And he loves the real me—the crazy closet weeb, cartoon watching, creative, expressive, me! The person who also writes fanfiction about a romance novel and he is fine with it. Because he is a huge nerd too and we are both nerds together.

My husband is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I write about Rhemi and Muriel, I draw a lot of inspiration with our conversation we have and how relationship dynamics are and I think it makes the writing more authentic and makes them feel a bit more real.

I love my husband more than anything… So why do I keep dreaming about that stupid asshole that just liked the fake me? D was and always will be a total tool. He is like the basic bitch of a man. And yet I still find him creeping in my dreams and I try to cheat on my husband with him in them. I wake up feeling totally terrible and weird after them too. D is a terrible fucking person—the worst person you can be in my opinion—The kind of person why lies and tells people one thing, but hides the fact that he’s really just a nasty fuck boy. If you are one, just be honest! Don’t tell another woman you're a good christan man, when really you’ve slept with not just one, but multiple girls! That how you get fucking STDs! I hate being lied to, and I’m sure other girls do too! So I guess that’s why I do, because I felt like I was lied to my entire life. Then again, why should I even care?! Why do I feel like I still obsess over him? I hate him so much now! So why do I even care? Why do I still find myself stalking him on social media? Why does it even matter? Why do I want him to see I’m happy without him? Why do I want him to see what he could have had with me? We were just stupid teenagers! Why did I care so much? Why did it hurt so much when I found out he didn’t like me?! It’s been over a decade, and we didn’t even really date! Why did this affect me so hard? …. FUCK!

So yeah. That’s my long ass rant for you all… thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#story time #mad llama momma story #true story #weird dreams #why does my brain do this?#anybody relate?#does anyone get me?#vent post

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

Text

continuted hxh thotz

we watched more so i continue my ramblings

so we finished the trick tower stuff and started on the stuff on the island where theyre all hunting each other....wow finally some hunting in hunter x hunter

can i just say....fuck hisoka i hate that guyyyy oh my goddddd hes the worst. i just feel incandescent rage whenever hes on screen vhbjdshfjhbsd smarmy horny clown bitch. looooord. he invokes a similar emotion to part 1 dio tbh....like i lose my domestication when i see both those bitches

oh god that part where hisoka had just spent like hours de-hornifying himself or w/e and he looks all crusty and dehydrated and then he spots that old guy who looks kinda ghibli and he just goes AFTER ghibli man....like hisoka literally had one of those wack ass super detailed faces and just started screaming and running at that guy...like man i wouldve died instantly on the spot. jesus

gon remains best best perfect baby boy. every time he does something so cute and pure that my heart starts palpating, i get even more nervous for the shit hes gonna go thru someday

gon and killua are literally soooo precious theyre just two lil boys!!! two lads!!! lad boys! augh i love how much theyre vibing all the time...like on the boat to the island when theyre like refusing to tell each other who their target is and then they both start laughing and then show each other....so precious

honestly im really enjoying how they dont really have a rivalry (yet?) - theyre not like ‘yes we are friends but we’re also COMPETING! so we cant be That nice to each other bc that wouldnt be fair! or w/e you know that typical shounen stuff. i only enjoy that sometimes and im glad its not a thing rn, and if it does become like that later i probs wont mind bc i feel like itd be done well

so ruth and i caught on to the fact that that weird guy with the pins stuck all over himself was illuminati or w/e his name is (illumi? illumini? i forget already) but HOLY FUCK we both thought he was wearing a mask....god i wish that were the case, that face transformation shit was the WORST. sir why can you do that

also when hisoka just watched this and was like ‘i always like seeing you do that’ or whatever god gross nasty i hate them

my take on the little we’ve seen of hisoka and illumitations relationship: theyre like the catty mean girls-types but Super Fucking Weird. idk if theyre gay togther (probably) but theyd be the epitome of a ‘is this allowed? [gestures at All That]’ couple. i had more thoughts on them but i forgt

i find it funny that they havent shown killua like at all during this island hunting thing hvbhsdhfbjdk he probably has like 10 randos badges already. i feel like he would give gon a badge or 2 if gon needed them but that doesnt seem to be the case

when hisoka spotted leorio and kurapika and went after them i was like [guy yelling NOOOOOOOOOOO meme] freal

thank goodness kurapika could recognize that they would Fucking Die trying to fight hisoka, and bargained w/him instead. also seeing the flashback of leorio trying to fight hisoka was so funny. my man WHAT! were you thinking

this is probably the stage that tonpa is getting out on and can i just say thank god i hate that guy. good riddance

that sniper lady looked cool and im bummed illuminty took her out offscreen :( i also thought the black guy with the beehive stick thing was gonna do more but guess not

i find it funny that so many characters have these loud character designs but end up not having a lot of screentime...i feel like ive been conditioned by one piece to see an eye-catching character and mentally prepare to see a wholeass backstory lol

also. illunikn is clearly a huge freak which is probably why hisoka is willing to work w/him, but his design is weirdly cute sometimes (when hes not doing absolutely freaky shit, which....admittedly isnt often)

like the part where he transforms into his True Cat Man Form and then, without changing expression, digs a giant hole with his bare hands (with the body language of a feral person) and then gets into it to nap.....like.....bro.

also ik illiminini is killuas brother (i think brother?) and wow that family has some strong Cat genes

i find it interesting that hisoka has been working with illiimini this whole time, hisoka strikes me as a solo type of guy who would be all like ‘teamwork is beneath me’ and only have minions (a la dio, espec p1 dio) but he seems to have a fairly even relationship w/illuimian which is wild. i rlly wonder if thatll last or if hisoka is gonna like, murder/abandon ilubimi later bc he ‘gets in hisokas way’ or st

i like that kurapika and leorio teamed up....married

i generally really like how the relationships between the main characters are handled, its sweet how theyre just like....generally nice to each other and stuff lol

also oh my god i forgot that last time i hadnt seen the end of trick tower i need to talk abt that

KILLUA MY BOY OH MY GOD....ive been waiting for this ngl. ily smug murderous catboy

i love so much how killua casually kills this ~*~scary guy~*~ and everyones like :0 but gon is just like yep thats killua! hes from a family of assassins! like the way he says it so casually and kinda cheery aw i love him. he doesnt even care that killua can murder people in 2 seconds flat, he thinks killua is AWESOME

and oh my god i love how hard killua is trying like, all the time. he is trying his HARDEST to be AS COOL AS POSSIBLE for gon and thats adorable. its working too gon clearly thinks killua is SUPER cool

the eternally hilarious part where kurapika asked what killuas secret tactic are re: ripping that guys heart out, and killua is just like ‘uh i just ripped it out. yknow...as one does..’ and kurapika is like wow im glad this murder catboy is on our side..

the psychology stuff in the trick tower was interesting as hell (catch me brushing off my psych minor like, oh yeah i know abt this stuff lol)...i like the stuff abt leorio getting discouraged/disgruntled when the majority ended up being against him a lot bc thats true!! thats how it works!! it leads to learned helplessness and stuff like that...also that animation of kurapika and leorio playing cards to explain the tough candle choice was sooo cute

i really loved the solution to the final majority rule things....ingeniously following the rules while still managing to circumvent them in ways...love it

also gon is so perfect have i mentioned that already

im so curious whos gonna pass the hunter exam, i legit have no idea and i would find it so funny if gon becomes a hunter in the first goddamn arc hjhbdfhsdjbgk as ruth said, itd kinda be like luffy becoming pirate king in like chapter 70

i mean tbf if i had to guess id say gon passes, simply bc i cant see the story taking the time to have him do the hunter exam again in a year. also his motivation is to become a hunter in order to see what its all about bc of his dad - not JUST to become a hunter

gons fishing rod is so cute. perfect item for a perfect boy

his training was adorable. hes a smart lad! formidable baby

the blooderflies were so cool and OH MY GOD how could i forget the part where gon had two blooderflies with little leashes on and had the leashes tied to one of his fingers....OOOUGHHHHGBSJFHSJBFUHEJKSDD bro my heart literally palpated like it does when my cat does something rlly cute, gon is seriously That cute and pure and good

every time hisoka is anywhere near gon i just wanna call the FBI on that clowns ass oh y god. pls leave ladboy alone....

anyways i love the main characters (HISOKA DONT INTERACT) and i cant wait to see what happens next. i might have more thoughts but coherency is not one of my strengths so bye

#lj watches hxh #hollaaaa #more ramblings from me #im too lazy to do a true liveblog so this mess will have to do lmoa #*lmao #i just retyped that tag bc i spelled lmao as lmoa and then i did it AGAIN god fuck this #hxh

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dio-theshitpost-brando · 5 years

Text

Glitch!Dio: Oh my fucking god. Glitch!Dio: Why. I don’t want the Bee Movie Script take it somewhere else. Glitch!Dio: ALSO WHY ARE ALL THE CAPITAL Cs TURNED INTO CAPITAL Os.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

#submission #VRDisk1.exe #WH #WHY #shitpost

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humelevel · 6 years

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wicdiv #33 post

somebody on twitter summarized this issue with the “mind freak” bit from mbmbam and it’s so, so appropriate

super spoilers

very first thought: cass in the second panel of page one is cute. she’s good. i love her

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE WERE ALL RIGHT ABOUT JON BLAKE. shout outs to @pomegranate-salad and @myfirstsearchengine for theorizing about it early. although i can’t believe he wasn’t pink...and is also not a woden...

persephone’s expression when jon says all he had was hope...she can relate, kid

AND I CAN’T BELIEVE WE WERE RIGHT ABOUT DAVID BLAKE it’s so fucking weird seeing him without the mask and i hate it and also, i hate him.

woden trying to figure out how persephone’s powers work finally paying off.

should be noted jon has the same power as persephone to show others stories/memories- he does it here the way she does in #20.

maybe i’m projecting, but i assume the “screaming” in jon’s first “lego bricks and screaming” memory was his parents fighting.

ananke wearing an average turtleneck is killing me. she had...normal outfits??

august 10th, when ananke interviews jon, is only a day after baal became a god- so ananke must have been communicating with david blake in advance, and likely planned out the idea of using him with jon as the “real” god. when she picks jon, on august 21st, it’s the day before baal and sakhmet’s first show, so they aren’t even public yet.

also, yet another point for “ananke picks the gods herself” to the point where idk if you can even really question it by now.

we know morrigan came before jon in the order of gods, so ananke picked at least the first four gods in about two weeks.

“your mind. your head.” NOT SUBTLE

i feel really bad for jon! you can tell he knows exactly what’s happening considering who his dad is and he’s never been interested. he reads to me on the younger end, too- like 16-17? probably the second youngest after mini?

what IS up with that knife david uses on jon? ananke used it on lucifer in 455 and minerva in #22. does it have some sort of power in it or is it just important to ananke?

when ananke says to david that he’s “tied” to jon, does that mean if you kill one you kill the other, or their powers are linked?

you know that bit in the new adventure zone arc where the department heads are trying to talk down martine and she’s like “you guys can do what you want but i’m the only department head...with a gun”? replace “department head” with “god” and that’s woden in this issue

no seriously it’s killing me that it’s just a completely normal gun

woden’s plans are still ambiguous, other than that he “needs” cassandra (ew) and he’s not completely sure whether he’d need persephone or not. what is he planning?

even though jon states the machine does “nothing” at the end of the issue, he insists to his dad that he’s figured it out. was he lying to buy time or does he actually have some ideas?

“you can make me want to make things, but you can’t make me talk” what the hell does jon mean by that first part? is that a thing woden can do?

persephone saying she wanted cass to understand her is killing me and makes their fight last issue even worse

i think we’d all understood that a lot of persephone’s depression came from losing her family, but i don’t think anyone had drawn the specific line from “i want everything they have” to it. which makes me think any theories about it not being completely “her” in there aren’t right- she’s just so, so depressed.

persephone was thinking of kissing cass right. i’m not reading that wrong, right. god

but also man it kind of sucks that persephone jumps around relationships looking desperately for someone who could sympathize with her to the point that she was willing to kiss cass right there just for gaining mild understanding, huh

laura being referred to as a superstar!

“i’m sorry. it’s been a bad time. look who i’m saying that to.” cass :’( it’s okay you can have an awful day too

“conversation groups are more efficient in a circle, i read” get it...because of all the scenes with the gods in a circle...get it

so the implication i’m getting is jon is completely dead and he’s just a machine now, right? poor kid!! but also how does that WORK

sooo....minerva...looks really great in this last scene, great expressions, good job jamie and matt

i’ve seen a bunch of people take this scene as minerva having been possessed by ananke since the end of the fourth arc, and the recap page does remind us that ananke had her in the machine...but i’m not 100% on that. i think she might be intermittently possessed. she doesn’t always act like she does in this scene- and she seemed really disturbed when she killed sakhmet, as if she hadn’t been completely in control when she did it and was confused about what had just happened. maybe there’s some sort of...force that makes sure the recurrence happens properly, and it used ananke for centuries, and now it’s just jumped to mini? (and ananke’s letter was to this force?)

MAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THE HEADS. to some extent it feels weirdly against wicdiv’s themes about death, but it occurred to me that the the people who died in this arc- amaterasu, dio and sakhmet- are seemingly all permanently gone (if they were the first gods to actually die in this book i’m gonna...god).

anyway these specific three people being stuck as talking heads must cause so much tension. poor tara!

predictions for next arc: i have no idea. i still think baph and morri are probably next, and awful necromancy (probably on dio) will be involved. i don’t know how the girls and jon escape the cage- maybe cass has the phone dio gave baph on her, or the norns get worried about cass? i feel like baal knows more than we think, we still don’t know why he went to valhalla in #27. i hope david blake fucking dies. etc.

anyway uhhh feel free to follow my old reread twitter now because i think i’m gonna reread again after the christmas special. okay bye. upside down emoji

#wicdiv #wicdiv spoilers #wicdiv tag #i'm dead etc

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greed-the-dorkalicious · 7 years

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So as some of you know, I’ve been working on chapter 8 of BLaD, but now that I’m working on the rewrite it probably won’t be finished for quite some time. Plus I have no idea how many scenes I’m going to have to change, and I can already see some problems with this one... A lot of it, if not almost all of it, will probably be scrapped. But I don’t want what I’ve already written to go to waste, so I’m going to post it here.

Chapter 8, about half finished, still labeled as chapter 7 in the doc:

“I want a TV for my room.”

Dio raised an eyebrow as he glanced up from his chair at Jonathan, who was looming over Dio with his arms crossed and lips drawn tight into a frown.

“Making demands now, are we?” Dio questioned amusedly. “And here I thought you were polite.”

“After everything you’ve put me through, I see no reason to be polite. You told me I could have whatever I want- except for, you know, my freedom- so I want my own TV,” Jonathan repeated.

Dio snorted. “Really, where have your manners gone? What would that little wife of yours say?”

Jonathan actually laughed out loud at that. “You’re joking, right? Some of the most vulgar things I’ve ever heard anyone say were things Erina said about you,” he pointed out bitterly.

Dio frowned briefly, looking grave for a moment, before quickly returning to his usual smug demeanor.

“Fine. I’ll see to it that you get a TV,” he promised.

Jonathan smiled slightly, nodding in satisfaction. “Th- Good,” he said, quickly correcting himself after almost saying “thank you”; politeness was a habit for him, but it was a courtesy Dio did not deserve.

Dio snickered at Jonathan’s slip-up, but Jonathan paid it no mind as he abruptly turned around to leave. He walked with conviction, not in the mood to be in Dio’s company any longer than necessary.

“By the way, a friend of mine will be joining us for dinner tomorrow,” Dio called after him.

Jonathan ignored the offhand comment, leaving the room without looking back.

---

Dio had stayed true to his word, and within a few hours a TV was brought to Jonathan’s room, along with a lovely wooden cabinet to house it.

“Alright, that should do it,” d’Arby declared as he arranged some cords so they were out of the way. “Let me know if you have any problems.”

“Thank you,” Jonathan told him. From what he’d heard from Jotaro, d’Arby wasn’t exactly a shining beacon of morality, but Jonathan still just couldn’t help but be polite to anyone other than Dio.

D’Arby nodded, and placed the remote on the nightstand before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

Several moments after d’Arby had left, as Jonathan studied the TV’s remote, Jotaro materialized in the air next to him. Though he did catch the telltale shimmer of light out of the corner of his eye, it felt more like Jonathan sensed Jotaro’s appearance than anything.

“Why do you need a TV in your room?” Jotaro asked, sounding slightly puzzled, although (as usual) his face showed little trace of emotion.

Jonathan smiled at Jotaro. “It’s for you, silly,” he answered with a slight laugh.

Jotaro frowned in confusion. “For… me?” he repeated hesitantly, confused by the answer. A TV? For him? Why?

“I thought it would be nice, give you something fun to do when I’m reading or whatever,” Jonathan replied. “And the only other TV is in the living room, and I know you don’t come out when there might be other people around, so now you can watch whatever you want without having to hide,” he explained with a gentle smile.

This... was surprising to Jotaro. Which was to be expected; He'd spent the past month living a solitary, hellish existence, with his friends and family gone. His only companion was Jonathan, who was nice enough, but usually busy with his own misery. Jotaro had almost forgotten what it was like to actually receive attention and care from someone else.

"...Thanks," he said honestly, feeling somewhat speechless.

Perhaps Jotaro's face showed more gratitude than his voice did, because Jonathan smiled widely, seemingly quite pleased with his accomplishment. "You're welcome! I hope you like it," he said excitedly.

Hesitantly, Jotaro reached for the remote, staring at it for a moment with a feeling he couldn’t place. Suspicion? Hostility? Some sort of vague feeling like it wasn’t real? It had been so long since any sort of positive anything had happened to him, it almost seemed like his brain (...his figurative brain, anyway) had deemed it a trap of some sort, that it was too good to be true, there had to be some sort of catch. The very concept of something good happening had become so foreign to Jotaro that it made him anxious. It felt like if he dared to indulge in a moment of pleasure, he would suffer even more in punishment.

“...Jotaro? Are you alright?” Jonathan interrupted, pulling Jotaro back to reality.

“Yeah, why?” Jotaro answered.

“Well, it’s just… You’ve been staring at the remote for a while now,” Jonathan pointed out worriedly.

“Oh. Uh, sorry,” Jotaro replied with a frown. What was he doing?

Jotaro shook his head in disbelief, and tried to remind himself that there was nothing wrong. As bizarre as it felt, the TV truly was a good thing- his and Jonathan’s only, not one of Dio’s shallow luxuries, but a thoughtful gift from Jonathan to make Jotaro more comfortable. The TV was safe.

With Jonathan watching him excitedly, Jotaro turned the TV on and began flipping through channels.

It took a little while before Jotaro found something he liked. He caught snippets of soap operas, talk shows, news, reality shows, cartoons, and documentaries, but none of them really caught his eye. Not to mention the language barrier; Jotaro was fluent in Japanese and English, and knew a fair bit of Italian, but naturally, everything on TV in Cairo was in Arabic.

Finally, Jotaro found something he instantly recognized: a familiar movie that was surprisingly not in Arabic, but English with Arabic captions.

“Ooh, this looks interesting. I wonder what it is?” Jonathan commented, watching the people on TV run around.

“It’s called ‘Star Wars’,” Jotaro answered. “It’s a movie about… Well, war. In space. Pretty self-explanatory. It’s one of the old man’s favorite movies.”

Jonathan watched the TV with interest for a few minutes. It certainly seemed fun and dramatic, but it was also clearly in the middle of the movie, so Jonathan didn’t really understand what was going on.

“Is that the protagonist?” he asked Jotaro, indicating the character currently speaking: a man with brown hair, a vest, and a gun.

Jotaro shook his head. “That’s Han Solo. He’s a smuggler. He’s gramps’ favorite character, he always used to say Han reminded him of himself when he was younger,” Jotaro said.

“Well, he’s certainly rude enough,” Jonathan agreed with a laugh. Jotaro, however, said nothing in response; he had gone quiet, frowning after accidentally bringing up a sore subject.

Jotaro stayed silent for several more minutes before finally speaking.

“He took me to see the sequel twice, you know,” he began quietly. “We were visiting in New York when I was 10. The first time, we all went- me, mom, dad, gramps, and grandma… He liked it so much he wanted to see it again, but nobody else wanted to, so I said I’d go with him.” Jotaro paused for a moment before continuing, looking thoughtful.

“...I didn’t really want to see it twice,” he admitted, voice shaking slightly. “I just…” Jotaro trailed off, unable to continue. With eyes downcast, Jotaro ran his hands through his hair, repeating a nervous habit Jonathan had seen him do so many times.

Jonathan put a hand on Jotaro’s shoulder in a silent gesture of sympathy.

“You really loved your grandfather, didn’t you?” Jonathan asked gently.

Jotaro nodded, face buried in his hands. “I should’ve… I should’ve said so. I should’ve been nicer to him. And mom…”

“I know. It’s alright. I felt the same way when I lost my father,” Jonathan admitted. “There’s no point in worrying about it now. I’m sure your family knows how much you care about them,” he promised.

Jotaro said nothing, continuing to hide his face as he tried to compose himself. Jonathan respectfully left him alone, though he himself almost felt like he might cry.

After a few minutes, Jotaro managed to calm down, and let out a tired sigh as he returned his attention to the TV.

“So, do you think you can tell me a bit about the plot?” Jonathan asked, seeing that Jotaro had settled down.

Jotaro nodded, and began pointing out characters on screen. “The blond guy is Luke Skywalker, he’s the protagonist. The girl is Princess Leia. The creepy looking guy in black is the main villain, Darth Vader, and the old dude is Ben Kenobi, he’s sort of the mentor character,” he explained.

Jonathan watched with interest, nodding thoughtfully as he took in this information. “So, is the princess the protagonist’s girlfriend?” he asked curiously.

“Nah, she’s his twin sister, although they don’t know it yet. Also, Vader’s their dad,” Jotaro answered.

“Hey! Why’d you have to ruin the plot twist?” Jonathan gasped, looking slightly hurt and offended.

Jotaro blinked in surprise. “Oh, sorry,” he said casually.

Jonathan shook his head in dismay, but nonetheless returned his attention to the movie.

“Woah, those swords look fun,” he commented in awe.

“They’re called lightsabers,” Jotaro explained. “Pay attention, this scene’s important.”

As Jotaro said, Jonathan paid close attention to the battle on screen, as two characters- the villain and the mentor, he recalled- dueled with glowing swords. Jonathan could hardly bring himself to blink as the lightsabers clashed again and again, producing brightly colored flashes and strange noises, and then-

“...Did… did he just die?” Jonathan questioned hesitantly, staring at the pile of brown cloth where the mentor character had stood. (From what little he’d seen, he couldn’t help but think that that character reminded him of his own old teacher, Will Zeppeli.)

“Yeah. It’s cool though, he shows up as a ghost every so often,” Jotaro answered, showing little emotional reaction to the scene he’d clearly seen many times before.

“Aw, stop telling me everything-”

Before Jonathan could finish his sentence, a loud knock came at the door. Next to him, Jotaro disappeared just as quickly as Ben Kenobi, while Jonathan sighed at the interruption.

“Come in,” he called out unenthusiastically. Of course their moment of leisure couldn’t have gone uninterrupted, he should have known.

The door opened with a creak, revealing, of course, d’Arby.

“Lord Dio would like me to inform you that dinner will be served in 20 minutes,” d’Arby announced.

Jonathan frowned irritatedly. Of course. Of course.

“Fine,” he replied simply. “Is that all?”

“Yes,” d’Arby replied tersely. He nodded his head in a polite gesture of acknowledgement before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Jonathan sighed once again and flopped down on the bed, one hand behind his head. “So much for finishing the movie, I suppose,” he mumbled to the empty air, as Jotaro was still hiding. Knowing him, Jonathan guessed he wouldn’t be back for a good five minutes or so.

The clock on the wall ticked ominously, Jonathan’s stomach growled, Luke Skywalker screamed, and Jonathan groaned in frustration at everything.

---

Reluctantly, Jonathan entered the dining room at the specified time. Although Dio had said one of his “friends” would be joining them for dinner, there didn’t seem to be anyone there but Dio.

“Hello, Jojo. How are you enjoying your new TV?” Dio asked, leaning casually against a wall with his arms crossed.

“It’s- Hold on, you’re wearing that to dinner?” Jonathan questioned in disbelief, raising an eyebrow and wincing slightly at Dio’s… “outfit”, which seemed to be more hole than clothes.

“Yes, why?” Dio replied with a shrug.

Jonathan took a deep, sharp breath in as he continued to grimace at Dio’s outfit with a mixture of disgust and pity.

“You know, considering that is my body, I’d really prefer it if you wore something… More modest and less ugly,” he said slowly.

Dio rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen you wear three shirts and a vest at the same time. You are not in any position to judge my fashion sense,” he pointed out.

“At least my three shirts covered my nipples,” Jonathan retorted with a scowl.

“My nipples are perfectly covered!” Dio insisted.

“Sure, until you move at all. God knows how you even managed to get that thing on without getting tangled up,” Jonathan said dryly.

“Oh, stop being dramatic. You sound like an old lady.”

Before Jonathan could respond, the argument was interrupted by a knock on the doorframe, and an attention-grabbing cough.

“Ah, Pucci! Good to see you!” Dio exclaimed with an unsettling amount of genuine feeling, as Jonathan turned to look at the newcomer.

Whatever sort of vile monster Jonathan had expected Dio’s “friend” to be, the person standing in the doorway was not it. Rather, Dio’s “friend” appeared to be a teenager, with short, silvery-blond hair contrasting against his dark skin, wearing what looked to be some sort of priest’s robes. He leaned against the doorframe with a slight hint of a smile.

While Dio and the newcomer engaged in some sort of conversation, Jonathan couldn’t focus on what they were saying. He was too shocked and uncomfortable with how… innocent the young man in the doorway seemed to be. This was Dio’s “friend”? A priest? And a young one at that! How old was he, Jonathan wondered? 18? 19? Perhaps he wasn’t really a young priest, but some sort of shapeshifter, secretly a 40-year-old criminal mastermind… or… something. Jonathan hoped that was the case. The thought of this boy being under Dio’s thumb was enough to make him feel sick.

“Jojo, I’d like you to meet my friend, Enrico Pucci. Pucci, this is my adoptive brother, Jonathan Joestar,” Dio introduced the two.

“I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Pucci said as he offered Jonathan his hand. He gave a smile that was unsettlingly warm- that was to say, it was genuinely friendly, which was the unsettling part. A friend of Dio’s shouldn’t seem so… normal.

“Um… Hello,” Jonathan replied confusedly, shaking Pucci’s hand with slight hesitation. What was the catch? There had to be a catch, right?

“How was the trip?” Dio asked Pucci casually as the three of them sat down.

“Oh, I can’t complain. I slept through most of it, after all,” Pucci replied. “I am pretty hungry, though. What are we having for dinner?”

“Steak and caviar, unless you’d like something else,” Dio answered.

“No, that sounds great, actually.”

As Dio and Pucci continued talking, Jonathan stared at them, completely slack-jawed. Their conversation was just so bizarrely normal. Civil. Friendly. It sounded like a conversation between an actual, real, ordinary pair of friends, and not a teenage priest and a hundred-year-old mass murderer vampire with a god complex. Jonathan had seen so many strange, twisted, horrifying things over his weeks at Dio’s mansion, and indeed in his life, that they’d become the norm. Seeing Dio, the devil himself, act so sweet and casual was far more unsettling than anything he’d seen yet.

Evidently, Jonathan’s horror and confusion showed on his face, as Pucci glanced at him with a concerned look. “Is something wrong?”

Jonathan stammered awkwardly, struggling to express his feelings in words. “I… you… I don’t-”

“You’ll have to forgive my brother, he’s been dead for a century,” Dio interrupted. “He’s still getting used to things and he’s a bit confused right now.”

Jonathan shot Dio an incredulous glare. “I am not!” he insisted. Pucci, on the other hand, had a more sympathetic look on his face.

“I understand. This must be quite disorienting for you. I’m sorry,” he told Jonathan, putting a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort that felt, frankly, quite condescending.

“Really, I’m fine,” Jonathan repeated, but didn’t press the issue further. Instead, he decided to change the subject.

“So… Pucci, was it? Are you a priest?” Jonathan asked. He kept his tone polite, though he was suspicious of Pucci; Whether Pucci was another unwitting, naive victim of Dio’s charisma, or if he truly was of Dio’s character, Jonathan didn’t know. It was bad either way.

Pucci laughed slightly. “No, no, I still have a long way to go before then. I’m in training at a seminary in Florida. I only started less than two years ago,” he explained.

“And… how old are you?” Jonathan continued, somewhat dreading the answer.

“Sixteen. I met Dio last year,” Pucci replied with a smile. Jonathan felt his stomach drop.

As Jonathan looked at Dio with a wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression of pure horror, Dio deliberately ignored him. Instead, he turned towards the doorway.

“D’Arby! What’s taking so long?!” Dio shouted. Though he was only mildly irritated, his commanding aura made his shout as terrifying as a normal person’s rage. (Pucci seemed unfazed.)

Within seconds, the sound of startled footsteps could be heard coming from down the hall, and d’Arby appeared in the doorway, looking slightly nervous.

“My sincerest apologies, Lord Dio. The new chef isn’t quite used to the kitchen yet, but I will ensure he works faster,” d’Arby promised.

Dio raised an eyebrow. “What new chef?”

“If you may recall, Lord Dio, you ate the previous chef,” d’Arby explained.

“Did I,” Dio replied in an uninterested monotone.

“Yes. You did.”

Dio sighed. “Very well, but if the food’s going to take this long, at least bring out the wine,” he told d’Arby with an air of boredom.

D’Arby nodded and bowed deeply. “Yes, Lord Dio. I will get right on that.” D’Arby immediately backed out of the room, presumably to go fulfill Dio’s orders.

By the time Dio finished his conversation with d'Arby, Jonathan had- for the most part- regained his composure enough to continue speaking.

“Pucci, this may be something of a difficult question, but… Are you aware of what sort of person Dio is?” Jonathan asked cautiously.

“Yes,” Pucci replied. A simple one-word response, but unwavering, with a terse, brisk conviction that said he knew exactly what Jonathan meant.

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