[Description: Four images. In the first image, the floor space between two countertops is filthy and caked in grime; the second image is the same space but much cleaner, with only a few spots of dirt in one corner. The bottom two images are of an LG oven with a flat top range, installed in the space between the counters. One shows it closed, and one shows the vivid blue inside of the oven.]
Yesterday I pulled my old oven out of the Oven Hole in the kitchen, in order to clean the floor in preparation for a shiny new oven. Whoever invented Barkeeper’s Friend, I owe them several drinks. In addition to pulling up about a quarter inch solid of grossness, I removed a butter knife, a teaspoon, a wooden spoon, and a LIGHTER from the space between the oven and the counter.
And today the new oven went in and the old one got hauled away, and it’s gorgeous! It’s BLUE on the inside.
Meanwhile, my mother, because she loves me, sent me several baking kits so I’d have something to bake in it:
[Description: Sitting on the stove flat top are numerous boxes of Krusteaz and Betty Crocker baking mixes, including a lemon cake, cranberry muffins, honey cornbread, and a chili making kit, as well as some chocolate covered cashews.]
And because she has also known me for 40 years, she sent me
[Description: A large tube of Alocane emergency burn gel.]
For someone living their whole life in space, never going planetside, the entire concept of dirt would be unimaginably gross. We don’t even think about it other than a quick washing of hands here and there, but just picture it from a foreign perspective.
Spacer: “What’s dirt made of, again?”
Earthling: “Lots of things! Rock dust for one, and a lot of plants that dried up and fell apart.”
Spacer: “Unpleasant, but okay.”
Earthling: “And other plants that got rotten and moldy, and decomposed.”
Space: “Less okay.”
Earthling: “And the dead bugs and other animals.”
Earthling: “Sure, anything that didn’t get eaten. Oh, and a lot that did! How could I forget about the poop?”
Spacer: “You can stop now.”
Earthling: “No, any garden dirt is going to be largely manure! Once the poop isn’t fresh anymore, it’s great for helping plants grow.”
Spacer: “And this is the stuff you have stuck in your boot treads every time you come back from visiting home??”
Earthling: “Sure. It washes off.”
Spacer: *reaching for hand sanitizer and religious symbols* “Go have your boots run through the contagion chamber in the medical ward. Those are a biohazard.”
Earthling: *laughing* “It’s just dirt!”
(Now that I think about it, the immune systems of people in sanitized space stations might not be as good as those of people raised with good clean dirt.)