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#discord submission
Saki, learning Ai's cause of death: “Wow...that's legendary.” Ai, learning Saki's cause of death: “Wow... isn't that fucking stupid?” Saki: “Hey!”
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felixmonth · 7 months ago
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Calendar Release Tomorrow!
So, about that new feature...
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Felix Month now officially has its own AO3 collection, with subcollections for each year the event has been hosted. Please submit your fics to the collection to be added!!
Thank you to @emzurl for an absolutely PERFECTLY characterized grumpy, condescending bean, which is now the icon of our AO3 collection and Tumblr!
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classpectingshitposts · a year ago
rogue: I am a simple person. I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of bread products. I leave.
knight: It's one serving if you serve all of it to yourself at once.
rogue: I like the way you think.
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real-rdr-facts · a year ago
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Real RDR Fact #57
Uncle has ice powers like Elsa he's just too lazy to use them
Thank you @balletcoppelia for submitting this fact on the Real RDR Facts discord server!
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transformationstuck · 8 months ago
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Amalagam Story
Jane was practically sick of trolls at this point. Ever since the entire fiasco had went down, her father gone, and the rise of complaints against her campaign by the majority of the troll population, she wanted them gone from this Earth. It had been a single month since she had deported most of the trolls using small legal constraints to other planets, where they’d continue with their meaningless banter of trying to disobey her. Why, she had been trying her hardest to conform the trolls to her ways, and look where that got her! Nowhere. Frankly, the next time she was going to see a candy corn horn, there was going to be a reckoning.
And yet there was no avoiding it. The twelve initial trolls who had assisted in the beta session remained within the galaxy. Some were taken care of, however discretely. She had devised Nepeta’s ship to crash into one of the deadliest planet to ever live in, and while she expectantly made herself the apex predators against all the face-sucking, marrow-gnawing monstrosities that lived on the planet, she had no way out. Kanaya was permanently disposed off with Rose after an indefinite honeymoon, with a small gift. Perhaps calling it small was the wrong thing, but she sure hoped Rose enjoyed pounding onto her wife like an animal in heat, because that’s practically what those two would be. Both Aradia and Vriska were off the books, considering the former was always missing and off doing something and the latter was currently the leader of the rebellion against her. Terezi and Feferi were far too important people in her campaign to even consider removing their existence, so she would have to simply tolerate them. After all, any legal issues regarding trolls would be pushed by the Pyrope and the former Heiress gave her such political power with her blood color. That left, coincidentally, all the male trolls.
And wasn’t it John’s birthday soon anyways? Might as well prepare him a gift.
——–
The first one was easy. All it took was two drones, a burlap sack, and there was a rather large lump of troll in front of her desk, with two ridiculously large horns protruding out of it.
“I didn’t ask for him to literally bring him to me. Look at the mess he’s making on the carpet! That’s just vacuumed! Get him out of here!”
The drones obeyed, though finding themselves difficulty immediately upon a certain conundrum.
“Tilt him sideways. SIDEWAYS! Why are you rotating him vertically? I meant horizontally! I know the horn is stuck. Just back off, don’t use brute force and…”
CRACK!
As Jane felt a pressure build on her neck, she decided that whenever trolls were involved, so were her migraines.
———
“… What did I tell you about bringing him to me LITERALLY? Again with the carpet? Do you know how difficult honey is to wipe off a carpet? Have you even baked before? Obviously you haven’t baked before, but I’ll do it myself this time. Just… dump him! In the vat! Now shoo!”
———–
“… Just put a sock in his mouth and get it over with.”
———-
“Yoo hoo, handsome. I got a surprise for you~.” The hallway was empty save for a lumbering figure, who seemed rather confused and tilting his head quizically, to the point where his head was rotating in a perpendicular manner. That was most certainly not the way a head should rotate, and the fact that she was wearing nothing but a single sheet of apron was already making her feel more vulnerable.
“Come on, handsome. I know you want it.” She held up a pie, which was green and what she would consider the complete disregard for basic culinary needs. A single whiff was more than enough to make her feel disgusted, and she wondered how anyone could even take a bite off of it.
Still no response, which meant that she had to bring out the big guns. Taking a deep breath, Jane winked, twice, and each wink followed by a short honk.
That did it, as the juggalo basically launched himself, erect cock showing through his stupid codpiece, and Jane found herself wanting to fall for the same mistake of letting the clown in her bedsheet again.
Click.
As Gamzee fell down the trapdoor she had long since set up in case something like this would ever happen, Jane sighed with relief, rubbing her head, and massaging her boob. “God, I actually should get a dick some time soon… And preferably not a clown’s…”
———
“… Excuse me, correct me if I’m hearing this right.”
A rather muscular troll, sweating profusely and smelling like a hung horse and a broken engine sat in front of her desk. The poor furniture was now drenched, and already a dark circle was forming underneath the carpet.
“You want in on this project. After I kidnapped you friends? Condemn them to a horrible experiment that’ll leave their body gone, potentially the mind, and you want in on this?”
A nod. And a sigh from her direction, before she tugged lightly on the rope that was currently binding Equius’s neck.
“You know I was going to disregard you since you were somewhat helpful, right?”
Another nod. Another tug. The troll’s face began to glow bluer by the second, but that deranged smile of him absolutely wanting this behind the leather restraints made her think of all trolls were like this.
Especially when he had been like this for the past three hours.
“I swear, trolls…” She waved to her drones to take him away, but it seemed like the ingredients were complete.
Though she felt like she was forgetting something, she was sure it wasn’t that important if she could remember it.
———
In front of her stood approximately 1000 lb of troll flesh, complete with 5 pairs of horns, 5 pairs of misplaced arms and legs, the most obvious bulges ever, some obviously aroused, and few facial features which she proceeded to shut up. The process was going to be painstakingly simple, as she started to channel the Life into the body.
It hadn’t taken much for her to channel the five into a single blob majorly for safekeeping. She couldn’t risk any of them breaking out and spoiling her plan, so she had made them into what was a large meatball, feeding them all the surplus baked goods until they grew fat and complacent, and practically no traces of bone structure remained from the excessive flesh gained from consumption.
Push, knead. Push, knead. Minute by minute, the flesh began to sink underneath her hands, folding and mixing until gray became pink, round shape forming into more humanoid, a thousand pounds now beginning to dwindle into approximately one tenth of its original weight.
It was then that she called John.
“John.” She said with a quick, snappy tone that immediately informed her ecto-grandson that she meant business. “If you were looking for a relationship, what would you look for in a woman?”
“… What?” A click of her tongue immediately made John regret questioning Jane. There was something about her that intimidated him ever since her campaign began, but still, the question remained. “I mean… Nice, I guess? If you are asking about her personality o-”
“I meant a sexual relationship. Jesus Christ, get on with it!”
“Right, right. So uh… huge boobs.” Silence from her end was interpreted as a signal to continue as she proceeded to knead whatever was left over into a round shape, over the currently very flat chest with little to no definition. “I mean, some serious honkers. A real set of badonkers, packing some dobonhonkeros. Massive dohoonkabankl-”
“John!”
“Right… Uh… Big ol’ tonhongerekoogers.” With that, John paused, and added, “And some thighs please. I like them thick.”
———–
It wasn’t long before Jane was done, staring at her masterpiece she had taken three hours of pure Life to create. An hourglass figure, melon-sized titties, and the very definition of thunder thighs. It wasn’t long before they started moving, which, at that point, she wasn’t exactly sure what happened. One moment they had been lying down unconscious, the next thing, they were, and each limbs proceeded to move completely independent of each other. It wasn’t until she stuffed the horse-dildo in their seemingly very aroused entrance with rough force did they proceed to break out of her lab through sheer willpower.
It wasn’t long before she found her, though not directly. She had left her be for now, and it seemed that, as intended, John had found her first.
The various names mixed together had mistakenly led John to believe she was named “Etiquette.” Though a strange name, she had come a long way from being five different trolls to one hot little body. Sure, disjointed complaints and moans of pleasure occasionally seemed to confuse John, as well as her habit of talking to herself, but once she got in bed, he had no complaints. Sometimes she demanded a larger dildo stuffed down her ass. Sometimes she wanted to do nothing but videogames. Sometimes she started honking like a clown as she rode John cowgirl style, which obviously terrified John as much as it aroused him. It did leave Jane to wonder if they all shared an internal voice, or argued over what to do next, seizing control or each other? Or perhaps they got adapted to controlling their body in a uniform style? Or perhaps all of their personality got melded into one. Jane could potentially find out, but decided against it. As she closed the feed of John pounding Etiquette to the next pleasure-town, the way her fingers and toes twitched, her arms and legs occasionally moving as opposed to how she was acting, she knew that at the very least she got rid of an eyesore.
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yourfaveshatefujoshis · 2 years ago
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All Might from Boku No Hero Academia Hates Fujoshis!
-discord submission-
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rejected-kaiju · 3 years ago
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shivnose
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bad-comic-art · 4 months ago
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I love that as soon as the riddler was introduced it was immediately established that he's been balding since grade school :,)
from detective comics #140
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submitted by @toddhowardschildhoodbully​
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Lily: *Walks past with a hammer*
Sakura: *Lifts it off her*
Sakura: “What did we say?''
Lily: ''Right between the eyes, and make it look like an accident?''
Sakura: ''What did everyone except Saki tell you?''
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felixmonth · 7 months ago
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2 Days Until Calendar Release!
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Thank you to @arcadeology for this gremlin made of sarcasm and snide humor and sleight of hand!!
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one-time-i-dreamt · 11 months ago
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Some guy was really salty that Phoebe from Friends had apparently died. She never died in the show, but this guy was upset that she died instead of Ross. He commented about this over and over on my discord server. Also, in the dream, I found an article that basically said David Schwimmer, who plays Ross, thinks that Ross is a serial killer. Like, he said he thinks Ross killed nine people.
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classpectingshitposts · a year ago
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Heir: how are babies made?
Sylph: when a man and a woman love each other very much-
Mage: they dont have to be a man and a woman!
Rogue: they don't have to love eachother!
Heir, close to tears: they dont have to love eachother??
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 days ago
Barbarian: Can’t I just punch the dragon?
Wizard: You are allowed to do that, but you will die. So yes, you can, that is definitely allowed. You will however die. You are allowed, you can do that, there are no consequences, you will die.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 days ago
Warlock: If you're struggling to pay for wizard college, why not sell your soul for money?
Wizard: I'm not doing that.
Warlock: Why, do you think you're better than me?
Wizard: If I do that Paladin's going to cry again and I don't think I can handle it.
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incorrect-dnd-classes · 2 months ago
Bard: What do I get?
Rogue: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Bard: Ooh, check, check, and check, not sure about that last one.
Rogue: It won’t be you.
Bard: I’ll get my coat.
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