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#discworld quotes
mrscakeishere · 4 months
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Just started Guards! Guards! and I haven't stopped laughing. I particularly love the end of this sentence.
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aeshnacyanea2000 · 6 months
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The river slunk sullenly in the bottom of its bed, like a student around 11 a.m.
-- Terry Pratchett - Men At Arms
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oakys-sideblog · 23 days
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As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn't measure up.
-Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
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arisaontheinternet · 2 months
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The Patrician smiled again and steepled his fingers. "In short, Drumknott, a certain amount of harmless banditry amongst the lower classes is to be smiled upon if not actively encouraged for the health of the city, but what should we do when the highborn and wealthy take to crime? Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed? -Terry Pratchett (Snuff)
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twasjane · 9 months
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Making Money, Terry Pratchett
(Carrot still needs to be reminded about pronouns and gender expression sometimes, but he means well. Also, yeah, golems don't have a gender until they choose one, but sure, Terry Pratchett would've totally been """GC"""" 🙄)
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pendragyn · 4 months
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The Duchess was smaller than she'd thought. But if you had to protect it by standing in the doorway with a sword, you were too late. Caring for small things had to start with caring for big things, and maybe the world wasn't big enough.
~Polly Perk's thoughts about protecting her home, from Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett
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theinkgirl · 1 month
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“She was only happy when she was angry. In fact, it seemed she was only Granny Weatherwax when she was angry.”
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philjoeo · 7 months
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Always relevant
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sparkly-angell · 3 months
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"To see the light is to be blinded. Do you know that in the darkness, the eyes open wider?"
Thud!, by Terry Pratchett
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terrypratchettparadise · 11 months
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GNU Philip Barrett
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thefollower17 · 4 months
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"It's all trickery. They keep you down and when they piss off some other country, you have to fight for them! It's only your country when they want you to get killed!"
-Sir Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
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rosagoldpastel · 6 months
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aeshnacyanea2000 · 3 months
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Magic wasn’t difficult. That was the big secret that the whole baroque edifice of wizardry had been set up to conceal. Anyone with a bit of intelligence and enough perseverance could do magic, which was why the wizards cloaked it with rituals and the whole pointy-hat business. The trick was to do magic and get away with it.
-- Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures
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krowbby · 8 months
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Favorite Monstrous Regiment footnote Poll
Listing the footnotes (some with added context) first and then the poll because they won't all fit in the character limit.
It cost one penny to cross, or one hundred gold pieces if you had a billygoat.* *Trolls might not be quick thinkers but they didn't forget in a hurry either.
But had it been more capable of coherent thought, and knew something about how birds of prey catch pigeons,* it may have wondered why it was being gripped so... kindly. *And allowing for the fact that all pigeons who know how birds of prey catch pigeons are dead, and therefore capable of slightly less thought than a living pigeon.
*A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish, or the woman.
Igor had to be a boy, with those stitches around the head, and that face that could only be called homely.* *And even then it was the kind of home that had a burned out vehicle on the lawn.
"Of course, we all know there is some atrocious behavior in times of war, but it is not the sort of thing we would expect of a royal prince."* *Lieutenant Blouse read only the more technical history books.
There are three things a soldier wants to do when there's a respite on the road. One involves lighting a cigarette, one involves lighting a fire, and the other one involves no flames at all but does, generally, require a tree.* *Technically, a tree is not required, but seems to be insisted upon for reasons of style.
Maladict dropped his crossbow, which fired straight up into the air,* and sat down with his head in his hands. *And failed to hit anything, especially a duck. This is so unusual in situations like this that it must be reported under new humor regulations. If it had hit a duck, which quacked and then landed on somebody's head, this would, of course, have been very droll and would certainly have been reported. Instead, the arrow drifted in the breeze a little on the way and landed in an oak tree some thirty feet away, where it missed a squirrel.
Birds sang. The effect was peaceful, if you didn't know about birdsong, but Polly could recognize the alarm calls close by and the territorial threats far off and, everywhere, the preoccupation with sex. That took the edge off the pleasure.* *It's hard to be an ornithologist and walk around a wood when all around you the world is shouting: "Bugger off, this is my bush! Aargh, the nest thief! Have sex with me, I can make my chest big and red!"
"And? I used to love pink when I was about seven."* *It is an established fact that, despite everything society can do, girls of seven are magnetically attracted to the color pink.
There was a thing with a funnel and a handle and some mysterious screws.* *Every long-established kitchen has one of these, and no one ever remembers why. It is generally for something that no one does anymore and, even when it was done, wasn't done with any real enthusiasm, such as celery basting, walnut shredding, or, in the worst case, edible dormouse stuffing.
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suckrose-and-akwa · 5 months
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"He felt the sensation of the dragon rummaging around in his mind, trying to find a clue to understanding. He half-saw, half-sensed the flicker of random images, of dragons, of the mythical age of reptiles and - and here he felt the dragon's genuine astonishment- of some of the less commendable areas of human history, which were most of it. And after the astonishment came the baffled anger. There was practically nothing the dragon could do to people that they had not, sooner or later, tried on one another, often with enthusiasm.
You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were SUPPOSED to be cruel cunning, heartless, and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape - the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes - we never burned and tortured and ripped each other apart and called it morality."
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
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greencheekconure27 · 5 months
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Terry Prattchett, Wyrd Sisters
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