#disordered soul
memoryslandscape · 2 months ago
The grass resolves to grow again, receiving the rain to that end, but my disordered soul thirsts after something it cannot name.
Jane Kenyon, from “August Rain, after Haying,” Constance (Graywolf Press, 1993)
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netbug009 · a year ago
Pixar’s Soul contains a scene that VERY CLOSELY mimics the feeling of having a sensory overload. It's nothing mean-spirited or TRYING to cause sensory issues or anything like that - in fact, it’s a great opportunity to explain what a sensory overload is like - but just a head's up, as it was a bit triggering for me when I wasn’t expecting it.
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dykementality · a month ago
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who are you?
fernando pessoa, the book of disquiet | richard siken, crush | clarice lispector, água viva | clarice lispector, the passion according to g.h. | clarice lispector, the hour of the star | fernando pessoa, i am the escaped one | fernando pessoa, the book of disquiet | richard siken, crush | clarice lispector, água viva
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positiveupwardspiral · a year ago
“Close your eyes and say in your mind something that you know is not true, like ‘my dog is green.’ Notice that your mind has no problem saying it. You may not realize it, but your inner voice often says things that aren’t true. The mind can (and will) say anything, and it’s our responsibility not to believe everything it says.”
- Michael Singer
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anawkwardlady · a month ago
what would be considered disordered eating from the point of view of a soul eating demon in the kuro universe. ever thought about that.
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whiterabbitsystem · a year ago
bf’s brother after watching some tik tok:
woah did you know people with adhd literally forget entire things they said? like this guy said he was gonna have spaghetti for dinner. a few minutes later someone mentioned the spaghetti and he was like “how did you know i’m having spaghetti for dinner?” because he already forgot he said it. isn’t that crazy? like that’s so dangerous how can people live like that
me, casually sitting there with a literal dissociative disorder that makes me forget entire chunks of my life and deletes entire conversations and people from my memory on a regular basis:
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me: haha that’s so crazy
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bloom-s-cipher-goldenrod · 2 months ago
It's multiplicity may and I watched Moon Knight a couple of weeks ago, so here's this thing
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Also I wanted to talk a bit about DID but as I'm not an expert I think it would be better if a just share the channel of someone who know about this subject
Here's a channel in English
And here's one in Spanish
Both are guys with DID, I actually just watch the second but they recommend a lot the other so am I'll do it too
(I don't know much about DID so sorry if I did something wrong)
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a-path-by-the-moon · a year ago
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ana05sposts · 7 months ago
Why does life snatch away the only people we want to stay with us forever in the most torturing way??
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drachenengel · a year ago
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constellation-of-us · 4 months ago
Question directed at anyone, but specifically for alters who are nonhuman and/or from different time periods:
Do you feel so severely dissociated from your body and life that despite logically knowing you are this person, you very much feel like you were magically trapped in a human body and forced to live this life? I have little to no connection to anything that's ever happened to me, my family, my friends, and anything else I'm involved in on a daily basis.
I can never shake the feeling that I was tangled in some kind of time-travel body-swap. It's not that I actually have that delusion, but it's a feeling. My own trauma hardly even bothers me beyond recognition of how horrific it is that those things happened to someone who isn't me.
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shiroi---kumo · a day ago
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Kumo’s Personas: The Fractured Mirror 
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So this has come up multiple times now in varying ways and it’s high time I stop dodging the topic and I talk about it.  The elephant in the room here is Kumo’s instability.  Kumo presents himself as a perfectly composed prim and proper prince at all times except when he’s not.  He’s not.  Kumo acts as if the trauma he’s experienced in his life has not touched his life any way, shape or form. Kumo acts like he is perfectly composed and in control of himself. He acts like he’s untouchable and that couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. Kumo acts like everything he’s lived through and everything he hasn’t didn’t effect him in any way. 
Well that’s not exactly true. He will tell you it is but it isn’t. Don’t listen to him. When he tells you all he’s gone through doesn’t effect him, he’s lying.  Kumo is a master manipulator and an expert liar. He’s so skilled he’s even managed to convince himself of some ugly truths. That being that he can delegate his wrong doings to someone else.  That being that he thinks he can sort his trauma out and delegate and divide it between different parts of himself by way of different personas.  
Kumo has a multitude of names he goes by and every single one of those names is a different face. He would go so far as to tell you they are different people.  Every single part of him that he divides and delegates this trauma to is a different persona and every single one of those shards of himself has a name - therefore they are a different person in his mind.  
Currently there are six differing personas active in Kumo’s mind. I’ve talked about these before in the post on his Masks and Mindsets, but now it’s time to take this a little deeper.  The currently active personas in Kumo’s mind are: 
White Cloud 
Little Cloud
Valkoinen Pilvi
I’ve taken the time to break them all down in differences and where they set in Kumo’s mind in the post linked about his Masks and Mindsets so I won’t be doing that here. Here is where I need to explain the mental instability that is so ever present in the way this man functions. He has mental and physical shifts and they aren’t always obvious. They aren’t always as apparent as they have been for Kaze.  Kumo has displayed extreme instability twice to Kaze and only Kaze twice.  ->  Subject A  ||  Subject B 
By extreme instability I mean the concept of more than one persona operating at the same time. Here’s the problem we’re facing here. Kumo has faced a massive amount of and a multitude of traumatic events in his lifetime. Kumo has a massive pile of trauma he needs to work through but is refusing to do so. He’s using a few things to avoid doing so - things like his Ghost Mentality and his Escapism, but also his masks and mindsets. 
Kumo will not tell you that he has lived through the destruction of two worlds. Those words will never leave his mouth because in his mind he didn’t. In his mind, Pilvi died with Misterica and Seejvariil died with Windaria. In his mind, those personas died.  So how can he have survived something that killed him? 
Bluntly put - in his mind White Cloud is not Pilvi and Pilvi is not White Cloud. 
See the problem here? This in effect for all of his personas. All six of them. One is not the other but all of them are him. To him they are all different people to the point that they will scold the active persona in his mind and he will address them by name.  He will talk to them like they are other people and they will talk back.   
One of the many traumatic things that Kumo lived through was extreme isolation. By this I mean, he lived for twelve years in the company of his greatest enemy. He lived in the company of the being he is charged with destroying and the enemy that had killed him twice by the way of Misterica and Windaria’s destruction.  Chaos, Earl Tyrant in this case, then proceeded to slaughter Kumo a little over a hundred times during these twelve years and drove the mindset that he was nothing more than The Earl’s pet  into his head all while doing this. 
This not only gave birth to the persona Little Cloud, who is excessively submissive and agreeable, but it also was what caused his personas to take on sentience of their own. Kumo had nothing and no one for twelve years so in that time of forced solitude he had no one to truly talk to and if he showed anyone any sort of favor due to how Earl Tyrant viewed him, it put that person in the direct line of danger. So he could have nothing. Not without risking that person and himself. 
He had no company for twelve years so he made company.  
Gaudium gave rise to two of his personas. One being Little Cloud but the other being Makenshi. Makenshi is the most brutal of his personas and the one he will lead with when encountering someone new. Makenshi is a variable wall that will stand in the path of anyone attempting to get close to his other personas. Makenshi is the demon swordsman and as such, he is the persona that has had all of the killing delegated to them. In Kumo’s mind, Makenshi is the one responsible for all the lives he’s taken and all the blood he’s spilt.  It’s Makenshi that took those lives, not him. 
And to take this further it’s Little Cloud who’s died over one hundred times. It’s Little Cloud who kept getting punished and dying for it. Little Cloud is the sacrificial lamb and the one who will drop his own neck on the blade. Not White Cloud. Not Kumo. Not Seejvariil, and sure as hell not Pilvi. 
Kumo divides and delegates his trauma between his personas for the following reasons: 
- to make the sheer massive quantity of it easier to carry
- to allow his mind to block out certain parts or pieces of it so he doesn’t have to think about it and therefore can function without it “cluttering his mind” 
- to prevent certain learned behaviors from certain traumatic events from effecting the “active persona”
- to protect Pilvi
At the end of the day, that’s what this is about above all else: Protecting Valkoinen Pilvi. Of all his personas they were given life in the following order: 
- Valkoinen Pilvi - his name by birthright and his truest self. Pilvi is the “core” persona
- Seejvariil - A name given to him on Windaria because Kaze and Aura could not hope to hide him from the rest of Windaria is they dared call him by anything close to his actual name. Seejvariil means Little Moon. 
- Makenshi - His first way of address upon entering Wonderland. Given to him by way of Earl Tyrant.  His name was not asked for, he was given this title instead. It means Demon Swordsman. 
- Little Cloud - His second way of address upon agreeing to give his life to Earl Tyrant in exchange for the lives of the people of Wonderland.  The Earl gave him this name as a way of placing ownership over him. 
- White Cloud - His name by birthright - translated into Wonderlandian / English - His most prominent persona and the one who is likely the “active persona” more often then not. This is Black Wind’s form of address for him. 
- Kumo - A name given to him by the Hayakawa Twins. A casual presence who is both calm and caring. A spirit that’s allowed to be gentle. If you meet this persona he’s letting you past many many walls.
As I previously stated of all his personas Kumo will lead will Makenshi. Makenshi is not just his most ruthless and brutal of his personas but Makenshi is the most protective. Makenshi’s main job is to protect the others. So if someone gets past Makenshi, then they’ve managed get past some serious walls and gain some serious trust because that means they are being allowed to meet the more gentle of his personas. 
Now the thing to know about this is, while Kumo sees all of these different names as different people they will all still answer to names that are not theirs. He’s a master manipulator mind you. So of course Makenshi will answer to White Cloud, even if White Cloud is not the active persona.  That’s more present in his tells.  His word choices, his posture, his verbal tics, the way he carries himself, the way he looks at someone, etc.  It’s also present in what and who he talks about and how he talks about them. 
Kumo’s most telling word choice is when he talks of other personas, and he’s done this in too many threads to track down and too many times to count. When Kumo speaks of other personas - we’re going to use Little Cloud as the example here because it’s normally him. 
Kumo will not say or has he ever said. “I don’t go by Little Cloud.”  He says “I don’t want to be Little Cloud.”   He will refer to his personas in the terms of “I want to be...” or “ I don’t want to be...” as in physically becoming a new person. A new persona. A new face and persona with traumas and problems he doesn’t want to face or to become a person with things he’s lost that he longs for.   I.E. = “I want to be Seejvariil more than anything. If I could only be Seejvariil one more time.”  
Kumo’s word choice has always been important because he picks what he says carefully but the name he goes by and how he refers to other names he goes by is absolutely paramount, because at the end of the day - Kumo’s creation of true personas just so he didn’t have to be completely alone is just another form of his escapism. 
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5t4t1c-5h0ck · 10 months ago
my soul feels like its empty and shaking
my soul is starving
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mushroom-winners-proof · 7 months ago
i am once again asking kingdom hearts products to not be worth all my limbs and as a bonus where is the first volume of 358/2 that doesn’t cost my liver
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riddlemethiswilliam · 5 months ago
Everyday I smoke my silly little weed so I don’t end my silly little life.
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sergle · a year ago
social media really does more or less BEG you to start an eating disorder if you aren’t already rock-solid in your body image and your knowledge of your own health. there is so so much bait for it
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futureless · a month ago
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“sometimes, in the darkness, the lost boy finds himself.”
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