Nerron, to Reckless
Nerron, to Will: Your f*cking brother
Nerron, to Jacob: F*cking your brother
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You being a female footballer on the Barca team and is very quiet (because you have a shy behaviour), when the men’s and women’s team decide to have a week practice together, you are a nervous wreck but manage to always to amazing in practice. When it comes to partner work your always partner to lewandoski however, the one day he isn’t there you get Pedri, to which you start being hostile (since lewondoski was easy to talk to since he was older and you took him a father or brother figure, but since Pedri close to your age, you get really shy towards it and also you find him cute) end it with a fluff please
Hey sweetie, I’m sorry but i only write for x male reader. I saw the other request and that one I’ll make since gender wasn’t specified. But this plot revolve around the reader being part of the female barça team. Hopefully you have a lovely day and I’m really sorry.
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Today a letter from school came where stood that I might be held back this year and HE had to sign the letter. It is so embarrassing. He knows that I’m a failure!
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Gedanken 22:50uhr
Es ist schlichtweg diesmal der Selbsthass..warum bin ich so naiv? Und lasse mich von allem verletzen?
Warum glaube ich immer alles so einfach?
Ich hasse mich, insbesondere mein Körper, und meine Art.
Allein dass ich mich hier schonwieder ausheule…
Ekelhaft…
Ich sehne mich so sehr nach Nähe und liebe, und weil niemand je ernsthaftes Interesse an mir haben könnte versuche ich das Unterbewusst damit zu decken und die Menschen an mir zu halten wenn ich mich sexualisiere.
Weil dass, das einzige ist worin ich "gut" bin und was jemanden an mir interessieren könnte.
Ich will nicht so sein…ich will eins der schönen und schlauen Mädchen sein die in einer Beziehung sind und glücklich sind.
Wie lange muss ich all die anderen schmerzen noch ertragen ?
Kann ich mich nicht selbst davon erlösen?
Warum ist Selbstmord so verwerflich?
Habe ich es nicht verdient mich gut zu fühlen und glücklich zu sein?
Jetzt sitze ich wieder hier und heule wie ein Baby und versinke in Selbstmitleid.
Während diese scharfen Dinger neben mir liegen und ich mich am liebsten bis zum Knochen aufschneiden will.
Das ist das einzige was ich verdient habe.
Schmerzen.
Tod.
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literally saw ao3 trending and my heart dropped cause i thought it was down.....
I think this is a sign i need to go outside more.
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Tbt when you were younger and were good at SO MANY THINGS like singing, dancing, reading, acting etc. And got praised for doing even the bare minimum. Being able to read 10th grade literature in class 5, being able to sing and dance better than many adults as well, having an above average vocabulary and getting good marks without even trying.
But now you can't even do the simplest of tasks without messing up. You can't read even a single page of the same book that you could read even a hundred times without getting distracted, you feel like even a 5 year old could sing and dance better than you, having a deteriorating vocabulary and you can't get grades that are good enough to make others happy and proud.
The same people who used to praise you for the simplest of things now are disappointed in you even if you try your best.
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Why stay at home and cry when you can go into the woods and be a witch?
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Hey everyone;
I know no one will see this but, i'm really not doing well. So i'm taking a long break. there's also a chance i might get sent to a mentalhospital, wich isnt fun. sadly this is forced by my parents, i know they are doing this for me, so i don't fully blame them
I'll try to update now and then. might do an easy request. the mental hospital i might go to i've been in once already.
So sorry if you are waiting for a request, this isnt really in my control.
Goodbye for now,
my friends <3
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I hate the fact that my past self just simply doesn't believe in me in completing my assignments and feels the need to post sticky note on the wall as a reminder. Anyway I am running super late, the notes did not help-
Edit: I did complete it. I stayed up three whole nights. I was running on caffeine and some unbreakable determination. I felt like I was on top of the WORLD
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i got letterboxd. url is paperbaggg
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