#do i have an eating disorder? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 7 months

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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

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g1rl-0f-h0ney-and-glass · 8 months

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✨️ couples th1n$p0 ✨️

these honest to god have me in a chokehold omfg

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depressedoompaloompa · 1 year

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Omgggggggg

Looks like someone is wasting their time on tumblr needs a glass of ✨water✨

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canisalbus · 5 months

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Your art tastes like aged paper, sugar, and chocolate to me, with a hint of salt every so often

Machete looks like white chocolate, and Vasco's like buttery caramel

.

#aw #that sounds nice #anonymous #answered #I was wondering what the aged paper is doing there but it reminded me of something #so I'm going to share a weird personal detail totally unprompted #I think I used to have pica disorder when I was a kid I would gnaw on and eat a lot of small inedible objects #pieces of cardboard rubber bands and blu tack #the plastic animal figurines I had had bitemarks on them and were often missing bodyparts like if a dog had gotten to them #also a ton of uncooked pasta #I think it wasn't a flavor thing I had obsessions for specific textures that weren't found in actual foods #I particularly craved those candy wrappers that are made of waxed paper #(finns might be familiar with pihlaja or marianne wrappers for example or those translucent inner wrappers in lehmäkarkki/ cow cream fudge)#can't say for sure when it stopped but one day I realized that hey hold on this probably isn't normal human behavior #I think I was over 10 but under 15 #and I had forgotten the whole thing but got such a vivid flashback from that line it was actually kind of alarming

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tangledinink · 4 months

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new gemini update was so good as always but I can't stop thinking:

big mama: there's nothing wrong with my sons

splinter: you fucked up two perfectly good kids is what you did. look at blue. he's got an eating disorder

wwhhhattttt? nooo, don't be silly. leo doesn't have an eating disorder.

leo and donnie have eating disorders--

#this is a Joke but also No It's Not #it's just different flavors lmao #but both of them have absolutely fucked relationships with food #my poor babies... :(... who did this to you...?#(it was me i did)#leo spends a lot of time worrying about whAT hes eating and how mUCH hes eating and if hes eating the rIGHT thing #largely due to his mom and also just being a celebrity/child celebrity in general #but also in part due to:#donnie has a lot of food sensitivities which have really never been accommodated for at all and as a result he just #has a very negative association with food and eating. he doesnt LIKE eating and he avoids it a majority of the time.#its stressful and unpleasant and he doesnt like it #which ofc only gave leo another reason to hyperfixate on food and calories and nutritional value etc etc etc #which leads to #ironically #leo (who def has an undiagnosed ed and restricts/denies himself food regularly): worrying abt making sure donnie eats enough #donnie will do the same thing back sometimes but not with the same obsessiveness that leo does #esp because the ideals surrounding eating and dieting set up around them really kind of just #lead them both to believe (at least to an extent) that leo is fine and eats a totally healthy and ok amount of food (esp in comparison to d #(no he doesnt)(and even when he does thats not the point)#tw eating disorders #cw eating disorders #eating disorders #tw disorders eating #cw disordered eating #disordered eating #gemini au asks #asks #anon

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danandfuckingjonlmao · 4 months

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there are two types of neurodivergent kids in school:

1. sees class has already started, mortified by the thought of walking in front of people, fails at psyching themself up, goes outside, sits next to a dumpster for six hours, goes home, changes colleges, never goes back again

or

2. sees that no one is sitting on table, immediately sits on table, becomes friends with a guy called swaz who appreciates their table power move, embraces status as the Weird Kid

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uncanny-tranny · 1 month

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It actually does bother me that eating is treated like spending money - that you have an allotted allowance in the form of calories that you are supposed to budget.

"How are you spending your calories?" I'm spending them on experiences. I'm spending them on time with my community, my people, those who matter to me. I'm spending them on satiating a human need. I'm spending them on the feeling of being alive and not just living.

If there is one experience that I don't want to "pay" for, it's the basic human right of comfort, security, community, and care.

#anti diet culture #fatphobia #fatphobia tw #disordered eating tw #ed tw #(just in case)#ask to tag #if i had to choose between miserable counting and recounting and reallocating calories and... eating then i'm choosing the latter #there are absolutely health conditions which warrent the *need* to count and stay in a range #but that is entirely different than the societal pressure to be within the idea of a 'right' calorie/nutrient count #if you have a health condition which is affected by food/drink then do what you must to balance your wellness and health and happiness #there is absolutely nothing wrong with that #again that is very different than society coming in and telling you what it thinks you 'should' do about yourself #i know this sounds corny but like #does it not drive you insane to obsess over numbers if you don't have to?#does it drive you insane that you're often treated like you can't or shouldn't be permitted to just live? to ENJOY living?

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ovaruling · 6 months

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maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously

thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall

it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are

i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things

the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.

if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly

#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there #once they take firm root #this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is #this is a very specific problem #and it is LEARNED #you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home #i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7 #so i started dieting too #bc she was my mom and i did what she did #cuz i was fucking 7 #she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her.#and when she binged EYE binged #i blame her always for my food addiction

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drawbauchery · 7 months

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violently launching through my computer to hug and support the FUCK out of you

#nobutforrealthough #art #danganronpa #bus au #tw eating disorders #teruteru hanamura #ultimate imposter #i'm not experienced in this topic #but what i do know is that 90% of these characters #definitely have issues with eating and sleeping #and we will be taking care of each and every one of them #and thanks for sending this sweetheart<3 #i'm glad it meant something to you

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skunkes · 4 months

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i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this?#he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!!#while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety !#so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes...#we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies...#i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though)#but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon.#my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them.#he's growing with me.#oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

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inkskinned · 2 years

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i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

#the really ironic thing #is that the less i care what people think of me #the more friends i have #the more i get along with people easily #19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying''#but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend #i was trying NOT to be ME #i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me''#to a decade later being like #'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone ''#it was true about food too #i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way #if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly #but im now in probably the best shape of my life #and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole)#bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING #bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead #do you know how weird it is #to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah #like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc #to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky''#some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication #and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve #im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me #it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD #anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3

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actualbird · 1 month

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beware cuz tw disordered eating, tw smoking addiction posting ahead but like.....

the thing about smoking vs eating is that. smoking is SO MUCH EASIER TO DO.

eating has so many steps. make food (AUGH), put food on plate, sit down and focus to eat food, food enters mouth, must chew, must swallow, must ignore constant low-level nausea to keep food down, repeat until food on the plate is gone. currently im so low-energy and fatigued that this whole process of eating is exhausting to me, and at the end of it i get a tummy ache anyway and risk vomiting all of it out, so theres always a risk of all that hard work (it is...objectively not hard work, i know, but right now in my Mental State it feels like climbing a mountain every time i have a meal) being all for naught.

meanwhile the steps for smoking are Marginally Much Less. it's: get cigarette, light cigarette, inhale, exhale, repeat until cigarette is done. and usually once im done, i wont feel hungry for another half hour because nicotine does that to me.

but it's short-term benefits vs long-term benefits because obviously after enough cigarettes-instead-of-eating, the effects of Not Having Eaten And Smoking Instead stack up to hit me with one hell of a whammy of acidity and Even More Nausea and like

i am Well Aware im trapping myself in a cycle of self-destruction every time i reach for a cig instead of sitting down and eating but smoking is just. easier. and it relaxes me instead of stressing me out, and eating sometimes does stress me out because of the amount of work and focus it involves

this is all horrible by the way, im not endorsing this behavior im just airing out my thoughts. in fact, i am a case study in all the things you should Not be doing to your body

but addiction is just a really crazy thing lmao. like what the fuck do you mean i prefer killing myself slowly rather than having a filling meal. thats crazy. no sane person would have those priorities in that order

and yet

#tw disordered eating #tw smoking #ive eaten lunch btw. i just had such a dang hard time the entire time #why is eating so hard. i like food. i KNOW i like food so why is getting it into my system so difficult #whenever im in the hospital i actually enjoy having an IV because it means i dont have to eat as much because the act is just #such a dang chore. theres so many steps. sometimes i stop mid-chew because im so tired or because i wanna throw up #dootdootdoot #anyhoo to all those out there who can eat without trouble: i love you. keep on doing that. dont take it for granted. it's a good thingto ea #i wish i could eat normally

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lpsotd · 25 days

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honestly if i was savannah i would've smacked sage upside his head in brooke's closet. if he actually liked her he would've asked her about the things brooke said about her??? am i insane or. i personally would've rejected him.

#sage and savannah both equally suck but sage is such a tool. and another word i can't say here #“she called me dumb???” no but she wouldn't have been wrong to say it.#also i'm not forgetting how he shamed brooke AND savannah for having eating disorders.#“you're not doing that starving thing are you? brooke does that ALL the time it's SO annoying” if you don't shut up #i want him to die #lps popular #lps #littlest pet shop #💬.mod chatter #ed mention #< jic

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yuhi-san · 3 months

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I made a post before about how vash in 98 (and trimax) cries very openly and unapologetic while in contrast, stampede vash doesn’t, going so far as to say he doesn’t deserve to cry.

And all three versions of vash differ but there is something else that just struck me

Its food.

Vash likes to eat. Loves donuts especially. We see him eat all the time. It delights him and he clearly enjoys food. All he wanted for saving a town was being able to eat all the salmon sandwich whenever he wanted.

I would go so far as to say it’s a comfort thing for him. After what happened with ship three and wolfwoods death vash is out there buying a bunch of donuts. He’s so excited about them. They are fresh and smell amazing and all the good stuff. He buys an entire bag full.

He barely gets a bite in before he breaks down crying and drops them on the ground.

Food is a comfort thing but it can only do so much to soothe the pain he feels.

Stampede vash on the other hand? He essentially has an eating disorder in all but name.

He clearly used to be excited about food despite being teased for it by nai. But already after the great fall he refuses to eat, feeling undeserving of it. Whenever stampede vash is hurting, feels miserable or guilty or just like he doesn’t deserve anything good after something bad happened to others, he goes right for self-imposed starving.

Its not really about the food, though. Personally I think vash doesn’t need to eat anymore from a simply physical point. He does it to blend in and because he likes to eat.

(though that part is just my personal take)

For 98 vash (and trimax vash I think, still haven’t gotten to reading it, shame on me), food is one of the few things he really allows himself to indulge in.

For stampede vash its not even about going hungry, its about depriving himself of something he genuinely enjoys.

#vash the stampede #trigun #trigun stampede #trigun 98 #eating disorder #i really need to find time to get startet on trimax but i have so much to do #and so many projects also

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uncanny-tranny · 8 months

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I'm going to be real, I think people (particularly neurotypical people) really fail when they see disordered eating as solely a behaviour when it isn't just that (and usually they assume the behaviour can only be restricted eating). Disordered eating is as much a frame of thinking as it is a "behaviour".

I say this is a failure because people are struggling, and they aren't receiving help they need because they're not seen as "eating disordered". The mindset that leads to somebody developing the behaviours associated with disordered eating is - in my experience - absolutely life-ruining and devastating. It genuinely feels like a huge part of your soul has shriveled up and vanished. When you see disordered eating as a behaviour, you are fundamentally not understanding what these issues tend to be, and how they arise.

This is so, so especially important for people who don't "look" the way society expects. For instance, the number of men I see absolutely destroyed by these thoughts, feelings, and compulsions is really almost astonishing. We need to do better for everybody - everybody deserves the help they want and need.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #disordered eating #disordered eating tw #eating disorder tw #ed tw #(and no this wasn't me saying men have it the worst but that it was an example of what i meant)#(a HUGE reason i go to the gym alone and never EVER follow fitness influencers is because they seem to be in a disordered mindset)#(and i do not think that is an indication that they are a Bad Person but that they are not in a good way and i can't be part of that)#nobody struggling with this is a Bad Person - they are simply human and they deserve to be seen and treated as such #i just have A Lot of feelings and thoughts about this #it is absolutely soul-crushing to be AFRAID of food...#...and like ime it's almost... worse than the physical aspects sometimes #(though again that's just in my experience and i'm not an authority or expert)

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ajaxpilled · 3 months

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#non kink people are so weird to me bc #long story short i have finally gained some weight through many tropes i did not even realise were happening #which is a good thing bc everyone close to me is worried abt my weight bc im naturally underweight #and somebody mentioned it to me recently like oh wow so glad to see you’re getting better #and my bf who is completely blissfully utterly unaware of this kink and just rly likes cooking #put a HAND #on my STOMACH #and was like yeah you eat very well for me don’t you :) and kissed my forehead and Kept His Hand there for a while like ???#ppl are way too open about weight fluctuations and how full or hungry they are for my liking like..#how do u do all this and feel so normal and open about it #okay sorry #rambles #things such as this have happened before but this one had me so awkward #smile thru it they won’t find out they won’t find out they won’t find out !!!!!#ive only dated or been friends with people who have disordered eating or care for beauty standards before so it’s all New To Me #tw disordered eating #?

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