#do not mind me i am just practicing how to color without using color fill layers and layer masks

[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ vii. reader

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please refresh your memory of the content warnings that's mentioned on the summary page. this chapter will include vi0lence.

 For some reason the takeout I ordered is taking longer than usual, which is strange for a Tuesday night. I was told a forty-five minute delivery time, but they’re fifteen minutes over. 

 Now that I think about it, they did sound pretty busy over the phone, so I guess a couple of minutes won’t be too bad. Hopefully they hurry because I am dozing off a bit, and I’d like to take advantage of my weariness since Toji isn’t here to comfort me before bed. 

 Just being without Toji for three days puts me on edge, however, he reassures me that Naoya is on standby if I need anything or if I feel unsafe. Not like I can while being in our home. Living in a penthouse has its perks. Great security. Code required entry. I think I should be fine. And after the party a few weeks ago, I don’t think I’ll ever see Suguru again. 

 I curse myself everyday for succumbing to the temporary pleasure he provided me those two times we had sex. Honestly, I feel embarrassed. I knew Suguru was a bit clingy but I didn’t think about it at the time because I wanted attention. The desire. The chemistry. The mind blowing sex and how he practically worshiped my body. All of it felt good. Now, I feel disgusted.

 It’s been almost two months since I met Suguru, and a month since I told Toji about my infidelity. He has admitted how much it hurt him that I stepped out on our marriage, but decided to work on forgiving me and move past it. I can’t say our marriage is perfect. We still have our small arguments, especially about me cheating, and I give him the space to express how he feels. I mean, there’s nothing I can say. I cheated. 

 Quite frankly, I’m surprised Toji and I are still together. Maybe something in me thought when I told him I cheated that he was going to use that as a way to finally divorce me. Because again, I thought he didn’t love me anymore. However, Toji made it clear that our love for each other should never be questioned.

 I know that now.

 A yawn escapes my mouth and I begin to wonder where the delivery driver is. I grabbed my phone to call the restaurant but before I was able to, a message from an unknown number came through:

Hi. This is your delivery driver. What is the access code?

  Finally .

Hi, it’s 02315.

I go to the bedroom to grab some cash from our safe and hear the doorbell ring. I just know as soon as I eat a good amount of food, I’m going straight to bed. Tomorrow I have to meet with Teresa to do some nursery shopping (maybe clothes and shoes, too) and I need all the energy for our early morning. 

 Although I know it’s the delivery driver at the door, paranoia causes me to look through the peephole and I see the delivery guy from the restaurant, in uniform, waiting for me. But the moment I open the door, my heart nearly sinks to my stomach seeing the delivery guy coughing up blood and behind him is Suguru, pulling a knife out of his lower back. 

 He falls forward, food spilling everywhere along with broken glass from the pop that I ordered. He’s… he’s dead. 

 Suguru killed him. 

 I gasp, and numbness finds its way to my knees that feels like they’re giving up on me but manages to give me enough strength to put distance between us. How he slowly locks the door behind him while giving me a sardonic smile fills nausea in my stomach. 

 Suguru’s purple irises darken to the color of midnight as he looks over my body. I feel violated. Disgusted. I’m trying to control my mind to prevent me from thinking about throwing up, but the more he ogles me, repulsion flares in my gut. 

 A man, that I had sex with, that doesn’t know what no means, is now standing in the middle of my home with a bloody knife and an intent of I don’t know what. I turn on my heels to run toward my phone, however, he breaks the distance in three long strides to grab me by my coils and pull me to him, causing me to yelp from the sharp pain I felt. 

 My breaths softly burst in and out, and salty tears trickle down my cheeks just thinking about what’s going to happen to me. 

 Will Suguru kidnap me? Kill me? The possibilities are endless as they spiral in my mind, but really all I can think about is Toji. 

 “Shh, don’t cry, sweetheart,” he whispers, kissing the shell of my ear that causes the slightest hint of vomit to rise up my throat. “I won’t hurt you. I would never do that.”

 “You’re hurting me now.”

 Suguru lets out a breathy chuckle, almost as if he’s mocking me. “Funny. I don’t remember you having an issue with me pulling your hair when my cock was inside of you.” 

  What was I thinking? 

 “What do you want?” I ask, trembling. 

 “I just want to talk, baby.”

 There’s one of two things. I can play along and listen to what Suguru has to say to give me time to think of what I could do. Or, find a way to get to my bedroom to get the gun out of the safe. 

 The former is my best bet for now.

 “Okay,” I answered. “We can talk. Just let go of me.”

 “Will you run if I do?” I shook my head, and although Suguru hesitated, he released my hair.  “I miss you, Y/N.”

 “You have a weird way of showing it.” I move to the other end of the couch to create a greater distance than before. Suguru attempts to come closer, but I put my hand up to reassure him. “Give me space.”

 He nods. “Anything for my pretty girl.”

 There was a time when hearing him call me his pretty girl made my stomach flutter.

 I loathe it now. 

 “How the fuck do you know where I live?”

 “Hm, coincidence. But be more careful giving out your code, angel. It’s dangerous.”

 “Are you sick in the head?” The question was rhetorical, but Suguru felt the need to answer. 

 “Love can make you do crazy things, Y/N.”

 I scoff. “ Love? Do you… think that I love you? That you love me?”

 “I do love, angel-”

 “We fucked, Suguru!” I yell at him, anger ripping through my throat and breaking past my tears. “I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.”

 He shakes his head, eyes softening. “That’s where you’re wrong, Y/N. I do know you.” He slowly walked toward me and I began stepping backwards. “I know your favorite bakery. I know that makeup store that you love going to every Saturday. I know how much you love reading. How much you love ordering from this takeout place. Oh, and don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll order you some more.”

 “Why? So you can fucking kill the next delivery driver?” I retorted. 

 “In my defense, he wouldn’t cooperate with giving me your order. I told him I was your boyfriend and the fucker didn’t believe me.” Suguru laughs menacingly while pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the blood off his blade. “Says he knows your husband. Your fucking husband that’s a pain in my ass.” 

 Clingy wasn’t the word to describe Suguru. Crazy. A complete psychopath. He’s fucking delusional. For all this time I’ve known him for, the very little that I know, he’s been building this illusion in his mind that we’re meant to be. That we’re in love. 

 Where did he get this from after sex and a few conversations about sex? 

 On the outside, it seems like I calmed down, but inside? Fear gnaws me. If Suguru claims he’s not going to hurt me, why is still holding the blade in his hand after he wiped it clean? 

 I need to find a way to get past him. Think, Y/N. Think. 

 “There’s other ways to show me that you love me, Suguru.” Reassuring him to make it seem like I’m interested in building a relationship is worth a try. “You don’t have to kill to prove that you love me. I feel it. I know you do. I’m sorry for doubting you before.”

 His brows raise in relief. “You do?”

 “I do, Suguru. I do,” I say softly. “You were there to make me feel special when Toji wasn’t.”

 “Don’t say his name, angel. He doesn’t deserve your breath.” Suguru comes closer to me and reaches for my hand. To keep the act that I’m on his side, I allow him to touch me. If I make it out alive, I remind myself to scrub my body hard next time I shower. 

 A slight shiver races through my spine as he caresses my face and sniffs the scent of my hair. Behind me there’s a bottle of wine I planned on drinking with my meal, and while Suguru takes his time embracing me, I grab the bottle and smash it against his head. 

 I don’t wait to see his reaction. My legs move on their own to where my phone is and I rush upstairs to my bedroom, but before I could make it to the fourth step, Suguru pulls me by my leg. And you would think he would be furious, boiling because of my betrayal, his anger is masked with a sadistic smile. 

 “You lied to me, princess. Why. Did. You. Lie. To. Me?” He asks me through gritted teeth. 

 I kick at him, hitting his chest and face to let me go, but he doesn’t budge. “Let go of me you fucking psycho!” 

 Suguru slices the back of my leg with the knife, deep enough to inflict damage, to which I scream in pain. But I know the pain is temporary. 

 While I continue to kick him, I throw my phone up the stairs and yell out to the digital assistant installed in my phone to call Naoya. I’m not near to know if it worked, but after hearing calling Naoya out loud, it’s dialing. 

 I managed to stand up on one leg despite Suguru still having my other in his grip, kicking him in his eye socket where it’s still bruised from Toji’s beating. Every bit of my power is used to jab my heel into his eye until he winces in pain and eventually releases me. 

 My steps are wide when running up the stairs, two at a time, to reach for my phone and rush into my bedroom. Naoya is still on the phone and I want to let out a breath of relief, but I can’t. Not with this fear rushing through me. 

 “Naoya? Naoya?” I call for him frantically, tears returning to my eyes. 

 “ Y/N, what the hell is going on? ”

 “Please come. He’s here, he’s-” I yelp and my body flinches from the abrupt banging on my door. 

 “Angel, come outside. Don’t make this harder for us. You know I don’t like scaring you.”

 “ I’m on my way now, Y/N. Go get the gun ,” Naoya orders.

  The gun. Right.  

 I ignore the excessive banging on the door and head to the walk-in closet, going deep back to where the safe is. My hands tremble when putting in the code, but I was able to get it open. I hate using the gun, let alone holding it, but it’s the only chance that I have at defense until Naoya comes. 

 “ Y/N, talk to me. What’s going on? ” I almost forgot that he was on the phone. 

 “I have it.”

 “ Okay, I’m fifteen minutes away, I’ll try to get there in five ,” he tells me. “ Just stay in the room. ”

 When I’m back in the middle of my bedroom, it’s quiet. I no longer hear the excessive force on the door nor him yelling. Something doesn’t feel right. Nothing in my mind will lead me to believe that Suguru just gave up, but what is he doing? 

 Is he thinking that the silence will bait me? That he left? He returned downstairs? No. The quietness is making me uneasy.  It’s too loud. Loud enough for me to hear how shallow my breaths are, and the thumping of my heart. 

 “Naoya…” I cautioned. 

 “ What happen- ”

  The balcony.  

 We live on the highest floor alone, so there was never any reason to lock the doors. My head whips to the window to find Suguru with a sinister smile on his face, waving at me with the hand that carries his knife, like everything is peaches and cream between us. 

 I drop my phone and hear Naoya repeatedly calling my name, however, I tune him out. Shooting through the window is useless when they’re bulletproof, so I cock back the gun and wait until Suguru steps inside. 

 “Stay right fucking there,” I demanded. 

 “Don’t you think this is some pretty intense foreplay, angel face?” 

 “What I think is that you’re a disgusting piece of shit that deserves to die.”

 He sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s a nice thing to say. We shouldn’t be hurting each other, princess.”

 “Stop fucking calling me that!” He steps closer but halts his steps from seeing me apply pressure to the trigger. “I swear on my life I will put a bullet through your head if you keep fucking with me.” 

 “You don’t mean that,” he says, solemnly. 

 “Want to try me?”

 He looks up in thought and I feel mocked for him actually considering taking a chance to step toward me. I can no longer be surprised by the extent Suguru will go just to prove he’s worthy to me, even if it potentially costs his life. 

 My reaction wasn’t quick enough to shoot him in the head when he charged at me, but I managed to get a shot in his right shoulder, causing him to drop the blade. It’s like Suguru is a beast and I am his prey, ignoring the pain that I inflicted on him to smack the gun out of my hand and pin me to the ground. 

 I try to fight him off of me, but my strength against him is no use. 

 “You’re being a bad girl, Y/N,” he rasps. “A very fucking bad girl. Why do you have to act this way, huh?”

 “Get off of me, Suguru!”

 “No! Why can’t you understand that I love you? I’m better than he is, sweetheart.” He lowers his face against my neck and breathes my scent in, whispering,  “Ask me. Do you need me to kill him? Is he in the way? Just tell me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

 At this moment, I fear for my life. I think of all the stupid decisions I’ve made throughout my life and hooking up with Suguru at the bar two months ago is my biggest mistake. As I cry out hysterically, I call for Toji like if I continue to do so, he’ll appear. 

 And for the minute I am hallucinating, thinking it’s Toji that’s calling back to me, it’s Naoya still on the line. I didn’t get a chance to respond to him before Suguru grabbed my phone. 

 “I’m sorry. Y/N isn’t available to speak right now,” he says, throwing my phone against the wall, which breaks. He then returns his attention to me. “Anyway, princess. Where were we?”

 Hell. . . That’s exactly where I’m at. 

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#jjk x black reader #jjk x reader #anime x black!reader #jujutsu kaisen x black reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru x black reader #geto suguru x reader #suguru x reader #geto x black reader #geto x reader #toji fushigro x reader #toji x black reader

[duskyashe]

NaNoWriMo Day #28

[masterlist] [part one] [part two]

No prompt this time, I just really wanted to write this continuation ^⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠^

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While the kid—Danny—took care of his business, Jason busied himself with getting the pancake batter mixed up, mind whirling with the thoughts he'd set aside the night before. Questions about how Danny had gotten to Gotham, how he'd gotten into Jason's apartment, and how the kid had done whatever it was he'd done tangled and spun around inside his head, mixing with thoughts and theories about what, exactly, had happened last night. He knew he'd probably have to tread lightly with the conversation topics at first, the kid looked like something a half dead cat dragged in and would most likely be standoffish at best. Jason knew himself, though, and with how badly he wanted answers, well... He wasn't sure how well he'd be able to handle taking the slow approach this time around. He'd just have to do his best and hope to high heaven that he didn't drive Danny away by being too pushy.

Danny made his way into the kitchen just as Jason was mixing the last of the big lumps out, causing Jason to grin. "Good timing," he said, setting the bowl down on the counter, shuffling a few steps over to turn the range on at a low heat. He bent to dig his pancake skillet out of the cupboard, he didn't make pancakes often enough to keep it readily available, though he did make sure to bring it every time he moved safe houses. A good pancake skillet was hard to come by, and he refused to dishonor Alfred's special pancake recipe by using a subpar pan if he could get away with it. "So, Danny, what do you like in your pancakes? I've got a few bananas that haven't gone bad, some walnuts, chocolate chips, one of my brothers left a jumbo container of peanut butter M&Ms last time they were over, and I've got some precooked bacon we could crisp up to crumble and throw in if that's your fancy." Jason glanced over his shoulder as he stood up with the pan in hand, pausing when he saw Danny's wide eyed expression. "What?"

"You... You can put all that stuff inside your pancakes?" Danny asked in shock. His big blue eyes seemed to shimmer with barely contained awe, his shaggy hair and oversized blue hoodie combining with the expression to make the kid seem even younger than he likely was.

Jason carefully sat the pan down on the range before turning to Danny with a raised eyebrow. That protective something was rising in his chest again, and he wasn't sure he wanted to stop it. "Kid, we can put all of that and more in our pancakes, if we want to. Who's gonna stop us?" Even with his crappy childhood, Jason had known you could add things to pancake batter before Bruce had taken him in! He'd never done it before that point, but that was excusable in his opinion. Not knowing it was possible in the first place wasn't.

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After a filling breakfast of chocolate chip and bacon pancakes, with milk and applesauce packets so their meal was a tad bit more balanced than it otherwise would be, Jason finally decided to try getting some answers from the adorable kid who had mysteriously entered, and likely saved, his life. He just wasn't entirely sure how to start. Over breakfast, they'd asked each other some basic getting-to-know-you questions, so Jason knew Danny was ten and liked space, heroes, and the color mars red, and Danny knew Jason was twenty-one and liked books, guns, and the color burnished gold. How was he supposed to move the conversation in the direction he wanted to take it without just outright changing subjects? He must be more out of practice with social interactions than he'd thought if he was struggling this badly.

Luckily, though, it seemed Danny had no problems with getting down to business. "Alright, you said you had questions. I'm assuming most of them are about what happened last night and the rest are about me. Am I right?" He was a blunt little bugger, too.

"Pretty much," Jason said, nodding.

Danny nodded as well. "Right, well, we can do this the kinda quick and fairly messy way, or the much slower and more complete way. Which would you prefer?"

Jason raised an eyebrow at that. "I'm assuming one of those is me asking questions and you answering them?"

"Yep, and the other is me just starting from the beginning and answering any questions at the end," the kid agreed. Danny looked him dead in the eyes. "I don't have anywhere to be for at least the next few hours, but I don't know if you do, so you get to decide how we do this."

He thought about it, and the repercussions of both options. The "quick" and dirty method would theoretically get his questions answered quicker, but was liable to give him more questions and end to taking longer than either really wanted it to, while the "longer" and cleaner method would take longer to answer his questions, but would also give him most of, if not all, the context he'd need to actually understand the answers to his questions, and potentially be quicker in the long run at that. Jason nodded, decision made. "Let me tell my family I'm alright, then we'll start from the beginning, yeah? And we should probably move to the couch, it'll be more comfortable than the dinner table."

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＼⁠(⁠◎⁠o⁠◎⁠)⁠／ I GOT INSPIRATION! I know I said I'd only use prompts this month, but they were starting to make me want to tear my hair out, and I like my hair (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠）so yeah, these last few days will be free days where I can write whatever the fudge I want to. I'll probably write part four of this sooner rather than later, and I'm thinking of writing a part three for the fake cryptids au, as well. Here's hoping everything goes to plan (⁠^⁠～⁠^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

I'm too tired to be able to go through with tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in part three of this ficlet series, so I'm just going to hope this makes it to everyone who wanted to see it even without me tagging them. Maybe if I weren't so tired, I'd take the time to tag people, but ¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I'm trying not to fall asleep as I write this (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) so yeaaaahhh, I'm going to finish this up and get myself to bed ಡ⁠ ͜⁠ ⁠ʖ⁠ ⁠ಡ

Have a good morning/day/night!

#danny phantom #batman #fanfic #dc x dp #dp x dc #dp crossover #dp au #fanfiction #nanowrimo 2022 #NaNoWriMo Day 28 #part three as asked! #wow. i can't believe this has come so far #Danny and Jason are talking~ #they're interacting~ #they're making pancakes and experiencing things they're unfamiliar with and oh my heck Danny is hard core being adopted right now #Jason has decided Danny is his now #Danny has decided this guy isn't so bad #and also that chocolate chip bacon pancakes are the best #gosh dang it now i want to try those... #Jason Todd can cook #Danny wants to learn now #Jason is the only Wayne allowed to cook in Alfred's kitchen #it was originally that Jason was the only Wayne allowed to cook in there unsupervised #but then Dick and Tim ruined that for everyone else #so now Jason is the only one allowed to operate more than the microwave and the coffee maker #Danny might change that with time though #in either direction lol

[pastelavender88]

Sinbound- Chapter 10

Summary: It’s Eddie and Y/n’s baby shower and Buck is still hiding the fact that Eddie cheated on Y/n.

Series Masterlist

I was so occupied with planning the baby shower, I barely had time for anything. Buck has been calling me and trying to meet up and talk but I really had no time to spare. Finally the day of the baby shower came which meant I was away from my phone all day. It was set-up, food prep, more cooking, making sure all the games were in their proper area, and all the guests had the location. By the time that was done I went into the room to shower and change. The dress I found for today was perfect. It was a beautiful cream color that highlighted my features well and it hugged my bump enough to where it was noticeable but it didn’t feel like it. When I came out, guests were starting to roll in one by one. First was Bobby and Athena’s family, then Chimney, Maddie, and Jee, Then Karen, Hen, and Denny, Then Lucy, and Ravi, and finally there were my friends from my old job and a few mutual friends. Both Eddie and I’s families could not make it on account of my sister being stuck grading papers and my dad recovering from a golf injury. Eddie’s parents' flight got delayed and there was no point in them coming considering the next available flight would make them arrive at 3 am tomorrow. I noticed Buck still hasn't arrived yet but I tried to brush it off. Afterall, Buck wouldn’t miss my baby shower. As time went on food was eaten, games were played, and small talk was spoken,  but Buck still hadn’t arrived. Just as I started to lose hope, Buck walked through the door. “Buck, I’m so glad you made it.” I quickly greeted him.

“Yeah me too. Hey, Y/n can I talk to you really fast?”

“About?”

“Uhm I can’t really say it here. Can we go somewhere a little private?” 

“Yeah umm sure Buck.” I ushered Buck into a room where I knew no one would be. “What’s up?”

“I need to tell you something and it’s really important. I’ve been trying to reach you all week and you couldn’t meet me.”

“I know I’ve been really occupied. It isn’t anything about Alex, is it because I don’t want her to think because of the new baby I’m neglecting her needs or anything.”

“No it’s not about Alex.” Buck looked nervous to say anything. “How about after the party you come find me so we can talk?”

“You said it was important, what is it?”

“Now’s a bad time. Let’s do this later.” 

“Buck, what is it? Why are you so tight lipped all of a sudden?”

Buck let out a sigh. “I didn’t want to tell you here I just wanted to remind you that I needed to talk to you but uhh I heard something and I think you should know about it. Chimney and Maddie told me that Eddie confided in Chimney about sleeping with Ana.” When Buck said those words it’s like my whole world came crashing down. It felt like someone punched me square in the chest and then sat on it. Suddenly, my legs had a mind of their own and I was walking to the living area. Despite Buck’s attempts to get me to stay in the room, I made my way over to where Eddie was talking with Karen and Hen. "Karen, can you take all the kids outside? I need to talk to Eddie." 

 "What's going on?" Eddie asked.

"Karen please?" I practically begged without taking my eyes off of Eddie. 

 "Come on kids. Let's get some cake." Karen called. I waited until Karen and the kids were outside before I questioned Eddie. 

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Did you sleep with Ana?" I loudly asked. Silence filled the room as all eyes were on us. "Well tell me? Did you sleep with Ana or is Buck lying?"

 "Can we talk about this in private?" Eddie tried to whisper.

"You wanna talk about this in private. Why? Is this embarrassing for you?" I felt my eyes fill with tears of anger. "Is it true!" I yelled.

     "Yes. It's true." Eddie answered barely above a whisper. 

"Let me ask you something. What do you think is more embarrassing, everyone knowing that you cheated or being the last person to find out about your partner's infidelity while 7 months pregnant?"

"Seriously honey. I think we should talk about this in private."

"Well I don't." I turned towards everyone. "You heard it here first everyone, Y/n Y/L/N was cheated on by Eddie Diaz and she found out through her ex. I mean, isn't that something." I turned back towards Eddie. "Let me ask you something, what was it like huh? Did it feel great? Was it everything you ever hoped for? I mean I know it was getting pretty lackluster in the bedroom. I was getting bigger, less attractive..."

      "No, don't go there. That's not what that was about."

"Then what was it about?"

      "I didn't know we were having problems and I was drinking..."

"Alright everyone it's time for us to go." Athena interjected. “Let’s go, I’m not asking twice.” Slowly everyone started to clear out until it was just Eddie and I inside the house. Buck went outside to stay with the kids so they wouldn’t come inside or hear what was happening.

“So why? Why did you do it?”

“Do you really want a reason or are you just trying to get me to say it?”

“You have the audacity to question me? I’m not the one who stepped out in this relationship.”

“You didn’t? I mean you might as well have. This relationship was never just me and you, it was always me, you, and Buck. He’s like this tumor that just keeps growing back. Each time I think he’s finally out of our lives he’s back sniffing behind you, trying to come between us.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t flip this around on me or him.”

“Him. He can never do wrong in your eyes right. The golden boy?”

“You and I both know Buck is far from perfect, but at least he makes up for it. What do you do huh?” By now I couldn’t even see Eddie in front of me. My head was pounding, my eyes were flowing like rivers, and my mouth was moving without me even knowing what was being said. “You shift the blame on everyone else, but you don’t ever take a look in the mirror and see that if everything keeps going wrong in your life maybe it’s you.” After I said that we both went silent. “Just tell me why Eddie? Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. Don’t do that.”

“Because you weren’t here.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been here for you everyday. I’ve been here since the moment you became my patient.”

“Yeah but you weren’t here for me. You were here but you weren’t here for me Y/n. Everytime we talked it’s like you never listened and everytime we tried to talk to each other it was an argument. So, I slept with Ana.”

“When?”

“That night.” He didn’t have to say more than that. I knew which night he was talking about and the more I thought about the next day the stupider I felt. What man leaves for hours and comes back home not guilty? 

I don’t know what it was but that felt like the straw that broke the camel's back. “A chance.” I said, barely above a whisper. 

“What?” Eddie replied. 

“A chance. I gave you a chance! I asked you if anything else happened and you looked me dead in the face and said nothing else happened! You lied to my face and you didn’t even flinch!”

“How could I! How could I tell you the truth knowing it would break your heart?”

“Oh you couldn’t tell me because it would break my heart but you didn’t think about that when you did it. Did you Eddie?” Eddie was quiet. “Eddie, I need you to be completely honest with me about these next two questions because your answers to them may determine everything.” Eddie just looked at me with those same helpless eyes I saw the day we met. “Was it only that night?”

“Of course. The next day after it happened I regretted it. I told her the same thing. It was a mistake, a one time mistake.”

I just nodded my head at his answer. I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger that now felt like a 1000 lbs weight. “Did you have the idea to propose to me before or after that night?” I looked at Eddie and saw his expression. The way his usually relaxed face twisted into a nervous wreck. His eyebrows were slumped and low. He was rubbing the nape of his neck and his arms crossed around his chest. 

“After.”

“So you didn’t want to marry me?” My eyes welled all over again and I could feel myself losing control. “You felt guilty about what you did.” My arms crossed, hands gripping my upper arms in hope to give myself some kind of comfort. 

“No, of course not baby. I want to marry you.” Eddie crossed the invisible barrier that was between us and raised his hand to touch me but I couldn’t stomach his touch. His touch felt almost disgusting and I quickly stepped back to shake it off. 

“When you proposed to me you said you never felt this way since Shannon. That after losing her you never thought you could feel this way about anyone. Was that all a lie? A way to talk yourself into it, to convince yourself that you felt that way. That I wasn’t anything more than some girlfriend that you knocked up?”

“Y/n, don’t ever say that. I love you more than words can describe. That night was a mistake.”

“But it happened Eddie! And I can’t get past that. I can’t get past the fact that you lied to me, I can’t get past the fact that you proposed to me knowing that you cheated on me, I can’t get past the fact that not one, not two, but three people knew before me. I can’t get past the fact that I don't trust you anymore. I can’t do this. I can’t do it. I can’t do you. I’m done Eddie.”

“You’re done? What do you mean?” His words came out rushed and jumbled together that if I wasn’t so focused on this moment I might have misunderstood them.

“You know exactly what I mean.” I slipped the ring, not even a ring anymore to me, an anchor, off of my finger and handed it to Eddie. “I deserve better. You deserve better. Alex, Christopher, and this baby deserve better. Not this constant rollercoaster of hurt and pain and sorrow. I can’t do it any longer. The thought of you and her will always be on my mind. Maybe one day I can forget but for now I know I won’t be able to. Give me 2 hours. 2 hours to pack Alex and I’s things. We’re done Eddie. Please leave.” The tears were still flowing but the anger in my voice was long gone. Eddie tried to speak but it seemed like nothing could come out. Like everything he needed to say was already said. I could tell he was hurting. He wanted to scream, shout, cry, but he just couldn't. He knew, deep down he knew, I’m done. As he tried to approach me I threw my hand up to signal for him to stop. Eddie walked away without a word towards the backyard to get Christopher and maybe explain what was going on. I knew I wouldn’t be able to take the look on Christopher’s face as Eddie was taking him, the boy that became my son in just a short time, away. I went to my room and broke down. It felt like the walls in the room were caving in on me. Like the air in the room was replaced with something entirely else. 

As I sat in there and weeped for what felt like hours, I heard a knock on the door. It was Buck. He was still there with Alex and came to check on me. He could tell by my state that I wasn’t okay so there was no need for that stupid question. He just sat beside me on the bed, wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his embrace. As my head rested on his shoulder and I soaked his polo, I heard him whisper “I got you.”

Author’s Note: This was supposed to be the chapter I took a hiatus on which would leave like a massive cliffhanger but I got behind on posting so my bad. The next chapter will be out tomorrow and the reason I’ve been uploading like crazy is because I finally have a break from school (yay spring break) and I’m trying to get as much done as I can before it starts back up and I’m can’t focus on my page anymore. I see the requests in my inbox and I plan on replying soon.

#Eddie Diaz #eddie díaz #eddie diaz x reader #eddie and christopher #black reader #Black Author #evan buckley #evan buckley x reader #evan buck buckely #past evan buckley x reader #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 fandom #911 fox #911onfox #911 on fox #911 #118 firefam #118

[morallygreyyn]

(same anon that sent the crewel ask <33)

CREWEL WOULD ABSOLUTELY DESIGN CLOTHES FOR U TO WEAR AND WOULD LITERALLY BEAM WITH PRIDE AND SMUGNESS ONCE HE SEES U WEARING SMTH HE DESIGNED

he likes it when u bring him lunch and would go 🙄🙄 whenever his students would see and make a fuss but i think deep down he'd like it like yeah my s/o loves me sm and is the best u wish u were me hoe

yk that thing that went on during valentines? like wearing clothes with a certain color that showed ur standing in ur love life? so when a class event was held on that day and the students and even the teachers would wear outfits that had a distinct color code that corresponded to their love life, like:

green - fuck couples

pink - someone's sure thing (sure thing is a slang in my country that basically means that you are that person's one and only, you chose them, they chose you.)

blue - just got broken up with

purple - single not ready to mingle

stuff like that AND CREWEL WOULD WEAR THE COLOR CODING THAT HAD THE SAPPIEST MEANING OR JUST MEANT THAT HE FOUND THE ONE

crewel would silently get giddy when, after ending his class, his s/o would be waiting for him outside the classroom or school

he'd also make u his designated driver bc he thinks u looked hot while driving

crewel @ crowly (smugly): https://www.tiktok.com/@mattheperson/video/7084723341214485806?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7172881399262758401

YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER FOR SENDING ME THESE ILY I AM LIVING I HAVE BEEN REVIVED

imma tackle these one by one bc biittcchh i have tHOUGHTS

-

your entire wardrobe would be FILLED with clothes that he personally designed, made with the finest fabric known to man and crafted to fit your body utter perfection. it's a way crewel shows his love and if you think he's gonna let his alpha wear rags you can think again

-

i can just hear the students whistling, snickering and passing comments and while crewel swiftly silences them, but deep down he’s so so happy and he loves showing off how perfect his alpha is

-

i actually had no idea about this colour thing for vday but you best believe crewel had designed and created the most exquisite pink attire (based on the colour descriptions you sent) and is practically strutting around the school for the entire day looking like a full blown model and proudly flaunting the colour in front of the other staff members mainly trein, i can see him loving to show off in front of trein for some reason lol

he also makes sure you were wearing pink too bc i can imagine him throwing a sophisticated tantrum if you didn’t or if you forgot

-

please if this man saw you leaning against the wall outside his class waiting for him it would take everything in him not to sprint to your side. instead crewel keeps a cool demeanour and strides over, asking if you didn't have anything better to do and if you reply with something cheesy like there was nothing better than him or nothing better than doing him crewel would absolutely be screaming on the inside

-

CREWEL IS 100000% A PASSENGER PRINCESS AND WILL USE YOU AS HIS CHAUFFEUR - IF YOU EVER EXPECT HIM TO DRIVE THEN DON'T

he has many reasons for not wanting to drive when you can do it for him, the main one being that you look ridiculously hot and he loves to watch you

and when you put your hand on his thigh, or on the back of his seat when you reverse

oof

you better expect to be spending quite a significant portion of that evening in the bedroom when you get home if you make it that far - it didn't take you long to catch onto this and now barely a car journey passes without you doing this

-

THAT TIKTOK HAD ME DEAD YOU READ MY MIND

when you get engaged there isn't a moment that passes where crewel doesn't find an opportunity to flash his very expensive ring or bring up the engagement or how his wedding is going to be the most grand occasion that all the queens in history would be jealous of

i can imagine you going somewhere on one of your days off and you're trying to take a picture of the scenery and crewel would just shove his hand with the ring in the way so that's all you can capture instead

"my love, as beautiful as your hand is, i would like a picture of this sunset"

"how else will people know we're engaged?"

"i think the fifty times you mentioned it during lunch was adequate"

*cue crewel's really smug face* "trein was jealous, his eyes could barely leave my ring"

"that's because you shoved it under his nose, my dear"

#the way im so obsessed #disney twst #twst #twst wonderland #crewel x reader #twisted wonderland crewel #professor crewel #twst crewel #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland divus #twst divus #divus x reader #divus crewel

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 22

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

After I sent River and Ocean away, I took a moment to compose myself. Omar is watching, trying to see how I'm reacting, I think.

"Melody, if you're going to use your Voice, you need to be very careful about the things you order. You didn't specify to bring the Marines back alive, and now they're dead."

"You're right Omar, I need to be very careful when I'm wording things."

Ava doesn't seem to mind. "They did do what you asked though. and so quickly! I expected to not see them for at least a week."

It doesn't seem to bother Um'reli either. "You have to admit, it sends a message. People weren't taking you seriously before, and between this and what you did to Starlight... they're going to realize you are the real deal."

Omar looked ahead "Speaking of the real deal, look." He pointed.

We look out and...

Oh my.

The crowd.

It's wall to wall people in front of the entrance to the Throne. More people than I've ever seen in one place before. Not here, not on Starbase Picaresque, not even at home on Meíhuā.

And they are all here to see me.

I wish there was a rear entrance to the Throne. I bet there is, I wish we looked harder to find it.

I sighed. If we're going to do this, we might as well do it right. I looked back and my friends. "Okay, we're on. I'm going to try and impress everyone and see if they'll make a path for us. Once we're up I'll sit on the Throne and you can just stand behind me and look... official I guess. Ready?"

Nods all around. Good.

I turned back forward and thought about how I wanted to appear. My gown started to rustle like I was in a stiff breeze and my crown and wings appeared. I thought about the connection to the Reach and was able to tweak the air settings to get a breeze going around here too and as people looked back to see where the wind was coming from, they saw us.

The cheering created a wall of sound that we walked headlong into. It was practically a physical thing. As we stepped into the crowd Um'reli and Omar pushed forward to clear a path and the people parted like grass on the plains.

As we walked, I spread my wings for the look of it and they hung over the crowds as we walked past. People reached out to touch them as I passed and - I'll be honest here - I didn't think people would be able to feel them as they're made out of light and fog by the Nanites, but they could! I could even feel their fingers brushing over the feathers.

It's very odd to have a sensation from a limb you've never had before. If I concentrated, I could hear the individual cries from people in the crowd as we walked, but after trying that for a couple of seconds it was entirely too overwhelming, so I just concentrated on the noise as a wall of sound without definition. It was easier to take that way.

We made it to the top of the gallery, and I turned to face everyone. every seat was filled and the entire lower level spilled out into the street almost all the way to the dock. I had never seen this many people here before all in one place! Aviens, Mariens, Azurians, the people who wear pressure suits and a few others I haven't met yet, all shapes, sizes and colors.

They were here, to cheer me.

They were here, to worship me.

This, was all for me.

Omar, Um'reli and Ava took up station behind me, seen but in the background as I raised my hands and spread my wings for silence. A hush descended, and everyone stared up at me, waiting.

"People of Reach of the Might of Vxxz. Thank you for coming. Today is a great day. A Builder, an Empress returns to you, so that you can become whole once again!"

Cheers and shouts. I hold my hand up for silence once again.

"The road ahead is long. The Gate is locked, the starships here in need of repair and systems all over the Reach have languished. But! You remain. We remain. Now that I am here, I will begin repairs and upgrades. I will make our starships move again. I will open the Gates. I will reunite my Empire and we shall once again, rule the stars!"

More cheers. I wait for them to die down before continuing.

"Today though, you can come to me directly with your immediate grievances about things here, and me and my fellow Builders-" I gesture behind me "-will work to resolve as many as we can."

I sit in the Throne and feel the familiar cold tang of connecting to the Starbase. It feels different this time, smoother, more familiar. I lean back... and let go...

From all around the arena, my voice is heard. Everyone perceives my voice as coming only to them, direct to them. It's as if I am speaking to them, and them only.

"Speak your issue, and be heard."

"We are a family of 6 and yet, our quarters are such th-"

"Please, Empress, my son, he nee-"

"Those nosy Aviens next door are alway-"

"Food prices keep going higher and hig-"

As everyone talks to 'me' I am keeping a list of the grievances. I'm not sure how I'm doing it, I assume it's the Nanites plus how I'd naturally try and keep a list of information being used together, but as they speak, I track what their problem is. Amazingly, after they speak, I'm able to offer some soothing words to everyone. It's me and it's not me at the same time. Even with my full Builder persona activated, I don't think I have the parallel processing to complete a feat like this. The Starbase and the Nanites must be doing the majority of the work.

After only an hour or so, it's done. Everyone that wants to speak has spoken, and I have thousands upon thousands of complaints to sort. I give a farewell and offer a blessing to everyone, and order the restaurants across the whole of the Reach to feed everyone for free today - promising they will be reimbursed for their work.

Royal part over, it becomes somewhat of a festival atmosphere around the Throne area. People milling about, talking with each other, catching up with old friends, eating and laughing. From my perch on the Throne, I watch the celebration. I get an overwhelming sense of relief tinged with a small amount of anxiety over what it means to have an Empress again. It strengthens my resolve to do my best to have it mean good things for the people that live here.

How am I going to pay for all this? What to other Empresses do?

They owned the banks. They just ordered it.

Wait. There are banks here, right? Is it really that simple?

Simple is often not easy. But yes. You own your whole empire, including the banks.

That's it! That's how we'll pay everyone and fund everything. A quiet part of me yells that it probably isn't that easy, and isn't that how inflation happens and don't I need to start taxing people to get money to go in or something? I should look into it further, but it's a very quiet part of me right now. I can tune it out pretty easily.

I turn my attention to the list of complaints that were collected and with the Throne and the Nantes help, I try and do some rough categorization.

Neighbor Complaints - this is the largest list and will most likely be ignored. Should it though? Maybe I'll have the others look them over in more detail.

Food issues - this is second largest. We can look over it and see if there's some underlying issue. I can also look into the disused food distribution centers. Maybe they're turned off because there isn't the resources to use them anymore, maybe it's another reason. I feel like I can fix this one, and if I do, it will give me the biggest boost to my legitimacy.

Environmental issues - third largest and issues related to the environment here. I had just turned up the settings here yesterday, so I hope this helps eliminate those. This should be an easy win. Mei'la had mention something about how power usage felt wasteful here. Maybe there's something we can do to boost efficiency.

The rest of them are things like, asking when we're going to launch the Starships again and quite a few asking when I'm going to "take care of" the issue of other sapient groups. Hmm. I don't like that one. Luckily, the questions seem to be in the minority, but still.

Job finished for now, I stand up and stretch. My goodness, that was boring. I hope I don't have to do it very often. Looking around, I find Omar, Um'reli and Ava wandering around the area behind the Throne. "Find anything interesting?"

Omar gestures towards me. "Actually yes, look here. There's a door behind the Throne, out of sight of the people on the ground.

"What's behind it?"

"I don't know, there's no handle and I can't get it to open."

"You've had the Nanites for a day, try to do it as a Builder. Just concentrate on the door and imagine it doing what you order."

Omar stares at the door, and I can see the concentration in his hands and on his face. There's a small breeze around him and with a hiss, the door slides open into the ceiling.

"You did it! Congratulations, Builder!" I'm super proud of him.

Omar stares at the open door, and then down at his hands, and over to me. "That... was... the most amazing thing! I just thought about the door opening and it did! It's like magic."

Now he will be one of us. He has felt the power.

I'm just happy he was able to do it. "Come on Omar, lead on. Let's see what's in here."

We go into the darkened room, and Omar again concentrates and the lights come up. Like most Builder stuff it clearly hasn't been touched in a very long time, but again, there isn't much dust here at all. It looks like everyone left for the day and shut the door... but then the door stayed shut for who knows how long.

Inside the room is 6 chairs that are arranged around a long table. Each of the chairs is in the same green metallic substance as the Throne. They're molded into the floor instead of the ceiling, but to me they look like where the Builder operators would sit when running the station.

"This looks like where the Builders sit when they are the starbase. Come, let's sit and try it out. It'll feel odd when you first sit, and if you get that feeling in the back of your brain to let go and sink further, don't yet. You need at least another day of Nanite development, but I think we're safe to connect lightly. I'll stay out of the seats and if I see anyone in distress, I'll pull them out. See if you can find my notes from the celebration."

Omar, Um'reli and Ava all sit gingerly. Ava is especially nervous - she's the one that saw me scream when I tried to integrate too quickly, but after a moment, I can feel them with my connection to the Reach.

"Wow, this is amazing! Melody, can you hear me?" It's Ava.

"Sure can Ava, it sounds like you're standing right next to me." I look over, and her body is just sitting in the chair, relaxed, breathing normally.

"Okay, I found your notes Melody. Looks like you sorted it somewhat already? Wow, how did you collect all this data?" Um'reli must have found my notes first.

"I have to admit, I don't really know. I just... knew what to do. The Nanites know more than I do, so sometimes I just let go and let them drive. I have a feeling that isn't always the right choice, but until I get more familiar with things, sometimes I feel like it's the only thing to do."

"Melody? I found the docking bay. It's empty right now, but I think I see how to maneuver High Line from the umbilical to the docking bay. Once it's inside we can get a better idea of what it would take to refit it with human systems and make it a viable starship again."

Oh, wonderful! I'm so glad Omar is here.

"Yes please Omar, do that. We'll go down and check it out once you've finished and everyone has a chance to get more familiar with how to be Reach."

While everyone is working, I go back over to the Throne and sit down. I get reconnected and just look around for a while. I like watching the movement of people on the Reach. It's... soothing I guess? Oh hey, up further are gardens and parks! I was worried there would be no greenery here. I should ride the train up later and explore.

I can feel Omar, Um'reli and Ava behind me exploring things, learning how they work, and with them here, I swear the Starbase is starting to work better. I can see people looking in wonder at lights that were long off and now are on again, breezes blowing as the air freshens, and even I'm noticing people starting to clean and sweep. It really feels like we're turning a corner here. I get an alert that for the first time in [DEMARCATION ERROR] another train is wheeled out from storage. It's needed for the crowds.

I wish I knew how long [DEMARCATION ERROR] was. If the starbase doesn't know, it was probably a long time. That really speaks to the power of the original Builders if 11 million people could live here with effectively no administration the whole time.

It's almost too good to be true...

My reverie is interrupted by a radio signal. I look around, ah, there it is. It's the long range comms. Someone is signaling us.

Huh, FarReach is signaling us.

"Okay Melody, very funny. You've made your point. Open the Gate now please." FarReach isn't even bothering with any niceties.

"Hello FarReach. How are you doing?" I admit, I'm being a little petty here.

"Melody! Do you understand what's happening? Do you see how you're changing? Most of the BIs don't see it, but your commanding voice thing and that 'don't worry about it' aura doesn't work on AIs. I see your changes, what's happening to you, what you're becoming. Keep down this path and you won't be the Empress Melody.

You'll be the Tyrant Melody.

"Ava said there aren't very many AIs around on this side of the galaxy, I have a hunch I know why. An Empress would not keep people around that can't be placed in thrall."

"FarReach! I am insulted. You're saying that just because I can't control them, I wouldn't like AIs?"

"Maybe not you yourself, at least not yet, but that Empress nano machine package that was installed on you wouldn't like AIs for sure. It sure feels like the decisions you're making are more their decisions than your own. I know you Melody, this isn't you."

Isn't me? Every decision I've made so far has been mine. Sure, the Nanites have helped, but if I didn't like what they were recommending, I wouldn't have done it.

"We caught up to that Mariens, Ottarn by the way. We took them and their tiny crew aboard. Their ship was basically junk taped together. Even if he had made it to the Gate, they probably wouldn't have made it to their destination. We're going to take them wherever they want to go, and then head home."

They took Ottarn? Hmm. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing or anything. I'm worried about it though, I wonder why?

"FarReach, did you call us up just to insult me and call into question all the good work we're doing here? We're helping the people of this Starbase! We've already improved the environmental systems, and now we're beginning to retrofit one of their broken Starships."

"Ugh, Fine Melody. We don't have to agree. You and Omar and Um'reli and Ava stay over here on your side of the Galaxy and leave the rest of humanity alone. I don't care anymore, I hate it here. Open the Gate."

"Or else what?"

"Or else, Empress I will link away." It really sounds like FarReach is speaking through gritted teeth. AIs are usually so reserved and chill. I've never heard one as angry as FarReach right now.

"Why are you being so mean to Melody, FarReach? She hasn't done anything to you." I forgot that Ava, Omar and Um'reli can hear this call too. I wonder if FarReach knew too?.

"FarReach, I think I have to agree with Ava and Melody. Our leaving was our on decision. Melody didn't place us in thrall or order us to come with her with her Voice. She didn't even come back to you. Ava came and asked us. We're here because we want to be here." I can feel the emphasis in Omar's voice. He seemed like the one that was least up for the business of ruling, it that sure made it sound like he's all in. I'm practically bursting with pride.

"I can't believe I'm here arguing with you four. Open the damn Gate, or I'm going to WEP the reactors and link away."

"Wait, how can you WEP with Captain Q'ari locked up?" Um'reli sounds genuinely curious.

"I declared Captain Q'ari unfit to lead thanks to Melody's meddling Um'reli. That makes me the commander and as the commander I can declare WEP on myself. Anyway, did you really think AIs can't WEP their own reactors? We allow the commander to order it. If I link away and it fails, then my destruction will be on your head. I already linked a beacon back to Starbase Picaresque. They never linked one back so I don't know if it worked, but if it did, then they already know about what's going on here. I am going to ask one. more. time. Melody. Open the Gate, please."

Ugh. The nerve! Still, I don't want FarReach to try and link away and have it fail.

Or worse, have it succeed and then they can link back with a couple of dreadnoughts and Starjumpers... before we're ready for them.

Fine. I lean back in my Throne and let go just a little more until I expand beyond the Starbase and... There. There's the Gate. The lock isn't strong, you just know where... to... push... and... there.

Outwardly, nothing changed, but I can tell the Gate is open now to regular travel. "I unlocked the Gate FarReach. Go home. Tell them what we have. Let everyone know that those who want to join us are welcome to."

"Not a chance, Melody. You're on your own. I was friends with the friendly Information Warfare Officer who had a knack for firearms and loved coffee. I hope she's still in there somewhere. I'd like to meet her again." FarReach closes the connection. From my vantage point I can watch them thrust away. After only a few moments, the Gate glows painfully blue, and...

They're gone.

Why am I sad? I'm so sad she left. I still had so much to show them. So much good we're doing.

"Melody? Melody? Are you all right?" I can hear Ava, she's not connected to the chairs anymore. I open my eyes and see her looking at me on the Throne. "You're crying."

"Oh Ava." I stand up and hug her. "You heard her. FarReach says I'm not me anymore. She said that I've changed and that she misses the old me."

"Oh Melody. She doesn't know what she's talking about. You're still you. You're you plus so much more."

"Ava is right." Um'reli stands from her chair and comes over. "You're still you Melody. You've been changed, this is true, but everyone changes. A change like this won't fundamentally change who you are."

I sniff. "Thanks Ava, thanks Um'reli. I just... FarReach was my friend. She sounded so angry."

Omar puts a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it Melody. We know we're here for good reasons. That's enough. Besides, once we have our own Starship, we can head back to Human/K'laxi space and show them what we're doing. All kinds of people, AI and BI will want to come with us and help out. You'll see."

"Thanks everyone, I'm so lucky to have you here with me."

Omar is right. We'll show them.

We'll show them all.

Part 23

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #humans go on adventure #humans are space oddities #sci fi writing #writing #humans and ai #humans and aliens #the k'laxiverse #jpitha #just a little further

[tqngerine]

stay in the middle — 16. coolbeans

SYNOPSIS: Huening Kai would do anything for his best friend Taehyun, and this one small favor is no exception. It appears that Kai’s fellow campus journalist Y/N has caught his attention, and Taehyun needs help connecting to them. Befriending someone outside of his small social circle wasn’t something Kai did often, but he comes to find that it’s easy to get close to Y/N—maybe even getting a little too close.

word count: 1.6k

“This place isn’t as suffocating as I remembered.” Y/N couldn’t help but hum, gazing around the small cafe. Now that they weren’t overwhelmed with worries about social interaction anymore, they could properly appreciate the array of wooden decor lined up at the top of the cream walls. Plates, large utensils, framed coffee beans, the items were appropriate but quaint in its display. Y/N was quite charmed.

Sitting opposite to them, Kai made the practical decision of scanning the menu for their dinner selection. “My best friend and I often meet here in the early morning to charge up before our classes.“

“The same best friend that helped you with your report outline for earlier?”

Kai gave a nod.

“With the amount of times you’ve mentioned him, I’m wondering why I haven’t met him yet.” Y/N laughed.

A penguin pout graced his lips. “Ah, he’s especially busy these days because he’s in the volleyball team, training and all. But I promise you I’ll introduce him to you eventually.” He crossed his arms over the table. “Likewise, I want to meet your friends too.”

Y/N scrunched their face. “I fear they’re not as cute and into Sanrio as I am.”

“Not even Soobin?”

“He’s only cute. That’s the only thing he’s got going on for him.”

Kai giggled—or rather cackled with incredibly more power than necessary, earning him a few stares from the neighboring customers. After realizing his volume, he immediately turned to bow in silent apology to each table, looking like a docking ostrich in the process.

“We should probably take our orders now.” Y/N said, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Good idea.”

Y/N requested for a plate of carbonara while Kai went for a traditional caesar salad, along with two glasses of blue lemonade.

Once the waiter had left, the two were met with comfortable silence. They had just finished observing the swim team for almost three hours, it had already been a long day for them.

Although they have definitely grown much closer since the last time they were here (the longest and most awkward 30 minutes of their life, as Y/N remembered it), they found that they didn’t need to be constantly speaking to enjoy each other’s presence. Both naturally leaned more toward being the quiet type anyway.

The same panicky boy that made a mess out of Y/N’s papers almost a month ago wore a much calmer countenance today, his ebony curls more neatly kept and eyes crinkling into creases. He was fiddling with the corners of the paper placemat beneath him, creating a pile of paper crumbs that had been softly ripped apart.

“You’re not gonna have a placemat by the time the food arrives if you keep at it.” Y/N teased, pointing at the pile.

The tips of Kai’s ears colored. “Oops, habit of mine. My hands get restless so I often fidget without thinking.”

“No need to justify yourself, I promise. How about you help me with something instead to keep you busy.” Y/N then turned to their backpack to fish out a pastel pink notebook. They slid it in front of Kai to reveal the numerous Hello Kitty stickers decorating the front cover.

“That’s a lot of glitter on those stickers.” Kai’s own eyes sparkled at the sight.

“I always say it’s never enough.” Y/N smirked before flipping to the last filled page. Scribbled all over it was a mind map of words like moon, aliens, and galaxy, drawn arrows pointing them toward each other. “See, before I got in The Hybe Times, I used to submit self-written stories to the local student magazine. I’ve been thinking of submitting another one for the first time in so long, but I can’t quite stick to one idea.”

Kai took in Y/N’s explanation while examining the seemingly nonsensical writings on the page. “I’m gathering that your story is space themed?”

“Yep. The upcoming issue will commemorate the anniversary of the moon landing, so outer space was given as the prompt.” Y/N leaned backward, heaving a sigh. “But space is such a broad topic—kind of literally, too. So much could be talked about, how do I condense it into one short story?”

Kai’s eyes remained focus on trying to follow the words on the page, eyebrows scrunched thoughtfully. “Hm, do you know what all these arrows remind me of? Constellations. Metaphorical lines that connect different bodies together to form a bigger picture.”

Y/N blinked at his interpretation, caught pleasantly surprised. “That’s… I like that.”

“You do?”

“Constellations as lines that connect and create a bigger picture…” Y/N flipped the notebook back to face them and started furiously inking down the sparks in their mind. From their peripheral, they saw Kai watch in awe, his mouth slightly agape. Y/N only let a select few people witness their “light bulb” moments like these so they were admittedly a bit flustered under his gaze.

They finally looked up, corners of their lips stretched wide. “I don’t know how you did it but you just helped me plot out a full beginning, middle, and end of a short story.”

“That fast?” Kai gawked. “I’m impressed.”

“The mind works in mysterious ways.” Y/N reached forward to tap Kai’s temple with their finger. “Yours so much more so than mine.”

At that moment, Y/N’s eyes caught something from behind Kai’s head. Two figures had entered the packed cafe—two familiar figures.

Y/N quickly docked their head and tucked their notebook beneath the table, startling Kai. “I-is something wrong?”

Y/N’s voice lowered. “Don’t turn around, but Jungwon and Jay just entered the cafe.” They buried their face in their hands. Of course they’d come here; Jungwon was their field partner, and the swimming compound was right beside this cafe. It’d make sense for him to seek dinner here after fieldwork too.

Kai’s mouth rounded into a silent “oh”, nodding slowly and trying his best to remain calm for Y/N’s sake.

Unfortunately for Y/N, they made the mistake of peaking up again, accidentally making eye contact with Jungwon. At the sight of his co-journalists, he gave a big enthusiastic wave before dragging his friend along to their table.

“Kai hyung, Y/N! Thank goodness you’re here.” Jungwon greeted, grin wide. “The waiter just told us there were no more seats available. Do you mind if we sat with you instead?”

Jay stood rigid beside Jungwon, arms linked with each other. He gave the two a polite smile in greeting. Other than that, his face was practically unreadable—Y/N was hoping they’d figure out how he feels about getting a minor role alongside them, but maybe some answers are not this easily attainable. Still, his unreadability didn’t dismiss the way his hair was parted to the side so neatly, nor the way his slick leather jacket hugged his figure handsomely. Wait, how does an article of clothing hug one’s figure handsomely?

Y/N felt Kai’s expectant eyes on them, waiting for their call. (They were hoping his stare was not because they were noticeably blushing furiously at the moment.)

“Uh… sure! Come take a seat.”

Jungwon clapped gratefully. Right before any movements occurred, Kai swiftly switched to take the space beside Y/N, allowing the newly arrived duo to sit opposite them. It was as if he had read their mind begging for him to block any chance of Jay sitting close to Y/N.

“What did you guys order?” Jay asked diplomatically.

“Kai ordered a salad for two. Perhaps you’d like to take his other half?” Y/N promptly replied, to which Kai raised an eyebrow. They weren’t wrong, but Kai had the appetite for two servings; he very well meant to finish the salad on his own.

“I promise I’ll get you a big bowl of ice cream after to compensate. I just don’t want to have to wait for their orders too.” Y/N rapidly said below a whisper, ensuring that the other two didn’t hear them. Kai gave a thumbs up of content.

“Oh, I do love salad. That’d be nice, thank you.”

“Jay can pay for the entire bill, too.” Jungwon smirked, earning him an eye roll from his hyung. “What about me, though?”

“You can share Y/N’s carbonara! Also made for two.” Kai offered quickly. He lowered back down to Y/N to whisper, “I’ll make up for that with another big bowl of ice cream for you too.”

Y/N could feel their heart thumping in their ears out of nervousness.

“I’m more of a spaghetti person myself but I won’t complain since I’m hungry.”

As if on cue, a waiter arrived with their orders. The group then dined without chatter, busy enjoying their meals (and trying to stay calm in front of their crush, in Y/N’s case).

“Did you receive Yunjin’s message in the group chat?” Jay finally spoke up, breaking the silence.

Y/N nearly choked on their bacon. “O-oh. I haven’t been on my phone for the past hour. What did she say?”

“She already wrote specifications about our characters on the script. We’ll be rehearsing alongside the main cast tomorrow.”

“That’s great! I’ll read through the script later.”

“You guys have the same roles?” Jungwon asked.

“Uh, you could say that.” Jay simply replied, taking a sip from the service water. How on earth did he manage to make that something to swoon over.

Y/N had to slap Kai’s lap to bring them out of their trance, much to his poor surprise. “How are you enjoying the salad, Jay?” Kai spoke out of panic.

“It’s all right. My dad knows how to prepare an even better one though.” It should have sounded like a brag, but it came out more lighthearted. “I can pack extra to rehearsals one day for you to try, Y/N.”

“Coolbeans! I’d be honored to try.”

Jay lips pressed into a smile. “Hang on, I need to use the restroom.” He excused himself from the table, and the moment he was completely out of sight, Kai stifled a laugh.

“Coolbeans?”

Y/N plopped their head on Kai’s shoulder, groaning in embarrassment. “Why does time always seem to slow down whenever I’m in this cafe.”

A cough broke, causing Kai to turn to the scrutinizing gaze of Jungwon. “There’s something going on that I don’t know about.”

Y/N continued to grumble incoherently, forehead still stuck to Kai’s shoulder.

“Do you not care to tell me?”

“None of your business, Yang!”

< prev | masterlist | next >

a/n: kai and y/n can’t just be depicted as chronically online moots-ies forever so i decided to make a written chapter for them 😔🤞 lmk what you think of their dynamic so far 😙

TAGLIST: open!! leave a comment below or send me an ask to be included in this taglist ^^ (if your name is in bold, i can’t tag you)

@kaisdefender @fairysh4mpoo @0rangemilk @beomsbeanie @hanjisungsgirl @luvsoobs @goldennika @spagettae @solarsolarity @hy2ka-i @aestheticsluut @sophie-writingtime @quitbeingawhore @destinylightlove42 @softpia

#˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚 #hueningkai smau #hueningkai x reader #txt social media au #txt smau #txt socmed au #txt x reader #txt fluff #hueningkai #huening kai #huening kai smau #hueningkai social media au #hueningkai x you #hueningkai imagines #hueningkai headcanons #hueningkai fanfiction #hueningkai fluff #tomorrow x together #txt #soobin smau #yeonjun smau #beomgyu smau #taehyun smau #kpop smau #kpop social media au #social media au

[i-luv-carl-grimes]

☾꙳all the things I hate about you☀︎꙳

꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳

Chandler Riggs x Fem! Reader

You alr know the summary I don't feel like writing it again

Warnings: swearing

꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳

It had been 2 months and 3 weeks had passed which only leaves me 1 week before I move, I walked around my house the one I had lived in for my whole life, the was once filled with furniture and decorations and a full family was now empty with boxes scattered around and a 2 person family. "Y/n? Are you alright?" my mom asked me. "Yeah, it just feels weird leaving ya know," I said and she put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm so proud of you," she said and I nodded, she then took her hand off and went to her room.

I’ll miss it here, I decided to go to the old abandoned park I found when I was younger, back then I didn’t have many friends but I didn't care, if I’m being honest being alone brought me more comfort than being with someone, I guess it���s just what I was used to.

after I put on a simple outfit told my mom I was leaving and off I went listening to music as I made my way to the overgrown park, it looked just as beautiful as I did in the summer, only this time the leaves were colors of red and orange.  sitting down on one of the old swings still surprised they didn't snap, only to realize the song that had been playing.  a line without a hook by Ricky Montgomery, that song was always so relatable, I guess it was the feeling of always being alone at least that’s how I took it.  my phone lit up as Chandler posted on his Twitter once more.  

@/chandlerrings

(it was just a photo of the trees turning)

I put my phone on my lap and took a deep breath of the cold crisp air.  then a small smile formed on my lips as the email the changed my whole life, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced so many emotions at once.  All though I’m an actor I’m not that emotional at all, at least that’s what F/n always said.  She has always talked for me too, I didn’t mind it though, in fact, it took the stress of having to talk to people, something I knew I wasn’t good at which scars me the most.  What if I embarrassed myself in front of probably one of the best actors EVER, I looked down at my nails to see that 3 more were bloody.  

before I knew it the sky turned to a beautiful pink, and for a moment I felt calm only to realize that once again I had spent the whole day alone, as always.  With that thought, I got up and walked home.  “welcome back it’s been a while since you went to that old park” my mom said and I just nodded and walked to my room.  I grabbed my phone to see yet another notification with a familiar name but this time it was Instagram

@/Chandlerringgs followed you

I practically threw my phone across the room when I saw a dm from him, my thumb hovered over the notification, I tightly closed my eyes and clicked on it, and slowly opened my eyes.  

@/chandlerriggs

I don’t think it’s smart to put the state you live in on your bio

what

I stared at the message and questioned what he was talking about, I didn't even bother to respond I mean what am I supposed to say to that?! I couldn’t tell if he was joking, giving me advice, or making fun of me 

he wouldn’t do that...right? 

#carl grimes #carl the walking dead #the walking dead #twd carl #carl x reader #the walking dead fanfiction #twd x reader #x reader #chandler riggs #chandler riggs x reader #twd fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #the walking dead x reader

[k-martins]

N.A - This only came about because I found this list, from @creativepromptsforwriting of prompts and couldn't get Itafushi out of my head. And of course I'm not addicted to California Gurls!

“Hey, Megumi!” Yuuji exclaimed. "Look at me! How I am?"

Megumi should get an award – a shiny gold trophy, preferably – for not choking on his iced mocha when Yuuji turned towards him, sporting the most hideous and tacky thing Megumi had ever seen in his entire existence. A few people also stop their shopping at the convenience store to stare at the boy with the pink hair, a mixture of amused smiles and wide-eyed surprise.

In another situation, Megumi would have been embarrassed by all the attention they are attracting, but the shock prevented any other feelings from getting through to him.

Giant heart-shaped glasses covered Yuuji's eyes, the blinding red of the frames meeting the pink wires and standing out against the yellow sweatshirt open for the world to see the boy's tan chest. Yuuji looked like the very union of all the warm colors of the chromatic cycle, reflecting the heat of summer. And he was also terribly tacky and, shit, he looked so adorable.

Shaking off the daze that the terribly bright sight of Yuuji caused, Megumi went back to slowly sipping his mocha , the cloying sweetness of chocolate touching the back of his throat. It's not the drink he would normally order, but wanting hot coffee at a kiosk in midsummer, just a few meters from the beach, was a demand that even he couldn't insist on.

After a few seconds of silence, with Yuuji still with open arms waiting for an answer, Megumi replied:

“You look like a tasteless 90s women's fashion ad.”

Yuuji lets out an offended yelp, clutching his chest. If he noticed Megumi staring at the place, I don't comment, preferring to follow his talk about heart glasses, defending them as if it were his divine mission in life.

“Just so you know, heart glasses are very fashionable in the west. Kugisaki told me it's a very versatile vintage model . You can wear it with any outfit, anywhere. It saw? They are practical!”

Megumi shrugged.

"It's still too shameful."

Nothing could convince him to change his mind. Not fashion facts – that he didn't care, why, who did? Just use what you fucking like ! – nor how cute Yuuji was with them.

Yes, he was firm in his decision.

“Come on, Guumi …” Yuuji whimpered.

"Do not start. And return it soon.”

“But they look so good on me.”

"Give it back."

"I already know! I'll buy you one too." Yuuji laughed out loud, mocking Megumi's horror. “With both of us using it, it will be less embarrassing.”

“If you dare, I will kill you.”

The threat only served to intensify the boy's laughter, making his entire body tremble with amusement against Megumi's shoulder. More eyes turned toward them, and for a fleeting moment, he caught two girls pointing at them and exchanging giggles. It was instinctive to lower his head to his chest, though that did little to hide his flushed cheeks without his school uniform.

As if to chastise Megumi for some past sin, Yuuji leaned further into his personal space, his bare chest pressing against his shoulder, his forearm resting on the shelf full of stuffed animal keychains, showing off the black bracelet that's tied to the one tied to his shoulder . Megumi's pulse. Yuuji's breath blows across his hot cheeks, the aroma of the strawberry frappuccino he was eating filling the air. The heat becomes increasingly abrasive as Megumi becomes more aware of Yuuji's presence against his side.

He eagerly drinks his own cold drink .

"Megumi..." Yuuji calls out, drawing Megumi's attention. There's the shit-eating smile of someone who's about to transfer a fatal blow to his face, which leaves Megumi torn between punching him in the head and kissing him out of any arrogance.

It is a very complex decision.

Using just one finger, Yuuji tilts those ridiculous glasses down to the tip of his nose, revealing eyes crinkled with humor whose caramel irises gleam anxiously. At this point, Megumi's breath is already caught in his throat, because, fuck , Yuuji is incredibly hot doing this.

Then, using his softest, most seductive tone, he lashes out at Megumi:

“Please.”

And how can Megumi say no to that?

“Okay, you win.” He blusters, putting his hands on his hips and pointing his index finger at Yuuji's stupid chest. “But you better get the blue ones.”

It's humbling the way his voice comes off, tamed and condescending, but it's worth it when Yuuji's teasing countenance grows to one of pure joy and satisfaction, cheeks flushed with excitement and eyes narrowed by the size of his smile. The pink-haired boy turns his back on him, chanting something about “getting the best heart sunglasses Megumi has ever seen”, which Megumi barely pays attention to, too focused on sinking into his own social embarrassment.

Why did he agree to date this idiotic ray of sunshine anyway?

In an unexpected gesture, Yuuji turns around and presses his smiling lips to Megumi's cheek, squeezing him in a kiss that's more tender and childish than anything truly romantic. The ridiculous glasses press uncomfortably against the corners of Megumi's eyes, the hard, smooth material contrasting with Yuuji 's gentle, soft touch . Taken aback, Megumi can only stutter uselessly, his face hot and his heart doing crazy acrobatics inside his chest.

“You're amazing, Gumi ” Yuuji hums, kissing him one more time before returning to his search for the stupid pair of glasses, leaving Megumi to deal with his feelings.

Ah, he thinks as he touches his cheek where the ghost of Yuuji's lips still hangs over, that's because.

#itafushi #fushiguro x itadori #megumi fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #fushiita #summer vibes #writing prompt #writebrl #writing #heart glasses #nobara kugisaki #A shot #gay ships #gay #Megumi is like a gay panic here #Yuuji just wants to buy ridiculous glasses #It got bigger than I thought #I'm taking advantage of my summer mind to try new things #Yuuji has hot abs

[tomiyeee]

how long does it take you to draw and colour? since you post everyday which is great for me :D any tips for colouring cause Im still tryna figure all that out

hmm welllll, i don't exactly time how long it takes to draw but my partner said that sometimes i'll be working on a piece when they go to sleep and i'll still be working on it when they wake up 7 hours later so...my guess is anywhere from 3-8 hours each depending on complexity? at least for the art that i normally post, most of which is relatively simple.

not entirely sure what kind of tips you were looking for, but i'll just throw out some of my thought processes and stuff i try to keep in mind whenever i color. i'm gonna try and keep these relatively to the point so i won't go into much detail on art terms n whatnot, BUT i am also pretty terrible at explaining things so if you need clarification on anything, feel free to ask!

(sorry it's so longggg, i got carried away. i am...very wordy when it comes to art lol)

i like to block in the colors during the sketching stage before i do the lineart, especially for pieces where i know i want to do something funky with the color palette. you can see this in a lot of my process shots. doing colors in the planning stage just gives me a lot more freedom to focus purely on the colors and shading and how they work with the composition, without having to worry about the minute details like making sure the colors are inside the lines.

in order to save time while coloring, i'll usually just select the negative space (after making sure all the lineart is closed) > expand selection by 1 pixel (to make sure the edges are hidden within the liineart) > invert selection > fill bucket, then use clipping layers above that to color individual areas.

layer modes are your friend! i use multiply, overlay, and glow dodge (this one may be specific to mangastudio?) in almost every one of my drawings, but it's definitely worth playing around with all of the modes just to familiarize yourself with them if you haven't already.

color is honestly SO subjective. i'm never a fan of color picking (from source material or my own refs or whatever) bc while it may have its uses when it comes to consistency, imo it's much more fun to make them up as i go. you get a lot more variety from piece to piece while also familiarizing yourself with the character's palette that way. usually i'll start by deciding on the overall mood/palette (cool/warm, de-saturated, neon, pastel, etc), filling in the background color, then picking the characters' colors based on that. like with this venti pic, i started with a purple background and based my colors around that purple so they all fit the specific look i was going for. i could maybe get a similar effect by starting with the normal colors and using filters, shading, layer modes, etc to get the funky colors, but it will be much harder/more work and doesn't get as drastic of an effect imo.

on that note, don't be afraid to use shades/colors that may seem odd! you'd be surprised how many times i've used gray in place of blue, orange, purple..basically any color. in the above example, you can see just how different the colors ended up being from the original. after i decide on my palette + bg color, i'll just throw down the color i think will work and then (bc that first guess is usually wrong and meant only as a ballpark estimate) see if it needs to be warmer or cooler/darker or lighter/more or less saturated/etc and adjust accordingly. it's like mixing paint or tuning an instrument! it takes a little bit of practice, but after a while you start to get the hang of what colors will look like in which color palettes. white is usually the easiest to start with bc it will always just be tinted whatever color your palette is (like how the "white" in the above example is just a light purple).

this and the next point are more about shading but i include it as part of the coloring process: the easiest way i've learned to do shading is to darken the entire image/character/part you want to shade (usually with a solid color multiply layer) then add in the lighting either by erasing parts of the multiply layer or by using a separate layer set to overlay or glow dodge (or a similar lightening layer mode). it works a lot better than drawing the shadows imo because it kind of mimics how light works in real life; things are dark by default until you let light in and it hits what it can while leaving the rest still dark.

if you want to blend shadows, i usually still use the above method, but just blur certain areas of it and when i'm deciding which parts to blur (bc i don't just do so indiscriminately) i'll mentally sort all of the shadows into 2 categories:

shadows created by light being blocked by an object: like putting your hand in front of a flashlight. these shadows will retain their sharp edge, but can transition into the 2nd category if they are far enough from the obstruction, like how your hand's shadow will become blurrier the further you move it from the flashlight. the more distance between a light source and the surface it's projecting onto, the more chances for the light to scatter = softer edges

shadows created by light "rolling" off the surface: like the shadows on a ball or rounded surface. these will get blurred and i usually like to put a little bit of color along the blurred edge (a different and usually brighter/more saturated color than the rest of the shadows) just to add some life to the shadows.

here's an annotated version of this mikey pic with just the shadows so it's a lot easier to see :) sorry im bad at annotating..

aaaand this post has probably gotten way longer than you were hoping for so i'll cut it off here 😭 hope this has been at least somewhat useful, and good luck with your art!

#ask #anon #tutorial

[c-rose2081]

Starchild || 20. Belonging

(Disney Z-O-M-B-I-E-S)

—

—

—

“I wish you weren’t doing this, Zed.”

A-ddison’s voice was barely a rasp; practically a whisper coming from nearly an hour of absolute silence. Outside her window, night had already fallen, leaving only a faint tinge of orange across the back of the horizon. Zed sat in front of his girlfriends (he could call her that now!) desk, as he had been for a while now, hands gripping his hair in thought. A-ddison had previously been sleeping, wrapped around her Shrimpy toy and an ice pack while Zed ‘studied’.

Except…hadn’t really been studying, either. He’d been staring at the same math problem for what felt like an eternity. No, he was far too busy glancing at his z-band — watching the time tick closer to 10:30 — his mind filled with thoughts of how horribly wrong this plan could go. Breaking into z-corp wasn’t harmless…it was criminal. He’d not only screw things up for Zombietown if he got caught, but would probably be arrested (or worse). It was a terrible idea on all fronts, one he shouldn’t have even been considering.

Yet as he turned to face A-ddison, pure crystalline eyes (one’s that could reflect even the most distant of universes) once again took the wind from his chest. She was just…so pretty, fully laid out across the sheets, silhouette outlined by the fading light. He could make out faintly glowing stripes from under her tank top, and a long, blue tipped tail was wrapped elegantly around the bedpost. Turquoise hair the same color as the sea cascaded in rivulets across the pale blankets, framing two eyes of a similar hue.

The disjointed diamond shaped marking on Addy’s forehead pulsed in perfect time with her heart, and from that diamond a straight white line traversed the curves of her face to split her features perfectly in half. The facial marking rose and fell with every dip and curve, caressing pale pink lips, and traveling down the front of her neck. The line was a tease, as Zed could follow it all the way to the ‘U’ of Addy’s tank top’s hem before it vanished under fabric, making him wonder how far down it actually went…

*You’re thinking very loudly, you know.*

Blinking at the voice echoing in his mind, Zed ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Sorry,” he fumbled, “how much…?”

“All of it,” A-ddison told him faintly, “you flatter me.”

“It’s nothing but the truth,” Zed shrugged, leaning on his knees, “how are you feeling?”

“A bit better,” Addy sighed, still clutching the cheerleading shrimp Zoey had given to her, “I’m…concerned about this mission, Zed.”

“Me too,”

“I’m sure there’s another way. I…I’ve been listening to your thoughts, I know how many ways this could go wrong.”

“A-ddison,” Zed chided unhappily, though he couldn’t really be mad. Not when she was laid out like that, staring up at him in the most innocent (worried) way. Her antennae flattened, giving away her guilt as she pursed her lips.

“I’m sorry. But this thing you’re doing is illogical and dangerous…”

“A-ddison, someone knows something out there. Maybe about you; about us? I don’t know who, and I don’t know what their intentions are. But I don’t wanna wait and find out.”

“Zed, you have a life here. Please don’t throw that away.”

“I was nothing until you crash landed into my life,” Zed grumbled, folding his hands, “I was just going through the motions. I was pretending; lying to everyone about who I supposedly am. But then you came and tore me to pieces, and put me back together. I can’t imagine where I’d be without you here, Addy, which is all the more reason we need to get you back home.”

“Let me come,” the girl croaked, “let me do this with you.”

“No. Your wounds are still to fresh, and they’re looking for you as an alien, and as a human. I’ll do this alone. If I fail, no one else takes the fall for me.”

“There’s no changing your mind,” A-ddison sighed, stating her words more as a fact than a question. But Zed nodded firmly anyway, rubbing his hands together over his knees. He could tell there was something else A-ddison wanted to say, but was holding it back, “did you think for a moment that I maybe wanted to stay?”

Zed frowned at his girlfriend, furrowing his brows as she stared forlornly at his shoes.

“I…no, I didn’t think about that,” he admitted, “I thought you’d be happy to be reunited with your family. You’re always so sad when you talk about them.”

“It’s true I hold incredible fondness for my siblings, and I do miss them terribly,” Addy sighed, “but ever since I was a Young One, it’s always felt like I was some sort of…treasure to them. Something they chose to protect; an obligation of sorts bestowed upon them the day I arrived. It’s nothing like what you have with Zoey. The whispers of warmth I felt as a child are gone; chased away by the coldness of space. They can get along better without me. I like it here, Zed. I like the colors, and the feelings…it’s…” A-ddison paused, no doubt trying to choose the right word, “it’s like a Utopia. I don’t want to leave.”

“Addy…”

“I know that not what you want,” A-ddison stopped him, “and I’m sure if the situation were different, you wouldn’t be so insistent on sending me away…”

“Don’t put it like that,” Zed mumbled, “you know I don’t want to live without you. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like…”

“Then we can find another way,” A-ddison insisted again, “please Zed.”

“I won’t let anything hurt you,” Zed stated, “not again. Never again,” Zed flexed his hand, wincing at the thought of the wound still healing on A-ddison’s ribs. The one he caused.

“You know I already forgave you,” Addy said, rolling her eyes as he made a face of discontent, “I don’t need to read your mind to know what you’re thinking about, Zed. You’re easy to read. One of the things I love about you.”

“It’s still strange,” he mused, “how fast we happened. Having you as my girlfriend.”

“I don’t think it’s strange,” A-ddison shrugged, avoiding his gaze, “on the Mothership, it wouldn’t have been my choice at all who I was to spend the rest of my life with.”

“And you’d have just gone along with it?” Zed wondered, a bit bothered by the idea of A-ddison being with someone else, “no questions asked?”

“It’s…normal, Zed. So willingly putting your life into the hands of your Elder? Trusting that they won’t make a choice that would be un-beneficial to the survival of our people. It’s been that way for hundreds of years.

“But you aren’t taken into account.”

“No. Some Elders, like my Older A-Spen, are more than willing to involve the one being mated in the process. But how the pair feels about the match is not usually considered once begun. It’s between the Elders of the two families, and the numeric probability of success. It’s why the idea of ‘love’ doesn’t exist where I come from.”

“Because it’s not love,” Zed confirmed, “it’s a trade.”

“It saved our species from extinction,” A-ddison told him flatly, “but is nothing more than that.”

“So…you…us, falling in love? Being together? Would you have fallen in love with the first person you came across here on Earth?”

“No,” A-ddison frowned, as though offended by the idea, “when I was born, I lived here on Earth, just like you. I was human before I was A-Lurian. I don’t think the time I spent here ever left my memory, no matter how hard my Great One tried to make me forget. I’ve been fighting with it my whole life. Trying to be something I’m not…just like you. It’s easy to recognize kinship when you come across it, Zed. And, at least for us, those who understand one another have a better chance of being content when matched.”

“You told me you didn’t fit in,” Zed asked, “when we first met, you understood me better than my own Dad does sometimes. How…how bad was it, growing up?”

A-ddison, for the first time since the conversation begun, hesitated. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, and her antennae flattened back. She clearly wasn’t fond of this particular subject, “sorry,” Zed apologized quickly, “you don’t have to answer that.”

“It…” Addy halted and swallowed thickly, expression turning from one of worry, to one of very faint pain, “it isn’t the A-Lurian way to demean others. We value harmony and unity amongst ourselves. But it’s still in the nature of all creatures to dominate one another. In my cultures past, I would’ve been killed before my first birthday for my differences. That kind of ideal can be dissuaded — it can be looked down upon — but it takes far longer then a mere millennium to fade. Ever since I was young, those who displayed the A-Lurian ideal reminded me every second how much I didn’t fit in. They would use words to hurt me, because I couldn’t stop myself from feeling them. And when that no longer worked, they would find new, more painful ways to assert themselves over another who they deemed…worthless.”

“And your siblings didn’t do anything about this?” Zed fumed, clenching his fists, “what about your Grandma?”

“Zed, my Great One and I were very close, but she stopped caring for me when I was ten. Independence is nurtured early on in A-Lurian culture. Exceptions are not often given in that respect. I lived with my siblings; and though they did their best, they can’t be there all the time. It was expected of me to handle myself, to grow stronger on my own. Something I…well, struggled to do. It got easier when A-Spen was promoted to Captain — messing with the Captain’s family is a serious matter — but that was only a year ago.”

“Is that why you don’t want to go back?” Zed wondered honestly, “it sounds miserable.”

“It certainly helped me grow into some of my A-Lurian traits,” A-ddison sighed, using her hand to gently remove her tail from where it rest around the bedpost, “running and hiding are useful skills to have; but I also learned how to face danger with dignity. A trait we share, apparently.”

A-ddison smiled faintly, and Zed ran a hand across the back of his neck, “I’m not usually afraid of the future, Zed. But what happens tonight could mean that future doesn’t have you in it. And that scares me more than anything.”

“Me too,” Zed agreed, rising from his chair and stretching. He needed to leave soon, if he were to make Bucky’s rendezvous, “I have to go.”

A-ddison sighed, nodding against the pillow.

“I know.”

“I’ll be back soon, ok?” Walking to the bed, Zed leaned down and gave his girlfriend a gentle kiss to the temple, running a hand through her curls.

“Just promise you’ll come back,” A-ddison half-begged him, “please, Zed. If there’s nothing I can say to stop you from doing this, at least promise you’ll come back.”

“I promise,” he nodded, fully meaning it despite how his gut twisted in pain, “rest up. I’ll be back before morning. Gar gar gaza, A-ddison.”

Zed expected her to say it back; the ‘I love you’ which they’d shared only a few times before. Instead, she stared up at him with her huge eyes, and spoke a language he didn’t understand. It was elegant and foreign to him, yet he knew it meant something incredibly profound. Something that meant more to A-ddison then a mere I love you, when she knew he was, in essence, going off to war and leaving her behind.

“Apura enic ashaxt ailohoieoshi, Xedenon.”

May the stars guide you home, precious Zed.

—

@theredrenard

@disneyfan50

@rose-sparks13

@magical-ashley

@kokinu09

@octolingo-writes

@fantasticvoidnerdshoe

@sayorseee

@zeddisonss

@uglyduckling339

@descendantofthesparrow

@mbradshaw1997

@mmultifandommultishipper

#disney zombies #starchild au #alternate universe #zeddison #so much zeddison guys #fluff #zed necrodopolis #addison wells #z o m b i e s 3 #z o m b i e s 2 #z o m b i e s #dcom #disney #disney fanfiction #fanfiction #writing #world building #lore building

[sunny6677]

Crumbled Papers

A (Hetalia) Japan x Male! Reader

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Argh.."

Shades of fear faded endlessly into Y/Ns face, like a painter using different colors on a painting. A canvas such as he appeared to be portraying anxiety, and a canvas such as he, portrayed sadness as well. Deep blue eyes stared him down from in front of him.

"Geez, dude, that fire really messed you up, huh?" Said his good friend, America. But he preferred to call him Alfred. Stress dripped down Y/Ns face, as he buried his face into the desk he and his friend had been sitting at for a while now.

"Hgrghhh.. yeah, of course it did. My house--" Y/N raised his head, "--set itself ablaze after I left a cigarette somewhere without putting it out successfully, no one would be too happy after their house basically just destroyed itself."

"Hey, dude, relax-- I was just saying." Amerida went quiet for a few seconds, as Y/N found himself alone inside his thoughts for a moment. He remembered the roaring flames that were cast all over his house, he managed to save a few things, but most were destroyed.

"Hey, don't worry, I'll do what I promised-- okay? I'll get my guys to repair your house for you." America comforted slightly in an oddly soft voice, which was odd, since usually he sounded so chipper.

Y/N sighed, "But thats gonna take a while.. where am I even gonna stay? You don't plan on making me live with you forever, do you?" Asked Y/N, sitting up straight. America froze, and thought. Then, a set of stars appeared in his eyes, like he just managed to channel them all on his own.

"Hey, I have an idea!" America sat up straight with a hero-like smile, and began to appear as if he were a teacher; curiously, YN attentively listened to what he was about to say. "Since I have that statue shit i'm supposed to be working on with France--"

America inhaled, "--, what if you stayed with Japan until your house was fixed?" Y/N didn't appear to know what to say, his mind drew a blank, as he opened his mouth to speak; "Uh.. I mean, sure, but me and that guy don't talk too much.."

"Oh, cmon!" America clasped his hands over Y/N's, Y/N flinched at his oddly gentle touch. "You and that guy would totally get along! He likes that weird sushi shit you like, is great at art, and totally kicks ass!" Sparkles of passion illuminated America's deep, ocean filled eyes of sapphire.

"I-- I mean, that sounds nice and all-- but would he even want me to move in?" Y/N tried to muster a response at his shimmering eyes of china blue, America only moved his face closer, holding on tighter this time. "Dude, that guy's as chill as Greece, I don't think he'd care whether you came or not!"

Y/N tried to think of what to say, but only gave up upon seeing his mind had no other protests. "Well, fine, if you want me to; but please make sure he's okay with it too. I don't want to seem like I'm demanding." Softly requested Y/N, setting down America's hands.

"Can do, bro!" America randomly pulled out his phone, and began to text at maximum-- no, practically light speed. It was like he was defying the physics of time; the way he was texting. Judging by the sound the phone made, it seemed he had sent his text.

For a minute, they sat still, and as America seemingly started to become bored(with how much he started to whine); a notification went off from his phone. Japan had texted back.

America took a look at his phone, and scanned his eyes all over his screen. He then rapidly stood up at an alarming rate, practically almost knocking everything in his distance over. "Guess what, broski! Japan said yes! You got a yes! Hahahaha!" America laughed pridefully.

The speech bubble from Japan said; "Oh my, that is rather unfortunate. I do not think I mind him wanting to stay if he really wants to."

A shade of blue was colored on Y/Ns canvas, he felt anxious at the sound of him living with some person he barely even spoke to for a few months or maybe even like a year. He felt jittery as America kept laughing.

What was apparent was that he wasnt all that good with people; considering the only other nation he spoke to was America himself.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Y/N picked up their paint brushes, and all his other art supplies; and stuffed them inside his suitcase. He then went up to the canvas, he was planning on painting something to distract himself from his problems, but as of now he wasn't able to.

He sadly smiled, even after everything, the canvas he owned was still well and looked brand new. Maybe he could paint a picture of himself as soon as he got to Japan's place, he hoped Japan wouldn't mind of course.

He then turned his head toward a large book on his bed; ah, of course, his journal. He hadn't written inside it in a while, yet for some reason, it felt like a treasure to him still. So, he picked it up, and stuffed it inside his suitcase too.

"You know, despite everything.." Muttered Y/N to himself, "I'm glad that the things I cherish are still around.. without my paint supplies, I'd be even more of a mess."

Y/N sighed, and looked up at the ceiling. "Well, I guess I should stop wasting time-- any minute now, America's gonna come bursting in--"

America then came bursting in, slamming the door loudly. "Hey, dude! Get ready quick because we're about to leave, and I need my daily dose of burgers!" Smiled America, Y/N was still visibly in shock from America randomly coming in.

"Um.. alright, sorry." "Nah, it's okay! Make sure not to get too ahead of yourself with that painting stuff! You were a real bummer whenever you lost your last painting." Replied America almost immediately.

"A real bummer? Well, excuse me, Mr. Hero~" Sarcastically said Y/N with a cheeky smile, zipping up their suitcase. "Am I not good enough for you?" Y/Ns eyes rolled as he smirked and prepared their suitcase.

"Eh, not really-- too artsy-fartsy, in my opinion." America responded with a cheeky grin of his own. "Pfff, what does that even mean?" Y/N crossed his arms, and gently stood up.

"Eh, don't worry too much about it-- anyway, I'll be heading out there now! Last one there is a rotten egg!" Called out America, who then proceeded to zoom out the entrance to his(Y/Ns) room.

"Ah-- hey!" Y/N chuckled as he grabbed his suitcase, and ran after America while laughing. Even with his house destroyed, America's endless optimism never ceased to amaze him.

#hetalia #japan x reader #america #japan #japan hetalia #america hetalia #y/n

[juvellianthebee]

Juvel: artist insanity

Please run if you cannot handle the battery acid that is my thought process‼️‼️‼️

I notice a lot of western artists have a large focus on their own art style and stuff, but I don’t like my art style that I’ve kind of haphazardly stuck together over the years. I’ve been gunning for a manga-esque style but I’m not sure if it’s fun for me to do? I started doing more western style sketches and I found them quite enjoyable, so maybe I need a break from anime hell. It’s good to expand your skill set anyways. Also I feel like I suck with colors (that’s because I do) and it takes me a ton of friggin trial and error to get the right ones, and a lot of the time my color palettes are confined. Part of me is wondering how the hell I let it get this bad but then again, I’ve been mostly wandering through art without a clear goal, for the most part I just draw fanart but I don’t even have a roster of OCS I can get atttached to, and even when I do have ocs, they’re really really bad 😭 like my writing is just all over the place and the stories my ocs are in are filled with plot holes and I feel like that would grate peoples’ nerves. Anyhow I don’t have any characters I can draw with low pressure over and over again because when I draw fanart if it doesn’t look like a carbon copy I get a little grossed out. But I don’t get attached to my characters I do draw, so I can’t see my progress. Also why the duck do I keep drawing girls with orange hair— like brown would be so much easier but my subconscious really wants me to draw orange— and also wait what the hell im an anime artist why am I confinidh myself to orange and brown?? Maybe because I’m bad at other colors never mind. But I’ve decided I want to take an actual direction with my art except I’m being pulled in too many directions. I want to be good at EVERYTHING. Like, I’d like to be able to do both jazzy lineart and no lineart at all. I’m also torn between doing tons of studies and drawing fanart and shit but why don’t I combine them? Practice anatomy by drawing my favorite characters. I got so many issues with my art though like I only know how to draw sweatshirts and ow my stomach is hurting because I ate a piece of cheese knowing damn well I’m lactose intolerant but anyways what the fuck I’d add some pictures of my favorite artists but i don’t remember who is who and that’s also reposting and that’s gross. Anyways my favorite artists are

velinxi

cmpovar

Renjianshilian

sayoranarts

yun ling

kan liu

All of these have in common is their hella awesome use of colors. But I also have mad respect for Japanese artists that can do lineart like nobody’s business. Anyways my current goals are to actually fucking learn color theory instead of throwing myself at the wall like an idiot and practice different types of anatomy woohoo yeaaaaaaH!

#Juvel screams into the void #Wow I needed this #Jesus

[halfcrackedguru]

A Message From the Universe ~ Quality Time with Self

A Message From the Universe ~ Quality Time with Self, Multiple Osho Zen Tarot Cards Today’s Message from the Universe urges you to spend some quality time with yourself. We are trained from birth to do and be all the things. We are told that “Idle hands are the devil’s playground” and are made to feel guilty when taking a day off, even when quite sick and contagious. Even when we do have time to ourselves, we fill that time with all the things that keep us from spending time with our actual selves. The thing is, everything we do is better when we’re not coming from a point of exhaustion, lethargy, or irritability, and you don’t need to be missing sleep in order to feel any of these things. Not only is there a need to have quiet time with ourselves, but it’s also something that truly makes us feel good and allows us to handle our difficulties with grace and, dare I say, ease. This is where meditation comes in and meditation takes many forms, including the creation of art. If you have a difficult time trying to meditate then I suggest you forget what you have known and heard about this practice. We tend to think that we must clear our minds to do it successfully but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Practicing meditation is what helps you learn how to clear your mind but it is also a tool that helps you learn to hear your inner voice over the chaos of your monkey brain and even the most difficult of environments. Meditation has been scientifically proven to do the following: - Eases Anxiety and Depression - Bolsters Self-Confidence - Reduces Stress - Reduces Inflammation - Improves Sleep - Improves Brain Health - Helps to Curb Addiction - Eases Pain - Helps to Control Food Cravings - Decreases Blood Pressure So how can you find the time to meditate and what’s the easiest way to start? Don’t wait for a good time. Make time and schedule it as you would schedule an appointment with a doctor. All you need is 5 minutes to start. As you become more comfortable with the practice of meditation, the time will naturally begin to increase. Try out some of the tips below and you will develop the practice that fits you best. - Focus on your Breathing: - Just listen to and feel your breath moving in and out of your body. As thoughts come in, acknowledge them without judgment and bring your focus back to your breath. - Grab your Headphones - :While there are plenty of apps out there, YouTube has a wide selection of helpful guided meditations, music, and sounds that can help to keep the distraction from your environment and persistent thoughts to a minimum. I am currently listening to “ADHD Relief Music: Polyrhythmic Music for Focus and Studying” as I write this. I highly suggest binaural beats and the sounds of nature such as the sound of rain or waves crashing on the beach. Try a lot of different sounds to find what fits you and build yourself a playlist. - Pick a Color and Shape: - This is especially helpful when learning how to visualize things. For example, I started out holding a red-filled circle in my mind and often find that visualizing a spiral helps me transition into different states. - Include your Favorite Crystals: - While there are stones that have meditation-related properties, you can use any crystal that you love or are feeling for the day. - Don’t Wait for Your Space to be Perfect: - While it’s really nice to have a space for your practice, it’s important to avoid giving yourself the excuse of waiting for everything to be just right and helpful to be able to practice wherever you happen to be. Being comfortable is also important but there are times when physical comfort might not be attainable. Being able to meditate, even in a small way, can help provide a little distance from that discomfort or pain. - Creation can be Meditative: - Whether you put pen to paper, paint on a canvas, or create nourishing food in your kitchen, these things can not only be meditative but they’re opportune activities for weaving in your love and working on manifestation. I hope these tips are helpful for you and I would love to hear any tips you might have :) TODAY’S CRYSTALS - Amazonite - Moss Agate - Amethyst - Clear Quartz TODAY'S DECK: - Osho Zen Tarot CHECK OUT THIS DECK: - Garbage Pail Kids Tarot TODAY'S MUSIC: - Sia, The Greatest - AJR, Way Less Sad Thank you! Your tips and donations help to pay for the website and other costs that help me to bring these messages to you :) Read the full article

#abundance #Anxiety #balance #create #depression #meditation #SelfCare

[savelit]

OUR DEAD SELVES LIE LIKE FOOTSTEPS IN OUR WAKE.

Jeff Isacksen.

I close my eyes and listen to the gentle beating of her heart, the rhythm of her life. I can almost feel the warmth of her blood. Intensely intimate—more even than the earlier tangle of limbs and lips—the fabric of her physicality is laid bare in her heartbeat. Like I’m part of her, I press so close that I am among the tiny, fleshy machines that move her parts and breathe her air and do all the other miraculous, incredible, completely mundane things that came together to be Adalia.

“I can see yours, you know,” she says.

I shift in her arms. “My what?”

“Your heartbeat.” She knows my thoughts, as always. Spending so long together, sharing every aspect of every moment, we have become one person. I know her feelings by the subtlest shift of her eyelids. She reads my mind from nothing but a far-off look.

I don’t question her, because I know it’s true. Adalia sees things no one else can. We are all in touch with the invisible strands of the world, but her innate understanding goes deeper than even our most talented instructors. A heartbeat—something that I would struggle and study to harness—she sees clearly as a splash of color on canvas.

In sheer ability, I would never match her, but I have a gift too. Where she sees, I understand. The formulas and symbology that our predecessors spent generations building and rebuilding are full of holes that only the best of us can fill. Three years ago, I drew a new symbol and argued for its place in the books. They said it was impossible, that no one of my age could show such ability.

They had said the same of Adalia. In both, they were wrong.

“How do you do it?” I ask her.

“I just do.” She takes a flask of powder from the nightstand and pours it out across the polished wood. With her fingers, she draws. “Do you love me, Mikale?”

“Yes.” I reach out to touch her dark curls. This is our last moment as we are now. Our time at the University is over. It’s frightening, because I can’t remember my life without her. “More than love. I am you.”

We have our share of privileges. We were born with the talent for magick. More importantly, we were born thusly to Lords recognized by the city. Common mages are a destabilizing element, they say, and must be normalized—a symbological process that often kills and leaves the lucky few irreparably damaged.

But our peers are more privileged still. I was born a cripple, and she a girl. Which of these is worse, we debate to no resolution. They say my foot is twisted, but what they mean is that it is hardly a foot. They say she has grace and empathy, but what they mean is that they would rather see a woman as a Lord’s servant than as a Councilor.

Her fingers dance in swoops and waves, cutting runes into the powder. It’s odd to see. Hands usually draw with inks or chalk. Powder and silver-tipped slippers are for simple gestures in duels, when there is no time to stoop and paint. With my warped foot, dueling is an impossibility, but I have seen her practice countless times.

She finishes with a stroke I recognize. My symbol—our newest tool in altering the threads of the world. I sit up.

“This is both of us.” Adalia laces her fingers with mine. Tomorrow, she is to leave the city as a mage-guard to a long expedition. The Council must be hoping that she never returns. She will, but it will be a year or longer. “My sight. My talent. Your symbol. Your wisdom. I always want you with me.”

Most spells alter threads. They can turn air into bursts of fiery energy or freeze water in a glass. Others destroy threads or create them. The formula on Adalia’s nightstand binds things—ties threads together.

I move our laced hands over the runes. The energy of them is thick in the air. Her symbols are beautifully precise. “You are me, Adalia, so I’m always with you,” I say. It has to be true, because a year without her is a year without myself. 

She spreads her fingers, and the runes flash with yellow light. The air crackles. I feel something like a tug in my chest, and I gasp and breathe, and then everything is still. 

I can hear her now. Faintly, in the back of my mind, her heart beats, warm and steady. And mine beats for her, I know, when I see her smile back at me.

In my sleep, the world is theoreticals. I dream of unproven equations, long-shot theories, and frightening, exciting discoveries. Between night and morning, I discover a thousand new slants on old symbols, then I fight to stay asleep. When I wake, all these things dissipate like smoke, leaving only the faintest haze behind my eyes when I finally open them.

When dreams fade, I can hear her. Her heart beats against my mind like rain against a roof. Sometimes, it is steady even drops. This morning, it’s a thunderstorm—pounding, echoing. She returned years ago, but shame kept me from writing or seeking her out—shame for what I am without her. She has never come to me, either. And because we are each other, I know that she is ashamed of who she returned as.

I grope for my cane, and my hand touches glass instead of wood. A bottle clatters. I tell everyone, myself included, that gin fights the pain in my damned, twisted foot. But it fights away doubts, too. After all, what genius discovers a new symbol as a student, then accomplishes steadily less for a decade? And it fights the cold of the Tower and the drafty halls of the Researcher’s Wing.

And it fights the thoughts of her, but it can never win. Even when she’s far away, serving as a mage-guard or advising Lords in magick dealings, she is always there. Her heartbeat hammers through the alcohol, through the pages of books in which I bury myself. What use are discoveries without her to share in them?

As her heart steadies, I find my cane. The cold of morning makes the first movements of my foot an agony. I swallow the remnant gin from the bottle on my nightstand and hobble towards the door.

The research hall is massive, with vaulted ceilings and walls lined with chalkboards, dozens of polished writing desks and bookshelves. Symmetrical corridors lead in all directions, where rooms identical to mine house my peers. A roaring fireplace struggles to keep the vast room warm, but I feel chills as soon as I step inside. Drawing my robes tighter to my body, I move to my desk and its chaos of notes and drawings and books with marked pages.

“Lord Mikale,” a familiar voice says. I feel a hand on my chair.

I don’t want to turn. I want to bow my head over the infinite writings of our library. Inside every hundredth book or so, a secret waits. Past geniuses with unpopular notions of magick inked their discoveries onto fragile pages and left them for us—for me—to raise like a torch. I want to be writing, solving, learning, and unlearning. 

But I’m obligated to glance up. Lord Erich meets my eyes. He’s a beautiful man, tall and slim. His wavy hair is bound with a ribbon, and thin spectacles rest on his straight nose. His research is unremarkable, and his skill as a duelist is almost as shameful as my own. But with a Councilor’s daughter carrying his child, Erich has earned himself a powerful father-in-law and a position with Steam and City Works.

“Lord Erich.” I’m suddenly aware that I haven’t eaten. The gin burns holes in my stomach.

“I wish I had the mind to follow your patterns.” Erich nods to my desk and smiles sardonically. “I’m joking. One can’t expect a genius to operate like your average researcher.”

“Is there such a thing? I thought only geniuses worked here.” I run my tongue over my dry lips. All I want is water and silence. “Average mages can help the Jacks solve petty crimes, and run papers for advisers.”

“When everyone is above average, that becomes the average, my friend.” He touches the green-striped brooch pinned to his robes, the mark of the City Works branch. “But enough small talk. I’m here officially, Mikale.”

“Shouldn’t you be with the engineers? This place is for self-directed researchers. If we have something for City Works, we’ll send a page.”

“Listen.” He lowers his voice and sits on a stack of books. “Everyone knows you’re one of the best, but there are whispers, Mikale.”

I clench the edge of my desk. Politics seep into everything—another poison that kills knowledge for knowledge’s sake. “Aren’t there always?”

“This is serious. Some people—I’m not a liberty to say whom—feel you are unfocused. It’s no secret that you’ve been drinking more, and your research of late hasn’t impressed the Council.”

I feel myself sinking. For the Council to speak poorly of my research threatens everything that I have. I know I’m squandering my talents, but there is nothing for me beyond the Tower. “Research takes time....”

“That doesn’t change what’s being said. There are people who want to see you removed, Mikale. They say you’re wasting resources and embarrassing the University and your fellow researchers.”

I have nothing to say. I just push the papers around my desk, trying to remember the last revelation I’d shared with the Council. There was something I’d worked on, something important from the night before, but between the alcohol and my sleeplessness, I can’t remember. I glance at my chalkboard, but it bears a hand-shaped streak of white. Did I erase my writing in a fit, or did someone maliciously wipe it away?

“I know you’re better than this.” Erich stands and straightens his robes. “I want you to work for me. City Works needs more dedicated researchers, and the Council agrees that you could use direction.”

We are expecting great things from you, a Councilor had said when he welcomed me into the Researcher’s Wing. I cover my face with my hands. Adalia’s heart taps out its even rhythm, deep in my skull.

Erich puts a hand on my shoulder. “In the past, City Works has relied too heavily on engineers and not enough on mages. There are opportunities for untouched research with us. I promise you won’t be bored. And it’s a respected branch.”

The main doors fly open, banging back against the stone walls. Everyone, even the most absorbed reader, flinches and turns. A page stands in the doorway, his eyes downcast. “My apologies, Lords, but Instructor Henning is dead. Please convene this way.”

Researchers flood after the boy. I struggle to keep up as well as I can manage. Erich makes a show of friendship and keeps stride with me, though I can tell he wants desperately to bolt ahead.

In the main hall, where the countless wings of the Tower connect, gaping mages surround the Instructor’s body. Covered in burns, he lies on the floor with his arms outstretched. Powder sits in a pile at his feet. Half a rune has been slashed into the white dust.

Erich fights his way to the front. “Who did this?”

I know before they say it. Logic tells me that Henning was an incredible duelist and only the best could have beaten him so soundly. But more than that, I know because I remember her heart pounding. I know because I am her.

“Lady Adalia,” someone says, and I mouth along.

I get used to the brooch. At first, it feels like a chain. Years later, it’s an extension of my robes, weightless but always there. Lord Erich lied about the boredom of it, as most of City Works’ problems are trivial. I rarely spend an entire day in my study. But the solutions I produce are tangible, and tangibility begets recognition. 

The Councilors and Lords know me now. I receive invitations and offers that I never would have as a researcher. Magick within City Works has the potential to change the city, and everyone wants to be on the cutting edge.

City Works has even convinced the Tower to lend books to my study, so today I find myself in the main hall where Henning died. The Tower looks alien to me. When I was a researcher, I rarely left the Wing, and I haven’t been back since Erich hired me. Some of the tapestries are different now, I think. I press my cane into the carpeted walkway and start towards the library.

But then I feel her—her heartbeat, close. “Mikale?”

At the base of a stairwell, she watches me. Her dark curls are shorter and lighter in patches. She’s thicker now, more womanly. The cloth at her chest is still broochless, unaffiliated. Everyone will hire her and use her power, but no one will claim her. 

Researchers strive to be unaffiliated. In that, I have failed. But those who seek to become Councilors fight for affiliation. In that, she has failed.

“Adalia.” A part of me wants to fall into her arms, but she is hardly Adalia now. All of her tragic beauty has bled out, leaving her hard and angry. Without me to share in it, her soft side has atrophied. And I feel betrayed because she isn’t me or herself.

“So it’s true. You’re with Steam and City now.” She sighs. “I didn’t want to believe it. You have a researcher’s heart.”

“No one becomes a Councilor for research,” I say without thinking.

“You never wanted that.”

I frown. My dream of research alone died years ago. But within City Works, I’ve gained respect and contacts. I’ve climbed steadily upwards. Becoming a Councilor is a natural goal. “Things change.”

“I see that.” Her words are sharp.

“Like how you used to not be a killer,” I snap back.

“Legitimate and legal duels.” Her heart beats faster, incensed. “If any of those deaths were questionable, I would be in the dungeon. They’d love to be rid of me.” 

Her face twists, scowling. Once, she had been determined but warm and alive. Her eyes look like clockwork now, like she’s been hollowed out. 

“What happened to you?” I ask, as though I don’t know.

“Me?” Her words echo in the empty hall. “What happened to you, Mikale? I loved you, but now you’re just—”

“You killed Lord Berecht in front of his children!” I slam my cane down against the floor. “You’re beyond ambitious, Adalia. You—”

“He asked why he should bother hiring me as an adviser when he could pay an alley whore for the only thing I was worth!” Adalia’s heart bangs like gunpowder. “I challenged him. He accepted, then and there. If he would kill in front of his sons, he can die in front of his sons!”

I pull away. Her words are venom. She’s panting through her teeth, angry, near mad. But I know that it is honesty, not insanity.

“I’ve learned two things,” she continues, her arms lashing as she gestures. “One: no one is going to give me anything, even if I earn it. And two: they are too damned proud to decline a duel from me. If they stand between me and a place on the Council, I will do what I have to.”

“You’ll kill the whole Council, then?”

“If I have to! At least I remember my dream.” 

Once, I’d believed she could be the first woman on the Council of Mages. Now, I see that they’ll break her long before that. They’ve broken her already. My Adalia is in pieces, like a crystal glass tossed carelessly aside.

She strides forward and pushes a finger into my green-striped brooch. The metal backing pricks my chest. “You have no right to talk about what I’ve become. You let your research rot and then sold yourself to City Works because that was the easy way out.”

My heart catches. I’m in pieces, too. Her eyes fall—a hint of regret on her hard face. “I never learned how to be me without you,” I admit to her and myself.

Adalia covers her mouth with her hand. Her eyes begin to shine with tears, but she blinks them away. “...I’m sorry, Mikale. You—we were so much, and it seems like it’s all gone.” Her shoulders fall. Without her fury, she hangs limp, barely upright. “I hate seeing you like this. I just want to scream until you’re you again.”

I look away, shamed. “It wouldn’t help.”

“At least you can still do great things at City Works.” She touches my arm, but I move it. “It’s not ideal, but you can learn and discover and—”

“I’m sabotaging my research.” The tears are mine this time. I can hear the pain in her heart. I’ve stabbed her through the chest. “One of the Councilors wants the support of the Engineers’ Guild, so he’s asked me to see that certain projects fail. And I’m doing it.”

Her frown dimples deep into her right cheek. That’s how I know when she is truly hurt. Not upset, afraid, offended or angry, but truly, deeply hurt. I can hear it in her heartbeat, too. I wonder what she hears in mine.

Before she can speak, I turn my back and walk as quickly as I can. The Tower doors open onto rain-slick streets. Cold drops fall like tiny swords. I savor the stinging pain and drag myself, empty-handed, back to Steam and City Works.

The smooth tiled stone underfoot is so clean and shining that I can almost see myself in it. I’m glad that I can’t. The sound of my cane against the University halls should be nostalgic, but my foot is worse now. The rhythm is wrong. The wood of my cane is different, and the sound isn’t light and hollow but dense, hard. I try to use it to block out the beating of her heart.

Blue-black curtains wave over massive windows that overlook the city. In the moonlight, spires rise like mountains from the City Center, encircled by the ugly grays and rotting buildings of the Outer District. The air is silent and still.

But from the cracked door of an empty lecture hall, I can almost hear myself arguing my discoveries. Using brilliant logic and hard-earned knowledge, I twist everything that the University and the Council think we know about magick. Every word on every page is a weapon against stagnation. Every thread I bend in a new way is a shield against old bearded men who believe their knowledge is the only knowledge, when in truth they know nothing.

And on a padded bench beneath a painting of a generations-old headmaster, I almost see Adalia, hair bound with golden pins, tears shining in her dark eyes. She cries to me about the unrelenting humiliation that her instructors try to break her with. They cut her down, insult her, and when it is time to duel, they set her against a fierce young man who has injured five others before her.

She burns him because his defense is poor. Because he underestimates her. Because she underestimates herself and hurts him badly. And with her chin high and ice in her eyes, she walks from the dueling hall without a faltering step. She hasn’t the luxury of weakness. She cannot worry for him or ask after him, because it is better to be feared than mocked.

Afterwards, she cries to me alone, in the abandoned hallway beneath the judging eyes of a long-dead headmaster. And when footsteps echo from the next corner, she becomes silent, eyes dry and lips steady.

Here, now, I hear footsteps and raise my head. When I see her, I nearly lose my grip and fall. If not for the shortness of her curls, I would think myself mad, seeing ghosts of our murdered youth. 

The silver tips of her slippers click on the floor as she walks to me, arms wrapping around herself. “I knew that you’d be here,” she says, knowing me better than I know myself.

“I didn’t.” Out the window, gas lamps light the main streets in a golden glow. “I’m not sure how I got here. I just walked....”

“It’s a horrible place.” She raises her chin to meet the painting’s eyes. “I hate it, but I wish I could be here forever. I miss us.”

“We’re still here,” I say, but I don’t believe it.

Adalia lays her hand on the lecture hall door. It creaks open. “Tell me something incredible, Mikale. Like you used to.”

She leads me inside. The gas lamps flash. The rows of tables and empty chairs and the long chalkboard at the front of the room are all just as I remember them. Symbological equations cover the board, some half-erased, others underlined, all of them elementary.

“The one at the top,” I say, pointing. Slowly, I help myself towards the chalkboard. “You know it. One of our most basic concepts of alteration....”

Faintly, she smiles, and she sits atop a table at the front of the room. “I know it.”

“It’s garbage.” I seize a piece of chalk like a knife and slash through the runes. “It functions, but we don’t know why. Decades ago, a man named Instructor Jeralt penned a different series of runes that can do the same things but better, faster, and more importantly, we understand them.”

She leans back on her palms. “I didn’t know that.”

“That’s because they never teach it—because it unhinges some of the very basic concepts of magick that the University and the Council hold dear. We’ve based everything on this other cruder drawing for generations.” Wiping a space on the board with my palm, I touch the chalk to it. My hands are shaking from how hard I grip. My fingers feel clumsy, drawing in chalk again, but I scratch out Jeralt’s equation from memory. “We’ve made so much out of nothing. Just imagine what we could do if anyone was willing start over and learn it all again.”

“Understanding isn’t everything, genius,” she replies with a grin. She stands up and takes the chalk from me. Her hands are clumsy, too. Her feet, I’m sure, still draw with dangerous precision. Her linework tightens as she writes. “No one, not even you, can explain why I can do this.”

She finishes her last rune, and the symbols glow. Fire leaps from the lanterns, crawling like snakes along the floor. The flames wind up the legs of the middlemost table, converging and burning brighter. But, impossibly, they consume nothing. The wood remains polished and clean.

Adalia waves her hands like a puppeteer. She can feel the threads, I know it. The fire burns higher in places, like fingers straining for the ceiling, while others fall closer to the table. It’s all there—the City Center, the Tower, the University, and even the Outer District and the Basin, where part of the city collapsed ages ago.

I gape. Her heart patters, delighted. The fire even feels hot, but the table refuses to burn. “...how did you do that?”

“I just did,” she says with a laugh. She parts her hands. The fires vanish, leaving the smell of smoke in the air. “I just see it and make it do whatever I want.”

I glance at her with a wry smile. “All that power, yet you never fixed my foot.”

“If I could, I would. You of all people should know the limitations of magickal medicine.” She touches my chin and smiles.

I grin faintly and put my hand on her wrist. “If we adopted Jeralt’s equation, it might be possible one day.”

“I’ll leave that to you,” she whispers, and her lips brush against mine. They’re warm and familiar, soft still and beautifully pink. My eyes close.

But I stop and turn my head. Her lips fall against my cheek. I glance down. “We’re not who we were.”

Adalia shrinks, withers away from me. She flees from my words, head down as she skulks to the door. “Hasn’t this proven that we are?”

“No.” I follow her back out into the echoing halls. “This just proves that we were something else once.... We can’t just erase everything and be children again.”

She bites her lip to stop the shaking. “Why not?” Pressing her fingers against her head, she spins to face me. She’s quiet—a pained silence—then she swings her arms wildly. “If I could, I’d tear open time and push you through it! Then you could be you again, here again. And you’d take me with you, and we—”

“No, I wouldn’t,” I say. She stares at me, betrayed, her frown dimpling deep into her cheek. But I mean my words, even though they hurt her—me. “You never learned to be you without me, and if we did it all again, we’d end up right here.”

“I’d still go back if I could. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes!” I shout, and I hate myself for it. I know it’s weak and wrong and selfish and that all roads from there lead to here, but I still would. “But it’s a ridiculous to talk about impossibilities. This is beyond theoretical.”

Adalia collapses into the cushions of the padded bench. She drops her head against the wall, dark eyes on the ceiling. Deep shadows cover the stonework, barely visible by the light from the connecting atrium. “I’m tired, Mikale. But I don’t want to sleep, because tomorrow I’ll be me again. I miss being us.”

I sit down beside her, careful of my foot, and rest my cane across my lap. Adalia’s weight leans against my shoulder. I can faintly smell her hair. Was it so long ago that we sat like this, sharing her tears over her horrible victory? The memories are so clear—of speaking, spitting resentful, hateful words about rigid old men who so willingly crushed down everything that we believed in. I struggled, then, to understand how men calling themselves mages could knowingly stunt the growth of knowledge.

And I look down at my hands and see ink stains on my fingertips from symbology I’ve written that would never work. Impossible, I’d said to Erich’s face when I presented him with a dozen broken equations—false solutions to a problem that I could have solved on the second pass.

“We can’t be who we used to be,” I say, brushing her hair from her face. Her curls are like dark velvet, soft and comfortably familiar. “But maybe we don’t have to be who we are. What would Adalia have wanted for you?”

Her eyes are ringed with exhaustion. “She wanted to prove it could be done.” Adalia wets her lips. “But I think she would have been happy to know she was making a path for other women. Like your scholars and their writings. She would have left behind something good for when this damned city was ready.”

I kiss her softly, sweetly, and then I stand. “It’s late. You need sleep.” With my hand in hers, I help her to her feet. “Wake up as someone else, if you can.”

Our fingers slip apart. I want to strain after hers, to brush fingertips again even if for one second. But I make my hand fall and turn from the ghosts of our past—our corpses that we left to rot in our footsteps. 

Tonight, we have died again and left ourselves another decade of haunting memories. The years are now nothing but failed theoretical could-have-beens, like doors slammed shut and barred forever.

I don’t sleep, but the rhythms of her heart tell me that, in time, she does. In my cramped quarters, I struggle through pages of complicated equations. My failed symbology wastes a pile of parchment, covered in flawed inks. Finally, I return to my chalkboard, a better tool for uncertain work, a tool I haven’t touched in years.

The sun is rising when I’m sure the runes are right. I draw the final symbol—my symbol—and lay my hand over the dusty board. The runes flash. The thread tugs at my chest like it will rip me open, and I cry out through my teeth. It pulls and aches, but then it—no, they unwind, like two halves of a severed whole. I feel amputated, empty, bleeding, but I make myself stand. I make myself walk, leaving yet another part of me to die on that hard wooden floor.

At Steam and City Works, Erich looks surprised to see me this early.

“When I said impossible....” I limp past him, towards my bare desk. “I meant for someone who wasn’t a genius. I’ll make it work.”

With those words, I anchor myself to my small study and my drafty, leaking quarters. The favors I’ve curried from powerful men will vanish. I will live and die at Steam and City Works. So I spread my books and my pages across my desk and hang my chalkboard on the wall. 

Silence fills my head where Adalia used to be. I wonder what’s she’s doing and where in the city she is now. For the first time, I don’t know. I can only hope that, after so long stumbling over what we left behind, leashed to the past by a heart thread, she will finally find herself, whoever that may be.

With chalk in my clumsy fingers, I draw Jeralt’s equation. From it, all of my research shall grow.

[the-iyan]

The Futile Climbing

Hi there, this is a story. It's written by the author known as T. Belfry. Tumblr has completely fucked the formatting so mind the odd indentations and messy paragraph placement. For a full reading see my Instagram @Nimnat Hope you enjoy!

Another key component of civilian public espionage that gets overlooked too many times is cacophonology.  It’s like if the Charleston and the Yemenite Step found Skanking and Metaphysics alone at a party. And all four had a tumble between the sheets. Now to be perfectly fair to my fellow investi-Gators. I personally only learned it after I left the nation's elongated nipple. 

I was at this home away from home in Rhode Island called the “Floating Floridian New England Barge&Gill”. I wasn’t fully licensed yet see, I had fled the state awaiting the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services Division of Licensing decision. I’m not a superstitious type, but I have found all clerical matters work swimmingly well so long as I’m not hanging around when it’s done. 

Granted I’m not this place’s usual clientele. After the deceptively dingy dock was a dense forest of tulip tree tall and red wood-wide people. Thick layers of flannel, vinyl and denim so intricate Theseus himself would be left without a clue. I was like morning fog on the forest floor, slipping and sliding through angry leather work boots. 

“Hi welcome to Floating Floridian New England Barge&Gill what can I get started for you today?” Mark practically growled at me. I let go of his leg and stood up.

“Sorry, Marp. Can I get food at the bar too?” I read his name tag wrong, so I thought his name was Marp. 

“The bar’s closed, it’s 3 something in the morning. But if you’d like a table I could-”

“Say Marp, could I sit at the bar?”

“I just told you it’s closed. We aren't serving alcohol.”

“I know. Can I have a seat, at the bar?” Mark looked annoyed and confused. 

“I’d still like just food Marp, I would just like it at the bar.” 

I was attempting to clarify but I see in retrospect how that comes off as extremely condescending. Which explains how poorly Mark and I get along at first.

“What can I get you?” Behind Mark was a brick wall, with shelves cut into the material. 

There was a metal gate over the booze, but you could see colors shimmering through. The place was lit with deep orange lights. All the noise and faces reflected off the bright bottles like demons hiding in flames. But the spirits inside were liquid glass, catching flickers and dancing with them. 

“What do you boil your fries in?” I asked.

“Our fires?” he stopped filling my glass with sparkling water.

“Yeah, what oil? Do you use?”

“I don’t know.”

“Could you ask? Please?”

Mark left my cup half full. Which was an inconvenience because I actually was feeling quite thirsty. I saw my reflection in one of the bottles for a moment.

He didn’t blink. Two oily black eyes begging for a swim. His face was a dark mossy green. Thick hair flowed from his face like a hipster Jesus.

“Who are you?” The face didn’t say it with me. So, I knew it wasn’t mine at least.

He mouthed something. It must’ve been meaningful because he seemed very sorry to say it.

“I can’t hear you; can you hear me?”

He mouthed it again. Wherever he was it had the worst reception I have ever seen.

“We use peanut oil.” Mark came back.

“Thank you Marp! Can I have the endless fried shrimp and basket of fries hold the shrimp?”

“So you just went the fires?”

“Exactamundo Marp my friend.” I handed him the laminated menu with a smile. “And hold the ketchup!” I brought my vegan ketchup.

“What are you doing here?” Mark almost slammed the pitcher into the table.

“What am I doi-”

“Yeah!? You just ordered the fucking shrimp no shrimp.”

“I only wanted the fries. And I thought-”

“Dumbass there are no fires! There is no shrimp! This is a front. For drugs. Are you here. To buy drugs!”

“Oh! No, I’m good for now Marp. Not a lot of money so, water for me I guess.” I took a sip of my sparkling water, which he still hadn’t finished pouring.

“It’s $20 a glass. And my name Is Mark.” Mark began to walk away.

“Wait, why? Wait is this a full glass!? Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted any?” I despertly reached for his pitcher but my hands could not hook it before he left.

It was then that I noticed my glass was not only not filled all the way, but it’d seem someone had dropped an alka seltzer in my drink. Now don’t get me wrong here, I don’t just go around drinking any fizzy drink in sight. But you’ve got to understand my reasoning. That was a $20 glass of water, I didn’t wanna waste it. 

How to know if you’re tripping 1.0.1

I

How do things feel? Touch memory always goes first for me. You know that feeling where you know you have been touched or have touched something. But the moment that sensation stops it feels like it never happened. I always check that first by touching my face. But this could also be the effect of a mild stroke so next.

II

How do things sound? Listen to some music and focus on that feeling. If it has depth of sound, rich tonality, and a smooth melody you may be high. When you lose your sense of self and environment, your appreciation for music skyrockets. But you could also just be listening to ELO. Or the Beach Boys.

III

How do you think? The final test requires a mirror or any reflecting surface, in my case it was a champagne bottle. Look at your face and think. Do I feel high? If the answer is yes, you may actually be high. If you said no? You’re hurling through space bud.

I have a fuzzy recollection of what happened next. I fought a dinosaur, killed a bee, stung a guy, and paid some lady to tail my ex for a month. But in either case I awoke at a dennies with a half-eaten plate of fries, and some vegan ketchup. My large pink shirt and green cargo shorts got replaced with a mankini, a constructor hat and three-piece shirt. My phone started to ring.

“Ahoy?” I used to answer the phone like a dick.

“Private dic for higher how may I help you?” I scooped cold fries into my mouth and listened through my chewing. From what I could make out, it was a companion of mine. She was calling to make sure I was ready for cycling that evening.

“Oh, absolutely I’m just having breakfast now.” She seemed confused by that answer, as it was sunset not rise. But I didn’t know that yet. I also had not known I was going cycling with her that evening. Apparently, somewhere in my stooper I had promised her I was going.

I swallowed my very cold fries and ran out of the door after leaving a 200% tip. I was met with an angry horde of people in the parking lot. All of whom had an issue with my ear bleeding solo singing to Dull Citrus. They told me so. In one sentence. In unison.

I sat outside in long white gym shorts and a green T-shirt. I have a collection of civilian clothes I had to raid to source the outfit though. She pulled in, we exchanged pleasantries and off we went to stationary bike rides.

Imagine a median the width of a house, that’s the city. Tall rectangular buildings on long rectangular blocks. With tight thin veins moving cars around like ants.  Nestled amongst the grey and black was a little white corner with orange lights. Almost like a reverse orange. There was a large deep orange “1917” on the glass doors taller than Goliath and built for him judging by the heft of it. I had to dig my heels into the brick just to move it a sliver.

“Welcome to CycleTsar on Gee Ilses Rd. How can I help you?” She was the single most beautiful human I had ever seen. Her smile was lightning to my spine and her eyes melted you with warmth and kindness. In front of her reflection was the concierge who resembled an accountant in gym clothes. Nice, but accountant so.

“Yeah, we’re here for the...excuse me are those peppermint?” My companion took over while I stared at the glass mouth filled with loose mints. Not individually wrapped peppermints, not loose mint leaves. Just plain unwrapped mints in a bowl shaped like a mouth. I think I even saw stray hair in there somewhere.

“What size sir?” She was the size of a mollusk leaning on a rack of shoes that was so long it disappeared over the horizon.

“Do you have 13, men?” It’s very important to specify that point. Why can't there just be one system for all size feet? Who the hell knows. She rolled her eyes and started the trek down the rack. I looked around for my companion, but she disappeared somewhere.

“Here you go.” The shoes she was holding were almost pointed with a thick metal tooth on the bottom. But I was afraid she would ask for a tip, so I grabbed them and rushed down a hellish orange hallway to catch up with the only reason here. Who was laughing and talking with a group of sweaty toned statues calling themselves people.

The room was half window half brick façade. Against the window the company had provided small lockers under a row of benches. Against the wall were teas, lemonades, and water. Free, I assumed. There were a handful of us there. 18 total Not including myself. She had found herself the topic of conversation for three of them.

“Have you tried hot yoga here? The teache-” He was a young Idris Elba in neon green tanktop and white joggers. The man looked like he could bend a car.

“You should absolutely see my tattoo artist sh-” It would be unfair to describe this woman as anything but in peak human condition. Her eyes could draw real blood and her arms looked as dense as a neutron star.

“Do your shoes have Velcro too?” I was sitting down struggling to untie my own shoes.

As I struggled, and got a larger pair, the crowddispersed into a side room. Meaning we were standing alone essentially.

“I’m heading in. It’s going to be fun.” she smiled and headed into the abyss. I touched my face as I followed behind. The door gave way to an empty blackness for three seconds. Then a blinding white. To my right was a concave mirror 10 feet high and the length of the room. To my left was a similarly shaped set of steps. A good three feet wide at each level. It resembled a cheap theater, with just as high ceilings. The chairs were futuristic white exercise bikes, and our star was hidden in a cloak of white light. She seemed to know where she was going because she led me to the only two empty bikes in the room.

“How we feeling tonight!?” The lights immediately changed to a deep blood red orange. Her voice seemed to be coming from within my ears. I had just managed to get on the bike, while everyone was already fiddling with the resistance.

“Okay everyone straps in and let’s go!” The lights started to strobe the rainbow and basic rock started playing at full volume.

“Ride with that rhythm y’all!” I fumbled to start peddling along with everyone. Was I the only one who didn’t get ready in mere milliseconds? I must’ve been there because to my left she was smiling and looking at everyone. She seemed to be having fun so fuck it I thought. I sped up.

“I want to thank you all for coming out on a Tuesday no less. You know we all struggle to get out of bed and get that routine going guys but you know what you did it you’re here for 45 and we only just started!” I want you to know that’s how she said that. No commas, just one long unbroken breath.

“Wait 45?” I mumbled under my breath, which was struggling to exist in the first place.

45

“Let’s go up our first hill now come on!” 

I looked dead ahead to my own reflection. I don’t own a mirror in my personal life so seeing it is always an interesting affair. I was revolting. A round red face frowning at nothing. But then it hit me. My side started to burn. Next my lungs, finally my mouth tasted like blood. While concerning for you I’m sure, for me this is just the price for health. However, if I didn’t slow down a bit to adjust my seat I wouldn’t be going for very long. 

30

“And as we start to feel that burn, I’d like to take a moment to slow down a bit and talk about my dad” 

It was very sweet, her monologue about her father. It was set to the tune of a remix of Dream On. Not what I would’ve chosen mind you. Though let’s be fair at the moment my vision started to go a bit purple to spite the green room. Also, Steven Tyler’s voice started to visualize in my mind as a cel-shaded man singing in a rainy oblivion.

“Hi Steven Tyler.” I thought. As I did, little Steven Tyler in my mind twirled, and the rain dissipated into a deep fog. Water Song started playing, Lil’Tyler sang along as he painted on a canvas he had. Opening my eyes, I was met with everyone else waving their hands and singing a completely different song.

20

“I want everyone now to think about someone in your life who motivates you. No, I want you to think about your fathers. We’re getting so close to Father's Day that I just want to-”

Frankly I stopped listening. Because reality was steadily sliding out of my view and a dark blank nothingness was replacing it. I looked at my reflection to make sure my eyelids hadn't simply given up but no, they were wide open.

In the black I peddled in now silence for what felt for an hour. Then suddenly an explosion of pinks and blues infested outward like a neural pattern. I glided over branch-by-branch dodging knobbles of immense heat. The peddles slowly got heavier and heavier. Until one of them slipped from under my foot. I stopped and looked at the offending side

My shoe was replaced with birds' eye view of an empty lot. Which I was also now standing in. I can’t explain it better than that. But there I was. Amongst broken foundations and half constructed walls for an acre. I picked up a smooth looking pebble then felt a hand on my foot.

15

“Do you need help with that?" 

The concierge was kneeling at my side holding my foot like a pigeon with a broken wing. I nodded and she helped guide the metal tooth on my shoe into the peddle. Which she also apparently had done for my right foot. When she was done, I could peddle as fast as everyone else in the room. Before I could celebrate, I heard it.

The music cut. And a semi-robotic voice started. Find me it sang. Not nursery rhyme sing, more chant singing. I looked around but no one was speaking. My companion was smiling and laughing with the group on the other side of the room. The instructor was demonstrating a breathing technique. But no one spoke.

I finally checked the mirror to make sure it wasn’t me making an ass of myself and there they were.

12:30

Before anything I noticed the nose first, red as if they’d been standing in the cold. Then eyes like a wild animal in a mania. They had an eruption of blonde hair that bounced as they sang. Smiling and yelling it was an alluring sight, as if this silent serenade was just for me. The figure became clearer in the mirror as my reflection faded. I couldn’t hear but they sounded so excited to offer me their hand and wave me into the mirror with them. I wanted to take it.

Behind them was a gilded path through a tunnel of white lit trees. People laughing, crying, running through the mirror embracing as they went. I could feel an immense warmth when I saw them offer it to me. I felt part of something whole. I felt wanted, needed, and welcomed. There's so much to learn and so much to do and all it would take is to grab that hand.

11:15

“Doing, okay?”

I felt the warmth of her hand and looked to my left. She was yelling over the third AC/DC song and her second water break. I said yes, she smiled and continued riding. I looked into the mirror only to be disappointed by myself once more.

9:40

“Just under 10 minutes now, I want us to lean in and ride this one through.”

Hey Jude, was replaced with Day in the Life and the cusp of ass cheeks were already bruised and begging to stop. But I had to keep going. I had no idea how well I had been doing throughout this entire session. But I owed it to my companion and my own money to give the most I could these last few minutes. I had found my motivation I thought.

“Don’t you want to push yourself?” Everyone agreed but me it seemed. Because they all chanted yes, and I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Come on you got this; it isn’t that bad push through it!” I know this was said as encouragement, but it just served to make my already herculean task of keeping up that much more humiliating. Just then the lights went red.

“Feel all that good energy out there ya'll.” The room was now being lit by some ground lights I had not seen. But in my current state it made the floor look like a river of blood.

“We got-” Then it got hot out of fucking nowhere. My shirt was a good three pounds heavier than it was when I arrived. It was then I noticed the souls of my feet had been sewn into the plastic pedals all along.

“You’re not even trying? Do you take anything seriously?” That was all I heard as the walls melted into the steel belly of a furnace. My lungs had started to dry.

“Welcome to hell. You deserve to be tortured and driven mad for your sins!” I was peddling away as my bike slowly sank into the boiling stew of blood. Above me flew a winged beast which took the phase of everyone I had ever loved. Its neck was long and hairy, leading to a kiwi sized body and bloodied wings. It spit a tooth at me.

00:00

“I wish I had remembered a cool down song I’m sorry y’all. We’ll just slow it down with some Men at Work here”

I slowly got off my bike and funneled out to the locker room with everyone else. Having lost 20% of my body weight in sweat alone.

I stood alone struggling to remove my shoes from the small locker when I saw my companion talking with the group from before. Even the concierge joined in the merriment. Mr. Elba was hosting some sort of post work out stretch at his place and half of the class was going. I would have known more details but that was about when I stumbled and knocked over the lemonade jug.

Sticky, sweaty, and severely dehydrated we left and headed to drop me off. I didn’t say much on the way. Half from the exhaustion half from the lack of conversational awareness. I was glad I went though, it’s important to be healthy.

We parted ways, she went to join up with the rest of them, I to my solitude. I walked into my room, I sat and rested my poor feet. Thinking over the events I came to a sobering conclusion. No matter what transpires, at the end of the day, I will always come home alone.

#writing #short story #creative writing #fiction #nonfiction #slipstream #surreal #absurd #lonelly #When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead

[nefelibata-aurora]

Infinince & You: A Study of My Heart

infinince: a question

in this universe, it’s just you and me;

loveliness: a thought

i think that you’re my 42;

galaxies: a curiosityq

if it’s all inside my mind, i’m glad i made up you;

-

then: a first

never one before you;

now: a finale

i wouldn’t trade us for the world;

this: a recollection

but i would trade the world for us;

-

serendipity: a meeting

the universe does not make mistakes;

introductions: a chance

maybe we could be something beautiful;

joy: a declaration

moments like these fall from heaven above;

friendship: a promise

always and forever, forever and always;

-

space: an interlude

years passed are never the same;

ether: an obsession

learning you will take a lifetime;

stars: a wonder

the universe is small, but your world is big;

-

opinions: a variance

i just don’t understand;

distance: a longing

the world feels empty without you by my side;

feelings: a discussion

it’s you and me, but what about us?

-

penance: a redemption

i miss you;

hands: an embrace

i will never leave you;

thankfulness: a friend

perhaps our meeting was a destiny;

-

dawn: a beginning

is it fear or longing to be the first, to be the best?

others: a change

let me stand with you- as equals- rivels- of the same spiteful god;

practice: an ultimatum

don’t bear this burden on your own;

-

perfection: a goal

impossible standards won’t help you chase your dreams;

indulgence: an act

a line stands between doing your best and working to obliteration;

cowardice: an observation

i’ve seen the you that you’ve tried to disguise;

masks: an excuse

i see through those crafted lies of yours;

-

loyalty: an exclamation

i care about you; why can’t you care about yourself too?

humility: a whisper

how do i go on when everything (everyone) pulls me back?

support: a caveat

i’ve got you;

-

frustration: a warning

don’t push yourself too far;

defiance: a taboo

i care not for the chains that hold me back;

habits: a destruction

don’t fight battles you know you can’t win;

-

passion: a release

you couldn’t have stopped me if you tried;

failure: a loss

you burned yourself out being everything for everyone else;

injury: a misbelief

i just want to be better;

nadir: a price

flying and falling seems to be your unending plight;

-

surrender: a solace

stay with me;

words: a condolence

i’m here;

comfort: a lie

stars are only born after their destruction;

-

help: a falsehood

it is not about what you deserve;

youth: a reminiscence

i wish we could go back to the way things used to be;

progress: a reward

let’s live minute by minute;

-

futures: a fortune

you’ll never know unless you try;

us: a possibility

in the subtleties of certain colors, i think i’ve found you;

-

fear: a catalyst

courage is doing things in spite of the risks;

pride: a confession

i thought that we could be different;

honesty: a truth

the version of me inside your head is not my responsibility;

-

weakness: a chance

i don’t see the lies you tell yourself at night;

communication: an understanding

i am not in a state that is capable of loving;

patience: a waiting

i will wait for you;

existence: a sin

love is not a victory march;

-

attention: an affliction

i wish i couldn’t see all the ways you hurt inside;

happiness: a bluff

maybe we exist to bleed, and maybe we were born to burn;

kindness: a tendency

i choose you;

innocence: a myth

everything was easy, back when we were young;

- 

despair: a trigger

why am i never enough?

fragility: an effect

i guess i’ll just have to love you enough for both of us;

aurora: a vulnerability

i’m tired of being perfect;

secrets: a reassurance

you already were;

-

reality: an unraveling

i miss the person i used to be;

introspection: a continuity

i wish you knew the you inside my mind;

silence: a mercy

not all quiet is filled with thoughts;

grace: a proposition

it’s okay to just observe the world and be;

-

normalcy: a definition

how do i become the best version of myself in this less-than-perfect world?

acceptance: a gift

you deserve the world, don’t accept anything less;

hope: an excitement

you were the best thing to ever happen to me;

love: an emotion

if only for you;

-

worship: a study

don’t you believe in anything anymore?

work: a distraction

you can’t numb the pain forever;

chaos: a familiar

halos are expected of angels, thank god i'm only human;

-

faith: a belief

you burn with the light of ten thousand suns;

crescendo: a change

we’ve all killed pieces of ourselves to survive;

midnight: a choice

if not now, when?

-

courage: a mistake

what i would give for a second chance;

calmness: an exchange

i thought that i was lonely, all alone inside my head;

pain: a reckoning

i wish i didn’t have to hurt to feel;

death: a fortitude

there is no turning back now;

serenity: a regret

the calm before the storm, the silence after the shot;

-

anxiety: an instinct

something’s not right;

gravity: an impulse

not here, not now;

desperation: a disbelief

please let me be wrong;

somnolence: a dream

please open your eyes;

-

knowledge: a shock

i only seek to understand;

bargains: a denial

everything is uglier in the morning light;

freedom: a cage

the hardest battles are given to the strongest soldiers;

-

insanity: a battle

not all of us can be winners;

hatred: a wish

if it were anybody but you;

anger: a revelation

blood is not beautiful; it’s just red;

-

praise: a testament

look at the world through my eyes;

stories: a eulogy

i don’t know where to begin;

closure: a legacy

i swear i would have loved you if i could;

-

faults: a reason

moments just weren’t moments anymore;

ends: a misinterpretation

i thought it was what i wanted, but i did not know how it could hurt;

validation: an uncertainty

we only romanticize all the things that will never be;

-

indefinince: a perspective

you are not a bad person for all the ways you tried to feel;

forgiveness: a concept

ships only pass in the night;

growth: an acknowledgement

you only really die when your name is said one final time;

-

life: a speculation

the universe has a tendency to fall towards chaos;

tears: an apology

how do we forgive ourselves for all the things we cannot be?

time: a healing

love is not a pastime but a privilege;

defeat: a theory

maybe we should let our love story die here;

-

stone: a consideration

i, the beginning; and you, the end;

roses: a conclusion

i lay my heart out here for you;

appreciation: an eternity

if i could trade my world for yours;

tomorrow: a light

i wish to live in a world;

-

worth: a measurement

radiance is subjective;

destiny: a dance

in another life, i saw the universe with you;

you: the answer

and we were infinite.

#poetry #poems #freewrite #feelings #life #loss #grief #beauty #friendship #words #thoughts #2am #3am #acadamia