#do we still label something tmi?

[alastairstom]

Another post pointed out yesterday that the Clave was so progressive in the 1800s and (especially) 1900s while being incredibly regressive in the 2000s-2010s. This is inarguably true. It also inarguably is true to real life when it comes to views on homosexuality. While male homosexuality was illegal in the UK during the Victorian/Edwardian eras, many (though not all) people tended to turn a blind eye to it assuming that everyone involved minded their business. (Oscar Wilde, for a relevant example, was pretty widely known as being a man who loved other men. He probably would have been able to carry on as he was if not for suing a powerful and influential public figure. But I digress).

Also, it's important to note that, yeah, the TLH kids' parents were overall loving and accepting people. The one who was not such a person blessedly died before his son came out. On the other hand, Alec's parents were in a literal hate cult. But once again, digression.

Because what I really want to talk about are Shadowhunter's shifting attitudes to technology and innovation. I would like to posit that Christopher Lightwood's death was the beginning of the downfall of innovation in Shadowhunter society.

In TID, Henry contends with mockery and side glances because of his drive to invent and create. This makes sense in what his son will later describe as an "arid warrior culture." However, while generally labeled as an eccentric, the Clave - including the Consul and Inquisitor - generally leave him alone to tinker and build. No one stops him. And when he finally invents the Portal, no one shirks it. By the time TLH rolls around, it's a widely-used, widely-respected part of Shadowhunter society. It's ingrained in the fabric of their people just as steles and seraph blades are, and we still see them widely in use in the modern day.

Now, we get to Christopher, Henry's protigee.

It's important to acknowledge that Christopher may have been left alone in part because Henry's Portal was so successful. With him primarily hanging about in the Fairchild lab, nothing could go wrong. Additionally, Charlotte was Consul, and she knew how brilliant her husband was. This probably contributed to Christopher's success greatly.

Christopher grows up shrouded in this love. He is free to create and innovate as he pleases, and he comes up with the idea for fire-messaging. We see him successfully invent fire-messages by early 1904, at which point he is tragically killed by Belial.

Fire-messages are the final piece of technology that we see invented before the TMI era. All other technologies in the modern TSC canon exist in the historical stories. Thus, we can conclude that Christopher's fire-messages are one of the last creations of Shadowhunter society.

(ADHD side ramble: I'm interested to see what Grace manages to accomplish, but I cannot think of something in the modern TMIverse that she may have created. I imagine that her status as not only a woman but a widely-disliked social pariah held her back. Hate it, but my point stands. I hope she's at least given a small amount of credit for the final touches on the fire-messages.)

Anyway, fast forward to 2012. The TSCverse now has another brilliant neurodivergent mind in Tiberius Nero Blackthorn. Of course, he is extremely different from Henry and Christopher. He is more mentally present, serious-minded, and a lot less spacey. But he also views things in a significantly different way than other Shadowhunters do, finding himself drawn to technology like computers in a way that most Nephilim would shirk.

Ty and his family are forced to keep the fact that they have computers in the Institute a secret. This is likely in part because mundanes invented them, but it also feels inconsistent with previous generations. Shadowhunters of old appreciated art; Jem and Alastair were openly musicians, for example. Matthew is an obvious aesthete with a penchant for the theatre and artistic pursuits. Even when Alastair notes that they aren't supposed to like mundane things like moving pictures, he does not seem worried about facing repercussions for seeing one. Ty and the other Blackthorns seem to think that they will see legal ramifications for having a computer, and this is in a world where Jia Penhallow is Consul.

Could the Blackthorns be wrong? Sure. But it feels to me that the Shadowhunters of old would not shirk a useful technology, and the computer has limitless capacity to assist them in their demon-fighting endeavors.

The Clave closed itself off to progress shortly after TLH, and Christopher's death feels a likely catalyst for that.

#i might also write a meta on matthew's impact in the tscverse expansion later #because i think he had a profound one as well in a different way #tsc deep dives #im into these today lol #henry fairchild #henry branwell #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #ty blackthorn

[himbo-in-limbo]

Kure Rain x s/o Rant! (New season spoilers)

[tw gore n bloody stuff mentioned]

In hype of the new season (that I literally just finished binge watching a couple days ago)

It got me thinking of my mans

That crazy bastard that I love sm Kure Raian

(I'm so fuckin mad about what was supposed to be his big fight when the coup happened)

Anyways anytime I read a fic of Raian x reader it's always the same-ish thing of the reader not fully loving the sheer brutality that Raian is

I can't be the only one that gets excited seeing him covered in blood! Like dawg if I saw him all nice n bloody like that with a sexy smile comin at me all nonchalant

Like "Hey baby~ did you like the bloodbath?" I'm jumping on him and making out right then n there..

I wanna be covered in the same blood ya feel me? (That's TMI probably..)

It's probably bc I'm a fan of gore or something but like you gotta understand that killing is not only his job ITS HIS PASSION

And him being an asshole is also part of it, sure you can try n convince him to not FULLY kill someone but honestly I'd say you have a 1% chance of succeeding...

It'd have to be a solid good reason tho

Not just cuz your his partner...

Even so! Odds are the person he's messing with is a stranger to you 😭 (if your not into him killing random ppl then maybe not be in a relationship with him)

He has few morals...which align with his assassin fams code but he's just a morally grey character

That's what's so hot about him honestly

You can't ever really predict who he'll spare and for what reason...

But you get to see his fine ass just deal with grown ass men like nothing is a treat all in it's own

Hell we don't even know how he'd act in a relationship bc he hardly ever shows interest in anyone like that! He likes scarring people to hell tho

So I'd wager if you "end up with him" expect it to be a big ol situationship...

It's best to not put labels on it bc if you pressure him with that he looks like the type to leave...

And even if you are sick of it! Just tell him up front that he can either make it official or you'll leave!

That might make him realize that he has something genuine with you OR y'all just break it off and you can find yourself a better partner

Bc lets face it 😭 he's....not the best

His familys great tho I bet they'd be all over you

Especially if you're cool with reproducing an heir 💀

If not hey their just shocked he was able to find ANYONE that would "date" him

Like really? Him? Okay...

Raian doesn't strike me as the type to care much if you leave him, tho if you did have a profound impact on him

I think he'd stalk you for a bit...you'd never know he's there btw

He'd totally stalk the hell outta your new partner tho...and if their no good he'll kill em with much thought..

He dose care in his own way :D it's just bat shit crazy

I feel like If Raian did have a canonical partner they'd have to be a bit cooky themselves ya know? 😭

N yeah he might not say much but he dose better expressing his feelings through acts of service or just in general sleeping with you

Bc again we haven't seen him interact with anyone like that or show interest at all!

So odds are him sleeping with people is a rare thing! (Demisexual ass...)

But yeah back to him fighting n stuff I feel like he'd be super happy if his partner was also excited about seeing a real blood bath of a fight

Like yeah probably not the best influence on him like that but asdhsjsnskk

Honestly I wouldn't be able to help it

He's like when ppl are in love with the horror icons

You love ppl like ghost face n Jason! There def not gonna stop doing what they do! N their hella crazy!

That's the vibes Raian gives me...

The only thing that's different is, I feel like the more years you spend with him he WILL calm down by like 10% and he may not go off on ppl randomly like when he was younger but he'd still do it on occasion...

#i ran outta fule to finish this sounding more coherent... #but yea i just want a fic where the reader loves raian being raian #just two crazy blood lust lovers #they never outright encourage it but raian knows his partner loves seeing him dominate weaklings... #kure raian #limbo rants #limbo writes #kengan ashura #tw gore #tw blood mentioned

[redrocketpanda]

Content notice: this post is going to discuss sexual violence, sexualisation and kink related to Astarion's storyline and personal experiences

When making certain posts + writing my fic about Astarion, I knew it was only a matter of time before people would come at me for the content. It was never a question of if, but of when. Because we all know the internet lacks nuance when it comes to certain topics and there are a lot of people seem very invested in being the online morality police

Today I received the following comment on one of my Astarion posts. And whilst I don't wish to give air time to rando's on the internet and don't need (or quite frankly want) to defend myself, there are some points I would like to make in relation to this

The first point being a big reminder that: if you don't like something, DNI. There are plenty of other posts and fics about Astarion that are all fluff and love and treating him like a pretty little princess. Currently, my Astarion content is not that. There are many reasons as to why that's the case. And, again, if you don't like it... go somewhere else cause I ain't about to stop posting what I'm posting just because people disapprove or want to label me as problematic or "not giving a fuck about victims of SA"

I hate to break to ya but life ain't so black and white. Cause here's the thing - trauma + kink are irrevocably intertwined with one another. There are a lot of academic works and smarter people on the internet who will have said this better than me, but the main point that I want to make is that people who create particular kinds of content are often playing in the spaces that they were forged in. It is in the very act of creation that we process things we've experienced, and it's up to us what kinds of narratives we want to explore/tell and what kinds of experiences we want to have (on and offline)

Not to get all TMI on main but I am someone who is actively and unashamedly engaged in many kinds of kink. Do you know what I adore? Being treated like shit in quite domineering and violent ways. Do you know what else I love? Topping little brats who need to be forcefully put in their places. And do you know what else I have? A lifetime of experience of domestic, intimate partner, and sexual violence. This is actually incredibly normal and okay. People who have experienced trauma are multi-faceted beings.

Kink is often a place where people can safely experience untold levels of catharsis (and by extension I am including writing + gameplay in this too). This isn't the case for everyone, though it is certainly true for me, and ofc there are healthier and unhealthier ways of doing this. There was a period of my life not too long ago when I was putting myself in very risky situations to get my kicks, and now I write about fictional characters experiencing these instead bc that's what I want to be doing with my life right now

And nobody gets to tell me shit about what I enjoy, or tell me how to enjoy it, or try to make me feel guilty for it

When I say that I get off on seeing Astarion bloody and bruised, when I say he deserves to be punished and write fic about that, when I play in the space of ownership and toxic relationships, I do so from a place of lived experience. I do so from a place of being well-read and well-practiced in kink. I do so from a place free from shame and fear of what other people will think. Because I have every right to say what I say, to write what I write, and to enjoy what I enjoy. And actually, it doesn't and shouldn't matter. Even if I didn't have those experiences or knowledge, I'm still allowed to create whatever the fuck I want to create and it doesn't make me a "bad person" bc it doesn't subscribe to this puritanical moral agenda that's been seeping all over the internet (Side note: I put this in the tags but it bears reiterating here. This also reeks of the kind of shitty comments that get made about how dom's are perpetrators of abuse and violence, or that subs are victims who are being taken advantage of, which I don't even have time to go into here bc there is a lot of history behind that. but just fyi. don't. just... don't. and if you wanna know why go ask google)

I also say/write/create from a place of my personal interpretation that I think Astarion gets off on masochism too. Have you met the guy? There's so much in his character that indicates that he likes to get slapped about and teased. And yes, I do know his story, I know his background, I know him. Because there is a lot about Astarion which is a mirror of myself. And I am playing with that reflection in lots of different ways (yes, that's an Astarion joke)

There will be a time when I have a very different kind of romance with Astarion, but that's not the kind of experience I want to have right now and maybe, in some ways, I'm not ready for it. Just a few weeks ago I wrote the below piece at 3am (which is now part of a sakuatsu piece about self-acceptance and love) when I woke up crying my eyes out and needed a creative outlet for how I was feeling at the time

Not that he calls it quits. Because the messages never stop coming, they flow freely from the tap. Anytime, anywhere. Whenever he wants it. He's always in demand. Because they all want him, they all want something from him.  But he doesn't care. Sometimes he loves it, gets off on it, can't get enough of it. Sometimes it leaves him feeling cold and empty and broken. At the end of the day, what does it matter? It's all that he's good for anyway

And tonight I got hit with Astarion essentially saying something very similar:

The moment I met Astarion, I knew that what we were seeing is a cleverly constructed performance. It's a facade, stitched together of hypersexualised behaviour, witty banter and a charming smile. I would know that performance anywhere, because it's one I've been playing for over a decade. It's a survival mechanism, a mask; something which endears you to others, which makes them like you, sometimes even love you. This performance is something that Astarion has become so very good at that it's become etched onto his soul. He doesn't know who he is without it, he doesn't know what he wants. But now he has the chance to find out.

And here's the thing: he doesn't have to suddenly become some super reformed character or stop getting his kicks in sadomasochistic ways. You can be all about bodily autonomy, self-love, and healthy boundaries, and still also have big ole' ownership, degradation, pain, and praise kinks actually. And there sure as hell ain't nothing wrong with that. Because, again, people are multi-faceted.

There is space for people who want to give Astarion a hug and tell him that he's loved, to have a really tender soft romance with him. And there is space for people who think that Astarion is a horrendous little man who is in need of objectification and punishment. Both of these stances are super valid and fun.

So now, if you'll excuse me, I shall depart from this very long personal essay (that probably no one will read, but which needed to be said anyway). I've got a dungeon scene that's not going to write itself.

#i'm not sure if i'm quite getting across what i want to say bc it's 2.30am here but hopefully the gist of it is there #tl:dr don't throw accusations around at people when you don't know shit about them #to me it just *reeks* of the kind of people who say shit like dom's are perpetrators of abuse and there is SO much wrong with that #i cannot even begin to unpack this cause I could write a whole chapter on it probably #also news flash: hate to break it to the internet but Astarion is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER #he cannot actually be hurt by my words or my actions (both fortunately and unfortunately) #astarion #astarion bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #LET PEOPLE ENJOY WHAT THEY ENJOY GODDAMNIT #*shoos from yard*

[lgcxnoeul]

ESQUIRE KOREA / AUGUST 2023 [ EXCLUSIVE ] GET TO KNOW NOVA IUVENTA's HAN NOEUL

INTERVIEWER: I'M CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A PERSONALITY TEST?

Ah, like MBTI? C-U-T-E. Actually, I had to take the quiz for a class in university. I'm still a bit shocked that it's so popular after all these years. I ended up with ENTP-A, the debater personality. I wonder if my personality has changed since then... I just don't have the patience to sit down and fill out the questionnaire again. I'm not a person that believes all of us need to fit in a box, but harmless labels like that can be fun as long as we don't get carried away, right?

INTERVIEWER: DO YOU HAVE A RECENT TMI YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH FANS?

I always walk around with my headphones on, which is a bad habit, I know... I went to a convenience store to buy a snack. I couldn't hear the employee warning me about the wet floor and ended up ungracefully colliding into a shelf. Instead of sharing an embarrassing tidbit, this is a warning to everyone like me to turn off the music when you see mouths moving. Now I can't show my face to the convenience store and have to go to another store until the employee forgets my face.

INTERVIEWER: YOU SEEM TO WEAR A LOT OF NEUTRALS. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR?

...I do, but I can't exactly wear my favorite color without being seen from space. It's neon green! Neutral colors are more acceptable at every hour of the day, right?

INTERVIEWER: IF YOU HAD TO EAT A DISH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

It's probably an unexpected answer, but my father cooks a pasta dish. I'm positive that the only ingredients are pasta, butter, cheese, and black pepper. He made it for my mother when the two of them met and that was the one dish that we had when the two of them were too busy to make anything else, but didn't want to order?

INTERVIEWER: DO YOU HAVE A HIDDEN TALENT?

I learned that I'm really good at retaining information. I actually enjoy learning languages, but I do have to actively speak it in order for me to not forget after I stop taking the courses. I want to get better at Japanese!

INTERVIEWER: WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL FASHION STYLE?

I wish I had a personal fashion style. I tend to enjoy buying clothing second-hand because I love how broken in the fabrics are. You can always find something unique. I like sweatpants a bit too much. A matching sweater is a full outfit... Graphic t-shirts with funny sayings, or cool art is a must too. However, you would probably balk at how many white, gray, and black t-shirts I have in my closet.

INTERVIEWER: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR?

Should I be upfront about what I actually want to achieve this year? I don't think I can, but acting has been fun for me. I hope that I can try a different role in the future. I'm willing to do different types of roles if casting directors are listening...

INTERVIEWER: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO RELAX?

I-If I'm being honest, I don't know how to relax. The majority of the time I spend time with friends, or try to take a nap when they aren't available. I barely succeed with the later... I'm trying out new hobbies to see which I enjoy doing. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm willing to try it once.

INTERVIEWER: ARE THERE ANY RESEMBLANCE TO YOUR CHARACTER IN NOVA IUVENTA: CHAPTER 1?

The two of us are both extroverted people... Okay, he is a lot like me. He values his friends and his love language is spending quality time with them. I don't know if he should have meddled too much with other people's relationships, but if your friend is acting shi- terrible. It's your responsibility to let them know, I think. He didn't have many scenes, but I do think that as a supporting character without a romantic storyline was important because love comes in many forms. At the end, the viewers saw that love stemming from a friendship can withstand the trials and tribulations in that bumpy ride we call life.

INTERVIEWER: HOW DO YOU DIFFER FROM THE CHARACTER IN THE NOVA IUVENTA: CHAPTER 1?

I honestly don't think we differed much, but I will say that currently, I'm more envious of the character's life. I wish I could spend more time with my friends on the beach, or having these spontaneous experiences with other people whether the ending is... full of awkwardness, or full of surprises. I want to be more open living in the present without worrying about the future.

#lgc:novaiuventa

[post-punk-post-twink]

10, 36, 84

Wowwee here we go. Thanks for the ask, cutie!

10. Where do you stand on the monogamy/polygamy-scale?

Lol the word polygamy gets me every time, having grown up in Utah. Anyway, I have never solidly labeled myself as “poly” but I guess I am, more or less. I feel like sex is a wonderful way to bond with and come to understand people, not just one person. Still, the idea of having one lifelong partner appeals to me. So maybe polyamorous but not necessarily polygamous? Plus, group sex is 🥵

36. What is something that will never fail to get you horny?

Having my nipples played with or sucked by someone who knows what they’re doing. I lose my shit.

84. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

Hmmm. Get ready for TMI:

Usually something in the twink category because that’s what’s easiest to see myself in, but not always. I love casting videos. That might be my favorite. I love watching someone I can see myself in get worshipped. And vintage full length pornos, when I can find a good one. I also watch an embarrassing amount of incest porn but weirdly don’t have a lot of daddy or big brother issues? The taboo does it for me, I guess. On the other hand, I like romantic couple porn, and sadly a lot of twink models are really bad at doing that believably for whatever reason. I usually don’t like anything where the models look so “perfect” that I can’t relate to it.

DM or ask if you want to know more!

#asks #abyronicgentleperson

[gay-and-n3on]

heyy uh idk if this is a little tmi but anyway LIke 2 years ago i was tested for autism, it was supposed to be two parts and part one was like describing people in photos, what they were doing, what there expressions ment, ect then i was read to and had to recite sentences. but uh, the lady testing me couldn't get the second part of the test because someone lost the key to the room it was in, so i only ever did that first half? and i was supposed to have a full meeting w/ her and my dad to go over the results but we just, didn't? and all that was sent was an email that said that i was totally normal and theres nothing to worry about dont worry about it ur totes fine (btw i live in Australia if that matters)

Two years later and ive been hesitant to really say much about it for fear of being labeled as like “o em g i have autism and its so cutesy fun and i also have 20 other mental illnesses” but more than once ive had multiple friends be like “huh r u sure your not autistic? and googling symptoms it seems like i have more than a couple symptoms, im also afab, um could someone point me in the directions of some resources i could perhaps take a look at? im not really sure what to do, ive made an appointment with a doctor for next week, but im just not sure what to do with myself in the mean time? am i over reacting with the test thing? whenever i bring it up with my parents they sort of glaze over it and say that im fine, im not sure i have austisim as i really really dont want to self diagnose, and ive also had friends tell me that I might have ocd? I am constantly suffer from executive dysfunction to a point were im failing my classes, i also get sensory overload frequently and extreme audio sensitivity. I also have compulsions to say words, like saying things i see and repeating words (eg, saying worm every time i see a worm, or repeatedly saying the word worm aloud after seeing one) and also feeling the need to touch things to specific parts of my body, usually something smooth/ oddly textured to the center of my hand. i also have a poor social filter, i will say things that i ment kindly as compliments of neutral statements but will then make people upset and i normally wont understand why until the tell me (Eg, saying I love your eyebags, or you smell like a stick insect! or your nails are so pretty and long, they would be perfect for picking up baby snails  ((these unfortunately are things ive actually said to randoms at school and i will never live down)) and also,,,,,,,, god im rambling thanks for still reading, i also tic and stim, i frequently experience premoitory urges to touch parts of my skin, crack or move my neck and flinch. i frequently flap my hands. oh and i also have lots of urges to eat things that are not edible eg, paper, rubbers, wood, metal wires, dirt, rocks, plastic, ect ect. ALSO i regularly end up making rules for myself in my head, like “you cant eat the chocolate until you have finished this video” or “you cant go to the bathroom until you find and watch and like a yt short” and i also tend to think to do things in a specific order, like i will chop the vegetables then clean the pot im going to put them in, then ill get nervous and upset when someone cleans the pot for me before i chop all the vegetables. ok um this got off track fast, uh anyways if anyone can link some stuff i would like that please and thank you

#autisim #mental illness #undiagnosed mental illness

[alifeasvivid]

LGBT asks: 4, 15, 34? ☺️

:D

4. Past labels you’ve used?

bisexual as a teenager, asexual in college (thanks trauma!)... in terms of gender... agender, non-binary, trans masc (that one I still use... and tbh I still identify with NB too on some level)

15. Favorite things about being LGBT+?

>.> I mean aren't we just so much cooler and more fun than cishets? More colorful for sure XD idk I love being one of the weirdos on such an official capacity LOL as much as being marginalized sucks, there's something about my existence being inherently transgressive that appeals to me personally.

34. If you’re not cis, do you want HRT and/or surgery?

Yes, I want to start T and have top surgery. I could literally not care less about bottom surgery though (tmi? LOL)

#asks #reference1

[solitalien]

Sex 🔞

Trigger Warning: Sexual Descriptions

Honestly this is TMI, but I mean this whole blog is. This is just me talking about my struggles with sexual desire and how I can't imagine myself actually having sex with someone but still having the desire and how it kind of grosses me out. feel free to skip out.

Although I don't want to label myself or really want anyone knowing a lick of critical information about me, I think I might be on the aro/ace spectrum.

This started I think about late of last year when I was with an ex. We were at the state fair for our first official date, and we had our first kiss. It was at the top of the fairs wheel, and it was very romantic. It was perfect and I initiated the first moved and when our lips met, I wasn't as satisfied with it as I thought I would be.

It felt like kissing gummy worms.

If you're thinking "Oh well maybe they were just a bad kisser?", you could possibly be right, except I realized that the feelings I was feeling for this person, wasn't love. I can't place what it was, but I just knew that it wasn't. That's not to say that they weren't a good partner or anything and that's why we broke up. It was actual because I just wasn't in the mental space to be in one.

I was thinking after that date would I even want to have sex with this person, because it was very possible for us at some point in the future, and I couldn't. It had me confused because I definitely had sexual desires, but I couldn't see me doing it with them, or anyone really.

It's all very strange because even while self-pleasuring I don't really "enjoy" it. I mean yeah, it's great and I get the desire but afterwards I cringe and just feel annoyed. Honestly, I used to have a really toxic relationship with it, where every time I went into the shower, I wouldn't exactly get excited, but I would still do it. It wasn't healthy because I was exposed at a young age and thankful I've been better at it but it still you could say left some scars.

I don't do it as often as I used to, and I'd say I do it a fair healthy amount, but I just don't feel good about it. Like it feels more like a progress more than an enjoyable thing. I don't even know why I do it then just being "an itch to scratch."

It annoys me that people are just so willing to throw themselves at others just for a good time. Especially with the whole hookup culture thing. I'm not going to tell you what to do or how to live your life, but I can't see something as sacred as your virginity be thrown to the side for a good time. What happed to love?

I'm more likely going to wait till marriage.

I won't go too into that as I'll just deep dive into to something else, but I also realized that I don't catch feelings for anyone really. When I was in high school, I was a wallflower and only had a select few friends. In this friend group they would always talk about crushes they would have and how they would want to have very intimate relationships with others. I have this one friend who's similar to me in the sense that they also don't just want to give themselves to anyone, but they would have crushes left and right, and I didn't.

It just left me being the one in the fiend group who gave relationship advice because I didn't have any biased options on the subject.

Let it be known that I have absolutely no problem with any of this. I just honestly confused as to where I am. like am I just someone with really strange preferences on sex? I don't know.

Sex is complicated.

#aroace #questioning #sexuality

[crazyconglasses]

🌺💘🌷 Get to know your mutuals! When you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know! They can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. When you’re done and if you want to, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better!🌷💘🌺

Hands down a million years ago the lovely @aneiria-writes sent me this ask and I AM HERE TO EXPOSE MYSELF :D If only for her sake and entertainment, but I’m doing it :D Sending hugs your way!

1) This quarantine left me with the time on my hands that I kinda entered a new fandom :cough, Army, cough: during it. My cousin is REALLY into BTS and she created this ‘online intensive course’ for me, walked me through music videos, the albums, interviews, explanatory videos, mukbangs, really all of it - and now here we are. My breaking point was the ‘Kinetic Manifesto Film’ Version of the ON music video, if you’re curious. It...was too much to handle :D

2) I am a grown adult, but Detective Conan/Case Closed still scares me shitless :D Like, I watched it far too young and was creeped out by the silhouettes they use for the murderers back then and still am these days. Their portrayal in the manga creeps me out even more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still reading it. Just during the day. When it’s light and sunny outside. Cuddled up in my bed. Possibly with a stuffed animal present :D

3) I am allergic to Hyacinths. I’d say they just make me sneeze, but honestly, they smell HORRIBLE. (I struggle with some other flowers as well, like Lillies, but they just give me a headache, not an allergic reaction). (I feel like I should kiss the Harry Potter fandom goodbye at this point, but we all know that’s never gonna happen :D No offense, Lily! I love you, just not the smell of your namesake :o)

4) I got my first real kiss while Broken Strings by Nelly Furtado and James Morrison was playing. In retrospect that’s pretty funny, but I was too wholesome for bad omens to register back then :D whoopsy daisy

5) speaking of wholesome: IT TOOK ME UNTIL 2019 TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ‘IF YOU SEEK AMY’ BY BRITNEY SPEARS WAS ALL ABOUT!!! That’s eleven years, folks! ELEVEN YEARS to figure out this brilliant innuendo, which I respect her deeply for, but ELEVEN YEARS. I can’t get over the shame, honestly. Because ‘F-U-C-K me’ - Get it? You get it? God, I was devastated when the penny dropped....

So I hope y’all had fun! :D Maybe someone else wants to join in? I’m curious! :)

#i'm embarrassed #I also laugh at myself for half of these #fucking hell #do we still label something tmi? #is this tmi? #oh whatever #get to know me

[khruseosold]

Okay, so I’m gonna go on a small unfollowing and/or muting spree in terms of the ASOIAF fandom. I’ve wondered why Oberyn’s muse has been a bit stubborn to work with for a while already, but I’m realizing it’s entirely linked to the fandom having slowly but surely tired me out ever since the show had picked back up. Listen, I understand that people may be displeased and/or unhappy with the events of it and want to talk about it (I even agree on numerous things and haven’t been a fan of it anymore for years), but please think about potentially adding a tag for this negativity so that it can be properly blacklisted. I know some of you have started doing so and I thank you for it, but enough still pops up that I’m left to either mute people’s text and photo posts entirely or simply unfollowing for the time being.

So, regardless of if I agree with people’s opinions or not, it’s getting so extremely demotivating to have to keep reading how people feel about A, B and Z. I get it, I do, but my muses and my ability to write them will always come first for me. If complaints or negativity are what’s keeping a muse fickle and tired, then I’m going to take what’s demotivating him/her away from my dashboard.

#[ out of character. ] his hope was to remind the world that fairness. justice. and freedom are more than words. they are perspectives. #[ truly-- i get what it's like to have a show ruin your characters. your franchise. i have it with tmi/shadowhunters. ] #[ i'm still exceedingly salty over the whole thing. ] #[ and honestly-- i'm very opinionated on got as well. i don't acknowledge anything about it past s4's ending for good reasons. ] #[ but there comes a point where you gotta let it go for your own sanity's sake. ] #[ be happy-- there's still unwritten books which may give you an entirely different ending. hold onto that. ] #[ be happy /about that/ ] #[ hold out hope for that. i know it's a long wait with george-- but we all know it'll be worth it. ] #[ but truly; i do understand. but if negativity you post starts bothering other people. then i also wonder if it may be further... ] #[ keeping you in a vicious cycle. ] #[ which i also don't want for people. ] #[ but i'm very set on these things. i'm here to write with people i love to write with. ] #[ if something prevents me from doing that as easily as normally-- i'm going to take the thing that's bothering. ] #[ and yank it out by its roots because no. ] #[ so while my understanding is out there-- i'm deciding to draw a line today. ] #[ i'm done with the negativity. i'm done with the labels. i'm done with it. i want to write oberyn. happily and contently. ] #[ and i was. ] #[ and i haven't been able to. and that's not okay. so while i'm muting some-- some others may notice an unfollow from me. ] #[ and i'm sorry. but i simply-- yeah. at one point i draw a line. i understand emotions and opinions. ] #[ but yeah. ]

[beclynn-herondale]

Similarities that I see between Jace and Céline

(these are just my thoughts. Press read more to see them.)

↑ this chaotic energy. You think he got it from Stephen? Nah.

Her anxiety reminds me of Jace's. And like their thought process was similar in ways.

They both struggled with belonging.

Céline corrected Robert when he said "Just like a warlock. Always for sale."

And Céline was like "Always on sale."

Again Jace energy.

Céline knew Amatis, Stephen's wife. At least, she knew enough. Amatis was sharp-tongued and stuck up. She was opinionated, argumentative, stubborn, and not even that pretty. There were also rumors that she still secretly associated with her werewolf brother. Céline didn't much care about that—she had nothing against Downworlders. But she had plenty against Amatis, who obviously didn't appreciate what she had. Stephen needed someone who would admire him, agree with him, support him. Someone like Céline. If only she could make him see that for himself.

_

Jace's smile was as bland as buttered toast. "Go on, go after him. Pat his head and tell him he's still your super special little guy. Isn't that what you want to do?"

But he couldn't look at Simon without wanting to kill someone.

“And even back then, in that stupid coffee shop. When I saw you sitting on the couch with Simon, even then that felt wrong to me—i should have been the one sitting with you. The one that made you laugh like that. I couldn't get rid of that feeling. That it should have been me.”

↑ Their bitterness, anger, jealousy, and envy towards the person who had the person they wanted and in general has the same energy in my opinion.

They both were angry and jealous of people who had it better or they considered to be good—Like, that was why Jace hated Simon so much at first, because Simon was everything Jace thought he'd never get to be, he just didn't realize it.—And Céline was angry of the kids in the academy who had loving parents and good childhoods, and weren't damaged like she was—they both were angry because somebody was someone or had something they thought they'd never get to be or have. (In Céline's case she never actually got it, not really.)

They both like to wander around when upset.

They both aren't too fond of the Silent Brothers. And I think that has to do with their head being full of certain things they don't want others to know, and the Silent Brothers speak in your mind, almost like they're reading your thoughts.

They're both observant, which could be from growing up in abusive and toxic environments but could also just be they're observant people.

They both can tell when someone is off. We see this when Céline sees through Valentine's mask. Jace often saw through the lies of people in TMI and still does.

And the both hate being pitied. Like it angers them when people pity them, we see that with Jace quite often in TMI, but we see it when Dominique says this: “Every Downworlder in Paris knows about poor Céline Montclaire, wandering the city like a murderous little Éponine. We all feel a little sorry for you.”

And then Céline thought this: Céline lived with a steady, secret simmer of rage, but now she felt it boiling over.

↑ Again, the above reminds me of Jace. He lived with anger that he kept under control but would boil over when triggered.

They're both sensitive. And get hurt easily.

“I wish I could be more like you,” she admitted.

In what sense?

“You know, just shut off my feelings? Feel nothing. For anybody.”

There was a long pause, and she wondered if she had offended him. Was that even possible? Finally, his cool, steady voice spoke.

This is a wish you should dispense with. Feeling is what makes us human. Even the most difficult feelings. Perhaps especially those. Love, loss, longing—this is what it means to truly be alive.

__

“I think—my father was sorry he had a parabatai,” he said. “Now I have to go live with a man my father was sorry about. I don't want to be weak, I don't want to be sorry. I want to be the best.”

If you pretend to feel nothing, the pretense may become true, said Jem. That would be a pity.

↑ They both wished to feel nothing, and had Jem tell them that wasn't as great as they thought. But they both still desperately wanted to not feel.

When she was a child, her parents had often refused her iratzes after training sessions, especially when her injuries were caused by her own mistakes. Let the pain remind you to do better next time, they told her. All these years later she was still making the same mistakes.

_

“No! it's better for your parents not to know it happened at all. It was just bad luck that one of them got me. I'm a good fighter,” Jonathan protested sharply.

“It's my fault I got hurt,” said Jonathan. “I know excuses are for incompetents. It won't happen again.”

↑ this bit on making mistakes, or when getting hurt.

Céline always carried a misericord blade.

↑ Reminds me of someone else who always carries blades.

They both were aware of the consequences of putting a rune on someone that they weren't 100% sure were Nephilim, and it was different circumstances but they did it anyway. Jace gave Clary her first rune and Céline gave Rosemary her first rune (I think).

More furious at her own instinct for mercy. After all, her parents had never shown any to her. Her parents had done their best to teach her that mercy was weakness, and cruelty was strength.

_

Jonathan said the word "weakness" with horror. Jem wondered what a man who had drilled a boy to fight like that might have considered weakness.

↑ Mercy, kindness, gentleness, etc. Was taught as weakness to them both growing up.

They both hate being predictable. Kinda like when Rosemary knew Céline would keep her secret. Céline hated that she knew that. Remember in CoA when everyone was guessing that Jace said no to Valentine, and he hated it.

They both never really felt like they were ever a kid. Because again, the environment they grew up in forced them to grow up faster than they should have. Which is why Jace didn't think of himself as one when he threw himself into battle.

like Jace I don't think Céline liked to upset the balance of things, meaning they don't pry and don't pressure. Which often gets them labeled as "not too bright" or "unobservant" they're both observant, they just don't say it out-loud. Jace is definitely like this, but I see Céline as this too. Stephen said she always needed to be told what to do, but I don't think it was that exactly, I think she just didn't like to upset things. Which growing up in an abusive and toxic environment does that. But I think it's also just part of who they are.

That sweet and obedient daughter of the provençal countryside. They knew how devoted she was to her parents. Such a dutiful daughter.

↑ Valentine often called Jace his obedient son. I see Jace in this part as well. Sebastian called him Valentine's "sweet boy."

She could close the door on the past, start again. She could choose a life without pain, without suffering or fear.

But who would she be without pain?

This also reminds me of Jace. Obviously he did end up choosing to walk away from Valentine. But there are times he doubted, because in reality he himself didn't know who he was without the pain he'd experienced, without his past with Valentine. And they both believed that the pain and suffering had made them stronger. Jace later knows that isn't true, but I see the similarity there.

They're both said to have vulnerability about them that made you wan to protect them. To keep them safe. Jocelyn said you couldn't really hate Céline, and I think it's kinda the same with Jace.

Both of them refused to ask for help. Thinking they could do it all on their own.

Céline could tell how much it hurt—and how determined the woman was to reveal no pain. She knelt by her side. Rosemary flinched away. “Let me see—I can help."

_

“Tell me what happened first.” She tried to yank her wrist back, but his grip was incredibly strong. “I can help you.” — this is in Clary's pov.

↑ Their willingness to help the pretty stranger they didn't know.

They both often felt they didn't have a choice in some things.

They both felt achingly alone at some point. And very much misunderstood.

The thought of losing the only family they ever had scared them, and they were willing to do anything to keep them. Even if in Céline's case hers wasn't that real.

They were both said to be beautiful, and breakable. Fragile almost. These were Jocelyn's words. That beautiful things were easily broken.

They both grew up denied of love and care.

Céline had low self esteem in a lot of areas. We often see Jace as the confident character who doesn't have insecurities or low self-esteem. but he does. Jace didn't like himself, his looks don't play a part here, he didn't like himself. He actually didn't feel good enough or worth much, that's why he made so many superiority jokes, because he truly didn't feel good enough but had to make everyone believe he did. Céline didn't feel good enough either, but she tried not to let it show.

Their childhood gave them bad coping mechanisms and suicidal tendencies. They both self harmed in ways, believing that pain made you stronger is one of them.

We often look over the fact that while some of Jace's mental struggles did come from the trauma of his childhood and growing up around war, that he was already at a high risk with a mother who experienced similar things. Because if you have a parent who has mental illness the offspring are at higher risk of developing one. And his childhood didn't help with that.

And we know what they both truly wanted was to be loved and safe. Really. Jace always thought he wanted to fight all the time, but by the end of tmi he realized he just truly wanted to be happy and left alone, he just wanted Clary and his family. Céline wanted that too, but she never got it.

You all realize they would understand each other, right? Like if Cassie ever did something where they somehow met, Céline would understand Jace and he would understand her.

Céline would have never raised Jace with anything but love and care. She would have made sure he never knew a childhood like hers. But he did. He ended up knowing what that was like. And it would have broken her even more to know that.

But she would probably stab Valentine in the face, which I'd like to see.

Friendly reminder that Jace looks like her around the eyes (no I won't shut up about this.)

There's probably more but until we learn more we won't know. Just remember he may be a Herondale but Céline is also there.

@khaleesiofalicante I tagged you 😎

#celine montclaire #celine herondale #jace herondale #jace lightwood herondale #tsc #the shadowhuter chronicles #tst #the secret treasons

[libraryofsouls]

tmi: affection - chromeskull, jason, michael, thomas, vincent

how affectionate can your slasher be? puppy with a severe case of separation anxiety or just downright dead inside? how would they react to an affectionate s/o? 

Jesse Cromeans / Chromeskull

has the most experience out of all the slashers but also has severe trust issues so you’ll most likely be stuck with the “trophy spouse” label. jesse would purposely be emotionally absent towards you in front of his peers. in his mind, if you aren’t important to him, you’re less likely to be a target. god knows he’s made too many enemies.

worry not! he’s the exact opposite when it’s just the two of you. want to kiss him? he’ll bend down like a gentleman if you’re shorter. netflix and chill? no need to get up. he’ll get the snacks. jesse’s practically built for domestic life, as ironic as it is.

you can’t be a trophy spouse without the glam - which he’ll happily provide. fancy dinners, designer clothes, the works. hand-picks everything for you and he’s damn good at it. if you’re good with weapons (he’s planning your wedding as we speak) he’ll have some custom-made for you, with chrome plating of course.

that being said, he’s also known to get you lingerie from time to time. if you don’t talk him out of it he’s always going a step further. themed costumes, collars, toys, etc. his way of treating himself is through you. sure, his heart is full with all your adorable bouts of affection, but he’s got other needs as well.

fully independent but gets grumpy if he's swamped with too much work. always has the time to text you to make up for his absence. if he’s out killing his messages will be much shorter. (e.g. “I’m out.” or “two more.”) once he’s home he’s ready to play house again - embrace his darling s/o and ask them about their day while they inevitably panic about his bloodied post-slaughter state.

Jason Voorhees

zero experience but he’s got the spirit. eager to accept your love but can be exceedingly shy about it. the first time you tried to hold his hand he flinched and assumed the worst. oh god, they’re tired of me and reaching for my machete to end me! only to be horribly embarrassed afterwards. oh god, they actually wanted to hold hands!!!!!

big owl eyes at any form of intimacy. if you lean your head against him, he’ll freeze. oh no, were you saying something? his heart was beating too fast he couldn’t hear! you might have to repeat yourself sometimes. this poor man is just so stunned at the idea of someone enjoying his company.

jason likes leaving out small gifts for you like flowers with the roots still on them and pretty-colored rocks. he hasn’t built up enough courage to give them to you in person yet, but luckily he’s a master of blending in so you can expect he’s nearby, watching closely to see how you react.

once he gets the hang of it, he is the biggest sweetheart. he’ll mostly try to mimic you since he's still fairly new to being in a relationship. he’s also likely to spy on couples as an attempt to learn more from it. mostly they just end up frick-fracking in the woods though, so he only manages to get pissed off. jason’s thought about doing it with you too - but mostly ends up forcing himself not to think about it for the time being. only good christian romance at his lake!

congrats! you are now his top priority. meaning, you’ve unlocked overprotective!jason. privacy is now a foreign thing. want to take a walk? he’s already got his hand out. what do you mean “without him?“ would definitely get sad if he isn’t included in any way. he’s only really going to leave you alone if you want to go swimming in the lake or if you're in the restroom. even then, he makes sure he can at least hear you.

Michael Myers

point blank - you’re going to have an awful time. not killing you counts as affection to him. how romantic. don’t expect more from him and he just might surprise you. (after all, he’s pretty unpredictable.) just don’t do anything stupid and he might keep you alive.

smother him with affection and he’ll smother you with a pillow. he’s not afraid to smack you around until you understand he has his boundaries. your boundaries, you say? it simply doesn’t exist to him. huh? what? he can’t hear you anymore. closes his eyes too just to be petty.

there’s a very very very slim chance he can be affectionate. either because he’ll be amused with the feeling of how warm and nice you can feel against him, or simply because he wants something to grab onto. mikey’s more likely to ease into the idea with some very specific touching. running your fingers through his hair? nice. shoulder and neck massages? double nice. this man is stiff as a board so he’s definitely going to appreciate it.

while unmasked!mikey is a sight to behold, he’s twice the bastard. he’ll back you in a corner, grab you, bury his face in your clothes and just.. inhale deeply. checking if you smell any different just in case he needs to maul a touchy friend of yours. if he smells men’s cologne on you he’ll practically be foaming at the mouth. stop squirming! he needs to make you smell like him this time!

mikey will do anything and everything to let people know you’re off-limits. his version of cuddling is holding you against your will until you also smell like blood and gore. don’t leave him with his thoughts because he’s going to get creative really quickly. big fan of leaving handprints and hickeys on you. one of these days he’s going to bite you too.

Thomas Hewitt / Leatherface

also has zero experience but he’s had a rough life so expect him to be wary of your advances. not quite sure how to accept your affections at first, so he’ll mostly just freeze and let it happen. later on he might space out and think back on it. did that just really happen? to him, of all people?

still big grumpy, but has a soft spot for you. catch him glaring at everybody else, only to turn back to you with a loving gaze. he’ll gladly start reciprocating your displays of affection - just give him a little more time. luda mae would make quick work of him though. she’d be equally thrilled about tommy having a doting s/o!

surprisingly alright with pda? he’s lost on certain social cues. just automatically holds your hand whenever you reach out to him. make sure to be mindful of him whenever he has victims to handle though. he’s not quite used to being followed around so he might accidentally run you over. this poor man’s gonna beat himself up over it too.

has a lot of chores to do, so he rarely has time to sit back and cuddle with you. would love it if you offered to help. (he’s actually not gonna let you help him, just wants to keep you on his lap.) shh, don’t question it. if you’re both busy he’ll make sure to check in on you every so often and maybe leave a smooch on your head while he’s at it.

loves a doting partner but not too clingy. he’s got a lot of work to do, you see. best not get in the way unless you want to get picked up (in the most gentle way possible) and set aside. (he’ll also make sure you’re comfortable first.) unlike other slashers, he’s much more apologetic about trying to tell you he has stuff to do and he’s actually very easy to persuade.

Vincent Sinclair

this man is a NERVOUS WRECK. hasn’t done this before and thinks it’s bad for his health. it’s much easier to conceal a blushing mess under a wax mask. (but luckily he’s easy to read.) don’t get too eager with him otherwise he’s going to start avoiding you. it would be best to take it very slow with him as to not overwhelm him.

why is this so difficult? god have mercy. vincent wants to kiss you so badly but all he can manage to do is to get completely distracted with you just being there with him. shit, what were you saying again? he can barely hear anything with his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. ah whatever, he’ll just hold your hand and maybe you’d like that? !!!!!! internally loses his shit when you lace your fingers together.

post-unmasking he’ll be much more comfortable with you. he’s still very nervous but he’s trying to reciprocate your affections this time! eventually he might even surprise you by taking the lead. once he’s with you, he’s set for life. all his worries melt away just by having you in his arms.

another gift-giver but it takes him a little longer compared to the others. he prefers making your gifts by hand rather than rummaging through victims’ belongings. wax flowers are the norm. have a favorite animal? here’s five sculptures of them in varying sizes. vincent also sketches you on the regular but he’s not about to tell you that.

has a horrible sleeping schedule so you’re gonna need to collect your mans in the basement yourself. sleep-deprived!vincent is surprisingly much more open to be affectionate. he’s running on two hours of sleep and no longer cares to resist the urge to bury his face on your shoulder. has he told you how much he loves you yet? the following day he’ll refuse to acknowledge any of this happening.

#jason: gives you flowers everyday #michael: just fucken bites you #that is just how he is i cannot change this #my writing #slashers #tmi #tmi: affection #chromeskull #jesse cromeans #jason voorhees #michael myers #thomas hewitt #leatherface #vincent sinclair #slasher x reader #slasher x you #self insert #self ship

[hikarumkns]

Sk8 Episode 6 (TRICKS)

Spoilers ahead

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.

.

While I love everything about this show, I LOVED THIS EPISODE THE MOST.

I've been saying for a while now that I've been dying to know more about the characters and although this episode didn't really dive into their lives specifically we got to see them in a totally different situation outside of Skateboarding. First of all, I did the horrible mistake of watching this episode at 5am (TMI: I'm an insomniac) and I'm shocked I didn't wake anyone up 🤣🤣

To start off, Shadow being the permanent "babysitter" is literally giving me so many feels cause I've been in his situation before 🤣 I think we had a lot of relatable moments. Especially this one

I just love how they managed to have all the main characters in the same spot coincidentally and have it work without it being awkward. I would also like to point out that Kaoru is totally against this like 1000% of the time but deals with it so gracefully. I LOVE absolutely LOVE Kaoruband Joe's relationship. Maybe because I'm used to Midorikawa Hikaru being either very callous or elegantly devilish.

On to skateboarding which we got a little of but still worth pointing out.

Now I mentioned this earlier from someone who asked (thank you btw ♥️) I've been dying to talk about this. A trick I want to point out that is so worth talking about called the 360 Boneless. (I recently labeled this as the Nose Grab No Comply which I see now is completely wrong so I apologise for any confusion 😔)

I love this trick cause it's simple, complex and just earns a lot of cool points in my opinion. Add a 360 to it and I'll got yourself a pretty nice trick up your sleeves. At first I thought Joe had done a nose grab no comply since he grabbed the nose but if you look closely, you can see he's actually holding onto his board the whole entire time.

This is a nose grab no comply. Notice how he lets go of his board after he jumps rather than hold onto it.

The more this show progresses the more we see that these characters really are street skaters. They skate anywhere at any time regardless of the situation (literally) and with style lol. They're banging out a lot of tricks that are so simple to do but yet complex and I give thanks to the creators for that because despite this episode not being all that skate oriented we still see something completely new.

This was so much fun to see! Aside from the tricks done by each individual character, I love the angle they chose. A old school photo skate magazine kind of vibe with a good fisheye lens.... ☺️☺️ Just beautiful.

There are tricks that are being pulled off here. Since I'm not too familiar with Langa, who pulls off snowboarding tricks 24/7 and their names sometimes vary, I won't be able to name what he's pulling off here. Reki and Shadow did an Ollie but then you have Miya, Joe and Kaoru.

Miya does a pop shuvit

Joe does an airwalk (I've always loved seeing these during the X Games. I've seen them done on a lot of big jump tournaments)

I'm almost certain Kaoru does an airwalk fingerflip. Which I think would make sense if he's trying to one up Joe with his own variation of the airwalk given their rivalry lol

Most of these tricks are flat ground based which I find interesting given that these guys basically have verts on their S course but we hardly see grabs and aerials tricks. Take Miya and ADAM for example, their tricks are very technical and definitely not meant verts and half pipes. I haven't seen them take a lot of air as opposed to Joe or Langa. I feel like Reki is definitely an all rounder type and we have yet to see him really go at it. He's definitely a freestyle skater from the opening of the show.

I love how in this episode of was a perfect balance of comedy, seriousness and Skateboarding that really blended well together. I do feel like ADAM was a little out of place in this though I think it was still necessary to introduce the inspector and their relationship... If there's anything there. Now we know that ADAM is just that weird character in and out of the course... A little disturbing tbh but that's what makes him a good villain.

Here's to another week

#Sk8 the infinity #Sk8 #Skateboarding #Langa #Reki #Joe #Cherry Blossom #Miya #I'm so sorry for the late post 😭 #had one heck of a weekend 😔 #gifs

[burntmcnuggies]

Hawks and S/O Play Among Us

Hawks x Reader

Just a small headcanon I made since me, my mom, my brother, my step-sister, and some of my friends play all the time! If you wanna play together or just chat with me lemme know and I’ll make a private group for you all to join and chat with me! ;)

Warnings: strong language, excess use of profanity, so if you don’t like very strong language please leave! A slight little bit of suggestive sexiness from Hawks, but it’s very very brief! That’s it!

Enjoy!

* Cheats all the time. So make sure you both are in separate rooms. If you’re beside him playing on your phones, he will for sure peek over and see if you’re an imposter or not.

* If you’re both Crewmate he’ll stay glued to your side. He’ll do all tasks with you, make sure he follows you if something got sabotaged, even though this may cause you to lose. “Hawks go to the other one! We only have 15 seconds!” “But what if you die? I’ll be all alone, and everyone will sus me because I stayed with you all the time!” “That’s why you don’t follow me and act sus!” Needless to say it’s difficult getting him to leave your side. If you do die, he’ll start blaming your killer even though he has no proof at all. Then he gets voted out and you do tasks together as ghosts. He’s one of those people to randomly start accusing people, and will use you as an alibi. “I was with my girlfriend and brown was following us. He’s pretty sus.” Then you get spams in the chat saying “wtf.”

* if you’re both imposters, he’ll make sure to sit by you and run around freely by himself knowing you’re safe. Even in a fictional game he makes sure you’re safe... most of the time. “FUCK! FUCK!! BROWN SAW ME!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!” “LIE!” “THEY ALL WANNA VOTE ME OUT WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” Voting occurs, and you vote him out. “YOU BETRAYED ME?!?!” “WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?! IT WOULD BE SUS IF I DIDNT!!!” He’ll start pouring and follow you around in his little ghost form, assisting in sabotage and warning you if there’s anyone around so you can kill people. If you were away from each other, he would venture on his own and sometimes follow you to see if you can double kill. “Yes! Good job, dovie, you make a great sidekick!” If you are being accused, he’ll defend you immediately, which makes it all the more suspicious. Then you both end up getting voted out.

* You’re the imposter and he’s the crewmate. You kill Hawks first. Always. You have to or else he’ll rat you out immediately. He’s very competitive if you are on opposite teams. If you do get voted out he’ll rub it in your face and laugh. “You’re so predictable, dovie. It’s not even funny!” Well, apparently he thinks it’s funny. He also thinks it’s funny seeing the pouty expression on your face. If your teammate kills him, you start laughing at him. “Hah! Yellow got revenge! Thank you yellow! Carry us to victory!” He scowls. “At least I made it farther.” If you successfully kill him, he’ll stalk you through his little ghost and scrutinize your methods. “You killed him in the open, If it were real you’d be locked away by now.” “It’s a game babe. Let me play how I wanna play. You’re acting childish cause I killed you.” “I hope they vote you out. Liar. Murderer. Imposter!” When you end up winning he’ll pout. “I’ll get you next time, baby bird.”

* He’s the imposter and you’re the crewmate. He’s very good at it. He likes to wait and kill you last since he loves to taunt you. Then he’ll lie to the entire chat and act all innocent. However, if you’re playing with friends, this plan always backfires. You don’t even suspect him because he’s so good at playing the role of an imposter, it’s almost scary. If he’s the imposter, he always wins. If he’s acting sus, you call an emergency meeting and immediately convince everyone to vote him out. It’s a desperate last effort tactic to try and win against him. Of course, he smooth talks his way out of things and you’re the one that gets booted. There will be a small little thing at the end where you are playing with friends :)

* Characters, of course yours is whatever you want, but Hawks... he loves to do stupid ass nicknames that you and all your friends and his make fun of. It’s consisted of “Sexy Bird” “No. 2 Bitches” “(Y/N)’s dick giver” “chickenman” “nugget king” “Endeavor my daddy” “Endeavorsimp” “Hawks” The last one is to try and make his fans day if he has any that play when you both just play online together. His character is almost always yellow with little goggles on top, a white suit, and a mini crewmate as his pet. Many don’t believe that it’s actually Hawks, not until he posts pictures on his social media of you and him playing together.

* Playing with Friends: You, Hawks, Endeavor, Mirko, Dabi, Tokoyami, Shoto, Twice, Shigaraki, and Aizawa (you convinced him to play) All of you are on call. Hawks invited Endeavor, Mirko, and Tokoyami. You invited everyone else. (Lets all pretend that you all are normal and there’s no heroes or villains, just all adults with jobs playing kid games. (U/N) is username by the way since you all get to choose ^^

Below is a short story I wrote for this!

------------------------------------

Small Key!

-(U/N) = You (Orange, Pink, Light Green)

-Sexy Bird = Hawks (Yellow)

-Dabeebee = Dabi (Purple)

-Zzzawa = Aizawa (Dark Green)

-QueenRab = Mirko (White)

-MyDadSucks = Shoto (Cyan)

-DarkBoy = Tokoyami (Black)

-Crustball = Shigaraki (Dark Blue)

-2wice = Twice (Brown)

-Endeavor = Endeavor (Red)

------------------------------------

“Hey everyone!” -(U/N)

“Stop being so happy (Y/N).” -Zzzawa

“Hey Doll.” -Dabeebee

“Dabi~! Your user name is your name in my phone!!! How sweet!” -(U/N)

“Hey, I’m right here. Don’t make me come up there and teach you who you belong to again pretty birdie.” -Sexy Bird

“TMI!! I don’t wanna hear about you’re pathetic sex like Keigo. Baby dick.” -QueenRab

“Language Mirko. Please. Who else is joining (Y/N)-“ -Endeavor

“YOU BITCH WE HAVE BOMB ASS SEX!!! TELL HER (Y/N)!!!!” -Sexy Bird

“Can we just start?” -Crustball

“Please.” -Zzzawa

“I agree.” -MyDadSucks

“Shoto change your name.” -Endeavor

“Fuck off old man.” -MyDadSucks

“I am ready to begin this journey of darkness and deceit.” -DarkBoy

“Me too! Oh hell no, I’m not doin’ this.” -2wice

“Guys! Shut up! I’m about to start the game so we all have to go on mute okay?” -(U/N)

“(Y/NNNNN)! You didn’t tell Mirko about our fucking amazing se-“ -Sexy Bird

------------------------------------

You pressed start before your lover could even finish whatever he was saying and rolled your eyes shouting from the guest bedroom. “KEIGO YOU BASTARD IM REALLY GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT OUT SEX LIFE!!!!” He shouted back almost immediately. “SHE CALLED OUR SEX PATHETIC!!!!” You called back. “ITS NOT BABE ITS FUCKING AMAZING NOW SHUT UP AND PLAY!!!!” The little ‘Shhhh’ appeared and it turned out you and Dabi were the imposters. You grinned widely and went towards the right of “The Skeld” map. You ran up towards weapons to pretend to do the task. You took the time to attempt to sabotage the lights like you always did, but it sadly was still loading. Then a purple little astronaut came beside you with little wolf ears. And the name labeled above was red with the word “Dabeebee.”

‘Alright Dabi... lets kick some ass.’ You thought to yourself with a grin as you finally got your kill cool down relinquished. The first thing you sabotaged was lights, and then you began your search for your lover. You went down and turned left, checking to see if anyone was in communications. No one. You then went through lower storage and up Into electrical. You were met with a dark blue color. Poor Shigaraki, your first victim. Keigo could probably wait. Dabi would back you up. You clicked the kill button on your phone and immediately jumped into a vent. You popped out of MedBay and pretended to do the sample task. Then your screen flashed.

------------------------------------

*DISCUSS/ Dabeebee reported a body*

*Crustball has died*

------------------------------------

“Well, there goes the crusty bastard. He sucked anyways.” -Dabeebee

“Where was the body?” -(U/N)

“It’s (Y/N). I know it is.” -Sexy Bird

“What the hell kinda evidence for you have that it was (Y/N)? I’ll kick your ass if you do it again. You weren’t near her you were with Endeavor and I.” -QueenRab

“Those are some pretty bold accusations against me my love.” -(U/N)

“(Y/N) was with me the whole time. The body was in electrical. We were together going down there and she kept going while I went to go do a task.” -Dabeebee

“It was Dabi! No it wasn’t, he’s a good guy! No! He’s evil!” -2wice

“It was Endeavor.” -MyDadSucks

“It’s (Y/N) and Dabi. You guys have to believe me! I know my birdie and she is an imposter right now. Don’t trust her.” -Sexy Bird

“Shut the fuck up.” -QueenRab

“Kei baby you soundin’ kinda sus, quickly blaming me and Dabi.” -(U/N)

“It’s Dabi and I. And no, I didn’t-“ -Endeavor

“WHATEVER ENDEAVOR WE AREN’T IN SCHOOL!!!” -(U/N)

“I’m a school teacher, (Y/N). Don’t forget I tutored you our freshmen year.” -Zzzawa

“That makes me sound old Shōta.” -(U/N)

“Discussion time just ended. What’re we doing?” -MyDadSucks

“I’m still voting (Y/N).” -Sexy Bird

“Oh yes, I love you too Kei’. So much.” -(U/N)

“It was dark. I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t know where I was.” -DarkBoy

“I’m votin’ Keigo cause he’s bein’ a petty little dickless bitch.” QueenRab

“RUDE.” -Sexy Bird

“I’m skipping.” -Dabeebee

“Me too.” -(U/N), DarkBoy, 2wice, Endeavor, and Zzzawa

------------------------------------

7 skips: (Y/N), Dabeebee, DarkBoy, 2wice, Endeavor, and Zzzawa

1 vote for Endeavor: MyDadSucks

1 vote for Sexy Bird: QueenRab

1 vote for (U/N): Sexy Bird

------------------------------------

*NO ONE WAS EJECTED*

------------------------------------

‘That’s good no one believe Keigo. If they did me and Dabi would be- Dabi and I would be dead.’ Next turn you went left, heading down to MedBay to “finish” the samples. While you waited you checked to see if you could sabotage. A couple seconds later the oxygen depletion was activated. ‘Nice Dabi!’ You cracked a smile and left MedBay, running into a red character, Endeavor. Poor Endeavor. You successfully reached lower engine before killing the old player. You quickly passed Mirko and your face paled once you realized she would find the body and report it, seeing you leaving. You only continued in, receiving nothing from the others about a dead body. You weren’t gonna ask questions. Suddenly...

------------------------------------

*DISCUSS/ MyDadSucks reported a body*

*Endeavor and QueenRab have died*

------------------------------------

“Well, it wasn’t my old man.” -MyDadSucks

“ITS (Y/N) AND DABI!!!! VOTE (Y/N) OUT OR WERE GOING TO LOSE!!!!” -Sexy Bird

“I already voted.” -Zzzawa

“That fast? Who’d you vote for?” -(U/N)

“Hawks.” -Zzzawa

“WHAT?!?!” -Sexy Bird

“I agree! No wait! He’s telling the truth! No way! He’s totally an imposter!” -2wice

“You are being very loud and suspicious. You’re also only blaming (Y/N) and Dabi for no reason. You didn’t even ask where the body was. You passed me coming up from reactor. And the body was in lower engine. You were the only one I sa-“ -MyDadSucks

“I WAS WATCHIN’ SECURITY CAMS!!!! CMON MAN!!” -Sexy Bird

“I’m voting Kei’ too.” -(U/N)

“Me too.” -Dabeebee

“I will not eject my mentor. He’s taught me a lot. He’s intelligent. I believe him.” -DarkBoy

“THANK YOU TOKOYAMI!!! SOMEONE HERE APPRECIATES MY SMARTS!!” -Sexy Bird

“What smarts? You’re a total birdbrain.” -(U/N)

------------------------------------

5 votes for Sexy Bird: MyDadSucks, Zzzawa, Dabeebee, 2wice, and (U/N).

2 votes for (U/N): DarkBoy and Sexy Bird

------------------------------------

*Sexy Bird WAS EJECTED*

------------------------------------

(Dead Chat)

“YOU WERE RIGHT KEIGO ITS (Y/N) and DABI!!!! HE KILLED ME WHEN I FOUND ENDEAVORS BODY AFTER SHE KILLED HIM IN LOWER ENGINE!!!” -QueenRab

“I was the first one to die. It’s been boring. I haven’t been doing anything.” -Crustball

“YOU ARENT DOING TASKS?!?!?!” -QueenRab

“They’re already going to win.” -Endeavor

“SHUT UP!!!” -QueenRab

“I KNEW IT!!!!” -Sexy Bird

------------------------------------

You covered your mouth in shock that you actually got everyone to vote out Hawks. Aizawa was annoyed, Shoto was getting suspicious of how loud and pushy he was being to vote you out without any evidence, Dabi was your teammate so of course he’d vote with you, and then Twice just went with everyone else. You ran down first, running to admin with Tokoyami following right behind you. All the sudden your lover burst into the guest bedroom and stomped over towards your bed, spreading his wings and plopping beside you. “I knew it was you and Dabi. But nobody fuckin’ believed me.” You rolled your eyes and pretended to do the key scan while you sabotaged reactor. “Keigo, you were acting wayyyyy too sus. This is why you always lose when we play with friends. You’re too loud. You gotta be calm and persuasive. How on earth did you become an undercover agent for the FBI.”

“Shut the fuck up. I just wanna win that’s all. I also wanna be right, and I was, and now everyone’s comin’ and tellin’ me I’m right.” He smirked smugly and wrapped one of his wings around you, pulling you close to his chest while he watched you play. You went with Tokoyami and when you finally got him alone in navigation you killed him. Your thumb jerked upwards to go to the vent, but as soon as you did a Dark Green astronaut cane into view. Seeing you vent and leave the dead body. “Fuck!” You cursed and banged your head lightly in your head as the screen lit up. Your lover laughed. “Hey~ there’s still a chance we could win.” You sent him a glare. “Dabi will let us win. He’s a pro! C’mon Dabi! Help me out bro!”

------------------------------------

*DISCUSS/ Zzzawa reported a body*

*DarkBoy has died*

------------------------------------

“(Y/N) vented.” -Zzzawa

“What? Aizawa I literally just fucking saw you leave the body—SHES LYING!!!!” -(U/N)

“Is that Hawks?” -MyDadSucks

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE LITERALLY THE WORST GET THE FUCK OUT OR YOU’RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH!!!! —THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!! AND I NEED THE BED FOR MY WINGS BABY BIRD!!!!” -(U/N)

“Can you guys fuck some other time? Are you sure you saw (Y/N) vent Mr. Caterpillar man. Do you have your contracts in?” -Dabeebee

“I don’t need input from a unemployed burnt looking drug dealer. It was (Y/N).” -Zzzawa

“A bit harsh coming from a raggedy looking old man.” -Dabeebee

“Can I just point out Twice has been awfully quiet? He bein’ pretty sus right now.” -(U/N)

“I’m the imposter! No I’m not! I’m a crewmate believe me!” -2wice

“He’s too stupid to be an imposter. I’ve been with him he was in MedBay.” -Dabeebee

“Yeah I was! But Hawks is already dead and ratted (Y/N) out! So it’s gotta he her!” -2wice

“Voting ends soon. I’m voting (Y/N). My apologies.” -MyDadSucks

“Agreed.” -Zzzawa

“Awe Shoto it’s okay, I love you so much. This is why you aren’t dead yet because you’re a pure angel! -I’m sittin’ right here pretty bird- no you aren’t an angel, you’re a devilish asshole.” -(U/N)

“I love you too, (Y/N).” -MyDadSucks

“Sorry doll, votes are stacked against you. Good game though.” -Dabeebee

“Yeah, fuck you Dabi.” -(U/N)

“Anytime baby, I’m open.” -Dabeebee

------------------------------------

4 votes for (U/N): MyDadSucks, Zzzawa, Dabeebee, and 2wice

1 vote for Zzzawa: (U/N)

------------------------------------

*(U/N) WAS EJECTED*

------------------------------------

(Dead chat)

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the imposter who killed me.” -Crustball

“(Y/N) I TRUSTED YOU!!!!” -QueenRab

“Guys it’s just a game, don’t take it so-“ -(U/N)

“I STILL WANNA BEAT ALL YOU LAME ASS BITCHES!!!! ILL KICK ALL YOU’RE ASSES!!! JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT!!” -QueenRab

“Mirko please calm down. You’re being loud and obnoxious.” -Endeavor

“(Y/N) is right, even though she killed me. I applaud her devotion to the role. She outsmarted us well.” -DarkBoy

“TOKOYAMI!!! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE!!!! -HAWKS GO GET YOUR OWN PHONE STOP YELLING AND GRABBING MINE!!!” -(U/N)

“HAWKS YOURE NOT DOING YOUR TASKS?!?!” -QueenRab

“HELL NO THATS BORING. I LIKE WATCHING (Y/N) LOSE! -HEY! I KILLED YOU!” -(U/N)

------------------------------------

You muted yourself and stopped listening to the chat of everyone arguing, mainly Mirko to everyone about doing tasks. You wondered around and looked for Dabi, following him around and assisting in Sabotage. Warm hands roamed over your waist, and a soft kiss was placed on your temple, soft red feathers brushing over your shoulders and lightly dusting over your leg. “Someone’s getting cuddly.” You announced quizzically, watching Dabi lure Twice into comms before killing him and running out. Your lovers scruffy chin rested against your shoulder, his head leaning against yours as he watched your screen. “Even though I’m still annoyed that you killed me, I’m proud of you baby bird. It’s difficult for people to out talk me. Especially you.”

“Was that an insult or a compliment?” You asked not really sure how to feel about his comment. He laughed lowly, the rumbled of his chest vibrating your back. “Hmm... let’s say both. Win win, yeah?” He began to kiss up your neck, the soft smacking of his wet lips against your skin echoing in your ears and making you shiver. “Keigo... what are you doing?” He hummed in dismissal of your words, rubbing your sides gently before slipping down to your hip. “What? I can’t love on you? I show my pretty bird some affection~?” Your lips set into a firm line and you gave him a look. “...you’re still sleeping on the couch.” He pouted. “So... no sex?”

------------------------------------

*DISCUSS/Zzzawa reported a body*

*2wice has died*

------------------------------------

“It was in communications.” -Zzzawa

“Dabi was with me the whole time. I met up with him after he finished a task in weapons. We fixed oxygen and met back up in the cafeteria and moved to reactor.” -MyDadSucks

“You’re the only one down there, and imposters can self report. You put yourself in a bit of a bind there. Mr. Caterpillar man. Guess the teacher ain’t that smart.” -Dabeebee

“I agree. My apologies Mr. Aizawa. No offense or hard feelings.” -MyDadSucks

“None taken Shoto. The evidence is stacked against me. Good game Dabi.” -Zzzawa

“Nice knowin’ ya both.” -Dabeebee

“Wait what-“ -MyDadSucks

------------------------------------

*Zzzawa WAS EJECTED*

------------------------------------

Victory flashed in your screen and you fist pumped the air cheering in victory. Hawks frowned beside you, pulling his hands away and tucking his wings between you, cocooning himself away from you to sulk that he had lost in a game he was supposed to be really good at. “Baby come here.” You called out to him, gently stroking his wings. He grunted and moved a wing down to glare. “...we can have sex later?” He moved his wings to wrap around you again and his arms were around you tightly, hot breath fanning slightly over your ear. “Thank you love bird~ and congrats on winnin’ the game. But...” You swallowed thickly. “B-But what...?”

“I’ll be winnin’ in the bedroom.”

------------------------------------

“Did you forget we weren’t on mute anymore? Horny idiots.” -Zzzawa

“Hawks!” -Endeavor

“(Y/N) IM COMING TO BEAT HIS ASS!!! DONT LET HIM TOUCH YOU!!!” QueenRab

“I think I should get reward for winning, doll. Wanna come to my place? Forget about that birdbrained idiot. Cum for me~” -Dabeebee

“DABI THE FUCK?! Stop being sexual. It’s disgusting.” -Crustball

“I don’t understand why you’re all like this. Was there a class I missed about being weird?” -MyDadSucks

“No. They’re just weird.” -DarkBoy

“Wait we lost.” -2wice 

------------------------------------

END.

#my hero academia #my hero headcanons #bnha dabi #hawks #hawks headcanons #among us #my hero academia tokoyami #shoto todoroki #shoto aizawa #mr aizawa #shigaraki tomura #pro hero mirko #endeavor #twice mha #my hero academia x reader #crack headcanon

[cat-sapphics]

Children sharing that they're ace spec is, in fact, TMI and inappropriate. You should not be telling strangers how much sexual attraction y ou feel. And it's messed up that adult smade you feel like you have to share that.

an adult did not pressure me into saying that (admittedly if it was through an anon ask you're talking about, i don't know who did, but i highly doubt it was some creep). no one *pressured* me into saying that at all, is what i'm getting at here. sexuality is not inherently about having sex, it's simply about who you are attracted to (and if you believe in it, how). and i sure hope that that alone is acceptable to you because young love is normal and to be expected, even if/when it will most likely end early on due to inexperience and firsts - i can tell you i would know. this is how we learn and as long as nothing sketchy is involved, there should be no cause for concern.

i've been groomed in the past, i've dealt with emotional abuse and manipulation. this is nothing like that. i do genuinely appreciate your concern but this is not comparable. i'd be in much more danger if i revealed my face or even state/city than if i simply say i identify as angled aroace. please just leave me alone (and by that i mean stop trying to convince me firmly; you're still free to discuss in my inbox <3), i promise i'm okay and in no way endangering myself. i've been taking care of myself alone on the internet for years and i've dealt with so much messed-up shit that damaged my mental health over time and none of it had anything to do with identity labels or what you assume to be their unhealthy implications.

again, i have to wonder if you're sending this to other blogs, such as those who are autistic like me (but saying that i'm diagnosed doesn't endanger me?? you didn't mention that even though i do pretty much every other post, curious...) and make being arospec or acespec their entire blogs' focuses. teenagers like myself who do go into detail about how much or how little they crave intimacy on the public internet. i'm not sure what part of my blog itself raises concern for you, because i could think of worse things i've revealed about myself before that have yet to show ugly consequences months or even years down the road.

i'm not mad at you at all, anon. like i said, i appreciate you saying something to me out of worry. but i see it as a nonissue and i think there are probably other minors my age who need the attention and help more. i apologize if me discussing my orientation disgusts you because i'm a minor (and i'm assuming you're an adult here), but it really shouldn't. there's a reason many blogs over 18 state that they do not want minors interacting, which i of course do respect for safety reasons and common sense (i usually don't care at all otherwise, for reasons i've stated before), and if you haven't already then i suggest you implement that into your obvious profile somewhere visibly. but don't take this as me talking down to you, as i'm sure even though we disagree that you're not dumb and have benign intentions.

#ask #anon #tw #tw tag #grooming mention #abuse mention #btw i mentioned the grooming to make a point. i'm totally fine now and do not need sympathy. jsyk!! #lgbt discourse #ace discourse #discourse #pridecat rants

[tsarisfanfiction]

Grounded pt4

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family Characters: Scott, Tracy Family

7k words later and this thing that was supposed to be a short explanation for what I saw as a plot hole in Venom is finally at an end. Got rather out of hand but since when is that unusual with fics? This’ll be proof read, edited, and then posted on AO3/FFN soon; I’m still undecided if I should chapter split it or have it all as a oneshot but it won’t be exactly as it’s been split here because I’ve posted this as I wrote it.

Someone mentioned ‘what if the ep was really like this’ so I’ll reiterate some of my earlier notes: this fic is a reaction to the lack of TB1 or Scott doing any sort of piloting in the S3 Venom despite it being a rescue where speed was important.  All the events in part 2 fit around the events we see in the episode seamlessly (I literally watched it in 5 sec bursts as I was writing to make sure of that), so to them and everyone else who thought that: this fic is designed to be that episode, just viewed through a different lens.  And then I made it worse after the episode was over because why not.

The reaction to this has been fantastic so far, way beyond anything I expected!  Thanks for that, and I hope you enjoy this last installment as much as the rest of it.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

There was a steady beeping, calm and methodical.  Beep… beep… beep… it went, more of a reassurance than an irritant to the dregs of his consciousness.  Scott recognised it, but couldn’t place it, and found himself more interested in the fresh air flowing around his mouth and nose.  That was more immediately familiar, a constant from his last bout of consciousness, and it didn’t take his stirring brain long to label it as a rebreather.

Was that really necessary? Frowning slightly, he lifted a hand to his face and tugged the machine away, fresh air replaced with warmer air that had just the faintest tang.  The air of the sea.  He’d been on Thunderbird Two, but Thunderbird Two’s air didn’t taste of warmth and salt, rather the recycled air of an enclosed plane in flight, crisp and just a little bit off.  If this wasn’t Thunderbird Two and he was tasting sea air, there was only one place he could possibly be.

He smiled, hand still holding the rebreather falling to his side limply.  He was home.

Opening his eyes was a little more of a challenge, eyelids still heavy and eyelashes catching on each other, but as he blinked his way into awareness, beads of moisture forming in the corners of his eyes but not falling, he realised that he was almost sitting upright, the bed raised to its full extent so he was facing the wall with its fake holographic window rather than the plain and boring ceiling.

Scott appreciated that, letting the rebreather fall from his fingers as he wiped the sleep and moisture from his eyes.  He’d spent far too many hours staring at the ceiling that never changed, and at least the hologram could change.  The actual reasoning behind his positioning was more likely his rib, which Scott would worry about later.  It wasn’t his rib that had tried to kill him, and he looked down at his left arm.

A neat band-aid – a childish one, decorated with bright red biplanes soaring across a blue background that he’d always fought for as a kid – stood out against his bare skin, just below the elbow, and he smiled, wondering which of his brothers was responsible for that one.  On that same forearm he also saw a cannula, attached to tubing with translucent liquid passing through, and grimaced.  He never liked being on a drip.

He was no longer in his uniform.  Part of him – the part that contained his pride – bristled at that, wondering who had stripped him while he was unconscious and why, but the clothes he was wearing were comfortable, well-worn, and unmistakable as his favourite pyjamas even without him looking at them.  His comfort-pyjamas, although he was fairly certain he’d never made the mistake of letting that slip to anyone.  The ones he turned to whenever things got particularly rough, a plain unassuming dark grey with worn patches from the times he’d needed all the support he could get.

It could just be a coincidence, although Scott was uncomfortably aware that if there was one person he couldn’t keep anything truly secret from it was John, but whatever the reason, he was glad of them now.  There was nothing like comfort clothes after a near-death experience.

Considering he’d just had a near-death experience, the lack of anyone in the room with him was somewhat unusual.  Virgil in particular he’d expected to see, his younger brother blaming himself for bringing him out on the mission even before he’d been bitten, let alone afterwards. Kayo hovering unassumedly in the corner, sharp eyes full of concern.  John flickering by his side, watching him for the slightest change. Grandma, retired from caring for strangers but never too old to stay up all night with her family.

Scott eyed the drip. If none of his family were with him, physically or virtually, then that meant something else was going on that trumped his condition.  In their family, there was very little that trumped an unconscious brother or grandson. And if they weren’t with him, he had no intentions of staying put.

He’d removed drips hundreds of times – his own and other peoples’.  By this point, he had it down to an art, even if his sneaky family had tried to make it harder on him by putting it in his dominant arm; there were benefits to being ambidextrous.  He reached across with his right hand, fingers gently probing the needle, and had just found the sweet spot when there was the unmistakable hsss of the door sliding open.

“What do you think you’re doing, young man?” Grandma demanded, striding in and gently but firmly forcing him to release his grip.  “That’s there for a reason.”

“Hey, Grandma,” he greeted, grinning at her and ignoring that she’d just caught him trying to escape. “How long was I asleep?”

“Your siblings brought you back four and a half hours ago,” she told him, picking up the discarded rebreather and placing it on the bedside table before perching on the bed.  Scott watched her carefully, accepting the hand cupping his cheek as a thumb swiped at what was presumably some sleep he’d missed.  “Trust you to wake up the one time I have to use the toilet.  This old bladder can’t hold it in like it used to.”

Scott grimaced good-naturedly at the tmi and she chuckled at him, patting his cheek lightly twice before letting her hand rest.

“You gave us all a scare there, Scott,” she said softly, eyes running over him once before meeting his own.  “You don’t have to try and beat Gordon on that score, you know.  It’s okay to let someone else have that crown.”

“I’d appreciate it if he never gave me another scare in my life,” Scott admitted, before glancing around the room again.  “Where are they, anyway?  Not to sound self-centred, but I don’t usually wake up here alone.”

“Alan and Kayo are dealing with a stalled freighter just outside of orbit and Gordon and Virgil are responding to a sinking cargo ship,” Grandma told him.  “They’ll all be back soon, and delighted to know you’ve decided to re-join the land of the living.”  She tangled her fingers with his, pressing them to her chest with a hand that was almost trembling.  “It was a close call, Scott.  Your brother almost didn’t make it in time.”

His brother? Virgil?  John?  John had had a plan, he remembered that much, although he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard the details.  Wait…

“I heard Thunderbird One,” he said, recalling the roar that had soothed him to sleep like a purr.  It could have been a figment of his imagination, but he didn’t think so.  A smile spread across his grandmother’s face.

“Of course you did,” she laughed.  “You boys and your machines.  Well on your way to see your mother and you still recognised your ‘bird.”  The smile was bright for a moment before it dimmed again. “Alan flew all the way to a lab in China to collect a dose of the antivenom before rendezvousing with Thunderbird Two to deliver it.  I’ve never seen that ‘bird fly so fast without you in the hotseat.”

Alan.  Scott could well imagine his youngest brother, face screwed up in concentration and fear, sat in the pilot’s seat.  The idea tied a knot in his chest, but at the same time there was pride, and an unexpected thankfulness for the rib injury that had kept him grounded and subsequently given Alan more flight hours in his ‘bird. Without that…

Without that, he might well have died.  The realisation doused him like cold water, his eyes leaving his grandmother’s to stare blindly at his lap.  He’d known he was dying, remembered a desperate fight against whispered promises of the stars and seeing his Mom again, but sitting in the infirmary, home and safe, it carried a different weight.

“Oh, Scott,” Grandma whispered, releasing his hand and cheek only to draw him in to a careful hug around his shoulders.  “It’s okay. It’s over.”  After a moment his hands found the back of her always there purple onesie, fisting around the fabric as his head rested in the crook of her neck.  “It’s okay.”

There was the slightest of cracks in her voice, a reminder that no matter how much steel she was made of, she wasn’t immune to the idea of loss.  Her parents, long ago, before Scott’s memories began.  Her husband, daughter in law.  Her son, who might still be alive and waiting for them.

“I’m okay,” he repeated, as much for her benefit as his.  “I’m okay.”

Her hand found the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair softly as though he was a young boy woken from a nightmare again.  It was the sort of treatment she didn’t give him in front of his brothers, knowing that he preferred to keep up the illusion of strength in front of them, no matter what.

“I want you to take it easy,” she told him after a minute or so, releasing him and instead gripping his hands in hers.  One pair was trembling, but he didn’t know if it was his or hers.  “I know that’s not in your vocabulary, but I refuse to let you throw yourself back in harms’ way until you’re fully recovered after what happened today.”

“But-” Scott protested, complaints and reasons why he shouldn’t be bedbound queuing up one after the other on the tongue.  A single look from his grandmother quelled them all before he could vocalise any.

“If you can’t do it for the sake of your own recovery,” she said, something in her voice implying that she thought he should treat himself better – he treated himself fine! – “then do it for our peace of mind, Scott.  We were all terrified when we heard what happened. Virgil was stuck watching you slip away with no way of stopping it.  That fear doesn’t magically go away, Scott.  We all know that.”

He was saved from answering by the swish of the door opening again.  He glanced over, wondering who it could be when he hadn’t heard any Thunderbirds come in to land.  Brains and the Mechanic were the only others on the island, and while it wasn’t unusual for Brains to check up on the infirmary, Scott didn’t want the Mechanic near him in his current condition.

It wasn’t the Mechanic. It wasn’t Brains, either – or MAX, for that matter.

“h’Oh, you’re h’awake!” Parker said with a surprised but delighted grin as he fumbled his way into the room carrying a tray laden with food.  “h’I was just bringing food for Mrs Tracy…” he trailed off, but continued to approach the bed.

“Parker, you shouldn’t have,” Grandma smiled, releasing one of Scott’s hands to move the rebreather off of the bedside table.  The older man set the tray down before stepping up to Scott’s side.  He didn’t reach for him, keeping his hands loosely behind his back, but sharp blue eyes raked him up and down.

“’Ow are you feeling?” he asked after a moment.

“I’m fine,” Scott replied, ignoring the eye roll from his grandmother, who clearly didn’t agree with his assessment.  Aside from some token weariness, which he knew was normal after a spell of time unconscious, he really did feel perfectly fine.  Even his rib wasn’t bothering him.

“h’I suppose that’s because you’re h’on the good stuff,” Parker shrugged, making Scott pause.  He should have realised that, especially after all the trouble his ribs had given him on the mission.  The temptation was there to ask how badly his recovery had been set back, but that would have just given Grandma even more ammunition to stay in bed. Besides, he’d be told eventually. Of more immediate interest was Parker’s unexpected visit.

“What brings you to the island, Parker?” he asked, glancing around the room again.  “I don’t see Lady Penelope around?”

“M’Lady’s in the lounge,” Parker told him.  “We came ‘ere to drop off the Centurion-21 fuel for Brains, but ‘eard h’about you and M’Lady requested to stay h’a while.”

“You’re always welcome here,” Grandma reminded him, and Scott smiled in agreement.  “Is she making any progress?”

“h’I couldn’t say for sure,” Parker shrugged.  “But I know M’Lady and Master John won’t stop h’until they get their way.”

Scott frowned.  Combined, John and Lady Penelope were an almost unstoppable force, but he couldn’t think of any reason for that tag-team, not right now.

“What are they doing?” he asked, because anything that big, he needed to know about.  Especially if working on that was a higher priority for John than checking in on him – John, the brother who was too used to sitting out of the loop and firmly inserted himself virtually into any situation with a brother operating at less than one hundred percent.  Scott knew he wasn’t at one hundred percent, not even by his own standards.

“Making sure today’s events never happen again,” Grandma answered, curling her hand back around his again.

Today’s events. The rescue?  Him being bitten?  That was all bad luck, how could they possibly ensure it never happened again? Although, he supposed, if anyone could, it would be the duo currently working on it.

His confusion must have shown on his face, because Parker took it upon himself to explain.  “h’It transpires that the reason the ‘ospital ran h’out of h’antivenom was a funding problem,” he said, sounding somewhat unimpressed.  Scott didn’t blame him – whenever money was the problem, he found himself wanting to strangle whoever had decided lining their pockets was more important than human lives. “M’Lady h’is setting up a charity to make sure all ‘ospitals can ‘ave all the h’antivenoms they need.”  Admirable and welcome, but that didn’t explain John’s involvement.  He certainly hadn’t been needed in any of her past charity ventures.

“So what’s John doing?” he asked, hoping his brother was not ruining whoever had decided money was more important than lives.  It wouldn’t be the first time, and while Scott agreed that they deserved it, sometimes John could go a little too far.

“Arranging for International Rescue to have our own stock of all known antivenoms,” Grandma told him, squeezing his hands gently.  “We might not be able to stop spiders sneaking into our Thunderbirds, or you boys throwing yourselves in front of each other, but there is no reason why you should have had to suffer for an hour because you didn’t have the right antivenom on hand.”

That made sense, and Scott nodded his approval.  International Rescue did have a stock of common antivenoms, as well as everything they needed to deal with the local fauna on Tracy Island, but if they could broaden that, at least to the most dangerous venoms, it would only be a good thing.

It was also a typical John reaction – finding out why something had gone wrong and immediately finding a way to stop it happening again.  That, at least, told Scott that John was okay.  If he’d found a solution to the problem then he would be satisfied. No doubt Scott would find himself under close holographic scrutiny in the near future so John could see for himself that he really was fine, but with a solution the what-ifs wouldn’t be playing on his mind.

His other siblings would be less easily pacified.  He had no idea what Gordon knew, having not seen his water-loving brother at all that day thanks to a fishing trawler in trouble, but Virgil and Kayo would be kicking themselves black and blue, and Alan would be stuck in the what if I’d been too late loop.  Scott knew that feeling very well indeed.

He hadn’t yet decided if the fact that it had launched rather than exploded made the fact that he’d reached the Zero-X too late better or worse.  He wasn’t sure he’d ever decide.

“Still, I think we’d better let them know you’ve woken up,” Grandma said, releasing his hands.  “I won’t be long, so don’t even think about getting out of that bed, young man.”  She shared a look with Parker.  “If you’re hungry, see if you can eat some of that food Parker’s brought in.”  A gentle hand touched his cheek lightly before she stood up and left the room.

One look at Parker told him he wasn’t going to be going anywhere, especially when the man perched on the section of bed Grandma had just vacated.  Parker was the one he’d learnt many of his escaping tricks from – if there was one person that would see through them all, it was the butler.

“h’I wouldn’t be in too much of a ‘urry to h’escape, Master Scott,” the older man said, and Scott found himself relaxing back against the bed.  Master Scott.  It was his favourite of Parker’s ways of referring to him, but also the rarest.  He’d graduated to ‘Mr Scott’ after the Zero-X, the man’s acknowledgement that he was now the head of the family without using the dreaded Mr Tracy.  Parker never called him that, not even in public when the rest of the world insisted. Sir was a substitute when society demanded, and Scott always appreciated that.

Master Scott only came out when Parker was being fussy, and never with an audience.  Just like Grandma, he knew and accepted there was a front to be held in front of younger siblings – even if neither of them approved.  If he was Master Scott, he wasn’t expected to make any decisions or take on any of his father’s responsibilities.

“Some food?” the butler asked, gesturing to the tray.  It was homemade, but not by Grandma, and Scott would have to be far worse off to even consider declining that.  In answer, he reached for the toast, only for Parker to lightly touch his wrist and stop him. “You’ll get crumbs h’everywhere if you h’eat like that,” the older man scolded lightly.  “Stay still, there’s a good lad.”

The tray was relocated to his lap, and Scott tore into the offering as soon as Parker retracted his hands, to an amused chuckle from his companion.

“h’It’s not going anywhere, Master Scott,” Parker reminded him.

“He’s just trying to finish it before the others get home and want to share,” John commented, and Scott’s head jerked up to see his brother’s hologram materialise alongside him. He looked tired, not that that was an unusual occurrence over the past few weeks.  “You’re looking better, Scott.”

“I can’t imagine that’s hard,” he managed through a mouthful of food.  The last time he’d been aware of John’s presence, he’d been deep in the clutches of deadly venom.  If he’d looked half as had as he’d felt, it would have been an awful sight.  “How’s the campaign going?”

John pulled a face.  “They’re asking for money, which by itself isn’t a problem because I expected that, but they’re trying to charge us triple what they charge hospitals, and as Lady P’s working to get those rates reduced because they’re extortionate, I’m not letting them use our lives to line their pockets.”

Scott grimaced along with him.  Money grabbers were the worst.

“So what’s your plan?” he asked, because there was no way John was letting that slide.

“Persuading them that it’s better in their interest long-term to not try and bankrupt us,” John offered, a bemused look on his face.  “We could afford it, but if they think that they’ll be driving the prices up with every new shipment.  More realistically, I’m talking to Colonel Casey to see if the GDF can’t pull some weight. As they’re military and not private, the companies couldn’t charge them as much.  It would leave us needing the GDF’s good will for access, but we already know the GDF don’t dare put us out of business.”

It was Scott’s turn to pull a face.  He hated getting the GDF involved in anything; for as long as Colonel Casey was a dominant figure in the organisation International Rescue wouldn’t have any issues, but in the longer term he was brutally aware that she was their father’s generation.  At some point, she would be forced to retire and then they’d – he’d – have to handle the full force of the GDF without inside help.

Still, he trusted John and Colonel Casey.  Anything they implemented would be beneficial to International Rescue.

“Let me know what you come up with,” he requested, and John nodded, turquoise eyes briefly scanning across him.

“Alan and Kayo will be returning home in five minutes,” he told him.  “Do you want me to tell them you’re awake or let them find out for themselves when they check in?”

“Tell them once they’ve landed,” Scott decided.  “Virgil and Gordon, too – what’s their ETA?”

“They’re racing Thunderbird Three home,” John shrugged.  “But Thunderbird Three will win.”  Scott chuckled.  Alan somehow always won their races home, no matter how much further away he’d been.

“What are they betting this time?” he asked, and John grinned.

“Loser gets to be your slave for the week,” he said.

“Mine?”

“Well you’re not doing much on your own any time soon,” John told him matter-of-factly.  “Has Grandma given you the rundown?”  Scott blinked, pausing mid-bite.

“I thought I was supposed to be walking around with the ribs,” he ventured tentatively.  “But no, I haven’t been told what the damage is yet. Care to fill me in?”

John glanced away at something Scott couldn’t see.

“Your rib re-broke,” he started bluntly.  “Which I’m sure you’ve realised.  So that’s another six weeks grounded, and this time no-one’s sneaking you onto a Thunderbird before that’s up.”

“Six weeks?” Scott groaned.  John raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“Well what did you expect?” he asked.  “Kayo filled us in on the mission details once you were stable.  You’re lucky it wasn’t worse.”

“But-” Scott protested. “What about the mission to find Dad?” John shook his head.

“The new Zero-X will take longer that to construct,” he told him.  “Brains and the Mechanic finished the T-Drive while you were out in Brazil and we’ve got the fuel, so they’re going to test fire it tomorrow to make sure it’s all working before they start on the craft itself.”

“Tomorrow?” Scott asked. “If it’s ready why not today?”

“Even engineers need breaks sometimes, Scott,” John scolded lightly.  “They’ve been working almost non-stop for the past five weeks, which I know you know.”  There was a slightly accusatory tone at the end of his sentence, and Scott realised John knew how closely he’d started watching the two engineers.  “Besides, Grandma and Virgil won’t let you out of that bed for at least twenty four hours, and we all know you won’t be happy unless you see it for yourself.”

Well, they weren’t wrong.

“You still haven’t told me why I’m getting a slave for a week over a broken rib,” Scott realised, and John once again raised an eyebrow at him.

“You haven’t tried to get out of bed yet?”

“Don’t h’encourage ‘im, Master John,” Parker groaned.  “Mrs Tracy ‘ad to stop ‘im h’earlier and ‘e ‘asn’t ‘ad h’a chance since.”

“It was an hour before the antivenom reached you, Scott.  The damage doesn’t get miraculously fixed just because the venom’s gone,” John continued.  “Your blood pressure is still low so I’d wager you’ll probably pass out if you try to stand right now, no matter how ‘fine’ you feel, and we don’t yet know for sure if it’s done any damage to your heart.”

“My heart?”  The soft background beeping caught Scott’s attention and he turned his head to the EKG.  It was on, signalling that it was receiving data from wireless transmitters.  He put a hand to his chest; underneath the pyjamas he felt the tell-tale patches, leaving him with no doubt that it was his own heartbeat it was recording.  “Oh.” That was low.  Not dramatically so, but lower than his normal resting rate.

“It’s recovered reasonably well, but Grandma and Virgil still aren’t happy with it,” John told him. From his tone, it wasn’t only the family medics unhappy.  “I know you don’t like staying in bed, but unless you want to fall over and make your ribs worse, I would suggest you stay put.”

Scott scowled.

“You’re also recovering from dehydration, so drink up and leave that drip in,” Grandma added, walking back in with a large cup, complete with straw.  “I see there’s nothing wrong with your appetite,” she observed. Parker obligingly removed the now-empty tray away from Scott’s lap and stood so that she could sit back on the side of the bed.  “Drink.”

Obediently, he took the cup with both hands and sipped at the liquid, which revealed itself to be simply water.  A dull rumbling even through the soundproofing of the infirmary told him Thunderbird Three was back.  John confirmed that before signing off to talk to their returning siblings.

Scott made a note of the time, wondering how long it would take before he had visitors.

Three minutes later and the door slammed open to find Kayo and Alan shoulder-to-shoulder, clearly racing each other.

“No running in the house!” Grandma barked, but neither of them looked the least apologetic.  They did at least walk the distance from the door to his bed, where Grandma had slipped off to let them get closer.  Both stopped short, Alan fidgeting from foot to foot at he stared at him with open relief, and Scott rolled his eyes.

“Come here,” he told his youngest brother, spreading his arms in demand of a hug.  As always, Alan needed no further invitation, crashing into him and wrapping his arms around him tightly, although it didn’t miss Scott’s attention that it wasn’t Alan’s usual rib-squeezing hug.  He appreciated that, curling his own arms around his brother’s shoulders.

Alan was trembling.  “I thought I was going to lose you,” he mumbled into Scott’s neck.  “I thought-”

“I’m still here, kid,” he interrupted quietly.  “And I hear I have you to thank for that.”  The sniffle he got in response told him it was Alan, the baby brother, rather than Alan the emergency responder he was dealing with.  “You did good.”

“I thought I was too late,” Alan mumbled, and there were tears against Scott’s skin.  He tightened his grip on his brother.  “You looked d-dead.  I d-didn’t think you were breathing.”

“I’m here and breathing,” Scott reminded him, letting him sob on his shoulder as long as he needed, rubbing the neoprene – both siblings were still in uniform – underneath his hand reassuringly.  He remembered the same reaction after EOS had first made herself known to them, only that time it had been John Alan had clung to in tears, post-adrenaline rush. They needed to stop putting their lives in Alan’s hands like that.

But Alan would settle, barring the new nightmare fuel that never went away, once he’d let out the initial emotions.  It was either a blessing of youth, or a coping strategy he’d been forced to employ too young. Kayo, who was watching with unguarded relief across her face, was like John; pragmatic and level-headed.  A serious conversation would settle her, although when she met his eyes, he linked his hands together behind Alan’s back and made them flutter, shooting her a quick grin.

The resulting glower she sent him didn’t hide the softening in her eyes, or the way her shoulders slumped. Satisfied for the moment, he returned his attention to his youngest brother, who seemed content to stay where he was.  Scott let him, nodding at Parker when the older man gestured that he was going to leave the room.

No sooner was Parker gone than Gordon burst through the door, Virgil hot on his heels.

“Scott!”  Gordon skidded to a stop just behind Alan, reaching out to put a hand on Scott’s shoulder where he could.  “Don’t do that again,” he demanded, amber eyes flicking to the EKG for a split second before he found some space to perch on the bed behind Alan.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Scott shot back.  Gordon grinned.

“I won’t if you don’t,” he said.  “Deal?”

“Deal.”

They couldn’t really promise that, not in their profession, but Scott saw something lift behind Gordon’s eyes, the banter regardless doing something to reassure him.  Gordon had always used humour to cope.

Four siblings down, or at least addressed, and one to go.  Somehow, Scott didn’t think a hug or joke would work quite so well on Virgil. Guilt was deep-set in brown eyes, but Virgil didn’t look at him directly, focusing on the EKG and drip as he bustled around.

“Virgil,” he said, pulling one hand away from Alan to catch his brother’s arm the moment Virgil got in reach. It was the arm with the needle in it, bright band aid stark against his skin.  Virgil’s eyes focussed on it and Scott sighed, tightening his grip on the neoprene beneath his fingers.  “Look at me.” He couldn’t do much, not while Alan was still clinging to him, but hell if he was going to let Virgil shut himself away and stew in a self-inflicted puddle of misplaced guilt.

Virgil stilled, but didn’t obey.  Scott closed his eyes and sighed again, squeezing Alan lightly.  The blond snuffled but didn’t otherwise move.

“Virgil.”  That was John’s voice, his final brother reappearing holographically at the foot of Scott’s bed.  The middle brother ignored him, too.

“Kid, your brother’s talking to you,” Grandma chipped in.  “At least have the manners to look at him.”  Despite the words, there was no scolding in her tone, just a quiet encouragement.  Virgil glanced up at her, and a look passed between them that Scott couldn’t see before Virgil slowly turned to face him.

“Thank you,” he said before Virgil could apologise, or say something else nonsensical.  Whatever his brother had been gearing up for, it clearly wasn’t that; he blinked, startled, before opening his mouth to probably-protest. “I know it was Alan that got the antivenom, but you’re the one that kept me alive long enough to get it.”

“I’m the reason you needed it in the first place!” Virgil snapped, looking away again.  “If I’d paid more attention… if I-”

“If nothing,” Scott interrupted, conscious that they had an audience but unable to ask anyone to leave.  He wanted his family there, with him, and knew they were all busy reassuring themselves that he was going to be fine.  “You’d have done the same thing if our positions were reversed, except I’m not as good as you with all the medical stuff.”

“You’d have done enough,” Virgil mumbled, and Scott rolled his eyes.

“And you did enough,” he returned.  “No what-ifs, Virgil.”  Hell knew he’d told himself that enough through the years, with varying levels of success.

Virgil at least met his eyes again, even though Scott could see it wasn’t enough to lift the guilt. That would take much longer, including him making a full recovery and a conversation without the rest of the family listening in, intentionally or not.

“You’re staying in that bed,” he said instead, and Scott made a grumbling noise of protest.

“So I’ve been told,” he replied.  “I can’t say I’m happy about it, but John made quite the compelling argument.”

“Does this mean you’ll listen to me for once?” John asked disbelievingly, arms crossed and eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean, for once?” Scott asked.  “I listen to you!”

“When it suits you,” John rebuked.  “I have a list, if you’d care to hear it.”

Scott wouldn’t put it past John to actually have a list.  He turned his attention back to his other brothers without responding, to an amused noise from the space monitor, and gave Alan a grin as the youngest finally pulled back from his shoulder, eyeing him with teary blue eyes.

“I’ll sit on you if you try and get up,” the youngest told him firmly, look somewhat ruined by those eyes. Gordon laughed.

“Alan, you’re a twig.”

“Am not, fishboy!”

“Are, too!”

“Not!”

“Boys,” Kayo interrupted, taking a few steps closer to the cluster on the bed.  With one arm now free, Scott reached for her and got a light hug at his silent request.  It didn’t last long, but it was enough for the rest of the tension to leave her shoulders before she stepped back, out of his reach again.

“Hey, where’s my hug?” Gordon demanded, and Scott raised an eyebrow at him.

“You want a hug, you’ve got to come get it yourself,” he said.  “I’m not moving.”

Permission gained, Gordon shoved Alan out of the way, the younger falling off the bed with a squawk of indignation, and wrapped himself around Scott.  It was far looser than his usual hugs, but out of all his brothers, Gordon was best at gauging what an injured person could take.  Scott rested his chin on his shoulder, feeling the dampness of the neoprene that betrayed that Gordon had been in the water during his mission.

Tension drained out of his aquanaut brother’s powerful shoulders and Scott found himself relaxing as well.  He’d always found it easiest to relax and wind down when his brothers were okay, and with three out of four openly reassured, his own nerves were less on edge.

“I’m still sorry,” Virgil said after a moment.  Scott still had hold of his bicep, and glanced up at him as he spoke.  That pain and guilt was still there in brown eyes, but it was Gordon and Alan that Virgil was looking at.  A big brother himself, he too was being drawn into some sort of reassurance by the youngest two calming down.

There were many responses Scott could give, and maybe later once it was just the two of them he’d dive deeper in if Virgil hadn’t managed to settle himself and needed a stronger release, but in that moment, with his family around him and the knowledge that whatever happened next, they’d survived this hurdle, there was only one thing to say.

“I know.”

Surprised brown eyes met his, as though Virgil had expected another rebuke, another it’s not your fault, but Scott knew better.  He didn’t blame Virgil at all, but it wasn’t his forgiveness Virgil needed; his brother needed to forgive himself for his perceived transgressions, and that he couldn’t do as long as Scott stayed stubborn.  He tugged at the bicep in his grip, coaxing Virgil closer with an inviting smile.

Virgil hesitated, understanding but unsure.  Scott didn’t say anything else, didn’t push harder, but then Grandma put a hand on Virgil’s other arm and whatever remaining fight there was seeped away.

It was Gordon’s turn to squawk as he found himself nudged out of the way, but he went willingly, surrendering the space to Virgil as Scott’s dark-haired brother wrapped his arms around him cautiously.

“I’m okay,” Scott murmured into his brother’s ear, returning the hug as fiercely as he could.  Like Alan before him, Virgil shook ever so slightly under his touch, but unlike the youngest, no tears were shed.

“I thought I’d lost you,” Virgil mumbled.  “You stopped breathing for a minute just before Alan arrived and I thought that was it.”

“I heard you,” Scott admitted, just as quietly.  “I don’t think I’d have had the strength to keep fighting without you.  Alan might have got the antivenom, but you saved me, too.”

Virgil gave a shuddering breath and his arms tightened, just a little.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Scott managing to relax further now that was the fifth and final sibling’s immediate concerns addressed, but eventually Virgil pulled back, the ghost of a smile on his face.  He looked like he wanted to say something, but before he could, Gordon crashed into him.

“Group hug!” he declared, reaching out to snag Alan and pinning an unprotesting Virgil in place as Scott’s three youngest brothers gathered as close as they could for a tangle of arms and bodies on Scott’s bed.  Alan flailed in Kayo’s direction and the woman stepped closer, slipping an arm delicately around the back of Scott’s neck and more tightly around Alan.  Scott grinned at her before looking past the mass of brothers to lock eyes with the one he couldn’t reach.  John grinned back at him, and even though he wasn’t physically there, Scott didn’t need it to know his immediate brother was just as relieved.

The hug lasted until Grandma intervened, suggesting that they let him have a little bit of space. He didn’t need space, but they all heard the underlying reminder that he was in that bed for a reason.  After that, it was back to business as usual, his on-Earth siblings scattering to change on Grandma’s order and reconvening later in their civvies with various forms of entertainment while John went back to his latest project.

Lady Penelope poked her head in later, but he didn’t see Brains – or the Mechanic – until the next day.

“I-it’s time to t-test the T-Drive e-engine,” the engineer told him the next morning, after checking him over in his own desire for reassurance; there was some guilt there as well, for pushing him out on the rescue, but thankfully Brains was much easier to calm than his brothers – the fact that Brains hadn’t seen him almost dead helped.

“Give me five,” he said, reaching for the drip stuck in his arm.

“Make that ten, Brains,” Virgil rumbled, catching Scott’s hand.  “Scott’s not up to walking even if he thinks he is.”

Scott groaned, but Virgil raised an eyebrow at him.

“I thought John made a convincing argument for you to stay in bed?” he challenged, and Scott shrugged.

“That was yesterday.”

“And your heart rate still isn’t back to normal, so it’s the hoverchair or nothing,” Virgil rebuked, rolling his eyes.

Scott sighed but dutifully held out his arm for Virgil to remove the drip instead.

“No, that’s coming with you,” Virgil corrected, gently pushing it down to his side again.  “Just the EKG.”  The machine was turned off, but Virgil made no move to relieve him of the transmitters, telling Scott that it was being linked back up later. Wonderful.  “Now then, let’s get you out of this bed-”

Scott leaned forwards and swung his legs around, placing them on the floor and pushing himself to his feet.

“Woah!”  Virgil sprinted around the bed and caught him as his vision fuzzed.  “John’s compelling argument?”  Scott was vaguely aware of being shifted around as the world spun around him, but it was a surprise to find himself in the hoverchair by the time he was fully aware of his surroundings again.  Usually, Virgil would dump him straight back in bed.

“Okay, John’s compelling argument still holds,” he admitted, leaning against the back of the chair and closing his eyes briefly as the world tried to spin a little more.

“Let’s get going,” Virgil sighed.  “Hands off the controls; I’m steering.”  Scott grumbled, but had no doubt that the controls had actually been disabled.  “As soon as the test is over, you’re coming straight back.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” he asked, and Virgil chuckled.

“Not at all.”

They were last to the balcony; it didn’t escape Scott’s notice that the Mechanic was the other end to the rest of them, talking quietly to Brains but otherwise ignoring the Tracys. That suited Scott just fine; if the test worked, he was well aware he owed the man an apology for his accusations of sabotage.  Although maybe he’d keep that back until the Zero-X2 launched successfully and Dad was home. Just in case.

“You look pale,” Grandma commented.  “Did he try to stand up?” she asked Virgil.  Scott glowered as Virgil rolled his eyes in answer.

“What do you think?” he asked rhetorically.  “He didn’t pass out entirely, otherwise the test would be happening without him, whether he liked it or not, but it was close.”

“He is right here,” Scott grumbled.

“And he’s going to keep his mouth shut and drink this up,” Grandma informed him, pressing a cup of water, complete with straw, into his hands.  “You shouldn’t be out of bed at all, young man.”

“T-test is ready,” Brains announced before Scott could find a retort that wouldn’t get him taken straight back to the infirmary.  “I-igniting T-Drive in three, two, one.”

Without binoculars, it was difficult to see what was happening on the platform, but nothing exploded and after several moments all that could be seen or heard was the whining of an engine.  It was higher pitched than the engines Scott was used to, but there were none of the warning noises suggesting that something was wrong.

Beside him, Virgil sighed in relief while Gordon and Alan whooped.

“C-cutting engine,” Brains called, and it powered down easily.  Smooth as any of the best plane engines Scott had piloted – and he’d piloted many.

It had worked.  They had a T-Drive engine.

They could go find Dad.

“Scott?”  Virgil sounded worried, and he opened his eyes – when he had closed them? – to look up at his worried brother.  Alan and Gordon hovered nearby, and he looked at them all in turn, even John’s silent hologram – his ginger brother hadn’t been there when the test had started, hadn’t been expected after he pointed out their holotech’s range didn’t reach that far.  “Are you okay?”

Was he okay?  He had a broken rib, was recovering from a near-fatal spider bite and its side effects of dehydration, bradycardia and hypotension, and the man who had almost killed his brothers multiple times was standing the other end of the same balcony.

But they were one step, one significant step closer to Dad.

“Yeah,” he said, staring out past them, at the platform cradling the most important engine International Rescue had ever created.  For the first time since that horrid trash mine day five weeks earlier, he could honestly say, “I’m okay.”

Fin

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds are go fanfiction #tsari writes fanfiction #scott tracy #john tracy #virgil tracy #gordon tracy #alan tracy #grandma tracy #aloysius parker #lady penelope creighton-ward #brains #the mechanic #kayo kyrano #grounded