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#do yall really not understand how lighting works
qeyond · 8 months
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Youtube | Spotify
CW abuse/trauma/ptsd. It's a pretty raw song (both in lyrics and the way Black Dresses preforms their songs) so listen at your own discretion.
This song really speaks so honestly to the deeply self-destructive spiralling for B, in my opinion. Speaking politeness through your gritted teeth with a lying softness, boiling over, letting it out, feeling it on your bared, snarling teeth, breathing out smoke, "is it me? am I the problem? am I the evil monster?", "its always been me", spitting up blood, biting the hand that feeds and ripping them the fuck to shreds to be left alone.
Lyrics under the cut.
Why thank you for your opinion What you think is so important So let's talk this out i love it You're so funny i hope you're doing well Thank god for the tongue in your mouth I'm so happy i'm so lucky I get to do whatever i can be myself But you know what? I have zero tolerance for Bad little shitheads Who only seem to fuck around
Same shit different day You need to fuck off you need to go away I don't wanna talk about it That's all that I came to say Get out of my space You worthless fucking fuckface
Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Hey bitch, what the fuck's going on? Is this how you wanna spend the Last few years of your life? Of your life? The last few years your legacy Your legacy your legacy your
You can hide out in your tiny little lair You can be the fucking evil monster terror Scared you can be the evil monster It was always you it was always you It was always you it was always you It was always you
It was always something I couldn't be That was just outside reality It was always something I couldn't know That I didn't know that I shouldn't show Because everything around me Felt just like a bad dream It was all or nothing Be the kind of person you hate or be
Hated for the things that you Thought were common sense Just a little further One day it will make sense Hold yourself a little tighter Your innocence
Preyed upon and vilified by Your blood and friends
Who am I if I can't assign a Name and place to what this is? Everything that's mine feels rotten from The touch of it everything all the time is a Message that I shouldn't be Who the fuck are you? Stay the fuck away from me
I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me I want to live but all the years That came before won't let me be I want to love myself but Memories are killing me Memories are killing me Memories are killing me it hurts
#q music#trigger warning#abuse#ptsd#trauma#assault#im not really sure what to tag this cuz it can be a genuinely very triggering piece. so please genuinely just tread lightly#anyway ive actually had this in my drafts for 2 months and been sitting on it but listened to this song again and just fucking christ-#i just love it so much im so upset black dresses probably wont be making music anymore because of harassment cuz their work is SO HONEST!!!#anyway uhm this song is so deeply B-core#your 'legacy' your 'legacy' YOUR 'LEGACY' YOUR-#i genuinely ALWAYS feel so nervous to share such obviously deeply emotional and trauma-based songs or art and being like 'hehe my blorbo'#because I KNOW how that looks and I know how deeply that feels like im making light of it or making it an Aesthetic. cuz yall dont know me#and thats okay. thats just how it is i dont expect ppl to know me or my intentions through and through#but I really really hope people understand that my doing posts like this is very much coming from a place where its For Me too#like i deeply connected to this song so wrapping it up and giving that to B makes me feel not so bad <3#B is my lil guy that I dump my problems on and we hug each other as the storm passes over us both and then we're okay again#B kinnies and fictives and lovers we're all holding hands from knowing and I love you deeply#i have a MILLION thoughts on this for B. like i could write you a whole novel about this song but also iykyk. and thats just for Us.#so anyway im over explaining myself as always ah. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS SONG AS DEEPLY AS I DO <3#if i was going to make a new amv for B I would use this song. but im retired and the idea of trying to find a cracked sony vegas hurts me#LOL#also this is ok to reblog and/or interact with if youd like <3
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thedragonagelesbian · 10 months
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Doing legacy, night terrors, and dissent all right in a fucking row really is the anders nightmare train huh
#ive made this exact same post before but its really hitting me working on the fic#not once not twice but THREE FUCKING TIMES has anders lost control over himself in such a short span of time#nearly killing someone and (in my canon) seriously wounding cyrus (the guy hes been in love with for three years)#in the process#like....... the post alrik convo is all the more intense and serious when taken in that light#and then immediately following that up with him & cyrus hooking up (in the same scene in my fic)#like (a) yall probably need to take some time to p r o c e s s and cyrus baby boy PLS go talk to ur other friends#fenris and isabela will apologize for betraying you in the fade you do not need to latch on to anders like this#but (b).................... for anders it IS a strangely meaningful & healing way to renegotiate#his understanding of how much control he has over himself and his body#first by topping cyrus & using that control exclusively in the service of taking care of someone else#and their pleasure#and then afterwards making the conscious decision not to pursue his own pleasure further#by staying with cyrus#bc he thinks its the safer and more selfless option#snyway working on this fic has dredged up a LOT of feelings#i dunno if im ever going to have the confidence to share it bc of. yknow. the hooking up part#but its there and its meaningful and its good for both of them#just........ the romantic feelings it comes with are a bit more questionable/destructive in their singular devotion#cyrus hawke#cyrusXanders#**by NOT staying with cyrus
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snekdood · 1 year
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Bitches on here be like "haha! I read this callout about you and i told everyone around me to ostracize you and ignore you and the reason you're alone is divinely orchestrated karma, of course, surely not me and my hand in manipulating people to hate you, surely this is some sort of divine intervention and not a smear campaign that i try to justify my actions with "its gods will" with"
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saerotonins · 5 months
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actor!toji headcanons
ft. fushiguro toji x reader
content warnings: fluff, parent!reader, megumi is yalls son, just overall cuteness
wc: 918
note: this is my apology for that nanami angst i posted days ago heh
jjk actor au masterlist
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as an actor:
very intimidating man, from his aura to his build, oh boy, who wouldn't be scared
but to everyone's surprise, he's actually just a really goofy and adorable man with a really good resting bitch face lmfao
is actually a household name in the acting industry! definitely those types of actors that once casted into a show, it's guaranteed to get hella VIEWS AND RATINGS
has been in the acting industry for YEARS and has a ton of experience but is still very humble
is actually very shy when his co stars tease him whenever his fans thirst for him whenever he's on screen and he's just a blushing mess LOL
i mean he's a literal dilf so 
believe it or not, this man has been in more romance shows and movies than action, especially as a VILLAIN
his fans couldn't believe it either
so when he was first casted in jjk as a villain who kills CHILDREN they were so ecstatic!
and boy were they so happy when toji SURPASSED their expectations because he was so good!
also so happy that he was casted together with his son, megumi, in the same show!
they usually go to the shoot together and even when he doesn't have a scene to shoot and only megumi does, he drives him off to the shooting site whenever his time permits
it's actually so adorable 
in contrast to jjk!toji, he's really a hands on father to him and is actually very supportive of megumi going to the same career path as him
megumi is also the definition of nepo babies who deserved what they got but that's another discussion 
at first though, he is kind of hesitant especially knowing how toxic can it get with the industry but when he saw his son's determination, he eventually gave him a green light and supported him along the way
this man is so fucking strong OML the producers are so grateful the most of the time he helps cleaning up with the equipment once filming is done
literally lifts them up like it's nothing BYE
listen, this old man is RIPPED and really likes to work out 
he's like pedro pascal who is like really chill but really cheeky when it comes to fanservice LOL he is so adorable 
megumi is kinda cringing though 😭 it's understandable though because that's literally your father trying to act cute and he's a teenager so i don't really blame him
also a big gentleman, again, contrary to his role, he is actually very good with the ladies and often checks with his co stars especially when a fight scene is being filmed
profusely apologized to satoru when their fight was filmed because he literally has to do the stunts himself and make everything believable as much as possible 
has ig and twitter but barely posts unless it's a promotion or a thank you post for the team
he's very active in stories though 😭
and i mean VERY VERY active
you know that point where a person posts too much stories and the lines above almost look like dots??? 
yeah that's him 😭
mostly posts the behind the scenes and his family there!
has a pet chicken that he posts there too
no he's not vegan... he just doesn't eat chicken 😭
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as a husband:
oh yeah another married man on set sorry ladies he’s off the market
a very romantic and private lover
especially when you're the only one in the family who is not involved in show business
looks forward to coming home to you all the time
the type of husband who says, "i miss my spouse," on set out of nowhere and his co stars just sigh in faux annoyance 
this man is WHIPPED 
his lines is always and SHOULD always be practiced with you, because aside from his fans (not really though since he's already an established actor), the only approval he looks for is from his lover
is really happy and giddy (almost like a teenage boy like SIR you guys are already married for YEARS) when you praise him and has this really boyish smile which happens very often btw
he's such a fucking sap please
as mentioned, he is kinda shy about the thirst but is not uncomfortable and actually goes along with it
you on the other hand GO HAM with it LOL
you're one of the fans lmfaoooo
a very BIG ONE
unlike him who is not active on twitter, you actually reply to fans and agree what they were saying and fangirl/boy with them which is actually so adorable LOL
his fandom is having a field day of you gushing about your husband like you're not married to him and have a literal CHILD with him bye
both megumi and toji, especially toji, are very protective of you so any slanderous rumors from the tabloids and any defamation will immediately face a lawsuit 
and fans love it when y'all fight back!!
if they stan either toji or megumi, it's immediately a given that they also stan you LOL
your boys both find it cute that even you have a very supportive fanbase like theirs
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httpsserene · 5 months
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𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐟𝟏 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥
𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗼𝗮𝗱 𝟰: 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗼 / 𝗺𝗮𝘅 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 | 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
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📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: you can't remember the last time you've gotten to spend more than three days at a time with both of your boyfriends. you understand how demanding their job is but, you just can't remember the last time they really exhausted you...pleasurably. and then winter break comes around , and they have all the time they need to make you lose your mind. 📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 18+ only. explicit. overstimulation. light dom/sub. quickies. cunnilingus. vaginal fingering. vaginal sex. unsafe sex. safewords. creampie. come eating. squirting. hand job. masturbation. dacryphilia. mention of taking explicit photos. praise kink. aftercare. set after the 2023 season. no beta we die like carlos’ fuel system. 📖𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 6.5k words 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: daniel ricciardo/max verstappen x black!fem!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: oneshot. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: take me away • daniel caesar
𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: set post 2023 season. mm, i luv me some danny caesar–i got to see him live this year 😛 i was originally gonna pick a classic country song in true american fashion to show some patriotism for the austin gp—as a black woman, i can attest that we love our country bangers—but take me away just fit perfectly. and daniel is definitely taking yall somewhere this upload—max and reader are just along for the ride 💀. i tried to write sub!max, i think it came across well, and ahead of time i sincerely apologize to the maxiel truthers…i think i may have slayed. i will not be paying for your therapy < 3 🙂 (and if you think i changed the summary, stfu no i didn’t 😌) enjoy y'all !!!!
do you want to be added to my general taglist? or my f1 kinktober taglist? send me an ask!
cross-posted on my ao3, htppsss
to see what kinktober uploads have already been completed or to see what's coming next check my f1 kinktober masterlist ! for all of my works see my general masterlist!
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this past racing season was long; daniel knows that well; he went from being the third driver at red bull, to having a seat at alphatauri, to breaking his wrist–and still managed to recover to drive in the last five races. max can also account for how lengthy this season was; he dominated every race illustrated by his 10 consecutive wins, won his team the constructor’s championship 16 races in, won his third world driver’s championship the following week through a sprint race, and still had to stick around for five more races. but, daniel and max both know who has the best firsthand account of how prolonged and draining the formula one 2023 season was.
you.
daniel knows that you’re they’re biggest supporter; you’re a sweetheart. and while you haven’t vocalized your displeasure for the twenty-three races this year–he can feel your dejection. at the start of the season, everything was seen through rose-colored glasses; max was winning, the three of you were having champagne-drenched celebrations in hotel rooms–so filthy the poor staff probably had to incinerate the sheets. you were satisfied; and daniel was with you whenever red bull didn’t want to parade him around at a grand prix. but as the months progressed and as daniel got a seat, the demanding nature of formula one was observable. the longer season had stolen them from you–they were flying from country to country, the gaps between races only long enough to only have them home for two or three days at a time, before they had to fly out and adjust to a new time zone. leaving your two boyfriends unable to make a mess of you as often as you all crave in doing so. phone sex is hot–but it can lose its luster over almost nine months. they’ve been neglecting you–even though every time either one of them suggests that notion, you disagree vehemently– but, it’s the truth.
they pride themselves on the fact that they used to make you beg for them to stop drawing orgasms out of you...but recently your sex life has consisted of dry-humping like horny teenagers, frantic pussy-eating and cock-sucking, and quickies in the shower. so, max and daniel formulated a plan.
after abu-dhabi, the three of you returned home to max’s monaco flat and fell into bed. you’re comfortably laying completely on top of daniel, front to front, and your head is tucked under his chin, turned to the side to face max, who’s settled on his side facing the two of you, arm draped over your back, with his hand squeezing at your waist randomly as he talks to daniel. you’re fighting sleep and losing; eyelids fluttering closed every now and then against your will, breath slowing as you edge closer and closer to sleep. you're floating on the brink of unconsciousness until you're dragged away at the soft sounds of daniel and max rousing you.
“there ya’ go, honey,” murmurs daniel, his voice rumbling in his chest underneath you, “we got somethin’ to ask you, before we let ya sleep, sweet girl.”
max’s hand shifts to rub at the length of your back, and you clear the sleepy haze from your mind enough to nod your head and hum softly in question, “m’kay.”
daniel gently pulls your head from his neck with his tattooed hand on your nape, making sure your pretty eyes, foggy with sleep, make eye contact, “how do ya’ feel about spending december in australia, hmm? a sunny christmas–on the ricciardo ranch; you, me, max and our families–ain’t that perfect, honey?”
max smiles softly at your pout–you’re never one to appreciate having your sleep interrupted–before adding on to daniel’s question, “jimmy and sassy can stay with the sitter; i already spoke to her a few days ago. she’d be thrilled to have them, so you don’t have to worry about where’d they stay. i don’t think i can get pet passports in three days nor do i want to see how two bengal cats act on a private jet for twenty hours.”
a few seconds pass, max and daniel searching your face for any hint to a possible answer. you blink a few times, before you murmur faintly, “‘m okay with it…can i go to sleep now?”
max laughs tenderly, guiding your head back into daniel’s neck before he scoots closer and rests his own head on the australian’s shoulder, “yeah, mijn schatje. sleep well.”
daniel wraps the arm pinned under max around him, pulling him closer to drop a kiss on his forehead. his other hand falls on your back over the dutchman’s, caressing it softly. he holds the two of you as tight as he possibly can, the big grin on his face only seen by the ceiling. he has his whole world in his arms right now, but come christmas time, his whole universe–his family–will be under the same roof back home in australia.
the next three days are filled with an absurd amount of packing. max and daniel have five suitcases between the two of them—you have five for yourself; it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. the night before your flight, they watch you pace around the bedroom making sure there’s nothing important you’re forgetting. jimmy and sassy had been dropped off at the sitter’s, and max and daniel had already moved all the luggage to the entryway for the early flight. the two drivers had stopped trying to convince you to join them in the bed and cuddled together, knowing it’s best to let you work out your anxieties now so you don’t overthink on the flight.
as you start combing through the closet again, max whispers to daniel, “we could fuck the nerves out her right now, danny.”
daniel smacks max’s hip, smirking when he whines quietly, “no, maxy. she has to sit for an almost twenty hour flight, we can’t make that any more difficult for her.” the dutchman huffs, unhappy with the answer even though he knows it's the logical course of action.
dan continues, “remember: as soon as we get to the ranch and settle in—we'll be alone for a week before my parents come ‘n join us. we’ll have plenty of time to take her apart and put her back together.”
daniel was wrong. after y’all landed in perth, and made the drive out to the countryside—it was apparent that the three of you weren’t the only ones at the ranch. his parents had come early to make sure the ranch was prepped and fully stocked for your vacation, and prepared a home cooked dinner to welcome you in. dan can’t help his big smile from becoming a permanent fixture on his face as he watches his mom and dad fawn over you and max. grace pulls you into the house, instructing the men to bring the luggage inside while she gets to fixing you a plate heaping with barbecue. joe affectionately calls max ‘son’ with a tight hug, congratulating him on his third championship before they all make their way into the house.
the original plan is put on the back burner as daniel watches you and max bloom under the loving attention from his parents. the days passed quickly, all of them spent horsing around the farm; horseback riding, dirt biking, atv riding, making a trip out to the beach, eating good food, and sleeping well. dan sees max’s pale skin pinkening and your melanated complexion glowing with warmth from the caress of the australian sun. your afternoon naps are taken underneath the warm rays, stretching out in any slice of sun you can catch, bathing in it like a cat. max and dan do as many things as they can shirtless attempting to get their tan in as quick as possible—dan tans gracefully, max, on the other hand, burns like a lobster first before his tan becomes apparent.
they fucked you on the second day after your arrival, but not exactly how they were hoping too. it’s still a relatively short affair—for their standards, at least. while it quieted the need within you, it didn’t completely satisfy the urge for any of you. daniel had to coax you into biting a pillow to muffle your squeals, and have max nearly choke on his tattooed fingers to quiet his whining—dan himself clenched his jaw so tightly to prevent his own moans from escaping that he’s surprised he didn’t crack a tooth. he loves his parents, but he’s genuinely going to snap if he doesn’t get to ruin you and max without worrying if they could hear how he makes you and max beg for him.
on the fifth day, you wear your first sundress to lunch and max pulls daniel in the kitchen to muffle a scream into his chest. 
“dan, baby—i love your parents,” max starts, his eye twitching, “you know i do! but, i can’t go another day without hearing her scream for me—for us.”
they’re only men. very desperate men. and you had the nerve to parade yourself in this flowy, yellow, strapless sundress at a meal they have to suffer through. they can’t even tear it off of you after, because dan’s parents have a chance of overhearing. but, what forces the australian to kindly kick his parents out of the house, is how you fail to stop yourself from drooling over them playing around in the pool—struggling to continue speaking with his mom as you sit on the pool’s ledge. 
before dinner, dan showers by himself first, changing into fresh clothes. he then ushers you and max into the shower, ‘to rinse off the chlorine and sweat from the day,’ he says. but, he could care less about that. as soon as he hears the shower start, he practically sprints to the kitchen to see his mom and dad put the finishing touches on the burgers they fixed up.
daniel skids to a stop in the doorway, leaning against it in faux-relaxedness, and says, “howdy.” it’s silent for a minute; his dad stares at him blankly, and his mom eventually breaks and speaks plainly, “what is it, danny?”
daniel gasps in mock-disbelief, “why d’ya always think i want something from you? i can’t just be greeting my wonderful, loving, and understanding parents?”
grace stares at him, not fooled, “are you just saying ‘hi’?”
daniel stutters aimlessly looking to his dad for help, but joe just shrugs at him in a ‘you did this to yourself, son’ manner. 
“maybe! well, no, actually…” daniel sulks, slinking into the kitchen, and resting against the counter next to his mom.
his mom hums knowingly, and gestures at him to start speaking.
“uh, so, you know i love having y’all around, right, and uh, it’s nice y’know—i mean, i don’t see ya’ as often as i want to, but uh—don’t get me wrong, you’re my parents, but uhm—“
joe sighs, “daniel, cut to the chase, please.”
daniel groans, before he leans his head back to look at the ceiling, “fine. look—we just expected to at least have one week to ourselves when we got here. not that y’all being here to surprise us is bad! you know that. but, uhm…we just made plans, i guess. a-and we kind of can’t do it, because, well…”
grace washes her hands as daniel continues to ramble through an unnecessary apologetic explanation. she turns the water off, drying her hands on a towel, and turns to her husband, pointing at daniel while rolling her eyes teasingly, before she cuts her son off, “daniel, we can leave tonight.”
daniel stops, head dropping to look at his mom in shock, “what?”
“we can leave tonight, if that’s what you’re trying to ask. your father and i don’t mind,” grace smiles gently, “we weren’t supposed to stay for this long anyways, we were just trying to get the ranch prepared for y’all, and you know how enamored we are with your girl and boy; we overstayed our welcome. we can go and come back a week before christmas with the rest of the family, danny.”
daniel perks up, “you guys don’t have to leave for that long, i don’t wanna kick you out—“
“daniel, please,” joe scoffs, walking over to clap daniel on the back, “you’re not kicking us out. we’ll be back on the seventeenth, alright. hopefully, that gives y’all enough time to work out your frustrations. we really don’t want to overhear or see anything—“
daniel pales, “okAY, thank you, yes—please don’t comeback until as late as y’all want, jesus christ. wait—did you hear the other night?! ohmygod…they’re going to kill me.”
joe and grace laugh, “no, we didn’t hear anything, danny. we just figured from how they were following you around in the morning—max couldn’t even look us in the eye, son.”
daniel groans, embarrassed, “don’t tell them anything about this okay? they’ll break up with me if they know i asked you to leave so i could have sex with them.”
his parents' laughter only gets louder, but they agree eventually after they indulge in teasing their son a little more.
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dinner is pleasant; you and max remain unaware of the ricciardo’s intervention, enjoying the well-cooked meal and lighthearted conversation. when everyone’s stomach is full and the conversation quiets, grace and joe break the news that they unfortunately have to return to perth. you and max sadden, trying to convince daniel’s parents to stay a little longer—max’s eyes fail to hide his eagerness at their announcement, even though his voice manages to be completely sincere. daniel watches as his parents formulate a fake excuse about their departute before he gently reminds you two, “they’ll be back for christmas, babes. you’ll see them again.”
the two of you calm at daniel’s statement, and walk his parents out to the car, exchanging hugs and kisses before they drive off back to the city. daniel leads you two back into the house after you’ve watched his parents disappear down the road, and the shift in energy as soon as the door locks is missed by you.
you mindlessly amble back to the dining table, stacking the emptied plates and glasses and wandering into the kitchen to clean them. as soon as you turn the sink faucet on, a strong body pushes against your back, and presses you against the edge of the counter as their hand reaches around you to shut the water off. you turn around to tell-off whichever boyfriend did that, but before you can get any words out, you’re pulled into a filthy kiss.
your shocked gasp is muffled by max’s lips, and you half-heartedly attempt to pull away, but the dutchman chases your lips, not allowing you to stop. you give in with a sigh, allowing max to continue kissing you. he buries one hand in your hair, tilting your head to the side for a better angle, and licks at the seam of your lips. you squirm against him, not quite giving into the coaxing of his tongue, and max hums softly before he tugs at your bottom lip. you turn your head to the side, panting softly to suck in a few desperate breaths before max pulls you back and invades the opening of your lips. you squeal at the feeling of his tongue laving against yours, the lewd wet sounds of your mouths have your thighs pressing together. max brings his other arm to grasp around your waist, and pulls you against him, groaning into your mouth at the smallest amount of friction that movement provided. you feel lightheaded, your knees weakening, but max firmly holds you up, not letting you slip from his grasp. your hands come up to wrap around him, one feeling up his chest before resting around his neck, and the other hand digging into the meat of his back in search of stability. he hums at the ache of your nails and drops both of his hands to cup the back of your thighs right under your ass. he lifts you onto the counter, spreading your legs and shoving his body between them, while still managing to not break the kiss. at the show of strength you arch your back, whining highly, pushing your chest against his—he’s so strong. he eagerly starts tugging the sundress up your legs, making to expose your panties before he’s interrupted by a sudden heavy hand on the back of his neck.
max jerks away from you (you can finally catch your breath), his chest heaving, and his own whine fills the air at the weight of daniel’s hand.
“now, darlin’,” daniel addresses max with a smirk, “this wasn’t part of our plan, was it? you forget the script, maxy?”
max blushes a pretty pink, and murmurs, “no, daniel—sorry, danny.” dan hums at the apology, pressing a kiss to max’s warm cheek.
“w-what plan?” you timidly ask, still sitting on the counter, legs spread obscenely, dress skewed messily, and lips swelling from max’s ambition.
daniel chuckles, eyes shining at you hungrily, “mmm. how ‘bout we make our way to the bedroom and ‘ll show ya, sweetheart?”
you’re spread eagle in the middle of the bed, completely naked, with daniel fully dressed in between your legs sucking marks and pressing kisses on your thighs, max stripped down to his boxer-briefs on his side next to you, doing the same to your neck and chest. you’re squirming viciously just from the feeling of his beard scraping against your inner thighs, squeals ripping from your throat when he leaves a hickey or bites at the meat of your thigh. the australian’s pupils are blown wide, as he watches you try and muffle your cries behind your hand—if this is how you’re responding to the two of them thoroughly refreshing their claim on you, he’s thrilled to see how you’ll lose your mind as the night goes on. pulling his head away, daniel presses his thumb into one of the bruises he left and your back arches deeply–you choke on your squeal, thighs slamming shut around his hand.
“none of that now, sweetheart,” dan instructs firmly, “‘s just me, you, and max, honey. no need to quiet those sweet sounds of yours, alright?”
you nod wildly, stumbling over your agreement, “y-yeah, danny. ‘ll be- i’ll be loud for you guys.”
max moans at your words from where his lips were tugging at your nipple, pulling away to raise himself back to your lips, thirstily tasting your desperation from its source. dan allows max to bruise up your mouth, and leave his own beard burn around your lips, as he undresses himself down to his briefs. 
“max…max, maxy, babe,” daniel softly calls a few times, failing to get the impatient man’s attention, “max, look at me.” the switch from dan’s soft tone to a deeper, base filled sound has max snapping away to look at daniel, panting roughly.
“be good f’me and give yourself a hand, darlin’,” dan commands, and max sighs lovingly at the endearment, “you can manage that right, maxy? while i get our sweet girl ready to take you, hm?”
max whimpers, “yes, danny,” and shifts to sit upright, pulling his underwear off and wrapping his large hand around himself. dan purrs, “good boy. her sweet cunt’s already drippin’ for us, maxy. won't take me long to stretch ‘er open for you.” you keen, humiliated at the way dan speaks about you like you’re not in the room with them. daniel tugs your legs open again, hiding his laughter in the plush meat of your thigh, but you can feel the smirk against your skin. 
embarrassed, you whine hushedly, hands fisting into the sheets by your side, “mean.”
daniel hums uncaringly at your remark, “mean? don’t worry, honey–when i finish with you, you’ll think ‘m mean for a very different reason.” he doesn’t give you a chance to ponder his words, and a firm drag of his tongue across your cunt destroys any chance for your thought processes. this time around, your moans are clear, echoing around the room. the press of daniel’s tongue is unforgiving and working intently at your clit. your thighs clamp around his head, not allowing the australian to escape even though he can feel your hips bucking away, trying to escape the consistent stimulation on one of your most sensitive spots. when one of your hands flies down to tug at his curls, he relents his assault and switches to prodding his tongue against your opening. he moans depravedly against your entrance, the noise vibrating through you, causing your shriek to pierce the air. he eats you out like a man starved; savagely shoving his tongue deeper inside you, curling against your walls, nose bumping against your clit, mouth moving like he’s truly trying to eat you alive. he ignores the ache of his jaw, the tightness of his briefs, how his beard scratches your skin; and he smoothly slips a finger into you, beginning thoroughly stretch you out.
it’s absolutely obscene-sounding. daniel works his way up to three fingers, and any previous qualms he had about you being too quiet are resolved. your whines are constant at the insistent invasion of daniel’s curling digits, and based on the way your legs are trembling, he can tell you're nearing the precipice. what’s even more erotic, is the way your cries harmonize with max’s own grunts of pleasure; the dutchman’s hips buck into the frantic pace of his hands and danny wouldn’t be surprised if max comes before he even gets inside you. daniel sits back on his heels, his fingers still digging deeper inside you, forcefully pressing against your g-spot. with his left hand, daniel knocks max’s hand away, ignoring the responding yowl of displeasure, and fists max’s cock on his own, “doin’ a little too much, maxy. our desperate girl deserves to come first, anyways—lemme set the pace for you, darlin’.” max suffers under danny’s ministrations; the extreme shift down in tempo, the constant attention on the head of his cock, a finger pressing at his slit or the vein along his underside alternatingly. you, on the other hand, are being pushed closer and closer to your orgasm. daniel’s thumb joins, rubbing quick circles of your clit–and you scream out, pleasure overriding you. when your moans start to blend into breathy little ah-ah-ah’s, he slips his fingers free from the tight clasp of your cunt, and releases his hold on max’s cock.
you sob achingly, begging daniel to make you cum, dismayed cries of, “no! danny, why’d you stop, please, make me cum,” falling from your lips as max mewls next to you, his own hands trying to force danny’s back around him. daniel shushes you, and motions for max to come closer. max flies forward happily, his whines cutting off at daniel’s attention. he man-handles max into hovering over you in missionary, his cock resting against your fluttering cunt, waiting for permission. your cries quiet, and your heart races with anticipation for max to bury himself in you. danny’s left hand grips at max’s corresponding hip, and his right hand slips in the narrow space between you two, and he presses the flushed arousal in you. and the australian cannot stop running his mouth.
“that’s ‘t, baby–nice n’ easy for ya’–mmm–he’s splitting you open isn’t he–yeah, soak ‘im, babe, get him nice and wet–no, sweetheart, don’t run from it–yeahhh just like that, you take ‘t so well–”
your own orgasm suprises you, otherwise you would’ve at least made an attempt to tell the two men. max hasn’t even gotten halfway inside you and you’re cumming; back-arching, toes-curling, hands rushing forward to scratch down max’s back, eyes screwed shut, and walls clamping tightly around him. max is whining above you, flinching away from the hot grasp of your inner walls, but daniel won’t let him pull out.
“danny, danny! please–oh–i-i-i’m gonna–not gonna last–‘m gonna cum, if i stay inside her,” max admits, sobbing embarrasingly.
daniel laughs softly from behind max, and shifts so his front is pressed to the dutchman’s back. max shivers at the sound, the hair on the back of his neck rising. “aww, you can’t handle it, darling? don’t worry, i’ve changed my plans for you, anyways,” daniel smugly whispers into max’s ear. dan brings both of his hands to the younger’s waist, and forces him deeper inside of you, ignoring the way max cries sensitively and keeps pushing him forward until he bottoms out. you and max let out twin squeals from the white-hot flash of pleasure; you struggle to adjust to his size as quickly as daniel forced him in–you pulsate around him, it’s like you’re still trying to drag him further in and push him out at the same time. daniel presses a kiss to max’s shoulder blade and praises him, “see, maxy? i knew you could do it—such a good boy f’me.”
max’s eyes roll back, and he can’t fight it–he cums, loudly. his limbs weaken and his body collapses over yours, head falling into your neck, and his lewd moans vibrate through your raw skin. the younger’s body covers you completely, and your knees come up to cradle max’s hips, encouraging him to thrust through the aftershocks. daniel leans back, continuing to bathe the two of you with praise as he lets you guys shudder through the come down. a couple minutes pass before your legs relax and max’s moans die down to breathy hums, as both of your chests heave as you try to regulate your breathing. 
“feelin’ good, my loves?” daniel questions tenderly.
you’re the first to respond, a sated smile sent the australians way, “so good, danny.” max sighs out a breathy “yeah,” muffled into your chest. daniel brightens, “alrighty–maxy, fuck her properly now, and make her cum again.” the dutchman grunts in disbelief, “what? no, i-i can’t, i just came–”
dan cuts max off, “you can’t or, you won’t?” max’s breath stutters at the sudden dominance in daniel’s tone, sitting up to turn his head to look at the older man incredulously. the smile on dan’s face is gone, his expression suddenly firm and unyielding–max can only drop his gaze away from daniel’s eyes, avoiding the piercing gaze.
“max, look at me,” the australian states unflinchingly, and the younger man’s eyes fly to meet his at the command.
“what’s your color, darlin’?”
with his tongue flicking out to wet his lips nervously, max mutely whispers, “green.” daniel’s piercing gaze drops to you and he repeats the question, “sweetheart, what’s your color?”
you squirm under his intense attention—max’s hips stuttering at the stimulation, and your bruised brown thighs squeeze at his waist until he stops—but the slight flare of pleasure that races up your spine decides your answer, “green, danny.”
a smirk spreads across daniel’s lips, “see, you can, maxy,” the younger blushes deeply at his teasing croon, “now, be a sweet prince for me, and fuck our sweetheart, hm?” and with a pinch to max’s hip, he sinks in you deeply with an oversensitive sigh, before he pulls out and sets a slow rhythm to allow you both a little more time to recover. the drag of his cock is coaxing soft shuddery breaths out of your lips, and sharp over-sensitive whines from max. his hands are trembling from where they’re grip flexes on your waist, veins popping with the strength of his grasp, sure to leave a mark on your darker skin. dan’s hands halt the gentle roll of his hips, before the man leads him at a quicker pace. max throws his head back onto daniel’s shoulder, overwhelmed at the feeling of your tight, soaking wet cunt, and cries out “too much—ngh—i-it’s too much!” but aside from all of his whines, he’s getting hard again. unlike max, the sensitivity from your orgasm had faded quickly—if anything, it’s doubling the amount of pleasure you’re feeling. desperate for more, you plant your feet on the bed and start rolling your hips to meet max halfway; moaning yearningly at the change in position.
the younger man frantically tries to force your hips back down, the friction added from you meeting his thrusts is too great. “heyheyhey—none of that, prince,” daniel quickly tugs max’s hands away from your waist, one hand firmly holding them against the younger’s chest, “remember, we made a promise to give her so many orgasms to make up for how mean we’ve been to her. you don’t want to break that promise; right, darling?” max tries to hide his face in dan’s shoulder, but it’s too late—he starts sobbing. daniel watches how the tears rain down max’s cheeks, and how his face crumples so prettily—is it weird that making his usually unbothered boyfriend cry, turns him on?
max sniffles, “n-no, danny. -ll do it, i-i wanna make her cum.” not wanting to disappoint you any further, he starts quickening his strokes on his own, eventually outpacing the rhythm daniel set for him. it dawns on max quickly; he’s not going to last, again. he makes the mistake of looking at the blissed out expression on your face, the knot in his tummy tightening as he watches how your mouth falls open in a moan, wet and inviting. he drops his eyes away, but they fall on where the two of you are connected; the sight causes him to choke on his breath. his own thrusts have forced his cum out of you, frothing at your entrance, smeared all over your labia and staining your inner thighs. if he could eat you out and fuck you at the same time—he’d be doing it. max urgently asks daniel, “d-danny, ‘m gonna cum—please, can i cum?” ignoring max, dan’s hand lets go of max’s, and falls to let his middle and ring finger rub vigorously at your clit. your body jackknifes, a scream leaving your lips at the sudden addition, you choke out a warning, “g’na cum! pleasepleaseplease—” and when daniel’s thumb sneaks down to press gently at where you're wrapped snugly around max, almost like he’s trying to slip in alongside his cock—white flashes behind your eyes and you’re cumming hard. 
daniel hums, satisfied, “now, you can cum, maxy.” the younger had already started coming the second he started speaking. it’s erotic—how the two of yours’ orgasm feeds off of each other. every clench of your cunt has you squeezing tightly around max, causing him to thrust in you deeper, which in turn has you pulsating around him tightly, and the cycle continues. max rides out the two of your orgasms viciously this time around, his hips slamming into you, forcing himself as deep as possible wanting to empty every last dreg of his cum within you. you can only whimper brokenly, not making an effort to calm his grinds, wanting to savor anything you can get before he pulls out of you. with max’s last pump of his hips in you, daniel slowly guides him out of you. the two of you hiss, extremely over sensitive from the two times you’ve cum, so daniel tries to make the affair as smooth as he possibly can. with a squelching pop, max is freed from the tight grasp of your cunt, and dan leads him to lie down next to you on the bed.
you’re still floating, not a single thought in your head, a deep sense of satisfaction coating your mind, but you can vaguely hear daniel checking on max, making sure he didn’t push him too far. you hum quietly under your breath, almost like a purr, eyes shut blissfully as you allow yourself to relax in your afterglow. you faintly register daniel slipping in between your legs, his broad shoulders pressed against the underside of your thighs. you feel his left hand gently press at the raw skin of your thigh, and you fuzzily manage to move it over for him, thinking that he’s trying to clean you up. 
daniel can only stare. the pink skin of your hole has turned to a deeper red, with how max bullied your cunt. his mouth falls open, entranced, at the sight of your bruised pussy winking at him, struggling to close, and he moans softly as the pulsing of your cunt starts pushing max’s cum out of you. the creamy, frothy, white fluid slowly sliding out of you and down your ass. his tongue wets his lips—he wants a taste. dan drops the towel he was holding in his right hand, and brings the now empty hand up to spread your lips with a ‘v’ of his fingers. his eyes flick up to your face, and once he sees that you're still floating, he takes a gentle pass over your entrance with two fingers, collecting yours and max’s combined release. he sucks the mess clean, and a groan rumbles through his chest. fuck—he needs more. daniel quickly finds himself breathing softly over your cunt for the second time tonight, and he can feel how your thighs already start shaking at the exhales of his breath against you. he laps his tongue once in a broad stripe over you, and moans depravedly—and then, he pretty much forced to eat you out; why let this go to waste. 
the minute his tongue slips inside you, your thighs slam shut around his head, trying to halt his overeager movements. daniel doesn’t care, he’d happily suffocate in your cunt if it meant he got to eat max’s cum out of you for the last time. when he slips two of his fingers in to coax more of the cum max fucked deep in you out, your hand flies down and tugs at his curls. daniel pulls his mouth away, growling sharply at the pain from the grip of your hand, but he steadfastly dives back in—he’s going to swallow every last drop you’ll give him. “hngh—too much, –anny, can’t take it—my tummy feels weird—it hurts!” daniel’s hips starting grinding against the bed, and he’s made aware of how painfully hard he’s gotten throughout the night; he hasn’t cum once. daniel moans against your cunt, panting against you, “ya got one more f’me right, sweetheart? yeah, ya do—just let me taste you, yeah?” daniel tunes out your cries again, and brushes his nose against your clit as he laves his tongue over you picking up every drop of cum the two of you have spilled on your swollen cunt. his fingers start to curl upwards as he pulls them out, dragging wetness out from the depths of your walls, and you squeal, any pleads that you planned to say have been suddenly erased from your throat at the sudden pain-pleasure that bursts behind your eyes. your core tightens, and you seize against the bed cumming for the third time this night at daniel’s insistence. this is the most intense orgasm all night, and it feels never ending; all of your senses feel like they’re burning hot, nerves tingling from your scalp to your curled toes. what you’ve failed to recognize is that you're gushing all over daniel’s face. he practically gets waterboarded from where he was pressed against your cunt, but once he realizes that he’s made you squirt, he happily starts drinking down each spray of your fluid, uncaring of how his beard is drenched with your release, and how it puddles underneath your ass. 
he swallows you down to the very last drop, plump lips massaging your labia sweetly. he backs off your pussy, switching to your thighs to collect any wetness he missed out on. when your hand tugs at his curls again, pulling him away when the beard burn gets too much, daniel rises to his knees over you. he tugs his cock out of his briefs, the tip flushed the deepest red he’s ever seen it, and it throbs hotly in his grasp. he uses the hand soaked with your squirt to roughly rub himself off, tattooed thigh spasming, and it takes less than ten pumps of his hand before he’s cumming. with every spray of his hot cum that lands against your swollen cunt, your hips jerk—even that feels too much.
when daniel finishes, he moans at the picture he painted on you—would you let him take a picture if he asked? but his fantasy is disrupted when you squirm up the bed, your hand falling to cup protectively over your cunt, thighs tightening around your hand, and you murmur repeatedly, “no more, no more.” max coos quietly from where he’s laying, still just as fucked out as you, but he tries to soothe your cries. he sweetly pulls you into his chest when tears slip out of your eyes, petting at you clumsily, not quite yet having regained complete control of his limbs. “did so good, schatje. daniel did just like he promised—i-if, if you let him clean you up, we can cuddle and go straight to bed, ok? be good, j-just a little longer.”
you sob messily into max’s embrace, but after a few minutes with max and daniel both reassuring you that they’ve finished pulling orgasms out of you, and comfortingly massaging the already setting soreness of your muscles—your cries die down to sniffles, and you slowly spread your legs open for danny. daniel stares at the mess he created this time around, but dismisses the urge to lick it off you; his only goal right now is to properly clean you up, and make sure you go to sleep feeling satisfied and worn-out. as gently as possible, he takes turns wiping both your thighs and cunt, and max’s thighs and cock, switching when either of you says it’s too much. it takes longer than it usually does, but it doesn’t upset daniel as long as it means the two of you are comfortable. 
“okay, okay,” daniel soothes sweetly, “i’m done. you both did so good for me tonight.”
max blushes at the praise, and with a voice as airy as silk, you whisper, “you ‘ere good too, danny—made me feel r’lly good, thank you.” daniel smiles, his heart warming at your sweet words, “thank you, honey. you’re always so sweet to me.”
“now, let’s move this party to the bathroom so both of you can pee, and take a bath before we sleep, i’ll get some snacks for you to eat too,” daniel orders softly, “i took a lot from the two of you tonight—so let me make sure i put you back together, okay?
taglist: @lorarri @soph1644 @jaydensluv @fanboyluvr @nissaimmortal @redgonerogue @hollie9111 @saintwrld @buendiabebeta @butterfly-lover @lana-d3l-rey @dylan1721 @spicybagel14 @dhhdhsiavdhaj @miahgonzalez16 @jjaekin @dkbj14 @f1lover55 @f1lov3r @mindless-rockk @biancathecooll @barnestaticic @sweetpiccolo-bloglog @my-ylenia @zaynzierulez @reblog-princess-blogss @lovingaphroditesworldditesworld @katekipshidze @darleneslane
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© httpsserene 2023
2K notes · View notes
redr0sewrites · 28 days
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Bestie, heard your cry for requests, no worries. Adam and Lute brainrot is real 😭. Perhaps something with Adam and Lute having this sort of crush on the gn!Reader who’s probably a member of the exorcist army. Like they both develop feeling for the person separately but once they find out, it goes into the direction of polycule? Love your writing and hope this helps!
THIS REQUEST>>>> EVERYTHING ELSE
🥀Cw: poly!guitarspear x reader, fluff
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both adam and lute having a crush on you is definitely an accomplishment, and its both the best and most infuriating thing to ever happen to you
if you're in the exorcist army then you're def interacting with them alot, but no matter where you are in heaven there's always at least one of them at your side
adam would fall first, and he'd start shamelessly flirting with you
whenever you were training he would come over and bother you, he'd use the cringiest pickup lines and call you every pet name under the sun
adam lays it on THICK, he really wants you to like him
lute just couldn't understand why it bothered her so much- i mean, adam had flirted with a lot of people before, right? why did she care if it was you?
her feelings hit her like a truck
the two of you were just relaxing together, and she couldn't help but realize how truly beautiful you were
after seeing what adam sees in you, she lowkey started to get jealous
adam caught on pretty quickly that she liked you, and it soon turned into a competition of sorts
adam and lute are close friends, but when it comes to you, they definitely have a petty "rivalry" going down
adam will purposefully send lute away so he can flirt chat with you, and in turn lute will rat on him to sera about how he's not getting his work done
meanwhile you're just sitting there having a bi-panic over the two of them
eventually you sit them down and have a convo about how you like both of them, which eventually leads to them agreeing to share you
however i genuinely think that they both have feelings for eachother too, and those would probably come to light once the three of you are in a relationship
once you three are officially together, they both dote on you SO much
adam is definitely more outgoing, and his love languages are quality time and physical touch. in contrast, lute's a bit more private, and her love language is definitely acts of service through and through
this leads to interesting dates for the three of you, some nights you're all crashing at one of your apartments and bingeing shitty movies, other nights your going out to clubs and dancing your hearts out
adam is so cuddly, and while she pretends that she isn't, so is lute
yall def have full on cuddling sessions where you all just lay together (usually on top of adam)
yall have the cutest mornings together!!!!! lute is def an early riser, and she methodically gets up at the same time every morning
meanwhile adam is pretty much a wildcard, sometimes he'll stay up ridiculously late and end up sleeping in until noon, and then other nights he'll crash super early and then wake up pretty early too. then sometimes he'll just pull all nighters and you and lute will come downstairs to find him curled up on the couch
lute works out in the mornings and will probably go on a quick morning run before coming back inside and getting ready. she often will help you get ready and will lay out things you need for the day. adam is usually the last person ready, he's always begging for one more minute of sleep!
yall r literally just so domestic
yall split chores too, lute usually does the cooking, adam does the laundry and clears dishes/plates, and then you do whatever other chores that are necessary. you all rotate when it comes to cleaning tasks such as sweeping, mopping, dusting, etc and while adam will sometimes pout, he actually does clean up after himself
adam and lute are both protective in different ways, and everyone in heaven knows not to mess with you
adam is more of the jealous type, and will get protective if he thinks someone else is flirting with you
meanwhile lute is more of the "worried about your safety" type, and will get more protective if she thinks you're in danger
overall, yall are genuinely such a power couple and you really have a sweet, adorable dynamic
I WILL MAKE A PT 2 WITH NSFW HCS. ALSO PT 2 OF THE ADAM FIC IS COMING SOON I SWEAR IM SORRY FOR KEEPING YALL WAITING😭
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tremendum · 7 months
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Mr. Miller's Show
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[not my gif]   pairing: joel miller x fem!reader (afab, some use of she/her, use of the words girl/woman)     rating: explicit. (18+. mdni.) word count: 7.3k  (back to regularly scheduled programming) requested: yes thank you all for all the patience srsly <3 summary: “'like how sweet you've been t'me, sugar," he mutters gently, head tilting, "why y'gonna go and fuck all that up now?'" warnings: gendered words (girl, woman, etc) allusions to PTSD, porn with feelings, guys theyre like getting healthier, SMUT (PiV unprotected), oral (M receiving), deepthroating, rough sex, face-fucking, shower smut, counter smut, reader is a tease, masturbation (f), marijuana use as always lol, brief voyeurism, canon-typical violence, age gap (undefined but mentioned), ass play (spitting, fingering, only a bit sorryyyy), mirror sex again bc im a whore, reader has hair long enough to grab, hair pulling, lots of choking, spit kink, light slapping (f receiving, consensual), dirty talk, praise kink but also degradation, use of words like slut, brat tamer!joel, overstimulation, MEAN!JOEL YALL, but he has feelings so he’s also kinda soft!dom in this again, once again sooo unedited that it hurts.  notes: finally finally after over a month im back!! hope you enjoy this chapter, ive been having rough writers block with this story so any suggestions and requests are very welcomed!!! thanks for all the love and as always, comments & reblogs w tags are motivation and help out so much!!! love u all <3 also for the taglist, it's too big now and i may consider stopping my taglist, just letting everyone know!!! ill lyk if i do ofc but im reblogging with the list this time.
[this is part six of the Mr Miller series. read previous part sympathy for the devil.  main masterlist here. ]
★  
"you're wearing earrings." 
Joel's voice cuts through the serene chill in the air, shocking you enough to have your head turning away from where you stare ahead - you crane your neck too much, but you can just see the dusted gray and dark of his curls behind you as your brows raise. 
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it takes you a second to understand the sentence he's just uttered to you out of nowhere- but you blink to life, clearing your throat as the dead trees pass you by. 
"oh. yeah, it's... they're new. didn't really wear stuff like that until..." you shrug, trailing off as you stare forward yet again. your heart thumps as his chest rumbles against your back - jesus, he's so close to you. it's been weeks since he's been this close, even if this is just work.
your body wants what it wants, you suppose.
your lips purse, lost in the press of his thick body behind you.
"-till?" 
your lip twitches in a smile for a split moment; he's waiting for you to finish your sentence. as if he cares.
Joel... 
he's been so normal recently. or as normal as you could ever imagine Joel Miller to be; full sentence-conversations full of questions, full sentences, and even an occasional joke or dry line littered in with his glares and eye-rolls. he's even taught you and ellie to woodwork, nodded in hello when you picked up Ellie on your way into town - hell, he'd actually gotten a drink with you after patrol a few days ago and held eye contact for a whole thirty minutes.
a fucking miracle.
and even, on rare occasions, you are rewarded with that mind-splitting, earth-shattering smile - a very rare but rewarding sight. the kind that shocks a room, silences you and Ellie both, lights the sun and makes the birds sing. makes your stomach flutter.
so perhaps things have changed. 
it makes you almost laugh to yourself, recalling that day so many moons ago when you had walked into the Bison and first stared into those stony eyes; how big his calloused hands were, the way his lip lifted in distaste at your crass words. 
the sway of the horse makes your hips move gently; your ass is starting to feel sore at the constant motion and as you rock forward with the decline of the hill, you feel Joel's body slide slightly as though he tries against everything to press fully against you. even though you wish he would. 
heat paints your face as you feel his breath on your neck, waiting patiently for you to finish your sentence.
your sharp breath exhales as you realize you've hesitated at his questioning, a bit too long - you smile sheepishly, shrugging. "-sorry, didn't..." you clear your throat, "couldn't remember the last time I wore earrings. not that it matters, but I just..." you thumb the makeshift earring back, grinning to the mane of the horse as he trudges you and Joel both along. 
"-it feels nice. makes me feel like myself." you finish, shrugging awkwardly. 
for all of the steps Joel has taken in the last few weeks to change, there are some things you still have a hard time with.
talking about yourselves and opening up is a very large, unmovable hurdle that you and him are still clearly trying to pull yourselves over. it's quiet for a second as your words seep into the dead surroundings, less than an hour from town. 
"look nice." he grunts quietly, his arms pressing slightly from where he straddles the saddle behind your frame. 
your eyes widen at the seemingly random compliment, face flooding with flattery and embarrassment. your grin betrays you, but you don't dare stutter out a broken thank you for fear that you will sound like a croaking frog; instead, you purse your lips over the giddy grin that spreads over your cheeks and hope that as he stares at the profile of your face, he can see the flattery written across your features. 
"Ellie has a matching pair." you say instead, sparing a quick glance back at Joel. his brows raise, jaw ticking as he takes in the information - your voices both echo at the same time as you speak over each other suddenly: 
"she doesn't have her ears pierced."  "in case she ever gets them pierced." 
you let out a short huff of laughter, nodding sheepishly at having accidentally interrupted each other; Joel shakes his head with a ghost of a smile. 
"got it." he nods, "s'real nice of you." he nods, "making a pair for her, too." 
his chest is right on you - broad, warm through all the layers, and smelling of pine, whiskey, sage. amber. it's intoxicating as his drawl rumbles in the back of your ear - you silently thank Tommy or whoever the hell it was who ordered half the horses to rest after a bout of sickness spread through the stable; sharing a horse has never once before today seemed like a good idea. 
but the good idea sours quickly when you kick speed slightly, the horse leaping over a small creek as your hips shift back into Joel's and your ass presses into him. 
your mouth dries as you shakily exhale; he's so close to you - smells so good. your hands grip the reigns tighter and you nearly jump when a large, calloused hand falls onto your hips to steady you after the change in pace. 
your mind travels back to that morning after you'd stayed with Joel in his own bed - how gentle his hands had been as he'd guided you towards your own house under the early morning sunrise; your eyes bleary with sleep but his smile still cracking bashfully when you'd kissed his cheek, muttering about how maybe Ellie'd missed your boots by the front door when she'd come home. 
she and Joel certainly haven't said anything you if she did notice, anyways. 
you clear your throat, ignoring the searing desire that spirals from where his hand touches your clothed hip; you shrug, "she said she liked mine, so I figured we could match." 
he hums lowly at your word, his nose brushing slightly over the crown of your head. shivers roll over your shoulders as you swallow, retreating into the silence that you've lived in for the last few weeks since the two of you were put back on patrol. 
but you stiffen when a hand runs down your side, over the jagged stitching of your jacket, and you suck in a sharp inhale. his other hand slides forward, hooking gently around your hip, fingers splaying over the very top of your thigh and your throat dries up; a faint desire awakened and soon screaming at you. you squirm under his touch.
Joel's hips adjust behind you gently in the next second, your eyes fluttering shut as you imagine him pulling you into him, his hard cock sliding between the round globes of your ass and through your dripping folds, his hands greedy and hungry; his words sharp, teasing. his touch, sweet. intoxicating- 
your eyes open again and your heart skips a beat, his knees hitting the outside of your thighs. 
christ. your whole body tingles as you shift slightly, rotating your hips as the buck of the horse's cant tilts you further away from the heat of his broad chest. no, you can't stand his teasing - intentional or not, Joel is making you nearly melt in desire.
jesus.
you're barely pulling the horse to the side of the path when, with barely a crane of his neck,  Joel mutters, "the hell are y'doin?" 
you suddenly pull the reins and mutter woah, slipping yourself off of the horse and onto the hard ground with a burning face, your lungs screaming for air as Joel protests. 
"what-" he grunts as he pulls himself down from the stirrups, face etched with irritation and concern at your sudden evacuation, "is there an issue?" 
you can hear the irritation in his voice and you sigh, shaking your head - your heart's thundering, face hot and surely laced with poorly-hid embarrassment. god, what the fuck is wrong with you? there's barely forty minutes back to Jackson, why couldn't you just suck it up for a few more torturous minutes until you could return home to your trusty drawer and hot shower? 
"no." you snap, "no problem, Joel." your heart is thundering with surprise at his concern, eyes glaring daggers at him before shooting down towards the heat that nearly blisters on your forearm; his hand, warm and gentle, asking silently if you're okay. your eyes soften before you can school your expression - he reads you, as always, like his favorite novel. 
his hand falls away gently, grazing your finger tips like the gentlest breeze on your face and it still surprises you. 
"alright," he says softly, eyes searching your flustered appearance. "can we get back on the horse, then?" he asks - his voice is surprisingly patient, though his eyes are wary. irritated, but concerned. 
you clear your throat, unable to contain yourself much longer. "we could- take a break." 
his brows raise, tilting his head, "a break? we're nearly back. s'almost nightfall." 
you shift your weight, avoiding the way his corded arms cross over each other, his frame towering over yours as you dully throb in arousal. 
"you're-" you squeak, shaking your head, "you're fucking crowding me, and I need- fuck-" you groan, "just- just fuck off for a second, Joel." you snap, bursting in frustration, unsure how to just admit you are being driven fucking crazy with lust by his presence. 
his head tilts, "fuck off?" his eyes are darker every second you stand, facing each other- "the hell's gotten into you?" he sounds offended, and your heart flips as you feel bad - you're trying, you're trying so hard to be normal around him, as he is with you - so one touch, one innocent adjustment of his hips and now you're freaking out on him again?
you need to get a grip, or at least be honest. 
your face burns as his stern gaze rolls over each curve of your body; "Joel, you're driving me fucking crazy." you snap, glaring at him.
he looks shocked, hands flying out, "I barely said anythin' this whole goddamn day, how the hell am I still fucking this up?" he snaps back, irritated - his eyes incredulous as he stares down at you.
flames lick up your sides as you grind your teeth - his hair looks much more wavy with his curls today, and the green of his jacket it making the golden on his skin nearly glow; you nearly growl as you jump towards him. he's too much. too fucking much.
your hands lock on his shoulders, tugging yourself up towards his face as your lips fall against his. 
the kiss is a shock to you both. 
you're not sure what really compelled you to do it - the stubble over his sharp jaw, his hair, the way his thighs pressed against the outsides of yours just minutes ago, the way he pressed on about the earrings - whatever, it doesn't matter, because he's kissing you back and you're melting like butter over a campfire. 
his lips press hard back against yours through his shocked inhale, surging against you in a dizzying haze of Joel.
but the kiss is seared away from your lips when Joel suddenly shoots his thick hand out, rising to grip hard at your throat, shoving you backwards. 
it's more shocking than the sudden kiss - the speed in which he pulls back and pushes you hard backwards by his warm grip, causing flutters of arousal to course through your stomach.
you stumble in shock but he keeps his hold on you, passionate as he movers the two of you back. you're torn away from his warmth as he presses you with one hand on the small of your back and the other on the beating pulse of your throat - right against a tree, nudging you as he tilts his head down to your height once more. 
he's back on you in no less than a split second; his heat swirling around the cold air, teeth nipping at your lip when you take a moment longer than he'd like to open your lips to his tongue. he groans against you, a warm and deep thing that you feel in your own chest as your hand slides up to his hair, tugging at the base of his neck. 
the fingers around your throat flex and tighten in reaction to your own grip and the moan that rips from your throat sends his hips in a slow thrust against yours. 
you've been desperate for his touch for fucking days - he's been walking on eggshells even after you'd spent the night with him a few weeks ago. he'd barely touched you, taking his time trying to make up for all the lost time you'd spent trying to rip each other's heads off instead of your clothes.
and sure, you don't know who you are with him still - nothing defined, and a lot of things still unspoken - but for the first time since this whole mess started, that doesn't bother you. there's not much anger, nor jealousy - just... Joel. and you. 
it's not bad. 
his lips leave yours as he breathes against your lips, "like how sweet you've been t'me, sugar," he mutters gently, head tilting, "why y'gonna go and fuck all that up now?" 
his hand slips from your back lower, tugging you against his semi-hard cock as his fingers squeeze your ass. his hand lies just below your jugular, thumb soothing over your cold skin as his dark eyes glint with desire. you feel a rush of arousal pool between your legs as you raise your brows. 
"-you need to stop fucking touching me like that when we're riding, Miller." you growl against his lips, staring back at him. you lean slightly to catch his lips with yours once again but he pulls back with a strong hand against your neck to stop you - teasing.
he tuts, "you need to learn how to use your words, sweetheart." he growls against you, teeth catching on your bottom lip.
you whimper at the sharp sting, chasing him as if you could steal a kiss. he tilts his head just out of reach, his hand pressing against you until your breath comes out slightly ragged; your pussy flutters as he squeezes, knee sliding against your clothed core. 
"if you want it, ask for it, baby." he all but demands, hands rough against you, "can't just throw a fit every time you're aching for my cock, or else you'll be whinin' all goddamn day. how am I supposed to know-" 
but there's a snap of a twig somewhere behind you and you both spring apart, straight as boards, hackles raised.
it's almost like deja-vu as you're both thrown from your stupor - ripping away, your voices cease as your hand flies to your hunting knife - in your peripheral, you see that Joel's slung around his rifle so quick you're almost impressed as you both stare to your left. 
christ - just the fucking horse, tied to the tree. stepped on a twig. 
you let out a shaky breath, hand falling onto Joel's chest as you almost wheeze out a relieved laugh. but your hand feels it, suddenly - you notice how stiff Joel is, even after you've both realized there's no threats. 
his heart, thundering in his chest wildly. like a caged animal surrounded by a pack of wild, ravenous wolves; Joel's heart tries to scramble right out of his chest and onto the dead ground. 
that feeling - the one that creeps around at night when you wake up with memories of that cabin, of those raiders - of your past, visions of Joel, surrounded by red. that feeling that creeps up, squeezing at your throat and banging on your chest.
he's feeling it, too.
it's not from arousal, though you can see enough of that in his eyes, in the way his lips part and ragged breaths puff into the air - no, not arousal. 
fear. 
your heart hammers similarly, you suddenly notice. your hand shakes as it hovers near your knife; his hands grip the rifle so tight the blood may burst forth from the roughened skin any second. 
"hey," you whisper, suddenly worried to speak above any quiet noise. his eyes are sharp and his jaw clenched as he looks back at you, wild and alarmed. 
as if he were ready to fight for his life and yours. 
"let's go home," you whisper, thumb running over the shoulder of his jacket, muscles strained and still below the layers.
he snaps out of it, eyes falling to rake over you as if assuring that you're still in front of him in one piece. his hand finds yours on his chest, sliding it off - not unkindly; his hand squeezes yours before boosting you up onto the double saddle silently. 
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Joel insists on walking you back to your house; he's brooding, as normal, as you both trudge back from turning in your patrol log and tracking the mud from the stable through the quiet streets.
you don't speak about what happened in the woods - the kiss, nor the twig snapping, but you ache and as you walk, every brush of the backs of your hands send shooting sparks up your arm.
"damn it," he grunts under his breath as you lead him up your driveway. you lift a brow at him, silent prompt to explain his expletive. 
he shakes his head, "s'nothin'. forgot Ellie said the water heater ain't workin', said she was stayin' with her friend Dina till I fix it. cold shower for me tonight." 
you grimace; the air nips at your cheeks, you can't imagine a cold shower in this weather. you shrug, "use mine." you suggest, tilting your head. "no point in turning into an icicle, Miller, you're cold enough as is." you tease, sending him a small wink.
something in you wonders if the shower really is broken, or if he just can't bring himself to ask; not that you can blame him. you can't bring yourself to ask, either.
your heart flutters when Joel rolls his eyes but still trudges after you, through the entrance of your home. his eyes look just as tired as you feel but there's a spark to them, one that coaxes more warmth between your thighs.
you see his eyes catch on the partially-smoked joint put out on the ashtray on your kitchen table as you slide past it; you have a mind to grab it before you make your way up the stairs, pretending not to feel too hot when you feel Joel's eyes graze over the sway of your hips. 
he showers first, you insist. 
while he does so, you strip out of your clothes and into a more comfortable sleeping shirt and shorts. you sit, smoking lazily on the joint, savoring the sharp herbal taste as it flows into your blood and trying to ignore the throbbing desire when the sound of the shower shuts off. 
Joel's respectful when he leaves your bathroom, pants on and shirt tugged over his chest, speckled with dots of moisture. his hair is much darker and more curled just after a shower; you're transfixed as you stand in front of him, joint smoldering between your lips, an exhale of smoke swirling lazily from your nostrils. 
"may I?" he asks suddenly, causing you to nod, pulling the joint out from your lips and noting how his own dark eyes follow it like a horse to a carrot; you smirk, tutting. "and to think, all this time you've been judging me for it?" you shake your head. "shame on you."
his jaw ticks and you just smirk, shaking your head as you hold the joint up to his lips boldly. "you're a bad influence on me, aren't you, Mr. Miller?" you ask, voice sultry as you peer up at him through your lashes. his eyes flick to yours as he inhales, your fingers ghosting over his plush lips. the ones you kissed not an hour earlier.
the air is thick in your room, steam from the hot water creeping through as Joel inhales the weed, ember lighting up your eyes in his. you leave the joint between his parted lips, opting to strip down as you walk towards the shower, hoping Joel had the mind to watch as you go. 
your heart thuds in arousal and excitement when you hear his sharp exhale, still refusing to turn around as you leave the door slightly open once again. you and your innocent habit of leaving the bathroom door open when you shower.  
you're relieved there's some fog over the glass door of the shower, but you take your time cleansing your hair, running soap over your face and then slowly, slowly lathering up your skin. 
you can feel him watch the entire time.
his eyes are like a hawk's; you can see his shadow through the light of the bathroom, the ember of your joint glowing occasionally as your hands run over the wet planes of your skin.
your shaky fingers cascade down, over the skin of your stomach, lower until they just barely graze where you ache. it's like he's been waiting for you to finally start to touch yourself; just as your fingers find your slit, the amber of the joint is tamped, ashed on the windowsill. 
you hum lowly as your fingers swirl through your velvet folds, so wet you're dripping onto your upper thighs as your head thumps against the wall.
"Joel," you let yourself whimper, eyes fluttering shut before opening again languidly. 
Joel's footsteps are gentle as he slowly strides up to you; he lasted, admittedly, longer than you through this torturous game. through the glass, you see his tall frame and your legs quiver with desire - your aching cunt throbs as you move your hand over yourself, rinsing off the rest of the suds from your clean body as your fingers tease your bundle of nerves. your hips jolt; a choked moan from you as you slide the glass open slightly, cocking your head - "it's a shame you already showered," you mutter, fingers not ceasing as Joel's eyes rake over your naked for ravenously. 
he leans on the doorframe to the bathroom, eyes stern as he takes in your silhouette through the fogged glass, slowly rolling over the curves of your body to meet your eyes with flames alit in his own. 
"-it'd be nice to have some help." you shrug, gesturing to the bar of soap in your spare hand, eyes swimming with desire as your other hand continues the slow, torturous movements on your aching clit.
your eyes catch on his crotch; through the jeans, his cock is hard and straining already as if being stirred by just the sight of you, naked and whimpering for him in your shower. 
"I know you've always liked a show, though, haven't you?" you tease, lifting a brow as you recall the night Joel'd first seen you shower.
his jaw ticks at your words but it's like something in his snaps; he wastes little time ripping his shirt off, his patience clearly gone as you bite your lip, stepping back for him as his jeans finally slide off. 
his glowing, naked form crowds into your own as he slides into the shower with you. his eyes are sharp as his hand takes the soap from you; yet instead of running it over your skin like you'd hoped he would, he's tossing it to the side until it hits the wall of the shower and splinters into two. 
you gasp slightly as his hand grips your neck, tugging you close. his cock is hard, tip glistening with beads of precum already as he presses to your lower stomach, his body glued to yours; his nose slides along the plane of your collarbone gently, the shower water pelting rolling off your meshed bodies like some sort of sick baptism. 
"you smell clean, darlin'," he mutters against your kin, one hand sliding up to your scalp, threading through your hair. his tongue peeks out to lick a stripe up your throat. "taste clean, too-" 
his hand tightens suddenly, tugging your hair until your head snaps up to him - his eyes are dark, face full of desire. "so why're you pretending you need my help?" 
the condescension in his voice is intoxicating - your legs weaken, hands sliding up onto his hot skin under the water that cascades over him. 
your throat dries as you swallow, eyes wide as a rush of arousal threatens to drip down onto your bare thighs.
his head tilts, "s'because you want to put on a show, 's that it?" he asks, voice condescendingly sweet as he once again tightens his grip. you whimper at the sweet feeling, nodding slightly.
he smiles against your neck before pulling away, "fine. you can give me a show. get on your knees." he hums, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. your head feels dizzy at the words he says and the sweetness of his kiss; the most delicious juxtaposition.
"a show." he chuckles to himself, shaking his head darkly. "gonna make you a goddamn star."  
christ. your cunt squeezes around nothing, aching for him as his hands slide down to your shoulders. you nearly moan as he smirks, water cascading down his broad chest as he pushes you down; you sink to your knees, your wide eyes on his own as you move until you're close to his aching cock. 
he stands, towering above you as the shower head sprays directly onto his back; water runs off the broad expanse of his chest and you follow the droplets as they smooth over his stomach, down over the sprinkling of hair that trails to the base of his dick. you swallow, heart thundering impatiently as you sit on your haunches, waiting anxiously for him to tell you what to do. 
his brows raise, though, flush high on his cheeks from heat - or arousal - as he hums, "well?" 
you blink at him in surprise as he shakes his head down at you, his own hand falling to pump his long cock in languid strokes, the skin so close to you that you can almost feel the heat. if you were to lean out, just a bit, to taste- 
"christ, darlin' do I gotta tell you how to do everything?" he grunts, other hand cupping the back of your head, carding through your wet strands of hair as he tuts, "you were practically beggin' f'me earlier, now you're suddenly shy?" 
your face blooms in heat, "no, sir, I just-" at your words, his eyes fall back and a groan echoes through your bathroom, "-just suck my cock, darlin' c'mon." 
his impatience, desperation sends shivers down your spine and your mouth opens eagerly, tongue flattening as he slaps your tongue gently once, twice- 
you're always surprised by the size of Joel - each time, it catches you off guard; the head of his cock breaches your lips and his pre-cum smears over your tongue; the taste of him has you keening forward, eager to feel him in you, filling you up. 
"there you go, 's much better." he grunts, muttering as one hand slides around to hold your jaw. your eyes flutter up through your lashes and the falling shower water to stare at him, how big he is towering above you. his cock pushes into your warm mouth and you try your best to breathe through your nose, tongue sliding up the vein which reaches up towards his tip. his groan spurs you on and you gently start to bob your head, spit gathering at the sides of your mouth slowly as your knees press against the wet porcelain.
"you feel better like this, baby?" he mutters, your stomach tingling at his words. you can't nod - can't even make a noise as his hips slowly buck into you; you gag slightly and moan around his cock as it pushes to the back of your throat. 
"fuck-" he grunts, one hand leaning forward to place against the wet shower tiles; he's crowding you, now, pressing you into the back of the shower as his body takes the brunt of the water and takes and takes from you. 
anything Joel wants, he can fucking have it. 
"that's it, sweetheart-" he grunts, "fuckin'- take me." 
his hands grip yours, pulling them onto his thighs, muttering gently that if it's too much, you can slap his thigh; you nod, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes as you keen towards him again, hungry to feel him in your throat again. 
your nails dig crescents into the meat of his thighs as he pushes your head right against the wall, fucking into your throat as his head tilts back. "tha's- right, look at you." he grunts, his lips parted as groans fall from his lip. the steam rises like tendrils from hell as you take Joel's length in your mouth, barely able to breathe in the most delicious way as he uses you. your spit trails over your chin and onto your bare chest as you stare up at him. one hand soothes over your forehead, wiping wet strands of hair plastered to your forehead, "you're a fuckin' star, baby." 
you heat at his words, stomach swirling as you shift uncomfortably, cunt puffy and aching for relief. 
your fingers grip onto him as he takes you in the shower, fucking your throat until you're dripping and aching and a writhing mess, his moans echoing around the empty home. 
"water's cold." he grunts, pulling his cock from your lips; you, weakly, chase the heat of him as he leaves your mouth, gasping for air and coughing slightly. 
he shuts off the water, suddenly, and you swallow as he turns back to you, eyes significantly softer than they'd just been; "somethin' wrong?" he teases, a dark smirk on his face as his eyes flicker to where your thighs press together to soothe the ache. 
you grit your teeth, shaking your head, "jus' want you to touch me, sir." you mutter, face burning at the way Joel never ceases to reduce you to a whimpering mess. 
he smiles one of those brilliant, radiant smiles. 
"that's all you had to say, darlin'." he shrugs, "told you, if you just learn to ask for it nicely, I'll give it to you." 
you shiver as you nod, taking his hand as he pulls you up off your sore knees, wrapping a towel around your form gently. he's so- commanding, yet still somehow keeping his kindness that often hides deep beneath his layers. 
you can't tear your eyes away, though - even as Joel starts to walk towards your open bedroom - your hand stops him on his naked shoulder. "will you please fuck me?" you ask, voice stronger than you'd expected it to be.
his eyes flicker with something as he tilts his head, "right here?" he lifts a brow as his hand snaked over your neck to pull you flush against him once again. "y'gonna beg me to fuck you against the sink because you're too desperate for my cock to walk to the bed?" he whispers it into the shell of your ear; a shiver as you whine, eyes blinking up at him, "been waiting all day, Joel, stop fucking teasing me." 
you notice your mistake too late; his jaw tenses as he bites down at the junction of your neck - you let out a sharp, whining moan as his teeth mark a love bite bright and center on your skin. "fuck- fuck, s-sorry, sir." you groan, eyes clenching shut in pleasure as his hands push you into the counter. 
"bet you're fuckin' sorry." he mutters lowly as he pulls away from you, flipping you quick to bend you over the vanity of the sink. you gasp as the cool wet porcelain hits your breasts, your nipples hard and sensitive as a sharp smack lands on your ass. 
"christ," he groans as you bend over, puffy lips soaked and glistening for him, "look at this pretty pussy." 
you move your hips slightly and his hands grip onto your waist - "quit that." he snaps, hands resuming their exploring. he grazes over the backs of your thighs, up the expanse of your spine. 
over your ass, groping and slapping, relishing in your small moans and sharp gasps. "don't move." he orders.
you sigh, head falling onto the sink as you nearly whimper - you're aching, throbbing as Joel teases you - "Joel," you whimper quietly, voice whiny and small. 
"what's wrong, y'tired of being teased?" he asks, voice dripping with sadistic pleasure. your cheeks are hot as you groan, "please, need to feel you inside of me-" 
he hums, smacking the flesh of your ass, "'f I don't warm you up you'll be sore, baby-" he tuts, "y'know I gotta get you ready." 
"I don't care, I can take it- I like it, just-" you stutter, face heated as you nearly scream in frustration, unable to voice how badly you just want him inside of you. 
he likes that - a thumb sliding over your cunt to spread your lips, exposing your pussy and ass to him as he hums. "too fuckin' eager, have to have my cock right now, 's that right?" he shakes his head with a dark smirk, hand teasing over your swollen lips as he nods, "yeah, s'alright, I'll give it to you whenever you ask." 
"thank you," you wheeze, letting out a shaky sigh when Joel leans down, spitting directly onto your asshole, thumb sliding over the tight ring as he hums, "so desperate for me, couldn't even wait 'till we get back to town, could you? had to try an' fuck me right there in the woods." he doesn't wait for you to respond as he spits down again, this time the slick spit sliding down onto your seeping cunt. his hand leaves, replacing with the thick, teasing head of his cock.
you gasp, rising on your toes as the blunt tip of his dick spreads your cunt, teasing your clit before notching at your entrance. "gonna fill up every hole tonight, baby, y'gonna let me?" 
you let out a whine, "fuck, yes, please." you nod, cunt fluttering around the tip of his cock. 
the stretch is painful; you expected it, craved it - you let out an animalistic moan when he slides in a few inches. "oh-" you whimper, legs tensing as Joel kneads the flesh of your ass, pressing his bare chest to your spine as he mouths along the base of your neck, "relax, baby, so fuckin' tight-" he groans as he slides in slowly, "let me in, sweetheart, c'mon-" 
a rush of arousal and he's fully seated within you, the sting of his cock in you subsiding as a growing desire mounts until you can't take it. "move- m-move, now, please." you rush, hips pushing back against Joel's impatiently. 
"shit," Joel hisses as he pulls out of you slightly - a long, thick drag against your velvety cunt and you groan at the sweet bliss of being filled up. you moan as he thrusts forward, tip hitting the perfect spot that already, as his pace builds, has a simmering coil deep within you. 
"thought- thought about it all day," you admit, hands finding purchase on the counter as he starts to fuck into you, your tits sliding as they press against the sink. "on the horse, thought abo-" you moan sharply as his thumb grazes over your asshole, spreading the slick and his spit around the tight ring. "fuck, sir- that feels good." you moan. he groans in response and the words fly from your lips - "you drive me crazy, so big, t-touching me all the time. dream about you filling me up- s-stuffing me full, even out in the woods-" 
your words are too much for Joel, apparently, because his hand slaps over your mouth and his voice whispers, "sh-shut the fuck up, darlin', y'needa be quiet or I'm gonna finish before this even starts." he grunts, hips snapping into yours as he picks up the pace. 
you whimper at his words, arousal gushing from you and coating his cock in your slick; the wet slapping of your bodies echoing through the bathroom. "fuck-" he drags out the word, fingers sliding over your lips to prod at your mouth, "here- suck, darlin' - there you go, good girl, that's right." 
your tongue slides over his fingers, eyes fluttering closed as you feel his thumb breach your tight hole; a sudden rush of pleasure runs through you as it hits you - Joel's everywhere. he's filling you completely - his thumb slowly fucks your tight ring of muscle as his cock spears your cunt; his fingers, pressing down on your tongue as you whimper and moan around him. 
a groan leaves his full lips; "fuck- look at me." he grunts, hand sliding up your throat to pull your jaw towards your reflection. "look at me, baby-" his fingers slide back into your mouth as your eyes meet the fire in his through the mirror. 
"always tell me when you feel like this, 'kay?" he asks, brows stern as he rams his hips into you; his thumb fills you and fucks into you at a slower speed than his cock, sending searing pleasure through your entire body.
your flesh moves at the impact of his hips and you cry out as his cock hits the delicious spot inside you that curls your toes. his thumb slips from your ass and you whimper dejectedly; the full feeling subsiding slightly as his hand grips your tits, pinching your nipple as he hums in your ear.  "don't want my pretty little slut feeling so needy all the time, right?" he mutters, nosing at your hair as he fucks into you with no abandon. your fingers clench to the sides of the sink as you let out a strangled, "yes, sir-" 
"so if you use your words, I'll give you anything you want." he groans, hand smacking your ass as the other squeezes your jaw. you nod, agreeing with his words though his cock has rendered you nearly speechless. he hums in approval before muttering, "now you're goign to play with your clit until you cum." 
you let your eyes roll back at the commanding tone as your hand snakes down to rub tight, blisteringly pleasurable circles over your bundle of nerves.
but it's immediately too much so soon; you're already so close to your orgasm that a jagged gasp falls from your lips, jumping at the feeling.
"no, 's too much," you moan, head falling back as your finger teases your clit, flames of pleasure licking up isnide you.
but Joel smirks, "why're you still doin' it, then?" he teases, cock hitting so deep and bruising that you think you may see stars. 
you moan out, "w-wanna cum, wanna make you happy, Joel." you whimper, completely forgetting to call him sir; but you feel his brows furrow as a moan ripples from his lips - "y'makin' me real happy right now, darlin', look at you. fucked out on this old man's cock, doin' whatever I say, desperate and willing. you're perfect, aren't you?" 
you shiver in pleasure at his praise, fingers shaking as you rub your clit, trying so hard not to ruin your orgasm by cumming too soon. his cock spears into you at a pace that will certainly bruise your hips; your breath is punched out of you, your gasps and moans painting the air.
"say it, baby." he orders, hand stroking your breast a staunch contradiction to his brutal pace. "tell me how perfect you are for me." 
you wail, head falling back onto his broad, thick shoulder as he runs his mouth over your shoulder, nipping as he goes. you're out of breath - "p-perfect, I'm perfect for you Joel, fuck, don't stop. so good, so good-" you mumble, fucked out after only a few minutes. 
he hums, nodding into you. "taught you well, didn't I? you're my perfect little star." 
you nod, "yes, sir, thank you-" you squeal in pleasure as he strokes long and slow, pushing you nearly to the brink as your legs shake. you can't take it, though - your fingers stop their ministrations, shaking and burning as you pull away from your clit, so close from just his cock and-
a slap to your cheek as Joel's lips bite into your jaw, "put your fuckin' hand back right now. you don't stop 'till I tell you to." 
you swallow shakily, shaking your head, "I can't- it's too much, I can't-" 
"fine." he snaps, slapping your cheek again before one hand slips to grip hard at your shoulder, lifting one of your legs up onto the sink; his other hand snakes down to pinch your tortured clit and you scream as he grunts in your ear, "I'll do it myself."
he's unforgiving on your quivering cunt, barely able to stay upright as he pushes you down, your cheeks pressing to the cool counter as he pounds down into you, shooting you into a hurtling race towards your orgasm. 
he brutally fucks into you in a blinding pace. you nearly scream as white-hot pleasure rips through you, your hands falling to the counter as he coaxes a mind-bending orgasm from you. you see white as you cum, pulsing and writhing over his cock as it spears into you, splitting you open. 
"that's it, baby-" he lets out a loud moan, biting into your neck as he continues the brutal pace, "jesus- s'fucking tight, baby, can barely move-" his hands fall to your hips, using you as a fuck toy to finish himself off; you're still writhing with the ecstasy of the orgasm, relishing in the way his hands hold you. 
"where're you gonna take me, baby?" he grunts, voice strained: he's so close. 
you scramble, holding his hips as you nearly pass out - pleasure too much. "cum on my ass, please sir." you mutter, heat licking up your throat as the words come out. 
he moans and pulls out of you suddenly, hand flying from your skin to his cock, a slick noise as he quickly tugs himself until hot spurts of his cum paint the skin of your ass. "pretty girl," he grunts to himself, "an' you're all mine." 
you hum, moaning quietly as his thumb soothes over your skin, spreading his cum over your ass and pressing it slightly against your ass. your cunt flutters in arousal at the action and he hums, "y'like that, don't you, pretty girl?" 
you nod as you let out a shaky sigh and he presses a kiss to your spine, "good." it's a whisper on your skin, a promise. 
he's barely grabbed a towel to wipe his cum off your skin before you're turned around on jelly legs - his strong arms pull you in so fast you barely have a second to straighten out - he's nuzzling into your wet hair in a way that has your heart thumping and your throat dry.
his heart beats against your cheek, body warm, chest heaving along with yours.  
heat, affection - they swirl in your chest as his bare body cradles yours. intimately. 
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your sweet skin is sticky with sweat when Joel comes to, out of the bliss of his and your orgasms. 
he's just as sweaty as you, though the clean skin and foggy mirror have started to clear up. Joel nearly huffs a short laugh at the thought of taking yet another shower - christ knows the two of you are once again filthy - but he kind of likes it, in a way. a secret. 
he brushes it off when he feels your fingers curl around his arm; he had barely noticed that he'd tugged you upright and right into his chest, holding you as tight as he could. for some reason, his mind reaches back to earlier in the evening, when he'd heard that branch - the fear, the panic that'd risen in him. he's not sure why, or at least, he won't think about it. you hadn't mentioned it, but he'd seen your hands shake and your eyes cloud with fear.
something for another time, because he has you warm and pliant and naked in his arms. he barely noticed how his lips press at your hairline; it's just... well, feels natural.
like you both need it. 
"stay here, please." you ask meekly, quietly. the first words spoken in a minute; you're swallowing around the nerves and anxiety that crawl in your chest, he can tell. he feels them, too. 
he's taken aback as he stares at you - you both have patrol again in the morning, is it not... aren't you going to get tired of him?
won't you find him annoying, or gross in the morning when he inevitably pulls you closer in his sleep, when the dreams are too real and he shoots up in bed?
the panic subsides as he stares into your warm eyes, hopeful, bashful. he smiles gently, biting through the smile in embarrassment at how willing he is to stay. he'd stay forever if you asked.
Joel nods through his surprise, though, his body and heart and head aching to lie with you once again, to feel the calmest sleep he's had in years. 
"course, darlin', I'll..." he pulls you in closer, so he doesn't have to look at those damn eyes when he finally admits it -
"I'll stay as long as you want." 
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feedback welcome as always :') <3
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luxesiren · 8 months
Text
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⸻ 𝐖𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒
cw :: nsfw content (MDNI)
a/n :: i love this man so much. i don't think yall understand this big ass man? i love him so much and i want him.
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{✰} sfw ::
{✰} wade is a mercenary but he keeps his work life away from you so you don't get hurt because he doesn't want to lose you.
{✰} wade is always joking around with you, his one goal is to make you laugh every day, even when he's not with you. he always sends you messages and voice memos which make you laugh.
{✰} wade loves cooking and he would get all dramatic and make you a full-course meal as if he's on chopped or something. he wants you to pretend to be gordon ramsay
{✰} wade loves spending money on you, he doesn't use the money for anything besides food and rent for his apartment, so he loves spending it on you. whatever you want, he gets it for you. any time you go out to dinner wade will threaten to drop your wallet off a cliff because "why're you trying to pay? don't do that again or i will throw your wallet off a cliff and into some water."
{✰} wade would get matching nails with you, whatever set you get, he's ready to get a matching set.
{✰} wade doesn't like to have his mask off in public because of his scars and at first, he didn't even show you his face half the time but now that you guys have been together for so long, he takes it off around you because he knows it doesn't phase you.
{✰} wade loves physical touch so naturally, he would be all over you. wade likes to think of himself as a murderous teddy bear that only really cares about you.
{✰} wade doesn't like arguing with you unless it's playfully and not about anything serious but if it's a serious argument then he will start to get anxious and unconsciously start to self-sabotage.
{✰} wade gets emotional over chick flicks and when you ask if he's crying he'll say, "of course not...it's just a little dusty in here."
{✰} wade likes bringing you souvenirs from the countries he's visited for work and he brings you random trinkets that you will never use but he lights up when he brings them to you so you put them on display around your shared apartment.
{✰} nsfw ::
{✰} wade loves kissing, he likes the feel of your lips on his. he likes to suck on your bottom lip making you whine into his mouth.
{✰} wade is possessive and jealous, he will mark your neck just so everyone could see that you're taken and no one else could have your attention. he wouldn't blame you for being ogled but he would take it out on you, fucking into you so roughly and so deeply while you cry into the sheets, "fuck, you're mine. this pussy is mine. say it, say it's mine." you couldn't do anything but moan loudly and say exactly that, "fuck, daddy! it's yours, i'm yours!
{✰} wade is into thigh riding. he will watch you chase your release on his thigh before fucking the way you want him to, he ultimately wants to see you beg him to fuck you.
{✰} wade is 100% into praise and degradation, he wants to make you're okay with it before he says something that triggers you in bed.
{✰} on occasion, wade likes to be restrained. he likes when you have some type of power over him, makes him cum harder and he likes when you tease him. he keeps handcuffs by the bed just for this specific moment, you're in his lap and taking your time riding him - slowly grinding your hips just to make him beg you, "please, baby.. let me fuck you, please."
{✰} wade is into choking, he loves to see his hand wrapped around your throat while he has you in a mating press, pushing all his weight onto you and fucking you deep enough to make you cum over and over.
{✰} sometimes when wade is feeling very needy, he just needs you. times like this, he'll take his time with you, fingering for a long time to make sure you can take him, eating your pussy like he's starving before he fucks you nice and slow saying how much he loves you. "i love you so much, baby. so good for me, taking all of me so well."
{✰} speaking of... wade is a munch. he will happily lap at your slick, sit you on his face, and grip your thighs while you ride his face, using him for your own pleasure. he would also take the opportunity to overstimulate you, your thighs wrapped around his head trying to push him away having already cum twice but he wants more from you.
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© 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐧 | all rights reserved to me. please do not steal, copy, or repost to other websites.
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strniohoeee · 4 months
Note
because matt is so tough lately can you write something about reader trying to show him her love with cutesy thing but hes just tough and even snaps at her for lil things and one time reader starts crying and tell him how she feels and matt feels bad and apologize and then some fluff
Can’t You See?
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Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader
Synopsis: Y/N can’t understand why Matt is being such an ass to her. She’s going through her own stuff, and tries her best to be the best for Matt, but it just not good enough🩶 I also combined it with this request reader starts getting depressed but matt is an idiot and doesn’t notice and even makes it worse by being angry always than nick and chris talk to him and then he makes it up with fluffy ending
Warnings⚠️: Matt is an asshole in this which is not at all how Id think he’d actually be, but I had to do it🤭 Hope yall enjoy🫶🏽
Song for the imagine: Mark My Words- Justin Bieber
So you heard it all before
Falling in and out of trust
Trying to rekindle us
Only to lose yourself
But I won’t let me lose you
And I won’t let us just fade away
These past few weeks I have been at an all time low mentally. It’s been getting harder and harder to pull myself out of bed and get stuff done. I hated this feeling because it destroyed my life outside of my head.
At first Matt was understanding and even tried to help me, but this wasn’t something he could help me with. This was my own battle. I had to try and fix myself. I hated to put this on him and his brothers because I didn’t want them to stop what they were doing for me.
I often removed myself from them, focusing on myself when I got like this. They always checked up on me, but I made it clear I was okay on my own.
Most days I would wake up and shower and just sit in bed for hours staring at a wall or scrolling on my phone. Often forgetting to eat or drink water. At first they tried to help me, but then they went on with their lives doing what they needed to do, and I didn’t mind. That was until Matt started getting upset
I was once again sitting in Matt’s bed today in complete darkness curled up in a ball looking at the wall just thinking. It’s crazy how fast time goes when you’re not paying attention. Suddenly the door opened the lights flickered on causing me to squint
“Have you gotten up at all today?” Matt asked bluntly
“I have” I said in a whisper
“Are you just going to sit in bed everyday and mope around?” He asked opening his closet to change his outfit
“I’m not moping matt” I said not even looking over at him
“Yes you are, I’m trying to get you to get up and go out, see some light, and all you can do is lay around and stare at the wall” he said scoffing at me
“You’re being a dick” I said to him
“I’m not I’m being honest, and you clearly don’t like honesty” he said looking through his closet
“I’m going through something right now, and I’m really struggling to feel better, so you coming in here and barking at me isn’t helping” I said to him
“So get up, like force yourself up and let’s go do something. We can go for a ride or to the boardwalk or even to eat….just something” he said
“I don’t want to get up okay, you don’t get it” I said back
“I do get it. Do you know how many days I wake up and I want to roll over and stay in my room, but I can’t because I actually have a job to do and content to create” he replied back
I turned over completely appalled at his words
“Actually have a job? We both have the same fucking job you fucking asshole” I said looking at him
“Well look who’s putting in the work and who isn’t” he said looking over at me
“You’re such a fucking piece of shit when you want to be” I said rolling my eyes
“I tried to be there for you, but this has been going on for so long, and it’s exhausting trying to help you” he replied slipping his shirt on
“No one fucking asked you to help me I said I got it on my own. I’m so fucking sorry my depression is taking such a toll on you” I said getting up from the bed
“It’s upsetting to just see you lay here and waste your days away” he said looking over at me
“Can’t you see?…..YOU JUST DONT GET IT” I yelled the last part at him
Opening his door and walking out slamming the door behind me. I was fuming and I needed to get out of the house immediately.
I grabbed my purse and my car keys from the table
“Hey you okay?” Nick asked me as I walked into the living room
“Yeah I’m fine your brothers being a dick” I said
“Classic Matt” Chris responded
“Where are you going?” Matt suddenly asked from the kitchen
“I’m leaving” I said with my back to him
“This is what it took for you to get up? Was an argument? It’s shocking how upset you get over small things” he responded
“Matt shut the fuck up” Chris said to him
“I’m not mad I’m disappointed that you of all people are acting this way towards me” I said finally looking over at him
“I was just trying to help you” he said
“Whatever I’m going” I said turning to walk down the stairs
“Where?” Matt asked
“Away from you. I need space from you” I said
With that I walked down the stairs and hopped into my car deciding to drive back to my apartment. Once I got home I decided to shower and listen to music while I cooked something for myself
I loved Matt but his communication skills were horrible. It’s crazy that this small argument put some drive into me to start doing stuff. I was filled with so much anger and hurt from Matt. This was not who he was, and I wasn’t sure if he was going through something himself, or if I was genuinely making him upset.
I allowed myself to hurt and cry in the comfort of my own home. Scared that this would cause our relationship to end, but also scared that it could be something I wanted too.
I slept it off that day, and hadn’t spoken to Matt in three days. I would text Nick and Chris letting them know I was okay, and that I wasn’t too sure what I wanted to do as far as our relationship.
Another three days went by, and it was a good week now since I last saw Matt. Around the fifth day he started to call me, but I ignored his calls, truly needing this time to think.
On the eighth day I felt better, and I really missed Matt. I wanted to make things up to him and make things right. I decided to go on a small shopping spree for him and write him a cute letter attached to a new stuffed animal I got him.
After shopping I decided to head over to the triplets house letting Nick know I’d be over shortly. He left the door unlocked for me. I made my way to their front door letting myself in.
“Hi guys” I said walking up the stairs
“Heyyy you’re back” Chris said
“I am” I said giggling
“Are you feeling any better?” Nick asked me
“I feel much better. I think I just really needed those last days to think about everything and figure out what I wanted to do” I responded
“Are you breaking up with his bitch ass?” Chris asked laughing
“No I came to apologize to him” I said
“Apologize to him? You didn’t do anything wrong” Nick said
“I feel like I shut him out and I lacked communication with him, and that’s why I want to say sorry” I told him
“Aww okay” Nick said
“He’s in his room” Chris said
I nodded and walked over to Matt’s room, opening the door to see him lying on his bed scrolling through his phone.
“Matt” I said shutting the door behind me
“Baby” he said getting off the bed and coming over to kiss and hug me
“I missed you” I said kissing him again
“I missed you too” he said looking down at me
“I brought you gifts to say I’m sorry” I said smiling at him
“Oh yeah?” He said nodding at me
I gave him the stuffed animal and the bags of stuff. He walked over to his bed placing the stuffed animal on his bed and sitting down to look in the bags
He pulled out shirts and beanies and a new necklace
“Why’d you get me this?” He said his mood suddenly changing
“Well to say I’m sorry for not talking to you” I said
“You sit around moping and then suddenly you feel better to go shopping? This is all so expensive, why'd you waste your money?” He said looking at me
“What? I’m confused right now” I said shaking my head
“You don’t talk to me, but you think buying me expensive stuff is going to fix us?” He said
“Matt, are you joking? I came here to apologize to you for not opening up to you and taking your advice. I wanted to spoil you with my hard earned money, and this is how you treat me?” I said scoffing
“I just wanted you to talk to me not do this shit” he said putting the stuff back in his bag
“I don’t know what happened to you Matt, and I’m sorry if you’re going through your own issues right now, but this is not you” I said shaking my head
“I’m fine” he said sternly
“You’re clearly not you’re snapping at me for no reason” I said
“I’m not snapping” he said
“You know what Matt. If you don’t want to be with me just say that, okay? I’m over this! I’m leaving” I said walking out of his room
I walked to the living room and Nick stopped me
“What’s going on?” He said reading my demeanor
“I don’t know what’s going on with your brother but that’s not the guy I fell in love with” I said clenching my jaw
“What’s wrong with this kid?” Chris suddenly said
“I don’t know, but I’m over it. I’m leaving” I said huffing out a breath
I left their house and headed back to my place. Even more angry than our first initial fight. Why was he being such a fucking dick?
Nicks POV
“Matt what the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked him
“Nothings wrong” Matt said scoffing
“You’re being a complete fucking dick to Y/N, and she didn’t do anything to you” I responded back
“She just makes me upset sometimes with how she does thing” he said back
“So then like an adult you use your words. You don’t just lash out like a child” I told him
“I didn’t lash out like a child” he said getting upset
“Yes you did, and you get upset easily. You need to figure your shit out, or she’s going to leave you, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she did” I told him
“You know what fuck you” he said and stomped to his room
Matt had sat on his bed running his hands through his hair looking down at the bags of clothes Y/N had got him. He let out a sigh and leaned back, suddenly landing on a stuffed animal and hearing a crunch of paper
He furrowed his brows and reached behind him, he pulled the stuffed animal out, and saw a note attached to the front. It read Matt with a heart next to his name.
Matt opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. He began to read and his facial features softened
To my beautiful boy,
I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to upset you, that's not what I intended. I’ve been struggling with my own depression, and it’s not something I want to put on you or your brothers because I know you go through so much daily. I appreciate you being there for me, and being my shoulder to cry on. I love you. I’m sorry if you’re going through anything yourself, and I haven’t given you the comfortability or time to express yourself. You haven’t been the same these past few weeks, and I hope it’s not something I’ve done. I care for you and I worry for you, and even though your words hurt me the other day I can not hold it against you. Deep down I know you’re fighting your own demons, but I just want you to talk to me. Our communication has been awful lately, and I’m not sure why. Please know that I’m always here for you no matter what. Rain or shine I’ll be there for you my love. I just want us to be how we used to be happy and in love. I love you with my whole heart Matthew!
Sincerely,
Your biggest fan
Matt immediately shot up, his heart falling to his stomach. Immediately he felt the guilt and disgust wash over him. How could he be so mean and awful to you? You have been there for him through thick and thin. You were his rock and he was treating you horribly
Matt jumped up immediately grabbing his keys, and running out to head over to you. In a hurry he walked down the stairs shouting to his brothers he’d be back home soon.
He got in the car and immediately started his way over to you. How could he hurt his baby? His number one in life. He was so hurt he couldn’t even focus on anything else. About 20 minutes later he arrived to your apartment complex, walking up to your floor and knocking on your door
You opened the door with saddened eyes, and a confused look on your face.
“You’re my everything. I have never wanted anything more in life than you. I have been the worst boyfriend to you during a time where you needed my support the most. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to the way you were. And for that I can not forgive myself for. I was a piece of shit and you tried to be understanding. If you no longer see a future with me because of how I acted I completely understand that” Matt said looking me in the eyes
“Matt? I….” I couldn’t even form a sentence I was shocked
“I love you, and if you don’t want to see me right now I get that. I will give you space and I will leave” he said turning on his heels to walk away
“Matt wait” I called out to him which caused him to turn back around
“You were a piece of shit and the things you said were awful, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I know deep down you're struggling with your own issues, and if you don’t want to talk about them that’s fine, but just know communication is key, and it goes both ways” I said looking at him
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry” he said letting his head hang
“It’s okay Matt, come in” I said pulling him in to my apartment
“It’s not okay. I was horrible to you and I don’t deserve you” he said sitting down
“Don’t speak like that. We deserve each other, you just have a hard time communicating, and I understand that” I said walking over to him
“It’s just seeing you so hurt and depressed made me so angry because I couldnt bare to see my baby struggling and not feeling like you were able to come and talk to me. It hurt me, and instead of talking to you about it I let that hurt turn into anger” he said
“I’m sorry for completely shutting you out of my life for those past few weeks. It wasn’t right, and that was a time I needed you the most and I just pushed you so far away” I told him
“I promise to communicate with you about how I feel so we can work everything out, I don’t want to fight with you” he said pulling me into him
“And I don’t want to fight with you either Matthew. I love you” I said smiling at him
“I love you too” he said letting a tear fall from his eye
“Don’t cry my love it’s okay” I said pulling him into me
Matt completely broke down in my arms
“It’s not okay I hurt you and I can’t live with the fact that I said such awful things to you” he said in sobs
“This will make us stronger as a couple okay, we now know how to go about our issues without it boiling over” I said petting the back of his head
“I’m sorry….im so fucking sorry” he said pulling away and looking at me
“It’s okay, I love you okay” I said wiping his eyes and looking at him
“I love you too” he responded
I pulled Matt in and kissed him. It was a deep passionate kiss. A kiss that we so badly needed.
Matt laid in my arms the whole night as we spoke to each other. Talking about our feelings and how we wanted to change. He listened to every word I said carefully and I did the same
Matt was my ride or die, and I could not live without him.
The End
Alright guys I hope both people who requested this imagine enjoyed it! I loved writing this one! And I hope yall enjoyed it 🤭🤭🖤🖤🖤
-J💅🏽
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lovingmattysposts · 4 months
Text
My Best Friend's Brother
Part 3
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P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12
pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo
Summary: you just moved into the sturniolo’s home after some family issues and you’re starting to become attracted to your best friend’s brother and you hated yourself for it. But how could you resist?
warnings: anxiety, veryyy suggestive parts, small little woohoo at the end, mention of a toxic household, cursing, no strong smut yet
Here yall go, it's been in the works sorry it's a day late love y'all. Tell me what you think, xoxo Autumn
chris pov
The next few days were hard. She was everywhere I turned. I couldn't escape her. Granted, she did now live in my house. But she was everywhere. Every corner I turned. Every hallway I walked down. Every time I walked into Matt's room, Nick and y/n would be in there watching something. I never looked at her for more than a glance. Seeing Matt eye me every single time we were together was enough to push whatever I was feeling down.
I felt bad, seeing the hurt look on her face whenever I didn't look at her. I couldn't she had to understand that I couldn't.
Now I was laying in bed, staring out my window, watching cars go by now and then. Thinking about her. What she was doing. What she was thinking about. If she was okay. I blinked, rubbing my eyes. It was freezing in here. I needed a sweatshirt. I stood up walking over to my drawers, searching through them. I groaned as I shifted through them, searching for a specific sweatshirt. It was nowhere to be found.
I turned and walked out of my room and down the stairs towards the laundry room. I flipped on the light and smiled when I saw a basket of laundry sitting on top of the dryer. I walked over shifting through it, searching for that damn grey sweatshirt. I moved a shirt out of the way, when my eyes caught something.
My curiousity took the better of me when I picked up the article of clothing. It was underwear, y/n's underwear. My eyes trailed over the piece of material. The lack of material. They were lace. I let out a breath closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. This can't be happening. I opened one eye looking at them, running my thumb over the top of the lace. The lace that was once against her skin.
A very sensitive area of her skin. I swallowed, feeling my pants tighten as imagines ran through my head. I wouldn't expect someone like her to wear something like this. I wonder why she had it? I wonder if she bought it for someone or just for herself. Who would she have bought it for? She's never even had a boyfriend to my knowledge. I blinked at it, like deer in headlights.
"Chris?"
I jumped dropping them and clearing my throat, turning around to look at them. Y/n stood there with her eye wide, due to my reaction of her presence, then chuckling a little. "Are you okay?" She asked smiling. I looked down and turned quickly, hiding the down tent in my pants. I cleared my throat again, running my hand through my hair.
"Yeah Yeah-" I coughed looking around more in the basket, before finally seeing my hoodie. I picked it up quickly and turned around holding it up. "Just needed my sweatshirt" I said smiling quickly and sprinting past her before she could respond.
I quickly walked into my room, shutting the door and leaning against it. I let out a breath and looked down at the damage. I groaned and attempted to fix my shorts. This was getting bad, really bad.
y/n pov
It's been a few days since Chris and I texted. There's been no texts since, not from me or from him. I have been checking my phone every time it buzzed. I'm not proud of it, I'm just honest. I wish I could deny my developing crush on Chris, but now I couldn't. Every time he turned the corner, my heart would drop and I would stare at my shoes. I hated that I felt his way. So I've been avoiding him, I have. It's just hard because we live with each other.
It's almost like Chris had subconsciously knew about it too, even though I showed it in absolutely no way, because every time I saw him, he ignored me. Hard. Like as if I didn't exist at all. This morning when I walked directly past him, looking at him just to see if he would look back at me, but he just stared straight forward until we passed.
Then I was in Nick's room and he walked in, looked at me, and the turned to Nick and said "never mind" before turning and walking out. It was starting to hurt my feelings.
I sighed as I rolled over on Nick's bed. "I'll be right back. I have some laundry to fold" I said looking at him. He nodded. "Will you get me a Pepsi while you're down there?" He asked and i nodded standing and walking down the steps. I heard some shuffling downstairs and I furrowed my eyebrows when I saw Chris standing in the laundry room, looking down at something.
I walked slowly closer to him in attempt to see what he was doing, and also in attempt to not freak him out and run him off.
"Chris?" I asked softly once I was closer to him. He jumped as if he had seen a ghost quickly turning around face me. His cheeks were a light pink and his eyes were wide, as if he were caught doing something embarssing. I attempted to hold in my laugh due to his reaction, it was kind of cute.
"Are you okay?" I asked smiling at him. I'd never seen him so flustered before, it made me less scared of him. He turned around and mumbling a few quick 'yeahs'. I furrowed my eyebrows as he shifted through the clothing again, this time much faster before pulling out a sweatshirt of his.
"Just need my sweatshirt" He mumbled quickly not making eyecontact and running past me quickly. I just turned and watched him run back up the steps.
What the hell was that?
I shook my head smiling walking over to the basket of clothing before I froze. A pair of my lace panties were sitting on top of the other clothing. My face burned red as embarssement flooded over me. I grabbed them, turning around to the now empty stairs. I put my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god" I mumbled beneath my own hand.
Chris he-. I closed my eyes shaking my head. I looked down at them, letting out a breath. If I wasn't terrified to see him before, now I was never speaking to him ever again. I threw the underwear down and grabbing the basket before walking back up the stairs.
I walked into Nick's room silently, but my mind would not stop screaming at me. Nick looked up at me. "Where's my Pepsi?" He asked looking at me. I looked down at the clothes and then back to him, clearing my throat. "I-I forgot it" I said not looking up at him, walking over to his bed and starting to fold t-shirts out of the basket.
"You don't have to do your own laundry y/n/n. My mom said she would do it for you. She does Chris's religiously" Nick said making my breath hitch. Nick looked up at me. "What is up with you lately?" He asked setting his phone down. I looked up at him. "Hm?" I asked trying to look least suspicious as possible. He narrowed his eyes.
"Is it Chris?" He asked looking at me. My heart dropped to my toes. I cleared my throat. "What?" My voice hitched as i spoke. He sighed sitting up. "Is he bothering you? I told him to lay off but I will actually beat his ass if he's giving you a hard time" He said raising his eyebrows. I shook my head quickly.
"Nick he's not I swear" I breathed honestly. My eyes glanced over to the underwear again.
I wonder what he thought when he saw them. Did he picture me wearing them? Why was he looking at them for so long? Was he turned on? Oh my god what if he was turned on? What if he wasn't. What if-
"Y/n" Nick stated making me drop the shirt in my lap. "What?" I asked. He chuckled. "I lost you there for a second" He said picking his phone back up. I let out another breath. I need to stop. Stop thinking about Chris. Stop thinking about him like a school girl. Stop thinking about the fact that he saw what I wear underneath my clothing. Stop wondering whether or not he imagined me in them.
I was going through enough shit, I did not need Christopher Sturniolo to make my mind more of a mess than it already was.
-
"It's getting too cold out here" Nick stated as we walked along the sidewalk towards the swings in Lincoln Park. I let out a shaky breath, seeing it out in front of me in a cold vapor.
I've been acting weird and Nick's noticing. How could he not? I was acting weird. My mind was a never ending loop of worrying. Worried about my mom, where she was, what she was doing. If she missed me at all. Or if she just missed him and that's where her sadness ended. It was exausting. Being me. Having my brain. I wish I didn't care about what happened to me. What people did to me. How they treated me.
The problem was that people thought that was exactly how I felt, because I stopped showing reaction on the outside. I kept it all inside until it ate me alive. The only person I couldn't hide it from was Nick. He knew when I was upset, wasn't feeling well, when I was worrying. Just most of the time he didn't say anything, knowing that I would evenutally come to him on my own, and was right. I usually always did.
I needed to tell Nick what happened. I can't leave him in the dark when he's taken me under his wing and showed me more love than my own parents. It wasn't fair to him to give and give and me take and take.
"Yeah" I agreed with him as we reached the swings. I grabbed ahold of the chain and ran my hand down it, glancing up at him. He bent down, sighing as he sat down on the swing. I matched his motion and sat on the swing next to him.
I swallowed, feeling my hands start to shake. I was nervous. I didn't want him to think of me differently. In the back of my mind I knew he wouldn't, but my mind always screamed at me the underlying fear of being rejected.
I looked down at my feet as I moved back and forth on the swing. I turned around, seeing Matt and Chris standing by the pond a little ways away, throwing some rocks across the top of the water. I looked over at Nick who was looking at me . I gave a small smile.
"Say it" He said looking at me. I swallowed looking down at my lap. I didn't tell him that I had something to tell him, but he knew. I nodded looking down, I could do this. I am strong. I lived through this. This is my story.
"I want to tell you about what happened that night. Why he left" I explained looking over at him. He just stayed looking at me. I closed my eyes. The pit in my stomach. I can't. I swung my feet slightly. I opened my mouth the speak, but I couldn't. No words came out. My stomach cramped as I felt nerves run down my arms. I rubbed the goosebumps, trying to make them go away.
"Nick, you're my best friend" I whispered. He didn't say anything, didn't intrupt me as I spoke. I shook my head. "I just-" I stopped trying to find the words. I glanced in front of me. He reached over grabbing my hand.
"Y/n, It's okay if you're not ready to tell me anything. You don't owe me anything" He shook his head. I swallowed shaking my head. "No, I do" I stated starting to get angry at myself. Why couldn't I share this with him? I've never not been able to share something out loud with him before. The one person I trusted. I shook my head at myself.
"Y/n, you haven't even cried yet. I don't expect you to be ready to share what happened" He breathed shaking his head. I hung my head in defeat. Angry at myself. Angry at my mind. Angry at my voice for not being able to fucking speak.
"Nick, I love you" I just whispered quietly. He put his hand on my leg, soothingly. "There isn't anything you could do to make me go away" He smiled, making a smile come on my face. I nodded slowly as I heard footsteps behind us.
"Chris hit a duck" I heard Matt say, making Nick and I turn and look at them. "The duck was in the way" Chris shrugged. Matt shook his head looking at his brother and then back at us. His eyebrows furrowed. "Everything okay?" Matt asked looking down at me. I glanced over at Chris who's eyes were focused on me. I looked away quickly, before nodding.
"Okay" Matt nodded back. "I don't get why you guys like to come here, It's kind of depressing" Chris breathed looking around us, to the empty park. His cheeks were red from the cold air surrounding us, and the beanie was placed perfectly on his head, his brown hair showing beneath it. I smiled to myself, before looking around.
"It's perfect" I said back looking at Nick. He smiled at me and nodded.
"I gotta take a piss" Matt announced making chuckle. Chris looked over at him shaking his head. "What?" He asked shrugging. "Me too, I'll go with you" Nick said standing up from the swing. I just looked at him as him and Matt walked over towards the bathroom.
I glanced up, seeing Chris looking at me. I felt my cheeks burn red and I turned, facing back in front of me and looking down at my lap, swaying lightly on the swing. I heard the crunching of gravel before I saw him sit next to me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I heard him let out a breath.
"How are you?" Chris asked with a husky voice. I didn't look up at him. "Fine" I breathed. He nodded starting to swing a little. "Have you had another episode?" He asked quietly. I felt my stomach turn. "No" I stated quickly. He nodded slowly.
Why was this awkward? Does he know I know what he was doing? Oh god, what if that's what he's thinking about. I lifted my hands to my face trying to keep the temperture down.
I couldn't help but let a small laugh come from my lips. I covered my mouth as I looked away from Chris, trying to hide my laughing. "What?" He asked leaning over to me. I shook my head closing my eyes, biting my lip to stop my laughing. I couldn't help it, it was what I did when I felt awkward.
"What!" Chris smiled pushing me. I looked over at him shaking my head as I swang back at forth from his push, slightly bumping him. He grabbed the chain and his, holding out swings together. I looked at him, he stared at me.
"Why are you laughing?" He asked trying not to smile. I pursed my lips looking at my lap. I cleared my throat. I glanced up at him. "What were you doing in the laundry room Chris?" I asked looking at him. His face turned red and he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his smile. He pushed me away from him and shook his head.
I busted out laughing, stilling my swing with my feet. I heard him start to laugh to himself. "Wow I hate you" He said laughing. I shook my head. "No you don't. You just act like you do" I said rolling my eyes. He turned his eyes staying on me. He bit his bottom him and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah maybe" He breathed looking back over and glancing down to my lap and then looking away. I let out a breath letting a chill come over me as the wind blew. I shuttered shaking my head. He looked up.
"Fuck, It's cold" I stated, looking down at my feet. Chris blinked at me and then sighed. "If I give you my jacket, will you never mention the underwear thing ever again?" He asked makign me looked over at him, biting back a smile. I nodded. He sighed closing his eyes and shrugging off his jacket and standing off the swing. I just looked up at him as he stood in front of me.
His eyes looked down at me while I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "Stand" He said shaking his head from me just standing at him. "Right" I stated quickly standing. He threw the jacket before securing it over my shoulders. I slid my arms through it and hugged it to myself.
I sighed out of relief from the warmness of the jacket. Chris just looked at me, as I held the jacket close to myself. He reached up, pushing a piece of hair out of my face. I looked up at him, when his eyes met mine his hand froze and his eyes slightly widened, before retracting his hand.
"Sorry" He said stepping back. "I don't know why I just did that" He said shaking his head. I opened my mouth before shaking my head and stepping back. That's when I heard footsteps behind us.
"Hey you guys ready?" Nick asked coming up behind us. Chris stepped back from me and nodded looking down. I nodded looking at Nick, walking up to him.
Nick and I started towards the car as he started to describe the disgusting public park bathroom. I smiled as he spoke but was more focused on what Matt and Chris were saying behind me.
"Your jacket?" I heard Matt say quickly behind me. "She was cold" Chris said softly. I smiled looking down.
Fuck.
-
After we got home I couldn't sleep. My mind was my own worst enemy. I hated myself for it. If Nick knew what I was feeling towards his brother. He would never forgive me.
Nothings happened. I'll be fine. It's not like he has feelings for me, its a one-way horrible secret I keep talking to the wall about.
Maybe he wasn't as bad as I originally thought. He gave me his jackets. Bought me food. Helped me through my anxiety attack. He's perfect- no. Stop. He friendly. Wait since when. Chris sturniolo is not friendly. He's Christopher fucking Sturniolo.
The standoffish triplet. Not the kind one.
I sat up rubbing my eyes. Everyone went to sleep hours ago and here I was sitting up fantasizing about my best friends brother. God, I felt sick. I felt horrible.
I felt a buzz in my phone. I picked it up seeing the light illuminate the room. I squinted looking at it.
From: chris sturniolo
you awake?
My breath got caught in my throat. My heart started to beat faster. I glanced up at the time 2:08am. I looked up setting my phone down. Calm down y/n. Breathe. You got this, just respond. I looked back down before responding.
To: chris sturniolo
Sadly
I held my breath as I waited for a reponce knowing he was only in the room next door.
From: chris sturniolo
Matt and I are awake watching a movie in his room. He's pissing me off come in here
I smiled, before dropping it. No, friendly. Not flirty. Get over yourself. It's just Chris.
To: chris sturniolo
eh. Whats in it for me?
I tapped my fingers.
From: Chris Sturniolo
popcorn
I smiled and shook my head as I responded.
To: chris sturniolo
Fine. You've convinced me
I stood up before walking quickly out of my room and down the hall to Matt's room. I hovered for a second before knocking quietly and opening the door slightly. Matt and Chris looked up at me and glanced at Chris.
Matt scooted over before patting the seat next to him. Chris just looked at me as I walked over and sat next to Matt. "Why are you not asleep?" Matt asked looking down at me. I grabbed the blanket off of him and pulled it over myself.
"Couldn't" I said softly before looking at the screen in front of us. "Oh I love this movie" I sighed a How to lose a guy in 10 days started to play in front of us.
"Matt picked it" Chris said quietly. Matt glared over at him. "I've seen it all over tik tok I'm curious" Matt shrugged it off. I leaned back pulling the blankets over me as we watched the movie.
After about 30 minutes Chris spoke up again. "This is so stupid. I would have broken up with her as soon as she brought that damn plant out" Chris shook his head. I sat up.
"It's a symbol of their love Chris" I argued. He shook his head. "No it's a symbol of a crazy ass bitch" He chuckled. "I feel like that's something you would do" He pointed at me. I held my hand to my chest.
"That was uncalled for" I glared at him. He shrugged. "How to lose a guy in 10 days should have been starring you" he said looking back to the movie.
What the fuck
"Chris" Matt glared at him. I looked at Matt. Was he acting like this because Matt was here? I furrowed my eyebrows and leaned back. Dick.
"No like you could even get a girl to lose in the first place Chris" I mumbled angrily. He scoffed. "Oh really?" He sat up looking at me. I nodded.
"Yeah really" I said staring at him. He clenched his jaw. Matt pushed him back. "Alright you two. Stop" Matt said getting between us. I shook my head.
"Take a joke" Chris said after a few minutes. I sat up. "You take a joke dickhead!" I yelled back at him. He raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes.
"Sounds like you've got something to say" He said crossing his arms. "Oh I've got a lot to say" I stated back. I'm not taking shit from Chris. He can't get to me. I'm not letting him win this.
"Then say it" he sat up glaring at me.
"Okay!" Matt said turning off the movie. "That's enough movie for one night. Both of you go to bed" he said throwing the remote on the bed. Chris and I stayed glaring at each other.
"Get out you angry fucks" Matt said taking Chris's blanket. Chris shook his head standing up off the bed and walking towards the door. I looked down at Matt.
"I'm sorry" I said quietly. He shook his head. "You're fine, I don't know what's gotten into him" Matt said as Chris slammed the door. I sighed looking down.
"I'll see you in the morning?" I said standing off the bed. He nodded as he picked up his phone and I walked out of the room.
I felt bad for screaming at Chris in front of Matt. I didn't want him to think I was like that. I'm not like that, it's just Chris. Ugh. He drives me crazy. One minute he's giving me he's jacket the next he's literally calling me crazy. It's not fair. What was he doing?
I turned as I closed the door to Matt's room and I saw Chris walking down the hallway. I let out a breath.
"Hey" I stated loudly, making him turn around and look up from his phone. I marched angrily up to him.
"What the fuck was that?" I spat looking up at him. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Why text me to even come in there if you were just going to shit on me the whole time" I said crossing my arms.
"I wasn't shitting on you y/n. It was a joke" he stated looking down at me. I bit my lip looking up at him trying to figure him out. He just stared down at me. I sighed letting my hands fall to my sides.
"It wasn't funny" I said softly. He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd get so defensive about me joking about your dating life" he said shrugging. I shook my head.
"To be fair you shitted on mine too" he said making me look up at him. "Only because you shitted on mine" I argued. He smirked down at me. "Would you stop looking at me like that!" I said pushing his shoulder, making him laugh. He reached up pushing his hair back, I just watched him.
"You're funny" he stated. I looked to the side to hide my smile as I shook my head. I looked back and he was still looking down at me. We just looked at each other silence filling the hallway. My heart started beating. Shit. Why did I have such a physical reaction to him? I hated myself for it.
"I didn't mean it" I whispered afraid to break the silence. I took his bottom lip in between his teeth as he looked at me. "I know you didn't" he whispered back. My mouth parted slightly as I stared up at him. He stepped towards me slightly. I didn't move. I stayed frozen as he came closer as if my feet were cemented to the ground.
"Because you say I can't get a girl, but every time you look at me you're cheeks turn red" he whispered looking directly into my eyes. I felt my face burn. All confidence releasing from my body. I just blinked at him. He bit the inside of his cheek and raised his eyebrows.
He reached up swiping his thumb over my cheek and goosebumps filled my body. "Why do they do that huh?" He said looking from my eyes to my lips. I could barley hear him my heart beating too loud I could barley hear. I swallowed. The tension was too thick, I had to get out of this. But the hallway was small and I could only see him and his pink lips from when he was biting them.
Before I could even think about what I was doing I leaned up crashing my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into me. He didn't hesitate for a second but kissed me back hungrily. His hands fell to my waist before pushing me up against the wall and pressing himself against me as our lips covered each others.
My hands went up to his hair, pulling on the brown strands lightly, making him hum against my lips. I sighed as I kissed him. Almost as if I was breathing for the first time, like an elephant was lifted off my chest.
Because kissing him, made everything bad that's ever happened in my life disappear from my mind. Like as if everything was good, the world was good, my life was perfect all because his teeth bit slowly down on my bottom lip. I groaned in his mouth. I felt him smile against me and push his tongue into my mouth.
There was no need to fight for dominance because there wasn't a way in hell I was winning, not with the way he was kissing me. He pressed into me as I felt his hard on against my stomach. Oh my god.
He gripped my hips harshly and needy. I felt him push the shirt i was wearing up slightly, his thumb moving over my bare skin. His calloused fingers cold. That's when I heard a door open.
"What the fuck?"
sorry had to do a cliffhanger don't hate me, but who caught them? :)
Also! sorry this one was short, part two of FWB is coming tonight
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seungtothecheol · 2 months
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whatever (hong jisoo x gn!reader)
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Part of my Valentines Special!
PAIRING: hong jisoo (joshua) x gn!reader
GENRE: exes to lovers, angst, a bit of fluff ig,
WORD COUNT: 0.7k
WARNINGS: ass grabbing, too much use of the word fuck
SUMMARY: Joshua hasn't seen you for 5 years. So why are you here?
AUTHORS NOTE: I GOT IT ON TIME YALL JFKSJKLSJDKLS I HOPE U GUYS ENJOY :))
Previous Member | Valentine Special Masterlist | Next Member
TAGLIST: @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan (leave a comment, dm or ask to be added!)
joshua's eyes flicker over to the door when he sees a group of people enter the party. he does a double take when he thinks he sees you.
that can't be right, could it? you were supposed to be in New York so why were you here in LA? he checks again just to make sure and sure enough, it is you.
your bright eyes and radiant smile light up the whole room and he almost goes up to you. he looks over at one of his friends, mingyu, also staring in your direction.
"shua, isn't she cute? i might go ask her out." mingyu says, oblivious to the way joshua's jaw clenches.
"do whatever." joshua practically spits. mingyu doesn't seem to notice your change in tone and nods before walking away.
joshua stares at you both as mingyu asks you for a dance. he can't hear you but he sees mingyu drag you along to the dance floor. he wants to look away but he can't. he keeps watching as mingyu's hand make their way down your body, stopping at your waist.
joshua sees your arms wrap around mingyu's neck as he grins, pulling your body closer to his. joshua watches as mingyu's hands make their way to you ass, gently kneading at the plush skin.
that's it. he's had enough. he walks up to the both of you and grabs your wrist and drags you to the nearest empty room.
"what the fuck, who even are- oh." you say as you make eye contact with him. you feel a burst of emotions and memories hitting you all at once. "joshua."
"y/n."
you feel tears threatening to leak from your eyes. "what are you doing here?" is all you could muster up before biting on your bottom lip.
"fuck i'm sorry." joshua says before fiddling with his fingers nervously. tears start running down your face as you quickly wipe them off.
"don't cry, baby." joshua's fingers brush your face gently and all you want to do is hug him as tightly as you possibly can. "shua..." you let out a small sob.
"baby, i'm so sorry. for everything. i should've never left you like that. you deserve the world, my love. i still haven't moved on. i love you so much. fuck, i'm so sorry."
"shua.. i missed you so much.. why did you break up with me?" your glossy eyes look up into his equally as teary ones. "i was scared, baby. i know that's not an excuse but we were getting really serious and.."
"i understand, shua. it's just... you could've told me. we could've worked through it. do you know how much you hurt me?"
"i know, baby. i know. and i regret every second of it. i still fucking love you so much. i know i'm selfish but please give me another chance, baby. fucking love you so much. can't lose you again."
joshua's also crying at this point and his hands are on your waist, pulling you slightly closer. "shua..."
"please, baby, please. love you so much. would do anything to have you back. anything you want, baby. fucking love you." joshua pleads, one of his hands moves up to your face to tuck a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.
"joshua..." you let out another sob. he can't resist anymore and takes your body in for a tight hug.
"shh, baby. everything will be fine, my love. please give me a second chance, my sweet cherry." he rubs comforting circles on your back.
you cry into his chest as he gives you kisses on the top of your head. "sh..shua. i love you too." you mumble into his chest. "really, my love?"
"yes shua. love you."
"so you're willing to give me a second chance?"
"yeah."
"thank you so much, my love. i'm so so sorry for all the pain i cause you. i love you."
"i love you too, shua."
he presses another gently kiss to the crown of your head. "just so happens to be valentines day tomorrow. will you be there with me, baby?"
you look up at him and nod. you both smile as he leans down to peck your lips.
"we should probably go back, shua."
"yeah, we should."
the two of you walk back into the party with stupid smiles and arms linked together, truly confusing mingyu.
a/n: this made me a bit sad ngl. this has like nothing to do with valentines lmao. hope yall enjoy!! if u do, pls leave a comment or a reblog with tags/comments! it rlly means a lot to me :)
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writersdrug · 18 days
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Ghost x Reader x Konig: I Don't Need You (Ch. 10)
<- Previous
Summary: Thankfully, things have been resolved between you and Konig. You start to settle in more with your team, and Roze shares a few thoughts with you over a smoke. The memories are still there, but just like the winter around you, they're cold and unwelcoming. You and Konig open up to each other a bit more, more than you had ever opened up to anyone.
WARNINGS: implications of masturbation, cursing, angst (if you squint?), plot building, graphic depictions of animal torture and death (PLEASE CONSIDER ALL WARNINGS BEFORE READING THIS, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME thank you kindly)
Notes: Yes! Hello! I exist!! I've been in a slump, and I really do apologize for that. Many of you have been very patient with me and I love and appreciate you all for it! I had to intake as much CoD literature as I could in the past few weeks to get me motivated, which helped a LOT (not to mention I discovered no fewer than ten works that currently have a hold on my heart). But it's here! I forced myself to write over half of the following chapter so that it would be less daunting to finish up. I also plan to make a wip post for yall, just to share will everyone what goes on in my rat brain.
This was edited at 3 am (god it's 4 am now, i just saw that), so if there are any grammatical or spelling errors you have my full consent to call me out on it! Please enjoy!
(sidenote, I completely didn't research how old you need to be to become a navy SEAL, so reader's age is a bit inaccurate in regards to that. pls ignore lol)
(last sidenote then you can read, does anyone have tips for customizing the layout of their fics? I see so many cool ways to style the font and cute banners and errything but I have no idea how nor what to do)
- - - -
The sky hung low with a blanket of gray. It looked like it was about to snow, although the threat was soon dismissed when noon came around and there wasn’t a single flake. The air was cold and dry, forcing me to zip my jacket up all the way and tuck my nose into the collar. I blew steady, warm breaths into my jacket and tried to soak up the heat into my bones.
It was as if the incident had never happened.
Konig and I ended up driving to the liquor store, which was a blessing, since I had run out of Yeungling (and I didn’t understand enough Turkish to converse with the clerk, nor did I have any of the appropriate money – Konig was graced with both of those necessities). We talked like there had never been a week and a half of silence between us. He talked about how he had nearly forced Ridgeback to drag me out of my room and into the common area, “… but it would have been too early for that.” He commented. That, and I would have rather died.
So life went on as normal: dreary, aside from shooting people and getting shot at. Nonetheless, it was normal, and there was a peace to be found in that.
I leaned against the building to the training room, with Roze to my left. I had intended to come out and soak up whatever natural light I could – when I saw her standing there, possibly trying to do the same, I felt the instinct to play it off as if I was just leaving the building. But she cocked her head in a greeting, and a part of me took an interest in her worry-free aura. Out of everyone, she always seemed to be the least-stressed person in the room, even in the middle of a warzone. It was the balm to my anxious mind that I never knew I needed, but gratefully stood by.
We remained together in a comfortable silence (one I would most definitely would not have been comfortable with a while ago), staring ahead, watching the indecisiveness of the brooding clouds above. I wondered what the rest of the world was doing – if they might have been as calm and carefree as us, or if they were in some kind of peril, and the horrors of it were blocked out by the clouds.
I was drawn back to the present when I heard the click click click of Roze’s lighter. I turned my head and watched as she shielded the weak flame from the wind, lighting the cigarette that hung loosely from her lips.
“You smoke?” I asked.
“Sure do.” She replied nonchalantly. “Want one?” she extended her pack of cigarettes towards me.
I glanced at the box, feeling a sour taste in my mouth.
I lay on my stomach, my muscles still twitching and shaking as I tried to even out my breaths. Ghost had tossed a thin blanket over my lower half. I hadn’t even moved from the position he had ruthlessly fucked me in – my body ached too much to even try, and my mind was still recovering from the past hour.
I watch Ghost as he reclined next to me, pushing the bottom of his mask up to place a cigarette between his lips. It was the first time I had seen any part of his face all day. He grabbed his lighter from the pocket of his pants that were discarded on the floor, lighting the end of the cigarette and inhaling. He tossed the lighter back down to the floor as he tilted his head back, exhaling a long stream of smoke. I watched it swirl in the lamplight, settling in a cloud around us. He continued puffing, staring at the wall across from the bed as I lay beside him, although I felt worlds away from him.
He'd started off the night with a mountain of stress from a mission gone sideways. Instead of the usual slow build, where he would run his hands under my shirt and kiss my lips slowly and tenderly – he had walked in and immediately demanded I remove my clothes while he began stripping out of his. I had assumed tonight was going to be a passionate one, until he threw me onto my stomach and shoved my face into the pillows. It wasn’t the first time he’d been rough with me, but it wasn’t just rough – it felt dehumanizing. An hour of constant, merciless thrusts, and a hand around my neck that restricted both my blood flow and my oxygen, and I had fallen into a state of shock.
But, in the end, I was happy to be caged in by him again.
I was happy.
He turned his eyes towards me, seeming to sense that something was off. He exhaled another puff of smoke. “Everythin’ alright?” he asked, completely void of any genuine concern.
I met his eyes with my own. I felt like I shouldn’t have to answer the question, and it stirred up a bitterness in me. But I didn’t feel like arguing with him, and I certainly didn’t want him to leave – so I nodded my head, slowly blinking my eyes. “Just tired.”
He hummed and faced the wall again. He brought one of his knees up and rested his arm against it. “Want a smoke?” he asked, still looking away.
I shook my head as much as the pillow beneath me would allow. “No.” I replied.
He sighed disappointedly. Apparently, my lack of enthusiasm after being used like an old fucktoy was irking him.
To be fair, I never spoke up about how I felt.
He grunted and rose from his position, snuffing out his cigarette in the ashtray by my bed, and picking up his clothes and pulling them on. My heart ached slightly as I watched him slide his shirt over his torso. I felt the threat of tears sting in my eyes as I wished his hands were holding me instead, keeping me warm and grounded. He pulled his jeans on and fastened them, buckling his belt rather quickly; and all while he faced away from me.
“Well, I know you probably need some alone time.” He muttered, sliding the skull attachment over his mask. “So I’ll get going. I’ll see you around.”
He grabbed his tactical vest and jacket and slung them over his shoulder. He paused by the door. “Thanks for tonight.” He mumbled, before finally leaving the room and softly closing the door behind him.
My eyes lingered on the ashtray with the half-smoked cigarette. A thin trail of smoke plumed into the air – I wanted to throw the tray across the room and shatter it. But it was Ghost’s, so I couldn’t; I couldn’t regardless, because it was a piece of him that remained with me, even when he left.
That, and the smell of smoke.
“Nah, I’m good.” I replied, facing the cold, empty base ahead of me.
“Good.” She said, pinching the cigarette and blowing a stream of smoke. “Stay that way. Did you know these bastards give you cancer?”
I chuckled into the collar of my jacket. “Do they, now?”
She hummed affirmatively, sucking another breath in through the cancerous bastard. “Who would’ve thought…”
We fell back into silence. I continued watching the stillness of the base, trying to see if the sky would follow through with its promise to fall. Now that my free time wasn’t spent holed up in my room, it somehow felt like there were fewer ways to spend it. With another mission on the horizon – a simple recon, yet dauntingly close to a heavily-guarded compound – no one was out and about when they usually were. Finding Roze outside and seemingly not worried was usual, however, and a warm sight, compared to how the rest of the team was on edge. Even Askel seemed grumpier than most days.
I hadn’t been seeking out someone to spend time with, no… that I would never do (or admit). But talking to a familiar face provided a comfort I had grown to need over the past couple of months. And, frankly, I felt like Konig might be getting tired of how much I ran to him when I craved social interaction. Though he had never said anything about it, I felt like I needed to branch out to other team members than just my Colonel. One might think I was trying to kiss his ass (I knew the accusation had already crossed Juno’s mind, but the young soldier was good at holding his tongue – when Konig was around, at least).
“You ever think about how ‘little girl’ you would react to this?” Roze asked, and I turned to face her. She had her nose scrunched, and a tinge of pink dusted over her cold cheeks. “Guns, war, no playdates or days at the beach…”
I sighed. “Probably would have cried.” I replied, allowing my freezing nose to poke over the collar of my jacket. “Especially if I had known that being a princess now adays meant spending more time worrying about becoming a hostage than anything else.”
Roze chuckled. “It’s a good thing we didn’t know then.” Her face was mostly blank, but I thought I noticed a hint of bitterness in the way her gaze landed on the ground. I watched her flick her cigarette with a bit more aggression than usual. “I would’ve tried to convince my entire family to run away to Scotland, live in hiding and pretend the rest of the world was a dream.”
“Scotland?” I asked. Soap’s cocky grin and heavy Scottish accent stirred in my mind, but it felt like nothing more than a small cloud of dust.
“Yeah – heard it’s fucking gorgeous over there.” She waved her cigarette in no particular direction. “Now, I don’t know how peaceful it is in terms of politics and war, but it’s pretty spacious. Simple, too. I feel like if I talked about throwing all my shit away and becoming a fisherman for a living, I wouldn’t get people trying to talk me out of it like I would in the States.” She took another drag, and laughed out the smoke.
“Fisherman?”
“Yeah.” She chuckled, a hardened smile gracing her lips. “I don’t know why it sounds so appealing… it just does.”
I hummed and looked back out at the compound. I wondered about Roze’s past; she had never said or done anything to indicate that it was particularly rough, as it was for the majority of us (us – I still wasn’t used to including myself, but it was becoming more of a habit each time), but the weariness in her eyes when she spoke about her younger self made me question what that girl had been through. Maybe it was just nostalgia. A yen for simpler times. Roze seemed to appreciate the simple things in life.
“You know Askel goes ice fishing?” she said suddenly.
I smiled underneath my jacket. “Seems like something he would do.”
“Every winter.” She continued. She dropped her cigarette to the floor and crushed it into the gravel. “He takes about three weeks of leave, if we’re lucky enough to get it, and goes to Norway. Sits on a frozen lake for hours a day, just waiting for a fish.”
“You make it sound like he’s never caught one.” I point out, my eyes lingering on the cigarette.
She shrugged her shoulders. “So does he. Every time I ask him what he caught, he just laughs. Says he’s never expects to get a bite.”
I closed my eyes and hummed in response. It was easy to picture the scene – Askel, sitting on a thick layer of ice, nursing the hoppy beers that he and Konig loved so much and waiting for a fish to bite. I wondered if he even bothered to reel the line in when he did catch something. Or if he even went fishing at all. Maybe he just went out there to get a sense of peace, to pretend that war and death didn’t exist.
The motion of thick, heavy snowflakes falling from the sky caught my attention. They landed on the skin of my nose, resisting the warmth for a few moments, before they eventually melted into trickles of water. A sudden gust of wind blew a flurry of them towards us, making the both of us flinch.
Maybe fishing doesn’t sound too bad.
- - - -
The shooting range was mostly silent, save for the occasional conversation between me and Konig. The lights were low, easily illuminating the gunpowder and dust swirling in the air. Konig and I stared at the paper target as we analyzed my shots. A few hit dead center, although most of them were clustered around the lower left of the bullseye. My lips were pursed into a scowl as I glared at my sub-par aim – it wasn’t typically so awful, but of course it was while Konig had been watching.
“Eh, are you sure you didn’t lie on your paperwork about being a sniper?” Konig asked as he stood behind my left shoulder, taking the target from my hands and looking at it closely. “You weren’t even ten yards from it. This is very poor marksmanship.”
I scowled in embarrassment, taking my pistol to the counter and pulling out the mag. “Rough day.” I answered bluntly as I started packing more bullets into the small compartment. It wasn’t a lie – I had barely gotten any sleep the night before. I was in the middle of a rather interesting dream involving me and Ghost, until my alarm woke me up before anything of importance happened.
“Very bad…” he mumbled to himself. I clicked my tongue in annoyance.
“Y’know…” I grumbled, loading the mag back into the gun and shoving it in my holster, “I don’t like stereotyping, but the boot really does fit you.” I walked past him and out into the hallway, not waiting for him to follow.
“Hmm?” he made an indignant noise, momentarily stuck in his spot, before he came jogging after me. “What does that mean? What stereotype?”
I chuckled. “Haven’t you ever how Germans are extremely blunt?” I asked.
“Austrian.” He retorted. “Do I need to brand that onto my face for you?”
“Wouldn’t do me much good, with the mask ‘n all.” I replied.
He laughed – rather snorted, as usual – “Ah, you’re right. Maybe I am blunt – just as much as you are defensive.”
I stopped at the end of the hall, right in front of the exit. “Defe-“ I turned on my heel to scowl at him. “I am not defensive! Where did you get that idea?!”
He stopped behind me, his eyes widening. He gestured an open palm in my direction. “This.”
I huffed, turning back around to punch the door open. The snow from earlier that day had ceased, blanketing the base in a thin layer of white. The moon seemed that much brighter against the crystalized ground, and the yellow lights scattered across the compound made parts of the snow look like sandy dunes. My nose tingled from the nip of the chilly air, and I pulled my jacket tighter around my body as the door fell shut behind me and Konig.
“Well, what am I supposed to say when you call me defensive?”
“You could agree.”
“But I don’t.”
“Which proves my point.”
I huffed in frustration, despite the smirk curling on the edges of my lips. “So, either I have to agree with you, whether I really do or don’t, or you’ve corralled me into a paradox.”
I can practically hear the gears turning in his head. “A what?”
“A paradox, like a – y’know, never mind. It’s too difficult to explain.” I let him fall in step next to me, although he was the one who needed to slow down to match my pace. “We can just agree to disagree, how’s that?”
“Agreed.” He nodded, and I chuckled. “It won’t change the fact that I’m right, you know.” He added.
I bit my lip and tried to keep my smile from growing ridiculously larger. I looked up at him and patted his shoulder – he looked down at me, and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled back. A stray, reddish-brown curl poked through the side of his balaclava, and I found the miniscule detail warming my heart through the cold air. He felt real, and in this moment, too human for this kind of life.
“Why did you choose the military?” I asked, turning back to look at the ground as we walked.
He hummed. “Isn’t that every boy’s dream?”
“Well, yes – but most of the time, it never becomes more than that.” I responded.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, mimicking my own position. “I’m not really sure what made me push so much for it. I almost didn’t make it, for obvious reasons.”
I chuckled. “Size does matter, huh?”
He looked down at me with a deadpan gaze, one that I refused to meet. “It almost did, in a bad way. And I almost backed out before they could be the ones to turn me away. But, of course, they knew they would find some use for my size – so they took me in.”
“And what did they do with you?” I asked, looking back at him.
“A ‘human battering ram,’ as my superiors had so nicely called it.” He framed the description with his hands in the air, as if it had been written on a plaque. I laughed and looked back down at my feet.
“Seriously?” I asked. “So they just had you breaking down doors, and then what?”
Konig laughed with me. “Well, I still had a gun, so I was able to shoot, thank goodness. And I had a bit more gear so I wouldn’t break my bones against the doors – I still dislocated my shoulder a few times, however…” he rolled his left shoulder, as if there was still a lingering pain from how often he had thrown himself at doors. “It was actually during a period of recovery when I proved that I could still be a sniper. My shoulder was still healing, so I had to give up being a battering ram for a while. I was sat with Horangi on the side of the mountain to give him cover. Of course, he was ambushed – he had to fight the Arschgiege right when we were given the order to shoot, so I had to take position behind the gun.” I noticed that his chest was puffed out a bit from pride. “That really knocked their pants off.”
I chuckled, choosing to ignore the inaccuracy of his phrase. “Did it now?”
“It did.” He replied, then looked at the ground. “For a moment. I got a good earful for overstepping boundaries that day, but it’s what ultimately landed me here – so I’m grateful for it.”
I nodded and hummed. “What was Horangi picked for?”
Konig shrugged, his hands now back in his pockets. “He never said what he and Commander had spoken about in his office. But, even if he wasn’t chosen – I like to think we come as a package. If I go, he goes, if he doesn’t, I don’t.”
I felt my heart warm at his words. The memory of how Juno had described Konig couldn’t be farther from my mind. It almost felt like I was talking to someone I briefly crossed paths with in my youth – not a war criminal, not the bloody and stiff soldier who had stepped onto the heli after our first mission. I envied his ability to separate his work stress from the time he had in between missions.
“Why did you decide to join?” He asked, catching me off guard.
It was only fair that I opened up to him, since he was so willing to do the same. Always the one to go first, too. But I had to be careful. I didn’t want this to turn into a pity party, and I didn’t want to dig anything up that I had worked so hard to bury deep beneath my subconscious.
“I was… a weird kid. Like you.” I said, making Konig scoff and roll his eyes. “Looking back now, I hate my younger self. I was so sensitive to what people thought about me, and I just wanted to be independent and strong. I wanted to be a ‘different girl.’” I gritted out the words that left a sour taste in my mouth. “I think I just wanted attention at first – of course, when I heard how everyone said they hated how annoying teenage girls were, and how gullible and weak they were, it just – it made me change. I wanted to prove everyone wrong, it wasn’t just about being different anymore. So, as soon as I turned old enough, I enlisted. Didn’t get to Navy SEAL right away, of course… but I joined every program I was allowed in until I could submit my application.”
I sighed, then chuckled. “Thought my family would say they were proud, that I was successful, that I was doing a good job… they were just angry. Said I was throwing my life away for business that didn’t involve our country.” I opened my mouth to say more, but I ended up scoffing and closing it once again. I felt like I had shared enough.
I looked at Konig, expecting him to acknowledge what I said. “That’s how the story goes…” he would say. But, when I met his gaze, I only saw concern. His brow was creased with what I imagined was pity, and my stomach churned. It was the exact opposite of the reaction I had hoped for. I only wanted to share stories with him, and now it was… this.
“I think you made the right choices.” He said, and I looked away.
“You don’t need to make me feel better, Konig. I appreciate it, but-“
“I’m not just trying to make you feel better.” He said, his accent slightly thicker from his exasperation. “You’re good at what you do. Your parents are just probably worried for you, and they don’t know how to show it.”
I bit down on my tongue, my eyes settling on the building in front of us with a hard expression. If only.
“Maybe that’s it.” I muttered, hoping he would drop the subject. He seemed to understand, and turned to look ahead with a disappointed sigh. My heart sank the tiniest bit at the sound, and I internally scolded myself. Still a people-pleaser, apparently.
We continued walking in silence, the buzz of the lights above us mimicking the static of a communication system that had been severed in a time where it was needed most. The edge of the barracks appeared into our view, just around the corner of the arsenal sheds that stood between us and our destination. I continued to stare at the ground, pretending to watch my steps and try to not slip on the snowy asphalt. My heart twisted with each second of silence that sat thickly between us. It wasn’t technically a fight, but somehow, it felt worse. It felt like the first time I had pissed him off, the first time we had spoken to each other – and god, did I already hate myself for the way I had acted towards him during those first few weeks. I didn’t want to drive another wedge between us, not after the ones that had already been worked back out.
I exhaled heavily through my nose. “Sorry.” I mumbled quietly, but loud enough that I knew it reached his ears. “Sensitive topics.”
He flitted his eyes in my direction, but didn’t bother to move his head. He sighed, and I nearly jolted when I felt his wide hand on my upper back. It rubbed back and forth, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that he was comforting me. Or, trying to, at least.
“I know.” He said, and his hand rested on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for pushing you.”
I didn’t know how to respond. I was stuck on the feeling of the roughness of his palm, which I could gleam through the fabric of my jacket. How his fingers squeezed gently and released twice. There was no hidden meaning, no forced contact or any kind of attempt to put context into the touch. It was… natural. Warm, comforting, and it spoke a thousand words that I wouldn’t have been able to stomach if he had said them. It broke past my self-hatred and walls of ‘don’t be weak’ that I would have used as my defense if he had tried to verbally convey any sort of consolation. It was the first time I didn’t feel awkward about being so close to him, let alone when he was touching me. I wondered if he did this on purpose, or if he had no idea what he was doing at all.
I let myself stand nearer to him, almost tucked under his arm. I looked up and smiled as genuinely as I could – not that it was hard for me, but because I wanted to make sure that he really knew how much I appreciated the gesture. Although, if he knew that this simple act of comfort would pierce through my outer shell, was it really necessary?
“Thank you, Konig.” I said.
He looked down at me and smiled. That damn smile. I wondered how much more refreshing it would be when he wasn’t wearing his mask. It was already too much for my soul to bear when it was just the crinkling in his eyes that I could see.
“Anytime, Bonnie.” He replied, patting my shoulder before tucking his hand back into his pocket. I grieved minimally at the loss of the touch, but I was happy for what it was. “And I mean it. Anytime you need to talk – or not talk, and do that empty staring that you do – just come find me.”
I quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “Anytime?” I asked amusedly.
“Mhm!” Konig replied, his eyes on the ground as he watched his steps. Then, the realization hit him, and his eyes went wide with panic. “Oh- well, eh- I guess, not anytime-“
“You gonna tell me when?” I joked, and he laughed. “You need an open/closed sign on your door.” I jogged ahead, trying to reach the door to the barracks before he did.
“How about this?” he called out, and I could hear the grin behind his mask. “I’ll nail a chalkboard to my door, and if I’m busy, I’ll draw a stick guy jerking off in his bed!”
My cheeks burned after I heard him. “No!” I shrieked, laughing nervously. “You’ll traumatize Juno!” I quickly tried to pin this on someone other than me.
“Juno, hah?” Konig teased, and I had half a mind to run into the building and leave him on the quad. “I don’t care about him. Kid needs to be traumatized.”
I laughed and threw my head back, turning the corner around the arsenal shed. “That’s not very-“
Immediately, my heart leapt into my throat, and I gasped. Konig nearly ran into my back as he skidded to a halt.
Sick, sick, what the fuck, I feel sick-
“Stimmt etwas nicht?” he asked, concerned. “What- oh, scheisse-“
We both stared at the bird on the ground. A crow from the looks of it, though it was hard to even decipher that it was a bird in the first place, due to the state it was in. Its belly had been cut open, entrails and bloody bits pulled from the abdomen and strewn to either side of the bird. Its wings were stretched to their full capacity and most likely beyond it, crushed and missing a large number of feathers. Both of the legs appeared to have been ripped off and tossed to the left of the crow. Its beak was the worst of it all: pried open, the jaw probably broken from how wide it was spread. A haunting look of terror in the crow’s red, glossy eyes made a violent shiver run up my spine.
I exhaled shakily, my eyes still glued to the horror. “Holy shit – what the-“
Konig quickly walked around me and knelt in front of the crow. I shifted to look over his shoulder, still fearfully curious, but he held a hand out behind him, urging me to stay in place. With his other hand, he pulled at one of the bird’s wings, stiff and heavy. Whether it was frozen from the cold, or this was the effects from rigor mortis, I couldn’t tell.
“How – did a fucking fox do that?!” I asked. Are there even foxes in this area? How the hell did one get on base?
“Nein.” Konig replied, still looking at the corpse. His gaze fell upon it with a sense of… familiarity, maybe? “Not a fox, no.”
“Then what? It – whatever it was didn’t even eat-“
“I’ll take care of this.” Was all Konig said. He stood up and marched past me – I was barely able to catch a glimpse of his furious expression. His eyes were hard and narrow, and as he walked away, I noticed that his shoulders were tense and his hands were balled into fists. I didn’t dare say anything to him; he almost looked the same way he did after our first mission together, except this time, his anger seemed to be directed at something, instead of just a post-mission adrenaline high.
“I’ll see you later.” He said over his shoulder. There was an obvious fury to his words, and although I knew it wasn’t intended towards me, it still made me freeze where I stood – almost as if I might anger him more simply by taking a step after him.
Whatever it is… I thought, watching him disappear into the compound, he’s sorting it out. I can take care of myself. Although, with such an abrupt and tense departure, I was at a loss on what to do next. I looked back at the bird; its terrified eyes locked onto the sky above it, frozen in its last wish to fly away from whatever horror it endured.
A shiver ran up my spine, prompting me to look away.
- - - -
Taglist: @igotmajordaddyissues @princekonig @vixionix @v3lv3tvampir3 @theoneandonlykymberlee @luvvnightingalee @dillybuggg @sun-joo @perfectus-in-morte @evilive @satakingslime @comfortless
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wellgoslowly · 2 months
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HAPPY LOCKWOOD AND CO DAY EVERYONE
I may or may not be rewatching as I type this hehe. ANYWHOM I asked if I should do another locklyle analysis for the adaptation's first birthday and yall said yes!! so here we go: locklyle as sun and moon (idea courtesy of @queer-and-nerdy ).
ok ok so it would be pretty easy to say that lockwood is the sun and lucy is the moon upon first seeing the characters. I mean, lucy is relatively closed off and can be i guess kind of brooding at times, whereas lockwood is very charming and loves attention. but upon further examination, its clear that its actually the other way around: lockwood is the moon, and lucy is his sun.
yin and yang is a clear example of sun and moon being complete opposites but existing in perfect balance and harmony with each other. in the symbolism of yin and yang, the moon symbolizes adversities and obstacles. lockwood fits perfectly into that role. i mean, his sister died when he was young and his parents died when he was even younger. At face value in this comparison, you could say that he fits into the role of the moon because of everything that he's gone through in his life- all of his adversity and the various obstacles he's had to face. but when you're insane and autistic like i am, you realize that his connection to the role of the moon goes deeper. not only has he experienced tragedy, but he sees himself as a tragedy. he believes that he causes the death and/or pain of everyone he's ever loved. i mean, that's the canonical reason why he pushes everyone away and why he's so reckless- he believes that if he distances himself, then the people he loves are less likely to get hurt. He believes that if he risks his life, it will be ok because his loved ones will be safe and won't have to deal with this curse he's convinced himself that he has.
In contrast, the sun (lucy) symbolizes hope, "for even though a moon eclipse may block the sun's light, there is always a portion of the sun that shines through." as much of a cynic that lucy appears to be (and is), she ultimately still always has hope. when she was working with norrie in her hometown, she had hope that they'd be able to make it out of their town and make it big time in london. when norrie got ghost-locked and her team died, she was still able to harness enough hope to run away and try to make it on herself, even without her fourth grade. and even when she left at the end of the hollow boy, she had the hope and the conviction that allowed her to believe that she was doing the right thing and saving lockwood. cynical as she may be, lucy is filled to the brim with hope.
now, locklyle as the sun and moon begin to make so much more sense in this way. lucy's sun works to keep lockwood's moon grounded and frankly alive. she is the one who is determined to make him understand that he is still worthy of love despite everything that has happened to him. no matter how badly his depression is affecting him, she is still there to keep him grounded and force him to understand that whether he likes it or not, he has people who care about him.
lockwood's moon takes on the role of being determined to support her no matter what, just as the moon does for the sun. when lucy gets overwhelmed during a case or just during everyday life, lockwood is always there to balance her and to offer her support in any way she needs. he understands her without even needing to ask and always strives to be the best person he can be in supporting her, whether that means making her tea and making her toast during the morning or offering to leave a hired job because she's uncomfortable that night. he would do anything for her, just as the moon supports and balances the sun.
i think that this is really interesting for multiple reasons but ill give you two:
i love how they expand from your expectations. for a while i thought that lucy was the moon and lockwood was the sun, but they both stray from that expectation so much because of the added complexities that come from their backstories and their relationships with others, especially one another.
the sun is usually defined as a "masculine" energy, and the moon is defined as a "feminine" energy. I think its really interesting how they once again stray from the usual in this context.
ANYWHOM HAPPY ONE YEAR OF LOCKWOOD AND CO!!!! I'm gonna make a long sappy post before bed but i hope you guys like this little first birthday gift!!
@oblivious-idiot @ikeasupremacy @losticaruss @yveni @neewtmas @waitingforthesunrise @youmanynotrestnow @saltwaterburns @ravenous-rage @maraschinomerry @psychicbluebirdmiracle @uku-lelevillain @acecharmander @rainysaturdayafternoon @ettadear @thisgameissonintendo @impossibleclair @givemea-dam-break @krash-and-co @kazbrekkerfast wanted to tag some people that i thought might enjoy this hehe
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snekdood · 1 year
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Vaush almost seems manipulative in the way he talks about religion, like i feel very strongly that he doesn't actually think religion is *quite* as bad as something like toxic masculinity but he wants his audience to feel that way, so he keeps drawing comparisons between religion and all these other fucked up things like antisemities or whatever, to give the impression to his audience that he genuinely thinks its that serious, and knowing how a lot of ppl can be in his audience, whatever vaush thinks they decide to take as like the best most intellectually and well thought out take ever, no self analyzing, no questions asked, and i feel like hes manipulating that fact to his advantage, he literally said in his debate w oceankeltoi (which i wasnt gonna watch but did eventually bc i heard vaush kinda sucked in it (and he did)) that hes okay with using peer pressure to try to discourage people from being religious. It seems like hes going to try whatever he can socially to like. Shun anyone whos religious or any of their beliefs and is probably even totally okay with ppl bullying religious ppl so long as the social pressure gets people to stop. Which. Uh. I feel like i shouldnt have to say is a pretty fucked up philosophy
#you are already putting too much work to control ppl just existing#social. political. systemic. wherever you're putting this energy to control it will only end badly.#anyways this whole stuff kinda made me look at him in an entirely different light.#i think hes become too convinced hes always right and has got really into his ass. idk if hes changed since that debate tho bc#i stopped watching him for a while even before it#the problem w that debate is that vaush is doing the thing where hes actually debating the beliefs of certain audience members#whereas ocean is actually just trying to debate him specifically w/o changing the audiences mind quite as much#oceans here trying to understand vaush and vaush is just here to try to make ocean look stupid. not actually understand or come to a#mutual understanding or literally anything. idk. but its pretty frustrating how he devolved to JUST doing that in debates.#hes decided religious ppl are evil or whatever and thus refuses to meet ocean on an equal and respectful level. theres so much lack#of respect here.#i also sorta feel like vaushs 'what about those ppl who think their gods are always in the right' thing was bc perhaps one of his audience#members decided to screenshot one of my posts where i said 'ppl need to accept that their gods arent inherently good' but accidently#typed are instead of arent and idk. maybe its a reach to decide thats why he brought that up but yknow. i do sometimes feel like yall#(hi vaushs community whos probably stalking me online bc i used to be in the community and you think im cringe bc i love#my main boy shiv)#well. ig obviously i feel like some of yall stalk me to poke fun at me and prolly posted that in his discord or smthn#idk but. its gotta stop if its happening bc im literally just some guy#I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR THAT I DONT THINK VAUSH IS ABUSIVE BC IDK HIM LIKE THAT AND CANT MAKE THAT CLAIM#just bc someones being manipulative does not make them ABUSIVE which is a whole different and bigger step towards Bad
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yourmomni · 3 months
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A/n: Hey yall🤠so I finished the request the writers block and sesamal depression had me in a choke hold but I'm back. I only did the hyung line so bear with me love you
Sitting On Their Lap
Heeseung
Heesung immediately feels offended at how you basically call him weak
Well you only said no to sitting on his lap but it's the same thing
" do you not love me anymore is that what it is"
Hes pouty for the rest of the day until he finally gets a chance to grabbed you buy surprise and put.you on his lap
" HEESEUNG STOP IM GOING TO HURT YOU"
Goes in one ear and out the other
He's so proud of himself that he finally got his beautiful girl to sit on his lap
And when you finally stop thrashing around d he tells you how much he loves you and wishes you wouldn't feel Insecure about things such as your weigh
" I'll love you no matter what, we're in this together baby"
But you did scold him for giving you a heart attack which he apologized for in neck kisses
NOW your always getting pulled onto his lap
Doesn't matter when or where
While he's on the phone LAP
watching TV LAP
eating dinner LAP
He's addicted to your body and he'll always try to find a way to be close to you
JAY
Similar to hessueng Jay has been trying for weeks to get you to sit on his lap but nothing has worked
He's even has going as far as sliding to wherever your going to sit so you can land on his thigh but your always fast at catching yourself
He's over it
" Babe come on just one time "
You shake you head no repeating what you always say when he ask
" I'm not light enough for us to be able to do that"
It was pissing him off
But he thought of a plan
Jake was having a cookout at his house and you 2 were sitting outside well Jay was you were standing beside him.
" babe come sit down it's hot and you've been standing for almost an hour
Jay was smirking to himself looking around d at all of the lawn chairs being occupied by guest
You groaned " theirs no more seats."
Of Course Jay knew that
" Well their is one more seat actually"
He smiles at you glancing at his thighs
You bit the inside of your cheek
You were really tired of standing, you knew what he was doing
But you took the bait anyway
"Fine but don't say I didn't warn you earlier."
He smiled brightly as you sat down on his lap
He rubbed your side thanking you for finally trusting him
Jay was silent the whole time you were sitting down and you began to get nervous.
" Am i hurting you? I'll move if I am."
Jay shook his head quickly
" No your not hurting me baby I can stay like this forever" He kissed your cheek
Sunghoon
Sunghoon is more understanding when it comes to you not wanting to sit on his lap
He doesn't bug you or force you but that being said it doesn't mean he doesn't want you to sit oh his lap
He's dreamed about it since you guys started dating
You being so close and him holding you tight gently rubbing your thigh
But he's too scared to ask
He know how your super sensitive when it comes to your image about your body but sung hoon could care less on what you look like
He's playing with the hole in his jeans as he's watching you talk to your friends. He so badly wants to call you over just so he can be around you but doesn't want to seem needy or interrupt you
His heart basically jumps out of his chest when he sees you wave by and speed walk to him. He smiles brightly at you asking if you were okay and you nod, placing yourself on his lap. Sungoon goes stiff and doesn't know how to react but quickly regroups and pulls you close. He doesn't know you did it because your “friend” was talking about how handsome he was. But hey atlesst he got what he wanted in the end.
Jake
Now jake loves physical contact
He loves the kiss and the hugs
And lets not forget how much he loves it when you hold hands
You both enjoy it
So why the fuck will you not sit on his lap
Hes tried on multiple occasion but nada
You either run away from him or ignore when he ask
Jake has to figure out what's going on
You walked into your house to see your boyfriend sitting in a chair facing the door with his legs spread and his hands touching each other. “ when did you get here.” you giggle at his stance but Jake is stone faced. “ don't worry about that, where have you been.” you sit the grocery bags down and walk over to him” i went to the store is that a crime detective sim” you turn the lamp off he has shining on you and kiss his cheek. “ i was thinking of making dinner and calling you over but it seems like you're already here.” you remove your coat laying it on the back of the couch. Jake stood up “ why won't you sit on my lap.” you jumped at the question catching you off guard. “ w-what.” you were now facing him. “ I noticed you always ignore me when I ask you or you just brush it off so what is it? Do you not feel comfortable enough with me to do that?” you bit the inside of your cheek trying to figure out what you were going to say. “ Its not you jake?” he sighed “ oh thank god “ he fell back into the chair. “ its me.” he raised his eyebrow. “What about you? '' you rolled your eyes. “ jake come on look at me, im not the lightest person in the world.” it took jake a minute to understand what you meant by that. “ Baby I don't care about that you know I don't care.” You crossed your arms “ but I do and I don't want to make you uncomfortable.” Jake rolled his eyes pulling you on his lap causing you to yelp. You tried to get up but he wouldn't budge.
After that you started to become more compatible to sit on his lap
And jake made you sit on his lap everywhere
Hanging out with the boys
While your watching a movie on the couch
Even during dinner sometimes
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apomaro-mellow · 9 months
Text
Part 3
Do yall got a favorite cereal mascot? Mine’s the Honey Nut Cheerios bee
Steve watched as Eddie dazzled a field trip of elementary students by having a load of birds up and down both arms, perched on his gangly limbs like branches. This demon, who had shown him more human compassion than his own parents. This demon, who Steve would only be able to be around so long as his wish was unfulfilled...
They were around snakes next and Steve got to watch as Eddie entertained a different group of children by letting a large snake curl around his shoulders after a quick ‘don’t try this at home, kids’. Eddie kept the more adventurous occupied, while Steve got to have a small moment with a boy who was more apprehensive around snakes.
He felt a surge of triumph and warmth when he was able to get the boy confident enough to pet the snake that was coiled around his wrist. The boy lit up like a whole new world had been opened up for him. Steve was beginning to understand the feeling.
“So?”, Eddie asked as they walked the path between exhibits. “What about this?”
“I like animals. And kids. And being outdoors”, Steve said.
“So is it a winner?”
Steve thought about it. “Don’t people usually feel like a...a spark or something? Something that makes it feel like their calling?”
“Is that what you want? A calling?”
Steve nodded. “Something that makes me really feel like I belong.”
“Then we’ll find that place”, Eddie promised him.
“Before we go, can we see the tigers? They’re my favorite.”
As if Eddie was going to deny him anything now. They stood outside the tiger enclosure and Steve watched them move about, lighting up a little when he saw one of them had a cub tailing after it. Meanwhile, Eddie watched Steve. Beautiful, beautiful Steve.
After the zoo stint, Eddie took them through a door that took them back into the apartment.
“We’re here again?”, Steve questioned, back into the t-shirt and sweats he put on that morning. He looked to the door and tried opening it himself, but it was locked shut.
“We’ve had a big, full day. And little mortals need their sleep. And that door only works for me, by the way. Even if you did get it open, you’d be falling through an endless void until it chose where to spit you up.”
“What are we gonna do for the rest of the day, then?”
“Now we get to do what I want”, Eddie waggled his brows and his voice got deep and for a moment Steve felt a bit like prey.
He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed when Eddie sat him down on the small couch and put a movie on.
“So tigers are your favorite animal, huh?”
“Yeah”, Steve replied as the movie started.
“Alright”, Eddie got comfortable next to Steve and grinned. The kind of grin that worried Steve. “Fuck, marry, kill - Tony the Tiger, Count Chocula, the Trix Rabbit.”
For a moment, Steve just sat there, dumbfounded by the question. While Eddie waited expectantly. When Steve finally found his voice, it was in spurts and bursts.
“Why would you-how would you even-fuck?! First of all, Tony is a mentor. He’s a coach, he’s not gonna fuck his players. And I wouldn’t kill him.”
“Okay, you’d marry Tony. Good to know.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“And the rabbit?”
“I wouldn’t marry a rabbit either. Or fuck one.”
“Kill the Trix Rabbit. He’s a cereal thief anyway. So that just leaves the Count...and one choice left...”, Eddie smirked.
Steve took a second to catch up and his jaw dropped. “No.”
“You landed on marry Tony, kill the Trix Rabbit. By process of elimination that means-”
“I wouldn’t fuck Count Chocula!”
“Why not?”
“First of all, he’s a cartoon-”
“Irrelevant to the conversation.”
“Second, he’s not even a real vampire. He’s a chocolate vampire.”
Eddie turned to sit on his side, facing Steve more while draping his arm across the back of the couch. “Are you gonna change any of your answers?”
Steve’s arms crossed as he seriously contemplated it. Eddie knew he was in deep trouble when he could just stare at him sitting there for hours.
“What’re you thinkin’ about, gorgeous?”
“Tony the Tiger would be a good husband. He’s great with kids”, Steve answered and tried not to think about how warm he got when Eddie called him that. “And the Trix Rabbit is notoriously bad with children.”
“Hey, Steve?”
“What?”
“You’re a vampire fucker.”
“Did you put a movie on just so we could ignore it?”
“I was just getting a feel”, Eddie said. “There’s two kinds of people who enjoy Robin Hood.”
“I don’t even wann know what kind of people you’re referring to”, Steve said with a shake of his head. Then a thought occurred to him. “You know, you’re kinda like a vampire.”
Eddie’s brain shot to the moon with what Steve could be implying and where this conversation could take them.
“....Go on.”
“You’re ancient and you need to drink blood.”
Eddie gasped. “Ancient? I don’t look a day over 20 and I have the stamina of a demon half my age.”
“And the blood?”
“Well you know that’s true.”
Steve’s gaze dropped from Eddie’s and went back to the screen as he began. “Speaking of...”
“Speaking of?”
“Don’t you need some now?” Steve looked back at him.
“’Need’ is a strong word.” But ‘want’? ‘Desire’? He was leaning heavily towards ‘lust’ at this point. Eddie’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. Steve’s eyes followed the motion. It felt like they were teetering towards something.
Steve thrust his hand out towards Eddie. “Here. Considering that coffee you made, I think your body could use this.”
Eddie took the hand without thinking, let his thumb stroke Steve’s knuckles. There was a prominent vein sticking out on the back of his hand and Eddie wanted to follow it to Steve’s heart with his lips. But as it were, receiving a bite on the back of the hand was probably pretty painful.
Instead, he held Steve’s hand delicately. Eddie held eye contact with him as he bit down in the meat between his thumb and index finger. He was rewarded with seeing Steve’s eyes flutter as he broke the skin. What was even sweeter than the blood on his tongue was the blush growing on Steve’s cheeks.
Eddie only sipped for a couple of moments, knowing that if he indulged, he wouldn’t know when to stop. He licked at Steve’s hand to heal the pricked skin but couldn’t release him just yet.
“You wanna ask me something”, Eddie surmised, looking into his eyes.
“I wanna ask you...for something. But I don’t know if I can.”
“Is it the kind of thing you’ve asked for before?”
The corner of Steve’s lips pulled up. “Not verbally, no. I’ve always just like, put out a vibe or something.”
“Try me then”, Eddie smirked.
Steve looked down at their hands, still in each other’s grasp and slowly put his fingers between Eddie’s. His other hands moved to cup Eddie’s face, his fingers getting lost in that curtain of hair.
“Come here”, Steve nearly whispered as he pulled him in for a kiss.
Part 5
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