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undergroundbandimagines · 3 years

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7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” That Will Get You Through a Divorce

7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” to Get You Through a Divorce

Recovering from a marriage to a narcissist adds an added layer of complexity

By dmitry_islentev for Shutterstock

Recovering from a divorce after a 20-year marriage is never an easy feat. Therapist Susan Pease Gadua in Psychology Today likens the undoing of a marriage to, “Trying to disentangle two trees that have grown next to each other for years. The more intertwined the root systems are, the longer it will take for the trees to go their separate ways.”

Recovering from a marriage to a narcissist adds an added layer of complexity and a few extra hurdles to get over before you can feel whole again. And divorcing a narcissist is not for the faint of heart. Yes, this too (like a gallstone) shall pass, but first, it’s going to hurt. And you’re going to need to strategize.

If you’re like me, you may not have unpacked this emotional baggage until after the marriage, and you may not have a full understanding that you are, in fact, married/separating from a narcissist. All you know is you’ve been lied to, lied about, and he is accusing you of his actual behavior, which is maddening.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, someone who is an expert in the field of narcissism, “narcissistic” is an adjective, it’s not a diagnosis. It’s a descriptive term that usually signifies a personality pattern. It is characterized by patterns like inconsistent or superficial empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, arrogance, superficiality, chronic validation-seeking, hypersensitivity, a propensity towards rage, especially when the person is frustrated or disappointed, and then incapacity to deal with frustration and disappointment.

The first thing to understand, according to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, is that narcissists love to win. “It motivates everything they do. They actually believe you can win in relationships, so it’s a big thing to them. They really love the idea that their partner will get destroyed after the relationship ends, which is why narcissistic divorces can be very expensive.”

Now, you may be a kind and gentle, loving soul. The kind of person who scoops up spiders to let them live, just not in your house. (OK, I am not that person). The point is, it’s time to grow a pair. You don’t have to sink to their level — instead, you must rise above it.

You might be wondering what a Chinese general, military strategist and reputed author born in 544 BC could know about egomaniacal showrunners, forensic accounting, and family court, but I find that Sun Tzu’s profound wisdom of outsmarting your enemy, plotting several moves ahead, and getting inside the head of your opponent are time-tested winning strategies.

Even if you have to stomach an expensive divorce, you will be better prepared going in with Sun Tzu’s knowledge. And hopefully, with fewer surprises, it will be a shorter ordeal.

The Art of War lesson #1

“Move swift as the Wind and closely-formed as the Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain.”

Translation: you cannot mediate. You may have a loving friend or relative advise you to mediate because it is the kinder and gentler route, the route that saves money. The problem with this is that successful mediation requires complete disclosure, laying everything on the table and there can be no power imbalance. If you are married to someone who lies and cheats, what makes you think you will have fairness and transparency in mediation?

This is a waste of everyone’s time and money. I still receive polite bills from Geraldine, the kind woman who did her level best for two years to try to end this marriage before she pulled me aside at our fifth mediation and said, “You cannot mediate with this person.”

File for divorce. It’s the only way.

Lesson #2

“Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.”

If he is sneaky, guess what? He will try things in court that are dirty and sneaky. He will hire sleazy lawyers that specialize in high-end bullshit. Remember, you are that closely-formed wood. Know yourself, and don’t be rattled by his bullshit tactics.

Case in point: One of my husband’s strategies was to convince the court I was a dreadful parent who drove the family to financial ruin. But, like the Peanuts characters listening to an adult, what the state of California hears is, “wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.” It still comes down to: what is your shit worth? How much does this guy make? I put my career on hold to raise our children and create a lovely home. Alimony, child support, bing, bang, boom.

In his arrogance, the ex and his lawyers announced that since I had driven the family to financial ruin he would be keeping the pension. The only problem with that is — the law! We didn’t really need to reinvent the wheel, yet here we were, reinventing the wheel, to the tune of a six-figure legal fee.

Lesson #3 (a two-parter)

“It is only the enlightened ruler and the wise general who will use the highest intelligence of the army for the purposes of spying, and thereby they achieve great results.”

“Foreknowledge cannot be gotten from ghosts and spirits, cannot be had by analogy, cannot be found out by calculation. It must be obtained from people, people who know the conditions of the enemy.”

Subpoena folks. Have your team seek records from reliable sources to get the actual factual documents you need. Subpoena people who have his documents and his contracts. Do a forensic accounting. Check out his girlfriend’s Instagram. It may be quite enlightening. Even better if she has a blog detailing the timeline with everything you need to know.

Lesson#4

“Conceal your dispositions, and your condition will remain secret, which leads to victory; show your dispositions, and your condition will become patent, which leads to defeat.”

If you’re feeling a little bamboozled and you’ve just gotten out of a marriage in which you were emotionally manipulated for years, you may not be used to standing your ground and remaining poker-faced.

What the narcissist desperately needs is attention and he/she needs to know that he matters in your life. When you resist those crazy calls, emails, and texts and simply don’t engage, it is maddening for them. Dr. Durvasula says, “You win when you don’t give them the fight because the fight is what they want.”

I say, not mattering is the biggest wound the narcissist can receive from the person who used to hold his hand in empathy and believe the crap he shoveled. It throws them off their center. It also enrages them, but your secret weapon is not giving a shit anymore. It helps unnerve them, and more importantly, it helps you lay the ground for getting back to yourself, remembering how strong you can be, and finding your way out so you can move on.

Lesson #5

“It is the unemotional, reserved, calm, detached warrior who wins, not the hothead seeking vengeance and not the ambitious seeker of fortune.”

You may want to seek revenge on your ex for any number of grievances, but consider whether going for the jugular in court is just something you could work out (much less expensively and without involving law enforcement) in therapy. Dragging things out will drain both of you, both emotionally and financially. It’s time to break free and leave emotion out of the proceedings.

Lesson #6

“Anger may in time change to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by content. But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.”

No, we won’t be having Thanksgiving together, thanks.

My ex-husband is mortally offended when he is not invited to Thanksgiving. At my apartment. With my family, who hates him. And yet he engages my younger daughter in this fantasy that, gee, it would be so nice if we could all do things as a family if only Mom wasn’t so bitter!

A huge part of separating from this person is becoming grounded, once again, in your own reality. You are entitled to your feelings, and the idea of sucking it up because it’s good for the kids is bullshit. What’s good for the kids is living in reality. What’s good for the kids is knowing their mother is true to her feelings. That she matters. We can now have lovely, separate, but equal holiday events. You don’t get to sit down and have a slice of my bitchin’ pecan pie at my table that would put Martha Stewart to shame. No. Not this year, not any year. Boundaries.

Right now you’re swimming with sharks, and this may well be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you will get through it, one day at a time. You are fierce. Rely on your senses — no one can tell you that what you heard must have been a mistake, what you witnessed was distorted, and no one can deny your experience. Hold your center, no matter how much he tries to throw you off.

Lesson #7

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.”

When you are finally divorced, that is an accomplishment in itself. The going got tough, and you proved you could get going and get it done. You fought for yourself and you probably turned out to be much stronger than you realized.

The truth is, up is the only way to go now. Hold a vision of yourself in a happier place where you are in control of your life. It will be a lot to unpack — therapy is an excellent tool to help with this — but get through the fight and lean on your village for all the support you need.

It’s a beautiful thing to regain freedom, peace, and financial independence, and when you get there, it’s going to feel so good.

7 Lessons from Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War” That Will Get You Through a Divorce was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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avengeher · 7 years

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Brave Little One. (Rogers/Reader)

Summary: You couldn’t imagine believing in anyone more than you believed in Steve Rogers. You had followed him into the battle of New York; and you had followed him further into bringing down Hydra-Shield; furthermore, you had fought Ultron and won, and you knew whatever it was- he’d do the same for you. Along the way, you had fallen madly in love with him, and he with you. So when the accords were laid in front of you in black and white, videos of what you’d all done in defense of the people, you knew the decision would be an easy one. Til he looked up at you with bright blue eyes, defiance swimming in them and your heart broke.

Or, the one where Captain America refuses to sign the accords and the ink of your signature was practically already drying on the page.

Pairing: Steve/Reader (female pronouns)

A/N: Hi there, so this is going to be my attempt at a multi part story and I kind of liked the idea of lovers torn (the reader and Steve are already in a relationship from the start). The first few parts will be the whirlwind that was the first part of cap3, up til they get arrested and then from there you will start to get backstory on Steve and her, how she was found and joined the avengers, plus angst and swearing because I am apparently part sailor lol but thanks for reading and hope you enjoy lovelies

Disclaimer; i own nothing but the reader’s basic personality and Marvel if y'all want that, you can have it lol

“You have to take responsibility for your actions.” Ross had demanded, showing the havoc the lot of you had wreaked all over the world. “While some see you as heroes, a great many see you as vigilantes.”

You had felt smaller than an ant as he stared you down, eyes beaming directly into yours when he pulled up a video of what you’d done in Sokovia. You had the ability to manipulate the elements, and the gust of wind you’d used to take out a hoard of Iron Legion bots also leveled a whole - empty - block. You had sunk in your chair, eyes darting to Steve’s as he reached out to take your hand with a sorry gaze.

“That’s enough.” Steve had commanded, the clip of Wanda accidentally sending Rumlow through an office building playing behind him. “Cut it off, you made your point Ross.” Then the accords had been introduced, landing in front of you on the table with a resounding bang.

‘Approved by 117 countries’ is all you could hear. 117. 117 countries saw you all as a liability, as borderline a problem. 117 countries wanted you to take responsibility for what you’d done. Where did that leave all of you then? You didn’t want to be owned by government officials, with agendas and problems that didn’t fit your job description. That’s why you signed up for the Avengers in the first place, so you wouldn’t be some lab rat. Steve’s hand tightened in yours, your eyes meeting his as he gave you and encouraging smile before glancing over at Tony.

“The UN meets in Vienna three says from now, talk it over.”

You had read through the gist of the accords, double and triple checking for loopholes or any kind of mistreatment of you all as humans and so far you couldn’t find any. Sam and Rhodey had been getting into it all afternoon, something about medals and criminals but you weren't really paying attention as you switched between watching Steve read the accords and Tony sitting despondently - he seemed utterly concentrated.

“I have an equation.” Vision started, earning groans from Sam but you were willing to hear the android man out. And you were glad you did because he made far too much sense. Strength had always bred challenge, Steve’s immediate defensiveness sitting heavily on your chest. You had never felt so disconnected from him then in that moment. You couldn’t figure out what he was thinking, didn’t know what that stone cold expression on his face meant but you knew Steve, knew he’d make the right choice and you’d probably follow right along with it.

“Tony, you’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal.” Natasha pointed out what you’d all already noticed. Tony shifted and it was like a cold breeze through the room.

“It’s because he’s already made up his mind.” Steve’s jaw tightened, hand crumpling the papers a bit as Tony stood. Your eyes went wide, mind catching up to your eyes and relaying the message of understanding. That wasn’t despondent posture you’d noticed. It wasn’t concentration, it was acceptance and the relaxation in his choice.

“Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache. That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain. It's discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?” Tony deflected. He tapped his phone against the wireless photo display, letting a photo of a young boy none of you recognized pop up on the screen. “Oh, that's Charles Spencer by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul... before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.” You looked away from the photo with tears stuck in your throat. You had been the one to level most of Sokovia. “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass. There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.”

“Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up.” What was Steve doing? Did he just not hear what Stark said? Responsibility needed to be taken for what you’d all done.

“Who said we're giving up?”

“We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blames.” You were this close to arguing him when Rhodey cut you off.

“I’m sorry. Steve. That... That is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we're talking about. It's not the World Security Council, it's not SHIELD, it's not HYDRA.”

“No, but it's run by people with agendas and agendas change.”

“That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.”

“Tony, you chose to do that. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.” Why was Steve fighting this so much? He had a good point but was he fighting being under supervision or afraid of another Hydra-Shield situation?

“If we don’t so this now,” You finally broke in, “Do you think it’ll be done to us?” Tony nodded. They’d force your hand.

“You're saying they'll come for me, and you.” She placed her hand on your arm, accepting your pained smile with one of her own. She’d been your best friend through all this - minus Steve, of course. But she understood you in a way no one else could.

“We would protect you, both of you.” Vision explained. But they couldn’t dedicate their lives to protecting yours when there was a whole world out there.

You had never felt so confused in your life with both sides of the coin having equally valid opinions. You had to take responsibility, that was the agreed upon consensus but how? By letting others help decide so it was less likely for there to be so much collateral or was it truly just shifting blame around so it didn’t rest on all of you? Or was it arrogant like Rhodey said to think you could make decisions that involved innocent lives when aliens and sentient AI robots were involved?

“Perhaps Tony’s right.” All of your heads went on a swivel to Natasha. What? “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer but if we take it off, then nothing.” The way Sam’s neck elongated, hands folding over his chest as he leaned closer would have been comical in any other situation but you could feel an impending fight and for once, looking in Steve’s eyes didn’t calm you in the slightest because you still couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“I’m sorry, aren’t you the woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam exclaimed. “Then released all the Shield files?”

“I’m just reading the terrain.” She explained, rolling her eyes when Tony held up his hand. He was grinning like the cheshire cat.

“Focus up. I’m sorry. Did I mishear you or did you agree with me?”

“I want to take it back now.”

“No, no, no. You can't retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case closed - I win.” Steve’s phone chiming interrupted the small moment of comedy, the look on his face telling you that no one would be winning today.

“i have to go.” You stood with him, following him as he practically flew down the stairs. He stopped halfway, only to turn and drag you into his arms as tears welled in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Peggy.” he didn’t have to say more. You simply let the moment be, forgetting about the accords and how you didn’t know where you stood let alone where he would. You just held the man you loved, while he cried for the woman he never truly got to.

Sharon Carter was a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes to match. She held herself with a poise you’d seen in old photos of Peggy, but more than that, she held herself with a confidence you wished you could possess. So much confidence that when she started to speak, for the first time that day, you truly listened.

“Margaret Carter was known to most as a founder of SHIELD... but I just knew her as Aunt Peggy. She had a photograph in her office. Aunt Peggy standing next to JFK. As a kid, that was pretty cool. But it was a lot to live up to. Which is why I never told anyone we were related. I asked her once how she managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either. And she said, compromise where you can. But where you can't, don't. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move... it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in they eye and say " No, you move.””

It was in that one minute long speech, that one paragraph of profound thinking and intense truth that you made your decision. You don’t know if it was the fact that Peggy Carter, the woman who stood up stronger then she fell, said it or if it was because you’d known all along and just needed a little shove in the right direction. Whatever it was, you finally felt settled for the first time since seeing the accords.

Then you looked over at Steve and it was like someone took your heart in their hands, crushing it with all their might. It was such a strong feeling, such deep emotion that you felt yourself tear up because bright blue was already looking back at you. The resilience in his eyes, the downright stubbornness of a man who was about to be the cause of an absolute shit show, made you question your own resolve enough that you don’t think he realized the truth yet. Not like you had, because you knew it’d break his heart.

He wasn’t going to sign those papers, but you had to.

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myipscrapbook · 7 years

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Mark Dion: The Moral of the Story is... Cold Calling

What an incredible day.

In Summary:

Had a great morning in IP with Franc, Sophia, D, and I, about where our projects are at. Received great inspiration regarding displays and novelty museums.

Had a great Sci Fi class in which I confirmed my Book-Flower project, which I won’t get into right now, but I’m happy about.

And then the Mark Dion event:

It’s 12:01 AM, and I’ve just got back from the Mark Dion dinner. I am so grateful that Sophia and Franc encouraged me to seek it out. Definitely one of the most memorable nights of my time here. It wasn’t simply a dinner, it was a dinner party. It was maybe 12 or 13 people total, but everyone there was there for a reason, and everyone was lovely and interesting and connected in some way.

One big surprise was that Scott Hockney was there as well! He was a previous Stamps Speaker, another favorite. His work is really also about finding/creating wonder in the overlooked. Turns out Scott Hockney is close friends with Mark Dion!

Another was that Mark Dion’s collaborator and friend Amanda Krugliak was there; She’s also the head of the institute of humanities. Her face is very familiar to me, simply because she has introduced more than a few Stamps speakers over the years. Although my face was not familiar to her, of course.

Chrisstina Hamilton really made an effort to make me feel comfortable. I felt very intimidated at first. I didn’t know anyone personally, and was the only undergrad in the room. When we arrived at The Earle, we went downstairs to a private room, and sat around a table that was, in Chrisstina’s opinion, just a bit too wide. Conversation started immediately; many people were familiar with each other. After we had ordered food, she clinked her glass and suggested we start introducing ourselves, and made note that I, as the lone IP student, would be required to also give a 3 sentence summary of my IP project. No pressure. When it got around to me I said, “For my IP project, I want to create a situation that makes people appreciate the wonder in the mundane.” This got a good reaction; Chrisstina told me to repeat it. “So, to do so, I’d like to take something incredibly ordinary, in this case, the Michigan Blue Bus, (Some confused faces in the crowd–– I clarify what those are) and document and observe as much as I can from it, and turn it into some kind of exhibit, an archive of the Bus.” They liked it so much they gave me more than the 3-sentence limit to elaborate... I explained my background with the Time Capsule project– how I got involved simply by emailing the team and asking to help out, and learning that the team was purely engineers and in need of some academic diversity. I talked about Kristin Hass’s class, about how time capsules tend to suck, which Mark agreed with, and our Bicentennial Party. After I finished my introduction, I felt like I’d earned my place at the table. I was in good company. These people think in similar ways.

There were so many coincidences this night. Seated next to me was Bryn, the GSI of the studio section I go to on Tuesday-Thursdays. Bryn had recognized me, and we realized that this was the reason. Now that we’re introduced, and she’s become familiar with what I’m working on, she said she’d be glad to stop by my studio to help out and have conversations!

Bryn and I also had a great conversation about life after graduation. Bryn spent three years between undergrad and grad school living in Toronto, and working part time at a restaurant to pay her bills, and spending the rest of her time putting herself out there, applying to grants, residencies, making art. She assured me that it IS possible, and to not let the inevitable “What job are you at?” questions discourage you from your goals. She also said that what kept her going was having moved to Toronto WITH a fellow student from her undergrad. Having her friend to bounce ideas off of and talk about art made the work feel less isolating. I told her this made me think of my brother; we’re on the same wavelength and I know I’ll have him to lean on throughout my life and career. I hope one day we work together, or that at least we are both doing good work.

I didn’t get the chance to ask Mark Dion many questions, although I did ask him the one that mattered most to me:

“In your work, you collaborate with so many different people, sewage treatment workers, botanists, architects... How do you do it? ...What I like about this University is that I can’t walk 5 minutes without bumping into someone who’s an expert on something. I’m afraid that when I graduate, all that will fall away.”

His response: Cold call people. Dion talked about an artist & friend who had wanted to make deep geological cores of governors island, in different shapes. And this artist just started calling up people who make geological cores. And got one no. Then another no, but with extra information: “You know, there’s only one company in the country that can do the kind of work you want to accomplish.” The artist calls that company, and they say “Absolutely.” And in 3 phone calls the artist found the people for the job. So the moral of the story is, there’s a world of experts at your fingertips all the time. You just need to reach out. Some of them will even be eager to help.

Later this same night, Chrisstina came over to me and made sure I was feeling alright, and I mentioned that I was grateful for being there, and was thinking about how it will never happen again. And Chrisstina said, well, every moment will never happen again! I mentioned my conversation with Mark, and another woman pointed out that this was exactly what I had done to get involved with the Time Capsule; I reached out. Simple as that. Chrisstina said, That’s the takeaway of the night!

Thinking back on my 4 years, this might be the takeaway of my whole education. Many of my projects started because I initiated collaborations with professors, historians, student teams and organizations.

The Penny Stamps Lecture Series has sent so many incredible people in our direction. I have had opportunities to ask questions to artists I never would have otherwise. I’ve had an unforgettable back and forth with Vik Muniz about the future of media. I’ve asked Christo why he likes the color orange so much. (I was corrected: it’s saffron, not orange!) I’ve seen egotists like Karim Rashid and Julian Schnabel, and wonderists(?) like Dan Goods and Fred Gelli. I’ve seen and spoken with humble artists like David O’Reilly and recently Keiji Ashizawa, both of whom are great speakers, in my opinion. I’ve sat down with Joe Sacco the day after his lecture for a lunch talk, and listened to others pick his mind. I’ve seen Grammy Award Winning™ John Luther Adams, (he likes to introduce himself this way, you see,) and the same night heard his piece Become Ocean performed by full orchestra. I’ve seen graphic narrative icon Alison Bechdel, and had asked her at her book signing if having her life story turned into a book and then a musical has made it feel less real, or more real? And she looked me in my eyes and told me, with intense consideration, that she had been thinking about this question a lot. And that the answer was More Real.

And tonight, I not only met Mark Dion, but Scott Hockney! At the end of the night, Scott was surprised to have learned that I had seen his lecture last year! I told him that his was amongst the few most grounded lectures I had seen in the series, and I meant that. He said that what I said earlier that night, about creating wonder out of the mundane, is something that he thinks about a lot.

At the beginning of the night, the table was having a conversation about the value of dinner parties– how they are occasions designed for the sake of connecting with people in a substantial way.

I am of the opinion that the Stamps Lecture series has been one big long dinner party. So I am very grateful to Penny Stamps for picking up the check.

PS: I met more cool people:

1. I met another GSI, Carolyn Gennari, who also knows American Culture professor Kristin Hass, and how badass she is. Carolyn was an BFA undergrad and is currently studying Museum Studies. I’ll be sure to let Kristin know I met her.

2. Sitting at the corner, I spoke with a woman whose name I forget. She works at her own letterpress company in Detroit. I had told her that she needs to check out Robin Sloan’s book Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore. Not more than 5 minutes later, Jennifer Friess, Assistant Curator of Photography at the UMMA, seated on the other side of the woman, asks her if she’s heard of Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore. And I just said, WAIT. And explained that I had JUST recommended that. And we had a moment. Jennifer and her husband have been reading the book together and have been loving it, and they’re almost done. And I told her that Robin Sloan came to campus only 2 weeks ago!! Which made her happy and upset at the same time. And that Robin Sloan has just put out a second book! “Is this real?” “Yes, the book is new!” “No, I mean this conversation!!” “OH.”

We continued to geek out over Robin Sloan, prime numbers, metafiction, AI singing, the merits of audiobooks, and other things that fall under the umbrella of Robin Sloan and general nerdiness. I promised to send her links to everything we’d talked about, which I will.

3. I barely spoke with her, but I met the upcoming new director of the UMMA. What I really admire about her is that she expressed her interest in what the future of museums are in a time when less and less people are enrolling in humanities studies like Art History. She is asking the right questions. I believe they’ll require unusual answers.

4. I officially met Prof. David Chung, who I’ll see tomorrow for a meeting related to screening videos in the Michigan Theater for IP. He gave me a valid critique of my Bus Archive idea: It’s too Michigan centric. I’ve gotten this critique before, in regards to my comics in the Michigan Daily. My response to this has always been, well, this is my audience, and this is the place that I’m in and responding to. Similar to how Mark Dion has to respond to the places that he works in before he knows what he’ll make. Chung is of the mindset that I should aim to make my work more general, or rather, to remember that my work is not about BUSSES, it’s about FAMILIARITY and OBSERVATION. This, this is a good critique and I let him know that. This was the similar issue with the Ant Travel Guide. It began to be about ANTS and not about, well, FAMILIARITY and OBSERVATION. That being said, Bryn suggested that maybe the Ant Travel Guide is worth returning to as an idea; she liked that better than the Bus idea. I admitted to the fact that the Bus is arbitrary; it’s a stand-in for an ordinary part of our routine. But perhaps I should give more thought to what specifically my project will be. I’ve asked the big questions; now I’ve got to make sure I nail these smaller questions down.

5. I mentioned that I met Scott Hockney earlier, but he told me as we said goodbyes that I am free to get in contact with him!!! He was a great person to talk to. The friendship Amanda, Scott and Mark have is pretty great, and Chrisstina is kind of everyone’s friend in the best way possible.

6. Chrisstina asked me to go home and write up a testimonial about this night, which is what I am doing and just about finished doing now. She told me to write something tonight, sleep, and with a clear head send a clean short version to her, for the sake of Penny Stamps, who is apparently not feeling super well right now, and would appreciate hearing about how grateful I am for this event.

Good night... It’s 1:50AM and I have class tomorrow...

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