#does anyone remember literally anything else that happened in this film..

[cookinguptales]

When I was younger... I think saying that Ratatatouille was a hyperfixation of mine is too strong, but I will say that it's a movie that came out at just the right time for me personally.

I was going through one of the toughest times in my life in that period, and I was just getting to the age where I could understand that the things happening to me were not right. I was coming to question the worldview that I'd been raised with, and I was starting to understand that many things in my life would be better qualified as abuse. That paired with some other things led to me feeling extremely jaded.

And... I think it would've been really easy for me to become irreparably cynical at that age. I was feeling so disillusioned with so much of my life that it was hard to believe in anything anymore. But then Ratatouille came out and I really resonated with the basic message that sometimes love requires courage, and that the simple act of creation (and finding joy from that creation) could be incredibly meaningful. That cynicism is both easy and enjoyable, but that finding joy, finding meaning, can only happen if you make the conscious decision to reject it.

idk. I think I just really, really needed to hear that at that age.

Since I was very young, I'd actually wanted to be a chef when I grew up. I think... by that age, I was realizing that it wasn't going to happen. I was just so, so sick, and I only got my first diagnosis less than a year after the movie came out. So at the time, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew that I was simply too sick to cook -- and that cooking school, for the most part, was not very accessible if you have mobility disabilities.

But... I wanted to cook this one thing. Just this one thing. I remember it took me hours. Like literally hours -- just for the prep work. We were pretty poor back then and I wasn't going to ask my parents to get a specialty product for the kitchen just so I could cook one dish, so I ended up creating it without a mandoline. I cut all the vegetables by hand.

I was exhausted by the time I was done (and did have a moment of "you idiot, you hate both eggplant and bell peppers, why are you making this?") but there was a real sense of accomplishment there. And I did like it a lot more than traditional ratatouille.

(My issues with eggplant are textural, so cutting it thinly and stacking it with zucchini, one of my favorite foods, helped alleviate that for me. lmao)

I never made it again, though, and these days I cook very little. I'm still sick. I always will be. So... there's still a very specific pain that I feel when I watch that film and they say, "Anyone can cook."

But it's also something that I tell myself the few times that I do cook. When I jerry-rig an accessible cook station in my living room. When I discover ways to make things doable, if not easy. Anyone can cook. Maybe not always, maybe not anything, maybe not the way everyone else does it. Certainly not in a professional kitchen.

But... anyone can cook.

And... truthfully speaking, I had a real breakdown a couple years after this movie came out. I learned in the most brutal fashion possible that my body would not be like everyone else's, no matter how hard I pushed it, and during the forced medical leave that followed, I finally came to some very tough realizations about my life and the adults around me who had failed me. Even, y'know, the ones I loved.

I do think having that kernel of hope, though, and that stubborn refusal to entirely give into cynicism, did help me survive the period. I really tried to throw myself into anything that could give me the barest amount of joy back then rather than being entirely pulled under by the uh. Incredible amount of depression I was dealing with.

I'm not gonna say that Ratatouille saved my life; I think that would be a bit too much. But it certainly didn't hurt. I went through this period in my life where I really kept imprinting on unrepentantly hopeful, optimistic characters that truly believed in the best in people, even when it hurt them. And... I think there were some mirrors there in my own life. I so desperately wanted to believe that things could be good. That the people in my life would be good. And it very much did hurt me.

But... I think I needed all that, too. I don't believe that the world is all Disney optimism or anything, but I think that... y'know, what's the point of anything if you give into despair? Living and continuing to live and eking out joy wherever you find it is a very conscious decision, and one that you have to constantly make. You learn to mine through the shit to find just one thing that makes you remember that life can be very beautiful.

Some days that's a fandom. Some days that's a person. Some days that's confit byaldi. idk, man. Sometimes you have to cut through the calluses that life has given you and just experience something with childlike wonder and hope. That's the real message there, I think. That you have to have the courage to allow yourself to feel joy, even in the smallest ways, when things suck.

Love isn't always rewarded, but... you gotta keep letting yourself feel it, right? It really is all there is.

#personal post #ratatouille #tbh I feel like what heals me most when I'm feeling awful has been nature #I think the trips I've been taking with my father to see national parks have been really healing #and I'm glad that I have the chance to go out to northern california and be with the redwoods at least once a year #those trees make me feel so human lmao #I remember when dad and I were in monument valley -- not actually a national park #we drove out to this relatively secluded area #and there was no one there #and there was just this... perfect silence #like such a perfect stillness that I cried #ofc then dad was like 'wow do you hear how quiet it is...' rip but

[obsidiancreates]

Gus Knows Shawn Knows That He's Telling The Truth

(So note: I have that thing where I can't picture images in my head, so I have no fucking clue how it works for people who actually can picture stuff, so uhhhh if I describe memories/imagination weird, that's why.)

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"Come on, that's not right and you know it! I just can't see it when I play it out in my head."

"Gus, play it back in your brain, I know we saw the same thing."

"I just don't see it playing out that way, there's something more here."

It's years of these comments before Gus finally asks, "Okay, what do you mean by that?"

"Hmm?" Shawn looks up from his laptop. "What, the camera grain thing? I told you they swapped to digital on season 4, Gus, you didn't need to google it to believe me."

"Not that, and I still don't believe they'd disrespect classic film like that. I mean the way you talk about remembering and imagining things."

Shawn sits back, eyes fully off his laptop. "How do you mean?"

"I've just never heard anyone talk about that kind of thing the way you do. Like it's a movie or something."

"I mean, it basically is," Shawn says with a shrug. "What, yours isn't?"

"No, Shawn!"

"What is it like, then?"

"I don't know. When I imagine something it's not like watching a movie, though. I have to work at picturing things, at least a little."

"Huh. Weird. Half the time I just see things, literally in front of my eyes." Shawn waves his hand in front of his face. "Literally, when I remember something I stop seeing things around me and see the memory. Same for when I piece things together, I stop seeing things around me and see what I imagine happened."

"Wait, what?" Gus sits up straighter, brow creasing. "You stop seeing things?"

"Again, you don't?"

"No! People don't literally see memories, Shawn, that's crazy."

"Huh." Shawn looks thoughtful. "Must be the eidetic memory thing, then. I thought everyone could literally rewatch things they saw, just, in worse quality. Sort of fuzzy, a little grainy. Sometimes things are highlighted."

"You're not pulling my leg, are you? That's really how your brain works?"

"How else did you think it worked?"

"I don't know! You know it's almost impossible to verbalize the inner workings of the mind and imagination!"

"I think I just did it pretty well, actually."

"Whatever, Shawn. I'm looking this up online, and i I find out you're messing around again, you owe me ice cream."

"And if you discover I'm telling the truth, you owe me ice cream."

"Deal."

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"Told you." Shawn flicks his balled-up candy wrapper at the trashcan and misses.

"But it doesn't say anything about stuff being highlighted, so I still win."

"No, that doesn't count. Clearly that's just a side effect of The Sweetness mixing with the memory."

"And it's only near visual, it doesn't say anything about literally being unable to see the things around you."

"So mine is just stronger, probably because Dad had me sharpen it. ... Damn, I just gave him credit for something, didn't I? pretend you didn't hear that."

"Plus, it only applies to actual memories. You said it also happens when you imagine things. Check and mate."

"It does! Well, not always. Usually just on a case, or when I try pulling the psychic mojo out."

"Nope. Internet says you're lying about that."

"Well, then the Internet is the one lying. Which one do you believe, Gus? Your best friend for your whole life, or some random person with a laptop and love of lying?"

"You also have a love of lying, Shawn."

"... You've got me there."

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"Thanks." Gus hangs up, and looks over at Shawn's desk, smiling smugly.

"Well, that's not good." Shawn checks his drawers for pranks, but nothing. "Alright, what'd you do? Am I about to stand up and have paint all over my butt or something?"

"I called your mom."

"You know her new number?"

Okay, that's can't go unaddressed. "I got her business number from the web. You don't know her personal number?"

Shawn just shrugs.

"Your folks are messed up. Now I wish I hadn't called her."

"I do too. Why'd you do it if we both agree it was a bad idea?"

"To talk about the memory thing."

"Again? Gus, I thought we dropped this last week."

"We did. And then you said that you just couldn't 'see' my suspect doing it on our last case."

"So perfectly normal phrases are cause for interrogating my parents now?"

"Yes, because, she said that's not how it works."

"Hers is only sounds, Gus."

"She said it's still not how it works, even with visuals. Your imagined wrap-up scenarios shouldn't be as vivid as your actual memories, and you shouldn't be unable to see the actual world around you when you remember things. She was really worried about that until I told her you were messing with me."

"I'm not!" Shawn leans forward. "Here, I'll do it right now." He puts his fingers to his head, and Gus rolls his eyes.

"Shawn, I've seen you do it a million times."

"Yeah, but get up and do something while I do this."

"You can just say you didn't see what I was doing."

Shawn yanks his hands down and clicks his tongue. "Man, what do I have to do to convince you that this is how my brain works?"

"I hope you can't, because then that means you have hallucinations all the time, and I know you wouldn't go to a doctor about it."

"Hallucinations," Shawn huffs with a humorless laugh. "That's totally different, man. I'm not seeing or hearing things that aren't there around me, I'm using things I know to make a scene in mind and playing it out."

"But it's directly interfering with your perception of the current reality." Gus's smug look slides off as Shawn doesn't make any jokes back. "... You're really serious about this?"

"Oh, now that I might have something wrong with my brain-"

"No, Shawn, I didn't mean it like that." Gus stands up. "But you're serious? About seeing stuff like it's really happening, right in front of you?"

"Not always in front." There's a seriousness to Shawn's voice that Gus doesn't hear often. It's not angry, it's not upset, but it's not lighthearted either. It's... genuine. A little vulnerable. "Sometimes off to the side or behind me. It's clearer when I have more information or a solid idea to play off, and I'm not there. Not usually, anyway. It's more like TV, like I said, and I'm the camera, but I'm not a person."

Shawn glances up at Gus for one second before quickly looking away, searching his desk for something to fiddle with. "You're sure that's not how it works for everyone else?"

"Pretty sure." Gus sits in the armchair closest to Shawn's desk. "Shawn-"

"Did you ask my dad?"

"What?"

"If he sees things that way."

"No."

"So maybe it's from him." Shawn hunches back over his desk to keep doodling pineapples. "Probably some kind of trick or technique he drilled into my head."

"But-"

"I'm not seeing things." The sudden defensiveness makes Gus snap his mouth shut. Shawn balls up the paper and tosses it into the trashcan without looking. It goes right in, dead center. "Look man- it's enough that I can't just walk in a room or go on a date without all of this going on."

Shawn waves his hands by his head. Gus thinks this is the first time he's heard Shawn complain about his gift themselves, and not just the way his dad always pressures him to use them.

"If I'm hallucinating on top of that, I just don't want to know. So let's drop it."

"... Okay." Gus looks out the window. "You want some peanuts then?"

It works, Shawn's body language relaxing again. "Not today, I saw him sneeze into his hand and then fill a bag without the scooper yesterday."

"What?!"

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Gus snaps his laptop shut, but it's too slow. Shawn's mouth quirks at the corners, like he's so overwhelmingly, evilly gleeful that his face can't process it yet.

"It's not what you think."

"Gus." Shawn puts a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Gus, buddy. It's a lie, remember? If you need me to explain my process more just say so."

"I was just looking, Shawn."

"At How TO Tell If You're Psychic websites? Come on, buddy." Shawn pats his shoulder again and drops a packet of powered doughnuts onto the desk before sitting down in one of the window armchairs. "At least try to come up with a good backstory man. Wait, let me guess."

"No-"

But Shawn already has his eyes closed. "You came in today and sat around for all of five minutes before looking it up, because you're a fool."

"How'd you know-"

"The sweetness. Plus you had like a million tabs open already."

"Yeah, well." Gus adjusts himself in his chair, refusing to feel ashamed. "These websites say you're not alone."

"They all say that Gus, they're about ghosts."

"No, with the way you see things. Most of these are just random garbage, but some of the dinkier ones actually say the same as what you described when you imagine stuff."

"Gus-"

"I'm not saying you're psychic, but I'm saying that based on what I've found, you're not the only person who thinks like that. In fact, based on what I read, your eidetic memory and detective training work hand-in-hand with what you've got."

"What I've got?"

"And overactive imagination and out-of-body experiences."

"Great." Shawn stands up and grabs the doughnuts back.

"Hey!"

"People who psychoanalyze me don't get doughnuts, Gus."

"I'm not psychoanalyzing you! You seemed upset that I thought it was weird-"

Shawn scoffs. "When has that ever upset me? I'm proudly eccentric."

"-so I wanted to show you it's not that unusual. I was trying to be nice, Shawn."

"Well, you did it poorly, because now I know my brilliant mind works the same as people who think they can actually speak with ghosts."

Gus tsks at Shawn and opens his laptop back up. He goes back to reading the page, and glances up at his friend from behind his screen. "... Hey Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

"You think the peanut guy is still sick?"

"Nah, he should be fine." Shawn pulls out some paperwork from the station and groans. "A fi- really? We're filing things away now? Why'd you have them send this over?" He reads it. "What is this, a witness statement? Gus."

"Nothing to do with me."

"It's got a note from Buzz stapled to it that says 'Here's what you asked for, Gus, have a good day.' Look, he added a smiley face. That's adorable."

Stop calling full grown men 'adorable'."

"He's not a full-grown man. He's a full grown Labrador that turned into a man, and you can't prove me wrong. ... This is from our last case."

Gus starts to sweat.

Shawn narrows his eyes. "This is the statement about the thing with the van..." He looks up. "Gus... why exactly did you ask me to explain that deduction to you in as much detail as possible?"

"Just curious, like I said then." He knows it's a bad lie. Even a non-Shawn would clock it.

"Oh, Gus. Buddy, you're not seriously thinking I'm psy-"

"Why're you checking the mail anyway? You never do that."

"I felt like checking it today."

"Why? Felt important?"

"Oh my god."

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"I can see it, clearly!" Shawn shouts, hand to his head as he stands atop the picnic table in the park. He swivels around, pointing among the crowd of soccer moms gathered for their now ruined potluck. "You, June, despised Carol for her status among the neighborhood! The best barbecues, the best garden, the best book club picks-"

"This is absurd," June spits, looking frantically at Jules and Lassie. "You can't believe him!"

"AH!" Shawn stumbles back, squishing a plate of lasagna under his shoe. "Oh, sorry, um- it was all veggie anyway, it's-it's not much of a loss. Ahem. Oh, OH, OH! I feel it! I see it and I feel it! You and Carol were both looking to become head of the PTA, and you knew she was a shoo-in! It was just one more in a long line of titles you wanted that she took!"

"She didn't even want to ban the right books from the classrooms!" June backs away. "She-she flaunted everything! She was tacky!"

"You couldn't stand it." Shawn points at her. "You just couldn't stand it, any longer! She got the house you wanted, her husband got the promotion over yours, she got the parties and the gossip and all you got were passive-aggressive pies!"

"Those stupid pies," June seethes.

"That's what she's most upset about?" Jules says, not whispering but not shouting.

"It was the final straw. You went to her house and you gave the pie back, but she laughed at you! She told you it wasn't a big deal!"

"SHE DID!"

"And so you took that glass pie dish and you slammed it over her head! You did it over and over, until she couldn't. laugh. any. more."

"Yes," June sobs as her fellow soccer moms collectively make a wide berth around her. "Yes, I did! She didn't even try! Every pie was overcooked, every decoration in her house was the wrong color for the walls, everything was wrong! She was ruining my LIFE!"

"Sure," Lassie says as he cuffs her. "Four bedroom with no mortgage to pay off, seems like she really dragged you through the mud."

"It's only two full bath," June sobs as she's lead away. "The other two are only half-baths, it's squalor, it's a slum-"

Shawn hops down from the table and wipes his heel on the grass. "I'm reminded yet again why I'm not a homeowner, Gus."

"You're not a homeowner because you don't make money, Shawn, not because you chose not to be."

"I've heard it both ways."

Gus's eyes flicker over to June sitting in the squad car. "So how'd you know Carol laughed at her?"

"Oh, not this again."

"What?! I'm just asking a question, Shawn!"

"No, you're yet again digging into my head because you have somehow gotten sucked into the lie that you help me fake!" Shawn whisper-yells.

"All I asked was how you knew she laughed!"

"I knew because that's what people like this do! They laugh at each other and make fun of stupid things until one of them snaps!"

"Did you see her laughing?"

"GUS!" Shawn grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him. "Snap back into the real world, I am begging you!"

"Get off of me!" Gus slaps Shawn's hands off. "Fine! What else have you seen through this case?"

"What?"

"What other things have you seen?"

"Why are you asking?"

"If anyone is here right now that you 'imagined' something about, we can settle this by asking them."

"This is ridiculous."

"Scared I'm right?"

Shawn takes the bait. He looks around and, with a huffed laugh and sly look, takes off. "Hey! Debbie!"

The woman looks up from where she's packing up the potluck. "Oh, not you again. Don't you have more ghosts to speak to?"

"I do. In fact, one is bothering me right now." Shawn elbows Gus. "The spirit is asking me to verify a vision I had of you. It was fuzzy, and possibly a malicious spirit trying to deceive me. I need to check."

"Fine. You have until I'm done bagging this up."

Shawn raises one hand to his head and presses his middle fingers fingertip to his temple. "Early in this case, I had a vision of you doing your dishes and seeing June and Carol's husband arguing on their front lawn."

"You already asked me about this."

"Yes, I did. But the spirits are insisting there are details that were cosmically tampered with." Shawn gives Gus a smarmy look, which is odd, since he's trying o prove something he thought is wrong. "I... I heard you humming, yes. I believe it was... Livin' La Vida Loca."

He looks at her with a face that says he fully expects to be wrong. But her jaw drops.

"Y-yes. How-how did you know that? I don't even like that song, it just-it came on while I was driving earlier that day."

"Oh, um... well, that-that's good, then. That that part was right." Shawn takes a second, and then nods. "Um, I also see the detail of you opening your window to hear it better. You thought it could be interesting gossip for... a lunch with your sister?"

"Yes!"

"Really? ... Okay, um-" Gus nudges Shawn to get him to keep going, because Shawn is visibly losing his nerve. "I also see..."

He squeezes his eyes shut tighter. "I see... you dropped a plate when you heard June accuse Carol's husband of insider trading. It was a... blue? Plate? One of those ones that's more of a bowl, really. And it chipped."

"Yes." Debbie hasn't been bagging food for a while now, staring at Shawn with complete awe. "Yes, and-and I thought I should stop listening then."

"But you didn't." Shawn blinks his eyes open. "Even though you told us you did the first time we did this, right?"

"... I-I didn't want to be considered complicit if it turned out true... oh, I-I didn't- tell the spirit I'll report her husband-"

"No need, ma'am," Gus says soothingly. "He was investigated already, he's clean."

Debbie deflates with relief. "I didn't mean to lie, I just... I was scared."

"It's fine." Shawn turns on his heel and speed-walks to The Blueberry, visibly rattled. Gus lingers for a moment to give Shawn some space.

"Thank you for clearing that up, his visions can make it difficult to tell what's relevant and what's not sometimes."

"I-I can't imagine. How does he manage to live, with that in his mind all of the time?"

"I'm still figuring that out too, honestly." And now so is Shawn. "Have a nice rest of your day, Miss Debbie."

Gus jogs to The Blueberry. As soon as he gets in, the puting Shawn beside him speaks up.

"That doesn't prove anything. I probably saw the chipped plate when we talked to her."

"You didn't go through her cabinets."

"Could've been in the dish drainer."

"Was it?"

Shawn doesn't answer. Only he can conjure up an image clear enough to re-examine like he's right there in the room in real life, so Gus can't say for sure if the plate was put away or not. But Shawn knows.

And his silence says everything.

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"I'm not entertaining this, man." Shawn tosses the ball up and nearly misses the catch on it's way back down. "It was a couple of weirdly good guesses. Besides, it was all tiny, irrelevant details. I still got our last case wrong half the time."

"We've checked with witnesses for our last three cases, and you were able to describe details you shouldn't know for all of them."

"I do that all the time."

"But you can't explain how you got those guesses right. Come on Shawn, guessing that the kid who only wore pastel floor-length dresses was a hardcore hip-hop fan? There was nothing about her that should have tipped you off."

"Some of what I notice is subconscious, you know, I'm not always aware of every little thing my brain picks up on. That's what a gut feeling is, man."

"Sometimes, for sure. But sometimes it might be psychic visions."

"If these are real psychic visions, they're the most useless visions of all time. Do you really want to be friends with a psychic who can guess the shoes someone was wearing last Tuesday but can't find a murderer until the fourth try?"

"All the websites and books-"

"Why do I talk to you?"

"-say that the less a psychic practices seriously, the more they get wrong."

"That's just a way to cover their asses when other fakes get caught."

"Or, you just need to practice, and we can stop making fools of ourselves with false accusations."

"So that's what this is all about? You just want me to accuse fewer people? That's how process of elimination works, Gus!"

"We're trying it again, right now." Gus wheels his chair over to Shawn's desk.

"I'm not doing this."

"Yes, you are." Gus thinks for a moment. "Try to tell me what your dad said to me after that birthday party where you caught someone trying to steal the cake corner I wanted."

"When we were nine? How do I know you'll even remember that well enough to say if I get it right?"

"Trust me, it's burned into my memory." Because it freaked him out.

"This is stupid."

"Just tell me what you think happened after you left. He scolded you for tackling the kid as they ran away, and you left, and I wanna know what you see when you imagine what happened after that."

Shawn shrugs, face scrunched with hesitant frustration. "I-I don't know Gus, something like-"

Henry kneels down and pats Gus on the shoulder. He gives the child a sharp smile, looking at the door Shawn had just stormed through. "Just you wait, Guster. Someday you'll be able to tell people your best friend is the perfect cop."

"-or something." Shawn opens his eyes and pulls his hand down from his head. He locks eyes with Gus-

Who's mouth is open and eyes wide as they can get.

"What?"

"That was word for word, Shawn!"

Shawn blinks, and then scoffs, a crooked grin spreading across his face and his leg beginning to bounce nervously. "Okay, I just happen to guess what my dad said to you decades ago-"

"No, no," Gus moves closer, pressing one hand to the desk as he fully rounds it and then putting both on Shawn's shoulders. "Dude, I mean the whole thing was exactly like that. The kneeling to my eye level-"

"That's just how he used to talk to us."

"-and the weird smile-"

"All his smiles are weird, it's something I thank the universe every day I didn't inherit."

"-the way he said 'perfect' that made me a little worried he wanted to replace you with a robot-"

"Because he probably did want to."

"Shawn!"

"Gus!" Shawn slaps his best friend's hands off of his shoulders. "I am not psychic! Come on, I thought if either of us was going to forget that one day it'd be me!"

"Well I think you are!" Gus stands and puts his hands on his hips. "You know, this is actually making a lot of little things make sense to me."

"What? No, don't pretend you've always thought this." Shawn shakes his head. "This is going too far, okay?"

"I haven't always thought it, but now some things make sense! Like when you told Nigel St Nigel to stop smoking before you did your noticing-things squint at the electric box."

"I just didn't want the man to have holes in his lungs."

"How about you getting on board with your own joke theory with the Frazen case?"

"That was just me being even better than I realized, and the day I vowed to never dismiss my own jokes again."

"Uh-uh." Gus steps back and points at Shawn, making Shawn cross his eyes to watch his hand bob back and forth. "No, I know this is real. Do it again."

"Gus, it doesn't work like that."

"How does it work then?"

"I don't know, man! Sometimes I just get an idea in my head and it plays out! This is kind of insulting, honestly!"

"How?!"

"You're saying all of my hard detective work is just because some spirits told me something!"

"I'm not saying that at all! I know most of it is just you figuring things out, but I think you really do have some psychic abilities! You're always guessing what I'm gonna say like you can read my mind-"

"Because we've known each other our entire lives!"

"-and you always end up being onto something even with your wildest theories-"

"That's called luck-"

"-and you always manage to get us into the right places at the right time to come face-to-face with the bad guy!"

"Those are bad situations, so that would mean the spirits hate me. Do you want a psychic friend who's being lead into death traps by ghosts?"

"Shawn-"

"Gus, I'm being serious about this. I. Am not. Psychic. So drop it."

"Nuh-uh, no way. I'm getting you to believe it."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

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"Really?" Shawn looks at Gus, completely unamused.

"The websites say they work."

"Crystals." Shawn gestures at his desk. "You have covered my entire workspace with crystals. This is getting sad, man."

Gus shrugs. "They're supposed to help open the third eye and hone psychic abilities."

"You sound like a hippie."

"You sound like a guy in denial."

"I'm not doing this." Shawn opens a drawer to shove the crystals into. "Really?! The whole drawer?!"

"All of them. And I put some in the kitchen."

"This is a problem. You, have a problem."

"Yes, and it's name is Shawn."

"What is this- did you sign me up for a meditation class?!"

"This Friday."

"You signed your completely unmedicated ADHD and hyper-observant friend up for a meditation class. I'm going to end up torturing that poor teacher, Gus."

"If you genuinely try at it, I'll buy you a year's supply of corn nuts."

"... A whole year?"

"A whole year."

"One for each day."

"I have the check from our last case set aside just for this."

"Fine. But when I'm still not psychic by the end, you're not allowed to go back on this deal."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine. ... These crystals are actually kind of cool. Dammit, I might take some home., look at this. This one is shaped like a butt. ... You found the cool ones on purpose, didn't you?"

"One looks like a pineapple."

"Which one- oh, yeah, look at that! This, is delightful. But this, as a whole, is still a problem."

"We'll see."

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Shawn sits at his desk, staring at the wall, as Gus does a little victory dance behind him.

"Yes, yes, we are finally in the clear-!"

"Gus." Shawn buries his face in his hands. "Please give me at least one minute to process this? Should I be the one celebrating having actual superpowers?"

"You're not the one who thought we'd get caught!"

"We still might, it-it's barely even actual visions." Shawn looks at the board of their latest case, the one solved in the morning and the one solved in record time, the one solved thanks to a very small detail and a gut feeling.

And the one irrefutably, undoubtedly, solved by a psychic vision.

"It still happened!" Gus continues his dance. "I told you those crystals and classes would show you! What, what?" He fans himself. "What?"

"This is the weirdest turn my life has taken," Shawn mumbles, rubbing his face. "Of all the ways to find out, it had to be a vision like that? It wasn't even cool."

"Cool is getting paid, Shawn, and it made that happen!"

"But a vision of the victim's flu symptoms? That's- Gus, that's just lame."

"Lame? You knew the guy never had clamminess, that was the whole key! He never had clammy hands, so he never lost grip after falling off that balcony, he was pushed. That was the entire closing argument, Shawn, the killer confessed right away!"

"I could've found other evidence." Shawn sits back in his chair, arms crossed. "Something better than 'Oh, he wasn't sweaty!' What kind of wrap-up is that?"

"Shawn, seriously, what's up with you? Why aren't you more excited about this? We're not lying to cops anymore, you've got actual superpowers, and we can probably solve cases twice as fast."

"Because, Gus, how would you feel if you learned you had superpowers your whole life and just never noticed, so now you have to go back and think about everything you've ever done to try and find out what was you just being an awesome genius and what was some kind of metaphysical interference?"

Gus stops his dancing. "What?"

Shawn grinds his jaw.

Gus sits down.

"... Am I even actually a good detective? A good shot? Have good instincts?"

"Yes, you are. We both know you are."

"Do we? We didn't know I can have visions for three whole decades, so-" he laughs, sharp and bitter.

"... Well, I think it all just goes together." Gus picks up a pencil and starts writing down ideas on how to help Shawn hone his newfound skills. "You can have visions and use your detective skills to examine them way more effectively than a psychic without could, and you can recall each one perfectly. All of the website I read talk about how frustrating it is to have a vision that only become relevant weeks later, and by then it's hard to remember. You don't have to deal with that."

"... That is pretty cool, I guess."

"Plus, they say mind-reading is possible once you practice enough, especially with people you're already close to."

"We already know I can do that." Shawn's mood sours again. "We don't know each other so well I can, I just can."

"I think it's both. You've never practiced it, so maybe we've just known each other so long you managed to do it anyway."

"Are you saying... it was the magic of friendship?" Shawn cracks a smile. "That's adorable, man, really."

"You know that's right." Their friendship is adorable, and he's proud of that fact. "Besides, you realize what you can do once you practice having clearer visions?"

"What?"

"Confuse your dad."

Shawn blinks. And then grins. "Gus. You mad genius."

Gus bows a little.

"He'll never know what hit him! Oh, that'll drive him nuts! He'll never be able to figure out how I'm figuring things out!"

"And now when Lassie says you're a fake, you can hit him with real psychic information."

"Holy- Gus! Why didn't you point this out form the beginning?! I would have totally gotten on board! Show me those websites right now, I'm about to psych it uppppp!"

#psych #psych 2006 #psych usa #psychusa #shawn spencer #burton guster #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

[krissielee]

Hey! How did you get access to watch the March RW&RB screener? I want to sign up for that, if I can. :)

I got lucky--a friend of mine down in LA got the offer and immediately sent it to me. She didn't/doesn't care about it, but she knows I'm obsessed and had made sure to let all my Hollywood-connected friends know that if they saw anything come up, let me know IMMEDIATELY because I needed it like air to breathe.

But there are a lot of websites to sign up for early screeners (or even just "barely before opening but it's free and free things are awesome so yay" screeners)--note that these are in no particular order; just whatever ones I happened to think of first:

Preview Free Movies is the one I got RWRB through, as well as tickets for Rocketman way back in the day. These are ostensibly the hardest to get into because they're usually only held in very specific movie-centric places and often tickets are handed out literally in person at local malls. It takes luck to get a location you can get to, but if you can ... totally worth it. They do sometimes do early online screeners, too: I saw Spinning Gold back in 2020, unfinished, and it was awesome. Found out later that a friend's cousin wrote the movie about their uncle! Small world, there. Also, I now can't listen to Love to Love You Baby without wanting to kill myself, but they changed that for the final release lol. Everyone in that early screener was like PLEASE DON'T PLAY THAT FOR TEN MINUTES EVER AGAIN.

Gofobo does a lot of early ones as well, but those are more like press screenings just before wide release, not in production ones.

1iota sometimes has screeners, even though they usually do tickets to talk shows (I have seen Taron Egerton at a bunch of those, though, including for Jimmy Kimmel where my [clothed!!!] boobs are on display for an awkward amount of time because Jimmy was talking to the people sitting directly in front of me lol)

Advance Screenings offers a lot of press screenings, but also sometimes contests to see special movie screenings. I "won" passes to a special Hunger Games screening through this site.

Amazon Screenings is really neat because it also does a lot of early virtual screenings. I've seen so many movies sitting at home in my jammies this way. And often they'll have special things to go along with it, like talks with the cast and crew, or for their Halloween set a few years back, virtual dance parties with DJs. Jason Blum was in the chat with all of us and it was kind of epic.

Searchlight Screenings is for Fox films. Same as the others; you sign up and hope to get lucky with a screening in your area.

Lionsgate Screenings are for, well. Lionsgate films.

WB also does screenings sometimes.

iScreeningRoom is great for online indie films. I've seen some really great movies that I can't wait for them to get wide releases. Some of them are weird as hell, as expected from indie films, but I've never hated anything I've seen. I know Nomad is pushing for a release soon, and I can't wait to watch that one again.

Many of these are US-centric, for anyone who comes across this post. I don't know much about other countries 'cause, you know. 'Murica, or whatever.

The other thing to remember is, for any of these screenings that are in person, you have to get there early. Like, stupid early. Multiple hours early. They always overbook the theatre. Yeah, you have a ticket? So do 500 other people for that 100 seat theatre. There are no guarantees for early screenings. I was almost the last person in for RWRB, and about the only people in after me were Matthew Lopez and some other people in his group. I only got a good seat because @machtaholic got there earlier than I did and saved one for me, which, had I not made it in, would have gone to someone else. The workers were going to try to sneak me in regardless because I was freaking out about having driven 8 hours only for the movie and if I'd missed it I was gonna cry, lol. Also, the hotel next to the theatre is where the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz were housed during film, so. Learned something while there, ha.

But also, there was no notice on it. Like, I found out on Tuesday that the screener was on Wednesday and I had to get myself to LA immediately if I had any hope of making it. For the really early ones, if you don't live in the city it's held in, you have to be ready to get up and go. Immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and hope your boss is really cool with you just not coming in.

Caveat: a lot of those super early ones, they won't even advertise those films to you as you're "out of market" for their research purposes. If it hadn't been for my friend living in the proper market, I'd have never known. It's the same way I was invited to a crazy early screening of Argylle (but from a different friend), even though I couldn't make it to that one because the timing just didn't work. So if you live in Boise and the movie's screening in Seattle, you're not going to even know about it.

Also also, there are age and gender limits on some of these. The woman and her daughter behind me in line, mom couldn't get into RWRB because she was one year past the age cutoff. Conversely, some movies you need to have children of a certain age. Keep that in mind when signing up for the really early ones. The press screeners are rarely that picky, though they did actually ID check for Kingsman (no others, not even other R rated films).

The more you sign up for, the more you redeem, the more you get invited to others. There have been many times where I have to choose which screening I feel like seeing because I've got offers for two or three films on the same night. Conversely, there have been times where I'm a greedy brat and go see the same movie across multiple screeners, but that's only happened like ... twice, because it was Eddie the Eagle, and three of my friends wanted to go but never on the same night, so I took them different times lol, and then the other was for The Wedding Ringer, which was never full so it didn't matter.

And I know there are other sites out there, but these are the ones I'm signed up on that I can recall. I get a lot of emails from these ones, and thus more chances to see films early.

Also sorry if my links are broken. I'm pretty sure I did them right but who even knows anymore lol.

#movies #screeners #early screenings #how to see movies early in the us #rwrb #how i got in #this got long and novely #tl;dr here's early screening info and some notes for newbies

[kanansdume]

I am honestly just so happy that Cassian appears to be remaining the lead character of Andor. After the absolute clusterfuck that was Book of Boba Fett, with what happened to Temuera Morrison and Ming-na Wen being sidelined on their own show for a more popular character and 50 million cameos, I didn't have high hopes for Andor and Cassian. I was worried when they insisted this show was going to be an ensemble show even if it was named Andor, that Cassian and Mon Mothma were going on parallel journeys and it wasn't just Cassian's story.

And in some ways, that remains true. Obviously Cassian's story and Mon Mothma's story aren't overlapping all that much aside from both being connected to Luthen Rael. The same is true for Dedra, that her story doesn't overlap much with Cassian's except for through that one piece of technology Cassian stole.

But the guiding light here, the one thing that seems to connect everybody in the show, is still Cassian.

Mon Mothma's connected through Luthen to CASSIAN. Dedra is connected to Cassian's stolen item. And literally everyone else is directly connected to him somehow.

There are sub stories and parallel stories in this show, but it still comes back to CASSIAN. Cassian's story and Cassian's growth and development and choices and emotions drive every aspect of this show in some ways.

Mon Mothma's in there because she parallels Cassian. Saw Gerrera will be in here because he parallels Cassian or helps to allow Cassian to grow. Luthen is Cassian's catalyst. Dedra and Syril are antagonists. The Aldhani characters are his first introduction to what a Rebellion looks like. The Ferrix characters help tell us who he is in this time of his life, what his origin is.

And even just in terms of screentime so far, Cassian still seems to far outweigh anyone else. The focus and the most interesting and dynamic pieces of story right now are given to Cassian. Mon Mothma's scenes are just about showing her family dynamic. Dedra will get like a scene or two about chasing her lead on the rebels. Syril is moping. But Cassian is on a heist, he's actually DOING things and we get to SEE HIM DO THEM. With Mon Mothma, we actually skipped right over her big event and just saw the aftermath of the dinner party that was discussed last episode.

Which just comes back to how they refused to use the Volume because they felt like it wouldn't help tell the story they wanted to tell. The characters they chose are all in here because they help tell the story they want to tell. And that story is Cassian's. It's about the little people in Star Wars, still. The ones with seemingly the least power rising up and showing how much they actually do have. The marginalized, the forgotten. That was part of the big draw of Rogue One was that none of these characters would be remembered in history. The final few scenes in the film are all about Darth Vader and Leia, the people who do get remembered. But what lets those scenes really sing, what makes them WORK SO WELL is not really Darth Vader OR Leia in my opinion, but the fact that we just spent two hours watching a bunch of people work their asses off and then die for those plans. To thwart Vader, to allow Leia to do what she does. Vader and Leia wouldn't be doing anything without those characters and no one will ever remember their importance to the story.

And that's kind-of the point of Cassian to me in some ways. He isn't going to be remembered, that's not the point. What he does still matters, whether he's remembered or not. His choices matter, his motivations matter, his love and rage matter.

And this show gives that to us, so well. And I do hope it keeps it up. It has time to disappoint me still, I suppose, but for now I don't think it will.

#andor #andor show #andor series #cassian andor #andor spoilers #mon mothma

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

everyone keeps talking about the woman especially Daphne character acting but did y’all not see Will did y’all not see Ethan now that’s an chilling Emmy worthy performance yes sure Daphn actress was great dont get me wrong they all were especially Jennifer but the way y’all giving Meghan all the credit like it’s so typical a yt woman does bare minimum to little effort and y’all say its the work of art a masterpiece never been done especially in acting in anything really but a poc does an even wayy better superior performance and it’s silence crickets just shows how y’all have higher standard for black poc character in everything they do it’s so funny but very typical and I’m not surprised or shocked at all I would’ve accepted Jennifer bc she was insane this szn but the other yt girls sure did great but common when

Will outdid everyone this szn like he was phenomenal gave me chills the way we and no one else either could literally read him even at the end like did he sleep with his wife bc he cheated on her with Daph we will never know was that why he was all of sudden was so happy and attracted to his wif? I mean if anyone deserves all the credit praise this szn it’s him Will I mean no one not one person could figure Ethan character out what his deal was not one single person everyone was saying he was an enigma and this season the most interesting character impossible to understand yet nothing y’all not giving Will the praise credit for that is not shocking nor odd or surprising it’s very typical of fandoms in typically white only show/movie but also literally in any fandom in tv/film/book to give all the credit praise for yt characters bare minimum effort acting especially a yt woman with blue eyes all she needs to do is getting a little teary eyes and y’all say she invented acting!

I remember how y’all was doing that with Lizzie for crying for like a second in movies or wandavison it was so laughable y’all really thought she was Emmy worthy let alone that she would win never laughed so hard in my life same thing happened with Seb as Bucky tfatws but for real tho yt people especially in the mcu fandom they are some of the funniest pepz ever like I love them

The way they make me laugh with their ridiculousness every time without fault by their dumb absurd actions cant even hate them at times bc thanks for making me laugh dont get me wrong I do hate bc they are bunch of racist fcks but gotta love them for making me laugh

since ep1 I have low-key been pushing for Will Sharpe Emmy campaign but I’m now officially doing it loud if anyone deserves an Emmy for this season its definitely 100% him and Jennifer but especially him like are you kidding he gave brilliant performances for 7ep straight  

#the white lotus #hbo white lotus #white lotus #will sharpe #harper spiller #ethan spiller #audrey plaza #jennifer coolidge #tanya mcquoid

[luckydiorxoxo]

Is Greenland the movie about the end of the world, like natural disasters started happening and the guy was trying to get his family to safety. I remember seeing a movie like that with Gerald Butler but I didn’t remember the name of the movie, it was really good and I’m happy for another one. I literally went the dude was underrated while watching because I hadn’t seen him in anything for a while.

And if Chris turned that down…..damn that was a mistake.

Hopefully Chris can step it up film wise, I truly think he has the talent to pull it off and escape the marvel umbrella and still be successful. He just needs to believe in himself more and stop focusing on the wrong things, like dude I prove your craft. The way this man can easily pick up choreography is INSANE! I’ve watched his behind the scenes stunt work and I’m amazed, I want that level of talent and finesse to show in his acting.

Yes that's the movie. Maybe he felt like he couldn't carry the movie as a leading man. Who knows?🤷🏾‍♀️ I can't make comments on his career because I don't know what's going on with that 🥴.

Gerard did a good job with it and now I can't imagine anyone else in the role. Hopefully he does the sequel.

#gerard butler #Greenland

[constitutionalweasleymonarchy]

Hi! I would absolutely love to see 'done dirty by the creator' for either Percy or Ron if either of those sparks an idea!

Love your work! 💕

Ooh hmm. This is such an interesting one for both these characters.

Obviously Ron was done dirty in the films, but I don’t think he was in the books. Whatever some people’s willful misreading of his character may have to say about it, he was very obviously written to be a likable character and a positive presence. He’s indisputably Harry’s favorite and most valued person. The books are at their most entertaining when he’s on the page. Tbh I think Ron was written exactly the way he should have been.

Percy is an interesting quandary. On balance, I think he was done dirty, in that the narrative just takes it for granted that he was entirely in the wrong vis a vis his rift with his family. We never hear a character speak a word in defense of his position (not that I can remember), and when he comes back he’s the one to apologize and while everyone forgives, it’s taken for granted that he is the only one who owes an apology.

Now look. This scene happens while a battle is emerging and it’s all from Harry’s POV and, vicariously, the Weasleys’ perspectives, and we all know where they stood on this issue. And it makes sense that Percy, as a good and loving person, would apologize at that moment. Because sometimes when you care you apologize even when the blame is not entirely yours. And I can accept that in that moment in that scene, there was no time or space for self-reflection on the part of Arthur or anyone else — they literally didn’t even know this was coming. So yeah, they’re like, “Cool, apology accepted, welcome back,” because anything deeper or more introspective than that would frankly have been unrealistic in that moment. Percy’s already done his introspection and accepted his own responsibility. Everyone else likely has not by this point.

And we don’t circle back around to this issue because this story is not about Percy. I don’t expect to be spoon-fed the closure for this situation, because it’s kind of irrelevant to the rest of the book’s events.

A lot of the responsibility for Percy being maligned, I will continue to lay at the feet of readers who refuse to read critically. He’s given a lot of good qualities and endearing moments that have been collectively forgotten or ignored in fandom. You know, the author didn’t have to give him these moments, these bursts of personality and affection — it wouldn’t have mattered one bit to the plot — but she did. And sometimes I think that, since she clearly bought into the idea presented in her own narrative, that Percy acted wrongly, sometimes I think the reason she gave him these shining moments was because she had to give readers a reason to be supportive of him coming back. If he’d been a jackass the whole time, that scene would have fallen flat.

But the point remains — leaving commentary about the author as a person out of it and general worldbuilding gripes we could come up with — that it’s pretty indisputable she is very intentional in her writing, she set up these layered characters and tangled and untangled scenarios and just everything that made all of us love the story in the first place — and that tells me that if she was intent on writing this Percy subplot, she absolutely could have found a way to set it up, present it, and resolve it in a way that was more nuanced if she’d wanted to (even taking into account the limited POV). I don’t think she wanted to. Maybe because Percy was meant to represent good people being taken in by bad things and we are all supposed to know that is A Bad Situation. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And you know, plenty of people see that situation as black and white, and clearly the narrative does.

But if you’re someone who sees the world in shades of grey… yeah, Percy was done dirty.

#percy weasley #character opinion bingo #ask game #hp meta #ronsgirlfriday

[bunny-heels]

trying to find an old internet short film about a girl with a petty roommate and a crush on a boy in a band

so i made this post on reddit 3 months ago and even though apparently 400+ people saw it no one commented on it and i didnt even get a message about it so im trying on here. this is copy pasted from the reddit post:

"It was an animated short film about a girl who worked at an office job, with a petty girl roommate who had a big ego, and she had a crush on a boy who I believe was the lead singer of a small band.

The events I can remember them in is this.

The girl is at her office job when her crush comes in asking her if she could print out flyers for his band that are going to be preforming soon. She agrees and does so at her job, but she gets distracted(?) and flyers start copying at rapid speed and I think spreading all over town. The crush is grateful that she did it, so he gives her a free ticket to a concert they'll be doing at a bar.

She holds onto the ticket throughout a few scenes before there is a gust of wind and the ticket goes flying out of her hand, and there is a whole chase scene that happens, where in one part she gets stuck on a hand from a big city clock (not Big Ben, this is an American film).

This next part I just unlocked in my brain recently, although I don't know if this is a false memory. I think she was able to sneak into the bar where they were playing, but then either she got drunk and threw up on her crush, or there was a bar fight that lead to her having to go home. I'm leaning more towards her throwing up and going home out of embarrassment.

The film ends with her in bed sad (maybe also crying and/or hungover?) until she gets a message on her answering machine from her crush, where he's clearly drunk, still at the bar, talking to her about what's happening, and it ends with her smiling and sighing out of love.

There were two scenes I could remember with the roommate that I don't know where exactly they placed in the film, but I remember the order of when they appeared. The first scene being the main girl and her roommate arguing about laundry, and the next scene being the main girl trying to get into her apartment building as it's about to rain, but the roommate locks the building door behind her on purpose, and the main girl ends up melting into a puddle because it was acid rain.

This is all I can remember about the film. I don't remember who animated it or what it was called. All I can remember was that it must've been uploaded somewhere online between 2005 to 2009-2010. Here's an old drawing I did a couple years ago of what I remember the characters and art style to look like."

this is the drawing

i like, literally have nowhere else to go about this other than here. if someone knows anything about internet short film history or something like that or if anyone else remembers this short film, please please PLEASE say something.

reblogs are really appreciated for this

#the bun talks #help me find #lost media #internet lost media #short film #animated short film #2d animated short film #2000s internet #2000s media #2000s web

[purplesurveys]

1727

Did you get enough rest last night?  I really didn't. I slept at 5 AM thinking that would surely let me sleep in the entire morning, but my body still automatically woke me up at 9 and didn't let sleep again by then.

What was the last thing that kept you awake?  That would be right now – I finished off the entire first season of D.P. which I ended at around half past midnight, and now I'm back in my room downing the rest of my coffee with no intention to sleep yet, even with just four hours of rest haha.

If you have pets, do they sleep in your bedroom at night?  No, they have their own corner in the living room.

Can you sleep with background noise or does it keep you up?  It helps me fall asleep as the light noise gives me a sense of security, so I kind of need it.

Do you ever take naps? Do you take long naps or little power naps?  Occasionally. I can never do power naps as they always end up feeling super insufficient for me, and I prefer having 3-4 hour naps.

What helps when you have trouble sleeping?  I'd need to go through my phone and watch a lot of videos since that quickly gets the job done.

Who was the last person to cook you a meal? What did they make?  My mom made pasta for sharing a few days ago.

Who was the last person you cooked a meal for? What did you make?  I don't cook for anyone, because I don't cook.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable)  Song Hye Kyo, Park Jihyo.

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable)  RM of BTS.

Tell me about an interesting article you’ve read recently.  Andi shared a pretty unique piece with me this morning which was basically a personal essay of why McDonald's' Coke seems to taste better than Coke literally anywhere else. It was silly yet insightful, mundane yet so weirdly intriguing and fascinating. For somebody who doesn't even like soda, I found myself reading until the very end. I liked it a lot and subscribed to that author right away lol.

Do you have a favorite Marvel character?  I'm not into anything superhero.

Favorite DC character?  Yeah, no.

Do you read comic books?  I tried getting into them but I got tired of faking it LOL so I just accepted that comic books and superheroes and I will never mix.

Has a horror film ever actually scared you? Which one(s)?  I found Paranormal Activity to be a refreshing horror concept for its time and it successfully gave me the creeps, especially with the multiple endings. The sequels unsurprisingly didn't hold up the same magic but I'm very much willing to defend the first movie to my grave haha. OH Midsommar was also super freaky. I nearly refused to drive home that night because I was afraid of seeing the trees in the neighborhood suddenly pulsating.

What was the last horror movie you saw? The Menu counts as horror-ish, no?

What was the first horror movie you remember seeing? What did you think of it?  The Exorcist. I was 12 and immediately downloaded a torrent when a quick "what's the scariest movie ever" Google search led me to that movie. In hindsight, though, because I already had expectations of how scary it is, I think that sort of pre-conditioned me to be more sensitive to the jump scares and all the freaky shit that happened in the movie – so 13 years ago, I was definitely spooked.

Realistically though, I feel if I watched it again now at 25 I'd probably find some of the effects more comedic than scary, BUT one thing I'll never get over are *those* demonic images that pop up like three times across the movie. Regardless of how old I get I feel like I'll always look away from those lol.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why?  I recently learned about Herbert K. Pililaau, the US soldier who fought off Korean soldiers on his own while the rest of his crew? platoon? (idk terms) had been assigned somewhere else at the time. Fucking dude kept firing until he was out of ammunition; then switched to grenades; then when he ran out of those too, ended up with knife in one hand, fist in the other to fight the best and longest he could before he was finished off; when he was found, he was surrounded by more or less 40 soldiers he managed to kill. Obviously I don't support war and this is a shitty story all around, but this scenario is straight out of a movie.

What is your favorite historical film and why?  Gone with the Wind. I have yet to understand the complexities and deeper contexts behind the Civil War and all other questions related toit; and when I say it's my favorite it's largely because of the production value and how unprecedented such a movie was to have come out at the time it did.

Do you usually enjoy historical films?  Yes, as long as they don't extremely deviate from or betray things that actually happened, especially if we're covering atrocities or human right violations.

Name a sequel film (any franchise) you like better than the first film. Why is that?  Shrek 2. It's the Shrek movie I grew up with so I'll always be biased towards it.

Which do you find most interesting: Greek, Roman, or Norse mythology? Why?  Eugh, I really dislike mythology haha.

Which tale from whichever mythology you listed above do you find most interesting?  I read Percy Jackson and that's the most I'll read as far as mythology.

Do you collect anything? What was the last item you added to that collection?  Just BTS merch. Last things that arrived were my copies of D-Day and Face, but I'm expecting my orders of Jack in the Box and Layover to arrive October latest.

Do you have any houseplants?  We do, but it's my mom who takes care of them.

How do you like your tea?  As coffee.

Who is your favorite Muppet?  Wasn't really raised on Muppets.

What is your favorite type of bird?  Penguins. < Yes.

Which streaming platform do you use the most, if any?  Spotify.

What is a skill or useful piece of knowledge you wish you’d learned sooner?  How to pack smart.

What is your favorite vampire movie?  TWILIGHT SAGA ALWAYS AND FOREVER

Your favorite fictional couple?  Chandler and Monica from Friends; Glenn and Maggie from The Walking Dead; Mark and Joanna from Two for the Road.

Do you have a favorite historical couple?  Not really, no.

Have you received any good news recently?  Nah.

Have you learned anything new recently?  I took the 16 personalities test earlier for my ~annual check-in and found out I've switched from an ESFJ to an ESTJ. No big change other than the fact that I apparently think more with my head now hah.

[caatws]

I do not know if I am the only one, but can they just make starmora get back together off screen if anything similar to other couples they have done? I dont think Gunn was debunking the first part, I mean he doesnt know that since he is not working at marvel anymore. I know that the "real" comment might seem weird but I think he just means that Gamora is back with the family she is deeply attached to, but that doesnt mean she doesnt consider the guardians a family to her in a way, after all Gunn said if you understand groot then tou are part of the family.

I know Pratt said he might be back but I doubt its anything big in the future, as for Zoe I could see her in pretty small stuff like cameos or small roles since she said she would like Gamora to continue. I highly doubt they will pair them up with someone else.

off the top of my head, the only time i can remember the mcu making a broken up (not just in the literal sense of "they broke up" but like in general a ship that was canon and then not canon) ship canon again off-screen was between cacw and homecoming when they had pepperony go from broken up to seemingly back together again offscreen, at least enough to get engaged for the media when peter parker decided not to join the avengers, and then next time we see them ~2 years later in iw they're planning a wedding

i'd love to see starmora get together again off-screen in some way like this too, but being realistic, i just wouldn't get my hopes up. bc idt ppl, on both the studio and audience level, rly care abt peter quill or his relationship with gamora the way they do with tony or pepperony

it makes sense that they did it for pepperony bc it's tony mf stark. the dude was practically the face of the entire mcu, along with steve, for a decade. the entire avengers franchise centered him, and his relationship with pepper was part of both his solo films and every avengers ensemble film. the story of his relationship was one that you could probably find countless casual viewers of the mcu to know abt and be fans of etc. if pepper ever died we would've gotten tony probably going berserk (understandably so) in canon, followed by countless irl thinkpieces and tweets and more abt how tony was justified, tony is grieving, tony this, tony that, ad nauseam. in other words, it doesn't surprise me that canon, fandom, and general viewers would all bend over backwards to keep pepperony together, even if just for the sake of forwarding tony's arc, pepper as an individual be damned lol

with peter and gamora...i just don't see that same energy rly happening for them. i mean, even yesterday i accidentally came across an article abt how iw "rushed" peter and gamora's romance bc it was so much more serious in iw than where the two left off in vol 2 and it's like...do ppl even know 4 years passed between those 2 films? so if the general audience isn't rly that invested in starmora does marvel need to make an effort to make it canon again later?

i'm sure there will be opportunities for cameos and all that in the future for some of the gotg depending on where things go. i was just going off of the final screen of text at the end of vol 3 which suggested our next iteration of peter is gonna be a little more removed from the gotg we know, including gamora, since it Only said him. maybe he'll join up with the avengers again since he's back on earth for now and there will be some avengers characters who still remember him? idk

so to wrap this up bc again i got super wordy lol sry...i don't think anything's ever impossible, i just wouldn't be surprised if this is truly the end of the line for starmora being together "again" in canon. like i think what it is for me is i don't rly expect anyone at marvel studios to care more abt starmora than gunn, and this is the route gunn took with it (understandably) and now gunn's done, so i think things are just generally pointing more toward starmora ending here than not

#ask #the gamora situation #i also think it's worth mentioning that a ship like pepperony is considered so deeply woven into canon that #it was included in what if at least a lil? i think. while we didn't rly get anything abt starmora in what if s1 #but that isn't quite a definite point yet since we still gotta see what what if s2 brings us #also i don't mean any of this as an attack on pepperony BTW i have been in their corner since day 1 #i miss them!!

[septembersghost]

idk what people think it's going to happen just bc they give blonde bad reviews. that doesn't matter literally nobody cares about reviews anymore. they put it on Netflix so the whole world is obviously watching and no matter how many bad reviews it has it'll become and already is a huge film. and nothing else matters to them

the point is to speak up and explain why it's a cruel and damaging excuse for a movie, to defend marilyn and her real person and life, and to warn anyone who might be thinking about watching it of the brutal and potentially triggering content. criticism serves a purpose and is necessary to push back against harmful things. it's defeatist to say it's not going to do anything, it does at the very least raise awareness in the conversation about misogynistic and exploitative media. maybe netflix and the director and the producers and actors won't care, it doesn't mean we shouldn't!!! audiences and critical feedback matters and is an essential part of the cultural process and conversation. the sexist lens and the reprehensible anti-choice rhetoric alone warrants criticism. our voices matter. and she doesn't have one anymore! so at the very least, everyone who's said anything or written a critical review is speaking for her, and frankly for the countless unseen and unheard women who don't deserve to only be treated and remembered as broken victims.

#don't send me cynical messages when it's clear where i stand on this #anonymous #letterbox #is it disheartening that it's the number 1 movie on netflix right now? yes. does that mean we shouldn't have critically addressed it? NO! #blonde #blonde 2022

[ghosthauntingevermore]

INHALES

Buckle up bitches, I'm gonna share my thoughts on the Newest Halloween movie whether you want them or not.

Posting a SPOILER WARNING HERE because I'll be discussing the end and much of what happens in the movie. If you haven't seen it, I don't wanna spoil it fot you, But if you read it past this point, that's on you.

First I wanna say, I did throughly enjoy the movie, and I have seen opinions from both Ends. I personally didn't think it was terrible but I do feel that it could have been executed better

Firstly it wasn't consistent with Halloween as I personally know it. I've seen the Originals and the modern ones, and while it's not my favorite horror franchise, I am familiar with it to a degree.

Micheal Meyers has always been solitary. He works alone, always has. I would have liked to see more context as to why he didn't kill Corey when he saw him like he does literally anyone else.

Typically if you survive a Meyers encounter it's because you got away somehow, not because he let you. I would've like more context as to why Corey was suddenly different, but that will never happen, I honestly feel like blumhouse just wanted to throw a fresh face in there because why not? But it didn't make sense if we're going off the fact that it's Halloween.

My friend feels like what they did with Laurie was backwards, having her be super paranoid and stuff in other movies and this one she's trying to heal, and I get that thought. However there's no doubt that Laurie has PTSD and when she saw Corey standing there like he was, it triggered it and she just kinda... spiraled from there.

Also the reference Micheal Meyers... being brain damaged (I don't recall this ever being mentioned before in previous movies) and some.. expanding on that would have been nice because from what I remember he was seen my a therapist or a Psyciatrist as a child who insisted he was the devil incarnate and no one did anything for him ever except demonize him. I have no doubt he had something going on but if I recall correctly this is the first time someone mentions him being brain damaged instead of just plain evil or even mentally ill.

Expanding on the other part of it with Corey and Allison (I know I spelled it wrong) I loved it. I loved Corey's character and I loved his development. I loved seeing him go from being this timid Lil guy to being more... meticulous and bold. I love how we get to see how smart this man actually is at the end of the movie

I think Corey's part of this movie would have been FANTASTIC on its own. Still able to make a play on what happened and how he was swayed to the "dark side" (so to speak) meeting a killer, who's has decided to show him the ropes or whatever. I think they could have done this without riding on the "Halloween" part. I feel like Micheal Meyers working with someone is just out of character with the Micheal Meyers we've seen until now.

I feel like if it wasn't for the Corey part of the movie, the ending of it would have hit much differently with them parading Micheal around. I do feel like the way he died was a little lackluster for Micheal given all the stuff he's survived, but the whole showing all of Haddonfield he's actually dead is a good fit for the end of his legacy since he's terrorized that town for years.

I think, personally, Blumhouse should have dived balls deep into the Halloween aspect of it without Corey's story to it, because in my opinion that would have made more sense, then taken Corey's story and maybe made and seperate film with that. I wouldn't even mind some Halloween references in it, but I don't think Micheal Meyers should really have been in it at all.

To me the film didn't feel like a Halloween film. It felt like Blumhouse rode of the popularity of the Halloween franchise and off Micheal Meyers more than anything considering Corey killed more people than Micheal and was more the focus of the film than Micheal (aside from Meyers being mentioned a few times)

I think Micheal should have been more the focus of the film since they were bringing his reign of Terror on Haddonfeild to an end, and while I Like Corey as a character A LOT him having been a Meyers wannabe that in all honesty should have been killed by Meyers sooner or maybe not in the film at all.

All the stuff with Corey (in my opinion) would have been better as it's own film, and I think the way his story ended would have been a great ending to that film, and the end to Micheal Meyers would have hit better without it.

Still a great movie, I still liked it, I still enjoyed watching it, and I enjoyed Corey and his character. But it still felt like two different films mushed together.

#ghostly whispers #discussion time!!! #i was proof reading this but i had a rough day today #anyway #feel free to send me asks or reblog this witg your thoughts! #these are just my personal opinions and critique of the movie so #*gestures* i hope it makes sense. #i also accept i could be wrong about my recalling the original movies #because i have bad memory and its been forever #so if thats the case- my applogies

[iamvegorott]

We're Here Chapter 7 of 11

Mission Disaster

“That is your third cup in twenty minutes,” Dark said to Anti as everyone around them gathered their weapons and did final technology checks. 

“I drink more when I sleep in.” Anti chuckled, quickly finishing the coffee before it could be taken away from him. 

“Did you not sleep?” Dark spoke in a softer voice, not wanting Chase to hear and worry. Anti being tired was already bad enough, he didn’t need Chase’s head out of place as well. 

“I did, I did.” Anti rolled his eyes with a giggle. “You sound like Chase.” 

“I want this to run perfectly, I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” 

“Aw, you don’t want me to get hurt~” Anti teased, poking at Dark’s chest.

“Of course I don’t, I-” Dark stopped himself and cleared his throat. “I don’t need the others to be off-task and have everything go poorly.” 

“Sure.” Anti smiled softly, the two sharing a silent moment of just looking at the other’s eyes. Anti’s face suddenly shifted and he turned away, almost looking ill as he started to grab his knives. “We should finish getting ready.” Anti sniffed and tucked his knives away into his belt and boots. 

“Yeah. We should.” Dark didn’t understand why the shift happened, he had a guess, but he wasn’t going to push. “Is everything looking set?” He moved away from Anti and went to Wilford. 

“If it was any more set, we’d be an overly-scripted film.” Wilford chuckled. 

“Does everyone know their part?”

“We could literally recite it if we were unconscious.” 

“You’re exaggerating.”

“When aren’t I?” Wilford winked and picked up his lucky pistol. “Everything’s going to go perfectly, you worry too much.”

“I worry just enough.” Dark patted Wilford on the shoulder and continued his walk around the table, checking with each Ego individually. 

“Van’s all set,” Bing said as he and Google came into the room. 

“We’ll take off as soon as the doctors as ready and get in place if nothing else is needed,” Google said.

“You’re all good, thanks for checking in.” Chase smiled at the two. “Text us when you’re in position and be safe.” 

“I hope someone comes up to our van, I’ll give them something to remember.” Bing threw some punches into the air. 

“You just want an excuse to hit someone with your skateboard,” Google stated, adjusting his glasses as he spoke. 

“Maybe a little.” Bing giggled. 

“You’re not doing that.” Google turned on his heel and walked out. 

“But, Googs! It’d be so cool!” Bing called after him. 

“No! And don’t call me Googs!” 

“He totally loves that nickname,” Bing said to Chase. 

“No, I don’t!” 

“He does.” Bing snapped some finger guns towards Chase before taking off.

“A classic ‘love-hate’ friendship.” Jackie chuckled. “I guarantee that if anyone else tried to give Bing shit, Google would be on their asses.” 

“‘Only I get to call him an idiot’,” Henrik said with an attempt at copying Google’s voice. It wasn’t that good, but it did the trick. 

“That’s how you show you care.” JJ joined in the joking. “Threaten the other person.” 

“And we are going to have to listen to it.” Henrik gestured toward himself and Edward, the two heading off as well after Henrik finished speaking.

“Are you okay?” Chase asked Anti when he noticed that he wasn’t moving and was just staring down at the table. 

“Huh? Oh-yeah.” Anti rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. “Was just running things through in my head, must have zoned out.” 

“It’s not too late to step-”

“I’m fine.” Anti held a hand up to cut Chase off. “I was just making sure I remembered everything.” 

“Okay.” Chase waited, seeing if Anti would change his mind, tell him something, anything, but when Anti just went back to making sure he had all of his knives, Chase moved away. 

“The Ipliers are all ready to go if the Septiceyes are,” Dark commented when Chase went to him. 

“We’re doing a final check and then we’re good as soon as we hear from Bing and Google.” Chase crossed his arms. 

“We’ll be back before the sun rises.” Dark checked the time on his watch. “As long as everything goes right.”

“It will,” Chase stated flatly. 

“Are you good?” Dark asked, catching Chase’s tone. 

“Unrelated.” Chase waved off the question. “That must be them.” He said when he heard Dark’s phone buzz. 

“They’re set,” Dark said after glancing at his phone. “Ipliers, to Wilford.”

“Septiceyes to Anti.” Chase and Dark split and joined their groups. “Let’s fuck them up,” Chase said, nodding over towards Dark.

“Let’s.” With that as their cue, Wilford and Anti sent everyone out of the room with a puff of pink and a cloud of green pixels. 

They all appeared in the parking lot and without needing a word shared, they all split into their parts. Dark and Anti went into the building while JJ, Wilford, Jackie, and Chase made their way around the parking lot, heading up to the cars that just pulled in. 

Jackie made it to the closest car, casually laying his arm on the roof and leaning down. A young woman jumped in shock when she noticed him. She awkwardly lowered her window just a crack so that they could hear each other. 

“Hello?” The woman’s voice shook, eyes wide and Jackie didn’t see any markings on her hand. 

“Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Jackie made sure to turn on his, as the others lovingly call it, ‘himbo charm’. “The store had to shut down and I was told to tell everyone to head home.”

“Shut down? What happened?” The woman still had her car on and seatbelt buckled, but she did roll her window down the rest of the way. 

“Big mess, I don’t think you’d want to heat more details than it involving the bathroom.” Jackie chuckled as the woman grimaced. 

“Damn. I told them that shit was getting bad.” The woman shook her head. “Thank you for the heads up. Sorry for thinking you were a killer or something.” She added with a giggle. 

“It’s the muscles, isn’t it.” Jackie winked. 

“Maybe a little.” The woman giggled again. “Good luck with the mess.” She gave a little wave before turning the steering wheel and driving off. 

Jackie kept his smile and waved as well until he was sure the woman was no longer looking at him. He dropped his hand and glanced around for his next car, unable to stop the chuckle that came out when he saw Wilford casually pointing his pistol into a different car. 

“Just trust me~” Wilford sang. 

“Fuckin-” The man behind the wheel cursed, reeved his engine, and left with a sharp turn, just barely missing Wilford's foot. 

“I tried being polite.” Wilford protested when he heard Jackie’s laugh. They both turned when they heard two thumps, seeing Chase’s hand on the roof of a car and he waved like Jackie had as the car drove away, a slip of paper between his fingers. Marvin proudly walked away from two cars speeding away from where he had been. 

“I think I win, I got a number,” Chase said, gesturing with the slip of paper. 

“They must be desperate.” Marvin teased and Chase stuck his tongue out at him. “I just scared my people shitless.” 

“I think we have just a few-” Jackie stopped when four cars suddenly flew past them, a very confident-looking JJ joining them. 

“Easy.” JJ silently giggled. 

“I do and don’t want to know what you did,” Chase said.

“I’ve seen a handful leave the building as well, I think we might be ready for-” Wilford suddenly stopped and placed a hand over his head, wincing as a high-pitched sound hit him. “Repeat? You’re-” Wilford stopped again, freezing completely. “Code red!” Wilford took off for the building. 

“Code red!” Jackie repeated louder and ran as well. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” Chase, Marvin, and JJ all went for the building. 

“Anit’s down! Anti’s down!” They all heard in their ears. 

-------------------

First chapter: Link

Next chapter: Link

Read the whole story on Ao3: Link

#danti #domestic abuse

[gaykarstaagforever]

FREE ON YOUTUBE

Cabin Boy (1994)

"Come on over here, honey. You've managed to charm me with your moronic innocence."

I was 12 when this...whatever it is...came out. My parents were real sticklers for the whole 13 part of the PG-13 rating, so I didn't see it at the time. And because this was 1994, the Internet was just a thing the Pentagon used to send racist memes to itself, so I don't remember even hearing about this thing.

...Or about how, at the time, it was a giant bomb, and widely considered one of the "worst movies EVAR" by that era's smug hipsters who had found a way to get paid to compile those lists.

(Yes, we had them back then, too. They even got away with being called "journalists" back then, like the thing they were doing was some kind of public service. It was not, by any stretch of the concept. But they published it in newspapers alongside actual headline news, so we didn't think about it and let that happen.)

Speaking of people letting things happen to them - so, point is, I had no idea what the hell Cabin Boy was before I watched it. If I had, would I have watched it? I don't automatically trust the opinions of anyone who isn't me. But I also don't seek out media that has an overwhelming reputation for being frustrating and stupid, because that often means I too will find it frustrating and stupid. So I don't know if the critical consensus would have warned me off.

What I do know is, the first 40 minutes of this 80 minute movie (with extended credit sequences) plays host to some of the most unbearably unfunny anti-jokes I have ever endured.

Nothing works in the first half of this. They don't follow through whatsoever on their already idiotic premise (a 'Fancy Lad' accidentally ends up on a rough fishing ship). The only tone is "and then THAT happened!" The cast acts like they're from at least three very different movies. David Letterman has a cameo where he is David Letterman for a scene, and it doesn't help anything in any way (star / writer Chris Elliot and his writing partner got Tim Burton to produce this mess with $10 million of someone else's money, specifically because Chris and the other guy were staff writers for Letterman's show).

There is exactly one joke that lands in the first half, and it is when Andy Richter, playing "a big stupid guy" (brilliant) does what he thinks is a hulu dance. Andy Richter silently wiggling is literally as good as it gets. I was ready to give up.

....But then came the weird puppets. While the first half of this experiment is an exhausting array of sitcom situations almost completely devoid of humor or anything else, it at one point suddenly becomes a vulgar children's adventure movie, if directed by Terry Gilliam. The fantastical costumes and props and puppets and matte paintings and sets are all great, with a specific and distinctive painted storybook style, and the filming and staging of them is as good as Hollywood gets. There are ice giants; a heroic shark-man; the Hindu goddess Kali, who lives in a cave and has sex with wrecked sailors, while her giant husband is out selling appliances (I think) to other fantasy creatures. All of this is ridiculous, but in the fun, good way. Some real professionals worked hard on these aspects of the film, and that is perhaps the Tim Burton production shining through?

What a shame it is all in service of this particular movie. Truly, no one has ever put in this much work for so little.

The rest of the movie also improves in the second half. While there are no believable character arcs to speak of, at some point the titular Cabin Boy and the crew of fishermen who hate him settle in to a begrudging respect for each-other, and their interactions after this point are, besides the production design, the best part of the movie. The Cabin Boy, weekly defined at the start as a pampered naive jackass, becomes the standard Chris Elliot ensemble character, an eccentric dope with a heart of gold. Chris Elliot is good at that character, which is why he always plays that character. And I like him as that character. Even when he's given nothing to do but bounce from one nonsensical mess to another. And this group of skilled character actors do the best they can to give depth to this razor-thin material.

The jokes get better, too. The story of where the shark-man came from is solid. As is the Cabin Boy using his swimmer love-interest as a rideable watercraft. These are the kind of charmingly over-the-top things a movie like this should be filled with. Unfortunately, there's just not a lot of them.

In looking up how and why this movie happened, I found this retrospective from The Ringer from 2018, aligned with the 25th anniversary Blu-ray rerelease. The premise of that piece is that Cabin Boy is an underrated, ahead-of-its-time anti-comedy that paved the way for Adult Swim and what people used to do on YouTube 10 years ago, and that you'd get it if you were cool.

I'm going to respectfully disagree with that stupid bullshit, you idiot. I appreciate that Elliot was aiming for the kind of snide, winkingly-ironic, piss-take-of-everything comedy that Gen X just couldn't get enough of in 1994. And that can be done in a way that transcends that specific mode and era of media and delights a general audience: think Weird Al, and the early seasons of The Simpsons. But it is also possible to try for that and just completely fuck it up. And I think that is, for the most part, what happened here.

If you are of a type that finds whatever the first part of this movie is trying to do funny and effective, great. Maybe you saw it as a kid, and as a kid who has no standards and missed all the random stupid sex jokes, it really connected with you. Fine. Comedy, and how we come to it, is subjective. But you were / are clearly part of a niche audience, because this thing made back $4 million of a $10 million budget. Why make a general release movie of this at all, if you're not interested in appealing to anyone who doesn't already think David Letterman's dickholery was the height of comedy? I realize he was popular as a latenight host. But that style doesn't translate into a good comedy movie on its own. You have to balance it out with wit and heart and gleefulness, and make an easy-to-follow narrative out of all that.

I know that, because in 1994 they tried to avoid having to do that for 40 minutes, and it fell so flat that even they stopped and made a better fantasy action movie with the rest of the budget.

Cabin Boy is certainly worth seeing, if you can make it through the first half. There is a fun and inventive kids' adventure movie floating around in here, like a delicious hotdog spinning around in an overflowing toilet. In that, it is certainly a one-of-a-kind piece of art. Because why would anyone ever make something like this, ever again?

Holy hell.

#cabin boy #free on YouTube #1990s #chris elliot

[justanotherbeinghere]

I had been prepping him for weeks in advance. The week before, I got everything ready - pantry stocked with variety of canned soups, fridge full with week's worth of grocery, laundered, cleaned, you name it. Prepped so much so that even the salmon was cut into one-meal-portions and wrapped in cling film so that thawing and cooking is easier for him. Also gave him testimonials from friends and family about how it is post-surgery, how to take care, what to expect, and such. Took a whole week off for the surgery and recovery. I was hesitant about this surgery because I have never had to be under someone's care before. Even if I did when I was little it was my mother who would be looking after me. I trust her, she's my mother. But he is my husband, and I know the man, I know how his brain works, I know him well. And that is why I was very hesitant. I don't trust him to be caring enough. He loves me more than anything in this world. But just like 18 years old me knew all those years ago, love is not enough. Never have I been sadder to know I was right all along, and that my conviction still holds true a decade later. If there is anything this surgery taught me, it's that "I should earn enough to be able to support myself and have the ability to hire a 24/7 nanny/nurse to take care of me when I'm sick/old. Coz I can't rely on anyone else to do that for me". This post-surgery week has been a brutal eyeopener. I just want to put this here for my future reference so I don't forget.

Day 1

- 9am pre-surgery consultation with the doctor. Both of us are listening to the options and recommendations from the doc. The only questions he has are "how much does that cost?" And "how much does that additionally cost?". I had already told him about the maximum out of pocket costs associated with this surgery. Its just obnoxious when I feel like he cares much more about money than my current situation. I know he loves me, and I know he wants whatever is the best for me, but would it kill him not be so anal about money? It's not like we can't afford to spend a few thousand bucks for treatment. We can. Easily. So why does it matter!?!?!

- I was sedated. I wanted only the local anesthetic and not the full sedation but the doctor was like "if you want all 4s out, you NEED to go under". Local anesthesia apparently only works for 2 teeth at a time. And doc explained how my teeth needs to be broken down to pieces and it's not a normal extraction-only. So sedation it was🤷. The reason I didn't want sedation was because I had seen enough videos of people getting loopy post-surgery. I was terrified. I of course cant have myself blabbering about stuffs (like you). LUCKILY, nothing happened. Wait, no something DID happen. I had a couple minutes of clarity post-op. Literally couple of minutes was all I had. in those 2 minutes, I took a picture of me, a picture of the doctor's monitor, logged into my Gmail, emailed you twice, logged out, and blacked out again. I only realized all this much later in the afternoon. I was shocked, to say the very least. I had ZERO recollection of all that. And the funny thing was that in the first email I apparently thought the surgery was just about to start😂, talk about total blackout🤣. Thinking about it I'm just glad I did all that safely. I am grateful to my drug-fueled brain. It is also scary that a few moments of clarity and my brain thinks of you. I'll never understand how and when I fell so hard for you.😕

- hardly remember the drive back home. So damn drugged.

- I had dinner @7pm on Sunday. That means by the time I reached home after surgery I was foodless and waterless for 17 hours already.

- I had gauge inside my mouth which was super uncomfortable. I couldn't swallow even my spit, let alone water or food. Doctor had advised to keep the gauge for the whole day if possible by changing it every hour. But it was so damn uncomfortable and I almost died choking and coughing on my own pool of saliva inside my mouth so I just decided on my own that I was better off without those damn gauges. Oh what a relief it was. I could drink a sip of water. It hurt like hell, but at least that was a progress for me.

- the pain was near unbearable so I asked him where the pain meds were. He showed them to me and I asked him if I can take a strong one right now since the pain was getting a lil outta hand. He said ok take a Codeine. Big Mistake. Why? Coz it is a strong drug and I was on empty stomach for so long (20hours by now). No wonder I fainted while trying to eat some soup.

- so the passing out is a story on its own. By now I have passed out 3 times so I know how my body signals me that it's about to faint. I think I can warn anyone around me a few seconds beforehand that I'm about to faint the next time.

- the passing out just scared the shit out of him. I felt sorry for him. But stopped feeling sorry when he blamed me taking codeine which he believes is why I fainted.

- downing that half a bowl of soup might have been the most painful 20 minutes of my life🤦 it was literal hell. But it was a start to a long journey I told myself.

- a lot of drugged up sleeping on day1.

- I emailed you with updates from me. I would do it hundred times a day, but I don't want to be THAT annoying to you. I resist the urge😊 I really need to get awarded for being such a good girl 🥰

- soups soups soups all day on day1. He couldn't even warm up a can of soup without asking me how to do it. From day1. Maybe I should have given up any hope of being "taken care of" right from day1, would save me the pain of disappointment maybe. I fixed up my own meals. I fixed up his meals too. From day1. I just can't believe it would be this bad😞. I really felt sorry for myself for a while there.

- doctor called late in the evening to check up on me. He had been suggesting mashed potatoes since morning so I thought I'd give it a try tomorrow.

- slept like a baby with ibuprofen.

Day 2

- woke up feeling pretty good. Goooo pain meds!! Cooked, cleaned, did my regular routine. Only change was that I was still on soup. I cooked him a full fledged meal like I always did. Made myself mashed potatoes while he went for his work out. He had to miss his gym-day yesterday because of me and of course I had to hear about how it feels "bad to miss even a single day". So I wasn't going to stop him today "for me".

- parents have been calling twice a day since before surgery. Worried. Very. They are very cute🥰. Would never tell them I'm in pain even if I was. What good would telling them do? They are 7k miles away. Why would I add to their troubles with the unnecessary truth?

- my faith on him is shaking. He loves me. Zero doubt on that. But looks like he is not built for anything except love.

- mashed potatoes ain't so bad turns out.

- thinking about yesterday, I don't remember chunks of my day. Drugs are scary myan😬

Day 3

- whenever I am advising my friends on relationship, I always tell them that communication is the key. And that men are straightforward so just tell them clearly what you want instead of wordlessly expecting. I made my own meals and made him meals, took care of his needs as always. But did I directly ask him to do anything for me? Not really. So I thought I'd take my own advice. I asked him. I asked him "do u wanna cook the salmon for your wife today?" I must admit I wasn't expecting his response to be what it turned out to be. Looking aghast he said "you said it like THAT now I feel the pressure of making it perfect, no I can't do it can you please do it?". I'm like -_-

- dishes. I did all of my own dishes. And then some of his. Is this all in my head or is this situation of mine really fucked up?

- I think my final straw was when he said "no matter how strong you think or say you are, turns out you are really weak. Who passes out like that lol?" I really couldn't believe my ears. It's just day3 and I'm already skipping pain meds because I am building myself up to organically fight the pain. I have taken care of myself from the very day of surgery. And he still has the audacity to tell me that I am weak for passing out after 20 hours of no food and water and blood loss during surgery. I mean, is he for real? Yea that was the final straw for me. That shit was an eyeopener. Never am I ever going to expect anything from him. I just wanna go back home. Because now I understand my mother. Now I understand how helpless she must have felt when she got sick. Because I know she can't rely on my dad to take care of her. He neither knows how to nor know her well enough to know what kind of care she seeks. I just wanna go home. My plan is set. I'm going to have to be financially stable enough to support me and my parents first, then I'll be back home. I will make this work just like this. I was never meant to get married. Now I know exactly why.

Day 4

- I have been off the pain meds since yesterday. Trying to cope with the pain on my own. Because I realized that the pain meds are only a temporary relief. They are not helping me heal. They just mask the pain. Unless I feel like I can bear pain no more, I won't take the meds.

- started eating beans, rice, fish, spicy stuffs, so getting there. Soon 😊

- fever. Waited it out. Sheering pain shooting across my jawline. But I rode it out. Coz that's what I do 💪

- ain't no pain scaring me any time soon

- could be PMS, could be incidents of these past few days, but feeling low.

Day 5 (the day I wrote this all down)

- since day 3 I've been getting up at 4/5am, making n eating something light, then taking my antibiotics. By myself. How my parents' hearts would ache if they knew all this 😔

- the pain really testing me at times. But isssssok. I gaat dees.

- I just think about you, a lot, nothing specific, just you, your everything. Soothes me. You are my home away from home. You just make me feel happy from inside. ❤️

Day 6

- POOPED. Finally. My last poop was Monday morning. So today marked 5 full days of no poop. Damn. That's a record for me. Damn you antibiotics.

- was looking forward to seeing you today. But can't😞 my desperate heart has to wait a few more days it seems.

- the pain is still there damn it. I'm off the pain meds. But damn they are tempting when the pain is shooting across your ears🥺

Sept 2, 2022

[soraenun-archive]

🥺🥺 Bestie 🥺🥺 I didn't know you reblogged eat because you're not feeling your best :( Next time (which I really hope doesn't happen), I see it on my dash, I'll run to you and give you a big comforting hug <3

Well..... This is kinda awkward because I feel like I don't have anything left to say. I think I've said it all. BUT, I am still going to be on anon because it's fun and I wanna make it last a little longer. I won't tell you how long though haha

Since you think (and you are absolutely correct) you know who I am, let's play another game 🤔

[drumrolls as the curtains open to reveal me (🐘💌 anon) in a pink colored suit] Ladies and gentlemen (and anyone else), welcome to the DOES SHANNON KNOW 🐘💌 ANON AS MUCH AS SHE THINKS SHE DOES (smh still can't make a shorter name after all this time), otherwise known as THE SHANNON GAME (can you believe you have a game named after you? wow, so powerful!) Let's welcome the guest for today (and every single show) SHANNON!!! [crowd cheers and applauds you, screaming SHANNON SHANNON SHANNON over and over] The rules are simple. I'll ask you several questions about myself and you have to answer them.

Question #1: Who are my ults? No, Hikaru won't be accepted as an answer because it wouldn't be fair

Question #2: What can you see regularly on my blog? (media, celebrities, etc. there's no wrong answer)

Question #3 (tricky one): Which ziont song do you think I would associate with you? (clue: it's not eat)

I think I already gave you too much work with these questions so I'll let you think about them. Tune in next week for another set of questions ;)

[cameras cut off and I turn off my mic] Whew! What a great first episode of the Shannon & 🐘💌 bestie game! I hope she'll like it <3

And, as always, please remember to put yourself and your own well-being first and take care mwah

from 🐘💌 anon

you’re so sweet 🥺 but you would literally have to come here every day asdhajks i reblog that song way too much like at least once a week these days but i really appreciate you <3

oh wow a whole game named after me??? that’s so exciting but now i’m very nervous hopefully i don’t embarrass myself by being incredibly wrong especially in front of an audience now too! 😳

if i’m wrong please just pretend that i’m not because i will be too embarrassed to reply to your next message BUT i’m pretty sure krystal is one of your ults? and also suzy! 

well let me think…. i see lots of pretty posts <3 i feel like it’s mostly female idols, especially red velvet! but sometimes bgs like shinee and nct! also i think you’re watching extraordinary attorney woo ?? so i think i’ve seen a few posts from that too as well as some other films/shows you like! 

i genuinely have no idea but the fact that you would associate any zion.t song with me is enough to make me cry :( there’s literally no bad song i’d be happy being associated with any of them 💗 but i’m really curious to know which song!! i would have guessed eat on account of how many times i reblog it but if its not that then i don’t know that one is tricky u are right !

thank you so much i had a great time! hopefully i didn’t completely fail on the answers and you will have me back for the next episode! 🥰 and thank you i hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself too! 💞

#anonymous #💌 #🐘💌