#doesnt belittle my concerns

[maryonaccross]

Just wanted to post this to answer @ivarusfalls who chose to post my comment on her anti green post : https://www.tumblr.com/ivarusfalls/715220391811006465/people-say-that-being-team-green-stans-doesnt

On her tumblr.

I figured the best way to respond would be to go through the arguments that were made in the post that I was commenting on and discredit them one by one.

So here we go:

“People say that being team green stans doesn't mean that they're supporting misogyny or anything else that their team stands for. But I just can't understand this take. How can you choose to support a team who's main character (Alicent) laughed when she heard about children and women getting raped?”

The same way I can’t understand how you can support team pedophile ( but we’ll get to that later). I have no idea where you got the information that Alicent laughed at women getting raped ( like in what context? Please state your source when you say things like that). But even if we assume that that was the case supporting her is still 1000 times better than supporting people who( like Deamon and Rhaenyra ) judge and belittle her for being a child bride. And that is a problem that I have with team back Stans in general; How mentally deranged to you have to be to call a child- bride and victim of marital rape “ Alicunt “??? Also team black proudly stands with Viserys who raped his first child bride until he eventually cut her open because her body couldn’t handle seventh pregnancy he forced on her and then proceeded to do the same with Alicent. Deeds speak louder than words. Whatever Alicent said or didn’t say, she never raped or groomed anyone which is more than can be said about many on team black.

“How can you support this team who's main purpose was to tear down the heir to the iron throne only because she was a woman?”

Again, that isn’t true. It the show Alicent supports Aegon because she is thinks that that’s what Viserys wanted her to do. Those were his last words. And in the books she is usurped because her children are bastards. Otto was literally the one who suggested she be named heir instead of Deamon in the first episode. This isn’t about her sex. Her heir is a bastard. Therefore Aegon’s claim is stronger.

“How can you support team green when even when killing Rhaenyra, they cut her breast (something that was unnecessary) only to highlight the fact that they were against her for being a woman?”

As far as I am aware of they feed her to Sunfrye. But all right, whatever you say; unnecessary cruelty towards a hostage. Does that remind you of anything? Oh, maybe the gruesome murder of six year old prince Jeaherys and how team black send assassins who also threatened to rape Aegons six year old daughter. ( And saying that Rhaenyra is innocent in that matter because Deamon gave the order just serves as proof of her failures as a leader. He was part of her fraction, and under her command therefore she is responsible for his actions. Just as Aegon is for Aemond killing Luke)

“How can you support a team whose main character (Alicent) was a rape apologist? Who, when she say her son raping women, bought the silence of the victim but didn't reprimand her son for doing this heinous crime?”

Alicent is a victim of marital rape. Did you even watch the show? Did you not see how she slaps Aegon and denounced him as her son for what he did??? Team black supports Viserys who let Deamon organize a police brutality event without consequences. The guy literally ran amok around the city maiming and killing people left and right. Of course Alicent is concerned how Aegons actions will reflect upon his wife who is her daughter. Alicent does everything in her power to stop Aegon from going down that road.

Rhaenyra lets Luke get away for literally maiming another child without consequences and doesn’t think that he should even apologize. But she is the mother of the year. Make it make sense

“How can you support this team when they knowingly protested against Rhaenyra, the first female heir to the iron throne which would do wonders for women in their society and improve their status, so that they could put their rapist son on the throne?”

This one is really funny, because Rhaenyra ( both in the show and the book) has proven that she doesn’t give a shit about women. All she cares about is herself. She sees herself as the exception, not the rule. In the books, she still proclaims that younger brothers should inherit instead of their sisters. She tells Rheanys that Jace and Beala’s SON will be the king if she married him, which means that she isn’t planning on changing anything for women. If anything her reign made it even more difficult women to come into positions of power because she is remembered as one of the top five Targaryen villains of all time. She chose to judge Alicent for being forced into a life she doesn’t want instead of blaming her father, who forced her into it.

“How can you support this team when Alicent abused Rhaenyra so much to the point Rhaenyra was forced to leave her home and her father because of it?”

What are you talking about??? Rhaenyra basically fleas Kings Landing because everyone was aware that her children are bastards. Even Deamon knew all the way from Pentos. The reason she had to leave was because of her own stupid decisions, and what exactly did Alicent do to bully her??? She doesn’t even actively spread rumors about her children’s parentage, she doesn’t need to, everyone already knows, people aren’t blind. The only time she mentions it is in the privacy of her and Viserys’ Chambers and to Aegon ( again, in private ). And I saw in another one of your posts that we are now villainizing Alicent for her asking to see Joffrey after his birth, because apparently she wanted to “ expose him to germs” I mean come on 🤣🤣🤣 this is a time period where people didn’t even know what that was ( I mean Visserys gives two year old Aegon WINE in the carriage scene ) children spend all of their time with maids and servants. The king and queen asking to see their grandchild isn’t outrageous. i’m sorry, I’m trying to take this seriously but this one cracks me up every time this is so hilarious. She probably wanted to infect him with COVID-19 as well.

And also, the king was right there. What do you think she would’ve done to the baby ? thrown it out the window?

And honestly, if all it takes is a little passive aggressiveness to bully the future leader of Westeros and make her flee to a rock I really don’t think there’s anything left to say about her skills as a ruler. That would mean she has absolutely zero resilience and cannot deal with the consequences of her actions. It’s not Alicent’s fault that people aren’t blind.

“How can you support this team when Alicent made Rhaenyra come to her as soon as she gave birth even when knowing just how painful and traumatic giving birth is?”

She doesn’t. She asked the see the baby. Not Rhaenyra. She looks visibly shocked when she sees Rhaenyra herself.

“Besides this, I've seen team green stans make fun of Rhaenyra being over weight, making fun of her trauma and abuse, saying she was a bad politician even though everything in the show indicates that she wasn't, etc etc.”

I.) the stuff that Team Black fans say about Helena, her weight, but also her being a neurodivergent coded character is so much worse. To the point of some of them arguing that she deserved to die because her life is not worth living

II.) Rhaenyra is a horrible political. She constantly makes stupid decisions ( like taking a lover who doesn’t resemble her husband whatsoever, letting people believe she killed Leanor, marrying the man everyone wanted to keep as far away from the throne as possible, leaving for dragon stone and letting the greens rule for years while her father was sick ect) and the worst thing is she always relies on other characters ( mainly her father and uncle husband ) to save her. Is Viserys hadn’t miraculously resin out of bed when Rhaenyra came begging him she would’ve been done for. She had absolutely no plan.

“I will never like team green stans or even team neutral ones because team green is beyond disgusting and I have no idea how anyone can not hate them.”

Honestly, I have no idea how to talk to hard core team Black fans without wanting to throw up. They are so much more problematic than team green fans and make it really difficult to enjoy this fandom.

And to answer your previous question Deamon is a groomer and a pedophile. In the show Rhaenyra’s actress says that her character is 14 years old in the first couple of episodes including the one where she goes to a brothel with Deamon. Deamon also marries Leana who couldn’t have been older than 15 at the time and grooms Nettles when she is a teenager.

And even if we focus on the book, he has known Rhaenyra since the moment she was born, and spent a lot of time with her during her childhood. Do you honestly think that it’s a coincidence that he keeps “ falling in love “ with underage women?

It’s profoundly disgusting and seeing people portray him ( a wife killer ) as a feminist man makes me sick.

#team green #pro team green #anti team black #anti team black stans #pro alicent hightower #anti Deamyra #anti viserys i targaryen #anti Deamon Targaryen

[wellthebardsdead]

The Mourned & the heretics Pt9

Part 8 here

———

Riiju-Lei: *hurrying through the temple after sending the ordinators flying* gods I do not need this right before my wedding day, hurries into the library and nearly jumps out of his skin seeing the Grandmaster of house Dres standing there, flicking through one of the many notebooks Divayth Fyr had written on Voryn Dagoth & then later Dagoth Ur and the other members of his house* Grandmaster Dres-

Grandmaster of Dres: Ah, Voryn. *closes the book* I was hoping I’d get to speak with you. I wish to apologise for my behaviour.

Riiju-Lei: *hair at the back of his neck standing up and alarms ringing in his head, watching the grandmasters movements as he puts the book down* You do?…

Grandmaster of Dres: Yes. I know it’s no excuse, however I was greatly distressed over the destruction of all my plantations. Thousands of crops destroyed, decades of hard work gone, my employees left jobless. I was, distraught, to say the very least. Then hearing you had returned, I like many feared you’d of brought all the foul omens Dagoth Ur had created with you. But I see now I was mistaken. I apologise.

Riiju-Lei: okay. *walks past him to start searching for anything on Vivec or Almalexia in his notes*

Grandmaster of Dres: That’s it? I apologised and that’s all you have to say?

Riiju-Lei: Just because you apologised does not mean I am inclined to accept it. You attempted to lay harm to Nerevar, you repeatedly undermined his authority and you’ve belittled me multiple times. Need I remind you as well that my mother was branded with your house crest as a slave. Skalei-Jei, that was her name. Not a scaled beast as you’d call her. My birth mother was a prisoner in your families hold too, a follower of nerevar, and she suffered at the hands of you and your ancestors to free those you held in chains. As far as I’m concerned. Everything you own can burn. *picks up the books the grandmaster had been looking at and storms out*

Grandmaster of Dres: *smirks and walks out of library and through the temple, unaware of the archmagister and a certain argonian hiding themselves with a simple minor illusion spell*

Divayth Fyr: *drops the invisibility* He’s gone-

Xelzaz: I saw him slip something into the notebook.

Divayth Fyr: I’ll tail after the grandmaster, you go after LeiLei.

Xelzaz: as you wish serjo- *gets up from his position behind the bookshelf and hurries out down the hall after Riiju*

Divayth Fyr: *fixes his robes and walks from the library, taking a book with him to look as though he’d simply collected some reading material to last him the lockdown within the temple and using it to hide his hand as he casts stone flesh on himself, having a deep sense of dread in his gut telling him he’ll regret it if he doesnt* … *peers around the corner to see the grandmaster enter the communal latrine, eyes narrowing knowing full well he wouldn’t be caught dead using a public bathroom* where are you going… *casts invisibility on himself as he follows behind at a distance, peering into the restroom in time to witness the grandmaster open and climb through a hidden trap door beneath the stone work of the floor* Azuras mercy… *hurries off to fetch nerevar*

*Meanwhile*

Riiju-Lei: *now back in nerevars room flicking through the books, the ordinators he sent flying earlier now back at their posts and looking very worse for wear* nothing on vivec or almalexia! *tosses it to the side and opens another one* Ugh this is why you don’t burn books! *flips a page and blinks seeing a piece of paper fall from the page* hm?… *picks it up and opens it to see a message written inside*

“Come Dreamer, Friend or Foe, come to me father of the mountain beneath the fall, gaze upon the gears of gods.”

Riiju-Lei: *staring in bewilderment at the letter* father of the mountain?… beneath the fall- the clockwork city…

Xelzaz: *suddenly skids into the room* Riiju!

The ordinators: no visitors are-

Riiju-Lei: let him in.

The ordinators: *immediately step aside, both afraid of being launched again*

Xelzaz: *hurries in and starts flipping through the books in a panic* Where is it!? A note he put a note in here somewhere?!

Riiju-Lei: I- this? Note? You saw who planted it?

Xelzaz: *takes it and suddenly goes cold recognising the hand writing from the scriptures of Vivec* … We need to find nerevar, now.

Riiju-Lei: why what is it?

Xelzaz: The grandmaster planted this for vivec!

Riiju-Lei: *stands up and grabs his sword in case he needs it* I’ll go find him, you get Kaidan and the others!

Xelzaz: alright!

*Meanwhile*

Nerevar: *creeping through the sewers, Divayth Fyr* shhh… *freezes hearing voices up ahead* Divayth, stay hidden…

Divayth Fyr: *casts invisibility on himself once more and steps away from him in case*

Nerevar: *creeps slowly, steps muffled by the moss coating the stones as he sneaks up to a cistern chamber and slowly peers in to see Vivec, clad in old travel worn robes, head covered by a red shawl, and face concealed by his mask, and before him the grandmaster kneeling* …

Grandmaster of Dres: *looking up at Vivec* I did as you asked my lord and get you’ve still not made good on your promise!

Vivec: Plans have changed, child. With Voryn Dagoth now back in the picture, our plans for you are now obsolete, but you have been a faithful servant none the less and I assure you you will still be rewarded.

Grandmaster of Dres: You promised me the power he possessed! And now you’re denying me it?!

Vivec: Hush. I can no longer afford you his power now that it’s been confirmed he has reincarnated. However. Once I have him in my possession and nerevar lies dead, we will be strong enough to sap the god hood from that traitor Seht, and gift it to you.

Grandmaster of Dres: M-my lord- I- th-thank you! I would be honoured to take up the mantle of the clockwork god.

Nerevar: *backs up to leave and regroup with Divayth Fyr so they can gather reinforcements, only to gasp in agony as a dagger pierces his thigh* GAGHHH- *reaches for his sword and freezes as the knife touches his throat, and a dunmer woman’s hand grabs a fistful of his white hair* nghh- hello- alma.

Almalexia: Hello. Husband. *pushes him out into the cistern grinning wildly* We caught him! We caught him Vehk! Let me gut him! Let me choke him with his entrails!

Vivec: *smirks from behind his mask* Hello, Nerevarine.

Nerevar: hello cunt- *hisses in pain as alma yanks his hair back*

Almalexia: You do not speak! I will cut out your tongue this time!

Vivec: Hush now Alma. There is no point in expending the effort. Once we are done we will need not fear him reincarnating again, and the good daedra will no longer have the means to revive him…

Nerevar: You won’t succeed. I defeated you all once and I’ll do it agaiAARGHHH!! *pulls back in pain as Alma slices the dagger under his jawline as if prematurely slicing off his face in a second foul murder*

Vivec: ALMA.

Almalexia: *whines and shrieks shaking nerevars head* It’s not fair not faaair!!! He has my skin! My pretty gold skin! And look at how he’s cursed me! I’m filthy! Dirty! Ugly!!!

Nerevar: *glares back at her* among other thing- *hisses as vivec suddenly punches him across the face before grabbing hold of his arm as Alma grabs the other, both of them kicking the back of his legs making him drop to his knees* This feels familiar…

Vivec: Grandmaster of house Dres, *holds out his spear to him* Take my muatra in hand, and claim your new name sake of Dres Seht as you drive it through his heart…

Grandmaster of Dres: *takes the spear with trembling hands, a mix of honour and cowardice wracking his body as he stares down at nerevars blue eyes* Dres Seht… *smirks darkly and laughs* I honour my family by slaughtering you! Now you will pay for the downfall of house dres! *drives the spear through his chest*

Nerevar: *eyes rolling to the back of his head, the cracking of ribs ringing through his ears, almost drowning out the voice of Vivec and the feeling of his lips on his*

Vivec: Don’t weep… I’ll take good care of your Voryn… *smirks removing his mask as his face and skin twists in shape and colour, turning him into the spitting image of the Hortator* Come you two… leave him to wither and rot like he did us…

Dres Seht: *pulls muatra from nerevars chest making him seemingly choke out his final breath* yes my lor- *recoils as vivec suddenly takes the spear from him, making it disappear*

Vivec: Alma.

Almalexia: *knife already hanging over nerevars face once more* But Vehk!

Vivec: Patience Pet… you’ll have an eternity once we’re done to torment him. Come… *takes her hand and leads them from the cistern, up the ladder and into the temple, the blood of the nerevarine allowing them entry at last*

Divayth Fyr: *drops the illusion and runs to Nerevars side* oh gods, oh please no…

#vivec #almalexia #divayth fyr #riiju lei dragonborn #nerevar #indoril nerevar #skyrim #xelzaz skyrim

[sigmadolos]

To me at least, Nikolai’s actions hurt Sigma a lot more than any of the other actions taken against him. Bare with me now, okay. Listen. I’m going to ramble because I have to look at Fyodor and Nikolai’s relationship to Sigma. The real key to this difference is Nikolai reduces Sigma right back to everything he’s been fighting not to be. Nikolai reduces Sigma back into being just a tool, saved only because Nikolai wants to use Sigma’s ability against Fyodor. He doesn’t ask if Sigma wants to, or if he will. He says that’s what it’s to be done for. (Now obviously relationships built in RP an alter this or not depending on the writer, but for canon discussion sake this is how the manga presents it). There is no discussion or room for debate or even anything Sigma GAINS from this.

It cuts deep. Sure, Sigma knows how Nikolai is. Even the goal. But even so, Fyodor and Nikolai were the ones he spent the most time with when he was rescued and taken in. He grew the strongest attachments to them. They were catalysts for Sigma being able to develop into the person he became as the manager. (And are also additional reasons for his concerning ease around doing terrible things but that’s a different topic.)

 Say what you will, but Fyodor offered a DEAL. Not a demand. He didn’t say Sigma HAD to help them or threaten him. He made a deal. Sigma using his ability for them in turn for the casino. It’s an EXCHANGE and the closest Sigma had ever experienced to being treated like an actual person at that point. Not a tool ordered to do something or threatened with violence, but a simple offer. He even later tells Sigma to run. It’s not belittling, he’s offering genuine advice.

Sigma COULD run away, and Fyodor would accept that. He ADVISED him because they both know Sigma doesn’t have the ability to truly handle a direct offensive confrontation with the Hunting Dogs. Now, we all probably know everyone knows Sigma wouldn’t (and doesnt). But the point remains thusly: Fyodor continues to treat him like a person. If Fyodor didn’t care at all, why bother giving this advice? Think about it and what we know of Sigma. Sigma would have STAYED with or without the advice because the casino is all he has. If he wanted Sigma off the board with 100% certainty, say nothing. But he doesn’t. He offers an escape, and certainly there was a plan if Sigma did the unthinkable and ran. Yes, he is a piece in the chessboard - that does not mean he’s seen as LESS for that. Fyodor and Dazai put THEMSELVES as pieces on a chessboard.

Unfortunately we really don’t have many scenes with Sigma and Nikolai so we don’t know for sure. But they likely had a good relationship, even if Sigma comments that Nikolai is the most annoying one to deal with. And for my canon at least (again, can change with writing partners but in general) they do have an overal good one even if Sigma is like WTF at Nikolai quite often. Nikolai’s seen Sigma at his most timid & worst and at his best.

So someone you trust? Someone you care about? Suddenly turning and treating you like countless other people have? Reducing you from a person back into a tool, something to be used and discarded? Sigma saved because Nikolai has need of his ability? It HURTS. It hurts and cuts far deeper than if someone else was merely using him. He doesn’t have that history or connection and yes, Sigma dislikes being used period (again, USED. Deals are DIFFERENT in Sigma’s perspective). It shakes Sigma deep to the core and rips open the anxieties and thoughts he’s worked so hard to start getting over. The Hunting Dogs situation already left wounds - Nikolai’s actions just cut it deeper.

And so we start to see him regress. He becomes quieter and less vocal - obeying without speaking back DESPITE the fact he threatened the hunting dogs not long ago, despite how easily he took control of the casino, and how he handled the chaos. He starts shutting down and WITHDRAWING because that was the environment he had when he was a tool - be useful, don’t talk, just SURVIVE by being obedient.

Which suddenly makes his pairing with Dazai both infuriating but good. Because we see Sigma find his voice again. He snaps at Dazai to stop messing around, threatens when Dazai messes with his hair. For as AWFUL as it is that Sigma’s been tragged into the game by Dazai choosing him, it also brings Sigma OUT of the environment he would’ve been stuck in. He asks questions, he speaks up, he snaps, and they might seem MINOR but when Sigma was just with Nikolai he basically didn’t speak at all. It’s a self-preservation tactic, but a sad one. It shows how deeply hurt he was by Nikolai that he shuts down and starts falling back - until Dazai catches him and pulls him out of that spot to start recovering ground again and being himself.

#hcs || tragedy was sewn into your soul #......this got way longer than i anticipated #but that's a common theme for me #HONESTLY NGL #i hadn't even thought about the dazai section #until i was writing this and went HOLD ON #this is Brilliant #Dazai might be driving Sigma up a damn wall #but ultimately it's helping him #and ofc we have the discussions of Dazai doing this to save Sigma #but its more than ust that aaaaaaaaa

[bookofmirth]

ok i know cassian is a bat boy so he’s not meant to be criticised or everyone will gasp in shock and nesta’s a bitch so she’ll never deserve him but in my reread of acosf i noticed that cassian has some seriously red-flaggy behaviour that is honestly never brought up by the fandom

obviously nesta can be quite rude but cassian is the one that chose to be in the house of wind. nesta didn’t. so i don’t really understand why cassian is excused every time he’s aggressive or he belittles her but when nesta is rude she’s scrutinised. cassian is the one that actually set the tone of their relationship and was rude right from the get go the day they met. and a lot of the times (eg. solstice) nesta is blamed but honestly all she told him was to go home and then he got aggressive and started to belittle her and then the fandom shat on nesta for ‘making’ him throw the gift into the river

not excusing nesta because i know she can be a real bitch but i feel like the same energy is never kept for cassian even though he has the same short tempter that she does. eg. the sidra scene where he loses it when she doesnt immediately accept the mating bond, that solstice scene where she tells him to go home, that entire hike scene, the whole everyone hates you scene … etc etc and there’s a lot of them

this scene is an example of cassian’s aggressive behaviour where he just snaps when nesta makes a (in my opinion) light hearted jab. obviously nesta doesn’t like rhysand (he locked her in a house) and rhysd obviously doesn’t like nesta but cassian only shits on nesta when she’s a bitch about rhys and never keeps the same energy for rhys when he’s rude about nesta, multiple multiple multiple times through the book

“It bothers everyone. Even oh-so-special Rhysand.”

His teeth flashed, any semblance of softness gone. “I told you once, and I’ll say it again: don’t take that snide fucking tone when you speak about him.”

“He’s not my High Lord. I may speak of him as I wish.” She made to step away, but he gripped her wrist, holding her in place. “Let go.”

um the way he just snaps at that jab is low key concerning, especially because we see that type of aggressive-intimidating behaviour many many many times from him through acosf. again, i know nesta is snarky but he’s like 5x her size and 20x her age and he chose to be at the house of wind around her and knows what her mental health situation is like at the moment

maybe if i saw that same type of defense of nesta when rhysand bitches about her i’d feel better and just understand that cassian is defensive about those close to him but cassian only keeps his aggressive energy for nesta. when he crosses a line/boundary with feyre, he apologises. when mor is lied to about eris, he apologises and comforts her. but with nesta, he never really apologises for his own behaviour even though nesta does for her words and behaviour. he crosses lines and boundaries and is overall pretty aggressive to nesta but the fandom just excuses is because i think it’s a general feeling that nesta doesn’t deserve kind treatment and deserves the worst

anyway those are my two cents and a pretty controversial opinion but i hope we also see some accountability from cassian and hopefully a change in the way he treats nesta (we won’t, sjm clearly thinks he’s perfect 🥲) but a girl can dream

This post is from June 5th SORRY

the fandom shat on nesta for ‘making’ him throw the gift into the river

People do this? What? Are people not responsible for their own actions anymore? That was his anger, his decision.

Oh and before I continue, tbh I will take any excuse to talk shit about the male characters at this point while upholding Archeron and Mor and Gwyn and Emerie and yes even Amren supremacy.

um the way he just snaps at that jab is low key concerning, especially because we see that type of aggressive-intimidating behaviour many many many times from him through acosf. again, i know nesta is snarky but he’s like 5x her size and 20x her age and he chose to be at the house of wind around her and knows what her mental health situation is like at the moment

Yeah I totally get this. I think that at its root, I understand why Cassian would get upset at Nesta being rude about Rhys, because Rhys is his brother and you don't fuck with siblings. But Nesta isn't just anyone, she's in a precarious position, Cassian supposedly loves her, and he didn't have to be so ott about it.

i think it’s a general feeling that nesta doesn’t deserve kind treatment and deserves the worst

Okay so it's time for my controversial opinion, but this is where I think that Amren had the right idea. If Cassian sticks around despite knowing that their dynamic is not good, that they are fighting and being aggressive towards one another, Amren on the other hand takes one look at that situation - she has one fight with Nesta - and says "no, fuck this, we cannot be friends until this gets sorted" and peaces out. Yes Cassian and Nesta have the mating bond and so maybe in theory it's harder for them to stay away from one another, Amren is wise enough to evaluate the situation and step away. Does she say rude shit? Yeah, so does Nesta. They part ways and that's that. Amren knew that Nesta needed to work on things, but that she wasn't the person to help Nesta do that. But like you said, Cassian is choosing to be there, and in a way that is not at all supportive of Nesta's mental state.

#nesta #cassian #acosf #acotar #ask #anon

[kath-artic]

more

this has all been spurred on bc of a very close friend of mine. she does so much for me and is an incredible person who deserves so much happiness, but i see so much of the old me in her. we are extremely different, but she reminds me of the old me insofar as she spills herself completely and says the things she thinks others want to hear and seems to be right on the cusp of a confrontation with herself that will change everything if she lets it. that being said, she speaks so highly of me and so obsessively about how she's my best friend and as endearing as it is, it also worries me because i think she understands me to be something i'm not.

now none of this would bother me nearly as much as it has recently if it werent for the ways she simultaneously tries to bring me down. i dont think she means to do it, but there's a way she speaks at times that bothers me deeply. she has a tendency to ask people questions that put them in weird positions and they often center around these dilemmas wherein she assumes she has some deficiency compared to me abd confronts others with it (asking people she's hooking up with if they think i'm prettier than her, asking me why the people on the board of the club we ran together seem to respect me more, etc). she also has a tendency to post pictures of me that make me very uncomfortable without asking first and she only does it when she's talking to someone new (like she's trying to make sure anyone new she's talking to won't be into me instead and like. i woukdnt care if she was sending gross pictures of me to them directly but she just posts them publicly bc she 'doesnt want to be to forward'). then there's the way she belittles the things i care about. i told her something so private and personal and she treated it like a game and as much as she apologized up and down for it and as much as i forgive it, it doesnt change the fact that it showed me she fundamentally does not understand me. there have been other more minor instances of things i'd classify in tgis vein, but they seem irrelevant now. there are also other behaviors that i'd group in with these but i dont feel i have the right to because i realize they are tendencies i share (things like belittling the things i share specifically when she worries people will think i introduced her to the concept. that anxiety i understand comoletely, though the way she deals with it is a bit of a problem)

idk. its strange. shes really such a good person, but i worry at times that shes grown so concerned with being close to me that she also feels on some level that she needs to make me smaller both so she can keep me around and so that she can guarantee i'm not a threat. i feel like a pet (doesnt help that she jokes about me literally being her cat/Kat lol) and i dont really like it. i know thats not all i am to her and our relationship is so much more than this, but its been hard for me to see past this element of it recently. just really been bugging me. ill bring it up sometime soon when i think shes in a stable enough spot to hear it

[snowbees]

I’m not in like a bad home situation and I’m incredibly fortune to be able to say that but I think I’m never gonna be able to say my parents are proud of me and yknow that hurts more than I’d like it to

#thunder talks #this isnt even in a profession sense just like As A Person #even though like i ‘came out’ and things have been fine i know my mom doesnt feel 100% #she always comments on how she wishes my hair was longer and she tries to cover it up as a joke but it keeps gettinf to me #it used to just sparcely be my dad but i feel like ocming out opened up something for my mom and its unfair to me #and like i was rightfully scared to be open during that moment and nothing has changed #like even when i try to be open about my concerns or just general problems i feel like #im constantly being belittled for it. and its really upsetting cause its jfdbbdjdjdsj #it takes a lot out of me to try to open up for help and to consistantly be looked down on for having the issue is rough #like im sorry i dont want to do these things in concern for inconviencing people! im such a terrible child!!

[chanandlersstuff]

Summer isn't the only thing that breaks

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader.

Summary: Sometimes loving the other person it's not enough.

Word count: 2.545.

Author’s note: I don't take charge or pay psychologists for what you may feel reading this. I was in my feelings and needed to write something to get all out of my system. English is my second language so sorry for the misspellings. Sorry if the title doesnt make sence but its the only things that comes to my mind.

Part two

You were walking through the airport suitcase in one hand and phone in the other. His number appears on the screen and a smile on your lips. His raspy voice telling you that he was waiting for you in the parking lot, just like you agree, even without seeing him you can sense his smile while he was talking. You hop on the passenger seat and he didn't let you close the door that he was already kissing you like his life deppen of it. His hands on your neck bringing you imposible close to him.

-Hi to you too.- Your voice sounds happy and your eyes close in case this was a dream, again.

-I miss you so fucking much.- Your breath mixing with each other and your noses touching.

-Me too, Charles.- No pet names were needed, that was the deal.

-Come on, the summer break await for us.- A little peck on your lips and the car was moving.

The ride to your destination was full of low music, your hand in his while Charles was driving and now and then he leaves kisses in your knuckles. No work related talk, it was too painful that way. In a moment of your relationship, even when you were friends, the two of us could talk about everything. Even a look could say all that was on your mind and the other would knew exactly what to do.

You two met so many years ago that you lost count. The chemistry was undeniable, the same silly jokes and pranks, the way you move in sync when you were together and even when you weren't together but in the same place, the fond smiles and shiny eyes. It was a matter of time for you two to end up together, or a matter of putting everything on the table. Either way you confess your love for each other the same day, even in that you were connected.

The memories bring a bittersweet smile to your face. In another time those exact memories would make you the most happy person on the planet but right now, after all those years, it didn't. From the corner of his eye Charles could see you and he could bet he knew what was on your mind, because of the look on your face. Because he had the same look when he thought of the two of you.

Everyone knows that you two love each other. Your familys, your common friends and the ones that were not common, even his fans kwen it. But sometimes love isn't enough, sometimes loving the other person so much that it doesn't fit in your body isn't enough. A whole year of relationship where you only saw him in his summer break, in his home grand prix and two other races where it. That was how long the relationship lasted.

You try to make those memories leave your head and live the moment. Your hand in his, Levitating from Dua Lipa playing in the background, your head moving side to side in sync to the rhythm of the song, his hair moving thanks to the breeze and the summer in the air. It was he and you for a couple of weeks. Nothing else, nothing more. You tell yourself that everything was going to be alright.

The first days were amazing, like always. Traveling from here to there in Europe, days with his family that love you like you were their own, nights with your mutual friends clubbing and having the time of your lifes. Dancing glue to each other, drunk kisses and hot sex all night in every sourfaces that you were capable making up for all those days that you weren’t in his arms.

His mum love you, love both of you and was the first one to be over the moon when you were together, but also was the first one to knew that this agreement or this kind of relationship, if you could call it like that, wasn't healthy and it will end bad.

Maybe it was that the two of you were growing up, becoming more mature persons or maybe you were more nostalgic than normal. But seeing him driving the boat with that bandana in his head, that one time it was yours, made you walk down memory lane and end up on the day that the two of you called it quits.

Your relationship was based on constant facetimes, calls and that was it. It was like you were 13 again and it was a virtual boyfriend. His busy schedule and your first year in the job of your dreams didn't let you see him often. You knew he needed someone that was free to be with him travelling the world, encouraging him, giving him a shoulder to cry in his bad days and to be there applauding him in his best days. In a few words he needed someone that was capable of being there for him all the way in his career, not on the other side of the word in a 4 walls office 24/7. You knew that person he needed wasn't you. But the blame, if there was someone to blame, wasn't all yours. Charles also knew that you need someone to be there for you when the days in the office weren't the best, when you arrive at your house exhausted and not on the other side of the phone, traveling across the world, when you cried your eyes out from stress. When you belittle yourself thinking you weren't enough and capable for your job. He knew that you deserved some better, someone who could be there for you.

When the words “I think that we should take a time apart.” were said and the other nodded . When the moment was so fucking sad, so fucking heart breaking, because the two of you came to the same conclusion. Sad tears running in your faces and salty kisses. A whole day to make the mourning of the love that wasn't enough holding each other in your arms agreeing to be friends and love each other no matter what. Only to find you in his sheets a couple of months later agreeing to be together only in the summer break and love you all those days and when the summer ends the two of you would go to their worlds with the memories of the summer. Because the thought of not being together at all hurt much more than being together only a season of the year.

A little peck on your lips brought you back to the present and his smiley face melted your heart. Out of impulse you cup his face and kiss him love and tenderly. From outside that scene appear to be two people who love the other wholeheartedly and were happy and it was true but at the same time you were two persons who had to accept the fact to love the other only in summer time.

Charles knew you were a clingy person when the two of you were alone, but not in public. So it came to his surprise that you were holding his hand all the time and stolen kisses here and there but he didn't complain about it. Moreover he was happy and a little sparkle ignite in his interior.

Days pass like leaves falling from trees in autumn. One day he took you for a ride on his bike, because he knew how much you like it, and to have a picnic to see the sunset. Cute date nights and walks on the beach. Breakfast in bed and coffee spilled on the white sheets thanks to a hot kissing session that ends in sex. Everything was like a fairytale but those only exist in books and movies. Real life hurts like hell and not everything could be like we want.

You made up your mind two days before when you woke up and his arms were hugging your naked body to his firm chest. You couldn't put it into words the feeling that ran through your body and that was when you knew what you had to do. This day was the last one before you had to leave for the real one, it was always bittersweet.

For some reason Charles woke up feeling the most lucky man in the world, he was happy. Walking from here to there in the yacht humming songs and loving the way the sun kisses his skin. A complete breakfast on the table and kisses all over your face to wake up. Sex before and after breakfast, swimming in the cristal water and photos of the other in their galleries that would never leave your phones. You walk around with your hair wet in his favorite t-shirt and a red bandana in your ankle, nothing else nothing more.

After lunch you were sleeping in the front of the yacht with that red bikini that made him lose his mind and he was by your side. His legs flexed, his arm in your waist and his face hid in your neck. Your legs on top of his, your arms on top of his and your head lean on his. The two of you were like a puzzle that fit perfectly, but that didn't mean anything. Hour passes and you wake up, his left hand in your boob and yours on top of it, his face in your chest and your legs tangled. His face is clear of concern, smooth features a little sunburned, and you run your fingers tracing paths with his moles. The same feeling of two days ago appeared again and the only thing you could do was swallow the lump in your throat.

Charles seems to wake up and get you closer to his body, so close that you end up on top of him. Talking in his native language and raspy voice almost made you break into tears. He senses it and looks at you concern. -Il y a un problème, ma belle?

You shake your head with your eyes closed. -Don’t do that Charles, no pet names. We promise.- If you were with your eyes oppended you could see how he rolled his.

-Tell me what's wrong, please.- His seat up with you on his lap. His hands on your back and your chest close. The worry in his voice breaks your heart.

-We can't keep doing this. It's breaking us inside. Is breaking me inside.- Your words make him move away and frown his brows.

-What are you talking about?- You tried to get up from his lap and he grabbed your waist so you stayed still. -Don't do this for a second time, please.

-You need to let me go emotionally and physically, Charles.- He put his hands up and you started walking around, something you do when you are nervous.

-Why?- His eyes burning your figure.

-Because it's the healthiest thing to do. We can't keep doing this to each other. We can't keep fooling ourselves and you know it. You mean everything to me but I can't keep doing this. Every time I leave you after summer, I rip my heart out and I don't think I can keep suffering it.- Your eyes full of tears and your hands shaking a little.

-You think that it's easy for me? That all this it's easy?- You shake your head. -It 's not! Sometimes I dream about us and it seems so real, and when I fucking wake up I see the harsh reality THAT I DONT HAVE YOU COMPLETLY.- He was standing up and looking at you with red eyes.

-That is what I’m saying. Don't you see? This fucking situation is killing us. I know what you want from me and you know what I want from you but wanting something and having something it's not the same thing.- He looks at you without saying anything.

-Do you still love me?- You almost laugh at his question.

-How could you ask me that?- Charles looked at you in disbelieve.

-Because you are standing there, breaking my heart all over again that's why I’m asking you that.- You were trying so hard not to cry.

-Of course I still love you, just like the first day. But sometimes that's not enough. We agreed something years ago hoping that that way it didn't hurt that much but the only thing we agreed on was to prolong the heart break and make it bigger.- You took little steps towards him.

-I know you are right but don't want you out of my life. I dont think I’m capable of that.- His voice was so low and the look in his eyes was like a lost puppy.

-Its for the best Charles. I don't want to keep hurting you and me. It's not fair that we can only love each other for a couple of days out of 365 days a year.

-There’s nothing we can do?- His and your eyes were full of tears and his words broke you and seeing you cry made him cry.

-I won't let you give up your career to be with me and you won't let me give up my career to be with you. We love each other that much and we are fools for thinking that this would end well.- He closes the gap between the two of you.

-I can't believe I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Will you let me love you the time we have left?- Charles put his hands in your face and you nod.

The hours left of that day were spent with salty kisses, tears in each others body and sad and slow sex where not even an inch of distance could be beetween you two, your skins touching trying to became one or trying to remember the other for the rest of your lives, hands running through your bodies to remember it even with the eyes closed. You kiss his tears away and his kiss yours. The ride to the airport was in silence and fast but Charles held your hand in his glued to his chest, he was lost in his thoughts and you in yours. Getting used to the idea of not seeing or being with the other anymore, just the couple of minutes that you got together in the car and then that was it, all over again.

He parked the car, took your suitcase out and without saying anything you started walking to the airport door. He watches you walk away from his life but his brain screams to kiss you just one more time. Just like an addict, one more fix and that was it. Charles grabs your wrist and stamps a kiss on your lips like he did at the start of the summer break in his car, all those days ago, but this time it was full of sadness and love. He holds you close, but not too close. Just enough for you to count his slowing breaths, but not too much so that you’ll hear the slow cracking of his heart.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc x reader #formula 1 x reader #Charles leclerc x y/n #Charles leclerc x you #f1 imagine #formula one imagine #formula one fanfiction #formula one one shot #formula one x reader #formula 1 x you #f1 x you #charles leclerc drabble #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc f1 #charles leclerc one shot

[userholland]

Tom and Zendaya have been spotted together by people every weekend so far since he has started filming the crowded room and no paparazzi have found them yet told you they aren’t pr or fake dating

i think you knowing that says more about you than it does me. tbh idk anything about them hanging out anymore bc i mind my business. there's a reason info like that doesnt get spread, bc its abt their privacy (pr or not). im not asking you to show me, nor have i ever. i dont give a fuck abt them being together regardless but at the end of the day... im a tom blog lol not some ship gossip blog bugging ppl for some type of proof of a relationship that doesnt concern me.

its so easy to respect my opinion about this, especially after all these months but you just keep bringing up that you seek out these pictures for your proof and try to make your point to me when you already know my opinion while also tearing me down and belittling me when you dont know me. i have mutuals who ship them or think their relationship is legit and i dont have issues with them because its not a big deal ??? were all tom blogs or somewhat spiderman blogs. its not strange for ppl to like them together lol

and being on anon doesnt say much either. we could have a private convo abt our differences but you still choose to blow up my ask box, make a point to MY followers and then you get to leave and go as you please. pretty cowardly but i mean, you've been doing it for months and im used to it. y'all desensitized me to break down anymore with ur weak and objective arguments.

but hey you do you, ill do me and please stop bugging me abt this ship and uh maybe seek other hobbies. if you wanna have a mature convo, hmu or get blocked <3

#anon #i literally dont care abt her and my mutuals respect that lol. leave me alone

[starrysupercell]

UwU the rest of the outline at per request. @lumpy-veev (still unfinished but it's okay! This should be thought of as a rough draft.) 💙

🦝 "RaR 3" or "Breaking Point" 🐍

It would be an unofficial Brawl, which is not allowed, but it happens, and what can you even do?

I see the two as basically ignoring each other's presence upon finding out that the other is there. Of course, as much as they won't admit it, it's making them think of. Everything.

This leads to even more on edge tense atmosphere whenever they would cross each other's path, because even if it’s a big park, you can only avoid someone for so long, especially when you happen to have common associates. (the Coworkers, Tara, etc.)

It doesn’t help they have growing animosity and take every little thing personally for every interaction.. and it’s only been a month or two.

Rumors begin to pick up around the park-- Just a little chatter at the bar. Just a little observation that those two sure have something between them huh? The gossiper is shushed, because did you forget who runs the place? his connection to Byron?

Luckily, the bartender didn’t seem to hear. He was busy cleaning glasses. The topic’s changed. customers continue to come and go.

One who arrives is Piper, who sits down at the bar. It’s busy, so she waits patiently for Barley to get her usual. (he’s good at that.) He sets down a coaster and the glass in front of her, but instead of a greeting and bustling away this time, he sticks around.

“Byron is well on his way to becoming a topic of interest around here...” he tells her.

She leans forward with a smile. “What have they said? And who, for that case?”

He explains what he heard, and omits the names.

Piper thoughtfully considers this. She had noticed this, but hadn’t chalked it up to a personal history, just conflict of interest. (byron was well off, belle was a thief. he would be cautious) Now that she knew, she wanted every drop of intel.

“I can talk to him. we wouldn’t want our dear coworker being talked about, do we?”

“I do not.” Barley replied, tipping his hat to bid her goodbye as he steps away to another client. He lets Piper take care of this, because he likes letting people come to him if they want to talk, and he feels that Byron would have already approached him if that were the case.

~

So, it’s another one of their patented teatime tête-à-têtes.

Piper skirts around the issue before dropping the news of whispers about the two.

But Byron doesn’t humor the topic, and refuses to talk about it.

Piper cheerfully pokes at him. “Crossed paths? Did you know her before the Park? maybe previous business associates? She robbed you, but you had good insurance, and one day she tricked you? Ooh~ Former flames-?"

And then Byron stands up and is about to leave wordlessly until that last suggestion processes bc if he doesn’t clarify now, ugh that’s gonna be what Piper thinks is plausible (kind of, bc he gay af) and he does NOT want that to be a thing.

“She’s a relative,” he says with so much distaste before he leaves that Piper is even more intrigued. but at the same time, there’s something that tells her she shouldn’t fan the fire any further.

they’ve had their share of back and forths, and it’s been a blue moon since something had gotten him so upset that he just up and leaves.

she drops it, and as the #1 gossipmonger of the park, the hushed whispers of “mystery between byron and belle?” is completely stamped out with a dismissive attitude and several “Really? I didn’t notice anything.”

If Byron really and truly didn't want this around the park, she'd honor that.

~

Of course, with QD Edgar on occasional trips with the Gang, that’s the biggest connection the sibs have at the moment.

The first time Edgar name dropped Byron, Belle froze and listened to 2.47 more seconds of the teen's rambles before telling him to get a move on around camp and quit yapping.

Edgar didn't notice this first time around and grumpily went about his way.

But I'm sure there's one thing or another that makes Edgar talk about his dad manager again, and one thing that will really piss Belle off, is comparison.

Tara, who notices the shift in mood, puts herself in between Edgar and Belle and swiftly soothes things over. She suggests getting on with the plan they have (already knowing what Belle will respond with).

"heist cancelled," Belle states, rearing up Elodie and galloping away from camp. (She usually winds down on her own after celebrating a big heist, but never before-- and never had called it quits at that.)

Edgar is put off. Tara muses that it's nothing he could help...

On her own, Belle just contemplates everything. Hours. It brings up familiar memories of being up on the rooftop with her head buried into her arms and knees feeling terrible.

Except now she's more than grown, with her share of things to be proud of and great memories she forged on her own. She's not curled up on herself anymore. She's staring to the long distance of the desert-- her home-- traveling with ease.

That stupid rooftop section of her life is nothing more than a fraction of her well-lived life.

It doesn't make her feel better.

Yet another thing Byron ruins for her without even trying.

She needed a drink.

~

Not wanting to head back to her camp for the night, and not in the mood to try nabbing some good drink, Belle simply walks into the bar and orders something.

Barley treats her the same as any Brawler, despite what he now knows about her.

As far as he was concerned, she came in there as a customer. And as long as she paid, he saw no problem in serving her...

She drinks quietly, and he keeps an eye on her intake.

And eventually, just like with any other customer with something heavy on their mind and enough drinks, words flow easier.

She doesnt use names, and keeps terms vague. Speaks angrily of her parents. Calls the brother a "dumbass of a pushover."

Now, it isnt like he associates Byron as a (pardon his french) 'dumbass' in any way, but it's the way she uses it that makes Barley connect the dots. The tone wasn't as bitter. Almost fond. Almost.

He lightly prods for a little bit more insight, and she gives up a little more as she drinks.

Unlike the other two members of his Trio, it wasn't in his nature to gossip, so this would stay between them.

Barley listens, because that's what she needs right now. Not advice, not interjections or lectures or deflecting the subject. Just someone to listen.

Eventually he cuts her off before she gets too inebriated (and probably causes trouble.)

{I AM going to write this scene out in depth. And cry while doing so.}

~

On the other side, after the season and back at the Gift Shop, Edgar is 🤔🤔 over that incident. He considers talking with Colette but 1) she's as mad as a Colette could be at the fact that he hung out with the NEW BRAWLER and TARA and didnt bother getting her ANYTHING. and 2) tbh she's a blabbermouth.

Byron does his regular check of the shop that day. Making sure Colette hasn't run off and Edgar isnt sneaking a nap.

He welcomes Edgar back from his little trivial loot and shoot games.

While Edgar hadn't even thought twice about it before, he recalls that when he had told Byron he'd be working at a different section of the park (namely with the new Brawler, Belle) he had acted just as dismissive.

Like yeah, there was your usual "old man doesn't get the teens" shenanigans, but Byron had never belittled his interest in anything before. Calling his involvement in the season a 'trivial game' sounded... personal.

He outright asks Colette if Byron was acting weird.

Any snippiness that Colette may have had for 2 minutes diminishes when there's a chance to talk with her favorite person in the world that she's seen little to none of for two months, AND about her favorite topic: Brawlers!

She spills everything she knows, because despite Piper's efforts, theres no secret a Brawler can try to keep when shes around.

She didn't find out everything of course. But she knows that there were questions involving Byron and Belle. Piper hushed it up, so for sure there was something.

Edgar nods. "Totally. I think she was close to rippin' my head off once. I brought up Byron once and she was ready to chew me out." (in case i didn't make it clear, Edgar picked up a slight drawl because of belle)

"Cool!" Colette exclaimed. "..I mean, not the rip your head off part. But that is cool too. I meant do we have lore on our hands?? That nobody ELSE knows!!?"

Edgar shushed her. Byron is in his office but the shop wasn't really sound proof.

......cue shenanigans from the Coworkers trying to figure things out in their very amateurish ways compared to Piper by "sneaking" around and "nonchalantly" trying to get him to admit something.

Byron knows they're up to something, and humors them until realizing the topic when Edgar tries bringing up the Goldarm Season.

He shuts them down even faster than Piper.

Of course, instead of deterring them like her, he just confirms their suspicions. Colette and Edgar are "o yeah we are def going to get to the bottom of this."

~

So, it's plan B! If they even try asking Piper she throws them for such a loop and leaves them so bewildered that Colette even forgets to ask for anything she could keep, and Edgar didnt realize she gave them nothing to work with until they're already out the door and down the street with cake pops in their hands.

So, Plan C! ...Barley.

It's hard to find a time to go there, since it's busy when they get off work. And Barley always seems to be at one place or another....

So the kids choose the perfect time (roughly midday), and just wait for the perfect day... when Byron comes in and checks the shop, then decides on his own that they could handle it for the rest of the shift and leaves them to it.

When the stars align, the teens wait until Byron is out of sight, and close up the gift shop. Their plan is to head to the bar... and maybe try and get something out of Barley..... not much of a plan, but they don't realize it there.

They make haste, running to the bar, because time crunch (when/if complaints start rolling in.)

Bursting through the doors of the Bar, Barley gives them a look. "Don't.. do that, please."

Colette apologizes enthusiastically, and urges Edgar forward. "Ask him! I'll keep watch!"

She hops over to the door and peers through it periodically.

Meanwhile, Edgar is stammering because he didnt plan anything to say, he expected Colette to talk to the robot.

"If you two think I allow underage drinking, I most certainly do not, no matter what Penny says." Barley warns.

"Uhh, no it isn't that. ...Umm. do ya know... well, you would know about Byron, and not Belle, I guess. But they've been acting weird lately, and we want to know why."

. . .

Barley pauses in consideration.

Options and questions flood around his mind, and he still had no answer.

Wonders if he should even mention Belle's visit some time ago, or the fact that he knows more in depth about it than Byron would care for, or that if Piper found out he knew more than her, and then told these two over would she be offended? ....Actually, in that case, why was he considering telling them anyway? Well, if they were interested in the topic for genuine reasons...

Edgar doesn't even know what to do either. Barley's not saying anything.

Colette squeaks, and scrambles from the door. "Edgar!! Any luck here? Because we're out of it over there!"

"What?"

"I think I see Byron heading here!!"

Who would have thought.

this is where i kind of dropped off the outline, but to continue/wrap it up, Barley points them to the curtain that covers the back room. There's an exit there which he tells them about, but the teens stay to EAVESDROP bc they care.

Barley and Byron chat. the conversation dips into the area having to do with Belle.

Byron frowns. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you're trying to get me to admit something, Barley. I can understand Piper, but you?"

"Me?" Barley asks. "Sir, you know I never mean harm."

"..." Byron stares at him unconvinced. "If Piper did put you up to this, you can tell me."

"U.. Believe it or not, I am among others in this park who care about you, Byron."

"...." wouldn't that be nice. But Byron believes him. My bad. He humors his coworker for now. "Fine." And asks for a drink.

Barley gets him his preferred one. [Lol I'll come up with it eventually.]

They talk. Barley finds out a little more. But just a little bit. Byron... it isnt like he has practice talking about ☆~feelings~☆

The teens listening in leave before too long. Colette is like O.O;; and Edgar decides that all they wanted to know was the relation between Byron and Belle, and they got that.

She agrees, and they both leave through the back door.

Byron didn't get as drunk ofc, it's still his working hours. Just enough to loosen up a bit and get through mild robot therapy.

After his leave, Barley sees him off, and then goes to check in the back. They're gone and he has a brief "oh, thought they would have gotten the hint to, listen in. Oh, well."

[There's one more event, involving the Coworkers interacting with Belle one last time, but still unplanned <3 it leads to the meet up and the fight... somehow though. I'll release that when I think of it.]

I can also see Piper being ":0 you knew before I did? And didn't tell me? You're mischievous, Barley!" In a very light hearted way at the very end.

Barley frets ;;; "I am not!"

#Brawl Stars #Townsfolk Trio #Belle #SCT #Coworkers #My Outlines

[ask-a-vetblr]

question on your thoughts about this? So there a new vet at my clinic and they dont kind of? not work well with the clinic at all? He takes forever in rooms (which fine whatever), but he never finished a room, before entering 4 others, making the other vet`s have no open room for their clients, has a treatment plan that basically makes no sense at times and gets angry when clients wont follow plan, and straight up refused to see a pet, yelled at me for it, and left without finishing rooms? (p1/?

(p2?) He rependlty made odd comments about the other doctors, but still goes to them to get the dosages of every medication he`s filling (he doesn't seem to know them), and still argues with them about the dosages, when techs/assist/docs ask about why he is requesting certain treatments he just scoffs (which makes explaining to the owner  hell), not to mention argues with the manager when the manager tells him to take a room (he was free) bc the other doc had 3 rooms and an emergency.

(p3) to the staff it seems like he`s just here because he knew the head doctor (who`s an entirely different problem with sexism, not caring for the staff/ straight up rudeness to everybody (first day there be belittled me bc i dont go to the top state school and said i had a poor shot at vet school) very well, so he`s keeping the job due to this connection. I know nobody will bring it up due to fear of the owner, but what do you guys think? Is this reason to be concerned?

(p4 sorry!) also! the vets make a commission as well, so the manager is pretty sure that`s why he pushes so hard for the clients to follow the recommendations, but it doesnt help when the clients just gets angry and starts yelling because he just leaves the room, leaving us trapped with the client. He also never tells us how much for each med to fill and is very disorganized so trying to get the scipt is a nightmare. 

Hi, Ferox here.

Yeah, that sounds like it might go toxic at any point.

Your new vet sounds like they aren’t working as a team with the nurses, nor the other vets, and if everybody thinks they’re untouchable they probably believe they are.

If you can’t leave, which would be my first option, you’d be hoping the owner quickly realises how disruptive the new vet is, by delaying other vets from working, by distracting them, by occupying all the rooms at once and by angering clients he is costing the practice money. Because there are comissions involved he’s also likely to be angering the other vets, if he hasn’t already, and they may well leave. Experienced vets are generally in demand.

If the owner realises how disruptive this new vet is, hopefully they are able to do something about it. If not, they may well blame other staff members for the loss of revenue to the clinic. That wont end well.

I’d consider talking to the manager about it, especially if they’re already in conflict. I assume your manager holds that position for a reason and maybe the situation is already addressed, or maybe they need doccumented examples of behaviour to do so. Either way be concerned, but you might not be in a position to fix it.

#Anonymous #veterinarian #career advice

[pro-birth]

I feel like this was important to bring up in light of recent events. Rachelle Oaks Pro-Life Atheist made a post asking black pro-lifers how they felt about white pro-lifers using the “PP is racist” talking point now that racism is finally getting the mainstream awareness it needs to fix other systemic problems POC face. Here are some responses (note: some of these comments were made by white pro-lifers, but they echoed similar sentiments to the black pro-lifers so I included them) —

•I think it’s offensive when people use it as an excuse to not talk about other injustices plaguing our community.

•I agree, I don't think it's racist. But I think a lot of conservative people use abortion in the black community as an excuse to not talk about other racial issues. I'm talking about people who every time racism is brought up say, "Well, but Planned Parenthood etc." Obviously, the high abortion rate in the black community, and the targeting of black women by the abortion industry, needs to be addressed, but it's not the only instance of racial oppression in America.

•Due to the George floyd case I keep encountering white pro lifers who were willing to convict Floyd from a case 13 yrs, a case they cant even provide proof on on one very vague detail. Yet I observed them use the "black babies are statistically aborted the most" line. It's a tactic to emotionally manipulate others, primarily black people to dismiss them them and I'm getting annoyed by it.

•I'm starting to think that they shouldnt point it out... or rather as much in order to prove how racist PP/abortion is.. I'm beginning to acknowledge that many who make an effort to point it out really do not care about black issues or that concerned with why a black person will be black/choose abortion.

The truth is I didnt become pro life due to the stat that most babies are black or because Margaret sanger is a racist. I did used to be hung up about it. But honestly who wasnt trying to euthanize us during that time. Margaret sanger really doesnt have any connection to why black women will abort.

And relaying that black babies are aborted the most Is pointless because in the end abortion is wrong regardless.

I do think if it should be brought up I would highly prefer other black people. Non black people may not know how to properly approach a black pcer or acknowledged our issues. Another black pro lifer will.

•It's generally said ignorantly, as if there aren't African Americans outraged at abortion. It's also generally said in response to the unjust murder of African Americans at the hands of white civilians and police. They are two separate issues, though they are connected.

•I'm "white" & I don't bring up this atrocity when discussing normal racial issues. However, I see OH SO many posts from BLM that targets whites/Christians/conservatives about how we fight for unborn lives but not black lives in which case.... how does one even react? As an independent, who was prolife way before I became a Christian, I want to fire back but without belittling the other obvious racial injustices in which they are passionate about.. but people on both sides of the aisle can be blinded. If Black Lives Matter would start teaming up with pro life groups, think of the incredible changes we could bring to these women & their babies! I'll get off my soapbox now.

If you are a black pro-lifer and have a similar or different POV on this, please reblog and share if you are interested! I feel like this is ever talked about enough in our movement.

#blm #systemic racism

[transandcrs]

why yall obsessed with shipping fenris anders and dorian. like anders and dorian are two of my favorite characters of all time i love them but fenris was literally enslaved by a tevinter magister. he doesnt hate anders bc hes Not Woke Enough he doesnt like anders bc anders trivializes the negative aspects of tevinter and the plight of elves in general like fenris looks at anders, a mage possessed by a spirit/demon who idolizes the imperium and constantly belittles elves’ concerns, and sees the exact type of mage who established an out of control magocracy with elves at the bottom of society. and dorian is literally the son of a magister/a magister like fjldsalsja. thats not how i see anders or dorian/the lens i view them through but thats how fenris sees them and theres nothing wrong with that. he doesnt owe anything to either of them. he doesnt owe his understanding esp since most of the time the dynamic tends to be “fenris realizes Not All Mages Are Danarius” and rarely “anders/dorian realizes he were wrong to trivialize or de-prioritize the plight of elves/glorify the imperium.” again anders and dorian are two of my favorite characters i love them so so much. and i dont think its like Immoral to ship fenris with them i just think it’s weird

#henry speaks

[sporesgalaxy]

You know what? Fuck it. Here's the whole ass WIP script for the Danny Phantom/Ben 10/Deadpool crossover nightmare, which is called #follow ur crossover dreams, by the way. I think copy-pasting on my phone is gonna delete some italics but whatever.

Reminder that it's still a really early draft with a lot I plan on changing (wade Motormouth wilson doesnt say nearly enough bullshit, for starters), but hopefully u will enjoy it. happy birthday to me, my gift is letting myself share ideas without maximum effort

[BEN is running through a crowd of high school students, excitedly. He is on his phone] BEN: C'mon, Gwen, just tell me where to go! I wanna fight some bad guys today! It's been weeks! [GWEN is on a computer] GWEN: Ben, for the last time, you are NOT going into this alone! We aren't even sure what's causing this yet! Seismic activity at this scale is totally unheard of around here, and whatever's causing it-- BEN: Is gonna get it's butt whooped by the one and only Benn Tennyson! BEN: Don't worry, I can totally handle this! GWEN: Yeah, cause things always work out perfectly  when you say that. BEN: Just give me the location, and you can catch up with me there! GWEN: No, Ben. I'll fill you in when we know more, but.until then, don't run off. [BEN is dejectedy watching TV at home, when suddenly, there is another earthquake. Soon after, a newswoman reveals the epicenter just outside of town, and Ben gets an idea] [BEN gets off a public bus at a bus stop far outside of town. He looks out into a dry hilly wilderness, and down to his phone gps to confirm he is going in the right direction.] BEN: all right...I didn't wanna risk timing out before I got there, but I think I'm close enough now... [BEN places his phone gps at his feet, closes his eyes, and slaps the Omnitrix] [BEN transforms into Stinkfly] BEN: Well, I was hoping for XLR8, but I guess I can work with this? [BEN picks up his phonr and flies off] [when he reaches the epicenter BEN finds, embedded into a large hill, an abandoned lab of some sort.] BEN: ooOh [BEN enters the lab, and shortly times out, becoming human again. He sort of tries to sneak, but is clearly too excited/curious to be very effective] [The lab is full of rusting, inscruitable equiptment. Finally, Ben enters a natural cave turned testing area deep inside the lab, a cavernous room machinery littering the floor. There seems to be a fixation on machinery that we would recognize as Danny's parents' portal, but not embedded into a wall, so like a door attatched to a tube. Spare parts and dissasembled prototypes rest along the edges of the room, and a few assembled peices rest towards one end.] [Ben stands on the far south end of the cave, looking around at all of the strange wiring and such.] BEN: I wonder if this is Plumber tech... [BEN kicks a bundle of cords on the floor, and the sound echoes through the room.] [Then, a stranger sound eminates from somewhere just outside of the cavern. And another, similar, closer sound is accompanied by a visible flash. And then-- in a green streak, DANNY bursts into the air in the cavernous space, and then hits the floor and skids. When he stops, he turns human as he falls unconscious] [BEN has no fucking idea what is going on] BEN: uh...h...HEY. ARE YOU...OKAY? DANNY: ... BEN: HELLO? HELO-O? DP: ya think he's dead? BEN: AUGH!!!! [BEN jumps violently, very surprised by Deadpool's presence, and takes a step back] BEN: Who the heck are you?! DP: Call me Deadpool! [BEN gives him a look of utter disbelief. That is the stupidest superhero name he's ever heard. He's about to say that, but then,] DANNY: [groans] DP: [hops down. Puts a hand out, signalling for Ben to stay] Stay here, kid. [Ben is offended to be belittled even if it's reasonable. He stands with an angry look on his face for a moment before following just a few steps behind deadpool, hand at the ready above his watch.] [DP veeery cautiosly walks over to Danny and then....abruptly switches gears, standing up straight and gently bumping the boy's shoulder with his foot] DP: hey. hey. get up. DANNY: five more minutess.... DP: ...7Your mom made pancakes? [DANNY's eyebrows furrow. He groans again. He props himself up, and rubs his head. He's covered in dirt and some blood. He opens his eyes and his expression is full of exhaustion and dread as he processes his unfamiliar surroundings. He looks up at Deadpool] DANNY: ...........I don't smell any pancakes. [DEADPOOL and DANNY stare at eachother for a moment. DANNY seems to be waiting for something. He suddenly looks at BEN, incredulous] DANNY: So are either of you going to attack me, or are we having a staring contest? BEN: I dunno, are YOU going to attack? [DANNY is so tired. He's had a long day] DANNY: I'd prefer not to, but it tends to happen a lot. DP: Well that's depressing! BEN: Well if none of us are fighting, I have a question. BEN: Where'd you two come from? DANNY: Ghost portal. DP: Time travel. BEN: ... BEN: You're not giving me much to work with, here. [BEN points to DANNY] BEN: Especially you. I get time travel, I can live with that-- DP: Thank god. BEN: --But, "ghost portal?" Like a portal for ghosts? Are you dead?? [DP slowly prods Danny with his foot again. Danny is too busy suddenly realizing that he's in human form to be concerned with that] DANNY: I--uh-- BEN: Was that what was up with the green energy? DANNY: Maybe I just went through the ghost portal, ok? I--where are we? BEN: Somewhere on the outskirts of Bellwood, Nevada. DANNY: Nevada? BEN: Nevada DANNY: Huh. DANNY: And why are you here? BEN: [excited to sound smart] There was some unnatural seismic activity around here, and I came to check it out, see if it was anything nefarious. BEN: [cocky] You know, usual superhero stuff. [Danny is a little shocked. He's never really met another superhero before, who wasn't a clone, or accusing Danny of being evil or something] DANNY: oh. BEN: What? DANNY: You're...you're really a superhero? DP: You're like 12 is that safe? [What is the deal with all these young superheroes but say it funnier] BEN: I'm 16!!! DP: Children trying to be superheroes never works out well, trust me kid. BEN: I'm not a child!! Why do you care, huh? DP: Cause I hang out with a lot of superheroes and the heroism business has never done anyone's mental health ANY favors. [DANNY puts his hed in his hands] DANNY: Ugh, tell me about it. BEN: Ha! You AREN'T a normal kid! DANNY: oops. BEN: What can you do?? Do you have GHOST POWERS? [DANNY bites his lip] DANNY: What about you? Do you have powers? BEN: I can turn into any of hundreds of aliens! DANNY: ...care to show me? [BEN looks at the Omnitrix. It's still timed out] BEN: ...in theory... [Danny raises an eyebrow] [meanwhile, Deadpool loses interest. He starts climbing on stuff, looking at the scattered tech.] BEN: Uhhh...can it wait a minute? I just flew here. DANNY: What?? BEN: [gestures to watch, grinning sheepishly] Alien tech! BEN: I swear I'll show you later. What about you! Show me yours! [Deadpool arches an eyebrow at them in the distance] DANNY: ...I guess, since you already guessed it... BEN: What are you so worried about? Ha, haven't you ever met another superhero before? [Ben was sort of kidding, but...] DANNY: BEN: DANNY: Uh, no. Not really. BEN: ...So do you fight bad guys all on your own? DANNY: Uh, yeah? I'm kinda the only person who can. [Reconsiders, and adds with bitterness] Well, the only one who can and will. [Ben thinks about that for a second. He knows how it feels to think you're the only person who can save the world, but Ben is usually wrong when he assumes that's the case. He doesn't like imagining how he'd feel without all the support he's gotten in his hero-ing career. He's genuinely concerned for Danny.] [Danny notices the concern in Ben's expression. Ben seems to be about to say something, but Danny suddenly feels insecure about being pitied. He finally stands up, brushing himself off] DANNY: But like, I have friends, and plenty of tech they can use to help me out. I'm just the only...I guess I'm the only superpowered person willing to deal with fighting ghosts all the time, okay? Whatever! I've been at it for 2 years, I'm used to it. [Ben then adds something together in his head] BEN: Wait, have you never heard of me? Ben 10? DP: Wow! Humble! BEN: No, seriously! Never? Have you ever seen any aliens? DANNY: Uh, no? BEN: Where are you from? DANNY: Colorado. BEN: I've saved the world, like, several times. [DANNY and DP raise an eyebrow each] BEN: Publicly!! People know about me! I'm a big deal!! This is--You guys aren't from here. I need to take you to the Plumbers, so we can-- [A portal powers up again. DANNY seems to suddenly remember something. He goes stiff] DANNY: Oh no. BEN: What? Is that the Ghost Portal? DANNY: Yeah. And you're about to meet the guy who punched me through it. [DP rejoins them to look at the threat] DP: Oh, now that you two have your shit figured out, I should mention I'm from another universe. BEN: WHAT! You said time travel! DP: Yeah, time travel gone horribly, horribly wrong. BEN: How??? I've time travelled a few times and never seen anyine mess it up that bad. DANNY: Yeah since when does time travel take you to other universes? DP: OH SO WE'RE ALL TIME TRAVEL EXPERTS HERE ARE WE??? I'm not telling you two how to live YOUR lives! DP: How about I start bragging about being a superhero expert! Neither of you even know what an X-man *IS!* BEN: Like from the comics? [DP looks at Ben. He won't say it out loud but his expression says "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE"] [BEN shrugs]

[time to get DISJOINTED!!! Here's 2 comic transcripts]

...[some fighting I havent written yet]...

DP: DANNY WHY IS YOUR GHOST DAD SO HOT?? DANNY: HE'S NOT MY DAD. PLEASE DON'T CALL HIM THAT, IT'S A WHOLE *THING* WITH HIM-- [VLAD beams] VLAD: Now, Daniel, is that any way to speak to your father?? DANNY: SEE?! Now he'll never shut up about it! VLAD: I've had enough of your sass, young man! You're GROUNDED. [VLAD spikes Danny into the ground HARD.] [DP is pissed off now. He reaches for his katanas.] DP: Ok I get the picture.

...[more unwritten fighting]...

VLAD: Well, now that I have your undivided attention-- [DANNY has just been punched into the ground. He's sitting up, now] DANNY: --You can start the evil monologue. Joy. VLAD: Evil is such a reductive word. Don't you ever get tired of being beaten half to death to protect people that couldn't care less if you lived or died? [DANNY stands up, with some difficulty] DANNY: You *would* think having a conscience is exhausting. [VLAD is taking a lazy step towards Danny every few moments] VLAD: ...Have you noticed where we are, Daniel? VLAD: Because it isn't Amity Park. It's not even in the same universe as Amity Park. VLAD: And it's not anywhere your idiot father will ever bother finding, seeing as it has nothing whatsoever to do with ghosts. [VLAD is standing over Danny, now] VLAD: Do you know what that means, my boy? VLAD: Nothing I do here can spoil my reputation. VLAD: And none of your little friends are coming to save you. [VLAD places a hand on Danny's shoulder, gripping too tight] VLAD: So VLAD: I'm going to make you the same offer I made you the night of the reunion VLAD: One. Last. Time. VLAD: Either abandon Jack and let me teach you how to really use your powers, [VLAD summons some ghostly energy between his hand and Danny's shoulder] VLAD: Or force me to make poor, dear Maddie file a missing person's report that will never be resolved.

[wow direct segue into comic!]

..[just a tad more unwritten fighting]...

[Vlad has Ben by the neck very far up in the air, and Ben is frantically pressing his Omnitrix] VLAD: [cackles] Goodness, I think your powers might be even more tempermental than Daniel's! It's a little sad, honestly. I was looking forward to a real challenge for once. DP: [on the ground, a distance away] Superpowers shmuperpowers [cocks gun, and fires a couple of shots at Vlad] [Vlad was watching DP talk, unimpressed. He becomes intangible, clearly no longer interested in Ben, allowing him to plummet to his death] [After becoming tangible again, and without breaking eye contact, in a flash of pink energy, Vlad is right in front of Deadpool, and violently pins him to a wall] DP: AWH, you can teleport?! That's not even fair!! VLAD: [close to Deadpools face, crushing his neck harder] No. It isn't. And that's just how I like it. DP: [choking] [thinking] don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy [cut to Ben falling through the air, desperately, repeatedly smacking the Omnitrix] BEN: PLEASE WORK PLEASE WORK PL-- [Danny swoops in and catches him] BEN: [clinging to Danny, obviously spooked but trying to be cool] Thanks! DANNY: [amused] Don't mention it. [Danny puts Ben down on the ground] BEN: Um..where are your legs? DANNY: Oh, they uh...they just do that sometimes. DANNY: Is something wrong with your watch? BEN: [glares at the Omnitrix] It just does this, sometimes. [Danny sees something coming] DANNY: Well you'd better fix it fast! [Ben looks up just as Danny turns them both intangible, seconds before Deadpool is sent hurtling through them and into the ground] [BEN is grinning, watching his hands as they turn re-tangible] BEN: That is SO COOL! I've only ever gotten to do that to myself! Y'know, as an alien! [DANNY was looking at DP's crater, but turns to BEN, surprised at the genuine enthusiasm] DANNY: [maybe blushing a little?] Uh, thanks! [BEN grins at him, and Danny smiles back. They're cute.] [Deadpool's hand pops out of the crater, waving (flailing)...reassuringly?] DP: Don't worry about me, all he did was break [groans] most of my bones. [Danny grabs Ben and pulls him out of the way before Vlad fires an energy blast at Deadpool] VLAD: Still think you can manage without superpowers? [DP sits up painfully and slowly, and coughs] DP: Ac-- [Vlad hits him with a copious amount of energy blasts for an unnecessarily long time as he slowly lowers to the ground] [When Vlad lands and stops firing, he turns around to face Danny and Ben] VLAD: Where were we, Daniel? [Danny is horrified. He's gripping a fistful of Ben's shirt like his life depends on it, expecting to have to save him a third time. Ben is a bit shaken but still determined, and holds his hand at the ready over the Omnitrix] VLAD: ...That was rhetorical, my boy. I had just asked you a very simple question. VLAD: [turning his gaze to Ben] And I don't want to repeat myself. [Ben is not quite picking up on Vlad's thinly veiled threat. Danny, bug-eyed, follows Vlad's gaze to Ben, and is clearly absolutely terrified to be responsible for the deaths of two people he just met. Danny tightens his grip on Ben's shirt.] DANNY: ...I-- [a gunshot hits Vlad from behind. Vlad is completely shocked] [behind him, DEADPOOL is sitting up in the crater, charred to all hell but somehow still alive. He appears to only have one (barely) functioning arm left, which is holding the smoking gun] DP: I never said I didn't have any superpowers, jackass. [DP narrows his eyes] DP: I just like guns. [DP tries to shoot VLAD a few more times, but VLAD has turned intangible, and flies to a safer distance] Vlads gonna say some shit and run off Im not done yet but hoo boy. Oh man.

#void screaming #follow ur crossover dreams

[vcaavasluraz-blog]

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[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

[paceywittergayboatman]

While we were at it I'm gonna Jeremy strong tthis shit but in my way this may piss tom girls and tomgreg girls off anybody who watch succession lightly to

Succession is comedy in the sesne that it has comedic bits but shows alot behaviors traumatic realities people face

Succession seemingly outlandish behaviors like Jeremy performance of kendall is something I have seen in real life

And tomgreg isn't like a true love story more story of man isolating this scared 25 inexperienced man who acts way younger than his age from his family to gain power amd if you look at logan behaivor and then look at toms behavior towards greg the way tom belittles greg makes him feel unsafe and makes his reality unstable its extremely similar

Tom is Logan and its suposed be disturbing and its suposed to be alarming tom doesnt have the same relationship the company the kids and even Gerri does

Tom would be fun villain if he wasn't echoing Logan behavior that suggest that homosexuality isn't one thing and that kust because something or someone is gay doesnt mean there good

Now yes succession is everyone is bad

Succession doesnt have traditional villains because the villain is trauma its pain the villan of succession is an denial of reality its what Logan refuses to face his homosexuality is trauma his potential death he can't face it

and tom if anything is a example of just privilege he doesn't have the same immigrant identity issues the roys kids struggle with logan trauma that makes going to home where he was born really hard to the point he can't express it to hsi children tom never has to deal the abusiveness logan and ewan had from there uncle or what the roy kids mariane and greg receive from Logan and ewan

I will never understand the draw of tom because he thee epitome of entitlement and yah shiv is bad wife but she never hurts on purpose disregarding the I love you scene which is both her loving him but not being able to say because shes lesbian its also her knowing there something wrong so she cant commit and on some level its fair for him to he upset

Now i do think he loves shiv and greg but hes also a metaphorical tree and is fighting a battle of darkness

Tom is the villain in the sense that he's an entiled closeted white gay man who wanted power who also is abusive to the family little cousin

Succession is just like a goofy show its show about power dynamics of rich white people and how privilege in different ways is shaped by childhood and the way white supremacy matians its power

Its very funny to me that people dont take that seriously and act like its like silly show when it's handles the most interpersonal traumatic issues possible from the beginning when greg is concerned about a child possibly being sexually abused so he puts him in his car

Succession is basically like mad but now and to lesssen that is like removing the thesie is of the text