#doesnt help that im mentally ill and disabled by it

[m00ngbin]

Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this

Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places

Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable

#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds #its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear #something ive been thinking about is disability #i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that #in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do #im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have #to give up what freedom i have left #i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life #and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support #being independent and being self sufficient #i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it #and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful #maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary #my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body #im not in control of my own body anymore #maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it #because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and #not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening

[piplupod]

today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop

#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me #like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales #if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite #only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and- #-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going #I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl #also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over'' #like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done! #like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all #i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic #but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl #and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along #but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently #but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl #suicide tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else #all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation #i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl #so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring #like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!

[shatteredfears-arch]

me, singing from the rooftops. DONNA. B/ENEVIENTO. BEING. NONVERBAL. AND PROBABLY AUTISTIC. DOES NOT. MAKE HER. ‘TOO CHILDISH’. AND THE ABLEIST WAY SHES DESCRIBED IN MIRANDAS NOTES CAN SUCK IT

#me whos been called ‘childlike’ and ‘too mentally ill to follow the right way’: FIGHTY ME #i was told im developmentally disabled and ik they said it BECAUZS im autistic and doctors even are ableist but like #a: in my caze i hope i fucking am purely bc if this at age 25 is my brain fully developed im completely fucked #b: that does NOT mean Donna IS delayed in any way just because she cant talk doesnt mean she isnt intelligent!!! #i couldnt talk until i was four and only to my mom!!! #she couldnt understand how i learned full sentences when i never spoke!!! #i learned how to use the restroom in under a year bc diapers freaked me out!!! #i learned to bottle feed then solid food super quocl bx i didnt wanna see anyone without a shirt on!!! #could i get my needs across???? not easily #were they there and i found a communicative way effective enough? yeah #only bc ppl payed enough ATTENTION to figure it out #aka my mom nobody else did #my male parenta unit would hit me for not speaking so thag didnt help shit but anyways #out. #anyways donna support squad #she is allowed to commit murder she has her reasons its fine /hj

[aurorae-system]

getting told shit like “you shouldn’t let [illness/disorder/disability/etc] stop you!” or “that’s not an excuse” about like... not being able to do something. like... sorry but do you know what it means to have a disorder/disability. like actually. are you unaware that for a disorder to be a disorder it has to significantly impede functioning.

and i fucking hate that this rhetoric is on the rise. like “mental health is not an excuse!!”. yeah, this is true when it comes to like being abusive and doing a lot of repeated damage in someone’s life. not about like... having to cancel on plans. lol

like the fact that this is being beaten into all of our heads, “mental health is never ever an excuse for ANYTHING!”, is Doing A Number On Me I Think. and probably many others. now im constantly second guessing myself whenever my symptoms get in the way of my life or inconvenience and annoy others. like... i cant use this as an excuse! im a horrible entitled toxic person if i do!!! its MY fault! its MY fault that i cant control this disorder where to be diagnosed you literally have to have a lack of control over! 

i really wish i was better about black and white thinking (and that the general population was also better about it too)

#personal #vent #even typing this out im wondering if maybe im being too entitled #too selfish #that im trying to manipulate others so i can get away with things #prob doesnt help that an abusive person in my life used to tell me i was doing that #lol #this is mostly about mental health as thats what i have experience with the most #but this absolutely includes physical health and physical disability and chronic illness

[mir-zaynen-do]

kind of grateful that our host doesnt remember most of our mothers abusive treatment because if he did he wouldnt be able to negotiate with her and maintain a positive relationship with her like he does. ngl i was fully assuming that i wouldve cut her off by this point in our life. meanwhile hes still asking her for help with things that we need. which is a good thing. but it couldnt be me i wont lie im too stubborn and i remember too much

#personal #she has offered in the past to help us with medical expenses related to our disability #as we figure it out and try to get diagnosed #and thats… cool #but i dont trust like that #even though she has some of the same disabilities and complains anout HER mother ignoring her needs #she still constantly belittled us and ignored our pleas for rest/water/food when we needed it #and i had to fight her— i mean FIGHT her— repeatedly for basic mental healthcare over the years #so no i do not trust her to help and if it were up to me i know id dig my heels in and refuse her help even if i needed it #cause i know how unreliable she is #but my host can like. swallow it down and do what im too proud to do #which im learning is courage in its own way #so yeah like. i appreciate it. and ill take what i can get. doesnt mean i trust her #its unnerving to me that i *know* i dont even remember the worst of her neglect #it scares me the way some of our earlier alters act #ambers hatred of children her perfect posture and complete emotionlessness #it hurts :( i wish i could take care of us all all at once but. i know im doing my part and im doing my best #and sometimes that means letting others take the reigns. apparently. #ANYWAYYYYYYYY wish me luck with finding a physical therapist

[s0urte3th]

love crying over how i feel mentally disabled in the shower

#imagine being mentally disabled #ik it doesnt mean im stupid bud #but* #i feel really fucking stupid. i feel retarded #i feel genuinely retarded and stupid and it makes me want to scream and cry BECAUSE I DONT WSNT TO BE DISABLED #i feel like theres no hope for me sometimes #just feels like ill struggle for forever or ill always need someone to hold my hand #and i feel so stupid and pathetic for that #i dont want help…. why cant i do it on my own…? why am i slow…? #feels like my brain is losing its ability to be normal year after year. #makes me feel like im going fucking crazy

[cannabisbutch]

Im struggling mentally physically and financially a lot, and i need help. Not putting a specific goal bc this is an ongoing need that will only be met if other ppl in my household can get gainfully employed (in the works but its Rough out there for job hunting).

My work shoes are peeling so bad they are no longer waterproof, and im constantly running at a pain management deficit which is only adding to the stress by making me unable to do anything but barely make it thru the work day. Im frequently skipping meals bc the stress is making me so physically sick i can't eat much and often skip dinner entirely bc I can't make myself eat. Bc im the only working person i also can no longer pay for pain management for my partner and my housemate, so they will be struggling more to help me as well. Also including a link to my wishlist which is mostly disability and chronic illness life aids that make my life a little easier, plus electrolytes so im not constantly dizzy and tachy.

All links will be in my pinned so tumblr doesnt nerf this post. Please boost if you can't give

#mutual aid #cripplepunk #cpunk #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #hypermobility #chronic fatigue #chronic pain

[schizopositivity]

how to advocate for schizophrenics and psychotics in every day life:

correct people when they misuse the word "psychotic" (as in if they use it in any other way but a serious disconnect from reality, delusions or hallucinations)

correct people when they use the word "schizophrenic" as an adjective (its not!!! its a severe and persistant mental disorder)

correct people when they call people "crazy" aka "shes been acting crazy lately" (they likely dont actually mean it and this word is thrown around a lot, but as a schizophrenic im asking you to not use this word to describe people since this has been tied to me and my fellow psychotics for ages)

do not assume that a psychotic person is dangerous in any way (psychotic people are more likely to be the victims of abuse than be the abusers)

when talking about mental illness or the mental illness community as a whole consider, does this apply to psychotic and schizophrenic people as well? (if not, youre not talking about the whole community! its that simple)

do not purposley trigger someones paranoia aka telling people that theres someone after them (this is always harmful and potentially life threatening, its not a joke and never was)

dont assume schizophrenia is "just hallucinations and delusions" (its much more than that, it has negative and cognitive symptoms as well, which for some people is much worse than the positive symptoms of hallucinations and delusions)

dont make lobotomy jokes aka "lobotomize me" jokes (these procedures were used to turn schizophrenics into "pets" so that other people could better deal with us, its not a joke)

dont act "crazy" for shock value aka wide eyes, rocking back and fourth, shaking (our mannerisms arent for you to pretend to be crazy with, this is who we actually are, im looking at you rock bands)

dont fear the people on the street talking to themselves aka calling the cops on them (these people are suffering, these people need help, them being psychotic doesnt make them any more dangerous than anybody else)

dont use the word delusional for every idea you dont agree with aka "that conservative politician is delusional!" (delusions specifically describe strongly held beliefs outside of reality, not just beliefs outside youre specific world view)

dont expect people to express emotions the same way you do aka "why arent you reacting?" (many schizophrenics stuggle with flat affect and cant change it, it doesnt mean we dont feel things, just that we dont express them the same way)

dont expect us to be able to do the same amount of, or intensity of work you do aka "i work 5 days a week, you have it easy!" (executive disfunction is very common in schizophrenia, it doesnt make us lazy, we are just disabled)

dont post derealization without tagging it or TWing it as such aka that post with a fake european country saying that americans dont even know what country this is (we already struggle enough with figuring out whats real and whats not we dont need "pranks" or "jokes" trying to fool us without any TW)

dont assume schizophrenic and psychotic people cant see your post or view your media or anything else (we are real people interacting with the world just like everybody else, we can see your jokes about us, or your media portraying us as dangerous, we arent fictional characters)

dont assume youre superior to, or smarter than us (once again we are real people, we deserve the same respect as anyone else on the planet)

dont call someones delusion stupid aka "obviously youre not the reincarnation of kurt cobain thats stupid" (you have no idea how real these are for us, they dont always make sense to you but they do to us, please respect that)

dont ask if were hallucinating right now (its none of youre business! and if we say yes youll likely ask where it is, and if we show you youll likely look in the direction of the hallucination which is dangerous, it blends the real world with the hallucination and its already hard enough for us to tell the difference)

dont stop trusting us and what we say just because were psychotic (we still deserve to be listened to and trusted just like everybody else)

learn about less talked about symotoms like catatonia, avolition and word salad (these are just as common as the talked about ones, but just less talked about cause i guess it doesnt make for an intresting horror movie)

learn more about schizophrenia and psychosis from actual schizophrenics and psychotics (a great example is the podcast Inside Schizophrenia, scrolling through this blog, looking up students with psychosis)

TLDR: no go back and read it, its the least you could do

#schizophrenia #psychosis #schizophrenic #nd #mental illness #neurodivergent #actuallyschizophrenic #pseriouslypsychotic #mental health awareness #mental health #sanism #ableism #tw delusions #schizo #schizo spec #crazy #advocacy

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i just now learned about a recent case where a german man kidnapped and did unspeakable acts to two boys. one was german, one was a refugee. the first one was immediately treated as a missing case, but the second one was not because the cops were afraid the mother was hiding her son to avoid deportation. and the worst part is, that little boy was kidnapped in a government institution (lageso in berlin) where his mother went for help! its infuriating beyond belief.

racism is so deeply engrained in german institutions, its not funny. yet police refuses any reforms or real investigations and deny even the notion - despite mounting evidence - that there is an issue with systemic racism in german police. and we dont have an independent institution to control the cops, you know who investigates their failures and issues? other cops. and we all know how they stick together like literal shit.

but it also made me think about „missing white woman syndrome“. does anyone really care about an eastern european white woman who goes missing while being exploited in the west through prostitution, in the domestic field, nursing, or as a „mail bride“ dependent on her husband? does anyone care about a white woman in the usa going missing from a trailer park? does anyone care about a white woman who was homeless, mentally ill, drug addicted, disabled, impoverished, prostituted, or otherwise marginalised going missing? and do people not care about white men going missing?

and it also made me think about this current trend of oversimplifying and decontextualising racism. one thing i hope we all can agree on is that anti black racism is very persistent. i cant think of a single country where black people are treated preferably over other races, best case is to be treated equally as a black person, and even that is not the case in most countries. but this doesnt just apply to white majority countries. in japan or korea, or under the kafala system in the arabic gulf states, for example, black people are systematically discriminated against and exploited too. white people are also not the only ones guilty of colonialism and imperialism - albeit i dont want to minimise the scale of portugese, spanish, french, british/australin, german, dutch, belgian (neo)colonialism or the north american slave trade.

i dont know its just, everything always has to be put in context and looked at from an intersectional perspective but i feel a lot of people who fault white supremacy for everything dont do that. and dont get me wrong, white supremacy is the root of a lot of inequality and issues, but despite the name its not merely a black and white problem, its complex. for example, even if a roma or jewish person is white, neonazis dont consider them the same race as white people. or i remember my turkish professor once saying, „in turkey im considered white, but in germany im a person of colour“. because race is not just phenotype, it is also culture, nationality, location and ethnicity that matters for who is holding power and privilege.

meanwhile a lot of the same people will refuse to agree that sex matters. or claim that sex - which is a lot less ambiguous than race by the way and nobody argues that mixed race people prove that race is not real or doesnt matter the way they argue intersex people prove that sex is not real or doesnt matter - is a spectrum while chanting „black lives matter“. and i know that black communities do have that conversation about colourism and how whiteness is something even people of colour are supposed to „strive for“, which is why for example the harmful practice of bleaching your skin exists. so it is being acknowledged that race is a spectrum, but some of the same people who rightfully talk about black lives and how blackness is its own social category will call you a bigot for talking about female lives and how being female is a social category.

im not going anywhere with this, just some thoughts that came up regarding discussions on racism and sex and how they intersect too. feel very free to chime in especially as a person of colour obviously!

#mine #rambling

[hyperlexichypatia]

hey! ive been observing this account for a while as a person who is relatively new to anti-pysch, madpunk, and youth rights related stuff. and i wanted to ask something related to bodily autonomy. would someone refusing or downright saying they hate showering count as ones right to their own bodily autonomy? i see hygiene commonly weaponized against those who are neurodivergent or have mental illnesses and physical disabilities, that and i think hygiene has moved so far from protecting ourselves from certain viruses and diseases to "if you dont follow this specific skincare routine, buy these specific products, and take a shower in a very specific way (or use an alternative method/way that doesnt involve a shower in the first place) you're gross and should be shunned from society". i feel like our quickness to judge others who dont follow these things are may appear like they dont is connected to somethings related to consumerism and classism but i wouldnt know how to explain it as im still new to all this.

Needing help with hygiene is also really stigmatized, and people are denied access to it. Lots of people who don't have clean bodies and clothes are denied access to those things -- maybe they're unhoused and don't have a working bathroom, maybe they're disabled and can't get into the shower without assistance, which they don't have -- and of course anything associated with poor and disabled people is intensely stigmatized. So yeah, stigma on not having the right hygiene is absolutely classist and ableist. Even the word "hygiene" is often used to mean eugenics. We equate "clean" with "abled" and "dirty" with "disabled." There are even studies (I'm not sure how reliable they are because I haven't done sufficient research on them) suggesting that people adopt more conservative/judgmental attitudes when there's a bottle of hand sanitizer in view.

I think what really reveals the bad faith of the whole thing is that this kind of stigma is purely about social class and not actually about cleanliness from germs. The clearest example might be how in the 1840s, Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis proposed the completely radical idea that maybe doctors should wash their hands before treating patients, and being widely denounced for suggesting that doctors could be the problem or could be dirty. The second clearest example might be the American political response to the COVID-19 pandemic -- people who had spent decades opposing the rights of poor people, unhoused people, immigrants, disabled people, people of color, queer people, etc. on the basis off "They're dirty/ they smell bad/ they're gross" suddenly pivoted to "How dare you ask me to avoid touching you or your food, wear a mask, or wash my hands, this is personally insulting to me."

Hygiene requirements are certainly necessary in certain contexts -- yes, you should have to wash your hands and wear a hairnet when preparing food, you should have to wash your hands and wear a mask before performing surgery -- but these should be things the employer provides and makes accessible.

#ableism #classism #hygiene

[butcheredfairytale]

a bit urgent, i guess...

hi hello i am so sorry to do this. my family is in a bit of financial trouble with debt and we have a deadline to meet.

my name is andria, i am disabled, autistic, and mentally ill so im having a hard time finding a job, but am actively working on it so this is a last resort and hopefully a temporary one.

we are a couple hundred dollars (over 500, estimated) in need, but anything helps! i only have paypal as its the only available option in my country, and if the link doesnt work the paypal is a0rist (and excuse the deadname)

please help me boost this, and thank you in advance! ☆

#donations #fundraising #actually autistic #actually disabled #queer #mutual aid

[juni-ravenhall]

today all day my head was just screaming i want to die i want to die i want to die. until around 4pm or so. after that it drifted away a bit and i was able to play boring videogames to distract myself a bit more. its not like i "have fun" or "feel ok". its just about being distracted away from like, the worst of the apathy and death, but that doesnt mean being distracted away from all of it.

i have no hope left man. there is nowhere to call or to go. there is nowhere to get help. my survival completely depends on me, a disabled sick person with no resume, no degree, no network, no treatment for my problems, that somehow im supposed to make money. all alone, bc there is nobody thats helping. while being sick and disabled. and not getting help. idk. how am i supposed to feel any hope? i literally contacted everything i can and it just comes back as "no" all the time.

i was "responsible". i didnt do drugs or alcohol or nicotine or caffeine. im not shaming you, but i am saying that society told me being "responsible" was a good thing. it hasnt helped shit. every day i just think "i wish i could do drugs to get away from all this misery!" but i cant do drugs for a lot of reasons. and im trying to eat healthier, but comfort eating was the only thing that comforted me. now i have nothing. i have no options to find comfort in other ways, because class oppression keeps my gf in a far away place, and theres nothing else that comforts me than comfort eating and being with her.

its going to probably take months before they send me to another therapist. months of weeks of days of my brain screaming i want to die, i want to die, i want to die. and then i will see another boomer or gen x queerphobic therapist who is scared of mental illness and thinks that chronic illness and poverty can be solved by taking walks in the sun.

#personal #nonhorsgaem

[crazycatsiren]

ive been following you for a bit, and theres a character trait of yours that i want to understand better. you just seem to have your fingers in so many pies, so to speak. you have chinese heritage, so you practice your ancestral folk practice, which allows you to advise others on buddhism and other related practices. and you're also catholic. and you speak out so much against people not using terminology such as shamans, citing your heritage, but also, despite struggles with mental health in the past, seem to be fine with the hypermedicalisation of mental illnesses (although frankly i can't remember the exact posts made here so please forgive my memory about this.) and you have chronic pain, and a strong attachment and identification with cats, and i think a connection with the greek pantheon as well, and more besides all this - honestly, im a bit in awe, and a bit frustrated that i just cant keep up. how do you manage all of this? dont you worry there will be clashes between different sides of you? i hope this doesnt come across bad, ive only listed all this because i want to make sure i put myself across right, and to leave opportunity for correction if im wrong about stuff.

Life experiences, as well as exposures, have a lot to do with it. And being in my mid 30s now contributes, too.

I've been to and lived in many places, and I've been among and learned from a lot of different people. I don't have supportive parents, so many things I've had to learn the hard way and figure out on my own. My fierce love of learning has led to reading a ton of books, two university degrees, and a constant seeking of knowledge.

And all of these aren't different sides of me. They're pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that make up who I am as a whole. They put together my identity and life as a disabled and queer woman of color, as well as a spiritual and religious person who loves many things, and who wants to discover as much as possible in this world with the time she has on this earth. There's been a great deal of deconstruction, unpacking, unlearning and relearning involved, and they happened over a period of literal decades. Of course, I've had lots of help along the way. Therapists, medications, doctors, access to resources and information, a wonderful support network. I've been through hell and back more than a few times, and I still carry many scars in my heart. I'm in no way a finished product.

But the important part is that I've become an incredibly adaptable and flexible human being. There's a reason why the wheel of fortune is my favorite tarot card.

[mordcore]

one of the most radical thing that the cpunk community has taught me is to no longer pretend that im better than i am. faking is exhausting both physically and emotionally. i just groan and flop down now it's fine and doesn't mean i am asking for help just that i am more genuine in my way of interacting with the world

the community has been radical for me in general which makes it even more sad to see it mostly drowned in slur discourse now

gatekeeping isn't very punk yall. also idc who uses or doesnt use cripple but it does bother me how all this hate for mentally ill, disabled and neurodivergent folks seems to have sprung up outta nowhere.

i know of one (1) example where i see mentally ill people use the word cripple sometimes and it's in phrases like "crippling depression". now consider: if someone is so terribly depressed that they can barely leave the house and spend most of their time in bed, they are spending their life very similarly to how i do in regards to mobility. i am physically disabled, they are mentally disabled, but on the outside it looks the same. (also maybe they have me/cfs as well and don't know it yet lol who's to say? not random tumblr users who don't know them thats for sure)

fighting over a word in this context seems incredibly unproductive. it's infighting and a distraction from the real problems. cut it out yall. where is the solidarity for a shared fight against ableism and institutions, and teaching each other self worth and to live our own subjective truths instead of those imposed onto us by the outside world. don't we have better things to do than to tear each other apart.

#my stuff #there i finally said it #cpunk #cripplepunk #cripple discourse #disc horse

[scarsmood]

may i ask why you support endogenic systems? genuinely curious on your thoughts on it.

Tldr; they’re cool. Idm. The rest of this devolves into me bursting into flames. So popcorn is recommended.

They fuck, putting on my little shit glasses. Here’s what I can say diagnostic criteria as someone with diagnosed DID is kinda fucking awful. Our system for people with mental illnesses isn’t comprehensive, it isn’t all knowing, we also don’t account for so much shit it’s scary.

I have so many endogenic friends. I can’t give a fuck. Their existence doesn’t effect mine. Language is a different story something I see a lot. My only ask is that an endogenic system doesnt claim they fully understand a DID system which ive seen in syscourse. That’s just not gonna happen similar to lived experiences issues. Their different experiences and thats fine.

I think tolerance is a better word for me. Because i am system aggressive and it doesnt discriminate. You put me near other systems because of previous abuse from other traumagenic systems im prone to lash out. I just can’t conntect well like I used to.

So i tolerate all of you. Equally. I don’t see a reason to discriminate. I’ve seen some abuse on both ends and don’t think its a systematic issue rather a individuals are assholes problem.

Honestly? Seems more like a huge distraction to have a little war this way to distract from the rampant abuse all systems face. We should all agree its bullshit theres no accommodations, systems aren’t prevalent in academics yet. Thats a bigger issue. If you wanna spend time helping people with say DID or accomodations related to their plurality id take a dip into academic papers and see how bad it really is.

Let’s set the stage and remind ourselves.

In 2010 it was okay to force integrate systems

In the early 2000’s and 90’s endogenics and traumagenic systems didnt have much of any significant voice in medical settings. Typically treated as schitzophrenia for BOTH.

In the 1980’s it was okay and normal to overdose a paitent with DID and kill them. Then claim it was an alter.

When i see people fight over endogenic systems. I want to scream st them thats not the point. When I was being told by my first therapist to be very careful as a 14 year old because its a very real fear i will be experimented on without my consent.

I wonder why the FUCK endogenics are even on peoples radar. When I do intensive EMDR for years that cost me thousands of dollars out of pocket. I work fulltime jobs JUST to go to therapy.

This blog is my fun haha blog where I go to disconnect. Tomorrow im waking up at 7am to drive for intensive therapy getting myself in debt and picking up new meds for my DID.

Nothing about plurality is even remotely safe yet. Not safe enough to bicker about why endos should stay in their lane. We have a common enemy. Endogenic systems have so much information to. They know how to communicate without dissociation. I envy thag because DID costs me past 7k its a car at this point. Probably more.

Why would i not support someone whose got their shit figured out? I respect the hell out of that. I just don’t see why their an issue. Not when I have to listen to my disability officer tell me im not disabled enough. I have to argue with someone dipshit that my pain isn’t farfetched and I will experience very real consequences without accommodations.

I love playing the victim though. Traumagenic systems are noteably more unstable than endogenic systems. We are literally disordered. Im system aggressive because i cannot stand to see functionality in other systems. Ive watched traumagenic systems tear into endogenics, raid their spaces and spew hate in the name of ???

Happens on both sides. Like i said but its easier to pretend were the victims. Im just very tired of going through therapy, life, and social interactions at a disadvantage. Endogenic systems remind me theres people like me who are a little different who maybe arent as fucked. I think thats cool. Because its hard for me to tell if im gonna make it or not. I like the inspiration.

You caught me at a bad time anon ask me again after im done with some of the hardest choices ive had to make in my life

#rant #tw

[scrapperjoe]

Nijimura family/keicho recovery au breif overview

Aight to spare you the autistic novel writing ill keep things brief. Well, as brief as my hyper fixated dip brain can be with this crap...

First off, we have the accident. Keicho getting electrocuted by red hot chilli peppers, up on the power lines looking like that one time i accidentally dropped a chicken nugget in the oven. Yet somehow, by some plot device miracle, when the gang gets to his body with the spwf, hes somehow managed to be alive. Just hardly. But hes not dead yet.

So josuke, being the good guy he is, heals him; but not all the way. Just enough so he won't die.

Hes then rushed to the hospital and funky dr black jack stuff ensues.

Hed invoice

Hed obviously sustained very bad and disfiguring burns needing okuyasu to act as a skin donor for skin and nerve grafts being one of the only donors available, also needing heart and lung transplants as soon as medically possible. Along with all that hed needed one foot, and half a leg to be amputated along with his left hand. Without going into long term effects, its needless to say that yes, keicho is a disabled person now and goes through an arc of overcoming his internalized ableism and darwinistic views. An arc im holding off on writing because chronic migraines are a 🅱️.

He gets physical and mental therapy, and works on his relationship with okuyasu because once hes recovered enough to go home, he will need to rely on him quite a lot. Things start to level out where okuyasu can now stand his ground more, etc. Keichos past abuse is NOT swept under the rug and is held to a standard. If keicho gets snippy, okuyasu calls him out. Simple as that. However keicho doesnt do much of rebuilding with his dad though because of the bad past. He builds up a tolerance but overall avoids him.

Since keicho has poor use of his legs for a while due to nerve damage, he does a lot of reading and even sometimes writing and playing videogames to help out his hands with physical therapy. Upon allowing visitors in his room he'd become acclimated with josuke and jotaro, but being very hesitant to open up to josuke albeit having a silent respect. As such he became good friends with the higashikatas and would stay there when okuyasu got too busy with school himself. Keicho eventually developing a brotherly bond with josuke and seeing tomoko as his own mom.

Years pass after graduation, josuke is in med school, okuyasu works as a mechanic, and keicho can't work due to disability, mental health and chronic pain. Okuyasu eventually okuyasu settles down and has a lovely family of three kids, ritsuman the eldest, sensaki the middle, and hyakuko the youngest. Unfortunately, soon before hyakuko could even turn one year old, okuyasus wife walked out on him, leaving him to care for the family himself. Chaos ensued as keicho had to push through his limits thus setting back recovery and even screwing up their relationship. After 3 months of pain and chaos, it was clear they couldnt do it alone, so josuke moved in to help them out. Things then settle down and after a long time josuke and okuyasu start a relationship together.

The kids start to grow up and develop stands as well.

Ritsuman has a good caring heart for the family much like okuyasu, and a strong brave spirit much like josuke. Along with that hes quite smart and intellectual, loves playing baseball, listening to metal, and has a bit of a habit of cussing because keicho thought itd be funny to teach him to make okuyasus ex angry.

Sensaki is quite cowardly, and acts tough when really hes a softie who looks up to josuke and okuyasu. He tries to be a trouble maker to try and brush off the fact that he struggles in school and has vulnerabilities, something he grows out of in his late teens. Hes a huge akira toriyama and kamen rider fan who also loves mecha, tokutsatsu, and videogames. Often hyper fixates with hyakuko a lot.

His stand is named Keep Pushin. Its a fragile looking thing with a detachable shield as a chest plate that can make an invisible force field for as long as sensaki can hold his breath.

Hyakuko is an utter force of raw chaos. With people like keicho and tomoko influencing her and idolizing characters like akagi shigeru and violence jack, she was bound to come out real great. She eventually gets into a bunch of gang stuff and was quite clingy with okuyasu as a child, still is. Because of his ex leaving when she was so young, being bullied, and teachers talking down on her, she has a lot of internalized self image issues. Shes not the smartest with school, so you see the issue. She absolutely loves art, go nagai, nobuyki fukumoto, berserk, ashita no joe, and many others.

Her stand is named Earth Shaker, its ability is to make bubbles that she can control the shape, color (typically purple), elasticity, etc of. With it she can make maces, land mines, float, and even breathe under water with! Very limitless. Theres a tank on her back that refills with rest, and when it runs out she can use her own blood as fuel.

#jjbaau #jojos bizarre adventure #diamond is unbreakable #okuyasu nijimura #josuke higashitaka #keicho nijimura #josuyasu #nijimurarecovery! #jjba oc