#doing her scar thing again

[ja3hwa]

Tw // talk about r*pe/SA and underage p*rn

-

I'm sorry, but people who still like HyunA and support her decisions to date a disgusting man like him. Please block me.

I was devastated during the burning sun scandal because I was such a big fan of beasts, and he was my bias! Imagine finding out your bias is a creep that likes watching r*pe porn of minors. 💀 it broke me.

There is no middle ground here. Hyuna isn't "innocent" in this situation. If she is friends/dating a man who has admitted to watching illegally filmed videos of women(and children) being r*ped while dr*gged. And would joke and make comments about them say "its not a big deal." Then she is a horrible person for turning a blind eye. End of story.

Shes only a feminist when it suits her.

#hyuna #hyuna controversy #and to add as well. this is coming from someone that was a big fan of hyuna ive bought merch from her. this is so heart breaking #TW // SA #i could never understand how someone can look at sa and think its “not bad.” its an inexplainable thing and it haunts you #SA leaves trauma scars that cannot be fixed. #so again block me if you do not see a problem with him or her.

[ghouljams]

So you might’ve said something previously and I just missed it but I was reading the tags on your post about soap and Goose and goose had an accident? And Soap drove her to the hospital??? Have you said something before and I just missed it it’s 5am here I feel like I’m going insane trying to figure this out-

Goose's accident happens at the end of Soap's first summer with them and is part of Goose's story that I haven't talked about yet because, well, there's no good way to bring it up... but it colors a lot of how Price treats her on the farm as well as how close she and Soap are. Nothing brings people together like some solid medical need. We are also going to do some serious suspension of disbelief as I write moderately improbably situations and injuries, everyone be nice.

You never really bought the whole slow motion play in movies when characters get hurt. You've seen people get hurt, seriously hurt, and it always happens fast. It's quick and messy, and you've never needed a slow motion edit to know that it must have hurt like a bitch.

You get it now. That your brain must have been trying to find the right angle to record the trauma, that it must have been searching for some way out of this. Once you actually were hit everything sped back up, the pain sped back up. You try to lay still and stare up at the clouds, you're supposed to stay still until someone comes to patch you up. You're cold.

Soap drops to his knees next to you. You think that cloud looks a lot like a butterfly. He presses down hard on your stomach and the ringing in your ears grows louder until it pops and you feel the full burning extent of the pain. It's excruciating. Every nerve in your body lit up on high alert to make sure you know you've been nearly gutted.

People are yelling, Soap is yelling. You've never heard him yell before. His face is twisted into something unreadable as he looks at you. The world seem very fuzzy and watery, or maybe you're crying? Are you crying? You can't feel anything past the electric shock of ripping pain from the wound.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," He's telling you, "I have to keep pressure on-" and you don't really have the brain power to parse the Scotts that he's speaking past that.

Your stomach, aside from feeling like its been thrust into a salted fire, is wet. That must be the blood. And there's something hard on your chest, something that's speaking in a calm tone.

You try to focus on your breathing, but that only brings fresh shocks of pain through you. It feels like every twitch makes you want to flinch away from your own body. You've never felt a pain so all-consuming before. So bad you can't even draw a breath to scream from it.

The flashing lights of the ambulance sure got here quick. Or, no, have you been down that long? Someone shines a light in your eyes like they're some sort of doctor. Soap is talking to them with short military precision. You've never ridden in an ambulance before, you'd almost be excited if you could think of anything but the pain. Actually, you can think of something else.

You think the Lucas' have to be the only morons in the state that don't have their bull's horns tipped.

#Soap keeps it together just long enough to throw up in the ambulance #war and treating wounded soldiers? fine nothing #treating his wounded sister? traumatizing the worst thing he's ever had to do #Price never forgives himself for being deployed when this happened #doesn't let Goose help out on anyone else's farm again #doesn't let her in the pasture alone #puts up a fight when she wants to compete in the rodeo #Soap literally stripping the shirt off his back to apply pressure #GOD They all love you so much Goose #Duck is working at the hospital and gets called to the ER it's the worst day of her life #Goose gets a cool scar out of the whole experience #oc: Goose #johnny soap mactavish #cowboy!141

[snakeoid]

Hello! I know this might be a weird ask but I think I need to get this out somewhere. Your art of healing Astarion has been a wonderful thing to see. I am currently in jeopardy as I'm about to start a medication that will make me put on weight, and I've been very reluctant to start treatment (mostly because of expectations of family members).

When I saw your Astarion, I couldn't help to absolutely fall in love with how you draw him. I loved to see his healing in the form of putting on some weight, and I was proud of him. He looked so much happier. I realised, too, that I'm giving the courtesy of healing to him and not extending the same courtesy to myself. I realised that I'm allowed to heal too.

So, apologising for the long ask, what I'm trying to say is thank you, for giving me the courage to start my medication and the courage to heal.

ive been rereading this for a few days and i keep coming back to it and never know how i could return my thanks as eloquently as you have.

thank you, i'm honored, and there's nothing to apologize for. the theme of representing healing through weight gain is important, i hear about it often but rarely ever see it visually, but after reading this it settled in just how important it is that it's shown and the extent of it and i want to thank you for that.

this will stick with me, i will remember this and i will remember you ^_^ im wishing only the best for you and your health 💗💓💓💕

#i wish i had more to say but this was such a wonderful ask #again im honored sorry i took so long to get back to it #i showed this to my mom whos fat she hasnt always been but ik people have said things #that left scars and while i do show her my art reading this made her choke up

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

yakou furio's character is so tragic to me. i wanna meme about how they used the fridged wife trope but other than that it's like. he lost his family and later all of his coworkers and just. existed alone for years.

looking at the state the submarine and especially his bedroom was in, with everything being a mess and all the cigarette butts in his bed, yakou was clearly depressed. he wouldn't even take on any interesting cases to fulfill his passion as a detective because he was so afraid of the peacekeepers. instead he just kept his head down. surviving but not actually living.

and then he finally gets some new detectives to work at his agency and the first thing he can do is fail to save most of them from dying horribly. but the five that yakou did manage to save latch onto him and he starts getting into a leader role! even if his new coworkers are all rowdy and get into trouble they still respect him as a leader and look up to him.

the detectives keep picking fights with the peacekeepers that yakou has been trying so hard to dodge. and usually the resolution is kind of messed up because the victims die but the detectives prove themselves capable of handling the peacekeepers! they're helping people! for the first time in a while, yakou comes toe to toe with peacekeepers willingly, to help his new friends. he realizes that he is able to stand up against amaterasu corp, with the help of the others.

but by the time he realizes this, the stage has already been set. the letter from yomi turned his grief into anger and a thirst for vengeance. although yomi gave him the information and opportunity, yakou was ultimately the one who chose to murder the man who murdered his wife.

yakou has already rebuilt his life after his wife's death. the detectives at his agency look up to him and he would do anything for them. it would never be the same as the life he had with his wife but yakou had the chance to turn over a new leaf with a new found family who cares about him.

but instead, yakou plans a murder. he needs to die, over and over, in order to access the man he wants to kill and he accepts it. he needs to trick two kids, who look up to him and who he cares for, into becoming his accomplices to the murder and he accepts it. in the wake of forcing his detectives to witness his murder, he needs leave them in a lab filled with peacekeepers who want to kill them and he accepts it.

and it's not that he doesn't care about his detectives. yuma and halara disobeyed his orders and assaulted several peacekeepers, and he was willing to be arrested himself before throwing his employees under the bus. yuma and fubuki were implicated in terrorism and yakou and the others solve the case for them, then prepare to fight an army of peacekeepers to protect yuma.

for his murder plan, yakou only needs desuhiko and fubuki's powers. but he brings halara and vivia along as well because they would be able to protect the two younger detectives and fight their way out of the lab after yakou dies. he enacts his plan on a day that yuma wasn't around because he won't be able to help fight peacekeepers, so it's better to just keep him out of this mess. he covers up his murder-suicide to protect his detective's feelings, but also because they would be implicated as his accomplices if his plan was revealed.

and yakou probably expected that the other detectives would be fine. if they'd left him behind to die, the other detectives probably would have been able to either fight their way out or hide out in the lab a bit longer and figured out a good plan to escape. if yakou had his way, he would have gotten his revenge and his detectives would have gone home grief-stricken, but unharmed and forever unaware of their roles in his death.

but yakou doesn't account for the fact that the other detectives would try to save his life. yuma doesn't run after the hitman and escape the peacekeepers, he stays behind to beg yomi to help yakou. fubuki uses up all her energy to rewind time to try to prevent yakou's death instead of helping the others escape the lab. halara, vivia, and desuhiko not only have to fight off peacekeepers, but they also have to carry yakou to a hiding spot to give first aid. and instead of calmly planning their next move, everyone is desperate to solve the case so there would be any chance of getting yakou to a hospital as quickly as possible.

one major theme of rain code is that despite tragedies that may have happened in the past, people can work together with those they care about to live a better life in the future. and yakou could have had that. his wife's death should have stayed in the past, and he should have continued to mentor the other detectives, solving mysteries together and enjoying each other's companies.

but yakou couldn't let the past stay in the past. he had every chance to not go through with his murder. he has new people he loves, but he manipulates them and puts them in danger in order to get back at the person who killed the last person he loved. his victory was a pyrrhic one. he got his revenge but in return, he destroyed himself and his detectives' trust in him. he enjoyed his revenge momentarily before dying and leaving his new family, who he used their love and trust for him to his advantage, to pick up the pieces.

yakou furio had lost everything in the past. but in trying to pursue it he destroyed everything he had in the present. that's the tragedy of his character to me.

#shut up pandora #rain code #master detective archives: rain code #yakou furio #character analysis #yakou is one of my favorite characters btw #hes a good person at his core though he fucked up #but also you dont have to be a good person to be a really good character which i think he is #this is @ ppl in youtube comments slamming on yakou for being stupid in chapter 4 btw #like thats the point #thats whats good about his character #would you have preferred if he were JUST a fun dad who gets fridged #thats fucking boring #we do nuance in this household and by household i mean my personal blog #but also what he did was pretty fucked up especially for the kids that he actually got involved #vivia was screaming crying throwing up bc it was a vivia chapter but i wanna see what fubuki's reaction was to the whole thing #bc man is she never gonna want to use her forte again #tragic anime dilfs will scar their kids for life in an elaborate and painful murder suicide instead of going to therapy #i like to acknowledge both sides of characters in general #but yeah while yakou was a really good mentor for the others at the agency and definitely loved them all very much #he put his want for revenge over his love for his found family #and died before he could reconcile to said found family about it

[dailykugisaki]

Day 127 | id in alt

They hangin out on a building fr.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #tokyo trio #PEEP THE NAILS YALL #i had to draw Kugisaki with a watermelon sometime it's a thing of its plus i just wanted to state the obvious of where i stand again #i got into an argument with the politician major again yall #i dont wanna say anything out of context but they just said something extremely tasteless and it pissed me off a bit #thinking about the fact i watched a fucked up rose bush strangle another plant and thinking about Kugisaki like a freak #all plants can be a little weird #i enjoy drawing Kugisaki with scars. she deserves them #a friend drew Kugisaki earlier and i had never felt so much joy before. #everyday i am taken aback because i think of Kugisaki in lost beloved one movie scenes its dumb as shit #I DO NOT WANT KUGISAKI TO JUST SHOW UP OUT THE DAMN BLUE I WANT HER TO DO SOMETHING INSANE AND THEN SHOW UP #i cant elaborate because idk soul cannibalism for some reason idk ifk #Kugisaki's fit is like just a different colored fit of what i saw megan thee stallion wearing #famous people can rock shit if you find the right ones #im trying to do backgrounds more and i do refrence but what i do is called “getting references and then fucking it up” #i dont get down yall i fuck up #Nanami cameo because i just wanted to draw him looking technologically incompetent when it comes to face timing #ive just been tweaking as of late #ive been reading too much where people think Kugisaki barely knows anything due to her origin #YALL THINK SHE WOULDN'T DO A BUNCH OF SHIT OR LEARN SHIT JUST FOR FUMI??? WILDING OUT HERE #just realized why i can't do backgrounds in a certain way. its bc i dont do lineart.....

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF EARTH: VANCOUVER

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Maj. Kaidan Alenko, and Lt. James Vega With: Adm. David Anderson, Adm. Steven Hackett, & Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau I don't like Anderson's orders either, but we don't have a choice. Without help, this war is already over. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #shenko #james vega #kaidan alenko #sophie shepard #steven hackett #jeff joker moreau #david anderson #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i’m back on my me3 bullshit and i’m so excited ✨ #no one question why soph looks different from the car lot set #her tattoos are different bc i finally managed to fix them somewhat lmao and i figured out how i wanted the scars on her face to look too #(AKA i finally managed to nail down her me3 look until i sculpt her head morph in blender) #these were lowkey a little bit of a bitch to color correct bc of that blue filter on me3 that makes everyone look super washed out #i’m gonna have to re-gif car lot in the future when i get back there too now that i think about it #was this just an excuse to gif kaidan now that i’m playing ME3 again? yes. will there be more gifs when i get him and ash back? absolutely. #james and EDI are gonna be my babes until i him and ash back tho #it’s a good opportunity for james and EDI content bc my god they deserve more love #also this shit isn't anywhere CLOSE to canon for soph when it comes to how things actually went down in vancouver with kaidan #but the VS’s treatment is poo in bioware canon so i say i do not see it and write my own :) #anywhoooo if you read all my rambling in the tags of my gif sets i hope you have a good day ✨🥹

[lytorika]

We seriously need more of your Lauren. Like seriously dude, she is pretty 🥹

you know what. so true. woe, mother lauren sketch be upon ye

#blood #wtnv #welcome to night vale #desert bluffs #lauren mallard #ask #riddlevale #if i draw kevin i have to post lauren after it is simply how i do things /j #anyway my og lauren had black hair so my headcanon is that when she became high priestess her hair turned. light blonde/white #i also used to draw her with mostly healed mouth scars but i think she'd cut them open again as high priestess #slash after the. frown tattoo incident #sorry for going off in the ask tags i just like throwing headcanons out there #also thank you so much for the ask they usually give me motivation to draw something other than my selection of 3 blorbos AJHBDSNNS

[slumbergoblin]

Quick headshots of Pac and his parents!^^

#pmatga #my art #pacster #zac #sunny #this was it! this was the thing I was trying to do like two months ago! /hj #I changed up Sunny's eye color. lipstick color. and her hair color #I need to do designs for Zac and Sunny when they first met Betrayus. during their times exploring. after they had pac. #and then AFTER the events of betrayus getting body-zapped #IT IS ALMOST 4 AM AND I FORGOT ZAC'S SCAR AGAIN!!!!WUUAAHHH!!!!!! #I LITERALLY STARTED THE DRAWING BEING LIKE 'Oh my gosh I forgot his scar the last few times I drew him! This time I'll remember!' #I said. like the fool that I am! #anyways.. goodnight!

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline #Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans.. #the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide #but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on- #-his part #Scar tho??? no clue #I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa- #-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an- #-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen #again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t #access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world #and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff #and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher #and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people- #-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they #placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per #Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these #dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know #and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and #where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is #better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff #and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D #anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where #hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also #it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them #asks #hermitcraft #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #redscape

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

How Does Your OC Need to be Touched

Found a fun uquiz to fill out

tagging: @roofgeese @clonesupport @natesofrellis @direwombat @thomrainer @sstewyhosseini @adelaidedrubman @strangefable @confidentandgood @lethal-justice @captastra and anyone else who'd like to give this a go

+ Nora Summers (The Boys)

Cautiously.

your teeth are bared, as they have been, your jaw aching for so long as growls slip free. you always have to defend yourself. you lash out in fear. you need someone who does not shrink back... a hand falling slowly to your shoulder, however briefly, in a reminder that you do not have to lunge. there is no danger here, now.

Gently.

you need to be held as though you're going to break. you need someone to trace your scars like cracks in a wall, crumbling. their touch is almost painful; you've been without it for too long, without someone to hold you. but, you cannot bring yourself to pull away.

Fervently.

you crave a hug that cracks your ribs... the feeling of your wandering soul being crushed back into the bones that can't seem to hold it. you need a hand gripping yours so tightly you almost fear it may leave a bruise, a reminder that you are here. and that you are not alone.

#and again another uquiz that gets my girls vibes perfectly #wild feral animal energy is definitely a kit thing and she is absolutely of the please do not touch me variety #ava and the mention of scars and being desperate to be touched is 100% her #and the giant bear hugs does make me think of how sia would react to sam (there is a 13 inch height difference between them after all) #my ocs #kit cross #ava mueller #siobhan kelly

[bcneheaded]

ALSO IDK IF I SHARED ELDCN R/NG STUFF but that is my current obsession so i

her name is Cyg (Cygnatratus,,, bc i am ,,, a nerd,,,, and like to make things Mean Things [a play on how the dragons names work! her name is a mixture of words that means 'black swan' essentially jfjfjfhd]) she's a prisoner subclass (and all that comes w it yea) and a draconian <3 playing heavily in the dragon blood thing, wants to purify her blood or whatever jfsdfhsdjf idek!! if thats possible but she sure as hell wants to try (probably why she was imprisoned all those years ago,,, smthng to do with her seeking some kind of forbidden power) ANYWAY she's a little Havoc Wreaking gremlin who did NOT need the flame of ambition at all but now she has it and she's never been so terrifyingly Laser Focused on power FDGFDG anyway tldr, as a good friend of mine once said..... We support women's rights and women's wrong here... she just happens to have a lot of Wrongs

#( ooc ) #( tbd ) #my brain is FRIED . yes still #from these past few weeks but waves a hand a lil #i could describe her better (but alas I am well aware No One Asked and i dont have the brain power HFDSGYHFJD) #tldr to that tldr: draconian lady want be like dragon <3 but not like just by consuming dragon hearts (tho she will) #also probably will snag the throne OR do the frenzied flame thing ngl #also that hug......... she has probably NEVER been hugged or cant remember any hugs ever so like #inhales deeply... exhales heavily #she really needed it and did Not Know #bless u fia... sorry for what i must do HYGHJF #The ONE and ONLY time Cyg has felt.... Subdued. #amazing. terrifying. she both liked it and hopes it never happens again #while simultaneously hoping it happens again fjfjsjdf #also feel the need to say-- do i love this game? yes. am i good at it #NOT AT ALL gfdgDF #also x like 4.... yes..... that is a nasty burn scar on her face #what is it from? probably fire or lightning LOL.... #is it from a dragon? potentially #is it from fighting? also probably #just in general #did it stop her? abso-fucking-lutely not

[mxdotpng]

kicking my feet as i imagine sid and rielle reacting to adaline's wonderful new bright yellow eyes after shadowbringers. now they really can't look at her without seeing someone else. how sad.

#.text #adaline rozovy #quick. wdyd when your best friend family partner guardian person thing dies and fuses his soul with another person #and they refer to themself as fray sometimes. what if they talk like they knew him - and they do. now. they probably know him #better than you did. and what if all of him and who he was slowly seeps into this new person and you are forced to #come to realize that these two are the same person now. but you cant acknowledge it. so you dont. #and then they disappear for a while. months. maybe a year. you thought they had died. #and then they come back with the same eyes your friend had. #what then. what do you do then #fray getting injured and disappearing and thought to be dead vs addie getting injured and disappearing and thought to be dead #FIGHT #imagining what sid and rielle did during that time makes me sooo. hehe. theyre not having fun #theyre training. doing small hunts. cleaning their apartment in case adaline comes back unannounced. #finally retreating to mor dhona in hopes the scions have any news on her. they dont. but they have a room full of almost corpses #and a single bed lacking a certain someone. so that is enough. and they start stopping by more and more #rielle gets a little training from the conjurers they have employed. tataru wrestles sid into doing chores for her when she cant #get ahold of estinien. he relents. it becomes routine. #months past. no sign of the warrior of light. everyone is still hopeful somehow. sid isnt. #and then she shows up slowly dying from an incurable illness with new scars and bright. bright eyes. he cant look at her anymore #and everything is normal again 👍 #i think about it sometimes. like i can see them talking and not paying attention to the door and tataru is trying to get #sid to do another job or something for her while he supervises rielle doing some conjurer lessons with coultenet #and addie walks in like didnt know you employed just about anyone these days tataru. thats bad for business #as if sid is being paid more than pennies. #theyre so fun to me #npcs only i care about

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Heyo so I'm starting therapy on Friday but it's been so long since I was last in therapy that I don't remember anything except that I hated it, but anyway, what do you do in your first therapy session? Do I just show up and list my problems? Like "X Y and Z are wrong, what do you propose I do about it?" I'm very serious, someone please tell me what happens so that I can prepare.

#i know why i need therapy #and what i should talk about #but do i just show up and say 'i haven't been properly dealing with these things that happened to me #please help me work through them' #is it that easy? if it's that easy and I'm overthinking it then I'm gonna be salty #I'm still scarred from my last therapist #fuck her #and then the second therapist i tried to see ghosted me! do you know how shitty it feels to be ghosted by a therapist?? #in other news i haven't eaten anything except coffee today so I'm about to cry #I'm gonna go make food now so i can be well again #but please. if you know. then please give me a rundown of the events of a first therapy session

[deathdxnces]

irelia has lots of scars. she’s been fighting since she was a teenager, and she’s faced enemies better trained and more experienced (as well as with better armor and weapons) at that time. there’s also the assassins and people sent to kill her so. given her fighting style, she’s good at avoiding getting hit, but it’s impossible she wouldn’t have suffered wounds that left scars behind, especially when she wasn’t as experienced in fighting (because originally she trained as a dancer, and while that gave her a means to fight, it would be a while before she learned about actually being in a battlefield)

her clothes aren't usually revealing enough for it to be visible, but there's no shortage of marks upon her skin. I do think she can be a bit self-conscious about it, considering she never meant to become a warrior and that the deeply traditional, non-violent ways of karma she was taught her entire life before the war still have a huge impact on her and on why even though she doesn't regret fighting (and in fact continues to do so) there's a lot of doubt and guilt mixed in when she thinks about what she did. for someone who learned that violence isn't the answer even when it's used against you, to become a symbol through it and inspire others to answer in kind is not something she'd get over easily.

as a result, I don't think she's particularly proud of the marks upon her body. it's not to say she'd feel that way about other people and their scars (she certainly judges herself more harshly than most others); more that when her fight came to symbolize so much, it became impossible to separate it and the resulting marks from actions she is not proud of, even if it ensured her people's freedom.

#» character study — ⌜both the tranquil sea and the tempest.⌟ #» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟ #she has a very complicated relationship with violence tbh #from the fact she doesn't feel as bad about it as she believes she should #to the fact she uses it at all despite everything her family stood for going against it #she never regrets fighting for ionia and i said it before but she'd be the first one to take up arms against invaders again #but to say she's proud of it....... not really #it's the way in her color story she outright questions if she's majorly guilty for ionia's peace ending #because she struck back. because she inspired others to do the same. #and i just think her scars are very deeply tied to that dilemma and to things she has yet to make her peace with #for her to not feel self-conscious about them #it's not at all about vanity tbh as much as it is that they're permanent reminders of what she did. what she chose to do #the blood stains her blades and the scars mark her body etc

[sjweminem]

i have a doctor's appt in a few hours and my doctor is so sweet i love her but i really don't want to go bc i know she's gonna ask why my eyes are so fucked up and i will have to say "i drew all over them with black and red sharpie the other day and left it on when i went to bed yes i am almost 30". oh gotta tell her about the epilepsy too huh

#plus i've got a tremendous amount of severe new scarring on my arms from june and don't feel like addressing it because like. it's boring.. #i don't wanna sit there w my mutilated limbs and tell her i'm actually feeling pretty good mentally lmao #and by the way i have seizures now plus i'm on a new antipsychotic and taking the highest prozac dose you can without being poisoned #yes along with all thje other medications. and i'm doing we #*well :) #that is the worst situation i'm gonna look like an IDIOT in front of my cool doctor!! yes i know half these things are my own damn fault!! #oh wait i'm getting an MRI later on too i'm gonna look stupid again!!!!!!

[arthur-r]

okay hi it’s been 24 hours since surgery so i think the anesthesia is officially all gone, hi everybody i don’t have a tumor anymore which is the best thing that’s happened to me in like a month. and i’m not supposed to go out and work or anything for 3 to 5 days which means i’m basically just hanging out

#yesterday was terrifying oh my friggin god i had an iv and everything and doctors treating me like a little kid #and i’m pretty sure the anesthesia was in the thing they gave me to breathe even though they said it was gonna be in the iv because it didnt #start working until i breathed it in which means the doctors lied and i don’t like it when doctors lie and it felt like my heart was stopped #but i guess it started back up after i fell asleep but it was terrifying while it lasted but that was just a couple seconds #and then i spilled my guts to the nurse after and i’m just really hoping it doesn’t cause me troubles someday cause i’m not sure what i said #except for the stuff that i wrote down right after which included something about getting married which i don’t think i want to do i just #have been watching a lot of married at first sight with my mom and i’ll blame it on that #and also apparently i kept asking her if her job is good and suggesting i should do her job because it seemed super fun #which. anesthetic nurse?? clearly not for me if i have any of my wits about me at all #anyway i’m back now and probably good but still not allowed to drive and stuff so sorry if i end up being ridiculous again #but yeah hi good morning my parents have not been leaving each other alone it’s been at least an hour of shouting per day the past #three or four consecutive days at least. i think more than that cause there have been really early mornings consistently that wake me up #so i’ve just been trying to power through that and it gets extra hard when i hadn’t had surgery yet and always thinking about it #although now i had my surgery yet and i’m just thinking about medical bills and how the guy called it unusual and now that he removed the #tumor he’s sending it to the lab to be investigated and what if it wasn’t benign or what if it’s gonna be chronic or what if so many things #and so it’s not really done hanging over my head. especially with this zig zag scar that might never leave #in other news my mom took me thrifting on thursday to make up for being heading into surgery and i got some red corduroy pants #which are similar to my orange red jeans except for they aren’t tiny and hard to feel good about my weight in #which is nothing about actual weight because at this point i am so comfortable with any type of weight for myself and of course others #it’s just that self consciousness is stored in wearing too tight clothes and knowing everyone around you thinks you look ridiculous #anyway just bought red pants that fit me better than my other ones ever had. and now i can maybe sell some of my blue jeans i can’t do those #i only wear grey and red and tan jeans and my one pair of yellow joggers no matter how hard i try i can’t deal with the blue ones #so having another pair of red stuff will do really well for me i think. but now i’m hyper focusing on those jeans to stop thinking about the #other stuff going on in my life. and i’m sorry shdhdf the point is i’m here now and probably good as far as cognizance goes #i feel like if i’m able to think of the word cognizance off the top of my head i must be good. so yeah hi!!!! #it’s good to be here. i’m sure i’ll delete this later. ask me to tag this there’s so much stuff going on in it cause i’m just talking #hospital tw #surgery tw #weight discussion