@ghostbloomed (Remus Lupin) said: “ scars may fade but they last forever. “ [rp sentence starters from bridget devoue's work , soft thorns]
They could laugh.
If Severus apologized, they could laugh.
They could --and he chuckled internally, wry smile on his face-- laugh about how he couldn't breathe with all that soap in his mouth. They could laugh about how the student body was privileged to the sight of his underwear; his mangled, scrawny body beneath his robes. A lack of color to his complexion. The peek of scars along his back.
The could laugh about his moment of weakness. How he couldn't stand that they saw him as weak for needing the voice of another to save himself. How he spoke ill words that made him vomit in it's wake because he hated what he was becoming. They could laugh.
They could laugh about the time Sirius played the funniest prank of them all because Severus should be honest, what was he thinking being so nosey? Didn't he know better? To mind his business and keep his head down? They could laugh about how he glimpsed what he thought to be myth and nearly died for it and even funnier, they could laugh about how the same was true for Remus.
Common ground, right? It's funny, right?
If this was a proper friendship, Severus could tell Remus a funny story. He could tell him about the time his father was being a little too rough, but he'd be quick to reassure, of course! It's just what fathers do. They get a little rough with their spouse and child. And you see, Severus would explain that the funny part was that he misunderstood. That he got in the way because he had this ridiculous notion that his mother was in trouble and honestly, he doesn’t know why he thought that because if he had kept his head down and his mouth shut, he wouldn't have ended up sprawled out on glass, coffee table broken. Shards embedded upon his back, wide eyed and scared. They laughed about it afterwards, you see. He remembers it well. Eileen held him close with words he couldn't understand, and Tobias apologized, told him he'd do better next time.
It is only when he was older did he learn of fathers that abandoned and ate their child. A head filled of myths and stories unable to be beaten out.
Every shard plucked from the plane of his back prompted laughter so loud, it was all he could remember. No anesthesia. No help.
They could laugh about how ever since that day in the shack, Severus came to terms with it. He moved on because, Sirius was right. It took him awhile to understand because --and Remus would have to forgive him-- he was in shock and all, you see. Dumbledore told him to shut his mouth and oh! Remus would be happy to know that he kept that secret under lock and key because he couldn't understand why, it was just--- For some reason, he couldn’t bare the thought returning home, to be stuck there. But he digress, and if Remus could just give him a moment to get back on track, it's a little hard to breathe right now.
What was he saying again?
Right-- Sirius. And how he was right, that night to do what he did, clarification ready on his lips. Oh no, not exposed Remus' secret, of course, but to send him off to die. He gets it now. How small he is How horrible he is How ugly he is. How insignificant and trivial this life of his is, because you see, Remus, no matter how hard he tried to forget, Severus found himself returning to that night in his dreams and in his wake because he couldn't help but to wonder if things would have been different if he had just let it be.
If it had followed through and James hadn't caught cold feet. A truth hidden somewhere that he has not been privy to as of yet.
Because, and he would explain, how Remus is right in what he is saying. That scars can fade but the damage will always remain. He gets it, you see? He understands, you know? That it isn't funny and that it could never be. That he doesn't know how to move on or look past these events that have shaped his life so thoroughly, because if he does, if he forgives and forgets --an apology will never come and this he knows to be true-- he has to believe it.
That none of it ever mattered.
That he never mattered and the world would have moved on with or without him. His mind a web of intricate thoughts and rationalities just so he could breathe. So he could live on and cope with himself. His existence that is so trivial and meaningless because he could've died and no one would have been none the wiser.
No one would have missed him and he doesn’t blame Remus, you see. It is only himself that is at fault. Placate words to keep him sane.
Not a word of this to pass his lips. His façade ever so impeccable. Smoking goblet rests in his hand as he held it out to the other. Blacken eyes are filled with sorrow most out of place to Remus of all people. Far from privy to the inner workings of his mind and the emotional turmoil that weighed him down, made the indent in his bed from his mechanical play at sleep.
A wry smile on lips too thin and bitten up in his efforts to remain silenced. A role made to play by Dumbledore himself. A lease signed in which Severus must never reveal his true self in order for this asinine feat to work. The eyes and ears for two that tug at his strings with less than grace, no kindness.
"Sorry," he remarked, a quiet voice of which resounded.
"The taste," Severus clarified, "It's foul."
The only acknowledgement of that he heard the other spoke being in the eyes most resembling of the abyss. The way they crinkled at the corners, his efforts in vain to keep what he felt within. Severus is only human, after all. But even then, he supposed, is he not allowed that.
"ABUSIVE TYPES HIDE THE FACT THEY'RE ABUSIVE, WEAR THEIR VICTIMS DOWN AND ISOLATE THEM, SO THEY NO LONGER HAVE ANY SUPPORT BUT THE ABUSER, THEN START THE ABUSE, MAKING THE VICTIM BELIEVE THEY DESERVE IT AND EVEN HAVE THE VICTIM DEFEND THE ACTIONS OF THE ABUSER. YOU NEVER KNOW SOMEONE IS ABUSIVE UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE."
Growing up I knew what abuse was. It was when someone called you bad names and made fun of you, or it was when someone hit you or was otherwise physical. But those are the basics, I had no idea. It was the 90s and early 00s. No one had cellphones, let alone internet in our rural community. Mom raised me well but we didn't know what we know now. Abuse, even simple harassment, is being talked about now on a level it never was and the internet alone is in an uproar. It's a good thing.
It just passed the anniversary of my grandmother's death and the 1 year anniversary of when I first met up with the last guy (no abuse). That stings a little. But now it is about to be the 5 year anniversary of when I became a victim of domestic violence. It haunts me and I used to talk way too much about it to people, a trauma effect. But it's one of those things that will stick with you.
I never considered myself a victim until the day he got physical, which is when I left him. That is when something clicked in my head: THIS IS NOT OKAY. I was in a stupor after the assaults but I knew to escape. I'm going to approach this topic from the standpoint of a cis female, because let's face it, this is a huge issue with men against women in particular. Let's not candy-coat that. That said, remember no one, male, female, or otherwise has the right to put you down, control you, or put hands on you!
It all starts somewhere. Like the person above says, everyone is nice at first. Forget the bad boys versus nice guys shit. Nice guys are creeps (Google Nice Guy Syndrome). Women sense outward creepiness right away especially with all the whining, but the rest of mankind is a gamble. You never know what you're going to get into.
The standard list of an abusive partner is pretty clean cut, describing fear, a lot of control, and violence: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-domestic-abuse-signs
I could never be fully controlled and ended up punching him several times in fact, which was wrong and made me an abuser. I should have left. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LEAVE OVER THE THOUGHT OF HEARTBREAK OR BEING ALONE. THERE ARE ZILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE EVEN IF DATING IS A BITCH.
There were good times and he did things for me but there's always a bright side to an abuser, that's what makes you stay. There was never any name calling or put-downs. He had mental illness breakdowns and was worried about me cheating mainly.
Here is my self-compiled list of abuse warning signs that happened to me:
1 Your partner dislikes and doesn't trust your family and close friends, encouraging you to distance yourself from them. He says they are abusing you.
2 Your family and friends nearly all dislike your partner, saying he's not acting right or something doesn't feel right.
3 Your partner is worried about you cheating. He worries about your boss, your coworkers, and customers at your job. He doesn't like you being anywhere without him.
4 Your partner is always calling or texting you, even if it's "just to talk." Normal relationships have space, you should be able to go a few hours without chatting or being around each other.
5 Untreated mental illness. I WOULD NEVER CLICHE OR BASH ANYONE WITH MENTAL PROBLEMS CLEARLY I HAVE THEM MYSELF. But when someone chooses to refuse treatment and starts victimizing those around them, being ill is NOT an excuse. Never ever feel sorry for an abuser because they are bipolar or have schizophrenia, etc. NEVER let them use their health as an excuse.
6 Establishing a relationship right away and wanting to have kids soon, even if there is no financial stability. They want to tie you to them.
7 They need reassurance that the relationship is "forever" and that you will never leave.
8 While ignoring all the red flags due to inexperience, previous abusive relationships, or whatever reason, you are still nervous and feel the need to ask the person if they would act out if you ever did have to leave them.
9 They threaten to kill themselves if you do try to leave or have any sort of space from them.
10 They can't hold a job. That's not a moral failing, it's a sign of instability that is not healthy for anyone. It will often fall on you to provide for them. That should be consensual, not forced, like when a man or woman stays home and cares for children while their partner agrees to work and is okay with that.
11 They destroy your belongings in fits of rage. YOU ARE NEXT, NO JOKE THERE...
12 They tell others that you are controlling and abusing them. They tell people that you did things that they actually did, like smashing a vase for example.
13 They threaten to call the police and tell them you assaulted them (these are times I was not hitting him although I admit I was wrong when I did that). They threaten to have you taken to the mental ward. They hit or cut themselves to threaten to tell the police you did it to them.
14 They steal from you. That's a pretty obvious one but yeah it happens anyway, and of course you don't want to press charges because they are still your partner. Some was paid back but it's still not okay.
15 They say their meltdowns and actions were never as bad as how you saw them (gaslighting).
Don't put up with any of this shit. Last week I went to the grocery store and this angry man was huffing through the isles talking to himself. He grabbed some things and piled them on his woman, who wasn't walking too fast and acted nervous. The man bitched at her and she moved towards the checkout line as I was walking up with a big cart full of shit. She told me to go ahead and I said, "no, you go ahead, you only have a few things." She was also in her work scrubs, a healthcare worker. She turned to me and said in this small nervous voice, "I also need to buy gas, will that be a problem?" I didn't really process what she said at first because it didn't make sense but said yes, of course. That would only take seconds after she paid for her 3 items.
This woman seemed timid and worn-down. This couple appeared to be in their early 50s, her with her hair done and clean, and him in dirty clothes with wild eyes. He demanded money from her and then shoved past me and another woman to go into the alcohol section of the building. As I left, he came out of another exit and cut close to me, babbling to himself while carrying a 6 pack of beer. He was yelling to himself that he got the wrong beer. She exited with the food and he huffed after her. This was 9 AM.
Don't let yourself be that woman. And if you are that woman, it's never too late, especially if you work and support that man. Save up, get support, bail. Please run before he kills you.
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Well it's been 2 days since we cleared the P1574 and P0720 codes and nothing's come back since then, so I just have done something right. The shift from 2nd to 3rd is still a little rough so I'm keeping my eye on that but otherwise I think the old Nissan is out of the woods
This is a story from my personal history, I will not name names or give too much specific detail. Before I go too far into the post, I want to say clearly if you know someone who is being abused help them. Don’t shrug it off, or bury it, even if it’s an acquaintance.
At one point in my life, a family member of mine was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Many of us knew, but…
plzzz write anything sugawara related i love that man more than life
thoughts about winter . sugawara k.
genre: fluff, domestic
warnings: none- just tooth rotting fluff
details: you have children with this one ; domestic suga brainrot go brrt <3
note: though we are in summer season, we still miss winter days. ilysm bby, you're my very first anon 🥺
word count: 150 or so- just a short drabble
winter wasn't koushi's favorite season.
his brows furrowed, silver curls bobbing up and down with the bumps he encountered on the road.
the streets were void with people, presumably residing in their homes from the bitter cold. he could understand that perfectly. spring was better, cheerier; cherry blossom petals and warm breezes that reminded sugawara of new begginings and sweet love.
parking the car into the driveway, he frowned- clicking his tongue at the amount of snow his wheels had dragged back with him. deciding to just sweep it back out with a measly excuse of a shovel- koushi just ought to buy a new one- he was overcome by a conversation you and he had before.
'the piles of snow in the backyard are nothing but trouble,' he'd complained to you once while he surveyed the backyard through his study window.
'well,' you smiled as if you had the final say, 'it is a lot of fun for our baby',
the ring of car keys jingled around his fingers noisily, like silver bells you'd hear during fun times and sleigh rides in the snow.
though he had a penchant for inciting chaos and living in the moment alongside it, right now- koushi just wanted to flop down on your bed and stay conked out until he has to go out and work again.
a small squeal sounded from behind the door and the grandfather-haired man have never felt so grateful when he met a doe-eyed smile and hair color just similar to his own.
"daddy's home!" his little baby cheered and he greeted them with the same eyes that spoke of love even though they drooped with fatigue. said irises that mirrored his stared back.
brown, sugawara realised, not toffee brown or hazelnut brown- but rich, brown irises- the color of the earth that glinted with hints of gold and jewels.
"yeah," he drawled through his teeth, and you met his eyes as you stood at the doorway, belly round and another star resting itself as you were due for another week or so. you repeated the phrase as he did at the same time, carresses and touches full of affection as if they weren't feeling tired just a moment ago.
"daddy's home," sugawara grins and he looks at his missus who stares at him with equal joy. he leans over, and presses a feathery kiss unto your tummy.
"my baby," he cooes and as if on cue, the baby kicks. you both laugh at the immediate response.
"daddy- let's go eat now! mama made pie for dessert!" their toddler pulled him towards the dining room after he puts his shoes by the genkan. he shows them a tired smile, picks them up and walked forward, basking in the warmth.
winter wasn't koushi's favorite season.
but if winter meant going back to this warm house, loving smiles, tender kisses and a small hand resting itself on his beating heart, then he might just learn to love it with you and him.
in this cold weather, his winter babies still felt as warm as ever.
... i know i did not just attack suga's hair like that-