#don’t even know if this has anything to do with the potential adhd I have or I’m just dumb like that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cerise-on-top · 2 months

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Hiiiii how have you been love bug? (Please tell me if your uncomfortable with that term since you are non-binary and they/them I’m not sure what nicknames you are uncomfortable with it’s just what I call my friends and just a nickname I have for people in general🫶🏻🫶🏻 ) so I’d like to to request farah with a adhd reader who is hyper forgetful and sometimes has meltdowns ( as someone with adhd)🧡🧡🧡

Hey! I'm fine! Bought some more yarn for my leftover blanket today, which I'm excited to work on! And don't worry, I think love bug is really cute! I don't mind most nicknames, but thank you for being considerate, I really do appreciate it! Hope you're doing well as well ^^

I don't have ADHD, so I don't know at all what it's like for someone with it! I had to do some research on it, so I don't know if these are actually viable methods of helping, but I tried! Please do correct me with something that might help and I'll add it in this post afterwards! I hope this is enjoyable to you regardless! Thank you for the request!

Farah with a Reader with ADHD

Farah doesn’t particularly know a lot about mental illnesses. She may be traumatized, yes, but that doesn’t mean she ever had the time to research any of them. So she’s definitely not the best person to go to when it comes to things like these, but she tries, even if she can’t always understand everything that’s going on. You’re suffering, and that’s enough for her to know she should do something to help you.

You being this forgetful may be a cause of concern for her, though. It’s not every day she meets someone who forgot what they did five minutes prior. It’s especially concerning when it’s something important, though, like seeing a doctor. Although she may be worried for you potentially developing something as severe as dementia eventually, she’ll try to push her worries aside and help you to the best of her abilities. If you ever need reminders, she can help you. Farah remembers and retains things very well, she’s never had any issues with it since she had to in order to get by. If you need to remember something, she’ll remind you a few times a day. You have an appointment? Don’t forget about it tomorrow, I’ll tell you again then. However, she’s also a big fan of post its and will write down whatever it is you may need and place it somewhere she knows you’re going to see it. I know, out of sight, out of mind, but she’ll also text you and have you make reminders on your phone for important things so you don’t forget. Won’t get mad at you for forgetting your anniversary, she can see that it’s hard for you to remember things and won’t yell at you or anything either. However, she will mention that it was your anniversary, or maybe her birthday. For the most part she just wants to spend those days with you, if she can, and will thus remind you. Again, you don’t need to feel ashamed for forgetting, she’ll tell you that it’s quite alright and that you shouldn’t worry. She’s patient like that.

If you have a meltdown in front of her, she definitely would not know what to do at first. Depending on what kind of meltdown it is, she’ll react differently. If it creeps up on you, slowly making you irritated, then she’ll ask you what’s wrong. Regardless of your answer, she’ll ask you how she can help you, if you would like to be left alone or if you would like to take a small break in any way. She gets it and she’ll get you away from whatever is stressing you out so you can slowly recharge. If you really do want to be left alone for a while, she will comply, but will knock on your door to check up on you every once in a while and will bring you some food as well. Farah just wants you to be well, so she’ll take care of you how she thinks might help. Food is always good, food usually helps her, so she hopes it’ll do the same for you as well.

If it’s a sudden meltdown where you don’t know where left and right are anymore, then she’ll get you away from everyone else at first. While she can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it likely isn’t very pleasant for you to be crying and screaming in front of other people. Hoping that you trust her, she’ll try to ground you, asking you how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling and how she could help you. What happened is also another question she would ask you. Again, she won’t really know what to do on her own, but she tries her best. Farah will talk to you in a soothing tone and try to distract you at first so you can calm down a bit. Whether it be cracking a joke or asking you about your top five favorite reptiles. Even if you can’t answer her properly, she’ll just reassure you that it’s okay, that everything is just bad in this moment and that it’ll pass. She’s with you this entire time and won’t leave you unless you want her to. Asks you to breathe a bit with her. In all your time being together, she’s likely learned a breathing technique or two that might help you.

Once your meltdown is over, she’ll be very gentle with you, especially if she can see you’re beating yourself up over it. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed for something that you can’t help, it’s not your fault. If you feel especially down, she’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and get some ice cream with you. Something like a meltdown seems exhausting to her. While she doesn’t want to seem like she’s rewarding you for having a meltdown, she does want you to be kind to yourself afterwards, that’s what the ice cream is for. And if you don’t want ice cream, then some berries, fruits or a small snack will suffice as well. Either way, she’s there for you the entire time until you feel better.

#cod #cod x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #I didn't think anyone at all would notice or remember that I'm non binary #I don't really mention that fact as much as other things but it makes me happy that some people do pay attention!#also love bug is a really cute nickname! your friends must be very lucky to have someone like you in their lives!#again I don't have ADHD I only have schizophrenia and there doesn't seem to be too much of an overlap among them #so I really don't know what it's like to live with ADHD but I get the forgetfulness #I have so many reminders on my phone and on small paper notes it's incredible #I also journal every day so I don't forget what I did during the day. that's one of my best habits yet #but yeah I'm also the kind of person who can't remember what they did five minutes ago and it's so very frustrating #sometimes I wanna look something up on google only to forget five seconds later what it was #sometimes retracing my steps helps me remember but not always unfortunately it's very annoying #but we are just so very strong for living with our mental illnesses!!#being mentally ill is exhausting and I can't think of any positives either #I know it may seem hard at times but it's important to be patient with oneself. I learned that the hard way #so please do be kind to yourself anon! you deserve it! you seem like such a nice person!

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 months

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*gets you talking about education* so in what way is education Fucked Up that the public doesn't get right?

i’ve been thinking about this ask for months trying to come up with an answer that is not just me complaining incoherently for 3000000 words and while i could go a lot of places with this, the one i personally think the most about is that the public mostly thinks that teachers have received training on the best ways to teach things, and they haven’t. source: my bullshit ass master’s degree in general and special education, which taught me in particular so little about any actual disabilities that the fact that i could legally teach a special ed class after receiving it is like, horrifying to me. my degree was a lot of talking about feelings and diversity and naming ideas of things you could potentially do in the classroom, and no actual instruction in what we know about the best way to teach particular subjects or even about how to evaluate potentially relevant resources. one time we read an article that said kids with ADHD do best in traditional classroom set-ups with desks in rows and no “centers” where kids have to move around, and in my small group devoted to designing a classroom for kids with ADHD a classmate of mine was like, “i didn’t do the reading but what about [the opposite of what the reading said]?” and in ed school disagreeing with someone is basically akin to setting them on fire physically so i didn’t say anything and then the professor - you know, the one who assigned this reading - was just like, “great! :)” zero accountability for learning any content at basically any point in my degree. almost zero actual content taught. like it’s so bad. the public tends to view teachers as either highly trained professionals or lazy sociopaths who don’t care but my experience is that the vast majority of teachers in public and private schools alike are hard-working and caring people doing their best with a difficult task they have been given no meaningful high quality training for - but unfortunately since they do have master’s degrees they do tend to think they have a certain degree of expertise.

in particular the public assumes that elementary school teachers have been themselves taught how to teach kids how to read, and not only have they not been taught how to teach kids how to read, they have often been taught ideas about reading that stand in total contradiction to our best scientifically derived hypotheses about how children learn how to read. for the millionth time i recommend checking out the podcast (with high quality transcripts available) sold a story. emily hanford’s reporting has taught me more about reading than the degree i am still paying for ever did and i have considered seeking therapy to process how angry i am about that.

anyway, i’m posting this now because i saw another fucking post that was like “actually they do teach all the skills you want them to teach, it’s called high school english class” which makes me insane because test prep tutoring high school kids has really hammered home that teachers in rich private schools reliably fail to pick up on the fact that a lot of teenagers struggle with any degree of textual complexity to a degree that in any text from the nineteenth century even individual sentences pose problems. the most expensive high schools in the country are graduating kids who can’t independently parse five paragraphs of an abraham lincoln speech and their faculty members don’t even know it. but sure english teachers are routinely and successfully teaching critical thinking if only those damn 15 year olds weren’t too fucking lazy to pay attention. “lol.”

#askbox

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thatoneluckybee · 4 months

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pinned post time

Hey, I’m Bee!

Minor

She/her please!

ADHD, trichotillomania, (potentially autistic? doing research at the moment)

Christian

AND THE FANDOM/ORGANIZATION STUFF

I don’t even know I’m hyperfixated on right now. YTTD and SBG and Homesick are fighting to the death, PJSK/Vocaloid is trying to sneak in again but failing, and I am suffering help. What is my brain. Will\ go on mass reblogging sprees of random other topics/fandoms

Said fandoms are MAINLY Your Turn to Die, School Bus Graveyard, Homesick, Space Boy, Not So Shoujo Love Story, Surviving Romance, Realta, Castle Swimmer, the One of Us Is Lying trilogy, Morgana and Oz, Silent Screams, Marionetta, Danganronpa, Cursed Princess Club, Suitor Armor, Nomads, and the like. I read way too many Webtoon series, expect a lot of those lol. I’m also a huge fan of Winchifrost and Marina and The Diamonds!

I have no idea how to use tone tags but I'm trying to figure it out!

Finally have a Pronouns Page!

I don’t have a consistent tagging system, I use whatever comes to my heart. HOWEVER, I will USUALLY try and tag posts like memes and fanart with the fandom name (and, if I reblog or a post about a fandom a lot, FULL character names! For example, I will tag “nao egokoro” instead of just “nao yttd.”) I do have a couple tags I use a lot:

rambles: My rambles. Original posts or reblogs I have a decent amount of commentary on or changed in some way.

fambles: Rambles but specifically fandom related. This is a new tag I may forget to use it but I need to separate original from fandom lol

important: Anything that’s genuinely important (usually!) Much of this will be about topics I feel more strongly about. For example, a post about ableism I think is a good find would be tagged as important.

shenanigans: That’s… yeah, shenanigans.

Bee Hall of Fame: I’m stealing this tag from a beloved mutual. Favorite things that has something to do with yours truly <3

crumch: I don’t even know. Crumch. Food related. Biting people affectionately. Something that would be Entertaining or Horrific to consume.

yeah: This evokes such a specific and visceral emotion in every inch of my being that I am unable to comprehend or fully articulate in. Just yeah.

girlsuffering: Ow. I don't vent per say but if I'm theatrically complaint about a headache it's girlsuffering

Bee plays PJSK: HI I finally got the game and I’m playing, so these posts are just me going through the stories and getting used to it and suffering

Thanks I love you and GOODBYE!

#YEAH PINNED POST TIME YALL #pinned post #<-incaseilosethispost

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mbti-notes · 3 months

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Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-notes, I am an American masculine-presenting (potentially) enby in their early 20s trying to figure out my type so I can work on finding the right path. I have anxiety, depression, ADHD, a lack of socialization, and lack of life experience. I am confident that I am ISFJ or INFJ, and would like your insight into which seems more likely.

For ISFJ, I think I have immature dominant function Si because:

-I feel that I could be happy living a quiet life with my best friend as long as all my material needs are met without any stress. In other words, appreciating stability and quietly appreciating life. Feeling secure in life would give me confidence (on the flip side, I don’t often push my comfort zone because new = scary, though I’m working on it).

-I can be very insistent on following instructions to the letter. For example, even if doing step 4 before step 3 makes more sense, I will do step 3 and then step 4 because if someone wrote the instructions, then it must have worked that way in the past so I should do what has been proven to work/what I was told to do.

-I require a sense of familiarity to feel secure, and rely on past experience to make sense of things. For example, when I got a new job, despite receiving written instructions, I felt uncertain that I was going to the right place at the right time and doing things correctly until I had done it the same way multiple days in a row.

-I need to know the “proper” conduct or procedures to follow before feeling comfortable. For example, whether I should address my supervisor by their first or last name. I proceed very cautiously in new and unfamiliar situations, and don’t try new things because I am afraid of either failing or of being reprimanded.

-I am known for my attention to detail despite having ADHD. I make sure my work is typo-free and conforms to any relevant formats, such as APA, MLA, etc.

-I really dislike people who seem irresponsible, either by flippant attitude or failing to complete their work in the past.

-I easily conform to set ways of doing things and rely on authority figures. I feel directionless without being given explicit instructions or known procedures to follow. For example, I would require someone to tell me how they wanted me to put together a shelf in small steps (first go grab my tools from X location, then come back to the garage, then grab this wooden plank, etc).

-I ask redundant questions; even if I think I may know something, I often have to ask someone in authority or who knows the subject better than me before I am confident in that knowledge. For example, whether humans can lose 1 liter of blood and live or not.

-I like collecting facts, and feel confident when I can share once I know I have memorized correctly.

-I tend to ask a lot of “what” questions in conversation; clarifying basic facts as I try to keep up and trying to figure out what I can say for general responses. When I do talk, I can only really recite facts or things that happened. I don’t really have anything deep to say, or interesting insights, which I feel very self-conscious of. I’m worried people find me very simple.

-When I don’t want to do something, my sense of duty and sticking to my routine is often what makes it possible for me to follow through anyways, such as getting up for work when I dread going. However, this also makes it difficult for me to improve my situation. I find it much easier to keep doing things the way I’ve always done it, or at least accept the situation as-is, than try something new that might not work, and might even make things worse (such as moving somewhere new).

-I work hard, but I feel bad because it takes me twice as much effort to get half the results that other people can. I overwork myself because I feel like my time and effort are the only things of worth that I can offer, but also resent that fact.

-I have been criticized for being too unadventurous, inflexible, and oversensitive about minor physical discomforts.

For ISFJ, I think I have immature inferior function Ne because:

-I’m scared of unpredictable change. If something bad were to happen, like losing my house or job, I would struggle to figure out what to do.

-I feel trapped in my life, just going through the motions and checking off boxes, going from task to task understanding only the bare minimum and being forever stuck as who I am now, without the ability to improve myself or my situation.

For INFJ, I think I have immature dominant function Ni because:

-I am obsessed (negatively) with finding purpose; I feel empty and mannequin-esque without proper drive and direction. I know it’s unrealistic, but it feels like many of my personal issues would be solved by finding something that lights a fire in my soul. Until then, I have no hope for my future and daily life has no meaning. All I have are pleasant distractions, which I will look back on with regret because I will have not anything.

-I feel very detached from the world around me. This might just be the depression, though, since sometimes the feeling of detachment is a crippling feeling that I lack connection to anyone or anything.

-Nothing is ever good enough, especially myself. I can only ever see how I fail to live up to the person I want to be and have a hard time acknowledging what I do have. The fact that I have a place to live and plenty to eat isn’t good enough; I need to be smart, and charming, and talented to even think that I MIGHT be worth anything. The main thing that helps this is positive comparison to other people who are doing worse, which is not the right way to find self-confidence.

-One other thing that can help is being able to imagine myself as a character, at least when I can see myself positively. Would this scene be interesting, would it be meaningful? How would the audience react to me as a character? Would they like me?

-I am always worried about what comes next, though it doesn’t help me at all. Not being able to fully engage when things are happen means I don’t get the benefits of the experience, nor any sense of accomplishment.

-I think it’s important to delay gratification for the sake of the future, and see it as a failure when I indulge in momentary pleasures at the expense of my future self. For example, paying for an expensive meal now, or having more money for retirement.

-I am interested in speculating about potential implications (often people-based; such as whether X reaction means the person has Y or Z intentions, which means I can expect certain reactions from them later; or whether X behavior or thought means I’m a bad person), but I’m no good at it.

-I dislike people who are self-limiting, narrow-minded, shallow, and fickle. However, I'm trying not to be so judgmental, and have even started seeing some people who display these characteristics as better than me because they can function better socially and materially.

-I am scared of being called pretentious, demanding, unrealistic, and unfun. As a result, I have slowly eroded the quality of my personality and squandered my potential over the years by trying to be peppy, forgiving, approachable, and fun to be around. I never let myself express my interests in public (so I lost out on the preteen and teen experience of expressing and finding myself) and I sound stupid when I speak because I jettisoned my pretentious vocabulary.

-I’ve been criticized for being distant, overserious, and for overthinking too much.

-I have to re-process everything every time I recall it, especially if I need to recall a specific detail.

For INFJ, I think I have immature inferior Se because:

-I can be oblivious to my surroundings, which leads to me missing obvious details.

-I have a hard time adjusting to things in-the-moment; I need time to prepare. For example, I would need to know how to handle a bear attack ahead of time.

-I use sensory pleasures, such as overindulging in food, as a way of coping with stress.

-I used to envision my happiness as something that existed in the future, but as I get older and it fails to materialize (mainly because I 1) used unrealistic prerequisites to construct my imagined happiness and 2) never developed the necessary competencies to reach that future) I have started slipping into the trap of instant gratification. I want to try everything, meet people, be reckless, let loose, and actually have fun. I want to stop feeling like I need absolute control for life to go well.

For either stack, I have immature auxiliary Fe because:

-I rely on others for cues on how I’m supposed to feel or react to things. I find myself either empty or easily confused when trying to assess my own thoughts, opinions, or feelings about something even as small as whether something tastes good or not.

-I am overly influenced by others’ mannerisms, speech patterns, and moods.

-I hate how desperate I feel for connection and a sense of camaraderie. I often compromise my (already flimsy) sense of right and wrong in order to go along with what others want.

-I am paranoid about people disliking me and often hide/avoid when I feel like others have negative opinions of me.

-I find it uncomfortable bearing responsibility for things if it means people will have a negative opinion of me, though I recognize that one’s reaction to being blamed (rightly or wrongly) will also impact what others think of someone.

-I want to feel confident in my abilities, but I worry that I care more about being competent because it affects how others see me, and that I don’t care enough about it for “pure” reasons (ie. for my own sake) The same goes for wanting to help other people.

-I am deathly afraid of confrontation because it generates an unpleasant emotional atmosphere and I buckle under pressure. I allow myself to be pushed around and bullied because I can’t stand up. I’m torn between wanting to strive for my own goals (once I figure them out) and quietly carrying out the wishes of others.

For either stack, I have immature tertiary Ti because:

-When searching for an answer, I tend to skim articles to the relevant section, get my answer, and leave without trying to fully comprehend the subject matter.

-I am very lazy intellectually; I passively ingest things I enjoy and give up easily when something requires additional thought.

-I have trouble assigning priorities to different considerations, and am easily overwhelmed or confused by conflicting interests when weighing appropriate courses of action (ex. one person has a time-sensitive task they want completed, but another relevant party would be inconvenienced. The time-sensitive task has the potential for flexibility, but it would be better to complete it on time. Unsure how to proceed.)

-My thinking is generally very disorganized, and people can have a hard time understanding what I mean. In truth, I often lose track of my point or why I mentioned something or started on a certain topic.

[Addendum] One thing that I forgot to mention that probably impacted my development: my mother was extremely controlling. She insisted that I consult her before doing anything (even moving a chair to another room), that I do everything the way she prescribed, threatened to remove the bathroom locks if I ever used them (they were really only there for guests), and kept tabs on me through HS. Whenever I got hurt physically or upset emotionally—cue her dropping everything and rushing onto the scene as if it were a crisis. She tried to keep me happy and prepare me for the future, but she also took every opportunity to remind me how ignorant I was and how much I needed her. Even though she would say I was doing a good job, her constantly correcting minor ‘errors’, such as putting shoes on the "wrong way" or failing to laugh when I was "supposed to", told another story.

--------------------

I can see where the confusion comes from. If you're wondering why I highlighted some parts red, it's only to aid me when processing large amounts of text. I usually highlight any points that stick out to me as: weirdly off, out of place, illogical, contradictory, problematic, or requiring more attention. Afterwards, I can quickly review the points and put them together for analysis. The Fe and Ti sections are fine, so I'll focus mainly on the dominant and inferior.

One common obstacle I bump into during type analysis is "unreliable narration", when people make claims that don't quite add up. For example, you say: "I feel that I could be happy living a quiet life with my best friend as long as all my material needs are met without any stress." And then later on you also say: "The fact that I have a place to live and plenty to eat isn’t good enough; I need to be smart, and charming, and talented to even think that I MIGHT be worth anything." Which is it: Are you easily content or is it difficult for you to feel content? This is quite relevant to distinguishing Si and Ni. How can I get to the bottom of things when the truth remains unclear?

With regard to Si, you've done your best to make a case and it seems convincing, on the surface. However, one should always pause when the majority of examples add up to a very negative vibe that is more characteristic of a lower rather than higher function.

The evidence is trying to convince me that you are very "detail-oriented", yet I believe a more accurate description would be that you suffer from "detail anxiety". Generally speaking, a person who is naturally good with details not only has a deep appreciation of them but also doesn't tend to worry about them. Yet your relationship to details seems problematic rather than automatic, rooted in distrust/control rather than trust/mastery. Instead of using details in positive and life-affirming ways, you seem to merely use them as a means to some other end, such as avoiding mistakes that would garner you criticism. This defensiveness is atypical and reason to proceed more carefully in type assessment because it might be more indicative of Ti loop than healthy Si.

Would you agree that your approach to details is actually detail anxiety... and it perhaps stems from a deeper social anxiety… which perhaps stems from your mother constantly treating you as though you're not good enough? The part you added about your mother being very controlling is indeed crucial to the analysis. If you review everything you wrote through the lens of her parental influence, the bigger picture of your personality becomes more coherent.

You seem to have internalized her mindset to a troubling degree. The way she corrected and criticized you has led you to approach the world in an over-controlling way. The manner through which she exerts control seems to suggest some Si influence. Comparing hypotheticals, if you were both SJ, her way of educating you would resonate better than if you were high Ni bumping up against her high Si. Based on past cases I've seen, the relationship dynamic between you does seem to suggest some N versus S conflict, but more evidence is required to know for sure. Therefore, I think it is pertinent to know her type and flesh out exactly how her function expression influenced your function development.

As a reminder, people who haven't yet learned to use their dominant function appropriately tend to suffer from poor self-awareness (i.e. don't really know themselves and what they want) and low self-esteem (i.e. have difficulty believing in themselves). You exhibit both of these issues. One possibility is you've always wanted to use Ni but have been inhibited from doing so. The examples you gave for Ni don't exactly create a positive vibe either, but you seem to have a somewhat more innate understanding of how it operates than Si. Your mother's influence might have led you to believe that N is invalid or can't be trusted. Distrust of N among Ns is unfortunately quite a common affliction due to two facts: 1) Ns often suffer from minority status, and 2) intuition is much easier to cast doubt upon than sensing.

Let me pose this question: Which function, assuming you were to learn to use Si or Ni appropriately and optimally, would lead your personality development in the right direction and/or allow you to experience meaningful personal growth? I believe you have already answered: "I feel empty and mannequin-esque without proper drive and direction. I know it’s unrealistic, but it feels like many of my personal issues would be solved by finding something that lights a fire in my soul. Until then, I have no hope for my future and daily life has no meaning. All I have are pleasant distractions, which I will look back on with regret because I will have not anything."

Is there an unsilenceable force within you that wants more than what material life can offer? While this force is universal in humans and not exclusive to any one type, INFJ is the type that will experience the most pain and suffering from compromising it, whereas ISFJ is the type that most easily brushes it aside. This is one of the most glaring differences between the two types. However, the only way you can use this distinction to tell which type you are is to get in touch with who you really are, deep down. Perhaps you're not there yet.

ISFJs delight in what you somewhat derisively call "pleasant distractions". Pleasant experiences of concrete reality, especially when shared with loved ones and/or a larger community, lie at the heart of ISFJ fulfillment, which prompts them to build up elaborate routines and rituals to ensure their continuation. Hence, ISFJs are known to be "traditionalists" in the way they approach their routines and rituals as sacred. It seems you have very little understanding of this mindset given that there is no evidence of it provided.

The process of confirming the dominant function requires you to make an equally strong case for the corresponding inferior function. However, the case you've made for inferior Ne is particularly weak, with only two points, why is that? The first point you made is basically a non-point. Is it really unusual, abnormal, or unwarranted to fear big unexpected changes like losing a job or a house? I don't see how such a universal fear is indicative of inferior Ne. The second point, while arguably relevant to Ne, weirdly doesn't fit well with the inferior position. The evidence you gave for inferior Se, while also weak, is comparatively more convincing. Either you haven't understood the concept of inferior functions or you still haven't developed enough awareness of your inferior function to describe and explain its activities in detail.

For the sake of improving your self-awareness, I have to mention that an important stage in ego development is nurturing genuine adult independence. This often involves going through a difficult psychological process of differentiating oneself from parental, peer, and societal expectations. In other words, you need to learn what kind of person you really are apart from what your parents or society have inadvertently led you to believe you are. You don't seem to be there yet, though that's normal for your age bracket. It is my prediction that until you get there, you'll continue to suffer from the "detachment" you described.

You want to connect with the world better (i.e. use Fe appropriately), but how can that happen when it's unclear what it is inside you that the world should be connecting with? One vital aspect of personality development is learning about the gifts that come with your personality and not being afraid to express them. These gifts are what allow people to carve out a space in the world and find a sense of purpose that is well-matched to the core of their identity. Yet I struggle to get any sense of your gifts when reading your self-description. Your conscientiousness certainly shines through, but there should be more than that.

Generally, it seems you approach the world as though it is your mother, so you live in fear of its criticism - this is most likely the main reason you feel yourself and your life to be too small or too "simple". I suggest you take steps to overcome social anxiety in order to discover your true powers and express the more positive aspects of yourself, otherwise, you'll continue to feel uncertain about your type (regardless of how I or others type you) because you are not expressing the dominant function optimally. Maybe your mother simply doesn't recognize your gifts due to the blindspots of her personality type, or maybe the voice you've internalized from her has served to suppress the best parts of you, I don't know. In any case, it is never too late to try to get in touch with them.

At this point, I can't say for certain which type you are, though I lean more toward INFJ due to ISFJ having too many irregularities. I've highlighted some key points that need clarification or fleshing out, and I believe doing so should lead you toward the right conclusion in due time.

#typing #ask

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neurospicy · 2 years

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I’m feeling really down on myself and stuck in my feelings today. I know there are people out there who have a lot harder lives, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not happy with who I am or the lack of progress I’ve made in life.

I haven’t accomplished anything since I graduated high school. In 2009. And I didn’t even graduate from a normal high school, I had to graduate from an alternative school because I had so many issues. I feel like I see all my weaknesses so clearly, yet I can’t see any strengths in myself. I didn’t get any of the positive aspects of being autistic or having adhd. I only got the struggles.

I’m not twice exceptional. I don’t have any talent, but I do have a learning disability. I am entirely debilitated by my neurodivergence. I don’t have anything to make up for the struggles either; I’m constantly fatigued and fighting through brain fog. My executive dysfunction is so extreme that it often takes me hours of trying to hype myself up in order to just get ready for the day because the process feels so daunting. I often skip meals because I can’t get myself to go through all of the steps to make it. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to get up and get takeout until everything is already closed, but I can’t afford the extra charge for delivery because I can’t seem to hold a job for more than 6 months without getting fired for my forgetfulness or social difficulties. Sometimes I’m just frozen, and I can’t do anything. All I can do is sit and spiral like I am now, because I’m aware of how profoundly dysfunctional I am, yet there is nothing out there to help me, and I can’t stop being me.

I like to write, yet I can’t seem to organize my thoughts into anything cohesive. I jump around. I change subjects. I can’t explain how I tie one idea to the next. I’m wildly intuitive, but I’m so socially awkward that I have trouble being personable with clients during my tarot readings. I have so many ideas that I just simply don’t have the skills or artistic ability to do anything useful with. I feel trapped inside myself, like I have no potential because any potential that I do have is crossed out by my particular brand of adhd and autism, like I have no capability to show any of it to the outside world, no matter how many times I try and try and revise and adapt and try again, it all results in failure and burn out.

And honestly, it isn’t anybody’s fault but it feels so alienating even in the adhd and autistic communities because it seems like everyone else is at least able to TRY to function. It seems mostly everyone has a job that they’ve been able to keep, that they’re financially independent, that they can manage their money on their own, follow a schedule or a routine, or at least have the physical and mental energy to pursue their own thing. Everyone else in the community seems to have some special artistic or intellectual ability that helps them stand out or fend for themselves in a neurotypical world.

That isn’t to say that it’s easy for them or that they don’t have to work twice as hard as a neurotypical would to get to the same place. That also isn’t to say that it doesn’t have consequences or impact their mental health. It’s just that I don’t even seem to have the option, because I put in every ounce of anything I have and I still fall short. I’m sacrificing my mental and physical health and still failing at everything I touch. It’s like I don’t even have the capacity to be able to be the person I want. I don’t even have the capacity to be the failure I am without falling apart.

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neurodiversitysci · 2 years

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Panicking-over-almost-nothing Demand Avoidance

Funny ADHD story

Last week, I made the mistake of volunteering for a sleep study at my old college. They pay well, I wanted to help, and maybe I’d learn something about my sleep.

I got an email a few days ago saying "here are some times you could come in," none of which are possible, and forgot to follow up.

I got another email from their lab this morning. Haven't even opened it yet, but as soon as I saw it I started panicking. OMG SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHAT IF I FAIL OH NO.

(My hell brain believes that Making Other People Happy is safety).

Knowledge of that email has been hanging over my head distracting me and filling me with That Feeling of Foreboding ever since. Which is inconvenient, as I have an Important Errand to prepare for this morning.

I'm reminding my hell brain that

a) I signed up for this; I don't *have* to do anything,

b) an email is not inherently dangerous,

c) whether I succeed or fail, having someone else expect something from me isn't going to kill me.

My hell brain, unimpressed, continues flooding my body with anxiety.

The Pattern of Demand Avoidance

I’m reminded of that awful term “pathological demand avoidance” (seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to use a term that abbreviates to PDA?). It was coined to describe people, especially kids, who continually refuse to do things that others expect from them. For years, the only time I came across the term was in reference to “misbehaving” kids. The label sounds willfully defiant, and is inherently pejorative (I mean, it has the word “pathological” in it).

Unfortunately, it also fits my situation surprisingly well. I’m terrified of anyone wanting anything from me, even just answering an email.

I put off answering emails for exactly this reason, then feel guilty for being late to reply, and the cycle continues, potentially ad infinitum/until it’s been so long that it feels too late to reply, and I eventually let myself forget about it and let it go, in favor of worrying about new emails.

It’s not just emails, though; those are just an example of how innocuous my panic triggers can be.

Right now, I procrastinate on all manner of tasks related to getting involved in activities, making friends, and dating. I literally avoid reaching out to people I want to interact with, because What If They Expect Me to Contact Them Back (And Know What to Say, And Have It Not be Awkward) In a Reasonable Amount of Time.

I spend far more time procrastinating on such tasks than it would take to actually do them.

Don’t even get me started on the yearly months-long mental tug of war over thank you notes that I went through as a teenager. Or the time I almost didn’t graduate high school because I was stuck on some paperwork and procrastinated down to the wire.

Freaking out over an email about something I literally volunteered to do, however, is a new low.

It’s no surprise that I have so little faith in myself right now. I’ve hit the wall three times now, with real consequences for my life. What if it happens again?

I don’t trust my brain enough to want to commit to anything. What if I do it wrong? What if I do it late? What if I don’t do it at all?

And it’s become such a habit that I am avoiding doing something I literally cannot fail, except by avoiding it. Sigh.

Reexamining My Procrastination

As someone on Tumblr put it, people with ADHD go through a mental tug of war. One part of you insists “Do the thing” while another, usually stronger, part protests, “No.” Not surprisingly, it makes it hard to get started on things. If you can break through that tug of war, you’re exhausted before you even start.

I’m now considering the possibility that this deep fear of failing is probably a reason for it.

I’ve often wondered why I procrastinate so much on trivial things whose negative sensory properties I can ameliorate (like doing the dishes). The habit of fear and avoidance is probably part of it.

But also, I might just be afraid of failing myself. After all, other people aren’t the only ones who have expectations.

TL;DR

If you see someone of any age avoiding everything others want them to do, however innocuous, consider that it may not be defiance. They might just be terrified.

10/24/22

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mars-the-frankly-human-moth · 1 year

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Being in college as an introvert AND living in the dorms is both a nightmare and a dream

a dream because i’m away from home and i can be independent

a nightmare because i have a roommate, i am constantly surrounded by people no matter where I am and I have no alone time to myself which i value a lot. Along with my ADHD it is definitely something, I have found ways that have helped me and could potentially help anyone else that deals with this type of problem. Even if it isn’t for college specifically, it’s just some good tips.

• headphones

dude….these are lifesavers. i am always walking around with headphones on or earbuds. i just got me some over the head headphones which are really nice and noise cancel just the right amount that it doesn’t make my head explode and hurt. And does a good job of telling people “i’m busy” and also helps keep me focused whenever i’m doing any work or projects for my classes.

• Calender/notebook planner

OKAY. BEFORE YOU GROAN HEAR ME OUT. I hate planners. like LOATHE THEM. But I wanted to try something new so I would have a spot where I could just slap all my homework and stuff in, I found Notion which is a calendar thingy that you can customize and make it all cool and whatever and there’s templates you can use. i don’t remember which one I used but it’s a plant one that had a bunch of pixel art and was for university.

I like putting in the work to put each and everything in to the calendar as it makes me want to use it more. and I get to look at things i like, for example I had a ghibli themed this past semester which made me happy. And for the new semester I changed it to a Zelda theme. This has made me more motivated to do work as well.

I had everyone tell me “oh use google calendar” NO. no. it’s boring. it looks plain, i need to be looking at things i like and Notion works for me. but I do know some people who just straight up use the Canvas calendar

• boundaries

yep. boundaries. it’s a necessity, I had to learn that very quickly since i am constantly around people. If you are getting fed up with someone. set that boundary. or anything really, set the boundary

sometimes I will go into an empty classroom that i know has no classes going on at the time and i will sit in there and just be alone for a while. it’s a great way to recharge as well as cool off if there’s anything bothering you

•it’s okay to say “no” when you don’t want to go somewhere

this goes along with the boundaries thing but still it’s good advice to learn to stand up for yourself. especially if there is someone who is continually pestering you, or if you have been adopted by an extrovert (luckily for me my college is very small and we are all gamers and nerds so i don’t have that problem as much)

If you have a car, and you become the “chauffeur” (the person who drives around people) for people. you can say no to taking them somewhere. gas prices are expensive and there are times where you are too busy, or even just don’t want to drive. i have plenty of those so i tell them no or give an excuse that i need to work on homework

also you can take advantage of your car and either scream in it, or just sit there and recharge if you have nowhere to go

that’s really all the advice i have for you, or if you know someone who would need it? send it to em or reblog or whatever you want.

have a good time zone!

#introvert problems #college adhd #college advice #advice #introvert advice #introvert things #adhd tips #adhd brain #mentally tired #generally good advice #reblog for reference #adhd stuff #adhd artist #college student

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goldmanguyperson · 6 months

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(post features potentially triggering and general uncomfortable content under the manifesto section)

small byf i probably shouldve put earlier: I might sometimes post musings about sexual ideas and i will be horny on main sometimes, but i will always tag it properly. i also have exclusive tag “#gold goes crazy on main” that you can blacklist if you dont wanna blacklist the more general tags for your own reasons

if i sound mad in here its because i hate how this kind of stuff is dealt with on the wider internet. sorry

If your dni has an identity that i identify with on there then know i am not not interacting with you out of respect, i am not interacting with you because you are a fucking asswipe. Be a better person. People who believe they know more about me than me, or use trauma as an excuse to be bigoted and stay bigoted, do not have my respect.

If i block you, it’s because of the above. or i just found you annoying

intro post for NERDS!

im gold just call me gold. Or, my other names include tank and any model/(appropriate) nickname of tank, plane, or nuclear bomb (aside from fat man or little boy or enola gay for hopefully obvious reasons). i will respond best if it is very clearly directed at me or is one of my favorite vehicles/bombs: tsar bomba, kv-1, molodets, locust, chaffee, whatever whatever

my pronouns are he/him (normal caps), He/Him, and HE/HIM. i stole pronouns from god and HIM from the powerpuff girls

trans and gay full of autism adhd yum

im a shapeshifter otherkin and bald eagle therian. but really i can be anything. i have experienced a whole range of nonhuman stuff, cuz shapeshifter. if i post in a more specific tag know i am not attempting to like… invade, or anything. i mean for one i think thats stupid and for another i do actually be feeling that way

i am plural. im fuckitgenic. you dont get to know how traumatized or not i am, cuz i dont even fucking know either. I don’t even think it’s that relevant. I am because i am, we are because we are, trying to look back into this life to see why it turned out this way is, in our opinion, just not fucking worth our time.

You probably wont see my headmates here as they struggle to form words for outside use, but you still might.

headmates you might see include:

The Eagle (he is a bald eagle)

The Nothing Beast (a big jet black dromeosaurid-like monster with back spines. actually quite nice. speaks in all caps)

Sputnik-1 (introject of the satellite). Profile is @satellite-one!

Bear (a spirit bear. might come off a bit mean. Bear is often just trying to protect us, but Bear also struggles with friendly or respectful communication)

Bat (We don’t know much about him. he hides away a lot)

Alan @amcomputer

if you start complaining about “uehhh but i have to know if youre traumatized to know how valid you are!!!” im going to skewer you like a shrike. we do not take kindly to prescriptive labeling.

i am posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness). I don’t believe objects speak to me and i dont believe they are externally alive, but i feel like they should be. it happens especially with military vehicles and nuclear missiles. when i look at them i feel a similar sense of life i feel when i look at an animal. is it weird? Oh yeah. It is. i have thought about this a lot and i can expand on it in another post if wanted.

im also objectum and conceptum tbe american flag is my boyfriend im sorry… I hate the government and i hate borders and i understand it would be better for countries to not have influence over material reality and all that shit (i am an anarchist. winning) but countries as a concept beyond reality are really important to me please understand. nationalists hate him (me) actually

carrd (mentions nsfw topics)

neocities (wip)

tags

#shut up! the eagle’s talking! - essays and personal experiences

#this is chrome ball radio - My headmate Sputnik’s thoughts and feelings.

#gold goes crazy on main - mentioned above. though not actually just plain horny stuff, more for musings that may be sexual and have to do with me personally and I GUESS I LIED!!! ITS HORNY

#and that eagle? well. hah. It was me - just stuff about eagles. Any kind. i love eagles

#falconer hood experiences - Dreams that i have. theyre crazy. you will want to read

manifesto (sort of like a dni + its opposite but i actually explain things to ease my anxiety and autism)

Almost anyone is welcome here. But if you believe that you know more than other people do about their own identity then go away. Disgusting shit. Begone

that being said you cannot change your race. racial emotional limbo should only belong to people who are mixed race. You can find ways to participate in another culture without being the race often associated with it. many people would be much happier to show you their culture if you weren’t trying to identify as the race associated with it. Begone

I cant believe this is something that needs to be said anywhere but if you are an apologist for imperialism, capitalism, or authoritarianism, or are otherwise a supporter of any of this shit, fuck you. Begone

go away if you indulge in zoophilic or pedophilic content. hope it’s obvious why. indulging in lusting after real ass living beings who cannot consent is fucking weird as shit. Begone

transage is fine. its not about pedophilia, that is a 4chan smear campaign cuz they thought it was fucking weird. it is about age regression and trauma and that kinda shit. Also the things we associate with certain ages are socially constructed and so like idk, fuckin whatever dude. Begone

if you think age regression is bad then you do not know what it is. it is also not pedophilic in nature, it is often about comfort and often is a trauma or anxiety response. Please research and talk to real people before assuming something is bad just cuz it sounds weird. Begone

mspec lesbians are cool. “contradictory” labels are cool. my (real physical person) boyfriend is every letter of the queer alphabet and every person who hates a contradictory label will face our combined wrath. Begone

medicalism die begone. scientists do not know everything and often even science itself goes against “medicalist” beliefs. Minds are actually super crazy and weird and science understands this. If you are happier, or more at peace, and more able to understand and work with yourself because of a label and the support that comes with it then it is a good one.

^ includes “not supporting” endogenic systems by the way. Begone

creating headmates is fine (i think most of my headmates were accidentally created) but tulpa terminology is based upon a pretty heavy series of cultural appropriations of Buddhism (have you ever heard of “chakras are connected to your organs”? yeah. thats not true. thats a western idea that comes from the kinda colonial concept that we can force an eastern religion into the originally western conception of science as almighty truth that everything must tie to to be considered real by anybody, and the idea of tulpas are mainly from this version of buddhism). Asian religions and cultural practices are already a really big target for western cultural appropriation, maybe we shouldn’t add to that, okay? i mean i wont tell you to go away like i have for the others here. and i actually wont tell you that its absolutely not okay because this is a pretty complex little cranny of reality. but i do ask you to perhaps be a little more conscious of how this stuff all connects

it is okay to be wrong

bangalangadooda

#intro post #content warning

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dark-elf-writes · 1 year

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I don't know if you have ever talked about this before but do you headcanon Hizashi as having ADHD? because they really do seem like they need ALL THE STIMULATION. What with the three jobs and all.

Oh absolutely. I see a lot of myself in Hizashi which happens to include the ADHD. Tbh probably not even diagnosed until high school because no one… cared as long as they kept their head down.

Young Hizashi who was labeled a motor mouth because they didn’t know when to stop talking. Young Hizashi who was always in trouble because they could never focus. Young Hizashi whose grades weren’t the best because they kept misplacing of forgetting to do their homework but they aced every test. Young Hizashi who was constantly in trouble for tapping or clicking or swaying, forced to stand against a wall during recess and watch the other kids get to vent their energy in the way they never could. Young Hizashi with a book open next to their notes, reading as they write or else they won’t take in the information at all. Young Hizashi in tears as they try to explain that they can’t just listen and sit still but since they aren’t destructive and can hyper focus for hours no one listens.

Teenage Hizashi who turns to other places for stimulation: energy drinks that don’t make them any less tired but do make their blood feel sparkly, music so loud they can feel it behind their eyes, lighters and butterfly knifes kissing their knuckles and leaving little marks behind as they try to master tricks after only seeing one video. Teenage Hizashi who has class down to a science, personal reading book swapped with a second notebook with lyrics and peons and whatever else scrawled in a mad mash of languages so no teacher could say for certain that they weren’t paying attention. A thousand reminders set for every deadline, knowing full well they would finish it in the early hours of the morning on the day it was due no matter how many alarms they set. Teenaged Hizashi with black painted nails always chipped and the skin around them red and raw from keeping themself from moving and disturbing others.

Teenaged Hizashi who stands before a rat, forcing themself to sit still, as he talks about the one thing they have known was true from childhood but no one believed.

ADHD.

(“You don’t have that.”

“You can’t have that.”

“Stop looking for attention.”

“Just try harder.”

“Lazy.”

“So much potential.”)

Nezu doesn’t say anything like they have heard before and instead folds his paws on the desk between them. “There are many accommodations we can offer to help you learn best, Yamada. It is our job to ensure that you can thrive and that includes finding what works best for you both in education and eventually professionally.”

The cried. Nezu was kind enough not to bring that fact up whenever they reassessed what did and didn’t work for Hizashi’s accommodations.

Adult Hizashi with a laptop open on their lap, a notebook at their side, and phone in hand, doing three tasks at once as they chatter away at whoever was in the teachers lounge. Adult Hizashi who teaches in constant motion wide gestures and pacing and whiteboards on each wall so they aren’t tethered to one spot. Adult Hizashi with no late work policy who accepts assignments at any time whether it be an hour after they handed them out or at the end of term. Adult Hizashi with a desk drawer full of fidgets that they toss to the kids who ask for them with a knowing look. Adult Hizashi who after years of trying finally found someone who understood and promised themself that they would be that for someone else.

#the elf talks #mha #bnha #yamada hizashi #oh #I have a lot of adhd related trauma ig

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autism-unfiltered · 5 months

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Am I being crazy? My online male friend does not believe that I have autism because his friend who he claims acts exactly like I do online got tested and he doesn’t have autism………

But like…….. I suffered and struggled a lot in school making friends and keeping them, excelled academically and had special interests, didn’t realize I was being bullied and riled up, my high school classmates thought I showed signs of autism, my classmates literally asked their special Ed teacher if I had it and she said maybe but I don’t know, I literally have medical records stating it was inconclusive that I have it, my therapist who only knew me for nine months said I show a textbook case, and my psychiatrist believes that I have it as well judging from our interactions for months……… my medical records misdiagnosed me as having speech handicaps when I was and am hyplexic and echoloc and all that like how am I supposed to prove anything but medically that I 99% have autism? I have the genetic component as well since my dad likely also has it…….. wtf am I supposed to do? That’s weird right? It’s not like I had tiktok and was like yeah I’m autistic this was a years thing

You're definitely not being crazy. Your experience and feelings are valid, and it's important to trust your own understanding of yourself, especially when it's supported by medical professionals.

Autism is a complex and highly individualized spectrum disorder. It presents differently in each person, making diagnosis challenging. The fact that you've been identified by a therapist and psychiatrist as likely having autism based on your interactions and symptoms is significant. Moreover, your struggles in social situations, academic performance, and the observations of your classmates all align with common experiences of those on the autism spectrum.

Your medical records indicating an inconclusive diagnosis are not uncommon in such complex cases. Additionally, considering the potential genetic factor – with your father likely having autism – it's important to acknowledge that if you are female, the likelihood of inheriting autism might be lower compared to males due to genetic variations. Furthermore, in families where autism is present, there can be a higher occurrence of comorbid conditions, such as ADHD or anxiety disorders. This means that even if autism is not inherited, other related conditions might be more common in these families.

Regarding your friend's skepticism, it's crucial to understand that no two individuals with autism are the same. Just because someone else shows similar behaviors but doesn't have autism doesn't invalidate your experience or diagnosis. Each person's brain and life experiences are unique, and what holds true for one person may not apply to another.

In terms of what to do, continuing to work with your healthcare providers is key. They can offer the most personalized and professional guidance. Remember, your understanding of your own experiences and feelings is valid, and it's important to prioritize that over the doubts of others, especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 7 months

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2023 Movie Journey #4: All The Bright Places

all the bright places. every time i tried to start writing this review in my head, i hit a wall, because this movie was so good in some ways and then it was just totally ruined for me by how it ended, and i’m still upset about that. like, a man called otto left me feeling freaked out and as though the movie wasn’t for me, but it’s much rarer for a movie to leave me feeling primarily frustration. so if you don’t want to read a rant post, skip this one.

i watched this with @actuallylukedanes on the anniversary of kinnie’s death. we planned in advance to play minecraft dungeons and watch a movie, and i chose this one from the three options off our watchlist that they offered, because while i didn’t know anything about the plot, it seemed less dark than the other two choices and that felt best for a sad day. i mean, the poster gives the vibe of a bittersweet YA romance, like a story where one of the kids has cancer or something...but it also looks happy and i love both elle fanning and justice smith a lot.

it was therefore pretty alarming when the movie opens and we see him stop her from possible suicide. not what i expected! but i loved his character right away, with the way he initially seemed adhd-ish and then later on was giving off major bipolar signals. so i enjoyed watching him try and draw her back into the world. the actors had great chemistry and did good work, and while some of the plot threads (like the school counselor) were predictable and didn’t add much to the story for me, it was moving along as a sweet, complicated teen romance.

spoiler alert for a movie from two years ago...but THEN HE DIES. as we were nearing the end of the film, leander and i were agreeing that things felt very doomlike, as if death was coming for someone as the conflict increased. but i still wasn’t prepared for it, because i loved his character and i just didn’t want that. and obviously i can’t expect movies to do what i want all the time, but in this case what upset me most was how his death changed the whole movie.

after he dies, we see her mourn very briefly, but then the movie ends on a long uplifting monologue and montage where she talks about how he taught her so much, but she didn’t learn to see what he was going through. and as she talks about the lesson he left her with, about finding brightness in dark places (hi movie title) we’re seeing her connect with her family, her best friend, his friends who apparently are also very uplifted immediately after his death, and revisiting places that remind her of him.

mostly, she just looks happy, which befits the super-uplifting and optimistic ending. but i’m still upset about it, like i said, because it created a tone i find totally nonsensical. he ‘saved’ her from the dark place she was in, and she couldn’t do the same for him, but rather than spend too much time dwelling on that and how she was oblivious to his needs/struggle on such a major level and how upsetting that is...the movie pivots as fast as it can to emphasize how much he improved her life as though that’s what we should care about.

basically, while i was watching the movie i thought i was watching a teen romance full of drama because they both had serious emotional issues to work through. but the end of the movie turned it instead into a teen coming of age story in which the main character works through her issues thanks to a damaged boy who wants to help...and then he dies instead of getting to work through his own issues because it turns out he was never as important as her and we shouldn’t have expected him to get the same amount of growth and potential.

the fact that he existed in the story just to help and change her and then also give her more growth by dying was even more unsettling to me given that she’s white and he’s black. as a white viewer, i never know how to interpret dynamics that make me concerned and uncomfortable that way, like maybe i’m missing something and it’s not as gross as it seemed on that level--but it felt that way to me. given all of the above, i didn’t end up liking this one and wouldn’t recommend it. if the moral of the story had seemed less confused in the end, i might have a different take on it.

#all the bright places #2023 movie journey #actuallylukedanes #i have the best best friend #elle fanning #justice smith

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quodekash · 1 year

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um. so.

I noticed this ages ago and promptly forgot about it, but when Win takes off his shirt at the start of episode 6, you can see a mark or bruise of some kind on his shoulder.

and win is always sleeping in class. He was late in episode 6 because he overslept. He wore the wrong uniform, was probably rushing to get ready due to oversleeping. We don’t know much about win’s life at home, apart from the fact that his dad wants him to continue the family car business thing (unless I’m remembering incorrectly but I’m pretty sure it’s something along those lines). his family doesn’t want him to peruse music. That could have detrimental effects on his mental (and therefore also physical) health and well-being. And there’s a bruise on his shoulder…

I’m not at all a professional of any kind in these matters, nor do I have any personal experience in anything like this, so hopefully someone with more knowledge/understanding than me can correct me or agree with me, but it seems a lot like there could be from some kind of ab*sive situation??

Or at least there’s probably some kind of problem with Win’s mental health, cos running late, getting dates mixed up, wearing the wrong uniform, really only having one group of friends that you’ve known for years, constantly starting fights to defend yourself and your friends, being so defensive it’s honestly showing signs of vulnerability/insecurity, “I actually feel like I exist today”, constantly appreciating words of affirmation to a deep level like you’ve rarely ever been told that you’re good enough… it all kind of points to some kind of brain… thingy.

In my eyes, as someone with adhd, I think Win probably also has adhd? The running late and sleeping in class and not really vibing with school (and a whole bunch of other stuff) are very reminiscent of adhd, so that could be why his family potentially doesn’t like him/treat him well

I’m not explaining this well, hang on.

the way I see it, Win is a kid with adhd. He’s never really worked well with school, it doesn’t agree with him. He finds himself constantly running late, always getting distracted, his focus narrows in on this one thing, and suddenly it’s 4am and he needs to go to sleep. So he’s constantly oversleeping, running late for school, and zoning out in class so much that he decides he might as well sleep in class because either way he won’t listen to the lesson so he should catch up on missed sleep while he can. And because of all this, his home hasn’t really felt like a home. His family constantly berates him for things outside of his control, continually yelling and screaming at him for being so unorganised, for being so late, for being so hyperactive. And maybe that anger is brought out into the physical world, is let out onto Win. And not just that, they want him to pursue something he doesn’t enjoy, something that isn’t his passion, and they don’t want him to enjoy the one escape he has, the one place he can go to feel safe and included. He starts masking his symptoms when he’s at home, making him even more exhausted cos masking is so freaking tiring, so whether he sleeps well at night or not, he still needs to nap in class. He spends as much time at the music club as he can, practicing as long as they’ll go, to avoid returning home to the screaming. His friends allow him to be him, they let him release his pent-up emotions, they make him feel a warm happiness he doesn’t experience often. These people stick by his side, day and night. If anyone says anything against them, he takes a stand and speaks up for them, he starts fights because that’s the only thing he knows how to do. During the beach trip, he just seems so… happy. Content. We never see him napping during the day. There’s never a moment where he’s yelling and defending and fighting. He’s friendly and chill and collected and alive. He’s not exhausted from masking, day in and day out, because he doesn’t have to around this group of people. He’s safe, as long as he doesn’t have to be at his house.

As for the inevitable fight… I’m not sure what it’s gonna be about, but Win probably explodes because he’s been having a lot of stuff building up at home that he hasn’t told anyone about, or because a lot happened on that particular day, or something along those lines.

idk if anyone will agree with any of this but it makes a lot of sense in my mind and I think it explains a lot, so I figured I should share it.

#a bit of win introspection #soundwin #winsound #Winny thanawin #satangwinny #winnysatang #msp win #win msp #my school president win #my school president #my school president the series

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mueritos · 2 years

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hmngh. I have therapy today but Im going to bring up what I feel like are my autistic traits to my therapist. Inserting a read more cuz this got long, but if youre autistic, I would really appreciate some input/advice. This is just so long because I desperately am just searching for some sort of validation or anything really, but I guess its also practice to advocate for myself.

She has said in past sessions that if I were autistic i’d be too “high functioning”, but I didnt have the knowledge or words or the introspection then to explain myself better. Ive been reading, taking lots of tests, watching a lot of videos, and reading up on autistic experiences. I relate to quite a bit of it and it has been both validating and equally as confusing. I keep doubting myself at every little thing, like doesn’t everyone feel like this? But i am an introverted possibly autistic person surrounded by friends who are extroverts with adhd, and the differences in our experiences has always been normal to me through the “introvert vs extrovert” perspective. Still, I wore my noise cancelling headphones to a music festival in my home town when out with friends and I felt like it really helped me calm down from the noise and the massive amount of people. Ive been letting myself rock when Im doing things, even if my mom points it out and tells me to stop. Ive been saying no to social gatherings for months now under the guise of “i have work to do”, but really its because I genuinely don’t know how to talk to people when its more than 3 of us in a gathering. I end up getting overwhelmed when people are talking over each other, and its always been worse when they’re drinking. I can handle my extrovert friends sober, but drunk is another story. Suddenly I feel the urge to cover my ears when someone says something a little too loud, I cringe when they speak over each other. I’ve had past experiences of people being excited/loud and I want to cringe from the noise and cover my ears, but I can’t because that would look rude. I don’t express myself the same way as others, and I am constantly confused by questions like “are you excited for __?” or “are you sad to be leaving ___?” No? I’m not, I genuinely don’t know what excitement feels like. I like when things have a start and an end, and I will never feel sad for something to end. I’ve stumped my friends and family when I told them I didn’t feel anything toward studying abroad, toward university, etc and etc. Sure I can feel momentary excitement and happiness, but it’s always been internal. I stress when I receive gifts because I worry I don’t look happy enough.

Like...it’s not normal for people to become irrationally angry or agitated when people burst into my room while Im drawing, right? It breaks my focus, and it’s so frustrating because now I can’t go back to what I was doing. I get irrationally angry when people express their happiness or excitement, because I don’t understand it. It confuses me, like why can’t you keep that inside like me? The last time I expressed true happiness was when I saw an email for a potential client, and I stared shaking my hands. It felt so good, but I would never do that in front of other people. “I’m excited” isn’t even part of my vocabulary is what I say often, but it’s true. It doesnt make sense to me to let everyone in the room know how im feeling. My emotions are very stagnant and I often don’t feel what I am actually feeling until theyre at extremes. I struggle with eating on time or if theres no routine. It’s why summer has always been the worst for me, because theres no longer classes or planned breaks for me to follow. I have mental schedules for each day and if they don’t get done or are disrupted, I get really upset because I expected for things to be done. I wasn’t always good at group work, and I had to learn really hard to be a good leader and not take control of everything. Most of my language and body language is based off what I learned from watching TV, and I remember struggling to be understood by others because of that and because of my speech impediment, which I still struggle with now. I remember getting in trouble in school over things that I thought were socially acceptable because I saw them being done in shows, like being “mean” to people. I followed rules very strictly and other kids found me annoying for it because I would snitch on them for it. I only really ever had one close friend up to high school, where thankfully I found a group of people who were just as weird and as queer as I was.

I constantly get asked if I’m okay because I look upset or sad. Apparently my RBF is that strong, because people have even been intimidated by me. I don’t look people in the eye when I am walking around, I kinda just stomp around because I’m faking being confident because I get so anxious by people staring at me. Eye contact has felt invasive for a long time, especially by strangers. I need large amounts of alone time to feel okay. The worst was when I was working 8am to 9pm for a BIPOC/Queer four day program for my campus. That was literal hell. I have never talked to so many people for so long in my life, and I hope I never have to ever again. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal for someone to get so socially exhuasted that you just withdraw completely. I couldn’t fathom speaking after a few hours, getting words out felt literally painful. All I could do when I got home was sleep and do it all over again. If someone tried talking to me when I got home, I was agitated and couldn’t control it. We had to take group photos and I couldn’t even fake a smile; my face muscles hurt and they began twitching. My inability to fake emotions has always been a problem, and Ive had facial twitching from trying to smile in the past during parties and other gatherings. I also feel like I hurt people when I tell them I dont miss them. I don’t think Ive ever felt like Ive missed anyone. I am perfectly fine on my own, and I think my independence makes other people feel like I dont love them. I struggle in romantic relationships because I feel like I dont show affection in a very traditional sense. Light touching feels awful, but when my boyfriends lays on top of me, it’s like I’m at peace and it feels awesome.

idk. I cud go on and on about this but my ignorance toward social situations, my sensory issues that I cant hide anymore, my difficulty with feeling emotions, and I suppose the way my intelligence was always used as a way to ignore all of these issues; it all has been catching up to me. Maybe it was the pandemic. I loved being at home, but the lack of routine made me depressed. I love wearing masks so people dont look at me and I can hide my deadpan face. Idk. Its just been a bit overwhelming lately as I let myself slowly be more in tune with whats happening. I dont know if i want an official diagnosis, but I guess I just want to feel like im not a freak for being different than my peers. Ive always felt behind them

If u read this far pheww thanks but now u know a lot more about my pysche than some of my friends haha. Its just been hard because my friends are starkly different than me, even if they are ND as well.

o well. guess ill figure things out

#muertotalks #asd #we'll see how todays therapy session goes #i was looking at my old middle skool diary and i got kinda sad #i was struggling so hard to fit and i was so depressed #i couldnt understand why my mind hated me and why it was so hard to be in school #sure i was feeling gender dysphoria without knowing it #but so much of what i reread sounded like...autistic burnout...#idk #we'll see #ive always been the weird kid #boutta add another weird warrior cat kid to the autistic ranks

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fluffy-critter · 1 month

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#crosspost #busybee

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jade-everstone · 4 months

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Art Goals for 2024

This post is a mirror of a post on my website (here)

It’s a few days into the new year. While the feelings of uncertainty from 2023 still lingers, I set myself a handful of goals going forward to give myself some sense of direction, 8 in fact, though I’ll mostly be focusing on my art-related goals here.

Technical improvement isn’t a major focus this year (I mean, I just did 4+ years of that lol). I think it’s time to focus on more external factors of art, like gaining some stability, pouring more focus into doing it part-time while maintaining the personal side. As well as strengthening skills not directly related to illustration. It’s something that’s fell to the wayside until senior year of college, and now that I’m out of school I think at least for this year I can let these factors overtake direct art improvement.

Finish PC-Mania!

My short webseries! This was launched as part of my senior thesis, but has had multiple hiccups in terms of production. This year I want to smooth out those bumps & be able to wrap it up by the end of this year. The reason I say by the end of this year? My drafts are roughly 40 pages, and even with my other plans for this year I’ll have more time on my hands to focus on comics. So I’m pretty confident I can wrap it up regardless of how it happens.

Launch Support Streams related to my art

This one was inevitable. Even if it’s a goal of part time vs. full time, I want to be able to do art as a career. Meaning I have to have some form of income to be able to continue doing it comfortably. This one will need time to sort-out though since there are hurtles; Notably my overall lack of reach, as well as inflation times.

Lack of reach is likely due to struggling with consistent posting (even reposts & WIPs slip by me), not wanting to completely bend my practices to algorithms, and migrating between platforms. So that one may be harder to sort-out while keeping it fair to my self & my limits. Inflation is tricky. Art is a luxury afterall, and when the cost of living has skyrocketed across the board I don’t blame people for choosing food and rent over art. I’m likely going to keep it to one-time payments & tip jars indefinitely since I don’t want to launch subscriptions in a time where people looking to cancel them to make ends meet. Plus, with my issues with consistent posting, I’m not in a position to be doing subscription-based works & would also like to better sort out my boundaries before even considering (ie: I don’t want anything that could potentially lead to people feeling entitled to my attention).

I still want to try pushing for commissions & freelance, even with a lack of success over the past few years. Though I also want to look more into online shops & tabling since last year, all of the money I made from art was from IRL sales. So it’s a matter finding those events that are original-art & zine friendly (I’m uninterested in monetizing fanart beyond commissions. Fanart to me = Personal art & I’d like to keep it that way). As well as researching more into online shops as a means to get things out there outside of the convention space.

Better-establish OC Lore & Worlds

This one is likely gonna be harder than it sounds. Because on one hand I am excited about these project, but I’ve always struggled with getting ideas-to-paper. While I don’t want to claim much since I don’t have an official diagnosis as of writing, I’m very sure I have ADHD meaning getting down schedules, and getting projects done before I jump to another interest has been a long-term struggle. It’s part of what hampered PC-Mania & reach, and hampers my ability to put more info about the projects I’m working on & are excited about (hell last year, I think I ended up drawing Io way more than art for said projects…).

I don’t know if there’s any “ADHD-friendly guides to maintaining projects before you forget them” out there (I’d argue most project guides & tips I’ve seen don’t consider it), so I’m pretty sure I’m on my own in this department. Currently I’m thinking about leveraging my website for this since it’s meant to be a work archive as is, and even if progress is inconsistent it’ll at least give me a central hub to link back to.

If you are curious, the main one I want to establish is Doverhill! It’s where a PC-Mania takes place for reference, and it’s set in modern times in the fictional town of Doverhill MA. Perfectly normal, except for the occasional paranormal encounter. The main cast that has to deal with them are a group of friends & neighbors who live in an apartment complex together. Story-wise it’s an episodic comedy about the sheer absurdity that is life. Even if it’s not a hard world-building project, it deserves a central hub to link back to.

The other one I’m debating on is Fang and Iron, a dark-sci-fantasy world building project about demon-hunting androids. But I think it needs more time in the oven, and I don’t plan on making it a main focus for a long time.

Learn Blender for making assets & Blocking

I’ve thought about the other skills I’d like to strengthen & learn for future projects, notably writing skills, drawing mecha, desktop publishing software, and 3D. But I picked learning 3D, since I feel like this one will have a ton of versatility in terms of making references for myself. If you’re wondering using 3D assets for references is extremely common, especially within the world of comics where you need to re-draw backgrounds and props. So having knowledge on how to block out scenes in blender will help massively in the long run, especially when my schedule starts filling up again.

(now I just need to finish that donut)

Shorter Comic Project?

I’m considering this one optional, but if I can squeeze in another smaller 8-16pg comic or zine along the lines of 9:15 Slushie I’d like to. I have an Idea I want to do for it (an idea that existed before 9:15 slushie did!) so the next step is carving out time to make it happen

Those are my main art goals of 2024. For the other 3 main resolutions of mine, I’ll list a short summary of those instead:

Get a job alongside art (I’ll need it. Bills be upon me + even with help from family members, I’d like to transition into being self-sustaining & be able to front the costs for my supplies & projects going forward)

Get my Drivers License (Also needed, especially if I want to continue tabling & other hobbies, and for getting to whatever job I end up at)

Get better at IIDX (and by extension BMS) so I can say I suck at normal 7’s vs normal 4’s lol (my only “hobby” goal of this year. I’ve wanted to get into IIDX for a long time too, so since I’m planning on getting my license & income anyways, I’ll see if I can squeeze this one in)

#rambles #2024 #art goals #new years resolution

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