#don’t want to feel wish I was high ...

[amaliatheartist]

What is there between us, if not a little annihilation?

#amalia's art #fall out boy #art #artists on tumblr #happy (early) one year to so much (for) stardust!!! #I ​made this early cause I had some free time this weekend and I needed to make a collage because the last couple of days weren’t great #I now feel normal again 👍 #the new schedule will take some getting used to tho #this line makes me think of a lot of people in my life #people who I wish I talked to more often and that I wasn’t so hesitant to approach cause I don’t want to bother them #I put a couple references to other fob albums I really like #blue clock for infinity on high #red pocket watch for folie à deux #purple overlap is a reference to mania #fanart #baby annihilation #so much (for) stardust #so much for stardust #smfs #smfs era #fob #fob lyrics #fob fanart #fobcreators #fall out boy fanart #collage #collage art #analog collage

[no1ryomafan]

I have said this before but me being self proclaimed number 1 Ryoma fan and that being possibly literal-bc even if this bro had fans before me I might’ve simply done the most for him by talking about him so much + being the first to write fics that are in depth studies on his trauma across canons-I gotta say if there’s one other character I rotate a lot that isn’t him it’s probably Kei. (Shocking it’s not Hayato even if I do think about him too- but it’s usually associated with Ryoma bc gays 🗿)

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Kei would be my favorite and only isn’t because she doesn’t exist in many other canons yet my brain rotates the endless possibilities of how to incorporate her. I’ve already written a fic where she’s in shin vs neo verse which worked surprisingly well but I’ve been thinking how universally she could appear in other things. (Whether it be fitting her into a idea of a possible Go team in New or just a new canon completely) I think what I’ve narrow it down to is that she could be like- in Michirus role? Like she’s the supporting female who isn’t a pilot but helps out the real occasionally which I think would align very well especially with the original manga role she has of being Hayato’s assistant. And even if Hayato isn’t grandpa mode yet he still very much is in Saotomes position at that point. Not sure if she’d Hayato’s biological kid to further parallel Saotome and Michiru given well Hayato already adopts the Go team and his wife is irrelevant LOL.

I have no idea if I’ll ever write this specific idea but I’m still- rotating it cause this is such a easy way to get around “picking between Sho or Kei as the 2nd pilot” since both of them can still exist even if one doesn’t get to pilot, idm my supporting females. (Granted there could always be like- plot line where Sho gets hurt so Kei is temporary pilot but I can’t remember if Getter ever really did this since “once your hurt your ass is basically replaced” lol)

#meg text #getter robo #au rambles #I think I rotate her so much because my friend and I talked about her relationship with Go #like it makes so much sense if among all the universal constants in getter one would be Kei is important to Go #granted the shift from “she’s my love interest” to “she’s my sister” will never not be so fucking drastic 💀 #also I get why in SVN she wasn’t there for time and idk where you’d fit her but man Kei deserves a more significant role #hence why I imagine her in Michirus role because even if she also had it ROUGH some iterations knew how to use her #also Kei already has a established relationship w gai mainly thanks to arma so- Sho deserves to speak with her too #they can be besties who rat out on the boys but still have high respect for hayato #granted I know the real reason why this hasn’t happened is because Kei is a minor character and “no proper go manga adaptation??” #at this point I don’t expect a anime but it be nice if Go team got used in a spin off bc we had a good run of OG team #I’d also want them to use arc in spin offs too but I understand their more- finicky characters to use #given their main thing is their actual descendants of existing characters and one of them is our first boyo (ryoma) #if you took out the bloodline stuff it make them feel redundant because you can just use go team for that #also honestly despite how mixed arc anime is for everyone they really don’t need to be in anything after this #other then wishing they get something with nicer animation but that’s what’s SRW is for #(also back to Kei I’m a bit upset she did not get a cameo in arc even if she’d probably look horrendous it was just salt in the wound) #(GAI LITERALLY SAIDS WHEN HE DIES IN THE MANGA HE SEES KEI WHERE WAS SHE WITH ALL THE GETTER GHOSTS?) #actually Michiru wasn’t there too so it was probably just woman erasure /hj

[asteriskemily]

Monster High x Batman Prompt #1:

(Because why the heck not)

Rochelle Goyle is visiting Gotham because it’s like the spot for gargoyles.

She’s doing her best to stick to the edges of roof tops and stay away from normies, but she just happens to see the Fashion Disaster that is Dick Grayson and… no, that simply won’t do. He may be normie but that boy needs a serious makeover.

Rochelle asks around with some local gargoyles and turns out they basically all know this guy. She learns that this guy has lived in Gotham since he was nine and has spent his whole life in this city running across rooftops and actually talking to the gargoyles.

No one’s ever been brave enough to talk back, but by all accounts he sounds like a great guy. And maybe no one thought it was worth it to reveal the existence of monsters to some guy just so they could give him advice on how to bond with his younger siblings or whatever else he talks to them about, but Rochelle can’t unsee the outfit that guy was wearing. She’s literally gonna have nightmares about it!

That night she settles down to perch on the same roof as her cousin Garfield who insists that this guy will definitely stop there. And sure enough he does.

When Dick grapples to the roof with his favorite Gargoyle, (he calls him Garfield, or Gar for short… as in Gar Goyle, get it? Yeah, Jason punched him when he told him that one.) he greets Gar, and then immediately notices a new statue perched on the edge. He starts to think up a name for this gargoyle (maybe Rachel? No, she needs something fancier than that. She’s reminds him of some gargoyles he’d seen in Paris when traveling with the circus, so maybe something French?) when she stands up and starts talking to him. He nearly falls off the roof.

#cringe culture is dead batman x monster high #I really like the idea that the bats can all just look at a gargoyle and know what their name is #I also think Gotham has a super big underground monster population #most of them assume the bats are also monsters but don’t want to bother them while they’re working #now in my head this is a dick/rochelle story #because I’m crazy #but please feel free to interpret how you wish #monster high #monster high rochelle #rochelle goyle #monster high dolls #batman #dc comics #dc batman #batfam #dick grayson #nightwing #dc crossover #I truly believe dc can crossover with anything #I’m soon to debut my dc x Dora the explorer au

[designernishiki]

yeah I wish I could feel that excited for the kiwami movie adaptation but. if youve been following me a while you’d know that I kind of hate kiwami 1’s story so shzhdjshdjcj yahoo

#plus it’s super overdone but I’m not the first to say that #the plot of yakuza 1 is just fucking awful dude it’s just Bad #and I don’t want to see it for the 2000th time let alone with whatever alterations/additions they make for this adaptation #they’d have to do a Lot different than both the original and the other adaptations for me to be excited over it ngl dhchdhfb…. #the og rgg movie is an exception and will not be counted. the plot of that movie made zero sense but it was so entertaining and I prefer #nonsense over The Worst Love Triangle In History #and just #everything about the ending #and just. god there’s so much I hate about the plot of yakuza 1/kiwami 1 #majima and nishiki’s flashbacks and haruka are the only things that make it not totally horrible #everything about majima in kiwami 1 is fantastic generally (except that one scene where kiryu leaves him to Die but you know. that’s not #his fault) #sorry I’ve rambled about my distaste for y1/kiwami 1 many times I don’t need to do it again hehfhdjjcf point is. I really wish I could feel #hype for this. but. all it does is fill me with dread #and anxiety #despite not having high hopes at all #somehow #rambling

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[foursaints]

OMG okay but that remus lives in my mind rent free, he's so *explodes* got me twirling my hair, kicking my feet, giggling and shit, i am one with sirius in that one fr

screaming about the fact ur reading it, share ur emotions once u finish it (if u wanna ofc) this is so perfect

the way the singular “hi baby” made me GASP… BLUSHING!!.. clutching my pearls and everything…. their remus is just so beautifully DADLY like i knowww he is buying rutabaga and kale chips at his local farmers market!! i know he’s putting on reading glasses to squint at his phone. and i love that for him. they built the flirting up so well tbh it’s gripping

#a #i do feel the need to be like 😭 I DONT CONDONE THIS because it is true and the age stuff does make me uncomfy #but listen i was the high schooler who used to dress slutty and strategically smoke where the teacher i had a crush on could see #which in retrospect is SO EMBARRASSING. but nevertheless this fic is taking me back #i guess i wish the author was more upfront/clear about being like. this is fiction and this dynamic could never ever ever be healthy #or even nonabusive. in real life. but i don’t blame them at all i just want to emphasize those warnings if i talk about it >_<

[plastic-flowerx]

thinking abt fatness and health a lot lately

#I’ve been having a lot of symptoms lately and it’s so hard to not just assume they must be bc I’m fat #and that weight loss is the answer to all my problems #I rly want to get more active #but I honestly like being fat #I think fat bodies are beautiful #and I like mine #but it’s frustrating bc all of my symtpms are things that people say are due to fatness #like shortness of breath #high BP #headaches #chronic fatigue #so it’s hard for the devils advocate voice in mt head not to be like #but what if your body is the cause of all your health problems #it’s hard #I don’t want to change the way my body looks #but I want these symptoms to go away #I wish I didn’t hold so much shame around fatness and the symptoms I have that are often associated with it #I feel so embarrased catching my breath in front of people #bleh

[floral-hex]

Haven’t been sleeping well because, and this is the stupidest reason, I’m so full of damnable longing. All I do is yearn and pine and want.

#I hate it! #I just want to fall in love! #not long distance. not through an app. I want to meet someone and be awkward and flirt and be messy and work for it. #I’m 35 now and I feel like I’m too old for that #which yeah I know sounds ridiculous. life goes on. I’ve got time. blah blah blah. #but I do wish I’d done the standard meeting and falling for someone in school and marrying young and having kids #all that milquetoast basic stuff #BUT IT’S NOT BASIC! I want that! I want that security and young love that just grows and grows! #can you imagine building that kind of connection with someone? #I know there’s plenty of valid criticisms towards marrying your high school sweetheart but come on… lemme dream a little #I don’t want to fill out applications online and trawl dating sites for someone! #I want the friends to awkward more than friends to maybe more to yes! please why did we wait I know you. I’ve known you. I accept you. #I want someone to know me and want me for who I am #aaaaaaaaaa I’m fucking foaming at the mouth #I can’t stop thinking about it and it makes my chest ache so much #and I feel like I’m too old for that! I have no social life! I’m not in school around other people! how could this even happen for me? #stupid! #😮‍💨… okay… calm down Ian… it’s cool. we’re cool. #I don’t want to sleep. I just want to lay in bed and imagine being in love all night. #gross. gross gross gross. #you can ignore this #goodbye forever #text

[titsthedamnseason]

now listen this might be wrong to say as a fan but i need taylor swift to get less popular before the next era. we need to find a way to weed out these trend followers

#to clarify i’ve NEVER been a hater of ‘new swifties’ the way some people are #like as a fan i WANT to see her getting more support and from the fan perspective i love the feeling of finding a new obsession #so in theory it should be a win win for everybody #but these people are all FAKE. like i’m not even really worried about them sticking around because i KNOW they won’t #which is sad on a different note because we know how much taylor cares about numbers measuring her success #and when these people leave her in the dust as they surely will there’s just no way the demand for her is going to stay this high #it’s like how she thought lover was her last chance to remain successful in beating her previous numbers #but like that actually might be true this time #please don’t send me hate. i hope this isn’t true and in the same breath i wish taylor didn’t put so much pressure on herself in this regard #but i do think the majority of this new fans are fair whether friends that are just piggy backing off the hype #so i cant imagine these numbers staying consistent for years and years #but then again she’ll be gaining new fans that are TRUE along the way so hopefully i’m not right #but still hopefully i’m a little right so getting tickets to next tour is nothing and i mean NOTHING like this

[michi-chelle]

“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard

#if only this song came out like 6 years ago lol #i’m also nearing the end of season 2 of my free! rewatch and gosh haru’s conflict hits closer to home than ever #and idk if i’m just getting more emotional lately but makoto and haru’s fight in ep 11 deadass made me tear up #when will i stop relating to teenagers real or fictional lmao #part of me wishes i was still a teenager just because being a teenager would explain my sense of purposelessness in everything i do #like taking things one day at a time with a blurry future on a road leading to nowhere #but others having high expectations from you and being sad seeing you so lost #but you just don’t want to let go of what you have now #you don’t want to box your passions in what other people want from you #and going back to the lyrics of the song #you feel like there’s not much you can offer anymore ‘cause you were a ‘gifted’ kid and now you’re just an ordinary person #whose gone complacent to the disappointment of everyone who wants to see you succeed but you feel you don’t have it in you #so again you’re just floating through life trying to enjoy the blessings each day brings again with no clear goal #anyway idk what i’m writing #at the same time i’m glad i’m not a teenager anymore ‘cause that shit sucked #but being a grown adult sucks ass too #i know there doesn’t need to be any purpose in life but #i feel like things’ll be easier if i did have a dream #guess i need a best friend to take me to another country or something to inspire me or something #in other words i’m about to watch one of my fave free eps where rin and haru go to australia #anyway i’m rambling #michi yaps

[j-esbian]

i know it’s a common millennial gripe that kids are coerced into picking their life trajectory so young, that a lot of people pick college because they feel that it’s What You’re Supposed to Do, rather than what’s right for them, but like. despite all of that, i really thought i was different

#it’s like. i had a Situation so i was like ‘no college is totally my choice’ but even then #really not a lot of thought went into it #not that i regret it but i just wish kids had access to different kinds of guidance #honestly very little info about anything beyond ‘which college will you go to’ #assumed that you already know what you want to study #my high school was pretty focused on. either you’re gonna study the humanities or you’re going into healthcare #i know i have these moods every few months where i entertain ways my life could be different #lately i’ve been thinking. i barely even know what engineering as a profession MEANS #i like to make things. i’m not opposed to math. i just never even considered it as an option #because i liked to read as a kid and that’s what all the english majors said #i’m just. tired. and i feel so bad realizing the fact that #multiple generations say the same thing. and yet nothing changes. because kids still feel like #they need to get their life planned out at 18 #i don’t know a good way to get through. because kids always feel like ‘rip to you but i’m different’ #and maybe they are!! but we need better education and guidance imo #idk. i just feel completely lost still scrambling for a path to not feel like a failure #and i have no idea what that means because i’ve already exhausted the option i’m familiar with #catch me. a grown adult. going to a career fair for high schoolers just to scope it out #the good thing is i could probably pass for 17 #mine

[coldvampire]

ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh #got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation #I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff #my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up #idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :( #wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment #so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference #which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes #idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ? #I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately #doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows #weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one #knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level #sucks. not much else to describe it as. #idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions #it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all #and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter?? #idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything #bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with #weird feeling. very weird feeling. #logging back off now dhjfkf

[seventh-district]

IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY IT’S FISH DAY

#Seven.txt #fish stuff #vibrating with excitement #and also nervous energy and sleep deprivation but it’s fine cause ITS FISH DAY BABEY #i’m sitting outside waiting on them and i /had/ another package with snails coming today as well #and i was typing up a post like ‘let’s see which one gets here first. the snails or the fish?’ #cause they’re coming from two different carriers y’know #but the snails literally got here while i was typing that post so uh. the snails won the race lmao #anyways i am exhausted and anxious out of my mind cause the stakes are pretty high with these fish #and i’ve averaged about 4hrs of sleep this week #and you’d know how bad that is if u knew that my depressed ass can easily sleep for 12-16 hrs if i’m allowed to #not that that’s good either but. 4hrs is NOT enough for me friends #i am. running on pure distilled nervous energy rn #but i’m still excited don’t get me wrong. i just hope everything goes well and they aren’t too stressed or beat up from the shipping #wish me well that i don’t fuck things up!!! #i have like. a number of years of experience to fall back on but i am still always learning and i’m nervous every time i get new fish #anyways. the guilt of all the messages and comments i’ve gotten lately that i haven’t replied to is eating me alive :) #and it makes me feel bad for posting things on my socials whenever i have any un-replied to messages #cause i don’t want people to think i’m ignoring them!!! i’m just so busy rn!!! and it’s less effort to type out a lil post like this #versus sitting down and thinking of the good genuine thoughtful responses that i wanna give to people #especially when i like. can’t think straight rn. about anything other than keeping these fish alive #so. that will be my full day today but once things calm down and everyone’s hopefully settled in tomorrow #i can finally start working on replying to everything #okay enough rambling. back to staring at the fields and waiting #at least the weather’s nice. and i’m sitting in the golf cart so i’m in the shade #which is good cause i’m wearing a hoodie over a shirt and long pants #and i’ve got a coffee and music playing. now if i could just chill out everything would be great #but knowing myself I Will Not

[bo0zey]

i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with

#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl #ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they #everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for. #i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous #all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me #’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right #i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love #i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life #ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death #after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away #all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light #i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away #it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think #it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen #then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again #opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier #i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent #i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying. #there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel #i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess #can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence #ramblings

[mostlymaudlin]

Ohhhhhhthe unwellness of it all. The brrrraiiiin. It is so funny.

#it’s that time again #the good thing abt tbe meds is that this happens less often #the bad thing abt the meds is that it’s less fun #like… what i wld give to experience euphoric highs instead of anxious ones LOL. I mean ideally neither #but this is NOT the vibe ….. #WISH I WOULD JUST GO TO BED #i have been being ridiculous for like three days now 🫠 #wait more tags — I feel like it’s some kind of war where I’m like feeling it but maybe I have more control to pull back or something and it #makes me anxious that I don’t want to and also anxious abt potential consequences #does any of this make sense? no #that’s okay

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Do you ever listen to someone speak and marvel at how smooth, free-flowing, and free of pauses it is?

Because I sure do. I can’t do that.

Maybe that’s why I feel like most people’s speech is insincere even when it isn’t… because it sounds like how I would recite or read a script. That explains why I view people who aren’t native English speakers, have a heavy accent, and take long pauses to think of the words they need to say as being more trustworthy… because my cadence is similar to theirs; and we both stumble over words.

#I feel like that little kid “If you ever had a dream where— you want— you wish— if you could— you want….” #I’m not that bad; but I come very close to sounding like that sometimes LOL #I feel like I spoke more smoothly as a little kid… #but that’s probably because my verbal communication is almost at the same level it was at when I was eight years old #Like those people who have a growth spurt but end up being on the short side as adults because they stop growing immediately after #I figuratively shot up to 5’0” in third grade and never grew past that point #(with regard to clarity and flow specifically; not vocabulary… my vocabulary has definitely grown a LOT #but that’s only because I get sick of writing or talking in the same way for longer than a year… which is why I currently sound #like a pretentious 20th century englishman whenever I write fiction) #I have no “real” vernacular because I don’t feel comfortable with having a personal vernacular… #because using the same patterns of words over and over again for the same situations counts as para-scripting and feels fake #(to me) #sometimes I hear someone use a new word I’ve never heard in conversation; and I say “Cool! I’ll use that word myself.” But I later realize #it’s not just a fun one-time usage of a word; but it’s a catchphrase they say all the time and forsake any common synonyms of the word #— I assume — solely for the purpose of sounding smart to others (their behavior usually justifies my assumption; because these people #act like they’re better than everyone else) #And sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing; and I switch to a different word or format than I’ve been using; out of nothing #but embarrassment and twisted perfectionism #Or sometimes I come off the high of using lofty words and want to speak in a more commonplace way #and after awhile of that I start thinking “Wait a minute wait a minute…. Now I’m just trying to sound cool and normal. #This isn’t how I talk.” #But the truth is I really feel spoken language is an insufficient medium for communication. #I want a language in which the speakers pry open each others’ chests #rip out each others’ hearts; and rub them together #But at the same time it kills me that I cannot do the same amount of tonal shapeshifting when speaking #especially when my default (socially-acceptable) speaking voice sounds extremely airheaded #I’ve been trying to use larger words and more archaic sentence structures in speech lately and it feels good #but also like I’m trying to show off (even though I’m not and that’s just how I’d prefer to speak) #even then… all my speech patterns are copied from somewhere #It’s been a years-long identity crisis and I want it to end