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spicerackofblorbos · 2 months

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Chapter 3: January

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! I'm so proud of myself for getting this out before the end of January hehe. I hope you enjoy!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.5k

January, you thought, had to be one of the most depressing months out of the twelve. It’s cold, dreary, and full of post-holiday blues. The gloom that came with those blues was only intensified by the immediate and prominent holiday of “Remembrance Day”, a cultural holiday created to celebrate and mourn those who have long passed.

‘I don’t know why we can’t just stay home and celebrate privately like we usually do. It might be crowded.’ You sign outwardly to your sister as she drives, making sure to go slow so she can see through intermittent glances. You stare out ahead as the snowy landscape zooms past. The late afternoon sun glints off the fresh snow, blinding you as the light refracts off the crystals.

When you were younger, this annual holiday was something you used to ignore. Even at a young age, you were aware of the situation you were forced into. You lost everything and then were thrust right into the foster care system, tossed in with families who didn’t want you. You had to do it all alone and because of that, you never learned how to grieve properly. It wasn’t until Hange’s family, your family, took you in that you were taught how to deal with your past and the residual effects that came with it.

Hange tuts at you as they turn a sharp corner.

“Hey, you’re the one who said you’d be okay with it this year. And besides, maybe this town is full of early morning mourners. The temple could be all ours.” They speculate aloud, wiggling their eyebrows at you. It just prompts a signature eyeroll, and you stare back out the window. The residential homes turn into office buildings as the two of you make it closer to the designated temple in town. It’s not much longer until they turn down a gravel road, pebbles and snow crunching under the heavy wheels.

Busy is an understatement. Due to the small nature of the town, only one temple exists, and it sits in the middle of the local cemetery. When your sister pulls into a dirt parking lot, you notice the multitude of cars already vacant of people who are milling around the grounds. A bubble of anxiety threatens to rise in you, but you swallow it down. You and Hange step out of the car and are met with a brisk wind; It makes all the air in your lungs escape from shock. When you take deep breaths to calm your heart down, puffs of hot steam billow out from your mouth. Hange locks the car behind them and turns to you with their hand out.

“Well, c’mon, my little berry. Those votives aren’t going to light themselves.”

You take her hand without hesitation and you both set forth up the hill. You are at a loss for words because of how stunning your surroundings are. Leafless trees remain stoic and strong under a layer of snow. They pepper around the ample lot, giving off shadows of tree branches everywhere. Up a dirt path rests a sizable temple with a dark blue exterior and a wrapping porch around the building that offer various access points to the inside. On the edges of the dirt path lie smaller stone paths leading to rows and columns of personal gravesites for the residents of Jinae. The winter sun beams down between fluffy clouds, warming up the air as the day goes on. It was melancholic in a way that fit the day of Remembrance perfectly.

Fortunately for you, most of the crowd was at their family stones, so the trek up to the temple took little to no time at all. This is where the designated altar is set for those who wish to pay their respects but had no tombstone to do so at. It’s the first time since your teen years that you've prayed outside of your home. When the Zoë’s took you in, they explained many of the traditions to you that you were in the dark about due to your lackluster upbringing. Remembrance Day was one of those and on paper it sounded great, until they took you out to the temple the following January and you had flipped out from the candles. You were a little better about it nowadays, but you requested shrines at home with electronic votives from then on.

After stepping through the open doorway, you note only a handful of people lingering at the altar, lighting green candles and bowing their heads in prayer. You avert your gaze quickly from the bright flames, looking anywhere else. It was relatively quiet, bar for a few whispers here and there. You and Hange step in line behind an older couple, who are now turning towards you to leave. Tears streak down their faces as they head in the direction of the doors behind you. You bow to them in respect, as they do to you in return. The two of you step up onto the ledge and Hange takes the match sticks from the table. She gingerly holds out a stick for you to take as she regards you carefully.

“Did you want to try it this year?” They grab your hand with theirs, looking into your eyes closely.

You take a deep breath and raise your hand as if to take it, but it falters. Something sears in the back of your mind. Letting your hand flop to the side, you shake your head and sigh heavily. She just gives you a soft smile and squeezes your hand in reassurance.

“That’s okay, Love. I’ll take care of it for you. Just close your eyes and think of them.”

So, you do and reminisce about your lost family. There were so many memories you were still unable to recover from all those years ago. So, you opt to think of your parents' soft smiles and gentle hugs. Of an older brother that you think had a mischievous grin. You focus on the overall warmth you associated with them, feeling that warmth curl into your toes. You hear your sister strike the match and then she blows it out just as quickly. You were never saddened by these thoughts, even in your younger years. Hange often wondered if this was due to a detachment of your own making. You open your eyes after a moment and flinch back from the sight of the votive right in front you, flames flickering.

“Let’s get going.” Hange hadn’t let go of your hand this whole time and she uses that to pull you away quickly out of the side door. Even though it’s cold, you feel miles better outside and you let loose a breath as if you had held it in the whole time. You wonder when you’ll be able to withstand being so close to fire again; you think maybe you never will. A sudden flash of black hair whipping around the corner of the temple catches your eye and you whip your head around to stare at the now empty space.

“Is something wrong?” Hange squeezes your hand again, and you turn back to look at them to shake your head ‘no’. Some part of you hope it was him. You haven’t seen Levi since the whole debacle at the gala last month. He never made any attempt to reach out to you. Truthfully, you didn’t expect that from him anyways, but it irritated you to no end at the time. Your sister had pushed you to go to the café at least once to just say ‘hi’ because they could see how much it bothered you, however you refused to budge.

“Then let’s go sight-seeing. I want to see how the people of Jinae celebrate their loved ones before heading out.” The two of you head back down the hill, the cold wind biting at your nose. At some point, Hange turns down a nearly empty path. The stones ahead were covered with a wide assortment of flowers in various colors. People had also put offerings of their loved one's favorite foods out at the base of the stones. It makes you smile at how loved these people are even past their time.

Hange leads you around for half an hour, taking in the sights of the different offerings and gifts laid about. She points and grins as she mumbles things to you, but you’re not really paying her ramblings any mind. You find that nodding in response was enough to get them to turn back around and jaunt off somewhere else. Another fifteen minutes later, and their rumbling stomach is so loud you can’t help but laugh. You now realize why she’s staring so heavily at a plate of cold dumplings left on a headstone. You reach for her shirt and tug on it to get her attention.

“What’s up?” They twirl around on you with worry.

‘Want to go get some dinner?’

“We probably should, shouldn’t we. Sorry, I’ve just been so engrossed in all of these displays!” She points to one right next to you. It’s littered with quite a few child’s drawings taped to the stone. A plate of cookies sat at the base of it with a steaming cup of coffee right next to it. The family must have just been here. When you look back up to meet Hange’s gaze, she’s staring at something behind you with an amused expression.

You turn to see what she’s gawking at, and you spot a familiar raven-haired man. He’s standing next to a not-so-familiar messy blonde-haired man around the same age that is currently kneeling on the ground as he places a plate of something on the stone in front of him. The one standing darts his eyes in your direction and there’s no mistaking it; It’s Levi. Panicking, you whirl your head back around to face Hange and she’s smirking. You attempt to step forward to pass your sister, but she just grips your arm firmly and starts tugging you in Levi’s direction.

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

You try your best to wiggle out of the grip but it’s of no use, she’s latched on to you. After a few more futile attempts, you give up with a huge huff. You don’t even turn around, you just let them drag you along.

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise!” Hange yells out to him as they close the distance, you still in tow.

When they stop abruptly, you almost bump into them. You avert your gaze as far away as possible and turn around slowly. A family of four passes by in silence on the path next to you, a little girl with pigtails flings around a stuffed rabbit as she trots along.

“Tch, I don’t see how this is a surprise, Four-Eyes. The whole town is practically here.” You hear Levi’s gruff voice respond back. It makes your stomach flutter with anxiety, but you’re not sure if it’s a good or bad kind of anxiety. There’s a ringing silence that follows after, but you can’t be brought to look up. That is, until someone clears their throat.

“Uh, hi! I’m Furlan, Levi’s friend! It’s nice to meet you...?” He trails off. The voice is boyish and playful, and very different from the man next to him. You glance up to the source and the dirty-blonde haired man is looking between your sister and you with gray eyes. Not as deep and metallic as Levi’s though, they were much softer and lighter.

“Hi! I’m Hange Zoë, and this is my sister!” She lets go of you to throw her arms around you as she squishes your face with hers. You feel warmth creep through your whole body from embarrassment and it makes you want to run away. “She’s hearing but she’s mute and speaks through sign language mainly. I’ll translate for you for the sake of brevity, though. Unless you already know it?” Your sister releases you to meet Furlan’s outstretched hand with hers and shakes it vigorously. The man laughs, and it’s a light airy sound.

“I don't unfortunately. But it’s nice to meet you both!” He waves to you with a wide grin, and you give a small wave back. Furlan continues, “I see you know Levi.” You chance a look at Levi and he’s staring straight at you. Your eyes shoot back to his friend.

“Well, ‘know’ is an understatement. He’s not very forthcoming about his life unlike his roommate. Uh, Erwin and I became close after a very unfortunate relationship mishap.” Your sister chuckles at her dark joke.

“Ah! I thought I recognized your name! Erwin mentions you in passing a lot. And, well, that’s Levi for you. I had a hard time getting to know him when we first met.”

“You idiots know I’m here, right? And that’s because you were trying to beat me up, asshole.” Levi’s terse tone cuts in, shooting daggers at his friend. Furlan just laughs again, loudly, and raises his hands in defense. Hange nudges you gently with her elbow and you glare at her, but the look in her eyes makes you nervous.

Winking at you, she grabs her phone and yells, “Oh jeez, hold on a second. Someone from the lab is calling, it must be about last night's reports.” and starts to walk away. You hold on to her hand for dear life with your mouth wide open in protest, but she pulls away with a flourish. “I’ll just be a moment!” And then she’s gone.

You stare down at your empty hand and then back up to the two men in front of you, pressing your lips into a thin line as you clench your jaw. ‘Fuck.’ you think to yourself. Tapping your foot impatiently, you also fold your arms across your chest. You keep your gaze averted from them, but you still feel Levi’s stare aimed directly at you. Finally, Furlan clears his throat again.

“Did you two kill each other’s cats or something? Jeez.” Levi clicks his tongue at the same time as you roll your eyes.

“Sure, if that’s what you want to think.” Levi retorts dryly. A heavy huff escapes your mouth as you fiddle with your jacket sleeve, foot tapping even faster. Another silence. Furlan examines your face closely and looks back at Levi in thought. If you were looking at him, you would have noticed a lightbulb go off in his head.

“Wait wait wait! Is this the girl you were talking about a while back?” That makes your eyes fly to Furlan’s and you can’t keep the shock from filling your face. He talked about me?

Without even waiting for an answer, he states, “So I heard you like colors.” You feel a blush start to seep up into your cheeks and you look away again, shrugging. Levi kicks Furlan in the shins and he doesn’t even react in pain.

“Wow, it’s super nice to meet you then. This guy would not stop talking about you aft-” Levi kicks Furlan in his other shin and it must have hurt this time because he winces.

“Furlan, shut up.” Levi scolds.

“Is that an order?” Furlan smirks as he leans down to rub the now sore spot.

You’re not even listening to their bickering; your mind was going a million miles a minute. Levi had talked about you to other people. Were they good or bad things? And why did he have to mention your issues with picking a favorite color? You chide yourself for being willingly open about such silly things with Levi after just meeting him. You reach for your phone so you can say something but then are cut off by Hange coming up from behind you noisily.

“Sorry about that! What are we talking about?” Hange rests her chin on your shoulder and stares at the two friends.

“It’s nothing, we were just about to go.” Levi replies coolly as he starts to turn away to leave. He must still be mad at you, you think. Irritation itches at your skull again, but something in your heart aches.

“Wait! ‘We’? Where’s Erwin? It’s weird to see you without him, Levi.”

“Oh, he’s currently back at their apartment cooking dinner for us. He came out to show his respects early this morning.” Furlan cuts in before Levi can say anything.

“Sounds great, we’re in.” You stare at your sister in horror before shoving your hands in their face.

‘No, we’re not!’

“Oh uh, I don’t know if Erwin...” Furlan trails off as Hange just chuckles and waves her hand dismissively. Then she pulls out her phone to check something before shoving it right back into her coat pocket.

“Erwin doesn’t mind, he said so.”

‘We are not going!’ You’re practically flinging your hands at her face, but she just gives you her puppy-dog stare.

“But I’m so hungry! And he’s fine with it. Plus, a homecooked meal! It’s so much better than fast food!” Hange whines.

‘I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.’ Her face pouts even more, which you didn’t think was even possible. ‘You’re the worst. Fine!’ You stick your tongue out at her as you stomp your foot for good measure and her whole face lights up in response.

“Well, I’m not fine with it.” Levi shoots back, eyes narrowed at the two of you.

“Oh, c’mon Levi. Miche’s already going and Erwin said it’s fine. The more the merrier.” Furlan grabs Levi’s arm to keep him from leaving. Your sister whips her head to stare at Furlan in surprise.

“Miche’s going?! What the hell, and Erwin didn’t even invite me!?” She yells.

“Tch, fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care. Furlan, we have one more stop, let’s go.” Levi stomps off in the opposite direction, leaving the atmosphere 10 degrees colder.

“We’ll meet you there. We have one more grave to look at but then we’ll be on our way.” Furlan nods to the two of you and gives you a warm smile before darting off after Levi. You exhale a big breath and round on Hange, not even sure what to say. There’s a mischievous glimmer to her eye and you regret leaving the house at all.

When Levi and Furlan are out of earshot, Furlan knocks his shoulders in Levi’s and smirks.

“Isabel would have liked her, don’t you think?”

Levi says nothing back, but he can’t help but agree. It’s been 10 years, but his chest still tightens at the thought of Isabel. He pulls out the bag that had sat tucked into his jacket pocket, holding the slice of vanilla cake he made for his fallen friend.

Erwin and Levi’s apartment is immaculate. Years of cleaning after Hange had given you the confidence to say you were a tidy person. But after seeing their apartment, you felt like an amateur at best. Even the air felt fresh, albeit it was filled with the smells of cooking dishes. Light tones filled the whole room, broken by the occasional pop of color. There was plenty of white as well, so you know Levi had a lot to say when it came to decorating the place.

“Wow Erwin, your place is so clean!” Hange mutters as she pads around the whole living room. Erwin and his friend Miche were both in the kitchen working over separate pots. Miche was a very strange man, much stranger than Levi for sure. The second you stepped into the apartment, he took a huge whiff of you and grunted. Hange and Erwin chuckled and reassured you that it was normal, but you were still freaked out. If Miche had a problem with your smell, he didn’t say so.

“You can thank Levi for that, mostly. He likes to clean.” Erwin calls out. You knew that of course, thinking back to that fateful night at the bar.

You decided to make yourself at home, curling up at the end of their 3-person couch. Pinks and oranges begin to filter into the room as the sun starts to set. You stare out of their balcony door that overlooks part of the downtown area. They were so close to their café, and you wonder if they had chosen the café location just because of that.

“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me tonight, Erwin!” Hange whines as she leans over the island to see what Erwin was working on. He swats at her to back up and she does so with her glasses fogged up from the steam.

“I already told you. I invited you a couple weeks ago, but it seems to me you weren’t listening to me then. I think you were going off about some lab report that frustrated you.”

“Oh yeah. Okay that’s totally fair and on me. You should have reminded me at least!”

Miche comes over to you with a small plate of some raw vegetables for you to snack on. You take it while smiling at him gratefully, and he just nods before heading back into the kitchen. He had already known you weren’t verbal before you walked in the door, you guess Erwin had told him. Apparently Miche and Erwin were friends for a long time before Levi came into the picture. Just by watching them in the kitchen, you can tell that they worked very well together without having to say a word.

After gingerly placing your empty plate down on the coffee table in front of you, you stand, stretching your limbs with a big yawn. If you sat for any longer on that soft sofa, you figured you might fall asleep. So, you shuffle your way towards the kitchen, making sure to pick up your plate as you do. Miche takes it from you without saying a word and you wonder if he had a hard time speaking growing up or if it was a conscious decision not to say much. Regardless, you sign a quick thanks then turn to Erwin, who was in the process of mincing some sort of herb.

‘Where is your bathroom?’

“Down the hall, it’s the door at the very end.” He slaps Hange’s hand as she’s reaching for a dinner roll over the counter. You smack her in the head on your way past and she just blows a raspberry at you.

That must mean they’ve been good friends for more than 15 or so years. There’s another picture frame of Erwin and Levi in graduation gowns holding up diplomas, college you think. Erwin has a huge grin showing off his pearly whites and his arm is propped up, leaning on a short-statured Levi. Levi’s not even looking at the camera, electing to look off to the side with a scowl stuck to his face. That checks out, you think to yourself.

You look closely at the one at the very end of the hallway and you notice it’s another photo of Levi. It’s a picture of him and two other people, Furlan being one of them. They’re all pretty young looking in this, but the girl in the middle who had her arms wrapped around the other two looked even younger. She has the brightest, widest green eyes you’ve ever seen. Her red hair is choppy and pulled into low pigtails and a large grin plasters her face. Furlan’s to her left, and he’s looking over to the other two contentedly. Levi is on her right and he’s looking away like he always does, but an actual small smile seemed to pull at the corners of his lips. You also note that this was before whatever accident fell upon him as his scars were missing. They look very happy.

“That’s our friend, Isabel.” Someone mutters softly next to you. You squeak as you jump back, punching into the space where the voice came from. Something catches your fist before it makes an impact. Turning, you see it’s Furlan, holding up your fist in his hand. Panicking, you pull your arm back out of his grip and step back. He stifles a laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just needed to use the bathroom but saw you standing here staring at the wall.” Furlan rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the picture, a wistful smile appearing on his face. Wording a voiceless apology with your lips, you back up into the wall so he can scoot past you to the bathroom. He thanks you before slipping into the room and clicking the door behind him. You take a deep breath and head back to the kitchen, your trip to the bathroom forgotten.

When you emerge from the hallway, the sounds of clinking glasses and heavy plates can be heard from the dining room. Not really sure where to sit, you go to stand by the table as Erwin and Hange set it. Miche comes over to place a bowl of the dinner rolls that your sister was eyeballing earlier, and he points to one of the chairs against the wall for you. Again, he seemingly knew what you were thinking. At this point, you’re convinced that he knows how to read minds.

You plop yourself down as your sister does the same next to you. She starts pouring wine into the glasses around the table, save for your own; she hands you a soda can and you bump her shoulder with a smile. Furlan comes back from the bathroom just as Erwin and Miche take their seats. Steaming plates of delicious foods consisting of a spiced chicken dish, baked asparagus, smashed potatoes, and sweet carrots lay around just waiting to be served.

‘You really know how to serve a feast.’ You sign to Erwin with a wide smile.

“Well, it’s not all just me. Miche makes a great sous chef.” He jokes.

“Hey, where’d the grump run off to?” Hange inquires as they take a sip of their white wine.

“The grump is right here, tch.” a voice cuts in.

Glancing up, you see Levi drying his head with a towel as he makes his way to the table, water droplets falling from his hair down onto the gray long sleeve he had on. After folding the wet towel and placing it on a table behind the couch, he pulls the chair out across from you and sits down with a small huff. You both lock eyes for a second before looking away.

“What are we waiting for? I’m dying over here!” Hange starts plating up without waiting for a response. She starts to help you too, but you just grab the serving utensils from her hands and huff at her. She playfully slaps your arm but starts digging in. Erwin had thrown on some background music before sitting down, so soft jazz reverberated off the walls mixing in with the bustle of plates being filled.

“So, Hange, what do you do?” Furlan pipes up after a few minutes, tearing a roll up with his fingers.

“I work at Titan Labs, head researcher and what not. I’m working on ways to create zombies!” She cackles and takes another spoonful of her potatoes. The look on Furlan’s face was priceless and he stared at Levi and Erwin for confirmation.

“They’re just kidding, Furlan. They work with curing viruses, at least that’s what I’m told. Hange you can’t just go around saying stuff like that.” Erwin scolds and Hange just grins.

“Oh uh. Okay. I guess that’s a little better.”

‘My sister can be a little overzealous and crazy sometimes.’ You sign to Furlan and Hange just grabs her heart dramatically.

“Pft, I’m not that crazy.” That's all she says before diving back into her chicken, paying the rest of you no mind.

“There’s nothing wrong with crazy. Just try not to get us killed, okay?” He laughs a little and winks at you. Feeling your face flush, you let your eyes roam over to Levi’s. His gaze flickers to yours briefly, but he just takes a swig of his wine and peers out the window. The evening sky was clear, and the stars had started to come out.

The rest of the meal was filled with mindless chatter that you observed happily. Erwin and Miche had roped Hange into some sort of debate, so them translating for you was a little difficult. Luckily, Furlan understood and was fine being the only one talking as Levi just ate in silence. You listen intently but your mind wandered to Levi occasionally, wondering what he was thinking as he delicately cut into his food. Furlan got to a point where he picked up on asking you yes or no questions for the sake of the language barrier and lack of interpreter. It was hard not to smile at his warmth, and you’re open to all of his questions easily. The flush on your face does not disappear the whole meal.

With stuffed bellies and sleepy minds, everyone decides to leave the table and move into the living room to wind down. All except for Furlan, who had said he had an early shift the next morning and needed to leave before he ended up staying all night. Hange, Erwin, and Miche were murmuring together with intermittent laughs about something random. Levi just sat in a chair in the corner of the room scrolling on his phone and not paying any attention to his surroundings. That left you to juggle between staring at the TV and checking your phone every once in a while.

As you’re staring, you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turn to see the source of it, you’re surprised to find its Erwin. Crystal blue eyes stare back at you and then they flicker over to where Levi stood. He says nothing else and sits back down in his spot like nothing happened. Hange gives you a supportive wink and goes back to her conversation with the two men.

Ugh.

As you feel the winter air nipping at your skin, you exhale softly and pull your phone out to type out a message. It takes you a few minutes of typing and deleting repeatedly, but Levi says and does nothing as he waits, hearing the clicks of the letters coming out of the speakers.

‘I’m sorry. For exploding on you last month. I threw my anger at you when really, I was angry at myself. It wasn’t nice or warranted and I apologize.’ You shuffle up next to him and hand him your phone carefully. He takes it from your cold hands, his own brushing against yours and they’re surprisingly warm. You see his eyes slide over the words, face bright from the phone light in contrast with the dark night.

He rolls his silver eyes and just scoffs. He doesn’t say anything, and you fidget with your phone. When it was clear he had nothing to say, you fight the urge to turn around and leave. You glance behind you and see Erwin and Miche doing a bad job pretending not to stare at you and Levi. Hange, on the other hand, gives you a big smile and a thumbs up. You swallow hard and type out another message.

‘Are you mad at me still?’

“Still?” He stares up at you in confusion then slight guilt. “I- look, I was never mad at you. It’s just...” He runs his fingers through his hair to push it back, and you spot a few piercings climbing up his ear that you didn’t notice before. They glint off the full moon which sits high in the sky. He takes a deep breath and looks away from you.

“Okay, I was a little mad at first. But I’m clearly not anymore.” He mumbles.

‘Clearly.’

Then he hands it back to you with a side eye, opting to stare back out to the moon as he spoke. “I don’t want to throw your phone off the balcony so from here on out, just directly text me and I’ll respond.”

When you look down at your phone, your mouth opens slightly in awe. Your phone screen displays a newly made contact page for “Levi Ackerman”. So formal, you think. Clicking the message icon, you type out a little text to him with shaky hands. You’re not sure if it’s from the excitement or the cold.

'Hi'

You hear his phone ‘ping’ and he pulls it out of his back pocket.

“We’re great with words, aren’t we.” he says with a smile playing on his lips.

‘I’m glad you’re not mad at me. I’m still sorry for last month though.’

“It’s fine, but thanks anyways.”

Like a breath of fresh air, a comfortable silence falls on the two of you. You lean forward against the rail and stare down to the ground. Levi and Erwin’s apartment rests on the third floor so there was quite a drop. The yellow glow of streetlights reflected off the snow that was piled on the sides of the road. You shiver as a gust of wind blows through your hair, so you pull your hood up for extra warmth. Against your better judgement, you shoot him another text with something that’s been itching at you all night.

‘Who’s Isabel?’ You watch him carefully.

When he eyes the text, the small upturn to his lips disappears and he freezes for a moment. His hand grips his phone a little tighter as he sighs heavily. Exhausted. The circles under his eyes seemingly darker. He hangs his head down, giving you another side-eye between his raven locks as he starts speaking in almost a whisper.

“She was one of my best friends. Well, Furlan and I’s. We all, uh, grew up together.” Levi swallows hard.

‘What happened?’

His body tenses up once more and you worry for a moment that he might get defensive, but he just grips the rail tightly in both hands again.

“I used to ride motorcycles. I suppose you wouldn’t know that.” You shake your head at him, and he just purses his lips. “Yeah... well. Isabel had this annoying habit of wanting to go everywhere with us but she wouldn’t get her own license so she would ride on the back of Furlan and I’s bikes...” He shifts uncomfortably and leans forward over the rail, looking down at the ground.

“Well one day, my uh, relative, was having complications at the hospital in town and I needed to get there fast. And of course, she wanted to tag along. I didn’t have time to fight with her, so I let her on with me. But...” You reach out to try and touch his arm in reassurance, but Levi jumps at the close proximity, and you pull back quickly. Mouthing a ‘sorry’, you shove your hands in your pockets.

“You’re... fine. It’s fine.” He pushes off from the rail and folds his arms across his chest and stands up straight. “It was raining that day, and I was being careless. I was so caught up in where I was going, I didn’t take the time to be cautious of my surroundings. I don’t remember much but we ended up skidding off the road. I woke up in the hospital with this,” Levi raises the hand that was missing his index and middle finger and then he points to his scars. “And no Isabel.”

You have no words. Even if you weren’t mute, you wouldn’t know what to say to him. You notice in the time that you’ve known him, you haven’t seen him ride before, nor have you even seen a bike in his vicinity. So that alone was a surprise. But another thought scratched at you. Something about his demeanor right now screamed guilt. Did he still blame himself for Isabel’s death?

“I went to go celebrate her today with Furlan. She always had a thing for sweets.” He mumbles, looking a little more relaxed. He has a faraway look in his eyes.

‘What was she like?’ His eyes shift to yours, now soft.

“You remind me a lot of her, actually. Stubborn. Happy.” Levi huffs, but you could have sworn it was a little laugh.

‘You’re pretty stubborn yourself, you know.’ He just rolls his eyes again at you but says nothing else. ‘I think it’s great that you’re celebrating her life. She sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with me.’ You offer him a slight smile and his lips twitch at you in return. He puts one of his hands in his pocket, making sure to keep his phone out with the other as he spoke.

“Who were you and Hange celebrating today? I saw you two at the temple earlier.”

‘Are you creeping on us or something?’ You smirk at him teasingly and his already rosy cheeks turn a darker shade.

“Tch, no. I just passed by, is all.”

‘It’s okay Levi, I get it. We’re that fascinating lol. She was there for her grandparents.’ You fidget with your phone in between numb fingers. It was really starting to get cold, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to stay out on the patio. But you didn’t want to leave just yet.

“So, you’re not celebrating anyone today?” His innocent question makes you pause. It was your turn to look away, staring at the twinkling stars above. You suddenly feel small, like the universe was too big for you. Biting your bottom lip, you start to type away.

‘Yeah, I have. I lost my parents and brother when I was around six or so. I don’t remember much but there was a big fire, and I was the only survivor. I am not a big fan of fire now.’ Silence ensues for a few minutes as Levi digests what you texted him. Your hands mindlessly trace the scars that trailed up your left arm from that disastrous night.

“I’m really sorry to hear about that.” He says, finally.

‘Oh, it’s fine now. It was so long ago. Hange’s family took me in after 8 years in the foster system, and now I’m stuck with her.’ You give him a meek grin and point behind you. He’s watching your face carefully.

“I’m sure there are worse families to be stuck with.” Levi jokes quietly.

You have no idea, you think to yourself. The thought of the households you lived in prior to the Zoë’s makes you cringe a bit. Memories of being left behind, small cupboard-like rooms, and physically abusive foster parents swirl through your brain. You close your eyes tightly to try and push them away. You feel something warm holding your fidgeting hands still. Opening your eyes to see what it is, you’re met with Levi’s pale hands cupping yours into his own.

“It’s been a very hard day for us, huh?” You don’t want to tell Levi that it’s not your family’s passing that’s upsetting you right now. You figure if it came up later, you would tell him then. You nod once, meeting his silver eyes with earnest. He releases his grip abruptly, your hand freezing from where he had left it. Another comfortable silence falls on the two of you and it warms you from the inside out. Knowing that he wasn’t actually mad at you filled you with immense relief and you were glad that the confrontation was over. Or so you thought.

“So Furlan huh?” He playfully chides. You stare at him, incredulous.

“What? He just seemed really into you. Do you feel the same?” There was a look in his eyes that confused you. You feel your face heat as you tap away at your phone screen.

‘He was just being nice. I don’t know what you mean. There’s no way he could be interested in me.’ You watch his face anxiously, not certain why he was bringing up such a topic. You didn’t really feel comfortable talking about other boys with him just yet, whether it be because you still barely knew Levi or something else you couldn’t quite describe.

“Tch, you don’t know.” He cocks an eyebrow at you but says nothing else. You just shake your head at him, at a loss for words of what to say next.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the sliding door and peeking through is a Hange with a wide grin.

“Are you ready to go home, my little berry?” Their muffled voice penetrates through the glass pane. You give them a thumbs up and a small smile. They give you a thumbs up in return then spin around to Erwin and Miche who are now standing up, going back into a conversation. You glance back at Levi and find his dark eyes gazing at you. The moonlight hit his entire figure at an angle that made him look almost... otherworldly.

A couple hours later, you’re lying on your side in your bed with fluffy sheets surrounding you. The clock reads late but you can’t sleep due to the giddiness from the buzzing of your phone. You stare at a message notification sent by one Levi Ackerman, and a smile playing on your lips.

Thanks for confiding in me. I don’t mind learning more about you, if you want.

You had received the message a good 5 minutes ago, but you weren’t sure how to respond. For starters, you were extremely shocked to see that he was still awake at such an absurd time. But then again, so were you. You start typing but then delete it right after, going back and forth until finally you give up and just voice what you wanted to say.

Sufficient with your response, you lock your phone and place it on the bedside table. You stare hard at the table, willing for something to come your way but nothing does. Maybe he fell asleep, you wonder. After a few minutes, you start to drift off with the thoughts of a curt man with silver, glowing eyes.

Levi can’t help but chuckle at the three dots in the corner of his phone as you start typing but then change your mind. It had taken him forever to find what he wanted to say to you, but he never imagined your response to something seemingly so simple now could take you so long. In truth, he was surprised to see you open the message so quickly and at such a late time. Perhaps you struggled to sleep as well.

As he waited, he couldn’t help but wonder what to make of you. There was something so intriguing about you that he just couldn’t quite reach, and honestly it confused him even more. Something else bothered him as well as he recalled the haunted look in your eye after talking about your history. Were you holding something back?

Finally, his phone pings and he scolds himself for how swift he was to pick it up. A simple message brings butterflies to his stomach and unknits his tight eyebrows. Whatever it was that you had kept to yourself, he figures it didn’t matter. He would make it his goal to try and get to know you better.

Ask away, I’m here for you. Goodnight, Levi.

☾ Previous Chapter: December ☾ Next Chapter: February

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ilydottie · 9 months

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Disabled!Reader Headcanons with some of my genshin favs <3

Warnings: minors please do not interact, Reader is physically disabled, Reader is mentally ill, Reader is gender neutral, Reader uses a mobility aid (cane and wheelchair), Reader has chronic pain, he/him pronouns for Albedo, Diluc, & Kaeya, she/her pronouns for Kokomi, Candace, Hurt/Comfort, Reader is implied to have agoraphobia, 1.2k words, anyone can read but please be respectful, any ableists will be blocked on sight!

Characters: Albedo, Kokomi, Kaeya, Candace, Diluc

A/n: This is just a little self indulgent thing i wrote for myself, because I needed the pick me up to be honest. Please know I am writing from my own experiences as a disabled person and that these experiences may not be universal, so please don’t get upset if you can’t relate, because again these are from my own experiences. Other than that please be respectful and abeists fuck off thanks <3

Albedo

Albedo is probably more sensitive when it comes to your disabilities. He helps you up and about through the day whenever you need the extra boost, or grabs your aid for you if it isn't within reach. You were a little embarrassed to use your aid in front of Albedo, purely out of bad experiences with past partners, but he made you feel at home in your body in an instant. He respects your boundaries, watches you to make sure you don’t overwork yourself, and goes above and beyond for you in every single way imaginable. Albedo vowed to protect you as much as possible, knowing you didn’t have that ability in the same way he did. Bedo even put some research into your disabilities hoping to find ways to help you live a happy and painless life. Albedo was good to you, almost perfect. He never judged, said a hurtful or ignorant word, and always, and I mean always, loved and cared for you no matter what state you were in. At the end of the day he just wanted you to be happy and cared for, and if you were? Well, then Albedo was happy, too.

Kokomi

Everyday Sangonamiya Kokomi would start the day early with a nice walk along the oceanside, picking up any shells and pearls she found along the way, placing them gently in her bag. All so she could bring them back home to you as a gift before she had to eventually part ways for the day to do her work. She’ll leave a note for you to read once you’ve woken up, knowing that you’d oftentimes sleep in late and wake up when she was long gone, but thankfully that meant you would see her sooner. Or at least that’s what you told her jokingly whenever she gently suggested you go to bed earlier. When you’re in pain Kokomi will try her damndest to heal you, taking her hands and hovering it over the wound with a concentrated face, until either the pain slightly subsides or you ask her to stop. You know that not always will her healing help you, but you accept it regardless with a smile on your face.

Kaeya

People always say laughter is the best medicine and Kaeya would agree with that sentiment. Whenever you’re experiencing a pain flare up Kaeya is quick to get you whatever you need in a timely manner, but he’s also known for cracking a few lighthearted jokes to distract you from the pain. He loves to tell you how beautiful that smile of yours is and how sorry he is that you’re suffering so much, and how he dearly wishes he could help. You’d smile back at him and assure him his presence was the only thing you needed on your bad days, and of course your usual pain regiment. He’d come home from a long day at work to tell you all about the sights he saw and the stories he heard and everything he had witnessed. It was his own little way of bringing you along with him on his journeys knowing you couldn’t always leave the house so easily as he could. Kaeya wanted you to feel the joys of life, even if some days had to be spent indoors. So, every day he made a goal to make you laugh or smile each day, and not every day did he succeed in that, but he tried his damndest regardless and that’s all that mattered to you.

Candace

She takes good care of you, brings you your medication and aid when you need it, holds you when things are too much on you, and lets you cry all your pain out on her warm shoulder. She’ll hold you close as you cringe in pain and sob in her arms, humming a sweet lullaby to soothe your pain. Candace is sweet and motherly, and will protect you from any potential harm that comes your way whether it’s real or imagined. After a long day of protecting the village she adores coming home to you, bringing you flowers and fruit as an offering for being gone for so long, but you’d wave your hands and assure her that no apology was necessary. You’d only wish for her warm embrace and soft hums to get you through the remainder of the night. Mornings with Candace were your favorite. You’d wake up to a table full of wonderful smelling food and afterwards she’d take you out for a walk around the village. The two of you would chat up conversations with villagers and friends alike, until you grew too tired and needed to go back home to rest and take it easy. It’s moments like those that you realize just how much happier you are with Candace in your life, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Diluc Every day Diluc makes sure you are doing your exercises, encouraging you with a gentle tone to slowly get up for the day and do your daily walk and physical therapy exercises. He would press the back of his palm to your forehead to check your temperature, urging you to get up for the day. He knows it’s your least favorite part of the day, but both of you knew it had to happen regardless. After he made sure you had your breakfast and done your exercises, and even finished your walk with him; he’d bring out your wheelchair and take you into the front of the winery, letting you soak in the sun and sights as he talked to you about his plans for the days ahead. He might even surprise you with a new outfit to wear on a day out to the city of Mondstadt. Watching with a tender smile as your face lit up at his words when he explained the surprise and what exactly it entailed. You were grateful that Diluc wouldn’t let you stay holed up inside all day, even if some days you wished he’d just let you wallow, you were glad he took such good care of you. And if there was one thing you knew about Diluc it was that he was sure to take the utmost best care of you and would for a very, very long time.

#albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #candace x reader #kokomi x reader #diluc x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n

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chaotic-on-main · 9 months

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Chapter 8: June - Part 4 [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault, uhhh- sex? idk how to tag this kind of stuff. SPEAKING OF...

☾ Author's note ➼ Hehe, hi! I bet y'all never thought you'd see this tag OR BANNER on here ever. Tbh, I thought I would never see this tag or banner on any of my writings. But uhhhh- here we are! If it isn't obvious, this is my first time EVER writing smut. I've never even written self-indulgent smut before because it is REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO. That's mainly why this chapter took so long (I'M SORRY); I wanted to make sure it was perfect. If you're a minor and read the smut I will find you and cut you! Hehe. Anyways. Again, I am so sorry this chapter took so long!! I've hit quite a rut in my life and I'm just really glad to have gotten it done in the first place. Let me know what y'all think!! ALSO CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE PART LEFT HOLD ME I'M CRYING

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

The visual of Levi’s bewilderment haunts you just as much as the feeling of his lips on yours does. You’re not sure why you thought kissing your friend would be a good idea at all. Regret gnaws at you as you find yourself in a vicious cycle of rumination.

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

Maybe it wasn’t regret at all, actually. What you really felt in your core was disappointment. At yourself for not thinking before acting and at him for not responding the way you inwardly hoped he would. If Levi’s cold shoulder this morning wasn’t proof enough, you don’t know what was.

“Love?” Hange’s voice cuts through the white noise reverberating through your skull. Slowly, you turn to where your sister currently sits with light green paste smeared all over their face. You blink the glassiness away and raise an eyebrow at them – which is a little hard to do as you have the same paste smudged on your face that is in the process of drying.

“Were you listening at all?” Concerned eyes bore into yours. You’d say you were thankful for the green tea facial that covers the dark circles under your lashes, but you knew Hange had noticed the moment they laid eyes on you today. They click their tongue and sit upright in your direction.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

You stick your bottom lip out. In truth, you really did want to talk about it, but you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. Hange wasn’t the type to let things go when it came to you though, especially when you’re distressed. You’d need to say something now whether you liked it or not.

‘I like Levi.’ You sign quickly, averting your gaze from the piercing light-brown eyed stare burning holes in your face. You sigh softly and tuck your chin in the white fluffy robe that wraps around your body, ignoring the fact that you’re wiping the face mask off into the fabric as you do. It takes them a moment to realize you’re not planning on saying anything else.

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“If only you had a mirror. You should see the way you look at Levi. It’s so obvious, even Nanaba picked up on it.” They smirk as they twist in your direction, resting their chin on a hand that sits propped up on the armrest. A wide smile carved up and into their eyes.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

You hear Hange sigh softly but doesn’t press for the next half hour. Your body sinks deeper into the plush massage chair as your head sits back on the head rest. Off to the side, you hear the soft babbling of the fountain piece that pairs wells with the gentle spa music that floats from the ceiling speakers down to your ears. Your brain wanders and you feel the heaviness that comes with sleep about to settle in.

“Excuse me?” A sudden voice startles you. You pop an eye open to see a spa employee in mint robes standing in front of the chairs you and Hange were relaxing in. “It’s time to move on to the hot pools, are you both ready?”

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

The steamy mineral water stings your skin upon first contact. It wasn't uncomfortably hot, but it was close. It takes you a few seconds to get used to it and before you know it, you’re sinking low until your nose is submerged. Only your eyes and up show, like a crocodile floating as it hunts. You had put your hair up so that it wouldn’t get wet, but a few loose strands decide they want to get wet anyways as they float around your face.

Your sister, on the other hand, does not take the gentle approach. Before you know it, they’re running down the ramp ass naked. They throw themselves into the water when they get deep enough, throwing water straight in your face. Luckily, the pools are slotted out by appointments so it’s just the two of you in the small, enclosed room. They disappear for a second, submerged in the water leaving only ripples behind that float across the top.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Hange’s low voice comes from right next to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Despite the unnerving crawl of your skin, you side eye them and shake your head.

Their words bounce around in your skull. If even Nanaba picked it up, that would mean Levi knew too, right? Is that why he brushed you off this morning? This wouldn’t be the first time that he’s held things back from you, but you hoped that had changed in the last handful of months. A fleeting thought of going to him first zooms through your mind and disappears just as quickly.

“Did he kiss you?” Hange’s voice is so close that you feel the heat of their breath blowing right against your ear. You push back from instinct, swatting the water and subsequently splashing them in the face.

“Oh my, he definitely did. Look at your face!” Hange muses as they tread up closer to your face and there’s half a foot between noses. You shove at the tops of their shoulders and blow them a raspberry. They were ever persistent.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

Without another word, you turn your back on their open-mouthed stare and head for the sitting ledge in the back corner. Steam rises off your warm skin as you do, merging easily with the rest of the hot air. Hange follows, mumbling under their breath as they process the news. When you twist to sit down, you’re face to face with Hange as they squat into the water across from you.

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

You don’t answer that, instead you slide into the water until you’re halfway submerged again. The hot water tingles against your raw face, making you wince until the uncomfortable feeling subsides. A few bubbles burst on the surface from your released huff.

“You didn’t give him a chance to, did you?” They raise an eyebrow at you. The amusement that tugged at their features melted away to reveal concern. You raise your hands out of the water, water droplets falling back in with little splashes.

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

You roll your eyes at that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that doesn’t change the shocked expression that he stared at you with before you ran off for the night. You feel the pressure of his lips on your mouth again and it makes your heart skip a beat. How confusing this all was.

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

“Just give it some time, you’ll figure it out. But probably not too much time because this was a friend group before you both decided to catch feelings and I will not have this group break apart because you both want to be teenagers about it all.” They shrug their shoulders at that.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

“Not allowed. I’ll lock you two in a room if I have to. Oh wait, maybe I should do that? Then you’ll either talk, fight, or kiss again.” They ramble on, tapping a forefinger on their chin as they think. Their eyes shoot over to yours, wide and full of excitement.

“If you both start dating, it’s for the long run by the way. Marriage or nothing. I can’t risk the friend group falling apart.” They joke. Part of you thinks there’s a bit of truth in their words but you let it slide. The prospect of marriage though? Was it your face heating up at the thought or the hot water?

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

“I’m only half joking. You and him will figure something out eventually. Who knows, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding! You’re shy and he’s… well. Him. Maybe you just need to make the first move.” They offer you a small smile, their eyes softening again.

That fleeting thought from earlier comes back. Again, Hange’s words held some truth as they always do. You already made the first move and that didn’t work out the way you planned. But If Levi didn’t know to come to you, maybe you would have to open that door for him, granted he doesn’t slam it in your face. You decide you’ll do what you can to pull him aside tonight.

Much to your dismay, the appointment ends too quickly. Fortunately, Hange kept up with their promise of taking you shopping since there were a few hours until it was time to meet up with the boys who were no doubt still out golfing. You laugh at the idea of Levi standing on the greens with a signature bored expression, but then you remember you were supposed to be anxious. You don’t know what you’re going to say to him.

After a while, you forget your worries for a time. Hange finds a really nice pantsuit that frames their tall body well. You found a simple sundress that frills out on your waist in a color that your sister exclaimed matched your eyes so well. And it was nice being able to chat, that feeling of dread that coursed through your veins like ice forgotten.

That is until you’re standing in front of Levi with your hands twisting in each other – a nervous habit you picked up just recently. The fabric of your dress feels like it’s digging into your skin as you stand awkwardly, your heart feeling as if it might explode. He doesn’t even look your way, eyes glued to his phone as he mindlessly scrolls. The idea of getting him to talk to you falters.

He's wearing a slate gray dress shirt in a complementary shade for his eyes. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows neatly. The rest of his outfit is clean yet casual and perfect for the place Erwin had reserved. Some of his hair falls in his face as he continues to look down, ignoring the fact that Erwin was calling everyone to attention.

“Are we ready to go? The taxi is here.” Erwin gives you and Hange a once over when he looks up from his phone. “Wow, you both look like you had a good day - practically glowing.” He gives you a beaming smile and you force one back in return, feeling the quivering of your muscles as your lips pull back.

Levi glances up finally and his dark eyes scan the room. When they land on you, they linger for a second longer before he looks away as he pulls himself up from the barstool. You did not miss the subtle surprise that flashed across his face as well as his eyes flickering down to the sakura necklace you put back on for this evening. You had taken it off the last few days to keep it safe, something you were not used to doing before. You almost sighed in relief when you felt the familiar and subtle weight around your neck again.

The car ride to the restaurant was fortunately short but to you, it was agonizing the whole time. Erwin opted for the front seat to help direct the driver so that left you, Hange, and Levi in the back. Your sister forced you in the middle and they claimed it was for safety reasons but you knew better.

Your almost bare thigh sits against Levi’s after you all piled in, snug as can be. You pull your arms together so that you’re not squishing into Levi any more than you have to. He’s facing the window, arm propped up and leaning against it as he looks out. You spend the whole ride rehearsing what you wanted to say to him.

When the taxi parks in front of the restaurant, you take a deep breath. It was now or never, you tell yourself. You force yourself out of Levi’s side after he slides out, having to push the door as he almost shuts it in your face.

You’re able to reach far enough to grab his wrist to make him stop and he spins on you quickly, eyes flaring with annoyance – barely softening when he notices it’s you. It takes all of your strength to keep your fingers latched on to him despite the look on his face. After a moment, he helps you out of the car with that same hand, making sure to keep you steady as you almost trip on the curb.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

“Tch. We don’t have time, Hange and Erwin are waiting for us.” He finally grumbles back, eyes aimed at the retreating figures now walking through the double glass doors. He turns on his heels and leaps up the stairs, leaving you and your hurt feelings at the bottom.

So much for trying.

Even in your sour mood, you still appreciate how beautiful the restaurant is from the outside. It’s very high end with a large crystal chandelier peeping out of the tall windows that make up the majority of the front wall. The railings of both sides of the stairs are adorned with growing vines and colorful flowers. A simple sign in neat cursive hangs above the front doors, reading ‘La Crevette’. You raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing before making your way into the air-conditioned interior alone.

The inside is even better. The gold inlay that decorates the white marble adds a delicate and elegant tone. On the walls sit ceiling high mirrors that you can’t help but stare in as your eyes scan the new surroundings. You catch Levi’s eyes in the reflection before he turns away to follow the hostess who is now leading you all to your designated table.

To say that the atmosphere at the table was so tense you could cut it with a knife would have been an understatement. You find yourself sitting across from Levi - at least 5 feet away. The chill emanating from him makes you shiver and you wish you had brought a jacket with you.

Orders were already taken so now you sit in silence as Hange and Erwin compare the activities they both did today. Levi’s fingers drum against the clothed table as he stares out the window to the left of you. It looks out into the ocean, the setting sun painting the sky, those beautiful oranges and pinks that you liked so much. You fidget with the napkin that sits across your lap in tight fingers as you stare. Erwin calls your name.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

“Hange said the baths were really nice. We might have to stop by one before we leave town, huh Levi?” The attention is now diverted onto a very bored looking Levi. He only hums in response, shrugging his shoulders as well.

‘You look like you got quite a bit of sun today.’ Your smile wavers as you eye him. There’s a soft flush across his cheeks as well as his nose and forehead. His gaze flickers up to you and you think you spot conflict in his steely eyes.

“I forgot a hat.” He says back, his curt tone a little too sharp for you. You pretend to not hear it. Your eyes fall onto your water glass after that, Hange and Erwin going back to talking about the other things they did today.

By the time dinner comes and disappears, the tense atmosphere barely stagnates. You sense Erwin and Hange can feel it too, but they don’t say anything. The only things you’re given are looks, ranging from curiosity to what you imagine is understanding. You don’t blame them though, this is really something that you and Levi need to hash out. Anxiety gnaws at your chest as you continue to pull on the thin fabric of your dress.

Eventually, the waiter comes with the check and hands it over to Erwin per his request - you all knew better than to argue with him about it. When Erwin hands the black book back with his card of choice, the waiter takes it and leans over to start gathering dishes out of the way. As he reaches from behind you, the feeling of his sleeve brushing against the side of your neck makes you stiffen up. When he pulls away, a small pop resonates by your ear.

The lack of weight around your neck is instantaneous. You watch in silent horror at your favorite necklace plopping into your lap softly. Everything goes quiet as you pick up the chain in shaky fingers, almost losing the sakura pendant as you do. The sight of the delicate golden chain now broken in a place that would not be an easy fix makes you feel like someone is stepping on your chest - crushing you.

You feel hot tears rolling down your face and you blink hard a few times. You’re in too much shock to make a sound. The waiter’s incessant apologies come muffled as realization dawns on you. You should have kept it tucked away and safe. You shouldn’t have kissed Levi. This necklace is you and Levi right now. Broken necklace, broken friendship. Your fault. All of it is your fault.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

Before anyone can protest, you push your chair out and away from the table, bumping into the still apologizing waiter. You sign a few hard apologies yourself before running down the ramp to the host station and out the front doors. Your feet take off down the street in the direction of the condo, tears streaming still but not a single sob escaping your lips.

A hand closes around your wrist, the force of your speed almost knocking you back as someone holds you still. The firm grip is telling enough that you don’t have to look around to see who it is, but you do anyway. Levi is out of breath from running after you, chest heaving and hair windswept.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

You only shake your head in response, still feeling the tears rolling down your cheeks and off your chin. You have no energy left for a fake smile and his subtle annoyance feels like another knife in the chest. You’re not sure if it was the exhaustion, the necklace, or Levi, but you feel inexplicable rage boiling over. Ripping your arm out of his grip, you start signing roughly.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘You could have fooled me. It seems to me you want nothing to do with me, ignoring me the way you have all day. What do you want?’ He flinches at that, surprised by your less than normal aggression.

“I-I’m sorry. I just don’t…” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and out of his face. He stumbles through his words, something you’ve never seen him do. But you can’t think about that right now, your patience is thinning and you can’t face him if he still refuses to acknowledge the hurt he’s dealt to you even if he didn’t realize it.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

‘I’m not talking about the necklace, Levi!’ You’re in the middle of the sidewalk slamming your hands together as people rush past you two. As always, it feels as if it’s just you and Levi and everyone else are blurring streaks in the background. This time, it doesn’t feel as pleasant.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘Right.’ You don’t give Levi a chance to refute as you turn around swiftly and start off in the direction of the condo, head hung low as you do your best to sniffle quietly. Fortunately, no one looks your way as you shuffle down the sidewalk.

Different layers of pain pile on your shoulders and you’re not sure how you’re going to get out from under them. The worst of them all seems to seep into your heart in a heavy way, weighing you down so much that you’re surprised you make it back to the elevator of the condo without collapsing. When the doors shut in front of you, you allow yourself to finally fall apart like you’ve been wanting to all day, sobs racking from deep within your chest.

The moment you get into the bedroom, you slam the door behind you and prep for bed. The lingering sunlight filters through the room, painting the room gold. You didn’t care what time it was, you just knew you were ready to pass out from the day.

As you loosen your hair from the multitude of pins sticking in it, you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes are bloodshot, the skin around them puffy. At least you don’t have to do much since your tears broke down most of the makeup already, only needing the gentle swipe of a cloth. The moment after you slip on your sleepwear, you toss yourself into the soft sheets of your temporary bed and curl in on yourself.

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

The next time your eyes open, they’re met with darkness. You’re not sure if the moon decided to stay away or if the clouds had rolled in during your slumber, but regardless your vision is pitch-black. Soft snoring to your right indicates that Hange had made it back and is currently deep in sleep. You vaguely recall hearing them calling out to you when they came back shortly after you fell asleep.

Rolling onto your back, you are greeted with the dim red light from the alarm clock illuminating the ceiling. You imagine it’s quite late in the night considering how refreshed you feel despite the lingering melancholy from dinner.

With a huff, you sit up and swing your legs off the bed. Your bare feet hit the cool, hard floor and you make quick yet quiet work of sneaking out of the bedroom. You know Hange could sleep through anything, but you did not want to suffer on the off-chance they woke up – you were not prepared to face them right now.

After closing the bedroom door, you pad over to the fridge and pull it open. The only drink options were a couple of beers and a handful of caffeinated sodas. You wish you had a cup of Levi’s tea in your hands, but instead you opt for water from the filtered pitcher. After taking a tentative sip of it, you decide that going back to sleep was not an option for you. You kick yourself for potentially screwing up your sleep schedule for the rest of the trip but that was a problem for future you.

With a cold glass in hand, you step over to the plush couch and sink into it. Grabbing the remote in the other, you turn it on and flinch as you’re met with a loud commercial about an action movie coming out soon. Quickly, you turn the volume down to one and sit still as you listen for any sounds of your roommates – luckily it stays silent. You sigh softly.

You pull over a blanket from the other side of the couch and tuck yourself in. You let your mind wander for a bit as a random movie starts to play, the low volume buzzing in the background. Thankfully, your thoughts stay away from Levi. That is, until you watch as a teacup is placed down on the glass coffee table in front of you with a clink as well as delicate fingers pulling away from the handle.

Blinking the glassiness from your vision, your eyes trail up the muscular arm that belongs to a weary-eyed Levi. His gaze shifts away quickly as he lowers himself on the other side of the couch as far as possible from you. He lifts his own teacup to his lips and takes a small sip, eyes forward on the movie ahead.

He doesn’t say anything to you, which you’re not certain if you should be grateful for, or annoyed. You were thinking about wanting some of his tea earlier, but now that it’s here, you’re torn between indulging him or not. As your eyes narrow on the steam that rises off the amber liquid, Levi pipes up finally.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

You let out a soft huff and reach for it, taking the handle in between two fingers and pulling it up to your mouth. Upon the first sip, you withhold a sigh of content. Levi always knew how to make a mean cup of tea. But you won’t say that to him right now. You’re still fuming, tea or no. With that thought, you down it the best you can despite the scorching heat of it as it burns itself down to the pit of your stomach.

You stand when you’ve finished, placing the cup back onto the saucer and then turning around to fold the blanket back up. The space is turning tense by the second and you don’t want to deal with this right now. After placing the blanket on the armrest, you reach down to grab your tea set as well as Levi’s, but his hand stops you as his fingers close around your wrist once again.

“Stay. Please? I want to talk.” You side eye him, noting the nervousness in his eyes. If it wasn’t for that, you would have stormed off. For once, it seems Levi is ready to talk, and whether you were ready or not, you needed to listen.

Setting the saucers back down, you sit on the other side of the couch again, facing him with your arms placed over your chest. Only now do you realize you’re still in a nightgown that barely covers your ass and no bra. Trying to be natural about it, you grab the pillow that sits in the middle of the cushion and pull it to your chest to cover up.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m afraid, okay? I’ve never felt so conflicted about stuff like this before. But I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you all day. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to face you. Or what to even say to you.”

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

The look in his eyes is chock-full of anxiety and panic. Your fingers are flying before you can stop them. The strong walls of anger you had put up for protection start crumbling away, making room for disappointment as well as regret for making him feel this way.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

Levi scoffs at that, his gray eyes cutting over to you, narrowing. He doesn’t say anything right away, instead using this moment to shift on the couch until his knees are against his chest as he faces you a couple feet away.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

‘You’ve been brushing me off all day. It’s because I kissed you when I shouldn’t have. You hate me. And you regret it even now.’ You feel the tears from earlier start to well again, but you refuse to let them spill in front of Levi.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

“It’s hard to put into words.” Levi says simply. A scowl appears as he pinches the bridge of his nose between fingers. He continues to pace, eyes half closed as he mutters to himself. You hear something about ‘not being used to this’ and ‘being blindsided’.

You lean forward and grab his pant leg with tight fingers. His sweatpants’ waistband slides down his hip from the sudden force of your grip, immobilizing him unless he wanted them pulled down any further. His steely eyes snap to your troubled expression and he softens immediately, hands dropping to his sides.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

Levi side eyes you as you hold him in place, his lips pinched into a thin line. He opens his mouth as he attempts to figure out what he wanted to say next. It takes a few tries but eventually, he settles on the last thing you’d expected him to say. It’s like his naturally stoic demeanor melts into something completely unrecognizable – not like you were complaining.

“When you kissed me, it was like I understood everything and nothing at the same time. I was so confused.” Levi mutters under his breath, sitting back down on the couch but this time on the cushion closest to you. His thigh brushes up against your knees, sending tingles up your spine from the sudden contact.

“Ever since you’ve stumbled back into my life, I couldn’t understand why you were always on my mind. I think I do now.” He continues without missing a beat. “I think I’ve always cherished you in some capacity, just in different stages.” Levi places his face in his hands that were propped up against his knees. After a few seconds, his head turns to you with a familiar expression. The way he looks at you reminds you of the little boy next door all those years ago.

“Leeeeeviii!!” You yell as you bound down the front steps without a care in the world. Your brother and Levi currently sit on the lawn, messing around with their action figures who were currently in a heated battle. In your excitement, you completely miss the bottom step and stumble down onto your hands and knees, rough concrete digging into your skin.

The wails that come out of you are loud enough that the dogs across the street start barking. A pair of hands are on you in an instant, helping to pull you up and onto the bottom step that had caused you so much trouble in the first place.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“You’re okay, it’s just some scratches.” You look up through blurry lashes to see Levi staring at your bleeding knees. You’re not going to bleed out, but crimson is trickling down your legs and it’s enough to make you cry harder.

Levi takes your little hands into his slightly bigger ones and inspects them. He brushes off the small gravel that had embedded itself into your skin, his tongue stuck between his teeth in focus. You observe him as best as you can despite the salty water obscuring your vision. Levi’s eyelashes flutter across his cheeks as he turns your hands over to get a better look at them.

“Not cut, just a little dirty. Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He says softly to you. Blue-gray eyes look up into yours and you realize you stopped crying. He offers you a lopsided grin as he squeezes your hand a few times.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

You laugh at the sudden memory that flashes before your vision. You’re grateful for Levi in many ways, despite the fact he made you mad sometimes. Memory recovery was one of the reasons why. Levi’s eyes widen at your sudden outburst.

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“Which time?” His lips twitch at his comment and you realize it probably wasn’t the first time you had fallen. You appreciate your resilient nature as a kid, taking note of the small scars that probably decorated your knees even to this day.

‘Levi, I think there’s always been a part of me that’s always felt safe with you. And, I think having a future without you in it, no matter what that means, isn’t something I want to see. So, I think that’s why I was so torn up about this. The idea of you leaving just tears me apart.’

Levi sits up at your confession, staring at you in curiosity. There’s a new look of assurance on his face as he eyes you. A pink flush creeps up his neck and into his cheekbones as he focuses back on the colorful screen ahead.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

There’s more silence, only cut up by the voices on the television and distant crashing of waves from down below. You watch him closely as he blinks slowly, propping his chin up in both arms that sit against his thighs. Before you can sign again, he speaks softly.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

You narrow your eyes at him, annoyed he would close up after so much progress. But then a yawn so big escapes your mouth and you shove your face into the pillow you were still hugging until it’s done. When you look back up, you see Levi watching you in amusement before his expression changes into indifference quickly. Maybe this would be best saved for the next day when you were both awake.

‘What about you?’

“I don’t sleep much, you know that. I’ll be okay.” He shrugs his shoulders as he gets up from the sofa. He reaches for the remote and turns off the tv then carefully places it back on the coffee table. Then he turns around to offer you a hand which you take, still hugging the pillow to your chest. He raises an eyebrow at that but turns on his heel to head to his bedroom. With a soft sigh, you place the pillow back and follow him down the hallway to your room.

The need to figure out what was going through his mind was strong, but your exhaustion hits harder. As you pass the kitchen, you note the time was about to hit five in the morning which means you have been up for a while. Despite the amount of sleep from earlier, you feel your body giving in to the heaviness of fatigue – no doubt a consequence of having such a taxing day.

You watch as Levi stops outside of his door, right hand gripping the doorknob in white knuckles. As you pass him, you reach over and place your hand on top of his. When his eyes fall on you, you offer a small smile.

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

Levi looks down at your lips quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. In a swift motion, he releases the doorknob and grabs your hand, pulling you in closer to him with sudden force. His gaze is as firm as the grip on you, holding you in place. When he speaks again, his words come out measured.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

Your eyes widen at the sudden confession, and you stare at him with your lips parted in surprise. As if time slowed down, just like in the elevator, Levi tilts your chin in his direction - pinching it gently between his thumb and index finger. He leans in slowly, his eyes staring into yours as he wavers inches away. Levi is so close to you that his hot breath hits your face, and you smell hints of his black tea and traces of pine.

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

Carefully, his mouth meets yours and you instantly distinguish the difference between this kiss and the one in the elevator. This one is hesitant, nervous. But traces of ravenous hunger linger as an aftertaste.

That same heat blazes from your face all the way down to your toes. Levi’s fingers move from your chin to right under your jaw, tilting your face into him even more. After a moment, he breaks away granting you a moment to catch your breath. His face is still inches from yours, gray eyes fluttering closed as your forehead rests against his. Your name tumbles out of his mouth, almost like a beg.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

He leans in again, cupping your whole face in his calloused hand and locking his lips back over yours. The hunger intensifies just like the buzzing throughout your whole system. You open your mouth slightly to let his tongue in to explore and it does, eliciting a quiet moan from you. You swear you hear Levi growl in response. Oh, how touch starved you two were for each other.

As if in sync, Levi opens the bedroom door and you both stumble still lip-locked into his room. He pushes you up against the door, shutting it behind you. If you weren’t so lost in the kiss, you would have been worried by how loud the slam must have been. Levi presses up against you more, sandwiching you between the heat of his body and the cool wooden door behind you. You already feel how hard he is under his sweatpants.

You’re more inexperienced than most so there’s hesitation in your kiss – something Levi picks up on quickly. He pulls away but leaves his hands on your face as he looks at you with apprehension.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to tonight.” He whispers to you. His voice is as sincere as it always is, albeit husky. You place a hand over his that sits on your face, leaning into it as you do before signing back.

‘I want all of you.’ You offer a loving smile, wide and full of adoration for the man in front of you. Levi’s eyes bounce back and forth between yours as if searching for something. He finds nothing but pure truth.

Levi’s lips crash back onto yours, careful but just as heated. As his marred lips leave and make their way down your neck, one of your hands slides up his chest to his undercut until your fingers find what they were looking for, tangling in his raven hair.

The moment you feel his teeth pinch your soft skin, another moan comes out louder than before. Having him pressed up against you like that, the outline of his cock pressing into your stomach, you start to feel your patience slowly unraveling.

Your nervousness flies out the window. This was Levi, you had no reason to worry. Levi is safe to you. He would take care of you as he always does. And you would do the same. The thought makes you smile up at the ceiling. Before you know it, your hands push against Levi’s soft skin, and he pulls away quickly. Worry pools into his dark eyes as he watches you carefully.

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Instead of signing back, you force him to step back towards the bed with your palm pressed against his chest until the back of his knees hit the edges of the mattress. The force alone makes him lurch back so that he falls back onto the soft duvet, catching himself on his hands so that he’s sitting up.

In a swift motion, you straddle his hips, and your lips find solace on his mouth yet again. You don’t hesitate to push your tongue through to taste him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself into him more.

You don’t mean to, but you find your hips grinding on to him, the only barriers between your already soaked self and Levi being the clothes you wish were off. The pressure and friction against your very sensitive core make you pull away for breath. Levi’s soft grunts are music to your ears and his lips start trailing back down your neck, his teeth finding purchase in your soft skin yet again. His fingers slide up your back, pulling your night dress up with it.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

Levi pulls away again and stares up at you with heavy-lidded eyes full of impatience. You note that pink flush of his that you love so much, deeper in color and painting across his cheeks. As you stare down at him, you come to love this version of Levi and you want nothing but to see his face contort at the way you grinded into him. But he places his hands on your hips to keep you still, much to your dismay. You watch him carefully as he speaks, his voice husky.

“I-uh. I want this, I do. But we need to be safe. And I didn’t bri-“ He averts his gaze, staring at the corner of the bed. You were so lost in the exhilaration of it all, you didn’t think about it. A thick appreciation for him crashes over you because his cautious nature, even if it did slightly kill the heat of the moment.

‘Give me a second. I can help with this. Stay here.’ You give him a chaste kiss before sliding off his lap and out the door quickly. You tiptoe your way back to your room, making sure the only sounds that can be heard are the clock ticking on the wall and the muffled continuous crashing of waves just outside.

When you slip into your room, you see Hange flat on their back with their hair tousled everywhere. Soft snores escape their lips, a telltale sign they are out like a light. Hange wasn’t promiscuous in the slightest, but they weren’t closed minded either. And with that, it meant they stayed prepared.

You creep over to their unorganized suitcase where clothes were strewn all over the place. Reaching into the top compartment, your fingers feel the sharp edges of a foil package and slip it out. You blush to yourself as you think back to Levi’s outline as you make sure it’s the right size.

A snort from behind you makes you freeze in place, breath hitched as you sit crouching in silence. A moment passes. Another minute. Hange’s snores fill the room again and you let loose your held breath, shoulders sagging. You’re sure this conversation would come up again later, but you didn’t want to deal with it right now. Especially with Levi waiting for you.

It takes you next to no time to slip out of your room and back into Levi’s, closing his door with a soft click. Turning around, you show him the condom in between pinched fingers and smile widely to Levi who was still sitting on the edge of the bed for you.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“I don’t need to know any more.” Levi blurts out, hands up in defeat. A silent laugh shakes your shoulders as you make your way back over to him. You fling the package onto the bed before straddling him again, noting how hard he was underneath you still.

‘Now where were we?’ You sign with a small smile. Levi smirks and places his hand against your cheek, his thumb tracing your bottom lip gently. You playfully nip at him, and he huffs in amusement.

“You’re breathtakingly beautiful, you know that?” He asks you softly before pulling your face into his and locking his lips on yours. It’s a saccharine-laced kiss. His hands find your hips again, lowering until they are fully on your ass, and they squeeze. A squeak escapes into his mouth as he does, and it just makes his grip on your skin tighter.

Pulling away, you grip his t-shirt from the bottom and start tugging it up. Levi leans back so you can pull it up and over his head, discarding it on the bed next to him. Your hands trail down his toned chest and abs, his skin burning under your touch. It’s soft despite the hard muscles underneath them. Your mouth finds his again as your hands explore, not hesitating to slip your tongue into Levi’s already parted lips.

Your hands find their way back in his hair, fingers entwining through the fine strands. You can’t help it – you tug gently, and a small whine comes out of his pouty lips as he’s pulled away from your mouth. Something inside you burns and again you feel your razor thin patience cutting at you.

As if Levi reads your mind, he wraps an arm around your back while leaving his other hand cupping your ass and stands up effortlessly. In a mere moment, he turns around with you in his strong arms and then gently tosses you on to the bed. A soft laugh escapes you as you land. Everything around you smells like Levi.

Levi stands at the foot of the bed and stares down at you ravenously, a look you don’t think you’ve ever seen on anyone outside of the movies on your television screen. You sit up on your elbows and watch as he gets on the bed and slowly makes his way on top of you. He meets your lips with his own as his body hovers over yours, his fingers lightly trailing up your arms resulting in goosebumps following in their wake.

Slowly, you lie back down flush to the mattress, his knees digging into the sheets on either side of your thighs. Levi’s lips start to slide down your jaw which gives you some space to breathe but your breaths quickly turn into soft whimpers as his fingers lightly trace across your lower abdomen. His other hand snakes around the back of your neck, supporting it as he starts planting more soft kisses down it.

“You can stop me at any time, okay?” Levi whispers, his hot breath tickling your neck. You nod, only wishing you had your voice to say his name and tell him you wanted him. As long as he was with you, you would always want him.

Levi’s hand that was teasing your waist makes its way back up to the lacy lining that adorns the edge of your nightdress, long fingers tugging down the thin fabric that holds your breasts in place. You’re glad Levi isn’t watching your face because you are multiple shades of embarrassment.

But Levi doesn’t say anything, instead he takes a breast in hand and massages it gently as his kisses start trailing down past your collarbone. Before you know it, his soft lips clamp around your already very sensitive nipple, eliciting a loud moan from you. You can’t help but dig your nails into the firm muscles of his back in response, dragging them down as Levi bites down gently. An exhale of hot air blows out of Levi’s mouth against your skin when you do that, a small grunt escaping with it.

You feel the absence of his lips immediately as his lips leave and the wetness left behind leaves your skin defenseless against the cool air. Levi softly kisses back up your sternum then pulls away, leaning forward on both hands that now sit on each side of your face. His tousled hair falls forward, creating shadows across his face as he stares down with that same hungry look, only this time it’s tinted with pure amazement.

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

You blink up at him and swallow hard. You were more than okay but as always, your words fail you. Instead, you nod and the hands that once dragged down his back are now trailing down his chest again. The feeling of his skin against yours sends electricity through your whole body, and you want more. You need more. Your hands flatten against right above his rapidly beating heart as you do your best to give him a look that conveys ‘more’.

“I’ve got you.” Those were the words he had muttered down to you the day before as you fell asleep in his arms on the beach. It wasn’t just cherishment that he held for you; it was deeper than that. Hange’s words from earlier flit through your mind, only briefly. How could you not have fully noticed until now?

He leans down and places his lips back on yours, soft and sweet. As your lips lock on to his, you feel his feather light touch trace back down to the elastic band of your underwear. But instead of teasing you like he had before, you feel his fingers dip under the cloth and further down to…

Any other thoughts racing through your mind cease to exist as his delicate fingers slide down your slick folds. You don’t mean to moan as loud as you do and fortunately Levi’s mouth muffles it for you. He hums in response to your reactions, smiling into the kiss.

Levi’s lips graze back down to just under your ear as his fingers rub small circles around your clit eliciting more moans from you. Your labored breaths fill the space as the white-hot heat from his touch reverberates throughout your whole body, tingling down to the tips of your toes. He whispers your name under a heavy breath, mutterings of how beautiful you are to him floating up to your ear. All sweet words mirror the moans you made.

You reach down to Levi’s hardened bulge that currently fights against the stretched fabric of his joggers. Your fingers close around him as much as they can through the thick cloth. Upon contact, Levi’s breath hitches. You give him a gentle squeeze resulting in a guttural groan that comes through his clenched teeth.

In response, his touch burns deep into your core as he carefully pushes a digit into your warm entrance, the palm of his hand applying pressure onto your swollen clit as he does. His movements are gentle as he pumps it in and out slowly, and you feel his finger curving up into a spot so good your toes curl. The euphoria turns into building heat, and you know what’s about to happen - but you wanted more. You wanted him now more than ever and this was not enough. More, more, more.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He mumbles, his lips finding your earlobe and nipping at it gently. Reaching over with your other hand, you place your hand against his cheek and pull him up to you, planting your lips right onto his. It’s a hungry kiss, one conveying you were ready for him. You love him, you want him. You need him.

With that, Levi withdraws his hand and slides himself off you and the bed. You sit up and watch as he tugs down his pants along with his boxers. You knew what was coming and yet you couldn’t stop the blood rushing to your cheeks in shy embarrassment. You look away, staring at the ceiling as you hear Levi pick his clothes up including the shirt you threw on the bed, and then place them neatly on the dresser behind him. Your name quietly tumbles out his lips for your attention.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

Instead, you push yourself closer to the edge of the bed and take Levi’s hand. In a delicate flourish, you’re in his arms again and he pulls you in for another deep, lingering kiss. His fingers bunch at the bottom of your night dress and start lifting it up. You let him, pulling away enough so he can get the soft fabric up and over your head. He folds it and turns to place it next to his pants. When he circles back on you, he takes a moment to observe your half-naked self.

Being in your thin bathing suit was one thing, but to be standing there as the cool air conditioning drifted across your unprotected self was in a whole other universe. You shift your weight awkwardly and twist your arms together as you avert your gaze to the piled-on dresser.

Levi steps closer to you and takes both of your arms in a gentle grip and pulls them away from each other so that you’re exposed to him. You force your gaze on him despite how nervous you were to be in front of him. Levi’s dark eyes trail down your body but not in an ogling kind of way – he watches you with wonder.

“You’re just so beautiful. Every part of you.” He releases your arms, and his hands are back on you, sliding down your waist and landing on your hips. His fingers leave a trail of tingles. “I want you, all of you. If you’ll have me. Is that okay?” He whispers to you, pulling you by the hips into him. The length of his hardened self presses against your bare stomach as he does.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

With that, Levi gently pushes you down into the bed with a hard kiss, leaning into you until your back is pressed against the mattress. He loops his fingers into the sides of your panties and tugs them down your legs, pulling away from you yet again to place them next to the rest of the discarded clothes. At that moment, he takes the time to rip a corner off the metallic package with his teeth, the foil discarded onto the dresser once done.

He grabs your hips again, this time pulling you flush to the edge of the bed as he stands at the foot of it. His hand makes its way to your thigh and his perfectly trimmed nails press into your soft skin as he holds you close. The tip of his cock teases your entrance and if you had a voice, you would have begged for it. As usual, you didn’t have to.

Levi leans down to you and kisses you slowly, teeth brushing against your swollen bottom lip. He places his other hand on the bed next to your head, using it to keep himself propped up. His hair hangs low as he hovers, already moist with sweat from the proximity and building body heat between the two of you. You use one hand to grip his forearm while the other hand slides up the back of his head and into his sweaty hair, fingers digging into his scalp. As the kiss deepens, so do his movements into you.

Levi slides himself in gently, using his hold on your thigh to control his speed. He lifts your leg up against his hip for a better angle but the sharp gasp from you stops Levi in his tracks. He stays there, feeling your warm walls hugging tightly around him.

He pulls away from the kiss and hovers over you again, looking down into your eyes with worry. It's been a while since you have been touched like this, let alone this intimate. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this loved. Levi makes this all so easy despite the anxious knot in your chest. You realize it isn’t just this that he makes easy, though. It’s everything around you. Every issue, every solution.

You imagine you’re looking at him just the same, a small smile etching into your flushed and hot face. Before he can ask again, you move your hand up and under his fingers that digs into the bed next to you. Lacing your fingers in with his, you squeeze his hand a few times.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

In a breathless moan, Levi pushes himself all the way in. He presses his lips onto yours, muffling your moans that rise in volume as he slowly rocks into you. The hand he had on your thigh tightens as he pulls you into him more, quickening his pace slightly. The new angle hits a spot that almost puts you at the brink of finishing right then and there.

Levi lets go of your hand and moves his arm under your neck again, giving him the opportunity to trail his now sloppy kisses and teeth down it. Those razor-sharp teeth sink into your skin as one of his thrusts hit simultaneously. You bite into the back of your hand to keep yourself from wailing out and waking the rest of your roommates. The other hand that now sits against his sweaty chest digs into his skin, burying deeper with every thrust. It feels as if every part of your body burns like wildfire from his touch. Your name comes out in a groan this time, husky and deep.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

Levi thrusts soon become clumsy, feeling him slam into you inconsistently and with every hit comes more pressure against your clit. Heat builds into your core, the same as before. You’re pulling at his hair, in an attempt to warn him you were close. Throaty curses leave his lips as you both feel each other tense up.

In an instant, it’s like the world crumbles around you as you hit your limit. The walls surrounding Levi clenches as each wave of pleasure rolls through your whole system. Your orgasm sends Levi over the edge and in one deep thrust of his hips, you feel his body shudder as his moan almost turns into a whine. His teeth bite into you again as he rides through his own climax, filling up the condom within you.

Levi releases your leg and lets it fall gently against the bed before collapsing on top of you. He uses an arm to keep himself propped up enough to not suffocate you with his body weight. You focus on the heavy panting emanating from the both of you as you come down from your high. His heart beats in sync with your own against as he lays on top of you, digging his face into the crook of your neck.

You wrap your arms around his head and hold him close, despite the heat and sticky sweat between your bodies. Levi nuzzles his nose into sweaty soft skin and chuckles, low and hoarse. You both continue to lay like that until the breathing slows down to a normal pace. The next time he speaks, his voice is so soft and barely audible that you almost miss it.

“I love you too.”

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☾ Previous Chapter: June Part 3

☾ Next Chapter: June Part 5 [Final]

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aeirithgainsborough · 1 year

Note

i just finished playing parts 1 and 2 of tlou for the first time and, as someone who has grown to love joel and ellie very much within the span of 72 hours and found their characterization in pt 2 to be straight up bizarre, your takes on the game are a godsend. the rage in my heart cannot be extinguished but it can be soothed. thank u for ur service 🫡

you’re welcome!! it’s baffling to me how many people seem to have mindlessly taken it all in, just letting themselves be force fed some bullshit morality tale with no thought cus… yeah it’s bad ajsjjs. the gameplay is good although a little repetitive since it’s more open, the graphics are stunning, and as a disabled person who can struggle with games sometimes the accessibility is next level. they definitely get credit for that!

but the narrative is terrible. for a start it’s chock full of contrivances. abby happens to find tommy and then when she’s looking for him after making a FOURTEEN DAY JOURNEY across a dangerous world she gets into trouble and who should save her but joel! who then runs into a lodge unarmed with a group of strangers after 20 years of being on his guard. and then ellie runs into the room too unarmed despite the noises she can hear coming from it, even though she took on david and his cronies at 14 and got the better of them lol? then they all travel another FOURTEEN DAYS no problems, they find who they need in a huge city, ellie leaves a handy map for abby to find her. it’s absurd. one or two contrivances i can ignore but when you’re that reliant on them for your plot it’s not good writing!

then there’s ellie ‘im scared to end up alone’ ‘you’re the only person to never leave me and id be more scared without you’ williams. a girl who lost her best friend/first love traumatically and had a whole ‘let’s make the most of the time we have left’ thing with her… and she doesn’t speak to the most important person in her life for 2 years?? not my ellie lmao. i can see her being mad. i can see her being cold to him. I can see that relationship being different bcus of joel’s lie. i can’t see her going cold turkey whilst living on the same property as him for that long. i can’t see her never asking him for a proper explanation in that time. she leaves everything behind eventually despite her fears and how important the notion of family is to her. bye dina and jj. and then at the end… it’s pointless! she didn’t even get her revenge after becoming unrecognisable, leaving her loved ones behind, and killing a slew of people to get there. nor does she develop lol AT ALL. at 14 she had survivors’s guilt and was ready to sacrifice her life bcus of that and a belief her life doesn’t matter and then at 19 she’s the same! there’s no lightbulb moment where she’s like OH my life does matter it does have value none of my friends’ deaths were my fault and i don’t need to die for absolution. there’s no moment she realises why joel saved her. she’s stagnant. it’s so miserable. and it haunts me what we could have had if joel hadn’t been killed off for torture porn shock value. if they’d had to go on some journey with their relationship cold and not As It Was and along the way ellie has that understanding that her life DOES matter. ‘no one wants the same story they played in tlou blah blah boring’ LOL YES?? ellie and joel are why ppl loved part 1 and that’s why they had to lie so much in the lead up to the game and marketing. ‘this is a story about joel and ellie that’s why we decided not to have it about new characters’ lie ‘we love joel and ellie and we’re going to treat them with respect’ lie, plus aging joel and ellie up in the trailers and inserting joel into the trailer in a way that made ppl think they were going on a journey. it was a deliberate lie to make ppl who wanted more joel and ellie buy the game and they told it for a reason. and besides there’s a difference between ‘i just met you and i don’t like you rn but slowly im gonna love you’ and ‘i love you but i don’t much like you’ and that difference is actually fascinating and could have been used to rlly good effect instead of… all those stupid contrivances and torture porn!

and then there’s joel lmao. even the opening when he says ‘i saved her’ is so funny his expression his tone it’s literally disney/marvel villain sjsjsjd i cannot take it seriously. beyond that there’s such a dissonance between a) what actually happens in part 1 and what they say in part 2 and b) the violent world they’ve put him/us in and then asked us to get across in one piece with a kid in part 1 and how he’s then judged for that in part 2. ‘get this kid across the country but when WE make it so you’re attacked in every chapter and have to defend yourself/ellie we are going to say joel is a cruelly violent man’ ‘get this kid across the county without letting her die when you’re attacked pls and btw in part 2 we are going to say you taught her violence and corrupted her’ never mind that it’s impossible joel could have done the job in the world THEY created and then punished us for acting accordingly in, but also that he doesn’t even give her a gun until using one makes her sick and it’s not a fun toy to her. and even then it’s for emergencies. he never attacks first, he only defends. and they made it that way! that specific world is useless in moralising to us about violence bcus of that dissonance. none? of? us? can? help? it? ‘be violent when ur attacked or you’ll die and can’t progress the story but we are gonna punish and villainise and demonise you for it in part 2’ ‘kill hundreds of people and dogs, torture people, but did you know violence is bad actually??’. ABSURD. and in that hospital joel was NOT the aggressor. honestly the whole thing would have worked better if abby’s revenge had been for pointless violence. but from the point we know him joel is never violent until they are attacked first. that’s inarguable fact. even tommy in part 2 tells ellie joel wouldn’t have gone to seattle for revenge if it had been one of them! it’s been a long time since he did terrible things and im not saying that makes it ok (except he’s hot and not real so idc) BUT that aside the point is, he doesn’t go looking for it, and it’s never pointless anymore. but he’s the Big Bad Evil who deserves to die like a dog and we know you all love joel but we’re gonna make you hear it and watch it and also in the whole game we are gonna make him the punching bag we are not even going to ONCE let him open his mouth and explain what really happened in that hospital and why he saved ellie (yeah he’s so terrible for not letting a suicidal 14yr old kill herself)! which rlly brings us back round to the dissonance cus they’ve ALL done shitty stuff to survive including abby but she’s gonna be the one to ‘stop horrible evil villain joel in his tracks’ when he’s been living quietly in jackson for 5 years and she’s gonna get her revenge and then after get a happy hopeful ending all to show us violence and revenge is bad which a) falls flat bcus what? revenge makes you lose everything and end up alone except not for abby! and b) she’s objectively just as awful if not more so than joel but she’s the one who has to stop him and gets a nice redemption arc with a hopeful happy ending and joel has to die! abby:

shows great pleasure in slowly torturing joel and then killing him brutally

does the above in front of his screaming kid who’s being held down and forced to watch even though just finding her dad’s body is traumatising for her

is in an authoritarian militia who is intent on wiping out anyone else out in seattle lol?

kills people for that militia including kids

after torturing joel and killing him is so deeply unaffected by it she laments the fact she hasn’t got time to torture some seraphites who are chained up in cells

kills jessie when he’s unarmed cus she rlly learnt violence and revenge was so awful and took everything from you. wait, no, only ellie had to learn that lesson and end up alone. she also shoots and injured tommy!

once again shows sadistic pleasure in the idea of killing when she’s about to slit dina’s throat. this pleasure is bcus she’s pregnant so again yeah she rlly was so affected by her violence and revenge lmao.

never shows any great remorse beyond a throwaway line, meanwhile ellie loses absolutely everything including her fingers and joel, peacefully minding his business in jackson is the villain who deserves to brutally die and even after he’s dead he’s further villanised by the narrative lol even tho he was right to kill jerry fuck that man!

it’s just completely nonsensical! not only are they moralising to us in a world that doesn’t suit it, but they can’t even do it well!

it’s also just relentless misery and torture porn. kill all these ppl kill these dogs watch joel die horribly beat ellie up as the person who killed him even though you love her and are attached to her (really struggle to understand where im meant to find empathy for abby during this, esp after jessie and then the whole dina bit) watch ellie lose her family lose her fingers and end up alone which was her greatest fear. don’t even get me started on the section that posits ellie as a david figure down to gameplay mechanics and the theatre set up which is beyond vile when he tormented her when she was a fucking kid and the voice actor has talked about how he was going to r*** her. it’s vile enough that they took the first lesbian protagonist of an AAA game and tortured her for 25 hours straight and turned her into the villain but to also position her as her own fucking predator is straight up horrific. cus that’s not a stereotype in the lgbt community… as an aside, troy saying joel is the same as david is the stupidest thing ive ever heard and he should shut up forever.

on top of all that the game is homophobic, transphobic and racist. neil got the idea when he fantasised about killing palestinians in revenge… yikes. you can even see how the conflict between the wlf and the seraphites mirrors what’s going on in palestine. it’s actually a plot that’s very similar to an early iteration of tlou1 that was stopped cus... it didn’t make sense for anyone in that world to travel when it’s so dangerous just to get revenge ajsjsjs come back bruce! (ppl like to forget he was integral to part 1)

this game doesn’t respect the characters, it doesn’t respect the world, and it sure as heck doesn’t respect us. it takes the ambiguity from the end of part 1 which made it SO great and rips it to shreds. instead of being allowed to make our own minds up they ram down our throats that joel was completely wrong in the way they punish him through the narrative and ellie (the ellie part just makes it worse :/). goodbye nuance goodbye grey area. the reaction to it from gamers who hail it as a narrative masterpiece and love abby whilst arguing joel is a villain who deserved to die show what propaganda was invented for actually! and then ppl have the audacity to say if you don’t like the game you’re a homophobic woman hater with no depth or nuance ITS LAUGHABLE.

i found the experience of playing the game so genuinely traumatic it was that full of torture porn but the good news is the further out i get from playing the game the better it gets. i haven’t cried for days and days about it which is a record!! and at that point it gets so much easier to disengage from part 2 and just enjoy the actual masterpiece part 1 was.

#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY ON UR ASK #it’s just tiresome to keep being told there aren’t any valid criticisms of this game… so here they all are ajsjjsd #the feelings of rage and upset get better tho #like ill still complain cus im an autistic goblin but im feeling much better now #the last of us spoilers #tlou2 #anti tlou2 #tlou

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minimallyminnie · 11 months

Text

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥!

I can allow for…

GN reader only, if you use fem or male reader in ur request, it’ll be ignored and used as GN reader

If you’re asking for a trans reader, I won’t be specific about what parts but I’ll try my best to write it!

Poly? Yeah! Sure! I’ll attempt!

Heavy angst is always lovely to write and put your heart to. Fluff too!

TW! I can write about a reader with depression but I will resort to researching so I do not put my own thoughts in case they aren’t yours. Please know you are never alone my heart goes out to those.

Darker themes will be pretty experimental and how I’ll interpret it but yes!

…suggestive. I will not write smut but I’ll write the steamier moments before and the aftercare/afterglow!

AUs! I won’t write extremely detailed ones but I’ll write the more simple ones! (Ex. Coffee shop, medieval, flower shop, aged up, modern)

I’ll write minor/non explicit injuries! I like whump.

Platonic! Wanna have a character as a parental figure or sibling or simply a close friend? Got you!

Child reader! Aww, I definitely love writing soft fics!

Reader with a disabilities! Yes! Of course!

That being said, I’ll also write for readers with conditions!

Most of these will be me researching about it with all the research I can find!

If you’re curious about if I’d write it, send the question and I’ll answer it as soon as I can!

𝐖𝐨𝐧’𝐭!

Please don’t request during my downtime! I have a lot of things going on and I write as a hobby!

No yanderes or mentions of yandere behaviors. They are not healthy, not my cup of tea and I am not a fan at all.

No explicit requests. I don’t want to write smut or graphic descriptions of wounds or injuries.

Please go easy on the heavy dark themes. Don’t push it too hard to the point where the coffee is just beans.

I will not write for more than three characters at a time! If I am in the mood to, maybe I’ll add one or two but only three please!

I am not writing about religion.

TW! No manipulative/cheating/abusive main character x reader. Same goes for reader. I don’t like relationships like these and I don’t want to write them :(

Sad or unhappy endings aren’t satisfying to me.

If you think I won’t write what you request, send it in and I’ll check!

Cannot cook for shit. I’m serious.

Very normal about: Meh, Yeh, Yeah!!

Twisted Wonderland, Proseka, Obey Me!, Tears of Themis, Genshin, Honkai Star Rail, Ikémen series, Our Life: Beginning and Always, Splatoon, Vocaloid, Twice

I make mini ocs to replace the mcs in the Otome games or games generally. I have a page with ocs!

I…I take many many breaks due to school or mental health so I’m really sorry!!

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞!

#rules #ミミ☆#about myself #about my blog #about my writing

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bk-179 · 2 years

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Drop the essay about how td was wronged. Drop itttttt

Anon you are giving me too much power/pos

As you probably know, teardrop is a contestant in Battle For Dream Island. You probably also know that she doesn’t talk, either by choice or disability. For the longest time, teardrop’s potential has been ignored by the writers as well as how they themselves have often been ignored and mistreated by the cast of BFDI. Today I’m going to be talking about why I believe Teardrop deserves better, both in terms of how they have been written and how the other contestants treat her. (Also, please feel free to add on to this! I’d love to hear ppl’s takes :D)

[more under the cut]

It would be appropriate to start looking at Teardrop in season one, being BFDI. Before the competition ever started, no one engaged with her. When she joined the squashy grapes they found company in Needle and Leafy, but other than that no one really talked to them. A majority of the contestants were also rude to TD due to her being non-speaking. An example below:

[bfdi 1b]

Switching to looking at teardrop from a writing standpoint, Michael and Cary (who at the time were 12-13, just need to point that out) didn’t really know what to do with her. She didn’t get much time for characterization due to their early elimination and the Huang twins focusing on other characters. Teardrop didn’t get much screentime, and they didn’t get to have much of an effect on things within the game.

Now let’s look at BFDIA. Here, we have people taking advantage of TD’s lack of speech, Like Coiny and Pin, for example.

Coiny:”Fine. If no one wants to switch, then we’ll MAKE THEM SWITCH!” Pin:”Let’s take Teardrop!” Coiny:”Why her?” Pin:”Because she’s my best friend!” Coiny:”How do you know?” Pin:”She’s the only one who hasn’t said she hates me!”

Coiny:”Well, let’s take her and get out of here.” Book, offscreen:”WAIT!!!” Book:”Teardrop will only switch if she WANTS to switch!” Coiny:”Fine.”

Coiny:”Teardrop, if you refuse, we’ll let you go back. Otherwise, YOU’RE MINE!” *Teardrop is visibly in distress and doesn’t want to switch but doesn’t say anything cuz, y’know, she CAN’T* *Coiny and Pin walk away, dragging Teardrop with them*

[scene and images from bfdia 2]

…yeah. Also in Bfdia 4, where Teardrop is yet again eliminated, and even earlier than before:

Coiny:”Any first words, Teardrop?”

*Teardrop stays silent since it’s been shown time and time again she can’t be otherwise, and is flung into the LOL*

Coiny:”Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

[scene and image from Bfdia 4]

AGAIN, people (most notably Coiny right now) being assholes to TD because of her disability (or choice not to speak, it’s never confirmed but it’s somewhat implied to be the former in Bfb 1, more on THAT episode later). This just feels so wrong. Teardrop didn’t do anything to deserve this, but gets this treatment just for being “weird” in the other’s eyes. The same thing happens to Woody for his phobias and Spongy for just, well, existing.

From a writing standpoint, teardrop did nothing notable here either, nor got any actual attention as a character. Td was voted out traditionally tho, so jnj didn’t have a part in her getting the boot this time. But this even earlier elimination does TD even MORE of a disservice.

We don’t get to see teardrop again till bfb 1, but as soon as we do, one of the opening scenes has liy wanting to get Teardrop to finally talk. The way she goes about this?

[bfb 1]

Violence!!! The Perfect solution to try to get someone to speak that obviously can’t!/s

But yeah, I fucking hate this scene man. The harassment of TD is completely unprompted on her part, and what does everyone else in the area do?

[bfb 1]

UGH. the only one trying to help her was clock, and then he gets caught up in what’s going on with the others who AREN’T EVEN TRYING TO HELP?! TD. IS RIGHT. THERE. this goes on until a fork stabs Teardrop in the head and she gets sick of everyone’s crap.

(Not putting an image here cuz the limit is 10)

Teardrop is interested in eggy’s stories (and previously lollipop’s fork repellent), but is seen as uncaring because she doesn’t say anything. Then their arm flapping is seen as her not caring either, despite her clear attempt at communicating. And right after they were the victim of a low key assault?!? Damn.

Barf bag:”Uhh, guys? Maybe Teardrop did care but just didn’t say anything, cuz, y’know, she CAN’T?” [bfb 1]

THANK YOU, BARF BAG. THANK YOU.

ok, I got carried away there, but you probably get my point. Almost everyone in the show mistreated, ignored, or mocked Teardrop in some way or another, all for her lack of voice. Pretty messed up, right? yeah, i thought so. It’s common place everywhere up to this point and the rest of pre-split bfb. The thing is, you’d think that after growing up and changing over time, the contestants, both old and new, would realize their treatment of teardrop is wrong in all of these ways. But they don’t. they have had twelve years to think about their behavior.

Just think about that for a minute. TWELVE YEARS. and Teardrop hasn’t gotten a single apology. not one. ever. They have been putting up with everyone’s crap for twelve years and no one has ever given her a simple sorry. Not that just a ”sorry” would fix everything, but it would at least be nice, wouldn’t it?

Despite this, things start to look brighter for Teardrop after bfb splits. Enter post-split bfb.

Now, the writers in pre-split bfb did better in giving Teardrop time and significance, but not by a lot. A big part of it being that there is now 64 contestants, but another part being that no one had a definite direction for Teardrop. The writers had little idea on what to do with her.

However, TD gets more significance after the split, as there is more opportunities for their development and growth. what are these opportunities, exactly?

Well first off, there’s less contestants. before The season was split into 2 seasons by Two, there were a whopping 64 contestants sharing an episode only 14-17 minutes in length, sometimes shorter. Naturally, not everyone got their time to shine, Teardrop included. not that there’s only 14 contestants and longer episode lengths, everyone can get some form of spotlight, especially past bfb 22. Speaking of bfb 22, something really important happens to Teardrop and their development.

Now, before i go any further, i feel the need to clarify that Teardrop is not a saint that has done nothing wrong ever. She’s shown to be impulsive, which leads to her being prone to violence. Why i feel she has been unfairly wronged by the contestants is because they never exclude or mistreat them because of these negative traits, but rather because she doesn’t speak, either by choice or disability (it doesn’t matter tho, cuz its wrong either way). Its never a social consequence for her actions, but rather an act of discrimination.

in bfb 22, we get this scene:

Gelatin:”Oh! you got radioactive powers! thats cool!” *turns pages* Gelatin:”Oh. you killed me with them. less cool.”

[scene and image from bfb 22]

Here, the Teardrop and Gelatin arc really starts to kick off. TD’s negative behavior has an effect on someone where it previously never had much significance, as most of her interactions with others came from them not speaking instead of something she did or was. not only that, but it shows to have a negative consequence, as once again, the exclusion and mocking of Teardrop never was a result of them as a person but from her being non-speaking.

In bfb 24, Gelatin confronts Teardrop for her violent behavior towards him, and desires to distance himself from her. This is extremely important for Teardrop’s development as a character for both the reasons listed above, but also giving her the chance to finally have a solid friendship with someone, that being Gelatin and later Lollipop, after TD and Gelatin make up and form a strong bond.

from this episode onward, Teardrop, for the first time, has stable friendships. The whole leafy thing was a mess cuz everyone’s relationship with leafy was a mess after bfdia, and needle and TD hadn’t really talked for a good while. but Gelatin and Lollipop are barely as turbulent and messy as everyone from the original bfdi, and are much more accepting of Teardrop for who they are. Friendships are important kids, and a good one can change you life in a positive light forever. And voice or not, people finally treat Teardrop like a person.

SPOILERS FOR TPOT 2 AHEAD, SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THEM PLEASE

While bfb has teardrop growing as a person and healing from her past, TPOT has them showing off more of herself and breaking out of their shell to her true potential.

In tpot 2, Teardrop joins tpot on her own team, and we actually get to see a lot of her! we see her personality in action, like how she uses the laser gun to be such a chaotic force, and how she’s just having fun while also being competitive. and i think that’s really important, how Teardrop is finally having fun. I think something she learned from gelatin is that being in a competition doesn’t mean they can’t have fun and enjoy themselves.

It also feels like the writers trying to make up for TD’s lack of screen time in the first 2 seasons. Instead of not having an effect on anything, Teardrop has a major effect on Tpot 2! This feels really refreshing, and i can’t wait to see Teardrop in the future.

SPOILERS END HERE

Now, this does not mean everything is fixed between Teardrop and the others. Mainly because she hasn’t gotten an apology from anyone yet, which really sucks. But Post-spilt bfb was the start of Teardrop’s healing and growth, and i’m exited to see what, if anything, will be done with her in the future.

Teardrop has been ignored, discriminated against, and even assaulted for her lack of voice for twelve years, and hasn’t gotten a single apology. But being seen for her and not their lack of voice, as well as developing stable relationships, was the catalyst for Teardrop being able to change for the better. Though her life is still far from perfect, TD is finally learning to enjoy the competition. Teardrop, in the eyes of her peers, is finally more than a voice, or lack thereof.

TLDR: Teardrop has been treated like shit for over a decade for being non-speaking, but in the latest seasons her life is finally taking a turn for the better.

——————————————————————————————————

WOW! that was long, but if you got this far, thank you so much for reading this! Teardrop has been one if my favorite characters ever since i first saw bfdi, and finally getting to write about them feels amazing lol

Also anon if you’re reading this ty for letting me spill my teardrop analysis onto paper instead of studying lmao, srry it took a bit long lol

once again, if you wanna add onto this or discuss please do! I love talking abt my faves, and i wanna see what other ppl think about this topic :3

#Holy shit that was long #Bfb #bfdi #bfdia #bfb teardrop #bfdi teardrop #tpot teardrop #tpot #analysis #teardrop deserves better #and now she’s hopefully gonna get it #tw all caps #tw caps #tpot 2 spoilers #the power of two #This is legit an essay lmao

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swamp-spirit · 1 year

Text

Disability Serving Non-Disability Stories

I was replying to a post about what mobility device narrative things make us happiest, and it got me thinking about what I like in rep in general, and I was thinking my absolute favorite thing is disability serving the story. My least favorite feeling is that the narrative has screeched to a halt to Do A Representation, and most of the scenes that have really made me feel seen did so because they were damn good writing that was specific and tender and raw.

This isn’t the Right Way to Do Disability, and I think writing good character and story beats using disability involves doing a lot of research first, but here’s some ways authors can use disability to serve a different narrative.

Setting Up the Chess Board

One of the tricks of running a tabletop game is giving the players choices, but making sure those choices always go somewhere interesting. Rather than having the informant at the tavern and the players missing out because they went to the park, you can have the informant appear in the place where the players do. You reshape the world to fit what your players establish. This can also work when writing alone. If one of your characters can’t get up stairs and you want them in the scene... you can simply choose not to add stairs. However, if you want to get them alone... whoops, there’s the stairs. Or maybe they have to go the long way to the elevator and get stuck alone with their romantic interest. Maybe they decide to kill some time checking out a room everyone walked past on their way to the second floor and find the second clue or break the elevator on purpose for an excuse to meet their informant. Having a disability in a society that doesn’t support you can be hard and inconvenient, so show that! Have the girl in a wheelchair have to take the accessible entrance through the crowded kitchen or have to skip the historical tour, but instead of making it a tragedy of disability, use it. You’re a writer and this is your world, so use the barriers to steer us directly into the most exciting version of the story.

Painting Relationships Between People

There are some people who notice when I’m getting tired before I do and encourage me to sit down. There are some people who love me very much, but don’t notice when I’m getting tired until I collapse. There are some people who assume I’m faking collapsing for attention. There are some people who just don’t care. There are people who will walk away when I get a concussion and people who won’t leave me alone when I tell them I’m fine and would like privacy. All of these paint an aspect of our relationships. There is intimacy and romance in knowing how to care for somebody, in knowing the little tells that they’re in pain, of offering to do the tasks that will help them most. There can also be overbearing suffocation, not allowing somebody independence. There can be both in the same relationship. Putting a prosthetic leg in a sex scene can be a great moment to show how these characters communicate around taboo subjects, to show whether they’re awkward or relaxed, considerate or callous, if they’re the type to crack jokes about it, and whether those jokes are welcome. When the cashier looks past the person in the wheelchair to their partner, does their partner redirect their attention? Ignore it and complete the transaction? Push their partner aside? Make the situation awkward to make a point? Blow up at the cashier? If they blow up, is the person in the wheelchair flattered or pissed to have somebody lose their temper on their behalf? It’s not about showing a good or bad partner. What’s overbearing to one person might be sweet to another. What’s hilarious to one person might be callous to another. It’s just a great chance to show how people interact, how they handle intimacy and vulnerability and power.

Painting Relationships with Ourselves

I’ve always thought people are most interesting when you push them to extremes, and disability can fucking push. It can drive you into debt. It can make you wake up in pain every day. It can force you to accept more help than you can offer. It can take your plans or your self image and dash it across the rocks. You can lose friends and lovers and hobbies and feel like the world doesn’t have a place for people like you. I’m of the opinion that stories about the really gutting parts of this are best left to disabled authors. Going from abled to disabled, it’s easy to feel trapped and helpless, but most disabled people still lead joyful, meaningful lives. Damn fiction can make you feel otherwise. It can make you feel like becoming disabled means your life is now a tragedy, that the worst of the grief and anger will define every aspect of your life forever. I think really digging into that pain is best done by people with real experience, not lurid imagination. That said, those pushes are a great time to explore a character. Disability can steal the core of your identity, and, besides the grief, there’s a question. Who am I if I’m not that? Instead of just showing a loss, you can let your characters find answers. You can explore how a character reacts to vulnerability, in expressing pain and needing help.You can show how they respond to not having the skills society values. Do they internalize it? Fight back? Ignore it, confident in their own passions and value? Do they see the problem as with themselves or with a society that fails to accomadate them?

Disability as Worldbuilding

One of the most moving things to me is a report of ancient burial sites, lovingly made, for people who would have needed care to survive. How a society cares for those that cannot ‘contribute‘, or supports those with less common needs, in my opinion, shows the core of a society’s heart. To be clear this one can get gross fast and make disabled people tragedy props or feel good examples. The core of this is it coming from the view of characters, letting it be a background part of their lives. Even in the real world, you can use it to show parts of a country’s structure most readers might now know (either because they live somewhere/when else, or because they don’t know about disability rights), but it can also paint a community, how an individual town cares for it’s members, and whether it does it with genuine care, exhausted martyrdom, or condescending self-righteousness. And don’t just think of things in terms of support, think of what disability means. People are uncomfortable around visible disability, and they’re even more uncomfortable because everyone is only one accident or diagnosis away from being disabled too. A lot of religions and cultures have created narratives to alleviate this pain. Disability happens to bad people via god’s judgement. All disability is a result of a badly lived life, or the mother’s badly lived life, or the previous incarnation. Or maybe a test that can be passed or failed! The treatment of disability often reflects cultural anxieties and narratives, especially when we talk about how class and gender effect disability. What disabilities are considered ‘worse‘, or even what’s considered a disability at all, changes based on the society. I personally consider, for example, many characters who are unable to use magic or sci-fi tech as ‘disabled‘ rather than just metaphorically disabled. But this also gets into issues of what a society values and scorns. A highly militarized society will have a very different view of a man with a slight limp than a society who sees scholarship as the height of male achievement. The treatment of disabilities reflects societies priorities and who those priorities apply to.

Like many other aspect’s of a person’s life, disability is something that exists in interaction with the world around it. The best moments, in my opinion, come from writers who has sat with that and figured out exactly what that means for their character, as a person in the world, and has done the research to really understand what rings true.

#disability #writing

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annamarabella-grumble · 1 year

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mass effect replay thoughts, episode 3

episode 1 / episode 2 / episode 4 / episode 5 / episode 6 / episode 7 / episode 8 / episode 9

the Normandy is made of glass and I have so many stones to throw

no-one on that writing team had any business writing allegorical subplots about slavery and forced sterilisation of enslaved and/or indigenous populations — it’s one thing to use it as allegory, it’s another to present it as an issue with a moral grey area, as chat very rightly pointed out during the stream

Tali presenting “ we created slaves and we knew they’d turn on us immediately upon becoming self-aware” as a foregone conclusion with no other outcome — crucially, with no responsibility for de-escalation lying with the quarians…

again, i know the point is that these characters will grow past this and that it’s specifically on the player to nudge them in the right direction, but it’s still incredibly frustrating. because you WILL have players earnestly agreeing with Tali, or with the genophage. there are people, politicians, community leaders, to whom these are reasonable positions to hold.

and they’re not. THEY’RE NOT.

the framing is such centrist bullshit. there’s a straight line from this to Detroit Become Human’s “the public have to love you for you to succeed, so you can’t be angry in your protests, ever” constraints; on top of the blatant butchering of the civil rights movement metaphor. and do not get me started on the bad ending variations.

the geth were given no other choice than defend themselves — the quarians made themselves their oppressors. they could have so easily given the geth rights of personhood and helped them find somewhere to live. instead, they attempted to wipe them out. expecting the geth to revolt violently says more about the quarians than the geth — it says plenty about in whose image they created them.

the quarians in charge of the geth “labour force” were called overseers. hello, plantation vibes.

at least with Wrex there’s a character present who offers the perspective of a culture impacted by disastrous choices like the genophage, including schooling Shepard on her ignorance. but it's cold comfort.

Ashley. Pressly. shut the fuck up, you xenophobes.

the way that you literally CANNOT turn Kaidan down once you’ve just asked him some damn questions about his history. like, yes, i want to know about brain camp and biotics! it’s part of the worldbuilding! Kaidan is my window into that! but because i’m playing femshep there is literally no dialogue option, not a single one, that lets me tell him i’m not interested-interested. there’s only super flirty, flirty, and backhanded-flirty.

like, even the “mean” dialogue option has him be like “oh i need some time to write in my diary about this, commander” because what shepard SAYS is “i talk to everyone but i don’t enjoy it all the time.”

contrast this with Joker, whom you’re asking HORRIBLY INSENSITIVE questions about his disability, but at least he doesn’t think you’re flirting with him

I see you, Garrus “it’s ok if I break the rules and don’t answer to anyone” Vakarian

the way that Garrus sees Shep’s Spectre rank and assumes she wants the same above-the-law life he’s craving

it’s incredibly apparent in how he argues that his father wouldn’t like Shepard very much — there’s so much to unpack there.

that Shepard ever even wanted to be a Spectre in the first place, for one. yes, she accepted the Council’s offer, but she was on that job interview without any idea what was going on.

for another, to Garrus, Shepard’s Spectre status eclipses her opinions and rules (he doesn’t know her yet, of course). but he doesn’t consider that Shep, despite her rank and making use of the resources it affords her for good, might have personal opinions and professional ethics that his dad very much would approve of

i know this is a lot of griping. i know that the series does get smarter about some of this and it’s often written ambiguously to afford the player space to form their own opinion. i appreciate (as in, acknowledge) that this includes playing a Shepard who believes the geth should be wiped out and the genophage was the best solution.

it’s not that i don’t think these plotlines should exist, or that the NPCs shouldn’t be flawed in these ways. i simply think that it needed writers who know how to handle this with a lot more grace and care. crucially, as something that's real. not as a thought experiment.

the issue with Kaidan is a mechanic/agency issue; forcing you into a het relationship that you super may not want without signalling that this leads you down the romance path just by asking some questions out of professional curiosity/curtesy, resulting in all hell breaking loose when you go for Liara’s romance arc

finally, a happy thought: if your head engineer isn’t horny for the warp core, why the fuck did you even hire them?

#mass effect #mass effect 1 #me1 #meta #grumble has thoughts #video games #mass effect legendary edition #long post

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spamtonology · 2 years

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Anon from spamton's mischaracterisation ask here! Thank you for your time answering my ask, im very happy to see people opinions on my thoughts! I just wanted to say that in point 2 i mentioned, the "sad and obsessed with neo" part was kind of, not properly written from my part? And could probably lead to some misunderstanding which i apologise for, spamton wanting to get to neo is very important for his entire story, So it should be ver understandble that people Focus on that for bigger Scale!

also wanted to say that spamton is generally very diverse character, and toby fox did amazing job balancing comedy with tragedy, where something spamton says makes any Player laugh, but if you think more about it you realise meaning behind it, and go like "oh, OH" which makes spamton such great character (i want to talk about that one part later too) and taking it only to one part is taking the entire point of his character!

And last thing about the infantilising part, i do agree with most things said, spamton is infact homeless adult (if we want to involve spamton's fan assigned birthday in 1978 that would mean that in 201x spamton is like 30-40 year old) and heavily coded to be mentaly ill and disabled, and when i think (as an disabled person myself) properly including the disabilities in stories could make a big diffrence and making the whole "taking care of spamton" possibly better, but most of the time its always just, infantilising spamton (and i generally noticed that infantilisation of mentally ill or disabled characters is very common thing in media)

Thank you for getting into this discussion Again i really apprieciate it!!!

Hello again Anon! You’re very welcome, the ask was an absolute treat to answer and I’m glad you sent it!

I understand your wording may have been confusing on the NEO part, it’s perfectly fine, I know I have some awkward wording myself. But, making him “only sad” is a real issue that does happen in the fandom and does a disservice to the multifaceted character he is.

Spamton is very much a Fridge Horror type character, where the things he says at first seem innocuous or funny, but with replay or knowing later context, it suddenly becomes...sad. Scary. The “Letting your old pal Spamton kill you” line is a good example, he might be addressing Kris, but he’s really talking about himself. He’s likely implying he wanted to commit suicide in the past.

Feel free to talk more on that aspect, it’s one of the best things about his character in my opinion!

I like Spamton’s fan-assigned birthday of May 3, 1978 a lot and generally use it in my fanworks, though I also like to make Spamton a few years older at 50, mostly because I like round numbers and anything with 5 in it. He would have been very young as a Big Shot too, which might make his story even sadder to some.

I am also disabled, and include some experiences with my own disability into Spamton’s character, though of course his circumstances are wildly different. I do need help with a few things, and it seems logical that he would too; as a severely mentally ill adult he might need assistance with a few things including reminders and physical support if necessary. There is a definite difference between that and infantilizing him.

I can’t name too many fanfiction besides my own and Steppin’ Out as portraying actual disabilities making his Activities of Daily Living impaired in a respectful manner, and wish there would be more content like this, because so many fans want to take care of him but forget that you can take care of a disabled adult and still treat them like an adult. I don’t know if it’s somehow easier to write him as childish, if it’s pure ignorance/ableism, or the author thinks it’s “cute”, but...At least make an effort, you know?

I’ve done a lot of research for my fanfiction, and google is only a few words and a click away. If, like me, you forget easily, you can collate these research points and links into a document (Google docs preferred, though you could use Word too). If you don’t know a word or phrase, look it up or ask a friend knowledgeable in that area.

But, yes, research, research is so important for storywriting. All those memes about shady-looking search results including things like “How much blood can a human lose and still be alive” are real and true, that’s the type of thing authors (both original and fanfiction) look up in order to research for their story! If you’re especially paranoid about your search history being seen by others (mostly advertisers) incognito mode/private browsing is your friend.

I went off a minor tangent here, but I hope it was helpful! Thank you again for your ask, and feel free to ask more!

#spamton #suicide ment fictional

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nicoappreciation · 1 year

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Hi 🖤 this maybe a weird question but I just got into the fandom and I’ve been catching up on the Solangelo discourse and I haven’t read the newest book yet but I was wondering if you think it’s better on the ableism front or at least negated/addressed some of the concern from the ship antis?

Side note but as someone new to the (tumblr) fandom are there any blog/post/thinkpiece recommendations? I’m just starting to understand some of the discourse and discussions and I don’t want to miss any important stuff in fan discussions. Or anything you’d personally add?

honestly as an able-bodied person i wouldn’t say i’m the best person to judge whether or not the ableist undertones in the ship were properly addressed. i will say that a significant part of will’s arc in the book is about learning to put in more effort to understand nico and that the darker sides of him aren’t meant to be conquered or fixed, just lived with. however, that’s more about his underworld heritage than anything else. but it can also be applied to his ptsd, and you could easily see how it can also be made to be about physical disability. most of the complaints about the book that i’ve seen were about the plot or the continuity errors or the characterization, not ableism in particular. so based on what i’ve seen in the book and the reactions from my mutuals i at least believe the ableism isn’t any worse than before. nevertheless, take my perspective with a grain of salt.

as for blog recommendations, most of the people i reblog from regularly are good places to start (i don’t want to try tagging everybody because if i forget someone i’ll feel bad so mutuals feel free to promo yourselves lmao).

if you’re interested in analysis on the ableist undertones of early solangelo and the blatant ableism of solangelo shippers from an actual disabled person, @ursie is a great place to go. xe makes very good posts that actually opened my eyes to a lot of this stuff.

as for fan discussion posts there’s a really good post somewhere that covers nearly all of the problematic elements of rick’s writing when it comes to his minority characters, i’ll try my best to find it. if anybody has any good posts they’d like to share, feel free to leave them here.

as for what i’d add, all i will say is just do your best to listen. it can be hard to hear criticism of something you love, but don’t take it as a personal attack. actually take your time to process the information, and then think about what you can do to make this fandom a more safe and accepting space for disabled people, poc, and more. we’re all here because we love this world and these characters, but those things are far from perfect.

and have fun!! find people who have the same favorite characters as you and spend hours brainrotting about them and ignoring half of canon. it’s therapeutic

#this got a bit long #but hopefully there’s something useful in here #tsats spoilers #just in case #asks #anon #long post

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spicerackofblorbos · 2 months

Text

Chapter 8: June - Part Four [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

So much for trying.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

‘What about you?’

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

“I love you too.”

☾ Previous Chapter: June - Part 3 ☾ Next Chapter: June - Part 5 [Final]

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theanoninyourinbox · 2 years

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Hypokits/Art Requests Rules

Questions About My Art are Always Open!!! I love infodumping about my art! AU/Lore asks are Always Open! Ask me AU stuff/share your AUs and I’ll write/rate them! Infodump all your ideas! I’m prepared!

Hypokits/Hypofoals and Art Requests are currently Open! I’m on a Steven Universe/Gemsona Hyperfixation week, but send your other requests in as well - they’ll be seen eventually!

I Only Do SFW art - please no kinks or explicit/super violent/nude requests. If you’re looking for That, I’m not the artist you’re looking for. I may also choose to/can be asked to not share the art on site. If it’s a gift for someone, or you don’t want your Cool Art seen by all, I’m fine with that. You CAN share your art off-site as long as you give me credit, and direct others to my blog! And please send me a link - I’d like to see what other people think!

You can Ask for Hypokits, Dungeons and Dragons original character designs (may take longer), MLP (same ship rules as the cats), Crystal Gems/Gem characters, or Try Your Luck - ask me that and get a Random Art! You can also direct me to Art challenges or Generators you think I might like/want me to do, but no promises there~

1: No Inappropriate Ships - No directly related characters, no weird age gaps; having a character born at a different time or reincarnation/Starclan Nonsense are the ONLY ways I’ll break the second part but the requester must Specify this or I will delete the ask. Example of an approved ask - Squirrel/Loner!Ashfur is okay, BUT Lionheart/Goldenflower or other sibling ships Are Not Okay - you know who you are, please Stop asking! As a note, non-ship art is always welcome as well!

2: One Request A Month Please - a first-time requester May have two requests answered at the same time, otherwise I will hang onto asks UNLESS I get more than 3 from one person in a month - I will delete either the oldest or my least favorite. I MAY make an exception if it’s a Really Good Idea but that’s not Normal Operating Procedure.

3: Things You Can (and Should) Request! I’ll do Specific Breeds, Disabilities (please be specific on details if it’s not a common one), Gender Pronouns/Identities (please, if you give me those, Give Me Pronouns too, because I want to be respectful), Good/Evil Swap, Angst/Fluff Backstories, Opposite Day Cats (please give me at least a starting point of what you think the opposite is on one detail to start), Sparklecats, and Emoji challenges (NEW!)…you can also Try Your Luck and give me Creative Freedom for funzies! If I think of any more they’ll end up here! I’ll also do Naming (send me a cat photo and I’ll give them a series of possible names) and Discuss AUs with you!

4: Random Full Page Art - sometimes I get Good Vibes from a Ship/Art Request and will do a full page of cats. This is completely random - some of you have good ideas and I vibe, sometimes I don’t get the Ship/Idea but still draw it.

5: Anon Requests - I may change small details on basic Anon requests - maybe swap a gender or do a breed. Ex - Tiger/Leopard to Looks like mom!Good!Tiger/Longhaired!Leopard. If a request has Details I will not change things. If you want it to stay basic/exactly like canon designs please say so or I may go a little crazy on it ;)

6: Three Strikes - if a user breaks my rules/makes inappropriate requests, they have three chances - I will require an apology and a week space for the first strike, a month for a second strike, and third strike gets you blocked. I am aware that you can just go through Anon Asks but I will just delete them on sight.

7: Commissions - eventually

Anyway, I had some anons confused about how to ask for Hypokits, so here are my rules! I hope you all can respect my rules, because if you don’t I will be sad and have to ignore or block you, and I Really Don’t Want To Be Mean.

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chaotic-on-main · 1 year

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Chapter 3: January

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! I'm so proud of myself for getting this out before the end of January hehe. Anyways if you missed the first two chapters, you can find them here and here. I hope you enjoy!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.5k

Hange tuts at you as they turn a sharp corner.

“Well, c’mon, my little berry. Those votives aren’t going to light themselves.”

“Did you want to try it this year?” They grab your hand with theirs, looking into your eyes closely.

“That’s okay, Love. I’ll take care of it for you. Just close your eyes and think of them.”

“What’s up?” They twirl around on you with worry.

‘Want to go get some dinner?’

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise!” Hange yells out to him as they close the distance, you still in tow.

“Ah! I thought I recognized your name! Erwin mentions you in passing a lot. And, well, that’s Levi for you. I had a hard time getting to know him when we first met.”

“Did you two kill each other’s cats or something? Jeez.” Levi clicks his tongue at the same time as you roll your eyes.

“Wait wait wait! Is this the girl you were talking about a while back?” That makes your eyes fly to Furlan’s and you can’t keep the shock from filling your face. He talked about me?

“Wow, it’s super nice to meet you then. This guy would not stop talking about you aft-” Levi kicks Furlan in his other shin and it must have hurt this time because he winces.

“Furlan, shut up.” Levi scolds.

“Is that an order?” Furlan smirks as he leans down to rub the now sore spot.

“Sorry about that! What are we talking about?” Hange rests her chin on your shoulder and stares at the two friends.

“Wait! ‘We’? Where’s Erwin? It’s weird to see you without him, Levi.”

“Oh, he’s currently back at their apartment cooking dinner for us. He came out to show his respects early this morning.” Furlan cuts in before Levi can say anything.

“Sounds great, we’re in.” You stare at your sister in horror before shoving your hands in their face.

‘No, we’re not!’

“Erwin doesn’t mind, he said so.”

‘We are not going!’ You’re practically flinging your hands at her face, but she just gives you her puppy-dog stare.

“But I’m so hungry! And he’s fine with it. Plus, a homecooked meal! It’s so much better than fast food!” Hange whines.

“Well, I’m not fine with it.” Levi shoots back, eyes narrowed at the two of you.

“Miche’s going?! What the hell, and Erwin didn’t even invite me!?” She yells.

“Tch, fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care. Furlan, we have one more stop, let’s go.” Levi stomps off in the opposite direction, leaving the atmosphere 10 degrees colder.

When Levi and Furlan are out of earshot, Furlan knocks his shoulders in Levi’s and smirks.

“Isabel would have liked her, don’t you think?”

“You can thank Levi for that, mostly. He likes to clean.” Erwin calls out. You knew that of course, thinking back to that fateful night at the bar.

“I already told you. I invited you a couple weeks ago, but it seems to me you weren’t listening to me then. I think you were going off about some lab report that frustrated you.”

“Oh yeah. Okay that’s totally fair and on me. You should have reminded me at least!”

‘Where is your bathroom?’

You take your time going down the hallway because your eyes are distracted by various photographs framed on the walls. There weren’t any family photos of either of the two, but plenty of random friends throughout the years. There were a couple of Erwin when he was younger, maybe in grade school, with a few friends hanging around him. You think you spot a young Miche with him in one of the photos. That must mean they’ve been good friends for more than 15 or so years. There’s another picture frame of Erwin and Levi in graduation gowns holding up diplomas, college you think. Erwin has a huge grin showing off his pearly whites and his arm is propped up, leaning on a short-statured Levi. Levi’s not even looking at the camera, electing to look off to the side with a scowl stuck to his face. That checks out, you think to yourself.

‘You really know how to serve a feast.’ You sign to Erwin with a wide smile.

“Well, it’s not all just me. Miche makes a great sous chef.” He jokes.

“Hey, where’d the grump run off to?” Hange inquires as they take a sip of their white wine.

“The grump is right here, tch.” a voice cuts in.

“So, Hange, what do you do?” Furlan pipes up after a few minutes, tearing a roll up with his fingers.

“They’re just kidding, Furlan. They work with curing viruses, at least that’s what I’m told. Hange you can’t just go around saying stuff like that.” Erwin scolds and Hange just grins.

“Oh uh. Okay. I guess that’s a little better.”

‘My sister can be a little overzealous and crazy sometimes.’ You sign to Furlan and Hange just grabs her heart dramatically.

“Pft, I’m not that crazy.” That's all she says before diving back into her chicken, paying the rest of you no mind.

A couple moments later, there’s a scratch of a chair against the floor as Levi gets up from his spot. He slips out of the balcony door with a blast of cold air before closing it shut behind him. You can see his puffs of hot air as he stands, leaning against the rail with his back to you. As you’re staring, you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turn to see the source of it, you’re surprised to find its Erwin. Crystal blue eyes stare back at you and then they flicker over to where Levi stood. He says nothing else and sits back down in his spot like nothing happened. Hange gives you a supportive wink and goes back to her conversation with the two men.

Ugh

You stand up and pull on your jacket that you had slung over the backside of the couch hours ago. Zipping it up, you take a deep breath before sliding the door open and forcing yourself into the cold. Levi does nothing to acknowledge you, he just stands stoically looking up at the stars. You tighten your jacket around you and stand awkwardly behind him, shifting from one foot to the other as you consider what to say. As you feel the winter air nipping at your skin, you exhale softly and pull your phone out to type out a message. It takes you a few minutes of typing and deleting repeatedly, but Levi says and does nothing as he waits, hearing the clicks of the letters coming out of the speakers.

‘Are you mad at me still?’

“Okay, I was a little mad at first. But I’m clearly not anymore.” He mumbles.

‘Clearly.’

“I know I can come off rude and cold but it’s just... Shit!” He grips the rail so hard that his knuckles turn white. “I’m not mad at you, and I haven’t been for a couple weeks. I just- I felt awkward after the whole thing and I didn’t know how to talk to you. Plus, you know, I thought you were mad at me. So. You have nothing to apologize for. And, here,” he grabs your phone that you loosely held and starts moving around apps, pressing random buttons as he goes. Then he hands it back to you with a side eye, opting to stare back out to the moon as he spoke. “I don’t want to throw your phone off the balcony so from here on out, just directly text me and I’ll respond.”

'Hi'

You hear his phone ‘ping’ and he pulls it out of his back pocket.

“We’re great with words, aren’t we.” he says with a smile playing on his lips.

‘I’m glad you’re not mad at me. I’m still sorry for last month though.’

“It’s fine, but thanks anyways.”

‘Who’s Isabel?’ You watch him carefully.

“She was one of my best friends. Well, Furlan and I’s. We all, uh, grew up together.” Levi swallows hard.

‘What happened?’

His body tenses up once more and you worry for a moment that he might get defensive, but he just grips the rail tightly in both hands again.

“I went to go celebrate her today with Furlan. She always had a thing for sweets.” He mumbles, looking a little more relaxed. He has a faraway look in his eyes.

‘What was she like?’ His eyes shift to yours, now soft.

“You remind me a lot of her, actually. Stubborn. Happy.” Levi huffs, but you could have sworn it was a little laugh.

“Who were you and Hange celebrating today? I saw you two at the temple earlier.”

‘Are you creeping on us or something?’ You smirk at him teasingly and his already rosy cheeks turn a darker shade.

“Tch, no. I just passed by, is all.”

“I’m really sorry to hear about that.” He says, finally.

“I’m sure there are worse families to be stuck with.” Levi jokes quietly.

“So Furlan huh?” He playfully chides. You stare at him, incredulous.

“What? He just seemed really into you. Do you feel the same?” There was a look in his eyes that confused you. You feel your face heat as you tap away at your phone screen.

“Tch, you don’t know.” He cocks an eyebrow at you but says nothing else. You just shake your head at him, at a loss for words of what to say next.

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the sliding door and peeking through is a Hange with a wide grin.

Thanks for confiding in me. I don’t mind learning more about you, if you want.

Ask away, I’m here for you. Goodnight, Levi.

☆AN ➼ This chapter was a lot longer than I had planned but yanno what, it's fine. I hope you liked it! I'm going to get started on February's chapter soon! I'm really excited because my goal is to be super fluffy. It's Valentine's month after all. I hope y'all have a great rest of your day/night! And as always, please like and reblog so I know I'm doing something right. Feedback is always appreciated. ☆

☾ Previous Chapter: December

☾ Next Chapter: February

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