#don't ask how I remembered the exact episode when he made that expression

[itsmattchou]

like sweet chocolate ice cream !

pairing: seventeen maknae line x gn!reader warnings: probably profanity i swear too much, reader is implied to be shorter than mingyu, canon typical seungkwan violence in chans section, english isn't my first language!!! genre: fluff synopsis: just cute things the boys would do in a relationship! notes: started this thing in march and finally finished like a week ago. first post kinda nervous🥴 shoutout to my beautiful gf for helping me with this!💗

hyung line version

seokmin - has thousands of petnames for you. he knows you have a name. but calling you solely by your name is too boring for him- so he just resorts to petnames. but always using the same ones isn't good enough for him either, as no single petname alone could express his love for you perfectly. so he just uses every single one and switches them up every time: honey, baby, babe, darling, love, sweetheart, sunshine, pumpkin, flower, … you get the thrill. he calls you every pretty word he knows. will get offended if you don't switch up your petnames for him from time to time too.

mingyu - rests his head on yours. no matter how tall you are, there's a good chance he's still taller than you. and he absolutely loves loves LOVES it. he does that annoying thing tall people tend to do- purposely putting stuff you need on the highest shelf so you have to ask him to get it for you (he loves feeling needed)- but his favorite thing he can do because his height allows him to is resting his head on yours whenever he gives you a random back hug. and he does it every time he hugs you. and he hugs you all the time. your head isn't for you to use, it's just "mingyus headrest" at this point.

minghao - remembers everything you tell him about. whatever you're telling him, he is always 100% paying attention. whenever you ramble about something, may it be about a show you like, about the book you've read recently or just something that happened at work- he slurps up every piece of information as if he was dying of thirst. minghao thinks of you as one of the most important parts of his life, therefore he "should treasure everything about you, even your opinion on the sweater your boss wore today" (his words, not yours). you do find it endearing, of course you do, but it's still a bit creepy when he remembers stuff you can't even recall ever talking about…

vernon - only watches shows with you. he is your typical introverted, quality time as love language, chilled kinda guy. he enjoys simply existing next to you, he doesn't even need to talk to you. your presence next to him is already enough for him to be super happy- but he also knows it can get quite boring to do only that. so he just puts a show on for you two to watch! vernon refuses to watch a single episode without you and stops the second he sees you asleep next to him and 100% expects you to do the same thing whenever he falls asleep first. he's always on the lookout for new shows for the two of you to watch and has made a list for it. he really likes to call it "your thing".

seungkwan - is your personal hypeman. this man is simply so fun and precious. he loves when you talk to him about your day, your ideas, your worries, your everything- he also likes that he's able to do the exact same thing with you. but he not only listens, he also encourages you and hypes you up. for every little thing. you wore the green sweater today? AWESOME! you want to try a new lip tint? GO AHEAD! you show him lyrics you wrote? YOU SLAYED! karaoke night? YOU'RE BEYONCÉ! he's so proud of you and can't help but be your lil cheerleader boyfriend. he still gives you the "criminal offensive side eye" from time to time tho. nobody's safe.

chan - updates you on everything. there's nothing chan loves more than spending time with you. dates, cuddling or just silently enjoying each others presence: he's down for everything, as long as it means being with you. of course he can't spend every second of his life by your side (sobbing), so whenever he's not around you he resorts to texting you. "wonwoo hyung just sneezed" "seungkwan hyung just kicked hoshis kneecaps" "seungcheol hyung just told me to put my phone down" he updates you on everything that happened, doesn't even matter how important it is. also has that goofy smile on his face his hyungs make fun of him for whenever you text

#seventeen #svt #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen headcanons #seventeen reactions #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #dk x reader #dokyeom #seokmin x reader #mingyu x reader #minghao x reader #the8 x reader #vernon x reader #chwe hansol x reader #lee chan x reader #dino x reader

[omgkalyppso]

Your OTP as GIFs

from an old game, but I'm not doing it exactly the same way as before because search engines have greatly deteriorated since then.

Tagging @umbralstars, @boghermit, @lucius-the-sinful, @lovely-english-rose, @jackalopedread and YOU.

Étoile x Astarion

Originally posted by nancykali

I wanted to find a gift related to the keyword Trust but had to give that up after like an hour of fruitless search. So instead we have the moment from Bram Stoker's Dracula where after attempting to refuse Mina his blood because he was feeling guilty about corrupting her, Mina says to her monster, "Take me away from all this death." And. Well.

Étoile x Halsin

No idea what this gif is from, but I couldn't resist. While ultimately I do think it was part of the writer's insensitivity to polyamory to have Halsin be relationship averse, and then turn his epilogue content into fan service — I really like aromantic Halsin expressing love in his own way and not wanting "a relationship" or labels.

Étoile x Zevlor

I don't remember what's being said in this scene, but the romance in the movie Snow Cake is a Very Small part of the movie, but Alan Rickman's character does have a complicated relationship with Carrie-Ann Moss's character — a win for "fucking that old man." The main character of the film is dealing with life after having assaulted (and accidentally killed) the drunk driver who hit and killed his child. He is also present / indirectly responsible (but feels greatly responsible) for the death of a hitchhiker, which brings him to Wawa, Ontario where he meets the hitchhiker's mother, a disabled (autistic?) woman played by Sigourney Weaver. It's a really heavy movie that I only saw once but the layers of it and the fleeting comforts and difficult intimacy of it made this a good gif for what's going on with Étoile and poor Zevlor.

Étoile x Komira x Locke

Another Sense8 gif. The woman in the middle, Kala, had a lot of anxiety about being in love with the man on the left Wolfgang, while living a life that was leading her to be with her betrothed, the man on the right, Rajan. This is also an extremely small sideplot of this show that was hastily wrapped up in the movie / final "episode." It was kind of silly but tbh I enjoyed this particular "unrealistic" resolution where Rajan was willing to explore what love would look like (even initially in an extremely sexual sense) with Wolfgang if it meant Kala's happiness / not losing her heart. A fair, if inaccurate, comparison to be made for how in my primary canon-compliant state for Étoile, I'd ship them with werewolf!Komira but leave Locke to his fate in the House of Healing; though I'd imagine the three of them would have very enthusiastic joy and supportive love in other au's.

Étoile x He Who Was

I wanted to find a gif of love of someone/thing that was not completely human for He Who Was. I first thought of Meet Joe Black, and the few surreal moments, and the moment when his love interest asks him to stay, but I couldn't find a gif of the exact moment I wanted. I'd only seen The Time Traveller's Wife movie once and it was straighter than I remembered, the dialogue in the gifs I found was all wrong for Étoile and He Who Was' dynamic. I just wanted reference to the waiting, to the loss, to the not knowing if your supernatural love would return. Oh well. Instead I was looking up characters described as masochists (intended for He Who Was, but I guess observations can be made about Étoile which would be ... entirely correct), and found Marko from The Lost Boys, like the rest of them. In the scene I chose, they're initiating a (the?) protagonist into their vampire gang, jumped from a bridge and hanging to the beams while a train rushes overhead, scaring their initiate and having the time of their lives. I think He Who Was has a manic excitable laugh in his euphoria and that he enjoys the presence of danger, negotiated and known not to be a sincere threat against him and his holy missions. He and Étoile have a lot of fun in the limitations of a relationship across planes.

#long post #oc tag: étoile #flashing images #horror #blood tw

[horizon-verizon]

I am still extremely disconcerted that Baela and Rhaena are constantly placed with Rhaenys and Corlys, or even referred to as Corlys' granddaughters. It's as if they weren't Daemon's daughters in the writers' minds. Where is Rhaenys being asked to get Rhaena and Baela to marry Luke and Jace?! OK, Baela was Rhaenys' ward on the show, but that's no reason for her to decide when she has a father! Daemon! Also, why did you make this change or Baela shared her childhood between Rhaenys and Daemyra? Whereas in the book, she never went with Rhaenys?! Like I don't understand. Also, I also don't understand why suddenly Rhaena is ignored by Daemon due to a lack of dragon (which is frankly ridiculous when you have all the original information about the characters and the universe in hand) and so he only seems to like/have interest in Baela? (teaches her high Valyrian, little kisses, watches her when she cries, keeps a correspondence with her, includes her in the coming war, etc) OK, in the book she is described as a female Daemon and Daemon him grants a lot of freedom, but at no time does that mean that he loved Rhaena less than her?! Especially for once again a lack of dragon, while Daemon claimed Caraxes as a teenager and knows very well how the links between dragon riders and dragons are formed! He has no reason to dislike Rhaena for that! Or at least ignore it, or have a hard time with it. Because well, Laena says he's doing his best and he says to Viserys that Pentos and his house and those of his kids, so Rhaena exists, and a priori you also count her when he looks in their direction at the funeral of baby Visenya, but it's really just crumbs. I don't understand what they did with Baela and Rhaena. I don't understand why it seems that only Baela exists out of the 2 for Daemon. I don't understand why Rhaenys suddenly has a say and why they are referred to as Corlys' little girls instead of Daemon's daughters. Especially since they seem to remember that Daemon is their father, given the cut scene of Baela. But I think it was mainly to give the illusion of extra importance to Rhaenys who has the personality and the usefulness of a board this season.

You: "But I think it was mainly to give the illusion of extra importance to Rhaenys who has the personality and the usefulness of a board this season."

Damn anon, you're not here to joke, huh?

However, I also couldn't help but feel they really did this woman dirty because, like with Alicent and Rhaenyra, they didn't know what to do with a woman who claims as much power and dignity and suggestive complexities as Rhaenys did (book!her, not the show) without leaving it at her being against Rhaenyra's attempts at asserting her rights and gaining confidence in herself. Do they not know how crazily misogynist it is for Rhaenys to try to dissolve Rhaenyra's spirit by saying the lords would never accept a female ruler?! Especially when she insists, to Corlys, that she's "over" that?! Why should she then taker it out on Rhaenyra so unapologetically?

It's possible to make a Rhaenys that is both envious of Rhaenyra, wishes she could have been queen, but also sees where Rhaenyra could have won where she herself couldn't. Rhaenyra had Viserys' word, the oaths, and Daemon (another dragon rider with a fearful reputation, if not riches and the exact prestige that Corlys had). Especially with Aegon the Elder being a far less attractive candidate!

And I've said it before, it made no sense for her to not fire on the greens when she had the chance in episode 9, which actually makes a mark against her intelligence despite what Eve Best and Claire Kilner expressed. It also made less sense for Rhaenys to try to isolate Baela from the pre-Dance conflicts when both Rhaena and Baela are Daemon's kids and would always be the greens' targets/fears.

My problems with Rhaenys (the writing):

*EDIT* 8/29/23 -- We're told that Rhaenys is this intelligent "feminist" woman but she, like Alicent, often engages in actions and events merely because her husband wants it: marrying off 12-yr Laena off to a 30+ old man; Baela being made a ward of Driftmark instead of the heir (this is about Hotd's worldbuilding, not the actual logic of medievalist politics or the canon/original world; etc. Yes, the writing is telling us she is criticizing Alicent for buying in or complying with the patriarchal desires of the men around her, but HotDRhaneys does the same so the show really vacuums out any nuance Rhaenys can have by giving us clashing messages about her. Why does Rhaenys not even vocally protest and we are expected to see her as "strong"? -- *END OF EDIT*

AND

And this part of the reblog of one my posts:

just how they portrayed rhaenys and rhaenyra's relationship was so out of the blue. because while rhaenys was complex, rhaenys was not THAT vindictive to rhaenyra. not especially when you factor the fact that rhaenyra and laenor possibly had the velaryon boys legitimately and that canonically rhaenyra had a close relationship with laena. when rhaenys was there all the damn way with rhaenyra. she was the one who comforted rhaenyra at the loss of luke, she was the one rhaenyra trusted the council to in her grief. hell just the way they potrayed her relationship with the velaryon boys was so misrepresenting rhaenys when it was her that comforted them, especially joff after luke passed. like they're so intent on making rhaenys seem like someone who would not support her fellow woman, especially a family member she would have been so close to - is ridiculous. like if the aim was to make a feminist show, then you really not remove the elements of female choices or women supporting women, especially in tough times. you dont have to completely erase the narrative of medieval settings. you can improve it and develop it. by removing the entire aspect of it all together, you basically remove the real life historical significance its based on. that just makes the purpose of developing a feminist narrative in hotd flattened out.

Said chain of posts:

#asoiaf asks to me #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #rhaenys targaryen (aemon's daughter) #hotd characterization #hotd comment #daemon's characterization #rhaenys targaryen's characterization (meleys' rider) #rhaenys targaryen #hotd #rhaena targaryen (daemon's daughter) #daemon targaryen #rhaena targaryen

[lenteur]

random thoughts about tell me that you love me, episode five

(the rest is under the cut because i'm worried about your eyes having to read ALL OF THAT and this post might contain spoilers)

I feel like this is becoming a recurring motif in my posts about the drama but I'm in love with the leads. They're both so caring and thoughtful. The fact they're there for each other and are witnessing the other evolve. My heart feels warm. They're one of the best things to happen to this show.

Jin woo focusing on mo eun's acting <3 I'd love it if the drama showed more scenes like the one where he came to support her at the theater. I think he could become an asset to mo eun's acting career because he can't hear so he's only focusing on the facial expressions/body language part of acting. A good actor is someone who can make you feel things even when you don't relate/know what they're talking about. A good actor is someone who doesn't need a lot of words to make you understand what they're feeling. So I can see mo eun showing her acting to jin woo as a rehearsal coach. You know asking him what he felt when he saw her acting, what he thinks she's talking about, etc. That'd be great if the drama gave us some of these moments in the future.

It might not seem like a lot but I'm happy to see the other actors congratulate mo eun on her acting. Knowing how hard she worked and how many rejections she had to go through, I'm relieved to see people believe in her and praise her for her splendid acting

It's so cute how she immediately ran to him after being congratulated by her colleagues. You can see how much she values him and his opinion. Just like he was able to calm her down before she started the play, she wants to ask him for his opinion. The more I watch them together, the more I ship them.

Girl we're not even ten minutes into the episode and I'm on the verge of writing a love letter to the main couple. They are made for each other.

"You're a good listener" because he always tries to focus on each word that comes out of her mouth. He makes efforts to make her feel understood and I think that's beautiful.

"It feels like you're listening to my heart, not my voice" OH COME ON!!! TAKE MY HEART TAKE MY EVERYTHING IF THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED BUT I DON'T NEED TO BE CRYING ON A THURSDAY/FRIDAY NIGHT AT 12 AM

"To me, you're a comfortable person"

The fact that after watching the play, jin woo wished he could hear makes me cry a little bit (ngl)

The whole confrontation with the parents scene... I am torn because I understand both sides.

The parents are worried for her because becoming an actress (and an artist in general) is really hard and only a few manage to make a living out of it. Even less people manage to become super popular and earn lots of money. So yeah, I know the parents want the best for her and don't want her to think about how to make ends meet. However, that doesn't mean it's okay to be so judgemental towards their own daughter. They looked like they were on the verge of disowning her because of her choice of career. The mother saying mo eun is immature for pursuing her dream career, that's rich. I mean your daughter has spent most of her life following what YOU wanted her to do. It's normal for mo eun to be fed up with this and decide to live her life the way she wants. The worst part is when her mother said she'll never make it because she's too old for that career (which is true because as most artistic jobs, your image is a crucial part) but had the nerve to oppose to mo eun when she wanted to study theater and movie (or something like that i don't remember the exact terms) at uni. I'm just disappointed by the parents' reaction but I can understand where they come from.

On mo eun's part, I just can't imagine how she's feeling after all that happened. She wanted to tell them first she decided to become an actress, but unfortunately her role as an extra was shown on tv. She was robbed of telling her parents the truth. Like she said, it wasn't an impulsive decision. She thought long and hard about it and decided to do it in the end. She kept a false front in front of her parents because she's always followed their advice so she was scared of their reaction to the whole actress thing. And she was right. Mo eun is already feeling guilty about her decision. She doesn't want to worry her parents. I feel for her.

What made my blood boil is how the brother sided with the parents. He knew all along but then when the truth was out, he was the first one to drop mo eun and act shocked by her choice of career. I don't know a lot about their relationship but I thought he'd at least try to defend her a little bit. Guess I was wrong. Sigh

Ji yu and mo d am's bickering is one of the most hilarious things ever,

Mo eun's face lighting up when she saw name (jin woo can be funny when he wants to lol naming his cat name). She's just like me.

Ji yu is a great friend. She's happy for mo eun's success, she's worried about her because she knows mo eun has a hard time dating someone. I'm glad ji yu is there for mo eun.

Song seo kyung's arrival. The plot thickens. I can't wait to learn more about the fire and how the situation will be resolved.

Overall this is a great episode, I'm giving this a 9/10

#it feels like the last random thoughts post i made was forever ago #when in reality it's been a week or two ago #anyway i hope i didn't mix up names (i'm too tired and don't want to proofread myself) #can't wait for the next episode #random(al) thoughts #kdrama #tell me that you love me

[watchinglikeafangirl]

The eclipse - an oppressive system and a homophobic society

Since everything happened at once in this eleventh episode and everything was resolved, I thought I would talk about the different motives the eclipse uses to criticize the Thai society and political system without ever doing so in a direct way. The choices they made to tell us there are problems, are very smart and it all starts off as something that's just part of the character's lives but slowly turns into something unacceptable and obviously not okay. Problems are uncovered, situations turn angsty, characters act out in very dangerous ways to keep things as they were or to change them. They are all victims of the system and society iself. These two are very linked, so it's hard to distinguish them but if you look closely this show actually uses two different motives to show both sides.

To actually get into the oppression and severe trauma, let's talk about the three couples first because they all represent the process of change but also trauma. They each are the past, the present and the future.

The three generations of protest

I know this isn't a proper term but I just didn't know what else to call it since this is just a very, very poor summary of each couple.

Chadok and Dika (the past) were a couple that was very defined by trauma. They dated in secret and were too afraid to let anyone know about it. I mean, Chadok even proposed and nobody knew. Once the principle found out, their little world crashed and they both didn't have the guts to stand their ground and gave in very quickly. Chadok tried but after being threatened, he backed down immediatly and the oppression won. It's when Dika broke and when Chadok couldn't help him because the system didn't leave any room for self-realization.

Kan and Thua (the future) are the exact opposite. Even though Kan still feared judgement, he asked Ayan about Thua pretty directly and was straight forward with his feelings once he knew. He confessed, he showed up to the protest, he is loud alongside Thua - in a way. They both are shown to live as an openly gay couple, open to start a conversation about it. What Thua did is still wrong but nevertheless we have to acknowledge these two are the definition of what it means to be comfortable with one's sexuality and embrace it. They show affection and they are what the protest needed in order to be effective and cause a change within society.

Akk and Ayan (the present) are somewhere between these two couples. They start out like Chadok and Dika, in silence, but once it's common knowledge, they kind of shift to Kan and Thua. They are in transition. They learned alongside the protest that they shouldn't hide, that it doesn't help. They kiss underwater but when they are finally out, they share affection publicly though they are not "overdoing" it. It's just not their thing to have people watching.

Homophobia to criticize the society

All main characters are queer characters. The "world remembers" group is founded by queer people and it's shown more than once how severely Thua is being bullied because he is queer. They all hear comment after comment about the way they behave or dress or just are.

Homophobia is coming from society. Society causes social trauma which can turn into generational trauma that is passed on to everyone following other queer people's footsteps. Expressing oneself is met with insults. Many people don't accept nor tolarate nor support it. It's a societal thing and we see Chadok, Dika, Kan and Akk just giving in and accepting the pain and turning quiet, telling themselves they can't act on their feelings because they will be heavily judged and labeled.

Since the eclipse doesn't just straight up criticize the Thai society as old-fashioned or as fanatic with old traditions, homophobia is used as a strong motive to just show us how severly queer people - and in general people who don't give in to traditions - are mistreated. It suffocates the main characters. We see Kan actively fighting and being bullied because of it. It caused trauma that hindered him from fully realizing his feelings and sexuality. The society recalls trauma for each and every open queer person because sticking to old rules is saver than actually acknowledging they all have been wrong since forever. Change is scary and people don't want to get out of their safe zone even if it means to sacrifice the mental health and lives of others.

The school as a criticizm of the system

As we all know and have seen, the school has many strict rules that are outdated and don't support the students' will of self-realization and personal growth. Every voice is silenced and their only "job" is to study and not have friends or opinions. There are no discussions about certain topics in subjects like philosphy or something. The students are supposed to represent a side of arguments the teachers and school board are satisfied with and are not allowed to develop their own ideas about certain questions. Since the teachers are too powerless on the schoolground and cannot watch the students all the time, the prefect club was established. Students are now raised on a throne of power to judge over other students and bascially push everyone to abide by the rules. That way, the prefects form an elite within the school and nobody else wants to socialize with them any longer. With creating a prefect club, students are being socially isolated from the rest and that's why Akk never really questioned what he was doing and what was going on. The only other people he talked to were prefects as well and they all "liked the rules" and thought in the same way.

The elite was isolated and Akk was part of it, so he didn't realize the rest of the students were suffering. It even led him to do highly morally questionable things he didn't even see as wrong or dangerous because all the other people around him were kinda fans of those actions.

The students stand for a society that is oppressed by a hirachy. The system created a hirachy, an elite, that is in itself stealing power. We don't know who the head of that hirachy is because it is not the principle. The oderliness is passed along and everybody is scared to act out, it leads to a toxic environment for everyone cause everyone is pressured. This is basically the definition of a dystopia. The elite vs the society, the prefects vs the students, but also the teachers vs the prefects. The elite has an even higher elite, the prefects are not a part of. There is a hirachy within the elite which makes the whole system so suffocating.

The main victims are still the students and the world remembers gang sees that and starts a protest. Every dystopia crashes because of a protest and here, the evil is the school uniform. A metaphor for the traditional rules, a metaphor for the ongoing oppression of the people's life choices. It's heavy criticizm of a polotical system that sabotages itself because even the elite suffers. It's not like "the Hunger Games" where they live carefree (I haven't watched it, so maybe I'm wrong). In the eclipse, everybody still worries, is still not able to live without worries because the exploitation is not directed at one group of people, it's the whole population the elite is a part of. Kinda sounds complicated but to frame it: it's the next level of a dystopian world where no elite exists even though they build one. And that's basically the problem because once Akk realized he suffers as much as others, he switched sides. The system sabotages itself by building half-structures that are only upheld by corruption and not backed-up by any higher force than money.

Conclusion

The protest could only turn out to be effective because the elite itself switched sides. Their lives sure weren't perfect nor carefree. Things stayed worrisome.

Akk acted in the sense of the teachers and school board. He was sent by the system to stand or fall and he didn't question his actions because nobody made him to. He thought it was right. Ayan calls it "brainwashed" and first I thought this term is too extreme but jn fact it's not because Akk doesn't question his morally and ethically questionable actions.

Same goes for Thua though he's not acting in the system's place but in the sense of the protest and society. The pressure was suffocating and seemingly never-ending, he felt the need to do something even though it meant going all extremes. He wasn't brainwashed but he was in the sense of society brave by sacrificing his own moral standards for a hopefully better ending. He fell victim to the pressure. He needed for it to end and the protestors always asked for actions that never came, so he fell victim to society in order to "save" it.

This show is just so interesting and after ep 11 i am mindblown

#sorry i just had so much to say #i love dystopian stories #the eclipse meta #the eclipse #the eclipse the series #chadok x dika #akk x ayan #kan x thua

[roadkillrats]

Same face

#he's so done #kyle broflovski #south park #sp #some things never change #don't ask how I remembered the exact episode when he made that expression #🏔️

[dbphantom]

Rewatched Assault on Abysus again for like the 5th time because I cannot get enough of That Scene and man. The cup bit really got me this go around.

Like sure I went on a thirty minute rant about the drawing because oh my god my heart that poor kids dream got turned into a living nightmare because of course the event couldn't stop taking things from him even 5 years after it happened, it just had to corrupt this memory with his father as well

... anyway

Okay I'm gonna sound like I've absolutely lost my marbles but the cup is most definitely a story thing and it causes me so much emotional pain every time I see that bit bc I overthink everything

Okay. When Rex rights that coffee cup, him doing that means absolutely nothing to everyone else- nobody is there anymore and it will never be used again, so ultimately the action itself is pointless, but he still does it anyway. for one, is that not a reoccuring theme of the show, Rex curing one person at a time trying to save the world and fighting a losing battle, like they had a whole episode that season dedicated to that exact thing courtesy of black knight: who cares if you fix one thing? Everything else is broken around you. But Rex still does it anyway.

It's knocked over in the panic of evacuation and nobody gives a shit because they're all concerned about their own lives but here this kid is righting it anyway 5 years later, like is that meant to be a metaphor for when someone goes EVO and Rex goes to cure them even though while it's happening 10 more people have turned and he's fighting a losing battle but he's still trying even if 'in the grand scheme of things' it is pointless. sure the world is fucked and ten more people changed while he was busy, but he still saved one person. Someone's family or friend. The lab is messed up and permanently destroyed by the event and never returning to its former glory, but he still fixes this cup in his father's office anyway

So the thing is its not actually a pointless action. Because that office meant something to someone at some point. Even if he can't remember it beyond those flashes he gets, clearly it meant something to him as a kid. and I think that loops back around to episode two where he realizes he was the one hurting this kid's priest and how he doesn't want to be the bad guy by harming someone the kid treasures. So when he fixes that stupid knocked over cup it's almost like he's doing it for his past self. The little kid that had all those good memories of his father in that room. It feels very much like he's in a trance state simply Remembering things he had done in that place, if only for a brief moment, and fixes it because it's important that he does, because he knows it's out of place and it'd be wrong to leave it there like that despite everything because who wants to leave a place that important to someone a mess and I don't know I just aaaaahg it makes me feel emotions o k a y I'm sorry I'm not eloquent enough to really express what makes me love that single clip so much I JUST DO

But yeah it's probably just there to show a comparison between modern day and the Event taking place XD It still gives me chills when it cuts to the sirens blaring and people screaming. Now, Rex screaming in pain (???) when asked to identify himself before getting the nanite? that scene really deserves its own ramble post lol

Here, have these memes I made for my genrex group chat as a token of my appreciation for actually reading this lmao

#THE CUP!!! THE CUP!!!!!!!! #I... May be over thinking this but shh it's 3am and I'm procrastinating writing #This is just. My opinion pls don't take it super seriously #Just emotions I feel over like. A 3 second clip of a coffee cup #I just love assault on Abysus and I NEED to talk to someone about it before I explode #Generator Rex #Cruddy rambles #I scream

[rei-jjang]

Court

pairing: Doyoung x female!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 737 words (excluding song lyrics)

warning/s: none

now playing: TREASURE - Beautiful

synopsis: your bestfriend, Doyoung, unexpectedly asked you to go play basketball with him

a/n: hi there! this is my first fanfic here so I hope you’ll enjoy it.

a/n²: Doyoung’s September Diary suddenly came into my mind to write this

It was one afternoon in September. You were just chilling while waiting for the new episode of your favorite series, when your phone notif rang.

You checked and it was your bestfriend, Doyoung, calling. Ugh, what does he want?

"What do you want?"

"You." you rolled your eyes at his oh so usual answer.

"So what do you want, really." you asked again to get a decent answer from him.

"I said YOU,,, for you to come here"

"Well, where is that, to be exact?" you asked and looked at the clock. "Make it quick, please."

"Basketball court near our usual place"

"I suddenly thought of playing a ball game but then I don't have somebody to play with."

"Why are you inviting me when I don't even know how to play it, you idiot." you responded.

"I'm here, I'll teach you. Please~~" Doyoung said that last word in a cute tone.

"Okay, okay. Be there in 10."

"Thank you, Y/N!!"

After changing into some cozy clothes, you ride the bike to arrive there quickly.

After parking your bike, you saw Doyoung doing shootings.

He turned around when he sensed your arrival and smiled. thump thump, ‘Calm down, self. It’s just a smile’ you reminded yourself.

He ran towards you and pat your head, which made you go back to your senses.

“You’re here.”

“Yeah, idiot. You really disturbed me while I was waiting for the next episode of my fave series.” you grabbed the ball on his hand and tries to do a long shot. “Oh, right. It’s Saturday today.”

“But you chose to come here for me instead.” you threw the ball from a long distance and it surprisingly went in.

You are about to ask for a high five from him as a celebration but when you looked at him, he was staring blankly at you. “Why are you staring--”

“I like you, Y/N.” And just like that, you just found him hugging you and you don’t know what expression to make.

I mean, yes, you also like him but you didn’t expect that he’ll confess before you do.

When he pulled out of the hug, you composed yourself before speaking. “What did you say again?” He didn’t answer and just went where the ball you shot landed.

He came back in front of you, “If this goes in, you will go out with me.” He shoots the ball after that and instead of making a shot, the ball went past the backboard and got stuck.

You lowered your head and laugh. “Please stop laughing and help me here.” He looked at you with puppy eyes asking for help to pull out the ball where it landed. “I’m sorry for laughing.” you stopped laughing and went to him. “Go find a long stick and we’ll try to get this out.”

He came back and tried to pull out the ball with the stick he found but the stick wasn’t long enough which made him jump up and down.

You pulled out your phone and record him just ‘cause he looks cute jumping to get the ball.

When he got the ball out, you remembered what he said. “So I guess I won’t go out with you ‘coz it didn’t went in.” He pouts and walks away. You wanted to apologize but with his long legs, he already walked further than you thought.

But then without anything in your mind, you just thought of saying it already.

“Well, I like you too!” He still continues to walk so you ran to him to say it clear.

When you stopped right in front of him, you’re about to say it again when he cupped both of your cheeks and press his lips over yours.

As someone who still hasn’t dated anyone, it is your first kiss yet you’re glad that it is with your crush.

You both pulled away and Doyoung’s forehead touched yours. “I heard what you said.” You looked at him and there it is again, his smile that would make your legs weak.

“I was actually planning to confess to you that’s why I asked you to come here. Not to play basketball.” Doyoung confessed and you hugged him.

“You know that I’m not that good with words but yes, I like you too.” You said with a smile and he hugged you more tightly, “So today’s our first day then?” you didn’t answer and just nodded.

BEAUTIFUL

When I’m with you every scenery shines

So stay with me forever

And never let go

Don’t let go of my hand

I want you to follow me to the end of the world

The world is so beautiful

#treasure doyoung #treasure #treasure x reader #treasure fanfics #kim doyoung #doyoung

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to WISHMAKER

Oh I'm so excited about this one! Marinette's little soft looks she gives Adrien in recent episodes before snapping herself out of it is adorable. Not overwhelming, just nice. Poor Adrien doesn't know what he wants to do. But the thing that hurts me most (probably because I was always in the same position he is in, so understand more than hurt from it) is the fact he thinks that with Ladybug adding more people to the team, he won't be needed and thus won't be Chat Noir anymore. OOOF it hurts! Poor Adrien doesn't realize that if Ladybug didn't give these Miraculous out, Shadow Moth would've gotten their Miraculous from them a long time ago. I rewatched all episodes out now in chronological order, and it's so obvious she cares about him and could not be able to do what she does without him. What needs to happen is for her to not only tell him that, but express it somehow for him to believe it.

"Come on, Plagg. It's time to start thinking about our future." OUR future. He's including Plagg in that future. Good! I definitely understand what this episode is trying to get across about jobs and careers, but a majority of people can't and never end up doing a job or career they love and gives meaning. Some struggle just to find something they can do with their circumstances, much less something that'd make them happy. A very good message though to encourage young kids to look into many interests and try to find what you enjoy to life to end up doing that makes an impact on the world to spread the positivity and happiness. Hey hey hey Alec, how dare you go after Andre the Ice Cream Maker?! But good on him for not letting it affect him at all, he's doing what he loves so the criticism doesn't matter. "Pistachio and pecan for the clear-sighted young man!" "Who? What young man?" "Hello Marinette." I love Luka so much and Andrew's voice is so smooth. x3 I've wanted to learn the violin for years, I have one, but have never been able to do much with it. Luka having and playing his violin makes me incredibly happy (and adore him even more). "Whoa. You definitely have a gift for finding the right words at the right time." "Adrien." "Ah, well, most of the time." LOL But this entire scene. Luka saying you haven't told him about your feelings have you, her noticing he's sad, and Luka being like let's go talk to him and help him then! Just. AWWW! Poor Adrien has so much pressure to find something he wants to do or his dad will make him do what he wants instead. That's going to make it even harder for him to find something... I remember a spoiler from a long time ago, of Adrien baking with Marinette. What if he finds he loves it when that happens, and it's what he wants to do? :o Ahahahaha when Luka goes and sits next to Adrien, Adrien looks up at Marinette expectantly to sit down too. Probably thought by him. but she went the safe route and went next to Luka. xD Adrien, thinking he knew what Luka and Marinette want to do. Luka knows what he wants but it isn't what Adrien or the rest of us thought. Marinette thought she knew but now she's not sure at all. So all three are kind of confused and it's complicated. Life's complicated. Have you noticed, this is the most honest Marinette and Adrien have ever been about something so deep and personal to them? And they're able to do it around each other. Because Luka's there. He's like their emotional guide to help bring them closer and I love it. "Nothing, my mind is empty!" "I'm completely lost!" - Marinette and Adrien say together. Dang. When Luka explains Marinette and Adrien's "inner music" that felt like the most deep and personal scene this show has ever had. "You two will eventually find what's already in front of you," he says before he knew. As they look at each other. Oh lovely foreshadowing moment here. "But you can't hear it clearly, just let the melody flow." In other words, let things happen as they should. Don't force anything. If it feels right to do something, do it. If it doesn't, don't. Wow that violin is so beautiful. Adrien and Marinette's reactions in

sync, the surprise at the tune, the contentedness, and wordlessly looking at each other before getting up and sitting closer. Such a beautiful scene, this has me in awe honestly. "I've wasted my life!" oh I'm sure that hit hard with some of us older viewers. :c I have trouble sometimes not thinking this way, but there's always still time to change how things are. I love that everyone's dreams are either sweet and positive or just plain silly. Like CrocoJagged.

Hey, hi there, son! I absolutely lost it LOL this was brilliant! And the way he runs away on his hind legs it's too much XD "Hey Adrien, go hide behind that tree!" and then he drags Marinette along to hide her. So funny he's the one taking control in this situation. He's really shown his superhero potential in this and Optigami, even when not suited up. oooh Marinette wasn't where he brought her. That was sus. "HEEEELP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM!" "If we get hit, we'll reveal our secret identities!" "What do you mean, m'lady?" "When I was six I wanted to be the Knitting Fairy, and the Knitting Fairy didn't wear a mask!" The fact she's distracted and Chat Noir had to be paying attention to pull her to safety was such a Ladybug move. What do you mean you're not needed, Chat?! Obviously you are! Also she's giving you information about herself! LISTEN. She never used to and doesn't have to tell you these things, she's choosing to! And she even asked about you and your childhood! "You must have just forgotten!" or didn't have one. I honestly didn't have a dream as a kid, either. I don't know, I never wanted to grow up and be anything in particular that I thought I could do. I didn't have wishes of things I wanted to do for fun much either. I don't know why exactly, but I had a dad that's enough like Gabriel so maybe that's why. (My sister proceeded to tease me about being a sentimonster, since there's that "Adrien's a sentimonster" theory going around). "But Dad, crocodiles know how to swim..." "I didn't when I was a kid!" THIS SCENE XDD I love it! "If Chat Noir and I get hit, you must come back to this exact moment." Yeah it was at that point my suspicions of Luka finding out about them both seemed to be very likely to happen. "Nobody can know about our secret identities." At this point I was going omg omg omg omg the entire time lol The fact that Adrien would decide to have his identity revealed so he could learn more about himself to help him in the future. o.o This poor boy! And here's Luka finding out about Marinette being Ladybug! The dramatic zoom in! Viperion goes "Marinette?!" literally with Chat less than a foot away and he doesn't even budge. He's really that sad he's not even paying attention to what's going on Dx Okay, Ladybug calling on her Lucky Charm just to have the plushie squeak in her hand got me lol "My childhood dream is being what my parents wanted me to be!" Adrien seems happy. And he's himself, it looks like, so I don't know if we just got it cut off short or if he is exactly what his parents wanted him to be, so he's happy knowing that information?

This back and forth between a serious moment and a hilarious one! Shadow Moth's horrified Adrien's Chat Noir lolol not even the same kind of reaction that was in Chat Blanc when he found out . Okay but back to Luka. I think he was much too far away to hear what Adrien was actually saying, but he can see that it's Adrien standing where Chat Noir was.

He sees Adrien's where Chat Noir was.

The realization that Chat Noir is Adrien.

Understanding exactly what it means for Marinette to be Ladybug and Adrien to be Chat Noir. It's interesting how the people of Paris were able to still have jobs that was as close to their childhood dreams as possible. The man that wanted to be Santa makes toys. Mr. Banana wanted to be a cucumber and while he's not one, he wears a Banana suit every day. Jagged wanted to be a crocodile so the closest he could get was to have one as a pet. Marinette wanted to be the Knitting Fairy and look at all she can knit and sew! Alec: "When I was a kid, I just wanted people to be happy!" so sad that his bullying made him want to make others miserable instead. But it's nice that he wants to start now trying to make others smile and be happy c: "Sorry Alec, but when you're a superhero, even your dreams have to remain a secret." But she told Chat Noir hers. If that's not her going in the direction of outright telling him who she is....! Please let Luka be the one to help Ladybug with Chat Noir and Adrien with Marinette. Please. They need it. They have to have Ladybug realize her feelings for Chat and be willing to tell him everything. And they need Adrien to open his eyes and realize his feelings for Marinette. Once those things happen, they'll be okay. Except Adrien still doesn't know what his dream is because that was taken away by Second Chance. Personally, I think his dream of wanting what his parents wanted him to be, is what he already is. He just doesn't know it. As for his future, that can be up to him to start finding! "Thanks to you, our secret identities were persevered and nobody discovered who Chat Noir and I really are..... uh, not even you, right?" "Not even me. Luckily Wishmaker never hit you or Chat Noir." LIES Funny that he was "Truth" before, but now he's spitting lies. HOWEVER don't worry, I understand very much why he's lying and with the way Marinette is, this would be something she'd worry about and obsess over and Luka doesn't want that for her. He knows he can handle it, and she'll find out about it later when she's meant to. I just think it's ironic and funny lol And ooooof the way Luka's face fell after she left. Poor bb. "It was nothing, Marinette. You know you can always count on me." Luka's going to be Marinette and Adrien's best friend in a way that Nino and Alya just can't be. I can feel it. "We're all okay. Thanks to Ladybug and Chat Noir."

Oh. Oh you dorks! It's like they somehow know deep down they're Ladybug and Chat Noir with that look at that line. They're looking at each other like they know to some extent... I'm sure nothing happened in an episode we have yet to see but, it feels a bit weird, don't you think? "I may not remember my childhood dreams, but that's okay! It's time to focus on the future and find my inner music, like Luka said!" AWWW good for you my precious sunshine boy! Keep being you. Also Adrien's disturbed look at Plagg killed me again.

Marinette: "I'll do it all! .... I'll be Luka's best friend and I'll love Adrien!" Yeah see, that's it! You guys are best as best friends, and Luka will one day find someone else and he'll be happy to have you as his best friend when that time comes too. As far as all the other stuff, that sounds very busy and exhausting, but if it makes her happy! "How can you love other people if you don't love yourself?" Oh dang, that's such a good line to have put in this show honestly! Nicely done. So this is definitely one of if not my favorite episode. Chat Blanc's been my favorite but this is at least up there with it! There's so much to take from this episode, and so much that can come from this episode's events that I'm both extremely excited and scared to find out what happens next.

#ml #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml season 4 spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #wishmaker spoilers #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chat noir #ladybug #viperion #thoughts and reaction to wishmaker #toujoursmiraculous thoughts and reaction

[my-robot-heart]

Hi, Robot!

Your fics helped me a lot while I've been struggling with post-8x22 depression (which has been worse than any reaction I've ever had to the end of any other show I watched), so I was very excited when I saw that prompt list that you've reblogged, knowing that something fantastic was going to come out of it. And I was right: the prompts-inspired ficlets you've written today have been an absolute joy to read for me, especially the one I requested and the ones melbob and Pumpkin did)

(Besides, I found out that I absolutely adore drunk Red, whether he's hilariously boisterous or quietly pensive, and would actually like to see more of that side of him)

I'd like to end this ask with another prompt of mine – or, rather, an idea that came to me while I reread the list – but don't feel obliged to write it if you don't have enough time/inspiration.

The prompt I'm talking about is "i didn’t mean the things i said."

And the idea is that during one of her angry episodes Liz had thrown a lot of hurtful words and accusations at Red, blamed him for everything bad that's ever happened in her life – you know, the usual stuff – etc. and Red took it all silently, without a single complaint or attempt to defend himself. Later, once she's cooled down and became capable of thinking straight again, Liz felt guilty for lashing out at Red like that (because, rationally, she understands that not all of the hell her life has been through is because of him) and came to his safe-house to apologize and reassure him that what she told him while she was angry is not how she feels about him – hence the prompt phrase above – but the problem is that Red thinks that she was right, to a certain extent, that he is to blame for most part of the pain and the loss she's experienced and that he would understand her if she hated him and didn't want him to meddle with her life any more than he's already did. To think of it, perhaps, after Liz stormed off Red decided that it would really be better for her if he kept his distance – even though it would probably kill him – so by the time Liz arrives to apologize Red is already packed up and ready to go, to leave her – well, to leave her side, because he would make sure she was alive and well and safe even from a distance – forever and it’s up to Liz to convince him that she actually wants just the opposite?

Oops... That got pretty long... But I've just pictured it all so clearly in my head the words poured out themselves.

Omg Di 😂😂👏👏 are you... sure you didn't already write this yourself like this is beautiful????

Haha. I read it a few times and it just got me right in the feels. How about a tiny ficlet that comes right at the end of what you've described, because I feel like you already put in the backstory and it's just perfect.

Ps this gif has nothing to do with the fic but it's a fave and let's just agree with Red for a sec that yes, shipping IS his bizness. Lol.

Liz arrived at the safe house, breathless and not quite knowing what she would say. All she knew is that she needed to apologize before- what? She didn't want to think too hard about what. She carefully typed in the combination Red had made her memorize for just such an occasion and- the door didn't open.

She wiped her sweaty palms on her pants and tried again. Still nothing. Okay she had one more chance to try and then the door and then it would alert Red that someone was trying to break in.

She typed in the numbers slowly. It didn't work. Shit.

She was just trying to decide if she should grab her phone or her gun when the door opened from the inside. Red was standing there, holding his gun.

"Lizzie- what?!" He hurriedly replaced the gun in his holster and typed a code into the lock. Then he ushered her inside.

"Sorry Red, the code wasn't working and I-" her eyes came to rest on a large piece of luggage. She looked from that to him. He-- he was... leaving?

"Yes I know the code wasn't working. I changed it before I left." He sounded tired.

"L-left? Red where were you going? And why didn't you-"

His face fell and she remembered why she'd come. What she'd said. And how she'd stormed off, declaring that she would have been happier if she'd never met his meddling, catastrophe bringing self. I wish I'd never met you. Those had been her exact words. Oh god. Oh no. But- he had to have known, hadn't he? He must have understood that this was just something she said when she was upset, but it wasn't how she actually felt. Oh god, he didn't know. He thought she meant it. And now he was-

"Oh no. Red, I- can we sit down?" She sounded desperate, even to herself. He saw this, and after hesitating he gestured to her to take a seat on one of the chairs. He sat on another.

"It's fine, Lizzie-" he began, and his voice was full of resignation. "There's no need to explain."

"Yes there is. There is a need to explain," she protested, trying to calm down and speak clearly.

"Elizabeth," he said then, and the use of her full name brought with it a sense of finality that scared her. "It's okay. You were right. About everything. I'm... a danger in your life. I never should have tried to have such an active part in it. I should have - I will be better able to keep you safe... from a distance. Dembe has the jet ready to leave this morning. Cooper had already been notified. He'll be able to reach me by phone, if needed. But otherwise- I will leave your life just as quickly as I entered it. And I promise, I swear, that you won't have to worry about my meddling or putting you in danger, because that's- well it's the last thing I ever wanted."

She watched as he tried to keep his expression neutral, but she saw the flash of pain in his eyes before he hid it, and her heart nearly broke.

"But that's- it's not what I want," she said softly. "I came here to apologize. And to- tell you something. Will you let me do that?"

He glanced at the time, before inclining his head for her to continue.

"First of all," she began slowly, "I don't- hate you. And when I said I wished I'd never met you, well- that wasn't true either. I know it's hard for you to believe, especially when I've said some... horrible things. But- I was just angry, Red. I was frustrated and scared and... I took it out on you. But the truth is..."

Here she swallowed nervously, wishing she'd had something to drink or hold, to distract her from.how her fingers appeared to be trembling. She clasped her hands together to try to stop it.

"The truth is," she said slightly more confidently, "You are the most infuriating, conceited, pretentious, annoyingly almost always right, beautiful, incredible, amazing man I have ever met. And the thought of you leaving because I didn't have the courage to tell you how I felt about you, how I've always felt about you, makes me want to-to- do this," and she got up from her seat and joined him on his, without thinking too much or too long, and kissed him.

She kissed him for a long time. At first, she felt him freeze beneath her, and she worried she might have gravely misjudged the situation. He'd been ready to leave, she remembered with worry. Maybe he didn't want her to-

But then. Then he responded. She felt his hands come up to the sides of her face, fingers lacing through the hair at the back of her head. She felt him relax and give in to what was happening, his mouth letting her in and responding in kind.

And she knew. She knew that she'd been right. About everything.

After a long moment she pulled away slightly, momentarily distracted by the patterns he was gently tracing along her spine. She let out a small sigh, and he stopped, regarding her carefully.

"Maybe-" she began, hesitantly, and he placed a kiss along her hairline.

"Yes, Lizzie?" He breathed.

"Maybe you should text Dembe and let him know you won't be needing the jet today."

He smiled.

#lizzington #lizzington fanfic #prompt #ace of spaders #my friend #this was a beautiful idea #i hope i did it justice #your backstory was incredible #💛

[spneveryseason]

Don't get me started on how the show and the fandom ignore/excuse Dean's abusive behavior. Most recently was when Castiel told Jack "Dean feels things more acutely than anyone I've ever known." NO. He absolutely doesn't. He's simply never put in the work necessary to learn how to control his reactions to the things he feels. Like he told Sam once(I'm paraphrasing because I can't remember the exact episode), you should push emotions down until they explode in bursts of violence and alcoholism.

Right? The show has a propensity to walk on eggshells when it comes to calling Dean out directly on his flaws or mistakes. Both the narrative and other characters have no issue pointing out when other characters mess up, like Sam and Cas, but Dean generally gets away with these things a lot easier. Fandom tends to follow the example set by the shows POV and also extend the same lenience to Dean most of the time.

That line about Dean feeling things more acutely definitely made me do a double take. Because, what? I don’t see him as feeling more than Sam or Jack or Cas, for example. Everyone else feels, and can be passionate about different things. What he does do differently, which you point out, is how he expresses his passions: he shouts, he gesticulates, he is LOUD with his emotions. What the narrative and some of the fandom don’t seem to realize is loud doesn’t necessarily equal to feeling things more acutely. It just means being loud about it. He would certainly benefit from trying to stay away from alcohol and violence when he feels like that, because that does nothing but hurt him and those around him.

Ask game

#spn #supernatural #dean negative #show negative #sam winchester #castiel #anti dean winchester #just in case #ask game #asks #speaks

[emachinescat]

Title: Of Concussions and Incorrigible Cons | Fandom: Psych

Summary: AU of the pilot episode. After being reprimanded by the interim chief, Head Detective Carlton Lassiter bites off more than he can possibly chew after attempting to apologize to a concussed Spencer for the less than gentle arrest at the end of the McCallum case. Spoilers for "Domestic Pilot." Part 1 of my whumpy episodic AU series, "AU that Glitters."

Words: 1,951

TW: None

AO3 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Humor, Episode AU: s01e01: Domestic Pilot, Whump

Year Published: 2017

Full story here or on AO3!

Head Detective Carlton Lassiter stood in front of the interim chief's door, fist poised to knock and foot tapping an anxious rhythm on the floor. Vick had been rather short with him when she'd asked him to come to her office as soon as the paperwork for the McCallum case had been taken care of. It wasn't the "I'm busy, so make it quick" kind of short, either… she was agitated about something.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

Her voice rang out from inside, dead serious as could be. Yeah, she was pissed about something.

He entered, and opted for the ignorant approach, which was just as well, because he really had no idea what this was about. After all, he'd already been given a stern-talking to about inter-department romance and Lucinda was in the process of being transferred. A little swell of fury rose at the thought of the man – the so-called "psychic" who had so carelessly ruined one of the only positive things he had going for him.

"Detective Lassiter. Please sit."

He sat stiffly in the proffered chair, refusing to let the cushy trappings lull him into a false sense of security. He maintained eye contact with the chief, letting her know that he was completely comfortable in the situation that he found himself in, and that he had nothing to hide. Never mind the fact that he wasn't all that comfortable with the cloak and dagger business, being left in the dark about why he was here in the first place. "Chief. What can I do for you?"

Vick's eyes may have softened the tiniest bit at his cordial greeting, but she still did not look like a happy camper.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Detective," she said bluntly. "This could have turned out much worse. As it is, I am going to have to give you an informal reprimand and warn you to be very careful in the future."

Lassiter blinked. "Uh, Chief… What…?"

"Detective, you cannot be physically aggressive toward civilians who are in your custody, unless they are resisting arrest or are posing a threat to you or others around you."

Still trying to work through the confusion, Lassiter was both offended and relieved that there had been a mistake like this, that Vick actually thought that he'd attack a non-resisting civilian. Whatever she'd heard, it was all a big mix up. "Chief, let me assure you that I would never—"

"Shawn Spencer. McCallum residence. Yesterday afternoon. Ring any bells?"

Lassiter blanched. "Spencer hardly counts as a civilian. He's a hindrance to real police work, a distraction, and at the time, he was trespassing. I had to take him in." He left the bitter, At least, until he solved my damn case, left unspoken.

"Be that as it may, Detective, your shoving him head-first into the frame of the car was a bit overboard, don't you think?"

Wait, this was what this was about? Seriously?

"He was resisting arrest, Chief. He was… flailing and pretending to have 'visions' and acting like a crazy person!"

A delicate but ferocious eyebrow lifted. "Not when you shoved him into the car. And may I remind you, he did solve the case?"

"Did he tell you this? That little…"

"Detective!" the chief cut him off before he could say anything to get himself into any more trouble, which, although he didn't appreciate at the time, he was begrudgingly thankful for after the fact. "Mr. Spencer didn't tell me anything. I was there, remember? I saw the whole thing… whatever it was."

Oh. Right. Damn that Spencer for getting into his head like this!

"He's fine, Chief," Lassiter responded, much more calmly this time. "Don't let him take advantage of you. This country is crawling with people faking injuries just to get a few thousand dollars from a lawsuit."

"I told you, Mr. Spencer said nothing to me. His father, on the other hand, called me this morning in a rage. Thankfully, I was able to calm him down and help him to see reason, but it wasn't easy."

"So he went and told his daddy that he got a boo-boo at the crime scene?" Lassiter couldn't keep the disgusted contempt out of his voice this time. "I thought they hated each other, anyway?"

"They have a… complicated relationship, and it really isn't our place to bring that under speculation. However…" She sighed. "It is my job to make sure that my officers are not allowing their emotions or anger, no matter how warranted said anger might be, to get the better of them. Especially after what Henry told me this morning. Apparently, Mr. Guster had to take Shawn to the emergency room last night after his headache peaked and he lost consciousness briefly. Mr. Spencer is being treated for a concussion, Detective, and that is why we're having this talk."

"Oh." Lassiter wasn't sure what to say beyond that, but he slapped away the little niggle of guilt that tried to burrow into him at the news. He hadn't meant to hurt Spencer, certainly not that badly. The man was being difficult, had lost Lassiter his girlfriend, his respect… had mocked him by acting like an idiot and still managing to solve the case first…

"Shawn himself is not going to press charges or file a report, though I was obligated to contact him about the matter. He said – and these are his words – that 'Mr. Grumpy Detective-Face is emotionally stunted and is just trying to express how much he likes me in the only way he knows how.'" Vick looked marginally amused as she read Spencer's response off the sheet in front of her. A muscle in Lassiter's neck twitched. "Now, those exact words could be because of the concussion…"

Lassiter fought the urge to roll his eyes. "They're not, Chief. Trust me."

Now appearing to be fighting a smile, the chief said, "Consider this your unofficial reprimand and warning to control your irritation when you are faced with a particularly difficult witness… or consultant. Because once he is feeling better, I do believe the department will be calling on Mr. Spencer again."

This time, Lassiter couldn't stop the eye roll. Or the groan. Vick smiled. "You're dismissed, Detective."

"Yes, ma—uh, I mean, Chief."

***

Shawn was woken when the doorbell rang, the sound slicing through his aching head like a butter knife through steak... or however that saying went. Without bothering to get up from where he was sprawled on the couch, he called out, "It's open."

Damn, concussions sucked. It was bad enough that Gus had practically dragged him to the hospital after he'd had some sort of dizzy spell last night, but then he'd called his dad to boot? Was this now Gus with his mom for additional parental torture? Not that he would mind seeing his mom… but he was so over worried hovering. Gus played the part of a worried mother exceptionally well, and Shawn couldn't handle two of them… Which was made irrelevant when the door opened to reveal not his mother, but…

"Detective Lassiter?"

Lassiter stepped into Shawn's apartment, keen blue eyes taking the coffee table littered with empty pudding cups, icepacks, water bottles, and prescription bottles. "You just leave your front door unlocked for anyone to come waltzing in? You're just begging to be robbed." Upon taking another look around at the untidy living space, his lip curled and he added, "Or maybe not."

Shawn struggled to sit up past the monkey playing cymbals in his head. "Your contempt for my apartment aside, what are you doing here?"

The detective hesitated. "I was just in the neighborhood and I…" Shawn watched knowingly as the detective's gaze shifted to the rather impressive bruise on his head.

"You wanted to check on me? Oh, Detective, you shouldn't have!"

"I didn't," growled Lassiter. He paused. "This was a mistake. I'll just—"

"Wait!" Shawn shifted, patting the sofa seat beside him. "Come in. Sit down. Rest your rumpus. Put your feet up. Slow your roll. Chillax your—"

With an irritated grunt, the detective passed the threshold and sat in the chair farthest away from Shawn. "Look. I didn't exactly… yesterday, when I…"

"I know, I know. You were just expressing your love for me in the only way you know how, like that little boy in school who pulls the little girl's pigtails because he thinks she's cute."

"Absolutely not."

"Okay, you got me—" Shawn winced as a particularly painful wave shot through his poor, abused noggin. "I was that kid in school. Her name was Melinda, and she had the cutest, bounciest set of—"

"Dear Lord, please stop talking."

"I was going to say pigtails, dude. Mind. Gutter. Get it out."

"This is a monumental waste of my time," the detective spat, standing up so abruptly it almost gave Shawn vertigo… Or wait, he might have already had vertigo, wasn't that a concussion symptom ? And what was vertigo, anyway? Besides an Alfred Hitchcock flick?

Past the pounding in his skull, Shawn heard footsteps stomping away, toward the door. Despite the telltale ringing in his ears, Shawn scrabbled to his feet, ignoring the dark spots dancing wildly in front of his eyes. His pulse hammered, his breath felt short and stunted, and the dizziness spiked. He knew what was going to happen seconds before it did. He was unconscious before he hit the floor.

***

When the world swam back into focus, Shawn was surprised to find that he was back on the couch, not in a heap on the floor. He noticed blearily that his hands tingled like he'd been sitting on them for a couple of weeks, and his ears were still ringing like a high school band had paraded between them and accidentally left the triangle player behind. With a groan against the horrible pounding that had overtaken his skull – the procession of drummers must've gotten left behind, too – he rolled over to see Head Detective Carlton Lassiter kneeling next to the couch.

"You passed out," the detective stated helpfully.

"I did not," Shawn argued, mostly out of obligatory need to irritate whoever was in his general vicinity. "I fell asleep, suddenly and quickly, in a very manly and not wimpy way."

"Sure you did. Just be glad I got to you before you hit the ground. You would have a matching bruise on the other side of your head."

Shawn feigned shock. "So you dashed to my side, caught me before I hit the ground, gently placed me on the sofa, and lingered over my prone body until you knew I wasn't on death's door? Detective, I'm touched."

Lassiter half-sneered, half-smirked. "You were only out for a handful of seconds. I was hoping you'd stay out of it long enough for me to escape, but of course you had to ruin that plan, too."

Shawn winced, only partly out of pain. "Look, man, I'm sorry about your girlfriend. I just—"

The detective stood hastily, popping up from the ground like a Jack-in-the-Box with a strong Irish hairline and lots of pent-up aggression. "We don't talk about that. Ever."

Shawn lifted both hands up in mock surrender. Lassiter's face softened, just the tiniest, miniscule bit. "You're okay, though? Do I need to call your father or someone—?"

"No! I would rather you leave me here to die."

Lassiter shrugged. "Works for me." He strode for the door.

Shawn hesitated, licked his lips, and then offered, "Detective? Thanks."

"Just take it easy," the detective advised.

It was as close to an apology as Shawn was going to get, and, though Shawn might not have shown it through his next words, he did in fact appreciate it.

"Lassie," Shawn said, testing out the new nickname he'd been considering since he'd met the detective. He watched with glee as the man bristled in agitation.

"What?" the detective ground out through gritted teeth.

"I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

The head detective had fled the apartment and slammed the door before Shawn could blink. Shawn settled back into the couch cushions and tried to will his head to stop raging against him. Or at least a plain but not drop-dead-ugly working tolerance, he amended in his head, before he drifted off to sleep.

#psych #shawn spencer #carlton lassiter #karen vick #fanfiction #fic rec #psych fanfic #episode au #friendship sort of #hurt/comfort #also sort of #usa psych #emcatwrites

[bigskydreaming]

A good description. For my part, I don't like talking about it because of my own experiences. I can, however, see Batman, a story where nearly every memorable villain and even the protagonist himself is a Svengali, could attract a disproportionate number of rape apologists, though fandom is full of them. (Oh, hey, that's the other thing with Jason. Talia.)

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear you can relate, and I totally understand not wanting to talk about it. I have no idea what your particular situation is, obviously, but I also want to reiterate since its been awhile since I’ve mentioned this part.....I don’t feel any like....basically, my choice to talk about this stuff is simply put, MY choice, made for my own reasons, that aren’t a reflection on any other survivor. There are a million and one reasons NOT to come forward, or to struggle with it or not to be open about what happened to us, and none of them are a reflection on any of us, but rather the position it puts us in.

Again, I don’t know your situation or what gender you might be or anything else, and this isn’t at all because your ask made me feel defensive or anything like that. This is just something I’ve wanted to put into words for awhile now seems relevant today, and here’s as good a place as any to put it down:

For myself, being a male survivor....like, there’s never really been any getting around the existence of that kinda, idk, caveat that not many male survivors come forward. Sure, we all see the posts and tweets reminding “remember, men can be raped too!” But that’s not the same thing as men sharing their stories and experiences the way far more women have come forward. And that’s why I ultimately began talking about my own experiences in order to express how I felt about my own positioning in society and how as a survivor I interact and am interacted with by others. Because frankly, there wasn’t anywhere else I could really look to in order to see others talking or sharing about similar things and see myself reflected in what they were saying or the experiences they were describing. So, if I couldn’t find what I felt I needed or could have benefited from, I figured at least I could put it out there in case anyone else who could relate could benefit from mine.

Except, ultimately I’ve come to feel that I honestly don’t believe its that men just flat out don’t come forward with their stories or experiences, its that even when we do, we’re rarely signal boosted - as you can kinda see from the fact that I can post the most inane shit and get it to a thousand notes, but in the five plus years I’ve been making posts about this subject, I’m lucky if I can get a single post on the topic to double digits as far as notes go.

People just flat out are a combination of uncomfortable with the novelty of actual discussions about and around male survivors as well as being not really sure how to talk about it because we’ve never really developed the tools for it.

And to be 100% clear, this has NOTHING to do with female survivors, as a point of comparison or ANYTHING else. It drives me up a fucking WALL when people try and compare and contrast even just how much men being raped is talked about vs women being raped, no matter WHAT their reasons are, because I promise people, I PROMISE - NO survivor, of any gender, has EVER benefitted from being pitted against other survivors to ANY degree. Its not a zero sum game and it doesn’t help male survivors to pull shit like “well at least female survivors are acknowledged” because a) eww, and b) nobody asked anyone to say that on our behalf, and c) hyper-visibility isn’t a privilege (or whatever the best parallel to that might be, I’m not trying to appropriate an anti-blackness specific term so much as its the closest comparison I have at the moment for something that isn’t even a matter of marginalized identities but rather marginalized experiences) and d) its COMPLETELY beside the point and actually misses the point by a WIDE margin.

Because what I’ve come to realize over the years, from my own experiences and talking and sharing with survivors of all genders and demographics and walks of life, is that first off....nobody really needs the reminder that hey, men can be raped too. We see it happen all throughout entertainment and other aspects of society, its not an experience that’s hidden away from the light, its just not ever really CALLED what it is, or followed up on, and talked about.

Like Dick Grayson isn’t a statistical outlier in media. Take Horrible Bosses, a summer blockbuster comedy a few years back with a cast of fairly big name comedians, and whose running B plot throughout the whole movie was Jennifer Aniston’s character wanting to rape her employee, Charlie Day’s character. Not only was this not objectionable to audiences in any sizable way, not only did this never really get called out as wtf by critics and reviews, the movie was successful enough to warrant a sequel with even BIGGER names in its cast, like Christopher Pine, and the continuation of the Aniston’s character trying to rape Charlie Day’s subplot. With zero awareness. And its not like that’s the only movie. There’s plenty more I could name.

Or then you’ve got television, where like, take Riverdale, a well-promoted, well known CW show....whose first few episodes featured the lead character Archie in a sexual relationship with his much older female teacher. Except not really a relationship, because that’s textbook, no debate, literal statutory rape.....that ended with Archie’s character being condemned for it as though he were on equal footing with the teacher, who ultimately left town, and it never really acknowledged that he was literally a victim of statutory rape, that any teacher who does that is not an equal partner but a predator. I stopped watching the show for a lot of reasons by like the fourth episode, but I see enough gifs on tumblr to know that several seasons later, this left little enough impact that some kind of Archie-goes-to-jail plotline has resulted in more memes and jokes about prison rape than I can count, and zero awareness that people are compounding jokes about a character who is literally already an unacknowledged survivor.

That’s one. Or you can take Once Upon A Time, a popular ABC show of multiple seasons, and the running subplot where Robin Hood’s character is raped by the Wicked Witch literally the same way Dick was by Mirage in the comics. She shapeshifts into Maid Marian, who ends up dead, and has ‘sex’ with Robin Hood (no, she rapes him) and ends up pregnant. Not only is this never really called what it is, later on, other characters LITERALLY CHEW HIM OUT for objecting to this baby being left in the care of her mother, aka his rapist, and for ‘not being willing to give her the benefit of the doubt/let her change’ as though him not wanting to co-parent with his rapist is no different from any of the show’s other dubious redemption storylines....except for the fact that this particular part of her redemption arc isn’t ever really one she actually needs redeeming for, because nobody ever fucking points out that she literally raped him and he was her victim. Fast forward to the end of the series, Robin Hood’s been dead for seasons, the Wicked Witch is happily redeemed and has a loving wholesome relationship with her daughter, named after Robin Hood like they were some kind of loving, happy family instead of a rapist, her victim, and the child that was born of it.

Or you can take Grimm, a fairly successful NBC show of multiple seasons WHICH LITERALLY DID THE EXACT SAME THING. The main character Nick was raped in season two by the antagonist of the time, who shape shifted into his wife and had ‘sex’ with him, with him not realizing the truth until later on, by which point she’s pregnant with his child. Fast forward to the end of the show, not only was this never really called what it was, his wife’s character was killed off seasons earlier and he is now, get this, ‘happily’ in a romantic and sexual longterm relationship with his rapist (who he by now knows exactly what she did do and what happened between them and just.....got over it without ever actually like, reacting to it)....and oh yeah, not only are they raising the child born of it together, they’ve had a second child since then.

Anyone ever hear much outcry about the male rapes in these shows? And again, like Horrible Bosses, tip of the iceberg. There’s a LOT more shows I could name, just like there are movies.

Or take comics. Its not even just Dick Grayson that’s a survivor. Or Bruce. Or Jason as you pointed out, which......I know a lot of people ignore both Morrison AND Winick’s take on Talia in order to not write her as the rapist she is in their stories, which I can totally understand as she was a well-established character of color for long before either of them got their hands on her and its perfectly valid for people not to want to have to write her as being tarnished as a rapist because two different writers wrote her that way....without.....either of them ever really acknowledging that was literally how they were writing her. I myself write her as a character of complicated and often dubious morality, but never a rapist, for that reason and many others, but its definitely there. And even in a fandom that has never lacked for acknowledgment of Dick being a survivor whose rapists were women.....a LOT of people still romanticize Jason’s ‘relationship’ with Talia as being something other than a grown woman taking advantage of a minor in an extremely vulnerable and compromised state.....with a TON of other takes out there about the two of them, in posts and fics alike, where its somehow danced around or outright called something other than “that time Talia raped Jason in the comics.”

But its not just the Batbooks. Its like how I’ve mentioned in the past, Garth Ennis wrote into one of his storylines that Kyle Rayner was raped when he went to Gotham one time.....not to make it a plot point, but to use it as a JOKE. Or take Marvel comics, Bobby Drake, one of my other all-time favorite characters....who is also a rape survivor of multiple occasions, without it ever acknowledged as such. Like, he was briefly in a relationship with Mystique, who turned out to have entered the relationship under false pretenses, shocking, and who used having sex with him to depower him and take him out of the upcoming fight between the X-Men and the Marauders, which...we don’t have time to unpack all that right now. But fast forward about a year later, and Bobby has since gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend Opal Tanaka.....who, it turns out, is actually just Mystique in disguise, having sex with him again without it ever being called rape since he was consenting to sex with Opal, not the woman who slept with him that one time just to make sure he was helpless to stop a whole lot of people from getting killed. But hey, forget about Mystique! How about that time Chuck Austen wrote him ‘having sex’ with an empath who was EXPLICITLY noted in the narrative as using her powers to manipulate his emotions to even WANT to have sex with her in the first place, and when an issue later it comes out she’s married and her husband starts beating up Bobby for ‘sleeping with his wife’ all the other characters present, all of them friends and teammates of his, condemn Bobby for this without it ever being acknowledged that he was literally manipulated into it by a superpower and he was the victim.

Again. Tip. Of. The. Iceberg.

But you see what I mean? Male rape isn’t an outlier and it isn’t an unknown....its everywhere! Its just.....never called that, really, and never really talked about, even by people who normally would, except for the fact that I don’t think we as a society have ever really forced ourselves to FIND a way to talk about it, because of the fact that like.....the very notion of it threatens and undermines the essence of the patriarchal beliefs that are hammered into us all from day one. Even when we know the patriarchy is crap, we still have so much ingrained in us from early childhood that stuff like this, which is a blatant symptom of it even if not one aimed primarily at disadvantaging women.....like, it slips under the radar because its never fully called out or spotlighted in loud enough or widely enough ways to keep us from overlooking how much its impacted our POVs.

Blatantly put, the patriarchy and sexism RELIES on the idea that men are somehow more powerful/stronger/whatthefuckever than women. And male victims - of abuse as well as rape, though definitely rape.....like, even just a widespread awareness of our existence is enough to kinda destabilize that belief that is so foundational to the patriarchy its DEPENDENT on it being upheld as unassailable truth.

Because if forced to acknowledge that men are just as vulnerable to even something like rape as anyone else in the ‘right’ situations or dynamics, it forces confrontation with the reality that no matter what the patriarchy has claimed for as long as its existed.....men aren’t inherently any more powerful, or stronger, or resistant to harm/humiliation/VICTIMIZATION as anyone else.

And the patriarchy flat out can’t afford that confrontation, so it can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors.

Again, just want to be beyond clear - nowhere here am I okay with making this about a compare and contrast between the experiences and interactions society has with male survivors and around male rape, and the same with female survivors and rape. Because I mean, we all should be more than aware that society as a whole sucks at the acknowledgment, addressing and handling of rape in any context, in any of the ways it comes up as a topic, in terms of any survivor who comes forward no matter who or when or how.....like. We suck at this topic, and at any and all discussions about this topic. Period. Flat out. So when I say the patriarchy can’t afford to acknowledge male survivors, I am in no way aiming to diminish the reality that it does just as fucking an abyssmal job at acknowledging and responding to female survivors....the point here is not the poor reception any and all survivors receive to disclosing their experiences in our society, but rather the specific why of this when it comes to male survivors just as the particular subject of focus here.

And again, like, my only credentials here are just like. My life experiences, lol. I’m not trying to claim anything more or other than that, make no mistake. I’m a literal college drop out, this is not the result of comprehensive studies or vetted by the scientific method. This is literally just “like, my opinion, man” and makes no pretenses at being other than that. Its just the conclusions I’ve formed over the years and why, completely anecdotal and not aiming to be any kind of authoritative or expert viewpoint with my personal take here. Largely because I haven’t really found anywhere that I feel the conversation has proceeded enough in earnest that its even at a point that would ALLOW for that yet. So this is all more just.....my feel of things, and why, as just kinda idk, hopefully a starting point for further ACTUAL exploration of all this. My attempts at starting the kind of conversation I feel we need to be having in order to be at all productive instead of just constantly spinning around in circles, which is what it so often feels like.

So when I say I think the patriarchy can’t honestly AFFORD to acknowledge male survivors specifically, I’m not positing some grand conspiracy or active cover-up.

Because nothing like that is even necessary.

Its built into the framework of the system itself. Its not that I believe anyone goes out of their way to “hide” male survivors from anyone, I’m saying there’s no need. Because its been so ingrained into us from such a young age and in so many ways, most of us never even think to question whether anything is even being hidden, or if its just as simple as, well men don’t really come forward, because their pride and self-esteem is so impacted by what happened to them, due to the expectations heaped on men by the patriarchy.

Its kinda stunning, actually. Even while ACKNOWLEDGING that the patriarchy does impact male survivors in ways as well, we’re kinda....led away from the ACTUAL ways and ACTUAL reasons why....because despite literally calling the patriarchy out as the bad guy in this way, it still manages to weasel itself out of this confrontation by virtue of the fact that you can’t ever really effectively address a problem when you’re being misdirected to a tangent that’s not really the REAL problem that needs addressing.

So personally, I’m of the belief that its not that men just don’t ever really come forward. Its that even when some do, like myself, we can scream our heads off for years and it just echoes into the void, because its not being heard in the ways we need to be heard in order to effectively....signalboost our stories and experiences and needs. Much like I just mentioned above, its misdirection......everybody’s too focused on addressing an issue that doesn’t actually NEED solving (ie, reminding everyone/promoting awareness that men too, CAN be raped), and thus at least feeling productive, feeling like they’re contributing to tackling the problem.....that meanwhile, the ACTUAL problem (men CAN be raped too, and are, and here are men talking about it only for the signal to get lost and fizzle out rather than get boosted)....it flies right under the radar.

Because in line with what I said earlier about how it does no good to compare our experiences, both in terms of assault and our lives in the aftermath, with women survivors - its because its apples and oranges.

Rape isn’t a gendered issue, because it can happen to anyone of any gender, at any time....its situational. Dependent on context. Rape culture, however, IS a gendered issue.

Because rape culture, how our society INTERACTS with the very idea of abuse and rape and its victims and perpetrators....spills out entirely from that core foundation of the patriarchy and sexism, and thus much like those things themselves, how it affects women survivors is always going to be totally different from how it affects men who are survivors. Our experiences are not interchangeable - that has nothing to do with being better or worse, more publicized or less, etc, etc. They just....manifest different ways. The cause of our trauma-related problems might be the same thing, but the problems it creates for us are not, and none of us can ever really benefit from it being treated as a one size fits all kinda deal, nor is it to our benefit to treat it like there’s only so much conversation about the topic available to go around.

What I mean here is, like I said, the patriarchy at the foundation of our society can’t afford for it to be widely acknowledged that men can be victimized too.

But it can’t actually stop this from happening, given that its basis for saying it never happens is an inherent uneven-ness that only exists because it made it exist, not because like....we’re innately born uneven.

So....it had to come up with a narrative, a response, for when men DID step forward and say hey, I too was abused. I was raped. Etc.

And it did.

As a result, a lot of women don’t come forward because they fear not being believed, with reason. And this is true for a lot of men as well, just as the following is true for a lot of women too....

Which is that IMO the bigger reason/more immediate reason a lot of men don’t come forward, is that our concern isn’t so much that we won’t be believed....

Its that we will be believed, but rather than this getting us the help we need or the justice we ask for, it only ever really creates more problems for us, due to the patriarchy’s go-to fix-it job for this situation:

Paint the male victim as being not so much a victim as a victimizer-in-training.

See, the lie that men are innately more powerful, stronger, more ‘deserving’ of being in charge can’t afford the admittance than men are also vulnerable, can be victimized, taken advantage of.....

But it CAN afford the idea that men can be abused/raped/etc with this going on to eventually result in us becoming abusers/rapists/victimizers ourselves in the future, as long as THIS is kept the clear focus and emphasis of the narrative.

Because after all, there’s nothing in the idea that we all inevitably take out our pain (whatever it may come from) on others that contradicts the idea that we’re stronger, more powerful, etc.

And its not like the patriarchy and its supporters give a shit if this throws even other men under the bus, because the only thing institutions and systems of power actually care about is POWER.

They’re not our friend, even if in a different life, we could have ended up wielding more of that power than we do in this one. Even if we do in other aspects of our lives gain social and other forms of power more easily/with less obstacles than other people.

They only care what we can do for them, to spread that power, perpetuate it, preserve it....so just like white supremacy will happily screw over poor white people and America doesn’t give a shit about its prison population and the LGBTQ+ community so often ignores the issues of its members of color and so on.....the patriarchy is more than willing to make male survivors from any and all groups and communities take the hit it has no intention of taking by letting it be confirmed its built on sand and bullshit.

So just as much as we’re ingrained from early childhood with the idea that men can’t be victimized the way others can, the linked lesson we’re taught is that men who have been hurt badly or in certain ways will almost certainly end up hurting others.....

With the implicit acknowledgment that there was just an admittance that we can be hurt badly/in certain ways ending up just swiftly glossed over. As the focus is instead kept on the harm done to our hypothetical future victims.

Because the easiest way to keep someone from being sympathetic, is to give people someone else to sympathize with MORE. To give people reason to feel a person doesn’t even deserve your sympathy in the first place.

And so now think about not how often we see men victimized by abuse and rape in media, or how often we see men portrayed as survivors and yes, victims of these things.....

Think instead of how often in media we see men who victimize others, who are the antagonists, the villains, the serial killer/rapist/abuser of the week.......and with it offhandedly being dropped into a scene and then never really focused on again, that these men were almost always said to have been abused or raped or victimized in the past....and this is the REASON for why they all ended up doing what they did.

Suddenly, the numbers go up, don’t they? The second you think about it from THAT angle?

Its just....the reason that angle literally exists to the extent it does in society and the messages we’re fed, the entertainment we’re given.....is because that’s the POINT.

Because its natural for us not to think of any of those men as victims when by the time we find that part out, we’ve already internalized our view of them as victimizers, and solidly put our sympathies with their victims in the present. Because what was done to them in the past doesn’t excuse what they do to others in the present. Being hurt doesn’t give you carte blanche to hurt others. We all know this. Hence....WHY IT WORKS.

Except, this isn’t actually a reflection of reality. The myth of the perpetual cycle of abuse is just that, a myth. Oh, it happens, certainly. With men, with women, quite probably more often with men than women, not much doubt about that....

But its not that it happens, we’re told. That’s not the issue here.

Its that we’re pretty much told it ALWAYS happens. Its always GOING to happen. That there’s no real point in sympathizing with a male victim who is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else in the future and thus he’s not really gonna deserve your sympathy at that point, will he? Which makes him not really worth wasting it on him in the first place. Makes it easy to come up with something to focus on more instead of his story or experiences, something just as deserving of your focus or sympathy, but that you’re less likely to end up regretting in the future like you would if a male survivor you sympathized with now ends up in the news five years down the line for having hurt someone else.

Because over centuries and generations the idea of male survivors at all has been cultivated into having this almost mythic quality, there’s just enough subtle feeling of wrongness around the very idea of it, like, that it just doesn’t quite make sense...that it ends up being almost a relief to give our minds a reason, an explanation for why they don’t have to come up with a way to adjust the paradigm there, to make room for that idea, realign a worldview into one where there’s a specific spot for male survivors much like any other subject that needs focusing on or evaluating for whatever reason.

And this point, this conclusion that no matter how tragic what happened to make a male survivor was, it will only ever ultimately end up in the same spot, with him later on passing along the harm, a warped kind of paying it forward....this is hammered home over and over. We see it everywhere, without even often realizing what it is we’re seeing and internalizing, like with the examples I cited of all the times men are raped in entertainment without it being called that. Its the flip side of that....the times that men are raped in entertainment with it being called that, but swiftly moved past that to introduce the reason not to care that that’s what it was we just saw.

And thus throughout several seasons of Law & Order: SVU we’ve had male survivors, usually teens, who at first seemed eminently sympathetic for what had been done to them.....but who by the end of the episodes, ended up becoming school shooters exacting revenge on their bullies. Or ended up killing the coach who raped them in high school and then went on to rape a dozen others. Or in the last scene of the episode is found kneeling over their abusive father’s corpse with blood on their hands and the detectives standing over them in sadness that now they had to take the boy they thought was the victim away to jail as the victimizer he didn’t have to end up becoming.

Except.....he only becomes that because they make the choice to write him becoming it! Every single time!

Like in 13 Reasons Why, where another male survivor ends up....another school shooter. Or in Criminal Minds, where pretty much every single killer throughout the series ended up with a backstory of abuse and rape and victimization as a child, making it ‘all the more tragic’ and with the protagonists often literally using the phrase “almost like the guy never had a chance.”

Well no, they didn’t. Not when it was written to BE that way.

And then we see the idea root and take hold in audiences. And spread and perpetuated. Validated.

Its why I hate the woobification thing in fandoms, where fans of (white) villain characters fill in their backstory for themselves with all the REASONS they are the way they are, and with the reasons never being that they’re just a sadistic entitled asshole, but because they were hurt. They were abused as a child, they were raped offscreen, the heroes said mean things about them in the burn book once and that’s why they just had to kill the hero’s whole family, see.

And everything comes full circle.....not only is it that all male victims are destined to end up victimizers....its equally true that all male victimizers must have once been male victims. Even if we didn’t see it onscreen or on the page.

Except, and why I loathe that fandom tendency.....

THAT NARRATIVE IS NOT AN INEVITABILITY AND NEVER WAS! The end point and point of origin presented there are NOT innately set in stone!

And all that does is just validate and accept as truth the LIE that patriarchal society puts forth in order to play smoke and mirrors with this one specific facet of human experiences that innately possesses the potential to destabilize the lie at the very rock bottom foundation of everything the patriarchy’s ever built at everyone else’s expense. The reason it offers up for why its not only allowable, its for the best that we look elsewhere from any male victims that actually step forward and say hey, can you all listen to me for a second, I want to tell you what happened to me.

And the fun irony of THIS aspect of things is if you think this woobification fandom thing benefits male survivors as a whole in some way or another, like the tendency of fans to find even villainous victimizers sympathetic means that they can and do sympathize just as much with actual male victims.....I’m fairly certain it doesn’t.

See, because with villains in fandom......this retroactive sympathy for imagined past traumas happens to only the characters that fandom has already decided they liked DESPITE the awful things they’ve done. Its made up to be used as an excuse instead of an explanation....

And like we all know damn well, even if we don’t always admit it or like to acknowledge it....

Explanations are not actually excuses. The harm you do can not be wiped away by the harm done to you.

So, because that’s still inside of us, our awareness of that, even if its ignored on the surface while defending hot white villains or whatever.....it doesn’t actually give anyone reason to ignore the narrative our society constructs around actual male survivors who it encourages people to condemn or ignore on the basis of purely hypothetical FUTURE abuses or wrongdoings.

And after all, you can’t actually decide you can look past the harms a person enacts and still view them as sympathetic if....you don’t actually know yet what those harms are going to end up being and thus whether you can make your peace with them, can you?

You just know that harms WILL be done, so....might as well err on the side of caution and assume they won’t be forgivable when deciding here and now to be thrifty with sympathies and spread any actionable effort taken on behalf of survivors in areas where those sympathies are more likely to be put to better use.

And yeah, all of this plays into why I focus so much on certain aspects of Dick’s narratives, and they usually AREN’T the rapes themselves.

Because for me, for many other male survivors I know......

Acknowledging those happened, examining how he felt when those happened....its not the biggest issue. Just like in our own lives, having it acknowledged or known what was done to us, having to face how it made us feel....that’s not really our primary concern.

Its what happens AFTER that.

How people view us and treat us AFTER their initial sympathies, whatever they are, dry up - which, we’re given reason to believe, they always inevitably will.

Because it isn’t all that different from what I frequently complain of happening with Dick in fandom, and hell, its WHY it bothers me so much, because its literally been a recurrent theme throughout my life:

The most widely acknowledged male survivor in comics, just also happens to coincidentally be....

The character most often spun as having a wicked temper, being almost irrationally angry at times, with his temper being likened to things like an eruption, an earthquake, a NATURAL DISASTER....something to be avoided at all costs, something the other characters fear, with good reason, but also impossible to avoid, because its too intrinsic to his nature. Its an inevitability. Dick Grayson WILL erupt or explode again at some point, and its going to be ugly. Like he’s a time bomb.

Even though....as I frequently go in depth on.....Dick’s never actually been shown as having particularly poor self-control either on just its own merits or specifically in comparison to others. He doesn’t really actually HAVE a track record of taking out his own hurts on others. On giving people REASON to be afraid of his temper even while they continue to take no responsibility for giving him reasons to be angry at all.

Its why I so often emphasize the discrepancy between the fact that whatever someone’s own personal character preferences, the FACT remains that Dick Grayson is the character in this family that most often bears the BRUNT of everyone ELSE’S anger.......just as the fact equally remains that Dick Grayson is still ultimately the character most often singled out in posts and headcanons and fanfics as unleashing his temper on others in unjustifable ways and usually without actual provocation.

None of this is a coincidence to me.

Its how we see over and over again that its okay for Dick Grayson to be angry FOR others, ON others’ behalf....its just when he’s angry FOR HIMSELF, for being taken advantage of, ignored, walked all over or mistreated....that’s when his anger is unjustified. Irrational.

Dangerous.

Or you guys know that one fanon about how Dick forces his hugs on his siblings, and his displays of physical affection are often unwanted, and thus violations?

Yeah, that one hits me right in the Issues too, because again, that’s not remotely supported by anything in canon....there has NEVER been an instance of Dick’s family asking him to cut it our or feeling like......IMPOSED upon because he likes to hug his family.

Its not to say people can’t feel that way about even well-meaning displays of physical affection that aren’t cleared with them first....

Its that this is something that people had to DECIDE to make a thing with Dick and his family. To actually craft the narrative that the many-times victim of unwanted touching was effectively violating his family’s wishes and boundaries every time he hugs them without being asked or invited to.

With that number being however many times a writer wants to write him doing when highlighting it as a violation.

And is this a thing we really see with any other character? Is my question there. How often do you see literally any other character being chewed out or resented for....hugging?

Just the one character most known for giving physical affection freely with his FAMILY and close friends.....

Who just so happens to also be the one character most often the guy who has his bodily autonomy violated.

The canon rape survivor has literally had HUGS weaponzed against him.

With the end result being.....every time he does it, every time this pings on a reader’s radar as Bad and Unwelcome....the linked takeaway is its one more reason for that reader to then ask themselves....well if he doesn’t care whether other people want him touching them, why should I care when he doesn’t want people touching him either?

Which ultimately just winds up another form of: why should I feel bad if bad things happened to someone who isn’t really that great of a person?

See what I mean?

Its all connected. Its not me getting frustrated with a bunch of different random things, its all the same thing at the end of the day, all so often traceable back to the same places.

I couldn’t untangle myself from so much of this and how it impacts me and my view of things even if I wanted to, to such an extent that in the end, want really has very little to do with it.

(And uh, you think those bug the shit out of me, let me tell you about just the very SIGHT of all those fics where Dick the widely acknowledged, perhaps best known male rape victim in comics.....is a rapist himself. Because yeah....even if people like to keep their incest light and fluffy or sweet instead of predatory, to someone who is y’know, personally familiar with all of this, Dick and ANY of his younger brothers is never going to appear as anything BUT predatory. As yet one more time where the linear journey of a male survivor all the way to the final evolution into male predator is born out and treated as so matter-of-fact, so inevitable, it hardly warrants noting as anything especially obscene or gross to write about a character famous for his survivor status. And its not like Dick is actually the only character in the franchise I like, so its not like its any better when its Jason painted as the aggressor in a fic, for instance....and while I will always be hugely critical of how Bruce is written as abusive in canon, that’s a wildly different thing from sexually preying on his sons so again, seeing him as his own sons’ rapists is yet again more upsetting than most people would think without connecting Bruce’s own status as a canon rape survivor, whether we like that story or not.....and plugging it into again, this pre-programmed route traveling from survivor to predator, over and over again. Victim to victimizer. Like clockwork.)

Anyway, my point is not to harp on this but rather to just lay it out there in this way. And how it plays into so much of my own personal approach to dealing with all of this when it comes up.......because the simple fact is I have to, there is no opt-out lol, and it comes up a lot, in large part because its so easy t reframe as being something else that most people who don’t have direct experience being directly impacted by all of this in its various myriad expressions are understandably not going to see it pinging on their radar and getting logged into their awareness the way it always does in mine.

*Shrugs* It is what it is. Its there. Avoiding it has never done me any favors, so.......as I so often demonstrate in a variety of degrees of Hmm Probably Coulda Done That Better, lol, I try and deal with things head-on and adjust as needed.

Easier said than done, not always pulled off, never any guarantee that I’m going about things the right way, just that like.....

There’s problems that need addressing that stem from all of this, and I know where mine lie and put a lot, a LOT of effort into addressing them and keeping an eye on them and not letting them get the better of me.

But the flipside of paying that close attention and that much means I’m also keenly aware of when and where I couldn’t take responsibility even if I wanted to, because the responsibility literally just isn’t mine to take....because yeah, I live in a society but guess what, so does everyone else, and its the same damn society, so  at the end of the day, no matter HOW well or not I go about handling the matter of my rapes and their overall impact and shaping of my life.....that’s just me handling the rape part of things.

The rape culture? And how THAT affects and informs every survivor’s life in whatever way it does going forward?

That’s kinda.....only ever going to be improved upon or not, on like....a cultural scale. That’s a society thing. Not a survivor thing.

Because we are all shaped by our cultures, every aspect of our cultures, and this one is unfortunately no different. But, its shaped by us too.

But to actually shape it INTO something, or more accurately, to shape it into LESS of what it is, blunt some of its edges, lessen some of its ability to do harm to survivors, to compound the harm already done.....

Something like THAT requires intent. Conscious effort.

And intent requires like....first being able to SEE what problems need addressing.

And that’s kiiiiinda the whole point of survivors coming forward when so rarely, so MINUTELY does it EVER result in actionable justice for that individual survivor.

And I don’t for a second believe a single one ever believes or assumes otherwise.

Cuz its super not fun. It never like......I don’t fucking know how it looks to other people, tbh, because I’ve literally been a survivor since before I even really knew that I was being abused or molested, that there was something I was surviving....but trust me, I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered, and I don’t know if like, people think a survivor ‘telling their story’ is somehow an equivalent of like, getting a book deal or something, there’s the attention it brings after all, and isn’t there that saying that no publicity is bad publicity.....

LOL. Yeah. Umm. Just saying, if you don’t have personal experience as a survivor having come forward or shared openly about your experiences, let me refer you to another saying as counterpoint: Don’t believe everything you hear.

Cuz that’s definitely not one anyone else ever forgets when ‘listening’ to any of us.

Anyway, wrapping this up by bringing it back to like.....my extremely evident mood and irration of this past week.....this is ALL connected, this is ALL part and parcel of every single time this comes up as an issue for me and its never less of one at one time than it is at another, its never a little easier this time because this reason or that....its always the same damn frustration every single time. Stuff like this doesn’t get doled out in manageable portions, its all or nothing. Its either a problem right this current second or its not, and if its not, that’s only until the next time its a problem again, likely sooner rather than later.

And that’s the part that makes me talk about this as much as I do, and get as frustrated as I do when people just do not seem to get.....

I don’t have an off switch on this matter because there IS no off switch for me. The times I get frustrated and vent about this stuff are actually only at MOST a TENTH of how often it rears its head for me to deal with.....the times my reactions or responses boil over into public view, into something you guys see, or ‘have to deal with’ are literally just the times where there is no keeping a lid on it because the pot was already full to start with.

And so it really. Epically. Beyoooooond doesn’t help matters, when despite being the only male survivor I’m aware of being consistently vocal on the matter in the only fandom I know of where a prominant male character is almost universally acknowledged as a survivor....

I usually only ever hear the response:

“Mmmmmm, I’m not really sure what makes you think there’s a problem here and that it has anything to do with us, when see, I don’t agree, and I don’t really see why you think your opinion on the matter of how this particular character is written about and viewed and depicted interacting with others and how fandom interacts with him, is like.....of any kind of real relevance? This is just like....your opinion, man.”

Me: ........have I ever claimed for a second it wasn’t? Didn’t I use those exact words at least once in all of this already?

fahsklhfaklhflakfhalffha

Cuz for the record, ultimately, that’s what this all boils down to. I’ve wanted to post about this stuff for awhile now, but make no mistake:

It literally is all just my opinion? Formed of my own personal experiences and the conclusions I’ve taken away from them. Laid out as fully and extensively as I can manage, specifically SO people can take all of that into context when deciding for themselves how much weight or not to GIVE my opinion......

In which case, y’know, the experiences I have with this matter and how they correlate to these opinions, like, have contextual relevance and seem necessary to include.

Its NOT because I’m trying to use them to browbeat everyone into agreeing with me because I think I’m the only one whose opinion matters here, lol.

No. Just that like....it DOES matter? And its kinda exhausting when people act like all of this is arbitrary and abstract to me, that its some kind of superiority complex or me moralizing from a pulpit or some shit when I’m literally saying none of it is abstract or arbitrary to me, and the louder I say that, the more people THEN say “oh so basically your opinion is the only one that matters here unless we disclose the same kind of experiences or background huh?”

*headdesk*

I just.....it seems my stance is either born of self-righteousness and nothing personal whatsoever....unless I make enough of a fuss about how that’s NOT true, in which case my stance is that apparently I think I’m the only one who is allowed to have an opinion here because I’ve made such a point about it being personal.

But its definitely not that people are just determined to invalidate anything I have to say on this subject one way or another, right?

Anyway.

So all of that’s like...whatever that was. Make of it what you guys will, but I do hope that at least for some people whom it might be a new perspective or new information to, you’ll consider asking why is it that in a fandom that prominently features a canon male survivor whose survivorhood is so frequently denoted as a key and critical part of his character....someone like me, who is frequently cited as a resource on many, many other kinds of meta about Dick Grayson......seems to have more people interested in discouraging me from ever expounding on my own experiences in this matter and any correlations I see between those and Dick’s experiences and narratives, than there are people interested in like......utilizing me as the freaking resource on male survivor experiences and viewpoints that I’ve literally been out here offering to be from day one....specifically BECAUSE of how rarely men are viewed as coming forward and being open about our shit here.

*Shrugs*

Just food for thought.

#rape cw

[mittensmorgul]

I don't understand, jack is back but dean is fine with him but he will be at odds with cas because he blames him for his mom's death? I'm trying to make sense of this, after all jack was the killer

Hi there! I’m assuming (since sdcc was like a month ago) that you’re referring to one of the garbage clickbait articles going around in the last few weeks pretending to be new “interviews.” I’ve seen a couple of them, not linking here because I refuse to drive traffic to any of those sites. That’s what those sites exist for-- to post clickbaity articles that will get people worked up enough to talk about incessantly and profiting off ad revenue.

They’re a mishmosh of out of context quotes slightly reworked from other journalists’ SDCC Roundtable Q&A sessions. So not only are the quotes worthless out of context, they’re also nearly a month old. It’s stale news, even for the bits that actually come out sounding even remotely accurate.

This particular comment was made by Robert Singer at sdcc... but for CONTEXT, please have SEVERAL different tables (and remember these interviews run about 5 minutes per table, with multiple reporters at each table who are all basically asking the same questions that these guys literally are not allowed to answer honestly...) enjoy this bit of tap dancing:

1. In this video, the question is posed about how the season starts (at approximately 2:05), and at about 2:45 he mentions that there’s “a bit of housekeeping” to be done in Dean and Cas’s relationship. He doesn’t say the CAUSE, which is not “Mary’s Death,” but the actual fallout of 14.20 where DEAN WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO MURDER JACK, and Cas had LITERALLY PUT HIMSELF BETWEEN DEAN AND JACK TO STOP HIM. They’re not still stuck back in 14.18 here...

2. In this video, he’s asked about the relationship between Sam, Dean, and Cas in the final episodes of s14, (at approximately 5.10), with the reporter asking about how their relationship “became fractured because of Jack,” asking about how CAS felt betrayed that Dean could’ve killed Jack... and you can see in the video (sorry for the angle in this one, you can’t really see the confusion on Singer’s face here...), and then he starts freaking waffling like mad...

“Well, conflict makes drama,” and “it’s gonna take a while for that rift to heal,” and “they will come together.” Mentioning it’s one of the goals of the first part of the season.

(reminder that earlier in these videos, he mentioned they only had the first six scripts at this point, so “a while” to him happens at some point during those episodes).

Let’s also be clear here, that the out of context articles have taken his quotes out of context, that in these interviews he’s SPECIFICALLY referring to the rift caused in 14.20 (which I might remind everyone they ended literally standing back to back, i.e. UNITED TOGETHER with zero evidence of any sort of “rift.”) And yet... when journalists repeatedly ask him about this... part of the job of PR is to... shuffle and answer with SOMETHING. If the audience thinks there’s emotional drama, as he said, Conflict Makes Drama. 

*HEAVY SIGHING*

This is like 9 things I hate all mixed up in a big pot: 

PR is not Showrunning. 

these interviews are FUN but they’re in no way SPOILERS for the season.

if you listen to all six roundtable interviews (well, there’s video of five for Singer specifically), you can hear him answering half a dozen similar questions in ways that he attempts to make sound slightly different without changing the underlying meaning of what he said. That’s how this weird form of PR works, and it’s a really interesting exercise in understanding what is actually the concrete truth IN CONTEXT.

here go try it for yourselves have a complete list of interviews from sdcc... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186598314405/sdcc-2019-spn-roundtables

oh right, people don’t actually watch them all because it would literally take HOURS (something just shy of five hours total, I believe? delivered in 5-10 minute snippets for each of the 9 participants being interviewed across six different tables) and it gets BORING watching the same people answer the same questions over and over again...

spoiler alert: I watched them all, which is how I knew these new “interviews” being published this week were garbage clickbait because they read like someone put all these videos in a blender.

When you remove the CONTEXT for a reply (i.e. the question asked, and often the question asked BEFORE the question that led to it, and often the FOLLOW UP) you can make it sound like the people being interviewed said ANYTHING THAT SUITS YOUR AGENDA!

the agenda of these clickbait sites IS TO GET YOUR CLICK! to get you worked up enough to talk about their article enough to link back to it and drive OTHER people to click their link. That’s the point of clickbait. They don’t care if what they’re presenting is HONEST, just that you CLICK. That’s how they get PAID.

Go back and read the actual articles written by the actual journalists who conducted these interviews in the first place immediately after SDCC, and you can see ACTUAL CONTEXT!

Wow I think that’s at least 10 things that irk me about this situation.

As a fandom can we PLEASE stop falling for this BS? Have we already forgotten s14 canon? Is that why people are willing to believe this garbage?

After 14.20 aired (and heck, even after 14.18 aired), I was writing about how Dean and Cas may have had some conflict there, but in the language of the show, the rift between Dean and Cas is already on the road to healing. If it wasn’t, Cas wouldn’t have been standing by their side in that final scene of 14.18. Dean wouldn’t have admitted he did the EXACT SAME THING to Sam, of failing to express his concerns about Jack to either Sam or Cas more clearly.

Did they have a big heart to heart conversation about it on screen? NO! BECAUSE WHEN DO THEY EVER?! And yet... they all continue to work together as if they had come to an understanding, and we-the-audience are supposed to understand that they are not actually “dead to me.” In an episode where we spend like 2/3 of it being reminded that things happen offscreen (sometimes MAJOR things, via the flashbacks to Mary’s life) and where the beginning and ending are mirrored like bookends with Dean’s line about what they’re going to do now (evolving from “get her back” to “let her go” over the course of the episode), we’re given to understand that Dean and Cas are finally able to “let it go.”

We saw them talk about Cas’s trip to Heaven, how he’d begged to be allowed to resurrect Mary and was told no, because he saw her at peace in her own Heaven. Dean knows he tried... and knows that Mary’s happy at last. In ShowSpeak, there is no conflict there anymore. Dean’s anger is at the situation, and not at Cas. Do you see the difference? Because he’s about to have a REAL target for what’s ACTUALLY behind ALL of this suffering...

By 14.20, Dean-- out of his own personal sense of guilt, and not any sort of anger with Cas-- believes he has no choice but to kill Jack himself using Chuck’s horrific weapon. Cas goes to Jack directly in his frustration, hoping he can convince Jack of what Mary failed to-- that there is something very dangerously wrong with him. Jack finally agrees, and acknowledges that he doesn’t feel anymore. And Cas is literally trying to save BOTH of their lives, because if Dean uses that magic gun on Jack, they will both be dead...

Cas’s anger isn’t at Dean, it’s at CHUCK, for refusing to fix this problem and healing Jack, despite clearly having the power to do so. Dean isn’t angry at Jack, because in the end he can’t bring himself to shoot Jack-- not even when Chuck shows up and eggs him on, and Jack kneels down perfectly willing to accept his fate. Not even when Chuck offers to resurrect Mary as a reward...

WHERE THE HECK IS THIS NOTION OF A CONFLICT BETWEEN THEM COMING FROM?!

I mean, any more so than like... the “conflict” between them at the beginning of s11? Which also devolved into this same sort of scenario with them both feeling guilty while neither blamed the other, and their nonpology involved Dean refusing to let Cas heal him for a few episodes so he could wallow in his own guilt a little longer. The acknowledgement of their mutual guilt served as their “apology,” and the fact they both kept standing by each other throughout it proves their relationship was never actually in trouble in the first place. This is the language of the show.

I don’t blame Singer for this one, I blame the reporters who asked those questions and made those implications, that he then scrambled to answer with a bit of tap dancing.

CAN WE ALL PLEASE COLLECTIVELY CHILL NOW?!

#pr is not showrunning #fandom problems #spn s15 speculation #spn 14.18 #spn 14.20 #destiel #just for the specific subject matter #if a large portion of the fandom is setting itself on fire over something and I'm not reblogging it or talking about it #it usually means the thing they're all worked up about is either clickbait or fake news just fyi #i try to stay out of that sort of drama because it's idiotically pointless #Anonymous

[themelodicenigma]

So you really DON'T believe that Sora looks like Ven or Roxas??? Wtf lmao Bluerosesburnblue stuck to the facts there as usual, so why are you fighting the truth so hard? I dont want to sound rude but nothing you said made any sense. It's PERFECT for Sora to have been influenced by Ven and its basically implied in BBS.

I do like how the moment I allow anonymous asks again, the questions come flying in. Especially, when this is one of four that I’ve received talking about the same thing since those posts. I can’t tell if it’s even the same person, or if I just riled up some indignant feathers of her followers. I don’t know Blue personally, but I do feel pretty confident that she wouldn’t encourage one of the things you (probably) sent based on her comments about similar behavior during the SRT debunk. I know that the original inquirer, Mademoiseli, wouldn’t like it either. 

Well done.

In any case, you could’ve brought it to the table on the reblog/comment chain instead of in my ask box, but...

Okay.

I am pretty tired of this conversation and the impact it has had on my interaction with others, so this is probably going to be the last time I address this unless any actual new information comes about regarding this part of the story. There is something that needs to be realized though:

For one—the reason why I even commented in the first place and why the conversation took its turn is essentially linked. The reason I entered it was because I held a difference to these statements and phrases made by Blue’s first answer:

“I think it’s certainly possible that Sora’s connection to Ventus did effect his appearance in a number of ways, and out of every possibility that one seems the most likely to me.” 

along with:

“Ultimately, I can’t say for certain that Ventus had an impact on Sora’s appearance, but since there seems to be a good deal of evidence supporting that it would be possible, it’s one of the better explanations in my opinion.”

[via Blue post]

Admittedly, I was “triggered” to respond from this, which so happen to be the opening and closing statements of the posts. But, I understand that I shouldn’t have been prompted by it in the way that I was (not fully, anyway).

In that, she was primarily talking about the topic of Ven influencing Sora’s physical appearance as a probable explanation to the hypothetical question of, essentially, “Why do Sora and Ventus look alike?”. All the while, looking at how the ideal was congruent with existing concepts.

I, on the other hand, in addition to that, took it as an evaluation of, not only a hypothetical scenario, but extending to that of weighing the probability of the question and explanation becoming reality within the context.

In other words, while she was much more concerned with whether there existed congruent truths between the premise (Ven influencing Sora) and the context, I was primarily concerned with establishing whether it HAS happened and judging the likelihood of it happening at all. Between us speaking on theory and concepts or plausibility and probability—these certainly aren’t mutually exclusive, but the direction of the conversation was split between the two somehow. 

And I’ll take the blame for that, but in recognizing that our approaches weren’t completely separate, still, talking about the likelihood of the premise being true and/or introduced at a later time WAS still a relevant topic. It could’ve been its own conversation, but it was relevant, nonetheless.

Two—I am a person that, when encountered with a question, I am first immediately concerned with the facts. Always. Only after that do I inquire about uncertain material through a “possibility spectrum”, and what determines the strong end of this are the facts that suggest or support the proposition at hand. Through that, I’m never opposed to admitting my uncertainty about something or the existence of “breathing room” to probability. Not to mention, establishing the difference between plausibility and probability for its interaction in gauging truth—I could get more into that, but it won’t be necessary for the sake of this post.

Anyway, with that out of the way, I’m going to approach the rest of this post by centering it around this question [ID as premise]:

Premise: “Do you believe it’s possible for it to be explained that Ventus influenced Sora’s physical appearance when their hearts connected?”

Understanding the extensions and work around of the questions (Sora growing into the influence and not being instant), I would answer—yes, it is possible by the merit of its potential to be. However, after reviewing the explanations already established for this connection and the results created by said explanations for the topic the prompt addresses, I would say that it’s unlikely to happen.

Yeah. You read that right.

Possible, but unlikely to happen. [improbable] 

Remember to consider that there are two ways in which something can be explained for fictional media. This is typically split in what is taken from the concept of Diegesis, where in this scenario, we’re talking about explanations that function internally within and by the world, and explanations that function externally outside and by other means. Both approaches can even simultaneously exist for the same topic—there being an appropriate explanation for something in both ways.

The formation of my conclusion, actually, is based on the facts, which also don’t include any strict implication that Sora was influenced by Ven, as if to even create an equilibrium between their facial features. If anything, you could argue the opposite was done, specifically in the way of making a distinction between the two by their face.

So, let’s take a step back, and go to where all of this actually started in the game’s context. The first question revolving around this topic would essentially be this:

Q1: “Why do Roxas and Sora look alike?”

*we’ll refer to this as Q1

If not automatically generated by the events of the story itself, this question was made relevant even back in the release of the Ultimania Alpha (when Roxas was just “Mysterious Boy”). Here we could see Roxas’ face and model much more clearly than that of the picture at the end of the GBA version of CoM. The Ultimania Alpha features this as his profile header (and also on the correlation chart):

“Who does he (you) look like? The key person of “II””

- KH Ultimania Alpha—Roxas’ Profile, pg.12 

First, it’s good to establish that by design, the characters of Sora and Roxas do and were intended to [basically] have the same face, save for a few differences made. They also have other attributes that are considerate of each other, but we’ll highlight the face specifics. This is certainly non-debatable from an external application that they are to be correlated characters by design.

“The facial models of Roxas and Sora are basically the same, but the chin is slightly different. When I put on his hair, Roxas looked a little bit stout, so I made him thinner.”

- KH2 Ultimania—Tomohiro Kayano [3D Modeling Director], pg. 345

“Roxas: I traced Sora for this piece. My image of Roxas actually came first, before Sora, and I had already drawn him for the first project document. The concept of "between" was something I kept in mind: since Sora's outfit was to be black this time, I made Roxas' base color white, and I also added a black and white checked pattern. The cross on his chest isn't a necklace, it's part of his zipper, and it is the motif of the Nobodies. Also, his hair is supposed to be the exact same length as Sora's.”

- KH2 Ultimania, pg. 701 [via KHInsider]

“Roxas A lot of thought was put into this character. Based on the premise that he was 'an expression of the reverse, hidden inside Sora', I gave him pretty much the exact same face as Sora, just with slightly narrower eyes. And then, I made white the basis for his clothes, in contrast to KHII Sora. The black and white checkered pattern, 'neither darkness nor light', was to be a hint. My absolute favourite scene of his has to be the one at the end of the opening of KHII, when he says 'looks like my summer vacation is over'. I put a lot of feeling into creating that, as I intended it to feel, for a moment, like the end.”

- Nomura, KH Character’s Report Vol. 1 [via KHInsider]

The third one is the most interesting because it’s the only one to provide an explanation to the external application of the similarity—it being based on the connection that the characters shared and how they’re perceived against one another. Roxas being the “reverse” of Sora was utilized in more ways than the face, more so than what is understood by how that could apply to Riku’s design.

If considering the relevancy of correlating Sora and Roxas’ designs outside of representing their connection to one another (i.e. just by design alone in representing it—external), the answer can also be assumed from the game’s revelations. Meaning, after playing KH2, it would be reasonable that people would essentially believe that the answer to Q1 was answered as:

“Because Roxas is Sora’s Nobody”

Hah.

However, in the reality of the internal explanation that directly influences the characters, this didn’t quite turn out to be the answer that was presented. Not only that, but the question changed. BBS happened, and instead, we receive an answer that turns Q1 into a misleading question, and presents another in its place:

Q2: “Why do Roxas and Ventus look alike?”

No, seriously. It is the literal question posed in the BBS Ultimania:

“Why do Roxas and Ventus look alike? A: Because inside Sora, which is Roxas’ body, is Ventus’ heart.

As was shown in the opening to KH BbS and the ending to Last Episode, Sora and Ventus’ heart are linked (P.646). And so Roxas, who is a part of Sora, was affected by that and looks just like Ventus.”

- BBS Ultimania, pg. 616 [via KHInsider]

The answer here is pretty straight forward. The “why” is propositioned by two things: Sora and Ventus’ hearts being linked and Ventus’ heart residing in Sora when Roxas was created. Whether it was just one or both of these reasons is inconsequential—Roxas took his physical appearance from Ventus, NOT Sora. This is the internal explanation given on the topic of Roxas’ and Ventus’ appearance, not the external as previously given in KH2.

Since BBS, the idea of Roxas = Sora has essentially been replaced with the actuality of Roxas = Ventus multiple, if not every single, time appearance is mentioned or corresponding questions were answered.

"Ven has the same hairstyle, face, clothes, and voice of Roxas, but just who is he?”

“The face of the polygon model of Ventus that appears in this title is, strictly speaking, different to the one from KH BBS. The one in KH BBS was subtly altered from Roxas' face, but this time, in order to increase efficiency on motion work, we used the same model for Ventus and Roxas.”

“Yes, it is the same actor. Therefore the player will only look at Ven as Roxas from Kingdom Hearts 2.”

[blazed through because those quotes are too long]

* Keep in mind it’s usually about how VEN looks like Roxas, because Roxas was introduced as a character first. Internally for the story, it’s really the other way around.

And, in the mountains of paratextual material that has covered the two characters since BBS, it has opted to mention the similar notion of Roxas getting his appearance from Ven—this being mostly by the specification of the face. The idea that Roxas and Ventus share the same “physical entity” has been introduced and cemented by the explanations given by BBS.

So, instead of getting Q1 v.2:

“Okay? But uhh, still, why do Sora and Ventus [Roxas] look alike, then?”

We get this:

Q3: “Why do Sora and Vanitas look alike?”

The answer, of course, was explained in a similar fashion to Q2:

“How did you decide on the design for their faces?

Nomura: Well Terra’s look was already a decided thing, we just had to make him look a bit younger. I knew that Ventus should look either like Sora or Roxas, and I wasn’t sure which one to go with, but I thought Vanitas looking like Sora would have a bigger impact so I had Ventus look like Roxas instead. And there is a reason that Vanitas looks like Sora. As Sora filled in Ventus’ fractured heart, the fractured part (Vanitas) was effected by Sora and ended up with Sora’s face. So if it had been Riku who had filled in Ventus’ heart, Vanitas would have looked like Riku.” 

- BBS Ultimania, pg. 646 [via KHInsider]

Similar to the above, instead of Vanitas, who comes from Ventus, looking as such of his existential bond, instead it emphasizes that of Sora = Vanitas by the physical attributes. Interestingly enough, in the same quote is the proposition of whether Ventus would look like either Sora or Roxas in development, lending more to the idea of this separation of their appearance. Similarly, this is mentioned consistently in how Vanitas looks like Sora. This extends even beyond the Ultimania books, as even the KH3 Character Files book emphasizes that Vanitas has “Sora’s face” and resemblance. [pg.86]  

If you read my posts in the original chain, you’d understand that what I’m pointing out is that, instead of establishing an equilibrium between the four characters, it instead creates the separation of two different physical entities:

Sora [Vanitas] and Ventus [Roxas].

This would be different than what was cleanly set between Kairi, Namine, and Xion—this being accompanied by external and internal reasons that not only captured the connections between the characters, but also have literal, internal reasons applied that are part of the narrative.

“How did you go about designing Xion's outward appearance?

Nomura: It was decided from the start that she would have a deep connection to Kairi, so she was based on Kairi with her hair changed a little. We were actually thinking of changing nothing but the colour of her hair, but when designs were drawn up her hairstyle was made quite a bit different too. Even the 3D polygon model's face is the same as Kairi's, apart from the hair. So, if you look at the 3D models of Xion, Namine and Kairi, they have the same face and differ only in their hair, but unexpectedly have individual personalities.”

- Days Ultimania, pg. 485 [via KHInsider]

Actually, the quote itself is similar to the comment made by Tomohiro Kayano above about Sora and Roxas’ 3D facial models being “basically the same”, except the girls are without difference of detail to the face, with the note of being the same while the hair is specifically what differs. This turns out to be an interesting detail because, there’s never an attempt to create a distinction between the three characters outside of what has been spoken for—their hair. And, they have the internal explanation to boot for what makes it literal in and of itself.

This is different than that of the Sora [Vanitas] and Ventus [Roxas] entities, where for internal functionality, there is then a difference by the face in those two and what it means for the characters in the story. As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t even an attempt to establish that they all have “the same face, but different hair.”

Where’s the equilibrium?

The further we go into the explanations that take a different road than that of what Q1 proposes, the question itself starts to become irrelevant—the mystery of the question’s origin (that between Roxas and Sora) was instead supplied by other lore reasoning in the world. All the while, setting a distinction between the two physical entities by “the face” as opposed to just answering the original question.

At least, in an internal way.

Really, Q1 is already answered—this answer being more external, that Roxas has “pretty much the exact same face” as Sora as a way to represent their connection to one another, with the “pretty much” representing the differences that can be accounted for.

However, when it comes to an in-world, internal explanation, instead of providing a lore-based reasoning to express in the narrative, which would’ve been thought to be the same reasoning (because he’s Sora’s Nobody) as the external reasoning, instead we have an answer that makes the Q1, now, seem misleading.

To be fair, it doesn’t necessarily eliminate the Q1, just makes it seem less likely to be answered or if even to be something to be asked anymore. That’s because, in all the ways we understand what resulted from the connection made between Sora and Ventus, we haven’t exactly been given an explicit negative to the possibility of the original premise:

Premise: “Do you believe it’s possible for it to be explained that Ventus influenced Sora’s physical appearance when their hearts connected?”

or, to reintroduce it in a familiar angle:

Q1 v.2: “Why do Sora and Ventus [Roxas] look alike?”

It’s not explicitly negated, but in all the information I could find, this following quote is the closest to answering either question.

– So it’s not “Once Sora’s story is finished, another hero’s story will begin”, the hero is always Sora.

Nomura: Yes. One of the concepts behind the KH series is that the main character Sora isn’t special, he’s just a normal boy. Yes he does have connections with Ventus’ heart, among others, but he hasn’t inherited anything from them. He’s just a normal boy you could find anywhere. I wanted to make Sora a character that the player could take onto themselves and feel that you don’t have to be special. But connect to many people and you will realize your secret potential. With BbS I want to make fans excited to see Sora’s return. The secret event is a symbol of that, so I hope everyone will get to see it and wait for Sora’s next adventure.

- BBS Ultimania, pg. 650 [Via KHInsider]

Unlike the other quotes supplied for the topic of Sora and Ventus’ connection, this quote was on the conversation of Sora’s adventures post-KH3. However, the comment itself is still in retrospect of the internal attributes of Sora’s character, even specifically mentioning his connection to Ventus’ heart, putting it in perspective of that particular circumstance that happens in the game.

So, what do we have now?

That comment doesn’t completely negate the premise, technically, but it also doesn’t support it either. In tandem with everything else in what HAS been done with the connection between Sora and Ventus....

It doesn’t look likely.

There’s also the mention of Aqua pointing out how Sora is:

ENG: “the spitting image of Ven”

JPN: “ヴェンそのもの [Ven himself]”

Even though there isn’t anything conclusive to whether she, just like with Riku, was talking more about Sora and Ven’s disposition than their physical face, the BBS Ultimania does go with the former.

“Guided by a warm light, Aqua meets two boys on the island. Their atmosphere [presence] was similar to that of Terra and Ventus.”

- BBS Ultimania, pg.384

As it is, the fact remains that there hasn’t been any attempt in equalizing the appearance between Sora and Ventus outside of what could already be understood externally through Sora and Roxas. 

The understanding of it being unlikely to be addressed or to be a truth doesn’t rely on “it wasn’t talked about”. Because, IT WAS talked about—the topic surrounding this HAS been approached, it HAS been explained, and the premise at hand isn’t anything offered as actuality.

So, why should I assume then that the information we’ve received for years, that has been explained and told in so many ways, is incomplete?

It could change, sure, but it’s not incomplete as it is. As to this day, we can safely say that the literal equalization of similarity isn’t between Sora and Ventus, because it, as of right now, literally isn’t in accordance to the observable facts. It hasn’t happened, even if to predict it to happen. And if to weigh the possibility of this change occurring, after all the facts presented above and how the subject has been breached, that yes—it’s an unlikely change.

Not impossible, but improbable.

And that is VERY reasonable to say after 10+ years and an immense amount of supplemental paratext produced to say something about it.

This being by not what information is lacking, but by what has been provided. And even then, the frequency and different angles in which the information has been touched upon makes it hit much harder.

If in the attempt to play devil’s advocate on myself, I would proposition that the proposed premise would be setup by the concept behind the story of BBS:

"There is no coincidence in fate"

In which, along with the questions of “why Riku was chosen to wield the keyblade, or why Kairi met Sora and Riku”, the original question (Why do Sora and Roxas look alike?) could’ve been a part of that, and thus, explained similar to that of the Kairi, Namine, and Xion situation—that Sora AND Roxas were influenced by Ventus (and, logically, Vanitas would’ve been as well), and that being why they look alike.

But nope.

Instead, we got it all the other way around where Sora is the character influencing the other characters, and being connected to all three through that direction, not backwards. Creating, really, the impression that the visual similarity between Sora and Ventus IS fate, but through this, it is part of that scheme in which two people who just so happen to be similar are connected to one another.

Their resemblance and their connection is by the design of fate and the way it was meant to be—not necessarily due to a direct phenomenon, but that two people who have that similarity were fated to have the connection they have.

It certainly has been done in storytelling before, so it isn’t a crazy concept anyway.

Don’t know for certain, but from the information available, that actually seems more likely.

Sora has not been affected by Ventus, and the fact that this information isn’t presented as incomplete, this idea becomes less plausible to even be implemented, if not, irrelevant. This would be the same to Q1 as it is, where it was diverted by other information and questions.

All the while, in recognizing the distinction given between the two physical entities of Sora[Vanitas] and Ventus[Roxas], I much more prefer how they’ve handled it so far, where that bridge between Sora and Ventus isn’t closed by that type of phenomenon, but instead, through the efforts of capturing the connection that the characters have. This is directly through the acknowledgement of how the story has implemented understanding of the distinction between the two, particular the face, NOT just the hair. This is also in accordance to story things, in that in the connection between Sora and Ventus, this is primarily a one-sided affair in how Sora influences Ven, NOT the other way around, and I’m fine with that in how it is represented in the story.

This is especially for the sake of Sora and Roxas’ characters is very concerned with his identity in relation to his existential ties towards Sora, and Sora is the normal boy who has “secret potential” by his ability to connect with other people. I’ve of zero interest of Sora’s character being tainted with that type of effect, especially now and in everything that hasn’t [would’ve] acted in accordance to it.

Sigh.

Anyway, that’s just what it is. Don’t send me any more asks expecting me to post this, because I honestly don’t have anything else to say about it that would be that much different. My points would largely be the same. If you have concerns though (like some quotes I got myself since KHInsider didn’t have them), just message me, and I’ll send some screen shots and whatnot.

Anyway, overall, it still remains an interesting thing to thing about alongside the concepts that are implemented in KH. That, I can agree on.

#kingdom hearts #sora #roxas #ventus #vanitas #but seriously #knock it off

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

I Am Not Living, I Am Surviving Hug Me Michael x Reader

Warnings: this theme deals with depression and thoughts of suicide which could be triggering for some.

A/N: as someone that deals with depression I felt compelled to post this. Michael helps Y/N during her depressive episode, the reader (much like me tends to shut people out especially when things get difficult so I feel this on a personal level). Hope you guys take the time to read this as it is kinda personal for me, thanks guys and please let me know what you think. Note the lyrics used are from Britta Phillips version of the song Drive

//who's gonna tell you when

it's too late

who's gonna tell you things

aren't so great

you can't go on

thinking nothing's wrong

who's gonna drive you home tonight//

I was not alone, that there was someone somewhere who was able to articulate the seething, jumbled, brutal, pre-linguistic, thrashing, writhing, hazing, dulling pounding in my head. It wasn't just me. That single thought was the most important thing in the world to me, sometimes the one thing that kept me alive – a single false note of optimism would have shattered it all for me, left me thinking yes, it really is just me – the words people offer me really are just that, words, the hope they contain utterly irrelevant because they relate to an experience that is not mine.

‘I put on a brave front' it had been so easy to hide how I truly felt, laugh, joke act like I was completely fine. But truth was I knew deep down inside I wasn't masking it would only work for so long. I was rapidly sliding deeper and deeper into a very dark space. My symptoms got worse and soon I found it too difficult to even get up and out of bed in the morning.

‘You feel nothing. You shut down completely. There is no happiness, no sadness, nothing. You feel zero.’ Depression is not something that can be brushed away with a smile, or shooed away with a pat on the back. It’s something more deeper and profound. There’s no gadget to test which person is suffering from what type of depression, and there’s no instrument to measure the extent of depression.

Statistics say that as many as 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives. That means you know someone—probably several someones—with depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or something else. Isolation can have a crushing effect on a lot of people. Some people thrive on it, but humans on the whole are a social bunch and need to interact with others. When that isn’t possible, it’s easy to feel that the walls are closing in. But honestly all I was good at doing is pushing people away, I am afraid if they get to close if they see really see what I am going through that they might abandon me because it may end up being way too much for them.

I kept a diary somehow it felt safer to write down my thoughts, the one person I should be honest with is Michael but I honestly couldn't bring myself to do it. Would he be hurt? Would he hate me? So many thoughts in the back of my mind I pushed them away. I scribbled furiously in the journal and tossing it aside. Normally I hid it under a loose floorboard in our bedroom but on this night not giving it so much as a second thought I feel asleep journal wide open. Y/N didn't hear Michael when he walked in, he looked at you you were fast asleep. He noticed the leather bound book that laid open by your sleeping form. He didn't want to invade your privacy but something alerted him that something was on deed wrong. He looked at the small paragraph scrawled on the page, his face froze in fear at the words before him.

Dear Michael.

I've been thinking about ending my life. I don't know why I can't talk to you in person, so I bought this Diary in the case that I do end up killing myself you will know why I did what I did and that you cannot blame yourself. Michael you are the reason I am still here. for now. But the voices in my head are so strong and the pain that it is inflicting on me everyday, one more thing and I feel like I won't be able to hold on, but I will for you Michael  I will try my best for you.

Yours Truly,

Y/F/N Y/L/N

Depression is a hole and I'm slowly falling in trying to claw out and everyone I love is just standing there watching. Honestly I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep 'acting’ like I was ok when deep down inside I wanted to end it, quiet the voices leave the pain behind that quite frankly I felt like I was drowning in.

I opened my eyes I don't know how long I had been asleep or even what time it was. I looked to see Michael's concerned expression his piercing blue eyes felt like they had penetrated my soul. There my journal sat in his lap, Michael let out a breath attempting to steady himself. “Why won't you talk to me Y/N, tell me that something was wrong?” I couldn't even open up my mouth to speak it was like I lost all nerve to even respond. My first instinct was to bolt, I sat up quickly turning my body away from him. I wasn't able to even make it to the edge of the bed, Michael grabbed my arm “Y/N please talk to me don't shut me out!”

Michael's breathing started to get heavier as his eyes started to well up. Y/N  looked at Michael, saying nothing. He wondered what she was thinking. Finally, after a few moments, she started sobbing, and she leaned into him. Michael immediately pulled her into his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder, and struggling not to cry himself. ‘I was tired of feeling helpless. I had to do something, anything.’ ‘I remember that exact moment as the one where I started to feel good about myself again, I just wish it could've lasted longer…

There was another moment of silence, this one longer than the last, "I tried to tell myself that you'd get better, that you would get back to normal  but the truth is I didn't know that. I didn't know if you'd get better, you can't keep doing this to yourself Y/N, what if I never see you again! And the thought of everyone else just going on with their lives made me sick! So yeah,I am angry, and I am scared…  I didn't know what the fuck I am supposed to do!" Michael's voice finally broke as tears streamed down his face. Y/N, with tears in her own eyes, finally stood up. She pressed her forehead against Michael's and placed her hands on the sides of his head. ��But most of all, I knew, come what may, I had at least one safe harbor.’ I looked up at Michael the look was unmistakable.

‘I'll never forget what I saw at that moment, looking into Michael's eyes.’

‘He loved me. This sweet, perfect man… loved me.’

After staring at him for another moment that seemed to last forever, she finally leaned in and kissed him. He quickly began kissing her back. The two of them continued this until it started to grow more heated, with the two of them running their hands over each other, and Michael kissing along the side of her neck.

He pulled back after a minute and looked at her.

"Are you… are you sure this is okay?" he asked, breathing heavily.

Y/N gave Michael a smile.

"I'm sure," I  said.

‘That wasn't entirely true. I wasn't sure, or rather I wasn't sure if I was sure.but I didn't know if that made a difference. I knew I wanted it to be okay this time.’

The two of them resumed, even more passionately this time. They began removing clothes and letting their hands roam over more of more of each other…

‘More than anything, I wanted it to be okay this time. I remember thinking, please, please, let it be okay this time.’

Michael continued kissing Y/N, who leaned her head back as the feelings came over her…

‘But it wasn't okay’

I inhaled sharply…

‘It was perfect.’

2 weeks later…

"How is Y/N?" Gallant ask, suddenly looking at Michael with concern on his  face.

Michael hesitated. He  came here to help Gallant with an issue with his salon , not unload his  own worries onto him. Still, lying to him didn't feel right either.

"I don't know, really," Michael  finally said. "She just doesn't seem to want to open up. I know she's been having a really hard time." Michael gave Gallant  a slight smile. “I think it's just going to take time.” Gallant responded softly.

‘The day were getting... bearable.’

‘So were the days after that, and the next after that.’

‘Michael found me a new doctor. A bit further away, but worth the trip. I was able to open up to her a little.’

‘Still, I couldn't shake this feeling that there was something I was supposed to do, but at first, I couldn't figure out what it was.’

‘But gradually I started to notice something…’

‘...something I couldn't shake once I noticed them.,

‘The signs.’

‘The ones most people didn't see. The ones no one saw in me until it was almost too late.’

Michael  wiped one last tear rolling down his face and closed his eyes.

“Please live for me Y/N," he said, softly. “Stay with me, I love you."

Y/N sighed in relief.

‘All I could do after that was live.’

Michael pulled me close to him tightly I could hear his heartbeat, a steady reminder to live

//Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.//

Mahatma Gandhi

#ahs #ahs apocalypse #michael langdon #cody fern #fan fiction