#don't need your love
The Jedi allow themselves to feel more emotions than the Sith do.
Was thinking about how, usually, the general audience interprets the difference between the Jedi and Sith as:
“The Jedi don’t allow you to feel your emotions, the Sith encourage you to embrace them with a passion. The Jedi can’t be in a relationship, but the Sith can” and more stuff along that line.
And... I disagree. Mainly because a lot of what we’ve seen in Star Wars material so far suggests that it’s basically the other way round.
First off: they aren’t emotionless.
Jedi are allowed to feel any emotion. We see this mentioned multiple times, both in Legends and current canon:
They simply can’t act out of emotion, keeping the peace needs to be the priority because that’s their job, as Jedi. Hence the line in the Jedi code: “Emotion, yet peace” or “there is no emotion; there is peace”.
For example: Anakin and Obi-Wan’s fight against Dooku in Episode 2.
They didn’t stand a chance against Dooku to begin with. But if they had taken him together, they would have kept him there long enough for Yoda to arrive and take care of Dooku. And then, they wouldn’t be wounded, so Dooku wouldn’t be able to distract Yoda, he would’ve been captured, and the Clone Wars would have ended before it even started. They would’ve had peace.
Instead, Anakin was angry that he had to leave Padmé behind, he was angry that about 80 of his Jedi friends were brutally murdered on Dooku’s orders, so he rushes at Dooku, gets taken out, leaving a tired Obi-Wan to fend for himself against a guy who was once the 2nd/3rd best duelist in the Jedi Order. And, when Yoda finally DOES arrive, the wounded Obi-Wan and Anakin become a burden, forcing Yoda to let Dooku go.
If Anakin had kept his emotions in check at that moment and focused on doing his duty, there would have been peace.
What a Jedi needs to is accept their emotions, face their fears and overcome them. This is a theme we see in many episodes of The Clone Wars, Rebels, and even in Jedi: Fallen Order.
As Luke puts it in The Rise of Skywalker:
“Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi.”
So when Obi-Wan or Padmé ask Anakin if he wants to talk about his feelings, about why he’s angry or jealous…
… and Anakin says stuff such as “I’m fine, I’m not angry!”, when he so clearly is, Anakin is basically running away from his emotions, repressing them, which is the opposite of what a Jedi does.
In fact, I’d argue the Jedi feel emotions on a whole other level. Their sense of compassion is so strong, they allow themselves to feel so much, that when a group of living beings begins to suffer, they just perceive all of it, and they open themselves up to the pain, they endure it.
How many times have we seen Yoda react to the pain someone else is going through? Like when he’s suffering because Anakin just lost his mom, or when he feels the Jedi dying during Order 66.
Also about being in a relationship...
The problem, for a Jedi, isn’t really being in a relationship. I mean, yeah, the rules say that you can’t get married because technically, if you’re a Jedi, you’re ‘married to the Order’. If you’re openly in a relationship, holding hands in the temple etc, that’s definitely gonna be frowned upon.
The spirit of the rule is that you can’t compromise your better judgment, your efficiency on a mission. And the book Master & Apprentice (my favorite canon novel so far) shows us that a Jedi trying to loophole their way out of these rules is basically inviting disaster.
But, on the other hand... we see in TCW that Mace Windu and Yoda clearly know there’s something going on between Anakin and Padmé, because they ask him for advice regarding Padmé (we see they know something during the Clovis episodes, plus the deleted Episode 2 scene between Obi-Wan and Windu).
And, like… they’re not giving him any crap for it.
It’s not as if he’s great at hiding it either!
If you watch any of the scenes where Anakin is talking about Padmé (because “they’re just really close friends”) to the Jedi in the Clovis arc, he is so blatantly lying and the masters are so obviously aware and just let him believe they don’t know.
They do tell him to watch out for his greed and keep his head together. But they don’t tell him “How dare you be in a relationship?! You are expelled!” or anything like that.
They trust that he’ll keep his head in the game, warn him to make sure he does.
Because, really, the problem isn’t loving someone, or being in a relationship. That’s fine. It’s about getting too possessive and toxic with that relationship. It’s about not causing others to suffer, directly or indirectly, because of your relationship.
The bottom line is: if a Jedi need to choose between the person they’re in love with and saving the galaxy, they need to save the galaxy, because that’s their duty.
As George Lucas said, on BBC News in 2002:
“Jedi Knights aren't celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships.”
And in Rolling Stones, in 2005:
“The story is not about a guy who was born a monster – it’s about a good boy who was loving and had exceptional powers, but how that eventually corrupted him and how he confused possessive love with compassionate love. That happens in Episode II: Regardless of how his mother died, Jedis are not supposed to take vengeance.”
And in 2019:
“He was kind, and sweet, and lovely, and he was then trained as a Jedi. But the Jedi can’t be selfish. They can love but they can’t love people to the point of possession. You can’t really possess somebody, because people are free. It’s possession that causes a lot of trouble, and that causes people to kill people, and causes people to be bad. Ultimately it has to do with being unwilling to give things up.”
Now, the Sith?
The Sith frame themselves as “the guys who will let you feel whatever you want”. And that’s just not true.
Sith are allowed to feel one kind of emotions. Anger, selfish pleasure, greed. The negative emotions, the ones that give you a brief boost in power/pleasure when you indulge them, but ultimately leave you empty inside.
Any other kind of feeling is seen as pointless, a distraction from the Sith’s goal of achieving unlimited power.
In the book From a Certain Point of View: The Empire Strikes Back, we get a glimpse into Sidious’ mind:
“Some might have felt a shadow of fear upon recognizing the disturbance, but Palpatine knew better than to ever give in to something as trivial as emotions. Those types of risks were shed long ago, in another lifetime. All he cared about was the source of the disturbance. ”
And in Darth Vader #6 (2020), when Vader was sad and depressed after seeing a recording of Padmé dying for the first time… Palpatine did this to him:
Because, like, how dare Vader have *gasp* a natural reaction to an emotionally hurtful event? Hell no! He needs to get his shit together and be a ruthless murderer again, amirite?
Cherry on the cake: in Legends, Sith Lord Darth Malgus killed his wife, Eleena, because he came to the conclusion that she was a weakness that he couldn’t afford to have.
No sadness or fear allowed, for the Sith. Just anger and suffering. Just lust for power. That’s it. Anything else is trivial, it’s a weakness.
So a Sith can’t be in relationship. Because they’re technically already in a relationship with themselves, with their master, and with the Dark Side. There isn’t any space for anyone else.
As Lucas puts it in this video:
“Being selfish, following your pleasures, always entertaining yourself with pleasure and buying things and doing stuff — you're always going to be unhappy. You'll never get to the point... you'll get this little instant shot of pleasure, but it goes away and then you're stuck where you were before, and the more you do it, the worse it gets. You finally get everything you want and you're miserable, because there's no... there's nothing at the end of that road.“
Finally, there’s this thing I saw, the other day… which is very heart-warming.
In 2015, Colin, an autistic 7-year-old, wrote to LucasFilm (thinking George Lucas was still there) asking for a rule change in the Jedi Order: he wanted to be able to get married, one day, but he reaaaallly didn’t wanna be a Sith.
This is what LucasFilm replied to him:
“To be a Jedi is to truly know the value of friendship, of compassion, and of loyalty, and these are values important in a marriage.
The Sith think inward, only of themselves.
When you find someone that you can connect to in a selfless way, then you are on the path of the light, and the dark side will not take hold of you. With this goodness in your heart, you can be married.”
This is in no way an official confirmation… but the spirit of it does echo George Lucas’ thoughts on the matter, I think. Take from it what you will.
So yeah, bottom line: Jedi can totally feel emotions. The Sith only allow themselves to feel a specific kind of emotions.
After comparing the two, I’d say that the Sith are the ones with the more limiting ideology.
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One REALLY underrated moment in Return of the King:
Gandalf calls Pippin a “fool” a lot throughout the trilogy. Calling Pippin a “fool of a Took” is one of Gandalf’s most famous lines, lol.
Gandalf angrily tells Pippin not to ask “foolish” questions at the door of Moria, calls him “a fool but an honest fool” after he looks into the Palantir, etc.
Gandalf is the wisest member of the Fellowship, so it makes sense that he’d find the most foolish member of the Fellowship a little grating.
But then the “Gandalf and Pippin are forced to spend time together” subplot happens in ROTK. And in one my favorite scenes in the film, Gandalf and Pippin wait for the shadow of Mordor to reach Minas Tirith.
Pippin asks: “Is there any hope, Gandalf? For Frodo and Sam?”
And Gandalf kinda smiles and responds: “There never was much hope..... Just a fool’s hope.”
It’s just this really great moment of humility where Gandalf acknowledges that in many ways, he’s just as much of a “fool” as Pippin.
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words to remember ♡
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for those who — masterlist
– for those who are in love with someone they can’t have –
➢ in his head, renjun’s the one you love, but in real life, you’re in love with his best friend. renjun knows you’ll never be his and he’ll never be yours.
– for those who’ve been cheated on –
➢ jeno thought you were the last one he’d ever be with; his first and last love. then he finds you in an empty classroom with someone you said was just a friend, and everything comes crashing down around him.
– for those who are in unrequited love –
➢ no matter how many girls confess to him, you’re the only one jaemin wants. but you’ve made it perfectly clear you want nothing more than a friendship, so jaemin loves you in silence.
– for those who are in love with an old flame –
➢ even though you’ve moved on, chenle hasn’t. the two of you had your run and it ended as any badly matched pair would, but chenle is too deep in convincing himself he just needs one more chance...
– for those who are dealing with a break-up –
➢ you and jisung were the school’s it-couple until the captain of the soccer team caught your eye, and suddenly jisung was left in the dust, alone.
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don’t need your love / jeno
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no one will complain that this is like 3 days early right,
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I don’t want to text you.
I don’t want to call you.
I want to be in your arms,
Hold your hand,
Feel your breath,
Hear your heart.
I want to be with you.
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neo diary #3
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DNYL Club | 1.
( A/N ) I......I really tried to envision how it would feel like to be rejected by Mr. Mark Lee but i’ve never confessed to anyone in real life therefore never been rejected lolol so I apologize in advance at my attempt 😔
Also I will be trying to post one chapter every sat-sun!
Genre: non-idol!au, high-school!au
Word Count: 3K
Warnings: minor swearing (I think there’s only like 1 swear lolol)
Type: NCT Dream x You (not giving away who you’ll end up with 😗)
“I-I’m sorry (y/n), you already know I uh like Julie.” Mark looked visibly uncomfortable after your confession, you could tell from the way he was avoiding your eyes and fidgeting with his bag strap.
No. This couldn't be happening.
“I-I mean we’re, we’re just good friends. I don’t think I can think of you uh in any other way other than that. I-I hope you don’t feel too upset but I um- yeah I um, I like you as my friend only.”
You wanted to cry, break down, but you couldn't breathe. Your worst fear had come true, the little voice in your head had been right all along. Mark Lee, the boy you had liked since the beginning of high school up until now, didn’t like you the same way you liked him.
Was this how heartbreak felt like? A suffocating wave of hopelessness and grief enveloping your body? The feeling that what you’d treasured for so long was now broken and unable to be mended? Holding your breath, in fear that you’d lose your whole composure and crumble? Yet as much as you wanted to, a feeling of panic accompanied the sadness.
What were you supposed to do now? Your confession had been out of the blue and you hadn't planned this far at all, which frightened you. This was your fault and you couldn’t just let one moment ruin your friendship of so many years so easily. So out of pure impulsivity for the second time of the day, you did the only thing that could preserve your friendship.
Immediately, you doubled over in fake laughter, smacking your knees and trying hard to match the laughing intensity with the tears that were falling down your face. All as a way to cover up the cold feeling of rejection had settled and found a home in your heart.
“Y-you actually t-thought I was s-serious!!!” You sputtered in between the fake laughter, your stomach hurting at the forced reaction. But your heart was hurting even more.
Through the “laughing” tears, you noticed how Mark’s tense expression loosened up as he caught on to your “joke” and a wide smile stretched across his angelic face. He started to lightly laugh along with you, the sound ever so beautifully contagious. While the rest of your class looked at you two wondering what bizarre thing you were upto as they packed up. But you didn’t have a care, the world was spinning around you, not only because you were faking laughter so hard that you felt nauseous but because you’d just been rejected by Mark Lee, your dream boy.
Once the laughter died down and you regained some control over your feelings, Mark put a hand on your shoulder, startling you as he gave you one of his twinkly eyed smiles. Any other day you would’ve beamed back at him and swooned over the adorable gesture. But now it just served as a reminder that you belonged in two different worlds. Mark was up in the skies, shining so bright like a star while you were merely just a watcher down below, watching him shine for the rest of the world around you. No matter how much you wanted him to shine just for you.
“I thought you were serious for a second there.” He slung his arm over your shoulder now, your heart beating faster and his words penetrating it, “I got so worried like woah... hahaha I mean like we’re such good friends and I‘d hate to lose you because of somethin’ like this. I hope that day never comes cause you’re a better best friend than Hyuck.”
“HEY! I HEARD THAT!” You heard a melodic voice yell from outside the classroom.
You swallowed down a sob and tried to reel in the heavy emotions that were threatening to spill. Then you plastered a fake smile and scoffed,
“Don’t worry Markie, we’ll always be good friends. And I’m glad my superior sense of humour had you fooled.”
You brushed off your shoulder and stuck your chin high up in the air. Mark rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but giggle at your goofiness.
You wobbly smiled, quickly wiping your face as his attention was diverted and tried to hold the tears in for longer. You were better than this. You’d done such a good job so far, you couldn’t break down now. But you knew that if you kept on hiding your feelings, it could just all spill at once so you fumbled up some excuse to get away.
“Anyways, I gotta go cause we’re having guests over soon, so I’ll just message you later.” You avoided Mark’s eyes in fear you’d break as you grabbed your backpack from the ground.
“See ya tomorrow then!” Mark ruffled your hair causing you to scowl and fix it. He knew how much you hated it when someone played with your hair but he still did it every time to see you get annoyed. It was true, you hated it when people touched your hair and everyone in your class who knew you, knew that. Except what no one knew was that you never minded at all when Mark touched it, you loved it.
You faked another bright smile at him as he waved at you exaggeratedly and all silly, those bright naive brown eyes, curly black hair that shone from the sunlight coming through the window, forever etching into your mind as a memory to keep. It made you feel an intense sadness and caused fatigue to course through your body. You were tired, you couldn’t do it. You just couldn’t keep up with the act anymore.
Quickly, you walked out of the classroom and once in the hall, ran. Ran to your safe place, the only place where you could vent out your sadness with no one around, the unused art room in the old wing. The place where you had squealed and crushed over cute texts from Mark, the romantic dreams you had had of you two, the cheesy love letters you had written to him secretly, stashed away under a cabinet, in hopes that one day you could give them all. But that day was never going to come now.
A flurry of sobs escaped your lips at the thought, making you cover your mouth with your hand and run faster. You couldn’t let anyone see you like this, especially someone you knew.
He was never going to love you let alone like you. How stupid could you have been? How utterly stupid could you have been to confess to him when the first interaction you had with him was setting him up with one of your friends?
Damn you Julie.
Damn you for being so beautiful, so kind, so great and damn you for being such a good friend. A good friend that had no clue that her own friend was crushing on the guy that was about to ask her out. Hell, she couldn’t even do anything because she didn’t even know that Mark was your crush, no one knew.
Maybe it was your fault, you thought to yourself as you ran out of breath. Maybe if you had told your friends, especially Julie, that you had a crush on Mark, maybe they could’ve spread some good words about you to him and he would’ve fallen for you. But you knew that was bullshit. No matter how much you tried to make yourself better and more attractive, Mark would still most likely choose anyone else over you.
Once you reached the old paint chipped door, you hurriedly twisted the door knob, letting you in and locking the door right behind you. And that was when you let go of your composure. You collapsed, hurting your knees in the process as you cried into your backpack. At the end of the day, at the end of a sunny and happy day, Mark didn’t like you how you wanted him to.
After all you had done, all the effort you’d put in to keep the friendship strong and stable, the outcome was this.
You were slumped over and holding your wet face in your hands, body shaking as you thought to yourself about the why’s.
Why did this have to happen to you? On a day that you’d told yourself that you could have succeeded and surely, rejection wouldn’t have hurt as bad if it did happen. But now that it did, it hurt harder than failing a class, failing an exam. You really wished that you‘d rejected the idea of even confessing to Mark. If you’d rejected yourself beforehand then maybe there still could’ve been a chance. Maybe with some more time Mark would’ve said he felt the same way. But no, you were just his “good friend”, nothing more.
“We’re such good friends.... I don’t wanna lose you because of somethin like this...”
“I don’t think I can think of you in any other way than that...”
“I hope that day never comes (y/n)....”
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You cried harder into your backpack to muffle the sound and hit the ground in anger at yourself.
All of your dumb actions had led to now, crying like a pathetic and unwanted fool at school. Why couldn’t you just have one good thing in life? Why couldn’t fate just let you be with Mark for a little bit. Even if it was for just a week, you still would’ve been satisfied that Mark had deemed you as date-able. it would’ve been much better than being stuck in the best friend zone.
What was worse was the fact that you couldn’t even blame him at all. Mark was an angel and it wasn’t fair if you blamed him for not liking you back. No matter how much you wanted to. It was your fault for being so damn in love and hopeful and now look where it got you.
Now you had to go back to acting like his bestest friend, just great. Another torture for yourself, as if the past few years being silent about your love hadn’t already been painful enough. How could you unlike someone after being in love with them for so long?
You took your face out of your backpack and heavily breathed, little sob-like noises escaping your mouth. You were a bit comforted that the whole room was dark, the windows patched up with black paper which did make it a little bit hotter than usual especially with the summer heat. But it let you have your own time, where no one was around to judge you nor try to sympathize with you. You didn’t want the sympathy, the encouraging words that you could find someone else who was better than Mark because for you, he was the best.
Your friendship was so strong and you felt so comfortable around him along with an equal part of giddiness that you didn’t want anyone else to replace that. But this only made you cry harder until a voice cut through.
“Jesus. Can’t some people get some sleep around here? I swear school is Satan’s ground.”
A familiar sing-song type of voice annoyedly spoke up in the dark room.
You froze before quickly wiping away your tears then stood up, heartbeat racing as you frantically searched the dark room to find who was in the room. Who was the person that had heard you have a complete breakdown?
“He-hello? W-who‘s there?” You spoke loudly, looking around fearfully.
Your eyes eventually focused on a smaller than average dark figure walking out from the corner of the classroom. You squinted, trying to see if you could recognize who it was.
“The guy who was tryna sleep for a bit until you came bawling your eyes out and slamming the door.”
You were taken aback at his rude remarks because the only person you could think of saying something like that was Hyuck. But even then, Donghyuck knew his limits and would never have been so harsh, especially to someone he'd just heard crying. And as the mystery guy walked closer towards you, a streak of light from one of the patched windows hit his face, instantly making you freeze.
Because walking towards you was none other than Huang Renjun, the best artist in your grade. He was someone that was a mystery amongst your grade. Since, usually he spent most of his time drawing, painting and was quite reserved, only speaking up when someone irritated him. But when he did speak up, his words were completely unfiltered and brutally honest that instead of causing anger it caused hurt. And he always stood out from the crowd.
Since high school had started, he had experimented with a whole rainbow of colours on his hair. The colours that came into mind were bright red, carrot orange, blonde, light brown and now, light purple with his natural roots. Not only was his hair always bright and different but so were his clothes. Like right now, even in the dark you could see that he was wearing a thin lime green sweater with white pants and matching white shoes.
“What? Cat got your tongue now?” He snarkily jabbed, taking you out of your thoughts, realizing that you were staring at him as he stood a couple feet away.
“Huh? Oh uh no,” You fumbled, trying not to seem intimidated, “I’m just um- I’m sorry, um- what are you doing here? In this room?” You asked him genuinely confused yet afraid.
You could see him roll his eyes through the dark as he crossed his arms across his chest and replied, “Are you trying to imply that you own this room? Because last time I checked, this was school owned and was my nap room until you decided to bestow your depressing energy upon it.”
Okay. Now he was going too far. You’d accepted and put up with the rudeness but it was definitely too much and unexpected, especially after you had just cried your heart out. All of which Renjun had most likely heard and witnessed. You’d think he would’ve had a soft spot somewhere at least.
“I was just asking, you don’t need to be so rude about it.” You said slightly angry.
That seemed to silence him for a bit which surprised you because you had been expecting another mean jab. But you were partially correct as he started to say, “I-“ but was cut off by a crackle over the PA system.
“Ahem. Mic check, 1,2 1,2.
Can you hear me?”
The PA speaker made a high pitch sound and you winced at the shrill noise as the person continued seemingly unbothered by it,
“What’s up fellow students! The sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day.
So the reason why I’ve turned on this mic today is to talk about the coolest club on our campus, DNYL, Don’t Need Your Love.
Now for those that have been dumped, had a breakup or dealing with a broken heart, this is the perfect club for you.
Have you been cheated on? Do you feel down from all this unrequited love? Are you tired of waiting from that call from your ex?
I know I am.”
The person seemingly a guy with a British accent was silent for a second, leaving the usual fuzzy crackle from the PA to fill up the silence. Then he cleared his throat and continued,
“Well there’s no more of that. You don’t need any more worries, let’s just have a great time.
DNYL, come join our club in the music room in the old wing. Let’s have some fun!”
A loud click was heard as the PA was finished and you looked back at Renjun who looked just as confused as you.
Who was that? More importantly what was that? Why would anyone promote a club about not needing love at school? More importantly why after school when most of the students had left? What was the point of that when you could've just spread the word amongst students through other ways like posters? And how was this even allowed by the big school faculty? Surely, this was some prank because no way would your school’s principal have let this happen nor would’ve some of the prissy teachers.
“Are you gonna check it out? Sounds pretty cool” Renjun said, breaking the silence. Huh? You looked at him with your mouth slightly open and brows furrowed as if to say “Are you sane in the mind right now or do you need help?”
“What? Think about it, if it’s some high school prank well, we’ll both get pranked so it won't be as embarrassing. But if it’s a serious club we could check it out. I know you would want to join for sure judging by your breakdown from before”
“Hey!” You interrupted him but he ignored you and continued,
And I uh I think-” He paused, looking uncomfortable which was new for you because Renjun was always so confident and uncaring.
“I could maybe uh join as a way to get my um extracurricular participation grade, yeah, to get that all done before senior year.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking hard about his words because he was right. If you both got pranked then it would be much better than going alone and getting embarrassed. But this was new coming from Renjun, who was all Mr. Lonely, who preferred to be alone and fended for himself. Was this some sort of trap from him? Maybe he just wanted you to feel even worse and this was some elaborate scheme he’d created for you to cry even more. But, for someone he had just met that did seem a bit far-fetched so you decided to just believe in him.
And who knew, maybe this was a calling from some all powerful, celestial being that was looking down upon you and trying to aid your broken heart. Maybe this could turn out to be good and helpful. So you sucked in a deep breath and let it out saying,
“Sure. Let’s go check it out then.”
A small smile appeared on Renjun’s face, another rare sighting as the only time you’d ever seen him smile was when he’d won a school prize for being the most talented male in art out of his whole grade. And you never understood why he never did smile because he looked stunning when he did.
Renjun then nodded and walked past you opening the door, letting the natural light from the hallway fall upon him and looked back at you saying with that same smile,
“Let’s go then.”
So with all the confidence and courage you could muster up (after having lost so much of it from earlier), you walked out, purple-haired Renjun in tow and walked together down the hall to the room that piqued your curiousity and gave you a thrill.
But you were definitely not expecting the sight that met your eyes as you slowly opened the white and black room door.
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Alright I'm gonna say it. Streaming sucks. Streaming sucks, and it sucks for two main reasons. One, too many people have had their comeback experiences ruined by feeling pressured to stream. And two, streaming prevents the artist from knowing whether people listened to their music because they like it, or because people felt pressured to meet some arbitrary goal
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Yes, I’ll miss Lapis Lazuli’s floating skirt, but that outfit rocks, right- ??
-Steven Universe - Battle of heart and mind-
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DNYL CLUB Teaser
“Ahem. Mic check, 1,2 1,2
Can you hear me?
What’s up fellow students! The sun is shining, it’s a beautiful day.
So the reason why I’ve turned on this mic today is to talk about the coolest club on our campus,
DNYL, Don’t Need Your Love.
Now for those that have been dumped, had a breakup or dealing with a broken heart, this is the perfect club for you.
Have you been cheated on?
Do you feel down from all this unrequited love?
Are you tired of waiting from that call from your ex?
Well there’s no more of that. You don’t need any more worries, let’s just have a great time.
DNYL, come join our club. Let’s have some fun!”
Heartbroken and single.
After being rejected by your high school’s perfect dream boy, Mark Lee, you cry your heart out all alone after school. And in the midst of your sobs, an announcement plays over the PA explaining about a club called the “Don’t Need Your Love” Club that’s trying to recruit some members.
Curious yet intrigued, you go to the room and immediately are shocked to find several of your classmates in the room who are heartbroken just like you. Those people being Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno, Zhong Chenle, Huang Renjun, *Park Jisung and the club creator, Harvey Cantwell.
Together, you all go along the journey of getting over your crushes & exes, finding the meaning behind being happily single, and that love isn’t supposed to be the make it or break it for a couple of high school kids.
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very gentle reminder that mental health bloggers aren't your therapists.
there are so many helpful people & resources on this site and I encourage you to use that. read our posts, ask questions, submit asks (just read the guidelines first). we post this stuff to be helpful! but at the end of the day most of us are not professionals, we probably don't know you personally, and we get overwhelmed too.
use mental health tumblr as the resource it is, bc it is an enormously valuable resource! my goodness i have learned so much on here. but don't use it as a replacement for professional help, especially in emergencies. it's not fair to us or to you. (there are very very few situations where a tumblr blogger should be your go-to in a personal crisis. i cannot overemphasize how unhealthy and dangerous that trend is for all parties involved. please call a crisis hotline first.)
If you are struggling in any way, I highly encourage you to speak to someone qualified. I am asking people to share links to resources in the notes (online therapy resources, counselling hotlines & chat services, and especially any helpful lists that have already been compiled.)
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If this is true, it's so on-brand for our 6'5 gentle giant.
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➵ icons :::::: renjun; dnyl mv
like or reblog; if you save/use …♡
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So yeah, if you recall, in the anime during Alabasta arc, there’s this filler where Ace was tagging along the Strawhats for awhile yeah? Offering to help Sanji washing the dishes while he (Ace) was topless and stuff. It lowkey kinda made me ship AceSan for a bit. And I think, well, Sabo hasn’t meet Sanji yet, but WHAT IF??? What if they finally meet up later and Sabo’s charisma makes Sanji realized that he’s maybe a bit gay for charismatic, cool and strong guys like Luffy’s brothers. I mean.
Yeah I’m sorry, this is very indulgent of me X’D but I need a bit of break while doing my next lawlu project. I hope you enjoy this crack ship of mine nonetheless!
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Seeing this is so cozy it reminds me of something familiar
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DNYL | 4.
A/N: This chapter is very dear to me and I believe the next will be also because Chenle is just my lil baby. Granted he’s only 3 yrs younger than me LOL but I think of him as my baby boy, my son :’((( And he’s just the sweetest, bestest boy in the whole wide world. But I hope you enjoy this!!! :))
This is specially dedicated to the belated bday girl @ihavewhiplashbecauseofnct & for how lovely of a person she is, i love u liz ❤️ Sidetone: I realize many ppl like watching horror movies LOL so I guess this is from my point of view😳
Genre: non-idol!au, high-school!au, fluff, angst
Word Count: 6.2K
Warning: moderate swearing, mentions of heartbreak, 1 mention of drowning
Type: NCT Dream x Reader
Chenle’s crush wasn’t quite ordinary. His love for her hadn’t bloomed with hopes that one day those feelings may be reciprocated. From the start he had known they’d never end up together. Instead his love for her was a fall back mechanism. Something that comforted him on his low days and it was what had kept him as a forever positive and happy boy for so long. She was the light of his day.
Zhao Feifei was the one who had stolen his heart. Her name was a perfect description for her, luxurious, fragrant and beautiful. With her long dark hair, bright eyes and fair skin she was a treasure, comparable to Snow White. The first time they had met was when they were babies. Both of their fathers being successful businessmen and good friends who had lucked out when their wives got pregnant around the same time. Which resulted in both Fei and Chenle being born just weeks apart.
Of course they had spent their childhood together, being enrolled in the same preschool and elementary, always being with each other after school and becoming best friends. Maybe that was when he had fallen in love with her. After growing up and seeing her as the most adorable toddler in the sandpit to pushing her on the swings during recess and watching that big smile, fair as snow skin, red cheeks and dark hair blowing in the wind. The rest of the guys didn’t understand how he remained being only friends with her and had called him whipped. Some had even gone as far to ask if he was gay because surely, any straight boy wouldn’t have been able to resist to develop romantic feelings for beautiful Feifei for this long.
But they were right, he hadn’t been able to resist to fall in love except he hadn’t acted upon it. But that was a secret he’d thought he would just take to the grave in fear that if he told someone that it would get back to Fei. That was, until he met Park Jisung.
Both had joined the soccer team during elementary and became close, resulting in Jisung coming over to his house to play video games or just play soccer with Chenle in his backyard. And fairly soon Jisung had met Feifei, as it was inevitable with the amount of time he spent over at the Zhong’s. That was when Chenle had confided in him about his deep crush on Fei, hoping that Jisung would be able to help him find a way to deal with it. But to his misfortune, the boy had no clue. Jisung had admitted that he‘d never dated nor had many romantic feelings recently so he wasn’t quite skilled. But it was after that confession from Chenle that Jisung seemed to not enjoy hanging out with Fei much.
When Chenle confronted him, wondering what had happened, he’d told Chenle that he was scared of developing feelings for his good friend’s crush and had said that he’d rather not hang out with her. And even though the then brown-haired Chenle had found it odd that his good friend was going to such measures, he’d understood and had found great excuses to provide Fei with about where the boy younger than them was until she gave up on trying to ask.
But for many years, he had hoped he could’ve been in Jisung’s place, able to step away from Fei and move on to liking someone else or just giving up on love. But that proved to be difficult as he found himself so attached to her that any other girl who showed interest in him didn’t quite catch his eye. For him Feifei was always going to be the best.
That was why when Harvey had announced that they’d try to help him get over his heartbreak first that it had made him panic. He had originally joined the club to see if there was anyone like him who could help him get over this unrequited love. But it had never occurred to him that maybe he just wasn’t ready yet.
Maybe he wanted some more time to spend with her, loving her and being the only guy in her life she could call her best-friend and trust fully unlike her exes. He felt great knowing what a high position he had in heart and mind and was content with the fact that he’d most likely never be able to surpass that level and become a romantic interest for her. His love was that great and powerful that he was fine with being her best-friend.
“Lele what have you been zoning off about?” She cut into his deep thinking. Friday had passed by and Saturday was being spent with Fei and her usual long talks. Except now he was documenting his feelings and thoughts about her as she talked. Trying to see what had him so attracted to her.
“O-oh nothing, just school stuff.” He grinned, hoping she didn’t catch him on his bluff. It seemed to work or maybe she wasn’t feeling very nosy that day since she just give him a side-eye but began to talk about her new boyfriend. That was the one thing he couldn’t stand.
The list of shitty boyfriends.
He hated them all with a passion. No one could value or treat her right and the fact that these guys tried was just despicable. That was the hardest time hanging out with her, when she would complain about her boyfriends and how they were being really “crappy” but she liked them too much to let go. The amount of willpower it took for him to stay calm and not yell at her to get with someone good was astounding. Why couldn’t she realize that maybe she had someone perfect right by her?
“Anyways, what do you think I should do?” She asked, resting her chin on her delicate hands as she laid stomach-first on Chenle’s bed. It was usual of her to come over and hang out with him during the weekend so they could catch up and talk about life as their fathers worked.
“Huh? Can you repeat that I didn’t hear you.” Chenle looked apologetically at her. She rolled her eyes but repeated the same trashy move her boyfriend had pulled in standing her up at the movies. And after hearing, Chenle’s blood was boiling at the thought of imagining it. Fei left all alone waiting in the dark and then giving up only to watch a movie by herself. God, did he ever want to kill this guy.
“Well, I think you should text him that your best-friend will go beat him up if he does anything like that to you again.”
She laughed, the sound so beautiful making her look like a princess from a fairytale, her smile so wide and eyes hiding behind those rosy now lifted cheeks.
“Le, I’ve told him about you, he knows you wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Now Chenle rolled his eyes, of course she had to go ahead and tell her boyfriend how much of a wimp her best-friend was. She was too naive and honest to not try to scare anyone. Sure, Chenle wasn’t one to carry on with being violent but he sure as hell would do anything for Fei.
He shrugged, wanting to end the boyfriend talk as he said, “Well, why don’t you just be honest with him then? Ask him why he stood you up and if he lies then dump him. You deserve better than that anyways.”
Fei huffed, rolling over to lie on her back and face the ceiling, her long dark hair flowing down the side of the bed. “Chenle you know how much I like him, I’m not gonna end it over something this small.”
Small?!? The blond boy resisted the urge to smack his head at her stupidity. Why was she like this?
“Besides, he did message that he was sorry a couple hours later and said that he got held up at home because his dad was giving him a lecture.”
Yeah right, more like he bailed because on purpose. Who’s dad lectured them for a full three hours on a random night? And even if his dad did it was probably for a reason. Chenle knew all of the schemes those slimy guys pulled, this wasn’t anything new. But he also knew Fei wouldn’t listen to him. In a way, he did admire that about her yet despised it. She was so caught up with the thought of being in love and finding her “soul-mate” that she clung onto tough and e-boy type of high school guys, hoping she was the beautiful girl to change their foolish ways. But Chenle knew that wasn’t about to happen anytime soon.
“Well Fei I can’t help you cause I haven’t even met the guy yet.” He said monotonously, acting as if he was so into the game on his phone when really he was writing down more information about her in his notes app.
She sighed, murmuring, “You know, I wish god could just tell me when I‘d meet my soul-mate. Like if he could just give me a date or a month so I don’t have to keep waiting and seeing if the guy I’m with is really meant for me...”
“I wish so too.....” Chenle thought to himself as he looked at her soft flowy hair almost touch the ground.
Sunday passed by a bit slower as Chenle really tried to focus on everything about his daily routine, writing down even the smallest of things like what tv show he was watching, what he ate, when he sneezed, everything. He knew it was too much information but he wanted to know what he was doing that had him still so in love with Fei.
Finally, Monday came by and Chenle rushed to get to school, excited yet nervous with meeting the rest of the club and what they had to say. Truthfully, he knew some of them were going to call him pathetic and a loser. But these were all names he had heard before when he was younger and didn’t pay mind to anymore. He knew what he was pathetically in love with Feifei but it didn’t bother him, he enjoyed it as long as it meant he got to spend time with her.
The day went by quicker than he thought and finally the last period bell rang, indicating class was done and school was out for the day. Most of the other students were tired and sluggish as they moved around slowly but Chenle practically skipped past them all to go to the old wing and into the music room right after the bell.
But of course, no one was there yet so quickly so he sat down in the ring of chairs and waited. And that was when you walked in.
The whole weekend you had contemplated on reaching out to others and if you all should make some sort of groupchat or something. But then you decided against it, needing to spend more time together in order to be comfortable to even try and follow Jeno or Jaemin on social media. Renjun was out of the question since he acted like a complete prick and you knew messaging him wasn’t going to result in anything good. More likely he’d just message something rude then block you.
So as you thought to yourself how the afternoon was going to be like, shedding off your jacket to cool off from the slow after school heat, you were surprised to see a nervous Chenle seated and reading what looked like a journal. He looked up, most likely hearing your footsteps in the quiet room and the nervousness faded away from his face as he smiled at you warmly. You smiled back at the adorable boy and wondered what he was so anxious about.
“How was your weekend?” He asked you as you sat beside him, resting your bag on the ground.
“It was okay I guess, not much except wondering about this club and how this is all going to be like.” You replied honestly.
The sophomore nodded, “That sounds better than mine at least..... I was stuck thinking about how it was gonna go for me and freaking out about how to act around the girl I like.”
He sighed continuing, “You know, I was really scared to bring this up but, but being around you makes me feel at ease so I hope you don’t mind me sharing.”
You shook your head, noticing how worried he looked at what he was about to say next.
“I-I didn’t think it was going to be this hard to really get over Fei. I’d just thought this club was going to be a fun way to get with other people who had one-sided crushes like me then maybe get my mind off of her for a while. But not to really get rid of her place in my heart.”
You quietly thought his words thinking of how to comfort him, this was big and you felt special but a bit burdened that he had chosen to tell you this.
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can relate to you since my crush was one-sided. So it is difficult to get over it.” You tried to offer the young boy something to make him feel better. And it worked for a bit as he sadly smiled in your direction before looking at the ground, hands clasped.
“It does help a bit except the difference between you and me is that you already confessed so now you wanna get over it but for me it’s like I know I have no chance. I know that there’s no possible way she’ll ever like me the way I like her. But I still keep that option open. It’s just scary cause I’ve liked her for so long and to throw that all away now would be like throwing away my regular routine. It scary to think that if I really get over her then my whole life would have to change because I’ve hung out with her ever since I was a baby. And it’s so hard because she is what makes my life so happy so why should I have to let go of my happiness?”
You looked at him, focusing on the somber expression that was in place instead of the usual cheery look he showed. And it was then that you realized you had thought wrong about him. You’d wondered why he was so cheery and happy when he talked about his one-sided crush when the answer had been there but hidden all along. Chenle knew that she didn’t like him but he still kept her in his life as his close friend that he was secretly in love with. And you could understand him. Even if you hadn’t been close to Mark since you were a baby, it had still hurt to try and keep acting as if everything was fine after the confession. It had only been half a week granted but that didn’t mean the situation was going to get any better most likely for the next few months or as long as you saw him.
But in a way, that Fei girl was similar to Hendery with how close she seemed to be with Chenle. You’d never seen Hendery in that type of way but you knew if there ever came a day that you had to cut him out of your daily routine it would be impossible. He was your best-friend just like Fei was Chenle’s.
And as you both sat there quietly, the rest of the guys entered the room. Renjun and Jeno looking grumpy as usual, Jisung still shy but confused to see you and Chenle sitting beside each other while Jaemin seemed pretty happy, smiling at you which in turn confused you. You wondered where Harvey was at when he walked in cheerily saying, “Good afternoon folks!”
The room seemed to brighten up with his energy as they all sat down in the circle of chairs. You only noticed then that the whole setup was the same. The circle of chairs and posters still up, making you wonder if the evening janitor came to clean or not. It didn’t look like it unless Harvey set everything up every morning before school started or something.
“Alright, lets go straight to it. Chenle my boy! Tell us about your weekend and the girl!”
You looked over, expecting Chenle to spill his deep feelings like he had with you but the sophomore was back to being happy, no signs of anxiety on his face anymore as a bright grin spread across his face. But you knew, you knew he was back to hiding.
“My weekend was great and I actually hung out with the girl on Saturday!” He beamed. The other guy’s looked quizzically at the happy boy’s upbeat tone but you knew why he was putting up this facade. So before he could continue with some fake happy rendition, you put your hand over his, causing him to look at you as you mouthed, “It’s okay.”
Chenle seemed to understand what you meant as the happy expression slowly fell off and its place was fear. He squeezed your hand and took a deep breath before continuing,
“Actually, I-it wasn’t great. It was okay. I-I hung out with the girl and well I don’t think I’ll be able to get over her.”
Harvey scoffed at this, thinking that the boy was just being silly until he realized Chenle wasn’t joking and was serious as the sophomore looked pained.
“Chenle brother, that was the whole point of joining this club then, to get over your love. What do you mean?” Harvey looked confused.
“I know I mean I thought I was ready b-but I’m not.” Chenle’s palms were sweating as his grip tightened, almost cutting off your circulation.
“She’s not only someone I love but she’s my best-friend. I-I see her almost every day and if I can’t see her then we talk for hours and horus on the phone. How can I try to cut her out of my life when she is my life? How can I do that when every single day is filled with her?!” Chenle borderline yelled the last part surprising all of you at the outburst.
He was breathing heavily now, the rest of the guys wondering what the hell had just happened in the past couple of minutes with the extreme change in personality. But you knew that these were all pent up feelings that he’d held in for so long finally being released.
“Woah woah. I never asked you to cut her out of your life.” Harvey stood up and walked over to Chenle getting down on one knee, as the smaller blond boy let go of your hand and held his face in his own hands, sobbing now.
“I only wanted to see what your relationship with her was like then we could go on from there. You don’t have to avoid her to get over her Chenle. It’s not the situation you have to change it’s your feelings that’ll change the situation.” Harvey softly said, gently touching the smaller boy’s shoulder.
The room was quiet except for the soft cries from Chenle and the sounds of a lawnmower coming from the open windows.
“Chenle, raise your head brother. If you cry, you cry proudly.”
Huh? You frowned looking at Harvey wondering what the heck he was on to talk as if he were part of some big movement.
“Rule number 2 of the DNYL club, don’t cry by yourself. Meaning that if you cry, you cry in front of everyone and with pride that you’re showing your feelings. There’s nothing wrong nor embarrassing about being upset or sad and showing that, trust me.”
Chenle followed Harvey’s words as he slowly raised his head and sniffled, wet eyes and cheeks on full display. “That’s my boy.” Harvey smiled and patted him on the shoulder before getting up and looking at you all.
“Just because you guys are trying to get over your love doesn’t mean you have to abandon it right away. It takes time to get rid of your feelings and that’s okay. Hell, I’m not even one hundred percent over it all either. But not doing anything about it isn’t going to help it at all.”
The English boy turned around to face Chenle as he said next, “So I want you to just take time to understand that you can be her friend. But I want you to accept that you’re hurting yourself by valuing her so much in liking her. I see that you’ve accepted your feelings for her and that in your eyes not much can come out of it but then why do you choose to live in them? You can be happy as her best-friend and not be in love with her. It’s up to you to change that Chenle but we’re here to offer you our help and friendship.”
You looked over at Chenle to see that he had a serious expression on his face but was listening to Harvey intently. And even though this whole club stuff still seemed crazy to you, Harvey had a good point.
“I want you all to try that out, not distance yourself from your love unless you really need to because of circumstances.” He made a pointed look at Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun, “But to understand that it’s you who’s hurting yourself with being so close and wanting to do so much for the other person. Just step back for a bit.”
The English boy rubbed his hands together, a small mischievous smile on his face, which had you curious but slightly afraid at what he was about to say next.
“I just thought of this now....... But why don’t we get our minds refreshed by doing something? Instead of being stuck in school and having to think about our problems here why don’t we participate in an activity?”
You looked up at Harvey confused, Chenle’s problem hadn’t really been solved yet besides telling him to rethink and to change his feelings so what activity was he trying to bring up? And why now out of no where?
“Why don’t we do something to establish a stronger bond? Like watch a movie or something? It’ll be much better than sitting here in the heat and we could even get something to eat too. Besides, being together and sad is better than being alone and sad.”
The room was silent as usual as you all thought about his words. It was a Monday afternoon so you didn’t have too much homework to complete even though it was a crucial time to study for finals. But you could take a break right?
“Can’t. I have plans.” Renjun coughed out, obviously a lie.
“Renjun I’ve been keeping an eye on you since Thursday and I know you don’t have anything to do today. Art club happens during school so you don’t have anything for the rest of the day.” Harvey scowled at the purple-haired boy.
Renjun rolled his eyes, “Love to hear I have someone stalking me but as a matter of fact, I have other plans involving other friends.”
“What friends?” Jeno muttered, snickering to himself.
“Some of us actually have real-life friends I’m sorry you wouldn’t understand that Mr. Antisocial.” Renjun shot back.
You could tell the basketball player was about to either charge at him or shoot something even nastier until Harvey thankfully intervened.
“Woah woah chill out you guys. We’re all trying to be friends here not enemies.”
Renjun scoffed, “I’d rather befriend Lee Twat-hyuck instead of these buffoons.”
“Hey wait a second-” You frowned at the boy beside you, surprised and angry that he would say something like that about one of your good friends.
“Alright, alright no-name calling, we’re better than this you guys. And even if you don’t wanna be friends then suck it up because we’re all in the same place and on the same level Renjun, neither you nor Jeno are better. So it’d be better to help one another rather than fight wouldnit? Besides, can’t you just cancel your plans just for today? For us but more importantly Chenle?”
Renjun pursed his lips, thinking of how to respond. You secretly hoped he agreed to come because you had been dying of curiousity about his past relationship. As much as you had tried to brush it under the rug, you wanted to know more about Huang Renjun.
Since he had shown a softer side for when you first joined the club, you knew that there had to be more to him and the fact that he had sympathized with you meant that he did care. He was maybe nice but hid it behind that tough personality. And maybe during watching a movie or eating out would make him more comfortable to share his true feelings.
“Fine. I’ll cancel them. But just for today.” He sighed annoyedly.
You tried to hide your smile as Harvey clapped loudly then turned to Jeno and Jaemin.
“I don’t have b-ball practice so I guess sure.”
“I’m tutoring later on but I’m free for now.”
“Perfect!” Harvey cheered excitedly. “Then let’s go to the theaters!”
“But I already watched Spiderman with Jisung last week!!” Chenle whined. It was hard to imagine that this was the same boy who had been sobbing about his unrequited love just around half an hour ago as he angrily stomped his foot having a mini tantrum.
“I refuse to watch some movie about talking toys tryna save a fork.” Renjun crossed his arms firmly, challenging the sophomore.
“Why don’t we watch Annabelle?” Jeno piped up, excited about the horror movie.
“C-can we n-not?” Jisung stuttered, obviously afraid. But you couldn’t blame him, a horror movie on a Monday night didn’t sound so appealing either.
“Ooooo! I’ve been wanting to watch that too!” Harvey happily said, you always found it so odd over how people became so thrilled over movies that were meant to scare the living shits out of watchers.
“Haven’t watched it yet, so I’m down.” Jaemin shrugged, his eyes wandering to the giggling high-school girls who were looking his way. He upped his charm by angelically smiling their way causing them to squeal and gush. Now he definitely seemed to be back to his normal flirty personality.
You didn’t realize you had been staring until you saw him turn around and catch your gaze. But before you could look away he winked at you, making your eyes widen and quickly avert your attention to something else and try to calm your beating heart. What was that?
“Aright, any objections besides Jisung?” Harvey asked. Renjun and Chenle seemed okay the choice of selection as they shook their heads which in turn made everyone look at you in anticipation. You slowly nodded, wanting to just settle and not have to argue for longer but secretly freaked out over the nightmares you were going to have now. It was all fun and games during the day until night time rolled around and shadows became possessed dolls, random sounds became ghosts and everything else mysterious caused you to sweat and unable to sleep.
“Let’s buy the tickets then!” You all followed Harvey as he made his way to the ticket booth. You looked over at Jisung who was anxiously whispering something to Chenle and hoped that you could sit beside him so that you had at least someone to freak out with. You didn’t want to bother the others with your fear nor did you feel comfortable clinging onto any of them besides Chenle and baby Jisung.
But after buying the tickets, the rest of the group elected for you and Jaemin to buy the food and drinks for the group. Which had you worried because that meant that now there were very slim chances of sitting beside Jisung, depending on where he sat.
“What are you getting to eat and drink?” Jaemin asked you as you both stood in the somewhat long line, cutting into your overthinking.
“Oh um maybe just a large popcorn to share and a Pepsi?”
The puppy looking boy nodded, “I’m thinking nachos, popcorn, and then we can get a drink tray to share the drinks with the others.”
As he talked more about what drinks to get, you looked at the menu, mentally calculating how much everything was going to be so you could give an equal amount of money to pay. And as you moved up in the line, you felt a pair of eyes on you, specifically Jaemin’s eyes. But you thought nothing of it and that he could just be staring at the other part of the theatre that was to the side of you.
“You know,” he started off, causing you to look at him, “You’re actually pretty cute when you’re concentrating like that.”
You froze not knowing what to say back to that as Jaemin had this lazy somewhat dreamy smile on his face as he stared at you. This was definitely not what you were expecting, especially while standing in line for popcorn. You didn’t know any other way to respond besides stuttering out a,
“I uhhhhhhh ummm-”
Jaemin cut you off, laughing loudly at how caught off guard you were. “What? Have you never been called cute before?” He asked amused.
“Well not by a really hot guy.” You thought to yourself as you both moved up in the line, closer to the front now.
“That’s a shame if you haven’t. But i’m glad that you reacted like that, makes you even cuter.”
You kept your mouth shut and tried to convince yourself that this was definitely his hormonal, broken-hearted feelings coming to play and was nothing serious.
Thankfully, before he could say anything else, the theatre employee greeted you, cutting in at the perfect moment. Jaemin smiled your way once more before ordering as you stood still, trying to process what had just happened and if this was maybe a dream in itself.
“You know what, i’m gonna call you cutie from now on.” He said as you carried all the food to the theatre room. C-cutie?
“Yeah, cutie suits you perfectly.” He murmured. God, now you really hoped you could get a seat beside Jisung. But to your dismay, as you entered the dark theatre room, the only open spots seemed to be beside either Harvey or Jeno as Chenle sat in the middle with Renjun and Jisung on each side.
“Popcorn!!!!!!” Chenle screeched after seeing you and Jaemin, only to be shushed by Renjun, slapping his hand on his mouth.
“You guys made it just in time, ads just finished and movie’s about to start.” Harvey whispered excited. You mustered up a small fake smile trying to look as excited as you sat down beside him, passing the popcorn bags down. Jaemin sat beside you, most likely because Jeno was at the other end which you mentally groaned at. You really hoped he didn’t try any more flirty lines with you because you knew you weren’t prepared a response. You took in a deep breath, looking at the screen in front of you.
Okay, you could do this. This was fine. Yep, totally fine. This was not real life. You tried to mentally hype yourself up into preparing for the creepy and horrifying music that was about to probably make you pee your pants later on.
“You okay cutie?” Jaemin whispered, making you jump a little. “Huh? Yeah i’m-i’m okay, i’m fine.”
“You don’t look okay.” He pointed to your bouncing leg and fidgeting fingers. You really wished he started to mind his own business because you didn’t want everyone else to know that you were afraid.
“If you need to hold someone’s hands, mine’s always free.” He wiggled his fingers as his hand hovered above your lap suggestively.
Great, not only were you going to have to deal with being scared shitless but now Jaemin was offering to be your cuddle buddy, just what you needed. You prayed that the movie was interesting enough so he’d keep quiet as it started and braced yourself; mentally chanting that it was just a movie, that nothing was going to happen to you after this.
But as time went on, you became more and more tempted to take up Jaemin on his offer as you sweated, gripping the seat arms tightly and had shut your eyes.
You opened your eyes to look at him to see how he was doing so far. To your surprise, Jaemin was enjoying himself, a smile on his face which you couldn’t fathom since this movie was anything but happy. So you closed your eyes, tapping a beat and mentally singing a song in your head to distract yourself from the deafening freaky sounds.
“Here.” You heard a soft whisper from your side.
You opened your eyes to see Jaemin offering his arm to you. A part of you hesitated, if you held his arm then that would mean you were accepting and letting him know that his flirty behaviour with you was working. Which of course you didn’t want at all. But you decided to just throw your logic and overthinking to the side because what the hell, you were afraid, you needed this.
So you gently placed your hand on his arm, careful not to hold too tightly. His arm flexed as you fixed your nervous grip on them. So Jaemin did work out huh.
“We could’ve just watched something else you know.” He leaned down to whisper in your ear. You didn’t reply as all of a sudden a loud scream resonated from the movie scaring you. Out of instinct, you jumped and buried your face into Jaemin’s shoulder. He just chuckled and relaxed his arm as you were holding onto it like it was a lifeline thrown off a boat and you were drowning.
So for the rest of the movie you held onto his arm, still facing his shoulder and now slightly unashamed of your actions. But you got to realize many things about Jaemin through this contact, such as how he smelled really good like something sweet but addicting. His baby blue shirt also radiated some body heat which for some seemed motherly. And you had thought that he was prone to the horror but it seemed that he did get a bit of a scare as well as his muscles would flex from time to time.
Then after the movie credits came on the screen and people started to hustle and bustle to leave, Jaemin put a hand on your arm whispering, “Movie’s done and I’m pretty sure you don’t want the others to ask why you’re clinging onto me like a koala so you should let go.”
You immediately did as he told and thankfully it seemed everyone was too wrapped up in Jisung needing to pee that they hadn’t noticed you and Jaemin.
“See that wasn’t so bad right?” Harvey said as you guys licked your ice-creams. After the movie, it wasn’t too dark out so you all decided to grab some ice-cream and chill in a park nearby.
You looked over at poor JIsung who still seemed to be shaking and eyeing every suspicious looking person coming into view. Yep, that definitely wasn’t too bad.
“How do you feel Chenle?” The senior asked the happy blond.
“Great! Movie was good and the ice-cream’s even better!!”
Harvey smiled, “I told you surrounding yourself with friends helps. Now if you keep doing this then you’ll surely get to know that you can do this. You can get over her.”
Chenle hummed, most likely not listening as you all stared at the beautiful sunset. It was calm and peaceful being like this. The heat had subsided and there was a slight breeze now, cooling you down with the icy treats. This was what you had wanted for the longest time, the feeling of being involved, it was what you had needed. You tried to keep this memory engrained in your mind, surrounded by people you never knew you’d ever would’ve had the chance to talk to but sharing something in common with.
“Well, I gotta get to tutoring so I’ll see you guys in a couple of days.” Jaemin said, getting up and grabbing his stuff. He looked at you and winked as the rest of the guys said a lazy bye, too immersed in their ice-creams.
“I guess we can end our meeting here then. I want you to keep thinking Chenle and to reach out to us if you need help too.” Harvey got up, looking as if he was ready to go. You felt a bit sad, wanting to stay in this moment longer because you knew that fairly soon either Renjun or Jeno were going to say something stupid and ruin the peace.
“Since one of our assignments is independently in progress, I guess we can move onto the next then.”
Harvey turned around, facing the still shaking freshman and said with a smile,
“Now it’s Jisung’s time to shine.”
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A Twinkle of a Moment
A/N: Uh based off of DNYL. Sorry I’m bad at writing (:
Everyone told you not to trust Jeno with your heart, but you foolishly ignored their warnings and dated him anyways. The two of you have been together for two years. You were happy and he’s been nothing but sweet and kind. That is until you caught him cheating on you with one of the school’s cheerleaders. You were on your way to surprise him after his basketball practice had ended when you saw it.
Jeno was pressing the pretty cheerleader up against the wall, his hand on her hips as she was giggling. Not long after did you see his head dip and you knew right away what he was doing. He'd done it to you plenty of times over the past two years... You spun around on your heels as tears started to well and you bolted. You didn’t know where you were going to be honest, but you knew you wanted to get as far away as possible from that.
You turned the corner and crashed into someone. Not realizing they were there since the tears had blurred your vision. “Woah there, are you okay?” a deep voice asked, immediately stabling the two of you from toppling over. You sniffled clearly showing you were not okay, but you didn't want to admit it. Instead, you gripped the front of their shirt and sobbed into it, smearing you makeup along the way.
“Come on, I think I know what you need right now,” he said and carefully removed your hands from his shirt. It left it wrinkled and crumbled, but he didn't mind and instead took your hands into his own. He quietly led you down the hallway and entered a room shortly after.
“Glad you could finally make it, Jisung,” a voice teasingly spoke as soon as the two of you stepped inside. You wiped the tears from your eyes and saw a bunch of boys sitting in the classroom. Some of them sitting on top of the desks, some of them sitting normally in the chairs. There was one sitting on top of a single desk that was facing the group, the leader, you assumed. You glanced up at the boy, Jisung, who was still softly holding your hand, not understanding where he took you to or why.
“Who’s this you brought along with you?” A silver-haired boy asked, nodding to you. He’s one of the few boys that’s actually sitting in a chair and has a notebook out. From where you stand, you can see a few drawings on the page, but not enough to see what they actually are.
“I’m y/n,” you quietly say.
“Ah, you’re Jeno’s girlfriend,” A blonde boy expresses and nods.
“Not anymore…” you glance to the ground, willing yourself not to burst out in tears again. It was just a few minutes ago and Jeno doesn’t even know that you know, but you’re definitely not his girlfriend anymore. What a way to begin senior year…
You saw the boys glance at each other, all understanding what you meant. “Well the more the merrier!” one of the boys sitting on top of the desk cheerily responded.
“Welcome to our club!” the boy who was sitting in the front shouted. You glanced at the chalkboard and noticed a big bleeding heart with DNYL written inside drawn in white chalk.
The boy, who you eventually found out was named Harvey, hopped off and took your hand, leading you to sit down in one of the chairs. Since Jisung’s hand was still holding your other, he was also dragged along.
“What club?” you asked, still not understanding what the heck was going on. Honestly, you just wanted to go home and cry it out. Maybe even eat your sorrows away with some ice cream and proceed to block Jeno on every possible platform ever.
“The club for those who’ve had their hearts broken!” The blonde boy, Chenle, responded.
“It doesn’t seem like any of you have had their hearts broken…” you mumbled.
They explained that they had either been dumped, got cheated on, or had some unrequited love and while they all seem cheery now, it took them a while for them to get to this point.
"We made this club quite a while ago due to all of us having similar, unfortunate fate, but we always welcome newcomers!” Renjun said.
“Except for our boy Jisung who's been the lucky one and never suffered a broken heart. We just forced him to join because love him!” Jaemin pouted as he pinched the boy’s cheek.
They called an end to the ‘meeting’ when the clock read 4 and honestly you felt a lot better. They all told you that you didn’t need to stay or even if you wanted to stay, that you didn’t need to explain anything. They all talked and joked around with each other, at one point even started playing some music to dance to. You sat there, laughing along with them but other than that didn’t contribute much to the conversations. You occasionally glanced over in Jisung’s direction, but he always looked away.
Months passed since that time you caught Jeno and since you joined the boys’ club. Each meeting you got closer and closer to the boys, eventually not remembering why you first came here in the first place. However, you never really got much closer to Jisung as you did the others. In fact, he was rather cold to you, even though he was the first one you actually met and he seemed like he was nice.
“Does he hate me?” you ask Renjun one day as the two of you walked to lunch together.
“Who? Jisung?” he questioned and you nodded your head. “He definitely does not hate you,” he asserted.
“But he never acknowledges me?” you frown, confused.
“He’s just a big baby who’s not good at showing his true emotions.” Jaemin piped in as he slung his arms around the two of you, effectively spooking you both. “Why? Do you happen to like him?” he teased, poking your cheek. You just smacked his hand away with red ears.
The three of you sit down at your lunch table, Harvey, Jisung, and Chenle having already sat down and finished half their food. The two boys strategically making it so you have to sit down across from Jisung. He who just glances up then glances right back down, not even acknowledging you. Your frown deepens more, his action only feeds into your theory that he does, in fact, hate you. You miss the way Jaemin and Renjun shove at his shoulders and silently scold him.
“We still down to meet up after school today?” Harvey asks. Everyone nods in agreement and just keeps eating. It’s strangely quiet at the lunch table today, you notice, and when you glance up, you see the boys exchange glances with each other. You scrunch your eyebrows together, wondering what's going on, but don't say anything about their strange behaviour.
It isn’t until the time the meeting starts that you get an inkling to what they were silently exchanging. “Where is everyone?” you ask, only seeing Jisung sitting down in the chair he sat at the first time you came. He only shrugs as he leans his chin on a hand.
You form a straight line with your mouth and nod, walking over to take a seat right next to him. The two of you sit in silence, waiting for the other boys to come, but after ten minutes pass, they’re still not here. Jisung huffs into his bangs, not understanding where his friends are or why they left him alone. He’s just about to get up and leave the room when his phone vibrates from an incoming message.
Jaemin: Talk to y/n ~~~~~
Jisung just groans, finally understanding what his hyungs were trying to make him do. You glance over at the boy questioningly. “Is everything okay?” you ask. He thunks his head on the desk, spooking you at how hard he just hit his head. “Jisung??”
He slowly lifts his head and turns it to your direction, a red area already forming on his forehead, mimicking his red-tinted ears. “Y/n…” he starts, trying to look at you, but ends up just staring at your ears instead.
You can see him struggling to form words, but after a few seconds of his internal struggle, you just huff out a sigh. “Do you hate me?” you ask. “If you really hate being in the same room as me for this long, I get it. I’ll leave, but seriously you could at least tell me.” you huffily say, fed up with his cold actions. You push yourself out from the desk, the chair screeching along the tile floor, and get up, grabbing your backpack and slinging it over your shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you sigh and walk to the door.
“I like you,” Jisung lets out. You stop in place, just a few feet in front of the doorway.
“Huh?” you ask, turning around to look at him. His face is full flushed, and he’s still not looking at you.
“I really like you, y/n. I’m really sorry for being so cold to you over the months but I really suck at expressing my feelings…” he bites his lip nervously and finally glances up, catching your eyes.
You wreck your brain for what you should say, caught completely off guard at his sudden confession. “Stop playing around, let’s just go look for the others,” you stutter out. He frowns, visibly upset that you didn’t take him seriously.
He gets up and walks over to you, placing his hands on your shoulder and leaving down a bit so he was eye level with you. “Please y/n, I’m being serious. You don’t have to return the feelings, but I just want you to know that I don’t hate you at all.” You nervously bite your lip as your heart rapidly beats.
Jisung waits for you to say something, anything really, but you just stare at him and he takes it as you not cooperating the feelings. He sighs and drops his hands from your shoulder, turning around to fetch his bag then leave. However, you catch his wrist, making him look back at you.
“I like you too,” you say quietly, but looking straight at him. His eyes widen in disbelief and he fully turns back to you.
It seems as if time has stopped, the two of you just looking at each other in silence, taking in both confessions. The sunlight shines brightly into the room, engulfing the both of you in its warmth. The golden hues causing Jisung’s hair to turn a soft brown instead of its usual dark brown. You think he’s as beautiful as the first time you saw him, even if it was a blurry image due to your tears.
“Ugh, just kiss each other already!” you hear Jaemin shout from outside the window. It makes both you and Jisung jump, obviously not expecting or even realizing the five other boys had been hiding under the hallway window the entire time. You look over to the window, seeing the boy’s heads poking up and peering into the window.
Jisung scowls, upset that they ruined the moment, but also very embarrassed that they were to hear your confessions. He wraps his hand around your own and drags you over to the desk so he can pick up his backpack then proceeds to speed out of the classroom and away from the boys.
You hear the boys howl of laughter as you get dragged along and you just smile at how much redder Jisung’s ears get.
Senior year may have started poorly, but at least it led you to meeting Jisung and falling in love with a proper gentleman.
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