#dont be fooled by the first 8 seconds

[tojirin]

cardigan.

🌀 megumi x gn!reader . fluff , megumi having a crush on reader , silly gojo and yuji , megumi in denial . proofread? nah . WC: 3.4k

"and when i felt like a cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite."

Megumi never knew how it felt to actually love someone other than his sister Tsumiki, but now she's gone. But that was until you came along, when he first saw you felt as he respected you, which was an peculiar since there was very few people he actually respected, he didn't even know your name until something, no someone interrupted his thoughts and that someone had to happen to be Gojo. "Heyyy!! first years listen up since this is important!" he said with a slightly goofy tone which caused you to giggle. "so.. are you gonna tell us what you wanna say??" Nobara said with an annoyed tone. "I was getting to that! meet your new classmate, [name]!" Gojo just dropped that bomb and happily skipped away. You took that as a cue to actually introduce yourself, hey! i'm [name] I hope we can get along." It didn't take long for Yuji and Nobara to introduce themselves, but it took a while longer for Megumi finally i introduce himself. "Hello, um..i'm Megumi, Megumi Fushiguro." you reached out your hand for Megumi to shake. "Hey gumi! its nice to meet you, wait is it okay that I call you gumi? i don't know but I feel like I can be casual with you.." "Yeah it's completely fine, don't worry." Megumi isn't sure why he agreed considering he hates when Gojo calls him it. "Well! bye guys I have to get something from Yaga! i'll see y'all later?.." "yeah! byeee!" Yuji and Nobara said in unison.

It was has three months since you transferred to jujutsu high and you've grown plenty close with everyone. Currently it was currently 8:49pm, all students had to be in the dorms by 9:30pm, Yuji and Megumi were in his dorm talking about random topics until Yuji decided to bring up something he noticed lately. "Hey Megumi?" "yes Itadori?.." "You known [name] right? what's up between you and them, you totally give them goo-goo eyes when y'all interact!! you totally have a crush on them! Yuji said while having a giggle fit. "No, I dont, itadori." "You totally doooo!!" by now Yuji was rolling around while wiping his tears from laughter. when he calmed down he spoke up saying "soo you don't mind if I ask them out?" Megumi has never gone silent so quickly. "So you do! I was just kidding!!..so if you like them.." "I don't." no matter how hard Megumi tried to shut down the idea of him having a crush on you Yuji kept on insisting he confessed to you since he noticed the way your eyes would linger when it came to Megumi. Yuji thought if Megumi didn't wanna confess his feelings he'd had to force it out of him. "Megumi! if you don't confess by tomorrow I'm telling them! "ok." "that's all it took?" "i'm not letting you make a fool of me."

That's basically the reason Megumi is currently trying to get the courage outside your dorm to confess since he knew you were in it. Megumi was thinking that the worse was you'd reject him and he'd have to ignore his feelings for the rest of his life, not too bad right? *knock* *knock* then fifteen seconds of pure silence. Then a door opens, he noticed you looked like you got ready in a rush. "O-oh! hey Megumi! I wasn't really expecting for you to be here right now.." "yeah." "well..is there something you need?" "I like you, would you go out with me sometime?" he said very bluntly which made you go wide eyed with shock, considering you never thought he would like you back.

"I would love to."

★ © tojirin ʚɞ 2023

part 2 drabble maybeee??🙈🙈

#megumi x you #megumi x reader #megumi x male reader #megumi x fem reader #megumi x y/n #megumi fushiguro #megumi #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jjk megumi #megumi fushiguro x you #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro x y/n #jjk x male reader #jjk x fem!reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x gender neutral reader #megumi x gender neutral reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujustu kaisen x you #jujustu kaisen x y/n #megumi fanfic #megumi fic #megumi drabble

[oldworldwidgets]

DELILAH TIME DELILAH TIME

here she is. officially. my beloved fallout 4 oc delilah !!!! first piece done by @zetobii and the second by @leavingautumn13

i dont draw so all art of delilah comes from my dear friends who draw her for me/with their ocs and tell me i can post it OR from commissions. what i can do, however, is write <3 and make playlists and pinterest boards for visuals <3 so prepare urself <3

speaking of which, you can find her playlist here and her pinterest board here!! theyre chronological, so listening/scrolling in order should more or less tell her story too

ok so: her appearance, personality, stats, story, and some fun facts are here under the cut (its a lot fyi ok i just love her so much) pls enjoy

delilah lore (delilore?) be upon ye:

appearance:

24 years old, 5’10”

very fair skinned with bright green eyes and jet black hair

her hair is wavy and flows down to the middle of her back. she has one small braid behind her right ear

covered in freckles, from her nose to her knees. she has a tiny scar above her mouth from a past split lip and a slit in her opposite eyebrow from a past black eye

midriff is heavily discolored from past bruises - the pigmentation never fully went away - and marred with keloid scars from deep cuts from things she refuses to talk about. if her dress has a high enough slit, bruises can peek out near the very tops of her legs

large black kingsnake tattoo wrapping up a her left arm with its head near her shoulder and its tail near/on her hand

she can almost always be found in her wine-colored silk dress that reaches only about mid-thigh, nails manicured and lips painted to match. it has spaghetti straps and is loosely bodycon.

she wears stacks of gold rings (as many as possible, really) and dangly gold snake earrings

the only things she keeps on her person are the dagger and the gun strapped to her thighs under her dress. her gun was a gift from KL-E-0. it is a custom gold-plated, silenced 10mm. lilah named it "Mine"

stats:

if fo4 had a karma slider, lilah would land pretty firmly on evil. on a dnd alignment chart, think chaotic neutral or neutral evil

SPECIAL: 2, 8, 2, 10, 7, 4, 3

she's not strong nor has much endurance, but when you're as smart, perceptive, and charismatic as she is, you can charm people into carrying your stuff for you anyway.

her perks are party girl (alcohol/chem resistance), black widow (damage/persuasion against men), night person (higher int at night), and intimidation (pacify, instruct, and force opponents to attack). and deacon's cloak and dagger, of course.

personality:

cold, calculated, distant

cares about very, very few people (and even fewer things) but is fiercely loyal to those people. she's a railroad agent, but only because deacon cares about the cause and she begrudgingly cares about deacon

she and deacon clash. he refused to even vouch for her admission to the railroad. she gets along much better with glory, but she still gets assigned to run jobs with deacon because they keep each other in check and are deadly efficient as a pair (theyre also in love but they keep it a secret from everyone including each other)

she cares about very very few people but it fiercely loyal to those people. she is a railroad agent, but only because deacon cares about the cause and she "begrudgingly" cares about deacon (she cares literally so much do not let her fool u)

her moral compass is not magnetic. right and wrong is whatever she wants it to be. she takes no issue killing people if they wrong her. sexual harassment or subterfuge/targeted deception send marks to the top of her hit list.

her story:

her birth name is allie eden

she is not a sole survivor; she was born into the capital wasteland chapter of the brotherhood of steel. despite sentinel lyons' best efforts, delilah responded far better to scribe training than to combat training

she and arthur maxson were the only two kids in the citadel, and they became fast friends, even after the lyons pride crumbled and maxson was appointed elder.

he appointed her his sentinel, second in command, which she embraced until she saw how terribly the wasteland was faring under his leadership.

she promptly absconded and, because she had been so sheltered until that day, quickly lost herself to chems and alcohol.

months passed in, thanks to all the blackouts, what felt like hours. one night, allie woke up in a warm bed that she did not fall asleep in. a man named dante deangelo had pulled her body from a D.C. gutter and made sure she was safe.

in no time, they fell in love and decided to escape to the commonwealth. they found a small, basement apartment in goodneighbor and allie began tending bar at the third rail.

dante, slowly but surely, became more abusive. he left bruises and deep cuts on her body anywhere her third rail uniform would cover. she stayed, though, because she'd been raised by the brotherhood to believe that love was harsh and painful. to obey without question. to submit to authority.

eventually, she tired of that life and snapped, killing dante before he could leave any more marks on her. something... shifted. maybe it was allie eden who entered their apartment that morning, but it was delilah who left it that night.

KL-E-0, who was quite fond of allie and is far fonder of delilah, fitted her with pistol, Mine.

instead of hiding behind the bar like she had when she was with dante, she began to use it to her advantage. every dusty drifter with full pockets full of caps left her bar empty handed. but it wasnt enough.

she began targeting triggermen, who she knew were peddling chems for... someone in goodneighbor. the moment a man started flirting with her (which she hated), it was like a red dot sight appeared on their foreheads. she'd seduce them, take them back to her apartment, get her caps and chems and information, and the men would never be seen again.

morowski, goodneighbor kingpin, eventually approached her at work about his shrinking pool of chem peddlers. they struck a deal: he would slip her into his operation as his newest arm candy, and she would peddle his chems at her bar.

it worked flawlessly until morowski actually fell in love with her. go figure. unless, of course, that was lilah's plan all along...

while she's still participating in this farce with morowski, she meets drummer boy, who she ends up truly enjoying the company of even despite her general distaste for men. eventually, he convinces her to join the railroad with him

because morowski is in love with delilah, she has no issue squeezing information out of him when deacon asks her to: morowski is an institute informant. lilah quickly, uh, deals with that problem, and the next days, morowski is found dead in his office at the rexford. cause of death: self inflicted gunshot wound. what a tragedy.

because delilah was his "other half," his unofficial widow, she inherited morowski's whole chem operation

now, she happily spends her days directing the triggermen and tending her bar - for fun and for information, at this point, because she certainly doesnt need the caps. when she needs to run for the railroad or her beloved friends need her professional black widow skills, whitechapel charlie is "happy" to cover for her. as happy as he can manage, anyway.

fun facts:

she is terrified of storms, heights, and violent outbursts from people she trusts

her name comes from the bible story of sampson and delilah, where delilah is paid by the government to seduce sampson (a man of god) and tempt him to sin by telling her what gives him his inhuman strength. after three attempts, she is successful. sampson tells her that god gives him his strength through his hair. she then cuts his hair, which ultimately leads to his death. i mean what a bad bitch

she is still deeply unhappy even after she wraps goodneighbor around her finger because she still doesnt know who she is

she's skeptical of maxson's move to the commonwealth. she is very much on the run from him (and the bortherhood as a whole), and ham happily vets drifters for her to ensure theyre not undercover brotherhood before letting them into the bar.

she and maccready arent exactly "friends" but they harbor mutual respect for each other since they spend so much time together. mac had to call her off like a guard dog when winlock and barnes paid him a visit, so shes confident he would do the same if the brotherhood ever came knocking.

#WHEW LORE DUMP #mutuals and followers u r gonna MEET DELILAH and u r gonna LIKE IT ‼️‼️ #shes not very nice but she would LOVE to be friends or frenemies or rivals with ur ocs!!!!! #she wont bite i prommy!!!!! (voice of a guy who is lying) #its taken so long for me to dump about any of my ocs bc being a writer on The Art Website is not ideal #nevertheless i persist #and my ask box/comments are SO open for questions or ask game suggestions or marriage proposals idk whatever :P #anyway bring on the tags #oc: delilah #oldworld.ocs #fallout 4 #fallout 4 oc #fo4 oc #fallout oc #fo4

[ramons-elevator]

Possible hot take: I dont think any eggs are gonna die because of Purgatory (kinda meta talk)

First of all, I think it would be a fool proof way to get a bunch of CCs to never/rarely play on the server again.

(For this entire post, ill be using Richas and Pomme as an example of eggs who are going to die. Im only using them because Phil/Bolas?? destroyed the egg statue in the egg event. This can apply to any eggs dying due to this event. This is no hate on any of the eggs or to the CCs/Phil)

For example, if the egg statues are the eggs and Phil/Bolas??? did “kill” Richas and Pomme, thats like 8-10 people who will likely just give up/rarely play any more. Pac has said numerous times that he doesnt know what to do because he is so used to spending everyday with Richas. Hell both the french and the brazilians literally started with their eggs. Thats all they know. And they are all so important to the story/lore of the server. I wouldnt be surprised if they only logged on to do lore and such like Charlie and Max.

Second, if they do what they did with the other eggs, can you imagine a back to back egg funeral for Pomme and Richas???? Like that would be the most miserable day on the server dude. I think it would destroy everyone.

Third, this event unfortunately caused/causing a lot of discourse and hate on CCs (for not reason). Using my example, I wouldnt be surprised if Phil never logs on ever again because of how much hate he would get. Team Bolas too! Like it would just make everything so much worse for everyone involved.

Lastly, I think the admins are better than that. Quackity has said that the eggs are so important for everyone to talk and interact (i.e. Eggs tasks like ‘play hide and seek with a friend’). Quackity/ the admins are very smart and careful with the story. They aren’t perfect, but they always wanna make the server a fun place for everyone. Like I said, it would be a sure way for a bunch of CCs to not play a lot or ever again.

Maybe im just hopeful but I think the admins/Quackity are smarter than just to kill some very important characters in the story. Again no hate to anyone/the admins/eggs/CCs. Just wanted to share my thoughts!

#qsmp #qsmp purgatory

[riverm00ndraws]

All of the Fool doodles I could find in my textbooks (which I dare to share lol). He's one of @venomous-qwille 's characters and I absolutely love him. ♥︎

I will ramble a little bit about the fic and characters because I have no one to talk about it and I wanna share my toughts, it starts under the cut.

---

Firstly I love all the characters but my absolut favorite is Fool (as you can see lol). Firstly because he's like from Europe and (suprise!) I am from there too.. like.. from Europe. Sedondly his design is just so cool!! And I just love him, I cannot put it into words, I just love him.

I dont know how was everyone with Sol, but I absolutely trusted him until chapter 7... dont ask how or why, I just tought hes grumpy and thats all, or something. Ofc my mind changed after chapter 7. I still like him tho...

I had so many suspicion towards Sunspot, like I didnt really liked him. I was waiting when he will snap and show his, dunno, "evil side"(?)... ofc my mind about him got changed in chapter 7. Hes cute and kind. (Looks like I am horrible in judging people lol)

Misuta is just so sweet. Hes such a bookworm (lovingly). ♡♡

Clip.. i had so much mixed feelings for him. At the begining of chapter 8 I was like "ooh, you are funny, I start to like you.. (Fool, you may have a rival)". He is really funny and I was so okay with him... until at the end of the chapter. I was reading it on the bus to my way home and I was mentally screaming at him that what did he do and why?! Oh my god I am angry, excited and I dont even know what I feel. Im happy because he got out, well.. from the phone and stuff but I am angry because why Fool?! Noooo!

Also a two toughts live rent free in my head. Like in chapter 8 Fool cannot use the chainsaw because its like a weapon and now for almost two days I keep thinking, what if he spin his rays really fast... he.. he could cut up the three into pieces..

The second is that I know myself that I would, without hesitation, use the first opportunity to say "dont be foolish" to Fool.

Thats all thank you for reading bye

#as usually dont read my handwrithing. i know its messy lol #pencil drawing #traditional drawing #riverm00n draws #gitm #ghost in the machine #gitm fool #gitm au #the last drawing is worse than i remember. oh well.. shoot #*disappears*

[demadogs]

Do you know any good wlw movies/ TV shows on netflix? I've watched a few, I am not ok with this, Carol, duck butter, but im LESBIAN DEPRIVED!

~🌈

YOU AND ME BOTH GIRLY.

unfortunately almost all my favorite sapphic shows have been canceled especially the ones on netflix but i do still think theyre worth your time. but it might also kill you bc the story isnt finished. all these shows are also just amazing plots too. like i would love them just as much even if there wasnt wlw relationships.

heres what i got for shows but not all of these are on netflix.

the wilds. this is an AMAZING SHOW. its on amazon its about a staged plane crash where 8 girls are stuck on an island but they dont know that its all a fucked up social experiment. a lesbian relationship became established before it got canceled after s2.

cable girls. this is on netflix and it actually DIDNT GET CANCELED HALLELUJAH. its an amazing show but it actually doesnt really count as sapphic bc one of the characters in the wlw relationship ends up being trans. but its still a great queer love. this shows spanish and set in late 1920s madrid at a telephone company. its one of my favorite shows ever literally every season is better than the last plz watch it.

everything sucks. this is on netflix and it did get canceled but the lesbian relationship was mostly established before the end of the first season. its set in the 90s and its just a really cute show im mad it got canceled.

paper girls. this is on amazon and ngl this is one of the most painful sapphic show cancelations ive ever suffered through so if you dont wanna watch it just bc of that i dont blame you. its about these four young girls who accidentally time travel from the 80s to current day and meet their future selves. the gay girlies are heavily implied and foreshadowed but they dont get together before the end of the show :(

the last of us!!! not canceled its still going!! this show has an episode that shows a past sapphic relationship with the lesbian main character but the first season doesnt introduce a new relationship yet. the second season will tho. im sure youve heard about this or already watched it but its about a zombie-like pandemic from a deadly fungus and its total post apocalyptic. also AMAZING found family father/daughter trope. dare i say i actually think i like them more than el and hopper.

i really need to find more great sapphic movies.

my favorite lesbian movie of all time is portrait of a lady on fire. its a french period piece and its just beautiful and THERE ARE LIKE ZERO MEN IN THE WHOLE MOVIE. i think the only line a man has is “bonjour” and thats it. MY KINDA MOVIE!!!!! INSTANT 5 STARS!!!!! i love this movie. the initial premise is that a woman needs to be painted but she cant know that shes being painted so the other woman has to just study her while hanging out and then paint her from memory. it ends up being much more than that but gaaahhh if you only watch one of these make it this movie.

another iconic sapphic movie is but im a cheerleader. way different tone much less dramatic and more comedy but still never gets old.

you didnt mention books but im gonna give you book recs anyway.

seven husbands of evelyn hugo!!!!!!! im sure youve heard about this. i dont think its overrated at all it really was such a good book and dont let the title fool you its gay as hell. if youre really not a reader tho this is going to be a netflix movie soon.

an amazing duo book series is criers war. i LOVE scifi and fantasy and this is my favorite sapphic scifi story ive ever read/watched. i want this to be a movie or show so bad. its about a world where some people are people and some are what they refer to as “automa” which are essentially cyborgs but they look just like humans. crier is an automa and the daughter of a king and ayla is a poor human and she has a vendetta against crier bc her father was responsible for her familys murder but crier doesnt know this! so then ayla gets the job as her maid for the goal of killing her basically but of course it gets super gay instead. its such an interesting take on the enemies to lovers trope bc its one sided, cryer has no idea ayla considers her her enemy. also neither of them are white i think crier is brown and ayla is black.

i hope you like these! and if anybody else has lesbian story recs plz put it in the replies or rbs cuz i also need more lesbian content!!!

#people plz give me more recs im begging #every new gay shit that comes out is mlm and i still eat it up usually but god where are the gay girlies :(( #byler #bc a lot of you guys are lesbians #sapphic #lgbt movie #eden answers

[gizkasparadise]

2023 wrapped: webtoon edition!

my final 2023 wrapped post for the year! unlike previous ones, this list is every series i read this year vs. ones that started this year. previous lists for this year:

cdrama edition

kdrama edition

ranked from least favorite to most favorite, which doesn't mean objectively best, just ones that hit me more. ones that are completed series will have a * after the title

15 my deepest secret*. omfg i hated this webtoon. the twist was asinine and frankly ignorant. none of the characters were likeable by the end. hate quit this one with like 5 chapters left to go i just couldnt

14 my second husband. seemed promising at first! i was hooked for the first 40 chapters or so but then it just started getting weirdly paced, had big plot holes, and nothing ever felt like it was getting resolved. the ML had like 0 charisma as well. dropped.

13 to love your enemy. this one was REALLY fun until the cult arc hit and then it was the biggest wtf is happening. dropped it shortly after

12 i dont hate us*. i liked this one until the timeskip ending, where then everyone and everything just felt really off. the second female lead gets a special mention because i HATED her at first but by the end she was my favorite character <3

11 romance 101.* this was okay. the art style was really cute and i loved the FL. but there never seemed to be any chemistry with the main ship to me, and the plot became really focused on the app/programming club which bored the hell out of me. dropped this one around chap 100

10 shadow bride. nothing bad but nothing particularly noteworthy for me. fluff read.

9 high spirits neoma. im not very far into this webtoon yet, or it'd be higher up the list im sure. im around ch 5 and finding it really charming and i love the color palette for it

8 dreaming freedom/freedom in dreams. although the art style isnt my cup of tea, i really enjoyed this fucked up high school revenge/romance webtoon but where im currently at (ch. 111ish) it's starting to feel a little circular. hoping it goes back to what it does best which is Unsettling Shit

7 my reason to die*. man this would've been in my top 3 but the ending arc is just. really boring??? like i dont want to watch them search for a pot farm for 10 chapters. i havent finished this one yet, but ive been putsing getting back into it ever since post reveal. the drama is very pretty though and the reveal chapters hit me like a truck in a good way

6 operation true love. i borderline hated this webtoon when i first started, but the reviews had me wanting to stick it out and im so glad i did!! around ep 10ish it really finds its footing and just keeps going for it! very kdrama in flavor and endearing FL.

5 unholy blood*. a fun, dark, and nostalgic webtoon about vampires and vampire hunting that brought me back to my tween years in the best way. the character designs are really awesome. it's a little lower on the list because the ending felt a bit rushed, but it's a really solid horror/action comic with a lil romance

4 surviving romance*. this one's complete but i got about 10 chapters left. it's a really fun horror comic (NOT romance, dont be fooled by the title) that reminds me of extraordinary you but if the plot was focused on the metaphysical horror of it a little more. fun characters and relationships. a little lower just because the second "return" arc feels tedious/unneeded so far. we'll see. TEAM RINA.

3 maybe meant to be/fate found by chance. ive found that i tend to gravitate toward darker webtoons, so this is my c-c-combo breaker! cute, funny, quirky, and really endearing. standard contract marriage plot but between two delightful weirdos

2 purple hyacinth. this series is everything. the art is gorgeous, it has its own OST built into the reading. the characters are nuanced and complicated and omg it's a ride and a half so far.

1 olgami/trapped*. INCREDIBLE characters and such an intense look at enemies-to-lovers. the drama starts as a psycho-thriller about gravedigging for a vampire and ends up about two leads who have never learned how to love willing to try it with one another in their fucked-up way. dysfunctional. hot. SO GOOD. the art evolution for this series was great as well

#webtoon #manhwa #olgami #purple hyacinth #maybe meant to be #gizka 2023 wrapped

[sweetheartsaku]

♡ loading.. file 006 of the glue song ! ive never known someone like her.

i quietly stole glances of her as i did my work. she made scrunched face, and she looked quite.. admirable from this angle. i wonder if shes dreaming.

checking the clock, it was already 7:46 and the library closes at 8:00. maybe i should wake her up? but she looks so comfortable.. but, its not like i would mind if the librarian kicks us out if it means just spending a couple more minutes together.

love is so confusing. i dont think its love though.. its way to complex to be happening to someone like me..

'well.. i mean shes my favourite person, but anyone could be my favourite. but for some reason shes different. i dont think its love, though. thats ways too complicates for a simpleton like m-' seeing the librarian slowly approach us, i decided to gently tap her. "y/n, i think the library is about to close soon." her head swiftly perked up out of her nestled spot, hair slightly out of place. cute.

we walked home under the warm street light, white flowers illuminating even though it was so dark. this spring seems so subtle. across us was a lake, and you can hear the cicadas buzzing, lake glisten and flowers dance in the wind. a metro train quietly zoomed across, grabbing her attention.

"we should go train surfing one day!" she says.

"that sounds exciting! we should do it after i finish through some homework, if thats alright with you." i gave her my best smile, as i was still busy with the ridiculous amount of homework Mr. Lee gave me.

"of course! take as much time as you need, no rush." she exchanges a toothy grin.

after dropping her off to her dorm, she excitedly tells me to stay at the dorm for a second. she comes back with this small box. ohmygoshohmygosh.. i thanked her and as i gently opened it, there layed a gorgeous silver bracelet. it shined under the light of the dormitory hall, and i found it so endearing she would take sweet time out of her busy day to buy me a bracelet.

"hope you like! ill help you put it on."

"like? i love it! thank you so much y/n!" i faced her my wrist as told as she took the bracelet out of the box. her warm hands graze mine as she clips the silver bracelet around my wrist.

"thanks again y/n, this is so nice of you.. ill have to treat you to something next time!"

"nono! no need for that. its just a gift. but, thanks alot soobin. "

'ive never known someone like her..'

after exchanging a couple more goodbyes and thank yous, i was on my way home. (unfortunately)

taking a seat on my bed, i lift up my sleve and admire the bracelet. suddenly, all the memories we've had come back to me.. the time we were paired for the project, when i sat next to her in the bus, when we had first met in fall. oh god.. have i really been this oblivious to these feelings?

the memory of gazing at her that period we shared, i probably looked like a lovesick fool..

is this the moment i truly reciprocate my feelings? how long have i been this blind? to.. love?

✿ taglist : [ open ! ]

@iweneyy @kswlosver @openingssequence @ihrtgyu @soobin-chois @impureperhaps

#tomorrow x together #txt #txt smau #txt drabbles #txt oneshots #txt scenarios #txt fluff #choi soobin #soobin smau #txt soobin #soobin drabbles #soobin fluff #soobin oneshot #soobin scenarios #soobin x reader #soobin x you #soobin x y/n #soobin #tommorow x together

[xxgothchatonxx]

8 days until the new year & I’m finally moving on. The last time I did this was in MAY! Okay, I’m scared but let’s do this! WE’RE BACK, BABEYYYYY

And the Beast from the Sea:

* HE MONCHHHHHH

* “He ATE IT?” “He ate it up.” God, I love this show.

* Ohhhh Alana looks yummyyyyyyyyy

* “Jack Crawford, fisher of men, watching my cork move against the current. You got me again.” This shows writing is so dramatic & we just hit the first minute.

* I’ve missed therapy. & this session is great! So explorative, evocative!

* REBA, MY LOOOOOOVE!

* I love the idea that the dragon & Francis are now disconnected after Reba. She’s his coil to humanity, & the Dragon craves her. Amazingggg

* YOU CAN TOSS THE DRAGON TO SOMEONE ELSE??

* God, Richard Armitage, I love how you move! Such a clear shift. So instant.

* HANNIBAL, LEAVE THEM ALL ALONE!!! DONT PLANT ANYTHING!!! HOW DARE YOU???

* WHY THE HELL DID THE “Kill them all?” SHOT HAVE YOU STARE INTO MY SOLE, MADS?? WHY??

* I’m sorry, what is with this season 2 score?

* OKAY IVE MISSED THIS BUILDUP! Ohhh, wings and the tail! Fun!

* Reba & Francis!!! MY FAVS!!!

* Cue my plotting to murder family #3 home video

* NOT THE DOGGIESSSS!

* “I’m not fortunes fool—I’m yours.” YALL

* HANNI IS JUST IN HIS LITTLE SEXY GLASS TWIRLING HIS HAIR WHEN WILL SHOWS UP & PLAYING HIS LITTLE IRL D&D STRATEGY GAME & I can’t blame him. But he should stick to his dusty books,

* OH HE’S SO SASSY!!!

* “There’s a family out there who don’t know who’s coming.” Yeah, William, & I hate to say it, but it’s YOURS!💔

* DONT PSYCHOANALYZE HIM, HANNIBAL!

* “Social media, I imagine. Cant be too careful with privacy settings.” STFUUUUU HE’S SUCH A BITCHY LITTLE MAN!

* LE GASP! I REALLY GOTTA FINISH THESE THINGS. “And I’m not letting them die, Will. You are.” SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPP, YOU BASTARD MAN!

* WAKE UP BABE, THE MURDER TEETH JUST DROPPED!

* OH I AM LOVING THISSSSSSSSSSSS

* HE IS REALLY STALKING IN HIS FUCKING LEATHER STRAIGHTJACKET!

* I LOVE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

* OH FUCK FUCIN FUCK FFUCJ NO NO NO

* WILLIAMMMMMMM😭😭😭😭

* “You gonna kill him?” “No.” WILLIAM, YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG

* THIS POOR KID OMGGGGGG

* “I had to justify myself to an 11 year old.” Damn, William, sorry.

* MOLLYYYYYYYYYY (totally forgot her name so I’m happy Will said it a few second ago)

* HANNIBAL BASTARD MAN LECTER WITH YOUR LITTLE FUCKING BOOK

* OH ALANAAAAAAAAA, MY MYYYYYYY

* “Would you have told me the truth?” “I’m my own way, I always have.” YEAH, LIKE A FUCKING BASTARD, YOU BASTARD MAN!

* Oh, a surprise guest in Jack!

* Hannibal “Trans Rights” Lecter part 2

* I am laughing way to hard at Sexy Glass Cell Hannibal. “You have hubbed hell, Dr. Lecter.” “I often do.” I LOVE THIS BASTARDDDDD

* OHHH THE TAILLLLLLLL

* Oh they are not the best of friends anymore!!!

* Francis, PLEASE STOP

* OH THE WINGSSSSS WHERE ARE WE??

* OHHHHH OF COURSE, QUEEN REBA!

* OHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!! THEY ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER!!!!

* DAMN, GET YOUR FUCKING HAT, FRANCIS!!!! This is why we can’t have nice things! YOU MADE HER CRY!!!!!😭😭😭😭

* Stupid fucking dragonnnnnn

* Oh, this aught to be a very educational moment.

* “(SOBBING OVER THE LINE??)”

* OH THAT VOCAL SHIFT IS MAGNIFICENT

* A sweet man💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

* HANNIBAL NO YOU MOTHERFUCKERBHRHSHIRHRHRBFB OH MY FUCKING GOD

* I LOVE THIS JACKKKKKK

* & yummy Alana OH & INDIGNANT HANNIBAL

* I never would have thought that quick shot of Hannibal turning his head with that mask would be when HIS TOILET WAS BEING TAKEN OH MY GOOOOOD IT’S WHAT YOU DESERVE, BUDDY

* Heyyyy, Molly’s awakeeeee

* Molly, this is NOT the self-blame game! Piling on Jack doesn’t count! Negative points!

* OH WILLIAM Bby nooo STOP CRYING PEOPLE, IM GONNA CRYYYY

* OH WILLIAM’S GOT HIS REVENGE EYES ON OH FUCK WE GOT A MIRROR (mirroring movements, not a mirror for the trick, that was just the fade) WALK TO HANNIBAL OHHH THAT WAS NICE

* STOP BEING SO HIGH BROW, BASTARDDDDD

* “Save yourself. Kill them all. Then I gave him your home address.” FUCKING HELL, NOT CRYPTIC BUT VERY BITCHY BASTARD OF YOU, BASTARD

* REVENGE EYES TO “I’m bored, let’s have some fun” ASSHOLE

* I don’t know if I like that this mirror isn’t directly equal. I get the ✨symbolism✨ of Hannibal finally being caught & pushed into the corner of indignity & Will inching closer to rip him to shreds, but it’s Not Equallll

* All thanks to you, Hanni.

* We have crave change, Hannibal, but not in a “let’s go murder our neighbors” kind of change

* SIIIIIIIIIIIGH FUCK THIS FELT LIKE IT TOOK FOREVER BUT GOD HAVE I MISSED IT!!! Want to keep watching, but I have a movie date with the twin

(Video reaction will be turned into a 40 second audio & I’ll send it over to you!)

I love that this is the third adaptation of Red Dragon but I was still like "HOLY SHIT WHAT?!" when watching this episode.

Speaking of which, now you're going to be up to hands-down one of the most unintentionally hilarious (or maybe it is funny- knowing Bryan, he probably wanted it to be a bit funny..) episodes I've ever seen of any TV show 😂

#myst is me #hannibal #Myst and Nat presents Hanni & Friends

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

If I Don't Have You

Fandom: WWE, RPF, World Wrestling Entertainment

Pairing: Seth Rollins x Dean Ambrose

Characters: Seth Rollins, Bianca Belair, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns

Word Count: 1180 // Rating: Mature

Summary: It's discharge day but Dean isn't ready

Tags/ Warnings: Mentions of Injury, Mentions of Suicide, Self Harm, Attempted Suicide, Love, Realisation of Foolings, Arguing, Psych Ward, Requests, Requested Fic, I dont know shit about wwe so if theyre meant to be their proper names forgive me, doctor/patient relationship,

Notes: working my way through requests

Updated 8/23

REQUEST - LuckyLucy92 

omggg, thank you VERY much for letting me know that, so can I possibly request a fic of the WWE? If so then please make it about Dean Ambrose driving home drunk after a party with his best friend, Roman Reigns, when his girlfriend, Bianca Belair, dares him to, but they end up getting into a car accident, which leaves his dear friend in a coma and he tries to commit suicide, but luckily fails and ends up in a psych ward where he meets a doctor, Seth Rollins, who he clashes with at first, but eventually falls madly in love with him, though. Also, Roman wakes up eventually. And don't worry, anything is good enough for me, lol

‘Good news,’ Seth said as he scanned through the chart in front of him, ‘I think today’s the day.’

‘What?’ Dean asked running a hand down his beard nervously. They were sitting in a room that had become all too familiar to him and though his eyes were roving over a face he had seen so much of in the past few months it felt alien. 

‘I think you’re well enough to be discharged,’ Seth said.

‘But-’ Dean started to protest but Seth shook his head silencing him. 

‘I know it’s not going to be easy,’ Seth said, ‘but you’ve come a long way since-’

‘Since I tried to off myself you mean?’ he said challengingly. Seth sighed and placed the chart on his lap. He was his doctor. A medical professional but he had to admit that the patient in front of him was a lot more than that. And even if he didn't say it out loud there was definitely a significant tug on his heartstrings at that last question.

Seth remembered that day. It had been a normal one up until that point. The psychiatric facility he was the head of consisted of 30 private rooms, a few common areas and offices. It was the go-to destination for anyone with psychiatric problems, though it was mainly focused on catering to the rich and famous. 

He was headed back to his office. He had just led a group therapy session in one of the lounges and he was headed down a long corridor towards his office and he had just gotten past the nurse's station and was turning into a new corridor when he heard it. A faint whimper. He stopped his tracks, his ears trained on where it was coming from. There were no bedrooms on this side of the building. No common rooms. It was offices and supply cupboards mostly. And more importantly, there should be very few people around. 

As he heard the noise again he walked towards a supply closet which to his surprise he found unlocked. That was unusual. Slipping inside he was confronted with shelves on each wall filled with linen and general bedroom items and there on the floor was a man. One of his patients. Dean. He was sitting against the shelving his head resting back against it with his eyes closed, but the scene wasn’t an innocent one. Blood pooled around his wrists seeping into his clothing and the floor around him. He looked deathly pale and his eyes remained closed even though Seth had surely disturbed him. Without a second thought, he leapt into action, shouting for anyone to come and help him whilst he knelt down beside him and tried to stem the bleeding. This was the only time Dean opened his eyes. 

‘It’s okay,’ Seth said, ‘we’re gonna help you. CAN I GET SOME HELP IN HERE!!’ 

‘Don’t bother,’ Dean said with a weak smile, ‘it’s all my fault.’ 

‘I’ve told you before trying to use shock factor doesn’t work with me you know,’ Seth said, ‘and I’m perfectly aware of what happened. I was there, remember?’ 

‘Yeah, I remember,’ Dean grumbled.

‘I know it’s going to be a lot the first few days but I think you’re ready.’

‘What if I can’t cope?’ he asked. 

‘Then you ask for help. You’ll still be my, I mean, our patient when you’re in the community. And there’s plenty of support networks out there.’ 

‘I get that,’ Dean said, ‘I do…but I haven’t been home in six months. Since before…’

He wanted to say it. He wanted to say the words. But he couldn’t. He hadn’t been home in six months. Since the crash. He had spent every second after it at his best friend’s bedside willing him to get well. He’d spiralled into a deep depression the more it appeared he wasn’t going to get better. 

‘Oh don’t be such a pussy,’ Bianca said throwing the keys into Dean’s hand. 

‘I don’t know B,’ Dean said standing at the driver's side door. She and Roman stood on the other side. They had just left a party and though he was far from sober he was the most sober of the three of them. 

‘Come on man,’ Roman said, ‘it’s like a five-minute drive away. It’ll be fine.’ 

‘Yeah, I dare ya,’ Bianca said flicking her long plait behind her and raising an eyebrow. 

‘Fine,’ Dean said. Dean had climbed in, still not thoroughly convinced he should be doing so, but nevertheless, he started up the car and set off. They were two minutes from Bianca’s. The car was thumping music and the three of them sang along, though it seemed more like wailing as they were so drunk. 

‘Hey I wanna pick the next song,’ Bianca said leaning forward to grab Dean’s phone from its holder. 

‘Nah,’ Dean chuckled, ‘driver pick’s the music.’

‘Tough,’ Bianca said leaning forward and grabbing it out of its holder as Dean’s large hand tried to nab it off of her. He took his mind and eyes off the road for one second, two tops. And the next thing he knew the car was rolling. Roman had been hit dead on and the car had jolted flipping over on itself as metal and glass crumbled around them. Dean had lost consciousness. 

The next thing he recalled was sitting in a hospital emergency room. He was screaming at the doctors to tell him what had happened to his friends but they weren’t saying a word. Instead, they tried to calm him down, and work on his cuts and bruises until finally, they let him out ready to be questioned by police. 

‘A lot’s changed since then,’ Seth said. It was true. Since he had been admitted under police order post his DUI Dean had come on a lot. Seth had helped him see that whilst his actions had been careless, stupid even, it didn’t mean he was an inherently bad person. He clearly showed remorse. He clearly cared about Roman who had thankfully come out of his coma a few weeks previous. He’d overcome a lot. But it wasn’t just that. Seth’s feelings towards the other gentleman were different too. Though he knew he couldn’t act on it. He knew they couldn’t be anything more than patient and doctor. 

‘Yeah,’ Dean said.  He wanted to say something snarky but he couldn’t. Not really. Dr Rollins had done an excellent job. Not only had he saved his life but he had made him see that he wasn’t to blame. Well, not entirely. He’d also made him feel a lot differently too. They hadn’t been the best of friends in those first few weeks. In fact, when he tried to end everything he had been downright livid that this man would even think to try and rescue him but he forgave him soon after. As their one-on-one sessions got more frequent so did the amount of time Dean spent thinking about him. If he was honest that was one of the main reasons he didn’t want to leave. He wouldn’t get to see him. 

‘But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing,’ Seth said. 

‘It’s not all bad…’ Dean said, ‘but it doesn't mean it’s good either.’

‘What do you mean?’ Seth said leaning in towards him. Dean dropped his gaze to his lap suddenly self-conscious. 

‘I mean I recovered but Roman still has a hell of a way to go.’

‘But he’s making progress. One step at a time. Just as you did,’ Seth said. 

‘I’ll be going back to public life,’ he said, ‘all the news stories and what not.’ 

‘People are going to speculate no matter what happens. It’s best to avoid that otherwise…’

‘What I’ll go crazy?’ Dean chuckled, ‘too late for that doc.’

‘Is that all that’s worrying you?’ Seth asked. He was a little self-conscious now. Wondering if there was going to be a backhanded compliment inside the man’s thoughts. He knew it was totally self-indulgent and completely out of order but still, he hoped. 

‘No,’ Dean said. 

‘What is?’ Seth said urging him to continue. 

‘That,’ Dean said looking him square in the eye now, ‘that I won’t have you.’

‘Dean,’ Seth said sympathetically. He didn’t have to look at him to know that his tone meant something different than his words. 

‘Don’t,’ Dean said. He stood up now but Seth stayed glued to his chair unable to move, ‘because I already know that you’re going to miss me too.’ 

And with that, he left the room too quickly for Seth to comprehend what had just happened. Instead, he sat there dumbstruck. Trying to figure out what he should do.

#my writing #if i dont have you #wwe fic #dean ambrose #seth rollins #dean ambrose x seth rollins #bianca belair #roman reigns #dean ambros fic #seth rollins fic

[cattyanon]

OKAY. Finally the post with my thoughts on the FNaF movie.

First, non-spoiler thoughts: AUGH I LOVED IT!!! SO MANY THINGS THAT SURPRISED ME AND A FEW THAT MADE ME GO "IS THAT A REFERENCE???"

Anyways moving onto spoiler territory below the read more!

Hooooo boy how to start... I guess I'll just take it from the top.

That intro scene was really neat! Loved the thing with the mask as a reference to getting stuffed in a suit. Then of course there's the actual 8-bit intro which was *chef's kiss* and a quote-able moment.

Me, watching the kids get lured away: *dramatically* NO KIDS DON'T DO IT. DON'T TRUST HIM. NO YOU FOOL!! D:

It's not the exact stuff I said but that's the gist of it. :P

Anyways moving onto our boy Mike Schmitt... He totally went overboard with punching the guy. Like damn, just detain him.

Then there's his dau- I MEAN SISTER Abby because uh. Who was expecting that reveal? Very much caught me off guard and did me a confusion. Also autism solidarity~!

Okay, what next... The getting of a new job I suppose. One thing I wanna point out here that my mom actually noticed later on was that the guy giving the job looked like what would later be revealed as William Afton (maybe I should double check this fact but whatever). But her genius of connecting dots doesn't stop there!

So you know how the guy cuts himself off when saying Mike's full name upon getting to the last name? And how it was revealed William Afton kidnapped his little brother? Well my mom made the connection that the reason he cut himself off is cause he recognized the last name! Anyways I thought that was a really neat catch by my mom so I had to share! <3

Moving onto him actually getting the job, I first wanna say that the the restaurant looked soooooo cool! And the mini jumpscare with Balloon Boy was quite a surprise, and then followed by Mike turning it around? Hilarious. AND THEN THEY DO A SECOND TIME LATER. If it wasn't clear I found this very funny. And the first time it happened I was like "FAIR. I'd do that too."

Now the police woman being Vanessa was definitely a surprise! Tbh I haven't played or watched Security Breach cause one day I wanna play it myself so um. For future reference i'm not familiar with the lore of that game since I've actually done a really good job at avoiding any major spoilers.

As a quick side note, the quote of me saying "SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE~" happened when those idiots broke in to sabotage Mike. And since this slightly dipped into spoiler territory I didn't mention the fact a made a few variations of that. Things like "SOMEONE'S ABOUT TO DIE~" and "SOMEONE HAS DIED~".

Now for that actual sequence. First thing I wanna say is LOVED IT. Assholes kinda deserved it, although I did say stuff like "ya know, maybe you should get out of there...? That would probably be a good idea." knowing they were probably all gonna die anyways. And Bonnie in the closet? AWESOME REFERENCE TO FNAF 1. As for the final quotes for this section of the movie, it was during when the lady/final survivor was shown on screen. The moment I saw her I was like "YOU SHOULD REALLY GET OUT OF THERE." followed a few seconds later by me saying "oop- too late." once stuff happened since once the animatronics acknowledge you it seems like you're pretty much screwed unless you get lucky

Then Mike brought his d- sister Abby to the pizzaria I was like "DONT DO THAT" before shortly afterwards realizing that the animatronics weren't actually very likely to hurt her since she's a kid and not an adult. For a second I questioned this when she screamed but of course it's then revealed they were just tickling her. And speaking of that...

THE ANIMATRONICS INTERACTING WITH ABBY WAS AMAZING AND SWEET AND I AWW-ED MULTIPLE TIMES. It was also really cool to watch them move around. Like that and the scene where Bonnie fell over and then gave a thumbs up when asked if okay totally slayed me. And everyone in the fort just laying on the ground? That was adorable! Also that marionette/baby looking- hey wait a sec could that be a reference to Markiplier's FNaF 2 playthrough??- animatronic was so neat! At first I questioned if it was supposed to be the marionette but upon further inspection I was "yeah that probably is."

And then Mike ends up pissing the ghost kids off...

Poor guy gets torn apart in the dream world which we previously learned reflects onto his body in the real world. That was a big "oh shit" moment because I didn't consider that Vanessa would be there. And then, rightfully so, Mike grills her about how she knows everything she's told him so far and to my anger KEEPS DEFLECTING WITH THE SAME DAMN ANSWERS.

But eventually it's revealed thAT WILLIAM AFTON IS HER FATHER AND THAT'S HOW SHE KNOWS SO MUCH. I don't know if this is general knowledge from Security Breach that I avoided but DAMN did that catch both me and my mom by surprise! My mom even had a neat theory (albeit wrong) on why she knew so much which was that maybe Vanessa had been given to the ghost children/animatronics in an exchange in the past like how they wanted Abby, except that time it worked out. Which, again, was wrong, but I thought it was a really neat theory!

When Golden Freddy went to pick Abby up at first I was like "Freddy?? No, I'm pretty sure he doesn't look like that" but then the ghost kids represening Golden Freddy appears and it's like "YOOOOO GOLDEN FREDDY?! DANG HE LOOKS DIFFERENT."

I also wanna point out that I think it's neat how when he dropped off Abby and she looks behind her once at the entrance it reveals Golden Freddy is gone since he's always been one of the most ghostly animatronics.

And then shit goes down on a rescue mission for Abby...

Mike spilling the water to taser them was genius! For a moment I thought he was gonna get them to slip and fall first but hey. End result was the same. Then he saves Abby from Chica but UH OH they forgot about the cupcake! And to be fair, so did we. Although around that point I was like "I swear there's an animatronic I'm forgetting about..." which turned out to be Foxy which was a very "OH SHIT" moment since Foxy is by far the most lethal of the animatronics considering not only does he have a hook but he can run.

Then there's confrontation with William Afton!!! Man that was so cool!!!!!

Another "OH SHIT" moment was when he stabbed Vanessa/his own daughter. I was thinking to myself that "well she might survive!!! maybe!!!!!???" and then of course it's revealed later that she did survive but is in coma...

But anyways, back to the showdown, I loved how absolutely insane Afton was. It shocked me when he made the animatronics do what he wanted considering that he killed them but then it turns out he was manipulating them!!! D: Then it was Abby and her art skills to the rescue!

I thought it was dumb how instead of Afton being like "What, noooo, i didn't do that!" he was like "I CREATED YOU SO YOU OBEY ME." which of course didn't work out. And even if he had gone with playing dumb I think they still would've fucked Afton up anyways cuz it's clear they love and trust Abby. Then the animatronics attack and I'm sitting there going "SPRINGLOCK FAILURE, SPRINGLOCK FAILURE" and then right after that woopsie doopsie springlock failure screwed ye and I yelled "SPRINGLOCK FAILURE!!!!!!!!!" while still trying to somewhat use my inside voice. And then he started convulsing and bleeding and I'm like "FNAF 2 REFERENCE LETS GOOOO" and then when they dragged him away I was "into a backroom mayhaps??" a few times in which it is a revealed that yup. He got dragged into a back room. Then it cut to black and I say in a deep voice "I ALWAYS COME BACK."

And as anybody is obligated to when they hear the infamous song, I sang along to the credits! I didn't get tripped up by the cutoff/end credits scene with the song because I had seen a video on Youtube not long ago about the end credits (tho i did skip the cutscene) and I was like "I HAVE to know if it's that one FNaF 1 song" in which it brought me unbridled joy to know it was used! :D

As a final bit, there's 2 references I wanted to talk about. The first is a potential reference in the movie and the second is a reference i made.

When Mike was in the back room and saw all the assholes who tried to sabotage him I saw a very specific animatronic among them- a dog. And immediately my mind went "SPARKY THE DOG HOAX REFERENCE?!?!"

For the second thing, when Mike and Vanessa were talking about stuff and mentioned how they can't go back in time I said aloud something along the lines "Maybe find a ball pit?" Then there was the moment Abby hid in a ball pit and I was like "OH SHIT A BALL PIT. WASN'T ACTUALLY EXPECTING TO SEE ONE" and while it wasn't magical and I was pretty sure it wouldn't be since it was near the end of the movie it was still amusing.

#fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #but it's below the cut #o u g h #i loved this movie

[roxyamused-blog]

I think I'm going to use this place to rant about my mental health.

Suicidal ideation, abuse, stuff... pls be advised.

I can't handle this dark loneliness anymore. I don't have anyone that I can rely on in any fashion. Do you have someone that will pick you up from the dentist or surgery? I don't. I don't have an emergency contact. If I need to go someplace I can't take my dog, like the ER, who do I call to look after him? When I went to the mental hospital last month a sangha member who looked after him before when I went on a retreat, and housed me for five days when I had a resurgence of my ptsd response after seeing my abuser on my apartment's property. While I want to say I could rely on her, as she and her house have been so gracious, I'm afraid to open myself up to that kindness. I've been treated in such a way over these last 8 years that made me feel like I'm even more useless than I thought I already was. Now that I'm 39 almost 40, the world now treats me with disdain. I only found out recently that I'm trans (37) and autistic (38), I'm glad I found out, but like I found out too late. My nerves are shot from living a life on the spectrum with no professional supports, just masking and weathering with everyone just thinking I'm a socially inept, drunken fool when I drank because to mask because everyone thought I was boring and more socially inept if I didn't and angry when I did cause I could be an asshole. It felt like a double edged sword. Now, while I do take responsibility for many past actions which contribute, I am alone nonetheless that I constantly feel suicidal, but it's not just lonliness. I meltdown at a drop of a pin. The world is just replacing all lightbulbs with cold blue white light that flickers at a high rate that causes migraines. Sounds of traffic, motorcycles, and leaf blowers constantly in my ears with the smell of exhaust lingering in the air. My neighbor smokes fentanyl so the hallway reeks and I have to stuff every hole of my door so the noxious smell of rubber bands burned in soy sauce doesn't linger in my apartment or meth when he's run out of fentanyl. I can't open up my window without the smell coming in! It's like the world is trying its best to make autism harder. Everything is increasingly automated so figuring out these myriad complex systems harder and harder, while every light, sound, smell, touch is hostile to my senses. The country feel scarier than ever. We're looking at fascism dead in the eyes and no one knows how to avoid it. Not when there's a unified 40% totally down with it, meanwhile "centrist" democrats are bolstering an active genocide upon the Palestinian people alienating a huge portion of their tent ensuring a fascist win in November. What happens is anyone's guess. I can only hope that ineptitude will reign, but still I'm trans and relying on state disability healthcare, food stamps, subsidized housing, so if anything happens to any of that I'm screwed. I finally get the help I needed all these years and it's stripped away by fascists. Maybe I'll get thrown into a work prison, hrt taken away, treated as if my disability is a moral failing (as if our individualistic society didn't already treat people with disability with disdain)... Once we dip into authoritarianism, the harder it will be to come out. We have too good of a surveillance state now. I dont' have a lot of hope and coupled with this unbearable loneliness, dysphoria, sense of uselessness... I'm hanging on by a thread. It's really scary. I don't know where to turn. I went to the mental hospital last month or so like I said earlier, and it was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever lived through. I had been to Unity in Portland twice before, both for suicidal ideation, the first time I went to a Unity I went to a ward for three days, the second time I was sent to a place called CAT-C, both of those were mellow albeit with horrible lighting, uncomfortable beds and mediocre food. The groups were all so-so. This time at Unity was different than the last two times as I now had an autism diagnosis, I had been consistent on my meds, and I had started medically transitioning. I'll continue in another post.

[islaytonlost]

The Jigsaw Museum Part 7

So turns out I comitted a sin of unfinished works? That wont do it'd ruin my reputation as a good fanfic writer (dont look at my fics they're all finished I swear) .

Anywho enjoy a very untimely chapter 7. Cw for guns & blood. Please remember Alfendi is not a depiction of DID.

First Part, Chapter 6, Chapter 8

Alfendi hated Justin, he hated everything about that man and yet he needed to know everything. Maybe Justin would admit he hated Alfendi back instead of that pitying I did this to protect you speech.

At least Justin wasn’t boring. Unlike all the other small fry out there, those pathetic killers who couldn’t seem to find the pointy end on a knife Justin had been smart enough to fool him. Al couldn’t help but be hooked on every word.

Until it cuts off.

Static for a few seconds leads Al to snap his head up hunting down the speaker.

“A case solved years ago by another detective. I’m sorry detective Baker but you really havent done enough,” his hosts voice drifts through the speakers. She’s been in the interview but thes was different, the audio quality had changed.

“What more can I do!” Lucy? What was her voice doing there. For a second he considers the horrible implication that Lucy had somehow been in on this since the start, that she’d also been turned into the betrayer.

The thought was chilling. Warmth sucked out of his body leaving only cold hard fear.

Then his brain caught up. Lucy couldn’t have betrayed him, this was different, a different recording maybe? It was more than likely she’d taken audio from them without permission.

The best opportunity she had was on this tour, that matched up with the audio quality, reminiscent of his time spent with Diane…

"We’re in the same room.” Fendi’s voice is devoid of emotion, each word said slowly, each syllable enunciated.

They should have noticed sooner.

The room had been done up, it’d been repainted. All these thoughts, hasty excuses in hopes to appease whatever unkind deity watched over, in hopes he could get a redo. He did not.

“Die” the lady’s voice echoes through the room.

Anyone so obsessed with the cases he’d solved would know the significance of being in this room. Al lunges himself at the door. Locked. His eyes dart around the room, it was all papers, papers and pedestals bolted to the ground.

He attacks the thing, running up to it and throwing his weight against the solid object. The impact goes through him, bruising his soft flesh, still the door stood strong.

A projector buzzes to life portraying the scene, Lucy diving forward. She could be depended on to put up a fight. He had time, as long as Lucy fight he had time.

Still Al hurls himself at it, again and again and again until something in his collarbone crunches, he reels back just as the sound of a gun going off echoes through the room. Unwillingly he turns to the projection.

Lucy, Lucy had been shot.

The world stills, voices from the speakers not reaching his ears, was Lucy alive? He should be attacking the door, he should be back at the door trying to shove the useless thing down but instead he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes off the slowly growing pool of blood.

Lucy… He reaches a hand out to touch the image, it reflects on his hand now.

"Her blood on our hands, because someone was so selfish they had to walk into a trap to feed his own ego.”

Fendi’s voice had never been so angry, so cold. Al knew he deserved it. Time didn’t seem to want to move forward, all he could do was stare at his hand.

Lucy’s cries snap him out of it, she was alive!

Oh god she was alive. The Lady seemed determined to make Lucy’s death as painful as possible, kicking her over and over and over.

What vile words spewed from her mouth, as she professed her love to Alfendi. Professed how Lucy was the only thing in her way. How Lucy must be eliminated.

Al tries, he really does, to throw himself against the door again but he couldn’t follow through, as soon as his shoulder hit the door the pain paralyzed him, making him feel fain. The room span and still the door stood steadfast against him.

“aaaaaargh!” his hand moves his shoulder, instinctively trying to straighten it back out. Tears force themselves out his eyes, he screams again, louder this time. A howl of desperation, he needed to escape and yet there was no way out.

He was trapped in this room, watching the woman who’d saved him die before he could return the favour. This had been his call; he was a heartless being who’d put the person who he cared for most in a vulnerable position.

He was cruel for abandoning her despite having an awareness of the dangers.

He’d just thought she’d survive.

He hadn’t imagined… He hadn’t thought of this happening to her.

As soon as his scream ended he could hear Lucy’s again, clanging through his skull. They were everywhere and he dared not make another sound.

This was his reward for his selfishness. The least he could do is remember her final moments.

~~~~888~~~~

Chelmey liked running. He did it a lot. In his spare time, of which he had too much he chose to spend that time keeping in shape, hoping to live a long and happy life of napping, and trying to keep up to date with the latest trouble the Layton children had gotten into.

It’d been a relief when he’d finally found Flora, a gentlewoman by her own right prospering greatly who ignored every single one of his letters and calls.

He couldn’t blame her, it had been years since they’d been in contact but he couldn’t help but feel responsible and she couldn’t bare any ill will toward him. He’d never kidnapped her, locked her up or purposefully lured to her.

He’d once eaten her food and not immediately thrown up, if that wasn’t a sign that he was trying then what was?

It’d been a relief to find her fine, Luke was still nowhere to be found but some solace could be taken that he’d disappeared with the most senior Layton so Chelmey really didn’t have any control over that.

He just wanted things to be in order for when, if, his friend returned.

The scream echoing down the stairs did not point towards things being fine so. Chelmey, looked around for any kind of weapon and, finding a fire axe* he rushed toward the noise.

“Hello?” he bellows as he runs, “hello?” he was hoping that the owner of the scream could reply, that him calling out would allow them to alert help.

It did make him lose his edge of surprise against an aggressor but this castle was a labyrinth. He needed to rely on something to navigate. The sounds started up again in form of sobs.

Chelmey charges toward the source. Each sob seemed to he wrenched out from between the teeth of someone badly injured. Hissing and broken and painful.

The corridors seemed to tunnel the sound, it bounced off walls, echoed sown corridors, it could be all around him but Chelmey was trained at this. He could discern the difference between the echoes and the real thing.

Eventually he reaches a solid oak door, a vent in the middle that the sound had travelled through, “Hello?” he tries the doorhandle.

“It’s locked,” a familiar voice wafts out through gritted teeth, “break it down” it orders.

Chelmey frowns, he remembered it from somewhere but couldn’t seem to place it’s source, “stand back.” He hears scuffling as the person behind the door does. Then he raises the axe, bringing it down on the weak point of the door.

It takes a good ten minutes to create a hole large enough that the person inside could crawl out of, pulling away any wood that dared get in his way.

Alfendi was lucky for his slender frame. He managed to pull himself through easily. Chelmey squints at the man, bruises lined his left side that Chelmey was sure extended to under his jacket. The mans hands had bits of wood sticking out of them too an Alfendi seemed to wince whenever he flexed them.

There’s a second of silence between them, Alfendi clearly recognising the man who’d disappeared from his life the last time he was in this castle.

“They have Lucy, call an ambulance she’s been shot!” he orders again before running off.

Gorski would have loved all this being ordered around, he’d have been great with all this running too. Chelmey sighs, finding himself running back down all the stares he’d just run up in search of reception and a phone.

~~~~888~~~~

Florence was not good at thinking on her feet, mostly because she was not good at being on her feet, she use a makeshift wheelchair half the time. The other reason she was not good on her feet was the fact she’d never really caught up with the whole hand to hand combat thing.

This was quite bad when you realised that Lucy’s aggressor has a gun. Florance could immediately identify the type of gun (a Charter Arms Bulldog). There was a dent in the floor where a bullet had gone off, a second in a mans skull and a third in Lucy herself.

Two bullets left. Two potentially very deadly bullets. A foot buries itself into Lucy’s chest, her friend let out a pained groan. There was so much blood. She needed to act.

Detaching the IV pole from the bag and pocketing the fragile bag Florance grips the pole and throws it at the woman, aiming to distract her. A move that even while doing it she considered foolish. She wouldn’t die because of it though. Hopefully.

Lucy would definitely die if she did nothing.

She runs for cover behind a display of Alfendi’s clothes? How had the great detective not figured out they should all leave sooner? Even Florence could tell that she’s mad.

The woman turns instinctively shooting at the aggressor. The pole remained unaffected and collided straight into the woman.

Fortunately Lucy seemed to be lucid enough to notice this distraction and use it as a chance to crawl away. Using the wall as support she managed to push herself away. There was nothing that side of the room For Lucy to hide behind though.

Florance wanted to think of something, she wanted to be the hero but she just couldn’t, Lucy was the hero. She’d saved Alfendi and by proxy the station from his bad temper.

She brightened everyone’s days and was the hero in so many lives for solving so many cases. There were so many people who’d never even know what horrors they’d been saved from thanks to her.

Florance wasn’t a hero, she just helped out sometimes and pretended like she didn’t need help. She was happy in her role, usually.

Now she was desperate. Willing to change her part and having no idea how.

Lady Addems recovers quickly, there were only a few displays in the room and only one that could really be hidden behind. Florance runs out, simultaneously hoping to be shot at while dreading it.

If only the woman would use her last bullet.

She was not so fortunate as the Lady clearly realised that Florance would pose no further threat and headed back toward Lucy.

She didn’t even think. She just darted forward, straight for the pole and hits the Lady in the knees with it. They lock eyes.

This would not end well.

~~~~888~~~~

* a fire axe is an axe used to break down obstacles in times of fire. Not a cool flaming axe smh

Alfendi Laytn is not a depiction of DID bc he does not have DID.

#tw guns #tw blood #lmbr #lbmr fic #alfendi layton #professor layton #layton brothers mystery room #lbmr #lucy baker #florence sich #inspector chelmey #alfendi laytin #jigsaw museum

[dailyangelrant]

A lot

I am going to make it a goal for myself to begin journaling daily again. I need this. It helps me a lot and I don't know why I stopped consistently doing it. I think ever since I started posting on my sneakyjuicebox Instagram account, I stopped relying on this as much. But that Instagram account doesn't actually share my true emotions so I don't think it is a viable source of letting my emotions out. I am going to make it a goal for myself to write something here everyday as a habit. Even if it is not a lot or even if it is something small.

A LOT happened yesterday. I am ashamed of a lot of it but I think it is important to write it all down so I can reflect back on it. Basically, Luca has been at Lake Como in Italy with 6 women and 2 men for the past few days. I was okay with all of that at first. Something that didn't completely sit right with me is that one of the women there is a woman that he has had a sexual relationship with in the past. And I kept seeing stories and posts of them together. Almost everytime I saw something from him, she was in it. And he explained to me that that was because she was also in a relationship so he thought that she was a safe person for him to hang around? I don't totally buy that because the time that they had sex in the past, she was also in a relationship... so it seems very inconsistent to me. That is beside the point. I was upset and not in-control of my emotions. I tried to workout to get past it but that didn't work. I had plans that evening with one of my new coworkers from the KYOJIN restaurant and he was going to come over so we could drink before we went to a party event. Before he came over, I was already upset from the Luca thing and I was not responding to what he was saying on Snapchat and I was not texting him on WhatsApp. Then, my friend got here and we began drinking and only like half an hour later, I was puking all over myself and my desk. He comforted me for awhile and then he ended up leaving. That was around 8:30pm. Then I fell asleep and woke up at 4am. Luca was upset with me at that point and left me on read on snapchat. Anyway, he called me out on Snapchat and we talked for awhile. He was upset that the guy was in my bed and I wasn't speaking to him. And at a certain point he texted me saying he loved me and missed me and I apparently replied with a video of me and the guy laughing. I take some responsibility for what happened the other night. Honestly, I will take a lot of responsibility for it. But it is just so frustrating for me as well because I feel hidden. It almost felt like he wants to keep up an appearance of being a party person. He says that he cant post me on his social medias because we aren't together. I suppose that's fair but even in the past, it has always felt like he doesn't want to be seen with me by his peers. He could have posted me on his second account in the past? Also I mentioned that he hasn't officially asked me out yet. That it feels like he has one foot in the door of being in a relationship while maintaining another foot outside the door of being single and free to do as he pleases. I just dont want to be taken for a fool. And I even outlined that him posting online with all of these women, with Sebastian on his account, I guarantee his stories were screenshotted and sent around and I look stupid for having a boyfriend who goes around and parties with a bunch of women. I'm not sure. I think we have worked past it. I'm not sure how we will move forward with this but I think only time will tell.

#journaling #jorunal #my journal #diary #tumblr diary #dear diary #my diary #journal #feelings #venting #relationship #communication #deep thoughts #emotions