#dont mind me i just miss the snow cries

[estrophore]

Signalis Post (barely coherent thought vomit)

So I finished signalis on Monday and i think ive just about recovered enough for me to make a gush post about it on tumblr dot com, which i think i have to do cause i dont think any other game has really hit me as hard as this one. Spoilers obvs.

Being pre-transion, with that associated depression and closing off from oneself, ive always found it difficult to get out my feelings, even in private with just myself, and yet signalis has filled me throughout with its beautiful romantic melancholy and left me genuinely sobbing for the gay robot and her space girlfriend (almost worried that if id played this game on estrogen it might actually have just killed me on the spot). the only other times i can think of where i really cried were playing We Know The Devil near the beginning of the year, which really fkin hit the part of me that struggles to accept myself, and that time i rewatched the last episode of she-ra after reading the ‘Word War Etheria’ fanfic, which brings the characters so much more to life i fell for them all over again.

Signalis is a game that calls back to a lot of classic horror like resident evil and silent hill, which i havent got round to playing any of yet, but i think nostalgia works both ways sometimes and i’ll be playing them sooner now. sometimes horror gets stereotyped as all death and violence, some games fill themselves with skulls and corpses, and big ugly monsters and basically shout ‘DEATH!’ in your face repeatedly and it all just comes off as a bit garish and ridiculous and not actually very scary really. Signalis sits at the other end of that scale (with some of my other fav horror games like soma, cry of fear) where its environs are most usually just… quiet. Still. Muffled. Sad. just as often as theres tension or creeping fear because of this i find theres a strange kind of comfort too. Maybe its just that in most other genres of games theres so much of music, UI elements, pickups and interactibles with vibrant design. Here, theres room for your mind to just occupy the space. A soft fog. A dimly lit room. An empty train. Snow out a window. Liminal spaces that dont expect anything from you.

Signalis is a game thats just simply, unapologetically gay, and i dont think i would have been quite so invested in Elster and Ariane’s relationship if they were a straight couple. Its why representation is important, if art’s way for us to explore our emotions then its important to have media that we can relate to. Even Adler’s role isnt typically masculine. Our replika characters are manufactured, designed for certain roles in the base. Notes from the tough Stars and Storchs in the shooting range, the dollish Eules with the fairy lights and music player in the dorm. I couldnt help but think of groups of Eules sat around chatting, together, and im yearning for that feeling of togetherness, of understanding a friend that closely. I somehow missed the couple in the mineshaft (next playthough, ill find you v_v ). Despite the harshness of life in the Eusan nation (especially for the gestalts) the characters in it are defined by their feelings of belonging and hope. With the obvious parallels to east germany, i think of posters of cosmonauts and space travel from the time. Propaganda, sure but also made with the genuine belief in something greater. When the events of the game take this away, well, we find the last Kolibri, whod rather lose herself than lose her [ah. Im not sure theres a word here to properly describe the relationship they embody]. Its a game defined by loneliness.

We dont lie up at night scared by some corrupted android. We arent stuck with horror at the flesh everywhere, not on its own. We lie awake thinking about Elster and Ariane’s love for each other, the horror of their decline, the futility of trying to hold on forever. Its existential horror done perfectly. It shows an ending postponed and stretched far beyond its limits, and so squarely reminds you that you do, in fact, have to die one day. You’ll break down. One day you’ll say your last words to the people you love and you wont even know you have. Ariane’s final few diaries arrive with the full force of the narrative behind it, like a spear through my heart. For the record, I got the promise ending. Im still sad. It's a game about raging desperately against an unfair ending. I might think about this game for the rest of my life. I would sincerely say its an artistic masterpiece, by the sure definition of video games as art.

I like that the story leaves a lot open and abstract. I think it makes the emotional themes takes centre stage more. And i havent had nearly enough time to sift through it and come up with my own takes, we’ll need a few more playthroughs for that. And theres so much more to say that cant go in just these few paragraphs! Signalis is a game about two girls who had to run away from everything to find someone they belonged with. The universe may be cold and bleak, but you have to try, you might just find something beautiful, even if it doesnt last forever. I think if anything, we should all have the chance to find love and happiness like that, and we shouldnt have abandon a world that doesnt work for us to do it.

#signalis #lgbt #lesbian #long ass emotional ramble post #fuck im nearly crying again #horror #liminal #signalis spoilers #elster #ariane yeong

[skylerhyrule]

ngl I've been sitting on a lot of this for a while and now that the brainrot has come to consume me once again, I have to inflict them upon you too because this is all your fault <3

woe, htbf winter headcanosn be upon ye

They don't take as many jobs in the winter because traveling in bad weather sucks which leaves more room for lazy days where none of them have any plans other than eating together and enjoying their company

the other 3 use the time to teach touya more skills or practice old ones like knitting/sewing, smaller woodworking projects that can be done indoors (not that touya or akito mind being outside in cold weather), or touya reads his favorite mystery books out loud to them and he lives how they speculate the ending or the twist all the while he knows exactly whats going to happen since he's read it before

Touya makes himself a sweater and it's awkwardly shaped and definitely has some missing stitches in some places but he made it with materials he bought with money earned and it's all his and he's proud of it

An and Kohane cried

All of the years touya spent his winters looked up in the castle, he thought he didn't mind the cold weather when really he was just overall unable to feel the warmth that he was missing, that even now, when he had literal ice magic and is physically cold all the time due to his naturally lower body temperature, he's never felt warmer

Sobs. Anyways

Touya has seen snow and walked in it before but he's never been allowed to play in the snow

After the first big snow that sticks to the ground, akianhane plan a massive attack on their training field, they pretend theyre going to train touya during prime ice season but SIKE they have a snow fight: a full battle field built up with pre-built walls and snowballs ready to attack

They prepared ahead of time because they thought touya might have a natural advantage but he was too nervous to actually use his magic with intent to fight his family so he gets his ass kicked

they have so much fun and anhane get so cold that they get sick after and the boys have to nurse them back to health. idiots

speaking of training, touya has been using the colder temps to experiment more with what he can create and how he can create things to use to his advantage

On clearer days he tries to practice making snow the same way he did at his failed execution (insert processing trauma here) but he hasnt been able to do it. most of the time he accidentally shoots a bunch of chunks of ice in the sky or makes hail but not snow-like crystals

Somehow someone suggests trying to get touyas adrenaline running because hes only been capable of big moves like that when tensions were high (escaping guards and escaping death)

They figure if they can elicit (a healthy amount of) fear from him, he can learn how to better act on instinct and not overthink it

Out in the training field, the other 3 take turns “fighting” touya with their magic to see if that can get something out of him (insert cool fights and banter here)

When that doesn't work, they take a break lying in the snow and talk about what scares them (insert emotional connection and vulnerabilities here)

They figure out touyas most “normal” fear is heights, so naturally Kohane lifts them all however high in the air so that they can see above the surrounding treetops. Touya is CLINGING to akito but not quite fearing for his life, just scared enough because he's not actually afraid of Kohane dropping them and his trust in An and Akito to intervene if something goes wrong is too strong

But theyre like NO you have to trust YOURSELF

Kohane says "I'm gonna drop us if you dont make it snow right now and itll be all your fault

yeah right, that's a bluff, Touya's confident

She shakes the platform a bit so the edges start crumbling to the ground and he feels that fight flight or freeze instinct come in (an and akito are also freaked out now) shes not kidding (but she probably is) (but what if she isnt)

she drops the platform barely a few centimeters and touya reaches an arm out and tries

Ummm he tries a bit too well and he sends a burst of magic up high and it shimmers down as snow. He did it!

Kohane brings them down slowly and once on the ground he tries to remember what it felt like and does it again but he didn't realize how low he felt due to the adrenaline and feels faint

the other 3 walk him home and keep telling him how proud they and what a good job he did

important to note that they never make him feel like he's burdening them with having to carry him home once he starts feeling sleepy or taking so much time to train him gradually even though touya thinks that he should be somewhat sorry for passing out on them again, if he apologized they would just yell at him

he falls asleep on Akito's back and wakes up under five blankets and the fireplace burning with dry clothes on and Akito sleeping on top of him

he has just enough strength to reach for the water on their bedside table and then he passes out again

next time he wakes up, its the next morning and he is absolutely dying of too many blankets, they went overboard with trying to warm him up and now he's too warm

he rolls out of bed without disturbing the others and carries on his morning with coffee and reading until the others wake :)

So these werent actually hcs. I think I just accidentally wrote a fic in bullet form HAHA APRIL FOOLs

I have some questions also if thats okay, if you find the time

is touya able to manipulate snow and/or any frozen water or is he just able to create it and to what extent is he able to precisely create his ice?

I also have questions about the mechanics of Kohane's magic because the argument can be made that ice is technically a mineral and therefore a part of the earth? I don't mean to be annoying but I am genuinely interested in the limitations of their magic abilities.

As far as like, winter holidays go, is there something like a celebration where they could exchange gifts?

Assuming the vsingers are gods, would their “birthdays” or anniversaries be considered holidays? Like is August 31st the most holy day of the year

Another unrelated question, what is the situation of Akitos runaway sister? because in my head, I have the rough idea of a plot where Mizuki and Touya become unlikely bestest best friends for life and accidentally find her and attempt to reunite her with akito which I think adds another interesting and unique family dynamic to this series full of interesting and unique family dynamics

Okay thats all for now I have more probably but I need to write them down first thank you for your time

Ngl i don't even want to answer this so it will be in my inbox forever actually. Anyway!

YOU’RE SOBBING???? I’M SOBBING!!!! Ana… my god. These are all canon now okay. Thanks.

Touya giving prizes (food/wooden hampter DHJAH) to whoever guesses the killer/motive first… Fighting to get Touya his next favourite book…

I am also going to cry. I want to write Touya making a sweater now… don’t make me do it. I already have too many wips and now you're gonna make me want to write MORE??? Fuck you.

SHUT UP OUGHH GH You don’t know how bad it is until it’s no longer normal. When the baseline is cold, of course you’re going to think it’s perfectly fine. Until you find a fire and realise you’ve been shivering the whole time.

Touya you’re the only snow angel I need ;)

Touya’s scared he’s gonna accidentally throw a chunk of ice and kill someone.

Touya “never been sick in his life” Tenma: Why are you dying?

Akito is relegated to heater so Touya has to make soup alone and he’s freaking out but then Anhane cry when eating it and he’s like IS IT THAT BAD?? But no they’re just like… Wrow… Touya’s homemade soup… I’m cured.

Touya freezing the grass so bad it just snaps in half when they walk on it lmao. Making spiral/snowflake patterns across the grass and river. And of course. The promised ice skating.

You’re just making me want to write this entire section you know. Was this your evil plan. Bc it’s working. So well.

Touya: “I’m afraid of heights…” Akito: Your bedroom was like 20m above the ground. Touya: Do NOT remind me.

An: Can you pelt Akito with hail?

Ice shields ice shields ice shie-

Haha freeze instinct.

Thank you for the touya fainting scenarios it’s what I think about like 50% of the time. And why I want to write this. I can be trusted with fictional characters.

Ough god they love each other and have to make sure they all freaking know it.

On the couch, straight up “sleeping under it” and by “it”, haha, well, let’s just say. Blankito be upon ye

Touya not in the bed that morning and they’re all freaking out thinking he melted or smth in the night.

The best April fools prank ever actually thank u can I write this (eventually)

There appears to be a lost Victorian child asking me questions in my inbox. Of course, Victorian child, I have time.

is touya able to manipulate snow and/or any frozen water or is he just able to create it and to what extent is he able to precisely create his ice?

Later on once he has way more control he can shatter natural ice, or fling it in a direction, but he couldn’t force it into a shape or make it float in the air. He can’t do anything to snow. I suppose technically he could bc snow IS ice, but the laws of nature are irrelevant to the laws of ME. If he concentrates hard enough he could make almost anything out of his own ice, but sharper edges are easier than curves.

I also have questions about the mechanics of Kohane's magic because the argument can be made that ice is technically a mineral and therefore a part of the earth? I don't mean to be annoying but I am genuinely interested in the limitations of their magic abilities.

She can’t pick and choose btwn minerals and the components of the earth that she moves. It’s sort of just an all or nothing grab at whatever area she chooses. She can manipulate chunks of rock like a cliff face, but not in large areas. She can’t use ice. And bold of u to assume I thought these through while writing.

As far as like, winter holidays go, is there something like a celebration where they could exchange gifts? + Assuming the vsingers are gods, would their “birthdays” or anniversaries be considered holidays? Like is August 31st the most holy day of the year

I was just gonna say “generic Christmas replacement.” (Len died for your sins) But yes I like that too much. I’ll say there’s a small gift swapping at the end of the year, but Miku’s birthday is more important/the bigger celebration. HM okay wait:

The Kagamine’s birthday is actually a great replacement for Christmas. So 27/12 they do a minor gift swap in their name. Kaito 17/2 can be Day of Devotion (did not steal that from FEH. (Valentines)). Meiko 5/11 is Thanksgiving?? Harvest day??  Luka 30/1 I want to put as some Astral celebration. Like. Guaranteed star showers or smth. They eat octopus to celebrate DSJAHDHAKJ.

Another unrelated question, what is the situation of Akitos runaway sister? because in my head, I have the rough idea of a plot where Mizuki and Touya become unlikely bestest best friends for life and accidentally find her and attempt to reunite her with akito which I think adds another interesting and unique family dynamic to this series full of interesting and unique family dynamics

Ena met Kanade and Mafuyua few years after she left and lives with them. I have not thought of it beyond that tbh. I mainly just mentioned her bc I wasn’t going to pretend Akito DIDN’T have a sister. Smth smth Mafuyu is a spirit trapped/connected to a snow globe from a curse she doesn’t remember. (she was human tho) Kanade had been trying to free her. Ena accidentally stumbles upon them and sticks around bc Kanade liked her art. She doesn’t have magic. Idk if I mentioned that in the fic. Kanade can write sheet music in the air and it will just. Play. Mizutouya besties yippee. Yes please. They go to a clothing store and Touya is like. Mizuki this woman looks like Akito’s sister. “No way! Akito’s way too ugly to be related to her!” Ena whips around like did someone say AKITO?? Ruh roh. Mizuki would eventually join Ena and n25, dragging them into the connected hmds group.

Anyway you've killed me dead are you happy i'm sobbing thank you so much

#nonchalanatatall #Ana my beloved oh my god #ask #save #how to be free #gif warning #long post

[trickstarbrave]

💖, 🥺, 🎶, and 🤲 for the Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask! Any, all, none! 🖤

💖 What made you start writing?

oh god. i dont remember. i have been writing fanfics since i was like 12 in middle school. i guess i just saw fanfic for the first time then and went "holy shit you can make your own stories???????" and went off the rails. never rly stopped tbh

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

i love just like. writing the little physical touches that show how close two characters are. little couple interactions. nerevar having voryn feel his beating heart, voryn fussing over nerevar's hair, either of them comforting each other by rubbing the other's arm and shoulders.... touch is such a fun thing to play with in fics and i think can communicate a lot about how two character's feel or how they work together. idk. two characters touch tenderly and brain go brrrrr

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

sometimes yeah! if i wanna set a mood i'll listen while i write or before on loop for ideas. chapter 11 of moon and star i wrote while listening to the song "take me back to eden" and "rain" by sleep token and i think it shows tbh. but maybe im just insane i cant stop listening to sleep token please help

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

sure. actually i rly do wanna share this one rly bad actually but mind the spoilers (also i gotta change some things in it LMAO im shifting stuff around atm if it changes later u know why)

He was in a tent. A nordic tent to be precise. He recognized the style from when he was captured, though this tent was far more elegant and homely than the one they kept prisoners in. There was only a dim lantern lighting up, illuminating the space with a soft, golden-orange glow. 

Voryn stripped off his robes, letting the fabric fall from his shoulders with practiced grace and elegance, knowing another was watching him. Gooseflesh broke out across his skin as he shivered slightly from the cold air meeting him. He tried to suppress it, but it was far too difficult in this climate. Yet, he wasn’t cold for long; as his robes met the carpeted ground two large, calloused hands were rubbing against his shoulders, before warm arms took him into an embrace. 

“Daelha,” Despite saying a chimeri word, the nordic accent on the man’s tongue was thick and heavy. But in its own way it was endearing—he adored Voryn so much he wanted to refer to Voryn as ‘love’ in Voryn’s tongue so he knew his earnestness. “So beautiful, as always…” He marveled, gently stroking along his skin. Voryn had to suppress a needy hiss from the brush of rough skin on his lower stomach only fanning the flames of his desire more. Then, he twisted, facing his lover properly. 

Blue eyes stared at him with warmth and affection twinking in them, a heavy grey-brown beard on a man who barely stood taller than him. Yet, despite the satisfaction that came with knowing he was loved, there was a gnawing at his core that wouldn’t go away. A hunger that was left unfulfilled. Something so tantalizingly close, and yet so far. 

Laid out on the cot, his want only grew stronger as he lost himself in the body of the powerful warrior on top of him. He moaned and sang and cried just as he knew he enjoyed it, but part of him wasn't there at that moment. A fragment of his heart was somewhere further away, and its absence was deafeningly loud. The blue of this man’s eyes was more like snow kissed mountains than the blaring hot sky. His body was too large and too tall, even if in its own way it was satisfying to be held and thrusted into by him. His beard too, while part of him enjoyed the way it tickled him when they kissed and curled up together, reminded him of what he was missing. 

A face crossed his mind as he screwed his eyes shut, and guilt followed. A golden face with snow-white hair and a devilish grin. He always felt guilty thinking of him when making love to another, yet it was sometimes impossible not to. Voryn could tell this was another one of those nights—another night he could only find release by imagining making sweet love to Nerevar instead. His lover’s calloused hands turned into the fantasy of Nerevar touching him, and the nordic accent fades softly, the tone shifting in his ears. He wondered what Nerevar would say, if he was under the other chimer. Would Nerevar affectionately call him ‘love’ just like the nord did? Would he be sweet and gentle with all the brutal strength in his body? Or would he be rough and cruel? 

Voryn sometimes felt like he hated Nerevar, especially in moments like this. Neht haunted his thoughts, and yet cruelly ignored him. When he was captured, Nerevar didn’t even come to his rescue, instead stationing himself on the other side of Resdayn. While Voryn was getting himself out of that mess, seducing their enemy in exchange for freedom and information while his heart grieved his mother, Nerevar was trying to win the queen’s favor. When he was finally freed and saw him again, the mer only awkwardly patted him on the shoulder and gave a half hearted, sheepish smile and said he was happy to see Voryn again. 

He wondered if Nerevar wished he had died instead. 

The feeling was burning hot in his chest when he thought of it, tears stinging his eyes. His lover brushed them away with all the tenderness he always craved from Neht, and that only made his guilt grow. The leader of House Dagoth instead moaned louder, wrapping his long legs around him, and buried his face in his shoulder. His guilt ached like a raw wound as he forced himself to think about Nerevar again, about Nerevar kissing him and fucking him to completion. Of Nerevar wanting him just as badly as Voryn wanted him. 

And it was because of that Voryn knew he didn't deserve this man either. If Nerevar was horrible, then Voryn was just as bad, making love to someone as gentle as him while thinking of his oldest friend. 

“Daelha…” Voryn mumbled back as he was kissed over and over again on the cot, pressed firmly under his lover’s weight. After sex he was always affectionate, something that made Voryn feel guiltier the longer it continued. At least he knew he was guilty and wanted to do away with the habit. In time he hoped the feeling would leave him, and he could finally love this man with all his heart as he deserved…

Voryn sat straight up out of bed with a start, panic rushing through him. He felt nauseous—positively sick, his mind trying to make sense of what he saw in his dream.

It was realistic. Far too realistic for comfort. He could taste the man on his tongue, feel the chill in the air, and then the heat of the nord’s body. It felt like a memory he was reliving, not a dream. 

But how could that be? How could he conceive of a lover that wasn’t Nerevar? How could he lay beneath someone else and hold back moaning Nerevar’s name? How could part of him hate Nerevar and hate himself all at once? And why did part of him still think of that other man’s face and feel a pang of longing and guilt even now that he was awake? 

The information sunk in as he forced himself to ignore the sex that made him feel too many incomprehensible emotions. Nerevar hadn’t rescued him. He had used his trained skills of seduction to get himself out of it. He laid beneath the leader of the nords and whispered sweet nothings and promises to help him. He…

Voryn had taken Ysmir Wulfharth as a lover. Continued to lay with him long after he needed to for freedom. Whispered promises and battle plans in his ear, as he worked to find the heart of a god.

Voryn had betrayed his people, his country, and Nerevar. 

“Voryn…?” Nerevar sleepily awoke, rolling over to look up at him. In the moonlight filtering in through the windows, Voryn could see the blue of his eyes and bile climbed up his throat as he scrambled out of bed. 

“Voryn?” Nerevar asked again, now more awake and worried. “I need some air.” Voryn said swiftly, tugging on a robe. “I just need some air.” 

He rushed to the balcony, dry heaving. The cool air provided some relief, but he felt even more ashamed of himself, unable to make sense of such a revelation. 

Voryn would never betray Nerevar, would he? Nerevar had told him he only stood against him because the Heart of Lorkhan had driven him to madness. That he wasn’t in his right mind when he attacked Nerevar. And Voryn had believed him—why else would he ever try to harm Neht if it wasn’t because he wasn’t able to think clearly? 

He could feel the hate burning in his chest though, white hot and angry. He knew the emotion was something vile and twisted. Hate, rage, and vindictive spite. He loved and wanted the man who denied him and pushed him away, keeping him at arm's length. Voryn wanted him so much he despised Nerevar, until it twisted him and corrupted him. He loved Nerevar so much it turned to pure hatred and rage that he couldn’t have him. And yet, even in that swirling pit of rage over the fact that Nerevar had essentially thrown him to the hounds, he still needed him to the point he hated himself. Until it was driving him mad. Until he saw Nerevar in another and desperately tried to claw those fragments of Nerevar closer and closer. 

Voryn had seen who he used to be, like a reflection in a shattered mirror. And he did not like what he saw—what he knew. 

“Are you alright?” Nerevar asked, now dressed in a loose robe himself. The hand rubbing soothing circles was too similar to how the memory of Wulfharth touching him, and the shame made him burn and ache with self loathing. He wished he could curl up and die right there, that he had the nerve to fling himself off this balcony, but instead all he could do was grip the balcony railing until his knuckles went white as tears rolled down his face. “Voryn…?” Nerevar’s voice was soft and sweet, unlike the voice of Nerevar he remembered laying under another man. 

In this life, Nerevar came for him. In this life, Nerevar loved and embraced him. Voryn was ever grateful for that, taking immense joy and solace in the fact he was not lost like the other version of himself. 

But now Voryn knew what kind of twisted, ugly person he would be without that love. What a horrible person he would become. There was no excuse for what he did—he wanted love selfishly—wanted it because he felt entitled, because it wasn’t given to him. He wanted Nerevar all to himself, and selfishly sought to comfort himself in a way that might harm the other for his own benefit. And a core part of him, that seed of something vile, was still inside him whether he wanted it to be or not.

“I’m sorry…” Voryn sobbed, unable to hold back the shaking in his body. “Neht, I’m so—please…” 

“Voryn—” Nerevar took him by the shoulders and turned him around, forcing Voryn to face him. The look of pure concern on his face, the love and adoration and honesty swirling in his eyes was too much. 

Voryn turned sharply again, throwing up over the balcony. Nerevar—kind, sweet Nerevar—pulled his hair out of his face as he indecently wretched and continued to gag long after the contents of his stomach were empty. And then, like a broken doll, his legs collapsed as he sank onto the stone balcony, trembling and sobbing.

“Shh…” Nerevar soothed him, before gently scooping him up off the cold stone. He left the doors to the balcony open to let in the much appreciated cool breeze and laid Voryn on the bed, letting him curl up. With gentle, clumsy hands he pulled the hair from his face once more, braiding it quickly and messily just to get it out of the way, tying it off. And then he went to the water pitcher in the room bringing a glass for Voryn and also soaking a rag, wiping it across his clammy forehead. 

Unworthy, Voryn’s mind hissed. How unworthy you are of his kindness when you would betray him so callously. How cruel you are to hurt him and lie to him just because you selfishly wanted him to love you back.

And his mind was correct—how could Voryn be worthy when he was only loyal right now because he got what he wanted? How is he worthy of Nerevar when he was so loving and kind like this, while Voryn hated and despised him in the past? He was selfish, greedy, and cruel to hurt the man he claimed to love because his affections weren’t returned. Not even that harlot Vivec slept with Ysmir Wulfharth just because he couldn’t have Nerevar.

“I think you ate something you shouldn’t have,” Nerevar’s voice was soft. “It clearly didn’t agree with your stomach.” Ah, how was he still so busy fussing over Voryn like this? Hadn’t Nerevar seen him in the past, so cruel and vile? How could Nerevar treat him so kindly now that Voryn didn’t deserve it? How could Neht love him after all that Voryn had done?

He only loves you because he lied to himself, the sinister voice in his mind whispers. He tells himself you didn’t mean it, that you were driven mad by divine power. How could he ever love you knowing all that you’ve done? He would hate you, just as much as you hate yourself.

#moon and star spoilers #my writing #thank u 🥺

[wujico]

tw: death, sh

today sucked.

i thought it was going to go well... it started off well- so i assumed things would run smoothly. 🍀 didnt wake up until i was already at work, so the entire morning i was doom scrolling on tikok waiting for a text from him :,) im so pathetic, aren't i?

my mind was a little quiet though, given the anxiety i had last night. i woke up expecting the worse. silence is better than hearing anything. sometimes i wanna shut out my headmates forever, if it means i dont have to think.

ill never get that pleasure though, be it the thoughts from my depression, or my mind running as a cause of the adhd... and i dont even wanna get started on the malidaptive daydreaming disorder.

i hear everything and feel everything so heavily; maybe im cursed to have my emotions turned up all the way. ive always been called a "cry baby", though i dont think ive cried in front of anyone again since that one day.

as i write this im on my break at work. my hands are shaking in the break room, from the anxiety and the cold. i think the cold just makes the anxiety worse, especially with certain headmates who are serverly triggered by snow / cold weather.

i always used to like the snow, now i feel like dying when i wake up and see the crytal flakes falling outside my window.

im waiting for a message from 🍀 right now. he replied to what i sent him but didn't say anything more and i cant help but be worried... he never tells me anything anymore... when did i become such an unproachable person?

i think ive always been that way.

my breaks over, maybe ill write more tonight.

its tonight now,

i saw an old woman today, at my work. she reminded me of my grandma who died a few years back. ever since i started working here ive gotten better at talking to people, especially to lonely old people, who just need a outlet. i can do some small talk, even though im awkward and it burns me out right afterwards. i can never rest during work because i constanly replay every conversation and nitpick every detail of what i said and how i could be better.

but anyway, she reminded me of my grandma.

i never talked much with my grandma, not seriously. and i hate myself for it. i so blatantly had a favourite grandma back then. and now the one i pushed away is the one i miss the most. she was also so kind to me, even when i hated myself.

she used to make me crochet things when i was younger, before i was even born. i have them in my baby box, little signs for my room, little toys, little stuffed animals... she loved doing that and she was really good at it. she made me an entire dollhouse, which i dont have anymore. oh how i long to play with my barbies on the fabric she carved out herself.

she used to do it all the time, make things for me, especially when she used to babysit me and my brother for weeks on end during the summer months. as i got older, things like TV started to take over our life. me and my brother would still play outside a lot, and we'd play together inside too.... but slowly playing games like uno and skippo with my grandma got less and less "cool" in a way. me and my brother would turn to our wii and the tv (to watch dantdm together) before we'd chose to play a game with her.

i remember it vividly; shed sit at our table, doing crosswords, crochet, or watching gillmore girls. sometimes shed even ask, "ji, do you wanna play a game with me?" and even then, id say no.

i regret it. hours and hours shed sit there. i mean, sometimes i would play games with her, but to a kid... dantdm and stampy are much more fun than uno.

we had this thing, when id watch those youtubers, when they started being extra loud. shed yell at me jokinly why im watching british men play a game- maybe she couldnt undertsand the appeal of minecraft at all. i would giggle, turn it down a bit, then start infordumbing about what hes doing. she'd shake her head and walk off saying she didnt understand, but i saw her smiling anyway.

we went camping all the time with her and my grandpa, park our little tent trailer next to their bigger trunk-pulled one. they had a dog at that time, a german shepherd named shadow. she was such a sweetheart, i used to love running around with her in the surroundings forests. my grandma would struggle with making her bed and other things because it was tucked in the very back of the trailer. i used to go and help her if she "rewarded me nicely", which she always did. she always got me the best snacks that my parents wouldnt let me have. camping was a treat in itself, but it was better with them.

and we'd play games, over and over and over again.

its not the same anymore. my grandpa is gonna sell the trailer, shadow is dead- and so is my grandma. the areas we used to go to i never set foot in anymore.

i dont think i properly got a chance to grieve over her; i never get a chance to grieve over anyone. life moves on immediately, at in that case it was no different.

ive never thought about it since it happend... i think it was about 5 years ago maybe more. she had a heart attack of some sort; was send in an ambulance to the hospital. i was a kid, i didnt think much of it. 'shed get better' id tell myself, because at time my other grandpa had been in and out of hospital for cancer and he seemed to be doing alright. oh how wrong i was.

im crying now, blurring the letters on my phone. the lights in my room are giving me a headache. i never thought about it again, what i saw, what i experienced. i thought i had forgotten it, but for some reason, tonight, i remember it all.

the hallways of the hospital are white with brown accents, but theres a hint of colour within the plants. it smells like a hospital usually does; sterile and stangant. i didnt really mind it that much at the time. i was with my aunt and my dad, both my grandmas children. we walked to the icu. the windows werent glass though, like they are in the movies, i couldnt see into any of the rooms until we got to my grandmas, which im still thankful for, because i know i wouldnt have liked what i saw.

when we got to my grandmas room, it was really dark. her bed was against the oppsite wall to the door. there were no windows outside. there were two chairs on the left wall. the rest of the room was filled up completely by machines and tubes and wires.

my grandma was in the middle of the bed, not moving, barely breathing. she was in a coma. she was so pale, so lifeless. i had never seen her alseep before.

i sat on the chair and listened to my aunt speak to her. i wanted to cry and beg her to wake up. but i didnt. my dad asked if i was okay, i just nodded my head. my throat was dry. i still remember how peacful she looked. but i wasnt dumb, i knew it was a sort of peaceful that couldnt mean anything good.

im so sorry grandma, that i didnt say anything to you. im sorry i didnt say i love you. im so sorry that i couldnt speak, that my words were caught in my throat again. i can never speak when it matters the most. im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry

they say coma patients are still aware of their surroundings... ill always live with the guilt of never saying goodbye.

she died a few days later. my uncle picked me up from work— from my old job at a movie theatre. i was gonna go see my grandma again. i was really dissociated that day, so its all blurry. but i remember eating popcorn. my uncle started driving me home instead of the hospital. my mom told me she died when i got home.

i hate myself for not being able to say goodbye. i hate myself for all the lost time i never spent with her. i hate myself for chosing other activites than hanging out with her. i hate myself for never being able to hold a conversation with her as i grew older. i hate myself for having a favorite and for treating her differently. i hate myself for never saying i loved her.

i couldnt cry over her, besides the initial tears. i dont know why tonight is different, why do i have to remember everything all of a sudden?

i really want to die. im six months clean from sh, but i think im going to end that tonight.

- ji

(1 / 14 / 2024)

[faerynova]

First Line Tag Game

tagged by @the-finch-address​

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line, then tag some of your favourite authors!

ive done this once already but ive got a lot more bullshit to put on the table so heres everything that has an actual opening line (because a lot of my wips dont yet)

1.) Pressure [Disabled Disasters in Love]

As soon as Sam hears the thunder-- loud and startling enough that he slams his wrench down far too hard and, ah, he’s probably stripped the screw-- he’s worried. He doesn’t have any particular reason to worry, it’s not like it hasn’t rained before. But he doesn’t think it’s actually stormed like this since he and Ponk have started... trying to make things better. He doesn’t know how well she deals with storms nowadays.

2.) Braids Undone [Threads of History]

Philza grabs his braids with a tight, shaking fist. With the other hand, he brings a knife to the nape of his neck. In a swift motion that’s harder than he thought would be, he chops off his hair.

the rest (all dcmk and dsmp wips) are under the cut because its long!

3.) Red Lung [Disabled Disasters in Love]

Sam can’t believe he let Bad and Antfrost pull the rug out from under him like this. Literally. Falling fifty-some blocks into a mess of obsidian and thick red vines... he isn’t sure if his pride or his body hurts more right now. Feather falling on netherite does wonders though, so it’s probably his pride.

4.) instinct and discipline [Wheel of Fortune]

It starts with a fight.

Heiji wants to strangle Hakuba, like, every time he speaks. He’s had more than a few thoughts about pushing the holier-than-thou bastard right down the stairs. Punch his smug face square in the nose.

He doesn’t expect Hakuba to throw the first punch.

5.) Philza Minecraft and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hardcore World [Threads of History]

Philza Minecraft is seventeen years old when he dies.

Sort of.

It’s complicated.

6.) A Study in Family and Humanity [Threads of History]

Piglins don’t have names. Not really, not the way overworlders do. Some have titles, but titles are earned. An identifier like that means you’re important enough to be known by people you have never and will never meet. But ᛏᛖᚾᛟᛞᛖᚾ isn’t a name or a title so much as it is something that grows on him like fungus, creeping in through his skin and sprouting in his veins and choking him from the inside out until there’s nowhere he can go without hearing the word.

Techno is born insignificant. He doesn’t stay insignificant for long.

7.) some of us will die lonely, and others in grace and warmth [Wheel of Fortune]

SAGURU IS FOURTEEN, and he sees a small murder of crows gathered on the sidewalk. He approaches slowly as to not startle any of them, but they aren’t paying him any mind. A few give him cursory glances before looking back at the source of their gathering: a dead crow, lying halfway between the hot sidewalk and overgrown grass.

8.) now i start to dream [Wheel of Fortune]

“Hello there!” The voice is gentle, but not quiet. “Can you hear me?”

9.) a diamond at my fingertips [Wheel of Fortune]

“Aah, it’s cold,” Kaito whines. “I should’ve doubled up on socks. I bet my feet are about to freeze off.”

10.) Michael is Missing

Techno isn’t built for the snow. He’d never even known that this kind of cold could exist until he left the Nether, and even then it was ages before he encountered ice and snow and this fascinating thing called frostbite that he’s suffered from more times than he would like. The arctic is good for hiding, but he’ll never admit to anyone other than Philza how irritable and uncomfortable the cold makes him. He just wants to sleep most of the time.

11.) Amputation [Disabled Disasters in Love]

Ponk is not ashamed to admit he cried when he lost his legs. He openly sobbed, grief and fear nearly destroying him in those first days after the festival. Looking back, it’s a reasonable response. He’s seen plenty of patients and their families react far worse than he did after a tragedy. He doesn’t look down on their reactions, and he refuses to feel bad about how he reacted either.

12.) hide. [run&hide]

Hakuba says nothing during his trial.

Absolutely nothing.

He doesn’t defend himself.

He doesn’t give Kaito away.

He’s charged guilty of murder and has a guaranteed fifteen years in prison without parole.

Kaito feels sick.

patterns. uh. man i REALLY like abrupt starts. probably cause its what most grabs my attention when im looking for new things to read.

favorite opening chunk is definitely “a study in family and humanity” (tentative title). i did a GOOD fucking job with that paragraph. very proud of it.

idk who to tag. everyone take this as an invitation to do this for yourself.

#writing meme

[shamylicious-blog]

omg guys woaah ok ok ok..iam beaten ! whats with you :D??! ok iam telling.puuh so um this is going to be long..so i hope you will enjoy :D sorry for my english first y know its not my first language. xD i do my best..ok lets START So my husband and I met when we were both 17 (2007). we got to know each other through a socail network called schülervz it was very popular in germany back in my schooldays. We were both members of a group there and really talked every day from that point onwards, without exceptions. into our group of friends also included someone I met through this group. a girl who has become my best friend all these years. the 3 of us were really inseparable, even if it was only over the internet. that didn’t matter. we were totally honest with each other.  a bond that was 100% trust based. we talked together for hours every day. my husband was a trainee at the time and i graduated in economics and administration. We’d never met until the day we got together. our friendship lasted from 2007 to 2009 june. we were really good friends.just friends. I could tell him when I was interested in someone he could do the same. everything was great. best friends forever you could say. then there was a point in our lives where everything has changed all of a sudden.

one day he called me during the break and said that there was a girl at his work who asked him for a date. From that moment onwards everything went haywire for me. I got very nervous. although he talked to me about girls earlier and everything was totally normal. but that day nothing was normal anymore. i actually got angry..and yes i was jealous and i dont even know exactly why. He told me his story and I asked quite normally, because I’m a damn good friend, who she is and what she is like and if he needs help … (how stupid to offer help with something like that :)) well he just said that hell think about it and that he can do it all byhimself he just wanted me to know. we hung up and my whole day was covered by dark clouds. but we talked normally as usual. A few days passed and I knew that he was still in contact with her. After all, they work together. I couldn’t get rid of the thought that he would one day have a girlfriend. I got really sad. totally normal when people get together. But somehow I don’t like it at all. I didn’t get jealous because someone might be there, I got jealous because i still didn’t have the opportunity to see him for real. everyone else around him could really see him, but I couldn’t and that really messed me up at the time. he lived over 300km away from me. and for us it was a lot of stretch back then. we couldn’t just meet and hang out like others did. 

well at some point i realized that i couldn’t get him out of my head. I fell in love (wow very unexpected) but i still acted like a normal good friend .. because he had someone else to talk to. 

a few weeks passed and we didn’t talk as often as before .. everything changed suddenly and I couldn’t do anything about my broken heart. and I did something really stupid and started talking to someone else. He was from my school at the time and at first it was just normal conversations and then I noticed that he was more interested in me and I just played along because I thought that maybe I could forget him like this. i met with this boy. I also got along very well with him, he was really very nice .. at least at the beginning. One evening my (husband) called me and we talked normally. I also told him that I started meeting someone and he was quite astonished because up until then we hadn’t had the opportunity to talk very often. he was very suspicious. He kept asking me  something like ‘what’s his name how old. is he nice to you, give me his number, i want to talk to him etc. ’ very overprotective but that’s his way. no matter who it is. of course I didn’t allow him to talk to him. after all, its not his business. he himself has someone so why panic. He was then very offended and just said I should be careful and abruptly hung up. (back then I just thought idiot) well it passed about 3 weeks after this talk. i was still in some kind of relationship with this other boy..I say sort of because i couldn’t really warm up myself even though i liked him a lot .. and at this moment where I really wanted to try harder to like him more .. he came and said that he was going to break up. he had found someone who suits him better. i was really at the end ..

 a few days later i got up and my (husband) called me he just wanted to talk after 3 weeks without having spoken a word. he just wanted to talk. I was so mad at him. I cried on the phone and asked him what the problem of men is and whether everyone is so stupid. he himself was totally scared and wanted to know what was happening and I told everything and he got very, very damn angry but he couldn’t do much. and I was exhausted. I just think that I had to cry once. he tried to comfort me but how much comfort is there over the phone. Then suddenly it became quiet and all at once he cried out and said. ’ I’m coming to you.’I thought I wasn’t listening properly. he said that it is finally time that we meet and hang out .. I was totally speechless but totally happy to finally see my best friend for real. we chatted and then planned when and where we could meet. we have agreed that we will meet at my school on the weekend.

2 days left. it got so nervous and the most surprising thing was that it was snowing like crazy on that day … It was in the middle of March and it was snowing heavily. I was totally sad and didn’t know if he would make it with the car .. Such a damn long way and then also snow I panicked. accidents can happen. but he called me constantly during the drive to keep me up to date. In the afternoon I went to school of course everything was quiet (weekend) he called again and said that he would be there in 5 minutes. I couldn’t keep my nerves bare. what should i do ?? a good friend and just hang out together or say what’s on my mind ?? before I could think to the end I saw how he drove around the corner and parked in the school parking lot. my legs wouldn’t go. he got out and he had already seen me from afar and he just grinned with joy. I couldn’t help but grin like a goofy I went up to him and we just said hello, no hugging, nothing (he is to gentlemen xD without permission he wouldn’t lift a finger) but just to see his face in real life was totally enough for me. we decided for a little walk i just showed him my school. and after 2 hours of chatting we arrived at his car and i knew that he would have to leave soon. a long way after all. we just stood there and I didn’t want him to leave without really talking. At the moment when I wanted to say something he started to talk and he apologized for the time he was not with me where I could have needed him. I was totally surprised and started to feel my tears. he was totally confused and tried to calm me down and wiped my tears away (the moment he touched me for the first time, he was also shocked by his behavior could see it and he tried to apologize for touching me) I couldn’t take it anymore, I burst and practically explode. I took my courage together and shouted ‘I LOVE YOU, YOU İDİOT!' 

when i was aware of what i had done i blushed like a tomato .. and i was so mad at myself 'why did you do that he has somebody did you lose your mind what now?’ I couldn’t look at him he himself seemed to be in shock because I hadn’t heard nothing from him.. a few moments later I only heard a sob. when i looked up i actually saw him start crying..I was totally confused. what’s going on now ?! did I miss something. when I wanted to say something he stopped me and yelled back in my face: 'why !? why did you say this?! you spoiled everything! I had to be the one who made this confession first? !! your timing is really bad! damned!’ did I hear correctly he wanted to say it first? so he loves me too ?! I couldn’t tell how happy or sad I was at that moment .. And to be honest, I didn’t have the strength for anything either. I could have just lay in the snow and fell asleep. after a few minutes of silence he was caught and I just stared. he looked at me with a grin this time and then he confessed. every word, i remember everything he said 

‘You know, the day this girl asked me out on a date, you were the one who shot me right in the head. I didn’t know why , but I felt like I was doing you wrong. even if we had never seen each other in real life, I knew that you are everything to me .. even if it’s only as a good friend. and that evening I canceled this girl … the days after that when I wasn’t so talkative with you, was the time when i had to think about everything. maybe i hurt you with it but i just needed the time. and then when we talk again and I wanted to tell you everything you said that you met someone. I thought I wasn’t hearing right I was so angry and disappointed about myself that I just hung up and didn’t want to hear anything more from you..but somehow it didn’t work.I immediately missed your funny , sweet voice. I wanted to call again and apologize . but my hand didn’t want to. the time passed and when we could still talk. I couldn’t help myself anymore, I finally had to see you. from that moment i knew that it could only be you .i couldn’t help but want you. the thought that you would marry someone and that I would be invited as your 'best friend’ … to see you with someone else that would be my end. I had to act quickly and finally meet you. and you are here now and you stood there even though I wanted to do it first … you are really nasty. ’ he just grinned .. and I couldn’t help but laugh along I really wanted to hear it .and told him to say it .. when he stood there and looked at me, he asked me ’miss nasty ..i love you so much..do you want to be my everything?’ I couldn’t help myself and I was wrapped around his neck and we hugged each other so tightly that I hardly got air but it didn’t matter .I was so happy I just cried and so did he … well after that we took our time .. we got to know each other better i finished my school he finished his education our parents got to know each other and in april 2014 we got engaged and got married in the same year at the beginning of november and now we are happy with ourselves and our daughter. 

so thats it here you have it :D it may seem very normal ,cliche, but it was everything to me back than the struggle was real friends..and i treasure every single moment with him..

see ya :)

#ask me #woah #xD

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

#i've been killing slimes for 300 years and maxed out my level #don't toy with me miss nagatoro #spirit photographer saburo kono #fruits basket #deranged detective ron kamonohashi #yugen's all-ghoul's homeroom #monster girl doctor #so i'm a spider so what #somali and the forest spirit #to your eternity #jigokuraku #hell's paradise #choujin x #shag and scoob #toilet bound hanako kun #prison school #sk8 the infinity #that time i got reincarnated as a slime

[nctworststuff]

Pairing- Boyfriend!Renjun x nospecific!reader

Warning-Death,Cancer

Genre: Angst

a/n: Here what you guys got after a months I’m not post anything. Also Thank you my friend,Lucy because helping me a lot :). Hope you guys like it

He always with you

He avoided meeting with you lately. You missed to spend time with him so much. You missed his scent, his hugs, his kisses, his presence, but most importantly, you missed him.

You recently spent a lot of time in your apartment, all by yourself. Watching movies, drinking hot chocolate and staying under your fluffy blanket. Sometimes you went to hangout with your friends, but not as often as you used to. However, today you couldn't take it anymore. I have to visit him, now!

Deep inside you knew that he would never cheat on you. What if something bad had happen to him? Maybe he got sick or maybe something in his family came up? You didn't know. Helplessly you scrolled through your media social. Usually, he would be active on Instagram. Always adding things to his story or at least posting the pictures he made. But ever since 3 weeks ago, you haven't seen him post a single thing. As if he vanished.

You took a look at your photo gallery on your phone. It's filled with pictures of you and Renjun. Everytime the two of you had met in the past months, you had taken at least one picture. Are you okay, renjun?

You didn't want to waste your time anymore, so you walked into your bedroom to change your outfit. You arrived at his house that felt like a second home to you. Big dark clouds covered the sky and sun. It may rain soon. You slowly walked to the door and opened it with the spare key Renjun gave you not so long ago.

You couldn't see him when you entered. Maybe he is in his bedroom? You steped further into his apartment. It was a big mess. You tried to comprehend what could've happened here. The TV was on, adding some noise to the otherwise quiet space. Some old snacks that have neither been fully eaten nor thrown away, covered the floor. It surely wasn't healthy for him to life in all this trash.

You finally went upstairs and pressed the door handle down slowly after knocking and getting no reply. Who knows, maybe he's sleeping? However  you suddenly heard a faint crying sound instead of the silence. What's happening to him? Thousands of thoughts were running in your head, creating one scenario worse than the other. "Renjun?" You softly called out his name and fully opened the door. He turned his head and body to look at you, surprised by your arrival. His eyes were more red than white and his face looked as white as freshly fallen snow did.

"Y/n? W-what are you doing here?" He looked at you with what you could only assume was an angered expression. You slowly approached him and sat down on his mattress beside him. You hesitantly leaned your head on his shoulder and put your hand on his thigh, joining his own one. Oh, how often you had fiddled with his slender fingers before. They were just as beautiful as the art they created, but now they were just dried skin and bone. You were convinced, something bad happen to him!

"And why are you crying?", you asked him in return, probably a bit too late, but not that it matered anyways. He kept quiet for about a minute, before taking a deep breath and forcing those awful words out of his mouth. "I have a disease! I-I have cancer..." He closed his eyes tightly to hold himself back from sobbing. The fear that lived within him ever since the doctor told him he was going to die earlier than expected, suddenly skyrocket in your presence.

Shutting you out in the hope of making you forget him, had been so much easier than seeing your heart break right in front of him. You didn't deserve the pain he caused you, so why...? Why are you still here y/n? Why couldn't you stay away from me? "So that's the reason why you pushed me away? The reason you avoided me? Why didn't you tell me? Renjun? Explain it to me. Please explain everything." you looked at his eyes that beared so many emotions, while he bit his chapped lips.

"I-I don't know. I... I was just so, so scared. Actually, I-I knew I had cancer... It... They told me a year ago."

His confession was interrupted by a hiccup. He started crying again and put his hand on his face. You've been together for 3 years and he kept this a secret for all the time, telling you just now? "I-I'm only going to live for one more week. My doctor said there is no other way for me." Why? Why did he need to leave like this? Couldn't he be healthy and grow old with me? Searching in your confused and helpless mind you looked for a solution.

"Hey, i-it's okay. Its not your fault! I-I could spend all my money for your surge-", but he cut you off with a harsh movement by his hand. "You heard what I said. There's no chance, y/n!" Now your eyes were filling with tears, blurring your sight. This can't be true! "You said you would never leave me. You- You promised." The tears poured out of their home, painting a wet line down your cheeks until they dropped down your chin, falling. You too, felt like falling. You were so angry, but not at him, no, he didn't wanted this either. You were angry at the situation. At the fact that you couldn't do Anything.

Watching your little emotional breakdown, Renjun stayed quiet. After he had avoided meeting you for so long, seeing you come back to him, crying with him, still caring for him, there was only one thing he wanted. "Y/n? Can I ask for one last thing, before death is taking me?" He moved his hand to your shoulder, pressing it softly. "Anything for you, Renjun!" You desperately looked into his eyes, meeting his softened expression. "I just want to spend my last week with you. Please. One last time?"

Day 2

Standing in the kitchen for about half an hour, you had made a healthy breakfast for the two of you, since he loved your cooking. You poured some hot porridge into his favourite bowl and placed it on the tray. Walking slowly to not drop anything you brought the food to his bedroom. He was still asleep, looking utterly peaceful.

While you put the tray on a near small table, you called his name softly, to wake him up. Upon hearing his name, his eyelids fluttered open. Still a bit sleepy, he rubbed his eyes and gave you a questioning look. "I made some porridge for you. Should I... feed you?" You smiled at him shyly. He could just nod his head, feeling exhausted even after taking such a long nap.

You sat down beside him and took the spoon to feed him. He followed your every move as you put the still warm porridge in his mouth. A big smile suddenly stretched across his cheeks. "I knew your cooking would never disappoint me!", he complimented, making you giggle. Yet, you couldn't ignore the sad feeling in your chest, knowing you had to accept the fact that he was going to die soon. Only five days would be left after today.

Of course Renjun noticed the way your expression changed. “I dont like to see you sad. Please smile for me” He grabbed your other hand too, making you smile. The smile only he got to see. You don't even know if the sweet smile you were currently wearing on your face would show up for another guy, but for now it seems like it is just for Renjun, who finally noticed the bracelet on your wrist.

"You still wear that bracelet?” His eyes fixated on your wrist. You just watched him with sparkling eyes, while thinking back to how you got that gift.  “Of course! It looks so pretty and it bears a lot of memories for me!” He smiled at you with just the same sparkles glowing in his eyes, making your heart beat unbelievable fast in your chest. You didn't knew why, but the comforting feeling of love, the love created between the two of you, filled your now shared room. Softly touching your own cheeks you felt how they heated up.

“It's- wait... I gave you the bracelet 5 years ago, when it was your birthday? A-and we still didn't turn into lovers that day, did we?”, his eyes widened. You simply nodded and started chuckling, him joining not much later. Of course you could still remember the day he gave you the precious bracelet. He was being so shy back then, when he planned to give it to you. Haechan, Mark and all the other dreamies kept hyping him up, after he gave it to you.

“You know what? I really can't believe our relationship will just end soon. I really thought we would last longer. I'm sorry!” He smiled at you again, but this time it was a sad smile. You sighed, closing your eyes in agony. “It's not your fault, it never was, Renjun! After all, these moments are the most precious ones that we have. Trust me, I will love and remember you until I take my last breath!” I'll really do! Besides bringing it up first, you hated talking about his disease so much.

Not because you blamed it on him. Not because you couldn't believe, he was going to die soon, no. You hated talking about it because you feared being left behind. You hated the fact that you'll eventually forget about him. That you'll forget how he smelled, how his hands felt, how his hugs felt. And the worst thing was, that you'll forget how it felt to be loved by him. When did all your laughter turn into cries?

Day 4

"Look! It's your favourite flower!” Renjun points his finger to a small bunch of flowers in the middle of the park. You loved going to this park with him before and today wasn't any different. Softly swining your linked hands back and forth and slowly walking near your favourite flower felt like one of those cliché moments from a drama. Especially when you kneeled down to smell on it.

The heavy, but lively smell of the rose lingered in your nose, bringing up even more memories. Renjun gave you one of those exact roses, when he had confessed that he liked you. A small grin made it's way to your lips. “It looks so pretty.”, Renjun said while putting his arm around your shoulders, “Pretty like you!” You couldn't help, but roll your eyes. This was typically him. Renjun loved to compliment and tease you at the same time

You loved the moments when he was simply being himself. He was acting different. Usually he would be rather harsh, or how people liked to put it, ignorant towards other people’s feelings. But he always cared for you. You were his soft spot. It was only normal that couples had little fights from time to time, but renjun never let the two of you be angry at each other for a long time.

He always was the first one to apologize, or if it wasn’t his mistake, he would still want to make up, inviting you to do something that you liked. His classic line which always worked was weather you would want to eat some food ugh him. It was one of the many personality traits that you liked about him

“Ah! I really want to draw the pond and swan over there! It’s unbelievable pretty!” He excitedly took out his paintings tools and moved the stuff around until it stood perfectly within his reach while drawing. You just followed him and tried to not get in his way.

Tipping the smallest brush into the water glass, he started to draw the perfect scenery in front of you. He truly was talented at this. You couldn’t help but admire the way he let the colors dance on the Canva “Your drawing is so unbelievable. It really does look like it’s real”

His face lit up,once the words left your mouth “This is the last painting I”ll before I’m gone. I want it to be perfect!”he still smiled at you, but his eyes showed how he truly felt. The sadness dominating any other feels. Once again, you sighed. It has been almost 3 years, since you’ve been a couple and now you two just stood there, waiting for him to leave

Quickly noticed How your mood shifted towards a bad one, you tried to change the topic

There will be enough time for me to sad once he left

“Do you remember that this place is the first place we met and-“ “The place where I confessed my feelings for you?” He finished your sentence with a smirk. Chuckling you nodded at the statement

That day he called you and asked you to meet him at the park “ can you cell me?” was that he said, when he actually was going to confess to you. You can’t forget that day. You never will. It’s a very precious moment to you, even if he stuttered a lot and the confession felt really awkward too

“Your birthday is this week, isn’t it?” Renjun suddenly asked. You stopping your thoughts. Right, you totally forgot about your birthday. Surprised you just hummed and nodded. “What do you want for your birthday?” You didn’t need to think twice “I just want you stay alive and healthy. I wish you could always be my side” you smile confidently

That will never happen

It was obvious to renjun, but to avoid you sadder he just smile sweetly at you instead of responding “Can we go somewhere after this? Maybe the shopping mall?” You asked him. He looked at you and hugged you close to his chest “Of course!”

He would spend his time with you wisely and make sure that every precious and special moment will never be forgotten

Day 7

I can't lose him! Please!

You buried your face into his shoulder and grabbed his sweater like your own life depended on holding it. You couldn't believe he was going to die in less than a day. He couldn't... Your fragile, pathetic hope only faded more when he started coughing. In the last few days his condition extremely worsened and you tried to understand why people needed to suffer before dying so much. Isn't death enough?

“It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it?”, he quietly asked while stroking your back.  “Yes” Your answer was barely loud enough to hear, being muffled by his neck. Still, you hugged him only tighter, afraid of finally losing him. “Y/n, I'm so sorry if I'm not able to be with you tomorrow to celebrate your birthday.” You knew what’s he meant. No, this couldn't be happening! Why were you suddenly to dumb to accept it?

“Please find a better guy than me. A guy who will make you happy, who will stay loyal to you and only loves you. Find a guy who will stay by your side forever. Don't find another guy who'll make you feel dissapointed.” You wanted to tell him, that he never disappointed you, but he already pulled you into a sweet kiss. His lips felt so soft. Soft but rough. It was like your first kiss with him. It was like your first night with him. But in reality, it was your last kiss with him. Yet you saw it as another moment that had been created in this special time.

“You know... I am never going to stop loving you!” You said and looked at him. His face was so pale, you could see the soft blue shining through it. “Me too, honey. There are 7 billion people on this earth but I fell in love with you. We have been a long journey together. Everyone can fall in love but not everyone has a happy ending with it. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promise, Y/n!” I know, Renjun.

The worst part for you was that it all happened so fast. But somehow you still hoped this was only a dream. That you would wake up to a healthy Renjun wishing you a happy birthday. Finally the clock was showing 12 AM. It was your birthday. Sounding just as sleepy as you felt he whispered a soft “Happy birthday, Y/n!” He stroked your hair while looking at you with loving eyes, a smile on his lips for the last time, before you both fall asleep under your shared blanket.

Not knowing, that they were his last words.

Day 8

You woke up from a deep slumber and moved your blanket. You saw that Renjun was still ‘sleeping’. Softly you shaked him to wake him up, with no sign of success. He didn't response in any way. After a few more times of you trying to wake him up and him still not moving an inch, you tried to recall which date it was today.

No, it can't be.

Yesterday was the last day you would spend with him. One week. Seven days. All moved by faster than you could remember. In your final hope you searched for his heartbeat, but you didn't hear anything. You couldn't. Now you would need to accept the fact that he was gone. Forever.

You start sobbing. "Renjun, please wake up. Please!" Despite your wobbly arms, you shook his body, screaming so uncontrollably loud that it even hurt your ears. It's my birthday. Today is supposed to be a happy day. This has to be a nightmare. I'll always be by your side. Resonating in your mind you hear a faint voice, but you just ignore it. Renjun was right. Not everyone has a happy ending. And you were certainly one of them.

I'm sorry for breaking our promise

©ɴᴄᴛᴡᴏʀsᴛsᴛᴜғғ@/ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ

#nct 127 #nct dream #nct #nct u #nct 2021 #nct imagines #nct angst #nct scenarios #renjun #nct drabbles #renjun drabbles #renjun angst #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #renjun x reader #nct x reader #nctzen #nct 2020

[sunnydaisy1]

Flights Delayed

SAM WILSON X READER

A/N: why is this not my life??? I love Sam and this beautiful human being who sent in this request. I loved it and couldn’t wait to post this piece. Hope you like it :)

REQUEST: I saw your call for Sam Wilson requests on your arts and crafts fic, which was excellent by the way, and I thought I might send one in! How about reader as an avenger who either can’t make it home for Christmas, or doesn’t have a home to go to. And Sam stays with them at the compound and they stay up watching Christmas movies, until reader falls asleep on his shoulder. I’m a sucker for some Christmas fluff! ❣️🎄🎁 - Anon

You thanked Happy as you climbed out the car, pulling out your suitcase and shutting the door. You giddely walked towards the airport entrance, finding the right area for Terminal 2. This Christmas you were staying with your family for the first time in 2 years. You couldn't wait to arrive home and feel the familiar comfort of your childhood home and forget about the stress and panic of the world for a few days. Soon, you found the waiting area for flight 227 and sat down amongst many awaiting adults, eager to go home to see their families. You checked the flight board, smiling at the green notices saying all flights were on time and that yours left in 35 minutes. Pulling out your phone from your puffer jacket, you noticed that you had a notification from the groupchat you shared with Nat, Sam, Steve and Bucky called SPYKIDS. Sam: hope your flight is good y/n, have a nice christmas x Steve: gonna miss you at the compound :) Nat: enjoy the break lovely xx Bucky: Sam is waiting for you to reply Y/N i can see him checking his phone every 30 seconds. Sam: am not Steve: liar Sam: shut up Bucky: dont be rude sammy Sam: I hate it when you call me that and you know it 😑 Nat: not when y/n says it you don't Steve: ....exposed ☕ Sam: wish id never said anything now 🤦‍ Nat: hehe You chuckled and sent back a text Y/N: thanks guys haha, have a lovely christmas sammy x You clicked on spotify and opened some music up, putting in your headphones to pass the time. Around 10 minutes later you noticed a lot of people were starting to talk louder and there was a bit of commotion. You turned round to see where everyone was looking and your heart dropped. Snow. It was fricking snowing outside. Normally you would have been ecstatic at the sight of snow at Christmas, but right now it only meant one thing. Delayed flights. You glanced up at the flight board and saw only one flight had been delayed. Crossing your fingers and praying to any power there may be, you sat down in your chair and searched the weather on your phone. Just 10 minutes later, the airport was chaos central. Almost all flights had been delayed and the frustration of tired people was rising. You had been flicking between the glass windows which looked out over the runways and showed you the increasing precipitation to the flight board. Your flight hadn't been classified as delayed yet and you could sense everyone around you was waiting with baited breath at whether it would change to delayed. You shifted in your seat and watched with utter sadness and irritation as the letters next to your flight number switched to state DELAYED. You groaned alongside the other awaiting passengers, just hoping for a miracle so the snow would clear up soon. This frustration unfortunately didn't fade away and as the minutes passed by, you felt a christmas surrounded by family slowly drifiting away. The snow was falling heavier now and you dreaded looking at the flight board, knowing the glaring orange letters would not ease the tension in the atmosphere. You glanced down at your phone, seeing it had been over an hour since your flight was meant to have left. A sudden speaker crackled and everyone looked up in hope, "We thank everyone for waiting patiently for information on their flights. Unfortunately, the snow has not cleared and the runways are becoming increasingly dangerous. It is expected that their condition will not improve so we must regrettably inform you that all flights scheduled for today have been cancelled. Our staff will be happy to help you find temporary accommodation and we will continue to update you on flight statuses. Thankyou." At once, the airport exploded into an uproar and angry passengers stormed towards the information desks. Your heart sunk as the flight board wiped out to display all cancellations. How were you meant to arrive home in time for Christmas now? You didn't want to spend christmas eve at an airport. Tears threatened to fall from your blurry eyes as your perfect christmas slipped away. You sniffled a little and unlocked your phone, deciding that texting your mum was best. You explained the situation and you got an instant reply, stating she was incredibly sorry and that they would all miss you tomorrow. You arranged with her to fly home on the 27th so you could still spend some of the holiday with your family. Sitting back in your seat, you looked around at the mania of tired passengers and wondered what you were going to do now. You had no clue if anyone was even staying at the compound over Christmas. Racking your brain for someone to call, you decided Tony would be the best as he would know everyone's wearabouts. He picked up after the second ring: 'Hey kid, everything okay?' he asked, concern in his voice. 'Urh no not really, all flights today have been cancelled and I don't know where to go.' You replied, trying not to burst into tears. 'Oh Y/N im so sorry. I can get someone to pick you up and drive you to ours if you want, I'm sure Morgan and Pepper would love to spend Christmas with you.' You sighed at Tony's kindness but the least you wanted to do was intrude on their private time and plus, the drive would take at least 8 hours in this weather now. 'That's really sweet but the roads are jammed Tony. Is anyone staying at the compound?' 'Yeah, Sam is currently there now and Steve and Bucky are going over tomorrow.' Tony replied and you sighed in relief. 'Okay thanks, I think I'll stay there with them.' 'Okay kiddo, call me if there's anything you need.' 'Will do, merry christmas Tony." "Merry Christmas y/n." You hung up on Tony and searched for Sam's contact, clicking on it and hearing it ring a few times before his gravelly voice came through. "Y/N i thought your flight had left?" He asked and you rubbed your forehead, a headache weeding itself into your brain, "Uh no, all flights have been cancelled because of the snow." At once, you heard Sam get up and his voice fill with concern, "Love I'm so sorry, I'm coming to pick you up now." You nod and sniffle, "Okay, thanks Sammy." "No worries, I'll be there as soon as I can."He replied. You picked your stuff up, heading for the terminal exit to wait in the pick up area. You sunk down into one of the padded seats, closing your eyes and leaning back against the wall. God you hoped Sam would arrive soon. Sam walked into the pick up waiting room, scanning the huge crowd for your familiar body. He weaved in and out of people until he spotted your defeated frame, slumped in a chair. His heart sunk at your sniffling and tear-stained cheeks. "Oh love I'm here." He said as he squatted down in front of you. You opened your eyes to see his face, brows furrowed. "Sorry for being a pain." Your hoarse voice croaked out. "Nonsense. Let's get you home." Sam replied, wrapping an arm around you and carrying your bag and suitcase despite your attempts to stop him. You shivered as you exited the building into the nipping air and Sam pulled you closer, heart breaking at your shivering form. He took you over to the car and opened the passenger side, letting you slide in before shutting it and placing your luggage in the back. He climbed into the drivers side and turned the engine on, wanting nothing more than to pull you into his lap and hug you whilst you cried. But, that would cross over the boundary that clearly defined your relationship as 'Just Friends' so he had to make do with holding your hand across the console. After a while, you stopped crying and your body had relaxed into the warmth of the car, easing your throbbing head. You softly spoke to Sam, "Thankyou for coming to get me, I know this isn't how you wanted to spend your Christmas Eve." Sam chuckled and rubbed his thumb over your hand, "Its alright love, driving home a snotty girl definitely wins over watching another of Steve's movies." You laughed slightly, greatful for Sam's attempts to cheer you up. Sam beamed as he glanced at you, "how does me and you and some Christmas movies with a shit ton of food sound to cheer you up?" You smiled and looked at Sam, "that sounds lovely." When you had arrived back at the compound, Sam had told you to go and get showered and change into comfy pyjamas whilst he got some food ready and you couldn't muster the strength to disagree when that sounded perfect. You walked into your room, freshly clad in a pair of warm joggers and an oversized tshirt, feeling a lot more relaxed about the situation, knowing a Christmas spent with 3 of your favourite people would be amazing and that you would see your family very soon. Sam knocked on your door when you were finding a pair of fluffy socks, one of his hoodies in hand. "Thought you might want one of these, I know you steal my hoodies when you think I'm not looking." You felt heat rise to your face, embarassed but taking the hoodie none the less, knowing the cozy fabric and relaxing smell would calm you. "Thanks." You replied, making Sam grin. "Foods ready, where did you want to have it?" He asked, watching you tug the hoodie on. "Oh uh if you don't mind my bed is looking really inviting right now." You replied, tugging on the ends of the hoodie's arms. "Sure thing." Sam winked at you before walking in the direction of the kitchen. Your heart fluttered at the gesture and you shook the thoughts out of your head as you scooted under your bed covers and sat up against one side of the headboard. Not 5 minutes later, Sam returned, quesadillas and popcorn in hand, grinning at your swamped form in the bed. "Oh you're a godsend." You said as he handed you a plate of your favourite food. Sam chuckled and placed the popcorn on the bedside table. "Do you still want me to join you or do you want to be left alone?" He asked considerately and your stomach jumped at how sweet he could be. "No there's room for you, scoot over here Sammy." He grinned and clambered in bed next to you, his own plate of quesadillas resting on the duvet covering his lap. "So what will it be Elf or the Holiday?" You asked Sam, mouth already full of cheesy goodness. "I don't mind." He said, watching you with so much adoration on his face that if Bucky or Nat had seen him they would have shipped him off to a deserted island so they didn't throw up at the sickening love radiating off him. "the Holiday it will be then. I'm in the mood for some Jude Law." You giggled, taking another bite of quesadilla and grinning at Sam. You continued to watch the movie together, finishing your food and somehow migrating towards each other while sharing popcorn, both of you excusing it as needing to be closer to share the bowl. You were gradually growing more tired, struggling to keep your eyes open as the rollercoaster of emotions you had experienced today had wiped the energy out of you. Sam tensed when he felt your head rest on his shoulder but relaxed when he saw your dozey gaze watching the TV. His body filled with warmth at this moment you were sharing and he dared to put an arm around you, pulling you closer to him so your head was now resting on his chest. He feared he had overstepped the boundary but you made no complaint and placed your hand beside your head on his chest. A small smile flickered across your face as you snuggled into Sam, his warmth washing over you and making you even more tired. Sam watched the credits for the movie roll out and was about to speak to you when he noticed your eyes were closed and your breathing had regulated out. His heart flipped at your sleeping form and he brushed the hair out of your face, turning the TV off and moving to get up. Your hand tightened on his sweatshirt though and a soft grumble came from you, "Dont leave." You mumbled, holding onto Sam. He nodded and scooched down in the bed so you were both comfortably laying down, "Night love." He said, stroking your back soothingly, "Night Sammy." You whispered, falling back asleep. You woke up, surprisingly warm and went to stretch when you felt a hard object in your bed. Your eyelids flickered open to reveal a softly sleeping Sam sprawled out onto your bed, your legs entangled. He looked so peaceful asleep, the creases that often littered his face due to worry smoothed out and leaving him looking even more heavenly. You smiled and went to get up, suddenly feeling an arm tighten around your waist and pull you towards Sam. "Where do you think you're going love?" He murmered, voice deep and laced with sleep. Your heart pounded and you looked at Sam who still hadn't bothered to open his eyes. "It's Christmas morning Sammy." You said, laying with his arm draped over your stomach. "Exactly- Buck and Steve won't arrive for another 3 hours yet so we can cuddle for longer." Sam replied, eyes opening to look at you, a smile cheekily spreading onto his face. "What-no-" You started, not understanding Sam's reasoning at all. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on you, moving so he was closer to you as he was lying on his front. "Just shut up and cuddle me." He said, smirking as he already nuzzled into your side more. You gave up, knowing you really didn't want to pass up the free offer to cuddle your favourite avenger for a bit longer. Maybe Christmas without your family wouldn't be so bad after all.

#sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #sam #sam wilson imagine #sam wilson oneshot #sam x reader #avengers #marvel oneshot #can i marry him #x reader

[imtryingsomething]

Curly Hair

A/N- Sooooo…….I'm not dead...just severely unmotivated. Turns out I'm not built for writing series with a deadline...Sorry to the person who requested that series for GOT, just take comfort in knowing that that story will continue to haunt me. I wrote this awhile ago and just sorta finished it. I edited it a little but didn’t edit it...if that makes sense. Again requests are open but if I cant write it as a short then please dont hold me too accountable. Please reblog and like but do not copy I worked hard on this. Now please enjoy this very self indulgent piece. 

Warnings- none...suspense..idk 

Characters- NeutralReader Stark/Snow, Rickon Stark, Jon Snow, Sansa Stark

Your horse shifted in the soft mud, jerking your weight to the left. Clunking of metal and wood drifted across the field. With the faint whistling of the wind through the trees. It felt like your lungs were filled with blood, breaths coming short and quick, the adrenaline already coursing through you. A knot had formed in your stomach, a pinching pang letting you know you were still alive. 

Your eyes follow the smoke from the bodies flying up into the sky. It swirled in the most delicate patterns. Reminding you of sitting by Sansa as she embroidered. Reminding you of watching Arya learn to dance. Reminding you of learning to hold a sword in the courtyard with Robb.  A hundred life times seemed to have passed since then. All of them filled with blood and screams and smoke. You missed the safe grey walls of Winterfell. The way the Great Hall smelled right before you would rush in. How the courtyard was silent as the dead in the early morning shrouded in fog. Too much time had passed since then. You didn't get the chance to watch your younger siblings grow up. Didn't get to watch Sansa turn into a beautiful gentle lady. Didn't get to watch Arya fight tooth and nail to become a swordmaster. Didn't get to watch Bran learn how to walk again. Didn't get to watch Rickon grow into a regal young man. You would have to grieve all of those lost moments. Moments you would never get to see. 

Patches of white littered the grey grass, a delicate dusting of snow from the night before. All the horses shuffled restlessly underneath their men. The horses were the only thing that dared to move. The men and women like statues barely breathing, making their last prayers to whatever Gods they believed in, waiting for the battle to begin. You made eye contact with Jon next to you nodding slightly. It didn't feel like the time to speak, it was as if the air was choking any words.

 Looking across the field you saw that Ramsay had appeared at the front line. He dragged forward an older boy, you squinted noticing the mop of curly hair. Kicking your horse forward a few steps, as Jon dismounted to walk further ahead.

The knot in your stomach grew, the pang shooting up to your chest, squeezing your heart as you realized who the boy was.

Rickon.

You were blinded by a glint of the sun from a dagger. 

“Please don’t.” You whispered, your knuckles starting to appear like snow. 

Then Rickon was running across the field. Kicking up clumps of grass and dirt. You kicked your horse into a run. Tearing up the ground behind you. 

The world seemed to go silent. The clanking of armor fading into the distant. The wind falling still. Just the hammering of a heartbeat in your ears. Blood rushing to every limb causing them to shake. 

“Come on. Come on. You can do it. Please.” Your words were lost in the stale air, “Please Old Gods and New Gods hear my cries. Save him. Take me. Save him. Let life flow through him. Take me. Take me. Please save him.” You prayed to any Gods that would hear you.

The land closed impossibly slow between you. Time had come to a stand still. You heard the arrow before you saw it. The sharp whistle cutting through the fog. 

“Please no.” you breathed before shouting, “Move! Get down!”

Rickon heeded your warning, diving to the side. The arrow just barely missed him as he landed on the ground. 

After what seemed like an eternity you reached him. 

“Come on! Get up! Quickly!” 

He scrambled up grasping onto your outstretched arm, swingin on to the back of the horse. Spinning back towards the tree line, you pushed into a gallop. You passed Jon who stood still on the field, glaring at Ramsay. Bringing your hands up to cup Rickon's, which were wrapped around your middle. His hair tickled your neck as he pressed his face into your shoulder, squeezing you tighter. 

The knot unraveled allowing your lungs to take a deep breath. Your muscles relaxed in the saddle. For the first time in a long time you were calm. Peace washed over you like a hug from your mother. The battle faded into the back of your mind, the outcome didn't seem as important anymore. As long as Rickon was safe nothing else mattered. 

Sir Davos was calling the soldiers to fight, sending them into the charge. The mounted men parted around Rickon and you as they rushed towards the Bolton army. Once the Northern army was behind you, you slowed to a trot. 

Only after going into the treeline a few paces did you stop. Rickon dismounted first. And as soon as your feet were on the ground there were arms wrapped tight around your middle. You grasped into him, afraid he would slip away. Burying your face into his auburn hair you could smell the journey he had been on. Sobs started to wrack through him into your chest, which only made you grip him harder.     

“It's okay. It's okay. You're safe. I'm going to protect you. Always. You're safe. You're safe.”

You stood like that for some time, just swaying back and forth gripping onto each other, as you whispered into his hair. 

“I'm never going to let you go. Not ever again.” 

You thought back to when you left him in Winterfell. How he had cried into your stomach when you left. You had promised him then that you would be back soon. Regret and guilt pooled in you, thinking about what would have happened if you had stayed. How would things have turned out differently for your brothers. If you had stayed at Winterfell maybe it would never have been lost to the Bolton. Maybe you could have convinced Robb to stay and he would still be alive. But you could never know for sure what would have happened if you had only just stayed in Winterfell instead of going off to King's Landing. 

~~~

Walking through the gates of Winterfell felt surreal after all this time. It felt cold. Dead. The warmth from the people was gone. The ghosts of the people murdered in the courtyard still wandered. Heat blossomed in your hand, Rickon had grabbed onto it, leaning into your side. 

Jon was standing in the corner talking with Sansa. He was covered in filth, while she stood clean. He wavered on his feet, she was grounded. It was a strange contrast to see between them. To see that she held the power and he didn't. Jon's eyes strayed across the yard and landed on you then Rickon. A smile followed by immeasurable relief covered his face. He rushed over with a limp.

“Rickon! Thank the Gods!” 

Sansa bound after him, tears shining in her blue eyes. They each embraced him, crying with relief that their youngest brother was still alive. 

#game of thrones imagine #game of thrones #rickon stark #sibling reader #gender nuetral #nuetral reader #rickon stark x reader #rickon stark imagine #jon snow imagine #sansa stark #fluff imagine #angst imagine #angst with a happy ending #save rickon #stark siblings

[psnowflake]

Charades and a Drink (A Post-Frozen 2 ficlet)

Wrote this cause I really miss writing about fluff/angst. Doesn’t really have anything to do with my other fic. Just had the urge to write this prompt. Hope you guys enjoy it. May continue it. Idk. Link for the fic on ffn is here.

Charades.

This was the third round in a row where she had failed to obtain any points for her and Anna's team. She was bad at this game. She knew it. And seriously, three bouts in a row with no progress? She couldn't quite believe it herself.

But it wasn't her fault that she was so...distracted. It wasn't quite like last time when there was a melodious voice persistently invading her thoughts. This time it was something far more down to earth.

Kristoff was being more touchy with Anna than usual.

Not that it bothered her.

They were engaged now. It would make perfect sense if he wanted to be more forward.

It was just…

Ever since she returned from the enchanted forest earlier that morning, she couldn't help but focus on these details in their interactions.

And if she had to be perfectly honest, it made her feel...sad?

Jealous even?

She didn't quite understand it herself.

"Snow?! This one was so easy! It's basically the same thing as ice!" Anna complained as she reviewed the word that Elsa had been struggling with the entire round.

Anna wasn't mad at Elsa per se. She was just over competitive, and frankly she was tired of Olaf and Kristoff always winning. She really wanted to win at least once tonight.

"I'm sorry." Elsa apologized in embarrassment. "Maybe you should play without me. I'm really not good at these kinds of games. I'm sure one of the servants would be happy to join you if you asked."

"Elsa wait-"

"It's really not a big deal, Anna." She assured the younger girl. "I think you would have a lot more fun playing with Kai. I'll go get him real quick."

Elsa began heading for the door to go fetch the said servant, but not before Anna lunged off the couch to grab a hold of her arm.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell. I really don't care about winning or not. Just...please don't leave me." Anna wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her tightly, and for a second Elsa swore she heard the younger girl whimper.

"I...okay, I won't leave." Elsa responded while patting the younger girl's head, but was then shocked to find that Anna really was crying. She swallowed suddenly, not sure what had gotten into the other girl, but she reached down to cup her sister's cheeks and caressed them softly.

"Hey." She said, bringing Anna's face close to hers so that their foreheads were touching. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Anna hiccuped and nodded, burying herself again into Elsa's chest.

Kristoff looked back and forth between the two of them.

"We'll give you two some alone time. Come on, guys." Kristoff got up and signaled for Sven and Olaf to follow.

"Wait...are you sure?" Elsa asked. "I didn't mean to take you guys away from your game…" She said guiltily.

"It's fine, Elsa. You two should really have the rest of the night to yourselves. Isn't that right, Olaf?"

"Yup! Me and Elsa definitely need some alone time together." The snowman joked, inching away cheekily from the ice harvester.

"Not quite on the mark there buddy." Kristoff said before dragging Olaf out of the room with him. The door shut behind them, and Elsa was left in the silence with Anna still cuddled up against her.

"Anna?" She rubbed the top of the girl's head gently.

"I missed you."

Elsa smiled softly at that. "I missed you too, sis."

It had merely been two weeks since she had decided to live away from the castle. Realistically, it shouldn't have been anything worth crying over, and it certainly paled in comparison to how long they had been apart from before.

But Elsa would be lying if she said she didn't miss home.

Some nights she found herself crying herself to sleep.

The living conditions had been rough. She wasn't used to not having servants around at all times, and not having meals prepared for her at the earliest convenience. It was different, and the comforting lifestyle that she had grown accustomed to was no longer present.

But the reason she had cried wasn't because of the change in living standards. Those factors were trivial, things she could adapt to, get used to.

The reason she had cried...it was because she didn't have moments like this anymore.

Moments with Anna.

It made more of a difference to her than she was willing to admit.

Can I really keep doing this?

She wrapped her arms tight around Anna, suddenly struck with the need to cheer up the younger girl's spirits as soon as possible.

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" Elsa proposed.

Anna looked up at her gratefully and nodded.

-----------------------

She wondered if it was really okay to be drinking wine at this hour, and in all honesty, she had never seen Anna drink before. Whether the younger girl was a lightweight remained an absolute mystery to her.

But Anna had proposed that they ask for a bottle. It was her first time back after all. And they were having such a good time in their room; sharing stories, making jokes, reminiscing on the past, Elsa didn't have the heart to reject her beloved sister's request.

So here they were now. Merely on their second glass, and Elsa was already starting to see the alcohol take effect on her poor lightweight Anna.

"Too much to drink? Already?" Elsa teased.

Anna pouted, her face flushed red, from the alcohol or embarrassment, Elsa couldn't tell anymore. "Jus because your perfect at everything, doesn't mean I a-am."

Elsa smiled softly. "I'm far from perfect, sis."

"You're perfect to me." Anna said before grabbing Elsa's waist from behind and cuddling up against her back.

Elsa chuckled, more or less endeared by the drunk display of affection.

"Well you should definitely work on that tolerance. It wouldn't be proper for a queen to act like this at formal occasions. You never know when other dignitaries will ask for a toast." She joked. Mostly.

Anna was quiet and still. Not responding to what she had said in the slightest.

Did she fall asleep?

"Anna?"

"I don't want to be queen."

It was so quiet, barely above a whisper that Elsa almost didn't make it out. But Anna's attitude had changed almost entirely from their previous exchange.

"What do you-"

"I don't want to be queen." She repeated.

Elsa blinked, taken aback, and then laughed softly, turning around and taking Anna's hand into her own. "I think you've had enough to drink for the night. All that wine has you thinking out of sorts."

But Anna wouldn't back down apparently, not after opening up as much as she had. Before Elsa had time to react, Anna was pushing Elsa onto the floor so that she was on top.

Elsa's heart leapt into her throat at their position. "Anna-"

She felt Anna's hands come down to caress both sides of her face, gently, as if she were an art sculpture that could break at a moment's notice. She was so close, their noses almost touching, and Elsa could clearly make out the precise shade of teal in Anna's eyes. She was suddenly filled with a strange desire to close the distance between them in some way.

But Anna was crying again, silently, tears streaking down her cheeks to eventually fall onto her own pale skin. Elsa could do nothing but remain silent and watch, praying that the tears weren't there because of her.

But that was unlikely.

"Why did you push me away?"

Elsa's eyes went wide.

"What?"

"You said we would be together didn't you? So why...why do you still feel so far away?"

The question struck deep within her soul, forcing Elsa to confront the issue that she herself had been admittedly running away from.

Why was she always running?

Why was Anna always crying?

Strangely enough, she found herself trying to answer Anna's question. Maybe the wine was starting to get to her too.

"I-I dont know." She admitted. "I thought that you deserved it. To be queen, I mean. And...you just got engaged. I thought it was the right timing for something like this."

"And...and I'm the fifth spirit." She continued half heartedly. "I should be out there...in the forest. That's where I belong."

Anna stared at her sternly.

"Do you really believe that?"

Did she?

Of course not. But it was something that she had lied about before, and it would've been better if she just lied about it again.

Yet for some odd reason, she couldn't bring herself to say it this time.

"I-"

"Do you love me?"

What?

"O-of course I do."

Anna leaned in close, to the point where Elsa could feel the younger girl's breath fanning over her cheeks.

Her heart stopped at Anna's next words.

"Do you want to be with me?"

Elsa found herself trapped under Anna's earnest gaze. Yet her mind was clear, and the answer held there was without a doubt how she really felt.

She nodded.

"Then stay…" Anna whispered. "Stay with me Elsa."

"Because I can't live another day without you."

A heartbeat.

And then...

Anna inched forward and kissed her.

Elsa was frozen. Shocked.

But to her own growing surprise, a single thought dominated in her conscience.

Her lips are warm.

Slowly but surely…

Elsa kissed back.

A minute passed before they broke away together. Anna leaned back, staring into Elsa's eyes. Nothing was said between them, and nothing needed to be in that moment, until Anna finally brought her head down and rested it against the older girl's chest.

Elsa's heart was beating rapidly. Faster than she had ever experienced before. Faster than she probably wanted.

Words were threatening to leave her lips, and she wanted so badly to just let herself be open.

So badly for once in her life to put her guard down.

And so she did.

"I love you, Anna." She choked out tearfully. "So much that it scares me. I don't know what to do anymore." She admitted.

Anna remained silent, and so Elsa continued.

"But I do know that whatever happens, I want to be together with you. I should've never pushed you away…"

"And I'm sorry."

"Will you forgive me?"

Elsa waited for a response, but again Anna said nothing.

Was Anna still mad at her?

But then she heard it, a deep rhythmic breathing, serene, puffing gently against her chest.

Anna had fallen asleep.

Elsa stared, mouth agape at the resting form of her sister. Had she been talking to herself? And for how long? Embarrassment flooded her cheeks to a dark shade of red.

She really is a lightweight.

Steering herself, Elsa gathered Anna into her arms from the floor and gently brought her to her bed, pulling back the sheets, and tucking the younger girl in.

She sat there next to her. Her thoughts to herself, and her mind simply trying to wrap around everything that had happened in the past hour. Eventually, she laid down next to Anna and stared up at the ceiling.

Her tiredness got the better of her, and Elsa found her eyes slowly shutting, submitting to the gentle lull of sleep.

But moments before sleep consumed her, a thought made its way to the forefront of her mind.

The truth.

I want to kiss her again.

-----------------------

Elsa found Anna the next morning in the dining hall.

"Morning Els!" Anna smiled cheerfully.

"M-morning." Elsa replied shyly. She wasn't exactly sure what to expect from this conversation, but Anna's cheerfulness must've meant that things were okay right? She decided to go along with it. "I'm surprised to see you awake before me for once."

"I know right. I must've gone to bed really early last night."

Anna's words gave her pause.

"Y-you don't remember?" Elsa asked.

"Remember what?" Elsa's shocked expression made Anna gasp in realization. "Oh no. Did I drink again?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Oh god, I didn't do anything stupid did I?" Anna laughed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry if I did, I never remember anything after I drink. I really need to stay away from the wine."

"Nothing happened." Elsa lied. "I just...I'm surprised that you don't remember anything…"

Surprised was selling it short.

Disappointed.

Heartbroken.

Anna must've noticed her change in expression. "Elsa? You okay?"

She really wasn't okay.

She was surprised herself, just how disappointed she felt.

What did you expect? That something would come out of this?

Of course she wouldn't remember. She was drunk for Christ's sake.

Why would you get this excited from an accidental kiss with your sister?

You're sick.

There's something wrong with you.

Her inner thoughts tormented her, to the point where she had the immediate urge to cry, but on the outside she forced a thin smile, an act that she had practiced for years to a near perfection.

Elsa hated doing it.

She absolutely hated lying to Anna.

"I'm fine."

But old habits died hard.

Especially when you were in love with your sister.

-----------------------

"Anna!"

Kristoff found her in the halls of the castle. She had just returned from seeing Elsa off at the docks.

"Did Elsa already leave?" Kristoff asked.

"Mhm. I just saw her off."

"Ah bummer. Wish I could've said bye to her at least."

"It's okay." She said cheerfully. "She'll be back before you know it."

Wistfully, she turned her attention to the window, staring out at the fjord, wondering if she could see Elsa riding on Nokk from all the way up here.

"You miss her already, don't you?"

"Hm?" Anna perked up. "I'm okay. I mean I have you here after all!"

Kristoff smiled at the gesture, and leaned down to capture Anna's lips in a kiss.

They stayed that way until Anna broke away first. She smiled politely up at him afterwards.

"I have some work I need to get done. I'll meet up with you later, okay?"

Kristoff nodded, and she made her way around the corner of the halls where she wouldn't be seen.

Once she was out of sight she pressed her back against the wall and fell to the floor.

She tried to forget it. If she could lie to Elsa about it, then surely she could lie to herself.

But love wasn't something so easily forgotten.

Throughout the entirety of her kiss with Kristoff, she had only thought of one thing.

She wanted to kiss Elsa again.

#elsanna #elsanna fanfiction #elsanna ficlet #frozen #frozen 2 #idk

[krabmeat]

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

kinda? its more like, i believe anyone can be happy with anyone! i dont think there is ONE person who is a perfect match romantically, though i do believe in platonic soulmates! :]

💌- diary or journal?

i dont have either, but i occasionally write and vent in google docs or by writing poems or short stories!

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

mmmm, maybe c!technoblade if that counts? oh! and also c!quackity! :DD

💕- are you crushing on someone?

nnnope! kinda? i dunno! 

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

in the dark. itll make it less awkward and waaayyy more practical

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

😳💚🛠🌿💣🖋〽

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

playing hide and seek at night with my cousins! >:]]]

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

honeysuckle!!

💖- have you ever been in love?

i wouldnt say so! I would hope not-- just tiny pangs of attraction to people i know every now and again -v-

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

mmmmm vanillaaaa

🍯- describe your favorite smell

p i n e s o l

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

erase implicit bias, get therapy, and meeting the RAM system! (you guys are wonderful mmmmmm)

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

cookie dough! not the purposely edible kind, the ones with egg in it. its all about the thrill of salmonella entering my system

☕- coffee or tea?

TEAAA!!!

I COULD RAMBLE ABOUT HOW GOOD TEA IS

AAAAAAAAA

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

the sea with mermaids! Itll be like creative mode but underwater and irl

🍂- what’s your middle name?

Arely! :]

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

my sun sign is virgo and my moon sign is leo! not sure about rising though vkshfkahdj--

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

as of lately, i enjoy opening my window and letting the smell and slight dampness fill up my room while im just vibing

🍭- how tall are you?

………..5'3"-

💒- which show would you want to live in?

im not sure if this counts, 

BUT THE DREAM SMP!!!

i know, i know, its a bunch of political warfare filled with character trauma, 

BUT HEAR ME OUT

i have my own strategies and sh-t and just how to get along while both being included in plot and NOT getting too mentally scarred. me and a couple friends actually came up with a whole au on if we were in the smp!! very fun! :D

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

halloween! the spooky season is upon us in october, mmmmm >:]

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

i really like tree-scented candles!

🎶- favorite song right now?

Cabinet Man and Eighth Wonder, both by Lemon Demon!

(IM ALSO SO HYPE FOR WILBUR SOOTS NEW SONG TO COME OUT "LOVE JOY" MMMMMMMM)

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

be trustworthy

give me freedom and understanding

tell me every now and then youre proud of me!

(ikik the last one is a bit snobby and conceited but it really just hits hard since im never told it very often, makes me tear up every time -v-)

🍩- current mood?

in slight constant pain but overall pretty snazzy!!

❄️- what is your favorite season?

winter and autumn! snow and cold is poggers

💍- your current relationship status?

MMMMMMM SINGLE AND POGGERS

📷- a photo of yourself

NO 💚

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

not really! it makes me feel very guilty and embarrassed when someone spoils me with pretty much anything! im a very self dependent person so i also just always feel like i could have worked harder for it myself!

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

i unconsciously move and wiggle my body to the rhythm and vibe a song gives me

i use my fingers like drums and pretend to be the drummer whenever i think of a song i like

i occasionally talk to myself--

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

mmm, to put it frank-

a person who doesnt deserve anything they have and a kid who the world is too good for

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

fake!

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

someone who embraces a wardrobe that doesnt believe in gender roles

🍓- one secret about yourself

not much of a secret, more so of a cool little fact!

my left index finger tip is numb!

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

idk, just like--

treat em like a close homie!!

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

breakup w h o ?

certainly not me, relationships are complicated mannnn

💬- what your last text message says?

"Lmao, bot"

⛅- what is your morning routine?

On weekdays, wake up to my alarm at 7 am and brush my teeth, change my clothes and get on my phone until its 7:30 am and then i get on my school calls

💗- who do you miss?

MY WONDERFUL IRL BEST FRIEND

AND THE RAM SYSTEM

ALONG WITH OTHER ONLINE FRIENDS MMMMMM

(i have my reasons foshfksbdjsb)

🥀- last time you cried?

last night at like 12 am!

🎁- when is your birthday?

september 8th

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

n o 💚

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

Preferably someone the same age, but i dont mind a small age gap! :D

[gliftedk]

Biiiitch,

No words can describe the pain, and the illest regret that I feel now that ya gone. You fell down, and got back up. And the dumbest, most blind mistake Ive ever made was thinking just because you got back up, didnt mean you werent tired. Just because your smile was perfect, doesnt mean ya soul wasnt screaming. I am so fucking sorry I wasnt there when you first fell. When you lost ya dad and the pain and anger consumed you to where the only feeling you craved was numb. The questions that filled ya head, became lines of fentanyl infused percs. The nod, that beautiful fucking Nod.....let ya crown tilt. Im sitting here currently sitting next to the man I wish you could have fucking met. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with. The man Id like to be my husband, and a father figure to ya niece and God Son. Dude..... Im so fucking so sorry I ignored ya cries for love and care. for comfort and acceptance. I became so obsessed with wanting to take Petes waste of a life that I didnt pay you no fucking mind. And than ya mom told me you wasnt answering so she went home to find you gone. no bitch, you was right fucking there lmfao...right there but no longer fucking here. no laughing, no crying, no catching up. no reminiscing of the stupid memories from Narragansett High, or the house in tuxett where I lived with my mom. How she doing though? she mad as fuck I fell , but I hope shes proud im clinging on with every piece of fucking strength I have left. because its fucking hard , but bitch YOU KNOW that. you know this. you felt this. you lived this. the constant feeling like ya suffocating because everybody around you expects the world to balance and sit pretty on ya weak ass fucking shoulders. and when it gets heavy you just want to sleep because if you dont you contemplate the easiest and least painful way to take ya life....

but you went sleep my nigga. you really pulled some snow white shit on me when I NEED YOU THE MOST. I MISS YOU THE MOST. I LOVE YOU THE MOST. IM SO FUCKING SORRY THE MOST. BECAUSE YOU NEEDED ME. AND I IGNORED YOU. but could you do me the illest fucking solid? on hee-hee and naynay and ben curtis. on ya niece and ya God Son?....keep my mom company...but protect the man I lay next to. the man i give my heart to...for the last fucking time. silence his demons because they so loud and he so sad. please just... have me on this genuine happiness and this fight to build the world My babies deserve...

Rest Peacefully Brooke Baby 

[thorinthehottotty]

Seven Kingdoms - Thorin

Based on an idea that @kibleedibleedoo sent me and has been very wonderful and patient about me writing this! Its really a wonderful idea, thank you so much for sending me it! I took some liberties with it, I hope you don't mind.

Your so good at writing im so jealous and i was hoping if i give you a premis you might be able to write a oneshot? Dont feel pressure to do so though i just felt like i needed to get this idea off my chest. So i had the idea of a courting ritual including 7 steps (representing the 7 kingdoms or something) the first is a hand made courting bead, the next 5 are sentimental gifts, and the last step is to wash each others hair (1 parent each as witnesses) and do a 2 strand braid (to represent your union) clasped with a bead the individuals parents' would have made upon their birth with their name and such. In my head Thorins one is not a dwarf so does not have a bead so all of the company are scrambling to help you craft a personal one as soon as the hear of your impending union and who will be your stand in father? It cant be anyone related to thorin as thats a confliction of interest, maybe bofur? I dunno Sorry this has been so long

The bickering and the fighting was giving you an enormous headache. The dwarves were all so near and dear to you that it made this part of the process so hard. With a deep breath, you stand and move toward the balcony, your favorite spot in all of Erebor.

Although it always made you glance out at the place where so many fell during the battle of the five armies, you found an odd peace din staring out at the now snow covered valley. Even now, big fat flakes were falling slowly to the ground in a way that calmed you.

A heavy weight drifted around your shoulders, you glance over to see Bofur smiling warmly at you as he draped a coat about you. "What's this?" He murmurs. "My future queen wandering outdoors without a coat?" You beam back at him with chilled cheeks.

"Sorry, all of the bickering is getting on my nerves. Thank you for the coat, Bo." The dwarf beams at you and matches you posture, leaning against the cold stone to gaze out at the land below.

"They all mean well, lass."

"Oh, I know that," you sigh. "I really appreciate all of you supporting Thorin and I. It's just a lot, you know?" This seemed to mimick the conversation you tended to have on repeat with your future husband. The entire union seemed to be on stand still for one issue Thorin hadn't mentioned. It was hard enough to get him to explain the rules of courting and you ended up having to go ask Balin.

Lo and behold, there were seven steps to courting to represent the seven dwarven kingdoms. The braiding was the first and most obvious step. Something you'd learned and tripped over accepting his blunt asking. Literally. In your defense, all of the docks in Laketown seemed as though they were forever made of ice. But you were very eager to accept.

One thing that you were not expecting, was the fact that dwarves apparently did not have proposals. So when you asked Balin about it, he happen to tell you that you were only one gift away from nearly being married! Each sentimental gift that Thorin took his time to make you himself (and the ones you'd given him without realizing the connotations) was the deepening of your relationship.

His first gift, while he was in his dragon sickness, was one of his mother's necklaces. Something delicate and beautiful. It was eligant. He ahad to wait for you to give him something in return. With each gift he gave you, you scrambled to find something in return, only to discover after that you were very forward in your relationship.

The last step was the only one left to be accomplished now, just one short month after the battle. It had much of the company stumped.

After this, your union to the king would be complete. You would be technically married until your wedding ceremony that he wasn't keen on waiting for his sister to arrive with the rest of his people from the Ered Luin. The dwarf king didn't want to wait. He claimed he'd waited long enough for you, but the logistics of tradition were a bit harsh.

To complete the union, you would have to wash your hair with at least one parent for each of you present. His mother was long gone and his father was still missing, easy enough, Balin would take over. Your parents? Currently in your home dimension with no idea where you were or what you were doing. Kind of hard to do. On top of all of this, in your fiancé's culture, your parents would have made a bead with your name and the family crest so you can give it to Thorin. The company had been tearing their hair out for weeks trying to decide. They still were.

It couldn't be either of his nephews. Not Balin or Dwalin. They were too closely related and it would be a conflict of interest. So that still left quite a few.

"You're handling it all with more fire than the forges," Bofur muses. "Thorin is lucky to have such a determined woman by his side."

"Daw, thanks," you reply, leaning into nudge his side with your hip. "I'd do anything to be with him. Even if it means suffering through you all fighting over me." Bofur chuckles.

"You're so sick of us you've fled into the icy tundra just to escape!" He cries dramatically. He knew how much you dreaded the cold. But he didn't know just how lovely it was for you to crawl into Thorin's bed after standing in the chilly air.

You smile at your friend. "Bo, will you be my surrogate father?" You finally ask. Shock takes his face, then pride.

"It would be my honor and my pleasure, Y/N." You launch forward to hug your dear friend.

...

You lean back into the inviting lips on your neck, shivering under the sensual kisses. "You gotta stop," you plead. You hear the acknowledging rumble Thorin gives but he doesn't stop from delivering hot kisses to the over-sensitive skin of your neck.

You could feel the quickening of your own breath as his arms tightened around you, holding you captive. You should have known he was planning an attack on you when he invited you over to double check his work. His work was always flawless. Now his eager and heady touches were making you all too aware of the tenting of his trousers.

"We can't," you manage to whimper as he begins to pull the ties of your dress loose. His mouth ascends slowly to your ear as your body molds to his.

"I've waited far too long to have you as is." His voice brushing over your ear like black velvet has you pushing your hips into his eagerly. He groans and nips your ear as a reward for your crumbling reserve. Somehow, these secretive scuffles were so addictive and with the approaching dates, you felt helpless to his advances.

He turns you about and pushes you by your hips to slide onto the desk behind you. "Tomorrow evening we'll be united in marriage," you try to argue weakly as he drags the shoulder of your dress down.

Those blue eyes twinkle wickedly and he leans in to go back to attacking your shoulder with his mouth. Damn him. You feel the tugging of your skirts. He's pulling them up your legs enough to settle his hips against yours.

With his mouth on your shoulder, lapping at skin, one of his hands drags up your thigh. He's drawing shapes with his fingertips and it's so distracting you don't wonder about his other hand until it's squeezing a breast and your moaning.

"You bastard," you manage to call. You feel his teeth on you as he chuckles. He doesn't have time to respond because the door is thrown open and you both whip around.

"Unhand my daughter!" Bofur calls, his brother and cousin storming in behind him eagerly. Thorin is pulling your skirts down as your desperately trying to pull your top together.

You'd long since regretted asking Bofur to be your father. He was taking the role much more seriously than you expect. He always ensured you two weren't alone for too long.

"Bofur! You're not actually my dad!" You hiss as he pulls you from the desk. Thorin glowers, unhappy.

"You are still required to knock at the king's chambers," he rumbles.

"Tomorrow, I won't have to. Now come along. Your curfew is up." You snag a kiss from the king who glowers as your dragged away.

Tomorrow.

...

The moment you both met in the baths, the world stilled. All anxiety flooded from you as you make your way to your fiancé. He smiled warmly at you, already half naked. Bofur leads you to the king, beaming brightly, dressed in only your slip. It wasn't uncommon for you both to be naked during the ceremony, but given your background, the dwarves agreed this wouldn't be a necessity.

Dwalin's eyes look a bit glassy as Thorin leads you toward a large pool, the both of you sinking into easily. This whole thing felt so relaxing, with the candles and the oils set about, it was personal and cozy.

Thorin washed braided your hair first, murmuring vows softly in Khuzdul.

He guided you to sink into the water. You never imagined his big hands could be so gentle, but it was so soothing you felt as if you could drift to sleep as he carefully washed your hair. Then he began to rub a sweet smelling oil into your hair. The final braid, a two strand braid for the representation of the union.

You pressed against and held each other as the silence of your friends, the ones only their to bear witness, had you forgetting the two dwarves standing in the steam.

When you felt the beads fall against you, Thorin leaned down to kiss you firmly, nuzzling you in the process. "Amrâlimê," he murmurs.

And you reach for him as he sinks toward the water, allowing you to wash and braid his hair. You did everything slowly, from the soft words that you were careful to pronounce (Bofur insisted they teach you) to the delicate brushing of his hair.

The only sounds were your echoing voice and the gentle splashing of water. Finally, you clasp the gold beads made for you by the company into his hair. He pauses to admire your name etched into them, scales carved beneath them in representation of the journey you were discovered on. Thorin smiles when you press forward and kiss his lips. "My husband," you promise.

"My wife," he replies. And he pulls you with a squeal and a splash into the hot bath water and his lap, kissing you eagerly.

"I think that's our cue to leave."

"Aye. Absolutely."

You barely noticed them leave as the two of you pressed closer. You could feel how sacred the union was. This felt so incredibly right that you couldn't think of anything but kissing your new husband.

"So do you think you can wait for your sister to-" cue the splashing water of the King dragging your slip off and tossing it into the water far away. It hits with a slap.

"Come here, yasîth."

Taglist: @tomisbaeholland @fizzyxcustard @dabisburntnut @queenofmankind @dumbassunderthemountain @saviorsong

#thorin imagine #thorin thursday #thorin fanfiction #thorin durin #thorin #thorin oakenshield #thorin x oc #king thorin #bofur #bofur the dwarf #forgot to tag #requested

[luvuwite]

all ov them rn

i think i hate you

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 

i love my parents wtf

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 

@sugarbreadz

03: Do you regret anything? 

yeah

04: Are you insecure? 

prOBABLY? im not too sure

05: What is your relationship status? 

single 

06: How do you want to die? 

hopefully not in agony

07: What did you last eat? 

wendys

08: Played any sports? 

swimming ones in freshman year, floor-hockey in 6th

09: Do you bite your nails? 

when im nervous yes

10: When was your last physical fight? 

never fought before

11: Do you like someone? 

shRUGS love is a weird subject for me

i like my friends tho they’re pretty wicked..

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 

please dont do it its one of the most painful things you can ever do

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

uhhh not that i can think of no

14: Do you miss someone?

yes

15: Have any pets? 

my sister

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 

my heart is going doki doki and im very excited and happy rn

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 

n- 

NO WHAT

18: Are you scared of spiders? 

no not really i just hesitate to take action

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 

im not sure, life is goING and yknow its going ight rn and im habby with that

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 

what does snogg mean

21: What are your plans for this weekend? 

i don’t have anythign i believe

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

if my other partner wants some sur, im in between 

23: Do you have piercings? How many? 

6

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 

math

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 

no not rlly

26: What are you craving right now? 

hmmmmm 

chip

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 

yeah

28: Have you ever been cheated on? 

yes

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 

yes

30: What’s irritating you right now? 

more of annoying than irritating 

31: Does somebody love you? 

i have

no idea

but q loves me im pretty positive on that

32: What is your favourite color? 

i like the COLORS OF THE RAIN- purple

33: Do you have trust issues? 

im not sure? kinda i think tho i dont wanna be like “OMG I HAVE TRUS-” you get where im coming from

34: Who/what was your last dream about? 

HMMMM one of my irl friends

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 

honestly yeah i think so

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 

easier to forgive since its always the small thigsn that come back

38: Is this year the best year of your life? 

no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 

im not a KISSER. I NEVER. KITHED.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 

n- NO WHAT THE HECK

51: Favourite food? 

SOUP and strawberries

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 

i think decisions lead to consequences, have it be good or bad

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 

charge my phone LOL

54: Is cheating ever okay? 

nope and you will never change my mind with that

55: Are you mean? 

can be

tho im probably not that intimidating HAHA

56: How many people have you fist fought? 

057: Do you believe in true love?

mayb

58: Favourite weather? 

thunderstorms or snow

59: Do you like the snow?

yeSSSSSSS 

60: Do you wanna get married?

marriage.........

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 

HOENSTLY i didn’t like it at first but i kinda grew into it slightly

62: What makes you happy? 

wendys, sweaaters, my sister yknow the usual

63: Would you change your name? 

no i like my name 

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 

why.. woULD I KISS THEM that kinda gay

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 

treat them as the best friend they are wtf is that gonna do

“haha u have a penis now you’re useless to me?” gtfo they are my friend

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

nO??? there’s Strange but i treat him just ask all my other friENDS??

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 

Strange

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

uhh omi

69: Do you believe in soulmates? 

mayb

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

my SISTER shes mine no one touch i will :knife:

#post #ask #long post #sugarbreadz #qherry bread

[darthyentruoc]

Burial

Sadie Adler x Reader

I suck at using punctuation so please forgive me if parts make no sense.

Also use whatever name and pronoun that makes you comfortable.

..................................................................................

Although the weather was harsh you rode back to Adler ranch, the sounds of Mrs Adler's soft sobs rang in your ears, how the horror of that night must have continued to play on her mind over and over again. You had, had the idea to give her husband a proper burial a final goodbye for both of them.

After arriving you trudged through the thick snow, the smell of smoke and burnt flesh lingering in the air around you. His body was frozen harshly in a wagon near the front of the wreckage, you called over your horse pulling a blanket from it and gently wrapping jake up before hitching up the wagon as best as you could as it was practically falling apart, and rode back to colter.

It almost felt as though the snow was biting at your fingers as you pushed open the cabin door, you rubbed your hands together to gather as much warmth as possible making your way over to the fire. But upon entering you were immediately struck by the continuous cries of Sadie Adler her eyes reddened and her cheeks tear stained, it made your heart sink as you looked her over before interrupting 'excuse me... Mrs Adler?' You stepped closer to her your voice a hushed whisper, she didnt respond with words but her tear filled eyes met yours briefly. 'Howre you holding up?','its like a nightmare i cant wake up from' she spoke, a slight crack in her voice, 'i hope you dont mind, but i um...i went back to your ranch, and i fetched your husbands body. I just wanted to know is there anywhere in particular you would like him buried or.....' she wiped her cheek looking at you in bewilderment 'i mean i think there used to be a chapel here with a graveyard, we buried davey there maybe we could bury your husband.....im sure the reverend will do a small service for him as well' you gestured over to swanson who immediately jumped to his feet bible in hand 'of course Mr/Miss Morgan' he spoke.

'Thank you Mr/Miss Morgan....that is incredibly kind of you both......and yes the chapel will do just fine' sadie half smiled at you as she dabbed away her stray tears with her handkerchief, you nodded 'well alright then... just give me some time to dig, ill come and get you when its ready' you smiled warmly before heading back out into the snow.

The ground was hard to dig due to the build up of so much snow and ice but you carried on anyway, once the hole was dug you searched around the chapel finding a piece of wood and carefully carved the words "R.I.P. JAKE ADLER" and stuck it into the snow at the head of the grave, you then fetched jakes corpse and carefully lowered him into his final resting place.

Before you could go back into the cabin you turned around to see Mrs Adler being led out by the reverend 'i hope this is ok Mrs Adler, i did the best i co....','its perfect, thank you Mr/Miss Morgan....jake wouldve been thankful' she muffled her sobs into her sleeve as she gazed at the grave before her, 'Are you ready Mrs Adler?' Swanson inquired, his bible ready she nodded.

'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil....'

Sadie fell to her knees, every emotion taking over her as her cries became more incessant, you kneeled beside her and gently placed a comforting arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer, she leaned into your chest, you felt her body shudder with each whimper, after half an hour or so she had slowly become more and more silent, realising she had completely passed out due to her crying you carefully picked her up and took her back to her bed inside the main cabin 'she alright' karen asked as she helped tuck her in 'yea, i think she's exhausted. God knows how long she must've stayed awake just waitin to die or ah ....i dont bare thinkin about','poor girl, she's had it rough. We'll look after her y/n dont worry. You go get yourself to bed.' Karen finished, you gave her a knowing nod before returning outside to cover the grave back over and heading to bed yourself.

#sadie x reader #sadie adler x reader #sadie adler imagine #sadie adler #rdr2 fandom #red dead fandom #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #colter #Adler Ranch