#dont mind me just rambling but honestly idk if this is weird but im so...grateful towards my time in old fandoms

[morningpages-louise]

August 07, 2019

Yo I got gulat. Hahaha. Cause Im sleeping in taft rn, because I slept here on Thursday and she left for anti polo but I left my stuff in her place so she told me to just lock up after myself, but I honestly fucking miss living in taft amp so I thought to myself why not just sleep here, I don’t know. So I’ve been a taft girl for two nights. People always ask me if I regret moving to pobla. No I don’t regret it. I just wish I didn’t go so soon. Because I love pobla, and I’m hella grateful to live in close proximity with everything like Rockwell and greenbelt and all the cute cafes and all that. Its just that, ill go where my friends are. And while I do have friends in pobla, aka kris and Kath and kids lol, I have more friends here. Yo archers walls are gonna give me a fucking heart attack. Cause I’m technically not even supposed to be here, but like I wanna chill ill probably spend the whole day here. I literally had 2 hours of sleep. Lets not talk about my late night decisions please. I’ve been quite irresponsible these past few days. But yeah.its 6:43 am. Last night or a few hours earlier, I was quite annoyed. By the new people added in our group. Im such a fucking bitch but I just miss when wed go to poblano and it would literally just be me, Alliyah and Sheena. Like why is there new people in the game like Sarah, Joel, and rj. I don’t know I was just annoyed. Like they’re great company, but I just felt like they were driving people away from talking to us. Lol I’m so fucking stuck up, I admit. This is the worst thing about me, the nastiest attribute, that I have so much pride in myself. I must admit. But atlas I’m aware. Does that make it better bah? Like when Derrick told me that he had been messaging Abigail, but she had been ignoring him, and now she was here, I was like thinking to myself like oh shit, should I not be seen with Derrick? Is he a loser? I don’t know tho I just went with it because I love meeting new people. And I guess I should be a little more open, because as much as Id like to believe I’m open minded, I’m honestly not that open minded. I mean if I think like this, then I’m not as open minded as I really think I am you know. I guess I should just stop caring about what people think about me. Like it all goes down to that. I still care way too much about how other people think of me, which is fucking ridiculous considering I’ll never see these people again, you know. I don’t know. Stupid. Stupid things to waste energy on. Stupid stupid stupid. Here’s to welcoming people of all weirdness and stuff. I felt like such a bitch yesterday talaga/ Like by the time we went to taft, I was just like, I’m outta here. Bye friends. Like cause I was in a pretty bad mood. I guess its me telling others like okay, Im kind of done with y’all. Like today, I think I will spend alone. So I can get work done. Okay, I’m getting pretty sleepy again. Ill probably wake up at 8, take a bath or something and then go back to sleep or something. You know an idea just struck me. Because I’ve been job hunting these past few days and I just realized like Ola hostel, which is just in Pablo ocammpo, that should be where sila sheena and Alliyah apply. I feel like they’d have so much fun cause foreigners and all. Thats also one thing that annoyed me. Like I fucking love sheena, but at times I just dont have the energy to deal with her. Someone else who I don’t have the energy to deal with is rico, like whenever he slides into my dms I just get put off man. That boy needs to puyo ha lol. Yeah sheena annoys me when she’s just constantly talking about how thirsty she is, or boys. I guess I’m just not that boy crazy. Like ofcourse I still get attracted to them and everything, but honestly like rn, its the last thing on my mind. Like my mind is pretty much thesis and careers entered at the moment. I don’t know why it pisses me off, I think maybe I just might be jealous of her, because she’s getting action. She’s being liked by guys. Jealousy, pride. These are my sins. My ugliest traits, Jealousy, lust, stealing. It’s no secret I’ve been getting money from my roomates and friends. Its fucking nasty. im thinking of what to eat for breakfast lol. Its crazy. I dont have much memories in erickas condo, because well its ricks condo, but I’m going to miss it man. She’s leaving next week na ata. See, my friends are all leaving taft one by one. First its Ericka. Then max. Then well idk who else. But yeah, were all just going. I’m getting so sleepy and im just rambling at this point, but I hope I get a job soon. And I hope these nasty habits of mine are confronted. I must find a way not to avoid these feelings, but to confront it. Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol bye.