#dont tell me i like figuring puzzles out for myself

[flowerflowerflo]

friendship breakups 🎀 . ࣪˖

OKAY. so. i was best friends with this girl for 7 years and only recently i ditched her! after so so so so long i ditched her. finally. and my god i feel SO much better.

˚₊‧꒰ა friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

someone that you experience a bond with.

˚₊‧꒰ა toxic friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

someone who drains you and hurts you while still considering themselves a friend.

i think one of the hardest parts of this whole situation is figuring out what makes somebody toxic for you without constantly over-romanticising all the good parts.

˚₊‧꒰ა clear signs of a toxic friendship ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

♡ dreading communication with them

♡ feeling drained after interactions

♡ being insecure and fearful around them

♡ holding off on telling them big things

♡ used as a joke way too often

♡ kept in the dark as just a "backup plan"

♡ left out & overlooked.

a friend should be somebody who hypes you up and makes you laugh and rambles for ages with you and makes dumb jokes with you and makes you happy and doesn't leave you out or make you feel alienated or upset or anything like that. it took me 4 whole years to actually realise this.

now, if you find yourself in a position where you are experiencing these signs of a toxic friendship but aren't really sure what to do, this is what i did!:

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ weigh out the goods & bads

if you're currently stuck with somebody who makes you feel drained and insecure and whatever else may be making you feel as though maybe you should cut them off, it sounds a little weird but as somebody who works way better puzzling things out when doing it on paper, i made a whole pros and cons list of what this friendship brings to my life. having a physical representation of your confusing thought process around the whole situation can be very beneficial and help to put your thoughts into clarity so you can make a decision that actually helps and aligns with you and go from there.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ figure out your friendship standards

everybody always talks about having standards in romantic relationships and love and all that but i barely hear anything on standards for friendships. friendships are just as important as romantic relationships, and having standards for friendships is equally essential as it would be in a relationship if you dont want to attract scruffy, dirty, insecure people who will only drag you down. ask yourself what your ideal friend looks like; somebody who shares your interests, somebody who supports you, somebody with a similar mindset to you, similar background to you; what is it that you want in a friendship? how do you define friendship? what does that look like for you? make a list and keep it somewhere safe. refer to this when making new friends and cutting them off.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ think back on your actions

a harsh truth of life is sometimes we are the problem. something i did for way longer than i should have is spend time going back over my every word, every movement, every action to see if there was something i did wrong. now dont do what i did, but do just sit down for a little bit and think if there was anything you could have possibly done and bring it up with them to resolve it if you did. admitting your wrongs is not weak. it is the strongest thing one can do.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ get a second opinion

one thing that helped me was talking to my mum about it. me and my mum are really close so i chose her but it can be another close friend, a parent, a partner, just whatever you feel comfy with. try to put it into a hypothetical situation so that they have no prior biased views on the situation and explain to them the scenario and see what they would do and what they would say. if you have no one to do it with, then thats absolutely fine because this is completely optional and just helped me to reassure myself a bit, but you can also think of it from an outsiders perspective or if a friend was telling you that they are experiencing what you're currently going through so you can get an unbiased opinion from yourself.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ let yourself feel how you feel

if you need to, just sit and cry for a bit. journal, write, wallow in your own sadness for a bit if thats what you need to release it from yourself. suppressing and holding all this in is way, way worse for you than letting it out could ever be. just have one night where you rot and cry and be sad about it. this releases the negative energy you've been holding onto about it and i promise you will feel so much lighter afterwards.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ demonising and romanticising

in these situations, its best to keep a neutral mindset towards them. even if its toxic, they were your friends in the first place for a reason and even if you shouldn't romanticise them dont demonise them and completely despise them either because thats not good for you or them. they are still an experience you went through in your life and are to be learnt from, nothing more. respect the good parts just as much as the bad parts.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ dealing with conflict

something i really really worried about for years when i wanted to leave my ex-best friend was the falling out and the social backlash, seeing as she's fairly popular too. but while i was expecting sooo much backlash and conflict, it turns out that if you do it the right way, nobody really cares. sure, it might attract a little attention for a while, but trust in yourself and remembering that nobody will actually care about this in a few weeks will get you through and you can move on with your life. if people can turn against you from only hearing one side of the story, they were never your people. plus, why are you stressing about validation from people you don't even like in the first place?

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ detachment

one thing that has saved me in many, many situations, including this one, is not giving a fuck. i will be making a post on detachment at some point but detachment in friendship breakups especially is so important because its easy to let your emotions get the best of you and control you and make irrational decisions in these situations. staying completely indifferent and detached and comfortable in yourself with you as your main priority has to be one of if not the most important part of this whole process.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ moving on

obviously moving on is difficult. moving on might be one of the most difficult things about the whole experience of a friendship breakup. so along with feeling the emotions and releasing them like i mentioned earlier, acknowledge that it's okay to mourn the past, even if they were bad for you. thats perfectly normal and okay. but do not let it consume you. trust in yourself and that this is for the best, and be proud of yourself for getting out of that friendship because there's so much you haven't yet learned and so many people you haven't yet met that will change your whole life in ways you can't possibly imagine right now. ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ trusting yourself

trust that no matter what's going on right now you will always be able to bounce back from it. trust your judgement and that if it makes you feel this bad, you arent overreacting, you arent overemotional, you arent just sensitive and it is genuinely affecting and impacting you. everything is an experience to be learnt and grow from and this is no different. its uncomfortable and its scary but the shift to getting everything you want is often scary and uncomfortable because of how much has to change to achieve that reality. if there's one person you're always going to have no matter what, it's going to be you. you are your own best friend. trust yourself above anybody and everybody else.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ actually cutting them off

one thing i did that i feel could have ended things a lot easier is not procrastinate the process of actually cutting them off. it was a little easier for me because she was ghosting me anyway so i did the same and told her no whenever she wanted me to do something because i refuse to be a second option, but if you're not comfortable with that and can't do it in a good or polite way because of whatever circumstances you might be in then just politely tell them. plan out what you wanna say in your head, dont think about it and just tell them. it will all be for the best, i promise. being uncomfortable is a part of change. you can do this.

overall, everybody enters your life and everybody leaves your life for a reason. please don't take this personally. people are not meant to stay forever. relationships are precious and fleeting, no matter what kind, and you should treasure them, good or bad, while accepting it might not be right for you anymore. people aren't supposed to stay forever and losing friends shows that you are growing. you've got this, okay? 💞💗

#girlblogging #it girlism ୨𖹭୧ #wonyoungism #it girl #pink pilates princess #friendship #best friends #mental health #health and wellness #thewizardliz #female hysteria #girlhood #self improvement #self growth #self love #self care #glow up era #it girl energy #that girl #becoming her #dream girl #dream life #mean girls #friendship breakup #self concept #self image #pinterest girl #girly stuff #princess #advice

[stormywitcher]

something i feel the need to tell everyone is the order in which i read the PJO and HOO series the first time because i am uNhiNgEd

i actually started with The Lost Hero (book 1, hoo), it was in my school library and i was curious. i instantly loved it.

i was hooked, i wanted to find out more about Percy and see where the story was going. so i read The Son Of Neptune (book 2, hoo) and then Mark Of Athena (book 3, hoo)

this was all that was out at the time (yes i was there for that cliffhanger ((literally))

so i read the PJO series in the most backwards way FOR WHAT REASON I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW WHY I DID THIS.

i read The Last Olympian (book 5, pjo) and then The Titan’s Curse (book 3, pjo) then The Battle of The Labyrinth (book 4, pjo) then The Sea Of Monsters (book 2, pjo) then The Lightning Thief (book 1, pjo)

then i proceeded to read The House of Hades (book 4, hoo) and Blood Of Olympus (book 5, hoo) as they came out!

so i read what i call the ‘10’ percy books in this order:

6-7-8-5-3-4-2-1-9-10 because i’m a freak

now whenever i read the series from beginning to end i am reminded of the fucking puzzle i put myself through the first time trying to figure out a whole ass plot with guesses because i decided to read them like this. i’m nuts.

and just another thing i wanted to add, i didn’t read another book for over a year after Blood Of Olympus coz it hit me so hard lol.

#mossy thoughts #percy jackson disney+ #percy tv show #percy jackson and the heroes of olympus #annabeth percy jackson #and percy jackson #percy pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson month #pjo tv adaptation #pjo disney+ #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #heroes of olympus #rick riordan

[lucluvr]

LET’S HANG OUT, TIL THE DEATH ... ! (CHILDE)

# synopsis...! – childe looks at you differently than before and decides while standing less than two meters behind you he’s going to marry you.

# warnings … ?! - fluff, topics of marriage, gn!reader 

# word count… -  700

# a/n !! - hi i know it’s been a while since i’ve posted, but seasonal depression kinda hit me and all of my motivation to write. sorry folks, anyways enjoy this !! it’s pure fluff bcos i dont feel like writing smut right 

(i say this as i have a kaeya one planned) anyways, enjoy !! <3 

childe was always an eccentric man. he spends all of his money on you, he takes you for late night walks in liyue, (occasionally throwing you into the warm oceans), he dotes on you like no tomorrow. you want this new game your friends have been chatting about? he buys it. you want to eat out today and every day? so be it. whatever you wish, he is your fairy. anything you want, you will get. the same goes for him though. you can't say no to him. often times you joke about how he's wrapped around your finger, when really you both are dwindled around each other's finger. 

childe sees you sitting on a bench, waiting for his arrival from work. you sit so pretty. he thinks everything you do is gorgeous. he sees how the soft, liyue breeze lightly sways your hair. he sees the outfit you put together just to await his arrival. his heart can't help but clench. he loves you so much. 

he decides then and there, he will marry you. he runs to the candy shop right next to the northland bank (he's a frequent customer). he sees a blue ring pop from his peripheral vision. he picks it up, drops a few coins by the register and runs out the shop to you. as he comes a few meters away from you, he thinks that he should have brought some flowers, but it's too late now. his fingers gently touch your shoulder. you turn around and your eyes glaze over his figure.

a soft smile creeps up on you and his heart explodes. a small pink hue paints his face and he swallows. suddenly he's nervous. he's never nervous. not around you at least. he mutters out your name as your soft, plush lips meet his cheek. 

"i was waiting for you, honey. isn't the sunset pretty?" you look away from him and tilt your head to the side. the sunsetting leaves a pretty golden look on your face. his thoughts form into words. 

"you're gorgeous," he softly says, starstruck. it catches you off guard and you feel your cheeks warming up. 

"thank you," you giggle, fixing your hair. you scoot to the right, allowing him to sit besides you. he sits beside you and all of his worries are left behind. right now he's with you. he has nothing to worry about besides the small grumble of his belly, but that can wait. you rest your head on his shoulder, breathing in his homey smell. when he first arrived in liyue, he smelled like peppermint and wood. nowadays he smells like the sea and glaze lilies. (you have an inkling that he used the cologne you and zhongli had gifted him for his birthday last year). You kisses the crown of your head, and cups your cheeks. 

you note how warm his hands are, they feel nice on your breeze-scraped cheeks. he looks at you with the softest look in your eyes. childe thinks that if he looks away, he'll never be able to look at your blinding beauty again. he basks in this feeling for as long as he can before he sighs. you look at him, confused. he gets up, abruptly. he strides forward and then turns around to face you. you look at him puzzled as to what the ginger could be doing. he kisses your forehead.

"[name], i have loved you ever since i stepped foot in this city. minutes, hours, days, months, and years have passed since i've known you. i've decided that i need to tell you this. i love you. your beauty, your laugh, your cute nose, your pretty eyes, your voice, your hands, everything. i love you, words cannot express it, my darling. you have saved me from others, but mainly myself. if not for you, i believe i would have died already. either by my own hands or by another. but, i fight with all my strength everyday so i can come home to you. even if im beaten to my core, as long as i can feel you, see you, love you one last time, that's all that matters. so please, will you marry me?" 

the image of him holding a blue raspberry ring pop while kneeling on the floor with tears in his eyes is not something you’ll ever forget.

#childe x reader #childe x y/n #childe x you #childe x gn reader #childe fluff #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin fluff #zhongli #hes mentioned once or twice #genshin reader insert #tartagalia x you #tartagalia genshin impact #childe tartagalia #tartaglia x you #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x y/n #tartaglia fluff

[ciagent8]

UNDERTALE YELLOW TECHNICALLY NOT LIVEPOSTING. PART 2!!! SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

part one here if you guys like my rambling

we're back! we must continue the journey after . killing a lot of people.

this reminds me of that thing in undertale with the uhh. lesser dog snowmans. HONEYDEW RESORT ENTRANCE!!:

interesting. i wonder who runs this place? it looks cozy

(will ruin the atmosphere via murder) oh my GOD WHY IS THE WIND BLOWING. thats horrifying!

What.

I KNEW THERE WOULD BE A HIDDEN ENTRANCE IN THE BACK AHAHAHHAHAH

oh my god

who the hell killed everyone LAST time???

well. not for long. (slowly pulls out gun)

you dont FUCKING say huh

how is coffee better than ice.... oh . it isnt. nvm

so wait why would i use the coffee ammo??????? is there a reason or

oh man, im so happy i finished that puzzle!

(realizes i have to do it again) fuck

we are struggling YAY WE DID IT martlet fight(?):

oh you poor poor soul

girlie we are a Homicidal Child

Killing you

WHY IS STILL TRYING HELP US. WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU

unfortunately, yes martlet, we DO try to kill everyone

yeah

HER MUSIC IS SO GOOD??? BUT AHHHHHHHH WHAT THE HELL ARE HER ATTACKS AHHHH-

oh my god

it took me 7 TRIES!!!! YAHOOOOO.

fuck. she retreated. is that supposed to happen?? i feel like maybe im on a neutral route now. im not sure if she was supposed to retreat or not, she also mentioned how like. shes glad we attacked early cause she would've told us where everyone else is. you know what i think im gonna retry the battle

interesting... if i apologize multiple times i get new dialogue. is she gonna spare us?

nevermind it doesnt do anything special it just. skips her boss and puts on neutral i suppose?

im gonna try apologizing and getting to her LAST line of dialogue and just. shooting her . eheheh

update: almost gave myself spoilers trying to see if there were any strategys (specifically for the part with the falling objects. god i hate that part)

so i just wasted time repeating the bossfight AND almost gave myself spoilers!! ..uwahhh

so. since i wasted so much time on martlet. i'll give some personal insight onto how the attack is.

God awful

most of her attacks are easy, *especially* since if you look at the crosshairs, it shows you what direction the attacks will go in/come from.

so all you need to do is just stand there.

with the boxes, you just have to stick to the ground. its safest, just make sure not to get crushed by objects/incoming boxes. the WORST attacks in my opinion would be the feathers exploding into 3 extra feathers attack, and the wind attack with falling objects.

the first of the two is easier, just stay away from the big red feathers and treat it all like a bullet hell.

i still havent figured out a strategy for the wind attack, i honestly just hope i dont get a bad combination of objects and usually heal right before the attack arrives.

but, yeah! i also noticed if you apologize and then attack right after, she seems to skip a line of dialogue and also maybe an attack? its hard to tell.

so yeah! apologies for rambling

moving on!

i like the fact you can see flowey during this cutscene

too bad we. crash. the boat.

whoops

YEAHHHHHHHHH desert!

i'd also like to ramble once more; i like how all of these locations and characters clover meet are kind of implied to exist at the same time as the other monsters?

like, the dark ruins: frisk wouldnt encounter it because she never falls into the dark ruins.

the other part of snowdin? it makes sense it exists; we took a different exit out of the ruins, and if you look at the base game, you can overlook a HUGE forest. who knows how many more monsters there are around?

i think im gonna feel the worst about killing him. look at him. a little guy

OH NO I JUST REALIZED

HIS ATTACKS ARE AFFECTED BY HOW DAMAGED HE IS..

CAUSE ON THE ATTACK WHERE HE GOES UP AND DOWN THE SCREEN HE JUST. STAYS AT THE TOP WITH A SAD EXPRESSION..

NOOO-

also for some reason they remind me of. binding of isaac enemies. i dont know why.

one mORE thing i'd like to wonder: where is mo????

is mo gonna like.. come back? im just curious cause like he got a whole intro, theme song, everything. so surely hes gonna come back right??

you've gotta be kidding me

this. this is just sad.

the singular tree in the desert

on a lighter note i love the sprite artwork though!!!

OH MY GOD MO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MO- DID HE JUST RIP OFF HIS SLEEVES??

hes like. trying so hard to be cool. and its kind of cool in a way if that makes any sense at all

hell yeah mo time

wait does he know we killed everyone

hell yeah mo

love how he doesnt care that he killed everyone he just wants money. i love mo. fuck i do NOT want to kill him

damn i just realized he leaves when you buy his stock. i wonder if maybe on a pacifist route that'd be how you befriend him?

too bad he's gonna. erm. probably die. damn i do not wanna kill him

i have one again reached my image limit so i am taking a break. thats all folks! hope you enjoy my ramblings

#undertale yellow #undertale yellow spoilers

[stitchwraith-stingers]

i read in the flesh, so you dont have to

its no secret that in the flesh is one of the only things fnaf fans know about fazbear frights and its imfamous for its story (which i dont blame people to be disgusted about)

but have you ever wondered what it was plot-wise but you couldnt have been bothered to read the summary on the wiki, couldnt find the book on your own to read or you just didnt want read the main reason people hate it? no? well too bad

as your local faz fright fan i decided to reread it and make a (incoherent) post made in 4 hours talking about it just because, small screenshots included (trying to not focus enterly on that)

(DONT MAKE "hahaha springtrap matpat mpreg" JOKES ON THIS POST I WILL KILL YOU)

(cw for pregnancy mention and matt being an ass to women in general)

everything under cut

now the story just starts out with matt, our protag, telling us all about how hard game making is for a page or two, theres nothing interesting of note moving on

now right after this hes playing his game, springtraps revenge, a VR game which is just a maze with puzzles where you have to escape springtrap, and 1. i got jumpscared by him describing springtrap as hannabel lecter and 2. the fact that springtrap is described as 'a child of his rage' which i just find hilarious in a ironic way

now in the game hes in a maze and he has to escape using 4 doors, and because its randomized he doesnt know which door would have the 1-in-4 chance of killing him, and long story short he looses! twice

he gets angry enough so that he throws his vr headset after the fact and when his coworker named jamie wanted to walk in to tell him hi he snaps at her

and immediatly after this we get afew paragrapths talking about matt and his previous wife, hannah

it starts off as cute, them both meeting in chemistry class in highschool, matt then started to have gotten bored of being married as it seemed to be the same thing every day, hannah having wanted kids and matt not wanting to

now he has the audacity to say that her being pregnant that she would loose her petite figure and that she had called him shallow and threw a glass of water on his face (HONESTLY very deserved)

and he had met some woman named brianna as a friend which had led to them divorcing after their annervary because of hannah seeing brianna in a bikini on his computer (hi matt, i dont believe you about you and brianna just being friends. at all. btw.)

women wronged by matt count: 1

(also i need to say this right now before anyone kills me: matt is written to be an asshole on purpose, i know that very well and it shows up how he treats people, i know its also in his perspective which is why everyone is described as it is, i know other protags have been assholes one way or another as most of my faves have been, i just dont like matt myself but if ur like one of the 3 matt fans ur cool with me and im not saying you cant like him just saying this so people dont tell me how dumb i am)

"Women were crazy, Matt had decided. And not worth the effort." GOOD RIDDANCE YOU ARE BITCHLESS

and now because of how lonely and frustrated he feels he uses his VR game as a way to deal with it, but with an actual quote "It was the cruelest of ironies that the game—much like his relationships —seemed to have turned against him."

ok but these quotes sound kinda metal. moving on

having been mad that springtrap killed him for the 3rd time this book he decides to change up the coding, so that springtrap can just, walk around forever in the maze and spedup the gameframe by 1000 so is like extra sad i guess, matt talks about himself like a god controlling a rabbit which i found kinda funny, (the voice of woody) YOU! ARE! SOME! GUY!

now here we meet the next important side-character called jason, hes matts roommate he seems friendly and they seem to be on good terms so far

he and jason watch TV and he thinks about how it was like in collage, "no complicated female emotions" having takeouts and TV and video games all day, however as time went by those feelings of being carefree are wearing off,

but thats unrelated as theyre watching the TV show he thinks about how violent it is and fantisizing how he wants to kill springtrap, which is hilarious to me.. “i saw him kill me in the vr game!!!” girl… what were YOU doing progamming him 👀 /ref

now a tiny timeskip, matt is back at his job and he is testing the VR game again, he is excited to see springtrap run around in circles like a lost child or whatever and gets a surprise

gonna be honest i think thats kinda metal how it sounds (if we ignore how the story is gonna continue for a moment) why is this the 3rd time i see disembowlment in a series i like.... 3rd penny.... werid it happened thrice

tldr springtrap has been making a clone of himself very so often and killing himself which is funny out of context because all it has as a game mechanic is to chase you and kill you, and the rabbit is now gone and apparently not in the code and considering matt has a deadline he is screwed and he goes in the vr game and just finds him . disembowled and gets an electrical shock

ANYWAYS. NOT IMPORTANT ITS TIME TO INVOLVE MORE WOMEN

jason has been setting up matt for a double date with two girls: eve and meghan, and matt is not happy that eve is his date (which im gonna assume its a blind date? not specified)

and the first thing he does is look at this girl, go "wow she fucking sucks" and starts thinking about the woman on his roommates date

"matt couldnt figure out why she didnt sound ehtusiastic" i am going to killl you........ and then kill you again

anyways they both take their own cars to the resturant, eve and matt just have a talk thats like "you work on fnaf? my brother loves fnaf" "what do you do" "IT, jason thought itd be nice of us to know" "tech is the last thing i want to think about when im home" "me too"

this made me giggle. moving on

matt and meghan get the same food while jason and eve get spaghetti and matt is just like "yknow what, maybe i should have gotten the hotter one"

so matt is like "cant have a goodtime without money" and eve is like "thats not true :>" and matt in his mind is like "what the hell, how could she do this to me"

now for the rest of the date matt just goes on and only talks about himself, eve and jason both go to the bathroom and this is where he starts to try to impress meghan

matt is that "you not rockin with me ?! im gonna kill myself" image personified

women wronged by matt count: 3

and now this is where the pregnancy symptons come in, feeling quesy, he drinks coffee and has toast and is sick, deciding to go to work untill lunchtime and nothing had worked at this point at all, nothing too interesting to point out here

obvously now matt is irritated again, given how he cannot fix the damn thing, gary, a unimportant guy you wont see him again after this, comes up to him and asks "heyyy watcha doing!!!!!!" meanwhile matt is trying not to throw up

(oh and also gary is described as having ken-doll like hair which is hilarious to me, love it when they give the most random descriptions to characters who will never appear again)

while hes waiting for gus to make his food he looks over at a totally-not-pacmac refrence from a arcade machine nearby and is like "oh i could have reprogrammed springtrap in, how couldnt have i thought of that" and how this time he 'wont antagonise the rabbit' which i find funny cuz in the game he IS the antag but i cant be bad

WE INTERUPPT YOUR BROADCAST OF MISOGENYSTIC GUY GETTING HIS WORK FUCKED OVER TO BRING YOU: GENE!!!!!!!!!

tldr this gene guy is a hacker and gets a copy of springtraps revenge before the release date and just finds a dead disembowled springtrap which i can only imagine as this fucking screenshot and its sending me

anyway he opens the files and just finds one named "its_a_boy.exe"

did you like gene? you did? too bad, were never gonna see this guy again, say bye to gene junior

back to your usual broadcasting of misogynistic guy getting fucked over at his job

now matt is on his 2nd date with a girl called madison, matt being so hungry, orders some real cooked steak and madison is like i just want a salad please ^_^ and matt asks about what madison eats and is shocked that she spilts a burger when with friends (cuz hes so hungry at this point)

these sentences amused me, moving on

also in this i realised whoever made that one post saying "i need these books to stop using the world belly" was right. who says "Well, you won’t hear it long because it’s going to be in my belly" on a date

belly counter: 1 (for good mesure)

he just, eats the steak for a good few paragrapths, lies about being anemic, madison leaves cuz her cat is sick, hes still so hungry, theres nothing else to note of here, moving on

he wakes up, notices that he has gained afew pounds and goes to throw up

jamie meets matt and matt is like "listen im nausiated alot and starving and gaining more weight do you know any virus like this" and jamie is like "idk but you look yellowish you might have jaundice dude"

and a meeting has started, gary (hi gary again i lied he comes back a 2nd time) is like "so the game is doing well, springtraps programming people have said isnt that well, thats what beta testers said idk" and matt is like "what the hell shut the fuck up ur making it up" "how about you not talk to ur supervisor like that" and he just zooms out of there idk

he goes home to eat, again, he is no longer hungry and: ladies and gentlemen welcome jason again!

GET HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESERVED

right after this based jason moment matt gets a headache, not before getting a beer oh my god i cant believe i forgot about the belly counter

belly counter: 3

anyways next mini arc, matt at this point cant put on most pants, but manages to find some for his next date, with a girl named emma

so he and emma are at a bar, matt noticing immediatly that she is ""chunky"" , leading to this convo

and nvm i cant post anymore images sorry guys ill have to put them in another reblog its so over link to that will be here if you wanna look at them

(1) emma sees him and is rightfully concerne about him leaving this early and matt goes. "you should have posted a image on a dating site not 25 pounds ago" OK. WHAT

and emma just goes . "you know you are a hypocrite right" meanwhile he is like "im leaving goodbye" and has a scene the equivalent of ripping ur pants out in public

(2) lol even

women wronged by matt count: 4

matt goes home, gets changed and tries to take medicine for pain relieve and instead gets more pain, leading to the infamous scene

but wait before that i almost forgot:

belly counter: 6

the infamous scene isnt that, bad? ive seen people act like if its some unspeakable horror

matt goes into the kitchen, grabs a knife, goes on his back and disembowls himself / gives himself a C-section or whatever, almost the same, and fleshtrap is born, or something

(3) i would have expected it to be afew more paragraths if this was the case w how people describe it, its like people going "look guys this CANT be a kids book it has PEOPLE DYING" and its just like this,

(not saying you cant be grossed out im talking about the guys on freddit making the most batshit theories talking about it like its some unspoken thing, thats what i mean)

(4) and it ends here on a, id say pretty nice ending, the investigators are asking what happened to matt with jason, noticing some slimy fur next to him, honestly on its own i like it tbh

and that was the end of in the flesh 👍

MY THOUGHTS:

it was ok, no strong opinions on this honestly, had some banger lines,

and my hot take but the pregnancy thing isnt really a pregnancy? i dont know how to describe it, but it was more like, a whole entity growinh up the whole body and not like, just from the abdomen which would have been described differently, to me atleast thats how i saw it idk i might be wrong

considering it seemed to have been fully grown enough to be able to move on its own and speak, and the fact that it was described as something INSIDE him (5) so idk, idk

and it wasnt even that horrible, they dont mention it often and it isnt that in detail if you ask me, everyone is just like "OHHH THE HORROR YOU GET TO SEE SPRINGTRAP BIRTH" but again if you still cant handle it i cant blame you you do whats best for ur health

honestly i know it does describe fleshtrap as a newborn infant and the whole its_a_boy.exe thing it makes it confusing to me, the best i can describe it in my opinion is like those horror alien movies where a guy gets infected with a parasite and another alien comes out of his ass or something, yknow

(again if you just want to form ur own opinion on that for whatever reason, you can skim the story cuz this isnt like, THE best place, just a summary for anyone curious enough to read like maybe 2k words about this, dont fully trust me this isnt even checked to see if it makes sense as sentences)

tldr: i myself dont imagine it was a pregnancy, but like an alien parasite thing, if it makes sense, i might have gotten confused about what the writers ment, i dont think the scene was THAT bad

in the flesh was a story about a guy who had all his relationships tumble down not only by his frustration with them, but his frustration with the way he programmed his game, leading him to be isolated and depressed after everyone had left him on his own

as for more silly opinions on this story that arent that important

hate matt glad they got the job done of killing him off for me, i hope every girl danced on his grave, i hope jason is living his life and i hope gene junior out there if living his life, why was belly used 6 times and stomach was used like 3 times

stan robert the cliffs and sylvia your the band instead and i need everyone to hear my idea of a hannah/madison/meghan/eve/emma polycule

ok im done wiring this its 23:17 rn and i couldnt be bothered to wait next morning to recheck everything if you see any spelling mistakes no u do not

#calico.exe #tried to get inspired by bonefalls essays cuz theyre so fascinating to read #but its not really an essay just a summary #or a discussion idc #fnaf #fazbear frights #five nights at freddys #ALSO I NEED TO SAY THIS AGAIN I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE MATT GOOD FOR YOU I JUST DONT #this was kinda fun . i hope everything made sense i might do this for some other stories #im infodumping to myself so that everyone can see and i think thats funny #anyways sorry this is so thrown around and weridly written at times ive been writing this for 4 hours and im SO tired

[hikari-ni-naritai]

3 6 10 11 12 18 21 23 26 27 29 30 31 36 45 50 52 54 55 57 58 59 60 62 69 (nice) 74 76 86 87 90 95 97

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

man . theyre both kinda. painfully sweet. bubblegum i guess? i also like cotton candy tho its just hard to pick

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i dotn know what like. most of these words mean. how are half of these related even. tomboy.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

man i fucked hard at dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

these days shredded wheat

12. name of your favorite playlist?

the fuck is a playlist

18. ideal weather?

yknow, cloudy, warm, smells like its about to rain

21. obsession from childhood?

warriors cats babeyyyy. and bionicles

23. strange habits?

man i KNOW ive got some but i cant think what they are. i do this wrist flick manoeuver to crack it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

if im actually out in the warm weather? take a nice walk maybe.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

yknow. i havent done it in ages but i really like doing jigsaw puzzles. maybe put some jazz on.

29. best way to bond with you?

i dunno honestly! i dont have an answer to this one. it takes a lot of time and effort i think.

30. places that you find sacred?

the woods. the woods the woods the woods you have no idea. the woods. its the woods.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i would die if i tried to do either of those things

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

like...... charlie the unicorn i think.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy obv

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

god there was something that destroyed me but idr what it was. the hardest in recent memory was me trying to tell a REALLY really stupid joke that wont make sense to any of you. i did not manage to say it bc i was laughing too hard.

52. favorite font?

i absolutely do not have an opinion on this

54. what did you learn from your first job?

you know at mcdonalds in order to work the grill you have to be willing to put your arms under a hot piece of metal that drips boiling grease on you? thats what i learned.

55. favorite fairy tale?

what IS my favorite fairy tale....... we'll go with red riding hood bc her modern interpretations are always the cutest

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

damn what. uhh ok, having to rebuild my entire social life after the shit that happened a couple years ago, the several year process of going from hyperconservative christian to a . whatever the hell i am now. some kind of far left girl. and uhhhh. figuring out i was trans i guess? idk

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

four??? im good at ff14 raiding, im good at writing, im good at.... uhh... im pretty funny i think, annnddddd uhhh. i dont know that its a talent, but i like to think im good at making people feel safe talking to me.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

heh... guess i shotcha... uhh 'god im fucking tired'

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

ISEKAI OBVIOUSLY specifically something like slime 300 but ill take almost any of them.

62. seven characters you relate to?

SEVEN............ god.... uhh hanako ikezawa, hikari finalfantasy (im cheating), (god i got to ONE and already had to start cheating...) yumiella dolkness, man im tappin out. look at my list of ocs i put way more of myself into them than there could ever be in any other character

69 nice. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i feel like i know how i know most of my fun facts bc if i didnt i would not really know if i could believe them or not.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 8 or 9 probably. i dont really go below a 5 so. its gotta be like migraine or vertebral artery dissection bad before im like 'i should really get some meds'. unless im doing it preemptively which ive done for like when ive got raid later.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

man fuckin SCALLOPED POTATOES BABEY

86. cookies or cupcakes?

the amount of qualifiers this question needs.... cupcakes tho probably.

87. your greatest fear?

dying.

90. luckiest mistake?

i mean most of my mistakes havent been lucky, the best i can think of is when i accidentally followed my girl @handinvampirichand and now we're mutuals with wildly different taste in things but we're cool.

95. favorite app on your phone?

i like tumblr

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhh mine, my moms, my moms house, my brother's, my dads. jg wentworth 877 CASH NOW. so thats 6

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so that was kinda trippy actually!

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #parasocial relationships #sex dysphoria

[rigil-kentauris]

9 people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by @valerianvault

Three Ships: JUST THREE???

i am ALSO on that ffxiv juice and as yall MAY have guessed from all my aymericposting its wol/aymeric.

id be here all night if i did ffxiv ships so moving on.

hm.

hm.

ffxiv has really taken oven my brain space huh? tbqh the other games im playing rn arent big shipping arenas for me. what do you ship in frostpunk? coal x generator fics i suppose. if youve got time to fuck youve got time to truck in some more steel from the steel pile. extended shifts for everyone.

this is where i would have put my feh ships if feh wasnt dead to me

well i could put bylad/claude three houses here. power couple of the century. going to get an emulator/mod at some point to restore justice in s supports. i havent got anything against bylass ships but usually the way people write her drives me fucking INSANE.

hm what for three. ugh. ugh. ugh i said no more ffxiv. but i would be lying if - and would LOVE to lie about it though - i would be lying if i tried to act like cidnero hasnt consumed at minimum 15% of my waking thoughts in recent months. its like a fucking perplexus sphere. a very Puzzle. like the rct2(?) roller coaster auto complete function. i WILL figure it out. whatever It is. but everytime i solve a piece another puzzle pops up. gonna reduce this fucking fraction youll see. youll all see.

First Ever Ship: lol. so way back when, my sister was trying to tell me her Lame Older Sister about this cool new thing called shipping. which i was NOT getting at all. and she, i would imagine because of the relative mainstream awareness at the time and the largely practical fact that i knew what marvel movies were, decided to offer the example of 'its like What If iron man and captain america were together'

which i thought was patently silly. i dont remember why now. i think my main objection was that it did not happen, and why would people spend so much time thinking about things that did not happen.

well anyway. tale old as time i thought it was very funny to ironically talk about it. and then it was not ironic anymore. so it goes.

Last Song: well according to my phone music app it was of the night by bastille.

Last Movie: hm what WAS the last movie i watched? i havent watched a movie in a minute. well we're going to be rewatching the gran turismo movie probably tonight. i liked it quite a bit in the theater (went to an empty matinée).

Currently Reading: UGH still slogging through Utopia. im at a part where it seems tommy has lost the thread, so, its difficult. and then my friend wrote a book! and im very excited to read the new draft

Currently Watching: SCAVENGERS REIGN!!!! a very beautiful and thought provoking show about a group of people who get stranded on an alien planet and how they interact with that biosphere and themselves. the animation is beautiful and colorful. it is on hbo max or whereever you receive hbo products. the last episodes drop today idk if i can handle it

Currently Consuming: nothing because i just woke up. im going to haul myself out of bed for some frosted shredded miniature wheats soon i hope

Currently Craving: anything but frosted shredded miniature wheats. bacon cheese egg wrap. chocolate chip brioch bun. pasta. hm i might be hungry. lets say Food

Tagging: @czigonas @plaidypus @lieutenantk thanks for joing me on my breadmaking saga yesterday.

#guess how many times ive built the brothel in frostpunk ONLY ONCE SUCK AND FUCK? MORE LIKE LETS PICK UP. THE PACE. #WRAP UP WELL? UH YEAH? THE COLD ISHERE #about me #ask games

[dotster001]

Can I please request a type one (romantic) TWST matchup! I am veryyy outgoing. I make friends really easy and overall I’m a people pleaser. I do get very anxious and overwhelmed easily, which can cause panic attacks. I dont like sports, but I do like studying and my grades are something I take pride in. I overwork myself a lot and I make myself crumble. I thrive in environments where I get to help people. I tend to fall for possessive people because it makes me feel like someone actually likes me, even though they’re toxic. I get a long with people pretty easily though a lot of people have taken advantage of me because I’m naive and overly kind and I do anything in my power to make sure that people like me. I crave validation so I love being praised and takes care of, it makes me feel like I’ve done something right. I really enjoy video games and puzzles cause they challenge my brain. Its very easy to get me to do anything- just tell me “if you do _____ then I’ll be so proud of you.” And I’ll do it-. I am a little chubby with stretch marks and surgical scars. I’m very insecure in my body and I would like someone who would hold me close and let the world fall away. I love the idea of someone rough and tough getting soft and snuggling with me. I have some sensory issues that can cause panic attacks, like loud places/crowds. I prefer someone quiet where I can cuddle with someone or just be in my SO’s presence. I crochet and I recently finished making a blanket! I aspire to be a botanist or a horticulturist because I love plants and gardening! Thank you!!!

(I hope you enjoy this! I feel like yours was one that I figured out relatively quickly)

I match you with Rook Hunt.

First off, I wanted someone assertive for you, who wouldn't take advantage of you, and would make sure you loved yourself. And Rook fits the bill perfectly.

He's very aware of his surroundings and the people around him, so if you start to get overwhelmed he makes sure to get you out of there. If you start putting too much of yourself out so that you can keep other people happy, he'll gently take your hand, and whisper into your ear about how lovely you are, before slowly persuading you to take a break or a step back.

You want validation? Sweetheart, that's all Rook knows! He's constantly complimenting and praising you. Every little thing is his favorite thing about you. And if his words aren't enough, then the scrapbook he's been working on full of photos he took of you will help you see it. Every photo is from his perspective and shows you exactly how he sees you.

He's possessive, but not in a toxic way. Honestly, he's mostly possessive so that you get your fix. (Cause he's also a people pleaser) It's more like, he'll put an arm around your shoulder when you're talking to someone else, and he wants a kiss or to cuddle. (I've said it once, I'll say it again, Rook frequently gets written up for PDA) He usually only does it when he can tell you're feeling a little self doubt, but every once in a while, like if you talk to Vil or Neige and ignore him, he'll genuinely feel a little pouty. In his eyes those are the only two that he thinks are more worthy of you than he is, because they are "perfect".

If you make him a blanket, you'll get him monologuing. He'll go on for hours and hours about the color scheme, about how holding it is like holding you,about how he's going to display it on his wall, about how-you're going to have to stop him if you want to do something else today.

He's going to learn everything about flowers so that he can help you in your dream to become a botanist/horticulturist. His dream is to be your photographer and errand runner when you reach your goal. Oh, petit lapin, he's so very excited for your shared future!

You're playing video games, and Rook is laying on his stomach next to you. You had, obviously, assumed that he was watching the game. Until you defeated a boss, and turned to ask him what he wanted for dinner. That's when you noticed he was just staring at you with a pleasant smile.

"How long have you been," he raised an eyebrow at your question. "Nevermind."

Asking him would just set him off on a rant of how radiant you were. And you were pretty flustered already. No matter how long you were together, his lovesick, all seeing eyes, would never fail to set your heart a flutter. 

He laughed and shifted his way into your lap, nuzzling into you.

"Ma petite fleur, comme votre expression me contrarie," he sighed.

"What?"

"Nevermind," he said with a teasing grin. What did you want to ask me, Mon fleur?"

"What do you want for dinner?" You squeaked out as his scent fully washed over you.

He leaned back a little and booped your nose.

"You."

You squirmed a little, and pouted.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Do I? How can you be so sure?" 

That damned smile on his face. He was going to be the death of you. Might as well accept it though. Be flustered by the world's greatest hunter is not a bad way to go.

#twisted wonderland #1.5k followers #twisted wonderland x reader #matchups #twst rook #twisted wonderland rook #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt #rook x reader

[x3kristax3]

Is this the end?

A/N: The more and more I write this story the more and more I love it and can't wait to share it with all of you. I've never been so compelled to write as much as I have in the last three months since I've finished Duskwood. Hope you all enjoy.

" If it's not fine, it's not the end."

Chapter 2

I watch Jake from the side mirror standing there watching us leave. Tears are flowing down my face as all I wanted was to fix whatever happened this last year.

This last year has been a whirlwind of emotions. He came out to visit me 6 months ago and I thought we were madly in love but as he was getting ready to come back he became distant and I couldn't figure out why.

I thought it was because of my friends and family being so protective of me but he assured me that wasn't the issue. He kept telling me he loved me and when we would fight he would send me my favorite flowers. However, this last fight he didn't and it had me worry.  

"MC, it will be okay" says Jessy as she pulls into a coffee shop.

"Can you just bring me a coffee and take me to Duskwood?" I say looking at the coffee shop and it's one Jake always took me too when he would spoil me when I came out here.

"Yeah I can do that, but we need to talk about what happened." She says

"He cheated on me Jessy. Not much to talk about,"  I say looking at her with tears in my eyes.

She gets out and my phone goes off with a text. Unsure if i want to check it but I do and it's from Jake.

Jake: MC, I’m sorry for everything. You deserve better than this. I know for the last year I haven’t been the best and you kept trying to fix things between us and I just pushed you away. Please just know you will always hold a space in my heart but I did fall in love with you and I hate that I broke you like this.

I see he's still online. I start typing wanting to fight him for thinking he doesn't deserve me but I stop myself and erase it. Unable to say it, I just sign off and put my phone down.

My heart breaks more knowing these last two years might not have been perfect butI thought the love was true. I put my head on the dashboard and the dam of tears just break. I look up and see the girl from earlier and I about lose it but thankfully Jessy comes out of the coffee shop and gets in.

I go to grab my coffee from her "nope you're going to tell me what happened between you and Jake. You guys acted like you were still in love this whole two years so I need to know when it became a lie to us," she says, pulling the coffee away.

"When he came to visit me six months ago. I thought we were perfect. Yes we've been fighting this last year but nothing huge. However before he left to come back here, he became really distant. I didn't know why but he just played it off as he was going to miss me." I say with a sigh.

"MC, why didn't you say anything?" She asks, giving me my coffee cup.

"Because I knew you all would go to this conclusion, especially Dan. We both know Dan hasn’t liked him even when we were looking for Hannah. I didn't want to believe he would push me away because he loved someone else" I say still crying and not taking the cup.

"MC, I need to tell you something" she says with a sigh. "I dont think he stopped loving you and loving someone else. I think he's just scared" she says, pulling out her phone and opening the chat with Jake.

Jake: Jessica, please know I never meant to hurt MC like this. She's everything I've ever wanted and more. I still love her, I always will, but she deserves someone who is worthy of her love and time. Yes I did cheat on her but they never held a place in my heart like she does.

Jake: She will always be the missing piece to the puzzle but just please let her know I did this so she can find someone worthy of her unconditional love.

Jessy: You have no idea what you've done. She's never going to love someone like she loves you. You broke her heart today and her trust. You can't expect her to just move on because you want her too. You didn't see the hurt in her eyes as we drove off but I did. 

Jessy: Even now she doesnt want to get out of the car for coffee! You broke the best thing in your life because you thought you didn't deserve her? She doesn't deserve to be treated like this. You two could have worked through whatever the problem is but no you pushed her off a cliff.

Jake: Please just tell her, I'm sorry.

"Jessy" I say with tears in my eyes "take me back and wait for me please." 

"No, you need some space and time to think and he needs to realize how much he messed up with you," she says.

I pull out my phone and show her the message he sent me. "I got that as you got out of the car. Please, I'm begging you. Otherwise I'm getting out of this car and running towards him."

She locks the doors and makes it so I can't unlock from my side "no you're not running back to him. He wants you, he can prove it by coming to Duskwood" she says as she pulls out of the parking spot and heading to Duskwood.

I lean my head against the window, knowing it’s pointless to argue with her. There is a reason she has bright red hair, when she gets angry it fits her.

Jakes POV

After the message to MC and hoping to reason with Jessica, I realize how much I've messed up. I want to win her heart back but I'm unsure if that is possible. She is right, I'm the one that pushed MC off this emotional cliff because I couldn't open up to her about what I was feeling.

I throw my phone across the apartment and it lands by the coffee cup that is shattered. I look at the shattered cup realizing it's one of the matching ones she bought to keep her for when she visits and we can both drink out of it.

Why do I always fuck up a good thing in my life? Why can't I just open up to MC and push through these feelings of doubt? 

I go and clean up the cup and grab my phone. I look at it hoping it's not cracked and thankfully it isnt. The chat with MC is open and I see it says she's online.

A notification comes through 

Dan: how fucking dare you! You don't deserve someone like her. You dont deserve to be in her presence. I swear hackerman you come near her when I'm around her it will be the last thing you do.

I don't answer him trying not to fuel the fire I started. I knew everyone was protective of her. Shit, I told her to earn their trust and become part of the group. I even know Hannah and Lilly are going to take her side. I can't blame anyone but myself for this but I decided I need to find her.

I open the app on my phone to track location. 'I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, MC,"  I say to myself as I track her location. I realize they are heading to Duskwood. I throw some clothes and the basics in a bookbag and head out locking my apartment up.

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #writing #fanfic #mc x jake #everbyte duskwood

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Wayward Waters Chapter 7

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Hello everyone! Chapter 7! time for some action! (and vore)

time to explore more of the world!

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

have fun reading!

and as always Reblogs are appreciated! (Also ASK’s are open so feel free to bother me!)

AO3 Link for those that prefer the layout there;

AO3 Wayward waters

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Being trapped underwater was bad enough but being trapped underwater with a bunch of rocks pinning me in place while a small bird legged person was in my mouth was even worse.

To Jamie’s credit they were less freaked out than I had expected.

They did however mutter Profanities that would make any saint faint.

“...fucking pirates i hope those Hobnockers get dragged to the driest hell that exists by the Kraken itself! Shooting at us! such absolute…”

Yeah that sounded about right, and the rest of that sentence was something I never ever would repeat in front of anyone.

But now what? While I could hold my breath for longer than before thanks to Imik, I was still stuck underwater!

There was one boulder pressing down on my shoulder that I was sure if I could dislodge it I could get free.

The problem was that the Ardua forms shoulder was not made for reaching over to my back.

I could probably get to it and yank it free if I could use my teeth, but alas Jamie was still in my mouth, cursing something fierce.

No other option then, and i couldn't even tell Jamie it was okay, fuck.

Well, I'm sure they'd forgive me later after I explained, after all this was better than drowning, probably.

So, tipping my head back I let Jamie slide farther backwards,  the angle making it a little weird as I swallowed.

Unlike what I had expected Jamie was not panicking, still cursing words i could never repeat in front of anyone of course, but made no move to stop me.

Were they alright?

As far as I could tell they did not seem injured, or did I miss something?

Well, i couldn't really check on that underwater so i swallowed again.

There was some movement from Jamie, 

but they only seemed nervous instead of afraid.

As puzzling as that was, I could ponder over it later,  for now I had to get to air!

So I swallowed again, sending Jamie into the pouch where they curled up without a fight which was VERY strange knowing them.

No time to dwell on that.

I turned my head as much as i could, opening my mouth and grabbing the boulder with my teeth, seeing bubbles escape from my mouth.

Gripping the boulder as hard as I could, which probably was not good for my teeth, I yanked at it, propelling myself forward and out from under the landslide that had half buried me.

Without missing a beat I began to swim upwards as my lungs started to burn.

The surface was still so far away though,  and my lungs strained with the need to breathe.

Fuck, i needed to get to the surface! 

It wasn't just my life on the line! Jamie was with me as well!

And since I swallowed them they had no means of fending for themself.

Though they were still a LOT calmer than I had expected them to be.

Head injury maybe?

Fuck fuck FUCK.

Suddenly something grabbed me by the scruff and twisted around to see what it was. 

I caught a glimpse of a long blue body with a paler underside.

Imugi! She was way better at swimming and dragged me to the surface like the wet cat I surely resembled now.

Imugi dragged my head up to the surface, holding me as I gasped for air desperately, coughing out some water I had gotten into me as I moved the boulder.

My limbs were shaking, and I was just sucking in air to refill my lungs.

Then there was an indignant kick in my pouch, JAMIE!

Hoo fuck, they still didn't know they were safe! Though with how calm they were right now they might have figured it out?

While chaotic as hell Jamie wasn't dumb, but still, they probably wanted out.

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They were quite a bit disoriented, one moment they were nearly drowning after getting tangled in the rope of the research crane the next Donovan had freed them while in his big green form.

Then the entire underwater cliffside came crashing down on them.

And now they found themselves in Donova'ns mouth, being pressed against the ridged palate as the surrounding water was flushed out.

Then air filled the limited space they had and they gasped, The air was not exactly fresh and somehow had a very faint hint of cinnamon but it was better than water.

Okay, so, Donovan was likely trapped under the landslide, and at least tried to not let them drown so that was a plus.

Though Jamie could think of a lot of things that were better than sitting halfway in a giant mouth.

Now what? Their legs were not made for swimming at all! Way too thin to ever be effective at treading water.

And Donovan didn't have air forever either.

They started to curse out the pirates with every insult and swear that came to mind, and that was a lot.

When people said cursing like a sailor then Jamie surely could do that.

They could tell that Donovan was thinking, moving his head around, likely to look for anything helpful.

Suddenly the space they were in tipped, sending them fully into the mouth, eurch but at least like that getting bitten on accident was less likely.

And then it kept tipping.

What was that Landrat turned wet cat doing?

Their head hit the dangly thing in the back of his throat, Uvula Ronan had called it? And were sucked into the weirdly squishy throat with a gulp.

What the fuck was Donovan doing?

They cursed some more, had Donovan seen something? Another Seamonster that wasn't Imugi?

Jamie did not believe that Donovan would do this out of malice, he'd jumped after them to help them, so obviously he had to have a plan.

Maybe he needed his teeth again? He used them to cut the rope, maybe he got partially tangled as well? Or needed to defend himself?

As stupid as it was to trust someone they had known for less than a week they decided to trust him.

And from Ronan’s biology rambles they knew they could at least survive ten to twenty minutes largely unharmed.

Another swallow tugged them farther and they let out a string of curses but tried to keep calm otherwise aside from some nervous twitching.

There was another swallow and Jamie ended up in something akin to an oversized fleshy hammock that shifted with Donovan's movements, Was he already trying to free himself?

Judging by the very muted sounds and moving about which made the muscles around them flex that was likely the case.

The wild moving about was replaced by rhythmic movements, swimming, Donvan got free!

They could hear his hearts beat wildy, both of them straining to keep the large body working in the absence of air.

Fuck Donovan must be running out of breath very soon, He was a land dweller after all. 

It was kind of impressive he'd managed thus far.

They really hoped Donovan could get to air soon, aside from the fact they wanted out seeing as they were in a literal fucking STOMACH they were aware that if Donovan should drown they were done for as well.

Still, they tried to keep calm, while they knew little about Donovan he had seemed like quite an alright guy, going as far as to spill some of his secrets like the shifting thing so he could help Ronan.

There was the sudden sensation of Donovan being yanked upwards, an attack?

But as there was no trashing and instead he was dragged upwards it was very likely that Imugi had grabbed the big Idiot that surrounded them right now.

Thank God! Even if Jamie was an agnostic.

Jamie could feel as they breached the surface, and then hear it as Donovan coughed loudly.

They put their hands over their ears to protect against the volume as they felt Donovan's lungs strain with effort to get fresh air.

Yeah, fresh air would be very nice right now.

While nothing had happened thus far somehow, not even the slightest itch or tingle they sure as fuck wanted out!

They kicked at the nearest wall once, to make clear they were displeased with the situation and wanted out.

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Imugi dragged my soggy body over to the ship which at least seemed largely unharmed and tried her best to nudge me onboard.

Not even a second on the Boat i began to retch, wanting to let Jamie out as soon as possible while ignoring the confused shouts and questions from Imik and Ronan, Akeem still staying calm somehow.

Not even a minute later Jamie was sitting on the deck and flinging a mix of slime and seawater from their hoodie.

“YOU DIDN'T HAVE A BETTER IDEA THAN THAT?”

Yep, not happy at all, and now Imik and Ronan were staring at me like i had grown a second head, Akeem was still as stone faced as ever for obvious reasons.

Before I could answer something I started coughing again, turning my head away to not do it into their confused faces.

While I coughed my lungs out that would rather get air inside instead of immediately trying to expel it Ronan came up to me and placed a hand on my soggy arm.

“Are you okay? What the hell happened? And why the fuck did you eat Jamie?”

As much as I wanted to answer, my lungs were busy trying to escape my body as I coughed more, the taste of saltwater still present.

Though it was astounding none of them accused me of attempted murder or where otherwise freaked out about it.

Then again those guys had more than a few screws loose.

“Yeah! Fucking gross dude”

Complained a soggy Jamie and flicked a mix of seawater and slime from their sleeve, hands still hidden away.

“I- *cough* didn't want Jamie to- *cough* drown! I'm sorry about it but i- *cough* assure you Jamie was Safe! *cough*”

They looked at me like I told them seawater as drinkable but didn't ask any more questions for now as my lungs tried to exit my body by force.

“Okay, maybe we should all calm down till our nerves aren't as high strung anymore, and Donovan manages to keep his lungs in, we probably can understand him better if he isn't trying to eject his respiratory system anyway”

That was surprisingly reasonable considering they just saw me throw up their friend after almost drowning.

Ronan awkwardly patted my soggy fur and got immediately distracted by the texture of it while Imik handed Jamie a towel who yanked it from him and wrapped themselves into it.

Akeem had already disappeared to who knew where.

I looked over to the other side of the ship and saw that the Pirates were leaving as fast as they could, why?

Oh wait, if Imugi had been able to help me then she probably scared away the other ship.

I couldn't believe I owed a Sea serpent.

Well, if i ever found something nice for a sea monster i'd give it to her.

What the hell did sea serpents even like? Whatever.

I let my head bonk against the floor of the deck, right now just trying to get my breath back, feeling kinda nauseous.

Probably for the better that i let Jamie out then, they would have cursed me to hell and then some.

“Hey are you okay? How deep down did you end up? I’ll question the stuff with Jamie later but right now you don't look so good”

Oh right, Ronan was still there, and why would it matter how deep down I went?

“I'm fine? I think I'm just tired, a little headache maybe?  so don't worry about me”

He didn't look too convinced of that.

“Okay, so fatigue and headaches, any numbness or weakness? Aching joints? Any of these?”

Well, now that he mentioned it.

“Uh, now that you say it, kinda? That underwater rockslide did have quite a punch though”

I could see him mouth the words ‘underwater rockslide?’ before shaking his head.

“Oookay, you might have divers sickness, just, don't move and don't shift. 

I have no idea if that would make it worse honestly, just lay down and don't move, okay?”

Divers sickness? What?

“Uh what? What is-”

Ronan shoved at my face with both hands before I could finish the sentence.

“Shut, go lay down right now, Divers sickness is when you dive down really deep and then resurface too fast, there might be bubbles in your bloodstream right now!”

There might be WHAT in my blood? Now that did not sound good.

So I heeded his advice and laid down where I was, just feeling tired and with a stupid headache that only got worse.

“About Jamie-”

“Don't worry, Imik and Akeem are looking after them, and we will talk later about what the hell was going on, just rest for now? 

If you have divers sickness Jamie probably does as well so i'm going to check in with the others for a moment.

I'll be right back! Don't fall off the deck!”

With that Ronan walked into the doorframe due to missing the actual doorway before actually going into the ship, leaving me alone.

Well, almost alone, Imugi was still there and making concerned and confused whistle-clicks.

I turned my head a little so I could see her and she immediately bonked her head against me softly.

She made a chirping noise and then licked my forehead like an over affectionate cat.

“Thanks, for the save not the grooming”

She made a clicking sound and continued to try and groom the seawater out of my soggy fur.

Well, the plants on my back probably didn't like saltwater anyway so why not?

Though I had no idea how much she understood of what I said, I did the polite thing and thanked her for saving me, and by proxy Jamie.

I let my head rest on the wood while Imugi was still busy with getting the saltwater out of my fur, feeling just tired.

Maybe a nap would be nice, the headache might even go away in the meantime.

So I closed my eyes and let Imugi do whatever, after saving me she deserved to be like an affectionate cat.

The next time I woke up it was to someone shoving a measuring stick into my ear.

“GAH! What are you doing?”

I shook my head like a dog to get the weird feeling out of my ear canal, looking annoyed at Ronan who tried and failed to put on an innocent face.

“Sorry, i was just curious, also i wanted to see if you had any other symptoms! Are you better now? You slept for like four hours!”

Four hours? Huh, well, at least i felt better now.

“I'm okay now? I think? The headache is gone at least, also what did you put a stick into my ear for?”

While not painful it sure had been a weird sensation, and not one I liked.

“Oh, uh, well I've been bored since they don't let me do anything right now, eel injuries and the like, yaknow, so you're kinda the only interesting thing here?”

I rolled my eyes, great, there had been comments he was a biology nerd or whatever but this guy sure was something else.

“You could at least ask, i don't really mind it all that much as long as you tell me what you're doing”

His eyes lit up and I felt like I had made a mistake as he seemed to try to not explode with energy.

“REALLY? Ohh thank you! Normally people tell me to fuck off! 

I've got so many questions now! Where to start?”

Well, my own fault really, and now the inside of my ear was itchy.

These guys really had something odd about them, maybe they were too long on the boat? Nemas had also seemed like a weird person.

Maybe staying away from land for so long made someone's brain fried?

They did spend a lot of time out in the sun after all.

But he looked so excited I didn't have the heart, err hearts, to tell him no.

“Okayy, before you conked out you said something about Jamie being safe? What did you mean by that? 

Oh also Jamie is fine, no divers sickness, just grumpy as usual”

Well, of course that's what would be asked first, but good to know Jamie was okay, at least something had gone right in all that chaos.

“Well, as you can probably tell i'm a half elf hybrid, though at this point i'm not entirely sure anymore if the other half is actually human?

Whatever,  The point is I'm a weird bastard with even weirder anatomy to match.

Basically I've got some of my organs doubled, like my heart as you know, but also my stomach, though the second one doesn't work and I can just, put things in there? Like a built in pocket i guess”

His eyes literally sparkled at the information.

“So you just have extra organs? That's so cool! 

Though if you were a bird that extra stomach would probably be a crop? Maybe? Whatever, what else is doubled? 

And how do you know where to send stuff? 

What if you send it the wrong way? 

Did that ever happen?

What's the biggest thing you put in there? 

Don't tell me it was Jamie! They would get so pissed! 

Or maybe not? Jamie is kinda tiny so no idea.

How much space does it even have anyway?

Ohhh wait wait wait, if it really is safe would it be possible for me to take a look? 

No wait forget the last question, Imik would murder me”

Well, that sure was one wall of text, also the only thing he was concerned about was Imik kicking his ass and not getting eaten?

Yep, these guys must have SOME sort of brain damage.

I just looked incredulously at him.

“Could you maybe just ask one question at once? I already forgot the first one!

As for what else is doubled, that would be my kidneys,  got four of em, well three now, DON'T ask about that.

And I guess it happened a few times that I've sent things the wrong way? I did have to practice at first.

The biggest thing i ever put in there was uhh-”

Well, technically Rikaad, or Fable, one was Bulky the other lanky so no idea, but i sure wasn't about to tell him that.

“-well not sure really, but bigger than Jamie for sure.

Also do you have self preservation? Nobody in their right mind would ask to get eaten on the mere assurance of a stranger that it is safe!”

Ronan however didn't seem to be deterred any,  He was standing there and doing a flapping motion with his hands.

Guy got excited to the point where he had to physically move huh?

And pacing on the boat got probably boring real fast,  not to mention i took up most of the deck right now.

I know, I know! It's just that, well, i'm seen as a freak and considering i'm not a medic nobody really lets me poke at stuff!

But I just want to know things! Like, like texture, size, how does each and every individual differ? 

Are the drawings in the medicinal books even accurate? 

What if they're suddenly wrong for someone? 

And some operation gets botched?

I WOULD share all the things i found out! For free! Wouldn't it be great to have a reliable source for anatomy things?”

Well, hard to disagree with that,  Also this was probably the happiest I'd seen the guy.

I was painfully reminded of Robin,  who probably was still looking out to the ocean to search for me.

I shook my head, moping wouldn't help anyone and as much as i wanted to be home already i really couldn't rush them.

They were already helping me, I couldn't demand from them to go faster.

“You know what? Fine! But you have to tell the other guys! 

I don't want to get stabbed or whatever”

Ronan nodded so fast that I wondered how he didn't get dizzy.

“REALLY?! Ohh thank you! I know the request is strange as fuck! 

I'll go get my stuff and tell Akeem what I'm doing! 

He won't let anyone get angry at you!”

Yeah Akeem seemed competent, a good choice.

“Yeah yeah,  see it as a thank you gift for dragging my sorry ass closer to home!”

Ronan just gave a thumbs up and ran towards the door that led into the ship, nearly slamming face first into it.

Well, I told him I'd let him, so no take backs now.

But I sincerely doubted the guy meant harm, but if he brought anything sharp with him he'd have to leave it on the deck!

Probably better to inspect every item as well, just to be sure.

On the way back to the deck he walked right into the door.

Akeem appeared behind him and just picked him by the scruff like a misbehaving dog.

The glass man was still the weirdest here, at least to me.

Akeem put Ronan down in front of me and then went to distract Imugi.

Smart move, who knew how she'd react to me eating her,  uh, owner? Friend? The guy that found her as a baby.

Looked like I was really doing this huh?

Well, Ronan looked so excited, and had brought a weird rock with him?

“What's the rock for?”

The thing looked to be weirdly bumpy and was a boring color.

“This? Oh it glows in the dark! I think it has to do with minerals!”

Oh so like the glowing crystal Oakley had! But less magic.

“Huh, sounds useful”

Ronan nodded and held the rock up, which didn't show anything as it was day and no clouds were in the sky.

“It is! I use it to read sometimes! Better than a candle! Now uh, do I need to do anything? 

I'm only bringing the rock as paper would just get soggy”

Yeah paper would be useless, and he didn't look like he had anything aside from the rock on him.

“Uh, take off your shoes? Don't wanna know what you stepped in,  also they'd get a bit slimy as well”

Ronan nodded and was quick to pull his shoes off,  tossing them against the door, and missing completely.

“Aight! Uhh, anything I should do now? Like, instructions?”

He did the flappy thing with his hands again,  though this time he was also clutching the rock.

“Um… just keep calm? That's really all,  as long as you don't freak out it'll be fine”

There really wasn't much to say to it, besides,  as much as i didn't like it i was the one in control, sorta at least.

“Okay! I'll just cross my arms? I guess?”

He awkwardly crossed his arms and fumbled with the rock in his hands.

“Yeah sure, that works, now you sure you want to do this? 

Last chance to back out”

“No way! It's not everyday I get to see the anatomy of a living being so close! Also I don't mind getting soggy,  I basically live on the ocean so whatever!”

True, to both of those, though I doubted he'd see much as my innards were not see through at all.

“Okay, then brace yourself I guess?”

He nodded and held the rock tightly, drumming over it with his fingers.

Seemed the injuries from the eels weren't that bad in the end, 

though I'd still do my best to be careful.

So with that thought in mind I slowly opened my mouth and carefully brought him inside, his top half laying on my tongue.

There were still bandages, what a dumbass.

Why even do this if he was still injured?

well curiosity and all that probably.

Since there was no protest I drew him in further, upon which he immediately started poking at my teeth and gums,  completely forgetting that he was told to stay still.

Curious little idiot, well as long as he didn't cut himself on my teeth it was fine, if a bit distracting.

He'd get bored of it soon enough. 

Or not, as he had been examining each tooth individually. 

"Hey did you know that you have another pair of canine teeth ready to grow in place of your current ones?"

What? Was that why He'd been poking at my palate?

Also I couldn't respond with him in my mouth. 

So I leaned forward and let him slide out of my mouth. 

He didn't say anything against it but I could tell he was still a bit disappointed. 

"What? Are you a dentist now or something?"

ANOTHER set of sharp teeth? Really?

Ronan shook his head to the question. 

"Biologist more like, but uuh, yeah? You really didn't know that? What?”

I let my head flop onto the deck, no I had not.

Though, Fables one off comment about me having baby teeth suddenly made a lot more sense.

“Nope, though now i'm sure my halfbrother knew, should have asked what the fuck he meant”

Ronan tried to suppress a grin, failed, and then started laughing loudly.

“Your brother knew but you didn't?! How did that happen?” He laughed some more and I decided to poke him carefully with a claw, which caused him to laugh more.

Ticklish huh?

“Well, as a bastard there's some funky stuff going on! The hell you think I know? Can't exactly dissect myself can i?”

I rolled my eyes at him, at least one of us found it amusing.

Meanwhile he had grabbed my paw and was examining the claws it was tipped with.

“I guess, also if you're alive it's called vivisection and not dissection, that's for dead stuff! Hey do your claws extend? Ya know, like cats?”

There was a difference between those things? Also claws extend? Uhh

Hadn't really done that consciously before, eh, couldn't be that hard.

I tried flexing my fingers and the claws indeed popped out even more.

They were the size of Ronan's Torso.

I immediately took them back, with the way Ronan was fidgeting that was just an accident waiting to happen.

“Ohh you really can! Wait, show me again! I want to measure them! They're, like, at least three feet long! And they had a groove on the bottom! I bet you can dig well with them!”

A groove on the underside? For digging? 

Yeah made sense for the Ardua.

He prodded and poked to get me to do it again,  but out of the corner of my eye I saw Akeem shake his head.

Fair, so far all Ronan had been very accident prone,  better not tempt fate.

“Eh i'd rather not, i feel like Akeem would shove me overboard or something, not keen on having another saltwater bath”

Ronan shrugged.

“I doubt he'd actually do anything! Aside from his trademark disappointing glare! But fine, can I look at the plants on your back? 

I want to know how the fuck they grow there!”

Good question actually,  as far as i knew i was still made of flesh as an Ardua.

“Yeah sure, if you find out tell me”

Since I was already laying on the wooden floor I didn't have to move, there wasn't really enough space anyway.

Ronan however did have to move, which he did and immediately climbed on my back, pulling a magnifying glass from who knew where.

This order of examination was probably better than his original plan anyway, I really was not too keen on eating two people in one day.

Though he'd probably insist again later anyway.

Though i would not mention anything till then.

While I couldn't see what the bandaged man was doing I could feel it, was he looking at each plant individually? 

That was going to take a long ass time.

“Donovan? I have to say this does not make sense! At all! 

They grow from you like hair! But i can't see the roots,  if they even have them,  so no idea how they actually grow from your skin”

Well, yeah, only looking at the part outside of my skin was not going to show much, duh.

Though, my own curiosity had been peaked now.

“Rip one out and look again”

Couldn't be worse than ripping out a hair right?

Ronan froze.

“You sure? No idea if and how much thats gonna hurt”

“Yeah, do it, i'm kinda curious now too so you better tell me what you find out”

“Okay, I'll take a smaller one! three, two, one!”

He yanked and it felt only a little bit worse than ripping out a particularly big hair, so pretty tame really.

“THEY DO HAVE ROOTS! What the fuck! 

This does not make ANY sense!”

They did? What the hell?

And now Ronan was examining the place where he had torn the plant out in detail.

“Okay i can't really see anything, also you're bleeding a little bit sorry!

Wait, is that a scar? How long is it?”

Aaand now he was scrambling to find out what the scar looked like.

Though there was no doubt which one it was.

“Oh yeah, that one, someone threw a sword at me, which is the wrong weapon to do that really”

Ronan fell off my back, landing with a thump on the deck.

“Someone THREW a SWORD at you? What? 

Well now I gotta know that story!”

Of course, though the story was rather boring.

“Not much to say really, bastard half elf walking the streets and some drunk guard decides to do his job i guess, and failed”

“Ohh right, you're from a Kingdom with a fuckton of weird laws and the like! Hey, have you got any more cool stories?”

Before I could answer, Imik walked outside with a new bunch of sandwiches, Jamie in tow, who was heckling him and trying to swipe at his heels with their clawed feet.

“Heyo! It's midday! Ronan, you can bother Donovan later again! Speaking of! Donovan, you want something to eat too?”

If it lets me avoid putting Ronan into my mouth again, sure.

Also i could hear Jamie muttering something unflattering about me,  well, already having eaten them.

They didn't really seem angry though, more annoyed.

“Uh yeah sure, let me shift first though”

NEXT / PREVIOUS / OVERSIGHT

#sstc #lizards writing #vore story #soft vore #giant/tiny #g/t vore #extreme cuddling #sfw vore #v0re #g/t story #Sea of Barmea #Ship #ocean #sea serpent #sea monster

[ramrage]

fic concept: "dear simon"

ive been playing with the idea of writing a fic but it's told entirely through the pages of soap's journal, which have at some point become a collection of letters to ghost. of course he's never going to give them to ghost. he just needs a way to puzzle out their interactions because ghost is a cryptic pain in the ass and does he hate me or like me what's going on?

it definitely is chock full of limitations, but were i able to work around them and somehow make it benefit the narrative, it would be electric. the "truth" wouldn't matter or exist at all. it would be limited to soap's perception, colored by overthinking and shame/embarrassment despite trying to write something completely honest and for his eyes only.

shit i wrote at 3am below the cut. any suggestions/crit/feedback would be GREAT (plsplspls)

Dear Simon,

Yer never gonna read this. I’ll probably take a match to it when I’m done because yer a sneaky bastard and writing all this makes me feel like a cunt. I take to my journal, have been forever, to make my thoughts more real, yknow? not sure why i’m explaining myself to ye like yer ever gonna read it…

You’ve been getting on my last bleeding nerve, is the thing. Not like yer doin anything out of the ordinary for yerself. just the normal mysterious, aloof, fucken terrifying thing you do. with the stupid mask. fucken. i just didn’t know that /your thing/ also involved making fucken shite jokes bein endearing not as terrifying as i took ye fer. and that’s grand, except when you’re not being that way and i’m left to wonder how things went tits up.

i remember meeting you. they told me ye were some big scary fucker, and ye were, jesus, but i wanted to crack ye. after graves turned and left us to claw outta las almas, i thought i was. i didnae think ye’d wait for me, didnae think ye’d be in my ear with some of the most shite jokes i’d ever heard, but ye were. made me wanna push ye. see yer limits. i’ll be honest, i was full on with callin ye a good ol boy and tellin ye to take yer mask off. sorry bout that. but ye coulda shut me up and i know ye wouldnae struggle to. so i thought i found a boundary.

but you’ve been short with me all week. today, ye fucking head case, i do nothin more than nudge ye in the gym, tell ye yer liftin light + ye come at me like ye got a stick up yer arse. not even a quip back. whatdye say? some bullshite about respecting your superiors, /mactavish/. ye didnae strike me as a man who gave a quarter shite about vanity lifting and ye still don’t. im probably making somethin outta nothin and i dinnae ken why i even give a damn, give a damn enough to write it out like a wee fucken lovesick school girl, but here i am. i’ve not cared about people liking me for bleedin ages. and people tend to like me, no? charming and handsome bastard that i am.

maybe i don like thinking i can’t figure you out. yer rank pulling stunt has me wanting to punch the head clean off ye, but i still think i can crack ye. it’d do ye some good, lt. i told ye as much in las almas, and i meant it. not sure if ye got it, though.

well. i’ve not got anything left to tell ye, not today, and my hands are cramping somethin awful so i’ll sign off. until next time, ye jackarse.

J

notes to the readers that might exist:

in addition to literally any feedback you have, i have some specific questions about bits im particularly unhappy with/insecure about. but dw bout being too harsh or honest, i was in writing workshops (you wouldnt be able to tell smh) with liberal arts students with something to prove so my skin has been thickened yk. if by the grace of god you wanna beta pls lmk and ill have a child just so i can give you my firstborn xx

how do we feel about the strikethroughs? personally i think they can help me say shit that i want the reader to know but dont think johnny completely means or is ready to say

should i push details like that which reinforce that this is written by hand? like shorthand, writing + instead of "and"

i put slashes around things that i would otherwise italicize bc that's what i do when i journal. does it work? what would work better?

should the entries include dates?

how severely does it sound like an american trying to sound scottish lol? lmk what works/doesn't work im dying out here

i have an idea for the last chapter (despite not having a plot) and tbh it's predictable as hell but it could be zesty (;

#idk how to write it out as far as word choice either #like would he write shit like something off of scottish twitter 'yer right moira im oan the protein' or would it be''''proper english'''''? #and how much would he describe things? does a story even need that? #how honest would he let himself be? all very big questions #also my knowledge of how scottish people speak is beyond limited and probably bastardized by irish/english turns of phrase #so maybe i shouldnt even bother with that #but thn again if he wrote in his journal like an american asshole writes (comma) that would be dishonest #internal mw2 #ghost x soap #mine

[luciusspriggss]

trauma dumping on main some more (this is purely to rant. that's it)

i get im hard to be with. but i am constantly trying to better myself. i am constantly trying to do good. and i always support whoever im with no matter what. because i love them and dont care if they need my help getting out of bed, taking their shoes and socks off for them, or consoling them while they are having a hard time. that doesnt make a difference for me.

it's just hard when nobody is willing to do the same for me. and i get it, im difficult. i have meltdowns, i have low self esteem, i have trouble socializing with people and understanding social cues, i sometimes struggle with severe executive dysfunction, but i always try to make up for it in other ways.

after six months with Jes, they told me, after seeing me at my worse, that if that is all there is then they would want to spend the rest of their life with me. even if i was always at my worst and never got better. regardless, i tried so hard to never get back to that point and really improve myself. eventually they gave me a promise ring and told me they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me and marry me someday. that they never believed in love, or even knew what love really was, until they met me.

which is why it hurt when they told me they dont think they can handle my problems forever. that they dont believe in marriage or deep love anymore (with anyone). despite having a new partner who they have admitted that they may be in love with already. i get it, i really get it. im "too much" or "a lot".

it's just...the only people who really get me and love all of me, are my dad and step-mom. im scared im going to be alone the rest of my life. i understand i need to know how to be on my own (which i feel like i already do, considering my past situations where I was living by myself). I just, want to meet someone who gets me, and i get them, and we love and support one another.

i dont want to be scared, that if i have a meltdown they will want to break up with me. i want someone who is cool with me trying to figure out what is going to happen in a show/movie/storyline. i'm tired of people telling me to stop because "what is the point in even watching with you, when you are going to figure everything out and tell us what is going to happen. why watch anything at that point if you just figure it out all the time". i dont always figure it out though, and im never confident, i just see that shit as like a puzzle and it excites me. i just want for someone to try with me as much as i try with them. i want someone i can have fun with. i want someone who sees me and loves me for me.

i feel like people get to know me and create this idealized version of me (a manic pixie dream girl. one of my nicknames from someone was Summer Finn, from 500 days of summer). they put me on this pedestal, and then see the rest of me. not the fun me. not the quirky me. the real me. and realize they dont want to deal with "all of that". im tired of every romantic interest ive ever had, telling me "im not good enough for you, you deserve better than me. you deserve someone who can take care of you just as much as you take care of me"

i just feel unlovable. it doesnt help that my first ex ingrained in me that "nobody is good enough for you. you will never be happy with anyone. you are probably best off on your own". 😞. i dunno. i also dont know how the hell im supposed to meet someone, if i am terrified of talking to people. i am on the dating apps, but have never had any luck with them (probably because someone i would really get along with isnt even on them).

i just feel so lonely. it hurts that i found someone who i loved deeply, that ultimately realized they dont even want to try supporting me. which isnt that hard!!! just do what my dad does, which is make spaghetti (or buy it), have me do some task while spaghetti is cooking (usually chopping wood or something), and then watch a show/movie while eating spaghetti!!! like thats it. he lets me cry and freak out, leaves me be, reassure me he loves me, and make spaghetti. im not saying im expecting someone to do exactly what my dad does, but i just mean, someone who is willing to figure out how they can show they care in their own way.

Jes didnt want to do that. when i had meltdowns or shutdowns or ocd episodes, they would just leave me alone and go off doing fuck off whatever they wanted, come back and be like, "are you okay now?". my first ex would leave me alone too, come back and be like "why are you still crying. get over it.". and ive become accustomed to having to deal with moments on my own. which is really fucking hard. but i can do it. i know i can. it would just be nice to have someone who would be willing to try at least some of the time.

i just want to feel wanted. i want someone who loves all of me. just like i want to give someone all of my love. im tired of always feeling like im going to be alone the rest of my life. that nobody will ever want me. that i am unlovable. that i am nobody.

-siiiigggghhhhh- im fine. i will be fine. there is nothing wrong with being alone. i just need to come to terms with that.

[partofyourcrisis]

hi guys (my like. 4 followers) i was tagged a while ago to do one of those get to know you things with the questions or the prompts and so i tried to write this earlier but then i didnt know if i was supposed to do the same prompts or if there was a different post somewhere but then i just got nervous and never did it because i never actually write my own posts on this hellsite (affectionate) but anyways here goes (thanks jo @fluxofdaydreams for the tag you are so cool) (also im pretty sure i put a readmore right below this text but i never make posts so i cant be sure so im so sorry for putting a long post on your dash if i did)

1. last song: according to what was up on my spotify when i opened the app just now its beyond the mist from the alice in borderland soundtrack but the most recent. lyrical/non-instrumental song ive listened to was apparently i am my own muse from the new fall out boy album which i find hilarious because its buried in my spotify history surrounded by a bunch of other scores and soundtracks and other instrumental music and its possible that i love it so much because it reminds me of those. anyways. sorry to ramble

2. last show: the bear season 2

3. last movie: escape room and escape room 2: tournament of champions both of which i watched last night because i love shitty horror and i love puzzles. they were pretty good for entertainment purposed and “try to beat the characters to figuring out the puzzle” purposes

4. currently watching: im in the middle of. so many things. ive started one piece but can you really say you’re currently watching one piece if its more like you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that watching all 1064 and counting episodes of one piece will take years of your life, rather than days?

5. currently reading: i just finished ninth house and hell bent by leigh bardugo yesterday and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by gabrielle nevin like 20 minutes ago

6. current obsession: honestly nothing is making me chew drywall rn surprisingly. i also dont have a good enough memory to tell you what it was most recently. i only really let myself obsess over something after ive finished it because i try to avoid spoilers so. idk.

i dont really know who to tag who would explicitly welcome being tagged since i havent really talked to anyone on here (i mostly communicate by liking and reblogging things from people i like) but if anyone does actually want to do this i would love to learn more about any of you

thanks for listening, void

#jess’s tumblr diary entry no. 1

[thesixthstar]

i feel incredibly silly for not figuring this out sooner (or rather, for having figured this out and then forgot about it and have to puzzle thru it anew) but the vague sense of deep dissatisfaction is not with my job or my relationship or my living situation, but its due to the fact that my partner is currently my one (1) IRL close friendship. My housemates and gaming group are friends, but not like Besties.

When my friends started to move away after college, I never replaced those close friendships, and I’ve tried to hold on to the closest of those existing friendships, but its hard to do over long distances when we started off as IRL besties, so its not quite the same. I still love those people fiercely and wish they were closer, and I’m trying to rekindle how much we connect when I can (though part of it is that i’m not great at keeping up with folks who are far away when we dont have regularly scheduled hangouts and common media to talk about) but I haven’t found the Something I used to have.

I had this figured out at the end of 2019 and was planning on seeking out people from my dance venues to try to befriend, but then Pandemic happened and fucked that. Now my dance venue is back but I’m just a more exhausted person, and I feel like i’m also spreading myself too thin on how much I do per week lately. I think what keeps happening is I keep trying to spread as wide of a net as possible of doing ALL the things in the hopes that one of them will stick, and then going [surprised pikachu] when it turns out that Lightly Doing A Lot will not lead to deep connections, and will also lead to me burning out.

Mutuals may notice I totally missed doing the Movie Night I promised to schedule for late July/early August. I’m going to tell myself that this wasn’t a “you missed it now it wont ever happen again” thing, bc it was fun, but i’ve gotta try to recalibrate as to how i’m operating in general so I can stop trying to Start Everything and then drop it when it doesn’t Immediately Make Me Close Friends.

It just fucking sucks to build new friendships as an adult in general, but even more so as someone who’s personality is very slow to build bonds in general, and who is. just exhausted.

#tag

[sadistic-softie]

Sometimes I need to stop, take a step back, and ask myself, "Am I ok?" and the answer is always, "uuhh?????????"

therapy gets so repetative and exhausting. When am i gonna move on from complaining about the same problems actually get to the helping part? And how many therapists is it gonna take before I get there? I'm on number...7??? 8? 9???? and i hate that every single one of them has been like, ~most therapists go through the notes and records of the patients health conditions and past sessions with other therapists, but I don't like to do that here. I like to start clean and fresh with each patient so I can hear it from them. I have your chart and all your info here, but i just wanna hear if from you~. Because im so cool and all the other therapists suck mega penis~ Like stfu and please read my chart for the love of god i dont need to go through hours of sessions of straight miserable traumadumping every single time i get disconnected from a therapist and have to spend 5 months on the waiting list for a new one. And it's so easy to just get dropped by therapists too. I missed 2 appointments ever? gone. Therapist suddenly vanished from the establishment? We can't replace them! find a whole new place! Your new therapist sucks and just tells you to get over it? Give us a month and we'll see if we can find someone else for you. oopsies! your therapist got fired! Nothing we can do about that! Your therapist forced you into a situation that she knew would put you in danger of abuse? It was her job! FUCK. I literally get better therapy from calling 988, crisis lines, or abuse hotlines for 10 minutes and they're free. Might as well just call THEM on a weekly basis since they ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP YOU WHEN YOU ASK FOR FUCKING HELP. They give you advice, comfort, support, coping mechanisms, distractions, suggestions, resources, ideas, communities, etc etc. Seriously. Therapy, in all my years, barely ever does that shit unless you're on the brink of breakdown because "why is nothing working!?" nothing's working because it's literally nothing being put to work. They're putting nothing machines in your brain factory, and when 'NOTHING' is working, no progress gets made.

Honestly. Sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm just really unlucky with my therapists. I be spilling my soul to them and begging for help and they're just like. "Hmmm...that does seem very difficult...What do you think I can do to help you?" and i just...like..."I don't know??? im not really a mental health specialist??? Like you??????" and they fucking laugh and go, "Well, that is true...hmmmmm, let me think...you seem to be doing everything you cannnn...hmmmm" God, i never show it but tht shit pisses me off so bad. The more times i hear "What do you think i can do to help?" and "Hmmmmmmm" and overly fucking drawn out words, the more 'asshole' and ingenuine it sounds. It sounds like mockery. It sounds like they think I'm a toddler trying to figure out how to manuver their first 4 piece puzzle. They sound like when teachers say "I dunno. Can you?" when you ask if you can use the restroom. Like...Do you think I'm fucking around when I say I don't know what to do? Do you think I just ask for help for shits and giggles? Do you think, "I'm feeling suicidal" is just a quirky little catchphrase? Like, fuck. Just listen to one fucking thing I say. I pay you for this. Just fucking listen to me and hear the words coming out of my mouth and process what they actually fucking mean. I fucking have nobody else and I'm paying you to help me not fucking kill myself and you're gonna fucking sit there, eating cereal, talking about how your 'poor husband' was so shy "just like me" that he didn't make the first move on you when you first met, like this session is about comparing my socially crippling mental condition to a common case of the nerves, acting like you're my casual best friend or acting like this is me learning 2 plus fucking 2 in kindergarden math class with god damn counting blocks and you don't wanna give me too many hints that give the answer away. FUCK. OFF. No fucking wonder your other patients cuss you out. I bet they're soooo lucky to have you like you're sooo lucky that im so god damn polite and articulate. You like that im so articulate, huh? You really get what im saying? How about this next one?: QUIT YOUR JOB.

#therapy #is not helping #and it stresses me out #and its miserable #tw sui ideation #988lifeline #vent #sorry i got really angry #therapy is just so fucking taxing and exhausting #and it should really be the opposite #fuck i been needing to say this #sorry i fucking snapped #gonna cry myself to sleep