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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

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i'm cry laughing some people on twitter are now saying "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged in fics. how did these people ever survive watching this show where izzy is the CANON ANTAGONIST i'll never know

benefit of the doubt but i think most of them have gotten to this point gradually. when they first watched the show they were not attached to izzy the way they are now. i know for a lot of people it was blorbo at first sight with izzy but i've also seen izzy enjoyers say they didn't like him at first, and then fandom made them care about him.

like i'm pretty sure for a lot of ppl it started off with isolating themselves from ppl who made posts that they didnt like, like ppl who criticized ofmd for being based on two real people with direct connections to actual real-world slave trade (which is an incredibly valid thing to criticize abt ofmd).

another one that i think funneled a lot of fans towards being so delusionally attached to izzy was people pointing out or complaining about the disproportionate amount of fan content for izzy compared to prominent characters of color—which is a consistent issue in fandom no matter what the media, and is also a very easy one for people to be uncomfortable with whenever they see it get pointed out. people venting that "fans care too much abt this white man" often make fans who care abt that white man very defensive right off the bat, and then rather than engage with why they feel defensive or question if maybe their enjoyment of this character is fueled by implicit bias (which it might not be, to be clear! im not saying—and i have never said—that everyone who enjoyes izzy likes him for racist reasons), they stop listening to the conversation abt white favoritism and continue blorboposting as much as they want. it's incredibly easy for fans to brush off this convo as "just starting drama" and avoid the topic altogether because "fandom is for fun!" and they dont want to think abt difficult topics like racism and implicit bias, they just want to enjoy their blorbos in peace.

so they kept narrowing the takes they were seeing until they were in an echo chamber that kept moving more and more towards complete woobification of izzy hands. these people are now looking at the show entirely through izzy's pov, making posts abt how sad it is that none of the other characters are ever nice to him, how frustrating the show is from his perspective, how it feels to be deeply in love with someone who doesn't love you back. they've stared at gifs of con's micro-expressions and read angsty fanfiction and looked at endless izzy fanart and their entire ofmd fandom experience revolves around empathizing with this one character even tho the show itself continually makes him the butt of the joke.

at this point, telling these people to rewatch the show doesn't even matter. they've spent so much time over-analyzing every single one of izzy's scenes to the point where the emotional responses they get from these scenes are not the emotional responses anyone would have watching the show for the first time. they've warped the entire first season to fit their version of the show and are forgetting how often the show itself bashes izzy.

and the icing on the cake is the trolling. there's like, one or two people on here who go around sending anon hate and leaving nasty comments on instagram posts and harassing people on twitter for... like, i would say "for liking izzy" or even "for saying positive things about izzy" but like. i've gotten these messages, and the most sympathetic i've ever been to izzy was the post i made like "maybe he's mean bc he has chronic IBS. i'd actually understand him more if that were the case." so when i get these messages it's easier for me to just laugh them off bc it's so obviously just someone trying to make me upset, but people who do care about izzy (a lot of them being the same people who avoided engaging with the "why does fandom care so much abt white characters" convo) get these absolutely horrible messages about how they deserve to get hate crimed and they should kill themselves. and these fans who didn't want to even see vaguely negative posts abt izzy bc they just want to enjoy fandom in peace are now like "im targeted for just liking a character!"

so that's how we get to people saying that "izzy bashing" needs to be tagged. never mind that their definition of "bashing" almost certainly includes things that are not bashing but are just things that contradict the way they headcannnon him.

#ask #anon #mine #txt #og #izzy critical #izzy hands #ofmd fandom crit #if this post is in the izcourse tag no it isnt u just dont know how to use tumblr #obligatory Not All Izzy Fans disclaimer #also btw in case anyone tries to come at me with “it's stupid to tell people to pay attention to different characters”:#noticing the disappointing trend of fandom to fixate on white side characters ≠ telling people to stop making izzy content #im not telling individual izzy hands enjoyers to stop paying attention to izzy. there are a lot of reasons why ppl might like izzy #if i interact w someone whose ofmd contribution is primarily pro-izzy my thought is “oh they like antagonists”#not “oh they don't care about characters of color bc they're racist” ok im not gonna jump there without a reason #but on a fandom-wide scale this is a Trend that has happened over and over again in fandom after fandom after fandom #like We Live In A Society bro we can't just pretend white men are always the faves in fandoms just by coincidence #but also tbh if you think im saying that You Personally need to make content for characters of color? and you're getting MAD at me for it??#then ur probs not someone i want making content for those characters lmao. u keep izzyposting to ur heart's content <3 have fun bestie

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ozymoron · 9 months

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literally why am i a perfectionist i actually really dont give a shit

#⚠️#personal #''this drawing sucks everyones going to notice the eye isnt in the exact right spot'' both you and i know we dont fucking care #vent #rant #genuinely cant put into words how much this shit frustrates me #like everytime i draw i just have this stupid little critic in the back of my mind thats like ''this looks like shit you should just quit''#and it drives me crazy #like genuinely shut up #i think all those years on art youtube has just ruined my motivation #like all those art roast videos all those ''DONT DO THIS YOU ARE KILLING YOUR ART'' videos #i think i should just go frolic in a field i think that would fix me #like some of the guys making these kinds of videos are professional artists which just makes it worse for me #cause like i wanna be a professional someday and like having that fear in my mind that they might all look at my art and tear it to shreds #for not being perfect or something just feels so demotivating #like ik its irrational like 100% they would not do that but idk im tired of how harsh art spaces online are #maybe its just the spaces ive been in but from the ones ive been in theyre just so harsh and for what #i genuinely dont get the motivation behind it #what is saying ''dont do this its killing your art'' or ''roasting'' other peoples art doing for anyone #who is that helping #god i have to be up at 9 and its nearly 3 am but like god i need to rant about this just to get it out of my system #ik the whole ''DO NOT DO THIS'' thing probably gets you a lot more views than being like ''how to draw facial expressions'' or whatever #but like still who is that helping #idk maybe its all my years of being told not to do things without a reason why that makes me feel this way but it bothers me #i just worry for younger artists who are growing up on art youtube or are on art tiktok #idk if any of this made sense i cant be bothered reading back through it but i just have a lot of built up frustration towards the more i #guess ''mainstream'' (idk if thats the right word) parts of the art community #honestly idk why im so worried about professional artists who title their videos like ''DONT FUCKING DO THIS OR YOU WILL DIE''#judging my art #i hit the tag limit yippee. if i have more that i think to say ill just add them in a reblog

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vaguelyhauntedcornfield · 1 year

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Okay but like I really need to rant about this a bit so like spoilers for ep 3 of tlou below but like

idk I’ve never played the game so I had no idea what to expect going into this, but when Frank showed up, I was like “I can’t tell if Bill is going to kill him or marry him.” WELL. Nick Offerman did such a GOOD job of looking on guard and uncomfortable. His shoulders are like up to his ears the entire meeting sequence and it made me so jumpy, and then we skip 3 years and he’s so visibly relaxed. And my heart started to melt. And I found myself so enamored with these two men who, against all odds, found love in a situation where that should have been impossible. Frank was the last alive from a group fleeing a collapsed quarantine zone, Bill a preper who had decided to be alone long before the pandemic even started. We expect Bill to die the whole time--comments about him getting old faster than Frank, getting shot by raiders. The jump to Frank being sick...they showed so much through his paintings. You weren’t expecting it, and they showed you through his art how his illness has been progressing, and how him being able to see that himself affected him. They showed how Bill broke down and made a deal with Joel to get medicine despite saying he never would. This show. THIS SHOW. I was sobbing up until Bill became weirdly calm during the dinner, because I realized he’d made the decision too. They died on their own terms in a world where that had become nearly impossible. They had a beautiful life together in a world where that had become a pipe dream. Two characters that we never even meet thru the main characters, not in the present day, but who matter so much.

#also i have a lot of feelings as a chronically ill artist about everything with Frank (not bad ones! just like i feel a lot 🥲)#it hit close to home #honestly bill resonated with me too but not bc of the preper conspiracy theorist part lol #more bc of the self-imposed solitude and not seeking out relationships #i know from other posts that this is nothing like how they were in the game but this seems like such an improvement tbh #like this episode deserves awards for how much it hit me in the feels #tlou hbo spoilers #the last of us spoilers #it's 5 am so like i am not coherent but i also cannot sleep #idk how we got my horror-hating mom hooked on this show and now we're making her sob over gay romance like #that right there tells you this show is good lol #i feel like i could write an entire book on how illness can impact art and handwriting #my handwriting became that of an entirely different person when i started to get sick #my drawings changed too #tho maybe not in a way anyone but me noticed #my friend who has a similar health issue just with more presentation had to give up art almost entirely #idk it's a kind of hard i can't explain and that i dont think you can understand unless you've experienced it yourself #seeing the progression of your symptoms in the things you create #seeing how you're unable to hide it even with care #idk man #it's honestly an emotion i dont think i could name #but i feel it so strongly every time i look at more than a few lines i've written by hand #or at a page of studies ive drawn #i feel like they never made frank a tragic character. they never made illness tragic #they just made it real #the tragic theme was the idea of one without the other and it went both ways #they hit on that repeatedly throughout the ep #and in the end they didn’t have to face that tragedy #idk i feel like it’s one of the few depictions of chronic illness/terminal illness ive seen that doesn’t play the illness as tragedy #and i found that…refreshing

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larrythefloridaman · 2 years

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maybe J0hn for the character bingo? owo

love this man ive been attached to him since he first showed up <3 dont have too much new i can think of to say about him though

#the 'literally me' one is only filled in because the discord kin-assigned me j0hn #and because i look at his issues with empathy and how he likes the company of unhinged people and go Same Hat #that said i still think its so funny that people in-universe seem to think he's nicer/more normal than larry #we warned him abt prism and what does he do? immediately seek her out. let her vent to him. and then left to talk shit abt her with us asap #hell outside the nccts he didnt even apologize for the sephiroth incident. he asked the guy he almost got killed to call his girlfriend #to sub in for the guy that tried to kill him. and then larry apologized on behalf of both of them the next episode.#larry's mean but hes nice and j0hn is nice but he's mean. you go to an appointment with them and larry's playfully antagonizing you #but then you leave and larry's like 'love that guy.' bc he was trying to make you laugh #and j0hn's like 'most annoying motherfucker.' because he was being professional and fast bc he was trying to get you to leave faster.#but i do think if we got to know whats going on in his head more directly #there'd be a bit of the phoenix wright effect. he's so nice. but if you heard his inner monologue #you'd hear every bitchy little comment he thinks about everyone every day that he just doesnt verbalize because he Chooses To Be Nice #until someone gives him good reason to be mean at which point the snippiness comes out see: orange intros #where crimson makes one (1) snide comment about his relationship and j0hn totally changes his tone with him #j0hn voice 'if anyone is mean about/to my clown the cyberbullying begins i dont care if you're god'#also larry has more of a self-preservation instinct than j0hn. larry gets a gun pointed at him and says 'hey HEY lets be reasonable here'#and j0hn says 'do it pussy you won't' and completely bluffs his way around it while making you feel like an idiot in the process #because he noticed you like. loaded the bullets wrong or some shit so the gun wont fucking work anyway #note: his kindness is real i just think his willingness and joy in being a lil mean sometimes is fun and interesting #larry abt peppermint: 'eh she not the most girl ive ever met'#j0hn: pitbull snarling sfx blasted through body speakers

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thebestestbat · 1 year

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raven and jgy are also kind of complete opposite characters bc jgy's entire teenage and young adult life was about trying to find a way to become his evil father's right hand man and raven's entire teenage and young adult life was about avoiding her evil father's attempts to make her his right hand woman.

#so mdzs is kind of like if there was a side character who was like raven except it was raven whose dad hated her and she wanted his love #so bad that she got so smart and good at committing evil crimes in the hopes that he would notice and love her #but then he only used her and never loved her and in the end she realized he was just a piece of shit rapist and killed him plus 29 women #AND THEN her old best friend. whose older brother/father figure she killed while working for her own dad. knew what she had done #and concocted a whole plan that would out raven as evil (and in mdzs this raven cares so much about her reputation like sooo much)#if raven did not kill herself. and then the friend changed her mind (its a girl friend if raven is a girl) and tricked raven's best friend #into killing her. and also the old friend had dug up arella's body and destroyed it.#the end :)#ALSO ON THE OTHER HAND. so ntt is like what is jgy was raised by a cult who taught him cultivation but made him feel guilty about it #and that he had to use it to help people or he was evil. bc he was born evil and has to change it #and he has no friends and no mother. they didnt even let him talk to his mother #and he realizes that in order to save the world from himself he has to leave his mother and everything he knows #and he can never go back. and the people he finds to help him don't understand him and he doesn't understand them #and he still has to use his cultivation to help people and everytime he does it hurts him #and he thinks he made a mistake to leave his home because his evil father is getting even closer and closer and everything hurts so much #and it is so much harder now to not be angry. and he cant ask anyone for help because he left behind the person who would always tell him #how to get rid of emotions #THE END i dont actually know the end of raven's story alskdjf havent read that far #jgy #raven

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sodaf · 1 year

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I've been getting so frustrated with my art lately because I can't seem to convey the kind of emotion that I want to. Feels like it doesn't suit my style at this point. I can make funny mini comics and maybe just sketch out characters doing mundane things but that's all it is, just sketches and doodles. I don't even like making finished pieces in color or inked but it permanently just looks like a "work in progress" if I don't

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gohard-or-gohomo · 1 year

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#i genuinely think if i get institutionalised over the summer no one would notice until september #and even then im moving to a new school so they might not notice #no one talks to me outside of when they see me in person #its like i dont exist #and i know they care about me but sometimes it really feels like im a second thought #im no ones best friend. im no ones top priority #and that sounds so selfish so i cant say it to them #it would be cruel to put that on someone #but i cant stop thinking that if i died or disappeared everyone would be upset for a few weeks at most and then forget #and so i cant talk to my friends about it #and i cant talk to my parents about it because theyre. my parents. as far as they know the worst my mental health has ever been #was when i was stressed about my exams #and i dont even have a therapist any more! and when i did i didnt bring any of this up!!!#at this point it literally feels like the only way anyone would take this seriously is if i try to kill myself #its just the fucking worst. christ

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pettrichore · 2 years

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#vent #okay to like #ive always thought that i was so fucking good at masking how fucking horrible i feel #too good #i smile and i seem fine and i joke #and i convince others and myself that im okay #in fine #to the point that i dont think anyone has ever noticed #unless im deep in the thrawls of an obvious panic attack #but even then it’s rare anyone notices #i always get told i wear my emotions on my face #but like #am i just that good at hiding how mentally ill i am??#or am i blowing it out of proportion #or does no one care #i am so close to going off the rails #and ive laughed and smiled as i told people ‘no im 100% serious i really fucking need help’#and we laugh but liie #im not really laughing #i just want validation #which is why i let ppl fucking like these vent posts #bc idk #im desperate for an ounce of validation #for a ‘you’ll be okay. i care about you’#anyway gunna try to sleep despite my panic attack #friday therapy cang come fast enough

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wildflower-rain · 1 month

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've got almost nothing in the que rn.

spent the last few days getting back into an old interest that now has new content. it was cool but i feel a bit sideways now. if that makes any sense.

things are weird right now. there are a few small weird in-between periods coinciding for me at the moment i think.

got to re-remind myself of stuff before tomorrow now because apparently i am minorly incapable of holding onto like half my knowledge, facts, and parts of my identity when i get hyperfixated on stuff. this should be fun.

#got too interested which is fine but like also i will feel weird (slightly noticeably dissociated maybe?) for the next day or two #plus some other stuff #for a bit #its annoying #post in't really about system stuff exactly not directly at least but eh #its probably related #i assume #is this a thing?#idk i dont really care i dont think knowing either way matters #that said if anyone has something to say by all means say it #he they

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ienvieu · 1 year

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physically feeling the jealousy invading my every senses

#trying to compensate for my loneliness with plants and collecting as many as i can #and yet im still not satisfied and im tired of going to sleep and waking constantly thinking about how i could die #and no one would notice which might not be true ik but it's still my biggest insecurity and im tired of crying alone #and not having anyone at all to comfort me #and it's actually hard to breathe and something has been sitting on my chest restricting it for so long and it's so lonely #and i genuinely might die from the pain some day soon #growing up like this so isolated from my peers god i feel so stupid i want friends is that really too much to ask #such a first world problem mayhaps which makes me feel even shittier bc it's the biggest thing that eats at me inside out these days #no one ever understands. ever. and they say they do but they dont because how could they they havent lived a day in my shoes #and it's all just so so lonely #idk whatever #it'll all pass soon #i cant talk to anyone #im always the one listening to what's happening around me and no one bothers listening bc why would they they cant relate #they're not interested #at this point i dont even know how to socialize and i try to but it doesnt work and no one cares enough to reach out to me #and one girl did but i didnt know how to reply or handle it and now she's gone too #and now my closest friend is my five year old sister how funny is that #my contact list is so so so damn long and yet none of those numbers and names would care #or they would ik that but it doesnt feel like they would remember #ignore this im just trying to cope #i thought i was okay i was seven months clean #not anymore #of course not #bc nothing is ever simple

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riaki · 5 months

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ur highschool bully gojo was chefs kiss 💋 what do u think about them going to the same college and taking the same classes?? and the reader sitting next/talking to some other guy and satoru gets jealous?? arwahhhshdhshshs so many possibilities, i hope u continue writing it!!

hi nonnie !! thank you so much :) this is ur official part 2 ! i was struggling to think up some possibilities but this helped a lot :oo | read part 1 here ! -> cw: swearing, jealousy, i let it get fic length oops

(former) highschoolbully!gojo on the brain again… like. when you end up seeing him again however many months later, and you can tell that he’s changed. it’s not like its immediately obvious to anyone who doesn’t really know him like you (used to); but he’s a little softer-spoken and his smiles seem nine times more genuine. it’s not a hundred percent; the kind that really lights up his face instead of just barely falling short of his stark blue eyes, but it's something.

of course, you have nothing to base it off of, because when you do inevitably see him again it's the very definition of meet ugly.

college is a new frontier, but its also a clean slate. its your first time going into something so new without your old bestfriend at your side, but some faint flickering thought reminds you that it might be better that way. but the universe is against you from the very first day, when youre gettin yourself some coffee from the same chain you did the morning of that fateful presentation so many moons ago. you're too busy thinking to yourself what kind of strange parting ritual it is to relive your trauma to notice the lanky, white-haired boy who hits his head on the chiming bell over the doorway. people are giggling around you n sighing dreamily but youre too deep in the music pumping through your headphones to notice and your eyes are glued to the class schedule on your phone, trying to ensure you dont get lost on the first day when—

you blink and your ass is flat on the dirty floor of the coffee shop, and the first thing you register is that your stomach is soaked and burning. you'd spilled your coffee. it takes you a moment to realize, but when you do you're pissed. so you quickly get to your feet, trying to reign in what little of your ego you have left to give the offender who bumped into you a piece of your mind as you look up, then..

how unlucky do you have to be?

just like that, satoru's slid himself back into your life, after ramming through its locked gates. you forget that he always forgets the point of keys, both when it comes to his apartment (which you still have the spare key of in case of emergencies), and the door to your heart. to rub salt in the wound, the only thing that's stained with your coffee order are his shoes, which look like they cost three weeks of your old job salary, but it's all over your shirt. of course it is. because why not? make it look like you tripped and fell into a patch of mud on your way to the lecture hall and tack on an unwelcome reunion with your ex-bestfriend.

to you, it's like the cloud of gloom from your highschool youth has resettled over your head like a swarm of gnats on a dreary, hot summer day. the stars always seem to skew and misalign themselves for you. but for satoru, the stars have handed him one of those huge swirly lollipops that you only ever see being paraded about by toddlers. he recovers almost instantly, trading the burn on his feet and the way it sours your expression like he's just squirted pure citric acid into your throat for a pleasant burn of his own on his cheeks. but it's whatever. girls seem to like it when he blushes, for some reason. he won't question it, if it works on the only one he cares about.

he holds his hand out, ready to help you out like the good samaritan he's become— and it's like a real burn to his heart this time when you ignore it and stand up on your own, refusing to look up and meet his pleading gaze. might as well have taken an iron stoker right out of the fire and jabbed him with it. but he's gojo satoru! he won't be defeated by this one mere, maybe very significant reunion. he's got stamina.

so he offers to buy you a new drink, feels his heart sink when you shake your head (can't even spare a little 'no' in his direction), and talks enough for the both of you when you leave the dingy little store make your way down to campus and the lecture building. you clearly don't want to see him, but he ignores that in exchange to notice the way you shiver every so often. the previously searing-hot coffee that stains your shirt turns cold fast, and moisture n wind don't mix well. he wishes he could offer you some of his own warm coffee, no doubt sickeningly sweet, but he has some sensitivity now, apparently. so, in a brash moment, he decides to take his blazer off and drape it over your shoulders instead.

when you cross the threshold between city and campus, you expect him to yank it off your back and be on his merry way. but he keeps walking next to you, so you walk a little faster, and you absolutely loathe the cheeky little grin that curves the corners of his lips up to show a glint of teeth when he effortlessly keeps up. you curse his long legs when you find yourself winded, but at least you can lose him when you get there.

or, that's what you think. once again, your constellations break themselves to rebuild anew for satoru. you're about to call him a stalker when he follows you all the way to your classroom with that smirk that's growing exponentially until— oh, no.

your phone that's been on the schedule up until now desperately scrolls to the roster— and there it is. he's in your class. needless to say, not another word goes between you as you stomp in and take a seat. luckily for you, you've already corresponded with your roommate's brother (who's annoyingly cute, satoru notices) and agreed to sit next to each other. satoru takes the seat right above you and never stops kicking his freakishly long legs against the wood the entire time.

so yeah, it's obvious he's not a saint; he still has that undoable ego and he's cocky as fuck (as you have the misfortune of finding out when he quickly bullies your professor), but there's a certain familiarity in that no matter how ugly it might appear to others. and if you asked (which he really, really hopes you will someday), he doesn't hang around douchebags who use kids' foreheads for ashtrays and treat girls like they're candy from a glittery pez dispenser. and at least he's switched harassment targets. even though he has an overwhelming sense of superiority over others and never has his lips together for more than five seconds, and even though he has this hellish habit of clicking his pen whenever he's not talking (or when someone else is), it seems like he's changed.

and over time, you gradually find yourself warming up to him. the spunkiness that used to get on your nerves ceaselessly becomes an object of endearment, and you don't really mind the way he never seems to stop moving anymore. it's a nice sort of distraction in the lifeless still of the lecture hall, albeit the pen clicking still drives you near insanity. you notice he always does it obnoxiously and quickly when you're talking to your roommate's brother, but you ignore it.

and for satoru? he hates that he can kinda sorta really tell that you're the only one who can read him like he's a damn book, cus you slowly start to soften up in the nostalgia of his presence like cold playdough between warm fingers that tell you he may have finally caught you again after letting you slip the first time. and he notices it. this time, he's determined not to let you be the one that got away again. but youre really giving him a shit time outta it with the way you constantly entertain the guy who always has his breath in your face.

yeah, he's got a cute face that's sunkissed by freckles. yeah, his hair looks like he models for shampoo companies. and fuck, he has a nice voice. but what of it? satoru's the one with the mesmerizing blue irises and the cloudy white hair your professor wishes he had instead of sad little wisps of old age. still, as chilly days turn into frigid weeks, he gets the perfect backseat angle of the growing relationship between the two of you. the boy's kinda dumb so you copy off of satoru’s work when you need to (he has to hide the 1-0 scoreboard between him and the guy on a sticky note from you when you take his notes), but said guy’s always buying you stuff and lending you erasers and laughing when you flick the shavings at the annoying girl who never stops whispering in the front of the room.

satoru tries to act unbothered, and he almost convinces everyone. including himself. but the angry, burning knot in his chest that's entirely different from coffee stains suggests something more. that should be him at your side. him, making balls of paper with rude scribbles and silly doodles to throw at the people he knows you don't like. him, surprising you with little gifts and the cheap trinkets he knows you adore so much instead of all the luxury things he could afford. there's no way this punk could possibly measure up to him, right? but at least you and satoru are well on your way to becoming friends again. not as close as you used to be, but it's something. substantial. and he's learned to be patient in the time you've been gone.

but he'd be lying through his teeth if he said he wasn't tired of it. he’s endlessly plagued with thoughts of increasing intensity— first, it starts out with just you. only you. the way he likes it. the way he likes your face, and your pretty eyes and your gorgeous lips and your soft hair and your figure and the complimenting clothes you wear. but it takes a turn; thoughts turn into dreams that turn into fantasies and he's lying when he says he doesn't enjoy them when he accidentally lets it slip during a group study session— and it’s all fine— but then, that guy appears. the brat who seems to sit a centimeter closer to you with each coming day. not only does he haunt satoru in real life, he’s tormenting his dreams, too. tainting the image of beautiful you.

needless to say, satoru starts to wake up with his hands gripping his damp pillow like he's choking it, acutely aware of the sweat sliding down his neck and over his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the dorm's air conditioner run and thinking of what it'd be like for dreams (the ones where he replaces the boy) to become reality.

it's a buildup. and soon, he reaches the apex; it's like a rollercoaster, that stomach-twisting moment when you reach the top of the rail that points to the steep descent downward. but this time, he hopes it's a thrill he gets instead of the usual falling fright; the one he got when he realized he’d slipped between your fingers in highschool.

and satoru finally comes to a grinding halt at the top of the ride one breezy fall day when he decides he wants you back in his life after you smile brightly at him and wave goodbye for the day. he’s tired of you having one foot in and one foot out of his heart; he wants, needs more. he always has, he realizes.

so he’s thinking about you and how to approach the feelings he’s realized during those long lectures, and one morning he comes up with some semblance of a plan when he’s high on the sugar from the fruit tea you bought him that morning. and he hopes that, by the end of it, he'll leave your apartment with your hand in his currently empty one, chilled with the remnants of cold condensation from the bottle.

soon enough, satoru finds himself extinguishing his nerves and raising a tense fist to knock on the door with nothing but the clothes on his back and a flimsy plan to ask you out on a midterm study sesh and maybe even a date, but he stops when he realizes it’s slightly ajar. a brief thought of what look might be on your face when he surprises you crosses his mind, so he lets himself in quietly, because he knows every single floorboard that creaks like the back of his palm from his childhood. he’s hit with a wave of warmth and an achingly familiar scent that twists at his heart, and your apartment is cozy and safe and it screams you and he thinks he catches sight of his jacket slung across the back of the couch in your living room, but he’s not sure so he takes a step forward and—

he’s greeted with the sight of that stupid guy with the nice hair and the freckles, and it makes his heart drop. but even worse, he’s kissing you and his arms are winding around your waist but you’re kissing him back with a slight hesitation that’s blinded to satoru by his shock and the fingers he thought would end up in his own tonight card through the boy’s hair and your lips glisten with the strawberry-kiwi flavored gloss he watched the boy give you a few days back and his world is turning red and he feels like his throat is constricting and he can’t breathe—

and he doesn’t even realize you’ve parted lips and you’re calling his name through the newfound tightness of his chest and the painful ringing in his ears thats even louder than any silence of a lecture hall, or the void that should’ve been filled with your voice during the time you were apart. but now satoru realizes he’d take that any fucking chance to have that again because it’s so much better than what he’s stuck with now. having you, but not really having you, because you’re there but you’re someone else’s and you’re not his and he isn’t yours. the best thing he could ever hope for was for you to own an article of his clothing and a piece of his shattered heart, broken into a million fragments. some cruel voice in his buzzing head reminds him to change the scoreboard to 0-100.

and he could buy you cheap hot coffee or earn your smiles from scrunched up paper balls or even hear your laugh with crude jokes, but there’s no point when he realizes he can’t buy you with caffeine or earn you with hitting the back of people’s heads with his bio notes or have you and your laugh all to himself anymore.

it’s almost pathetic, the way satoru’s voice cracks and changes. the look of unadulterated concern on the face of the boy who stole your lips just adds fuel to the fire.

“gojo? what are you doing here— hey, are you okay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

he noticed you’d stopped calling him satoru a few weeks back. he should’ve seen it coming.

“huh? oh, yeah. i’m good. i think you’re the one hallucinating.”

he’d never told a bigger lie in his life.

satoru had left after excusing himself for intruding. how very unlike him to be so polite, you think.

so in the end, he leaves your apartment with something in his hand, after all. but it's not your own— just his blazer that you’d given back to him before he stepped out the door, taunting him with the faint scent of coffee and lingering perfume. his hope was foolish, so it seems. it’s too bad, he thinks. if it were him, he would’ve sandwiched you against your counter while he kissed. but it wasn’t. apparently, it was your turn for your stars to align at the price of his.

and so, gojo satoru, the boy force-turned man with a chipped ego and a completely broken heart, loses you again.

bonus bonus.. part 2….

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milesfagworth · 1 year

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i feel like sopping wet garbage...if anyone is up to it i could use some asks?

#i feel so much despair recently #i feel like a high schooler again #i dont know whats wrong #im taking my fucking meds im hydrating im socializing #im not getting enough sleep most days but i never fucking do!#ostensibly nothing has changed #its even getting lighter and warmer!!#i think its just. the everything going on with the american gov #400+ bills now #conservatives openly calling for our eradication #and hardly anyone even seems to notice much less care #???.txt

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pyr0cue · 2 years

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i need better friends :/

#When they only notice or care about you when you’re being Loud and Funny and Entertaining #The jester thing used to be a joke but like. I don’t think anyone of them has asked me about my day in a few months.#I don’t think I’ve ever been asked if *im* ok no matter how much I listen to them vent even if I’m dissociating so hard I can barely hear #Them talk #like.#maybe I’m overreacting and have a victim complex and a confirmation bias #Also I know I should communicate but I have 2 years of experience with these people not caring when I do so.#But I also love them :/#And they are. Good friends I think #idk #Maybe I’m afraid to talk to them cause of one person in the group who I had to block lol #Maybe I need to see a therapist #i literally RELAPSED and I can’t. Say anything. Or ask for help. Because based on very little evidence I don’t think they’d care #Sorry sorry sorry #vent #vent post #dont rb #personal

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gay-dorito-dust · 18 days

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remember when you did the HSR hurt/comfort reader getting injured? i absolutely NEED one with gallagher, gepard and a character of your choice. you dont have to do this right away! just been thinking about it ‼️

Blade:

Feral. Absolutely feral.

This man gets somehow even more deranged the moment you get injured.

He’s pretty much foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog the moment his eyes noticed that you were unresponsive. If anything seeing you borderline catatonic tore Blade apart in the most painful way possible, just as his desperation to get to you before anyone else could do further harm became his mission.

Bodies were going to pile up real fast as Blade practically glides across the battlefield with grace, precision and a determination to eliminate any and all that stood to stop him from getting to you.

The destruction Blade left behind in that moment was unlike anything anyone has ever seen and Blade became a lot more dangerous man than before, many have reasons to suspected that he might’ve been holding back, and it wasn’t until now did they truly believe that their theory had weight.

After getting you away from everything Blade stayed incredibly close as you got patched up, going so far as to growl and snap at anyone or anything that he believed posed a threat to you or wasn’t doing their job right; he’d even pull out his sword as an silent threat/warning as to what was to come should you get worse rather better.

‘Blade I’m fine.’ You tell him, trying to stop him from killing the poor doctor who had just stitched up the last of your wounds. ‘I’m going to be fine, just please for my sake don’t threaten people who are just doing their job.’

‘I don’t trust them.’ Was all he said while holding your hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

‘The wounds were too deep Blade,’ you began, ‘trust them or don’t but that doesn’t change the fact that they saved me.’ Blade didn’t say anything after that but from the clenching of his jaw and the conflicting emotions flickering in eyes, it was clear that Blade was still very much conflicted about everything.

Needless to say that after you had properly healed from all your wounds, Blade became unbearably overprotective of you much to your dismay, but if it was going to silence his doubts for good then you were more then willing to leave him to his own devices.

Gallagher:

Is more concerned about your well-being and getting you the medical attention that you required than anything else. He could have the perpetrator sniffed out within minutes, but would rather spend those precious minutes making sure you were okay and that you were going to be okay by medical professionals.

He doesn’t care if he gets shit for not having his priorities straight by Sunday, the winged cunt could fuck off and die for all Gallagher cared, because at the end of the day he was always going to choose to take care of you over his job.

He’d naturally give the job of hunting down the perpetrator to someone else of equal rank while he decides to step away from everything to take care of you as the doctors instructed. For there was just no way in hell would Gallagher abandon you when you were bed bound, it just didn’t sit right with him.

‘You alright sweetheart?’ He’d ask as he helps you sit up in bed. ‘I’m okay Gallagher thank you for everything.’ You said, smiling up at him. ‘It’s not a problem.’ Gallagher replies as he sits on the edge of your bed, flashing you a smile. ‘As long as you’re okay, that’s all I care about.’ You furrowed your brows. ‘Won’t Sunday be on your case for slacking off on the job?’

‘Maybe but who cares when that winged rat has been slowly loosing control of everything for a while now.’ The brunette said as he then shrugged his shoulders. ‘But all I care about right is making sure that you’re happy, healthy but above all, safe.’

‘But I’m already those things regardless.’ You said, squeezing his hand as he chuckled, kissing the side of your head softly. ‘Then I’ll just have to keep up the good work then hmm?’ He says cheekily before winking and lifting himself off of the bed to fetch you food and medicine for your recovery.

Gepard:

Much like Gallagher, Gepard is more concerned either your well being more so then anything else because to Gepard, you and your safety were his number one top priory.

However after seeing you get injured, he feels as though he had failed you or wasn’t fast enough to get to you, and will let it eat away at him for a long time too before you have to step in and remind him why that was absolute bullshit.

Afterwards Gepard would treat you like porcelain or glass whether he was aware of it or not. You understood why but after a while when you began to get better you’d have to start telling him to cut it out.

You’d might to sit him down and gently tell him that he didn’t always have to treat you as though you were going to break after every minor inconvenience. Gepard would immediately go red in the face and apologise for over stepping, but you’d only smile and hold his burning face in your hands and pressing kisses into his skin, which would only make his face burn even redder then before.

He’s just a sweet soul who’d do anything to protect his loved ones and takes it rather personal when he couldn’t when he shouldn’t, but that’s just the way he was and you loved him for it very, very much and you remind him of that every single day. After all at the end of the day Gepard only wants you to be safe and heal at an acceptable rate, he would even go as far as to monitor everything closely so that there be no room for any possible health complications.

Seeing you injured had made Gepard more scared more than he’d like to admit, and he would do anything and everything in his power to prevent it from happening ever again, because for as long as Gepard was still breathing he’d dedicate himself to being your shield for the rest of your lives together.

And that’s a hundred present guaranteed.

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