#dont worry everythings okay

[wordfather]

actually if someone enjoys a certain media then it will never be cringe to me. i live in a cringe free world i do not believe in it. what a stupid concept anyway, oh so we cant enjoy things because someone finds it weird or annoying? we're on a floating rock in space and by some miracle we are all here alive today for a limited time. people should be allowed to enjoy things without shame, cringing is not worth our time

#saw someone say they were ashamed of listening to the hamilton soundtrack when theyre sad #*takes you by the shoulders* LISTEN TO ME hamilton rocks and you rock dont feel ashamed because other people cant let things be without- #-putting it in a certain box labeled 'cringe' #their opinion doesnt matter go enjoy things without worrying about what people think #*points at others* AND YOU. just bc you dont like it doesnt mean other people cant enjoy it. calm down and look at the sky for a while. #see how big everything is and how small we are? see how it doesnt matter? and thats okay? yeah.

[timetodiverge]

None of these men know how to buy kids' clothes 🙄 (It's okay tho, she DOES love it, girl has 99-core fashion all figured out)

In honour of all the people who instantly wanted this one-liner on a t-shirt:

(in all seriousness, as someone with a disability and chronic illnesses, the way Wrecker delivered this line- with such straightforward humour, warmth, & self-acceptance- meant so much to me.)

#cause sometimes its just too exhausting reframing your differences as something “positive” and you really just do feel defective #and maybe thats okay too #he's OWNING it like an advocacy CHAMP #dont worry Wrecker got matching shirts for EVERYONE (but only he Omega & Lula wear them openly) #join me in this happy bubble where Omega & Crosshair make it back to the gang safely and EVERYTHINGS FINE FOREVER OKAY #the bad batch #the bad batch season 3 #tbb #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #star wars #my art

[courtney-deserved-better]

telling myself i can't start another tdwt rewrite but dear god do i want to write one focusing on alejandro and courtney in this weird situationship thats a lot more nuanced than just alejandro manipulating courtney and her falling for it. like theyre best friends they dont trust each other theyre the same person they dont know anything about the other one theres a mutual attraction theyre pining for other people theyre codependent they dont care about each other theyre platonic soulmates like i just want to do a deep dive into how messy that relationship couldve been building off of their friendship that exists in my head except the line between romantic and platonic is so fucking blurred they have no idea what they are to the other person

#they live rent free in my head as you can tell #ive been writing some intense moments for them in amicus curiae and im having a lot of Feelings about platonic alecourtney #tbh the whole concept of them replacing the best friends has been a great avenue for me to do a deep dive into their friendship #aughhhh i just. love them so much #and i do want to explore them in a situation where there is relationship potential even if that relationship never actually happens #because everything between them during tdwt could be so MESSY!! #like alejandro says he's just manipulating courtney but he's also doing it to make heather jealous but he's also genuinely worried about he #after the duncan thing but this is the only way he knows how to express that concern without making himself look weak #meanwhile courtney is falling for the act but she also knows its an act and is going with it for the emotional support it provides and shes #just doing it to make duncan/gwen jealous but she also is starting to see the real alejandro underneath it all because he does care even #though he doesn't want to and they do feel a strong connection that they dont know whether its platonic or romantic because romance is bein #shoved down their throats on this show and theyre both in complicated romantic dynamics with other people that theyre the easier option for #one another but they dont really want to be with one another like it just doesnt feel right #okay okay i legit have to stop and go to bed but just. them. im thinking so hard about them #platonic alecourtney

[peachym00]

It takes Macau a long time to get used to seeing his brother care so deeply for someone else.

It doesn’t hit Macau until after Vegas is discharged from the hospital. When he’s been home for a few months, and everything is strange, scary and new. It takes some getting used to, being in a new house and being in this new life, being away from the constant volatility and unpredictability that Pa brought them up with. He keeps waiting for the ball to drop. For someone to bang down the door and laugh in his face and tell him that he’s dreaming, tell him that his dad is not dead and his brother is dying, and Pete does not belong with them.

It doesn’t hit him until he watches Vegas struggle to recover from the physical injuries as well as the mental wounds that threaten to consume them all. It’s as he watches each bad day, each excruciating night, each smile slowly becoming a more permanent fixture on his brother’s face. It’s as he watches Pete, this man that he’s known for years but only known for a matter of months, be such an integral part of Vegas’s recovery that Macau doesn’t know what they’d do without him.

Then, something clicks into place, slots into a gap so unfamiliar in his mind that he doesn’t even know how to explain because, oh.

He’s..jealous.

Something ugly threatens to rear its head, and Macau does not know how to deal with it. Because seeing as Vegas smiles, bright and unrestrained, because of something Pete said only touches the surface.

It’s on a Friday evening when he gets home and catches them cooking together; well, Vegas is cooking; Pete is sitting on the counter and tasting every spoonful that Vegas brings to his mouth. They’re smiling and look happy, and Macau knows that if he were to join them, their smiles would stay intact, but something dark inside him panics about it anyway.

And then, one day, Pete returns from doing a job with Porsche, and he’s injured. Not seriously, but enough to leave him with a bloodstain on his white t-shirt that probably won’t come out in the wash. Macau sits outside, watching his brother pace back and forth in agitation as they wait for Pete to get his stitches. It reminds him of when he fell into Tankhun’s pond because Porsche is a jerk who has to insert himself into everything and how Vegas treated him afterwards. Angrily ordering the doctor to see him immediately, his rough manner and violent words were no match for the gentle way Vegas held his hand as his wound was cleaned.

And that night, as he comes downstairs to stay goodnight, his socked feet making virtually no noise as he slinks down the corridor, he watches as Vegas strokes his hand through Pete’s hair where they’re lying on the sofa. Pete is asleep, laid against Vegas’s shoulder, and Vegas looks down at him with tenderness, with a sheer and utter reverence, that Macau has never seen before.

The ugly thing threatens to escape, but he chokes it down and goes to bed without saying goodnight.

He starts to find it hard, after that, to ignore the voice in his head that tells him Vegas has Pete now; he has Pete to care about and to lean on, so why would he need Macau? The voice screams that Pete might be important to Vegas, but Macau is his brother; they’re family; why should Pete have all his attention when he is the one that needs it more.

And he knows, he knows it’s stupid and childish, but he can’t help it.

He doesn’t know how.

And it’s mortifying, feeling so needy when he’s never had to share Vegas before, never had to worry that he would get left behind because there was no one else.

He should be overjoyed that Vegas has finally found someone to love him in the way he deserves, wholeheartedly, and in exchange for nothing but love in return. And he is. Not a single thing makes him happier than to see Vegas look so content. But that does nothing to quell the beast inside of him.

And what makes it worse is that he likes Pete. He likes that Pete talks to him as an equal, that he knocks on his bedroom door and asks to come in. He likes that he doesn’t look at Vegas like a monster when he’s in one of his moods and doesn’t take any shit from either of them. It makes it worse because liking Pete makes him feel so guilty whenever the ugly thing wakes up inside him.

And it’s dumb; he knows it’s dumb, so he doesn’t let it out. He says nothing even when Vegas asks if he’s okay because he’s been quiet lately. He doesn’t say a word when Vegas reminds him that he’s there if he needs anything, and he doesn’t say anything when Pete tells him that he knows he’s not Vegas, but if Macau ever needs to talk, he’s always there to listen.

And then the voice inside him tells him that they know. They know about the ugly thing hiding deep inside his chest and how childish and needy he is for feeling this way. 

And eventually, it gets too much, something lets loose, and the ugly thing inside him breaks out of its poorly-built cage before he can stop it. 

It lashes out, and it’s mean, and he aims it all at Pete because Vegas isn’t home. Words that bear no truth pour out of his mouth, and the flicker of hurt that sweeps across Pete’s face before it hardens into something else makes him feel a hundred times worse. And then, like a coward, he storms away, locking himself into his room like a naughty child that had been sent there.

And it’s not until hours later, tears dried sticky on his face and he’s near convinced the voice in his head is telling the truth, that his door creeps open and light footsteps cross the room. He does not turn around. Just stubbornly faces the wall from where he’s curled on the sheets. The bed dips behind him, and a deep and heavy sigh is forced out of his brother’s chest. 

And then the voice tells him, see? See what you’ve done? He’s tired of your behaviour; he’s tired of your existence-

But a warm hand on his back and a calm voice in his ear stop it in its tracks. Because Vegas is sorry, he’s sorry that Macau has been struggling, and he’s sorry if he’s been neglecting him, but yelling at Pete won’t solve anything. 

And he knows, of course, he knows he hurt Pete, and he knows that nothing that came out of his mouth made sense because nothing in his head makes sense, either. And he cries, again, like a baby, but the warm hand doesn’t leave, and Vegas doesn’t leave, and telling him everything the nasty voice inside his head has been saying is so liberating, he feels like a weight has been wrenched from his body. Because he’s not dumb, and he’s not stupid and if that’s what you think needy is, then I’m so much worse than you, Mac-

And later on, when he forces himself to face Pete, cheeks red hot with shame, apologies tumbling out so fast he’s not even sure they’re eligible, he feels even lighter still. 

And when they pay him extra attention, he makes sure to complain like a typical teenager would, but inside, he glows with tender joy. Because even though the voice is still there, this time, he knows it’s lying, and this time, he doesn’t listen, and it makes it significantly quieter. 

And for all the gross and sappy moments that Vegas and Pete force him to witness, he doesn’t need to worry that he’s being forgotten or left behind because they always find a way to include him too. 

And although he would never say it out loud, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

#I bring to you angsty macau #poor dude suffers with the too many emotions #but everything is always okay in the end! #I always wonder what he's thinking and feeling post ep 14 #dont worry he gets back to full gremlin mode eventually #macau theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #vegaspete #vegas x pete #vegas and macau #minor family #kinnporsche the series #my writing

[snowflake-sage]

I want to speak, I want to scream, but all that comes out is blood, and it will stain your clothes and your hands and everything will be stained and dirty and tainted and you'll never look at me the same for I would have turned your pure white into an angry  crimson

You will look at me and you'll see me cut open and bare and you'll see how much pain this heavy heart carries and you won't be surprised by the crimson that pours out my mouth instead of screams but it would have still turned your clothes and hands the color of pain and I don't know if you could forgive me for existing in this way

I don't want to exist in this way

In the way where everything I touch stains red

#posting my shitty vent here bc my close friends dont have tumblr and its easier shouting my awful feelings intonthe void bc my friends #wont worry about me #i still cant bring myself to really say all yhe awful things on my mind #its so bad #it would just concern anyone i told #i dont feel okay #im fine #but this is such a heavy feeling to carry #heavy feelings #im so disappointed in life #in how everything turned out #i hate it here #vent #tw vent #mae rambles #tw depressing thoughts #tw mention of violence #tw mention of depression

[suntails]

im feeling a little better today so i scribbled myself if i were in twst

#i forgot to label my loving trustworthy eyes. blinking so cutely at u. do u want to hear me talk At you about the housing market #me with my unstoppable brainrot over diasomnia: so anyways i am sooooooo deeply octavinelle to my core. i hate it here <3 #its the Everything abt me. fun fact! i figured out when i was 7 that i could do whatever i wanted if i was willing to accept the price of th #e punishment for an action. it was a fair transaction! and thus started my whole life where i do anything i want without worry! wooooo!!! #thank u octavinelle for embracing my silly life-hack of a transactional mindset!! so fucked up!! #also bought a house at 21 and i know EXACTLY how the slippery slope to being a landlord would work soooo. sighs. i know too much #pls. i want to say id pull a rook hunt and switch dorms but i rly dont know if i would. the outfit is so snazzy. and i wouldnt get into dias #omnia so whatd be the point lmao #okay thats enough rambling lmao #hush catriona #for good measure <3 #twisted wonderland

[hppjmxrgosg]

meanwhile, the observants

danny: im in danger 😃

#look at that #i did some #im marketing 😤😤 #vertical limit #yes i am talking about vertical limit #dont worry about that last meme #everything is going to be okay :) #...unless #danny phantom #batman #justice league #dp x dc

[rbtlvr]

if you look in the dictionary under the definition of '(derogatory (affectionate))' you see a picture of him btw

(Totally Not Leo jester guy belongs to @liketheletter-l)

#rottmnt #idfk what to tag this as WHEEZE #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #like okay im putting it in the tags bc who is going to stop me. its TECHNICALLY rise fanart its fine dont worry about it #[posts art at 11:30 at night. like a normal person] #anyway he needs to stop being so fun to draw #eye strain #probably. idk but better safe than sorry #good lird my tags are all over the fuckin place #my art #i think thats everything. probably #anyway sets him loose in the wild. be free #<- hes an invasive species hes going to eat all the plants and wildlife #this is the worst idea ive ever had

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

I am thinking I might actually use they/them and it/its pronouns along with she/her?? ???? ?????

#i mentioned something like this a little while ago already but got kinda nervous and then pretended it just didnt happen lmao #idk why i get anxious about this stuff. it literally doesnt matter at all #especially on this website #idk i get overly nervous about everything but yeah i think that could fit. at least for now #im worried that I'll change my mind in the future and will feel bad about it tbh #but for now its fine? i think #okay fuck it I'll just do it #who cares what gender or pronouns i have (<- i care. i am an easily scared being) #okay fuck it #im having a whole ass conversation with myself here just trying not to overly worry about things that dont matter again

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[seariii]

Hum...

#im just thinking... im okay tho /gen #just thinking about the words the bestie said to me after I told him about my mental health... #particularly a phrase... he just said 'you are already committed' and when i asked what he meant he said 'to life' #its just... idk... it was impressive and had such a weird feeling... sadly i guess i am committed........ 'sadly' huh.... #sigh another important thing was that it was crucial i went back to therapy... i dont really want to tho... #but 'youve been feeling like this for a long time you need help' ... sigh... what i need is... #the future is so scary... sigh... okay #ill put an alarm to wake up earlier tomorrow and work on that! #seari talks #what i need is adderall- jsjsjsjsjs yeah... alr im sleepy time to mimir #tomorrow ill catch up with everything i missed too #also if anyone reads this dont worry pretty person! i got a bit scared/upset up there but its okay #im quite stable right now! at least enough to survive for a couple days! so yup! #miiiight have to look up a new therapist tho... since aside from help i wanna get a diagnosis.... #sigh... but okay that's not for rn seari it's for future seari. rn seari has to go mimir because shes tired #a mimir a mimir pat pat pat

[satans-knitwear]

finally got a large dark green blanket that looks like moss. such a relief.

#its okay guys. everythings fine now. no more things to worry about ever. all good. #pakige arrived 👀🎉 #it was in a vacuum sealed pack. i dont need to tell you how fabulous it felt to slice that open and watch the blanket fluff itself back up. #sometimes i do experience joy.

[grimslye]

The way Icarus thinks the only way they can be better is if they fix everything and every mistake they've ever made, and they refuse to let anyone help them because they feel like Fables the only one who can help and that they're such a bad person that they don't deserve help from anyone else. And they figure that since they've made so many mistakes that it doesn't matter how many more they make as long as they fix it

#someone give this birb a break #and a hug #also Rae asking them if they even care hurt so bad #also they way Rae has been the only one the see them after the centross incident #and the way he didnt ask if they were okay after everything just told them not to see Fable #like i know hes worried for their saftey around Fable #but i dont think he realizes just how bad the manipulation is

[evil-gay-person]

I am in fucking TEARS right now. some of my absolute favourite people have deactivated because of bullying/harassment/stalker threats and I ONE OF THEM WERE MY FRIEND. Only a couple days ago we had interacted and now they're gone. To the toxic mileven shippers who did this, FUCK YOU. You have HURT people, made them feel UNSAFE to the point they completely DEACTIVATED THEIR ACCOUNTS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FEEL SAFE. Think about that as you try to sleep at night. Think about how while you slept soundly, they felt UNSAFE. BECAUSE OF YOU. Yeah. Thanks a lot.

#now i wish that i tag everything with a blogger's url so that i never lose their posts. #im sobbing as i write this because i lost one of my friends to this harassment. #this isn't okay. #how the fuck do people just do this shit and then move on in their lives #knowing that they've made people feel unsafe and that they've hurt people #it fucking baffles me that in a FANDOM #ON TUMBLR #where you can easily BLOCK people AND TAGS so that you DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM #go and harass people to the point they deactivate their accounts because they're worried that they're not safe anymore #byler #im tagging fucking mileven idfc anymore #you guys can block me if you dont want to see this #but do you see bylers threatening to STALK YOU ???? #not that i'm aware of #DO YOU GET SINCERE DEATH THREATS FROM US ??????????? #Not fom anyone i interact with #thats for goddamn fucking sure #stranger things #:/

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!

#the captain's rambles #if you couldnt tell im having a bit of a rough time <:'] #my mom is like “oh well youre Making it stressful it's gonna be okay” I HAVE TO FUCKING DO SHIT WITH VARIABLES #THIS SHIT WOULD BE STRESSFUL EVEN IF I *WASNT* ALREADY DREADING DOING IT #i HATE education i HATE SCHOOL i hate everything this STUPID SYSTEM STANDS FOR and most importantly I LOATHE VARIABLS #whoever put LETTERS ?? in MATH??? Die. #because now i have to fucking figure out what x and y are on a practice test #i dont even HATE math normally. in every other instance of math im actually okay w/ solving questions #ged math ??? is on some shit #FUCK geds man i hate it here . i wanna just fuck off and go do whatever and be productive with something i Actually Enjoy Doing #not having to sit here and do tests so i can get a piece of paper that does nothing but allow me to apply for a community college #<- a place i am EQUALLY unexcited for and dreading #miserable fucking books i have to do work in. and then i gotta do like 4 different equally fucking miserable tests for each subject #and then i have to pray to god i didnt fail and i got the minimum passing grade of AT LEAST 145 out of *200.* #im going to destroy Everything. #i dont want congratulations for doing this shit either because i didnt wanna do it IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!! #im only doing this because i HAVE TO to get my parents off my ass about it not because i WANNA #if it were up to me i'd be doing just art and collecting or other hobbies i ACTUALLY ENJOY and i wouldnt be worrying about academics #but we cant have nice things so now i have to stress abt this shit like a college student studying for midterms #rant over. im gonna go eat now . pray 4 me that i dont kill someone /lh

[thecherrygod]

if i ever were to write anything for my robot hdb au the chapter in which harry finally gets a dick would be called "have you tried turning it on and off again?" and it would be a constant trial and error, it would end on the successful attempt but on a cliffhanger also

#my posts #and for organization #disco elysium #robot hdb au #harrykim #bc i went at it in the tags lmao but also robot hdb au is nothing without kim tbh thats how it started. anyways #i mean. im not really a writer. i havent properly attempted it in a decade and if i tried id do it in english and its a bit.. scary lmao #but. itd have to be like that. id get silly with it #i dont even have his design to even consider it either lmao but. #like. to be silly for a moment. imagine it like... that gif of shape of water when shes signing about the monsters dick #at first itd get stuck #then theyd notice itd need work for it to like be both sensitive but not overheat and short circuit harry #... and not shock kim also sjfshu #it seems like its working once. some touches. theyre having a good time. but #'eh...' / 'everything okay harry?' / '..... i cant feel anything anymore' / '..... alright up on the work table you go' #the closer they get to figure it out the more annoyed kim is at having to do his actual job to get money #and not being able to do fulltime on his robot boyfriends dick #the last one? it gets out. its sensitive. it seems like its not overheating him. but it does a spark. they are worried something got ruined #but they touch again. its good. its happening for a few moments and nothing goes wrong #and once it seems theyre about to actually get into it id end the chapter (? #.... also how the fuck would you program a robots orgasm. #........ wait. it could be manual it could be a specific button or something lmao #also im talking about robot dick bc i think thats easier than the other way around but who knows! theyre switchs in my heart #... or vers. i struggle to remember which is for passive/active and which is for sub/dom. you know what i mean. i also mean it for both #... anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #having a normal one today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!